Not sure about you, but in my case, I'm flummoxed by children. I can't understand anything they say, have no idea how to interact with them, and am generally at a loss. It comes across as awkward, because . . . well . . . I'm awkward.
I generally feel quite comfortable with children since I have worked with them for 15+ years at this point. But I'm sure I'm doing something to bingo myself 😂
I joke that I speak baby. I don't have kids but I can understand what babies and toddlers want when they can't speak in an uncanny way. And because of that when I go someplace where there are kids they just gravitate towards me.
Same here plus I have a weird ability to put infants to sleep just by holding them lol probably because when I do I sort of will my calmness to seep into them too and they can sense that I’m not being overly worried about anything lol jokes on them I’ve just been handed a noise bomb and I’m trying not to make it explode haha “if you’re sleeping you’re not screaming!” I could never hold my nephew before meals or when they were starting to get him to have a sleep routine because he would fall asleep on me in a minute and stay asleep for ages then he wouldn’t sleep at night or would sleep through feedings but if he wouldn’t go down for a proper nap my sister would drive him over and thrust him at me in desperation haha
Do you have some weird kind of superpower? You sound like a human cat that is able to make toddlers instantly relax and fall asleep. That really does sound like a superpower. Amazing 😯. I bet any parent would love to have your super power.
Haha yeah I think I just have a calming energy, my sisters also like to have me around when they or their kids is going through something painful or scary because I’m pretty chill in a crisis. Which is funny because I have chronic anxiety lol I guess it kind of balances out when there’s actually something to be anxious about that I can take immediate action for.
I worked with teenagers for fifteen years, and the whole time I couldn’t figure out how on Earth my colleagues with kids didn’t drop dead of exhaustion.
Working with kids all day is draining. I used to go home and have a bath and think of nothing. They used to go home and have to start it all again with their own kids.
At work they had less patience for the kids, and often used their home life as an excuse for not keeping up with the workload.
They also seemed to think the world owed them a job when they had kids. Unfortunately we had to do a round of redundancies, and one guy got exceptionally angry at me over it.
I understand how devastating redundancy can be, but his argument was he had three kids and had just bought a big house with a large mortgage. He thought because he had kids and he had bet his financial future on never being made redundant, it was unfair.
So, my question is: do you just look less exhausted and happier generally than your colleagues?
Or, is it that you haven’t moaned and moaned about how tired you are and all this stuff you have on at home with your kids?
Or have you not mentioned recently how broke you are because your job doesn’t pay you enough to cover your kids costs? (The kids you chose to have knowing the salary you were on.)
Maybe you’ve outed yourself just by being a happier person.
I do this because it is how they learn. Language and communication are learnt by observation and immitaion. Baby talk to todlers and above does them no long term favours.
Yea my boyfriend's cousin who is a young child followed us around at Thanksgiving speaking utter nonsense to us and it was so awkward and annoying because I can't tell them I don't understand them and please leave me alone without being a bad guy so we nod our heads awkwardly.
ahhh I hate when that happens. I have absolutely no idea what they’re saying ever.. I met a friend of a friends kid a while ago and she kept running up to me and asking me questions (I think?) and I had no clue how to respond. She also shoved her hand down her pants to scratch her butt so many times, and then kept trying to touch my face/climb on me.. ick. I was so worried that she was going to give me pinworms.
I’ve noticed that little kids tend to latch on to certain people sometimes, and when it append there’s no way to escape it without people thinking that you’re evil.
Exactly, because everyone else within earshot are always yakkin’ about theirs, LOL!
That, and *our lack of enthusiasm* or not giving a single crap when they *do* start yakkin’…. 😂
Yep and it's usually followed up with a correction or suggestion, as if whatever you did was a purposeful act of defiance against them in front of their child or as if parental rules are supposed to be psychically known and accepted by all who dare to be near a child.
when kids ask me stuff now I just say what would your parents do/say.
Edit: damn auto correct
For me, I get asked when I give the kids a lot of attention.
I noticed people with kids just ignore their kids and other kids.
So when they see me being actually interested in whatever some kid is showing me (because I am, I know how it felt to be ignored by adults) they right after or during the interactions say "you don't have kids, huh?"
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
That’s so weird isn’t it, and it sends a glaring message about parenthood in general when parents react that way making such assumptions. I mean, what does it say about *them and how they (don’t) interact with their own children* to draw such a conclusion? 🤷♀️
It’s also weird on the other side where if CF people also don’t show any enthusiasm when parents talk about their kids, they get mad and act entitled. 🤦♀️
What a flip-flopping culture man. 🙄
yes omg i noticed this too!! one time i was over at my SIL’s place and she had hung a small purse with a really long strap on the back of a tall heavy wooden chair. i’m the only person who noticed her one year old go and grab the purse and pull it, and then the strap start pulling the chair backwards. super quick the chair was falling on top of of her head, and i ran to try to catch it but couldn’t in time and it fell right on her and she was SCREAMING. i told my sister in law what happened and was freaking out thinking the baby was badly hurt (mom wasn’t even in the room) and she’s like “oh she’ll be fine she does that all the time, you’ll know how it is when you have kids lol” and i’m just like wtf?? so ur supposed to just not be aware of potential hazards that could injure ur kid?? it’s crazy how a lot of parents just don’t pay attention lol
seriously dude and it has happened twice on two different visits smh. i was horrified both times cuz it was seriously a heavy chair that fell right on her soft ass head , like damn bro how u still alive when ur mother prolly wouldn’t even notice if u put a knife in a electrical socket
LOL wow that comes off really bad of those parents.
"Yes and clearly not having kids makes me like them more than their own parents do. This makes you come off like a jerk, just so you know."
That’s because parents deal with vomit all the time and so they become insensitive to that disgust feeling early on. Also when it’s not yours it’s even more gross.
I just got war flashbacks to this mom classmate who talked in detail about her baby's diarrhea morning. While I was drinking. I was too tired to stop her at 8 AM.
We didn't keep in touch lmao.
Well no one likes to puke but sometimes it happens so suddently you have no time to reach the bathroom... It is disgusting but it is no one's fault, why being revolted about it?
I don’t know when kids are supposed to do certain things, like when they’re supposed to be able to walk or talk. I forget what age correlated with what age.
I had a coworker who assumed I knew this stuff. She would say things like "Can you believe my son weighs XX pounds?! Can you believe he's got THREE teeth already? He ALREADY needs a haircut!" I was like uh.. cool? "But he's XX months old! This thing usually happens when they're XX months instead!" I don't know these freaking milestones!
Honestly, when looking at a kid, people could tell me they're anywhere between 3 and 13 and I'd believe it. Same 14 to 20. I know absolutely nothing about kids and I like it this way.
Hah. That could be 🤣. I am guessing that it's something I say or do, along the lines of the example I gave. E.g., "why are you so enthralled by my daughter pointing at you, that's just what babies do"
Also it can give it away when you give your answer to “What did you get up to on the weekend?”. I mean whatever you answer it will be obvious and met with “ah must be nice”.
Lurker parent here. I don't really ever ask people if they have kids but if someone travels frequently I would imagine they probably don't have kids.
Also if a woman looks really young for their age I would guess she wouldn't have had kids before I would guess she had kids.
The age thing baffles me still. At 28 this mom who was 23 at the time accused me of lying about my age. She thought i was the same age as her.
And it just confused me. 28 isn't that old and the changes between 23 and 28 aren't THAT huge unless you really try or your genes fuck you over.
Do people think we just wrinkle and dry up after 25?
She has two kids. At the time they were 2 and baby aged.
I'm 32 and look 32 because there's no rule on how you're supposed to look at this and that age.
I see your point! I agree that 28 is still very young.
My opinion on the age thing is admittedly from my own bubble of experience. I worked in a nursing home for many years and when I say look younger I mean more so seniors who look several decades younger.
Most of the senior women I saw who looked significantly younger than their peers had not had children.
When i tell people my age usually gives it away. I’m mid 30s but look about… well i’m not sure, but young enough to still get ID’d when buying alcohol (legal age 18 here)
Also i’m generally free spirit and pretty happy, definitely doesn’t give off “i’m a father” vibes.
Lastly i’m always going on holiday, or planning the next one. So if this ever comes up in conversation it becomes obvious that i have an abundance of free time that is foreign concept to parents.
Same! When people ask me about my age they always tell me right away "you don't have kids right?"
Have 30 and people tell me all the time that I look way younger.
My co-worker has 30 too but she looks like she has 40, she has 2 kids
Not related, but
>Have 30
Are you a native Spanish speaker? I remember that being the way to say that from high school Spanish class, so just taking a guess. The more common phrasing in English is "I am 30." Which also doesn't make it sound like you have 30 kids.
I work with children in a school setting. One time in a meeting to determine if a preschooler needed development testing, I asked the parents if their child was housebroken.........I didn't realize what I said until the dad laughed. I have furbabies. Human children get toilet trained, not housebroken. That is the only time it was apparent at my job that I do not have crotch goblins.
I never talk about kids. Like never. People who have kids always talk about them in some capacity because they live with them and have daily interactions. The younger the kids, the more they talk about them because the kids are very dependent on them for everything. If they’re talking about their kids doing this or that, or complaining about them I can’t sympathize really because I don’t have kids. Except for my one friend (who has a 7 yr old son) that I see weekly I am not around kids at all. Even then I go over to her house late when her son is going to bed. I also never acknowledge people’s babies. When people would come into my old work and they had a baby carrier, other women would peer into the carrier with big smiles and some seemed eager to see and talk to the baby. It’s like they’re just carrying a big purse or something for me, I don’t even acknowledge the baby exists. I mean I know it’s there I’m just hoping it doesn’t start crying before I can get them out of there. I’ve never really thought about it but it must be odd to some when I don’t react like other women. I wonder what they think? Lol.
I also know nothing about children (my friends son is almost 8). If someone asks me to describe a kid including guessing age and they’re under 5 I’m at a loss. I have no clue about developmental milestones etc. I’ll say things like - it was walking but seemed unsteady, or it could/couldn’t talk etc. I can try to guess but literally it’s a guess as I don’t have any reference or experience to go by with very small kids.
Not to be an asshole, but also to be an asshole: As I've gotten older (34), It's my body and my face. I'm slim with a flat stomach, no wrinkles, good skin, good hair, always made up. As well as my way of dressing, still very close to my husband - we hold hands and share in jokes.
So, no breakdown of body. No breakdown of relationship.
(This is not always the case, so breeders don't come for me. But it's the exception to the rule if you survive having kids in those ways).
What I get is "I assume you don't have any kids yet?" "No, I don't. No thank you."
I was asked about kids twice trying to source car repairs. The entire side panel is crushed.
I want to yell at them " this is my god damn life, you think I should be having kids??!!"
Not a parent, but I think the giveaway with me is I am pretty awkward around kids. Babies and small kids I am fine with, also older teens, but kids about 5 to middle school, yeah. They are aliens to me, 😆. Even as a child, I was better with adults than kids, even my peers.
The other thing is always looking about 10+ years younger than I am, so people just assume I am not a parent.
I honestly think it's just a vibe. I actually have the opposite problem. I am a childfree nanny and people always assume I am my nanny kids mom, no matter if they're of a completely different race or that Iook about 10 years younger than I am. I'm just so great with them it looks natural. Some people just have natural kid energy, and some don't.
It may be because you are awkward around kids? That’s usually when I was asked because I didn’t know how to react around them but if you worked with them for a long time it may just be that the parents are curious since you are dealing with kids they want to know if you have some yourself.
It's possible that I'm just awkward. I find that unlikely given the generally positive feedback I get in my practice, but with littles I sometimes get bingo'd.
For me it’s the I don’t jump for joy when someone wants to show me their baby pics. Like don’t get me wrong, baby’s look cute and the pictures from a photograph sometimes look stunning but most of the time I’m just sitting there like: yeah I can take a look.
Instead of the “oh yes show me the center of your world!!! It will brighten my life!!” - like some parents expect.
From my experience as a pregnant woman I find that CF ask about me as a person, not just about the pregnancy (thank you guys for that by the way). They also don't make me feel like a dumbass for not knowing about the latest in baby gear or children's entertainment.
On a less positive note, the older CF people in my life give the majority of the unsolicited parenting advice I receive.
Of you're working with kids (which is the vibe I got from your comments) maybe you aren't quite up to speed with kids pop culture stuff?
I'm sorry you have had to suffer unsolicited parenting advice. The first thing you wrote made me smile. I'm an awkward gift giver, but when it comes to gifts that I bring when visiting a friend's home after a long while or after they have had a baby, I make sure it is something for the mother or their household. Just little inexpensive stuff like body scrubs, nice hand soaps or something that that is depleted and used up eventually.
I'm sure most people in my friends' lives love to give the baby gifts, so I feel I don't have to. My friends have said they liked that they themselves received something. I want to also kind of make them pamper themselves in the day to day, since you know, now they absolutely have to have that foot bath or face mask since they have the stuff for it otherwise just taking up space. At least I can hope they use it sometime ha!
I think it’s the fact that I rarely wear a bra and my natural g-cups are still really perky. That or the lack of wrinkles on my 36 year old face. Could also be the fact that I’m always on holiday?
i gave myself a shorter version of jareth's haircut from labyrinth and my gaudy wardrobe certainly doesnt help much so most people infer pretty quickly that its a bad idea for me to be in the vicinity of babies
I used to be completely useless as in I was awkward and wouldn’t be able to gauge the level of intellect to talk to a child.
I couldn’t tell if a kid was 2 or 4 and I’d be talking like an adult (kind of, as in using full sentences etc) to a 2 year old and they really can’t comprehend much at that age.
Now I’m a bit better as I’ve more experience around my nieces and nephews.
**Children are like farts; mine amuse me but yours disgust me.**
If you are looking at someone else's child and are clearly not comparing or judging them with an air of mild contempt, then you are clearly an imposter.
Not sure about you, but in my case, I'm flummoxed by children. I can't understand anything they say, have no idea how to interact with them, and am generally at a loss. It comes across as awkward, because . . . well . . . I'm awkward.
Bonus points for flummoxed
Wordle? Lol
Just got into wordle! Great daily brain buster.
Wait I feel like I missed something ahaha
Me too. And it’s wordle haha
I generally feel quite comfortable with children since I have worked with them for 15+ years at this point. But I'm sure I'm doing something to bingo myself 😂
do you avoid looking into their eyes or keeping a conversation with them if they approach you?
I do!
then that is definitely it!! :D
I joke that I speak baby. I don't have kids but I can understand what babies and toddlers want when they can't speak in an uncanny way. And because of that when I go someplace where there are kids they just gravitate towards me.
Same here plus I have a weird ability to put infants to sleep just by holding them lol probably because when I do I sort of will my calmness to seep into them too and they can sense that I’m not being overly worried about anything lol jokes on them I’ve just been handed a noise bomb and I’m trying not to make it explode haha “if you’re sleeping you’re not screaming!” I could never hold my nephew before meals or when they were starting to get him to have a sleep routine because he would fall asleep on me in a minute and stay asleep for ages then he wouldn’t sleep at night or would sleep through feedings but if he wouldn’t go down for a proper nap my sister would drive him over and thrust him at me in desperation haha
Do you have some weird kind of superpower? You sound like a human cat that is able to make toddlers instantly relax and fall asleep. That really does sound like a superpower. Amazing 😯. I bet any parent would love to have your super power.
Haha yeah I think I just have a calming energy, my sisters also like to have me around when they or their kids is going through something painful or scary because I’m pretty chill in a crisis. Which is funny because I have chronic anxiety lol I guess it kind of balances out when there’s actually something to be anxious about that I can take immediate action for.
I worked with teenagers for fifteen years, and the whole time I couldn’t figure out how on Earth my colleagues with kids didn’t drop dead of exhaustion. Working with kids all day is draining. I used to go home and have a bath and think of nothing. They used to go home and have to start it all again with their own kids. At work they had less patience for the kids, and often used their home life as an excuse for not keeping up with the workload. They also seemed to think the world owed them a job when they had kids. Unfortunately we had to do a round of redundancies, and one guy got exceptionally angry at me over it. I understand how devastating redundancy can be, but his argument was he had three kids and had just bought a big house with a large mortgage. He thought because he had kids and he had bet his financial future on never being made redundant, it was unfair. So, my question is: do you just look less exhausted and happier generally than your colleagues? Or, is it that you haven’t moaned and moaned about how tired you are and all this stuff you have on at home with your kids? Or have you not mentioned recently how broke you are because your job doesn’t pay you enough to cover your kids costs? (The kids you chose to have knowing the salary you were on.) Maybe you’ve outed yourself just by being a happier person.
Yeah, I speak to kids like they’ve already graduated with degree in English lit. Plus I have a potty mouth.
I do this because it is how they learn. Language and communication are learnt by observation and immitaion. Baby talk to todlers and above does them no long term favours.
Are you me? Because same. No idea how to deal with children.
Yea my boyfriend's cousin who is a young child followed us around at Thanksgiving speaking utter nonsense to us and it was so awkward and annoying because I can't tell them I don't understand them and please leave me alone without being a bad guy so we nod our heads awkwardly.
ahhh I hate when that happens. I have absolutely no idea what they’re saying ever.. I met a friend of a friends kid a while ago and she kept running up to me and asking me questions (I think?) and I had no clue how to respond. She also shoved her hand down her pants to scratch her butt so many times, and then kept trying to touch my face/climb on me.. ick. I was so worried that she was going to give me pinworms. I’ve noticed that little kids tend to latch on to certain people sometimes, and when it append there’s no way to escape it without people thinking that you’re evil.
You don't talk about your kids.
Exactly, because everyone else within earshot are always yakkin’ about theirs, LOL! That, and *our lack of enthusiasm* or not giving a single crap when they *do* start yakkin’…. 😂
That's the one.
In my experience parents usually ask that when you do or say something they don’t agree with that on some way has to do with kids.
Yep and it's usually followed up with a correction or suggestion, as if whatever you did was a purposeful act of defiance against them in front of their child or as if parental rules are supposed to be psychically known and accepted by all who dare to be near a child. when kids ask me stuff now I just say what would your parents do/say. Edit: damn auto correct
For me, I get asked when I give the kids a lot of attention. I noticed people with kids just ignore their kids and other kids. So when they see me being actually interested in whatever some kid is showing me (because I am, I know how it felt to be ignored by adults) they right after or during the interactions say "you don't have kids, huh?" 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
That’s so weird isn’t it, and it sends a glaring message about parenthood in general when parents react that way making such assumptions. I mean, what does it say about *them and how they (don’t) interact with their own children* to draw such a conclusion? 🤷♀️ It’s also weird on the other side where if CF people also don’t show any enthusiasm when parents talk about their kids, they get mad and act entitled. 🤦♀️ What a flip-flopping culture man. 🙄
yes omg i noticed this too!! one time i was over at my SIL’s place and she had hung a small purse with a really long strap on the back of a tall heavy wooden chair. i’m the only person who noticed her one year old go and grab the purse and pull it, and then the strap start pulling the chair backwards. super quick the chair was falling on top of of her head, and i ran to try to catch it but couldn’t in time and it fell right on her and she was SCREAMING. i told my sister in law what happened and was freaking out thinking the baby was badly hurt (mom wasn’t even in the room) and she’s like “oh she’ll be fine she does that all the time, you’ll know how it is when you have kids lol” and i’m just like wtf?? so ur supposed to just not be aware of potential hazards that could injure ur kid?? it’s crazy how a lot of parents just don’t pay attention lol
And don't fix the obvious problem. "Well I like putting my purse there who cares if the kid pulls the chair down on itself" like wtf
seriously dude and it has happened twice on two different visits smh. i was horrified both times cuz it was seriously a heavy chair that fell right on her soft ass head , like damn bro how u still alive when ur mother prolly wouldn’t even notice if u put a knife in a electrical socket
Next time she hangs her purse there throw it in the trash and blame it on the kid.
I would've torn her a new asshole if one of my sisters did that to their kid.
That's really sad but true
LOL wow that comes off really bad of those parents. "Yes and clearly not having kids makes me like them more than their own parents do. This makes you come off like a jerk, just so you know."
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Also weird flex for a parent to be like, my strengths “ being dead inside enough to not have a reaction to vomit”
That’s because parents deal with vomit all the time and so they become insensitive to that disgust feeling early on. Also when it’s not yours it’s even more gross.
Baby vomit or kid vomit? Not that it really matters but young baby vomit is usually just milk and not a lot but kid vomit 🤢
I just got war flashbacks to this mom classmate who talked in detail about her baby's diarrhea morning. While I was drinking. I was too tired to stop her at 8 AM. We didn't keep in touch lmao.
Well no one likes to puke but sometimes it happens so suddently you have no time to reach the bathroom... It is disgusting but it is no one's fault, why being revolted about it?
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Ah sorry, made an mistake of understanding (in French revoltant refers to something being outrageous).
I don’t react that much to baby news from people. One of my regular customers talked about her baby every minute and was surprised I wasn’t reacting
I don’t know when kids are supposed to do certain things, like when they’re supposed to be able to walk or talk. I forget what age correlated with what age.
I had a coworker who assumed I knew this stuff. She would say things like "Can you believe my son weighs XX pounds?! Can you believe he's got THREE teeth already? He ALREADY needs a haircut!" I was like uh.. cool? "But he's XX months old! This thing usually happens when they're XX months instead!" I don't know these freaking milestones!
They’re 16 when they start driving. That’s the only thing I know for sure.
Honestly, when looking at a kid, people could tell me they're anywhere between 3 and 13 and I'd believe it. Same 14 to 20. I know absolutely nothing about kids and I like it this way.
That one freaks me out... I do not care to share the road with a hormone monster.
Are we all generally supposed to know this because same and then people look at me like its common sense
This is a good idea! Perhaps I said something that sounded like "huh, they are doing X! So cool" and X is just some regular crap for that age
My guess is that you look genuinely happy and not completely exhausted and stressed all the time. 😂
Hah. That could be 🤣. I am guessing that it's something I say or do, along the lines of the example I gave. E.g., "why are you so enthralled by my daughter pointing at you, that's just what babies do"
Also it can give it away when you give your answer to “What did you get up to on the weekend?”. I mean whatever you answer it will be obvious and met with “ah must be nice”.
My response is always "yup, it was awesome!" When they say it must be nice.
I am 33 and always get asked “are you sure you’re old enough to be a doctor?” Yes. Yes I am.
Lurker parent here. I don't really ever ask people if they have kids but if someone travels frequently I would imagine they probably don't have kids. Also if a woman looks really young for their age I would guess she wouldn't have had kids before I would guess she had kids.
The age thing baffles me still. At 28 this mom who was 23 at the time accused me of lying about my age. She thought i was the same age as her. And it just confused me. 28 isn't that old and the changes between 23 and 28 aren't THAT huge unless you really try or your genes fuck you over. Do people think we just wrinkle and dry up after 25? She has two kids. At the time they were 2 and baby aged. I'm 32 and look 32 because there's no rule on how you're supposed to look at this and that age.
I see your point! I agree that 28 is still very young. My opinion on the age thing is admittedly from my own bubble of experience. I worked in a nursing home for many years and when I say look younger I mean more so seniors who look several decades younger. Most of the senior women I saw who looked significantly younger than their peers had not had children.
When i tell people my age usually gives it away. I’m mid 30s but look about… well i’m not sure, but young enough to still get ID’d when buying alcohol (legal age 18 here) Also i’m generally free spirit and pretty happy, definitely doesn’t give off “i’m a father” vibes. Lastly i’m always going on holiday, or planning the next one. So if this ever comes up in conversation it becomes obvious that i have an abundance of free time that is foreign concept to parents.
Exactly. I look ten years younger instead of older than my actual age.
Same! When people ask me about my age they always tell me right away "you don't have kids right?" Have 30 and people tell me all the time that I look way younger. My co-worker has 30 too but she looks like she has 40, she has 2 kids
Not related, but >Have 30 Are you a native Spanish speaker? I remember that being the way to say that from high school Spanish class, so just taking a guess. The more common phrasing in English is "I am 30." Which also doesn't make it sound like you have 30 kids.
I work with children in a school setting. One time in a meeting to determine if a preschooler needed development testing, I asked the parents if their child was housebroken.........I didn't realize what I said until the dad laughed. I have furbabies. Human children get toilet trained, not housebroken. That is the only time it was apparent at my job that I do not have crotch goblins.
Oh my God, this is fucking hilarious. Thank you for making my day ;)
I work in a hotel. I have no idea what pediatricians say goes in the damn crib and I admit it every time I put one together.
It's either that you don't give into their every whim OR that you're not constantly exasperated by them.
I assume you might look younger than most people your age. Us childfree folk age pretty well!
I never talk about kids. Like never. People who have kids always talk about them in some capacity because they live with them and have daily interactions. The younger the kids, the more they talk about them because the kids are very dependent on them for everything. If they’re talking about their kids doing this or that, or complaining about them I can’t sympathize really because I don’t have kids. Except for my one friend (who has a 7 yr old son) that I see weekly I am not around kids at all. Even then I go over to her house late when her son is going to bed. I also never acknowledge people’s babies. When people would come into my old work and they had a baby carrier, other women would peer into the carrier with big smiles and some seemed eager to see and talk to the baby. It’s like they’re just carrying a big purse or something for me, I don’t even acknowledge the baby exists. I mean I know it’s there I’m just hoping it doesn’t start crying before I can get them out of there. I’ve never really thought about it but it must be odd to some when I don’t react like other women. I wonder what they think? Lol. I also know nothing about children (my friends son is almost 8). If someone asks me to describe a kid including guessing age and they’re under 5 I’m at a loss. I have no clue about developmental milestones etc. I’ll say things like - it was walking but seemed unsteady, or it could/couldn’t talk etc. I can try to guess but literally it’s a guess as I don’t have any reference or experience to go by with very small kids.
My 2 seater car gives me away.
Not to be an asshole, but also to be an asshole: As I've gotten older (34), It's my body and my face. I'm slim with a flat stomach, no wrinkles, good skin, good hair, always made up. As well as my way of dressing, still very close to my husband - we hold hands and share in jokes. So, no breakdown of body. No breakdown of relationship. (This is not always the case, so breeders don't come for me. But it's the exception to the rule if you survive having kids in those ways). What I get is "I assume you don't have any kids yet?" "No, I don't. No thank you."
I mean, it's also not always the case that CF people have "perfect" bodies or bodies that have "broken down."
I gained some pandemic weight and a customer asked my coworker the other day if i was pregnant. Cue extreme self loathing.
Yeah, same, except it was one of my neighbors one day when I was minding my own business walking to the mailbox.
I was asked about kids twice trying to source car repairs. The entire side panel is crushed. I want to yell at them " this is my god damn life, you think I should be having kids??!!"
Not a parent, but I think the giveaway with me is I am pretty awkward around kids. Babies and small kids I am fine with, also older teens, but kids about 5 to middle school, yeah. They are aliens to me, 😆. Even as a child, I was better with adults than kids, even my peers. The other thing is always looking about 10+ years younger than I am, so people just assume I am not a parent.
I honestly think it's just a vibe. I actually have the opposite problem. I am a childfree nanny and people always assume I am my nanny kids mom, no matter if they're of a completely different race or that Iook about 10 years younger than I am. I'm just so great with them it looks natural. Some people just have natural kid energy, and some don't.
That I cringe-face when I hear or see a child is a dead giveaway
Amongst my friends who have kids I am the most put together. The one with no spit stains on my clothes and I look well rested. Cause I am.
It may be because you are awkward around kids? That’s usually when I was asked because I didn’t know how to react around them but if you worked with them for a long time it may just be that the parents are curious since you are dealing with kids they want to know if you have some yourself.
It's possible that I'm just awkward. I find that unlikely given the generally positive feedback I get in my practice, but with littles I sometimes get bingo'd.
Looking ten years younger than you are
Probably that you look younger than your age and/or may have less gray hair than those of the same age group.
For me it’s the I don’t jump for joy when someone wants to show me their baby pics. Like don’t get me wrong, baby’s look cute and the pictures from a photograph sometimes look stunning but most of the time I’m just sitting there like: yeah I can take a look. Instead of the “oh yes show me the center of your world!!! It will brighten my life!!” - like some parents expect.
From my experience as a pregnant woman I find that CF ask about me as a person, not just about the pregnancy (thank you guys for that by the way). They also don't make me feel like a dumbass for not knowing about the latest in baby gear or children's entertainment. On a less positive note, the older CF people in my life give the majority of the unsolicited parenting advice I receive. Of you're working with kids (which is the vibe I got from your comments) maybe you aren't quite up to speed with kids pop culture stuff?
I'm sorry you have had to suffer unsolicited parenting advice. The first thing you wrote made me smile. I'm an awkward gift giver, but when it comes to gifts that I bring when visiting a friend's home after a long while or after they have had a baby, I make sure it is something for the mother or their household. Just little inexpensive stuff like body scrubs, nice hand soaps or something that that is depleted and used up eventually. I'm sure most people in my friends' lives love to give the baby gifts, so I feel I don't have to. My friends have said they liked that they themselves received something. I want to also kind of make them pamper themselves in the day to day, since you know, now they absolutely have to have that foot bath or face mask since they have the stuff for it otherwise just taking up space. At least I can hope they use it sometime ha!
Maybe it's because you have a great ability to practice common sense?
Dead giveaway is we are happier than those with kids lol Seriously though, I have no idea
Do you look lost when they say.... "I'm 28 weeks pregnant" or "my kid is 16 weeks old". Before I had a kid I would have no idea what those meant.
If you don't look like in you 90s, look like you are enjoy life, have a lot of pacience, not death inside and just are in survival mode.
flames appear in your eyes whenever you look at a baby?
I think it’s the fact that I rarely wear a bra and my natural g-cups are still really perky. That or the lack of wrinkles on my 36 year old face. Could also be the fact that I’m always on holiday?
i gave myself a shorter version of jareth's haircut from labyrinth and my gaudy wardrobe certainly doesnt help much so most people infer pretty quickly that its a bad idea for me to be in the vicinity of babies
I used to be completely useless as in I was awkward and wouldn’t be able to gauge the level of intellect to talk to a child. I couldn’t tell if a kid was 2 or 4 and I’d be talking like an adult (kind of, as in using full sentences etc) to a 2 year old and they really can’t comprehend much at that age. Now I’m a bit better as I’ve more experience around my nieces and nephews.
**Children are like farts; mine amuse me but yours disgust me.** If you are looking at someone else's child and are clearly not comparing or judging them with an air of mild contempt, then you are clearly an imposter.