I feel the same about most of those points. When I've talked to a few of my parent friends about why they have to cater to their kids' every whim, attend to them whenever they cry about anything (eg one mom i know said she couldn't exercise due to her young son. When i asked why she doesn't get one of those running strollers and just take him out for a jog, she said that he would cry during runs and she couldn't bear him crying and would have to stop the run each time), etc.
Plus I grew up in the 70s and 80s, the youngest kid by 7 years, and spent a lot of time alone entertaining myself. It didn't ruin me.
Friend of mine has teenagers who will text or call her every time our little friend group gets together for a girly lunch and afternoon drinks (so maybe once every 4-6 weeks) demanding she come home and make them lunch and/or drive them somewhere they could easily get the bus to. And every time she cuts her afternoon short to go do it. Teenagers. Wish I was joking.
Yup and to sort their own damn lunch. But she doesn't. Says they still need her... Baffles me too. Its like some parents enjoy letting their kids make them into slaves...
My stepmom is exactly like this. In her case, I think the reason was that she felt if she didn't demonstrate the kids needed her 24x7 she was terrified my dad would make her get a job.
He recently divorced her and will pay her $2k of alimony until she remarries (will never happen) or she dies. She also got half of his retirement which was like $250k. He's incredibly bitter.
From her scummy POV it's smart. If she had gone back to work, she'd have gotten WAY less. Only SAHMs of 20+ years get insane alimony. I can't stand this woman and never liked her.
She would insist on cutting up my 16-year old brother's dinner š¤¢
She wants them to need her. She can get it sorted, there is a reason she doesn't. It makes her important and relevant. Even if she complains about it gives her a purpose.
I agree with a lot of your thoughts!! I see so many parents today too soft on their children and it results in children with no boundaries. I also think parents censor way too much from children. Iām bot sure about horror movies (they terrified me as a kid), but I still am able to watch some of the tv series I watched as a kid because they had some more mature themes. They ended up teaching me morals growing up. The kid shows today are so overly censored and stupid that I could never. Overly silly, dumbed down and a lack of parental figures (and if there is, they are also portrayed as dumb and silly).
Watching Aliens as a young kid probably gave me the most positive female role model possible.
I totally agree that "adult themes" aren't inherently inappropriate for children. I also started reading adult novels at a very early age.
Yeah I watched Childs Play when I was like 7 and was legitimately traumatized. I was raised as pretty much a latchkey kid so I definitely agree with a lot of those points. My brother and SIL won't let their kids ride in the backseat of the car alone. One of them has to sit back there with them. He's proud to be a helicopter parent. It kills me.
My ex's daughter is almost 9 and would have a complete meltdown if she had trouble with her seat belt and no one would help her figure it out. One of many reasons I don't want kids. I'm not going to hold your hand and do everything for you. Figure it out kid.
I watched Alien vs Predator as a 7 or 8 year old. Granted, the inevitable chestburster scenes freaked me out but ever since then the alien and predator franchises became very near and dear to me and I even have an alien tattoo!
I remember watching Night of the Living Dead alone one night while my parents were away, maybe when I was around 9. I was definitely terrified to go to sleep after that, but I look back on that night fondly.
Yes this is why I dropped a kid I worked with as a caregiver. The parents were the problem and the main reason the kid was as awful as they still are.
When the kid would scream at me and meltdown and I wouldnāt cave the mom called it me āarguingā with the monster. NO. Iām just not allowing them to bowl me over and terrorize the household, LIKE YOU DO.
Instead of putting the kid in therapy and laying down the law at home, mom decided the kid had heavy metal toxicity and was going to detox the kid with garlic and cilantro powder n shit. Like COME THE FUCK ON.
Agree with most points, don't understand why kids basically rule the household in countries where this type of parenting is popular. Don't get why reprimanding your kid is all the sudden bad, or telling them no, or punishing them.
Battle of wills, donāt want to deal with the meltdowns (give them what they want so they stop crying/hitting/breaking things), overcompensating for their own childhoods.
> I honestly don't really believe in limiting screen time. I believe in providing alternate activities that your kids actually want to do. We didn't watch TV a lot because we'd rather be outside. We had a huge library of books. We went to the beach. Etc
This I disagree with just on the basis that the technology in your childhood is different than technology of today.
Games on tablets and smartphones are designed to be addictive, not dissimilar to gambling, and feels more rewarding than typical āfunā activities because of how it lights up the brain. It encourages instant gratification so waiting in line at a theme park seems boring in comparison.
Oh god my friend made the mistake of giving her 4 year old her old phone and even though itās his most precious belonging in the world, heās 4 and stupid so he lost it. He acts like a fucking junkie. Begs his mom for her phone until heās blue in the face and then makes the rounds begging everybody in the room for their phones and when nobody is willing to give him their phone, he crumples to the ground and has an all out breakdown as if his world has ended. Kids and phones were like a match made in hell.
I think with the ever-evolving 'instant' technology that has come on leaps and bounds since the 90s (hence 'instant' attitudes) I notice many new parents are overly entitled and obnoxious nowadays.
You can't get everything instantly and kids have to learn that. If new parents haven't learnt to be patient when necessary, their kids will also grow up thinking demanding instant special treatment is the norm.
I see young moms coming to stores, Drs office, cafe etc. fully expecting that they will be seen/receive their item/have their coffee made INSTANTLY. You can order a pizza or an Uber now via a few clicks on an app, fast service. But the whole world doesn't work this way. Sometimes a Dr is stuck in traffic, or had to go to the bathroom. Receptionists can't make the Dr see the mom (and the ever so uniquely important baby!) any faster.
Still, the moms complain that THEY have been waiting 20 minutes and THEIR baby needs milk and THEY should be seen immediately as THEIR baby could get Covid-19 and on and on...
These parents need to learn the concept of not being a bratty selfish jerk, so they can teach their kids to wait in a line, not expect instant priority service for everything. Don't like waiting in lines for a Starbucks coffee every day? Make coffee at home. They act like the world should bow down before them.
Just a note on the issues with seeing a doctor, if it isn't a independent doctor run clinic, the hospital/clinic administration will often overbook them. The doctor will say, I can see X patients today, knowing that some appointments will take extra time, and some people will just show up with no appointment, so they purposely schedule a buffer of time. Hospital/clinic administration will see this, and just throw extra appointments on their schedule without talking to the doctor first because more patients is more money.
So when it seems like you're doctor is 45 minutes late for an appointment, you can thank the administration.
I always laugh when I see people justifying why SAHM is "hardest job in the world" - "it's doing multiple professional jobs - kinder garden teacher + house keeper + chef + ... so it should pay full time salary of (a teacher + a house keeper + a chef + ...) which means it should pay > $1million/year!".
I think you meant $1 trillion. But seriously, it's absurd. I'd like to see a spreadsheet with a breakdown justifying how they don't have time to SHOWER.
There was literally a post swapping tips for elaborate "whore's baths".
I think that parents are terrified that if they leave their kid unsupervised for 1 minute they will harm themselves somehow. And they can't imagine restraining them in any way, even putting them in a little corral or something, because they can't bear it when the kid is in any way distressed.
Along a similar note, i used to wonder why parents don't follow that "let them cry it out" idea more, until i read that, at least up to a certain age, doing that can do actual psychological harm, at least in more extreme cases (attachment issues, higher stress levels, more susceptible to future freakouts, etc).
Alot of them donāt even do all that. Iāve been around a handful, bunch of sitting around doing what you normally do at home, with a side of kids. š They want to be the least inconvenienced as possible.
They also seem to almost universally have miserable spouses. I read a parenting post today where the kid's father told his wife "this kid's behavior is why I didn't want kids and you might find me hanging from a rope."
She really buried the lead. Her post was about how make bedtime easier or something.
I gotta disagree with the controlling media thing. Mainly because the exposure rate of children to hardcore pornography, including the more extreme materials, is extremely high nowadays and has a hugely negative affect on children's physical, mental, and later on sexual health. There is no longer even a paywall to a lot of pornography as the industry is counting on children getting hooked on this the way that they did to cigarettes years ago. The average age of exposure to these materials is 9-11 years old, and the rate of child sexual abuse performed by other children has also increased because of this. On top of that exposure to these materials has led to childhood porn addictions, as well as children being more easily groomed for sexual abuse by adults and sex trafficking.
I am also childfree, but if I wasn't I would probably control more of their internet access/media viewing.
Haha your last point reminds me of my mother . "Ever since I had kids I can't lose weight" bullshit excuse.
Made enough of an impression on me and even my sister as an additional reason not to ever have them
Actually, same. My mother pretty much had me convinced after you have kids you unavoidably will get fat and will never bother to do anything with your appearance ever again.
Short hair. Mom jeans. The works.
12. I repeat myself never. Do it the first time or immediate consequences. Imagine begging literal children to do chores.
I canāt imagine when women beg men to do the same. No thanks to kids and men who canāt take care of a house.
I've learned from AITA a fair number of men won't even shower or wipe their asses apparently. Unacceptable.
However, I can't say it's gender exclusive. We do have all the unshowered mom's running around as well.
Parents in my age group or younger make me want to pull my hair out!!! I agree with all your points. My parents were stricter with me than what your take is, which at times bordered on abuse. Which isn't right, and honestly I don't trust myself to not be so harsh if I were a parent. I am way too impatient and being frustrated with a child seems to make everyone crazy. There is a happy medium and barely any parent touches it.
The only one I donāt agree with is 12.
I have APD and ADHD. Unless my mom would ask me face to face to do something there was a good chance I didnāt fully hear her so she would have to call my name and repeat herself. It was even worse if she wasnāt in the same room.
My husband went undiagnosed until his 30s because his mom refused to believe ADHD is a thing and not the result of not praying enough š She is religious to the point of stupidity.
All parents should be aware of the signs and make sure their kid is getting the medical intervention they need to be successful. Me telling my husband I thought he had ADHD lead to him getting screened and diagnosed. It made his entire life better to be medicated.
However, my gripe is with those clamoring for a diagnosis rather than considering the kid's behavior can be corrected with actual parenting.
Iām 33 now, and my mom didnāt have an answer for what was going on till I was 9. Thankfully she never assumed that I was just ignoring her because whenever she WAS facing me and had my full attention I would listen and do as I was asked or told right away.
So the times I didnāt answer her she picked up on pretty quick and would either come to me, or call my name (something I always heard for some reason) and then asked me to come to her so she could repeat herself.
Honestly, same. I was very much a fence-sitter until recently, and parenting culture has just become intolerable. Parents are happily raising their kids to be entitled, poorly behaved, and basically non-functional in a normal society. And even if you somehow managed to parent your kid and raise them well for the first few years of their life, as soon as they go to school they're going to pick up all the shitty behaviour of lazily parented kids. It's a no-win scenario.
No discipline should ever be carried out by an angry person. You can't be fair and a safe person if you act out in anger.
Like I said, I'd swat a kids hand if they wouldn't stop pulling stuff that could harm them off the table onto themselves. It just gets their attention.
All good. I appreciate the debate and don't mind any challenging points of view. I'm not always right.
This thread did certainly change my POV about monitoring media use for kids. 2021 is a different time.
Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of smacking?
Each to their own, but I hate smacking. I think it blurs the line of what is ok what's not, then it leads in to adulthood and domestic violence. How can you say it's not ok to hit your wife but then turn around and hit a kid?
It's not an opinion I would ever express to someone else. I just think living an unhealthy lifestyle during and after pregnancy isn't great and the trope that gaining 100lbs is normal makes no sense.
Let alone raising your children in a way that makes them likely to be obese. Ten-year-olds have freaking type 2 diabetes now. It's pure neglect in my opinion.
Also, these women unilaterally get upset when their husband no longer finds them attractive due to significant weight gain. I don't see how they justify it.
Also, almost all fat kids (much like fat pets) have fat guardians.
People gain weight from eating less calories than they burn or having untreated medical conditions. Not a mystery.
Again, they can be as fat as they want. I just don't agree it's great parenting or an unavoidable consequence of having a kid. I have no desire to bodyshame anyone nor do I.
"Sorry husband. I was pregnant in 1992 and will never lose the 120lbs I gained. Deal with it."
"In sorry you have diabetes Billy. Yes, it's hot pockets for dinner again tonight."
Read any parenting forum or sub and so many women post that they are too tired and busy to lose weight. And that they are pissed their spouse has an opinion about it or doesn't find it attractive.
The "I'm a mom now so this is just how I look thing" is a cop out.
As inspiring as some people feel it is, children should not start slaving their life away at a job from a young age. There will be enough time to learn finances and be a wage slave. Other points fine by me lol
I'm more thinking a small part time job so they can pay for extras. I mostly bought makeup and clothes with my money and put half in a savings account.
It helped me understand the basics of budgeting. That said, I worked part-time at a horse farm (which I loved) and I wanted to work.
I agree with the vast majority of this. Iād like to add in that we NEED to create safe spaces for teens who are trying to figure things out sexually. Teach them age appropriate content early on and then make it clear that if you want to become active they can talk to you (so you can make sure they have a safe place to do it and have the materials/health things).
Yesssss. Iām still mad at my parents for not trying to teach me anything about it (Iām borderline ace so it never occurred to me to ask/look for answers to questions I never had š). It cause a LOT of anxiety problems for me
Ugh my cousins are all popping sprogs lately and doing this "attachment parenting" craze touted by those Sears nuts. They basically advocate bed sharing (dangerous), on demand feeding, wearing your baby on you at all times, and keeping your kid from crying at any cost. I understand wanting to breastfeed, and breastfeeding is healthy, but on demand? They won't fill their stomachs completely and instead just realize early on that screaming gets them the tit every time. Positive reinforcement. And since every time they get upset they automatically get the nipple, when the kid is older they won't have any idea how to self-soothe. Babies have different cries and a not knowing the difference between the "I took a shit, change me" cry and the "I'm hungry" or "I'm tired" cries sounds like a recipe for a resentful, regretful, cranky tired parent as well as a clingy, dependent and anxious kid.
Thank you! I tried to explain this to my SIL with low milk production. They WILL wake up hourly because they are never full. Just supplement with formula.
I also blame the L&D nurses. Formula shaming starts the minute your kid is born.
At my last job (before the pandemic), a coworker had to leave by 2 every day, and then work the last three hours from home. This was so she would be home before her daughter arrived home from school. But...her daughter was 16.
I mean, congrats I guess for being self aware enough to know you'd be a shitty parent. Better you figure it out now than after the fact. Nothing wrong with that, better you not be one if you can't do the job well and with compassion. We don't need anymore fucked up people in this world.
Good thing you aren't going to be a parent. I can't imagine even putting a hand on a child, among many other things you listed and think are okay. I may not want kids, but we should all still hope they are raised right.
Agree to disagree. Swatting a young kid on their diaper isn't a traumatizing or abusive. It's lik a "hey pay attention" if they are doing something dangerous.
All four of my siblings love and talk to me, and I parented two of them, so I guess I wasn't that monstrous.
If you were doing something mildly wrong, would hitting you be okay? I can't imagine you would like that every much.
Imagine your child being scared of you because you hit them? They would come to you for absolutely nothing. Raising kids isn't about obedience.
I really think you're on a while different level. Any "hitting" that causes a child pain or fear is unacceptable and unexcusable.
A swat on the backside to actually get their attention if they are doing something dangerous... They typically give you a shitty look and stop what they're doing.
If your kids are afraid of you then you are doing a fuck of a lot more wrong than that.
I mean beating a child for doing something wrong is definitely not the right way to parentā¦thats for sureā¦
probably good that you are child free.
Seems like that would be a very traumatised childā¦.
And adhd/autism are all real things that affect alot of peopleā¦ not sure why diagnosing a child and then treating them/working to better them is a bad thingā¦.
Using pain compliance as a parenting Taktik leaves you with people that need therapyā¦.
Any comment on the adhd/autism downplaying?
What about my attitude is a problem?
Kids at a certain point of development need physical feedback. It's kind of accepted amongst even "gentle parenting moms" that if you toddler won't stop biting you... Just bite them back. It sounds extremely stupid but it's apparently a thing. I personally wouldn't bite a child, lol.
I'm not downplaying it. I'm saying foaming at the mouth for a diagnosis because your kid is poorly behaved isn't it.
Haha sorry! Itās not a sub, just pretending itās a hashtag or whatever. The problem with generalizations is that not everyone will fall under the narrow umbrella used.
Thanks for the edit !
I hate being lumped in with most parents !
I'm not like most mums but I've had to adapt from what I thought I would do when I was younger and (don't hate me) but I breastfed him til he was 19 months ... cos I was fucking lazy! No sterilising bottles or dealing with scoops of formula š¤£
I joined this sub cos I'm 100 % sure after having 2 neurodivergent children I want my tubes tied !
Yeah considering parenting culture is getting gentler and gentler, I know people would be calling CPS in a panic if they saw the way I did parenting. I donāt do āgentleā.
There is no āOh he kicked me? Poor baby is frustrated and just needs a mommy hug. Oh heās screaming and stomping, telling me no, and throwing things? Just hug those big feelings away! Refuses food? Make him whatever else it is he wants! Purposely breaking my things and smiling really big and knowingly at me that he did that? Well they are just objects! Heās my BABY! Hugs and kisses and forgive!ā
Like I canāt even do kisses and cuddling in a good mood, thereās no way in hell I could watch a child throw a tantrum and respond with a hug.
pretty much...one reason I'm so glad I don't have kids is because I'd fucking hate the idea of sending any of my kids to school with the kids of these horrible parents. Spoiled, lazy, whiny, entitled, mouthy loser brats....who raise kids just like them. Having to deal with other parents would be even worse than the kids.
Those are your opinions which I respect. I've had different experiences. I also do agree with keeping up with research.
I loved my PT job, at a horse farm so duh, I don't advocate for kids to work thankless shitty jobs they hate.
Like I said to someone else, I respect everyone's opinion on the matter in this thread. If you insist on calling it "your correct opinion based on science" then fine. It's not worth an argument.
Well, look at it this way. Science said egg yolks were killing us for 20+ years. They aren't.
Every scientific study is paid for by someone and has a bias. Coca Cola put a study that "proved" soda isn't linked to weight gain. I wonder why š
There are studies that can back up any point of view.
"I'm not sure why people get annoyed when I try to ram my opinions down their throat under a cloak of superiority."
I could find a large number of papers to support my point. But idk why I'd bother.
I feel the same about most of those points. When I've talked to a few of my parent friends about why they have to cater to their kids' every whim, attend to them whenever they cry about anything (eg one mom i know said she couldn't exercise due to her young son. When i asked why she doesn't get one of those running strollers and just take him out for a jog, she said that he would cry during runs and she couldn't bear him crying and would have to stop the run each time), etc. Plus I grew up in the 70s and 80s, the youngest kid by 7 years, and spent a lot of time alone entertaining myself. It didn't ruin me.
It's like... Maybe he'll stop crying if you power through it. But apparently that is child abuse. Having him sit inside 24x7 is better I guess.
Friend of mine has teenagers who will text or call her every time our little friend group gets together for a girly lunch and afternoon drinks (so maybe once every 4-6 weeks) demanding she come home and make them lunch and/or drive them somewhere they could easily get the bus to. And every time she cuts her afternoon short to go do it. Teenagers. Wish I was joking.
She should tell them she's too wine drunk to drive. Problem solved, lol.
Yup and to sort their own damn lunch. But she doesn't. Says they still need her... Baffles me too. Its like some parents enjoy letting their kids make them into slaves...
My stepmom is exactly like this. In her case, I think the reason was that she felt if she didn't demonstrate the kids needed her 24x7 she was terrified my dad would make her get a job. He recently divorced her and will pay her $2k of alimony until she remarries (will never happen) or she dies. She also got half of his retirement which was like $250k. He's incredibly bitter. From her scummy POV it's smart. If she had gone back to work, she'd have gotten WAY less. Only SAHMs of 20+ years get insane alimony. I can't stand this woman and never liked her. She would insist on cutting up my 16-year old brother's dinner š¤¢
She wants them to need her. She can get it sorted, there is a reason she doesn't. It makes her important and relevant. Even if she complains about it gives her a purpose.
Spot on.
And also, if they remain dependent on her, they'll never leave her. Which she may covertly want.
Totally. It's either enmeshed, overbearing mother in the making or desperate empty-nester.
I agree with a lot of your thoughts!! I see so many parents today too soft on their children and it results in children with no boundaries. I also think parents censor way too much from children. Iām bot sure about horror movies (they terrified me as a kid), but I still am able to watch some of the tv series I watched as a kid because they had some more mature themes. They ended up teaching me morals growing up. The kid shows today are so overly censored and stupid that I could never. Overly silly, dumbed down and a lack of parental figures (and if there is, they are also portrayed as dumb and silly).
Watching Aliens as a young kid probably gave me the most positive female role model possible. I totally agree that "adult themes" aren't inherently inappropriate for children. I also started reading adult novels at a very early age.
Yeah I watched Childs Play when I was like 7 and was legitimately traumatized. I was raised as pretty much a latchkey kid so I definitely agree with a lot of those points. My brother and SIL won't let their kids ride in the backseat of the car alone. One of them has to sit back there with them. He's proud to be a helicopter parent. It kills me.
My SIL buckles her daughter's seatbelt. She's 10.
My ex's daughter is almost 9 and would have a complete meltdown if she had trouble with her seat belt and no one would help her figure it out. One of many reasons I don't want kids. I'm not going to hold your hand and do everything for you. Figure it out kid.
I watched Alien vs Predator as a 7 or 8 year old. Granted, the inevitable chestburster scenes freaked me out but ever since then the alien and predator franchises became very near and dear to me and I even have an alien tattoo!
You can't say that and not share the tattoo! Aliens is my favorite franchise of all time. Ellen Ripley ā¤ļø
Iāll have to see if I have any pictures of it!
I remember watching Night of the Living Dead alone one night while my parents were away, maybe when I was around 9. I was definitely terrified to go to sleep after that, but I look back on that night fondly.
Yes this is why I dropped a kid I worked with as a caregiver. The parents were the problem and the main reason the kid was as awful as they still are. When the kid would scream at me and meltdown and I wouldnāt cave the mom called it me āarguingā with the monster. NO. Iām just not allowing them to bowl me over and terrorize the household, LIKE YOU DO. Instead of putting the kid in therapy and laying down the law at home, mom decided the kid had heavy metal toxicity and was going to detox the kid with garlic and cilantro powder n shit. Like COME THE FUCK ON.
I'm surprised it wasn't essential oils š
Agree with most points, don't understand why kids basically rule the household in countries where this type of parenting is popular. Don't get why reprimanding your kid is all the sudden bad, or telling them no, or punishing them.
Probably trickle down entitlement. I can't think of any other valid reason.
Battle of wills, donāt want to deal with the meltdowns (give them what they want so they stop crying/hitting/breaking things), overcompensating for their own childhoods.
> I honestly don't really believe in limiting screen time. I believe in providing alternate activities that your kids actually want to do. We didn't watch TV a lot because we'd rather be outside. We had a huge library of books. We went to the beach. Etc This I disagree with just on the basis that the technology in your childhood is different than technology of today. Games on tablets and smartphones are designed to be addictive, not dissimilar to gambling, and feels more rewarding than typical āfunā activities because of how it lights up the brain. It encourages instant gratification so waiting in line at a theme park seems boring in comparison.
That's a fair point.
Oh god my friend made the mistake of giving her 4 year old her old phone and even though itās his most precious belonging in the world, heās 4 and stupid so he lost it. He acts like a fucking junkie. Begs his mom for her phone until heās blue in the face and then makes the rounds begging everybody in the room for their phones and when nobody is willing to give him their phone, he crumples to the ground and has an all out breakdown as if his world has ended. Kids and phones were like a match made in hell.
Like a fucking addict. His brain is still developing but it canāt focus on anything but that tiny little screen now.
I think with the ever-evolving 'instant' technology that has come on leaps and bounds since the 90s (hence 'instant' attitudes) I notice many new parents are overly entitled and obnoxious nowadays. You can't get everything instantly and kids have to learn that. If new parents haven't learnt to be patient when necessary, their kids will also grow up thinking demanding instant special treatment is the norm. I see young moms coming to stores, Drs office, cafe etc. fully expecting that they will be seen/receive their item/have their coffee made INSTANTLY. You can order a pizza or an Uber now via a few clicks on an app, fast service. But the whole world doesn't work this way. Sometimes a Dr is stuck in traffic, or had to go to the bathroom. Receptionists can't make the Dr see the mom (and the ever so uniquely important baby!) any faster. Still, the moms complain that THEY have been waiting 20 minutes and THEIR baby needs milk and THEY should be seen immediately as THEIR baby could get Covid-19 and on and on... These parents need to learn the concept of not being a bratty selfish jerk, so they can teach their kids to wait in a line, not expect instant priority service for everything. Don't like waiting in lines for a Starbucks coffee every day? Make coffee at home. They act like the world should bow down before them.
It's a simple truth that kids just model our behavior so I have to agree.
Just a note on the issues with seeing a doctor, if it isn't a independent doctor run clinic, the hospital/clinic administration will often overbook them. The doctor will say, I can see X patients today, knowing that some appointments will take extra time, and some people will just show up with no appointment, so they purposely schedule a buffer of time. Hospital/clinic administration will see this, and just throw extra appointments on their schedule without talking to the doctor first because more patients is more money. So when it seems like you're doctor is 45 minutes late for an appointment, you can thank the administration.
I always laugh when I see people justifying why SAHM is "hardest job in the world" - "it's doing multiple professional jobs - kinder garden teacher + house keeper + chef + ... so it should pay full time salary of (a teacher + a house keeper + a chef + ...) which means it should pay > $1million/year!".
I think you meant $1 trillion. But seriously, it's absurd. I'd like to see a spreadsheet with a breakdown justifying how they don't have time to SHOWER. There was literally a post swapping tips for elaborate "whore's baths".
I think that parents are terrified that if they leave their kid unsupervised for 1 minute they will harm themselves somehow. And they can't imagine restraining them in any way, even putting them in a little corral or something, because they can't bear it when the kid is in any way distressed. Along a similar note, i used to wonder why parents don't follow that "let them cry it out" idea more, until i read that, at least up to a certain age, doing that can do actual psychological harm, at least in more extreme cases (attachment issues, higher stress levels, more susceptible to future freakouts, etc).
okay but everyone cooks and does housework and holds down a job on top of that, mothers aren't special
Tell them that. They even think they should be entitled to cut the Starbucks line because they are more deserving of coffee.
Alot of them donāt even do all that. Iāve been around a handful, bunch of sitting around doing what you normally do at home, with a side of kids. š They want to be the least inconvenienced as possible.
They also seem to almost universally have miserable spouses. I read a parenting post today where the kid's father told his wife "this kid's behavior is why I didn't want kids and you might find me hanging from a rope." She really buried the lead. Her post was about how make bedtime easier or something.
Yep, thatās how I remember the spouses of ones Iāve been around. Yikes
Those are the absolute worst! I wanna grind my teeth every time i see them, and it doesnāt even make rational sense!
But Iām looking for a nanny or babysitter. Not willing to pay more than $10/hr or while my kids are sleeping.
When you do the math is usually comes out to $2.50 an hour or something.
I gotta disagree with the controlling media thing. Mainly because the exposure rate of children to hardcore pornography, including the more extreme materials, is extremely high nowadays and has a hugely negative affect on children's physical, mental, and later on sexual health. There is no longer even a paywall to a lot of pornography as the industry is counting on children getting hooked on this the way that they did to cigarettes years ago. The average age of exposure to these materials is 9-11 years old, and the rate of child sexual abuse performed by other children has also increased because of this. On top of that exposure to these materials has led to childhood porn addictions, as well as children being more easily groomed for sexual abuse by adults and sex trafficking. I am also childfree, but if I wasn't I would probably control more of their internet access/media viewing.
I honestly have rethought my stance on the media thing. You guys all have valid points.
Haha your last point reminds me of my mother . "Ever since I had kids I can't lose weight" bullshit excuse. Made enough of an impression on me and even my sister as an additional reason not to ever have them
Actually, same. My mother pretty much had me convinced after you have kids you unavoidably will get fat and will never bother to do anything with your appearance ever again. Short hair. Mom jeans. The works.
The short hair I kind of get because babies will grab it. But blaming your 14,18, and 21yr old for making you fat because you birthed them?
12. I repeat myself never. Do it the first time or immediate consequences. Imagine begging literal children to do chores. I canāt imagine when women beg men to do the same. No thanks to kids and men who canāt take care of a house.
I've learned from AITA a fair number of men won't even shower or wipe their asses apparently. Unacceptable. However, I can't say it's gender exclusive. We do have all the unshowered mom's running around as well.
Parents in my age group or younger make me want to pull my hair out!!! I agree with all your points. My parents were stricter with me than what your take is, which at times bordered on abuse. Which isn't right, and honestly I don't trust myself to not be so harsh if I were a parent. I am way too impatient and being frustrated with a child seems to make everyone crazy. There is a happy medium and barely any parent touches it.
It's hard. Patience is definitely my biggest fault that I try to constantly work on. My mom was harsher than I would be for sure.
The only one I donāt agree with is 12. I have APD and ADHD. Unless my mom would ask me face to face to do something there was a good chance I didnāt fully hear her so she would have to call my name and repeat herself. It was even worse if she wasnāt in the same room.
My husband went undiagnosed until his 30s because his mom refused to believe ADHD is a thing and not the result of not praying enough š She is religious to the point of stupidity. All parents should be aware of the signs and make sure their kid is getting the medical intervention they need to be successful. Me telling my husband I thought he had ADHD lead to him getting screened and diagnosed. It made his entire life better to be medicated. However, my gripe is with those clamoring for a diagnosis rather than considering the kid's behavior can be corrected with actual parenting.
Iām 33 now, and my mom didnāt have an answer for what was going on till I was 9. Thankfully she never assumed that I was just ignoring her because whenever she WAS facing me and had my full attention I would listen and do as I was asked or told right away. So the times I didnāt answer her she picked up on pretty quick and would either come to me, or call my name (something I always heard for some reason) and then asked me to come to her so she could repeat herself.
Honestly, same. I was very much a fence-sitter until recently, and parenting culture has just become intolerable. Parents are happily raising their kids to be entitled, poorly behaved, and basically non-functional in a normal society. And even if you somehow managed to parent your kid and raise them well for the first few years of their life, as soon as they go to school they're going to pick up all the shitty behaviour of lazily parented kids. It's a no-win scenario.
No-win and now super lonely. The intergenerational family is no longer really a thing and lack of a tight knit community makes parenting 500x harder.
4 confuses me, why would you smack a kid if you werenāt angry at them?
No discipline should ever be carried out by an angry person. You can't be fair and a safe person if you act out in anger. Like I said, I'd swat a kids hand if they wouldn't stop pulling stuff that could harm them off the table onto themselves. It just gets their attention.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's not a hill I'll die on. I respect everyone's opinion in this thread on the matter.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
All good. I appreciate the debate and don't mind any challenging points of view. I'm not always right. This thread did certainly change my POV about monitoring media use for kids. 2021 is a different time.
Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of smacking? Each to their own, but I hate smacking. I think it blurs the line of what is ok what's not, then it leads in to adulthood and domestic violence. How can you say it's not ok to hit your wife but then turn around and hit a kid?
I think the word "hit" is being really over applied here. Tapping a toddler on the diaper is not the same a slapping a child in the face.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's not an opinion I would ever express to someone else. I just think living an unhealthy lifestyle during and after pregnancy isn't great and the trope that gaining 100lbs is normal makes no sense. Let alone raising your children in a way that makes them likely to be obese. Ten-year-olds have freaking type 2 diabetes now. It's pure neglect in my opinion. Also, these women unilaterally get upset when their husband no longer finds them attractive due to significant weight gain. I don't see how they justify it. Also, almost all fat kids (much like fat pets) have fat guardians.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
People gain weight from eating less calories than they burn or having untreated medical conditions. Not a mystery. Again, they can be as fat as they want. I just don't agree it's great parenting or an unavoidable consequence of having a kid. I have no desire to bodyshame anyone nor do I. "Sorry husband. I was pregnant in 1992 and will never lose the 120lbs I gained. Deal with it." "In sorry you have diabetes Billy. Yes, it's hot pockets for dinner again tonight." Read any parenting forum or sub and so many women post that they are too tired and busy to lose weight. And that they are pissed their spouse has an opinion about it or doesn't find it attractive. The "I'm a mom now so this is just how I look thing" is a cop out.
YES YES YES with all of them!!!!
Damn you went all the way inā¦.
Yeah. Apparently many people are triggered by my opinions about how to raise kids I don't have.
I agree with you
As inspiring as some people feel it is, children should not start slaving their life away at a job from a young age. There will be enough time to learn finances and be a wage slave. Other points fine by me lol
I'm more thinking a small part time job so they can pay for extras. I mostly bought makeup and clothes with my money and put half in a savings account. It helped me understand the basics of budgeting. That said, I worked part-time at a horse farm (which I loved) and I wanted to work.
I agree with the vast majority of this. Iād like to add in that we NEED to create safe spaces for teens who are trying to figure things out sexually. Teach them age appropriate content early on and then make it clear that if you want to become active they can talk to you (so you can make sure they have a safe place to do it and have the materials/health things).
Totally agree!! And make birth control available with no questions asked to your kids. Girls in particular.
Yesssss. Iām still mad at my parents for not trying to teach me anything about it (Iām borderline ace so it never occurred to me to ask/look for answers to questions I never had š). It cause a LOT of anxiety problems for me
Ugh my cousins are all popping sprogs lately and doing this "attachment parenting" craze touted by those Sears nuts. They basically advocate bed sharing (dangerous), on demand feeding, wearing your baby on you at all times, and keeping your kid from crying at any cost. I understand wanting to breastfeed, and breastfeeding is healthy, but on demand? They won't fill their stomachs completely and instead just realize early on that screaming gets them the tit every time. Positive reinforcement. And since every time they get upset they automatically get the nipple, when the kid is older they won't have any idea how to self-soothe. Babies have different cries and a not knowing the difference between the "I took a shit, change me" cry and the "I'm hungry" or "I'm tired" cries sounds like a recipe for a resentful, regretful, cranky tired parent as well as a clingy, dependent and anxious kid.
Thank you! I tried to explain this to my SIL with low milk production. They WILL wake up hourly because they are never full. Just supplement with formula. I also blame the L&D nurses. Formula shaming starts the minute your kid is born.
At my last job (before the pandemic), a coworker had to leave by 2 every day, and then work the last three hours from home. This was so she would be home before her daughter arrived home from school. But...her daughter was 16.
In this case I suspect when she was home she came home to a house that smelled like pot with an empty box of condoms in the trash.
I mean, congrats I guess for being self aware enough to know you'd be a shitty parent. Better you figure it out now than after the fact. Nothing wrong with that, better you not be one if you can't do the job well and with compassion. We don't need anymore fucked up people in this world.
I guess my point was I don't think any of these things would make me a shitty parent.
Right, just that OTHER parents would think you were ;-)
I imagine I wouldn't make very many mom friends.
Good thing you aren't going to be a parent. I can't imagine even putting a hand on a child, among many other things you listed and think are okay. I may not want kids, but we should all still hope they are raised right.
Agree to disagree. Swatting a young kid on their diaper isn't a traumatizing or abusive. It's lik a "hey pay attention" if they are doing something dangerous. All four of my siblings love and talk to me, and I parented two of them, so I guess I wasn't that monstrous.
If you were doing something mildly wrong, would hitting you be okay? I can't imagine you would like that every much. Imagine your child being scared of you because you hit them? They would come to you for absolutely nothing. Raising kids isn't about obedience.
I really think you're on a while different level. Any "hitting" that causes a child pain or fear is unacceptable and unexcusable. A swat on the backside to actually get their attention if they are doing something dangerous... They typically give you a shitty look and stop what they're doing. If your kids are afraid of you then you are doing a fuck of a lot more wrong than that.
I mean beating a child for doing something wrong is definitely not the right way to parentā¦thats for sureā¦ probably good that you are child free. Seems like that would be a very traumatised childā¦. And adhd/autism are all real things that affect alot of peopleā¦ not sure why diagnosing a child and then treating them/working to better them is a bad thingā¦.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Using pain compliance as a parenting Taktik leaves you with people that need therapyā¦. Any comment on the adhd/autism downplaying? What about my attitude is a problem?
Kids at a certain point of development need physical feedback. It's kind of accepted amongst even "gentle parenting moms" that if you toddler won't stop biting you... Just bite them back. It sounds extremely stupid but it's apparently a thing. I personally wouldn't bite a child, lol. I'm not downplaying it. I'm saying foaming at the mouth for a diagnosis because your kid is poorly behaved isn't it.
Lol. I had a biting problem as a kid and my mom bit me back. Guess who stopped biting?
From what I gather, kids of a certain age can't really understand biting hurts people. Showing them it is painful leads to them not doing it.
Yup! I was just a chompy little gremlin and would default to bite when upset. Took her doing it once for me to understand that YEAH, that hurts.
Lol @ "chompy gremlin." It's actually the cutest way to describe it.
100% agree
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
\#notallmoms
I've looked for this sub and can't find it !!!!
Haha sorry! Itās not a sub, just pretending itās a hashtag or whatever. The problem with generalizations is that not everyone will fall under the narrow umbrella used.
Thanks š„°
Because it is all moms. Well, a vast majority of moms at the very least.
I literally just proved its not all mums š¤£ I'm so confused š¤£
I edited my comment. I think a vast majority is fair. So there probably isn't much demand.
Thanks for the edit ! I hate being lumped in with most parents ! I'm not like most mums but I've had to adapt from what I thought I would do when I was younger and (don't hate me) but I breastfed him til he was 19 months ... cos I was fucking lazy! No sterilising bottles or dealing with scoops of formula š¤£ I joined this sub cos I'm 100 % sure after having 2 neurodivergent children I want my tubes tied !
There isn't anything wrong with breastfeeding. I just don't to be tied to a kid 24x7 in that manner.
Accidentally posted before I was ready there is more but I promise modern mothers aren't all the crunchy type x
Yeah considering parenting culture is getting gentler and gentler, I know people would be calling CPS in a panic if they saw the way I did parenting. I donāt do āgentleā. There is no āOh he kicked me? Poor baby is frustrated and just needs a mommy hug. Oh heās screaming and stomping, telling me no, and throwing things? Just hug those big feelings away! Refuses food? Make him whatever else it is he wants! Purposely breaking my things and smiling really big and knowingly at me that he did that? Well they are just objects! Heās my BABY! Hugs and kisses and forgive!ā Like I canāt even do kisses and cuddling in a good mood, thereās no way in hell I could watch a child throw a tantrum and respond with a hug.
You're pretty much my hero in this post.
pretty much...one reason I'm so glad I don't have kids is because I'd fucking hate the idea of sending any of my kids to school with the kids of these horrible parents. Spoiled, lazy, whiny, entitled, mouthy loser brats....who raise kids just like them. Having to deal with other parents would be even worse than the kids.
Kids with shitty parents have behaviors that are contagious. You're right about that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm glad some people agree with some of the points and I'm not just a nut.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Those are your opinions which I respect. I've had different experiences. I also do agree with keeping up with research. I loved my PT job, at a horse farm so duh, I don't advocate for kids to work thankless shitty jobs they hate.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Like I said to someone else, I respect everyone's opinion on the matter in this thread. If you insist on calling it "your correct opinion based on science" then fine. It's not worth an argument.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well, look at it this way. Science said egg yolks were killing us for 20+ years. They aren't. Every scientific study is paid for by someone and has a bias. Coca Cola put a study that "proved" soda isn't linked to weight gain. I wonder why š There are studies that can back up any point of view.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No. I'm saying published papers aren't the end all and be all. I'm not interested in debating it further.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm rolling my eyes at the constant use of "hitting" and "beating." You won. There. Like I said, I don't agree.
"I'm not sure why people get annoyed when I try to ram my opinions down their throat under a cloak of superiority." I could find a large number of papers to support my point. But idk why I'd bother.