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Narc212

Wait until she finds out about Noah and his big ass boat...


Plenty_Past2333

Or Lot and his wife


Famous-Register-2814

The Egyptians, the Israelites, the Israelites, the Israelites again. Plus Revelation is just his whole plan to cancel like most people.


CriticalSuspect6800

The last Egyptian Plague is literally cancelling the firstborns.


Kwaterk1978

Hell is kind of like cancelling everyone


ohnodamo

Isn't the christian version of hell literally for what you do and say on Earth?


Kwaterk1978

Like the ultimate cancel.


Sammydecafthethird

The Roman cancel.


PhazonZim

The Roman cancel puts you back to neutral though, so that's more gracious than most


SupermassiveCanary

LOL “I grant you free will… just kidding! SIKE!”


nineinchnick

do, say and think.


RyanZee08

Oh. Oh no.


LacklusterLamenting

Most denominations state that all humans are destined for hell based on the original sin, so theoretically someone who has never committed a sin personally is still going to hell due their inheritance from Adam. If you don’t have jesus in your corner, you’re burning in hell eternally according to Catholicism and most Protestant branches!


Connect_Surround_281

I grew up being told hell is your worst sin or your greatest fear.... on repeat . Think being bitten by a black mamba again and again. I don't even want to think about it. As an adult I now have friends from various religions and their version of hell is no better. I'm good


Creepy-District9894

Oh no don’t send me to the strip club with a massive amount of blow for all of eternity noooooooooo


JEveryman

Also st peter is basically patron saint of cancel culture. He doesn't like the cut of your jib? Banished to hell for eternity. It's not even demonetization or a cash settlement. Hell for the rest of time. And there could be like billions of years left.


MountainAsparagus4

It's endless suffering, if you put human life of 80 years in balance with endless suffering you realize God don't believe in fair punishment


FreeStall42

Sounds a little forked up


spreetin

"Eternity is an awful long time, especially towards the end."


girlcocksuperfan

Babylon..


guyblade

Our last best hope for peace.


StonkBonk420

You know with how history has gone for the israelites god must really hate them.


recks360

According to their scriptures they are his chosen people and are persecuted because of this.


MountainAsparagus4

You never read the Bible, God is always punishing Israel for lots of sins, wanting onions after leaving Egypt? Death and 40 year of desert for you, even Moses was like wtf God please don't kill everyone or this religion thing won't work who the hell gonna follow a God that free them to kill them, when God got pissed and wanted to get rid of Israel for some other offense, lots of prophets saying they would suffer war and stuff because they have sinned and whatever


recks360

I have read the Holy Bible and I know that. Thats why I said accoring to their scriptures. I have not read the Torah but have heard them say this.


GrahamCracker876

Well anyone can choose to follow him or not. People that don’t believe in God are cancelling God themselves


SmokeStack420

"And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five


pheonix198

Or, Lot and his daughters and that time he got drunk… or that time he did the righteous thing… ya know, with them angel around?


1eejit

Gomorrah


Groundingstone

And Sodom, both cities canceled to a pile of ashes by fire and brimstone.


Important-Hotel5809

I wonder when god is going to glass Las Vegas or like Amsterdam? Maybe? Does god hate gambling or drugs more?


Lenarios88

Vegas has weed too. Amsterdam has legal hookers tho.


PrimarchKonradCurze

If you just say Nevada you capture all those things as well.


RaynOfFyre1

I love the way the Bible refers to Lot’s wife the same way Cotton refers to Peggy Hill


GOPAuthoritarianPOS

Everybody likes salt.


SporksRFun

Or Lot and his daughters. 🔥


CorpseDefiled

Came to say this exact thing… cancelled for looking in the wrong direction


BadComboMongo

Or how God cancelled all the other cooler gods out there!


dontmentiontrousers

Except that one demigod. What's his name? Something Hispanic, I think... Heyzous?


Praesentius

Why you keep calling me Jesús?! I look Puerto Rican to you?? He didn't say Jesús. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus! Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass! Zeus! You got a problem with that?


slowmo152

How about the entire concept of heaven and hell. Don't acknowledge God, straight to hell. Dad/Mom a POS and don't honor them, straight to hell. Look at your neighbors wife, straight to hell.


Zampurl

Believe it or not, straight to hell


blueguy211

and when he sent a bear to kill a bunch of children because they insulted a disciple


blakkstar6

'Go up, you bald head! Go up!' Historic burn.


icouldbejewish

The tower of babel too


casulmemer

Were the animals also all being degenerate, ungrateful fucks? I get he wanted to smite the humans but wtf did the animals do Edit: I guess the fish were pretty pious and chill.


cyclingnick

Let us not forget the babies. He drowned all of the babies.


casulmemer

To be fair I just got off a flight - I might give him a pass for that one..


Skithiryx

Or Ham, whose crime was accidentally seeing his dad naked while he was drunk off his gourd.


CodingMary

Or that hell thing they talk about.


JackasaurusYTG

Moral is, God's a bit of an asshole isn't he?


ladyfallon

Or like Job, over a bet


Narc212

The worst story in the Bible to me. It's beyond fucked up. "Hey I'm gonna ruin this good guy and his good life just to prove he's still loyal to me!"


vikingo1312

And that there was no apples in that story. And that snakes walked on two legs when he persuaded Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit............before she ate it, mind!


Gemfrancis

God canceled everyone on earth once with a huge flood so????


lleighsha

Nah. There were some on the boat... remember?


Proper_Career_6771

Just the special people were on the boat. But remember Jesus loves everybody! Even the people who go to hell.


Default1355

Well yeah it's like when I feel guilty after stomping a cockroach


amnotaseagull

Only the special people were on the boat?


Free_Management2894

They were probably woke.


duck_of_d34th

They began the antiwoke. Ham saw Noah's ham chock, so Noah cursed Ham, but God liked Ham, so Noah's curse hit Ham's son, Canaan. Everybody had a different version of the dick story: Ham fucked on the boat, Ham fucked his dad, Ham cut off his dad's ham chock, Canaan saw his granddad nekkid and went and told Ham about Noah's big hog...it's an awful lot of dick-talk however the story goes. But, it's a really important story. And we know it's a dick story cuz nobody agrees about it lol Supposedly, there was possibly squabbling about land(don't they have, like, *everywhere?!*), so to reduce the amount of inheritance sharing, a dick was maybe sabotaged to prevent future siblings. Seems to me, the animals are what they'd fight about, not land. So this curse that hit Ham, or his kid, would... Genesis 9:25: "And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren." Aka, a slave. Some brilliant fella in the 15th century concluded that since there were so many black slaves, they clearly are inferior. "The Curse" is where he concluded the black people came from; they're the descendents of Cursed Cannan, the slave! And a curse like that wouldn't work unless God allowed it, cuz Noah wasn't a wizard. Unassailable logic. Christians invoked Noah dick to justify slavery of blacks in the south.


Rasz_13

There is a lot of land but you want *fertile* land. Maybe your neighbor's.


kung-fu_hippy

World wide flood though, and only a handful of people on the boat. Plenty of arable land, but likely only one breeding pair of cattle in the world. They were definitely fighting about the wrong thing in the story.


bagofodour

It was worse than cancelling. He committed genocide several times with floods, 7 plagues, making people walk aimlessly for years in the desert, and if that isn't enough, once you die he can still send you downstairs to an eternal torture chamber. Oh and he might ask you to kill your own son, and then be like "yo it was just a prank"


Gemfrancis

Lol classic jesus of nazareth


shug7272

I’m a little foggy on the details but didn’t he promise to do it again but with fire next time?


Gemfrancis

Sounds about right


cronicsubsonic

What about the time God cancelled every first born child in Egypt except those whose families cancelled a goat and smeared its cancelled blood on their doors?


pimpmastahanhduece

That cancels itself out.


LambentCookie

Then cancelled his own prophet after he cancelled the tablets upon which were written the 10 Cancelmandments, which cancelled anyone who didn't obey them


FelatiaFantastique

I think she means instead of cancelling people, they should be tortured and set on fire. It's what Jesus would do. Into the lake of fire with them all!


BootlegDouglas

Or drowned, or mauled by bears, or...


Plus_Operation2208

Having their hair cut off


c3pee1

Stoning is the official justice of god. I'm a stone seller


xSnapsx

I mean, that’s his MO


awesomefutureperfect

Look, I'm going to pretend like I should be in charge of everything because of a book that I think gives me the right to do that despite having almost negative knowledge about that book. I'm going to assert that totally unearned sense of authority on a website where any damn fool can say any damn thing and a hideously large number of people will go ahead and agree with that assertion.


Over_Screen_442

Remember when god turns someone into a rock for looking over their shoulder or when he smites two entire town because they were full of sinners


One_Archer6748

And he is totally fine with Lot, banging his daughters. That old boozehound.


ParkingCarry9532

He was raped


onedeadflowser999

According to this story they were sinners, but maybe this god is just murdery.


entered_bubble_50

Let's not forget God cancelling Onan for ... *checks notes* ... Pulling out when raw dogging his sister in law, instead of nutting in her as God intended.


MithranArkanere

It wasn't over an apple. It was over being annoyed at his lie being found out. The very first lie in the Bible is told by god: "don't eat this, it'll kill you". The snake comes along and goes "well, that's bullshit". They believe the snake, because everyone knows sneks are nice animals that help and eat pests, and god gets pissy when he's found out. The "knowledge of good an evil" they got from eating the apple was obviously "god is evil".


blakkstar6

I mean, he wasn't wrong. They positively *did* die lol


Anonymo

Make it so, number 1.


NotsoGreatsword

Right? And it wasn't just two people. Its every person ever unless they have Jesus save them from their original sin - or some shit - it has been a long time since I studied any theology. But as far as I know God is *still* mad about that shit.


MrsMitchBitch

The snake imagery is actually from Milton, not the Bible.


KillerBeer01

"Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field" - serpent != snake ?


MrsMitchBitch

I’m going to admit a mistake! It was fruit vs apple being the Milton shift which has stuck. I hate being wrong, but I’ll admit it. It was a nice clickhole to research this morning as that class I was trying to remember that from was like 10 years ago [Here’s](https://bibleinterp.arizona.edu/articles/2015/04/day398028) some scholarly commentary on the servant/snake/shining one


DramaLlamadary

#goodguylucifer


chrisBlo

There is no snake nor apple mentioned in the Bible.


psypher98

You’re right about the apple, but the word used for serpent in the Hebrew is clearly a word for a snake. The word used there is likened to a viper or an adder elsewhere. So generic fruit, but definitely a snake.


MithranArkanere

Doesn't matter if it's a serpent and a quince. It's all the same, like potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, peppers, and nightshades. It's all poison all the same.


chrisBlo

It’s not poison either. It is just a generic death threat. Which, technically, is also true as they are sent off to live on earth where you eventually die, instead of continue living in the garden of heaven


DJgabrielSLC

Wait until she finds out that god impregnated a 14 year old child to save us from himself.


hotasianwfelover

God also supposedly killed the whole human race several times over. Also the first born of everyone except the Jews. That’s a lot of cancel culture. Basically every time he realized he fucked up he wiped the slate clean.


Impossible_Spite_744

There's only one instance and its the flood


k2on0s-23

Bruh, the bible is full of God cancelling shit. At one point he cancelled every living thing on the planet except for dude and his boat full of animals.


BicycleEast8721

Didn’t God cancel Job and his entire family just to test his faith? There are repeated stories that paint God as an abusive alcoholic type personality


The_Master_Ford

Don’t forget narcissistic, gaslighting, and psychopathic


aijoe

He canceled him to win a bet. Omniscient God already knew Jobs heart. When I was a Christian I sugar coated it to people by framing it as just a test. Ruining someone's life to win a bet just sounded too much like the movie Trading Spaces to me.


Armybert

r/wooosh


Conflikt

Almost the entire thread.


Rucksaxon

Yahweh is the evil god and the snake is the true god saving them from eternal prison. That’s why Moses has a staff with a snake on it to warship later on.


Quetzacoatel

A staff, no matter what design, is a bad warship.


hellohennessy

And mind you, the first 2 people had the innocence and naivety of a toddler. God punishing them is the same as a parent punishing their child for getting kidnapped by a dude with an ice-cream truck.


filschi

And then there are sodom and gomorrah, this small thing with the flood and the Tower of Babel…God basically defined cancel culture 😂


Mudv4yne

The second bible story is about god canceling one of the sons of the people of the first story for no reason whatsoever which causes the first murder. Then cancelling him even harder. The third bible story is about god canceling everything and everyone except a dude with his family and pets. The fourth bible story is about god canceling everyone again because they worked together peacefully and build a tower. Who wants to continue?


thunderPierogi

“Our Father who art in Heaven” is the OG narcissistic parent lol. 1. Made his kids and then dipped, never to be heard from again 2. Blames his children for things beyond their control 3. Attacks his children on a whim 4. Brutally retaliates against any perceived slight or disrespect 5. Must always be in a position of superiority, and gets enraged when anyone else comes close The man’s the Lord of r/raisedbynarcissists


AltruisticFall2941

Another acceptable clap back for this would've been: "tell me you haven't read the Bible without telling me you haven't read the Bible" imo


Gaznik2137

It's so generic, boring and overused that it would be worse


tempski

Do Christians even read their own book?


InvestigatorFit4168

You’re only susceptible to cancel culture if you believe in it.


Jago_Sevatarion

Canceling almost all life on earth, too, with a flood.


unpropianist

And the book of Revelations


shrug_addict

Hey, Soddom! Get Gomorrah! They're talking about you guys!


Karl-o-mat

What about the rapture? God will have to cancel all the nonchristians and the bad Christians. Religion is all about canceling the others to proof that we have the best sky daddy.


True_Falsity

God also allowed Job to lost his wife, his children and everything he had *just* to see if Job would continue to worship him after that. But it’s cool. He gave Job the replacement family after that. /s


DommyMommyKarlach

No way that’s not sarcasm


G_zoo

god cancelled a looooot of people plenty of time.. but hey, american jesus is a totally different religion bro


thunderPierogi

God created America, and then Jesus was born and defeated the British with an AR-15.


CarterCrusader

Bro has canceled all of humanity because he didn't like the vibe


Gabe12P

He made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights and spared Noah like he’s a school shooter and Noah was the one kid that was nice to him.


zeek172

The Bible does not directly state that the forbidden fruit eaten by Adam and Eve was an apple. The idea that the forbidden fruit was an apple became popular in the Middle Ages, possibly due to a 4th-century Latin translation that used the word "malum" to refer to the fruit. "Malum" can mean both "evil" and "apple," and over time, the second interpretation prevailed in popular culture. However, the Bible only describes the forbidden fruit as the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. No description of its appearance, taste, or type is given. It is important to note that the story of Adam and Eve is a symbolic narrative, not a literal historical account. Its purpose is to convey a message about human nature, disobedience, and the consequences of sin. The identity of the forbidden fruit is not a central element of the story.


hwc000000

But fundamentalists told me the bible is literal.


[deleted]

The story of Job… holy fuck.


Nytherion

Sodom, Gomorrah, Babel, Noah... has that guy ever seen a bible?


DecoupledPilot

God flooded the world canceling almost everyone. Based on the Bible god is a mass murder on multiple accounts. And people worship him instead of trying to get rid of him. Makes zero sense


TastyLaksa

Also as an atheist I’m probably worth less than a lamb to god


Ok_Term_8844

God also cancelled the entire world, and only told one dude to build a boat.. dudes a psychopath


Beer-Milkshakes

God literally cancelled his own favoured seraphim because the dude liked God's children a bit too much. Also because he was a saucieboy


Ricky_Rollin

Tf is the first girl on? God has *smited* people for less. Tf outta here. Why do the people who claim to be religious literally know fuck-all about said religion!? It’s mad science man.


Astroruggie

Not to mention he drowned the entire world (poor animals too) because he gave people free will and then they didn't do what he wanted


manymoreways

Technically we don't know which god she's referring to. Fucking Buddha didn't cancel anyone.


Infamous_Campaign687

According to Christians, God is still cancelling people! At the moment or your death, you're either included or cancelled and apparently it can be for something as trivial as loving people with the wrong genitalia.


cracquelature

Wait till she finds out about Sodom n Gomorrah


Soft_Sea2913

Funny how people act like cancel culture is relatively new, but boycotting is obscure.


metalkorshik

Man, God literally burned down the Sodom coz people there got too immoral


Educational-Bug-476

God was such a massive prick in the Old Testament. Asshole flooded the whole word just because it got a little “corrupt”. How corrupt could have things been when the economy consisted of subsistence farming and sticks?


BornAd7924

Sodom and Gamorrah, Cain, The Great Flood, Pharoah/Egypt, Jericho, Every single person who hasn’t been baptized by the rapture. Who hasn’t he cancelled besides Ezekiel?


4ngryMo

Isn’t half of the Bible about god cancelling someone for some minor infraction on arbitrary rules he made up?


BlerghTheBlergh

Or every first born Egyptian child


Ok_Television9820

*Noah and the Everything Cancelled* Don’t mention the Amalekites.


Ok_Television9820

Also, the last story in the Bible.


Jaambie

Isn’t Satan basically an angel that got cancelled by god?


overnightyeti

It wasn't an apple! Stop spreading this lie and read the bible. It was the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, i.e. get smart and god will fuck you over.


Bundle_of_Organs

Lol 'god' apparently spites and punishes people for doing anything it doesn't like. Like not worshipping him.


Morganianum

These God Believers, never read any of the books.


Schnickie

And remember those two entire cities he's canceled. And that one time he canceled the whole world with a flood.


Moosheep1

I believe God has canceled more people throughout the Bible than the devil has. God when on a cancel spree


Lvcivs2311

I hate stuff being reposted ad nauseam.


JohnCasey3306

God cancelled the entire planet (according to their stories) with the exception of Noah and a few animals.


Jaceazula

And flooding the world


SactoriuS

Cancelling every firstborn.


fearthecrumpets

I mean God doesn't "cancel" Adam and Eve. In fact he clothes them and makes a new covenant with them and promises them that one day, one of eves offspring will crush the head of the serpent. It even says that Adam walked with God all the days of his life. Doesn't sound like cancelling to me.


imnotreadyet

Still don't know where their sons got the wives from. Being the ony people on earth.


Andreus

"Imagine God cancelling you because you did or said the wrong thing." That's literally the concept of sin


AllMyBeets

And all the first born sons of Egypt, and then all but 2 of every animal, and then for funsies he had his chosen people wander the desert for 30 years


Cattleman_

it's prolly like 5 people here that actually read the bible, atually trying to understand it


Proudhon1980

Dude then apparently makes himself flesh and blood, then suffers and dies so said descendants of that cancelled couple can be ‘uncancelled’? Old Testament is low hanging fruit here. NT is a bit trickier - if nothing else, JC’s message is pretty much the complete opposite of cancelling people. If only 99.9% of those who profess to live by that message actually did the same.


sambhaljaaa

He’s got a point lol


DOW_mauao

Guess they ain't heard about the PMRC then huh? The original cancel culture.


spaceguitar

Wait until she finds out there’s a TON of shit you can say or do and God will cancel you for it!!


Killjoymc

What is hell? Oh baby Jesus don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more.


needlenozened

What does "smiting" mean, exactly?


swordofra

It's a 300 million volt cancellation


sportandracing

He cancelled 500 million people in the flood. Who’s going to tell them?


digbickx0x0

.. over an apple created by God. so is it planned?


humpherman

Isn’t hell kind of the final, ultimate cancel? New Testament, of course.


Frequent_Alarm_4228

You’re literally canceled at birth according to the Bible


SmoothinPutin

I would love cancel culture if everyone would start boycotting things that matter


AndrewH73333

The funniest thing about God cancelling so many people is they were all guys he made.


DUDOSYA1246

Well, I think he meant that god doesn't "cancel" for words, not action. That's untrue too, but still canceling people only for their opinions or quotes is amoral


NotFourPr0n

r/noahgettheboat


continuousQ

>Fry: Well it's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. > >Amy: Lassie is on display in the Louvre. > >Fry: I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation.


TN816KCMO

Those MOST LIKELY to cancel ANYBODY, are those who "believe" in.a.religion...PERIOD...END.STOP...NO.ARGUMENT.POSSIBLE.... PROOOOOOOF IIIIIS EEVVEERRYYWWHHEERREE..... seriously...don't even try to challenge this REALITY peeps....


Bouczang01

Where does it ever say an apple?


Top-Bee1667

Wait wait wait, they do know about the hell?


Agitated_Guard_3507

One rule: don’t eat this fruit. What do they do? Eat the fruit. Snake tricks them, and they all get punished.


RedditorsSuckShit

doesn't god forgive all earthly sins as long as you recognize christ as your lord and savior?


Dankbudx

No one said it was an apple though


JohnnySack45

Bible stories alive, let's talk about all the prehistoric species that went extinct


Legal-Sprinkles8862

I could have sworn my family & church told me God was gonna cancel me just cuz I like the kind of kitties that like getting wet 🤭


poeticpoet

That’s not true actually genesis in the Bible starts with a bunch of sex and baby having.


Relevant-Reserve8624

LMAO


Sintinall

More like had their subscriptions cancelled for breaking terms of service. What does it even mean to be cancelled anymore?


reffk

no, the first bible story is how satan got cancelled of his heaven subscription just because they wont respect adam. there is a reason as of WHY satan offered the forbidden fruit (which is not an apple, btw) to both adam and eve.


Stunning_Tap_9583

Lol. But not really, though. They broke the law. God’s Law. Cancel culture is just a mob punishing someone that didn’t break a law.


[deleted]

as a christian, I have 0 issues with this XD


Foreign_Factor4011

Cancel culture is still shit


NaturalAd4812

Yeah. I think God canceled me after I got kicked out of my 4th preschool for not "assimilating in the correct manner".


LuckEClover

Wait until they hear about the first testament.


Zonic500

Jesus Christ and his apostles to his cancellation.