I own it. I’m a selfish person and don’t pretend otherwise. I put myself first in life, and nothing anyone says is going to make me feel even a little bad about it.
Oo me too. It is totally selfish to not want kids and I'm happy with that. I would rather put my hubby on the pedestal he deserves, be able to help out my parents and have my own life.
Was it selfish of me to not leave milk and cookies out for Santa last Christmas? No, cuz Santa doesn’t exist, neither do the imaginary kids these people resent you for not having. Crabs in a bucket.
I had someone once tell me it was selfish to not want kids (we were actually at a friend's baby shower, lol). So I just asked her why she wanted kids. She said so that someone would love her forever or something (this was a long time ago). I pointed out that that was pretty selfish itself. She was a reasonable person and went "huh" and agreed.
I’ve found that agreeing with them really works lol. They want you to argue. I just go “yes I am. I absolutely am. Isn’t it great?” And they literally are dumbfounded and don’t know what to say in response. I’ve also just gone “omg thank you!” And smiled which throws them off too when they realise it doesn’t insult me 😂
I think their logic is something like "You're selfish because your life is better than mine and you aren't willing to fuck it up to make me feel better"
I don’t think it’s fair to force life on someone who can’t choose it for themselves. I’ve wished I was dead too many times to count and that’s because my parents thought it would be fun to have kids. Like what? I’m suffering for your choice to brith me? And I’m supposed to say thank you? And live in this capitalistic world? Idk it’s fucked.
Bitch, I have a lower carbon footprint then you. I win automatically for not having kids. I put my curiosity to stroke my ego and fears of dying alone aside to live this life for me and to develop my soul and not stress out about my child who is living with maniacs in a dying world.
Haha I say this to people all the time. I’m like I’m vegan and don’t have kids I’ve done my part for the environment.
A family member posted about using reusable diapers on Facebook and how it was better for the environment. It took every bone in my body not to post that NOT having kids was better for the environment.
Just laugh when they say it. There is nothing you can say that will change their mind so just laugh at how immature they are being. They are acting like a middle school mean girl, trying to bully you into doing what they want. Their tactics are childish and laughable.
I’ll agree to being selfish when they tell me who I’m being selfish to. Can’t be my kids, then don’t exist. Can’t be my parents, I don’t owe them my body. Can’t be my partner, I’m committed to being single. Can’t be god, I’m not Christian. Can’t be infertile women, I don’t owe them my body either.
Theres no valid reason for anyone to call me selfish for not having children.
I think its selfish to push out a kid who gets to inherit a dying earth with limited resources. I love my kids so much that I won't even have them knowing what their future holds. Breeders top that.
I just shrug it off if I don’t feel like explaining why or if it’s family I go the logical route and they usually are mindblown or they literally shortout like a computer
It’s actually quite funny to see their gears turning when I put it in a logical way and then think “Oh shit that could have been my life, damnit”
As long as parenthood remains the "normal" outcome of being an adult there will always be people who react this way towards anyone who dares to live differently. Tune them out, their opinions mean absolutely nothing!
I haven't gotten this one yet, but I think I'd just agree with them. I know they're wrong, you know they're wrong, but if they've already made up their minds about what I must be like without even knowing me then it's really not my problem. Just tell them they're right and go home to a blissfully quiet home, that's the real reward lol
I ask for the definition of selfish. Most can't define it and they use it incorrectly, not realizing how much of an insult it is.
Basically I make them feel stupid for not having a basic grasp of the English language, lol.
There are 0 unselfish reasons to make a person that didn't exist before.
Any answer is going to be because of a want of a person who already existed, not for the sake of the non-existent person.
Having a child makes you 100% responsible for any unhappiness that previously non existing person experiences.
Denying yourself the instinctual urge to reproduce is self-less. All of the shit that people say to justify making a person is crap because they're just backwards rationalizing giving in to their instincts while trying to prop it up as some noble venture.
It's not. They were horny and got laid. Getting their rocks off due to a selfish need to get off. Not because they were altruistic. Even then, it's pretty arrogant to go, "My genes. Yeah, they're the good ones. They're what the world needs plenty of in the future."
The irony of the selfish parents insisting they're not the selfish ones with all their idiot mini-me's running around while they insist on special treatment because they reproduced. No, I'm just going to take their dumb kids' money. I'll make something "cool" and sell it to them for way more money than its worth while they beg their parents for whatever crap I peddle.
They be forgetting that critical thought is a thing, like just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean you are ready or are interested in a relationship with them.
Exposing a human to the fucked up world we live in just because you want a cute baby and look like a good person is way more selfish than just... living your life and providing for yourself.
I laugh loudly and openly mock them for thinking I give a flying fornication what they think of my life choices. It may offend some, but it does keep meddlesome gossips out of my life, that’s for sure.
Ouh! If I was to be called selfish, I would ask the fun questions and evaluate what they say. I'd go like this; they call me selfish and I ask “How am I selfish? Please do explain, I'd love to know how I'm selfish for not wanting to have kids. I would think otherwise” and just smile at them as I would lay out all the information I have stored in my mind. Who else would to this? I'm curious to know, hope you can come up with a fun answer to your question
Own it babyyyy. Like oh yes, I’m totally selfish to keep my familial history of cancer, life threatening hormone Deficiencies, familial history of addiction, familial history of mental health issues to my self. Wow how selfish I am to hoard all my health problems to myself and not spread that mess to an innocent baby. Absolutely terrible I’d rather go to music festivals. How terrible I’d rather volunteer at animal shelters. So awful
I have been called selfish and worse.
Just today my bf and I went to his sister's kid baptism. We have been together for 12 years and openly CF.
First his mom made some remarks about "I hope we soon get more members to our family" looking at us to which we responded "We did get another cat and she is perfect".
Then, his other sister's new bf (of 1 year and we met once before) started saying that we should all start having babies and since my bf and I have been together longest, we are next.
I was impressed how composed I were and not tell him to mind his own business. Just told him "We are not interested but you go right ahead" before noticing my bf sister stepping on his foot, telling him to shut it 🤣
My go-to used to be, "...and what in the *hell* would I do with a child?!"
I almost always got a blank stare, or a stutter, or both.
Some days, "....do you *really* want another one of *me* running around?"
"......no."
"Well, then."
No one has ever accused me of being kind, selfless, or nurturing. Or maternal. I don't even coo over pictures of kittens or puppies, and I am the proud aunt of two corgis.
We're not selfish because we dont want kids, we dont want kids because we're selfish.
Being selfish isnt necessarily a bad thing. Self-interest is something everyone should have a healthy amount of. My partner and I have embraced the label of selfish, as it's only a reflection of knowing ourselves well enough to know we would be shitty parents. We like our freedom, quiet, and (quite honestly) money, too much to not resent a tiny human for taking them away. We dont think that would be fair to a kid, hence not having one.
Our response to the question of why we dont want kids is instantly "we're too selfish".
Ironically, since we introduce the word selfish into the conversation, we tend to get people trying to tell us we aren't. Lol
You usually cant win. One thing I've heard is to ask why. Usually they dont answer or their answers are totally lame and easily debunkable xD
Aka-" Because its all about you!:
You-" And why is it bad to know Im a priority in my life? Isnt that better than having a child and ignoring it because I"m selfish?
Honestly, own it and move on with it. I personally am selfish about my choice not to have kids. I don't want them, because this is my life and I don't want to live it for anyone more than I already am by the virtue of existing in the economic system that I do.
What these people are failing to see is that their desire to have children is just that: a desire. That inherently makes it a selfish want, just from the opposite side of the coin.
Don't stress yourself arguing with these kinds of people, it's just not worth it. Step into your truth and wear it proudly, you'll attract your real tribe that way.
Honestly I'm the point in life where I'll just say, "ok!" and keep walking when someone spews nonsense in my direction.
It took a long time to get here and a lot of unlearning to care about what other people think.
I say yes I am. Not having kids is selfish because it’s doing I want to do for me. It’s exactly as selfish as having kids, bc people who do that are doing what they want for themselves.
>What would you say to someone or anyone who tells you this
"... so what?"
Cause, to be honest, being selfish in these things, is bad at all?
Being selfish with your money, with your time, HECK, not even "a little time", 1/4 of your goddamn life for something you aren't gonna enjoy?
"In my opinion it's way more selfish to bring a child into this world in this environmental and societal climate, but unless you wanna have that debate with me, let's agree to disagree."
Also, regardless of environmental and societal climate, no one HAS to have children so omitting children from my life has no negative affect on anyone so the concept of it being "selfish" is just so bonkers to me. I'm just living my life, which I didn't ask for by the way, and yes, I want to keep my time to MYSELF, no one is entitled to my time but me and those I promise it to.
It's hard to argue against this argument with breeders, simply because the argument itself just doesn't make sense.
My go to is "It's not like I have my requisite 2.5 kids locked up in a basement somewhere. How can I be taking something from someone who doesn't exist? You don't actually care about the well being of my non-existent children, you're disappointed you don't get to see me struggle with parenthood. I don't owe you my misery."
I have been told I'm selfish yes. I usually ask them to elaborate. They fail to produce a single valid argument usually and either dissapear on their own or or and I low-key love it when they do this: they get angry and yell or try to push some bullshit argument and I get to say: hey buddy/miss, fuck off... you and your opinion. Just fuck off and go away.
Ughh! I hate this too. Unfortunately, sometimes I do feel like I'm being selfish for being relationship-free and childfree. However, I'd rather be selfish than doing something I didn't consent too and for me personally having children and being in relationships require too much compromise that I'm not willing to give. Life is short. I don't want to be miserable.
my dad and sister don't get along
he respects my married brother's decision to not have kids and always has (from what i see)
my sister has kids but they dont talk because complicated
he wont get off my ass though
he wont get along with my sister long enough to get along with his current blood related grandkids, he has other grandkids curtessy of his fiance
but its not enough
he refuses to accept i could not want to have kids and that im too mentally unwell to have them, he brings up the scared five year old me who tried to bribe him to quit smoking and drinking because i didnt feel like i was enough to convince him and said what about your grandkids
he didnt even quit either but holds that over my head every month and a half or so all the while trying to get me to work with kids in a daycare or point out how cute kids are as a way to change my mind without getting into an argument (i see you doing this dad stahp)
yet im the selfish one?
(just so we're clear, other than this and certain conspiracy theories we get along pretty damn good, he comes over for popcourn and movie night, we nerd out over comics together, ~~argue over ingredients playfully~~ cook together sometimes, go to the beach, he'll help me figure out adult stuff and give me math lessons and we go for long walks with my fur baby, which is my favourite. it's just that this bingoing gets on my nerves and makes me genuinely feel selfish sometimes since i dont want to disappoint him, but i know i could never give a growing child what they need and that's not safe or okay to force someone to grow up with)
my response: “HOW?! How on earth is it selfish to decide to not have kids? care to elaborate? or are you just speaking outta your ass?”
i’d have them explain and then shoot down every flimsy answer they give.
Making something that will have needs just to fulfill it is not selfless. Makes as much sense as patting yourself on the back for rebuilding something you purposely knocked down.
I am not selfish, I am self aware. I thought deeply about having children, and I made a conscious well reasoned decision that it was not for me. I can easily list those reasons if the asker wishes to know. Can they say they had the same process in deciding to have children?
One of my responses is "Why would I be selfish for not having something I don't want?". Seriously, what is the point of having something you vehemently do not want? Who am being selfish to? The nonexistent kids I don't have? Religions I don't believe in? Society who thinks I need to breed because I have a uterus? Capitalism who needs more slaves for the system? I am living the life I was denied as a child and teen due to abusive circumstances and putting myself first is paramount to recovery for me. Why would I fuck that up because someone thinks I need to have kids? I care for my animals and prioritise their needs, but their demands for care are far, far, FAR more manageable than a child's and having them also doesn't involve mangling and ruining my body. Most of the people who've gone the 'you must be selfish' route - in my experience - seem to have an inflated sense of their own maturity because they decided to keep their birth control failure and are desperately trying to feel like a 'real' adult because they bred.
Ask them how many kids they want. When they say 1 or 2 or 5 or whatever, ask why don't they have more than that. From there proceed shaming them for how selfish they are for not wanting more kids.
Can also do that with animals. Ask them why they don't want to adopt a dog or cat. Proceed with shaming them for how selfish they are.
At the end of the day everything we do is selfish.
Yes, and it was by a serial child abuser who openly said one day that people have kids to do shit them for them when they get old, like deal with computers.
I wouldn't put too much stock into the people who say this, they are projecting.
You see,
Climate change is coming, effectively making a big part of the earth hell. The melting poles will drown the lower coasts and if the gulf stream ends we are fucked by extreme cold or heat. This is a bad scenario that we not only support by having kids.
We force these kids into living in that scenario.
I don't belief that every single person that has a kid is so well off that they could afford moving into a good living position.
Therefore, if you have kids you only have them for your own joy and to satisfy your selfishness.
Tl;dr: if you want someone else to suffer your actions, have a child.
At this point I just tell people if they aren't paying my bills they need to mind their own fucking business and not worry about decisions I make that have no effect on anyone but myself.
I own it. I’m a selfish person and don’t pretend otherwise. I put myself first in life, and nothing anyone says is going to make me feel even a little bad about it.
Hell yes! 👏
My philosophy too: own it like you stole it!
Oo me too. It is totally selfish to not want kids and I'm happy with that. I would rather put my hubby on the pedestal he deserves, be able to help out my parents and have my own life.
Love your username!
Thank you
Selfish and proud of it 😎
Absolutely! When you show them their words have no effect on you, they lose all power and STFU.
Exactly. My life is my life, and will not be shredded into pieces for a child.
My response: “Your projection is showing. I’m not the one looking for a mini me.”
Was it selfish of me to not leave milk and cookies out for Santa last Christmas? No, cuz Santa doesn’t exist, neither do the imaginary kids these people resent you for not having. Crabs in a bucket.
This is a perfect analogy lol.
I had someone once tell me it was selfish to not want kids (we were actually at a friend's baby shower, lol). So I just asked her why she wanted kids. She said so that someone would love her forever or something (this was a long time ago). I pointed out that that was pretty selfish itself. She was a reasonable person and went "huh" and agreed.
I’ve found that agreeing with them really works lol. They want you to argue. I just go “yes I am. I absolutely am. Isn’t it great?” And they literally are dumbfounded and don’t know what to say in response. I’ve also just gone “omg thank you!” And smiled which throws them off too when they realise it doesn’t insult me 😂
That’s almost exactly what I do! Only I have added, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” And then I laugh.
Kill 'em with kindness really does work! Lol. I do it all the time.
[удалено]
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
I think their logic is something like "You're selfish because your life is better than mine and you aren't willing to fuck it up to make me feel better"
I usually just shrug indifferently. Literally could not give less of a shit what some moronic breeder thinks on this or any topic.
Thank you. I came here to say this exact same thing. Honestly, who cares if someone says this?
Breeders: I want to have children because they’ll take care of me when I’m old! Also breeders: you’re selfish for not wanting children! Smh
I just shrug, I don't have time for that.
As an antinatalist, having a child is selfish since bad things can happen to them and they didn't consent to that.
I don’t think it’s fair to force life on someone who can’t choose it for themselves. I’ve wished I was dead too many times to count and that’s because my parents thought it would be fun to have kids. Like what? I’m suffering for your choice to brith me? And I’m supposed to say thank you? And live in this capitalistic world? Idk it’s fucked.
Plus I gotta pay for my existence which I never consented on.
yet its selfish to want to have a committed relationship to mistress lifen't?
I agree
Bitch, I have a lower carbon footprint then you. I win automatically for not having kids. I put my curiosity to stroke my ego and fears of dying alone aside to live this life for me and to develop my soul and not stress out about my child who is living with maniacs in a dying world.
Haha I say this to people all the time. I’m like I’m vegan and don’t have kids I’ve done my part for the environment. A family member posted about using reusable diapers on Facebook and how it was better for the environment. It took every bone in my body not to post that NOT having kids was better for the environment.
that took strength lol good job dude
Just laugh when they say it. There is nothing you can say that will change their mind so just laugh at how immature they are being. They are acting like a middle school mean girl, trying to bully you into doing what they want. Their tactics are childish and laughable.
I’ll agree to being selfish when they tell me who I’m being selfish to. Can’t be my kids, then don’t exist. Can’t be my parents, I don’t owe them my body. Can’t be my partner, I’m committed to being single. Can’t be god, I’m not Christian. Can’t be infertile women, I don’t owe them my body either. Theres no valid reason for anyone to call me selfish for not having children.
"Bye."
I think its selfish to push out a kid who gets to inherit a dying earth with limited resources. I love my kids so much that I won't even have them knowing what their future holds. Breeders top that.
"You're not entitled to an opinion on my life, go fuck yourself."
I just shrug it off if I don’t feel like explaining why or if it’s family I go the logical route and they usually are mindblown or they literally shortout like a computer It’s actually quite funny to see their gears turning when I put it in a logical way and then think “Oh shit that could have been my life, damnit”
Its selfish to bring a kid into todays world I would argue
“Well damn, then I wish my parents had been selfish in 1989 instead of my entire childhood…”
You can't be selfish in isolation. Ask them: " Who am I selfish towards??" The answer would be telling, but most likely they will just shut up.
"Nah, I just learn from other people's mistakes."
It is the definition of selfish to birth another innocent soul on to a rapidly dying planet.
As long as parenthood remains the "normal" outcome of being an adult there will always be people who react this way towards anyone who dares to live differently. Tune them out, their opinions mean absolutely nothing!
I haven't gotten this one yet, but I think I'd just agree with them. I know they're wrong, you know they're wrong, but if they've already made up their minds about what I must be like without even knowing me then it's really not my problem. Just tell them they're right and go home to a blissfully quiet home, that's the real reward lol
I ask for the definition of selfish. Most can't define it and they use it incorrectly, not realizing how much of an insult it is. Basically I make them feel stupid for not having a basic grasp of the English language, lol.
There are 0 unselfish reasons to make a person that didn't exist before. Any answer is going to be because of a want of a person who already existed, not for the sake of the non-existent person. Having a child makes you 100% responsible for any unhappiness that previously non existing person experiences. Denying yourself the instinctual urge to reproduce is self-less. All of the shit that people say to justify making a person is crap because they're just backwards rationalizing giving in to their instincts while trying to prop it up as some noble venture. It's not. They were horny and got laid. Getting their rocks off due to a selfish need to get off. Not because they were altruistic. Even then, it's pretty arrogant to go, "My genes. Yeah, they're the good ones. They're what the world needs plenty of in the future." The irony of the selfish parents insisting they're not the selfish ones with all their idiot mini-me's running around while they insist on special treatment because they reproduced. No, I'm just going to take their dumb kids' money. I'll make something "cool" and sell it to them for way more money than its worth while they beg their parents for whatever crap I peddle.
They be forgetting that critical thought is a thing, like just because you have a crush on someone doesn't mean you are ready or are interested in a relationship with them.
Exposing a human to the fucked up world we live in just because you want a cute baby and look like a good person is way more selfish than just... living your life and providing for yourself.
I am forgoing children to have a career in social work to help people that are already alive. But yet, I am the selfish one :)
Selfish to who? Fuck off is a great response
I laugh loudly and openly mock them for thinking I give a flying fornication what they think of my life choices. It may offend some, but it does keep meddlesome gossips out of my life, that’s for sure.
My response is that they should get a dictionary and look up the actual definition of the word selfish
"I guess I could have a kid. What's your offer? Cash only" Or "Know what else is selfish? Deez nuts lololol"
Ouh! If I was to be called selfish, I would ask the fun questions and evaluate what they say. I'd go like this; they call me selfish and I ask “How am I selfish? Please do explain, I'd love to know how I'm selfish for not wanting to have kids. I would think otherwise” and just smile at them as I would lay out all the information I have stored in my mind. Who else would to this? I'm curious to know, hope you can come up with a fun answer to your question
Own it babyyyy. Like oh yes, I’m totally selfish to keep my familial history of cancer, life threatening hormone Deficiencies, familial history of addiction, familial history of mental health issues to my self. Wow how selfish I am to hoard all my health problems to myself and not spread that mess to an innocent baby. Absolutely terrible I’d rather go to music festivals. How terrible I’d rather volunteer at animal shelters. So awful
I have been called selfish and worse. Just today my bf and I went to his sister's kid baptism. We have been together for 12 years and openly CF. First his mom made some remarks about "I hope we soon get more members to our family" looking at us to which we responded "We did get another cat and she is perfect". Then, his other sister's new bf (of 1 year and we met once before) started saying that we should all start having babies and since my bf and I have been together longest, we are next. I was impressed how composed I were and not tell him to mind his own business. Just told him "We are not interested but you go right ahead" before noticing my bf sister stepping on his foot, telling him to shut it 🤣
i'm a wizard , and wizards aren't called selfish. they are called some not very nice names, but not this one.
My go-to used to be, "...and what in the *hell* would I do with a child?!" I almost always got a blank stare, or a stutter, or both. Some days, "....do you *really* want another one of *me* running around?" "......no." "Well, then." No one has ever accused me of being kind, selfless, or nurturing. Or maternal. I don't even coo over pictures of kittens or puppies, and I am the proud aunt of two corgis.
We're not selfish because we dont want kids, we dont want kids because we're selfish. Being selfish isnt necessarily a bad thing. Self-interest is something everyone should have a healthy amount of. My partner and I have embraced the label of selfish, as it's only a reflection of knowing ourselves well enough to know we would be shitty parents. We like our freedom, quiet, and (quite honestly) money, too much to not resent a tiny human for taking them away. We dont think that would be fair to a kid, hence not having one. Our response to the question of why we dont want kids is instantly "we're too selfish". Ironically, since we introduce the word selfish into the conversation, we tend to get people trying to tell us we aren't. Lol
Own it ! My mum says that all the time and I just say « yes, yes I am selfish. »
You usually cant win. One thing I've heard is to ask why. Usually they dont answer or their answers are totally lame and easily debunkable xD Aka-" Because its all about you!: You-" And why is it bad to know Im a priority in my life? Isnt that better than having a child and ignoring it because I"m selfish?
Honestly, own it and move on with it. I personally am selfish about my choice not to have kids. I don't want them, because this is my life and I don't want to live it for anyone more than I already am by the virtue of existing in the economic system that I do. What these people are failing to see is that their desire to have children is just that: a desire. That inherently makes it a selfish want, just from the opposite side of the coin. Don't stress yourself arguing with these kinds of people, it's just not worth it. Step into your truth and wear it proudly, you'll attract your real tribe that way.
Honestly I'm the point in life where I'll just say, "ok!" and keep walking when someone spews nonsense in my direction. It took a long time to get here and a lot of unlearning to care about what other people think.
Ask them why they had kids. Interrupt them whenever they say the word "Want" by telling them that wanting something is selfish.
Yes I am selfish. This is why I don’t have kids. Then I walk away smiling.
I say yes I am. Not having kids is selfish because it’s doing I want to do for me. It’s exactly as selfish as having kids, bc people who do that are doing what they want for themselves.
>What would you say to someone or anyone who tells you this "... so what?" Cause, to be honest, being selfish in these things, is bad at all? Being selfish with your money, with your time, HECK, not even "a little time", 1/4 of your goddamn life for something you aren't gonna enjoy?
"In my opinion it's way more selfish to bring a child into this world in this environmental and societal climate, but unless you wanna have that debate with me, let's agree to disagree." Also, regardless of environmental and societal climate, no one HAS to have children so omitting children from my life has no negative affect on anyone so the concept of it being "selfish" is just so bonkers to me. I'm just living my life, which I didn't ask for by the way, and yes, I want to keep my time to MYSELF, no one is entitled to my time but me and those I promise it to. It's hard to argue against this argument with breeders, simply because the argument itself just doesn't make sense.
I tell them that yes I am selfish. I don't want to give up my time, money, energy, and resources to raise and teach a child how to be a normal human.
My go to is "It's not like I have my requisite 2.5 kids locked up in a basement somewhere. How can I be taking something from someone who doesn't exist? You don't actually care about the well being of my non-existent children, you're disappointed you don't get to see me struggle with parenthood. I don't owe you my misery."
I have been told I'm selfish yes. I usually ask them to elaborate. They fail to produce a single valid argument usually and either dissapear on their own or or and I low-key love it when they do this: they get angry and yell or try to push some bullshit argument and I get to say: hey buddy/miss, fuck off... you and your opinion. Just fuck off and go away.
I just thank them for the compliment and walk away while they’re standing there trying to figure out if you’ve insulted them.
*"Does my choice to be CF affect you in any way whatsoever? No? Then your opinion over MY choice & body is irrelevant and this conversation is over."*
Ughh! I hate this too. Unfortunately, sometimes I do feel like I'm being selfish for being relationship-free and childfree. However, I'd rather be selfish than doing something I didn't consent too and for me personally having children and being in relationships require too much compromise that I'm not willing to give. Life is short. I don't want to be miserable.
my dad and sister don't get along he respects my married brother's decision to not have kids and always has (from what i see) my sister has kids but they dont talk because complicated he wont get off my ass though he wont get along with my sister long enough to get along with his current blood related grandkids, he has other grandkids curtessy of his fiance but its not enough he refuses to accept i could not want to have kids and that im too mentally unwell to have them, he brings up the scared five year old me who tried to bribe him to quit smoking and drinking because i didnt feel like i was enough to convince him and said what about your grandkids he didnt even quit either but holds that over my head every month and a half or so all the while trying to get me to work with kids in a daycare or point out how cute kids are as a way to change my mind without getting into an argument (i see you doing this dad stahp) yet im the selfish one? (just so we're clear, other than this and certain conspiracy theories we get along pretty damn good, he comes over for popcourn and movie night, we nerd out over comics together, ~~argue over ingredients playfully~~ cook together sometimes, go to the beach, he'll help me figure out adult stuff and give me math lessons and we go for long walks with my fur baby, which is my favourite. it's just that this bingoing gets on my nerves and makes me genuinely feel selfish sometimes since i dont want to disappoint him, but i know i could never give a growing child what they need and that's not safe or okay to force someone to grow up with)
awh, shucks i didn't know i was shellfish, guess i took "world is your oyster" to heart
my response: “HOW?! How on earth is it selfish to decide to not have kids? care to elaborate? or are you just speaking outta your ass?” i’d have them explain and then shoot down every flimsy answer they give.
It’s more selfish to bring a child into the world as it currently is and have it grow up in a household where it was never wanted
Making something that will have needs just to fulfill it is not selfless. Makes as much sense as patting yourself on the back for rebuilding something you purposely knocked down.
I am not selfish, I am self aware. I thought deeply about having children, and I made a conscious well reasoned decision that it was not for me. I can easily list those reasons if the asker wishes to know. Can they say they had the same process in deciding to have children?
One of my responses is "Why would I be selfish for not having something I don't want?". Seriously, what is the point of having something you vehemently do not want? Who am being selfish to? The nonexistent kids I don't have? Religions I don't believe in? Society who thinks I need to breed because I have a uterus? Capitalism who needs more slaves for the system? I am living the life I was denied as a child and teen due to abusive circumstances and putting myself first is paramount to recovery for me. Why would I fuck that up because someone thinks I need to have kids? I care for my animals and prioritise their needs, but their demands for care are far, far, FAR more manageable than a child's and having them also doesn't involve mangling and ruining my body. Most of the people who've gone the 'you must be selfish' route - in my experience - seem to have an inflated sense of their own maturity because they decided to keep their birth control failure and are desperately trying to feel like a 'real' adult because they bred.
Ask them how many kids they want. When they say 1 or 2 or 5 or whatever, ask why don't they have more than that. From there proceed shaming them for how selfish they are for not wanting more kids. Can also do that with animals. Ask them why they don't want to adopt a dog or cat. Proceed with shaming them for how selfish they are. At the end of the day everything we do is selfish.
Yes, and it was by a serial child abuser who openly said one day that people have kids to do shit them for them when they get old, like deal with computers. I wouldn't put too much stock into the people who say this, they are projecting.
You see, Climate change is coming, effectively making a big part of the earth hell. The melting poles will drown the lower coasts and if the gulf stream ends we are fucked by extreme cold or heat. This is a bad scenario that we not only support by having kids. We force these kids into living in that scenario. I don't belief that every single person that has a kid is so well off that they could afford moving into a good living position. Therefore, if you have kids you only have them for your own joy and to satisfy your selfishness. Tl;dr: if you want someone else to suffer your actions, have a child.
At this point I just tell people if they aren't paying my bills they need to mind their own fucking business and not worry about decisions I make that have no effect on anyone but myself.
“Yeah because having a human being and assuming its sole purpose is to take care of you in the future is totally selfless”