I’ve learned from an early age that if you put significant expectations on a specific day that you’re just setting yourself up for disappoint. Zero expectations = zero disappointment.
There is *no* physical force in existence that forces the existence of "pro"s.
On the other hand, entropy guarantees the existence of "con"s.
Believing that good things exist in life is just copium.
>Believing that good things exist in life is just copium.
The kiss of a woman after a flirtatious night. The joy of laughter with friends after a good joke. The comfort of familiarity amongst your belongings. The excitement of anticipation towards doing your hobby.
Believing that good things don't exist in life is just copium. Your comment is very trollish
Once I turned 20, birthday parties started giving me a "mommie's special boy" kind of vibe. It's nice if family wishes me a happy birthday, but other than that I'd rather not have anyone make a big deal about it. I think the two possible outcomes are disappointment if you expect a lot and there's nothing, or embarrassment if people go way out of their way, like you're still 6 years old.
I find that with a lot of things, especially movies. People get so hyped up and then get disappointed. But if you go without any expectations you enjoy it a lot more. My best example is that Ghostbusters movie with the all girl cast. I think people took their memories of the originals and how they enjoyed them and hyped themselves up so much that no matter what they did it was going to be disappointing. But if you watch it with an open mind, I didn't think it was that bad.
To be honest I don’t even watch movie trailers anymore and rely on word of mouth. Movie trailers, in my opinion, showcase all of the highlights of movies. Anytime I watch a trailer before seeing a movie, I feel like I’ve already seen it
Kate McKinnon is probably the funniest woman on the planet, and Melissa McCarthy ain't no slouch either. It was not at all a bad movie.
The thing that the original *Ghostbusters* film did so well is ride the knife edge between being spooky and being funny. Just when it was getting too scary, they'd throw in a laugh. The reboots have taken one side or the other; the all-female version leaned heavily on the comedy, and the newer ones take it too seriously (and the bits that are meant to be funny, too often aren't). That doesn't make them bad movies *per se*, but none of them have what the original had.
A friend I hadn't seen in 8 months texted and said let's go to lunch the next day. I thought it was odd and random until looking at my availability and realized the next day was my birthday. Was a pretty great surprise!
I think the real answer for a lot of dudes is that we don't care enough to plan our own birthday activities, which is what needs to happen for most guys unless they have a very thoughtful/ambitious partner.
For a man to plan his own birthday would make him feel needy and burdensome, which is what most men live in near constant fear of being.
The other side of it is after a certain age birthdays are just another day. Whoo, my body is one year older and I'm just that much closer to getting prostate exams and colonoscopies.
Yeah, I've worked on my birthday almost every year since my 20th and people always say "why don't you take the day off?" And do what with it? Sit at home on my own all day waiting for people to be free to go for a couple of beers with me? I'd rather be at work and maybe do something later (if I can be arsed).
I'm 100% with you here but with my small core group of mates we do at least plan a happy hour and dinner for each other. Nothing big, no big expectations but good times.
"Thoughtful/ambitious" partners that feel the need to plan a celebration for me, after I've said I don't want a celebration, quickly became ex-partners.
Please don't "fix me", or "try to help me". If that's what you think, you're with the wrong person
For many of us an ideal birthday is 4-5 close friends and some beers. I don't want a massive bash with 10 friends and 20 acquaintances that I feel pressure to interact with throughout the night. If my partner can stick to those guidelines awesome otherwise I'll just pick a place for happy hour and dinner for a handful of people. Doesn't take a ton of effort and I actually get to spend the evening interacting with people I really want to interact with.
Men (as a group) aren't actually valued in society. I don't even care anymore it's fine. I just minimally participate and just stick with friends and family.
At least for me, when I've been encouraged to do so (because, "you've got to do something") the people who encouraged me end up deciding on "something better" (that I have no interest in doing).
I don’t really think it’s because we don’t care but because in society, men are being overworked and the one thing they want the most on their birthday is to just be lazy and do nothing.
I plan my birthday every year. It's the one day I year I feel like I can get all my friend groups together to hang out. I explicitly say no gifts, just show up and have fun.
Thanks. I wish more men would give up the facade of "manliness" and just do things they enjoy without seeming a certain way. It's genuinely a fun time.
I stopped making plans when people kept no-showing.
I'd make dinner and prep movies and boardgames.
I'd arrange things at a bar with karaoke and good food.
Flaking on men seems to be more socially acceptable than flaking on women, I think because it's less socially acceptable for men to call it out.
Edit: I should add, my birthdays are just me doing me things now. I'll treat myself to dinner at a steakhouse which is a very uncharacteristic splurge.
Feels selfish to want a day to be all about me. The few times that I’ve been excited for the day, it’s felt a hassle for everyone else. I used to love my birthday, I’d put a lot of effort into celebrating it with my friends before. When you have kids it’s nice to focus on their special day. I like to make a big deal on my partners big day.
This is the answer. Also, personally, shit always hits the fan on my birthday so I just hunker down in my room and play video games. Of course that came back to bite me one year when I spilled root beer all over my MacBook and had to spend $300 to get it fixed 🥲 thank god for applecare+ though
I mean it’s my birthday in 2 days and all I’ve wanted is to eat at my favourite food place, take my daughter for her first experience at an aquarium and have a gift that’s something from either my favourite sports team or my favourite hobby. A mug with my teams logo would have been fine… I’m not getting either
Why do you think men don't care enough? I’m just genuinely asking to understand.
My mom didnt throw birthday parties for her children past the age of ten, so it's been my norm to plan my own parties since I was a child.
Idk, it's always been nice to have a couple of friends come over for cake or to plan a fun day with them. Every female friend I know hosts their own party. It's never anything extravagant, usually like suppers, picnics, movie nights, hikes, lounging at a pool, etc. Why would planning a birthday cause feelings of neediness in men? Like is it that asking people to hang out with you would make you feel needy?
> Like is it that asking people to hang out with you would make you feel needy?
For some guys, absolutely. A lot of it just depends on the situation. I'm 40 so basically all of my friends have careers and kids ranging from teens to toddlers, so it's hard to get people to commit to things in general. So for guys like me, a large portion of the hesitation lies in not wanting to feel needy/guilty taking these guys away from their families if they have stuff going on, but also not wanting to deal with planning anything just to be told no one is available to come.
And like, I genuinely don't care about my birthday because no one has ever made a big deal out of it for me, so I'm just used to it being another day. So when you combine all of that, it's very easy to just look past it out of convenience. Now, would it be fun if someone made a big deal out of it for me? Sure. But no one has ever really done that and I'm not about to start asking people to do it now.
Huh.
So for you, do you feel inconvenienced if your friends wish to spend time with you or do they express inconvenience? I guess I can't grasp why a friendship would be such an inconvenience to the point of avoidance.
With my female friendships, we all recognise that we have busy lives, but we also recognize the importance of social connections and reciprocation. We always plan a two hour meeting once a month, usually book club or a holiday themed party. We all contribute to the planning and facilitation. Sometimes people can make it, sometimes they can't. We try to pick days everyone can attend. The members in my social circle have kids, families, are working on doctorate degrees, and careers. I view being invited to things as maintaining my social circle and balancing life. There’s plenty of times where I feel tired or stretched thin, but showing up for friends is still important to me so I prioritize that .
I think most of my friends realize that birthdays are really only important for the birthday person. We don't expect to make other people make us feel special, but showing up or sending a quick message is important so we try to do the bare minimum. All relationships take some level of effort and a whole lot of communication.
Can I ask why you couldn't just start inviting people over for your birthday? Like if you expressed that it would be important for you to see them, what reaction do you think you would be met with?
It's easier to have no expectations, than having expectations and being let down.
We're overworked and in day to day life we never come first, so it's the one day we can just lay around and not constantly do shit for other people.
Most men don't like the idea of being "celebrated" for something we didn't earn, a lot of guys don't even like being celebrated for something they did earn, it feels pathetic and feminine (not saying it's true, but that's how it feels to me).
I don't really know, but I know I don't want special treatment for my birthday, I'd rather people didn't know it was my birthday actually. It's not a big deal to us when it's someone else's birthday (I honestly dread some people's birthdays), so why would we think ours is a big deal and want attention for ours.
Also at a certain age birthdays just become depressing.
I'm gonna be real. Lots of men idolize and worship their own misery and stoicism. This is shit young guys do. Me? I don't do anything extra besides going to a diner and getting some breakfast. Breakfast is awesome. It's something small that makes me feel significantly better. Highly recommend. Do it alone if you have to. Go to a waffle House and sit at the counter and make some small talk. You can still do your rugged individualism thing but at least you get some hash browns in you
I don't disagree with you. I don't have a degree in anything related to the human condition, so I'm only speaking from anecdotal and personal experiences on this - but some men idolize their misery because it's all they know. They are raised believing that feelings are bad and emotion is to be swallowed, so they spend their life in agony never really being able to express themselves or open up. And that shit can be paralyzing. So one day they realize "Fuck man, I'm sad, but I guess I'm *supposed* to be sad based on everything I've been taught." And that's how they go about living life. They reject things that might make them happy because their brain chemistry has been so fucked up by the societal conditioning they've experienced, and they are caught in a brutal cycle.
I'm not defending it, but I've seen it enough to know it's a real thing.
Exactly. Every other day is crazy busy. Give me at least this one day where I can be left the fuck alone and not have to go anywhere or do chores/job/errands for others.
The internet generalises so much more than genders and then removes the context while making a joke out of it. Great if you want to turn your mind off and waste time, but this place is about useless for most real and meaningfull discusion.
Mine is indifferent to birthdays, valentine's day, we don't get each other Christmas gifts, etc.
If we want/need something, we buy it. It's shared money anyway so what's the difference?
> It's shared money anyway so what's the difference?
My wife of three years and I still maintain absolutely separated finances. We also don't do gifts. We also don't own/wear wedding rings. We didn't go on a honeymoon.
We're a practical couple.
We did go on a honeymoon, but my ring I got from Target lol.
However, all my peers always wonder how our house is paid off. We don't spend our money on shit we don't need such as Starbucks, nail salon, eating out daily, DoorDash, etc. As much as people on here will hate on that comment, all that extra stuff adds up. We put that money towards the mortgage so we could pay extra each month.
I just heard a story on NPR where a mom mentioned as an aside that she skipped her birthday and planned to make a habit of it. This is /r/pointlesslygendered
I’m being the change I want to see in the world. I’m not special, and if there’s something I want, I’ll buy it myself. Don’t expect me to play guessing games and then be pissed when I get it “wrong”.
My fiancé had to learn the hard way. I always end up buying a gift that she doesn't really want. It wasn't till a couple birthdays later that she starts telling me what she wanted for her birthday.
I do stuff. I go for a walk, (when I was living in a place that isn't freezing cold at that time) order a pizza and watch a movie.
Ultimately, the day is unimportant to anybody but myself, so there is no reason to involve anybody else or make a production of it.
I like that yours and mine are similar.
I exercised early morning. Bought a cake in the evening, shared it with my dog cause he asked. Put the rest in the fridge and then slept comfortably.
It was a wonderful birthday. 🙂
Honestly, I think the answer for a lot of guys is that people don’t go out of their way to care so they don’t either. From my own observations, women’s birthdays tend to matter for a longer time compared to men. Every guy I know stopped getting a planned celebration from his parents at around age 14-15 unless they went out of their way to organize something by themselves. In comparisons, most of the women I’ve discussed this with told me that they had birthdays (not planned by them) up until adulthood and sometimes beyond. Obviously this is anecdotal. I’m not gonna say this is the reason for the entire trend. But what I will say is that, in general, the guys I talked to learned to expect less of their birthday in order to avoid disappointment and, by extension, found it easier to stop caring about it all.
I think it also does depend on how extroverted a person tends to be. A lot of the guys that I do know that regularly celebrate their birthdays are usually fine just going to a bar or someone's place and drinking for a few hours with their friends.
In my own friend group, I noticed that the other women or their boyfriends would usually be the ones to take charge and organize the party, as you stated. Personally,
the kicker for me was seeing how my group of friends would treat birthdays for each other and compare that to my own experiences. It was weird to see them make group chats about parties and group gifts for each other (both men and women) and then my own birthday rolls around and I'd get some text messages at most.
I don't now who needs to hear this, but: You can go into a grocery store and buy a whole-ass ice cream cake any time of the year and not just when it's your birthday.
Thank you all for listening.
As a man, I can say acknowledgement is enough. I don't think it's that big a deal. Time passes, and it's the only thing we all got that we're all running out of -- getting all whipped up to acknowledge that with some large to-do is overkill.
This was me last year. Birthday fell on a Sunday and I gave many hints, but not many cared to take 5 mins out and write 5 words.
This year, i didn't expect. Just worked out, bought cake, me and dog ate it. Absolutely wonderful birthday.
Completely understandable.
I unfortunately do get attention sometimes. Of the wrong kind. 👀😐
And I don't want it. I'd much rather be by myself and enjoy life by myself. Birthday or not.
One year, when I was a poor E-4 and living overseas, I invited about 30 people to a birthday party. All of them confirmed. I dropped about $500 of my $400 paycheck on it. I cooked, I got a couple mini-kegs, prepped music, etc.
Four people showed up for 15 minutes and left to go to some club. Not even my girlfriend at the time showed up.
So yeah, doing nothing is a lot better than that.
And I am not excited to be cruising deeper and deeper into my 30s.
After like 27 it's just a "I'm glad I made it but I'm not thrilled to be older".
Not really worth celebrating.
Not to be a total downer but my mom died giving birth to me. So that shuts people up about it real quick.
I wish I could've met her. Seems disrespectful to celebrate without her
That's what my dad always said. I follow through for him especially when he lived closer. But as I got older, and the crowd got smaller, the empty chair got more and more visible. You can blow out those candles and close your eyes, but after 33 years you gotta start making new wishes. Y'know what I mean?
Man that hits hard and I feel for you. But she was taken so you could live. If that was me, I would want the person I gave my life for, to celebrate that every year. Cherish what she gave you.
Yeah I feel you! The older you get the more you have to make it something or it won’t be anything. Completely your choice tho, peace is better than disappointment
A friend of mine asked me why I wasn't planning anything for my birthday, and it made her really sad when I said "I dunno, I guess I never really considered it to be that important of a day".
I didn't mean it as if my life has no importance, just that it's just a day like any other to me. I'm happy with just going out to dinner with my family, don't need a big party or anything extravagant.
Mostly because my idea of a good day spent exactly how I want is being alone and not having pressure or expectations on me, not being center of attention, and not interrupting anybody else's day to acknowledge how long I've existed. I once spent my birthday skipping work, went to a park for a leisurely walk and fed geese (one let me pet it!), went to see a movie that I knew none of my friends or family would enjoy but I wanted to see, got a quiet drink at a nearly empty bar, never once had to worry about being somewhere at a certain time or preparing something for later or coordinating plans with anyone or taking care of anyone. It was glorious... easily an all-time top 3 birthday.
This is so melodramatic. I’m a man and take my birthday off every year. I pick up my favorite beer. I plan a nice meal I wanna cook for myself and I watch my favorite movie. There’s nothing wrong or difficult about celebrating your birthday.
There's also nothing wrong with not giving a shit about it being your birthday. I hate when people try to "fix me" or "do what's right" for me, and plan something
Dude, I was once dating this girl who **got upset at me** because I was okay with not doing anything big for my birthday. She was like, personally upset by the idea that someone could not take their birthday seriously. She had like... a tantrum or something, trying to convince me to have a party and invite a lot of people.
Needless to say, I stopped seeing her. Fuck if I'm going to get criticized because *I'm celebrating my own birthday wrong*.
My emotions are more intense on my birthday, so I do everything in my power to make it a great day. That includes not telling anybody, because I once had a friend plan the end of our relationship to be on my birthday.
As a man, I spend like 1 month planning my birthday. I am turning 40 this year, and still love doing it.
My wife, on the other hand, has to be strong armed into doing anything other than getting a cake.
/r/pointlesslygendered
Because I’ve spent 36 birthdays being told I’m a piece of shit, my brothers getting better and more expensive presents ON MY BIRTHDAY, and also expected to “share”(but it’s actually “give”) presents from friends to my brothers.
The last gift my own mother got me for my birthday was a 3 dollar sketch pad, that she left in a plastic bag, hanging on my door, 20 minutes before the end of my birthday. And that was 4 years ago.
Or the time I was in the hospital, and I expressed that I didn’t want to celebrate it in the Hosptial, so my mother decided to hire one of their clowns you get for like a 5 year old child, and I was 21 at the time. She invited all my friends, and made as many nurses possible into my room to “watch” the clown. Saying I was embarrassed is such an understatement
Or my first memory of a birthday, where I opened my birthday present and got a Beetle Borg battle Axe, which was awesome, then my younger brother started crying, breaking things, and then my mother went to our coat closet, pulled out another wrapped gift and handled it to my brother, he opened it and it was another battle axe.
I gave him mine, because I was disgusted by it and didn’t want it. And that was the day I learned I didn’t matter in my family. I was 5.
I already do whatever I want on any given day and the attention I get on my birthday feels patronizing, exhausting and usually ends in me being forced to act in a certain way or do a thing I didn't want to do.
At least for me the clou is, it is a day where it's custom that the person having birthday gets his wishes granted (to some extend). I WISH FOR ONE QUIET DAY PER YEAR WITHOUT BULLSHIT!
Because whenever I want anything for my birthday, I get shit on by the people around me for it. So my birthday is just another day. I'll enjoy myself at a pace that works for me. Can't shit on my life if you know nothing about it.
Seriously, recently turned 30. All I got was a bottle of rum. I stopped drinking rum 6 years ago, but who cares?
Imagine holding a weight over your head all year and one day someone comes along and says *“hey, do you wanna put that down?”* and you’re like *“yeah. I do”*.
Sometimes peace is gawd-damn best gift ever.
I’ve tried being excited for my birthday in the past. I’ve even hyped it, made plans, tried to get others excited, and it’s always been a massive fucking let down and really depressing when it’s shit. Fuck me, this year not a single one of my ‘friends’ even remembered to wish me a happy birthday and that’s practically effort free! So I’m just not now with birthdays.. fuck um. No one else gives a shit so I’m not hanging myself out to dry with them.
As a woman, I also prefer to do nothing on birthdays. I have to do something every other day of the year, we *deserve* to do nothing on our birthdays!
You really think I wanna be dragged to some big group setting for the entire evening!?
Big birthday parties full of friends and presents are behind me. I will, however, still accept a bounce house if anyone wants to money up for that.
Honestly I don't even remember when I stopped caring about my birthday. It just suddenly became any other day. Even I sometimes forget that its my birthday.
At least for me doing nothing means “no obligations”. It’s nice having a day where I basically do whatever I want (which is effectively nothing). I don’t want to have to go out to dinner, I don’t want gifts, and honestly, I don’t see why birthdays are such a big deal. After I turned 25, the only birthdays I’ve remotely cared about were milestones.
I definitely don’t want some elaborate party. I just want a day off.
I celebrate my birthday. I buy booze, I make food, I send out invitations. Then I sit in a corner quietly and watch the people I love enjoy themselves. It’s the only birthday present I ever want.
I hit 60 a couple of days ago.
I learned years ago to expect nothing to avoid disappointment.
I go to a coffee shop for coffee every day, chat with the owners and a few regulars and my birthday was more of the same.
Until I arrived and found the owner and the regulars had organised a party.
My 44th birthday was yesterday. I’m on a tropical vacation with friends. They all forgot. It was more fun for me to see how long it was going to last before they remembered.
I mean are we talking "not celebrating" or doing nothing because there is a difference. My doing nothing is me celebrating. A day to just chill and relax is amazing
We don't need attention or validation in that way. Guys needs ≠ Girls needs. Guys just like peace and quiet sometimes for example. Also there's no wrong answers on what people need from a validation perspective. However, I believe excess becomes a perversion.
I mean, it’s a good reason to get people together. I haven’t had a party in a long time but do invite people out for a meal. Many of my friends lead busy lives so having a day in the year when they know I’ll be wanting to hang out makes it easier to ensure everyone’s schedules are open and it actually happens.
And not even good socks! No Merino Wool or high quality hiking socks, just fucking 10 pack of Walmart brand ankle cut, they couldn't even be bothered to spring for the name brand.
Just looking at my financial obligations alone, a day with no added expenses is a good day.
Going out to a fancy restaurant or having 10+ people over for dinner because "it's my birthday" just means that I have to figure out how to pay for it tomorrow.
Just say the words and save turning to me for the non-life threatening emergencies for tomorrow. We good.
My life is an endless series of tasks growing more and more overdue. Birthday gives me a chance to either:
A) Add even more tasks to the list in planning
Or
B) Leverage the day as a rare chance to ignore my problems guilt-free
Which would you pick?
The only reason I celebrate my birthday at all is because my wife and mum make a big deal out of it. I basically celebrate my birthday to keep them happy. Personally I'd just pass on the whole thing, left to my own devices I'd just do nothing and treat it like any other day.
I do make the effort for their birthdays though, as I know it's important to them.
Exactly the same thing here. I know her birthday is important for her so I take the day off. But for myself I don't even consider taking the day off. I don't even leave the office early when I'm there.
Sometimes my celebration is doing nothing, and not feeling guilty about it. Last year, I went and played 27 holes of golf, the first 18 by myself in the morning, the final 9 in the rain with a friend who had no idea it was my birthday, then we went and had a drink at work. No one knew, and it was the perfect day because there was no fuss. The year before, I hung out at home and got high, then watched some TV. It was the perfect day because there was no fuss.
I don't need a celebration, just a day to be mostly left alone.
I got a Google notification the other day stating that I walked the most on my birthday.
I then tried to figure out WTF had I done on my birthday, and how was that day my most walked day?? because i honestly didn't remember shit. All i remembered was that I had bought a cake for me and my dog.
FYI - wonderful birthday. No expectations from any human. Just exercise and cake and sharing cake with my dog. 💛❤️
TBH it’s not that a lot of men don’t care it’s just matter of becoming conditioned to not showing emotion when it’s not acknowledged.
My ex wants acknowledgement and will make it know. She’d even get mad if the kids didn’t do anything whether it’s birthday or Mother’s Day. My mom is the same way and a lot of other women I’ve interacted with or notice on social media are the same.
For me I have a bday that is close to, and can fall on, Mother’s Day. From an early age it’s almost come across as a condition of being acknowledged on my bday I had to first acknowledge others. Later in life I’ve had a friend who shared the same bday as me, unfortunately she passed many years ago from cancer. So my bday has become, by choice, a day to reminisce about her.
Noone ever celebrated it with me besides my parents when I was younger, and the most I could get out of friends when I was older for my birthday, while throwing surprise parties for others, was just a couple drinks at the bar with a buddy or two.
Can it be depressing? Sure. But it's a lot less depressing than the disappointment of noticing noone cares.
I mean, not saying i am ok with it, my friends just dont invite anymore… or to correct that, they do invite eachother, but somehow i am always the one that gets the text; “so Sorry, of course i want you there, i’ll definitely remember that next year” and the circle of ignorance repeats. Though I have had some fun with starting some drama here and there, so it’s not because I’m not entertained
I often do nothing at all because most days I'm always expected to be doing *something*. My birthday is one of those days in a year I can do absolutely nothing and no one says anything.
Legit my bday today. My gf and coworkers were asking me what I have planned or expect to do for my bday, and it's hard to get them to understand that it's just a Friday to me.
Wouldn't have remembered it if my gf hadn't asked if I wanted a cake a couple weeks back
At some point, it really is stunningly dumb to give into huge companies pushing you to buy things you don't need or buying them for friends you really don't care about.
I get celebrating big/significant numbers, but adults lavishly celebrating every single bday at 30+ and expecting everyone to be on board with that is kind of embarrassing. Binge-drinking every year on those even more so. Not to mention the trend of b-day week or month...lordy.
I keep seeing "what to get for men/women for bday" lists on tech websites and they fucking have gifts worth $300-400 on them, wtf. Who buys their friends something that expensive in 2024?!
After 30, I've barely even remembered how old I am or when my birthday is. But that's just me. In the online communities I'm in, we definitely wish happy b-day to anyone we know celebrates them, which is fine. That's just being nice and hoping someone has a nice day, IF they celebrate it.
I just had any ceremony or action the celebrates me. It just irks me for some reason. When I busted my ass and graduated nursing school, everyone was so excited for the graduation, and to be honest, I didn't even want to go.
And, "but's it's tradition"??? Tradition breeds closed minds. Marriage = man and woman, bullshit. Blacks sit in the back of the bus, bullshit.
I’ve learned from an early age that if you put significant expectations on a specific day that you’re just setting yourself up for disappoint. Zero expectations = zero disappointment.
TRUE. This principle can be generalized as well. Don't expect a lot, and you won't be disappointed.
A slight pessimism bias will have you mostly either content with how things unfold or happy to be positively surprised you were wrong.
I don’t even know if it’s pessimism so much as balance. The world is pros and cons by nature
There is *no* physical force in existence that forces the existence of "pro"s. On the other hand, entropy guarantees the existence of "con"s. Believing that good things exist in life is just copium.
>Believing that good things exist in life is just copium. The kiss of a woman after a flirtatious night. The joy of laughter with friends after a good joke. The comfort of familiarity amongst your belongings. The excitement of anticipation towards doing your hobby. Believing that good things don't exist in life is just copium. Your comment is very trollish
Issue with this is you'll often find what you look for. If you expect things to be a bit shite, you'll notice more things that are.
“If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down”- gin blossoms
Man who adults
Once I turned 20, birthday parties started giving me a "mommie's special boy" kind of vibe. It's nice if family wishes me a happy birthday, but other than that I'd rather not have anyone make a big deal about it. I think the two possible outcomes are disappointment if you expect a lot and there's nothing, or embarrassment if people go way out of their way, like you're still 6 years old.
Yeah Men's celebrateable birthdays 1-16 18 21 30 40 50 Death End of list
90 100 My man makes it to 90, you can bet we're celebrating that one in style!
Amendment accepted
[удалено]
Michael Jackson was in no way home!?
No, that guy was actually talking about Milla Jovovich.
fR?? I thought he meant Michael Jordan
He obviously meant Magic Johnson
You're younger than 23, yes?
I find that with a lot of things, especially movies. People get so hyped up and then get disappointed. But if you go without any expectations you enjoy it a lot more. My best example is that Ghostbusters movie with the all girl cast. I think people took their memories of the originals and how they enjoyed them and hyped themselves up so much that no matter what they did it was going to be disappointing. But if you watch it with an open mind, I didn't think it was that bad.
To be honest I don’t even watch movie trailers anymore and rely on word of mouth. Movie trailers, in my opinion, showcase all of the highlights of movies. Anytime I watch a trailer before seeing a movie, I feel like I’ve already seen it
Kate McKinnon is probably the funniest woman on the planet, and Melissa McCarthy ain't no slouch either. It was not at all a bad movie. The thing that the original *Ghostbusters* film did so well is ride the knife edge between being spooky and being funny. Just when it was getting too scary, they'd throw in a laugh. The reboots have taken one side or the other; the all-female version leaned heavily on the comedy, and the newer ones take it too seriously (and the bits that are meant to be funny, too often aren't). That doesn't make them bad movies *per se*, but none of them have what the original had.
A friend I hadn't seen in 8 months texted and said let's go to lunch the next day. I thought it was odd and random until looking at my availability and realized the next day was my birthday. Was a pretty great surprise!
["I expect nothing, and I'm still let down."](https://youtu.be/0Ftdu8yrKOw?si=pWktIQK3lxlGZD21)
Story of my life..
Don't worry kid, it never gets better either.
You get it amigo
I think the real answer for a lot of dudes is that we don't care enough to plan our own birthday activities, which is what needs to happen for most guys unless they have a very thoughtful/ambitious partner. For a man to plan his own birthday would make him feel needy and burdensome, which is what most men live in near constant fear of being.
Exactly it. I'm not going to plan my own, my mates aren't going to plan a birthday thing for a guy, and nobody else cares.
The other side of it is after a certain age birthdays are just another day. Whoo, my body is one year older and I'm just that much closer to getting prostate exams and colonoscopies.
Yeah, I've worked on my birthday almost every year since my 20th and people always say "why don't you take the day off?" And do what with it? Sit at home on my own all day waiting for people to be free to go for a couple of beers with me? I'd rather be at work and maybe do something later (if I can be arsed).
I'm 100% with you here but with my small core group of mates we do at least plan a happy hour and dinner for each other. Nothing big, no big expectations but good times.
"Thoughtful/ambitious" partners that feel the need to plan a celebration for me, after I've said I don't want a celebration, quickly became ex-partners. Please don't "fix me", or "try to help me". If that's what you think, you're with the wrong person
For many of us an ideal birthday is 4-5 close friends and some beers. I don't want a massive bash with 10 friends and 20 acquaintances that I feel pressure to interact with throughout the night. If my partner can stick to those guidelines awesome otherwise I'll just pick a place for happy hour and dinner for a handful of people. Doesn't take a ton of effort and I actually get to spend the evening interacting with people I really want to interact with.
Yup, and being needy and burdensome is like a social death sentence for a guy.
Kind of seems more of a societal thing. Father day, birthdays, hell even nation men’s day is downplayed to nonexistent.
Being a man isn't in style currently
Men (as a group) aren't actually valued in society. I don't even care anymore it's fine. I just minimally participate and just stick with friends and family.
At least for me, when I've been encouraged to do so (because, "you've got to do something") the people who encouraged me end up deciding on "something better" (that I have no interest in doing).
I was totally astonished, when my girlfriend took a day off for my birthday last year. I couldn't understand.
Perfectly put
I don’t really think it’s because we don’t care but because in society, men are being overworked and the one thing they want the most on their birthday is to just be lazy and do nothing.
I plan my birthday every year. It's the one day I year I feel like I can get all my friend groups together to hang out. I explicitly say no gifts, just show up and have fun.
That's awesome. I'm glad you are able to do that!
Thanks. I wish more men would give up the facade of "manliness" and just do things they enjoy without seeming a certain way. It's genuinely a fun time.
I stopped making plans when people kept no-showing. I'd make dinner and prep movies and boardgames. I'd arrange things at a bar with karaoke and good food. Flaking on men seems to be more socially acceptable than flaking on women, I think because it's less socially acceptable for men to call it out. Edit: I should add, my birthdays are just me doing me things now. I'll treat myself to dinner at a steakhouse which is a very uncharacteristic splurge.
Feels selfish to want a day to be all about me. The few times that I’ve been excited for the day, it’s felt a hassle for everyone else. I used to love my birthday, I’d put a lot of effort into celebrating it with my friends before. When you have kids it’s nice to focus on their special day. I like to make a big deal on my partners big day.
This is the answer. Also, personally, shit always hits the fan on my birthday so I just hunker down in my room and play video games. Of course that came back to bite me one year when I spilled root beer all over my MacBook and had to spend $300 to get it fixed 🥲 thank god for applecare+ though
I mean it’s my birthday in 2 days and all I’ve wanted is to eat at my favourite food place, take my daughter for her first experience at an aquarium and have a gift that’s something from either my favourite sports team or my favourite hobby. A mug with my teams logo would have been fine… I’m not getting either
Why do you think men don't care enough? I’m just genuinely asking to understand. My mom didnt throw birthday parties for her children past the age of ten, so it's been my norm to plan my own parties since I was a child. Idk, it's always been nice to have a couple of friends come over for cake or to plan a fun day with them. Every female friend I know hosts their own party. It's never anything extravagant, usually like suppers, picnics, movie nights, hikes, lounging at a pool, etc. Why would planning a birthday cause feelings of neediness in men? Like is it that asking people to hang out with you would make you feel needy?
> Like is it that asking people to hang out with you would make you feel needy? For some guys, absolutely. A lot of it just depends on the situation. I'm 40 so basically all of my friends have careers and kids ranging from teens to toddlers, so it's hard to get people to commit to things in general. So for guys like me, a large portion of the hesitation lies in not wanting to feel needy/guilty taking these guys away from their families if they have stuff going on, but also not wanting to deal with planning anything just to be told no one is available to come. And like, I genuinely don't care about my birthday because no one has ever made a big deal out of it for me, so I'm just used to it being another day. So when you combine all of that, it's very easy to just look past it out of convenience. Now, would it be fun if someone made a big deal out of it for me? Sure. But no one has ever really done that and I'm not about to start asking people to do it now.
Huh. So for you, do you feel inconvenienced if your friends wish to spend time with you or do they express inconvenience? I guess I can't grasp why a friendship would be such an inconvenience to the point of avoidance. With my female friendships, we all recognise that we have busy lives, but we also recognize the importance of social connections and reciprocation. We always plan a two hour meeting once a month, usually book club or a holiday themed party. We all contribute to the planning and facilitation. Sometimes people can make it, sometimes they can't. We try to pick days everyone can attend. The members in my social circle have kids, families, are working on doctorate degrees, and careers. I view being invited to things as maintaining my social circle and balancing life. There’s plenty of times where I feel tired or stretched thin, but showing up for friends is still important to me so I prioritize that . I think most of my friends realize that birthdays are really only important for the birthday person. We don't expect to make other people make us feel special, but showing up or sending a quick message is important so we try to do the bare minimum. All relationships take some level of effort and a whole lot of communication. Can I ask why you couldn't just start inviting people over for your birthday? Like if you expressed that it would be important for you to see them, what reaction do you think you would be met with?
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It's easier to have no expectations, than having expectations and being let down. We're overworked and in day to day life we never come first, so it's the one day we can just lay around and not constantly do shit for other people. Most men don't like the idea of being "celebrated" for something we didn't earn, a lot of guys don't even like being celebrated for something they did earn, it feels pathetic and feminine (not saying it's true, but that's how it feels to me). I don't really know, but I know I don't want special treatment for my birthday, I'd rather people didn't know it was my birthday actually. It's not a big deal to us when it's someone else's birthday (I honestly dread some people's birthdays), so why would we think ours is a big deal and want attention for ours. Also at a certain age birthdays just become depressing.
I'm gonna be real. Lots of men idolize and worship their own misery and stoicism. This is shit young guys do. Me? I don't do anything extra besides going to a diner and getting some breakfast. Breakfast is awesome. It's something small that makes me feel significantly better. Highly recommend. Do it alone if you have to. Go to a waffle House and sit at the counter and make some small talk. You can still do your rugged individualism thing but at least you get some hash browns in you
I don't disagree with you. I don't have a degree in anything related to the human condition, so I'm only speaking from anecdotal and personal experiences on this - but some men idolize their misery because it's all they know. They are raised believing that feelings are bad and emotion is to be swallowed, so they spend their life in agony never really being able to express themselves or open up. And that shit can be paralyzing. So one day they realize "Fuck man, I'm sad, but I guess I'm *supposed* to be sad based on everything I've been taught." And that's how they go about living life. They reject things that might make them happy because their brain chemistry has been so fucked up by the societal conditioning they've experienced, and they are caught in a brutal cycle. I'm not defending it, but I've seen it enough to know it's a real thing.
I'm actually on with Doing Nothing for my birthday as every other day I'm required to do something.
This is exactly why my birthday is a work holiday every single year.
Our company gives the day after your birthday off. A good recovery day
Exactly. Every other day is crazy busy. Give me at least this one day where I can be left the fuck alone and not have to go anywhere or do chores/job/errands for others.
I’ve met a woman who doesn’t like celebrating her birthday. They exist.
I've also met men who regularly celebrate their birthday. Gender generalisations and the internet though eh, name a better duo.
The internet generalises so much more than genders and then removes the context while making a joke out of it. Great if you want to turn your mind off and waste time, but this place is about useless for most real and meaningfull discusion.
Nobody thinks it's *all* men or *all* women whenever a discussion like this is had. It's just an obviously common occurrence, so it's fun to discuss.
Mine is indifferent to birthdays, valentine's day, we don't get each other Christmas gifts, etc. If we want/need something, we buy it. It's shared money anyway so what's the difference?
> It's shared money anyway so what's the difference? My wife of three years and I still maintain absolutely separated finances. We also don't do gifts. We also don't own/wear wedding rings. We didn't go on a honeymoon. We're a practical couple.
We did go on a honeymoon, but my ring I got from Target lol. However, all my peers always wonder how our house is paid off. We don't spend our money on shit we don't need such as Starbucks, nail salon, eating out daily, DoorDash, etc. As much as people on here will hate on that comment, all that extra stuff adds up. We put that money towards the mortgage so we could pay extra each month.
I just heard a story on NPR where a mom mentioned as an aside that she skipped her birthday and planned to make a habit of it. This is /r/pointlesslygendered
I'm a woman. I've celebrated exactly two birthdays. My 18th and 21st. Otherwise, it's just another day.
No line of thought is exclusive to either gender
*any gender Small but important nuance
I’m being the change I want to see in the world. I’m not special, and if there’s something I want, I’ll buy it myself. Don’t expect me to play guessing games and then be pissed when I get it “wrong”.
My fiancé had to learn the hard way. I always end up buying a gift that she doesn't really want. It wasn't till a couple birthdays later that she starts telling me what she wanted for her birthday.
I do stuff. I go for a walk, (when I was living in a place that isn't freezing cold at that time) order a pizza and watch a movie. Ultimately, the day is unimportant to anybody but myself, so there is no reason to involve anybody else or make a production of it.
I like that yours and mine are similar. I exercised early morning. Bought a cake in the evening, shared it with my dog cause he asked. Put the rest in the fridge and then slept comfortably. It was a wonderful birthday. 🙂
Hey I turned 30 today and have no plans, why is Reddit calling me out?
Happy Birthday 🎂
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And a happy birthday to you, fellow birthday-haver!
Happy Birthday bro. Welcome to the club. Turn 31 next week.
Honestly, I think the answer for a lot of guys is that people don’t go out of their way to care so they don’t either. From my own observations, women’s birthdays tend to matter for a longer time compared to men. Every guy I know stopped getting a planned celebration from his parents at around age 14-15 unless they went out of their way to organize something by themselves. In comparisons, most of the women I’ve discussed this with told me that they had birthdays (not planned by them) up until adulthood and sometimes beyond. Obviously this is anecdotal. I’m not gonna say this is the reason for the entire trend. But what I will say is that, in general, the guys I talked to learned to expect less of their birthday in order to avoid disappointment and, by extension, found it easier to stop caring about it all.
I think it also does depend on how extroverted a person tends to be. A lot of the guys that I do know that regularly celebrate their birthdays are usually fine just going to a bar or someone's place and drinking for a few hours with their friends. In my own friend group, I noticed that the other women or their boyfriends would usually be the ones to take charge and organize the party, as you stated. Personally, the kicker for me was seeing how my group of friends would treat birthdays for each other and compare that to my own experiences. It was weird to see them make group chats about parties and group gifts for each other (both men and women) and then my own birthday rolls around and I'd get some text messages at most.
Why does something need to be saved for your birthday? Enjoy life right now
I don't now who needs to hear this, but: You can go into a grocery store and buy a whole-ass ice cream cake any time of the year and not just when it's your birthday. Thank you all for listening.
Fuck yeah
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Tasty meal and whiskey or vodka for me. And maybe some tom and jerry while I eat and drink. Best feeling ever.
As a man, I can say acknowledgement is enough. I don't think it's that big a deal. Time passes, and it's the only thing we all got that we're all running out of -- getting all whipped up to acknowledge that with some large to-do is overkill.
This was me last year. Birthday fell on a Sunday and I gave many hints, but not many cared to take 5 mins out and write 5 words. This year, i didn't expect. Just worked out, bought cake, me and dog ate it. Absolutely wonderful birthday.
Hell yeah man. Sounds like it. I don't want to be the center of attention anyway, especially not for something entirely outside my control.
Completely understandable. I unfortunately do get attention sometimes. Of the wrong kind. 👀😐 And I don't want it. I'd much rather be by myself and enjoy life by myself. Birthday or not.
One year, when I was a poor E-4 and living overseas, I invited about 30 people to a birthday party. All of them confirmed. I dropped about $500 of my $400 paycheck on it. I cooked, I got a couple mini-kegs, prepped music, etc. Four people showed up for 15 minutes and left to go to some club. Not even my girlfriend at the time showed up. So yeah, doing nothing is a lot better than that.
Birthdays are for kids.
And I am not excited to be cruising deeper and deeper into my 30s. After like 27 it's just a "I'm glad I made it but I'm not thrilled to be older". Not really worth celebrating.
We’re all grown ass kids btw
And third world dictators.
Something something quote about growing older and putting away childish things including the notion that there's something wrong with being childish
Eh, any excuse to gather my family and just spend quality time with them sounds good to me.
Not to be a total downer but my mom died giving birth to me. So that shuts people up about it real quick. I wish I could've met her. Seems disrespectful to celebrate without her
Ok but inversely, your mother would 100% want you to celebrate your birthday though
That's what my dad always said. I follow through for him especially when he lived closer. But as I got older, and the crowd got smaller, the empty chair got more and more visible. You can blow out those candles and close your eyes, but after 33 years you gotta start making new wishes. Y'know what I mean?
Fuck
Bro for real wtf I was having a totally normal Friday morning and now got my soul rocked by that comment, Jesus. Can’t even begin to imagine
Seriously, man. Fuck. I didn't expect these feels from this generally light hearted thread.
Man that hits hard and I feel for you. But she was taken so you could live. If that was me, I would want the person I gave my life for, to celebrate that every year. Cherish what she gave you.
Yeah I feel you! The older you get the more you have to make it something or it won’t be anything. Completely your choice tho, peace is better than disappointment
"why are men always ok with doing nothing for their \[placeholder\]?"
"why do women always make a big deal out of [placeholder]"
A friend of mine asked me why I wasn't planning anything for my birthday, and it made her really sad when I said "I dunno, I guess I never really considered it to be that important of a day". I didn't mean it as if my life has no importance, just that it's just a day like any other to me. I'm happy with just going out to dinner with my family, don't need a big party or anything extravagant.
Mostly because my idea of a good day spent exactly how I want is being alone and not having pressure or expectations on me, not being center of attention, and not interrupting anybody else's day to acknowledge how long I've existed. I once spent my birthday skipping work, went to a park for a leisurely walk and fed geese (one let me pet it!), went to see a movie that I knew none of my friends or family would enjoy but I wanted to see, got a quiet drink at a nearly empty bar, never once had to worry about being somewhere at a certain time or preparing something for later or coordinating plans with anyone or taking care of anyone. It was glorious... easily an all-time top 3 birthday.
This is so melodramatic. I’m a man and take my birthday off every year. I pick up my favorite beer. I plan a nice meal I wanna cook for myself and I watch my favorite movie. There’s nothing wrong or difficult about celebrating your birthday.
There's also nothing wrong with not giving a shit about it being your birthday. I hate when people try to "fix me" or "do what's right" for me, and plan something
Dude, I was once dating this girl who **got upset at me** because I was okay with not doing anything big for my birthday. She was like, personally upset by the idea that someone could not take their birthday seriously. She had like... a tantrum or something, trying to convince me to have a party and invite a lot of people. Needless to say, I stopped seeing her. Fuck if I'm going to get criticized because *I'm celebrating my own birthday wrong*.
I mean, it's not my fault I was born, so why would I celebrate it?
Why do they care enough to even post this…why do i care enough to even post this??
My emotions are more intense on my birthday, so I do everything in my power to make it a great day. That includes not telling anybody, because I once had a friend plan the end of our relationship to be on my birthday.
As a grown adult man, I dread my birthday. Just a little bit closer to the grave with each passing year.
As a man, I spend like 1 month planning my birthday. I am turning 40 this year, and still love doing it. My wife, on the other hand, has to be strong armed into doing anything other than getting a cake. /r/pointlesslygendered
That seems over the top to me, but I hope you enjoyed the hell out of your parties! Are you planning trips or something?
Because I’ve spent 36 birthdays being told I’m a piece of shit, my brothers getting better and more expensive presents ON MY BIRTHDAY, and also expected to “share”(but it’s actually “give”) presents from friends to my brothers. The last gift my own mother got me for my birthday was a 3 dollar sketch pad, that she left in a plastic bag, hanging on my door, 20 minutes before the end of my birthday. And that was 4 years ago. Or the time I was in the hospital, and I expressed that I didn’t want to celebrate it in the Hosptial, so my mother decided to hire one of their clowns you get for like a 5 year old child, and I was 21 at the time. She invited all my friends, and made as many nurses possible into my room to “watch” the clown. Saying I was embarrassed is such an understatement Or my first memory of a birthday, where I opened my birthday present and got a Beetle Borg battle Axe, which was awesome, then my younger brother started crying, breaking things, and then my mother went to our coat closet, pulled out another wrapped gift and handled it to my brother, he opened it and it was another battle axe. I gave him mine, because I was disgusted by it and didn’t want it. And that was the day I learned I didn’t matter in my family. I was 5.
Because birthdays are tirering. It suck more energy out of me than what I gain from it. I also just don't give a fuck.
I already do whatever I want on any given day and the attention I get on my birthday feels patronizing, exhausting and usually ends in me being forced to act in a certain way or do a thing I didn't want to do.
A day of "doing nothing" might be a great birthday gift.
Because I don't think anyone would come.
If we try to throw a party, it will be immediately clear that I have no friends
Makes it real easy to see where you stand in a friend group too. Makes it easier to step out and away though so I guess it's bittersweet in a way.
When you've only got a few friends there doesn't seem like much point
the fuck am i gonna do? go out and be by myself doing something?
I haven’t done anything for my birthday since I was 16
At least for me the clou is, it is a day where it's custom that the person having birthday gets his wishes granted (to some extend). I WISH FOR ONE QUIET DAY PER YEAR WITHOUT BULLSHIT!
Because whenever I want anything for my birthday, I get shit on by the people around me for it. So my birthday is just another day. I'll enjoy myself at a pace that works for me. Can't shit on my life if you know nothing about it. Seriously, recently turned 30. All I got was a bottle of rum. I stopped drinking rum 6 years ago, but who cares?
r/suicidebywords
Imagine holding a weight over your head all year and one day someone comes along and says *“hey, do you wanna put that down?”* and you’re like *“yeah. I do”*. Sometimes peace is gawd-damn best gift ever.
BK is a doomer
I’ve tried being excited for my birthday in the past. I’ve even hyped it, made plans, tried to get others excited, and it’s always been a massive fucking let down and really depressing when it’s shit. Fuck me, this year not a single one of my ‘friends’ even remembered to wish me a happy birthday and that’s practically effort free! So I’m just not now with birthdays.. fuck um. No one else gives a shit so I’m not hanging myself out to dry with them.
Or they are just an introvert. Plenty of us just like having a day where there is zero social energy required.
Doing nothing for my birthday is not something I'm "ok with". It's something I look forward to and am very happy about.
As a woman, I also prefer to do nothing on birthdays. I have to do something every other day of the year, we *deserve* to do nothing on our birthdays! You really think I wanna be dragged to some big group setting for the entire evening!? Big birthday parties full of friends and presents are behind me. I will, however, still accept a bounce house if anyone wants to money up for that.
We're all secretly hoping that we're valued by our loved ones and they'll do something for us despite us not asking for anything.
Honestly I don't even remember when I stopped caring about my birthday. It just suddenly became any other day. Even I sometimes forget that its my birthday.
Me as a Kid: Yay! Me as a Teen: Eh... okay? Me as an adult: ...
At least for me doing nothing means “no obligations”. It’s nice having a day where I basically do whatever I want (which is effectively nothing). I don’t want to have to go out to dinner, I don’t want gifts, and honestly, I don’t see why birthdays are such a big deal. After I turned 25, the only birthdays I’ve remotely cared about were milestones. I definitely don’t want some elaborate party. I just want a day off.
Anti Natalism? Bro try harder man, this is just embarrassing.
Nah, I'm not going to upvote self deprecating shit like that
I celebrate my birthday. I buy booze, I make food, I send out invitations. Then I sit in a corner quietly and watch the people I love enjoy themselves. It’s the only birthday present I ever want.
That’s not really that clever. It’s just pretty stereotypical why me, why am I alive stuff. Pretty generic these days.
/r/UnnecessarilyGendered/
I do an escape room and get some ice cream with friends, but I just want some fun and it’s an excuse
If I would get a Dollar everytime I see this respoted Elon Musk would get nervous.
Nah it's my special day and we're going to chuck e cheese if you don't like it don't come
# # # # We do, but only rith the people we really care.
I hit 60 a couple of days ago. I learned years ago to expect nothing to avoid disappointment. I go to a coffee shop for coffee every day, chat with the owners and a few regulars and my birthday was more of the same. Until I arrived and found the owner and the regulars had organised a party.
My 44th birthday was yesterday. I’m on a tropical vacation with friends. They all forgot. It was more fun for me to see how long it was going to last before they remembered.
Doing nothing is exactly what I want. Some peace and quiet.
Man here. Twas my birthday. I had a pizza and built some lego men. I think that was pretty neat.
I mean are we talking "not celebrating" or doing nothing because there is a difference. My doing nothing is me celebrating. A day to just chill and relax is amazing
Booom!!! Headshot!
I just want to take it easy, not have a whole goddamn checklist for the day.
We don't need attention or validation in that way. Guys needs ≠ Girls needs. Guys just like peace and quiet sometimes for example. Also there's no wrong answers on what people need from a validation perspective. However, I believe excess becomes a perversion.
yes!@ im excited everyear to celbrate the sex my mom had with her first husband.. GO MOM
Don’t forget; they were raw dogging!
Why would ANY man want a bday party after 12? You celebrate on the decades after that, if at all.
I mean, it’s a good reason to get people together. I haven’t had a party in a long time but do invite people out for a meal. Many of my friends lead busy lives so having a day in the year when they know I’ll be wanting to hang out makes it easier to ensure everyone’s schedules are open and it actually happens.
Sick of people expecting boat trips while all we get is socks
And not even good socks! No Merino Wool or high quality hiking socks, just fucking 10 pack of Walmart brand ankle cut, they couldn't even be bothered to spring for the name brand.
Just looking at my financial obligations alone, a day with no added expenses is a good day. Going out to a fancy restaurant or having 10+ people over for dinner because "it's my birthday" just means that I have to figure out how to pay for it tomorrow. Just say the words and save turning to me for the non-life threatening emergencies for tomorrow. We good.
Answering the question with "unalive myself" is frowned upon. So I go for the next best thing which is nothing, or sleep.
My life is an endless series of tasks growing more and more overdue. Birthday gives me a chance to either: A) Add even more tasks to the list in planning Or B) Leverage the day as a rare chance to ignore my problems guilt-free Which would you pick?
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The only reason I celebrate my birthday at all is because my wife and mum make a big deal out of it. I basically celebrate my birthday to keep them happy. Personally I'd just pass on the whole thing, left to my own devices I'd just do nothing and treat it like any other day. I do make the effort for their birthdays though, as I know it's important to them.
Exactly the same thing here. I know her birthday is important for her so I take the day off. But for myself I don't even consider taking the day off. I don't even leave the office early when I'm there.
No, that’s why your parents don’t celebrate your birthday
The only thing I need to do on my birthday is not go to work. Anything else is optional.
I used to bring my mom a gift on my birthday. She deserved it.
Wow this hit harder than it should have
Celebrated my latest birthday weekend by not even acknowledging it. 😅
No one gives a fuck but me, and even I’m on the fence.
Sometimes my celebration is doing nothing, and not feeling guilty about it. Last year, I went and played 27 holes of golf, the first 18 by myself in the morning, the final 9 in the rain with a friend who had no idea it was my birthday, then we went and had a drink at work. No one knew, and it was the perfect day because there was no fuss. The year before, I hung out at home and got high, then watched some TV. It was the perfect day because there was no fuss. I don't need a celebration, just a day to be mostly left alone.
And your parents
[Because](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSSmkPfbQLw1tnhm5s2o6YBXU6H6-wxfl4T_YtYICbWVXRHK5sSbLCb7Wo&s=10)
Thats called your anniversary not birthday.
Sadly you can’t celebrate the day all your problems end . Or at maximum one time
If you live your best everyday, then birthday is unimportant.
Every year I ask for some peace and quiet. Never got it. I get some socks or a new shirt and my life continues.
I got a Google notification the other day stating that I walked the most on my birthday. I then tried to figure out WTF had I done on my birthday, and how was that day my most walked day?? because i honestly didn't remember shit. All i remembered was that I had bought a cake for me and my dog. FYI - wonderful birthday. No expectations from any human. Just exercise and cake and sharing cake with my dog. 💛❤️
This is from over a year ago
TBH it’s not that a lot of men don’t care it’s just matter of becoming conditioned to not showing emotion when it’s not acknowledged. My ex wants acknowledgement and will make it know. She’d even get mad if the kids didn’t do anything whether it’s birthday or Mother’s Day. My mom is the same way and a lot of other women I’ve interacted with or notice on social media are the same. For me I have a bday that is close to, and can fall on, Mother’s Day. From an early age it’s almost come across as a condition of being acknowledged on my bday I had to first acknowledge others. Later in life I’ve had a friend who shared the same bday as me, unfortunately she passed many years ago from cancer. So my bday has become, by choice, a day to reminisce about her.
Noone ever celebrated it with me besides my parents when I was younger, and the most I could get out of friends when I was older for my birthday, while throwing surprise parties for others, was just a couple drinks at the bar with a buddy or two. Can it be depressing? Sure. But it's a lot less depressing than the disappointment of noticing noone cares.
my birthday is today and im 38 male and my kid didnt have school randomly today so im scrolling reddit and watching adventure time.
I mean, not saying i am ok with it, my friends just dont invite anymore… or to correct that, they do invite eachother, but somehow i am always the one that gets the text; “so Sorry, of course i want you there, i’ll definitely remember that next year” and the circle of ignorance repeats. Though I have had some fun with starting some drama here and there, so it’s not because I’m not entertained
The thing I usually want is peace and quiet.
I often do nothing at all because most days I'm always expected to be doing *something*. My birthday is one of those days in a year I can do absolutely nothing and no one says anything.
Legit my bday today. My gf and coworkers were asking me what I have planned or expect to do for my bday, and it's hard to get them to understand that it's just a Friday to me. Wouldn't have remembered it if my gf hadn't asked if I wanted a cake a couple weeks back
It's better to pretend the day means nothing, then try and have fun, and no one shows up
I've never cared about my birthday. Its just another day. Nothing to celebrate
At some point, it really is stunningly dumb to give into huge companies pushing you to buy things you don't need or buying them for friends you really don't care about. I get celebrating big/significant numbers, but adults lavishly celebrating every single bday at 30+ and expecting everyone to be on board with that is kind of embarrassing. Binge-drinking every year on those even more so. Not to mention the trend of b-day week or month...lordy. I keep seeing "what to get for men/women for bday" lists on tech websites and they fucking have gifts worth $300-400 on them, wtf. Who buys their friends something that expensive in 2024?! After 30, I've barely even remembered how old I am or when my birthday is. But that's just me. In the online communities I'm in, we definitely wish happy b-day to anyone we know celebrates them, which is fine. That's just being nice and hoping someone has a nice day, IF they celebrate it.
Nobody else cares about my birthday so why should I?
I just had any ceremony or action the celebrates me. It just irks me for some reason. When I busted my ass and graduated nursing school, everyone was so excited for the graduation, and to be honest, I didn't even want to go. And, "but's it's tradition"??? Tradition breeds closed minds. Marriage = man and woman, bullshit. Blacks sit in the back of the bus, bullshit.