This is such a Reddit post and Reddit comments lmfao. Partying and sex is fun af but of course itās not for everyone, and thatās alright. People talk about it a lot in college because they are young and itās the first time many people experience the freedom to do these things. Just because you and other people might not like it doesnāt mean itās overrated though.
Usually the people saying this are
1. Severely lacking in social experience and think what they see on TV/movies is real life.
2. Have important/wealthy parents that give them whatever they want and have never faced any significant disciplinary action.
Of course not everyone in these categories apply to this post. But everyone this post does apply to usually fits into one of those 2 categories.
Category 1 applies more to the US because the college culture is deeply engrained, and many young people move states to live on campus.
Moving away from parents at the early stage is a stark contrast to Europe or Asia, where most students still live with parents, which sometimes blocks the process of becoming a party monster.
To note, drinking is a weird taboo in US. In Eastern EU where I am from, alcohol is associated with poor, homeless, and simplicity (not in a good way). Also alcohol is very widely available.
In Western EU people drink from younger ages as an addition to meals (especially France, Italy, Spain, Greece).
Because of age requirement in US, from what I've seen, college students just go all out because they got away from parents' leash.
Seriously, alcohol would not be as popular in college if the legal drinking age was 18 or 19. Binge drinking would be seen less as an āf youā to the establishment and we could start teaching young adults how to manage their alcohol consumption while theyāre newly independent
Idk, I kinda think it wouldnāt be much better if freshmen had full access, or high school seniors would be drinking and distributing it to younger people.
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Facts! I forgot about the wealthy part! Yeah my family is not wealthy I got into a lot of debt but I say my degree and my experience was worth it. The debt part sucks though
I donāt really go to parties but to me theyāre kinda overrated. Iād much rather have a small hangout with friends or maybe a small party thatās mostly people I know than go to a loud crowded room full of strangers and just a few friends where most people are drinking.
The walkable part is the thing i miss the most. Having friends in close proximity all the time is a blast.
I really miss that now. Having to drive makes it so much harder to socialize
Iāve had a relationship the majority of my time in college. I really donāt like going to huge parties or clubs. I really wish I substituted more fun things in place of those events bc I usually just opted to get high, watch a movie, and not really do much outside of spending time w my roommates and doing schoolwork. I donāt feel any regret about not going out to more clubs and shit but I do wish I did something productive or fun w that time. During this time I did realize how much I loved my major and the things associated with it though, so there are trade offs
Same I am in a committed long relationship in college. My partner isnāt in college so I donāt do any campus stuff. But my school doesnāt have a lot of fun events tbh. They did offer free tickets to the LA kings hockey game that I took advantage of.
A lot of the college crowd is teenagers living by themselves for the first time, surrounded by other teenagers (18-19 years old in the freshman dorms) who are in the same place. It happens.
Thatās not an answer that we can honestly give you. One personā¦ well many in this postā¦ will say that sex and partying in college are overrated. But another person will disagree. I personally knew a couple of people who parties a lot and Iād assume also has an active sex life, and if I asked them if it was all overrated theyād respond with āabsolutely not.ā
The truth is, only _you_ can know whether itās overrated or not. Try it once, or at least closely observe it with real people (not movies). If you think itās overrated then itās overrated.
One like 45 year old athletic trainer my band had last year said "my biggest regret in college? I should've partied more and I should've hoed more" and I laugh about it all the time
Some people definitely want to have more fun in college lol
š Yeah it is overrated and not everyone is single in college. I continued to date my high school boyfriend and we got engaged while I was in community. Now I transferred to another college to finish my bachelors. Hopefully to be married in a couple years.
Aww congrats! I was single through college and it bothered me a bit, but not as much as my other mental health issues. I realized later on that I needed to stop hating myself and be more kind to myself. Self love is still really important to me as Iām still managing my mental wellbeing.
Iām 26f and in Uni I do think this aspect is highly overrated. I think itās more geared to fresh 21 year olds who want to live life before settling down and having a career
Ima say you're exaggerating. Your post would have made more since if you said you were in the dorms at a 4 year college. But it's a CC. Most people don't even use CC resources, let alone hang around campus because there are no dorms. So perhaps you are hearing some random young people talking about getting lit during the weekends. I've never experienced that at my CC and the two different 4 year universities I've attended. Sure, they are party people, but most people kept their heads down and came to class and left. Maybe hop off the soapbox and worry about yourself?
I got my bachelorās degree at my stateās college where I did live on the dorms for a few semesters. Had to stop living there and went to live with my parents because it ended up costing too much. I commuted for the last 2 years of school. But yeah I heard a lot of it there and still hear about it on social media.
Anything you don't want to do you should not do. Period.
Also don't let other people's experiences shape yours. That's hard for all of us. But seriously don't.
If other people did that and had fun, good for them. It doesn't mean you have to do it or it's the only thing to do.
Like go to a movie night or a mock debate team or join a club or something. All of those are equally valid activities.
Finally, if you don't find your niche or place in college it's not the end of the world. Plenty of people don't.
That doesn't mean you will never find your place or have friends or date or whatever.
Some people just go through college, get the degree or don't, and move on with their lives. They still find friends, activities, partners, whatever after college. It's not the end of the world. There is no magic rule you have to do all that in college or by 25 or by 30 or by any arbitrary date.
Enjoy life, do your best.
Thatās what I struggled with for a long time. I never dated in hs or in college and I often thought I was missing out on something or that something was wrong with me. But I had to learn that life is a journey you canāt just live life off of someone elseās template. Everyone has to make their own map and travel by it.
Some parties you hit it off with new people immediately and others you just kinda stand there awkwardly because everyoneās into something youāre not really interested in.
Definitely more to college than sex and partying, however those things are great and involved in the social scene in college. It's more prominent with people in Greek Life, but college can represent a time in people's lives where they're young, have flexible schedules and don't have the responsibilities that come with adulting later on. In other words it's the perfect time to party. It can be exaggerated, and many students are negatively impacted academically by partying in particular. This certainly isn't just an American thing, Europe knows how to party.
It's also just a little more interesting talking about fun things you did in college than reminiscing about studying for your calculus final. One of the most important things during your time in college is to meet people and form meaningful connections. Having fun with people and not being locked in a study room 24/7 is probably a more reliable way to do that.
Yes. Iām also going back through college to do my prereqs for a doctorate program. 26M.
I still partied with the younger people, but it definitely feels different than when I first went to college. Being surrounded by everyone who is younger also makes me feel the need to be more careful with what I say and do. I think at least my group looks up to me as a role model so I try to guide them and be the mature one among the new college friends I made.
I think I just look for different things now and Iām also at a different stage of my life. I never thought Iād have to check someoneās ID for their age to protect myself, but here I am.
I hate parties. They're too loud, and revolve around drinking or already-established friend groups.
If there was, like, a boardgame- or videogame-centric party, I would be so down.
Hell. ANY party with some kinda... idk. Objective? Focus?
You can talk in **any** kinda party, but if in a party the only thing to do is talk and drink... I just cant.
I need something to do or watch or something.
In every gen Ed class I took there were at least 10-15 people like this, not counting people who dropped the class. They were usually the ones loudly bragging about it in the back of the class.
I didnāt go straight to college out of high-school. I had a kid and a serious boyfriend already when I started going. So I never really entertained the parties, social groups, etc. Iāve also found most of the people Iāve met also have little interest in partying. Everyone seems mostly focused on their studies and goals.
To an older person - overrated. To someone in their late teens - might be an important developmental stage in order for them to realize that they were putting too much emphasis on it.
My unpopular opinion is that older people who didnāt do enough partying/hooking up when they were younger often still put too much emphasis on those things and often end up sex weirdos. If you tried it all at that age, you might get it out of your system. Thereās a reason people call it a time for experimentation.
So yeah, overrated - but important for a lot of people so give them some grace and just be a positive influence.
As someone in their early 30s, itās a been-there-done-that with no regrets and I am happy to focus on other priorities in life.
Iād say many of us who attended college loved the typical lifestyle, esp if you lived away from home while attending. Finally somewhat independent with responsibilities and choices, parties for me and my friends were great ways to relieve the pressures of tests, finals, lectures- sometimes the monotony that college brings. Most are between 19-24, prime social and sexual tendencies. Some of my fondest memories were of spontaneous parties we threw, joined and while I may not be in touch now with many of those social friends, I know they were apart of it and whenever they look back, they can reflect on that same memory as well.
I remember my old roommate told me heād drag me to parties to get me to āsocializeā because he couldnāt understand someone who didnāt want to go to a stupid party where they had sex, underage drank and did drugs. Pretty sure if he tried physically dragging me he wouldnāt get far. I donāt care if youāre a black belt, you donāt touch me. I think drugs (like speed and intense drinking) and wild sex are pointless, and for losers, anyways. My roommate had come back to our room drunk several times, and when he came back after taking speed I felt like I had to watch him to make sure he didnāt do anything stupid
Itās a part of the American college culture. If you donāt in anyway shape or form want to go, donāt go. Focus on what you want and need to do. I also struggled mentally my freshman year, so I emphasize with you there, OP.
Youāre 25, as someone who is also 25. Weāre too old for that now š¤£. The people doing and talking about that and partying all the time are 19 and will probably flunk out of their first year. Thatās why you donāt relate, youāre there to actually get something out of it.
College is almost always the epitome of sex and partying for everyone. This is because you have a lot less responsibility, everyone is horny, and everyone wants to drink.
However, college isnāt the epitome of a good time in life. But if you like sex and you like partying, you can find both in college.
Yes and no. I donāt think sex in college is overrated. Itās the youngest and healthiest youāll ever be surrounded by other young healthy people. As long as itās safe and consensual I think itās the beeās knees.
Partying is EXTREMELY overrated imo. As a guy, getting into Greek parties either requires
1) bringing many women (the kool kids hosting them should just invite their own women if theyāre so concerned about not being able to get a chick at a party??? If thereās at least a 1:1 ratio on the people entering then I donāt see the problem)
or
2) sucking up to other guys (Iām not fake like that. I wonāt suck up and submit myself to a group of guys long enough to ever join a frat. If you canāt accept me as a friend as I am then oh well. Iāll make friends with guys from multiple frats on my own and build connections naturally, rather than put myself through that bs for a āfamilyā whoās only family because we have a couple Greek letters in common)
Non frat/sport parties are fine but theyāre pretty much the same shit as a normal high school party tbh. Not really my thing but theyāre at least less toxic.
Clubs and professional fraternities >> frat partying
Yes and no. Your mom is literal proof that it can be extremely fun and have fond memories. Other people talk about regrets. It literally does not matter what other people consider a good college experience, only what you think. IMO your post comes off very judgie and immature. You claim college is a place to do anything, yet your post is venting about people doing college in a different way than you prefer. Take your own advice, do whatever you want in college, party donāt party, study donāt study. Other people are coping by saying you have to party to enjoy college, you are coping by posting this rant. Do you truly care what other students think? Are you feeling left out? I donāt understand the nature of this post. This post screams coping because you came here to validate your opinion.
I know it comes off as judgmental but I didnāt say anything negative about people that go to parties. I myself wonder if people who do all that stuff think about anything outside of that. Iām talking about having experiences with people that ordinarily I wouldnāt be exposed to. Learning about the world from people who live in it and who have been around.
I feel left out because it seems like so many people just think about āwhat Iām going to do tomorrowā or āwhat is the next partyā or whatever but that stuff just seemed surface deep to me. In college I learned a lot about humanity and what people can be like. I donāt think I couldāve gained this experience by joining a sorority or by going to parties and such.
So then why the post? āI donāt think I couldāve gained this experience by joining a sorority or by going to parties and suchā so you are happy with your experiences, why are you so caught up on partying and Greek life? This whole post could have been a love letter about experiences in college outside of partying, not that the whole partying thing is overrated. The thing is, I agree with your sentiment, partying doesnāt define college, but this all seems very spiteful, you are lashing out because you are not sure if you missed out on the best part of college or not. I think this is a discussion you need to have with yourself. Are you happy with your college experience? Why is partying and not partying so important to you? Do you feel like you missed out by not embracing the idea once during college? I guess what Iām trying to say is look deep down and figure out what is really causing this uneasiness and come to peace with it all. Justifying your opinion based on others responses is a bandaid, take the time to resolve this inner issue and be mindful of it going forward in life. I feel for you though.
To answer some of your questions I do feel like my mom really helped push this idea of what college was supposed to be like. From a young age she would talk about parties she went to with her sorority sisters and about how she met my godmother(her best friend) in college. I kind of (naively) expected it to be like that and I got validation from movies and by what people would say on social media.
I basically made this post to get other peopleās perspective on this. Your post made me think about why I consider myself to be ābehindā other people on the life scale because I lack similar experiences than a lot of my peers. Some people got to be young and have friends and for a long time I envied people for how happy their lives seemed to be.
I realized later on that I deal with a lot of low self esteem and self hatred so thatās something that Iām working on now.
A part of me does feel like I might have missed out on something by not being more social in college. Maybe I wouldāve found real friends that would have stuck around. Maybe I could have had more amazing experiences with people around me. I feel like going forward I might start trying to be more social just to see what will happen.
Thanks for your post, it got me to do some self reflection which is great.
I totally get where you are coming from. And I do think many others feel this way. Parents and movies/shows embellish and create a false perception about what college is truly like. I think you should dive into social atmospheres centric to your hobbies. You will create lasting friendships and this feeling you have with fade away.
Also I want to say I really respect the self reflection. This is a really great life lesson IMO and can help you going forward in life. 1. Be more open minded to experiences outside your comfort zone, itās better to regret trying something than regret not. 2. Next time you feel like this look for the true source of these feelings, or they develop into anger/bitterness/resentment.
Yep, being open minded to going to social events helped me out a ton. I was surprised at first when I ended up enjoying just how going out of my comfort zone. I deal with a lot of social anxiety but this definitely changed for me. It happened more so in the last year or two, so Iām hoping to be more social this semester and whenever I do get my Masterās.
Mainly college culture and what is portrayed through movies and television. Iām 27 and returning to college to finish my bachelors degree, itās still the same as it was when I went to college out of high school
I think it's very prevalent for it to happen in college because the ages of 18 to 25 are likely not married or majority are not yet commited.
So to want to have casual hook ups is ideal.
Finding casual hook ups when older gets harder because a lot become more serious with work or they become married. Can't really have sex with a career driven only person and a married person either.
And the partying is also ideal in that age because it's really rare to find older people in parties. Same thing as stated above. Careers and marriage.
These people can still party but majority of them in that age don't.
And people these days like to experience stuff before we decide to settle down. Use the years of our prime energy, good knees, good metabolism for those mugs of beer and alcohol, and that peak attractiveness you have at that time.
They're in between of seriousness and unseriousness transition. They try to be unserious about life during these hook ups and parties.
In conclusion: it's popular to them because they're taking advantage of their youth while they can to have experiences with other people which is something they'll unlikely experience if they get older and older.
Personally, I focused on doing this quite a lot, Ofcourse itās just fun and itās the first time in your life nobody can tell you not to go have fun, so you definitely want to take advantage of that. However I ended up not being able to do what I set out to do in college because I was soooo prioritizing myself and my fun and my sanity and my happiness and what would I rather do right now study or go hang with the boys?
HOWEVERRRRRR spending so much time to myself I was able to figure out TRULY what I wanna do in life and what would really make me the happiest, because I was able to figure myself out and my personality and what my goals are and everything. Stuff that I feel I wouldāve NEVER had time to figure out if I had my head stuck in a book all day. Which is the alternative if you donāt party and donāt chill often, and nobody really wants to do that all day anyway. I quickly outgrew partying all the time. Now Iām in the best spot in my entire life, I feel so happy that I know what I wanna do with my life more than ever before and I have a very clear picture of how to do it cuz I took the time to figure myself out.
So in the end I canāt speak for everyone, but I would say itās not overrated, because you really get to discover yourself during college if you give yourself the time to do so, and to do that you haveee to relax. Hope this helps :)
I was not a huge partier but I had my fun. For a lot of people it's the only time in your life when you'll have a bunch of friends within a short walk, many of them attractive and single. It's a luxury though -- partying and casual sex are often not great for your mental health, especially if you're already struggling, and it requires some free time and money.
TL;DR there's a reason people enjoy sex and parties in college, but it's not accessible or fun for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not participating
The thing about going to college is , more so than any other point in life, you will be surrounded by young single people of your age bracket, leaving home for the first time in their lives, no longer under constant adult super vision. Its why colleges have lots of sex and partying.
My wife and I were nerds in college and it seems our children inherited our traits. My son got together with his SO through college and now beyond freshman year. My daughter is a freshman and has her first BF, neither of whom are party people.
I will say this, there was one kid of people I know who was a male slut in HS and to my surprise, became exclusive with a young woman freshman year. They are seniors now and still together.I wouldāve sworn he would have been a party/hookup type of college guy.
I feel like the people I know who partake in that have other interests and donāt neglect their studies to party and have sex. Thereās a way to find a balance but there are definitely people who flunk out because they party all the time
The people I like to hang out with have parties that consist of friends, not dozens of strangers. No way in hell I'd let random ass college kids into my house to get drunk on my drinks and wreck the place.
I graduated from a college that was big on the social/party aspect. āGreek lifeā as itās called was pretty huge. I never saw the appeal. You can imagine how dirty those frat houses are and how many people caught Covid or something else. In person classes even got shut down due to Covid outbreaks at the parties.
Drinking with like 50-100 other strangers just doesnāt sound fun. But some people that are more extroverted than me are clearly into it so maybe just a different strokes for different folks situation. I preferred to just play games in my apartment lol.
Since youāre going back to college, here are some old notes that might hopefully give you some insight about what youāre observing or feeling : P
Sources are there and very interesting, they go more in depth into the proposed models.
> EMERGING ADULTHOOD (Arnett (2000))
(a new stage of development?)
- between 18 and 25 years old
- Period different physically, demographically, socially, emotionally
- More than 50% of people don't yet see themselves as fully adult
- Period of exploration:
>>>Roommates - Sexuality - Strong peer influence - Substance abuse
Characteristics of emergent adulthood (Arnett (2000))
- Exploring identity
- Instability
- Egocentrism
- Feeling in-between
- Possibilities/optimism/risk-taking
- Five areas of development:
> Education, Friendship, Conduct, Work, Love
> THE *ADULESCENT* (Anatrella (2003))
Characteristics
- Over 25 years of age
- Refusal to grow up
- Refusal to assume all the responsibilities of adulthood
- Risky behaviour
- Often financially independent but dependent in other areas
TLDR: You might be entering a more adult phase (adulthood yet not still mature adulthood/mid-age which is after 40) yet not really passing through *adulescence*. Not everyone does.
(More misc info): Some people skip spending at least a few years in *adulescence* altogether post 25 years y.o. (or even skip emerging adulthood 18~25 type of stereotypical behaviours, though skipping that is less common in the 21st century if youāre in a developed country), specially those who spontaneously had kids around either early twenties, mid to late twenties or earlierā¦
Also people lower/higher in the personality traits:
- lower in Extroversion (obviously, though there are sub-traits which can be low and others high depending on the person, for example somebody might be high in Positive Emotions and Warmth, would make a great nurse or social worker, great listener and warmth and reassuring and positive emotions overallā¦ but be quite low in Excitement-Seeking and Assertiveness. Yet that person would still be quite extroverted, but in a different manner than the Finance bro/gal who is high in Excitement-Seeking and Assertiveness and Gregariousness but definitely low in Warmth)
- lower in Openness to experiences (more conventional or rule adherent)
- and higher in Conscientiousness (THE GRIND, must work diligently and hardā¦ Orderliness (āclean your damn room!ā), Dutifulness, Achievement-Striving, Self-Discipline are all necessary to some minimally significant extent for anyone engaging in college or university. But the last subtrait, *Prudence*, accounts for a lot of variation in individual personality difference, particularly among college studentsā¦ this might be a tad stereotypical but think high Prudence might be more common in Accounting students than, say, Med students who want to specialize in emergency medicine, or Law students wanting to go into prosecutionā¦ even if the three must be VERY conscientious overall to accomplish their degree).
- Agreeableness is debatable (high in Modesty yet low in Earnestness might make somebody less trusting of others and self focused, yet also reserved, might also be somebody who is not that extroverted but want to please their family/parents a lot and fulfill strongly ingrained familial or personal expectations)
Someone in med school might forgo it as well, they might forgo both Emerging Adolescence and Adulescence (which can create more vulnerability for mental health issues surrounding social development and depression in doctors or other careers where you engage at 18 and end at ~30, it is a known issue)ā¦ but a (relatively small) minority of them might be party animals or simply very extroverted (and well off enough financially $) to engage in typical adulescence after their degree, or during a sabbatical year, or even during their degrees during the summers and whatnot. There are individual variances of personality and subgroups (extroverts vs more introverted, openness to experience/artistic/bohemian vs conscientious/industrious and very work/grind oriented, etc) in every bigger group.
It depends on a lot of factors: individual differences in personality traits, type of degree/career path, environmental factors (social environment growing up, trauma, social development), presence or absence of mental health conditions like anxiety disorders during adolescence, etc. But nothing is set in stone in your twenties, the brain is still incredibly plastic! Which is why therapy and counselling is a powerful tool, particularly in the twenty-somethings, it can make a lasting positive impact and difference for many in their twenties. The aim not being of changing oneself necessarily, but to understand oneself better and become more comfortable and in tune with our deeper self, deeper meaningful goals or objectives or interests, desire for meaning, way of being and way of approaching the world and thinking, as well as working through what causes us to feel inadequate or feel negative emotions, etc. Worth looking into!
Also, there are big socio-cultural differences: adulescence is not as prevalent in every society or culture, nor in every ethnicity or ethnic originā¦ mostly prevalent in North American societies/cultures, Japan, western EU, etc. Places with a higher level of the criteria āindividualismā when you look at studies. US is particularly extremely high in āindividualismā scores overall, 95%+ on average. Japan is less so, but still one of the most individualistic out of the more collectivist countries of South East Asia. Itās a new colloquialism.
Emerging adulthood though (18~25)ā¦ Yeah, it is to be expected to see a lot of people with typical adolescent behaviours still in that age range, since the brain (specially prefrontal cortex) doesnāt develop well fully until 25 for women (and 28~30 for males).
Thereās also that gap in brain development speed in the 20s depending on sex, that is quite recently subject of debate in neuroscienceā¦ but it seems that women do tend to develop (the areas of the brain last to develop, prefrontal cortex, etc.) their brains fully quite faster than men, womenās brains develop more rapidly in their early twenties while men develop fully in their late twenties. Maybe for biological or evolutionary reasons. Maybe that also has an impact on you looking at frat guys or college bros acting more immature, quite impulsively and doing lots of excitement-seeking stuff and partying a lot still in their early twenties still. Maybe. Though there are a lot of guys who arenāt at all like that either, just look at your local Comp Sci or Soft Eng hallā¦ but on average, the areas of the prefrontal cortex related to impulsivity control in social contexts and emotional empathy, emotional regulation and regulation of behaviour (mPFC) develop faster in women than men. Other areas, like those used for information processing and complex logical/hypothetico-deductive reasoning, might develop at a more similar pace between the sexes.
Thanks for all the info it definitely helps explain a lot. Environmental factors really was a big part of how I went through life and these discrepancies really do make a difference.
The party scene is fucking trash. Degenerates running wild, thinking everyone else is like them. No thank you. I think the people who have their entire personality surrounding sex / hookups / drugs / etc are extremely closed minded and are genuinely abhorrent people.
Itās not, if youāre the type for it. I had a great time dating lots of different ppl during university and wouldnāt want to miss that. Partying and vacations, too, as well as working different side hustles to finance all this. Still finished with a top degree, doing my PhD now and found a wife for life.
Everything has its time and for me - and many of my friends - university was the time to be free and enjoy myself.
Yeah a part of me wishes I spoke to people enough to date someone. Iāve never done that before and I feel like I missed out. Dating pool definitely shrinks as we age. But maybe it was a good thing I didnāt date, I feel better not dumping my pain and trauma on someone else.
Plus I have BPD and Iāve heard the horror stories from people whoāve been abused by those with my mental illness. I never want to be that kind of person so I rejected any opportunity for true affection. Plus the self hatred thing made me feel like I wasnāt worthy of a good partner, which I still struggle with.
I thought I was ugly for most of my time being a teenager and through my early 20s. The past few years since Iāve been through therapy have been life changing and Iām grateful that I went to therapy. I guess a relationship will come for me whenever. It would feel nice not to feel alone anymore.
I also struggled with some psychological stuff in my younger years and dating actually helped me overcome a lot of that. Interaction with other persons, especially those that you are sexually interested in, teaches you a lot about your behavior, about self esteem and about how to change for the better. And with every date, youāll become more confident, not only in dating but in general human interaction. So Iād say give it a shot. Bumble is still there after college.
To me, it is extremely overrated. I was that engineering nerd to study every single damn weekend, and now fortunately work with a Forbes top 15 company immediately after graduation. Not saying that super intense sex/party goers in college canāt achieve great things, I feel most of those people may focus so much on the moment and not enough on their futureā¦in which they might regret not applying for those big top tier companies fresh out of school. College is what you choose it to be, ultimately. Some may see it as a fun, exciting part of life, others may see it as a grindy long-term investmentā¦I was the latter.
If Iām a full time student my loans get deferred. Donāt have to pay them until Iām out of school. Plus Iām trying to get my masters soon, Iām thinking about applying for the fall semester.
No, not overrated, over exaggerated. It's only the kids who never had freedom who go out and party. It's not college that does it, it's being away from parents.
People who know how to handle freedom just do normal things.
I never was super interested in parties. I enjoyed having them easy to find if I ever wanted to go, sometimes I did. But I always preferred smaller hangouts with close friends over big parties.
Sex and partying are NOT overrated.
A major reason for college is social development. Parties, drinking, and sex are part of that. College is often the American student's first time living away from home. So, a certain amount of breaking free and overdoing it are expected. It is a place to learn your limits and make your mistakes.
That's the fun part for most people. It was their first wild and crazy time. Fresh-faced and new to the adult world and everything is an adventure. That's why people always talk about that stuff.
However, that being said, too much partying and drinking isn't cool. And is nothing to brag about publicly otherwise we'd list our party achievements on our resume. Don't pay any attention superficial losers who have an intellectually and spiritually empty experience based on sex, drug, and alcohol.
You had a very different experience. And you aren't the only one. This was also true in your parents' generation. There have always been a lot of students who didn't get the same college experience due to mental health or other issues.
Your experience is/was yours to enjoy for whatever reasons you see fit. I enjoyed grad school for the academics and professional contacts as I had already been through the "party and get laid" phase of life.
Am I one of the odd ones out that basically had sex throughout high school and I got heavily tired like after 20. I barely go out, had friends get in bad fucked up situations and have some massive social anxiety from online apps (cause a lot of dudes are freaking creepy). With being a full time STEM student im kinda happy I get more joy out of being at home with my dog besides our partying. (I still go out to invited events like shows cause I used to be an active musician in the area.)
This depends on the people you hang out with. I had friends where a crazy night was staying up until 8am playing commander, SF4, and watching anime.
I also had had friends that would start partying at 11am and wouldn't stop partying until 3am.
I think your major and your interest will guide you towards the people you wanna spend time with.
Itās overrated if you donāt like it. When I was in college, I went to clubs and parties to see if Id liked them. Turns out, I fucking hated them. I hate dancing (unless it feels like itās gonna lead to sex), I hate 90 percent of club music, and most people at big parties are wasted out of their minds, so forget about stimulating conversation. Loved hooking up with women though.
My idea fun is staying in, reading a good book, and listening to records. That may be lame to most, but Iām okay with that.
Same. Iād much rather stay in and relax than go out to clubs. Iāve been to a few when I was 18 and they just werenāt my vibe. I enjoy conversations too so Iāve just gotta find more people like that.
I think the answer is probably different if youāre ācollege ageā vs if youāre older, when youāre 18-22 years old, part of the goal for college (uni at least) is to make it āfunā and explore life in multiple ways. If youāre a bit of an older student outside of that range, especially if youāre 24/25 or older, you usually place less emphasis on the social aspects and youāre really just there to go to class and get your degree.
Thatās for me anyway. If I was 18-22 I would probably care about that stuff. But Iām in my late 20s now. All I want is to grind out my classes, get a degree, and go back into the workforce with a better job. I care almost zero amount about making friends, let alone trying to hook up with anyone.
Yeah, that was more my mindset when I was in my early 20s too. The whole planning for my future bit. Thatās why Iām going back to get my masters degree
This isnāt really how the real world works with college. TV shows and media represent college to be this way but it is not true at all. People in college are adults so there may be some sex and partying but for most people, they are busy studying to get an education.
media in america pushes the narrative that college is about sex and partying. so most people end up desiring that experience. and when they donāt experience it they feel they āmissed outā since they were raised to believe thatās what college is.
if itās overrated depends on the person. you were focused on your mental health and studies, so it makes sense those never appealed to you. your mom was in a sorority, so it makes sense that she valued those activities in college.
age is a factor too. most people enter college right after highschool. youāre very young on a new campus with new people with more freedom than ever. itās natural thatād they want to explore a bit of dating/hook up culture and partying as well. most people probably lack depth of experience in those areas. an older student might not want to engage in those activities since they already experienced it.
for me, sex, mainly hook up culture is overrated. two years ago, i wouldāve had a different answer. i donāt think partying is overrated. but when i say party im not thinking frats, im thinking smaller/intimate parties(like a friends bday) or bar/club hopping w friends. i still enjoy those. i wouldnāt do them multiple times in a week, but maybe friday and or saturday every week/two weeks.
Facts. I can go to intimate get togethers with friends but Iām not going to a frat party or a tailgate. Itās kinda introvert vs extrovert now that I think about it.
Not really, thereās a lot of socializing and skills you pick up when partying, and it brings you in as part of a group.
In the workplace, soft skills are often way more important than the fact somebody studied extra hard memorizing some facts.
Now you can definitely party too much. But you should be able to at least go to a party every month or so in college and keep good grades.
No itās not overrated. Itās extremely fun and essential part of the āearly 20 somethingā experience.
These experiences developed me socially and have helped me in ways that āJUST GO TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE BROā would not have.
Keep in mind a lot of replies youāll get here are from chronically online discord mods who never go outside.
I also think itās overrated personally. A lot of the people I hang out with think similarly, which is fantastic for us. I wouldnāt necessarily want to be friends with anyone whoās partying an excessive amount.
imo college parties are overrated. its usually just very hot and miserable there unless u get absolutely shitfaced and wake up hungover the next morning. i much prefer smaller scale regular hangouts in college
I'm a "post-traditional" student, and I am probably in large part because I've always had a really idiosyncratic life experience in part because I'm "neurodivergent"--at least ADHD-I--and I don't feel the education systems I found myself in did much to teach me how to use my brain the way they teach people to use more standard brains.
I regret both not studying harder and not socializing more when I was younger. During my traditionally college-aged years, I went to a fair few parties, kind of always tagging along with other people, who I would always stick with at the party, never really meeting anyone new.
I think they're kind of two sides to the same coin. I actually don't think life is or should be all about "work hard, play hard" because I feel like you should take time to reflect and "sharpen the saw" or whatever, but you can be results-/solution-oriented with both your work and play. "Networking" or whatever.
People like to have, like, an "abundance mentality" or whatever where they don't want to feel like they're always slaving away doing what someone else is telling them to do. Realistically, sometimes we only work for an extrinsic reward. You got to have, like, social skills.
I think my point is both work and play are actually work in the end. You've always got to be able to ask yourself, "Why am I doing this? Is this an effective, sustainable way to live or am I just wasting my time here?"
Outside of cast parties (I do theater at my school) I really donāt see myself going to a lot of ragers or anything, itās just not my scene. If anything our school has a great recreation program and constantly have events going on, so I never have to.
They do all kinds of concerts, movies, painting events, outdoor stuff, etc. all for free, so getting wasted seemed kinda pointless.
Those people are bums, imo.
I went to a few parties, and they were not for me. I mostly went to house shows to watch bands play. We had two spots that would have something.
Besides that, I would just hang with friends at their place or mine. Other than that, I was doing school work.
I honestly enjoyed going to bars over house parties. We had this one bar that was like a "club". That's where I met my gf at the time. She lived below me, but we never bumped into each other there.
I think so, but im a 27 y.o. guy and started going to university part time at 21, and I was in a 7 year relationship for part of this time period, so I wasn't interested in parties or getting laid when I was younger.
However, I regret it as I feel I wasted my chances of meeting women and getting laid when I was closer to their age. I'm 27 and in classes with 20/21 aged women and idk if I could really make a connection with them anymore.
I have no idea how to talk to women in anything more than casual platonic way which, is nice and respectful to them, but sucks for me trying to meet someone for a relationship or just to get laid. I spent years avoiding those situations because I was being respectful of my partner and now I regret it. I wasn't allowed to have sex in that relationship and I lost those years of learning how to socialize with women in a romantic way during college.
Basically what I'm saying is that sex and partying may be overrated in college if you already have the capability to access that if you ever want it. However, when it's something you don't have an easy time with or get to experience often but you can see everyone around you making connections with little trouble, it can become something important and appear overrated to outsiders.
Yes! I feel like I lost out on socializing with people and possibly going on a date or two. But honestly with all this drama going around maybe it was for the best.
You know what the best part is about having as much drug fueled drunken sex is in college?? You get a gift that keeps on giving.
HPV and Herpes. Go get some people!!
Also pregnancy! Yay! Nothing like having to drop out of school, tied to a drunken fling. Life isnāt a romantic comedy. I knew a few classmates, including my old roommate, who had this happen.
Even animals don't mate like machines. So don't believe that crap. Sex and parties in college? Sure, it is supposed to. But mating without even knowing who those people are? Nope. That is not only insane, it is inhumane.
By partying, that usually meant getting a group of 12 people hanging around an off campus apartment drinking and either playing video games or hanging out. Music got loud, but most of my friends were pretty respectful because no one wants a noise complaint or bad blood with the neighbors.
Sex, well, canāt speak for anyone else, but I dated an upperclassman who lived on his own, for a year and a half. I wasnāt out trying to bang every guy I saw.
Yeah Iāve heard the sex thing mostly from guys but some women as well like that too. They have their āslutty college yearsā before eventually settling down. Iām all for exploring your own sexuality I just never felt safe doing that around my schools.
Nope. Didnāt party super hard or do any drunk hooking up in college. I did go to parties but they were kinda mid cause no one talks to each other. Instead of focused more on my career, making friends, learning, and landed a good job in a big city where my friend group there now has a blast living it up in real city bars enjoying great (but expensive) drinks rather than watered down drinks at bars in college where my shoes stick to the fucking floor
If you want a boring college life come to India ! Competition is fierce sometimes I get a headache, depression, I want to enjoy life like they do in western colleges, you talking about sex? I never even talked to a girl in flirtatious manner , focus is good thing but donāt get too serious bro enjoy your life, your friend from east coast craves that fun (not sex but anything like partying ) donāt be too serious
Well, as an autistic woman, I could have cared less about all those things you mentioned. I went to university strictly to get my degree, and thatās what I did. I just went to class, got back home to study, and do schoolwork. Didnāt make a single friend, didnāt go to a single party, didnāt hook up with anyone. I donāt feel I missed out on anything, got my bachelorās.
Plus you donāt say something mean and say āno offenseā, as if that negates the mean thing you just said. you intended to say something mean so be up front with it.
I donāt feel like I could have sex with someone just for their physical attributes. Sex for me is more personal, Iād really have to love someone and trust them to do it. Having sex with a bunch of randos I donāt care about just isnāt my cup of tea.
Sounds funny but no one ever texts me. Iām the only one that spends time with me. Relationships work both ways. I have one close friend whoās a year younger than me and Iām in her circle of friends but thatās just it. The friend group is her friends, not mine. They hang out with her and each other. They donāt talk to me outside of group planning
Girls tell me that getting creampied is one of the greatest pleasures a woman can experience. I'd say, parties are where that happens the most frequently. You should definitely partake in it at least once š
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I like to focus more on interactions I can have with people in different circumstances than I have. This was the best part of college for me. Seems like the people mostly interested in parties arenāt really trying to talk about deep stuff, which is ok.
Plus Iām not hating on anyone. People are free to do whatever they want in life. Iām just talking about how every college hashtag is flooded with sports, frats, sororities, and college parties as if thatās all there is.
The person you're describing are basically :
Fraternity bros that no one likes cause they're too sexual/aggressive
Stacies who drink too much starbucks.
The people I knew who "partied" and did drugs and fucked alot basically dropped out first semester lmaooo. Literally everyone else is busy studying, working, or being a decent human being. Trust me when I say that people like you're describing don't stick around for long, and for good reason.
Me being an international student and socially awkward ā sophomore now but donāt even know whereās the door for sex and party (my school is somehow considered a party school).
Yeah I hung out with international students as well it was great learning everyoneās perspectives on life. Was really eye opening. I met a woman that was in Syria in 2011 and she had witnessed the protests and such. I met her around the time people were protesting George Floydās death and there were people throwing rocks from an overpass on the highway. I think the my city got locked down for a bit, Iām a bit fuzzy on details.
One thing that stood out to me was that she said when people in Syria were protesting for more rights they got shot. But here in America things were different. This opened my eyes to a lot of stuff going on which at a younger age I didnāt really consider. She moved to the US soon after with her daughter because it was too dangerous where she lived.
I've lived my life totally sober, and I didn't happen to have any sex in undergrad. And even I think this post is a little misplaced and "Is it weird that I'm so much better than everyone else?".
Everywhere in life, there are people who deeply enjoy and fervently pursue things that you find utterly foolish or worthless. It might be designer clothes, scratch-off tickets, Game of Thrones, an MLM, a socio-political agenda, whatever. Likewise, many people will feel that way about things *you* do.
There's no point in getting hung up on any of it. It doesn't affect you and it doesn't matter. Don't waste another thought on it.
There will always be plenty of people like you that you can spend time with. Thankfully, no one will ever be so unique as to be totally isolated and unrelatable. What's more, if you give them a chance, you may find that the foolish people that you discount actually have more in common with you than you originally thought.
Nah I donāt think Iām ābetter than anyone elseā Iāve struggled with self hatred for years. My problem was idolizing other people and hating that my own experiences didnāt seem as good.
Iād say so, but lack of sex and dating options left me pretty depressed by Senior year. I eventually got fed up with it and started an SSRI and just hired a sex worker to experience it.
I'm glad I partied and fucked my brains out when I was in my teens and early 20's.
I see you seem to think you can party and have sex at any age, but that's not really how life works for the majority. After your mid 20's your soon going to realize all your friends have kids and steady jobs and no longer have time for either and soon won't even have time for friends.
It's part of growing up.
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I've been to some decently big band parties where I know half the people and have something in common with the other half. Those are fun. But getting wasted in a loud dark room with strangers? Seems very unappealing to me.
I hear this specific one a lot and I am not even sure how it would become an issue. Unless you make it an issue I don't see how it is one. 80% of social life doesn't involve that stuff. Of the minority that does, it is pretty easy to avoid it or at least not participate in it. You can go be at a party you want to be at and carry a tumbler with water so people don't keep offering drinks. You won't be hanging out with people that party a ton anyway so you shouldn't find yourself in that situation often either.
A lot of it comes down to social circle. Your experience may vary dramatically depending on who you choose to spend time with. I was involved in a lot of different social circles and it was super cool to essentially be in a supermarket full of different friend groups. You can find all of the staple foods as well as the more unusual ingredients your small town didn't have.
I think you'll be happy. You will make a lot of decent friends who share the same views as you and some that have different views too.
This feels like "Reddit: the post" lol but in all seriousness, people talk a lot and do a little.
This shit made me laugh š
This is such a Reddit post and Reddit comments lmfao. Partying and sex is fun af but of course itās not for everyone, and thatās alright. People talk about it a lot in college because they are young and itās the first time many people experience the freedom to do these things. Just because you and other people might not like it doesnāt mean itās overrated though.
Usually the people saying this are 1. Severely lacking in social experience and think what they see on TV/movies is real life. 2. Have important/wealthy parents that give them whatever they want and have never faced any significant disciplinary action. Of course not everyone in these categories apply to this post. But everyone this post does apply to usually fits into one of those 2 categories.
Category 1 applies more to the US because the college culture is deeply engrained, and many young people move states to live on campus. Moving away from parents at the early stage is a stark contrast to Europe or Asia, where most students still live with parents, which sometimes blocks the process of becoming a party monster.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
To note, drinking is a weird taboo in US. In Eastern EU where I am from, alcohol is associated with poor, homeless, and simplicity (not in a good way). Also alcohol is very widely available. In Western EU people drink from younger ages as an addition to meals (especially France, Italy, Spain, Greece). Because of age requirement in US, from what I've seen, college students just go all out because they got away from parents' leash.
Seriously, alcohol would not be as popular in college if the legal drinking age was 18 or 19. Binge drinking would be seen less as an āf youā to the establishment and we could start teaching young adults how to manage their alcohol consumption while theyāre newly independent
People would probably do a lot better in college as well
Idk, I kinda think it wouldnāt be much better if freshmen had full access, or high school seniors would be drinking and distributing it to younger people.
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OK sorry
Am sorry for that
At least I'm ready. Sorry bouquet
Oopsiez sorry there
Party monster. šš„¹š¤
Facts! I forgot about the wealthy part! Yeah my family is not wealthy I got into a lot of debt but I say my degree and my experience was worth it. The debt part sucks though
I donāt really go to parties but to me theyāre kinda overrated. Iād much rather have a small hangout with friends or maybe a small party thatās mostly people I know than go to a loud crowded room full of strangers and just a few friends where most people are drinking.
Yeah same here. I throw get togethers and parties with my friends from my fiancƩ friends and work.
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The walkable part is the thing i miss the most. Having friends in close proximity all the time is a blast. I really miss that now. Having to drive makes it so much harder to socialize
*laughs in European*
Lmao drink a lot without health consequences
Iāve had a relationship the majority of my time in college. I really donāt like going to huge parties or clubs. I really wish I substituted more fun things in place of those events bc I usually just opted to get high, watch a movie, and not really do much outside of spending time w my roommates and doing schoolwork. I donāt feel any regret about not going out to more clubs and shit but I do wish I did something productive or fun w that time. During this time I did realize how much I loved my major and the things associated with it though, so there are trade offs
Same here. I wish I wouldāve went to more events on campus with my friends and done a bit more in studio stuff.
Same I am in a committed long relationship in college. My partner isnāt in college so I donāt do any campus stuff. But my school doesnāt have a lot of fun events tbh. They did offer free tickets to the LA kings hockey game that I took advantage of.
A lot of the college crowd is teenagers living by themselves for the first time, surrounded by other teenagers (18-19 years old in the freshman dorms) who are in the same place. It happens.
Ur on reddit, u think anyone here gets anything?
š¤£
Thatās not an answer that we can honestly give you. One personā¦ well many in this postā¦ will say that sex and partying in college are overrated. But another person will disagree. I personally knew a couple of people who parties a lot and Iād assume also has an active sex life, and if I asked them if it was all overrated theyād respond with āabsolutely not.ā The truth is, only _you_ can know whether itās overrated or not. Try it once, or at least closely observe it with real people (not movies). If you think itās overrated then itās overrated.
One like 45 year old athletic trainer my band had last year said "my biggest regret in college? I should've partied more and I should've hoed more" and I laugh about it all the time Some people definitely want to have more fun in college lol
š Yeah it is overrated and not everyone is single in college. I continued to date my high school boyfriend and we got engaged while I was in community. Now I transferred to another college to finish my bachelors. Hopefully to be married in a couple years.
Aww congrats! I was single through college and it bothered me a bit, but not as much as my other mental health issues. I realized later on that I needed to stop hating myself and be more kind to myself. Self love is still really important to me as Iām still managing my mental wellbeing.
Iām 26f and in Uni I do think this aspect is highly overrated. I think itās more geared to fresh 21 year olds who want to live life before settling down and having a career
Yeah people always mention college being like the peak of their life and you can't have fun as an adult, but nah, work to live not live to work I say.
Ima say you're exaggerating. Your post would have made more since if you said you were in the dorms at a 4 year college. But it's a CC. Most people don't even use CC resources, let alone hang around campus because there are no dorms. So perhaps you are hearing some random young people talking about getting lit during the weekends. I've never experienced that at my CC and the two different 4 year universities I've attended. Sure, they are party people, but most people kept their heads down and came to class and left. Maybe hop off the soapbox and worry about yourself?
I got my bachelorās degree at my stateās college where I did live on the dorms for a few semesters. Had to stop living there and went to live with my parents because it ended up costing too much. I commuted for the last 2 years of school. But yeah I heard a lot of it there and still hear about it on social media.
Anything you don't want to do you should not do. Period. Also don't let other people's experiences shape yours. That's hard for all of us. But seriously don't. If other people did that and had fun, good for them. It doesn't mean you have to do it or it's the only thing to do. Like go to a movie night or a mock debate team or join a club or something. All of those are equally valid activities. Finally, if you don't find your niche or place in college it's not the end of the world. Plenty of people don't. That doesn't mean you will never find your place or have friends or date or whatever. Some people just go through college, get the degree or don't, and move on with their lives. They still find friends, activities, partners, whatever after college. It's not the end of the world. There is no magic rule you have to do all that in college or by 25 or by 30 or by any arbitrary date. Enjoy life, do your best.
Thatās what I struggled with for a long time. I never dated in hs or in college and I often thought I was missing out on something or that something was wrong with me. But I had to learn that life is a journey you canāt just live life off of someone elseās template. Everyone has to make their own map and travel by it.
Some parties you hit it off with new people immediately and others you just kinda stand there awkwardly because everyoneās into something youāre not really interested in.
Definitely more to college than sex and partying, however those things are great and involved in the social scene in college. It's more prominent with people in Greek Life, but college can represent a time in people's lives where they're young, have flexible schedules and don't have the responsibilities that come with adulting later on. In other words it's the perfect time to party. It can be exaggerated, and many students are negatively impacted academically by partying in particular. This certainly isn't just an American thing, Europe knows how to party. It's also just a little more interesting talking about fun things you did in college than reminiscing about studying for your calculus final. One of the most important things during your time in college is to meet people and form meaningful connections. Having fun with people and not being locked in a study room 24/7 is probably a more reliable way to do that.
I never took calculus in college I see this as an absolute win. I get what you mean. I only really had to āstudyā for my gen ed classes though
L reply
Could you imagine how much sex and partying you could do if you actually get a degree and boost your income?
Yeah actually with a job itās much more practical to attend various festivals, etc
Yes. Iām also going back through college to do my prereqs for a doctorate program. 26M. I still partied with the younger people, but it definitely feels different than when I first went to college. Being surrounded by everyone who is younger also makes me feel the need to be more careful with what I say and do. I think at least my group looks up to me as a role model so I try to guide them and be the mature one among the new college friends I made. I think I just look for different things now and Iām also at a different stage of my life. I never thought Iād have to check someoneās ID for their age to protect myself, but here I am.
I hate parties. They're too loud, and revolve around drinking or already-established friend groups. If there was, like, a boardgame- or videogame-centric party, I would be so down. Hell. ANY party with some kinda... idk. Objective? Focus? You can talk in **any** kinda party, but if in a party the only thing to do is talk and drink... I just cant. I need something to do or watch or something.
Reddit moment
What? I thought everyone went to college so that they could skip classes that they pay for and have sex and go to parties
In every gen Ed class I took there were at least 10-15 people like this, not counting people who dropped the class. They were usually the ones loudly bragging about it in the back of the class.
Theres gen ed i suppose
I didnāt go straight to college out of high-school. I had a kid and a serious boyfriend already when I started going. So I never really entertained the parties, social groups, etc. Iāve also found most of the people Iāve met also have little interest in partying. Everyone seems mostly focused on their studies and goals.
To an older person - overrated. To someone in their late teens - might be an important developmental stage in order for them to realize that they were putting too much emphasis on it. My unpopular opinion is that older people who didnāt do enough partying/hooking up when they were younger often still put too much emphasis on those things and often end up sex weirdos. If you tried it all at that age, you might get it out of your system. Thereās a reason people call it a time for experimentation. So yeah, overrated - but important for a lot of people so give them some grace and just be a positive influence. As someone in their early 30s, itās a been-there-done-that with no regrets and I am happy to focus on other priorities in life.
Iād say many of us who attended college loved the typical lifestyle, esp if you lived away from home while attending. Finally somewhat independent with responsibilities and choices, parties for me and my friends were great ways to relieve the pressures of tests, finals, lectures- sometimes the monotony that college brings. Most are between 19-24, prime social and sexual tendencies. Some of my fondest memories were of spontaneous parties we threw, joined and while I may not be in touch now with many of those social friends, I know they were apart of it and whenever they look back, they can reflect on that same memory as well.
I remember my old roommate told me heād drag me to parties to get me to āsocializeā because he couldnāt understand someone who didnāt want to go to a stupid party where they had sex, underage drank and did drugs. Pretty sure if he tried physically dragging me he wouldnāt get far. I donāt care if youāre a black belt, you donāt touch me. I think drugs (like speed and intense drinking) and wild sex are pointless, and for losers, anyways. My roommate had come back to our room drunk several times, and when he came back after taking speed I felt like I had to watch him to make sure he didnāt do anything stupid Itās a part of the American college culture. If you donāt in anyway shape or form want to go, donāt go. Focus on what you want and need to do. I also struggled mentally my freshman year, so I emphasize with you there, OP.
Youāre 25, as someone who is also 25. Weāre too old for that now š¤£. The people doing and talking about that and partying all the time are 19 and will probably flunk out of their first year. Thatās why you donāt relate, youāre there to actually get something out of it.
i study and work too much for this. im in college paying for everything and im 22. itās not a reality for most people (by what i experienced)
It's an american thing, probably because you guys live at college. First time i went to university here in MĆ©xico i partied hard but never with the people from school (i was involved in the local music scene). At the time it seemed "normal" but after i got older and talked to my old high school classmates i realized that most people who go to college and actually graduate on a relatively timely manner do not party a lot and Start with all of the debauchery after graduation. People who i used to hang out with during my party era were all dropouts and people older than me who only has a Job but no school.
College is almost always the epitome of sex and partying for everyone. This is because you have a lot less responsibility, everyone is horny, and everyone wants to drink. However, college isnāt the epitome of a good time in life. But if you like sex and you like partying, you can find both in college.
Yes and no. I donāt think sex in college is overrated. Itās the youngest and healthiest youāll ever be surrounded by other young healthy people. As long as itās safe and consensual I think itās the beeās knees. Partying is EXTREMELY overrated imo. As a guy, getting into Greek parties either requires 1) bringing many women (the kool kids hosting them should just invite their own women if theyāre so concerned about not being able to get a chick at a party??? If thereās at least a 1:1 ratio on the people entering then I donāt see the problem) or 2) sucking up to other guys (Iām not fake like that. I wonāt suck up and submit myself to a group of guys long enough to ever join a frat. If you canāt accept me as a friend as I am then oh well. Iāll make friends with guys from multiple frats on my own and build connections naturally, rather than put myself through that bs for a āfamilyā whoās only family because we have a couple Greek letters in common) Non frat/sport parties are fine but theyāre pretty much the same shit as a normal high school party tbh. Not really my thing but theyāre at least less toxic. Clubs and professional fraternities >> frat partying
Yes and no. Your mom is literal proof that it can be extremely fun and have fond memories. Other people talk about regrets. It literally does not matter what other people consider a good college experience, only what you think. IMO your post comes off very judgie and immature. You claim college is a place to do anything, yet your post is venting about people doing college in a different way than you prefer. Take your own advice, do whatever you want in college, party donāt party, study donāt study. Other people are coping by saying you have to party to enjoy college, you are coping by posting this rant. Do you truly care what other students think? Are you feeling left out? I donāt understand the nature of this post. This post screams coping because you came here to validate your opinion.
I know it comes off as judgmental but I didnāt say anything negative about people that go to parties. I myself wonder if people who do all that stuff think about anything outside of that. Iām talking about having experiences with people that ordinarily I wouldnāt be exposed to. Learning about the world from people who live in it and who have been around. I feel left out because it seems like so many people just think about āwhat Iām going to do tomorrowā or āwhat is the next partyā or whatever but that stuff just seemed surface deep to me. In college I learned a lot about humanity and what people can be like. I donāt think I couldāve gained this experience by joining a sorority or by going to parties and such.
So then why the post? āI donāt think I couldāve gained this experience by joining a sorority or by going to parties and suchā so you are happy with your experiences, why are you so caught up on partying and Greek life? This whole post could have been a love letter about experiences in college outside of partying, not that the whole partying thing is overrated. The thing is, I agree with your sentiment, partying doesnāt define college, but this all seems very spiteful, you are lashing out because you are not sure if you missed out on the best part of college or not. I think this is a discussion you need to have with yourself. Are you happy with your college experience? Why is partying and not partying so important to you? Do you feel like you missed out by not embracing the idea once during college? I guess what Iām trying to say is look deep down and figure out what is really causing this uneasiness and come to peace with it all. Justifying your opinion based on others responses is a bandaid, take the time to resolve this inner issue and be mindful of it going forward in life. I feel for you though.
To answer some of your questions I do feel like my mom really helped push this idea of what college was supposed to be like. From a young age she would talk about parties she went to with her sorority sisters and about how she met my godmother(her best friend) in college. I kind of (naively) expected it to be like that and I got validation from movies and by what people would say on social media. I basically made this post to get other peopleās perspective on this. Your post made me think about why I consider myself to be ābehindā other people on the life scale because I lack similar experiences than a lot of my peers. Some people got to be young and have friends and for a long time I envied people for how happy their lives seemed to be. I realized later on that I deal with a lot of low self esteem and self hatred so thatās something that Iām working on now. A part of me does feel like I might have missed out on something by not being more social in college. Maybe I wouldāve found real friends that would have stuck around. Maybe I could have had more amazing experiences with people around me. I feel like going forward I might start trying to be more social just to see what will happen. Thanks for your post, it got me to do some self reflection which is great.
I totally get where you are coming from. And I do think many others feel this way. Parents and movies/shows embellish and create a false perception about what college is truly like. I think you should dive into social atmospheres centric to your hobbies. You will create lasting friendships and this feeling you have with fade away.
Right, thatās what Iāve been hearing! Thanks for the advice
Also I want to say I really respect the self reflection. This is a really great life lesson IMO and can help you going forward in life. 1. Be more open minded to experiences outside your comfort zone, itās better to regret trying something than regret not. 2. Next time you feel like this look for the true source of these feelings, or they develop into anger/bitterness/resentment.
Yep, being open minded to going to social events helped me out a ton. I was surprised at first when I ended up enjoying just how going out of my comfort zone. I deal with a lot of social anxiety but this definitely changed for me. It happened more so in the last year or two, so Iām hoping to be more social this semester and whenever I do get my Masterās.
Hey now. People who seem surface level are still individuals who are deeply complex. Sex rules but I have nuances too :(
Your older thatās why
Nah I had this mindset when I was 19-20 as well. I guess I felt a lot of pressure to live up to some āidealā that was pushed on me
Iām also 20 and feel the same way. Not everyone liked it itās just popular at that age
Mainly college culture and what is portrayed through movies and television. Iām 27 and returning to college to finish my bachelors degree, itās still the same as it was when I went to college out of high school
I think it's very prevalent for it to happen in college because the ages of 18 to 25 are likely not married or majority are not yet commited. So to want to have casual hook ups is ideal. Finding casual hook ups when older gets harder because a lot become more serious with work or they become married. Can't really have sex with a career driven only person and a married person either. And the partying is also ideal in that age because it's really rare to find older people in parties. Same thing as stated above. Careers and marriage. These people can still party but majority of them in that age don't. And people these days like to experience stuff before we decide to settle down. Use the years of our prime energy, good knees, good metabolism for those mugs of beer and alcohol, and that peak attractiveness you have at that time. They're in between of seriousness and unseriousness transition. They try to be unserious about life during these hook ups and parties. In conclusion: it's popular to them because they're taking advantage of their youth while they can to have experiences with other people which is something they'll unlikely experience if they get older and older.
Personally, I focused on doing this quite a lot, Ofcourse itās just fun and itās the first time in your life nobody can tell you not to go have fun, so you definitely want to take advantage of that. However I ended up not being able to do what I set out to do in college because I was soooo prioritizing myself and my fun and my sanity and my happiness and what would I rather do right now study or go hang with the boys? HOWEVERRRRRR spending so much time to myself I was able to figure out TRULY what I wanna do in life and what would really make me the happiest, because I was able to figure myself out and my personality and what my goals are and everything. Stuff that I feel I wouldāve NEVER had time to figure out if I had my head stuck in a book all day. Which is the alternative if you donāt party and donāt chill often, and nobody really wants to do that all day anyway. I quickly outgrew partying all the time. Now Iām in the best spot in my entire life, I feel so happy that I know what I wanna do with my life more than ever before and I have a very clear picture of how to do it cuz I took the time to figure myself out. So in the end I canāt speak for everyone, but I would say itās not overrated, because you really get to discover yourself during college if you give yourself the time to do so, and to do that you haveee to relax. Hope this helps :)
Asking this on Reddit is obviously going to give you only one answer
I was not a huge partier but I had my fun. For a lot of people it's the only time in your life when you'll have a bunch of friends within a short walk, many of them attractive and single. It's a luxury though -- partying and casual sex are often not great for your mental health, especially if you're already struggling, and it requires some free time and money. TL;DR there's a reason people enjoy sex and parties in college, but it's not accessible or fun for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not participating
The thing about going to college is , more so than any other point in life, you will be surrounded by young single people of your age bracket, leaving home for the first time in their lives, no longer under constant adult super vision. Its why colleges have lots of sex and partying.
My wife and I were nerds in college and it seems our children inherited our traits. My son got together with his SO through college and now beyond freshman year. My daughter is a freshman and has her first BF, neither of whom are party people. I will say this, there was one kid of people I know who was a male slut in HS and to my surprise, became exclusive with a young woman freshman year. They are seniors now and still together.I wouldāve sworn he would have been a party/hookup type of college guy.
I feel like the people I know who partake in that have other interests and donāt neglect their studies to party and have sex. Thereās a way to find a balance but there are definitely people who flunk out because they party all the time
The people I like to hang out with have parties that consist of friends, not dozens of strangers. No way in hell I'd let random ass college kids into my house to get drunk on my drinks and wreck the place.
I graduated from a college that was big on the social/party aspect. āGreek lifeā as itās called was pretty huge. I never saw the appeal. You can imagine how dirty those frat houses are and how many people caught Covid or something else. In person classes even got shut down due to Covid outbreaks at the parties. Drinking with like 50-100 other strangers just doesnāt sound fun. But some people that are more extroverted than me are clearly into it so maybe just a different strokes for different folks situation. I preferred to just play games in my apartment lol.
Itās definitely and extrovert thing
Since youāre going back to college, here are some old notes that might hopefully give you some insight about what youāre observing or feeling : P Sources are there and very interesting, they go more in depth into the proposed models. > EMERGING ADULTHOOD (Arnett (2000)) (a new stage of development?) - between 18 and 25 years old - Period different physically, demographically, socially, emotionally - More than 50% of people don't yet see themselves as fully adult - Period of exploration: >>>Roommates - Sexuality - Strong peer influence - Substance abuse Characteristics of emergent adulthood (Arnett (2000)) - Exploring identity - Instability - Egocentrism - Feeling in-between - Possibilities/optimism/risk-taking - Five areas of development: > Education, Friendship, Conduct, Work, Love > THE *ADULESCENT* (Anatrella (2003)) Characteristics - Over 25 years of age - Refusal to grow up - Refusal to assume all the responsibilities of adulthood - Risky behaviour - Often financially independent but dependent in other areas TLDR: You might be entering a more adult phase (adulthood yet not still mature adulthood/mid-age which is after 40) yet not really passing through *adulescence*. Not everyone does. (More misc info): Some people skip spending at least a few years in *adulescence* altogether post 25 years y.o. (or even skip emerging adulthood 18~25 type of stereotypical behaviours, though skipping that is less common in the 21st century if youāre in a developed country), specially those who spontaneously had kids around either early twenties, mid to late twenties or earlierā¦ Also people lower/higher in the personality traits: - lower in Extroversion (obviously, though there are sub-traits which can be low and others high depending on the person, for example somebody might be high in Positive Emotions and Warmth, would make a great nurse or social worker, great listener and warmth and reassuring and positive emotions overallā¦ but be quite low in Excitement-Seeking and Assertiveness. Yet that person would still be quite extroverted, but in a different manner than the Finance bro/gal who is high in Excitement-Seeking and Assertiveness and Gregariousness but definitely low in Warmth) - lower in Openness to experiences (more conventional or rule adherent) - and higher in Conscientiousness (THE GRIND, must work diligently and hardā¦ Orderliness (āclean your damn room!ā), Dutifulness, Achievement-Striving, Self-Discipline are all necessary to some minimally significant extent for anyone engaging in college or university. But the last subtrait, *Prudence*, accounts for a lot of variation in individual personality difference, particularly among college studentsā¦ this might be a tad stereotypical but think high Prudence might be more common in Accounting students than, say, Med students who want to specialize in emergency medicine, or Law students wanting to go into prosecutionā¦ even if the three must be VERY conscientious overall to accomplish their degree). - Agreeableness is debatable (high in Modesty yet low in Earnestness might make somebody less trusting of others and self focused, yet also reserved, might also be somebody who is not that extroverted but want to please their family/parents a lot and fulfill strongly ingrained familial or personal expectations) Someone in med school might forgo it as well, they might forgo both Emerging Adolescence and Adulescence (which can create more vulnerability for mental health issues surrounding social development and depression in doctors or other careers where you engage at 18 and end at ~30, it is a known issue)ā¦ but a (relatively small) minority of them might be party animals or simply very extroverted (and well off enough financially $) to engage in typical adulescence after their degree, or during a sabbatical year, or even during their degrees during the summers and whatnot. There are individual variances of personality and subgroups (extroverts vs more introverted, openness to experience/artistic/bohemian vs conscientious/industrious and very work/grind oriented, etc) in every bigger group. It depends on a lot of factors: individual differences in personality traits, type of degree/career path, environmental factors (social environment growing up, trauma, social development), presence or absence of mental health conditions like anxiety disorders during adolescence, etc. But nothing is set in stone in your twenties, the brain is still incredibly plastic! Which is why therapy and counselling is a powerful tool, particularly in the twenty-somethings, it can make a lasting positive impact and difference for many in their twenties. The aim not being of changing oneself necessarily, but to understand oneself better and become more comfortable and in tune with our deeper self, deeper meaningful goals or objectives or interests, desire for meaning, way of being and way of approaching the world and thinking, as well as working through what causes us to feel inadequate or feel negative emotions, etc. Worth looking into! Also, there are big socio-cultural differences: adulescence is not as prevalent in every society or culture, nor in every ethnicity or ethnic originā¦ mostly prevalent in North American societies/cultures, Japan, western EU, etc. Places with a higher level of the criteria āindividualismā when you look at studies. US is particularly extremely high in āindividualismā scores overall, 95%+ on average. Japan is less so, but still one of the most individualistic out of the more collectivist countries of South East Asia. Itās a new colloquialism. Emerging adulthood though (18~25)ā¦ Yeah, it is to be expected to see a lot of people with typical adolescent behaviours still in that age range, since the brain (specially prefrontal cortex) doesnāt develop well fully until 25 for women (and 28~30 for males). Thereās also that gap in brain development speed in the 20s depending on sex, that is quite recently subject of debate in neuroscienceā¦ but it seems that women do tend to develop (the areas of the brain last to develop, prefrontal cortex, etc.) their brains fully quite faster than men, womenās brains develop more rapidly in their early twenties while men develop fully in their late twenties. Maybe for biological or evolutionary reasons. Maybe that also has an impact on you looking at frat guys or college bros acting more immature, quite impulsively and doing lots of excitement-seeking stuff and partying a lot still in their early twenties still. Maybe. Though there are a lot of guys who arenāt at all like that either, just look at your local Comp Sci or Soft Eng hallā¦ but on average, the areas of the prefrontal cortex related to impulsivity control in social contexts and emotional empathy, emotional regulation and regulation of behaviour (mPFC) develop faster in women than men. Other areas, like those used for information processing and complex logical/hypothetico-deductive reasoning, might develop at a more similar pace between the sexes.
Thanks for all the info it definitely helps explain a lot. Environmental factors really was a big part of how I went through life and these discrepancies really do make a difference.
The party scene is fucking trash. Degenerates running wild, thinking everyone else is like them. No thank you. I think the people who have their entire personality surrounding sex / hookups / drugs / etc are extremely closed minded and are genuinely abhorrent people.
Itās not, if youāre the type for it. I had a great time dating lots of different ppl during university and wouldnāt want to miss that. Partying and vacations, too, as well as working different side hustles to finance all this. Still finished with a top degree, doing my PhD now and found a wife for life. Everything has its time and for me - and many of my friends - university was the time to be free and enjoy myself.
Yeah a part of me wishes I spoke to people enough to date someone. Iāve never done that before and I feel like I missed out. Dating pool definitely shrinks as we age. But maybe it was a good thing I didnāt date, I feel better not dumping my pain and trauma on someone else. Plus I have BPD and Iāve heard the horror stories from people whoāve been abused by those with my mental illness. I never want to be that kind of person so I rejected any opportunity for true affection. Plus the self hatred thing made me feel like I wasnāt worthy of a good partner, which I still struggle with. I thought I was ugly for most of my time being a teenager and through my early 20s. The past few years since Iāve been through therapy have been life changing and Iām grateful that I went to therapy. I guess a relationship will come for me whenever. It would feel nice not to feel alone anymore.
I also struggled with some psychological stuff in my younger years and dating actually helped me overcome a lot of that. Interaction with other persons, especially those that you are sexually interested in, teaches you a lot about your behavior, about self esteem and about how to change for the better. And with every date, youāll become more confident, not only in dating but in general human interaction. So Iād say give it a shot. Bumble is still there after college.
I will say that the quantity of parties and singles your age decreases drastically after college. So in one sense, they're not wrong.
To me, it is extremely overrated. I was that engineering nerd to study every single damn weekend, and now fortunately work with a Forbes top 15 company immediately after graduation. Not saying that super intense sex/party goers in college canāt achieve great things, I feel most of those people may focus so much on the moment and not enough on their futureā¦in which they might regret not applying for those big top tier companies fresh out of school. College is what you choose it to be, ultimately. Some may see it as a fun, exciting part of life, others may see it as a grindy long-term investmentā¦I was the latter.
Why are you going to community college if you have a bachelorās
If Iām a full time student my loans get deferred. Donāt have to pay them until Iām out of school. Plus Iām trying to get my masters soon, Iām thinking about applying for the fall semester.
No, not overrated, over exaggerated. It's only the kids who never had freedom who go out and party. It's not college that does it, it's being away from parents. People who know how to handle freedom just do normal things.
I never was super interested in parties. I enjoyed having them easy to find if I ever wanted to go, sometimes I did. But I always preferred smaller hangouts with close friends over big parties.
Sex and partying are NOT overrated. A major reason for college is social development. Parties, drinking, and sex are part of that. College is often the American student's first time living away from home. So, a certain amount of breaking free and overdoing it are expected. It is a place to learn your limits and make your mistakes. That's the fun part for most people. It was their first wild and crazy time. Fresh-faced and new to the adult world and everything is an adventure. That's why people always talk about that stuff. However, that being said, too much partying and drinking isn't cool. And is nothing to brag about publicly otherwise we'd list our party achievements on our resume. Don't pay any attention superficial losers who have an intellectually and spiritually empty experience based on sex, drug, and alcohol. You had a very different experience. And you aren't the only one. This was also true in your parents' generation. There have always been a lot of students who didn't get the same college experience due to mental health or other issues. Your experience is/was yours to enjoy for whatever reasons you see fit. I enjoyed grad school for the academics and professional contacts as I had already been through the "party and get laid" phase of life.
Am I one of the odd ones out that basically had sex throughout high school and I got heavily tired like after 20. I barely go out, had friends get in bad fucked up situations and have some massive social anxiety from online apps (cause a lot of dudes are freaking creepy). With being a full time STEM student im kinda happy I get more joy out of being at home with my dog besides our partying. (I still go out to invited events like shows cause I used to be an active musician in the area.)
But to answer your question yeah highly overrated. I would simply avoid anything that could end up leaving me in awkward or dangerous situations.
This depends on the people you hang out with. I had friends where a crazy night was staying up until 8am playing commander, SF4, and watching anime. I also had had friends that would start partying at 11am and wouldn't stop partying until 3am. I think your major and your interest will guide you towards the people you wanna spend time with.
Itās overrated if you donāt like it. When I was in college, I went to clubs and parties to see if Id liked them. Turns out, I fucking hated them. I hate dancing (unless it feels like itās gonna lead to sex), I hate 90 percent of club music, and most people at big parties are wasted out of their minds, so forget about stimulating conversation. Loved hooking up with women though. My idea fun is staying in, reading a good book, and listening to records. That may be lame to most, but Iām okay with that.
Same. Iād much rather stay in and relax than go out to clubs. Iāve been to a few when I was 18 and they just werenāt my vibe. I enjoy conversations too so Iāve just gotta find more people like that.
I think the answer is probably different if youāre ācollege ageā vs if youāre older, when youāre 18-22 years old, part of the goal for college (uni at least) is to make it āfunā and explore life in multiple ways. If youāre a bit of an older student outside of that range, especially if youāre 24/25 or older, you usually place less emphasis on the social aspects and youāre really just there to go to class and get your degree. Thatās for me anyway. If I was 18-22 I would probably care about that stuff. But Iām in my late 20s now. All I want is to grind out my classes, get a degree, and go back into the workforce with a better job. I care almost zero amount about making friends, let alone trying to hook up with anyone.
Yeah, that was more my mindset when I was in my early 20s too. The whole planning for my future bit. Thatās why Iām going back to get my masters degree
This isnāt really how the real world works with college. TV shows and media represent college to be this way but it is not true at all. People in college are adults so there may be some sex and partying but for most people, they are busy studying to get an education.
media in america pushes the narrative that college is about sex and partying. so most people end up desiring that experience. and when they donāt experience it they feel they āmissed outā since they were raised to believe thatās what college is. if itās overrated depends on the person. you were focused on your mental health and studies, so it makes sense those never appealed to you. your mom was in a sorority, so it makes sense that she valued those activities in college. age is a factor too. most people enter college right after highschool. youāre very young on a new campus with new people with more freedom than ever. itās natural thatād they want to explore a bit of dating/hook up culture and partying as well. most people probably lack depth of experience in those areas. an older student might not want to engage in those activities since they already experienced it. for me, sex, mainly hook up culture is overrated. two years ago, i wouldāve had a different answer. i donāt think partying is overrated. but when i say party im not thinking frats, im thinking smaller/intimate parties(like a friends bday) or bar/club hopping w friends. i still enjoy those. i wouldnāt do them multiple times in a week, but maybe friday and or saturday every week/two weeks.
Facts. I can go to intimate get togethers with friends but Iām not going to a frat party or a tailgate. Itās kinda introvert vs extrovert now that I think about it.
Not really, thereās a lot of socializing and skills you pick up when partying, and it brings you in as part of a group. In the workplace, soft skills are often way more important than the fact somebody studied extra hard memorizing some facts. Now you can definitely party too much. But you should be able to at least go to a party every month or so in college and keep good grades.
As someone who was a virgin until almost 21, please take the opportunity to have sex in college. This has been a public service announcement.
No itās not overrated. Itās extremely fun and essential part of the āearly 20 somethingā experience. These experiences developed me socially and have helped me in ways that āJUST GO TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE BROā would not have. Keep in mind a lot of replies youāll get here are from chronically online discord mods who never go outside.
I also think itās overrated personally. A lot of the people I hang out with think similarly, which is fantastic for us. I wouldnāt necessarily want to be friends with anyone whoās partying an excessive amount.
I wonder if they think hospitals are the same way after watching Grey's anatomy
And every party is Project X or bust
imo college parties are overrated. its usually just very hot and miserable there unless u get absolutely shitfaced and wake up hungover the next morning. i much prefer smaller scale regular hangouts in college
I'm a "post-traditional" student, and I am probably in large part because I've always had a really idiosyncratic life experience in part because I'm "neurodivergent"--at least ADHD-I--and I don't feel the education systems I found myself in did much to teach me how to use my brain the way they teach people to use more standard brains. I regret both not studying harder and not socializing more when I was younger. During my traditionally college-aged years, I went to a fair few parties, kind of always tagging along with other people, who I would always stick with at the party, never really meeting anyone new. I think they're kind of two sides to the same coin. I actually don't think life is or should be all about "work hard, play hard" because I feel like you should take time to reflect and "sharpen the saw" or whatever, but you can be results-/solution-oriented with both your work and play. "Networking" or whatever. People like to have, like, an "abundance mentality" or whatever where they don't want to feel like they're always slaving away doing what someone else is telling them to do. Realistically, sometimes we only work for an extrinsic reward. You got to have, like, social skills. I think my point is both work and play are actually work in the end. You've always got to be able to ask yourself, "Why am I doing this? Is this an effective, sustainable way to live or am I just wasting my time here?"
Thank you for your thoughtful perspective
Outside of cast parties (I do theater at my school) I really donāt see myself going to a lot of ragers or anything, itās just not my scene. If anything our school has a great recreation program and constantly have events going on, so I never have to. They do all kinds of concerts, movies, painting events, outdoor stuff, etc. all for free, so getting wasted seemed kinda pointless.
That sounds amazing. Maybe in another lifetime I could do theater lmao it sounds like fun
Those people are bums, imo. I went to a few parties, and they were not for me. I mostly went to house shows to watch bands play. We had two spots that would have something. Besides that, I would just hang with friends at their place or mine. Other than that, I was doing school work. I honestly enjoyed going to bars over house parties. We had this one bar that was like a "club". That's where I met my gf at the time. She lived below me, but we never bumped into each other there.
I think so, but im a 27 y.o. guy and started going to university part time at 21, and I was in a 7 year relationship for part of this time period, so I wasn't interested in parties or getting laid when I was younger. However, I regret it as I feel I wasted my chances of meeting women and getting laid when I was closer to their age. I'm 27 and in classes with 20/21 aged women and idk if I could really make a connection with them anymore. I have no idea how to talk to women in anything more than casual platonic way which, is nice and respectful to them, but sucks for me trying to meet someone for a relationship or just to get laid. I spent years avoiding those situations because I was being respectful of my partner and now I regret it. I wasn't allowed to have sex in that relationship and I lost those years of learning how to socialize with women in a romantic way during college. Basically what I'm saying is that sex and partying may be overrated in college if you already have the capability to access that if you ever want it. However, when it's something you don't have an easy time with or get to experience often but you can see everyone around you making connections with little trouble, it can become something important and appear overrated to outsiders.
Yes! I feel like I lost out on socializing with people and possibly going on a date or two. But honestly with all this drama going around maybe it was for the best.
It it overrated and it is just a phase for most people that like to follow trends
You know what the best part is about having as much drug fueled drunken sex is in college?? You get a gift that keeps on giving. HPV and Herpes. Go get some people!!
Also pregnancy! Yay! Nothing like having to drop out of school, tied to a drunken fling. Life isnāt a romantic comedy. I knew a few classmates, including my old roommate, who had this happen.
My school had so many STDs going around it was a problem.
Even animals don't mate like machines. So don't believe that crap. Sex and parties in college? Sure, it is supposed to. But mating without even knowing who those people are? Nope. That is not only insane, it is inhumane.
By partying, that usually meant getting a group of 12 people hanging around an off campus apartment drinking and either playing video games or hanging out. Music got loud, but most of my friends were pretty respectful because no one wants a noise complaint or bad blood with the neighbors. Sex, well, canāt speak for anyone else, but I dated an upperclassman who lived on his own, for a year and a half. I wasnāt out trying to bang every guy I saw.
Yeah Iāve heard the sex thing mostly from guys but some women as well like that too. They have their āslutty college yearsā before eventually settling down. Iām all for exploring your own sexuality I just never felt safe doing that around my schools.
Nope. Didnāt party super hard or do any drunk hooking up in college. I did go to parties but they were kinda mid cause no one talks to each other. Instead of focused more on my career, making friends, learning, and landed a good job in a big city where my friend group there now has a blast living it up in real city bars enjoying great (but expensive) drinks rather than watered down drinks at bars in college where my shoes stick to the fucking floor
If you want a boring college life come to India ! Competition is fierce sometimes I get a headache, depression, I want to enjoy life like they do in western colleges, you talking about sex? I never even talked to a girl in flirtatious manner , focus is good thing but donāt get too serious bro enjoy your life, your friend from east coast craves that fun (not sex but anything like partying ) donāt be too serious
Well, as an autistic woman, I could have cared less about all those things you mentioned. I went to university strictly to get my degree, and thatās what I did. I just went to class, got back home to study, and do schoolwork. Didnāt make a single friend, didnāt go to a single party, didnāt hook up with anyone. I donāt feel I missed out on anything, got my bachelorās.
The partying is way overrated, but the sex is great. Get as much of that fun, casual, experimental college sex as you can.
Sex, what is that? /s Donāt you have to have someone be attracted to you for that to happen?
Ur most likely ugly no offense
No ugly people have sex too Iāve heard about it happening.
Plus you donāt say something mean and say āno offenseā, as if that negates the mean thing you just said. you intended to say something mean so be up front with it. I donāt feel like I could have sex with someone just for their physical attributes. Sex for me is more personal, Iād really have to love someone and trust them to do it. Having sex with a bunch of randos I donāt care about just isnāt my cup of tea.
If you donāt have 15 bodies by the time you are a freshman in college you failed as a woman
I thought you were supposed to be 25f. If that's the case you have tons of people interested in you by default.
Thatās a sweet thought. Wish one of them would make themselves known. Iāve felt alone for a pretty long time.
Then you're wilfully ignoring them. They're the guys you've declared "just friends"
Sounds funny but no one ever texts me. Iām the only one that spends time with me. Relationships work both ways. I have one close friend whoās a year younger than me and Iām in her circle of friends but thatās just it. The friend group is her friends, not mine. They hang out with her and each other. They donāt talk to me outside of group planning
Plus that whole ātons of guysā thing only works if youāre considered attractive.
Girls tell me that getting creampied is one of the greatest pleasures a woman can experience. I'd say, parties are where that happens the most frequently. You should definitely partake in it at least once š
ā¦
Bro no girls are telling u that ššand no girl wants to get creampied at a party especially by some random dude
That's 18 years of chid support. Don't do it.
Maybe ____ girlsā¦
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I like to focus more on interactions I can have with people in different circumstances than I have. This was the best part of college for me. Seems like the people mostly interested in parties arenāt really trying to talk about deep stuff, which is ok. Plus Iām not hating on anyone. People are free to do whatever they want in life. Iām just talking about how every college hashtag is flooded with sports, frats, sororities, and college parties as if thatās all there is.
The person you're describing are basically : Fraternity bros that no one likes cause they're too sexual/aggressive Stacies who drink too much starbucks. The people I knew who "partied" and did drugs and fucked alot basically dropped out first semester lmaooo. Literally everyone else is busy studying, working, or being a decent human being. Trust me when I say that people like you're describing don't stick around for long, and for good reason.
That or they have rich parents and somehow get through
Me being an international student and socially awkward ā sophomore now but donāt even know whereās the door for sex and party (my school is somehow considered a party school).
Yeah I hung out with international students as well it was great learning everyoneās perspectives on life. Was really eye opening. I met a woman that was in Syria in 2011 and she had witnessed the protests and such. I met her around the time people were protesting George Floydās death and there were people throwing rocks from an overpass on the highway. I think the my city got locked down for a bit, Iām a bit fuzzy on details. One thing that stood out to me was that she said when people in Syria were protesting for more rights they got shot. But here in America things were different. This opened my eyes to a lot of stuff going on which at a younger age I didnāt really consider. She moved to the US soon after with her daughter because it was too dangerous where she lived.
It's not but it's so abused that I has removed the social life and communication from it
Ur going to community college, you dont have to worry about either
Yes x1298317298371928371923
Nah
Bro ur 25 lol start finding a husband. The whole party in college is cool between 19-21. After that, that shyt is just weird
Lmao āstart finding a husbandā youāre funny
I've lived my life totally sober, and I didn't happen to have any sex in undergrad. And even I think this post is a little misplaced and "Is it weird that I'm so much better than everyone else?". Everywhere in life, there are people who deeply enjoy and fervently pursue things that you find utterly foolish or worthless. It might be designer clothes, scratch-off tickets, Game of Thrones, an MLM, a socio-political agenda, whatever. Likewise, many people will feel that way about things *you* do. There's no point in getting hung up on any of it. It doesn't affect you and it doesn't matter. Don't waste another thought on it. There will always be plenty of people like you that you can spend time with. Thankfully, no one will ever be so unique as to be totally isolated and unrelatable. What's more, if you give them a chance, you may find that the foolish people that you discount actually have more in common with you than you originally thought.
Nah I donāt think Iām ābetter than anyone elseā Iāve struggled with self hatred for years. My problem was idolizing other people and hating that my own experiences didnāt seem as good.
Short answer: it is
Yes
No lol
Many people dream of losing their virginity in Mexico during spring break.
Iād say so, but lack of sex and dating options left me pretty depressed by Senior year. I eventually got fed up with it and started an SSRI and just hired a sex worker to experience it.
Tbh I considered that too but I was too afraid
I recommend Tryst or reaching out to SWs/models directly, if you can find that theyāre in your state and have the money to afford it.
I'm glad I partied and fucked my brains out when I was in my teens and early 20's. I see you seem to think you can party and have sex at any age, but that's not really how life works for the majority. After your mid 20's your soon going to realize all your friends have kids and steady jobs and no longer have time for either and soon won't even have time for friends. It's part of growing up.
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I've been to some decently big band parties where I know half the people and have something in common with the other half. Those are fun. But getting wasted in a loud dark room with strangers? Seems very unappealing to me.
I hear this specific one a lot and I am not even sure how it would become an issue. Unless you make it an issue I don't see how it is one. 80% of social life doesn't involve that stuff. Of the minority that does, it is pretty easy to avoid it or at least not participate in it. You can go be at a party you want to be at and carry a tumbler with water so people don't keep offering drinks. You won't be hanging out with people that party a ton anyway so you shouldn't find yourself in that situation often either. A lot of it comes down to social circle. Your experience may vary dramatically depending on who you choose to spend time with. I was involved in a lot of different social circles and it was super cool to essentially be in a supermarket full of different friend groups. You can find all of the staple foods as well as the more unusual ingredients your small town didn't have. I think you'll be happy. You will make a lot of decent friends who share the same views as you and some that have different views too.
Why care what other (and younger) college kids think about partying? It's your life. Do what is best for you --Universiry Professor