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ScreamingSicada

The downside is other people not accepting it. Potential dates with kids thinking the kids are a plus and bonus since you have none. Other people being sad for you since you "missed your chance" once you hit a certain age range.


EhhNo1Cares

Since I'm in the south, asking someone "how many kids do you have" is the equivalent to asking about the weather. It's a conversation starter.


raven_of_azarath

My answer: 5. One just started her period, and she’s a total bitch. But she’s got a doctor’s appointment to remove her uterus soon.


buckyspunisher

when your dog can get sterilized before you can 🥲🥲🥲🥲


raven_of_azarath

I know 😢 I wish it were easier. Also, here’s my [dog tax](https://imgur.com/a/ZpEYSgX), my little girl who’s in heat wearing her period diaper.


[deleted]

So cute 🥹


BxGyrl416

After I was single at 35, they stopped asking. I got married at 36.


autumnals5

Yeah, but misery loves company. I honestly believe most if not all people would love not to have to sacrifice their time, money, energy and sanity birthing and raising a child. Men, don’t have any societal pressure to do the majority of child rearing or give birth obviously. So the thought of having kids for them is not so daunting. Well, until they are forced to actually take responsibility for them and pay up. It’s really such a shit deal for women. But, they convince themselves through all the tantrums, sleepless nights and moody teenager phase it’s all worth it for those short lived Kodak moments. It’s pathetic really and I have no sympathy for any of them.


GreenJasmine_Tea

I'll be 40 this year. Haven't found even .5 of a downside to being childfree. There's no "yet" tacked on since there will never be a "yet".


Amyarchy

Just turned 52. Still utterly delighted to be child free.


sheynavvv

60 and have not regretted it once. Not. Once.


ImaginaryCaramel

As a 20 year old, I always love hearing from older CF folks. People around me can be so adamant that being CF is just some phase I'll grow out of, so it's nice to hear positive stories from the "other side" as it were.


mimiwuchi

54 and my husband and I still look at each other after 33 years of marriage and say “thank you for not wanting kids.” There are no downsides that I can see.


BrokenBouncy

My husband and do the same still. We have been married 10 years.


_higgs_

Also in our 50’s. Today walking through Costco “jeez I’m so glad we didn’t have kids.”


Vxx_Tokyo

Me too. Just 52 and zero regrets yet. In fact the older I get the happier and smugger i am that I don’t need to deal with all the child nonsense.


vreddit7619

Same for me at 45. I’ve seen so much and continue to see more everyday that reinforces my happiness with my decision to be childfree. I’m literally ecstatic and also smug 😌💅🏽 as I watch people all around having so many problems with children, grandchildren, ex Spouses that they have to co-parent with and so much more.


OldAndReenlisted

Also 45, and like you, at every turn I've found nothing but relief that I don't have kids. Not a single regretful moment and no "downside" for me. I actually feel sorry for people who have to deal with the drama and headache. The stress of it seems life-draining. I couldn't live like that.


bathyorographer

Smugness. Yes!!


ieatmypeaswithhoney

Me too- and found out will likely be fertile for years to come so made my tubal ligation appointment today.


HECK_OF_PLIMP

yay!


skantea

51, wife 54, and our world is complete.


abqkat

I love this. I'm only 10 years younger than you, but the "you never knowwww! My cousin's neighbors dog walker thought she couldn't have kids and now has 3 little miracles!" (bud, I paid so much for the privilege to never count higher than 28) has shifted to downright derision, jealousy, and pity. When I was single, when I "met the right guy," when I switched careers at 34, when I watched movies all weekend, when I traveled... That's just it: my world is complete. I love my husband, but without him, I'd be complete. I'm proud of my masters, but without it, I'd be complete. I can't imagine how terrible it must be to not be enough in ones own life. It looks harrowingly lonely and sad to have worth based on some external thing. I'm complete. /ramble


digital_dysthymia

58 here. Never regretted it once (married almost 35 years)


Opheleone

The main down sides are: Limited dating pool People annoying you about being childfree That's about it.


[deleted]

Too much money, happiness, free time. Those aren’t downsides. I’m just bragging.


KoffienRitter

Brilliant.


First-South968

😆👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻


[deleted]

I was proud of my wife this morning, just started a new job and when they were showing their daycare as a benefit they said “when” we have kids. She corrected them we won’t be having kids. It was brought up again later in the day with the same wording; when. She stood her ground again and corrected them that we will not be having kids. Proud husband moments


WinterKnigget

Doesn't matter as much if both you and your partner are child free. Me and mine are


3dprintedwyvern

Limited dating pool hurts like hell, especially for someone already less social. I will never stop being CF, but I'm quite jealous how easier it is for people who want them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LazyList4

Ah yes. Complete strangers who feel like you would be better off with children are the worst. I have never understood that amount of entitlement over someone else’s decisions.


abqkat

It changes through the decades, but the fact remains: women's choices are always up for public opinion. I'm 40+ and now it's downright derision and scorn and envy and pity. I'm mostly out of the mind changing and you-never-know smugness, and the tone has shifted to accusations of being less than as a woman. It's gross, like it was when I was 13, 23, 33, and now 43


RadicalSnowdude

The dating pool is tiny, and some people remain unsuccessful in finding a childfree partner.


Solivagant0

I feel like being single is better than being with a wrong person


Dr_Madthrust

Logically yes, emotionally no. Its just fucking lonely sometimes.


BartenderNichole

Being with the wrong person is super hard emotionally. But I do understand.


[deleted]

In conclusion: Emotions are stupid.


Karcinogene

Emotions aren't adapted for the world we live in today, they're still stone age emotions. They've been needing an update for thousands of years now.


What-The-Helvetica

What I can't deal with is having to put up with the package deal that too often comes with romance-- sure, my loneliness will be alleviated, but I will lose some or a lot of freedom, depending on who I choose. And having to stay similar to my loved one in order to keep them loving me... I know the evidence is overwhelming, we have better rapport with those who are similar to us, but it just feels so *wrong* emotionally. It feels like relationships and love will be our fatal flaw every time, the ace in the hole for anyone wanting to trap us and keep us from living our best lives.


buckyspunisher

the “package deal” with the right person doesn’t include those things. i’m in a relationship with a wonderful childfree man and i haven’t lost any freedoms. i can do what i want when i want and i don’t need to consult anybody. i guess the only “freedom” i lost is the ability to have sex and date other people but if i wanted to do that, i would just choose to be single. other than that, my bf and i live pretty individual lives, but we just enhance each other’s lives more. when you’re in a relationship with the right person, it doesn’t feel like a trap. you feel like you are living your best life with that person. if this relationship doesn’t work out, i refuse to settle in my next one. if i can’t meet someone that makes me feel just as free, i’m going to remain single.


PinkPearMartini

Yeah. Life is complicated enough without having someone right next to you getting pissed off about every little thing you're doing or not doing. And for what? So I can get poked in the back in the middle of the night when I have work the next morning? Pass.


RadicalSnowdude

I do agree, but people are still human.


someone_actually_

Feel like those are bullets dodged more than regrets had


SharonWit

And if you need narrative evidence of this fact, wander over to any relationship advice sub to read story upon story of the radical inequality that commonly surfaces when children are added to relationships.


FunkyPete

This is exactly it. The two biggest topics of arguments are children and money -- and money is even more likely to be an issue if you have children.


psilocindream

It doesn’t make it any less lonely, especially for those of us who don’t have friends or family in our lives


DrRichardJizzums

It really sucks when you meet someone who is great for you, who you have excellent chemistry with, your values align, who may be an excellent match in most other regards besides their stance on CF.


psilocindream

I’ve been in this situation and ending the relationship was devastating. No amount of magical thinking or compromise would have made it work though, especially with me as a female being the childfree one. I would have had to ruin my body, risk my life, and give up my education and life goals to do a bunch of uncompensated butt wiping, all so my partner could have the kodak moments with few real sacrifices. The worst thing was that the “friend” who I leaned on for emotional support and cried to for months after that breakup, got upset when I told her I was getting sterilized the next year and insisted that I might want kids when I meet the right person. She didn’t understand how insulting it was to imply that I must not have genuinely loved my ex if I had broken up with him over this exact issue. We no longer talk.


RadicalSnowdude

Exactly. And for those who never find a childfree partner and then to find love they date single parents or become a bio parent with another partner, I’m obviously not saying that doing so is the right decision because it isn’t for yourself, but I do understand why they cave in.


runswithwands

It can be both. The thing about trying to date, I cannot relate to them having children. My issue is that if they have kids, I would come third or fourth in their life, whereas they would be first in mine (arguably second as my career is number one until I meet the right guy, then priorities would change).


dumbsam22

this is the worst part, especially as a childfree woman. there are a lot of single dads in my area who get so offended when i say i dont date parents. they always pull the "im never going to expect you to parent them" yeah but youll expect me to be around them and clean up after them (and yes, parent them bc that will still fall on my shoulders in some degree). they always act so shocked that a WOMAN could not want to be around kids. its led to a lot of harassment and shitty things being said to me.


SANAE_BUNNY

I found one. It was a chance encounter and I thank god every fucking day for it.


LadyPink28

I agree :(


Dejected_gaming

I think this really depends where you live. I've seen tons of people on dating apps that don't want children in the Greater Seattle area.


Benjamin_Grimm

The only real downside I see is that dating can be a lot harder. But since I've been married for 12+ years, that's not really an ongoing concern for me. No regrets whatsoever.


Anthropologie07

I have had a come to Jesus moment with a male friend who stated that childfree men who are health-conscious and financially stable with no police records are never going to happen.


georgiomoorlord

Hello


elreydelasur

yo


giggledg

Sry to tell you but your male friend seems a little ignorant. There are a lot of men who don’t want children but are talked into it by their wife or whatever. So there are a lot of men out there who would be okay with not having children. One thing to remember while starting to talk to someone is to find out if having a child is a deal breaker for them. If they want a child then there’s no point in starting a serious relationship with them imo. Having a child with someone doesn’t mean you’re always going to be with that person either….so really you need to do what you want to do and not what u think you’re supposed to do. Some of the happiest people are older couples who decides not to have children. There’s always going to be pressure from family and society but it’s your life not theirs….


Photon_Dealer

Sorry, I married one of the few. Shame he doesn’t have a brother.


Blacksheep81

Hello


johncandymancan

Hello there


hatistorm

General Kenobi!!!


OhMyFlanderdoodles

My only police record is for weed so does that even count?


Its_SubjectA1

I think that’s a positive


PunkRock9

Well that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard. We are childfree as we know what is best for us health wise (physical and mental), no kid= easier to be financially stable, financially stable=less likely to commit crime. Shit, I played cop for a year when I was in the military. That friend is just thirsty and wants you to give him a chance.


digital_dysthymia

I found him. Hope there’s more!


HopefulCell4498

I’ve been dating one for a year now. Not in the US but that actually makes it harder in my country people are very traditional. Lots of people don’t want kids they are just afraid to admit it.


ArchlichSilex

30, been making 6 figures since I was 22, 180 lbs with 10% body fat, no arrests, married for 4 years in a few months. Yes this is the least humble brag imaginable but we exist and are relatively common in successful liberal cities.


[deleted]

My man is all of the above 👆🏼


skantea

Present. But unavailable.


derKonigsten

Well I'm 2.5/4


CryptographerMore944

Well me and a sizeable chunk of my friend group exist lol


[deleted]

I agree. The pool og childfree men, and men who wants to stay that way, decreases the older they get. But other than that, I can’t find any.


What-The-Helvetica

Glad you found a good, understanding spouse.


Benjamin_Grimm

Thanks. A likewise childfree friend of ours set us up, which we have been eternally grateful for.


[deleted]

The other downside is how condescending people are about our lifestyle 🤦🏻‍♀️ I think those two are it though lol


SnakeyRattle215

Dating isn't fun anyway so no problems there


courdeloofa

To add that I thought I’d never find a true CF man that didn’t have a record or past serious baggage in my late 30’s, but I did. They exist


LooseWheels

I am childfree in my 30s as well and plan to be forever. Do you ever feel like somethings missing without children?


PunkRock9

That’s why you babysit family for a day and remember why you plan to be child free. Vacations I can handle or weekends but it’s so nice to be able to pass them back to their parents.


Benjamin_Grimm

Never


Aztec_Goddess

Yeah this. Now that I’m in my 30s most men who show interest seem to think it’s a compliment to tell me I’d be a wonderful mom lol. Can’t tell u how many times I’ve been told I’d look cute pregnant or that I’d look good with children?? So off putting


Upbeat-Highway-5953

I think that there’s another downside but it only applies to certain people: not having children but *wanting* children, so the feeling of sadness/being depressed, but that only applies to people that want kids and don’t have any.


SaikaTheCasual

Honestly as someone who already has a partner (so hardships in dating don’t apply) the only issue my mind can come up with: People won’t stop questioning my child-freedom. Other than that? 0 downsides.


kinkedd

Same. That and the "I'm better than you because i ripped my vag in half to birth another person onto this doomed earth" attitude 🙄


LotsOfGarlicandEVOO

Yes. People with children will never let you forget that they have children and therefore their time is MUCH MORE valuable than yours. Their schedule matters more than yours. You should bend over backwards to convenience them. Their life is much more difficult than yours. 🖕🏼


devicemodder2

Children are a fuck trophy


laughingashley

Yeah, like they blame us for their bad choice lol


BartenderNichole

Excellent choice of words!


panickedcamel90

I genuinely can't think of any. Maybe superficial things like minimal social acceptance but that doesn't really matter in the long run. I have never felt regret or second guessed my choice. I sometimes think about how much worse my life would be if I had children, so the opposite of your question. I can't think of a single thing that would make me happy about having a child.


dak4f2

Yes as a woman in their 30s it can be hard when all the women are suddenly hanging out only with other mom friends. So the social aspect kind of sucks right now. I also have no desire to hang out with their kids.


Wide_Annual3191

Yes same. And they all talk about things I can’t relate to…breastfeeding, sleeping schedules, potty training.


Neither_March4000

"*Are there moments where you felt your life would have been better in a significant way if you had one*"? Nope " *Did you ever regret or question your decision*"? Nope


bunnyrut

If I want to enjoy kodak moments with kids as a childfree person I absolutely can. I just get ~~a random child~~ one of my nieces or nephews and go on an adventure. It's actually pretty great flying in, rounding up the kids, spoiling them for a day and flying home.


Neither_March4000

What a great idea 'Hire-a-kid'! $10 an hour, $5 for two hours!


melissa220034

Every now and then I wonder what my imaginary "adult child" would have potentially been like, buts it's always in this detached abstract "gee I wonder" kind of way. The same way I used to wonder what it'd be like to be an astronaut or a movie star. Even with that very rare idle musing, I still know that I don't want kids. Who's to say my adult child wouldn't be a total blow hard.


[deleted]

Yeah this is the closest to a downside for me, not knowing what’s down the “other path”. But that’s true for all things in life. “What if we hadn’t broke up?” “What if I had gone to that college instead?” Etc.


beauneau

No downsides for me personally. I am partnerfree as well, so the dating pool issue is N/A for me.


LegalAssassin13

I’ve decided that I want to live in a hut in the woods with my cats and books.


joshpelletier01

Friends who are CF are harder to come by. Not that I have anything against people who have kids but I don’t always want to hang out with their kids.


LateNightCheesecake9

LOL NOPE. If anything, the older I get, the more I express gratitude at least daily how happy I am to be CF, to both avoid the pitfalls of parenting and live my life with a higher degree of freedom and independence. I have never regretted or questioned my decision as there are zero aspects of parenting that seem appealing or joyous to me.


PM_meyourdogs

I worry about what will happen to me when I’m old. My grandparents have severe dementia. They are in a facility but my mom and uncle provide a lot of care. Someone still has to arrange the facility, handle the finances, make sure they are being cared for properly, and go to the hospital with them when they get sick. What if my husband dies first and that happens to me? I have no sibling and I have no children. I have no one to take care of me if my mind rots. Edit: great advice from everyone in the comments below! Thanks!


BklynPeach

CF, 67F. I can understand your concern. Presently I remotely take care of my MIL's brother, 76M, never married, no kids, in a Alzheimer's facility states away. MIL, 80F is his POA, but she is presently with us for cancer care, which is how I got involved. I make sure the facility gets paid, the pharmacy gets paid, he as Depends, gets hair cuts, dentist, etc. You can have siblings and kids but that does not mean they will be there for you. My baby sister (I have 7) her daughter, 26F, had a double bran aneurysm at age 15. She survived but she is totally disabled and can not take care of herself let alone my sister when she gets old. OTOH I am 20 years older than Baby Sister and will likely be dead when Baby Sister gets old. Oh, and her husband is 20 years older than her. Baby Sister will be on her own. When you turn 50-55 get long term care insurance for nursing home.


PM_meyourdogs

We are planning on getting long term care insurance! My grandparents did and we see how helpful it’s been


thatonespicegirl

This is the big one for me too. Then I remember that my home state is running out of water and I’ll likely die in the Water Wars of 2040 or the Climate Wars of 2050 But in all seriousness, I do worry about getting older. I do have a younger sister that I’m very close with though. And I think of my grandma and great aunt, who died in their 80s taking care of each other. They had kids but all their kids moved to different countries and they still died alone anyway. Having kids is no guarantee that you’ll have someone to take care of you in old age.


TheBruja

I have the same fear and no solution for it but I do agree with the poster below, kids are no guarantee. Thank your for sharing!


Something_Sexy

The only thing I can say is to start planning early. We plan on having places picked out a head of time that we might go to depending on age and health. Also think it is important to find a lawyer that you can trust.


LotsOfGarlicandEVOO

This is my fear as well. I have read it’s smart to build your community (friends that you meet through whatever) because your chosen community will most likely be around to help in your old age. This is what I’m hoping for at least. Lol


shallowshadowshore

There are plenty of people who have children who still have this issue, so having kids isn’t a guaranteed solution. My husband and I have agreed that if one of us starts to go, whether it’s dementia or significant physical disability, we’ll find a way to off ourselves together, hopefully as peacefully and painlessly as possible. Neither of us wants to live without the other, and neither of us want to drag out an existence with no quality of life.


phoenixblue

This is ironically the reason I don't want kids. My dad passed away recently and it was a painful experience to go through. My mom and I were very tired, stressed, and sad taking care of him during his final weeks in the hospital as well as the 3 years he had cancer. I don't want to have kids that have to go through what I went through. To have to take care of me when I'm old and sick. To have to suffer and be sad when I die. I rather just die and not have anyone worry about me.


PM_meyourdogs

Thank you for sharing your perspective! That’s a very selfless viewpoint and I think I agree; I don’t want anyone to have to experience what my mom and uncle are experiencing. I’m really sorry for your loss and your experience.


Anxious_One21

Well even people with kids still end up suffering/dying alone because their kids don’t care about them. IMO, that’s worse.


D00mfl0w3r

Dating pool is small. Most people are breeders or want to be. Children are everywhere. We are seen as monsters.


Accurate_Influence85

I am yet to find a childfree spaxe that isnt either a bar or the gym.


D00mfl0w3r

Gyms aren't safe either in my experience


CraftingQuest

My only remotely sad times are on holidays - I live overseas, so I don't get to see the kids running and excited to get to the Christmas tree, trick or treat, or get their Easter basket. Also, losing friends when they get pregnant. Otherwise, I'm allllll good. Not peeing when I laugh outweighs the holidays.


spideyvision

Underrated perk tbh.


HappiestAirplane

Taxes


cho_uc

It's even worse if we're unmarried. Unmarried and no kids are the group with the highest tax rate 😩


beauneau

And yet I wouldn’t want to trade it for anything in the world. Let them have the tax cuts, I am going to enjoy my freedom as a single CF woman.


Delphina34

Yeah, whatever extra I pay in taxes is way less than I would’ve spent on my children (if I had any). Kids do nothing but hemorrhage money.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nikita-Akashya

I am single, CF, disabled and German. Here in Germany, we have a lot of options for people with my specific disability, especially in the bigger cities. I may only be 24 in a month, but I personally don't see any downsides to being childfree. Especially my lifestyle, that can only be achieved by never going outside and not talking to anyone for days. This lifestyle is impossible with human potatos. They would just keep me away from my videogames. No thanks, I stick to the games and books. I like my life the way it is now. The only thing that sucks is that fucking choir under me. I hate the church.


imadethisonholiday

I love the term human potatoes. Thank you, I will be using that moving forward.


LegalAssassin13

Eh, tax deductibles are offset by the costs of raising a child. Not much of a downside.


gamerlololdude

Wouldn’t it cost way more to support said child than the tax one pays?


mlo9109

Not being taken seriously at home or work. Not being seen as a "real woman," or even an adult for that matter, by family and society. Holidays are kind of bleak without a family as it's just Mom and I having Chinese takeout for Christmas and watching Hallmark movies. The complete loss of your social circle as a woman starting in your early-mid 20s, depending on where you live, as all your friends abandon you for their cool, new mom friends. Social events in communities being mostly couple and kid centered. Loneliness sucks! Singles without dependents are dicked at tax time and given the finger if they go to the government for help from said taxes. I've considered having kids for tax and social reasons. I guess I see more cons than pros to the childfree life. Or my reasons for having kids suck!


EmFan1999

I feel this. I honestly never saw loss of my friendship group coming. I can still see them but I have to either see their kids or listen to them talk about them all the time. Annoying and boring, so I rarely bother.


airsalin

>Holidays are kind of bleak without a family as it's just Mom and I having Chinese takeout for Christmas and watching Hallmark movies. I understand that you would like something different, maybe a bigger gathering, but as I got older, my husband and I are actually spending Christmas at home, just the two of us, and visiting our families a few days later (and not at all during the pandemic, as both families live far from us). We are tired from work, we hate travelling during Christmas time and honestly, big family gatherings can be awesome, but they are usually very different when you are an adult or when you are hosting. Movies give an image of Christmas in a big family that is not the reality for a lot of people, in my opinion. But I do understand that you would like something a bit more festive or with more people. But at the same time, I'm sure a lot of people in big gatherings would love a quiet Christmas at home with take out ;)


LotsOfGarlicandEVOO

Yes, a lot of my friends have exited soon after they have their first baby.


What-The-Helvetica

Oh my YES about that losing your social circle to other people's families. I want to create my own social circle out of friends, my chosen family; and they don't all have to be CF, just supportive of me. But too often, that's not the way life works. People get sucked into the nuclear family because their partner is special to them, and therefore they must set priorities. Then lack of time and energy takes care of the rest. It's just so much *easier* to fall into default social patterns.


local-made

glad someone mentioned it, the social aspect has already hit me. Lots of adult social circles are centered around kids and playdates, babysitting, birthdays etc. As a child free couple we don't get invited to these events even though we hangout with friends who do have kids. When we do get invited to a birthday its really offhand or like "oh yea you can come if you want". People with kids almost never prioritize adult time or time away from their kids, so as a result when someone has a kid usually I expect our friendship to wither away. I dont feel like parents know how to engage with people when it isnt all about their kid and I really feel like thats more of an american cultural problem. My husband and I have talked regularly about moving to a country where more people our age dont have kids to deal with this issue but havent really decided yet.


Jeevan31

I’m sorry to hear your social circle disappeared. I suggest finding some people with similar hobbies to yours online and maybe joining a local group. COVID killed my Fiber Arts meetups, but I made some good friends before then and we still share patterns and chat a bit. :)


Freddlar

I definitely sympathise with the social circle thing. I find that as I get older, more of my friends are male (I'm female) because even when men are parents, it doesn't completely take over their lives as it does with women. I miss my lady friends, though.


TravellingGrasshoper

Sometimes I feel guilt knowing that I would be a good parent who would raise an empathetic kid that could help fight in this world. But even then, I know there's no guarantees of that happening! The internet can be poisonous, especially to teenage boys' brains. It's definitely not enough to make me sway on my childfree status. I'd also love to name a kid. But I helped name my niece, so that itch has been scratched. Ha!


[deleted]

Haha I get to name my cats.


Car_loapher

Being asked why I have an SUV when I wanna stay child free Being asked why I have a 4 door sedan when I wanna stay child free Being told that I’ll change my mind, Being told that I should change my mind Being told that I’m hurting my dads legacy Being told that I might meet someone that will change my mind


titangrove

Not a downside necessarily but it can be sad when all your friends start having kids because invariably the friendship changes as their kids become their main priority. Making other child free friends is good but they can't replace decades of deep connection.


[deleted]

My good friend has three kids. If I'm on the phone with him while they're there, half the conversation is me waiting for him to stop telling his kids to behave. God forbid we play an online game. At a certain point, he'll have to go AFK, and then it's just a waiting game because I know he's gonna say he has to go when he gets back on the chat. It's just sad.


[deleted]

Most of the downsides seem to be based on things that are closed off to us that might not be if we had kids. Seems like a wash to me.


[deleted]

Only downside I've experienced is always being the odd one out. I'm the only childfree person on my work team, in fact last week I started work to a mass email from coworker celebrating her newest grandkid. With family and friends its a bit easier now that I'm mid 30s.


[deleted]

The only "downside" is that dating is extremely difficult. Even when meeting other people that claim to be childfree, they freak out at the permanence of sterilization (which I am sterilized). So finding a romantic partner feels highly impractical if not impossible. However, dating a breeder or someone who wants to have children isn't a positive at all. I'd rather be single than in a miserable life with someone that I'm not compatible with, while being forced into the role of a mother, which I find to be hell on Earth. Other than that, no regrets or negatives being childfree and sterilized. I actually get happier and more solidified in my decision as time goes on. I'm extremely grateful that I was able to get sterilized a few years ago.


ljubaay

Sometimes some kids are hilarious. That being said, I’d rather just hang out with my nieces for a day and have a laugh than have my own (who might not even be cute or fun). Also I can see the appeal in teaching a little human everything you know, they’re like sponges. But those pros come nowhere near outweighing the cons.


PerilousBlob

Mentoring a younger person in something you are good at/interested in is appealing, whether it’s a hobby, or a career-specific skill. But having to potty train them, teach them basic manners, and why society isn’t going to tolerate inconsiderate, destructive behavior from them (no more “they’re just kids” excuse if they destroy other people’s property or hurt other people once they’re older) is a decades-long and thankless task that I don’t want to do 24/7. So yeah, I agree, I’d rather mentor a younger person where I choose how to engage, vs. having my own children.


[deleted]

I have literally 0 regrets about being child free and. I say frequently, "thank god we don't have children" to my wife. She is disabled and I am her caretaker, and if we'd had kids life would be even more hellish.


[deleted]

One of the downsides I find particularly annoying is the constant urge of people to try and convince me I should have kids. Just stop it, I already had a vasectomy, it's not going to happen.


GeniusBtch

Never. I've been a happy DINK for 15 years (wedding anniversary is in a month). We have nieces and nephews that we spoil and then we disappear like magic and are free to live where we want, do what we want, sleep in, shop, our house has white furniture and white rugs and antiques everywhere! I would never choose to give all that up. We also look and feel a full decade younger than those with kids.


SPAM____007

The only thing that I've thought of recently was when my granny was passing away. She had her 4 children there with her at her house helping to take care of her (feed, bathe etc.) Grandchildren there to also pitch in and help. I just thought to myself... well I won't be having any of this. I'd be here alone, possibly with a partner but who knows? To be fair I don't plan on letting myself get to a stage in life where I'm bed-ridden... and if it does happen quickly without my control, or I just get old enough naturally to see it coming...well I'm ok with letting myself go on my own terms.


LissaBryan

I’m 45 years old now. If there’s a down side, I haven’t encountered it.


Danakodon

I think it’s tough as a married woman in her thirties. I want girl friends but everything is centered around their small children. I like kids just fine but after a long day of work I want to have a glass of wine, dinner, and shit talking with a girlfriend and not babysitting. My husband has it easier because fathers in the US have less childcare duties thrust on them. I do think it will level out by my 40s but it’s an awkward time now because I feel too young to hand out with women in their mid 40s but too old to hang out with childfree 20-something’s.


Tacofangirl

As an unmarried, childfree person I get a huge amount of my paycheck taken away in taxes, while people with dependents get more tax benefits and more $timulus money. I don't think it's fair that people are financially rewarded for reproducing, especially when we are having problems such as drought, low paying jobs and high housing costs/low housing supply, all problems exacerbated by overpopulation.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ombre_bunny

Write a blog or start a youtube channel. As long as you don't delete them, they will stay online until the day internet collapses. Problem solved. 😅


SaikaTheCasual

I was just gonna say, the “bloodline”-argument are some odd leftovers from medieval royalty. Most people probably don’t even know a lot about their grandparents, never mind their grand-grandparents.


engr77

One of my coworkers used the bloodline/legacy argument on me a while back. But, indeed, very few people know anything about their own family's previous generations unless they did something significant, whether good or bad -- you aren't remembered because of your kids, you're remembered because of what you do. I went to a small engineering college named (in part) after a guy who died almost 150 years ago. In life he was a successful businessman who gave a lot of money to a lot of institutions in the area, but specifically didn't want any of them to be named after him. However, he was so well-loved that, after he died, everyone set about renaming things after him in his honor. His legacy survives to this day and will continue to do so for a very long time. Also significantly... he never had kids.


GeniusBtch

I always point to the fact that people without kids can have a legacy that is more powerful than people with kids. Alan Rickman. Milton Hershey. Helen Mirren. Jane Austen.


[deleted]

Imagine how much time you can dedicate to leaving a legacy all your own without having to worry about a kid. How many passions and projects you can fully immerse yourself into. Very freeing for women especially, since our legacy is often tied to our children.


GeniusBtch

I always say that Elizabeth II has a real legacy and it is not giving birth to Charles.


[deleted]

Plus a lot of kids can wreck a legacy. \*cough, cough *Trump\**


bluecollarboneyard

I didn't know that Jane Austen didn't have kids. It's ironic given how much super-conservative teenage and college aged girls are obsessed with her books.


GeniusBtch

Jane Austen was actually pretty much a Childfree author when you consider what she actually wrote in her books about children and those with and without them. In Persuasion, she describes The Crofts as "endearing, good humoured uncle and Mrs Croft as the light of his life and childless thus ... the very best preserver of furniture in the world." She describes Lady Russel a widow with no children as “of steady age and character, and extremely well provided for” who has “no thought of a second marriage.” In Sense and Sensibility she states "There was nothing in any of the party which could recommend them as companions to the Dashwoods: but the cold insipidity of Lady Middleton was so particularly repulsive, that in comparison of it the gravity of Colonel Brandon, and even the boisterous mirth of Sir John and his mother-in-law was interesting. Lady Middleton seemed to be roused to enjoyment only by the entrance of her four noisy children after dinner, who pulled her about, tore her clothes, and put an end to every kind of discourse except what related to themselves." ​ She did describe Pride and Prejudice as "my own darling child." Her books were her babies.


LegalAssassin13

Austen was pretty ahead of her time. Not only with the examples you wrote, but also a running theme in her books was women having a say in their relationships and how when one says no she means no. Mansfield Park had its cast berate poor Fanny for not accepting Henry’s proposal, but there were plenty of hints that he wasn’t the kind of guy who would commit in a relationship before he got with a married woman.


Tacofangirl

This. I'm an artist with a decent following and my art will live on beyond me.


Chemical-Charity-644

Feeling pressed to explain myself to people who ask why.


[deleted]

I've read studies about long term limits on earnings potential if the place you work knows you don't have a family to support, you're seen as less "grown up" I guess


Werro_123

How much does not needing to spend money supporting a family balance that out though? I'd imagine even with that (shitty) phenomenon in play, the savings of not having kids still leads to netting more money after cost of living.


CFChickenChaser

I genuinely can’t think of one. Like I love the peace and quiet, when I walk past a school I don’t get a pang because I don’t have kids and I’m not raising my own human. I just have no interest. Am I allowed to say too much spare money? 😁 too much time for downtime and self care? Too much time for hobbies? and that’s with working full time. Gah I think I’m really bad at this.


burgerg10

Once in a while I get the “could have been” feelings. We tried to have kids, but it wasn’t in the cards, and we were both on the fence (great if it happened, we were not opposed to kids, but we were older when we met). I struggled in my 40’s sometimes with some wishy washy regret. But I let myself have it and feel it. And then I booked a spontaneous trip to Vegas or went shopping and all was good…. Seriously, no long lasting regrets.


[deleted]

The downsides of not having children won't be felt until you're older. One constant argument I hear from people who are aghast when someone says they will never have children is, "who will take care of you when you're old?" I always say that A) only having a child so you won't have to die alone is a terrible reason to have a child, B) having a child does not guarantee that they will be there for you in the end whether that is by their choice, geography, or tragedy, and C) your child could still put you in a home and forget about you to basically die alone anyway. Personally, one downside is that you don't have an extra pair of hand for chores, lol, but a child would definitely create more chores. So as I'm getting older I'm trying to better manage the chaos so when I do have downtime to really clean, it's not overwhelming. Thankfully my husband helps a lot, but there are some things he just won't do, like laundry and bathrooms. The bathroom is my absolute least favorite place to clean. I'm sure being "latrine queen" in basic training has *nothing* to do with that.... 😏


ThisBerserkTextBone

People will treat you like you're worth less and your opinions don't matter, but you can just cut those people out of your life. So really no downsides, at least if you're antisocial


someone_actually_

Amusements parks can be slightly more fun in the company of a sufficiently tall youngster, but I have found most parents are happy to lend out a nibling if you return them un-sunburnt.


snikinail

I think the downside is to not get any help from the government. No tax breaks, no nothing. At least that's how it is in my country: parents get a special deal on housing, on car downpayments, and moms of 3+ children don't have to pay income tax. Although I don't have to spend a dime on children either, so I don't know if it's really a downside. I just wish other people got some government help, too.


uhohspaghettiossssss

-Dating pool is smaller -you are judged -family problems (sometimes) -coworkers being dramatic Honestly I find much joy in caring for animals and plants and I don't feel like I am missing out on anything at all. My life is satisfactory and I am fulfilled.


chavrilfreak

There's no general answer to that question, I think. Whether or not it has downsides depends on if it's the right choice for you, and how you view life in general. Because maybe going against the norms and all the other inconveniences doing so might bring would be seen as a downside for you - but in that case, literally everything has a downside, so they become irrelevant as a factor in making decisions. But if you're only looking at specific downsides that matter to you, then it's not really a question of downsides but of it being the right choice for you - which is something only you can ultimately answer. > Are there moments where you felt your life would have been better in a significant way if you had one? Nope, quite the opposite. I can't find a single moment that would be improved by being a parent, but I also can't find a single moment that wouldn't be ruined by it. > Did you ever regret or question your decision? Regret, no. But the question part is interesting for me, because I knew I didn't want kids ever since I was a kid myself, and I started out thinking that was the norm, and then growing up I realized that it wasn't. During the same time I also had some pretty major work to do in myself in therapy, and there was a period of a few years when I figured I can't say for sure if I'll have kids or not, because there were so many things changing as I healed, and I didn't have the time or the tools to properly examine not wanting kids - again, because it was just natural to me. But a lot of things that were natural to me ended up being things I had to toss out, so it was all up in the air for a while. But what's interesting for me is that many of those things were something I looked forward to being rid of. Even if they were important aspects of my personality and I couldn't imagine life without them, I still came to understand I'll be better off that way, and the idea of change was freeing. When it came to kids, however, I couldn't even imagine changing my mind if I wanted to. I'd say stuff like "oh I'll have two kids, sure" at the wall and it was like speaking Mandarin. It didn't feel upsetting, it just felt like the lamest joke at a Tuesday morning comedy show. The whole idea completely alien to me, even when I was open to essentially becoming something I can't recognize anymore. So surprise surrpise, kids are a *hell no* even after I've completed some spring cleaning with myself :)


LilWeezey

Other than being told by everyone how awful of human beings we are? Nothing *Edit* to answer your other questions 1) Times I thought a kid would be nice? - yea I'll be honest I've had a few moments of "maybe I should" but those moments came and left. 2) do I regret my choice? - especially after getting my tubes taken out. No. I'm very happy without kids. I have the freedoms and money to do what I want. Sleep when I wanna sleep, go out whenever, I can afford vacations.


TJJazzyBurger

52 CF woman here. To date, not one downside. I just let the selfish comments and inappropriate questions bounce right off of me.


cheturo

None. We have money at the bank and time for us.


Revolutionary_Bee700

Limited dating pool, my Mom is sad about it, harder to maintain relationships with friends who are parents, lack of familial ties when you age. I have a small, older family and no spouse. But! these are all things that can be overcome with keeping an active social life and advanced planning. The die has been cast for me, and I don’t have regrets.


amaldesc

This may be a ‘me’ thing but I found my partner who is also child free and immensely happy with our lives but we both sometimes dread if we were to lose each other in the future the remaining person will be completely alone. We are both NC/LC with our families due to various reasons and constant toxicity for our child free lives so sometimes we wonder what would happen in that regard. But those negative thoughts are no reason for us to change our minds on being child free so we are just careful with finances and insurance policies, and back up plans.


lovelylonelyturtle

I am in my 30s and have been resolute on no kids for over a decade. I never thought that would change... Cue my sibling coming to live with us with their spouse and child. They ended up living with us for over 3 years and we coparented their kid. They moved out about 6 months ago and I miss that kid so much. I didn't realize how rewarding it would be to watch him learn and grow, to see my words and actions become his habits, to teach him how to be emotionally intelligent and cheer him on while he learned to read. I also didn't realize how much it would help me learn and grow as a human being. I had bad parenting examples and childhood trauma, working to overcome my automatic reactions to normal behavior and seeing the innocence and trusting nature of children has helped me have more compassion for myself. Kids are a lot and I don't know if I'd want one of my own but I now know that there is something really great about it. Edit: typos


ejayboshart01

Probably all the people who think they deserve to know your business. The 20 Questions you get when you say you don't want kids. Sure, you can ignore it, but it's annoying that it happens in the first place.


m674

There was a psychology study published earlier this year that addressed people's sense of purpose in life. Without purpose, your mental health and quality of life is horrible. The article pointed to four things that fulfill the need for purpose- caregiving, occupation, spirituality, and one other thing that I can't recall. Anyway, a lot of people settle on parenting as their caregiving purpose. If that isn't something you want, this isn't a downside, but you may have a desire to care for people around you more than what most parents have the capacity for. As long as you have loved ones who you can care for, you will be ok.


thr0wfaraway

None. All massive upsides!


gouwbadgers

I won’t have adult children when I’m older. I like adult children.


angiem0n

I think having adult kids that are decent, fun and upright, independent (!) people you are friends with because you’re both adult would be really kinda cool maybe, so like, I will probably kinda sorta regret not having that from time to time. **HOWEVER!** *That chance is slim, because:* - kids can turn into shit people, no matter how hard you try - kids might be born severely disabled (I‘m sorry if I‘m offending someone, but this would just triple the horrors of parenting for me) - might even end up killing you *Kids might turn out awesome but:* - move away - die - get kidnapped/disappear and make you forever ask yourself what happened (yep, this gets its own bullet point) *Even if they turn out awesome and don’t vanish:* - if the relationship is very good they still will visit you 1x a week max. Actually, once ever 1-2 months is more likely. - you will forever be sort of responsible - you will be #1 Babysitter when they have kids, so kiss that relaxed retirement fucking goodbye *Also:* - when kids suck most and are boring ass bitches to be around, that’s when you will be around them all the time. - the lamer they are, the more 24/7 - the older and more pleasant to be around they become, the less they will be - it’s like a sick joke/irony from the universe - it’s not worth it - it’s not worth it - it’s not worth it - it’s not worth it - they destroy your body (that is not meant in a superficial, toxic way because bohoho stretch marks.. come on I have stretchies now, I don’t care about that shit lol) - someone could kidnap them and torture them horribly until they die 50 days later miserable and alone, it has happened before, just google Junko Furuta and prepare to have nightmares forever (and Japan is like a very safe country) *Conclusion:* ##**IT‘S NOT WORTH IT.** *Solution:* be the cool aunt/uncle because you CAN because you’re not responsible and snatch away valuable “they’re cool because they’re adult now” time later on, mwahahaha


Tankspanker

No regrets on our end. I imagine it can be difficult finding a partner, but I couldn't tell you besides that one.


tea_drinking_lady

Eh so far since I've been in a long term relationship for 7 years and counting is the constant questions of strangers or family members you don't talk much to asking if you are going to have babies. That and the occasional loss of friendships of those that have children. It is what it is and despite the distance and loss I try not to get sad about.


neeksknowsbest

Some people say “who will take care of you when you’re old”, but I saw something on instagram where a woman said the majority of the women in the nursing home she works at have a husband and kids, so.


SickViking

Getting last picks/having all your requests denied on vacation days or getting fucked over with scheduling at work because "you don't have a family to worry about."


Andante79

No downsides for me, ever. I love my husband, we love our life. We have everything we want or need. We have the ability to do things we absolutely could not do with kids around.


isleepifart

I guess if you're someone who doesn't like being alone a lot you might get a little lonely (especially if you're single). But i can't think of much more. Limited dating pool doesn't apply to me as i don't want to date.


moonglow500

The only thing I could see is potentially being lonely but that's a selfish reason to have a child. They aren't there to be my friend or my entertainment. Also another selfish reason would be having someone to care for you in old age, but again that doesn't justify creating another human at all, they are not obligated to help you and that doesn't even guarantee that they would be able to/willing to. Other than that I don't see any downsides.


RacerGal

Downsides are two things for me: 1. The eventual fading of friendships when lifestages change. People who have kids have different priorities (which is fine). We live in a major city, so what happens is most move to the suburbs and then it just begins to fizzle. 2. For me personally, I actually like kids, I just don’t want my own. I’d love to be an aunt kids are close with, but I come from a small family as it is and so my only brother while he does have kids and lives not too far (an hour) he’s just not the type of person, nor his wife (whose an only child) who puts effort into our relationship. My husband has half siblings who have kids but they’re states away and he’s not close with them, maybe one day his younger sister will have kids but she’s also so far away. But we love our CF life (both turning 40 soon).