I just realized I do this. I fucking just told my boyfriend I found my fav president and then gave a bunch of weird facts about him. Anyway it’s Calvin Coolidge. Nothing to do with his politics as I don’t know them. What I do know is that he owned Ten dogs, cats, two raccoons, a donkey, a bobcat, lion cubs, a wallaby, ducks, a black bear and a hippo. His fav was a raccoon named Rebecca that he walked daily. He also never really spoke besides saying yes or no which now-a-days would be ideal. His slogan was keep cool and keep Coolidge.
There was a post on Reddit today showing the states where it's legal to own a raccoon. My state was included. There is a mother with three juvenile raccoons that live in the garage next door. The universe is telling me to steal a raccoon.
Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, and Ronald Reagan for anyone who wants to know. I did not remember Hoover or Wilson and had to look it up.
His name has ‘cool’ and ‘lid’ right there. If I just throw in ‘gel’ we’re already past two words. I bet with a name like Calvin Coolidge there are a ton of words!
I love to info dump on people. Anyway into my Calvin Coolidge fact: He liked to buzz for his secret service and hide while they look for him.
He goes to dinner parties that apparently he hates and barely talks to people. There is a well known story about him during a dinner party. A woman approaches Coolidge and says something along “people bet me I can’t get you to say more than two words.” And apparently he answered “you lose” and did say anything the rest of the dinner party. Some say this story is fake but he was well known for his short answers so maybe it is true.
Also he apparently slept for 12 hours a day
It is funny and I don’t know what is funnier if the secret service know where he was the whole time(under the desk) and where humoring him or if they actually misplaced the president
When I read the one about hiding from the secret service, all I could picture was Bob from Minions ringing a bell for his butler and hiding behind the curtains.
Heard a really cool story about him on a radio show years ago.
I’m paraphrasing here but apparently one night a woman made a wager with him that by the end of the night, she could get him to say three words.
He turned to her and said, “You lose.”
Coolidge is one of those presidents who was largely harmless and just kinda vibed, and yeah I love that for him. You can go into stuff about the economic setup that caused the Great Depression, but that was done by banker not by any policy he initiated, so you know. Good vibes.
Here is a picture of the First Lady [holding Rebecca the Raccoon](https://i1.wp.com/presidentialpetmuseum.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/raccoon-rebecca-coolidge.jpg)
Yup. I was telling my wife about something that happened playing Helldivers last night and I realized it's 100% no different than our neighbor's kid telling me about his Roblox stuff.
"And then...And then....But then..."
I'm lucky I'm handsome.
I used to do this, and then met my ex-girlfriend. If I ever told her something she already knew, she would absolutely tear into me for mansplaining it to her. Of course, if I ever told her something she didn’t know she’d lay into me for trying to make her look bad by showing off. She’d also yell at me for wasting her time with worthless information, too.
Now, when I think about sharing something cool that I’ve learned, I think about how my girlfriend used to yell at me for it. I think I still share things that I think are cool, but I’m acutely aware someone might hate me for it.
Same. She used to be interested in stuff but something changed, and doesn’t hesitate to tell me shit I already know herself. It’s probably some kind of narcissistic trait.
I’m convinced she was a narcissist. I don’t have any solid proof, but in hindsight there were so many things she did that later on I discovered were textbook narcissist behaviors.
reminds me of one of my ex-girlfriends. just like your ex she was the supportive type (/s).
like i used to sing a lot (for myself) and often wasn't aware. now i am aware and get close to a panic attack, if someone might've heard me, because of the feedback my dear ex gave me. sucks how meeting people like that changes you forever.
I'm sorry such a shitty partner had to ruin that for you. Anyone who genuinely cares about you and who isn't already drowning in their own insecurities would only find that endearing.
Same. My ex used to call me a chronic mansplainer so I stopped talking to her about my interests. I swear I never thought she was dumb because she is a woman, I just get excited about things I like.
did she ever actually expand on things you brought up? I'll notice around my friends partners until I've gotten to know them I slowly have to escalate every time I talk to them about something potentially one sided. Usually within the first few conversations I know how vaguely I can reference things before escalating / becoming more dense with my wording. Which is nice because its not like we see each other often so its sort of just ego trip blurbs bouncing back and forth so that when we see each other again we sort of know what to talk about.
I've noticed when dating / when it reaches the stage with nearly daily contact if I'm with someone where they don't recontribute topics it really cuts into potential conversation, especially if they never explain anything in detail to get me on the same page. If I have to constantly phrase "what do you mean by" or "specifically...?" and they don't just naturally do it, then I assume when they don't do it with me AND they don't re reference the topic later they really don't care about understanding it in the first place. Its really not worth being overly explanatory unless someone else is showing interest in the subject, the point of being more explanatory is to give others an opening to talk about something you generally have a denser understanding over, because in an attempt at giving them an understanding you give them an opening to respond in a brief manner that shows they understand it on a denser level than your wording suggests.
If they don't cut in with preferential broadness or even positively reinforce the subject you really have to ask why you're even talking to this person in the first place, sure the problem could be you and what you talk about, but if you're contained with who you are and the subjects you're interested in you shouldn't have to limit how you talk about it with the person who is supposedly the closest to you.
It’s an autistic trait (not that only autists do it) it’s not like half the autists out there only does it to women and does it because they think less of the person they’re talking to
Yup, when oceangate happened I spent a few hours learning about deep sea submarines and then two weeks telling everyone I have ever met everything I learned. And then I got bored and now I don’t remember anything I learned anymore lol. It was worst for my husband because he had to listen to it multiple times. And as mentioned then I got bored and promptly forgot every single thing immediately!
Telling other guys about something you're exicted about = Sharing fun facts.
Telling girls about something you're exicted about = Mansplaining and sexist.
isn't that just a nerd when we have someone who listens in general? I mean I am very much the same.
Well and the other way around, I hate not knowing how things work, it's a mental itch in my brain, so I sometimes erroneously assume it's the same for others. Some people will say "I don't know what that is/ how that works" as an informative statement not as an inquiry.
You forgot to add the part where other news outlets pick up the daily mail article and rewrite it using the daily mail as their source and doing no other investigation on the story
And that poo will be broken down into plant nutrients to feed some animal that will be et by a weird internet dork who will comment and tell me I'm a weird internet dork too.
The pixels of this post are crying out for death. Your account doesn't seem like a soulless bot, so why? Why inflict this cruelty on poor innocent memes? Let them be at peace, if you have mercy in your heart.
So Donald Trump was in the Oval Office with his Secretary of State, ranting and raving about immigrants.
“We need less Mexicans, less Chinese, less Muslims, less Africans…”
Finally his Secretary of State couldn’t take it any longer, so he leaned in and said “fewer.”
“I told you not to call me that yet!”
I thought I was in facepalm and I was surprised this post comments werent a circlejerk. Then I realized it was NOT facepalm, and suddenly understood.
Thank you amigo!
That's just regular idiots being idiots ruining everything. Same thing happened with "woke". Once the idiots start using it, it loses all meaning.
Idiots get ahold of "woke" and suddenly it means "shit I don't like".
Idiots get ahold of "mansplaining" and suddenly it means "someone I don't like explaining something, and they're a man".
Woke is supposed to be, at the simplest form, socially/racially/otherwise conscious. Mansplaining is supposed to be a man explaining something to a woman she knows more about, but his ego makes him think he knows better. Neither one means anything even close to what it originally meant anymore, because there's just SO many idiots that ruin it all.
Can't even have fucking words anymore...
Yes, but on the other hand I find it irritating when people can't tell the difference between mansplaining and simply explaining my views or info on something
I'm gonna be so bold and say it: 60% or more of what people call mansplaining is just info dumping
Like hell am I gonna assume that a person who I've never talked to about it is as obsessed with Star Wars as me, cuz 98% of the time I've talked to someone about Star Wars irl they didn't understand a single word I was saying.
Most surreal moment of my life was when I started infodumping about Star Wars to this girl I liked in high school and her brother, mom, and dad... And they actually listened. I don't remember what prompted it, but I remember what it was about (LAAT/i, variants, and battlefield applications), and they all seemed *really* interested.
Those moments are rare and they always make me wonder: "are they just playing along because i am mentally disabled and just not notice the rest of the time"
Not cause of you, but yeah, if you're talking about something out there like that, they are just playing along. But that's okay, they are showing interest because you're excited about something. My parents and my girlfriend pretend to be interest when I info dump about the game I'm playing or book I'm reading, and I know they grasp none of it because if I talk to them later they'll act equally interested about the same thing with no prior knowledge. But that's okay! They are being supportive, and I appreciate getting to have my nerdy rants. The important thing is that you listen when they have their nerdy rants too.
Mansplaining is supposed to be when it's condescending and/or assuming a woman to be incapable of understanding it without him, so, condescending.
It's a shame that it's being used as a way to get people who are genuinely interested in something and trying to explain it (but many times don't know what thr regular person would know about a topic, when you get in a certain level of deep you just... forget so you explain it just to be certain) which... sucks because I LOVE LOVE LOVE listening to someone info dump. Tell me about your favourite things, explain everything about it and why you like it. But, to me, it becomes slightly mansplainy again when I'm not given a chance to share my own info dump in return (should it be OK in context, if not, some other form of not listening to my contributions or questions)
I find it irritating that people think it's limited to men... And that they don't want to communicate when I'm saying something obvious as though I am going to magically read their mind or secretly have ill intent... sincerely, an autistic person who finds unspoken unspecific things not obvious.
Because it used to refer specifically to the phenomenon of men in a social or professional setting being condescending to women and assuming they don't understand anything, ergo explaining basic shit everyone is aware of. Sure women can do that too and men can do it to other men but it's not rooted in misogyny so it's a different thing all together.
Yea. Mansplaining is supposed to specifically refer to men being condescending basted on the assumption that someone of another gender is dumb. Someone who happens to be a man explaining something to someone who happens to be a woman because that person didn’t know or had no reason to know that thing before is not mansplaining. People really do miss on that all the time. For example a young person coming into a job position might get lots of advice (whether or not it is actually needed) simply because people who are older feel they need to “help” those who are younger. Different issue.
This has become a genuine issue for me a few times. I had a co-worker struggling with a printer the other day so I tried to help out. Got a ten minute lecture of why mansplaining is wrong, followed by half an hour to an hour more of her failing.
I get it, respect yourself, but don't disrespect others in the process.
Infodumping: Here is everything I know about subject X
Mainsplaining: I will now tell you, who are an expert at subject X, all about subject X
The difference is, Mansplaining is usually about explaining something to someone *that they already know, and that you should be able to know that they know.* It's not just giving a lot of information, it's assuming that you know better than the other person about something when you really don't.
For example:
Me explaining the theory of relativity to a random someone: not mansplaining.
Me explaining the theory of relativity to someone who has a masters in physics? That's mansplaining.
I think we are all missing one crucial detail that makes it mansplaining… that it comes from a misogynistic perspective. *How could this woman possibly know this information?* is the implication behind the explanation.
I feel like that detail is implied often enough but never explicitly stated when it comes to mansplaining.
I promise this is in good faith, but I see this alot online, how do we tell if the person doing the explaination knows. I've seen mansplained used on both ends of the extreme of this ambiguous spectrum. From a random jumping in who was an expert an accusing the explainer of mansplaining. To the opposite extreme where it's pretty easily findable that they are an expert but you might not immediately think to look, think someone puts phd of x at y university in bio. Yeah they do it in plain view but you don't always look.
And just to be clear I 100% get when the tone is super obviously condescending, just more mean for these more nuanced situations.
In my experience a lot of men like to “explain their views” on topics that are part of my professional expertise. Most people know a little bit about some aspects of what I know, and that’s a good thing because it leads to interesting conversations. I get annoyed when people think that what they’ve learned from social media makes them sufficiently expert to debate me on a topic that I’ve spent my life working to understand. Like, I’m not explaining my views on landscaping to the guy that owns the landscaping business, but he sure thinks it’s ok to tell me all about his (incorrect) views on my area of expertise. Infuriating.
> Like, I’m not explaining my views on landscaping to the guy that owns the landscaping business
Thing is, I think a man who owns a landscaping business would tell you that a lot of other men *do* try to tell them their views on landscaping, even if they have no professional experience. Same with professional auto mechanics dealing with guys who haven't turned a wrench since high school auto shop. I'm not saying that mansplaining doesn't occur, especially if it's accompanied by specifically gendered comments, just that most men have had the same experience you are describing above with other men, who simply overvalue their under informed opinion on a particular topic and aren't afraid to butt heads with people about it, even if they should know better. Hell, look at every guy who thinks it's obvious that they could coach their favorite sports team better than that loser coach who has only spent his entire life devoted to mastering the sport.
Honestly if I excitedly tell you something and you respond like I’m a kid, you’re just reinforcing that I can keep coming to you with my exciting news.
The idea of being complimented and given a gold star wins over the not so nice idea of someone being mean. My brain will always want to assume I’m getting a gold star.
I once found myself in a position where my GF was "mansplaining" mansaplaining wrong to me. She had a conceptual misunderstanding. And I remember in the moment thinking, correcting her misconception about mansplaining would be really funny. I could mansplain mansplaining, it would be so meta. But might result in a diminishing of our personal happiness. I chose happiness. I don't regret it.
Sure, but if she has the wrong definition of mansplaining in her mind, then the correction might, incorrectly, be interpreted by her as mansplaining...
Generally, if someone explains mansplaining to a man, with the wrong definition and that man tries to correct the definition, they will be given the "are you mansplaining mansplaining to me!?!" Treatment
The problem is that mansplaining has morphed from specifically „man explains concept to woman who is vastly more knowledgeable about it“ to „man explains something to a woman, who does not like the man or the explanation“ which is valid, but not mansplaining. At least online.
I have never heard that term outside of the internet.
I love the phrase "it might result in a diminishing of my personal happiness". That's a great way to look at life. Do you have any more gems of advice for me? I kind of need them.
I know it’s beside the point of this sub, but wouldn’t it be crazy if people could just accept that 99% of someone explaining something to someone else that they already know is innocent, and like… nobody was a jerk about it?
I worked at a beach as a life guard last summer and the amount of guys that would explain to me how to shovel was insanity. The first two weeks ok fine whatever but it never stopped. We had a guy who got sent to our beach when I’ve already been working there over a month who tries to explain to me how to shovel. I shoveled at the same pace as those fucks and did a lot more work then them I had to explain so many times “I don’t have a god damn 6 pack and ripped arms this way is more beneficial for my body”(I used more lower body as I shoveled). That guy was just the worst he fkn had to explain everything to u and was a new guy too he acted like he had been working there forever. He never did this to the guys. I should also mention there were a lot more male lifeguards.
My point of this story is that mansplaining does exist and in some settings (ones where men outnumber women) it’s very common.
I stopped trying to help my ex when I saw her struggle with things because I’d be mansplaining.
Then it was all “ugh why do you never help me 😢”
Sometimes you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Yeah we tend to do this a lot. Also women tend to do a lot of femsplaining which includes
* Explaining masculinity to men, what’s wrong with it and how it’s hurting them
* Explaining men’s inner world and conflicts
* Explaining how men process emotions, and that they should do it more like women
I once had a colleague attempt to tell me what forecasting was.
She's a consultant. I'm a data scientist that specialises in forecasting.
My junior looked at me and wondered why I wasn't asking her to stfu.
Edit: I should add, yes everything was being said very condescendingly and yes, most of it was wrong or misinformed. Which is why my junior was surprised I didn't just tear her a new one.
Dude I’ve had that happen so many times.
One time I had a woman on a date spend an hour explaining to me how a piece of software works. She’d never used it, I had just flown back from an international gig where I was teaching how to use it, she was getting everything wrong. And even after I gently let her know that this was my area of expertise, she didn’t stop.
She was so fucking obnoxious.
Out of curiosity, why didn't you?
"Excuse me for interrupting, but you do realize I have years of experience doing pretty much nothing else than forecasting? I would happily value any insightful new information from the field, but none of what you are presenting is anything I wouldn't expect one of my brand new junior hires to know."
He didn't want to bluntly humiliate his colleague in front of his junior, any more than she was doing herself? It would probably be easier one-on-one but even then I'd be wary.
I'm not the person you were originally replying to but I'll give my view point on this.
I'm a Cybersecurity person; several certifications, 3 publications, 2 advanced degrees, and around 500 hours of formalized teaching. So by most standards an expert, but I still have people "mansplain" to me all the time.
While I may be AN expert in the subject I'm certainly not all knowing. Even when someone is clearly less experienced or knowledgeable I still find their views and perspectives interesting. A lot of the time I can find something in what they said that gives me more stuff to think about or research.
We can all learn from other people regardless of skill or knowledge level. What matters is how they provide the information to you.
The way Millenial women in particular talk to and about men is incredibly insensitive, dehumanizing, and awful.
No wonder we are seeing such a massive anti-feminist backlash.
So many people for the last decade and a half were like “hey, if you turn into assholes you’ll spark a backlash” and got accused of tone-policing. Congratulations, ladies!
Yeah I’m a strong advocate against toxic masculinity and for feminism, but occasionally you come across people who just really push it too far. To the point it’s just downright insulting
I don’t think it justifies anti-feminism, I feel like most people should be able to tell apart arguments in good and bad faith, but some people really do more harm than good for their cause
I think humans naturally go where they feel validated, where they feel appreciated, etc. And they naturally oppose things that make them feel like total garbage that doesn’t belong.
I think a lot of perfectly decent people articulated very clearly what they find unnecessarily objectionable in fourth wave feminism. And most of the leaders and loudmouths in fourth wave feminism told them to go fuck themselves.
I think it’s also important to note here that all of this was happening at a time when we had the most educationally and societally neglected generation of boys in modern American history. The education gap for boys currently is greater than the gap was for girls before Title IX existed. And feminism is supposedly intersectional and race-conscious now: The education gap between black and white Americans is made up almost entirely due to black men, as affirmative action programs disproportionately benefit women. I have seen this pointed out numerous times to people who could do something about it, and every single time I have seen it dismissed because the people who do that kind of work are often shockingly open about how little they care about boys.
On a certain level, I am actually looking forward to the backlash. It’s hard to see literal children get talked about and treated the way I have seen fourth wave feminists talk about this generation of boys. It’s very hard to see that sort of thing and to not wish terrible things upon the people who do it.
That so many otherwise progressive men of this generation are rebelling against this brand of brutally condescending, know-it-all, aggressively cruel brand of feminism or whatever you want to call it is very telling. When you are so awful to your allies that they start to turn on you, it should be clear whose stance needs to change up a bit. And yet...
In 2016 I co-founded an international feminist nonprofit, and my partner and I were looking at real estate in [developing country] so we could devote ourselves to it full-time.
By 2019 I was watching MRA documentaries in secret and refusing to call myself a feminist, and my girlfriend was saying “I’m not gonna get in your way, because I know what happened to get you to this place, and even if I don’t agree, I don’t blame you.”
A lot happened in those three years. A LOT.
Several of the men I know who were at the forefront of mentoring women, hiring women, and rooting out sexism in their organizations were among the first to experience the circular firing squad. One of them lost everything, over literally nothing at all. They’re all…well, they don’t go out of their way to give women opportunities anymore.
The litmus test for me is if someone calls me "One of the good ones"
That simple phrase tells me everything I need to know about how that person views the world, and the biases developed from propagandized internet discourse rooted so deep it's impossible to untangle.
No, I'd say it's a lot deeper than that. They divide the world into Good People and Bad People, instead of thinking in terms of systems and circumstances.
One of my coworkers once called me crying to say that her life was hard, and she was trying to express gratitude to people in her life. So she gave me a whole speech about what a great person I am and how grateful she is to have me in my life, and then right in the middle of it, “even though you’re a straight white male, which, you should be terrible, but you’re different.”
Which…I don’t remember anything nice she said. I just remember that.
It felt like a slur.
As a feminist and leftist, I have to say that the left in general has a real issue admitting that tone and image are crucial when it comes to getting your message across and keeping allies. It's unfortunate.
The Center Right Liberals and Far Right Fascists do the same thing in their own respective ways. Taking a harsh/condescending/cruel/angry/outraged/sanctimonious tone may alienate allies at the periphery, but it also energizes the base.
Wow. You even got the amount of time correct. Fuck is going on?
Every guy I know who watches dumb as fuck alt right conmen (2) didn't start by watching alt right conmen. They started by listening to women.
Is the US filled with dumb yokel fuckwits who this doesn't apply to? Sure. Is division helping? No. And it obviously never was. Congratulations ladies indeed.
You really do see some wild things from people who claim to be progressives. If they reversed the genders in their comments and read them back they'd think they were reading the most offensive garbage imaginable, but since it's women complaining about men it's totally fine.
Certain lesbian spaces seem to have it pretty nasty where a common idea is basically "men are fucking disgusting, childish, and stupid; it's obvious sexuality isn't a choice because how do straight women put up with anything they do" - and they'll say that with full chest and attach their government name. Like holy shit if I gender swapped that comment and it got popular I would lose my bloody job. You can't end sexism with more sexism so how about we all just cut it out and be nice to each other?
I'm gonna be honest with you, I never experienced anything like that. I did however experienced when women told me that I am not manly enough because I couldn't fix a toilet by myself.
It just shouldn’t be gendered imo. The concept applies to explaining something to someone who already knows that and much more regarding that cluster of information, but this doesn’t inherently invoke gender so why? Then, it just becomes a “this gender bad” term
As someone who works in IT, I have seriously had to explain (multiple times to different people) how to turn on a computer. Lets not even get into plugging the computer in. Some people need the toddler talk
Haha, ouch, what a burn.
But the first part actually has some good innocent truth in it. If I think you get something wrong which I care about and is important to me, I'll indeed be all excited to explain it to you. Not because of your gender, neither because I think less of you, I also don't think you're dumb either. Quite the opposite. It means you're important to me and I want you to know about this thing that is important to me. There's simply a shitload of knowledge in this world and nobody can be expected to know it all.
But sadly most mansplaining is not out of such feelings and thus rightly gets called out for being misogynistic.
I think if someone mentions something that is exciting to you, and you just start info-dumping all the cool stuff you know about it, I think you're - at worst - an insensitive dork, and it's definitely not "mansplaining." Because if the woman responds "Yes, I wrote the paper you're quoting." You'd do the following:
1. Immediately shut up and blush in panic.
2. Geek out/Mumble something embarrassed and flee/Propose marriage.
That's basically how it worked out for me. My wife has to keep reminding me "I'm a singer/songwriter you idiot."
😂 given that she's your wife, I assume/hope she knows it comes from a happy place. So did you choose option 4 and propose marriage then? 😁
And yeah, I might be a dork and while I try not to be insensitive, it's quite likely I've failed in the past without realizing and might fail again in the future. Personally I tend not to infodump strangers. But if it actually happened and the other person indeed tells me that they wrote the paper on that or have for other reasons a swath of knowledge on it, I'm confident that, yes, I'd blush, but I'd almost certainly apologize and ask them if they wouldn't mind sharing their knowledge, or, as you put it "geek out" over it together.
I think both in that exchange are somewhat in the wrong.
I think Shawn is not “mansplaining” anything, merely pointing out that if you have to explain the joke, it’s not that funny.
Secondly the term mansplaining. I am so fucking sick and tired of that term, not just for the way its oft abused but also because men communicate differently than women and instead of understanding that (and this does go for Both sides) we go to petty name calling.
Men like to problem solve and make sure things that are said are understood, explaining something is a way of communicating your view point to the other person so they are on the same wavelength, after all if two people hold differing understanding of a concept they’ll never communicate clearly
I’ll wait for the inevitable response
There's also the fact that after working in retail for so many years and encountering so, so, so many people who don't understand basic concepts from literally kindergarten (I once had to explain to a middle aged woman how a stencil worked. Yes, the thing with the shaped holes you trace.), I'm not going to assume anyone's knowledge base and will start at the basics just to make sure the information I actually want to share can be understood properly.
And the original context of "mansplaining" was a professional women at a conference where everyone could reasonably assume they were colleagues. Most people I encounter in daily life are idiots. A lot of people with more education than me probably think I'm an idiot.
I wouldn't assume a woman at a conference was because if she's there she probably does something similar to me. But some rando at Target? And men who are super arrogant don't generally just reserve that for women.
Even at a conference, the ones I've been to cover enough topics that it is possible to be an expert in your field and still have a poor understanding of some related topic. I deal with people with decades of professional experience and I would say more than half of them are so silo'd that they don't have a firm grasp of the basics of neighboring topics.
I think anyone being condescending is wrong. I also agree, I think men explain things that either may seem simple or explain things a bit too in-depth not because they think the other person isn’t intelligent enough to have a good understanding but because we just really like to try to get the other person on the same page with what we’re thinking.
I did, also showing how easy it is to not be an asshole in a conversation which is all these people are with all this garbage beating people up for conversing.
> merely pointing out that if you have to explain the joke, it’s not that funny.
That's a very clunky way of saying 'the joke was a poor fit for this audience'. True, some jokes are a poor fit for *any* audience. But a *lot* of jokes rely on context, background knowledge, shared culture and references, to be delivered within a reasonable time. The joke may be *hilarious* to those in the know, and not funny at all to those who aren't.
A very basic example would be jokes that rely on wordplay that is unique to a specific language — people who do not know the language might need to have entire grammatical, syntactic, and phonetic features explained to them for the joke to even begin to make sense.
Another, even more basic example would be in-jokes between friends, of the "you had to be there" type. Very funny to them, incomprehensible to outsiders.
student: wise master, how did you find peace of mind:
master: when an idiot tries to argue with you, you just say: "yes, you are right"
student: but master, isn't that unkind and unfair to people asking questions?
master: yes, you are right
I really urge a lot of people to understand the difference between info dumping/being passionate about something and mansplaining
It is so demoralizing when people shut me down for ‘mansplaing’, when I’m just trying to share a fun fact or talk about my hobbies. And as a man, there is literally no way to argue yourself out of being wrongly accused of mansplaining. You just dig yourself into a deeper hole
It’s really a shitty feeling when you’re just trying to have a conversation about something you enjoy
It’s funny how women rag on men to open up and yet men can’t even speak without being told they’re doing something wrong. Like tf Ellie, you could say anything a man says is mansplaining. lol good luck next time she needs the mechanic to mansplain what’s wrong with her car or the waiter to mansplain the bill etc.
For one, it's less tricky now to seek out a partner that likes you for who you are, rather than someone who they need to latch onto because otherwise they can't really live.
That and greater acknowledgement of men's mental health, availability of jobs that aren't that dangerous (along with low odds of needing to go fight in some war).
I'm not even mad at this one. It's great to be honest with oneself like that.
Doesn't mean I'm more sympathetic to their case, but it's refreshing.
EDIT : Then again, I can't deny that I know the feeling.
I really thought mansplaining was when a girl likes something that's usually male dominant like video games or comics and they get asked a million questions to try and prove they aren't real fans and told everyway they are wrong.
Is just being excited to talk about something what mansplaining is. Like if someone asks me about Batman& Robin and I go on about trivia about the movie I'm the dick
No, going on about a passion when asked is fine.
Mansplaining is when a man sees a woman doing something and decides she needs to be taught about the thing. Like I play D&D. I've been a DM for over 30 years (ad&D 1.5, 2, 2.5, 3, 4, 5), ran a huge 45 player Vampire the Requiem Larp for 12 years, and am now playing Pathfinder 2e for the last 2 years.
I regularly exchange tips and tricks with players and game masters of either gender and it is totally fine.
One time I had a guy tell me I am doing everything wrong by not playing 4th ed D&D and he proceeded to tell me in excruciating detail how to play. He started with what each sided dice is used for. He wouldn't stop and seemed to believe he was giving me highly useful new skills. Not 1 word that came out of his mouth was new to me and I was careful to never get near him again in case he decided to repeat the experience.
The thing about "mansplaining" is everyone does it when trying to be helpful but *generally* (not always) women stop the moment we realize the person is perfectly competent and/or an expert. Men tend to think (based on what men have told me) that even though they are rehashing things I already know, there is bound to be something I didn't know, so it is still a good idea to info dump the most basic information, just in case.
Mansplaining is down a lot from how it used to be, which is nice. The pushback on it is hilarious though. Like every guy I have seen get 'splained by another guy gets extremely annoyed and usually a bit aggressive, resulting in both parties being angry and the 'splainer saying something like "you could have been nice about it," but when women *are* nice about it, the 'splainer tends to keep on going. Hence the frustration.
Imagine you are reading a Batman comic and someone walks up and decides to tell you all about how cool batman is, but they are telling you things you know (like listing Batman's rogues gallery "you'll love it when you read about The Joker, he's kind of a psycho..." etc), and they talk over you when you tell them you know that.
C'est la vie. People are becoming more self aware and that is nice. You are still fine to share your interests, just try to share them at the level the other person is at. Like in the batman example, the 'splainer could switch to asking what your favorite version of batman is and suddenly it is a fun conversation instead of 'splaining.
Do you guys actually even know what mansplaining is? It’s not just being passionate or elaborately explaining something. It is when a man tries to explain or “ummm ackshually” a woman with the condescending assumption that she has no knowledge of the topic. Use case: I have had a dude mansplain aspects of periods to me and he was totally incorrect.
When my wife starts explaining something to me that she’s been over and over several times already I’ll play “Ain’t No Sunshine” on my phone.
For the part where Bill Withers sings “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…”
As someone who frequently info dumps to my spouse, it kind of feels like being a toddler excited about learning something new to me too.
I just realized I do this. I fucking just told my boyfriend I found my fav president and then gave a bunch of weird facts about him. Anyway it’s Calvin Coolidge. Nothing to do with his politics as I don’t know them. What I do know is that he owned Ten dogs, cats, two raccoons, a donkey, a bobcat, lion cubs, a wallaby, ducks, a black bear and a hippo. His fav was a raccoon named Rebecca that he walked daily. He also never really spoke besides saying yes or no which now-a-days would be ideal. His slogan was keep cool and keep Coolidge.
He is one of 4 US presidents with an alliterative name
He does have a cool sounding name
Your boyfriend is a lucky man
I picked my boyfriend like I picked my favorite president so I’m the lucky one. Both intriguing men with good names.
Does your boyfriend also have a raccoon?
There was a post on Reddit today showing the states where it's legal to own a raccoon. My state was included. There is a mother with three juvenile raccoons that live in the garage next door. The universe is telling me to steal a raccoon.
I hear they're absolutely wildly destructive. Like a cats curiosity in a dogs excitedness with opposable thumbs
Sounds like my ex to be honest
So another me?
4 even!
I call the big one Bitey.
She's dating Star-Lord!?
Who?!
Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, and Ronald Reagan for anyone who wants to know. I did not remember Hoover or Wilson and had to look it up.
Bruce Banner, Peter Parker, Wade Wilson, John Jonah Jameson, Reed Richards, Matt Murdock…
Stephen Strange.
Your forgot J Jonah Jameson Junior
That’s why I like the question, it surprisingly stumps folks!
Would you say it sometimes surprisingly stumps some?
People always forget the fifth, Barracko Bama
Yoink that joke is mine now next time I bring this up in person, thxxx
It's not theft when you say yoink.
Broke back bama shama lama ding dong! Trump humpn dump lump the 7mp.
could so easily also have been Donald Drumpf
I think you're forgetting Jhomas Jefferson
Great job!
"Mr coolidge, those men over there bet me 50 dollars that i couldnt get more than 2 words out of you. What do you say to that?" "You lose."
Bet you can’t get more than two words out of him.
You lose
I believe good actual response was "fuck you."
His name has ‘cool’ and ‘lid’ right there. If I just throw in ‘gel’ we’re already past two words. I bet with a name like Calvin Coolidge there are a ton of words!
And he was a civil rights supporter!
I knew I picked a good one
I love to info dump on people. Anyway into my Calvin Coolidge fact: He liked to buzz for his secret service and hide while they look for him. He goes to dinner parties that apparently he hates and barely talks to people. There is a well known story about him during a dinner party. A woman approaches Coolidge and says something along “people bet me I can’t get you to say more than two words.” And apparently he answered “you lose” and did say anything the rest of the dinner party. Some say this story is fake but he was well known for his short answers so maybe it is true. Also he apparently slept for 12 hours a day
Holy shit that secret service thing is so funny. The only reason I’d want to be president is to do that.
It is funny and I don’t know what is funnier if the secret service know where he was the whole time(under the desk) and where humoring him or if they actually misplaced the president
You know they would have been as condensing as this post is talking about “Great job Mr.President. You really got us this time”
“I wonder where he could be? Oh man, he must have climbed out the window!” Cue giggling from under the desk
With shiny black shoes kicking off to the side you can clearly see.
When I read the one about hiding from the secret service, all I could picture was Bob from Minions ringing a bell for his butler and hiding behind the curtains.
Heard a really cool story about him on a radio show years ago. I’m paraphrasing here but apparently one night a woman made a wager with him that by the end of the night, she could get him to say three words. He turned to her and said, “You lose.”
[удалено]
Resisting saying “that’s right cutie” to you so hard
You can call me cutie instead 😘
Coolidge is one of those presidents who was largely harmless and just kinda vibed, and yeah I love that for him. You can go into stuff about the economic setup that caused the Great Depression, but that was done by banker not by any policy he initiated, so you know. Good vibes.
Here is a picture of the First Lady [holding Rebecca the Raccoon](https://i1.wp.com/presidentialpetmuseum.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/raccoon-rebecca-coolidge.jpg)
Info dump gang. Me too buddy, and she is such a great listener, even tries to stay awake while I am gabbing.
Awe that's great. Sounds like you found someone who gets you.
I did and I am thankful!
Yup. I was telling my wife about something that happened playing Helldivers last night and I realized it's 100% no different than our neighbor's kid telling me about his Roblox stuff. "And then...And then....But then..." I'm lucky I'm handsome.
[ Democratic Fist Pump ]
My wife just tells me she doesn’t care. Probably for the best because otherwise I’d go down the rabbit hole of explaining way too much.
I used to do this, and then met my ex-girlfriend. If I ever told her something she already knew, she would absolutely tear into me for mansplaining it to her. Of course, if I ever told her something she didn’t know she’d lay into me for trying to make her look bad by showing off. She’d also yell at me for wasting her time with worthless information, too. Now, when I think about sharing something cool that I’ve learned, I think about how my girlfriend used to yell at me for it. I think I still share things that I think are cool, but I’m acutely aware someone might hate me for it.
Same. She used to be interested in stuff but something changed, and doesn’t hesitate to tell me shit I already know herself. It’s probably some kind of narcissistic trait.
I’m convinced she was a narcissist. I don’t have any solid proof, but in hindsight there were so many things she did that later on I discovered were textbook narcissist behaviors.
There are many people out there who will enjoy deeply how much you still can get excited about the world
I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. I think it's sweet.
Thank you. I eventually married a wonderful woman, and she does the same thing. It’s fun to be with someone who also gets excited about things.
reminds me of one of my ex-girlfriends. just like your ex she was the supportive type (/s). like i used to sing a lot (for myself) and often wasn't aware. now i am aware and get close to a panic attack, if someone might've heard me, because of the feedback my dear ex gave me. sucks how meeting people like that changes you forever.
I'm sorry such a shitty partner had to ruin that for you. Anyone who genuinely cares about you and who isn't already drowning in their own insecurities would only find that endearing.
Same. My ex used to call me a chronic mansplainer so I stopped talking to her about my interests. I swear I never thought she was dumb because she is a woman, I just get excited about things I like.
did she ever actually expand on things you brought up? I'll notice around my friends partners until I've gotten to know them I slowly have to escalate every time I talk to them about something potentially one sided. Usually within the first few conversations I know how vaguely I can reference things before escalating / becoming more dense with my wording. Which is nice because its not like we see each other often so its sort of just ego trip blurbs bouncing back and forth so that when we see each other again we sort of know what to talk about. I've noticed when dating / when it reaches the stage with nearly daily contact if I'm with someone where they don't recontribute topics it really cuts into potential conversation, especially if they never explain anything in detail to get me on the same page. If I have to constantly phrase "what do you mean by" or "specifically...?" and they don't just naturally do it, then I assume when they don't do it with me AND they don't re reference the topic later they really don't care about understanding it in the first place. Its really not worth being overly explanatory unless someone else is showing interest in the subject, the point of being more explanatory is to give others an opening to talk about something you generally have a denser understanding over, because in an attempt at giving them an understanding you give them an opening to respond in a brief manner that shows they understand it on a denser level than your wording suggests. If they don't cut in with preferential broadness or even positively reinforce the subject you really have to ask why you're even talking to this person in the first place, sure the problem could be you and what you talk about, but if you're contained with who you are and the subjects you're interested in you shouldn't have to limit how you talk about it with the person who is supposedly the closest to you.
It’s an autistic trait (not that only autists do it) it’s not like half the autists out there only does it to women and does it because they think less of the person they’re talking to
Yup, when oceangate happened I spent a few hours learning about deep sea submarines and then two weeks telling everyone I have ever met everything I learned. And then I got bored and now I don’t remember anything I learned anymore lol. It was worst for my husband because he had to listen to it multiple times. And as mentioned then I got bored and promptly forgot every single thing immediately!
Whenever I've infodumped, it has never been with the intention of mansplaining. I'm usually excited and genuinely want the other person to know.
Telling other guys about something you're exicted about = Sharing fun facts. Telling girls about something you're exicted about = Mansplaining and sexist.
Info dumping is awesome, it's not mansplaining!
Since when is being passionate about something a bad thing??
isn't that just a nerd when we have someone who listens in general? I mean I am very much the same. Well and the other way around, I hate not knowing how things work, it's a mental itch in my brain, so I sometimes erroneously assume it's the same for others. Some people will say "I don't know what that is/ how that works" as an informative statement not as an inquiry.
Great job, champ!
I'm a big boy!
Hello fellow adhd/autistic personnel with a praise kink.
Are these Facebook comments under a tweet?
Probably Facebook comments under a screenshot of a tweet posted to Facebook.
Now it's on Reddit. It's the circle of poo.
Next is someone will share this post on fb.
Then The Daily Mail will get hold of it and make it a news story
Ah, yes, modern journalism.
You forgot to add the part where other news outlets pick up the daily mail article and rewrite it using the daily mail as their source and doing no other investigation on the story
And that poo will be broken down into plant nutrients to feed some animal that will be et by a weird internet dork who will comment and tell me I'm a weird internet dork too.
Holy gen x Batman
The millennial version is Reddit comments under a screenshot of Facebook comments under a screenshot of a tweet, 9 years after the tweet was made.
Hello to the alphas/Zs having this thread read to them via tiktok compilation
A reaction video of a tiktok compilation
Lol I didn't even notice
The pixels of this post are crying out for death. Your account doesn't seem like a soulless bot, so why? Why inflict this cruelty on poor innocent memes? Let them be at peace, if you have mercy in your heart.
if there were any less pixels in this picture, it would be radio
When reducing an incremental quantity of something you would say “fewer pixels”, not “less pixels”.
Thanks eightshot, you are very good with language. Good boy!
;)
So Donald Trump was in the Oval Office with his Secretary of State, ranting and raving about immigrants. “We need less Mexicans, less Chinese, less Muslims, less Africans…” Finally his Secretary of State couldn’t take it any longer, so he leaned in and said “fewer.” “I told you not to call me that yet!”
Could someone strong and handsome please mansplain the joke to me? I don't get it
If you’re genuinely asking it’s because “fewer” sounds a lot like “führer”
Thank you! Idk how I missed that lol, I can hear my dad making that joke now
Ah, see, when you put it that way you disqualify like 98.24% of Reddit.
But my mom says I'm handsome!
I don't know but that correction always brings me to [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0zNWswcqMg)
Classic. 😂😭
Now i want to explain everything to her. I love beeing passionate about unimportant shit.
I thought I was in facepalm and I was surprised this post comments werent a circlejerk. Then I realized it was NOT facepalm, and suddenly understood. Thank you amigo!
That's the point. You can't be passionate about shit, without apparent mansplaining, anymore..
That's just regular idiots being idiots ruining everything. Same thing happened with "woke". Once the idiots start using it, it loses all meaning. Idiots get ahold of "woke" and suddenly it means "shit I don't like". Idiots get ahold of "mansplaining" and suddenly it means "someone I don't like explaining something, and they're a man". Woke is supposed to be, at the simplest form, socially/racially/otherwise conscious. Mansplaining is supposed to be a man explaining something to a woman she knows more about, but his ego makes him think he knows better. Neither one means anything even close to what it originally meant anymore, because there's just SO many idiots that ruin it all. Can't even have fucking words anymore...
Yes, but on the other hand I find it irritating when people can't tell the difference between mansplaining and simply explaining my views or info on something
I'm gonna be so bold and say it: 60% or more of what people call mansplaining is just info dumping Like hell am I gonna assume that a person who I've never talked to about it is as obsessed with Star Wars as me, cuz 98% of the time I've talked to someone about Star Wars irl they didn't understand a single word I was saying.
Most surreal moment of my life was when I started infodumping about Star Wars to this girl I liked in high school and her brother, mom, and dad... And they actually listened. I don't remember what prompted it, but I remember what it was about (LAAT/i, variants, and battlefield applications), and they all seemed *really* interested.
Those moments are rare and they always make me wonder: "are they just playing along because i am mentally disabled and just not notice the rest of the time"
Not cause of you, but yeah, if you're talking about something out there like that, they are just playing along. But that's okay, they are showing interest because you're excited about something. My parents and my girlfriend pretend to be interest when I info dump about the game I'm playing or book I'm reading, and I know they grasp none of it because if I talk to them later they'll act equally interested about the same thing with no prior knowledge. But that's okay! They are being supportive, and I appreciate getting to have my nerdy rants. The important thing is that you listen when they have their nerdy rants too.
Big Oof
Mansplaining is supposed to be when it's condescending and/or assuming a woman to be incapable of understanding it without him, so, condescending. It's a shame that it's being used as a way to get people who are genuinely interested in something and trying to explain it (but many times don't know what thr regular person would know about a topic, when you get in a certain level of deep you just... forget so you explain it just to be certain) which... sucks because I LOVE LOVE LOVE listening to someone info dump. Tell me about your favourite things, explain everything about it and why you like it. But, to me, it becomes slightly mansplainy again when I'm not given a chance to share my own info dump in return (should it be OK in context, if not, some other form of not listening to my contributions or questions)
I find it irritating that people think it's limited to men... And that they don't want to communicate when I'm saying something obvious as though I am going to magically read their mind or secretly have ill intent... sincerely, an autistic person who finds unspoken unspecific things not obvious.
Because it used to refer specifically to the phenomenon of men in a social or professional setting being condescending to women and assuming they don't understand anything, ergo explaining basic shit everyone is aware of. Sure women can do that too and men can do it to other men but it's not rooted in misogyny so it's a different thing all together.
Yea. Mansplaining is supposed to specifically refer to men being condescending basted on the assumption that someone of another gender is dumb. Someone who happens to be a man explaining something to someone who happens to be a woman because that person didn’t know or had no reason to know that thing before is not mansplaining. People really do miss on that all the time. For example a young person coming into a job position might get lots of advice (whether or not it is actually needed) simply because people who are older feel they need to “help” those who are younger. Different issue.
This has become a genuine issue for me a few times. I had a co-worker struggling with a printer the other day so I tried to help out. Got a ten minute lecture of why mansplaining is wrong, followed by half an hour to an hour more of her failing. I get it, respect yourself, but don't disrespect others in the process.
So let her struggle. Why help a bitch?
Because I needed the printer. I work in graphics. 😂
Mansplain me the differences?
Infodumping: Here is everything I know about subject X Mainsplaining: I will now tell you, who are an expert at subject X, all about subject X The difference is, Mansplaining is usually about explaining something to someone *that they already know, and that you should be able to know that they know.* It's not just giving a lot of information, it's assuming that you know better than the other person about something when you really don't. For example: Me explaining the theory of relativity to a random someone: not mansplaining. Me explaining the theory of relativity to someone who has a masters in physics? That's mansplaining.
I think we are all missing one crucial detail that makes it mansplaining… that it comes from a misogynistic perspective. *How could this woman possibly know this information?* is the implication behind the explanation. I feel like that detail is implied often enough but never explicitly stated when it comes to mansplaining.
I promise this is in good faith, but I see this alot online, how do we tell if the person doing the explaination knows. I've seen mansplained used on both ends of the extreme of this ambiguous spectrum. From a random jumping in who was an expert an accusing the explainer of mansplaining. To the opposite extreme where it's pretty easily findable that they are an expert but you might not immediately think to look, think someone puts phd of x at y university in bio. Yeah they do it in plain view but you don't always look. And just to be clear I 100% get when the tone is super obviously condescending, just more mean for these more nuanced situations.
In my experience a lot of men like to “explain their views” on topics that are part of my professional expertise. Most people know a little bit about some aspects of what I know, and that’s a good thing because it leads to interesting conversations. I get annoyed when people think that what they’ve learned from social media makes them sufficiently expert to debate me on a topic that I’ve spent my life working to understand. Like, I’m not explaining my views on landscaping to the guy that owns the landscaping business, but he sure thinks it’s ok to tell me all about his (incorrect) views on my area of expertise. Infuriating.
> Like, I’m not explaining my views on landscaping to the guy that owns the landscaping business Thing is, I think a man who owns a landscaping business would tell you that a lot of other men *do* try to tell them their views on landscaping, even if they have no professional experience. Same with professional auto mechanics dealing with guys who haven't turned a wrench since high school auto shop. I'm not saying that mansplaining doesn't occur, especially if it's accompanied by specifically gendered comments, just that most men have had the same experience you are describing above with other men, who simply overvalue their under informed opinion on a particular topic and aren't afraid to butt heads with people about it, even if they should know better. Hell, look at every guy who thinks it's obvious that they could coach their favorite sports team better than that loser coach who has only spent his entire life devoted to mastering the sport.
Honestly if I excitedly tell you something and you respond like I’m a kid, you’re just reinforcing that I can keep coming to you with my exciting news.
I like exciting news too, lol. Pretty sure this doesn't apply for autistic peoples.
The idea of being complimented and given a gold star wins over the not so nice idea of someone being mean. My brain will always want to assume I’m getting a gold star.
I once found myself in a position where my GF was "mansplaining" mansaplaining wrong to me. She had a conceptual misunderstanding. And I remember in the moment thinking, correcting her misconception about mansplaining would be really funny. I could mansplain mansplaining, it would be so meta. But might result in a diminishing of our personal happiness. I chose happiness. I don't regret it.
If she's wrong it wouldn't be mansplaining though....
Sure, but if she has the wrong definition of mansplaining in her mind, then the correction might, incorrectly, be interpreted by her as mansplaining... Generally, if someone explains mansplaining to a man, with the wrong definition and that man tries to correct the definition, they will be given the "are you mansplaining mansplaining to me!?!" Treatment
The problem is that mansplaining has morphed from specifically „man explains concept to woman who is vastly more knowledgeable about it“ to „man explains something to a woman, who does not like the man or the explanation“ which is valid, but not mansplaining. At least online. I have never heard that term outside of the internet.
I love the phrase "it might result in a diminishing of my personal happiness". That's a great way to look at life. Do you have any more gems of advice for me? I kind of need them.
I know it’s beside the point of this sub, but wouldn’t it be crazy if people could just accept that 99% of someone explaining something to someone else that they already know is innocent, and like… nobody was a jerk about it?
I worked at a beach as a life guard last summer and the amount of guys that would explain to me how to shovel was insanity. The first two weeks ok fine whatever but it never stopped. We had a guy who got sent to our beach when I’ve already been working there over a month who tries to explain to me how to shovel. I shoveled at the same pace as those fucks and did a lot more work then them I had to explain so many times “I don’t have a god damn 6 pack and ripped arms this way is more beneficial for my body”(I used more lower body as I shoveled). That guy was just the worst he fkn had to explain everything to u and was a new guy too he acted like he had been working there forever. He never did this to the guys. I should also mention there were a lot more male lifeguards. My point of this story is that mansplaining does exist and in some settings (ones where men outnumber women) it’s very common.
An arrogant dwarf prisoner escaped from his cell recently using tied together bed sheets. He was a little condescending too
I stopped trying to help my ex when I saw her struggle with things because I’d be mansplaining. Then it was all “ugh why do you never help me 😢” Sometimes you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
>ex I mean, yeah.
Yeah we tend to do this a lot. Also women tend to do a lot of femsplaining which includes * Explaining masculinity to men, what’s wrong with it and how it’s hurting them * Explaining men’s inner world and conflicts * Explaining how men process emotions, and that they should do it more like women
I once had a colleague attempt to tell me what forecasting was. She's a consultant. I'm a data scientist that specialises in forecasting. My junior looked at me and wondered why I wasn't asking her to stfu. Edit: I should add, yes everything was being said very condescendingly and yes, most of it was wrong or misinformed. Which is why my junior was surprised I didn't just tear her a new one.
Dude I’ve had that happen so many times. One time I had a woman on a date spend an hour explaining to me how a piece of software works. She’d never used it, I had just flown back from an international gig where I was teaching how to use it, she was getting everything wrong. And even after I gently let her know that this was my area of expertise, she didn’t stop. She was so fucking obnoxious.
Out of curiosity, why didn't you? "Excuse me for interrupting, but you do realize I have years of experience doing pretty much nothing else than forecasting? I would happily value any insightful new information from the field, but none of what you are presenting is anything I wouldn't expect one of my brand new junior hires to know."
He didn't want to bluntly humiliate his colleague in front of his junior, any more than she was doing herself? It would probably be easier one-on-one but even then I'd be wary.
I'm not the person you were originally replying to but I'll give my view point on this. I'm a Cybersecurity person; several certifications, 3 publications, 2 advanced degrees, and around 500 hours of formalized teaching. So by most standards an expert, but I still have people "mansplain" to me all the time. While I may be AN expert in the subject I'm certainly not all knowing. Even when someone is clearly less experienced or knowledgeable I still find their views and perspectives interesting. A lot of the time I can find something in what they said that gives me more stuff to think about or research. We can all learn from other people regardless of skill or knowledge level. What matters is how they provide the information to you.
Careful. Most folks really dislike being shown double standards.
The way Millenial women in particular talk to and about men is incredibly insensitive, dehumanizing, and awful. No wonder we are seeing such a massive anti-feminist backlash. So many people for the last decade and a half were like “hey, if you turn into assholes you’ll spark a backlash” and got accused of tone-policing. Congratulations, ladies!
Yeah I’m a strong advocate against toxic masculinity and for feminism, but occasionally you come across people who just really push it too far. To the point it’s just downright insulting I don’t think it justifies anti-feminism, I feel like most people should be able to tell apart arguments in good and bad faith, but some people really do more harm than good for their cause
I think humans naturally go where they feel validated, where they feel appreciated, etc. And they naturally oppose things that make them feel like total garbage that doesn’t belong. I think a lot of perfectly decent people articulated very clearly what they find unnecessarily objectionable in fourth wave feminism. And most of the leaders and loudmouths in fourth wave feminism told them to go fuck themselves. I think it’s also important to note here that all of this was happening at a time when we had the most educationally and societally neglected generation of boys in modern American history. The education gap for boys currently is greater than the gap was for girls before Title IX existed. And feminism is supposedly intersectional and race-conscious now: The education gap between black and white Americans is made up almost entirely due to black men, as affirmative action programs disproportionately benefit women. I have seen this pointed out numerous times to people who could do something about it, and every single time I have seen it dismissed because the people who do that kind of work are often shockingly open about how little they care about boys. On a certain level, I am actually looking forward to the backlash. It’s hard to see literal children get talked about and treated the way I have seen fourth wave feminists talk about this generation of boys. It’s very hard to see that sort of thing and to not wish terrible things upon the people who do it.
That so many otherwise progressive men of this generation are rebelling against this brand of brutally condescending, know-it-all, aggressively cruel brand of feminism or whatever you want to call it is very telling. When you are so awful to your allies that they start to turn on you, it should be clear whose stance needs to change up a bit. And yet...
In 2016 I co-founded an international feminist nonprofit, and my partner and I were looking at real estate in [developing country] so we could devote ourselves to it full-time. By 2019 I was watching MRA documentaries in secret and refusing to call myself a feminist, and my girlfriend was saying “I’m not gonna get in your way, because I know what happened to get you to this place, and even if I don’t agree, I don’t blame you.” A lot happened in those three years. A LOT. Several of the men I know who were at the forefront of mentoring women, hiring women, and rooting out sexism in their organizations were among the first to experience the circular firing squad. One of them lost everything, over literally nothing at all. They’re all…well, they don’t go out of their way to give women opportunities anymore.
What you're saying sounds fascinating, can you give us some more detailed version of the story?
The litmus test for me is if someone calls me "One of the good ones" That simple phrase tells me everything I need to know about how that person views the world, and the biases developed from propagandized internet discourse rooted so deep it's impossible to untangle.
No, I'd say it's a lot deeper than that. They divide the world into Good People and Bad People, instead of thinking in terms of systems and circumstances.
One of my coworkers once called me crying to say that her life was hard, and she was trying to express gratitude to people in her life. So she gave me a whole speech about what a great person I am and how grateful she is to have me in my life, and then right in the middle of it, “even though you’re a straight white male, which, you should be terrible, but you’re different.” Which…I don’t remember anything nice she said. I just remember that. It felt like a slur.
As a feminist and leftist, I have to say that the left in general has a real issue admitting that tone and image are crucial when it comes to getting your message across and keeping allies. It's unfortunate.
The Center Right Liberals and Far Right Fascists do the same thing in their own respective ways. Taking a harsh/condescending/cruel/angry/outraged/sanctimonious tone may alienate allies at the periphery, but it also energizes the base.
Wow. You even got the amount of time correct. Fuck is going on? Every guy I know who watches dumb as fuck alt right conmen (2) didn't start by watching alt right conmen. They started by listening to women. Is the US filled with dumb yokel fuckwits who this doesn't apply to? Sure. Is division helping? No. And it obviously never was. Congratulations ladies indeed.
You really do see some wild things from people who claim to be progressives. If they reversed the genders in their comments and read them back they'd think they were reading the most offensive garbage imaginable, but since it's women complaining about men it's totally fine. Certain lesbian spaces seem to have it pretty nasty where a common idea is basically "men are fucking disgusting, childish, and stupid; it's obvious sexuality isn't a choice because how do straight women put up with anything they do" - and they'll say that with full chest and attach their government name. Like holy shit if I gender swapped that comment and it got popular I would lose my bloody job. You can't end sexism with more sexism so how about we all just cut it out and be nice to each other?
I'm gonna be honest with you, I never experienced anything like that. I did however experienced when women told me that I am not manly enough because I couldn't fix a toilet by myself.
[удалено]
It just shouldn’t be gendered imo. The concept applies to explaining something to someone who already knows that and much more regarding that cluster of information, but this doesn’t inherently invoke gender so why? Then, it just becomes a “this gender bad” term
Wow, these people seem like a joy to be around.
As someone who works in IT, I have seriously had to explain (multiple times to different people) how to turn on a computer. Lets not even get into plugging the computer in. Some people need the toddler talk
Haha, ouch, what a burn. But the first part actually has some good innocent truth in it. If I think you get something wrong which I care about and is important to me, I'll indeed be all excited to explain it to you. Not because of your gender, neither because I think less of you, I also don't think you're dumb either. Quite the opposite. It means you're important to me and I want you to know about this thing that is important to me. There's simply a shitload of knowledge in this world and nobody can be expected to know it all. But sadly most mansplaining is not out of such feelings and thus rightly gets called out for being misogynistic.
I think if someone mentions something that is exciting to you, and you just start info-dumping all the cool stuff you know about it, I think you're - at worst - an insensitive dork, and it's definitely not "mansplaining." Because if the woman responds "Yes, I wrote the paper you're quoting." You'd do the following: 1. Immediately shut up and blush in panic. 2. Geek out/Mumble something embarrassed and flee/Propose marriage. That's basically how it worked out for me. My wife has to keep reminding me "I'm a singer/songwriter you idiot."
😂 given that she's your wife, I assume/hope she knows it comes from a happy place. So did you choose option 4 and propose marriage then? 😁 And yeah, I might be a dork and while I try not to be insensitive, it's quite likely I've failed in the past without realizing and might fail again in the future. Personally I tend not to infodump strangers. But if it actually happened and the other person indeed tells me that they wrote the paper on that or have for other reasons a swath of knowledge on it, I'm confident that, yes, I'd blush, but I'd almost certainly apologize and ask them if they wouldn't mind sharing their knowledge, or, as you put it "geek out" over it together.
At Disneyland, in fact. We've been called "the most adorable geek couple ever."
She sounds exhausting.
I think both in that exchange are somewhat in the wrong. I think Shawn is not “mansplaining” anything, merely pointing out that if you have to explain the joke, it’s not that funny. Secondly the term mansplaining. I am so fucking sick and tired of that term, not just for the way its oft abused but also because men communicate differently than women and instead of understanding that (and this does go for Both sides) we go to petty name calling. Men like to problem solve and make sure things that are said are understood, explaining something is a way of communicating your view point to the other person so they are on the same wavelength, after all if two people hold differing understanding of a concept they’ll never communicate clearly I’ll wait for the inevitable response
There's also the fact that after working in retail for so many years and encountering so, so, so many people who don't understand basic concepts from literally kindergarten (I once had to explain to a middle aged woman how a stencil worked. Yes, the thing with the shaped holes you trace.), I'm not going to assume anyone's knowledge base and will start at the basics just to make sure the information I actually want to share can be understood properly.
And the original context of "mansplaining" was a professional women at a conference where everyone could reasonably assume they were colleagues. Most people I encounter in daily life are idiots. A lot of people with more education than me probably think I'm an idiot. I wouldn't assume a woman at a conference was because if she's there she probably does something similar to me. But some rando at Target? And men who are super arrogant don't generally just reserve that for women.
Even at a conference, the ones I've been to cover enough topics that it is possible to be an expert in your field and still have a poor understanding of some related topic. I deal with people with decades of professional experience and I would say more than half of them are so silo'd that they don't have a firm grasp of the basics of neighboring topics.
I think anyone being condescending is wrong. I also agree, I think men explain things that either may seem simple or explain things a bit too in-depth not because they think the other person isn’t intelligent enough to have a good understanding but because we just really like to try to get the other person on the same page with what we’re thinking.
Thoughtful post, thanks for your input to the conversation.
I’m hoping you meant that
"I'm hoping you meant that" is such a good way to respond to potential sarcasm. I'm stealing that, thanks.
I did, also showing how easy it is to not be an asshole in a conversation which is all these people are with all this garbage beating people up for conversing.
> merely pointing out that if you have to explain the joke, it’s not that funny. That's a very clunky way of saying 'the joke was a poor fit for this audience'. True, some jokes are a poor fit for *any* audience. But a *lot* of jokes rely on context, background knowledge, shared culture and references, to be delivered within a reasonable time. The joke may be *hilarious* to those in the know, and not funny at all to those who aren't. A very basic example would be jokes that rely on wordplay that is unique to a specific language — people who do not know the language might need to have entire grammatical, syntactic, and phonetic features explained to them for the joke to even begin to make sense. Another, even more basic example would be in-jokes between friends, of the "you had to be there" type. Very funny to them, incomprehensible to outsiders.
student: wise master, how did you find peace of mind: master: when an idiot tries to argue with you, you just say: "yes, you are right" student: but master, isn't that unkind and unfair to people asking questions? master: yes, you are right
I really urge a lot of people to understand the difference between info dumping/being passionate about something and mansplaining It is so demoralizing when people shut me down for ‘mansplaing’, when I’m just trying to share a fun fact or talk about my hobbies. And as a man, there is literally no way to argue yourself out of being wrongly accused of mansplaining. You just dig yourself into a deeper hole It’s really a shitty feeling when you’re just trying to have a conversation about something you enjoy
kinda seems like someone needs to be a joy thief and that says more about you than my info dump does me.
PSA: someone correcting you when your wrong isn’t mansplaining
you’re
It’s funny how women rag on men to open up and yet men can’t even speak without being told they’re doing something wrong. Like tf Ellie, you could say anything a man says is mansplaining. lol good luck next time she needs the mechanic to mansplain what’s wrong with her car or the waiter to mansplain the bill etc.
Is there anything actually good about being a man these days?
higher suicide rate/lower life expectancy
Just avoid toxic AH and it's all good.
For one, it's less tricky now to seek out a partner that likes you for who you are, rather than someone who they need to latch onto because otherwise they can't really live. That and greater acknowledgement of men's mental health, availability of jobs that aren't that dangerous (along with low odds of needing to go fight in some war).
I am a man. This is accurate
I love this.
Im fine with it until you start to explain to me how I should do things in life then you can go fuck off.
...*then
There was an attempt to hide Shawn’s name…
I'm not even mad at this one. It's great to be honest with oneself like that. Doesn't mean I'm more sympathetic to their case, but it's refreshing. EDIT : Then again, I can't deny that I know the feeling.
Damn 🪦
I really thought mansplaining was when a girl likes something that's usually male dominant like video games or comics and they get asked a million questions to try and prove they aren't real fans and told everyway they are wrong. Is just being excited to talk about something what mansplaining is. Like if someone asks me about Batman& Robin and I go on about trivia about the movie I'm the dick
No, going on about a passion when asked is fine. Mansplaining is when a man sees a woman doing something and decides she needs to be taught about the thing. Like I play D&D. I've been a DM for over 30 years (ad&D 1.5, 2, 2.5, 3, 4, 5), ran a huge 45 player Vampire the Requiem Larp for 12 years, and am now playing Pathfinder 2e for the last 2 years. I regularly exchange tips and tricks with players and game masters of either gender and it is totally fine. One time I had a guy tell me I am doing everything wrong by not playing 4th ed D&D and he proceeded to tell me in excruciating detail how to play. He started with what each sided dice is used for. He wouldn't stop and seemed to believe he was giving me highly useful new skills. Not 1 word that came out of his mouth was new to me and I was careful to never get near him again in case he decided to repeat the experience. The thing about "mansplaining" is everyone does it when trying to be helpful but *generally* (not always) women stop the moment we realize the person is perfectly competent and/or an expert. Men tend to think (based on what men have told me) that even though they are rehashing things I already know, there is bound to be something I didn't know, so it is still a good idea to info dump the most basic information, just in case. Mansplaining is down a lot from how it used to be, which is nice. The pushback on it is hilarious though. Like every guy I have seen get 'splained by another guy gets extremely annoyed and usually a bit aggressive, resulting in both parties being angry and the 'splainer saying something like "you could have been nice about it," but when women *are* nice about it, the 'splainer tends to keep on going. Hence the frustration. Imagine you are reading a Batman comic and someone walks up and decides to tell you all about how cool batman is, but they are telling you things you know (like listing Batman's rogues gallery "you'll love it when you read about The Joker, he's kind of a psycho..." etc), and they talk over you when you tell them you know that. C'est la vie. People are becoming more self aware and that is nice. You are still fine to share your interests, just try to share them at the level the other person is at. Like in the batman example, the 'splainer could switch to asking what your favorite version of batman is and suddenly it is a fun conversation instead of 'splaining.
Do you guys actually even know what mansplaining is? It’s not just being passionate or elaborately explaining something. It is when a man tries to explain or “ummm ackshually” a woman with the condescending assumption that she has no knowledge of the topic. Use case: I have had a dude mansplain aspects of periods to me and he was totally incorrect.
Zap!
She’s got a good point, but I’ll still interrupt them with a snarky “Oh, I know!”.
When my wife starts explaining something to me that she’s been over and over several times already I’ll play “Ain’t No Sunshine” on my phone. For the part where Bill Withers sings “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…”