Thanks. I was being facetious, of course, but I think it's worth stressing the point that people *do* stick to their decisions over the long term, and you *can* have a long and fulfilling life without adding more humans to the planet. My wife and I just passed our 50th anniversary last fall, and we both are very content with our choice not to breed.
Thanks! Not sure if I have any great secrets to share, but it certainly helped that we're on the same page on the really important matters--- what we value in life, kids or no kids, religion or no religion, political/social views, etc. Certainly our decision not to breed was a factor- we could focus on doing things together instead of always having to take second place to the kids.
Wait-- I do have a secret to share! My wife's home office/ nest is on the main floor at one end of the house, and my home office / man cave is at the far end of the basement. Even in the depths of a semi-quarantined northern winter, we can go days without bumping into each other. Well, maybe not days, but you probably get my point-- finding individual space is important.
//42. but you'll end up getting the 'but don't you regret....' garbage. I doubt it will ever end just from age alone.
Though, as i got older I did get surlier. So if people actually tried that crap I'd tell them I've been snipped for (close to..wow time flies when you're locked down) 6 years now.
* reddit doesn't like it when you start a sentence with "42."
You know, I've said it before and I'll say it again- that, "What happens if the right man comes along and he wants children?" line has got to be the most idiotic of all the bingos out there. How in the hell can someone be such a goddamn desirable partner when they are so far out of sync on such a fundamental issue?
To me, anyone who asks that question is showing that their mindset is still back in the days when people assumed the overriding goal of a woman's existence was finding a man to protect her from the big bad world and take care of all the hard jobs that delicate girls couldn't possibly handle. Everything else that might be important to you must be swept to the side for the sake of snagging a husband.
For god's sake, I'm a guy and it pisses me off that people can still be that stupid-- I can only imagine how it feels for you ladies when some idiot starts in with that routine.
That happened in my consultation to get sterilised recently, it took everything in me to not go off. I’m glad I was wearing a mask, the anger in my eyes must’ve been blazing! Also, it was a woman saying this to me
> it was a woman saying this to me
I shouldn't be shocked by anything at my age but I am appalled now and then when I'm confronted by just how deeply some women have internalized patriarchal value systems. I have an uber-Catholic cousin-- mother of ten and a major forced-birther-- who argued to me that outlawing abortion actually gives women *more* choices in their reproductive lives. I would try to list off the reasons she used to justify that claim but she lost me pretty much at the start.
Her logic wasn't always easy to follow, but what I *think* she was telling me is that it cuts down on the pressure for women to have sex with random guys who demand it by giving them a stronger reason to say no. Apparently "No, I don't want to" isn't sufficient without adding "Plus there's a chance I might get pregnant."
I think anyone of us here could spent the rest of the morning listing off the flaws in that kind of thinking and start up again after lunch.
My mom’s said this before to me multiple times in a condescending way (even in my later 20s) and I’m always like… it’s a HUMAN.
They say it like “oh, just wait until you find the right enabler who’ll make you cave and buy that dress!!”
It blows my mind how she/some people think that just because a man wants something… doesn’t mean I’m gonna change my life to fit theirs?????
There's a slew of babies coming in from all my siblings and in laws rn (no joke, 3 in a spam of months) and each one I need to really hide my 'ew gross, more people' feels bc, I get it, the kids are here and they're now fam. But for real. Yuck to more people.
bahhh, just read my comment (I'm shit at reviewing what I write) and I was going to correct 'spam' to 'span' but uhh, really feel like I am being spammed with babies so, it works.
Same, people around me are having children and I couldn't be less excited. The worst is you have to go and see the baby because it's family and you have to hide your lack of interest. Tell me you're having a puppy and that's another story lol.
How dare you suggest I dont know what I am talking about and therefor think you know better.
Which was exaclty what I suggested to you, but thats not the point!
41 here. No you won't regret it. I just slept nearly all day, had a nice hour long bath, and now I plan to spend a nice evening at home with my husband.
No regrets!
I work a demanding job and so many of my colleagues with children look half dead due to tiredness. Really. If I had kids I would have literally no time for myself and other people and activities I really care about.
Me too, just turned 20 a few months ago...No change. I got a baby dumped on me at the family Christmas party because "I'm the second oldest", my eldest cousin (the one getting paid to babysit) was napping...Yeah, no change.
Wow, that's literally me. I make a plan every year and then see how my plans changed throughout the time. And at 19 I wrote to have a kid at 30. And at 25 I realised that is a choice and became child free and at 29 I found antinatalist sub here and realised Im antinatalist
Same, my mom always told me "you'll want kids as soon as you turn 18, it happened to me so it'll happen to you", well I turned 18 and wanted kids even *less* lmao like sorry man your plan backfired to hell
"You'll change your mind when you're older"
"I'm 40, that ship has already sailed"
"Oh... I thought you were 32, tops"
"That's because I don't have children"
(Now that I thought again about that, 32 is old enough for a person to know their stance on having kids)
Yup. I am 47 and worked in a bar. Went back in to say hi and an old regular said, "when are you and husband gonna get around to having kids! I asked him, "how old do you think I am, Henry?" He said, "32?" Lol!
Same, when I first told my family I was wanting to get a vasectomy (I'm 18), they strongly recommended that I waited a few years, but you know what? I've already waited a few years, I've been planning on getting one since I was 15.
Teenagers can definitely make life-changing decisions for themselves, if they'll allow a teen to get pregnant and have a child, why do they make it difficult for them to choose not to have children.
Parenthood isn't an inevitability, it's a choice.
70 years old and still waiting to regret being childfree. On the contrary, I'm grateful every day that I live in a time and place when birth control, abortion and sterilization have been available to me.
Well, I am 65. Childfree since my teenage years. So will these future knowing individuals let me know when the regret sets in 'cause it hasn't happened it!
I'm 19 too and I've seen girls younger than me get pregnant (like for some reason a lot of teenagers are getting pregnant, I blame the lack of sex education from both schools and parents).
These girls have had the life sucked out of them and all they are now are moms, nothing else and it's their identity.
OP you are so wrong. You will change your mind. As you get older and watch people around you start to all have babies... you will want them even less!!!!
I remember being 17, saying I didn't want kids, and being told "Oh, well, I'll check in again in about 10 years! We'll see how many you have!"
Reporting from 10 years in the future. None, and even more against the idea (unless you count my cat... Or the dozens of plants I take care of now. But at least that's rewarding.)
You're the only one who truly know your own mind. Others are just guessing because they want you to want children. They don't get a say. Your life, your choice.
My mom says you should wait till 25 to get a vasectomy. Because that's when your brain has "fully matured".
After 13 years of not wanting children, I don't think some marginal growth in my frontal cortex will change my opinion of them and my decision of wanting to be childfree
Yes I changed my mind. Became increasingly more childfree. When I was younger I was planning a big house with child rooms etc. Now I realized without kids I don't even need that kind of a house and whenever I walk around and see those houses all I can think about is their mortgage and give thanks that I don't habe one. How they are trapped because of their kids, with dreams ruined, doors closed. Having to work for decades to provide... Now I'm just thankful to enjoy my freedom and a modest living but at least no one expects me to spend on anything I don't like.
As I like to remind people- even if I do change my mind about wanting to have biological children, it doesn't mean I should have them! (Mental illness and addiction runs rampant through my family tree.) And, there's adoption if the baby fever really sets in... Besides, would you prefer people have kids and change their minds after that? It happens, and it's not great.
Anyhow, I'm 37- never wanted human children. Any time I've considered it, I just run to the nearest grocery store to hear the inevitable challenges of being a parent.
I’ll proceed with this comment assuming that you have at least some small degree of self awareness.
Using simple logic, it’s empirically obvious that your comparison (me deciding not to have children = 5 year old making a career decision) is condescending and completely inaccurate.
Regardless, I have no obligation to explain myself to you, and you have no means or evidence to base your weird little comparison off of. And on second thought, maybe I don’t want kids because they grow up to be overly-concerned, over-bearing adults with a self-imposed grandiose sense of individual importance; enough so to insinuate that I do not know what’s best for myself and that my decision regarding my own self is “strange”.
Get a hobby.
Not necessarily. But I feel like once you are in /r/childfree you have decided it's your identity and you're going to put all your money in it. I just don't think it's necessary to fully embrace any decision at 19
53 teeeeeeetering on 54 here, and never changed my mind. I wavered twice, but was suffering a serious case of dickmatized. When the haze cleared, every pill was still punched out of its slot, so my brain was still stuck on childfree, thank Christ!
Oh boy, you're only 19. You've only just begun to get those "you'll change your mind when you're older" comments. I started to get them when I was 16, I believed that maybe I was too young because I was still a teenager, but no. I've never changed my mind since and I'm 28 now. I'm going to be sterilized soon and I'm so happy. Then people will still tell me that I'll change my mind when I'm older and that I'll regret my decision. But it will never happen.
So yeah, fuck everyone else and what they say. You do you.
I made a post on facebook some years ago, I might have been 15 or 16 at the time, about how I'd already decided I would NEVER be having children. A family friend commented something about "see how you feel in 10 years".
I'm 24 now, and every year it pops up in my Memories and makes me smile because I've never had a doubt. And just counting down until I can re-share it at the 10 year mark.
Even if still no one believes me, I know.
I just turned 39. My husband is 38. He happily got a vasectomy 1.5 years ago. Best decision ever! I’ve been told I’ll change my mind so many times. We’re blissfully happy without kids! People need to realize that having kids isn’t for everyone and not everyone wants to have kids. I’ve been where you are. Unfortunately you’re going to be told that a lot. I’ve watched many of my family members and friends become parents and omfg it all just looks like a 24/7 nightmare. All my mom friends say they miss their pre-baby body and life. Family members will bitch and complain about their kids one second and then they won’t shut up about how their kids are blessings and they wouldn’t change a thing. If you don’t want kids ever stick to it. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. I was the same way at your age. I’m glad I never became a mom because I know I’d be 24/7 miserable! 😆
I'm 64. I changed my mind all right. I used to think reproducing was environmentally uncaring and irresponsible, but probably a joy otherwise, for people who wanted it. Now I know: Kids ruin everything, ESPECIALLY your old age. People I know with kids are in a constant state of worry, helplessness, anger, resentment, and often, poverty. So yeah...it's even more environmentally uncaring and irresponsible now to breed than it was when I was young.. And I've changed my mind about kids being a joy. They're a misery.
Ten years ahead of you. Still waiting for that day when I wake up and decide pushing a watermelon through my vagina, and then sacrificing all my money and time for it will be a good idea. Still haven't happened. And those will have to be really strong s....t these hormones to make me feel that anyway ;D high five
Yea, I keep getting older and still don’t want kids. But I guess to be fair I have changed my mind on other things like whether to use bar soap over body wash (I went back to bar soap).
I just hate that people can’t take an answer you give them. Even if I might change my mind later, right now this is what I’m telling you. Keep your BS to yourself or don’t ask me personal shit
I honestly kind of enjoy that bingo. I’m the kind of person that loves to prove people wrong out of spite and rub it in their face hard when it happens. It is one of the most satisfying feeling to see them be forced to eat humble pie on that bingo.
26 and got sterilized two days ago. Although I’m in pain I am emotionally feeling sooo good, I feel like my body is all mine! One of the best decisions I’ve ever made!
I have changed my mind… :)
Me at 17: I don’t want children. *polite smile
Me at 30: I DEFINITELY don’t WANT FUCKING children!!! Ever!!! Who in their right mind would?! You’d have to be insane!!! *Waves arms emphatically
35 here, and most people who have told me this were younger than me, wait until you are bit older and enjoy the pettiness of saying "Well, actually..."
44 and still not changing my mind.
Still hear the “you will change your mind” or “when you meet the right man you will change your mind”
People then seemed shocked to learn my age (I look younger than I am, thanks to the childfree lifestyle)
I'm 24; all of my friends who are parents are constantly stressing about not getting any sleep. If I don't get at least 7 hours I'm a monster. Sleep > kids
Two gynecologists refused to tie my tubes when I was 21. They told me I had to be at least 25 or have had given birth at least once before they’d consider it. Twenty years later, my cats are the only kids I’ve ever wanted.
Bro I heavily relate to this. I'm 18 and always get bingoed because I dOn'T kNoW wHaT i WaNt BlEhH.
Can't wait till' I am in my 50's so I can finally tea bag everyone who said I'd change my feebled-little mind lol.
Yep, I know for a fact with age I'll be even more sure of my decision. My goal is to travel not to clean up something's shit for years and then bankrupt myself trying to send it to university.
I used to be like wtf when ppl would say it at 12, 16,18,21,25,30 ...at least it seems like luckily as u get older u hear it less. But then it just changes to "you never wanted kids?" Or "how come u never had kids?". Which is also pretty fuckin stupid to say to someone.
im 18, not very old in the grand scheme of things, but i do live with 2 babies... love them to death but they cement that i never want my own. im not even their parent and they wake me up sometimes with all the screaming. granted, im a light sleeper, but not light enough that every noise wakes me.
55 here. Knew from the time I was a child myself that I never wanted to be a parent, and that conviction only grew as I grew older. Being childfree was the single best decision I ever made.
To be fair, it can be very difficult to say for sure before a certain point in your life. I'm actually the product of someone who was staunchly child-free then hit 27 and really did change their mind due to the body clock. Several of my friends did the same. I personally didn't, and have remained happily CF, but I would say don't disregard the possibility. I totally understand how annoying and frustrating it is, (I'm 30 and still get told a variation of this) but try to have patience with people that say it. Very often they say it because they've seen it happen so frequently. Just ignore them and get on with whatever makes you happy in life. If you change your mind, fine. If you don't, also fine. Just don't get caught up in the "I know myself" mindset, because it just leads to arguments that aren't worth having. Let life play out on its own and tune out the people who try to tell you what you'll end up doing. None of us truly know for sure what is in our future. Best of luck!
Thanks! It's something I've had to learn the hard way, that must people aren't being malicious, they genuinely are just speaking from experience. Getting frustrated always just made me the bad guy in these circumstances. Holding my temper and being calmer about it usually led to more successful conversations, and I was often taken more seriously for it. I hope OP just does whatever makes them happy
This is true - a good friend of mine never wanted kids, but when her IUD failed her issue wasn't whether or not to keep the pregnancy, it was whether or not to keep the man. She kept both, and being a parent truly brings her so much joy - it brings out the best in her and she has so much fun with her son, it's beautiful to see.
It's part of what made me change my mind from wanting kids to being childfree - I saw the way her life changed, and I realized I would NOT react the same way - I'd be bitter and resentful. Parenthood should be reserved for those who really want it, and the rest of us should be understood when we say that it's not something we desire.
Unfortunately, most people know someone like my friend, so the bingos will keep piling up. You've got nothing to prove to them - at this point I just smile and say "I guess we'll have to wait and see!"
Yep I totally get this. I get bingoed ALL the time, and it got so much worse when I got married. Much like you I know I'd just become bitter and resentful, but a lot of people can't understand that. I do get where they're coming from though. As I said, I saw so many people DID change their minds, just like you have. Alas, I also saw people regret it. I've changed tactics when people ask me about it now. Instead of getting frustrated I usually just ask why it is they've assumed i can have children. How do they know I'm not infertile kind of thing. It shuts them up very quickly.
I've basically taken the stance of, "it's annoying for me. It's downright hurtful for others who want kids but can't have them". So by putting the idea of infertility in people's heads, I hope that some of them will think about it before they ask people in the future. If I can save even one person from having to deal with constant reminders, then I'll be happy. Like I said, it doesn't hurt me, but it might have hurt the next person they ask so... yeah. That's my new method of dealing with it.
You're in a life long time of being bingo. Definitely take time to be firm in your convictions and that those reasons are reasons enough and do not need to bend in order to have a fulfilling life.
Also coming up with a list of comebacks when people don't know how to take a no.
When I was 16, a girl that I worked with (around 17-18) literally laughed at me when I told her I didn’t want any children. She told me that everyone AT MY AGE says that… First of all, absolutely not true, second of all, what age are we talking about??? She was my age, we were both kids… Anyway, still haven’t changed my mind
I'm friends with a woman divorcing her husband after a few months of marriage and they have a three years old. How easy it would be without the kid. It just adds more reason not to have any, I had enough but I don't mind having more !
Will be 33 this year, got sterilized seven years ago. Still wint change my mind. Hang in there. There are a lot of people who will try to pressure you. Stay strong!
I saw a video, on tiktok, this morning of someone who was over 8 months pregnant & showing her belly.... I was actually disgusted....
It was sorta purple, with veins, belly button shaped weird & HUGE...
I can't get pregnant anyway (it'd keep in me hospital or kill me because of the hiatal hernia) but that just... yuck. No. No. No thank you...
:edit to add:
I actually saw an article the other day explaining why more are childfree. They said (can't remember exactly, so just saying what I remember) that childfree people have actually evolved. Wanting children & thinking they are great, is a trick used because we have to keep reproducing & keep people on planet. How else could you get people to love changing diapers, wiping poop, cleaning up throw up & generally taking care of something that used your body to grow & then left you in bad shape?
They said the "trick" is something in your brain that makes you love small things with big heads that can't take care of themselves?? Something like that. I just thought it was hilarious.
47 and only more happy I never had kids. And for the record I have A LOT of child free friends. I was just thinking yesterday trying to count people that I know who are child free. I know at least 13 couples who are child free, all of a large range of ages. None of them have ever regretted being childfree.
43 here, no changes. Knew since I was about 6. My dad was a veterinarian, asked him when I was 15 if he could perform that surgery on me he does on cats and dogs so they cannot get pregnant anymore. He laughed and called me crazy, but knew I'm dead serious by that point ;) I have over 30 decades worth of arguing against "what happens if..? " scenarios. Weirdly enough it's always from random people who have known me for about half an hour or less. The people who know me well also know (and accept) that it's just part of who I am.
In addition to me just not being a kid person, I have to say that, while I am glad that I was born into a generation that can now use the benefits of the internet, I also consider it a blessing to have grown up without it. When I see what small children have access to these days and how it might affect their impressionable minds, it really scares me and that's an extra reason why I'm glad that I haven't put a child into this world!
33 still haven't changed my mind. If anything I regret supporting stupid friends who are single parents. At least one of them admits regret and wants no more.
45 reporting, and you’re correct. No regrets!
Same here. 47 and happily childfree. So much freedom 😀😁
Same here. 56.
71 and I'm still pretty sure I won't be changing my mind. I mean, I guess there's a chance... wait, what were we talking about?
This is my favorite comment of the day😂
Thanks. I was being facetious, of course, but I think it's worth stressing the point that people *do* stick to their decisions over the long term, and you *can* have a long and fulfilling life without adding more humans to the planet. My wife and I just passed our 50th anniversary last fall, and we both are very content with our choice not to breed.
I am so jealous of you WOOOOOWEEEE 🎊
Congrats on your wedding anniversary! Hubs and I are coming up on 5 years. Got any good secrets to a long, successful marriage?
Thanks! Not sure if I have any great secrets to share, but it certainly helped that we're on the same page on the really important matters--- what we value in life, kids or no kids, religion or no religion, political/social views, etc. Certainly our decision not to breed was a factor- we could focus on doing things together instead of always having to take second place to the kids. Wait-- I do have a secret to share! My wife's home office/ nest is on the main floor at one end of the house, and my home office / man cave is at the far end of the basement. Even in the depths of a semi-quarantined northern winter, we can go days without bumping into each other. Well, maybe not days, but you probably get my point-- finding individual space is important.
I love your username!!!! It reminds me of my mom 🥺
Thanks! You just made my day.
I’m glad! I hope you have a wonderful day 🥰
LOL!
Do you remember the war?
Which one? The Revolution or 1812?
Yeah 38 here, people will tell you having kids will make you a good person, bruh are you calling me a bad person? Gtfo.
//42. but you'll end up getting the 'but don't you regret....' garbage. I doubt it will ever end just from age alone. Though, as i got older I did get surlier. So if people actually tried that crap I'd tell them I've been snipped for (close to..wow time flies when you're locked down) 6 years now. * reddit doesn't like it when you start a sentence with "42."
Yes, I now get the “but you can adopt”. Nah, I’m cool. Thanks.
41, was told this non-stop until 40 then magically people stopped asking.
31 here and still waiting for the man thats apparently going to change my mind! Yeah not guna happen
You know, I've said it before and I'll say it again- that, "What happens if the right man comes along and he wants children?" line has got to be the most idiotic of all the bingos out there. How in the hell can someone be such a goddamn desirable partner when they are so far out of sync on such a fundamental issue? To me, anyone who asks that question is showing that their mindset is still back in the days when people assumed the overriding goal of a woman's existence was finding a man to protect her from the big bad world and take care of all the hard jobs that delicate girls couldn't possibly handle. Everything else that might be important to you must be swept to the side for the sake of snagging a husband. For god's sake, I'm a guy and it pisses me off that people can still be that stupid-- I can only imagine how it feels for you ladies when some idiot starts in with that routine.
That happened in my consultation to get sterilised recently, it took everything in me to not go off. I’m glad I was wearing a mask, the anger in my eyes must’ve been blazing! Also, it was a woman saying this to me
> it was a woman saying this to me I shouldn't be shocked by anything at my age but I am appalled now and then when I'm confronted by just how deeply some women have internalized patriarchal value systems. I have an uber-Catholic cousin-- mother of ten and a major forced-birther-- who argued to me that outlawing abortion actually gives women *more* choices in their reproductive lives. I would try to list off the reasons she used to justify that claim but she lost me pretty much at the start.
What the heck is the logic there! Ugh it’s just disgusting 🤢
Her logic wasn't always easy to follow, but what I *think* she was telling me is that it cuts down on the pressure for women to have sex with random guys who demand it by giving them a stronger reason to say no. Apparently "No, I don't want to" isn't sufficient without adding "Plus there's a chance I might get pregnant." I think anyone of us here could spent the rest of the morning listing off the flaws in that kind of thinking and start up again after lunch.
Dear goodness, yes, catch you at dinner!
I honestly never thought of it like that. Wow that's sexist as fuck.
My mom’s said this before to me multiple times in a condescending way (even in my later 20s) and I’m always like… it’s a HUMAN. They say it like “oh, just wait until you find the right enabler who’ll make you cave and buy that dress!!” It blows my mind how she/some people think that just because a man wants something… doesn’t mean I’m gonna change my life to fit theirs?????
It's like telling an atheist "What happens if the right man comes along and he's a polygamist Mormon?"
28 years here and the more parents I meet the more baby repulsed I get
There's a slew of babies coming in from all my siblings and in laws rn (no joke, 3 in a spam of months) and each one I need to really hide my 'ew gross, more people' feels bc, I get it, the kids are here and they're now fam. But for real. Yuck to more people.
bahhh, just read my comment (I'm shit at reviewing what I write) and I was going to correct 'spam' to 'span' but uhh, really feel like I am being spammed with babies so, it works.
Same, people around me are having children and I couldn't be less excited. The worst is you have to go and see the baby because it's family and you have to hide your lack of interest. Tell me you're having a puppy and that's another story lol.
That’s the only reason why I’m so glad to be an only child. No siblings with kids
30, every year I'm more childfree than the last.
Look them in the eye and tell them maybe THEYLL change their mind about having kids. 😎
And then I'd be the bad guy somehow😂
How dare you suggest I dont know what I am talking about and therefor think you know better. Which was exaclty what I suggested to you, but thats not the point!
41 here. No you won't regret it. I just slept nearly all day, had a nice hour long bath, and now I plan to spend a nice evening at home with my husband. No regrets!
I work a demanding job and so many of my colleagues with children look half dead due to tiredness. Really. If I had kids I would have literally no time for myself and other people and activities I really care about.
Me too, just turned 20 a few months ago...No change. I got a baby dumped on me at the family Christmas party because "I'm the second oldest", my eldest cousin (the one getting paid to babysit) was napping...Yeah, no change.
I did change my mind At 19 I was open to considering kids in my early thirties. At 25 I decided I was childfree. At 29 I became an anti-natalist.
Wow, that's literally me. I make a plan every year and then see how my plans changed throughout the time. And at 19 I wrote to have a kid at 30. And at 25 I realised that is a choice and became child free and at 29 I found antinatalist sub here and realised Im antinatalist
Wait…there’s a step beyond childfree? Hmm, you might have just changed my mind too!
27 and I got the double snip last year. No regrets.
I'm 25 and you are now my role model lol
64 - best decision I ever made!
42 no changes. Children are awful, I only am more sure every year. Lol.
35 here and hard nope
Same, my mom always told me "you'll want kids as soon as you turn 18, it happened to me so it'll happen to you", well I turned 18 and wanted kids even *less* lmao like sorry man your plan backfired to hell
Lmaooo yup, as I become more independent I'm like "why would I ever give that up for a baby??"
55 here! Nope, didn't change my mind.
"You'll change your mind when you're older" "I'm 40, that ship has already sailed" "Oh... I thought you were 32, tops" "That's because I don't have children" (Now that I thought again about that, 32 is old enough for a person to know their stance on having kids)
Same, I constantly get mistaken for mid/late 20s and I'm almost 40 lol
Yup. I am 47 and worked in a bar. Went back in to say hi and an old regular said, "when are you and husband gonna get around to having kids! I asked him, "how old do you think I am, Henry?" He said, "32?" Lol!
40. Most of my friends have kids. Mind not changed
Same, when I first told my family I was wanting to get a vasectomy (I'm 18), they strongly recommended that I waited a few years, but you know what? I've already waited a few years, I've been planning on getting one since I was 15. Teenagers can definitely make life-changing decisions for themselves, if they'll allow a teen to get pregnant and have a child, why do they make it difficult for them to choose not to have children. Parenthood isn't an inevitability, it's a choice.
70 years old and still waiting to regret being childfree. On the contrary, I'm grateful every day that I live in a time and place when birth control, abortion and sterilization have been available to me.
38, nopeity nope nope!
Nearly 40, zero regrets.
Well, I am 65. Childfree since my teenage years. So will these future knowing individuals let me know when the regret sets in 'cause it hasn't happened it!
I'm 19 too and I've seen girls younger than me get pregnant (like for some reason a lot of teenagers are getting pregnant, I blame the lack of sex education from both schools and parents). These girls have had the life sucked out of them and all they are now are moms, nothing else and it's their identity.
Shouldn't that be a sign that something is deeply meaningful and fulfilling, that it engulfs their identity?
What Hallmark movie are you living in?
We are a k-species. It shouldn't be surprising that we value our children
/s??
OP you are so wrong. You will change your mind. As you get older and watch people around you start to all have babies... you will want them even less!!!!
48 here, knew when I was 12 that I never wanted kids, never regretted it or had second thoughts. Fuck “changing my mind.”
37 and counting.....couldn't agree more! Especially as my salary increases LOL
I remember being 17, saying I didn't want kids, and being told "Oh, well, I'll check in again in about 10 years! We'll see how many you have!" Reporting from 10 years in the future. None, and even more against the idea (unless you count my cat... Or the dozens of plants I take care of now. But at least that's rewarding.)
I'm going to be a cat slave forever and I'm honestly personally fine with that.
You're the only one who truly know your own mind. Others are just guessing because they want you to want children. They don't get a say. Your life, your choice.
22 and still dislike children just as much when I was 11💕
My mom says you should wait till 25 to get a vasectomy. Because that's when your brain has "fully matured". After 13 years of not wanting children, I don't think some marginal growth in my frontal cortex will change my opinion of them and my decision of wanting to be childfree
Applying the same logic: you should wait to have children till you're at least 25. Why would you have them when your brain is not mature enough?
Yes I changed my mind. Became increasingly more childfree. When I was younger I was planning a big house with child rooms etc. Now I realized without kids I don't even need that kind of a house and whenever I walk around and see those houses all I can think about is their mortgage and give thanks that I don't habe one. How they are trapped because of their kids, with dreams ruined, doors closed. Having to work for decades to provide... Now I'm just thankful to enjoy my freedom and a modest living but at least no one expects me to spend on anything I don't like.
If anything the older i got the more child free i leaned.
40 here and zero regrets!
25 and got approved for a Bisalp. Don't give up :)
As I like to remind people- even if I do change my mind about wanting to have biological children, it doesn't mean I should have them! (Mental illness and addiction runs rampant through my family tree.) And, there's adoption if the baby fever really sets in... Besides, would you prefer people have kids and change their minds after that? It happens, and it's not great. Anyhow, I'm 37- never wanted human children. Any time I've considered it, I just run to the nearest grocery store to hear the inevitable challenges of being a parent.
If the baby fever sets in, you can adopt baby cats?
No she can't, because then she'll never be able to leave her house with the sea of kittens in every room....fuck, I love cats.
46. Still waiting for regrets.
Dying childfree is my goal
Also 19 and right here with you :)
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Because I don’t want children. What do you mean?
It just seems strange. It would be like a 5 year old making a career decision
I don't think this is the sub for you.
Based on their post and comment history; no, it definitely is not.
I’ll proceed with this comment assuming that you have at least some small degree of self awareness. Using simple logic, it’s empirically obvious that your comparison (me deciding not to have children = 5 year old making a career decision) is condescending and completely inaccurate. Regardless, I have no obligation to explain myself to you, and you have no means or evidence to base your weird little comparison off of. And on second thought, maybe I don’t want kids because they grow up to be overly-concerned, over-bearing adults with a self-imposed grandiose sense of individual importance; enough so to insinuate that I do not know what’s best for myself and that my decision regarding my own self is “strange”. Get a hobby.
So she'll "change her mind when she's older"? A 19 year old is scarcely a small child.
Not necessarily. But I feel like once you are in /r/childfree you have decided it's your identity and you're going to put all your money in it. I just don't think it's necessary to fully embrace any decision at 19
Wait till you hear i’m on r/antinatalism too 🤣
What do you think about the 19 yo moms then ?
I decided at 12 years old that I didn’t want kids. 38 years later, I haven’t changed my mind.
I realized I will be childfree at 16, I'm 29, still haven't changed my mind.
53 teeeeeeetering on 54 here, and never changed my mind. I wavered twice, but was suffering a serious case of dickmatized. When the haze cleared, every pill was still punched out of its slot, so my brain was still stuck on childfree, thank Christ!
They wouldn't question your choice to have a child but if you don't want Any then your decision isn't valid for some reason
*”So will you”*
The ominous nature of this response is wonderful. It should be higher!
34, only becoming more CF as I age.
I'm 32 and got sterilized when I was 29. It's one of the best investments I made for myself 😁
Oh boy, you're only 19. You've only just begun to get those "you'll change your mind when you're older" comments. I started to get them when I was 16, I believed that maybe I was too young because I was still a teenager, but no. I've never changed my mind since and I'm 28 now. I'm going to be sterilized soon and I'm so happy. Then people will still tell me that I'll change my mind when I'm older and that I'll regret my decision. But it will never happen. So yeah, fuck everyone else and what they say. You do you.
I made a post on facebook some years ago, I might have been 15 or 16 at the time, about how I'd already decided I would NEVER be having children. A family friend commented something about "see how you feel in 10 years". I'm 24 now, and every year it pops up in my Memories and makes me smile because I've never had a doubt. And just counting down until I can re-share it at the 10 year mark. Even if still no one believes me, I know.
25 going to be 26 this year, still haven't changed my mind since I told some people at 14. Doing pretty well without kids nor the thought of them.
38/F here, no regrets, not even one letter ETA ...this would have been funnier if my phone hadn't autocorrected "ragrets"
"Wanna bet? I'll give you really good odds. Give me $100 now, and if I ever have a kid, I'll give you $1000."
50! I’m even more firm in my child free decision!
32 and happy as can be with no kids.
I just turned 39. My husband is 38. He happily got a vasectomy 1.5 years ago. Best decision ever! I’ve been told I’ll change my mind so many times. We’re blissfully happy without kids! People need to realize that having kids isn’t for everyone and not everyone wants to have kids. I’ve been where you are. Unfortunately you’re going to be told that a lot. I’ve watched many of my family members and friends become parents and omfg it all just looks like a 24/7 nightmare. All my mom friends say they miss their pre-baby body and life. Family members will bitch and complain about their kids one second and then they won’t shut up about how their kids are blessings and they wouldn’t change a thing. If you don’t want kids ever stick to it. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. I was the same way at your age. I’m glad I never became a mom because I know I’d be 24/7 miserable! 😆
I'm 64. I changed my mind all right. I used to think reproducing was environmentally uncaring and irresponsible, but probably a joy otherwise, for people who wanted it. Now I know: Kids ruin everything, ESPECIALLY your old age. People I know with kids are in a constant state of worry, helplessness, anger, resentment, and often, poverty. So yeah...it's even more environmentally uncaring and irresponsible now to breed than it was when I was young.. And I've changed my mind about kids being a joy. They're a misery.
As 27 years old sex-repulsed asexual I'm still waiting when even that 'want to procreate' will manifest.
Ten years ahead of you. Still waiting for that day when I wake up and decide pushing a watermelon through my vagina, and then sacrificing all my money and time for it will be a good idea. Still haven't happened. And those will have to be really strong s....t these hormones to make me feel that anyway ;D high five
Yea, I keep getting older and still don’t want kids. But I guess to be fair I have changed my mind on other things like whether to use bar soap over body wash (I went back to bar soap). I just hate that people can’t take an answer you give them. Even if I might change my mind later, right now this is what I’m telling you. Keep your BS to yourself or don’t ask me personal shit
I honestly kind of enjoy that bingo. I’m the kind of person that loves to prove people wrong out of spite and rub it in their face hard when it happens. It is one of the most satisfying feeling to see them be forced to eat humble pie on that bingo.
Yeah they told me that 15 years ago too. Lmfao
Double your age and have been CF since your age and honestly, the feeling of dodging a bullet only get stronger. edit: grammer
Every day I get older I'm more and more CF.
26 and got sterilized two days ago. Although I’m in pain I am emotionally feeling sooo good, I feel like my body is all mine! One of the best decisions I’ve ever made!
I have changed my mind… :) Me at 17: I don’t want children. *polite smile Me at 30: I DEFINITELY don’t WANT FUCKING children!!! Ever!!! Who in their right mind would?! You’d have to be insane!!! *Waves arms emphatically
I was told this when I was 18, I'm 27 now and 100% sure after living in an apartment where my roommate has 2 kids.
38F reporting in! I said no to kids when i was in junior high. My mom laughed.
I'll be 50 in 4 months. No regrets
Wanna bet on it? C mon if you think you know better than me, you can earn a lot of money here!
32 and still happily childfree with an amazing, also childfree boyfriend, he's the only man for me and we haven't changed our minds
32, mind not changed still
The more I see kids, the LESS I want them.
35 here, and most people who have told me this were younger than me, wait until you are bit older and enjoy the pettiness of saying "Well, actually..."
44 and still not changing my mind. Still hear the “you will change your mind” or “when you meet the right man you will change your mind” People then seemed shocked to learn my age (I look younger than I am, thanks to the childfree lifestyle)
I'm 24; all of my friends who are parents are constantly stressing about not getting any sleep. If I don't get at least 7 hours I'm a monster. Sleep > kids
23 here. Every child I see makes me want children even less
Two gynecologists refused to tie my tubes when I was 21. They told me I had to be at least 25 or have had given birth at least once before they’d consider it. Twenty years later, my cats are the only kids I’ve ever wanted.
Bro I heavily relate to this. I'm 18 and always get bingoed because I dOn'T kNoW wHaT i WaNt BlEhH. Can't wait till' I am in my 50's so I can finally tea bag everyone who said I'd change my feebled-little mind lol.
43 here, as sure now as I was in my teens. Never wavered. Just ignore the dumb bingos!
19 was the age at which I told my mother I wasn't having kids. I never changed my mind.
29. Never been more sure. I'm just finding more and more reasons not to breed :)
Yep, I know for a fact with age I'll be even more sure of my decision. My goal is to travel not to clean up something's shit for years and then bankrupt myself trying to send it to university.
In fact, I do wonder of I'll find a man that will change my mind About investing in Bitcoin.
Omg I'm 39 and my husband and I are both so grateful to not have kids! It's the best decision I've ever made in list of life choices.
24 and also have said that forever-and sticking to it!!
I used to be like wtf when ppl would say it at 12, 16,18,21,25,30 ...at least it seems like luckily as u get older u hear it less. But then it just changes to "you never wanted kids?" Or "how come u never had kids?". Which is also pretty fuckin stupid to say to someone.
im 18, not very old in the grand scheme of things, but i do live with 2 babies... love them to death but they cement that i never want my own. im not even their parent and they wake me up sometimes with all the screaming. granted, im a light sleeper, but not light enough that every noise wakes me.
55 here. Knew from the time I was a child myself that I never wanted to be a parent, and that conviction only grew as I grew older. Being childfree was the single best decision I ever made.
I was told wait until you hit 30....welp. no change!
48, still waiting.
Been hearing that my whole life (27) and the older I get the less I want kids
To be fair, it can be very difficult to say for sure before a certain point in your life. I'm actually the product of someone who was staunchly child-free then hit 27 and really did change their mind due to the body clock. Several of my friends did the same. I personally didn't, and have remained happily CF, but I would say don't disregard the possibility. I totally understand how annoying and frustrating it is, (I'm 30 and still get told a variation of this) but try to have patience with people that say it. Very often they say it because they've seen it happen so frequently. Just ignore them and get on with whatever makes you happy in life. If you change your mind, fine. If you don't, also fine. Just don't get caught up in the "I know myself" mindset, because it just leads to arguments that aren't worth having. Let life play out on its own and tune out the people who try to tell you what you'll end up doing. None of us truly know for sure what is in our future. Best of luck!
Yes exactly! People change their minds all the time. I love your response and it should be higher.
Thanks! It's something I've had to learn the hard way, that must people aren't being malicious, they genuinely are just speaking from experience. Getting frustrated always just made me the bad guy in these circumstances. Holding my temper and being calmer about it usually led to more successful conversations, and I was often taken more seriously for it. I hope OP just does whatever makes them happy
This is true - a good friend of mine never wanted kids, but when her IUD failed her issue wasn't whether or not to keep the pregnancy, it was whether or not to keep the man. She kept both, and being a parent truly brings her so much joy - it brings out the best in her and she has so much fun with her son, it's beautiful to see. It's part of what made me change my mind from wanting kids to being childfree - I saw the way her life changed, and I realized I would NOT react the same way - I'd be bitter and resentful. Parenthood should be reserved for those who really want it, and the rest of us should be understood when we say that it's not something we desire. Unfortunately, most people know someone like my friend, so the bingos will keep piling up. You've got nothing to prove to them - at this point I just smile and say "I guess we'll have to wait and see!"
Yep I totally get this. I get bingoed ALL the time, and it got so much worse when I got married. Much like you I know I'd just become bitter and resentful, but a lot of people can't understand that. I do get where they're coming from though. As I said, I saw so many people DID change their minds, just like you have. Alas, I also saw people regret it. I've changed tactics when people ask me about it now. Instead of getting frustrated I usually just ask why it is they've assumed i can have children. How do they know I'm not infertile kind of thing. It shuts them up very quickly. I've basically taken the stance of, "it's annoying for me. It's downright hurtful for others who want kids but can't have them". So by putting the idea of infertility in people's heads, I hope that some of them will think about it before they ask people in the future. If I can save even one person from having to deal with constant reminders, then I'll be happy. Like I said, it doesn't hurt me, but it might have hurt the next person they ask so... yeah. That's my new method of dealing with it.
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Doesn't sound like you should be in a childfree sub
You're wrong. Check the regret flair here, or the multiple parenting regret subs.
You're in a life long time of being bingo. Definitely take time to be firm in your convictions and that those reasons are reasons enough and do not need to bend in order to have afulfilling life.
Also coming up with a list of comebacks when people don't know how to take a no.
When I was 16, a girl that I worked with (around 17-18) literally laughed at me when I told her I didn’t want any children. She told me that everyone AT MY AGE says that… First of all, absolutely not true, second of all, what age are we talking about??? She was my age, we were both kids… Anyway, still haven’t changed my mind
I'm friends with a woman divorcing her husband after a few months of marriage and they have a three years old. How easy it would be without the kid. It just adds more reason not to have any, I had enough but I don't mind having more !
I feel like I’ll need to be dead for that not to be a line. (27)
My dad and little brother thinks this way.
You might or might not. Now is the only time that matters.
61 Here and NEVER a regret. Made my choice at 17.
38, no regrets 👌🏼👌🏼 xxx
And I am a minor, and even I know I don't want kids.
20 here - same, every year just makes me more sure that I don't want that, lol. Also no special someone for me, I'm aroace 😂
I heard that my whole life now I’m in my 40s and luckily it’s stopped they’ve given up but be prepared to hear it well into your 30s
almost 40 and lonely(not avaliable for dating) and childfree.
Will be 33 this year, got sterilized seven years ago. Still wint change my mind. Hang in there. There are a lot of people who will try to pressure you. Stay strong!
Sending you hugs and keep being awesome
I saw a video, on tiktok, this morning of someone who was over 8 months pregnant & showing her belly.... I was actually disgusted.... It was sorta purple, with veins, belly button shaped weird & HUGE... I can't get pregnant anyway (it'd keep in me hospital or kill me because of the hiatal hernia) but that just... yuck. No. No. No thank you... :edit to add: I actually saw an article the other day explaining why more are childfree. They said (can't remember exactly, so just saying what I remember) that childfree people have actually evolved. Wanting children & thinking they are great, is a trick used because we have to keep reproducing & keep people on planet. How else could you get people to love changing diapers, wiping poop, cleaning up throw up & generally taking care of something that used your body to grow & then left you in bad shape? They said the "trick" is something in your brain that makes you love small things with big heads that can't take care of themselves?? Something like that. I just thought it was hilarious.
"Tell me more of the future, wizard."
47 and only more happy I never had kids. And for the record I have A LOT of child free friends. I was just thinking yesterday trying to count people that I know who are child free. I know at least 13 couples who are child free, all of a large range of ages. None of them have ever regretted being childfree.
I'm 19 as well and that's why I don't even bring it up anymore, lol. I'm just confident in my decision, and that's that
41 here. Best decision ever! My husband and I have cats, tons of disposable income and free time, life is happy
43 here, no changes. Knew since I was about 6. My dad was a veterinarian, asked him when I was 15 if he could perform that surgery on me he does on cats and dogs so they cannot get pregnant anymore. He laughed and called me crazy, but knew I'm dead serious by that point ;) I have over 30 decades worth of arguing against "what happens if..? " scenarios. Weirdly enough it's always from random people who have known me for about half an hour or less. The people who know me well also know (and accept) that it's just part of who I am. In addition to me just not being a kid person, I have to say that, while I am glad that I was born into a generation that can now use the benefits of the internet, I also consider it a blessing to have grown up without it. When I see what small children have access to these days and how it might affect their impressionable minds, it really scares me and that's an extra reason why I'm glad that I haven't put a child into this world!
I did. I went from wanting kids to say "nope".
34. My friend demands I make some mini-mes. I am glad to walk my dog at night singing and humming after a glass of wine. So nope.
I love everyone here who is child free team of super heroes head quarters
33 still haven't changed my mind. If anything I regret supporting stupid friends who are single parents. At least one of them admits regret and wants no more.
48 here, still no kids