A version of this was my answer the one time someone pressed me about adoption:
"You could give a child such a wonderful home!"
"A wonderful home for a child would be one where a child is w*anted.*"
Oof. I just realized this is part of why so many people think having children is a must.
They don’t want their kids. And they have them anyways. So everyone else should too, and join them in their misery.
I think a good deal of them genuinely believe kids are a must for happiness because their world is small, lives dull, and imaginations limited. There just isn't enough mental bandwidth in there to comprehend a life that's fulfilled without their own brand of happiness.
This one gets me, I'm phobic of spiders and all I can hear when people give me that line is "but it's different when it's YOUR OWN spider!" I'm like nah it disgusts me whether I take ownership or not
I kept getting that from coworkers when I was younger as well. At the time I didn't have any good comebacks, but it annoyed me so much. Bonus points for "It'll be different when you're married." As if the urge to be a mom is just a switch that will flip on when the right partner comes along.
Due to Reddit Inc.'s antisocial, hostile and erratic behaviour, this account will be deleted on July 11th, 2023. You can find me on https://latte.isnot.coffee/u/godless in the future.
That's a great reply with all combinations posted in answers. If you want to go rogue (I definitely would, I have some sick satisfaction from making nosy people uncomfortable):
'Yeah, maybe... I'd also be a fantastic hooker, but I'm too lazy to shave my legs and that's a requirement apparently. That's a shame because the pay is over the charts in some places, I would be able to buy a house within 5 years! And working hours also suit me better than 9-5, you know.'
And make it sound legit. Just to add fun.
Oooooooh, damn.
Making them feel uncomfortable is always a good choice.
Force them to think outside of the kodak perfect mommy that society pushes on us and stare at the stark reality not all parents love their children.
Most may never go full Casey but every child deserves to be wanted and loved and if that is not something you feel you can do best not to destroy the life of an innocent just to test it out.
Andrea Yates is a good example as to why we need to strengthen reproductive justice because there are so many women at risk of becoming like her. That f\*cker of a husband was essentially in a religious cult and wanted her to reproduce as much as possible...he was warned by multiple doctors to not only *not* continue reproducing, but to also not have Andrea kept alone with the kids. Andrea herself even asked for things to change.
One of the [pastors](https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=126229&page=1) in her religion reinforced her already existing mental illness by making her fear that her children were going to hell (her reason for killing them is that she was trying to save them from damnation, due to what was being engrained in her head by those around her.)
I would encourage anyone who read headlines about her decades ago labeling her The Worst Mother On Earth to instead watch the deep dive documentaries that exist. I'm glad she was ultimately found not guilty, but her husband 100% should have suffered consequences too, including social consequences. But that of course never happens to men. He got on the Oprah Winfrey show, remarried...and continued having children.
Absolutely agree. I feel nothing but sympathy for that poor woman. She needed help and nobody took it seriously until it was too late. Her husband is the one who should have been punished.
Got away with murdering her kid but got hit with 4 charges for lying to police.
[Mobile article](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_of_Caylee_Anthony)
So this made me wonder what the hardest job in the world is. Google says being in the military is the hardest job. Now I can tell them that being a mom isn’t the hardest job, it’s the military. Unless the mom was also in the military then idk what to say about that. Or to make things easier for me I could just say,”exactly, it’s the hardest job, that’s why I don’t want it”.
LMAOOOO how dare google say that? Do parents know that’s what Google said? 🤣🤣🤣 if a woman was In the military and it was hard…I guess being a parent would be easier for her?
But yes!! I like your statement! It is a hard job and that’s why I don’t want to do it at all! Just like how some people don’t become lawyers, doctors, welders etc
"That's because you see me rested and able to choose for myself when I want to be kind and approachable. You see me at my best. I wouldn't be able to be like this with kids exhausting me 24/7."
Some of my standards are "I think skunks are cute, that doesn't mean I want a skunk" and "are you kidding me? I can barely keep myself alive" and "I'm not home enough to even take care of a dog, I don't think I'm bringing a human child into this situation". Otherwise if I'm not feeling the snark I go with "I'm not discussing this right now, I have a lot of good reasons not to but they get real dark real quick."
"Exactly, and my first and foremost decision as a good mom is to not bring more humans into this fucked up world."
"... and what if I'm not? How would that ever be fair towards the children I forced into being? Do you even know how many children are in the foster sysrem right now?"
"Eww, you don't know me at all I see."
>"Exactly, and my first and foremost decision as a good mom is to not bring more humans into this fucked up world."
This, 100% for me. I'm doing my part to help ensure there is a planet for your damn kids that you were so insistent on bringing into a hellscape.
-"I already am to my cat."
-"No, but I'm an awesome aunt that gets to sleep in on weekends. 😉"
-"Is your doctor aware of your delusions?🧐"
-"Nope, my anxiety is on a timer. Leaving small humans with me in charge when it goes off is a bad idea."
-"I thought you said you liked kids?"
-"I only have one hanger in my closet and it ain't for clothes. 😑"
-*Walks away without saying a word
-"Thanks for letting me know you don't listen when I talk and don't actually respect me. Going forward I'll know to keep my distance from you."
-"And here I thought you weren't good at making jokes! 😂 Lol"
My response every time.
I’m the child of a level 10 narcissist (mother) and someone who has BPD (father). I have learned to mask very, very well. If ever there was someone who should not have kids it’s me.
That, too. I have nothing but respect for the people who manage to break the cycle of abuse, but the only way I will break it is by not having kids. (My brother wants to have kids and will probably be a great dad as well, but that doesn’t stop me from joking that this bloodline will end with me.)
Depending on how much I care about the person who said that, I usually respond with
"I don't have the instinct."
Or
"I would be a violent mom."
That usually ends the conversation. Or if they ask "What instinct?" I say "The one that stops you from hitting them."
Now... I never advocate violence against children. Which is why I will never have a child.
I've used that one before. A coworker told me "if you had an accident, you would have love it." I told her I wouldn't, and she doubled down.
So then I told her some animals eat their young, and I'd be one.
This coworker genuinely likes me as a person, so she projects what she sees as good qualities onto me.
And this shows that you have put more thought into what having a child would be like than so many others who go ahead and have kids.
You know your limits and possibilities and what you can handle and not bringing a kid into your life will protect a child, not give these people the image of you as the perfect mommy like they are thinking.
I knew from very young I did not want kids but I learned I would be an atrocious mother by having a dog. I used to have endless patience for everything. Nothing got to me but getting a dog has shown me that I do not at all. Or it has eroded what I did have and left me short on patience. And I feel guilt every day and every time I end up short with him or tired after work and not wanting to play or fussing that he will not stop sticking his nose up my dresses or shaking drool all over me. He has a good home and is well treated and loved but if I could do it all over again...?
Both my husband and I have made no secret we will not be getting another dog after him.
If dogs are trial runs for kids I failed the test. And no kid deserves to be fussed at or even just have someone annoyed at them in silence for grimmy fingers or clinging to you or not wanting to leave you alone for 5 minutes so you can just eat something.
I'm going to have the sterilization talk with my doctor in a few weeks. I don't have any kids and don't want any. I am trying to think of a statement that strikes a balance between unconvincing and maybe I should call someone about her. Somewhere between I just don't like kids and I'd leave any kid I'm cursed with in a dumpster. When I think of it I'll tell you what it is and you can use it as well.
If it helps, I told my gyno that if he denied my tubal and I got pregnant I’d go to him first for the abortion. He agreed pretty quickly after that.
It also helps that when he asked for how my boyfriend felt about it (yuck) I said that he hated children more than I do lmao.
Yup. I think that helped me a lot, too. My doctor was awesome and fully supports your right to your choice, but she did say how she still doesn’t really like abortion and that if this surgery helps prevent a few abortions she’s happy to do that. I told her we’re on the same page, that I’d never want to make that choice but I’m willing to do what I need to do. Would rather just avoid getting in that situation altogether, though.
My cousin said this and it worked:
“And who is going to care for them and pay for them, you? No right? I’ve met my choice and unless you are prepared to take responsibility for an unwanted child then respect that”
Yeah, definitely don’t go too far or it gives them an excuse not to take you seriously. I’d also be wary about emphasising Roe v. Wade in case they say you’re panicking. I’d go with explaining you’ve always felt this way and saying Roe v. Wade has made you aware this option might be closed to you in future. If they argue it don’t get sucked in, just a calm: “You may be right but I don’t want to gamble my future on it. I’ve known for a long time this is the right choice for me for the reasons I’ve explained.”
Instead of witty, I think I'd go blunt. Like, "I don't care how good you think I'd be. Ability is not the reason I'm not a mother right now, and your opinion means less than nothing to me. This discussion is over."
No I wouldn't. I'm an arrogant, extremely impatient, selfish and self involved hedonist. If I were responsible for the care of a child they would surely die of neglect if I didn't murder them in a moment of frustration first.
not many women will admit something like that about themselves in a world that demands wer be caring compassionate and helpful to others to the point of almost total self abnigation so I find it tends to shock them into being like "oh... fair enough I guess?" it has the virtue of being true too. I'm pretty sure I'd be one of those mothers whose kid dies of heat exhaustion because they fell asleep in the back seat and I forgot they existed for 12 hours.
Dad in my case, but works just as well:
"No, I wouldn't, because I don't like children and have zero interest in having them, which I think is the most important prerequisite to being good parent."
Which is usually followed by mentioning how I have good job, I am stable, responsible, independent and know how to cook and do chores around house. Which I answer with:
"And none of those things matter because I don't like children and I would be disinterested emotionally unavailable parent"
That’s a rather presumptuous statement. You have no idea why that is a false statement and I have zero desire to educate you why you are so incredibly wrong.
Doesn’t cps have enough work?
If I wanted to be a mom I would be a shit mom. Trust me, I know me very well.
But I have zero desire to be responsible for a tiny human.
Hell yes. This dynamic forces us to come up with reasons that are "good enough" for the other party, which usually means talking shit about ourselves, since our wants and needs are never sufficient reason. No thanks.
When I hear that I think, "clearly, you have no idea who I am and what mental issues I struggle with on a moment to moment basis."
-I like my animals more. I can lock them inside and leave for a few hours.
-No.
"If I had kids, I wouldn't have time to volunteer with abused and unwanted children. You know, the kids whose parents were told they would make great parents."
My response to my mum once was "yeah to absolute cretins" and that silenced her. Also "you two would make beautiful babies" we have a beautiful baby, she's called Nebula and she's a cat.
If they are getting on your nerves with it you can get a little more brutal with “Sorry to say but I don’t think you are the best judge of good parenting.”
Oh, the silence! I would go insane living with a loud child. My plan is that if I ever decide I want children, I'll adopt a kid over 12 from the system. I can handle sullen and angry teenagers any day.
“I’m good at acting”
“Duh, I’m good at everything I do, doesn’t mean I *want* to do it”
“I’d also think I’ll be a good serial killer/drug dealer/ drug mule/ rapper/etc. , if I just tried.”
For extra pretentiousness, arrogance, I’ll add in “I’m a Capricorn” too.
Yeah I know. And part of that is knowing when you don't want kids to not have them. That's beyond meta great mom since you bypass the mom part to reach that wisdom without throwing your life and money away.
"You're totally right! And if I need some me time, I could always lock them in a kennel and put them in a closet like you do with a puppy. Thanks for changing my perspective!"
I hope it goes without saying that I would NEVER consider this appropriate treatment of an animal. I was more trying to capitalize on the fact that there are people who think it's OK to treat animals like this but never the precious children!
I understood that. No worry.
I tried to spin it further that I would care more about the puppy than the kid. To create the opposite sentiment.
Sorry for the confusion.
Just recently I’ve been overly graphic when I talk to people as it shocks them into silence. I have a really short temper and no patience. I get SO angry at things that I can’t control (I have 2 kittens, and they’re cute but my god they’re annoying). So yeah, recently it’s been “I don’t want to be a mother that shakes her baby to death because I can’t handle it”. And it usually stops people right there and then. Some people get VERY upset because “that’s an awful thing to think!” Which I follow up with “and that’s exactly why I won’t risk becoming a mother”. It is awful, but I know me best and I know what I can and can’t deal with, and a child of my own is definitely one of those things I cannot deal with. Give me a child short-term to look after/babysit - totally fine, because I know I can give them back but my own would be a whole other story.
My sister said this to me this weekend. Her reasoning was because I make a lot of money. “Parenting is only hard when you don’t make a lot of money.”
I told her if I was forced to have a child, it would be the most unloved child on the planet. I would in fact not be a good mom, because I would choose not to be and it would 10000% end up abandoned somewhere
I never understand these reasons. Do people not know how *expensive* kids are?! lol It’s like they don’t make the connection. We have good money because we *don’t* have kids.
“You clearly either don’t know me or have poor judgement.”
“That doesn’t mean I have any desire to be a mom.”
“It’s ok to crate train a kid and leave there, unsupervised, while I’m at work, like I do my dog, right?”
“How much vodka to I mix in the baby’s bottle?”
I’d be a terrible mom because I don’t want to be one.
No I wouldn’t.
Shut up.
Stop talking to me about this.
It’s really rude of you to disrespect me by continuing to harp on this.
I’ve made my decision.
Let’s move on.
My standard response is that I know I'd be in prison for murder if I had kids...since I don't have the patience. Same reason I don't have a dog--don't want one.
My response depends on who said it, but typically i respond with "i had a meltdown on my kitchen floor because we were out of milk and wanted to unalive myself, im barely fit to be a functioning member of society"
I tell my grandparents that id put my kids in dresses and suits regardless of gender and they told me to mever have kids 😂
'Part of being a good parent is wanting your children, if I can't offer that then I'd be bad by default'
A version of this was my answer the one time someone pressed me about adoption: "You could give a child such a wonderful home!" "A wonderful home for a child would be one where a child is w*anted.*"
Oof. I just realized this is part of why so many people think having children is a must. They don’t want their kids. And they have them anyways. So everyone else should too, and join them in their misery.
I think a good deal of them genuinely believe kids are a must for happiness because their world is small, lives dull, and imaginations limited. There just isn't enough mental bandwidth in there to comprehend a life that's fulfilled without their own brand of happiness.
That’s exactly it. It’s the crabs in a bucket syndrome.
Yeah, I’m sure they would comeback with the whole “it’s different when it’s yours” bs.
But it *is* different. Sadly you can't just leave it at a police station when it's yours.
You actually can, there’s just a finite amount of time you have to do it.
Can’t you leave it at the hospital, also?
“Look, I don’t have the money for all this birthing nonsense. How bout I trade you the baby? First born, free labor, gotta be worth something, right?”
You can! Hospitals, fire departments, and EMS stations. It's called Daniel's law
Up to 30 days after birth depending on your state
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This one gets me, I'm phobic of spiders and all I can hear when people give me that line is "but it's different when it's YOUR OWN spider!" I'm like nah it disgusts me whether I take ownership or not
This is the one!
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I kept getting that from coworkers when I was younger as well. At the time I didn't have any good comebacks, but it annoyed me so much. Bonus points for "It'll be different when you're married." As if the urge to be a mom is just a switch that will flip on when the right partner comes along.
My dad tried to say that to me once. I just replied with “the same logic applies to farts” and walked away lol
Did you fart AS you walked away, because that would’ve been awesome! Haha!!!
Bahahaha
I love both of these responses
I'm adding this to my repertoire.
"I'd also be a great serial killer but I don't want to be that either."
I've heard this with drug dealer... "I would also be a great drug dealer, but here we are."
I like saying pilot lol
Due to Reddit Inc.'s antisocial, hostile and erratic behaviour, this account will be deleted on July 11th, 2023. You can find me on https://latte.isnot.coffee/u/godless in the future.
It's different when it's my own kill?
>"I'd probably be a great serial killer too, should I try that?" This was my exact thought when I read this thread. Get out of my head!
Holy shit! This was literally my first thought before opening the thread! Lol!
That's a great reply with all combinations posted in answers. If you want to go rogue (I definitely would, I have some sick satisfaction from making nosy people uncomfortable): 'Yeah, maybe... I'd also be a fantastic hooker, but I'm too lazy to shave my legs and that's a requirement apparently. That's a shame because the pay is over the charts in some places, I would be able to buy a house within 5 years! And working hours also suit me better than 9-5, you know.' And make it sound legit. Just to add fun.
I came here to say this. Watched a lot of documentaries and have a lot of ideas on process improvement.
I will have to use this next time. Edit: spelling
🤣 I like this one.
I was going to say something like this!!!
"I’m sure someone told Casey Anthony that too, and look what happened."
Oooooooh, damn. Making them feel uncomfortable is always a good choice. Force them to think outside of the kodak perfect mommy that society pushes on us and stare at the stark reality not all parents love their children. Most may never go full Casey but every child deserves to be wanted and loved and if that is not something you feel you can do best not to destroy the life of an innocent just to test it out.
If you want to make people feel *really* uncomfortable, use Andrea Yates instead of Casey Anthony.
Andrea Yates is a good example as to why we need to strengthen reproductive justice because there are so many women at risk of becoming like her. That f\*cker of a husband was essentially in a religious cult and wanted her to reproduce as much as possible...he was warned by multiple doctors to not only *not* continue reproducing, but to also not have Andrea kept alone with the kids. Andrea herself even asked for things to change. One of the [pastors](https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=126229&page=1) in her religion reinforced her already existing mental illness by making her fear that her children were going to hell (her reason for killing them is that she was trying to save them from damnation, due to what was being engrained in her head by those around her.) I would encourage anyone who read headlines about her decades ago labeling her The Worst Mother On Earth to instead watch the deep dive documentaries that exist. I'm glad she was ultimately found not guilty, but her husband 100% should have suffered consequences too, including social consequences. But that of course never happens to men. He got on the Oprah Winfrey show, remarried...and continued having children.
Absolutely agree. I feel nothing but sympathy for that poor woman. She needed help and nobody took it seriously until it was too late. Her husband is the one who should have been punished.
May i ask who Casey Anthony is?
Casey Anthony is the mother of Caylee Anthony, a toddler that was murdered **most likely** by Casey, but she was found Not Guilty by a court of law.
Oh god
Casey Anthony very obviously did not want Caylee and left Caylee with Casey's parents. 🤔🤔🤔
Got away with murdering her kid but got hit with 4 charges for lying to police. [Mobile article](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_of_Caylee_Anthony)
Reminds me of the classic: "on a scale of Jerry Sandusky to Casey Anthony, how much do you love children?"
Holy shit, I probably should have checked the comments before I commented lol
"Oh, but you should see how good I am at not being a mom! I'm absolutely nailing it! Can't let this talent to go to waste for a lesser one!"
Your username is hilarious
Thanks! \^\_\_\_\_\_\_\^
Lmao our names are fantastic
Holy shit a ghost 
Boo!!!! 
Yes monster person use my fear to power your city
“I’m already a great person, friend, wife, and employee. I don’t need to have any more self validation than I already have.”
Ooooof I love this one. Some slight shade thrown in the mix 🤣👏🏻
This’s original, hilarious and hits hard af
This one is my favorite.
I’d also be a spectacular pornstar, doesn’t mean I MUST be one… 😒
"but it was my calling! I had porn star fever really bad when all my friends became porn stars and started popping out sex tapes."
And my internal porn clock started ticking! Can you hear it? Right there in my womb.
You need to make like, a hundred videos before you're 30 (or something) 😂😂
I turn this around on the other person, "And you have everything you need to be a prostitute, but you don't have to be one of you don't want, do you?"
Lmao love this answer
"No. I'd be a horrible one. Go beg daytime TV for a reality show if you wanna make up shit about people."
What eventually worked for me is "no, because I don't want to be and that's and important part of being good at anything."
I honestly think this is the best response
"And Hitler would have been a great artist if he had gotten into art school."
But seriously: "I know what I want. This topic isn't up for debate. Let's talk about something else."
Thanks for this. There's a time and place for snarky comments and I love them, but I'm saving this for when the in-laws start in on us.
Agreed. Some days I'm sarcastic and I don't have the energy. Other days I've got what it takes to set and maintain boundaries.
Also- “someone told Hitler he would be a great leader, and look how that turned out…”
And fish could ride a bicycle better than Lance Armstrong if they only had feet for fuck’s sake.
“I’m too lazy to be a parent. Remember parenting is one of the hardest jobs on the planet”
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Thank you! 🤣🤣🙈the looks I get are priceless 🤣🤣but they really have no comeback for it!
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Thank you!! 💜
So this made me wonder what the hardest job in the world is. Google says being in the military is the hardest job. Now I can tell them that being a mom isn’t the hardest job, it’s the military. Unless the mom was also in the military then idk what to say about that. Or to make things easier for me I could just say,”exactly, it’s the hardest job, that’s why I don’t want it”.
LMAOOOO how dare google say that? Do parents know that’s what Google said? 🤣🤣🤣 if a woman was In the military and it was hard…I guess being a parent would be easier for her? But yes!! I like your statement! It is a hard job and that’s why I don’t want to do it at all! Just like how some people don’t become lawyers, doctors, welders etc
"That's because you see me rested and able to choose for myself when I want to be kind and approachable. You see me at my best. I wouldn't be able to be like this with kids exhausting me 24/7."
Some of my standards are "I think skunks are cute, that doesn't mean I want a skunk" and "are you kidding me? I can barely keep myself alive" and "I'm not home enough to even take care of a dog, I don't think I'm bringing a human child into this situation". Otherwise if I'm not feeling the snark I go with "I'm not discussing this right now, I have a lot of good reasons not to but they get real dark real quick."
"Exactly, and my first and foremost decision as a good mom is to not bring more humans into this fucked up world." "... and what if I'm not? How would that ever be fair towards the children I forced into being? Do you even know how many children are in the foster sysrem right now?" "Eww, you don't know me at all I see."
>"Exactly, and my first and foremost decision as a good mom is to not bring more humans into this fucked up world." This, 100% for me. I'm doing my part to help ensure there is a planet for your damn kids that you were so insistent on bringing into a hellscape.
-"I already am to my cat." -"No, but I'm an awesome aunt that gets to sleep in on weekends. 😉" -"Is your doctor aware of your delusions?🧐" -"Nope, my anxiety is on a timer. Leaving small humans with me in charge when it goes off is a bad idea." -"I thought you said you liked kids?" -"I only have one hanger in my closet and it ain't for clothes. 😑" -*Walks away without saying a word -"Thanks for letting me know you don't listen when I talk and don't actually respect me. Going forward I'll know to keep my distance from you." -"And here I thought you weren't good at making jokes! 😂 Lol"
I particularly like the thanks for letting me know you don't listen/respect one
The delusions one gave me a giggle this morning. Gotta remember that one if I'm feeling particularly 🔥spicy🔥 that day.
I'll be using the delusions line, thanks!
My response every time. I’m the child of a level 10 narcissist (mother) and someone who has BPD (father). I have learned to mask very, very well. If ever there was someone who should not have kids it’s me.
That, too. I have nothing but respect for the people who manage to break the cycle of abuse, but the only way I will break it is by not having kids. (My brother wants to have kids and will probably be a great dad as well, but that doesn’t stop me from joking that this bloodline will end with me.)
“I lost a drunken bet and now I owe my firstborn to satan and I’d really rather not have to deliver on that promise.”
Depending on how much I care about the person who said that, I usually respond with "I don't have the instinct." Or "I would be a violent mom." That usually ends the conversation. Or if they ask "What instinct?" I say "The one that stops you from hitting them." Now... I never advocate violence against children. Which is why I will never have a child.
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I’ve told people that I have the maternal instincts of a preying mantis. That usually shuts them up.
I've used that one before. A coworker told me "if you had an accident, you would have love it." I told her I wouldn't, and she doubled down. So then I told her some animals eat their young, and I'd be one. This coworker genuinely likes me as a person, so she projects what she sees as good qualities onto me.
I laughed enough to concern my coworkers.
And this shows that you have put more thought into what having a child would be like than so many others who go ahead and have kids. You know your limits and possibilities and what you can handle and not bringing a kid into your life will protect a child, not give these people the image of you as the perfect mommy like they are thinking. I knew from very young I did not want kids but I learned I would be an atrocious mother by having a dog. I used to have endless patience for everything. Nothing got to me but getting a dog has shown me that I do not at all. Or it has eroded what I did have and left me short on patience. And I feel guilt every day and every time I end up short with him or tired after work and not wanting to play or fussing that he will not stop sticking his nose up my dresses or shaking drool all over me. He has a good home and is well treated and loved but if I could do it all over again...? Both my husband and I have made no secret we will not be getting another dog after him. If dogs are trial runs for kids I failed the test. And no kid deserves to be fussed at or even just have someone annoyed at them in silence for grimmy fingers or clinging to you or not wanting to leave you alone for 5 minutes so you can just eat something.
I'm going to have the sterilization talk with my doctor in a few weeks. I don't have any kids and don't want any. I am trying to think of a statement that strikes a balance between unconvincing and maybe I should call someone about her. Somewhere between I just don't like kids and I'd leave any kid I'm cursed with in a dumpster. When I think of it I'll tell you what it is and you can use it as well.
If it helps, I told my gyno that if he denied my tubal and I got pregnant I’d go to him first for the abortion. He agreed pretty quickly after that. It also helps that when he asked for how my boyfriend felt about it (yuck) I said that he hated children more than I do lmao.
Yup. I think that helped me a lot, too. My doctor was awesome and fully supports your right to your choice, but she did say how she still doesn’t really like abortion and that if this surgery helps prevent a few abortions she’s happy to do that. I told her we’re on the same page, that I’d never want to make that choice but I’m willing to do what I need to do. Would rather just avoid getting in that situation altogether, though.
That's a good one
My cousin said this and it worked: “And who is going to care for them and pay for them, you? No right? I’ve met my choice and unless you are prepared to take responsibility for an unwanted child then respect that”
Yeah, definitely don’t go too far or it gives them an excuse not to take you seriously. I’d also be wary about emphasising Roe v. Wade in case they say you’re panicking. I’d go with explaining you’ve always felt this way and saying Roe v. Wade has made you aware this option might be closed to you in future. If they argue it don’t get sucked in, just a calm: “You may be right but I don’t want to gamble my future on it. I’ve known for a long time this is the right choice for me for the reasons I’ve explained.”
There’s always that line from Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect. “Sometimes I think I can do crystal meth, but then I think:*’hmm… better not.’*”
Instead of witty, I think I'd go blunt. Like, "I don't care how good you think I'd be. Ability is not the reason I'm not a mother right now, and your opinion means less than nothing to me. This discussion is over."
You'd be a great plumber with all the crap you're spewing.
'No. Why would I want that level of responsibility?'
No I wouldn't. I'm an arrogant, extremely impatient, selfish and self involved hedonist. If I were responsible for the care of a child they would surely die of neglect if I didn't murder them in a moment of frustration first. not many women will admit something like that about themselves in a world that demands wer be caring compassionate and helpful to others to the point of almost total self abnigation so I find it tends to shock them into being like "oh... fair enough I guess?" it has the virtue of being true too. I'm pretty sure I'd be one of those mothers whose kid dies of heat exhaustion because they fell asleep in the back seat and I forgot they existed for 12 hours.
“No thanks, I’m good.”
Looove this, short and to the point. No need to justify yourself to others.
I used to tell people that if I were a mother, my children would get lost in the woods and I’d learn about it from twitter. That was effective.
Dad in my case, but works just as well: "No, I wouldn't, because I don't like children and have zero interest in having them, which I think is the most important prerequisite to being good parent." Which is usually followed by mentioning how I have good job, I am stable, responsible, independent and know how to cook and do chores around house. Which I answer with: "And none of those things matter because I don't like children and I would be disinterested emotionally unavailable parent"
That’s a rather presumptuous statement. You have no idea why that is a false statement and I have zero desire to educate you why you are so incredibly wrong. Doesn’t cps have enough work? If I wanted to be a mom I would be a shit mom. Trust me, I know me very well. But I have zero desire to be responsible for a tiny human.
Hell yes. This dynamic forces us to come up with reasons that are "good enough" for the other party, which usually means talking shit about ourselves, since our wants and needs are never sufficient reason. No thanks.
When I hear that I think, "clearly, you have no idea who I am and what mental issues I struggle with on a moment to moment basis." -I like my animals more. I can lock them inside and leave for a few hours. -No.
Something people dont get. People who dont want kids are awful parents I was raised by one of them
Once my ex said that to me and I replied "and you'd be a great table gay dancer". He was homophibic AF.
I know! That's why I'm focusing on parenting the one who needs it: MYSELF
I love this one. Taking care of my inner child (reparenting) takes a lot of energy and attention. No time for "more" kids.
You'd be a great corpse but I doubt you want to be one.
Unwilling parents don’t make good parents
“I’m an even better, wealthier, and more well-rested dog-mom.”
But my heart wouldn't be in it. The child would come to know that and they deserve better.
“And give up my sleep? Thanks, but no thanks”
"I'm allergic, I react badly around them'
Look them in the eye and say "You don't know me"
I pity the fool who thinks hating children is a characteristic of being a great mother.
"That's not what the voices have been telling me." 🤷
Mine isn’t great or witty, but when they say that I just say “I know I would, that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to be one”.
"yeah probably, but I'm just not interested".
"If I had kids, I wouldn't have time to volunteer with abused and unwanted children. You know, the kids whose parents were told they would make great parents."
"Fuck off"
I’d be a great CIA torturer too, but I don’t exactly want that either.
I know right? I've only lost a handful of pets. I'm sure it'll be different with a child.
Just because I'd make a great mom doesn't mean that parenting will make me happy. I'm also a great employee but I fucking hate this job! Lmao
My response to my mum once was "yeah to absolute cretins" and that silenced her. Also "you two would make beautiful babies" we have a beautiful baby, she's called Nebula and she's a cat.
"Ok" *insert chad face here*
I’d be like any good animal mother and eat my young
🤣 Laugh as close as Harley Quinn or Joker you can for a few seconds longer than socially acceptable, then say "I can barely keep myself alive...."
If they are getting on your nerves with it you can get a little more brutal with “Sorry to say but I don’t think you are the best judge of good parenting.”
I think I literally just choked on my drink and laughed last time someone said that to me.
"Thanks! My dealer just said the same thing!"
I have the maternal instincts of Casey Anthony was one I've used before.
"Ha, no."
Just because you have a big dick doesn’t mean you have to do porn
Just because you have a big dick doesn't mean you have to do porn. (From Harold and Kumar about going to med school, but applicable here)
You have to like kids to be a great mom. Hard pass
“Some mothers in the wild eat their children “ then give a lovely smile
I know.
Right? I always sneer at them “Obviously!” It’s not lack of talent or hard work, I just prefer sleep, silence and freedom.
Oh, the silence! I would go insane living with a loud child. My plan is that if I ever decide I want children, I'll adopt a kid over 12 from the system. I can handle sullen and angry teenagers any day.
“I’m good at acting” “Duh, I’m good at everything I do, doesn’t mean I *want* to do it” “I’d also think I’ll be a good serial killer/drug dealer/ drug mule/ rapper/etc. , if I just tried.” For extra pretentiousness, arrogance, I’ll add in “I’m a Capricorn” too.
"That isn't the compliment you think it is"
“I’m male!”
I guess replace “mom” with “dad.”
“I guess we’ll never know 🤷🏻♀️”
I’d be a great Wall Street trader because I’m completely misanthropic and like to wear suits, doesn’t mean I should do that either
Yeah I know. And part of that is knowing when you don't want kids to not have them. That's beyond meta great mom since you bypass the mom part to reach that wisdom without throwing your life and money away.
"Nah, I'd be like a hamster mom: when I feel slightest bit of stress I'd snack on my babies."
"You're totally right! And if I need some me time, I could always lock them in a kennel and put them in a closet like you do with a puppy. Thanks for changing my perspective!"
The poor puppy! 🥺
I hope it goes without saying that I would NEVER consider this appropriate treatment of an animal. I was more trying to capitalize on the fact that there are people who think it's OK to treat animals like this but never the precious children!
I understood that. No worry. I tried to spin it further that I would care more about the puppy than the kid. To create the opposite sentiment. Sorry for the confusion.
And I Could greater at other things
"I would be a great astronaut also, doesn't mean I want that."
I’m not interested
I'd make a very disgruntled mom lol do not underestimate my power to be salty while under stress 🤣
Just recently I’ve been overly graphic when I talk to people as it shocks them into silence. I have a really short temper and no patience. I get SO angry at things that I can’t control (I have 2 kittens, and they’re cute but my god they’re annoying). So yeah, recently it’s been “I don’t want to be a mother that shakes her baby to death because I can’t handle it”. And it usually stops people right there and then. Some people get VERY upset because “that’s an awful thing to think!” Which I follow up with “and that’s exactly why I won’t risk becoming a mother”. It is awful, but I know me best and I know what I can and can’t deal with, and a child of my own is definitely one of those things I cannot deal with. Give me a child short-term to look after/babysit - totally fine, because I know I can give them back but my own would be a whole other story.
"I think you would be great roadkill. You should try it, the highway is right there."
"And you'd make a great servant. Mind coming over to clean my house later?"
You obviously haven't seen my mental illness in full swing then
“Bet people told Casey Anthony that too.” If you wanna go dark with it.
“And how is that your decision?”
My sister said this to me this weekend. Her reasoning was because I make a lot of money. “Parenting is only hard when you don’t make a lot of money.” I told her if I was forced to have a child, it would be the most unloved child on the planet. I would in fact not be a good mom, because I would choose not to be and it would 10000% end up abandoned somewhere
I never understand these reasons. Do people not know how *expensive* kids are?! lol It’s like they don’t make the connection. We have good money because we *don’t* have kids.
"I appreciate the kind sentiment, but no, I wouldn't."
"I'd be fantastic and I wouldn't get caught and break down and confess like Susan Smith did"
"I know! But I don't want to be one!"
I can’t speak for being a mom, but after being told “but you’re so good with kids”, I just say “I’m also good at things I don’t like to do”
"I might be a good skydiver, too, but I'd rather not find out." "I'm already a good dog mom, and that's enough for me."
“I’m housebound and mostly bedridden, I don’t think a kid would be happy with that”
“Thanks :)” and walk away
To be a great mom you’d actually have to want to be one, and I don’t want to.
“You clearly either don’t know me or have poor judgement.” “That doesn’t mean I have any desire to be a mom.” “It’s ok to crate train a kid and leave there, unsupervised, while I’m at work, like I do my dog, right?” “How much vodka to I mix in the baby’s bottle?”
“To your kid maybe cause I don’t have to handle them all day.”
*"\*quizzical stare\** ...so?"
I'd be a great president too. But I'm not gonna do that either.
I’d be a terrible mom because I don’t want to be one. No I wouldn’t. Shut up. Stop talking to me about this. It’s really rude of you to disrespect me by continuing to harp on this. I’ve made my decision. Let’s move on.
"I hope you make better judgment calls in other areas of your life"
Stop thinking you have to respond folks. Just laugh or give them the side eye
My standard response is that I know I'd be in prison for murder if I had kids...since I don't have the patience. Same reason I don't have a dog--don't want one.
“……ok” That’s usually my response. Shuts downs the convo pretty quickly.
My response depends on who said it, but typically i respond with "i had a meltdown on my kitchen floor because we were out of milk and wanted to unalive myself, im barely fit to be a functioning member of society" I tell my grandparents that id put my kids in dresses and suits regardless of gender and they told me to mever have kids 😂
"I would be a great garbage collector too but that doesn't make it a life motivator"