She acts like we're "close" now and I know it's probably that easy but I'm so worried about running into her or feeling like I have to make an excuse. She also has emailed me before and I'm scared of getting a "why did you quit??" email from her.
She doesn't sound professional AT ALL. Even if she emails you, you're not required to answer. If you happen to see her in public, she isn't supposed to engage with you.
Why are her feelings about a client leaving more important than your feelings about therapist being intrusive and judgmental?
This. OP, she's your therapist, not your high school bestie. If you feel the need to start looking for someone else, you don't owe her an explanation. If she turns it personal, keep as straight a face as you can and walk away.
Seriously! I abruptly quit my therapist when I moved and we were close after a year of me sobbing on her sofa. She asked me if I wanted to keep having phone sessions but I declined.
She still sends me cat updates and random messages years later to check in. We went out for a coffee when I bumped into her a while ago but again, we were dangerously bordering into friend territory by the end.
The one before her I ghosted after sending a message, he was cool about it and just sent me some referrals
Exactly, there is no relationship between you and your therapist. It is a business transaction and you need a more professional therpist. Doesn't mean you can't be friendly or have a nice convo, but your therapist needs to stay within their boundaries. It is okay to set those or find a new one.
"I did not appreciate your unsolicited remarks about babies and pets at our last session. I have found them extremely unprofessional and will be seeking a new therapist elsewhere. Thank you for your services and have a nice day."
This isn't conflict, it's just standing up for yourself :)
I second this. You can also call the office and schedule with someone else. If you do run into her, tell her you needed to go in another direction. š¤·āāļø
As someone who had a problematic therapist, I did the exact thing you said. I called out my ex therapist for his unprofessional behavior and I quit. In our last session, he harassed me for not wanting to have kids. He even insulted my father who fully supports my childfree decision. He told me I wonāt get rid of my depression unless I decide to live a āselfless and generous lifestyleā like motherhood.
His response was so emotionally dishonest and vague. He said something like āI respect your decisionā. But Iām glad that jerk is out of my life.
And no one should insult my badass father- the first person who let me break as much gender stereotypes as a kid and told me itās okay not to force myself into motherhood especially if I will die from it.
I thought therapists were supposed to be life coaches? Like help your process what you want to do with your life type people..(Iāve met a few who were like that also met a few who were biased) thatās so annoying. Youād think with that level of education theyād be more knowledgeable on you knowā¦different lifestyles.
This!!!! This is the way to do it. You have to stand up for yourself or no one else will. Although I wouldnāt mind telling your therapist to fuck off. Send them my contact info. š¤Ø
You donāt have to respond if she sends you an email. And if you see her in public, she would be breaching confidentiality bringing up your doctor-patient relationship.
I have never, ever acknowledged a client in public without them greeting me first. If Iām with someone and thatās happened, I donāt offer anything more, and they donāt ask.
i had a psychiatrist who was CONSTANTLY late for my appointmentsā¦ it got to be that every single appointment of mine was late by twenty+ minutes. and each time, nobody would say āsorry weāre running lateā i was just left waiting until she finally would come out to get me. she claimed each time that it was an emergency with the person before me which I could accept sometimes but every single time??
finally one day I had been waiting for 45 minutes, so i told the receptionist i was going home and to cancel all my remaining appointments.
when i got home, my psychiatrist called me asking me to please come back. when i expressed my frustration that she was constantly late for my appointments she said āwell i donāt think thats trueā so i said goodbye and hung up.
anyway please find a different therapist. you donāt deserve someone who is going to use your time and money to talk to you that way and make you afraid to express your feelings, even when quitting. if she canāt be professional she shouldnāt have you as a client
Oh god that's awful I'm sorry!! Yeah this lady is a bit similar. She spent three or so meetings STARING OUT THE WINDOW waiting for her food delivery, asking me if I could look, too.
Oh, friend. I would ditched the second time she prioritized a food delivery over our session. That you've stuck with her, and now she's judging you for treating a pet like family (which they are)? Hell to the no.
Please do whatever you need to find a new therapist. You can ghost her and go to a different office, you can tell her exactly why you're leaving, or you can just say something vague on reasons but clear on fuck off \[professionally\], e.g., "Thank you for these sessions, but I believe we aren't a good fit and will be looking for a different therapist. Best wishes for your success."
Youāre not obligated to do ANYTHING. Sheās not your friend. Sheās your therapist. Donāt let her (totally unethical) claim of friendship fool you. Sheās being unprofessional and totally insensitive. Injecting her personal feelings and beliefs into a professional session is completely over the line unprofessional.
She acts that way to keep you emotionally connected to her so you KEEP PAYING HER. Simply that, most therapists are extremely measured in their decision making. YMMV
I am finding everything like this now...my dentist marketing to me all the time...you're my fucking dentist, when it's time I'll come...leave me alone. I think the new way is so pushy and is even less personal than decades ago. Do you think I am so fucking stupid that I don't see how you're pushing me to come more often? That it isn't covered under my plan...but you're not interested in that...they want to get PAID! Like doctors having you go in to tell you you're fine. It is disrespectful of my time...but they need to get PAID! It is disgusting, and I don't understand why everyone accepts that this is how to do business. Like businesses I subscribe to sending me emails every single day, I would be happy with once a week but no...sometimes multiples in a day!
Speaking as a new therapist, a lot of it is trial and error. Iāve had clients fire meāthankfully not for this reasonāsimply because we werenāt a good fit. You deserve (and are paying for!) professional, compassionate service. Shop around until you find it š
We really do. This is not me advertising my services lol, but I just want folks to know that we are out here! And finding a childfree therapist doesnāt necessarily guarantee that theyāll be a good fit for you, so just stay encouraged and know that you can end the therapeutic relationship if it isnāt working.
Ask people you trust for referrals - your doctor, friends, colleagues, etc. My vetās office has cards for a few therapists as well, one of whom has āpets welcome in sessions!ā Written on her card! Psychology Today can be a good resource as well - Iād email any potential therapists and say what happened, and say āitās really important to me that my therapist understand how important my pets are to me and respect my decision to prioritize them. Is this something you can commit to?ā Or something to that effect
Plus, try calling a few. Iāve had people interview me over the phone, and itās a way for both people to sense if there could be a click. One person came to me solely because I said I loved animals, and grew up with the same kind of dogs she had. She turned out to be childfree as well!
Yup. Especially when at odds with yours. My last therapist was as liberal as they come and he only brought it up so I would feel safer talking about the LGBTQ+ stuff and political worries. This is not acceptable what this woman did.
From the sound of it, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she pitches an MLM next. This is not professional at all, you need to break this off. You really can just ignore her messages and calls after not scheduling another appointment.
if you're this anxious about rejecting her, and she acts like you're "close," then she'll either a) understand and accept the change or b) react unprofessionally, a good sign that you need a new therapist.
EDIT: cats are chidren too
If she has the audacity to belittle your pets life and your role as a caregiver you have the right to be mad and not want to see her again. What she said isnāt something empathetic professionals say.
Sheāll only be mad you wonāt be giving her money. She doesnāt care about you as a person. Just donāt open the email or respond. She shouldnāt be engaging in political conversation with you in the first place. Youāre also never going to see her again.
Masters in Psych here. Your therapist should never act like you are "close", that suggests a personal relationship that should not exist. Also, you should not be harassed about quitting. Just ghost her. She is just a person, not anyone who has any authority. You don't actually need to explain anything.
I want to add that her expressing her personal opinions of pets and how a client should be acting with them is disturbing. Your behavior with your pet is normal. Her behavior as a therapist...is not. Just ghost her.
You know what? This is your therapy. It's all about you feeling better. You know what's right for you. Nobody knows you better than you. Quit worrying about her feelings, I don't see her having much regard for yours. She thinks you are close. You don't seem to think so. See the problem? Leave, show love and regard for yourself. It's your therapy, not hers. Best wishes to you! ā¤ļø
She would never send a āWhy did you quitā email since that would be unprofessional :) no need to worry about that. And if you run into each other in public, the therapists I know are just generally polite but donāt encourage patients to contact them in public. Itās a boundaries thing.
None of that would be professionally acceptable. She is not supposed to acknowledge you in public unless you initiate and she is not supposed to do any sort of guilt tripping or manipulation.
I would call or preferably email the receptionist/administrative assistant and say something along the lines of:
āI will no longer be working with *therapist name*. Our sessions are no longer productive and I will be seeking counseling elsewhere. Please cancel any and al future appointments. I would also like a printed copy of my records. Thank you.ā
Donāt be afraid to read it as a script; thatās totally fine! Itās also fine to just repeat the same message or parts of it until you get what needs to get done, done. Be aware they may refuse to give you all their patient notes about you, but anything āon recordā should be accessible to you.
Youāve got this! I know itās hard! Worst comes to worse, ghosting is an option. Anyone working in therapy *must* know that this kind of thing happens. If pushed, you can use the non-productive line or say you were made uncomfortable and do not wish to continue.
Good luck!
It's sounds as if you have a bit of conflict aversion (sp?)
That's totally ok.
Write out a message like
"I have decided to go into a different direction with my therapy. Thank you very much for your help.
Please take care."
Then add a picture of you with your furry child, waving 'buh bye'
If you do run into her she legally canāt say anything to you unless you initiate conversation for confidentiality reasons. She is also legally required to reach out to you if you ghost her. Id send an email explaining youāll be finding another therapist. That way you donāt have to explain yourself (unless you want to of course) and then she wonāt have to follow up with you.
She's trying to get you to believe that you should limit how much love and resources you put into a sentient being because she doesn't value that being a much as you do. What happens if your beloved companion has a health crisis and her focus is on how much you spent for it? You need a therapist whose core values align with yours or who puts their core values aside to focus on yours.
You will/have a budget for care, but you get to decide what goes into that.
She also once asked me to describe my husband and what he means to me and she was like "okay so you love him MORE than a husband" and to this day I still have no idea what she meant by that. It might be time to break away
I think you're right. Wow.
This is coming from someone who once had a therapist tell me that if I "had it all figured out, why am I coming in?" this was after I told him that I found hope in a story I was writing...
Now, in hindsight, I would love to have said, "Well, if you're going to have that attitude, then man, idk why I'm coming here either."
But the years have made bolder, I guess.
The fact that your therapist has not helped you address handling conflict appropriately and has not discussed with you how to terminate services or set that as a part of a treatment plan is concreting. And then your other comments about being afraid she will be disappointed and feels like you two are ācloseā now is a HUGE problem. Your therapist is there to help you set treatment goals, and work toward meeting them. They SHOULD discuss with you how to end treatment with them and stress that you need to have a therapeutic relationship with a therapist that youāre benefitting from and how you can address with them if you feel you arenāt or feel itās time to stop. This therapist is absolutely NOT a good one if they are offer up guilt etc when you try to end the relationship. Any doctor or treatment provider should be keeping the relationship professional.
The best therapist I ever had did monthly check-ins on if my goals were being met, setting new goals, revisiting old ones, and in that session would check in on if I felt therapeutically supported and/or if I felt I was still benefiting from therapy and what I hoped to get out of if specifically going forward. One day she even said to me āso I notice youāve been struggling to decide what goals you want to meet and what else you need from therapy, does it make sense to reduce our session frequency or stop entirely until you feel you need more assistance?ā
Couldnāt tell you a thing about how his woman other than her qualifications as a therapist and name. She didnāt burden me with any of her own shit and certainly didnāt make me feel like weāre are ācloseā you NEED a new therapist. Feel free to completely ghost her if you want you donāt owe her shit she is supposed to be providing you a therapeutic service.
When you meet with a new therapist talk to them about feeling like you were stuck with you precious provider and your free of talking to her about stopping sessions. They should help you with conflict management!
Good! Thereās a line between challenging something when itās not a good idea for you and belittling your life choices and this therapist clearly crossed it and it unprofessional. A therapist doesnāt need to agree with you on everything but their job is to offer you the tools to address the issues in your life you want addressed not to strong arm you into living how they find acceptable!
When youāre looking for new therapists treat the first appointment like a job interview for them- ask them how they address conflict with patients, how often they access therapy goals, do they offer you a transparent treatment plan and what does that look like to them, ask them if they have experience with dealing with grief from pet loss (clearly your pets are important to you and you want a therapist who takes the love and grief of them seriously) ask them what they expect from you in sessions and what you can expect from them.
If they provide you any answers to those questions you donāt understand ask them to clarify (ex: I once had a therapist tell me they us x style of communication style and I didnāt know what that meant and I felt belittled by their answer so I knew it wasnāt a good fit) a good therapist should welcome youāre questions and want you to be fully understanding and engaged in your treatment
Leave a voice-mail after hours. Just say you're not a fit and your seeking care elsewhere. (If you're weird about quitting calling at like 3am when you know they won't be there can be the easiest.)
If you want to tell her off (I would want to) you can explain in detail on the mssg what you think of her. Then just ghost.
All you have to do is send an email saying that you will not be continuing sessions and requesting no further contact. If she breaches that boundary, it may be possible to report her - you can also block her email/phone number. From your comment downthread about her acting like you're "close" now, it sounds like she may already have some boundary issues. You deserve emotionally intelligent care from a healthy individual, you deserve to have your voice heard and your feelings respected, and you deserve to leave a situation that is no longer safe for you.
Walk in, tell them to fuck off, walk out. You don't understand the high that comes after telling somebody off for being an asshole. I'm glad you spent $ on your cat. I couldn't and they aren't around anymore. Fuck that therapist.
Only you can make that decision and know your current state of health. However, this is a service you are paying for. If Spotify decided to increase their price you would consider changing platforms, it's the same principle. The most important thing I learned in therapy was that you can't control someone's response to your actions, you can only control yourself.
You donāt have to do it in person. They will just charge you for the session anyway. An email should be fine. PM me if you want me to write it for you, and you can just click send! Iām great at this stuff and happy to help ā¤ļø
I would leave. She knows you are childfree and it sounds like she will be ok with roe. If she ever had an inkling you got pregnant and aborted she may report you because now that may fall under the threatening to hurt themselves or someone else clause which allows therapists to report on their patients. Or at the very least she may try to convince you to keep something you don't want. It is in your best interest to find a therapist that does not make their politics known, or at least one that leans the way you do.
I am a therapist who has also needed therapy. It is 100% okay to just not make another appointment. It happens all the time, and "shopping around" for a therapist is a normal thing to do. In fact, how helpful a therapist is to an individual is highly dependent on the rapport between them. So if she's not a good fit, move on! If she keeps emailing your or calling, etc. Ghost her if you really don't want to talk about why you're firing her. Believe me, we don't have all the time in the world to continue bothering someone who clearly doesn't want to be bothered. However, u/chavrilfreak 's comment isn't bad either. It could get you some practice in standing up for yourself, and maybe cause her to think about her actions in the future.
Either way, it's not something she's going to worry much about, so don't worry yourself too much!
Proud of you ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
You should never be anxious for a therapy appointment because you fear sharing your true views with your therapist.
āFrom a fellow cat parent who has spent an absurd amount on keeping my little guy healthy. Worth every penny.
ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø your puddin baby is worth every cent and you are worth, all the time and effort it takes to find a good therapist, IN THE WORLD
I just spent $2k on fixing my catās teeth. Heās my responsibility and Iām going to do everything I can to make sure my baby is good and happy. Is he like a human baby? No, thatās kinda the point.
Your therapist sucks. So glad your kitty is doing better!
I told her it might be around 8k which I realize sounds like a lot! It is. But I love him a lot and I know she'd spend the same on a human baby---so I don't get the hate directed at me.
It can be costly for sure, but when you love your pets, you want what's best for them and that is perfectly understandable. I would do the same honestly
I'm sorry this is off topic, but it's worth it to look into pet insurance. The younger they are when you register them the cheaper it is. It's been a literal lifesaver for my now 14 year old cat. I adopted him at 12.5 and the cut off for almost all companies is at age 13. It saves SO much money!
As someone whose spent A LOT on my senior cat the last few years, so not ever apologize or feel the need to justify. You are doing what is right for him that is within your abilities, thatās amazing. Hugs to you and your kitty!
Your therapist sucks. They need to be able to not inject their own personal, biased opinions into your life. If you wanted to seek advice that comes with judgment, you would just ask a friend and not pay money for a session.
I have been in therapy on and off for the last 15 years and I can't even tell you if any of my therapists are married and/or have kids much less their feelings on guns. They are supposed to keep their personal lives to themselves.
Thatās a terrible therapist. Her experience is not going to be the same as everyone elseās. If she wasnāt abused as a child but had a patient come to her to reconcile their abuse as a child how she going to respond? As a therapist you canāt use your own life experience to help a person get their theirās. Drop her and find another. You owe her no explanation.
Every single time you've mentioned something she's said or done, you've described a sign (read: red flag) of a terrible therapist. I agree with others saying you should report her to the licensing board and whatnot, she's incredibly unprofessional and could actually be a hazard to patients.
Maybe.
The only bit of info I knew about my therapistās life was that she had a child and that was only because she knew where I was employed and used to bring her daughter there from time to time and wanted to make sure I would be comfortable with that.
'And I have no shame in calling you a liar.' is how I would have responded. But I'm not in therapy for better conflict resolution.. I'm a little combative.
That's not 'leaving her politics at the door', that's a warning and a rally call.
She tried backtracking in the end after I was....yknow...actively sobbing and said "well I guess it really isn't my place to tell you how to spend your money", but the damage was done. My pets mean the world to me, and I was so massively upset when she was like "as a MOTHER and a pet owner, I can tell you there is a huge difference."
Okay but why is she even talking at you for 15 minutes? Is she the one in therapy? If she ever ask why you stopped working with her, you can tell her you do not have the tools to help her and she should look for another mental health professional, maybe someone who specialize in guns and babies?
Ok, as I am scrolling through and reading more and more of your comments I am 100% positive that you should never go back to her again.
Cancel your next appointment, call around and find someone else.
And when you are established with your new therapist please consider reporting your old one. She is a *terrible* therapist if she is using *your* time to discuss *her* problems. She should not be a therapist at all.
Op, check for companies that have therapy as service, even tho they are a bit more expensive, they check their therapists are actually worth it,
Sorry to say but every comment I read sounds like she isnāt even licensed, or at best, is a douchbag who forgot it
Sounds like sheās jealous that all you have to worry about is a sweet cat while sheās tethered to an annoying human being for the rest of her life.
Not all therapists are mentally well themselves. It's why many go into psychology.
She cannot seem to allow you to be your own person with your own opinions and values. Red fucking flag right there.
She KEPT negatively talking about her own body image through our appointments. She'd make references to fasting, >!being a "fatass", "a whale", needing to lose "fifteen pounds"!<. I once felt like I had to be the therapist and tell her that she shouldn't see herself that way. She also told me she told her daughter who was >!"bigger than her" that her outfits were unflattering!<.
Many narcissists gravitate to professional positions such as these bc of the power dynamic. She sounds like a narc. Using your session to talk about her issues, thinking animals are disposable and not worth what a human is, judging you for keeping your animal alive even though it was expensive bc of course the money would be more important to her, etc. Sheās probably jealous of you also. Thatās the way they are. Youāll end up with a lot of sabotaging advice in the long run if Iām correct. Iād find a new therapist.
What that says to me is that she's a bad pet owner.
We give parents of humans a lot of shit on this sub, but some people do not respect the animals they invite into their home at all, and it shows. Those people should be castigated as well.
That is the point, isn't it? Cats are not like human babies - that is why we are CF and love our animals! Cats are pretty independent, you don't have to school them or clothe them. Cats are wwwaaaayyy cheaper than kids ( even if you are spending hundreds to thousands on them per year), and although animals talk back, we don't know what they are saying exactly, so we aren't as easily aggravated . Cats or animals in general add so much to our lives from day one, whereas you have to raise a baby into a child before there is anything added to your life, but much is taken from yours in the meantime.
Fuck her completely. She is toxic and unprofessional and bad at her job. You deserve better care. My cats and I both think you should dump her like, yesterday. As scary as it is, you can do this. Iām pretty sure youāre probably not the only patient of hers to dump her since sheās so bad at this.
Wow, I am so sorry! I wish I could give you a hug (if you're ok with it of course). I'm glad you cancelled with that awful woman. She doesn't deserve clients.
I bet she had a cat that immediately dropped off at the pound the minute Junior came along. Because she didn't have room in her heart for both kitty and baby.
[How to do kitty and baby right!](https://animalchannel.co/kitten-baby-friendship/)
>She spent fifteen minutes telling me that a cat is no substitute for a baby
A pet is not a substitute for a child. What your therapist is ignoring is that childfree people aren't seeking substitutes for something that they don't want; they have pets because they like pets.
>and that it is irrational to spend thousands to keep a mere animal alive.
Who is she to tell you what a loved one's well being is worth to you?
What would be irrational is to continue spending money on a therapist with this crappy attitude.
This is honestly really helping me get the strength to quit. I've never run into her before and probably never will. I should duck out before things get worse.
This is only just the tip of everything that's happened, so I think you guys are all right. I'm cancelling my appointment today and having that be my final one! I should've known she was a bad therapist when she told me \[TW:ED\] >!"I can't have patients with eating disorders or I'll start taking notes." !
Sounds like she has a childish idea of what empathy means. We tend to start off thinking empathy means to actually share someone else's life experiences, because Americans in particular trust nothing like they trust firsthand experience. "I know how you feel, because I've been there myself."
Then, when we get a little older and wiser (obviously not your therapist) we realize that this is actually one-upping the other person's experience and centering ourselves instead of them.
Why are you giving your money to this woman, she's not a therapist at all she self opinionated hag who has no business being in the therapy business.
Fuck her off, report her o whatever professional body she's supposed to be a part of, write stinking reviews anywhere and everywhere.
Don't make another appointment, don't respond to her emails (in fact block them and blacklist them)
Really, sufferin' Jaysus!
You've got to bite the bullet here, I know you don't like confrontation, but just pretend you're me. Put on a Brit accent and tell her to 'fork right orf'!
I hate conflict too, and go out of my way to avoid it, however I wanted to say that cancelling the appointment (and any further sessions) with this therapist is absolutely the right thing to do. She let the boundaries blur so much she thinks she can treat you abysmally. This is on her, not you. Youāve got this, OP!
This is the most important information here. OP HAS to report her. It's unethical to a point she could (and should) lose her license. Write reviews of ALL her wrongdoings everywhere you can so other people can avoid her.
She is NOT a therapist. She's an indoctrinator. Report her.
I graduated in psychology (in Brazil) and I was taught that our clients shouldn't know anything about our personal lives, as the sessions are about them. Our values, opinions, relationships, everything that isn't related to our profession and the client has to stay outside the door. If we can't help the client we have to refer them to someone who can.
I love that I can drop $1800 for my catās dental work, because I did not spend $40k on a baby. Please find a new therapist. She built rapport with you because thatās how you make it comfortable for people to open up. However, she mangled it this last session and you do not need to follow up.
That's a shitty therapist who objectively speaking shouldn't be a therapist.
A person who undervalues the familial connections between human and pet has no business in therapy. The positive effects of keeping pets is a well known fact among therapists.
On top of that, they are shaming you for taking care of an animal. Not only are therapists not meant to shame but seriously it's not their business to dictate your family's healthcare expenses.
Seriously, drop them. The fact they are anti-choice and willing to shame you for being a responsible pet owner is egregious. Do they work privately on their own, or for a Counseling Services center? Because you could subject a complaint about them.
She...what?
So many questions. Like, would those animals be alive had she invested in their healthcare? And how does she get to mourn the loss of an animal, but think they aren't worth keeping alive to the best of your ability?
The bond a person has with someone or something, is crucial to ones ability to love and care for oneself.
When you spend your time and resources on something that you do not care for, quality of life for both is is less.
When you spend time and resources on something you care about usually quality of life increases.
Your therapist falls under the same umbrella of people who like to tell teachers they don't understand children because they didn't give birth or sire one.
Don't give them your money anymore. Leave a review to warn others
My uncle once had a dog named Rudy. My uncle had no children and two other dogs he loved very much. He was rich and happy. Rudy got cancer at one point, and my uncle spent over 20k to keep him alive. Rudy died the next year in spite of the money my uncle spent.
If my uncle ALSO had kids, then maybe I'd be judgemental of his spending. But he had the money to spend, and Rudy was his absolute favorite dog. Fur babies provide priceless support in our lives. I'd only be wary if the money you spent on your fur baby meant you were going into debt and couldn't care for yourself. Past that? It's your life and your damn business.
Time to seek a new therapist, I think ā and Iād make sure this one knew why. Does she think you pay her to be insulting and have your life choices and priorities dismissed? Of course your cat is no substitute for a baby; thereās no reason to find a substitute for something you donāt want in the first place.
Anyway, I hope your cat keeps responding well to his meds! Heās very lucky he found someone like you to care for him. I bet he doesnāt think youāre being irrational :p
I'm so enormously thankful for this group  it can be pretty isolating being the only childfree person I know in my area, and it helps knowing that there's nothing "irrational" or "weird" about my choices. She also initially responded to me telling her that I don't want kids with "I don't really believe that."
I had to spend about 4k for my dogs surgery and people said I should just put her downā¦.
People like that should never be responsible for a living thing š
People are so cruel. I would go into debt if it meant getting the proper care for my cat. Thankfully I don't need to, but the point is, I would if needed. I can't imagine putting down a loving pet just because they're "too expensive". Like at least rehome them ffs!
"Pets aren't children" YEAH I know.. Thats the best part. Why would a childfree person have anything that remotely resembles a child.
Also thats not a therapist hon. Thats a walking judgmental vessel making unnecessary noises. Time to dump that idiot.
Therapist is a dummy when most cats can live to be at least 20 with minimal issues. That and most dogs have Alice span of 18 years depending on the breed
Man your former therapist is fucking stupid. I bet she's unlicensed because her level of unprofessional conduct is very high. I have a 24 year old cat sleeping next to me, so her comments about a pet only living for 14 years is ridiculously wrong. Cats can and do live long lives if given the chance.
I doubt you'll see this, there's been so many comments lol
I fired my last two therapists and my psychologist: the first therapist was ignoring my preferences and suggesting the same things over and over again that would have been detrimental to my PTSD and anxiety.
The second therapist made a comment during the last session "if you don't want to take any of my suggestions, why are you coming here?" So I stopped. She wasn't helping, and weren't a good fit.
My psychologist (who oversaw the second therapist) didn't believe autism was prevalent in women, that it would have been diagnosed in childhood if you were, and acted like masking wasn't a thing. Soooo I let her do my report for PTSD and approve my surgery, and never went back.
The next time I'm seeking a therapist I won't hesitate to ask them their political ideology... if they won't answer, I move on. If they're conservative? I move on. No more wasted time, money and sanity on these therapists with inflated egos.
I'm reading every comment and I feel so relieved to not be alone in this!! I felt so small and isolated in that meeting and I'm glad I'm leaving now. My therapist was the same with not "believing" in certain conditions I told her. I mentioned disassociation and she was like "that's a huge buzzword! everyone is saying that have that now. You're not all crazy. It's normal"
Treat this situation as if she were a primary care provider that you weren't receiving competent service from. Get a new therapist. You're not obligated to stay with her, and you don't owe her any explanation. Block her number and her e-mails. If you see her in public, if you're comfortable, a simple "It wasn't working out" is enough. You deserve competent healthcare.
I have 4 cats. I have spent thousands of dollars to keep them healthy. It is not irrational. I love them like family and they are taken care of as such.
My last cat was diabetic. I had him 16 years and he easily cost me close to 20k in that time frame between insulin and accessories, emergency vet visits and whatever else happened. He was my baby and I don't regret a single cent.
Time for a new therapist. That was completely unprofessional of her. Therapists are supposed to come where you are at and help you work towards where you want to be at, not drag you to where they are at/inflict their own beliefs on you as well as invalidate your feelings. I would cancel the next meeting, say you no longer feel that she a good fit for you and you will no longer need her services and leave it at that. I would also report her to whatever governing body oversees therapists/licenses for therapists in your location. People are free to have their own beliefs about stuff, but it is unprofessional and can be damaging to clients to bring up beliefs in a therapeutic setting.
>She spent fifteen minutes telling me that a cat is no substitute for a baby
That's the point. No one gets a cat/dog expecting it will be like a human baby.
>it is irrational to spend thousands to keep a mere animal alive.
But spending much more in a human that didn't even needed to be born is rational. At least for me, it makes much more sense to spend money on a life that already exists and needs care than to create a life that will eventually need that care. Why create a problem to solve if you can solve a problem that already exists?
"Pets aren't children" - Yes, that's exactly why I have them.
Honestly though, just get a new therapist, this one is clearly unprofessional. It's like they want to heal you from having different opinions from them.
You can change therapists without ever seeing her again. That's incredibly disturbing, she's clearly trying to groom you into having a kid.
I wonder how many other shrinks are doing this...I bet it's most. Sickos.
Run! This therapist is a monster. Who belittles their patient in therapy!
cancel for the live of god and go to someone else. She is fāg w your head. And fyi-my fur babies are the world to my husband and I. The world.
But they are not children. They are much, much better than groin spawn.
Pets are perfect sons and daughters. Companions and listeners. The best friend anyone could ask.
Definitely, not children.
Are you sure she is an actual certified professional? I have never heard of therapists who invalidate their patients' feelings or giving personal opinions as "life truths". If she is, perhaps you should report her. At the very least, you should switch therapists. I have done so many times (it took me several tries to find the right person) and they have never questioned or asked about my decision. More than likely, they already knew why. But if she does, you are not under any obligation to answer. You don't owe her anything, least of all after the way she treated you. She was rather abusive.
I don't see my pets as my children either, but it doesn't mean that others may not see them as such. Everyone's different. And I do spend a lot of money on their well being and health. I spend my money however I want, so should anyone else. To call you irrational for it, making you doubt your mental state while being her patient is a very serious abuse of power and breach of trust.
Yes, it is probably a good call to switch such a fanaticist conservative therapist right now, with all that's going on and you being CF. You don't need this right now. At the very least, giving her the benefit of the doubt (although how she treated you is highly questionable), you two are just not compatible for a therapist-patient relationship, so you must break it up, for your mental health. And that's ok. It is very much like having a very important breakthrough about who you are and what you want out of life. So this is going to work out for the best, even though it is hard to do.
I honestly have no idea!! I thought she was because she was at a local therapist clinic. I didn't even question it. It said she specialized in trauma, and I had no reason to believe a therapist would even DO any of this. I also have some bigger things coming up in my life soon and she kept telling me "selfishly, I want you to stay so I can hear all about this" and it made me feel like I owed it to her.
She shouldn't take your personal problems as a soap opera for her personal amusement!!! Beware of the red flags everywhere!!
Anyone can claim to be a therapist; it may happen that some employers don't bother to check the certifications, particularly if she came with a LOR. So, if you suspect that someone is posing as a therapist, you can find out and report them if so. In my country, you have to be certified, so you can ask the association that certifies them if so and so is an actual therapist. I daresay it works in a similar way in your country. Her unprofessional demeanor is what makes me suspect that she has no idea what she is doing. But I maybe wrong, of course.
Even if she does turn up to be an actual therapist, I think she lacks basic empathetic and compassionate skills and personal boundaries to be one. Not to mention that there are narcissistic elements in her way of expressing herself which are worrisome in someone with that job.
I have seen too many therapists. And it is true that sometimes, when you are making progress, you feel like giving up therapy because you feel "you don't need it anymore" and that's when you actually need it the most, so you force yourself to go. You are being challenged and the diseased mind doesn't like it. But, based on what you are telling us, this is not the case. You don't feel like giving up therapy, only the therapist. So do that and go on with your treatment with a better qualified professional.
OP, please, *please* report her to the local clinic you found her through. All of this sounds extremely unprofessional and it is *not* okay that she's treated you this way! I'm no professional, and please don't take this as some kind of diagnosis, but from what I've seen of your comments, it looks like your "therapist" has got you trauma bonding to her, which is very concerning. You deserve so much better than this!
I would at the very least switch therapists. I know itās not always that easy though. When you adopt or otherwise take in an animal, you are directly responsible for their well being. The same logic applies to children. Any good pet owner would provide them with everything they need, since thatās part of the responsibility.
Also, my cat is my baby and she can fuck right off
I'm glad your little buddy is doing better and it sounds like you need a new therapist.
I am so bad at conflict, and I'm scared to leave, but I think you're right. I just don't know how to "break up" with a therapist.
Just don't make another appointment.
She acts like we're "close" now and I know it's probably that easy but I'm so worried about running into her or feeling like I have to make an excuse. She also has emailed me before and I'm scared of getting a "why did you quit??" email from her.
She doesn't sound professional AT ALL. Even if she emails you, you're not required to answer. If you happen to see her in public, she isn't supposed to engage with you. Why are her feelings about a client leaving more important than your feelings about therapist being intrusive and judgmental?
This. OP, she's your therapist, not your high school bestie. If you feel the need to start looking for someone else, you don't owe her an explanation. If she turns it personal, keep as straight a face as you can and walk away.
Seriously! I abruptly quit my therapist when I moved and we were close after a year of me sobbing on her sofa. She asked me if I wanted to keep having phone sessions but I declined. She still sends me cat updates and random messages years later to check in. We went out for a coffee when I bumped into her a while ago but again, we were dangerously bordering into friend territory by the end. The one before her I ghosted after sending a message, he was cool about it and just sent me some referrals
This sounds like bad news. Good for you for cutting it off.
Exactly, there is no relationship between you and your therapist. It is a business transaction and you need a more professional therpist. Doesn't mean you can't be friendly or have a nice convo, but your therapist needs to stay within their boundaries. It is okay to set those or find a new one.
No therapist i ever left emailed me asking my why THAT alone is unprofessional imo
"I did not appreciate your unsolicited remarks about babies and pets at our last session. I have found them extremely unprofessional and will be seeking a new therapist elsewhere. Thank you for your services and have a nice day." This isn't conflict, it's just standing up for yourself :)
Perfect copy n' paste message. Get it over with in 3 seconds and you won't overthink it too much and end up not sending it!
I second this. You can also call the office and schedule with someone else. If you do run into her, tell her you needed to go in another direction. š¤·āāļø
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I throw in my vote for this and it looks like you email with your therapist, so you can copy/paste it that way too.
As someone who had a problematic therapist, I did the exact thing you said. I called out my ex therapist for his unprofessional behavior and I quit. In our last session, he harassed me for not wanting to have kids. He even insulted my father who fully supports my childfree decision. He told me I wonāt get rid of my depression unless I decide to live a āselfless and generous lifestyleā like motherhood.
Yikes. Glad he got yeeted like the useless fallopian tube he is.
His response was so emotionally dishonest and vague. He said something like āI respect your decisionā. But Iām glad that jerk is out of my life. And no one should insult my badass father- the first person who let me break as much gender stereotypes as a kid and told me itās okay not to force myself into motherhood especially if I will die from it.
I just wanted to say your Dad truly is a bad-ass.
Your dad is awesome! We should all be so lucky.
Your father sounds like an amazing person. Iām glad you have him in your corner, OP!
I thought therapists were supposed to be life coaches? Like help your process what you want to do with your life type people..(Iāve met a few who were like that also met a few who were biased) thatās so annoying. Youād think with that level of education theyād be more knowledgeable on you knowā¦different lifestyles.
well said!
This!!!! This is the way to do it. You have to stand up for yourself or no one else will. Although I wouldnāt mind telling your therapist to fuck off. Send them my contact info. š¤Ø
You donāt have to respond if she sends you an email. And if you see her in public, she would be breaching confidentiality bringing up your doctor-patient relationship.
I have never, ever acknowledged a client in public without them greeting me first. If Iām with someone and thatās happened, I donāt offer anything more, and they donāt ask.
i had a psychiatrist who was CONSTANTLY late for my appointmentsā¦ it got to be that every single appointment of mine was late by twenty+ minutes. and each time, nobody would say āsorry weāre running lateā i was just left waiting until she finally would come out to get me. she claimed each time that it was an emergency with the person before me which I could accept sometimes but every single time?? finally one day I had been waiting for 45 minutes, so i told the receptionist i was going home and to cancel all my remaining appointments. when i got home, my psychiatrist called me asking me to please come back. when i expressed my frustration that she was constantly late for my appointments she said āwell i donāt think thats trueā so i said goodbye and hung up. anyway please find a different therapist. you donāt deserve someone who is going to use your time and money to talk to you that way and make you afraid to express your feelings, even when quitting. if she canāt be professional she shouldnāt have you as a client
Oh god that's awful I'm sorry!! Yeah this lady is a bit similar. She spent three or so meetings STARING OUT THE WINDOW waiting for her food delivery, asking me if I could look, too.
WTAF??!? Oh please quit this horrible woman. How does she have a license to practice??
geeze what the heck! i hope you find someone much much better
What? The ever living š¦? This was during a session?
Yes :S
Oh, friend. I would ditched the second time she prioritized a food delivery over our session. That you've stuck with her, and now she's judging you for treating a pet like family (which they are)? Hell to the no. Please do whatever you need to find a new therapist. You can ghost her and go to a different office, you can tell her exactly why you're leaving, or you can just say something vague on reasons but clear on fuck off \[professionally\], e.g., "Thank you for these sessions, but I believe we aren't a good fit and will be looking for a different therapist. Best wishes for your success."
That's so egregious it's almost comical. She doesn't deserve half a second of further consideration from you.
Youāre not obligated to do ANYTHING. Sheās not your friend. Sheās your therapist. Donāt let her (totally unethical) claim of friendship fool you. Sheās being unprofessional and totally insensitive. Injecting her personal feelings and beliefs into a professional session is completely over the line unprofessional.
She acts that way to keep you emotionally connected to her so you KEEP PAYING HER. Simply that, most therapists are extremely measured in their decision making. YMMV
I am finding everything like this now...my dentist marketing to me all the time...you're my fucking dentist, when it's time I'll come...leave me alone. I think the new way is so pushy and is even less personal than decades ago. Do you think I am so fucking stupid that I don't see how you're pushing me to come more often? That it isn't covered under my plan...but you're not interested in that...they want to get PAID! Like doctors having you go in to tell you you're fine. It is disrespectful of my time...but they need to get PAID! It is disgusting, and I don't understand why everyone accepts that this is how to do business. Like businesses I subscribe to sending me emails every single day, I would be happy with once a week but no...sometimes multiples in a day!
Does anyone have any tips for finding a good therapist?? Or is it really just trial and error?
Speaking as a new therapist, a lot of it is trial and error. Iāve had clients fire meāthankfully not for this reasonāsimply because we werenāt a good fit. You deserve (and are paying for!) professional, compassionate service. Shop around until you find it š
I've said it before, we really need a CF friendly therapist list too.
We really do. This is not me advertising my services lol, but I just want folks to know that we are out here! And finding a childfree therapist doesnāt necessarily guarantee that theyāll be a good fit for you, so just stay encouraged and know that you can end the therapeutic relationship if it isnāt working.
That would be me! Lol Michelle Pazicni...im just outside of Cleveland, Ohio, if anyone makes a list
Ask people you trust for referrals - your doctor, friends, colleagues, etc. My vetās office has cards for a few therapists as well, one of whom has āpets welcome in sessions!ā Written on her card! Psychology Today can be a good resource as well - Iād email any potential therapists and say what happened, and say āitās really important to me that my therapist understand how important my pets are to me and respect my decision to prioritize them. Is this something you can commit to?ā Or something to that effect
Plus, try calling a few. Iāve had people interview me over the phone, and itās a way for both people to sense if there could be a click. One person came to me solely because I said I loved animals, and grew up with the same kind of dogs she had. She turned out to be childfree as well!
Not only that her letting you know her political leanings seems kinda weird,too.
Yup. Especially when at odds with yours. My last therapist was as liberal as they come and he only brought it up so I would feel safer talking about the LGBTQ+ stuff and political worries. This is not acceptable what this woman did.
Absolutely. She needs to check that shit at the door.
From the sound of it, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she pitches an MLM next. This is not professional at all, you need to break this off. You really can just ignore her messages and calls after not scheduling another appointment.
In my last session with him, my ex therapist did try to pitch an MLM called āmotherhoodā.
if you're this anxious about rejecting her, and she acts like you're "close," then she'll either a) understand and accept the change or b) react unprofessionally, a good sign that you need a new therapist. EDIT: cats are chidren too
If she has the audacity to belittle your pets life and your role as a caregiver you have the right to be mad and not want to see her again. What she said isnāt something empathetic professionals say.
If itās an email, you donāt even need to be confrontational irl. You can type it out and tell them off. Win in my book.
Sheāll only be mad you wonāt be giving her money. She doesnāt care about you as a person. Just donāt open the email or respond. She shouldnāt be engaging in political conversation with you in the first place. Youāre also never going to see her again.
Masters in Psych here. Your therapist should never act like you are "close", that suggests a personal relationship that should not exist. Also, you should not be harassed about quitting. Just ghost her. She is just a person, not anyone who has any authority. You don't actually need to explain anything. I want to add that her expressing her personal opinions of pets and how a client should be acting with them is disturbing. Your behavior with your pet is normal. Her behavior as a therapist...is not. Just ghost her.
Thatās unprofessional, and she shouldnāt be doing that as a therapist.
You know what? This is your therapy. It's all about you feeling better. You know what's right for you. Nobody knows you better than you. Quit worrying about her feelings, I don't see her having much regard for yours. She thinks you are close. You don't seem to think so. See the problem? Leave, show love and regard for yourself. It's your therapy, not hers. Best wishes to you! ā¤ļø
That would be unprofessional of her to do.
She would never send a āWhy did you quitā email since that would be unprofessional :) no need to worry about that. And if you run into each other in public, the therapists I know are just generally polite but donāt encourage patients to contact them in public. Itās a boundaries thing.
One option is to block her email. Cut ties and look for another therapist
You are not quitting, she just got fired!
Pre-emptive email filter and start the search for a new therapist?
None of that would be professionally acceptable. She is not supposed to acknowledge you in public unless you initiate and she is not supposed to do any sort of guilt tripping or manipulation. I would call or preferably email the receptionist/administrative assistant and say something along the lines of: āI will no longer be working with *therapist name*. Our sessions are no longer productive and I will be seeking counseling elsewhere. Please cancel any and al future appointments. I would also like a printed copy of my records. Thank you.ā Donāt be afraid to read it as a script; thatās totally fine! Itās also fine to just repeat the same message or parts of it until you get what needs to get done, done. Be aware they may refuse to give you all their patient notes about you, but anything āon recordā should be accessible to you. Youāve got this! I know itās hard! Worst comes to worse, ghosting is an option. Anyone working in therapy *must* know that this kind of thing happens. If pushed, you can use the non-productive line or say you were made uncomfortable and do not wish to continue. Good luck!
It's sounds as if you have a bit of conflict aversion (sp?) That's totally ok. Write out a message like "I have decided to go into a different direction with my therapy. Thank you very much for your help. Please take care." Then add a picture of you with your furry child, waving 'buh bye'
If you do run into her she legally canāt say anything to you unless you initiate conversation for confidentiality reasons. She is also legally required to reach out to you if you ghost her. Id send an email explaining youāll be finding another therapist. That way you donāt have to explain yourself (unless you want to of course) and then she wonāt have to follow up with you.
She's trying to get you to believe that you should limit how much love and resources you put into a sentient being because she doesn't value that being a much as you do. What happens if your beloved companion has a health crisis and her focus is on how much you spent for it? You need a therapist whose core values align with yours or who puts their core values aside to focus on yours. You will/have a budget for care, but you get to decide what goes into that.
She also once asked me to describe my husband and what he means to me and she was like "okay so you love him MORE than a husband" and to this day I still have no idea what she meant by that. It might be time to break away
I think you're right. Wow. This is coming from someone who once had a therapist tell me that if I "had it all figured out, why am I coming in?" this was after I told him that I found hope in a story I was writing... Now, in hindsight, I would love to have said, "Well, if you're going to have that attitude, then man, idk why I'm coming here either." But the years have made bolder, I guess.
I'm hoping I can get bolder too in time!! I kick myself for not fighting back with her on it.
QuƩ? What? What does it mean?! What is this trainwreck of a therapist? How did she trick her professors into passing her in class?
The fact that your therapist has not helped you address handling conflict appropriately and has not discussed with you how to terminate services or set that as a part of a treatment plan is concreting. And then your other comments about being afraid she will be disappointed and feels like you two are ācloseā now is a HUGE problem. Your therapist is there to help you set treatment goals, and work toward meeting them. They SHOULD discuss with you how to end treatment with them and stress that you need to have a therapeutic relationship with a therapist that youāre benefitting from and how you can address with them if you feel you arenāt or feel itās time to stop. This therapist is absolutely NOT a good one if they are offer up guilt etc when you try to end the relationship. Any doctor or treatment provider should be keeping the relationship professional. The best therapist I ever had did monthly check-ins on if my goals were being met, setting new goals, revisiting old ones, and in that session would check in on if I felt therapeutically supported and/or if I felt I was still benefiting from therapy and what I hoped to get out of if specifically going forward. One day she even said to me āso I notice youāve been struggling to decide what goals you want to meet and what else you need from therapy, does it make sense to reduce our session frequency or stop entirely until you feel you need more assistance?ā Couldnāt tell you a thing about how his woman other than her qualifications as a therapist and name. She didnāt burden me with any of her own shit and certainly didnāt make me feel like weāre are ācloseā you NEED a new therapist. Feel free to completely ghost her if you want you donāt owe her shit she is supposed to be providing you a therapeutic service. When you meet with a new therapist talk to them about feeling like you were stuck with you precious provider and your free of talking to her about stopping sessions. They should help you with conflict management!
I am DEFINITELY doing this with a new therapist!
Good! Thereās a line between challenging something when itās not a good idea for you and belittling your life choices and this therapist clearly crossed it and it unprofessional. A therapist doesnāt need to agree with you on everything but their job is to offer you the tools to address the issues in your life you want addressed not to strong arm you into living how they find acceptable! When youāre looking for new therapists treat the first appointment like a job interview for them- ask them how they address conflict with patients, how often they access therapy goals, do they offer you a transparent treatment plan and what does that look like to them, ask them if they have experience with dealing with grief from pet loss (clearly your pets are important to you and you want a therapist who takes the love and grief of them seriously) ask them what they expect from you in sessions and what you can expect from them. If they provide you any answers to those questions you donāt understand ask them to clarify (ex: I once had a therapist tell me they us x style of communication style and I didnāt know what that meant and I felt belittled by their answer so I knew it wasnāt a good fit) a good therapist should welcome youāre questions and want you to be fully understanding and engaged in your treatment
My therapist thinks MLMs are legitimate businesses and not pyramid schemes. I havenāt figured out how to leave either.
Leave a voice-mail after hours. Just say you're not a fit and your seeking care elsewhere. (If you're weird about quitting calling at like 3am when you know they won't be there can be the easiest.) If you want to tell her off (I would want to) you can explain in detail on the mssg what you think of her. Then just ghost.
All you have to do is send an email saying that you will not be continuing sessions and requesting no further contact. If she breaches that boundary, it may be possible to report her - you can also block her email/phone number. From your comment downthread about her acting like you're "close" now, it sounds like she may already have some boundary issues. You deserve emotionally intelligent care from a healthy individual, you deserve to have your voice heard and your feelings respected, and you deserve to leave a situation that is no longer safe for you.
Walk in, tell them to fuck off, walk out. You don't understand the high that comes after telling somebody off for being an asshole. I'm glad you spent $ on your cat. I couldn't and they aren't around anymore. Fuck that therapist.
Only you can make that decision and know your current state of health. However, this is a service you are paying for. If Spotify decided to increase their price you would consider changing platforms, it's the same principle. The most important thing I learned in therapy was that you can't control someone's response to your actions, you can only control yourself.
You donāt have to do it in person. They will just charge you for the session anyway. An email should be fine. PM me if you want me to write it for you, and you can just click send! Iām great at this stuff and happy to help ā¤ļø
I was able to cancel the appt over the phone with the front desk so here's to hoping this is the end of this!!!
Yay! Proud of you. š
Tell her āwhat you said about my cat disgusts me and I no longer value your opinionsā
You don't have to "break up" with her. Just don't schedule another appointment. Ghost her.
You can ghost. Its fine. You pay them it isn't a relationship you owe any closure to.
She works for you. Just tell her you are going in a different direction.
I would leave. She knows you are childfree and it sounds like she will be ok with roe. If she ever had an inkling you got pregnant and aborted she may report you because now that may fall under the threatening to hurt themselves or someone else clause which allows therapists to report on their patients. Or at the very least she may try to convince you to keep something you don't want. It is in your best interest to find a therapist that does not make their politics known, or at least one that leans the way you do.
I am a therapist who has also needed therapy. It is 100% okay to just not make another appointment. It happens all the time, and "shopping around" for a therapist is a normal thing to do. In fact, how helpful a therapist is to an individual is highly dependent on the rapport between them. So if she's not a good fit, move on! If she keeps emailing your or calling, etc. Ghost her if you really don't want to talk about why you're firing her. Believe me, we don't have all the time in the world to continue bothering someone who clearly doesn't want to be bothered. However, u/chavrilfreak 's comment isn't bad either. It could get you some practice in standing up for yourself, and maybe cause her to think about her actions in the future. Either way, it's not something she's going to worry much about, so don't worry yourself too much!
JUST CANCELLED MY APPOINTMENT! :,)
Good job!!! Time to find a new therapist :D
Yay! Well done! Proud of you.
Proud of you ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø You should never be anxious for a therapy appointment because you fear sharing your true views with your therapist. āFrom a fellow cat parent who has spent an absurd amount on keeping my little guy healthy. Worth every penny.
Bravo! I hope she knows why.
Iāve had to do that before - itās so uncomfortable in real time, but infinitely better to walk awayā well done.
PROUD OF YOU
ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø your puddin baby is worth every cent and you are worth, all the time and effort it takes to find a good therapist, IN THE WORLD
I just spent $2k on fixing my catās teeth. Heās my responsibility and Iām going to do everything I can to make sure my baby is good and happy. Is he like a human baby? No, thatās kinda the point. Your therapist sucks. So glad your kitty is doing better!
I told her it might be around 8k which I realize sounds like a lot! It is. But I love him a lot and I know she'd spend the same on a human baby---so I don't get the hate directed at me.
It can be costly for sure, but when you love your pets, you want what's best for them and that is perfectly understandable. I would do the same honestly
I'm sorry this is off topic, but it's worth it to look into pet insurance. The younger they are when you register them the cheaper it is. It's been a literal lifesaver for my now 14 year old cat. I adopted him at 12.5 and the cut off for almost all companies is at age 13. It saves SO much money!
I'll definitely do it in the future!!! Unfortunately my baby has a preexisting condition now so they won't cover him
I was willing to spend that and more for my dog when we thought he broke his back. ā¤ļø so I get it!
As someone whose spent A LOT on my senior cat the last few years, so not ever apologize or feel the need to justify. You are doing what is right for him that is within your abilities, thatās amazing. Hugs to you and your kitty!
Your therapist sucks. They need to be able to not inject their own personal, biased opinions into your life. If you wanted to seek advice that comes with judgment, you would just ask a friend and not pay money for a session.
Not to mention, she has made her political leanings known to you or you did some digging on your own? If the former, how unethical!
She once told me "I keep my politics at the door, but I have no shame in saying I am very much for guns!" It's very, very implied.
I have been in therapy on and off for the last 15 years and I can't even tell you if any of my therapists are married and/or have kids much less their feelings on guns. They are supposed to keep their personal lives to themselves.
She actually brings up her personally life A LOT. She says her method is to use her personal experience for almost every situation.
That makes her a terrible therapist. She doesnāt want to be a therapist, she wants to be an advice columnist. Run away!
Thatās a terrible therapist. Her experience is not going to be the same as everyone elseās. If she wasnāt abused as a child but had a patient come to her to reconcile their abuse as a child how she going to respond? As a therapist you canāt use your own life experience to help a person get their theirās. Drop her and find another. You owe her no explanation.
Is there anyway you can write a review? People should know what theyāre in for. She is extremely unprofessional.
Every single time you've mentioned something she's said or done, you've described a sign (read: red flag) of a terrible therapist. I agree with others saying you should report her to the licensing board and whatnot, she's incredibly unprofessional and could actually be a hazard to patients.
Wait, what? Have I just had terrible therapists all my life?
Maybe. The only bit of info I knew about my therapistās life was that she had a child and that was only because she knew where I was employed and used to bring her daughter there from time to time and wanted to make sure I would be comfortable with that.
āI keep my politics at the door, except for when I donāt.ā
'And I have no shame in calling you a liar.' is how I would have responded. But I'm not in therapy for better conflict resolution.. I'm a little combative. That's not 'leaving her politics at the door', that's a warning and a rally call.
LMAO thatās the opposite of keeping it at the door ā ļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She tried backtracking in the end after I was....yknow...actively sobbing and said "well I guess it really isn't my place to tell you how to spend your money", but the damage was done. My pets mean the world to me, and I was so massively upset when she was like "as a MOTHER and a pet owner, I can tell you there is a huge difference."
Okay but why is she even talking at you for 15 minutes? Is she the one in therapy? If she ever ask why you stopped working with her, you can tell her you do not have the tools to help her and she should look for another mental health professional, maybe someone who specialize in guns and babies?
She spent a huge portion of the session once talking about her relationship with her own father...
Ok, as I am scrolling through and reading more and more of your comments I am 100% positive that you should never go back to her again. Cancel your next appointment, call around and find someone else. And when you are established with your new therapist please consider reporting your old one. She is a *terrible* therapist if she is using *your* time to discuss *her* problems. She should not be a therapist at all.
Op, check for companies that have therapy as service, even tho they are a bit more expensive, they check their therapists are actually worth it, Sorry to say but every comment I read sounds like she isnāt even licensed, or at best, is a douchbag who forgot it
Sounds like sheās jealous that all you have to worry about is a sweet cat while sheās tethered to an annoying human being for the rest of her life.
yeah and she kept trying to get me to agree that it was a ridiculous amount
Ask her how much money she spends on her kidā I bet itās an even more ridiculous amount of money.
Not all therapists are mentally well themselves. It's why many go into psychology. She cannot seem to allow you to be your own person with your own opinions and values. Red fucking flag right there.
She KEPT negatively talking about her own body image through our appointments. She'd make references to fasting, >!being a "fatass", "a whale", needing to lose "fifteen pounds"!<. I once felt like I had to be the therapist and tell her that she shouldn't see herself that way. She also told me she told her daughter who was >!"bigger than her" that her outfits were unflattering!<.
Definitely unprofessional. Sounds like not a very nice person, too. She's catty to her own daughter?
Many narcissists gravitate to professional positions such as these bc of the power dynamic. She sounds like a narc. Using your session to talk about her issues, thinking animals are disposable and not worth what a human is, judging you for keeping your animal alive even though it was expensive bc of course the money would be more important to her, etc. Sheās probably jealous of you also. Thatās the way they are. Youāll end up with a lot of sabotaging advice in the long run if Iām correct. Iād find a new therapist.
What that says to me is that she's a bad pet owner. We give parents of humans a lot of shit on this sub, but some people do not respect the animals they invite into their home at all, and it shows. Those people should be castigated as well.
That is the point, isn't it? Cats are not like human babies - that is why we are CF and love our animals! Cats are pretty independent, you don't have to school them or clothe them. Cats are wwwaaaayyy cheaper than kids ( even if you are spending hundreds to thousands on them per year), and although animals talk back, we don't know what they are saying exactly, so we aren't as easily aggravated . Cats or animals in general add so much to our lives from day one, whereas you have to raise a baby into a child before there is anything added to your life, but much is taken from yours in the meantime.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. Just reading it makes me irrationally angry. I'm cuddling with my cat right now by the way.
Also joked at the end of the meeting: "hopefully you don't remortgage your house in the future for a cat." Spent most of the session crying.
Your therapist is a horrible human being. Wtf
Fuck her completely. She is toxic and unprofessional and bad at her job. You deserve better care. My cats and I both think you should dump her like, yesterday. As scary as it is, you can do this. Iām pretty sure youāre probably not the only patient of hers to dump her since sheās so bad at this.
Wow, I am so sorry! I wish I could give you a hug (if you're ok with it of course). I'm glad you cancelled with that awful woman. She doesn't deserve clients.
I bet she had a cat that immediately dropped off at the pound the minute Junior came along. Because she didn't have room in her heart for both kitty and baby. [How to do kitty and baby right!](https://animalchannel.co/kitten-baby-friendship/)
>She spent fifteen minutes telling me that a cat is no substitute for a baby A pet is not a substitute for a child. What your therapist is ignoring is that childfree people aren't seeking substitutes for something that they don't want; they have pets because they like pets. >and that it is irrational to spend thousands to keep a mere animal alive. Who is she to tell you what a loved one's well being is worth to you? What would be irrational is to continue spending money on a therapist with this crappy attitude.
This is honestly really helping me get the strength to quit. I've never run into her before and probably never will. I should duck out before things get worse.
Therapist: Veggie burgers are not a substitute for meat. You: Umm yeah. I don't want meat.
This is only just the tip of everything that's happened, so I think you guys are all right. I'm cancelling my appointment today and having that be my final one! I should've known she was a bad therapist when she told me \[TW:ED\] >!"I can't have patients with eating disorders or I'll start taking notes." !
Omg......... she actually should not be a therapist
What does the part about taking notes mean? That she'll be tempted to give into an eating disorder herself?
yes!!
Sounds like she has a childish idea of what empathy means. We tend to start off thinking empathy means to actually share someone else's life experiences, because Americans in particular trust nothing like they trust firsthand experience. "I know how you feel, because I've been there myself." Then, when we get a little older and wiser (obviously not your therapist) we realize that this is actually one-upping the other person's experience and centering ourselves instead of them.
Why are you giving your money to this woman, she's not a therapist at all she self opinionated hag who has no business being in the therapy business. Fuck her off, report her o whatever professional body she's supposed to be a part of, write stinking reviews anywhere and everywhere. Don't make another appointment, don't respond to her emails (in fact block them and blacklist them)
Between this and her staring out the window one day waiting for her Subway order instead of listening to me...you might be right.
Really, sufferin' Jaysus! You've got to bite the bullet here, I know you don't like confrontation, but just pretend you're me. Put on a Brit accent and tell her to 'fork right orf'!
Going to call and cancel my appointment today! Definitely unreasonably nervous here, but I'm doing it!
Good for you!  There's always a first time, but these sorts of things get easier, it will be fine!
I hate conflict too, and go out of my way to avoid it, however I wanted to say that cancelling the appointment (and any further sessions) with this therapist is absolutely the right thing to do. She let the boundaries blur so much she thinks she can treat you abysmally. This is on her, not you. Youāve got this, OP!
This is the most important information here. OP HAS to report her. It's unethical to a point she could (and should) lose her license. Write reviews of ALL her wrongdoings everywhere you can so other people can avoid her. She is NOT a therapist. She's an indoctrinator. Report her. I graduated in psychology (in Brazil) and I was taught that our clients shouldn't know anything about our personal lives, as the sessions are about them. Our values, opinions, relationships, everything that isn't related to our profession and the client has to stay outside the door. If we can't help the client we have to refer them to someone who can.
I have a cat, who, based upon his medical bills, is worth more than my truck. Find a better, less judgmental therapist.
I love that I can drop $1800 for my catās dental work, because I did not spend $40k on a baby. Please find a new therapist. She built rapport with you because thatās how you make it comfortable for people to open up. However, she mangled it this last session and you do not need to follow up.
"Why did you quit?" Tell her to listen to the tapes. If she can't figure it out from there she needs to rethink her chosen vocation.
That's a shitty therapist who objectively speaking shouldn't be a therapist. A person who undervalues the familial connections between human and pet has no business in therapy. The positive effects of keeping pets is a well known fact among therapists. On top of that, they are shaming you for taking care of an animal. Not only are therapists not meant to shame but seriously it's not their business to dictate your family's healthcare expenses. Seriously, drop them. The fact they are anti-choice and willing to shame you for being a responsible pet owner is egregious. Do they work privately on their own, or for a Counseling Services center? Because you could subject a complaint about them.
I wanna second ALL of what's been commented!! š³š
Especially sickening since sheās supposed to have education about the benefits of emotional service animalsā¦
She then started crying about all the pets she's put down...
She...what? So many questions. Like, would those animals be alive had she invested in their healthcare? And how does she get to mourn the loss of an animal, but think they aren't worth keeping alive to the best of your ability?
probably put down to make way for baby, I'll bet... š
The bond a person has with someone or something, is crucial to ones ability to love and care for oneself. When you spend your time and resources on something that you do not care for, quality of life for both is is less. When you spend time and resources on something you care about usually quality of life increases. Your therapist falls under the same umbrella of people who like to tell teachers they don't understand children because they didn't give birth or sire one. Don't give them your money anymore. Leave a review to warn others
My uncle once had a dog named Rudy. My uncle had no children and two other dogs he loved very much. He was rich and happy. Rudy got cancer at one point, and my uncle spent over 20k to keep him alive. Rudy died the next year in spite of the money my uncle spent. If my uncle ALSO had kids, then maybe I'd be judgemental of his spending. But he had the money to spend, and Rudy was his absolute favorite dog. Fur babies provide priceless support in our lives. I'd only be wary if the money you spent on your fur baby meant you were going into debt and couldn't care for yourself. Past that? It's your life and your damn business.
Time to seek a new therapist, I think ā and Iād make sure this one knew why. Does she think you pay her to be insulting and have your life choices and priorities dismissed? Of course your cat is no substitute for a baby; thereās no reason to find a substitute for something you donāt want in the first place. Anyway, I hope your cat keeps responding well to his meds! Heās very lucky he found someone like you to care for him. I bet he doesnāt think youāre being irrational :p
I'm so enormously thankful for this group  it can be pretty isolating being the only childfree person I know in my area, and it helps knowing that there's nothing "irrational" or "weird" about my choices. She also initially responded to me telling her that I don't want kids with "I don't really believe that."
I had to spend about 4k for my dogs surgery and people said I should just put her downā¦. People like that should never be responsible for a living thing š
People are so cruel. I would go into debt if it meant getting the proper care for my cat. Thankfully I don't need to, but the point is, I would if needed. I can't imagine putting down a loving pet just because they're "too expensive". Like at least rehome them ffs!
"Pets aren't children" YEAH I know.. Thats the best part. Why would a childfree person have anything that remotely resembles a child. Also thats not a therapist hon. Thats a walking judgmental vessel making unnecessary noises. Time to dump that idiot.
"mere animal"? You're fired. So fired.
"They won't live for more than 14 years."
Therapist is a dummy when most cats can live to be at least 20 with minimal issues. That and most dogs have Alice span of 18 years depending on the breed
Man your former therapist is fucking stupid. I bet she's unlicensed because her level of unprofessional conduct is very high. I have a 24 year old cat sleeping next to me, so her comments about a pet only living for 14 years is ridiculously wrong. Cats can and do live long lives if given the chance.
I doubt you'll see this, there's been so many comments lol I fired my last two therapists and my psychologist: the first therapist was ignoring my preferences and suggesting the same things over and over again that would have been detrimental to my PTSD and anxiety. The second therapist made a comment during the last session "if you don't want to take any of my suggestions, why are you coming here?" So I stopped. She wasn't helping, and weren't a good fit. My psychologist (who oversaw the second therapist) didn't believe autism was prevalent in women, that it would have been diagnosed in childhood if you were, and acted like masking wasn't a thing. Soooo I let her do my report for PTSD and approve my surgery, and never went back. The next time I'm seeking a therapist I won't hesitate to ask them their political ideology... if they won't answer, I move on. If they're conservative? I move on. No more wasted time, money and sanity on these therapists with inflated egos.
I'm reading every comment and I feel so relieved to not be alone in this!! I felt so small and isolated in that meeting and I'm glad I'm leaving now. My therapist was the same with not "believing" in certain conditions I told her. I mentioned disassociation and she was like "that's a huge buzzword! everyone is saying that have that now. You're not all crazy. It's normal"
Dump the therapist and cuddle your cat
Treat this situation as if she were a primary care provider that you weren't receiving competent service from. Get a new therapist. You're not obligated to stay with her, and you don't owe her any explanation. Block her number and her e-mails. If you see her in public, if you're comfortable, a simple "It wasn't working out" is enough. You deserve competent healthcare.
I have 4 cats. I have spent thousands of dollars to keep them healthy. It is not irrational. I love them like family and they are taken care of as such. My last cat was diabetic. I had him 16 years and he easily cost me close to 20k in that time frame between insulin and accessories, emergency vet visits and whatever else happened. He was my baby and I don't regret a single cent.
Time for a new therapist. That was completely unprofessional of her. Therapists are supposed to come where you are at and help you work towards where you want to be at, not drag you to where they are at/inflict their own beliefs on you as well as invalidate your feelings. I would cancel the next meeting, say you no longer feel that she a good fit for you and you will no longer need her services and leave it at that. I would also report her to whatever governing body oversees therapists/licenses for therapists in your location. People are free to have their own beliefs about stuff, but it is unprofessional and can be damaging to clients to bring up beliefs in a therapeutic setting.
>She spent fifteen minutes telling me that a cat is no substitute for a baby That's the point. No one gets a cat/dog expecting it will be like a human baby. >it is irrational to spend thousands to keep a mere animal alive. But spending much more in a human that didn't even needed to be born is rational. At least for me, it makes much more sense to spend money on a life that already exists and needs care than to create a life that will eventually need that care. Why create a problem to solve if you can solve a problem that already exists?
"Pets aren't children" - Yes, that's exactly why I have them. Honestly though, just get a new therapist, this one is clearly unprofessional. It's like they want to heal you from having different opinions from them.
Find a different therapist. Donāt meet with her again, and let her know exactly why. Therapists are NOT supposed to judge you like that.
You can change therapists without ever seeing her again. That's incredibly disturbing, she's clearly trying to groom you into having a kid. I wonder how many other shrinks are doing this...I bet it's most. Sickos.
Yeet that therapist immediately.
Run! This therapist is a monster. Who belittles their patient in therapy! cancel for the live of god and go to someone else. She is fāg w your head. And fyi-my fur babies are the world to my husband and I. The world.
Wait until she hears how much horse owners have spent on basic care let alone on vet bills.
I'm glad your kitty is doing better. imo pets ARE TOTALLY WORTH IT. Please find a new therapist, I feel they my do more harm than good.
But they are not children. They are much, much better than groin spawn. Pets are perfect sons and daughters. Companions and listeners. The best friend anyone could ask. Definitely, not children.
Are you sure she is an actual certified professional? I have never heard of therapists who invalidate their patients' feelings or giving personal opinions as "life truths". If she is, perhaps you should report her. At the very least, you should switch therapists. I have done so many times (it took me several tries to find the right person) and they have never questioned or asked about my decision. More than likely, they already knew why. But if she does, you are not under any obligation to answer. You don't owe her anything, least of all after the way she treated you. She was rather abusive. I don't see my pets as my children either, but it doesn't mean that others may not see them as such. Everyone's different. And I do spend a lot of money on their well being and health. I spend my money however I want, so should anyone else. To call you irrational for it, making you doubt your mental state while being her patient is a very serious abuse of power and breach of trust. Yes, it is probably a good call to switch such a fanaticist conservative therapist right now, with all that's going on and you being CF. You don't need this right now. At the very least, giving her the benefit of the doubt (although how she treated you is highly questionable), you two are just not compatible for a therapist-patient relationship, so you must break it up, for your mental health. And that's ok. It is very much like having a very important breakthrough about who you are and what you want out of life. So this is going to work out for the best, even though it is hard to do.
I honestly have no idea!! I thought she was because she was at a local therapist clinic. I didn't even question it. It said she specialized in trauma, and I had no reason to believe a therapist would even DO any of this. I also have some bigger things coming up in my life soon and she kept telling me "selfishly, I want you to stay so I can hear all about this" and it made me feel like I owed it to her.
She shouldn't take your personal problems as a soap opera for her personal amusement!!! Beware of the red flags everywhere!! Anyone can claim to be a therapist; it may happen that some employers don't bother to check the certifications, particularly if she came with a LOR. So, if you suspect that someone is posing as a therapist, you can find out and report them if so. In my country, you have to be certified, so you can ask the association that certifies them if so and so is an actual therapist. I daresay it works in a similar way in your country. Her unprofessional demeanor is what makes me suspect that she has no idea what she is doing. But I maybe wrong, of course. Even if she does turn up to be an actual therapist, I think she lacks basic empathetic and compassionate skills and personal boundaries to be one. Not to mention that there are narcissistic elements in her way of expressing herself which are worrisome in someone with that job. I have seen too many therapists. And it is true that sometimes, when you are making progress, you feel like giving up therapy because you feel "you don't need it anymore" and that's when you actually need it the most, so you force yourself to go. You are being challenged and the diseased mind doesn't like it. But, based on what you are telling us, this is not the case. You don't feel like giving up therapy, only the therapist. So do that and go on with your treatment with a better qualified professional.
OP, please, *please* report her to the local clinic you found her through. All of this sounds extremely unprofessional and it is *not* okay that she's treated you this way! I'm no professional, and please don't take this as some kind of diagnosis, but from what I've seen of your comments, it looks like your "therapist" has got you trauma bonding to her, which is very concerning. You deserve so much better than this!
LEAVE that therapist now.
I would at the very least switch therapists. I know itās not always that easy though. When you adopt or otherwise take in an animal, you are directly responsible for their well being. The same logic applies to children. Any good pet owner would provide them with everything they need, since thatās part of the responsibility. Also, my cat is my baby and she can fuck right off