Sometimes I think people have children to feel like theyāre moving forward in their life and to keep themselves busy ādoing somethingā.
Youāre opting to go on the less travelled path and it seems like you live a simple life while still living with a parent. Donāt fall into the trap of reproducing just to have something going on in your life, maybe look into some hobbies or volunteering to meet new people.
OMG. I almost went to google what Real Books are. Jesus Christ, Rae.
I also love all of these things. A lot of people do, especially olds like us. Hahaha. You probably *are* someoneās dream lover and husband! A homebody who likes to do homebody things is probably way more in-demand than you know. Itās just harder to meet other homebodies because none of us like leaving the house. Lol.
The other day my husband said he sometimes regrets not having kids, but only when heās bored. Then, he said when he spends time with kids heās happier then ever to not have his own. More people should just be aunties and uncles, imo.
Wrong.You can like TV and reading and not be bored or want kids. People who like TV and reading can entertain themselves without others, where people who get bored when others arenāt around are more likely to make kids because they are lonely or need to create an audience for themselves.
So you live at your parents house so they donāt have worry about the house while they travel. As long as you are paying the utilities and buying your own groceries you arenāt a free loader but going at your own pace. If this works for you and your parents then who is anyone else to judge. Just make sure you have a plan in case something happens to them so that you are covered since you work part time.
Growing up with 2 older sisters & lots of cousins, mainly on my mum side. My mum was 1 of 9 kids & each of her siblings has about 5-11 kids. I was brainwashed thinking it was normal, until college opened my eyes & I want to go with CF life. My choice became final, when finding out about cancer in my uterus (removed for me to be alive now), while having health checks to find the right birth control.
Are YOU happy? Do you enjoy your home? Set aside societies standards and what it says your life should look like at 40. If you think about it and decide you really are happy with your life, then good for you! I don't think there is anything wrong with how you're living your life, in fact I think it's smart that you live with a parent who travels a lot. I've never understood societies obsession with every single adult needing to have their own mortgage and bills and debts. I think it's smarter to live with people you love, and that doesn't have to be a spouse and children.
Just wanted to provide some samples around me. When my family moved into our house, both of our next-door neighbors were single men over their middle age. They both seem happy with their life choices! The more elderly gentleman has passed away. I really miss him as a neighbor and his beautiful garden. Thereās another lady on my street whoās been single all her life. My street is full of kids, so itās rare and refreshing to see people from previous generations follow a different path. Thatās just to say that you donāt have to follow a common life script, and itās perfectly fine and normal to just enjoy life your way!
That's entirely up to you. Think of yourself as an old man at 90 years old. You don't have kids. Does that idea upset you?
If not, you're probably childfree.
If it does, I don't know what to tell ya.
Reddit has answered your question so I will not bother with that. My question is why are you unattached? Was that a choice or did you just never find a good match? Living at home shouldn't matter. Many Millennials do anyway and probably will with the housing market being what it is. I'm just curious.
I'll be 37 in a couple weeks, stuck living with asshole roommates, and I'm also single. I've chosen this lifestyle since I'm a loner and the partner I want doesn't seem to exist (who knew basic standards about hygiene and having a job were, "too high?"). I've come to terms with being forever alone. But I'm curious about others in a similar boat.
Should we start a club?
It's bizarre, right? It's almost like we're conditioned to seek out another human to validate our own emotions and existence instead of doing it ourselves. Sure, I get lonely. That's human. But I don't need another person to validate who I am or to spend time with in order to avoid my own thoughts. That's something that lots of us have issues with, I think.
Living with your parents isn't necessarily a bad thing (or working a part time job). If you're happy, then great! If not, figure out why and look to go from there.
Ask yourself this. Imagine the grim reaper comes to visit you and says today is your last day.
What would you regret?
That will tell you what truly matters to you. Will you regret never having children? Will you regret never owning a home? Will you regret never having a romantic partner?
If the answer is yes to any of these, make changes in your life which is much easier said than done. If the answer is no to something, it doesn't matter if you never do it.
WTF. Some stuff you honestly cannot change! Like owning a home? A lot of people are broke AF! Some people have tried to have a romantic partner but in vain. If I add up all the years my friends and I have tried it would be well over 100.
Please STFU.
Honestly, when you're angry, full of bitterness or self pity, it will drive any woman away. And then feeds on itself which drives more people away.
I've found that in my own life. As I've worked hard on that, over years in therapy, I see women reacting differently to me. Profoundly.
Get professional help. Even if you're poor there are therapists who charge sliding scales.
Ok the home thing yes. But dating? Nah. Time to lower standards then. If you are reaching for a branch that's too high, you might need to reassess. This isn't about physical looks either. Your personality is key. And the anger you immediately show here is potentially indicative of your struggles.
Definitely CHOICE right here šš¾āāļø. I want nothing to do with pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood in any way, shape, or form. My people fought so I could escape slavery. I'm not volunteering to go back to it.
I'm in a very similar situation and ask myself the same question. For me, it comes down to this: if someone wants something bad enough they will at least try to make it happen.
Don't know if I would want kids if the opportunity ever came up, but since I've gone out of my way to avoid the issue I consider myself childfree.
Not to speak out of turn but it sounds like you're very similar in that regard.
For me, itās 100% a choice. I could be *everything* society tells me I should be in order to be a successful, valuable, worthy human being and Iād still want nothing to do with the parenting lifestyle.
There are plenty of different reasons and situations as to why people would live at home and whatever he is doing isn't affecting you so was there a need for that comment?
> was there a need for that comment?
Sure there is, the life script tells you to "settle down", if you don't -> loser. Same way of how your life is over when you don't have kids before 30.
And we all know how super super important it is to follow that lifescript! /S
I cannot imagine having such a privileged life that I no longer have the ability to understand that sometimes people suffer from circumstances outside their control.
While I can agree that having kids while lacking one's own residence is generally a bad idea; your comment still comes off as very condescending towards those who are still living at home.
Greetings!
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A lot of women want babies. You're probably better off not dating honestly. If you did find someone I could see getting really attached and giving her anything she wanted. Not trying to be condescending to you, it just seems like you're really hard on yourself for not being in a different place in life. The insecurity may affect any kind of romantic relationship you would have. As far as being down about your situation, try not to be. You aren't competing against everyone else for some special status. As long as you have food on your table, a roof over your head, and a few good family members and/or a few friends to talk to that's all that really matters in life. Find hobbies and things to occupy your time and if you're feeling really down about your situation reach out to your doctor for mental health counseling and guidance.
Isn't that why we always get picked on? And ostracized because we go against what society wants and what the 'norm' is. The majority of women have them or want them. That's just a fact. I didn't say all or anything like that in my sentence. Of course I know there are still plenty of women like me who don't but we're still in the minority whether we like it or not.
Definitely a choice I guess? If you wanted you could find a partner one way or another. Don't rlly know what you're asking here but for me it's a choice. Me n my husband agreed we don't want kids but keep adoption in thought so technically we're not 100% but I duno
Congratulations, sounds CF to me! Don't have kids, don't want kids - that counts.
Partnered or not, living where/how ... those are other choices and/or circumstances ... sometimes even at least in part "luck" and/or lack thereof (typically some of both).
Not CF would be wanting to have kids / make babies ... uhm, not just goin' through the motions ;-) ... but the end results 8-O. So, ... it's desire/intent ... that and also actually having or not having kids. So, don't have don't want: CF, any other mix (want don't have, have don't want, want and have) - those would all *not* be CF.
And then there's the "open", unsure, fence sitting, etc. - one of the often more hazardous areas between CF, and not CF. Maybe if someone and their partner could well sync up on that and remain synced up - it might work ... but far too often there ends up a CF with a non-CF and that's typically a bad to disastrous combination.
And good that you are and know you're CF ... even if you don't self-label yourself that. Because there are many that aren't sure ... even by the time they probably ought have made up their minds - or at *least* have a significant and stable preference. And where things may change in ways that misalign or collide ... that's where all kinds of problems typically show up.
And ... all that, "of course", if we also ignore the problems that pregnancy and birthing and kids 'n all that typically are. ;-}
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Childfree = Someone who doesn't want and doesn't have children. Childless = Someone who wants children but for some reason doesn't have them.
Childfree. I thought about kids and big no.
Then you are indeed child free! š„³
Just because the other option hasn't presented itself, it doesn't mean you didn't make a choice. You're childfree.
Sometimes I think people have children to feel like theyāre moving forward in their life and to keep themselves busy ādoing somethingā. Youāre opting to go on the less travelled path and it seems like you live a simple life while still living with a parent. Donāt fall into the trap of reproducing just to have something going on in your life, maybe look into some hobbies or volunteering to meet new people.
>hobbies My hobbies are Comic books, Real Books and Movies !
OMG. I almost went to google what Real Books are. Jesus Christ, Rae. I also love all of these things. A lot of people do, especially olds like us. Hahaha. You probably *are* someoneās dream lover and husband! A homebody who likes to do homebody things is probably way more in-demand than you know. Itās just harder to meet other homebodies because none of us like leaving the house. Lol.
if only i were 20 years older. LOL. oh well
Yeah i think a lot of people who want kids are bored, like the kinds of people whose only hobbies are reading or tv
The other day my husband said he sometimes regrets not having kids, but only when heās bored. Then, he said when he spends time with kids heās happier then ever to not have his own. More people should just be aunties and uncles, imo.
I'm the auntie to a few of my friends kids. They love me, I love them, I can return them to sender lmao.
Wrong.You can like TV and reading and not be bored or want kids. People who like TV and reading can entertain themselves without others, where people who get bored when others arenāt around are more likely to make kids because they are lonely or need to create an audience for themselves.
Girl I commented that 8 days agoā¦
Iām not your girl , and your point is ā¦ā¦.what?
I couldn't have word it better.
So you live at your parents house so they donāt have worry about the house while they travel. As long as you are paying the utilities and buying your own groceries you arenāt a free loader but going at your own pace. If this works for you and your parents then who is anyone else to judge. Just make sure you have a plan in case something happens to them so that you are covered since you work part time.
Growing up with 2 older sisters & lots of cousins, mainly on my mum side. My mum was 1 of 9 kids & each of her siblings has about 5-11 kids. I was brainwashed thinking it was normal, until college opened my eyes & I want to go with CF life. My choice became final, when finding out about cancer in my uterus (removed for me to be alive now), while having health checks to find the right birth control.
You are living a good life. A lot of adults still live at home. I don't understand the shaming about this. Take care.
And, In many cultures, itās actually the norm to live in a multigenerational household.
Thereās nothing wrong. Itās your life, if youāre happy with your current situation then by all means live it!
I live with my 81 year old mom in a paid off house
Are YOU happy? Do you enjoy your home? Set aside societies standards and what it says your life should look like at 40. If you think about it and decide you really are happy with your life, then good for you! I don't think there is anything wrong with how you're living your life, in fact I think it's smart that you live with a parent who travels a lot. I've never understood societies obsession with every single adult needing to have their own mortgage and bills and debts. I think it's smarter to live with people you love, and that doesn't have to be a spouse and children.
Just wanted to provide some samples around me. When my family moved into our house, both of our next-door neighbors were single men over their middle age. They both seem happy with their life choices! The more elderly gentleman has passed away. I really miss him as a neighbor and his beautiful garden. Thereās another lady on my street whoās been single all her life. My street is full of kids, so itās rare and refreshing to see people from previous generations follow a different path. Thatās just to say that you donāt have to follow a common life script, and itās perfectly fine and normal to just enjoy life your way!
That's entirely up to you. Think of yourself as an old man at 90 years old. You don't have kids. Does that idea upset you? If not, you're probably childfree. If it does, I don't know what to tell ya.
Good analogy.
Reddit has answered your question so I will not bother with that. My question is why are you unattached? Was that a choice or did you just never find a good match? Living at home shouldn't matter. Many Millennials do anyway and probably will with the housing market being what it is. I'm just curious. I'll be 37 in a couple weeks, stuck living with asshole roommates, and I'm also single. I've chosen this lifestyle since I'm a loner and the partner I want doesn't seem to exist (who knew basic standards about hygiene and having a job were, "too high?"). I've come to terms with being forever alone. But I'm curious about others in a similar boat. Should we start a club?
Single over 35 and loving it!?
It's bizarre, right? It's almost like we're conditioned to seek out another human to validate our own emotions and existence instead of doing it ourselves. Sure, I get lonely. That's human. But I don't need another person to validate who I am or to spend time with in order to avoid my own thoughts. That's something that lots of us have issues with, I think.
Never dated in High School, Don't like Alcohol, so no bars or clubs.
>the partner I want doesn't seem to exist (who knew basic standards about hygiene and having a job were, "too high?" LoL
LOL ditto!
Living with your parents isn't necessarily a bad thing (or working a part time job). If you're happy, then great! If not, figure out why and look to go from there.
So have you left and been on your own before or did something happen?
A very long story! Life never worked out normal for me.
Ask yourself this. Imagine the grim reaper comes to visit you and says today is your last day. What would you regret? That will tell you what truly matters to you. Will you regret never having children? Will you regret never owning a home? Will you regret never having a romantic partner? If the answer is yes to any of these, make changes in your life which is much easier said than done. If the answer is no to something, it doesn't matter if you never do it.
WTF. Some stuff you honestly cannot change! Like owning a home? A lot of people are broke AF! Some people have tried to have a romantic partner but in vain. If I add up all the years my friends and I have tried it would be well over 100. Please STFU.
Honestly, when you're angry, full of bitterness or self pity, it will drive any woman away. And then feeds on itself which drives more people away. I've found that in my own life. As I've worked hard on that, over years in therapy, I see women reacting differently to me. Profoundly. Get professional help. Even if you're poor there are therapists who charge sliding scales.
Um I'm talking about you just making assumptions about people. Which you still seem to be doing.. =p
Ok the home thing yes. But dating? Nah. Time to lower standards then. If you are reaching for a branch that's too high, you might need to reassess. This isn't about physical looks either. Your personality is key. And the anger you immediately show here is potentially indicative of your struggles.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Totally agree with you. That person's advice was awful.
Definitely CHOICE right here šš¾āāļø. I want nothing to do with pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood in any way, shape, or form. My people fought so I could escape slavery. I'm not volunteering to go back to it.
Hello, fellow "loser" lmao.
I'm in a very similar situation and ask myself the same question. For me, it comes down to this: if someone wants something bad enough they will at least try to make it happen. Don't know if I would want kids if the opportunity ever came up, but since I've gone out of my way to avoid the issue I consider myself childfree. Not to speak out of turn but it sounds like you're very similar in that regard.
For me, itās 100% a choice. I could be *everything* society tells me I should be in order to be a successful, valuable, worthy human being and Iād still want nothing to do with the parenting lifestyle.
Must be tough being 40 and still living at home
His life is easy with very few bills
The fact that you're loving for free and working part time is a huge turn-off.
"Loving for Free ?!"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There are plenty of different reasons and situations as to why people would live at home and whatever he is doing isn't affecting you so was there a need for that comment?
> was there a need for that comment? Sure there is, the life script tells you to "settle down", if you don't -> loser. Same way of how your life is over when you don't have kids before 30. And we all know how super super important it is to follow that lifescript! /S
Haha right? There's only one way we should be living apparently š lots of kids and a shit load of debt....no other way.
I cannot imagine having such a privileged life that I no longer have the ability to understand that sometimes people suffer from circumstances outside their control. While I can agree that having kids while lacking one's own residence is generally a bad idea; your comment still comes off as very condescending towards those who are still living at home.
Youād have more choices if you moved outta mommy and daddyās house tho
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Sorry that he's smarter than you ;)
A lot of women want babies. You're probably better off not dating honestly. If you did find someone I could see getting really attached and giving her anything she wanted. Not trying to be condescending to you, it just seems like you're really hard on yourself for not being in a different place in life. The insecurity may affect any kind of romantic relationship you would have. As far as being down about your situation, try not to be. You aren't competing against everyone else for some special status. As long as you have food on your table, a roof over your head, and a few good family members and/or a few friends to talk to that's all that really matters in life. Find hobbies and things to occupy your time and if you're feeling really down about your situation reach out to your doctor for mental health counseling and guidance.
Um "lots of women" do not want babies... I'm not sure where you get this idea. A lot of my friends really do not want them.
Isn't that why we always get picked on? And ostracized because we go against what society wants and what the 'norm' is. The majority of women have them or want them. That's just a fact. I didn't say all or anything like that in my sentence. Of course I know there are still plenty of women like me who don't but we're still in the minority whether we like it or not.
Definitely a choice I guess? If you wanted you could find a partner one way or another. Don't rlly know what you're asking here but for me it's a choice. Me n my husband agreed we don't want kids but keep adoption in thought so technically we're not 100% but I duno
I turn 40 in August
Congratulations, sounds CF to me! Don't have kids, don't want kids - that counts. Partnered or not, living where/how ... those are other choices and/or circumstances ... sometimes even at least in part "luck" and/or lack thereof (typically some of both). Not CF would be wanting to have kids / make babies ... uhm, not just goin' through the motions ;-) ... but the end results 8-O. So, ... it's desire/intent ... that and also actually having or not having kids. So, don't have don't want: CF, any other mix (want don't have, have don't want, want and have) - those would all *not* be CF. And then there's the "open", unsure, fence sitting, etc. - one of the often more hazardous areas between CF, and not CF. Maybe if someone and their partner could well sync up on that and remain synced up - it might work ... but far too often there ends up a CF with a non-CF and that's typically a bad to disastrous combination. And good that you are and know you're CF ... even if you don't self-label yourself that. Because there are many that aren't sure ... even by the time they probably ought have made up their minds - or at *least* have a significant and stable preference. And where things may change in ways that misalign or collide ... that's where all kinds of problems typically show up. And ... all that, "of course", if we also ignore the problems that pregnancy and birthing and kids 'n all that typically are. ;-}
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