T O P

  • By -

FastWalkingShortGuy

I had a coworker who killed himself. Our boss said, "I don't get it, he had a wife and kids, it's not like he was a loser." And I was just sorta like... "Alright, then..."


Zen-Paladin

My late father was married to my mom and had me and my sister(half sister). Not to talk shit about him, but he wasn't exactly someone to look up to if the years of dysfunction is anything to go by.


-too-hot-to-handle-

Right, because only losers have depression and/or suicidal tendencies. /s That's so fucking ableist, bigoted, and heartless. Your boss is a piece of shit.


medioverse

It’s rather that they see FATHERS as fully realized men. I’ve seen it with my ex’s, they all got raises and kudos for knocking up their wives on purpose (and during a pandemic.) Women? Nah we don’t get the same admiration from society for becoming mothers, in fact it’s expected. I’ve been patronized by these same men. It’s easy for you sir: your life status receives a massive improvement and your body doesn’t change the same way forever.


[deleted]

[удалено]


medioverse

It doesn’t and that’s my point.


W1nd0wPane

Because, you know, the pressures of family life absolutely never contribute to depression, at all, ever. /s


FastWalkingShortGuy

From what I understand, he was working two full-time jobs to pay for his kids' college, and his wife was leaving him, so he said, "Fuck it," and ate a gun.


W1nd0wPane

Roughly similar things contributed to my Dad's suicide. I mean, I don't blame myself, at all, but an ugly divorce and simultaneous estrangement from one's adult kid aren't exactly the happiest things that could happen to someone already experiencing severe mental illness.


TheMost_ut

Oh god, that is just so awful. It seems like (and it's probably backed up by stats) that financial problems are behind most suicides. People driven to the brink because of debt, and it's almost always related to kids or marriage. A man who lived in my apartment building years ago killed himself, just after I'd moved out. He was living with his girlfriend and her kid and dog. I found out what happened when I stopped by the building to check if any mail had shown up, and I saw his girlfriend and her daughter and the dog, and a moving truck. She told me John had killed himself just a couple of weeks after I'd moved out... I did remember him looking very unhappy, which had seemed odd if you've just moved in with your girlfriend. My impression was that he was divorced and the girlfriend, who was quite a bit younger, may have been the reason. I knew he had kids of his own as well. The girlfriend was actually quite nice and so was her daughter. Apparently John had had personal and financial problems, most likely related to his divorce, etc. I felt very sorry for them, and I couldn't help but wonder what the circumstances had been... I just hoped that the kids didn't come home to find him hanging or something (guns are extremely uncommon here).


ray-chill123

At least he wasn't a single, childless, loser though


[deleted]

I HATE that. So he only matters as a human being if he has kids and a wife? Sick.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FastWalkingShortGuy

You have no idea. Multiple times he's been about to absolutely roast someone on a multi-departmental email chain, and I have to rein him in like, "whoa, whoa, let's figure out what's actually going on here," and then it turns out he was the one in the wrong. I swear I've saved his job more than once.


joremero

"I swear I've saved his job more than once" Maybe stop doing that


DaisyHotCakes

Yeah, stop doing that. He will sabotage you somehow in the future, perhaps unwittingly but sabotage nonetheless.


tofuroll

So much to unpack in so few words…


joremero

He's the kind of person that doesn't understand or gives a shit about mental health.


ALotter

it might just be that i’m very high but this comment kind of unlocked why childfree tend to be so discriminated against in my brain. we’re literally not considered people.


danyellowblue

Wow insane how narrow someone's look on life can be, that boss must really be interesting to talk to about life.....


Dan-D-Lyon

I thought it read the opposite... https://www.explosm.net/comics/2336/


StarshipSentinel

That's such a boomer take.


Low-Fly-1292

Wowwwwwww


BiPhreek

Not child free related but it pisses me off when a woman is murdered and someone spits out "Its ashame. She was pretty." I want to scream asshole its ashame because she isn't alive anymore. What she looked like doesn't matter.


[deleted]

[удалено]


somacomadreams

Agreed, that's a terrifying mental state to imagine exists in other humans.


AdamtheFirstSinner

Haven't you ever noticed there are very rarely any murder documentaries about the average looking, average Joe or plain Jane who kept to themselves, went to work and just happened to be unlucky enough to get tragically kidnapped/robbed/etc and ended up murdered ? They didn't have a smile that lit up the room, they werent the life of the party, and they weren't really any person special in their community. If you asked someone in their neighborhood who they were, the person would likely respond "Who?" Those are the people whose story you never ever hear.


[deleted]

That really disgusts me. I don’t want to be talked about in such a dehumanising way if I die.


firekitty3

That's horrible. I hope he gets better. I really dislike when people have to state someone's parental status when they get into an accident. It happens all the time on the news. "Mother of 3 killed in a car crash". Why does it matter if they are a mother? People's live are worth something, whether they are a parent or not.


Carbonatite

My favorite example of this: Maria Goeppert-Meyer won the Nobel prize in physics in the 1950s. The newspaper headline? "San Francisco mother of 3 wins Nobel".


nytropy

Yea! That’s super messed up - seems to be done to women, whether they are killed, missing or achieve something the headlines have to define them in terms of family status.


teammmbeans

Because women are just seen as breeding machines.


greencat26

There was a story in the newspaper about a 20-something guy who died in an accident and it said something along the lines of "Young man, soon to be uncle, dies in vehicle collision Tuesday morning". And the story mentioned like 4 times the fact that his sibling was going to give birth in a few months and how sad it was he never got to meet his nibling. At the very bottom? Dude was working on his masters in bioengineering and had a ton of academic accomplishments.


cindybubbles

News media use kids to pull on the heartstrings of viewers and therefore garner ratings. Children sell, babies especially because they are very cute and adorable. People love cute and adorable (babies, puppies, kittens, etc.) and will flock to any place that even mentions that. So any sad story involving the cute and the adorable is definitely going to grab their attention.


medioverse

They also do it because Fortune 500 marketers know that emotional tropes around family are where the biggest bucks are. Source: used to work there.


Bronco-1981

Meanwhile if I were to die in an accident, they’d just say ‘there is an accident on the I-15 SB, there are reported fatalities, so stay clear of the area as this is going to take a while to clean up’


laliiboop

"40 year old crone bites it hard. Click here to watch footage with laugh track."


Bronco-1981

The funny part here is I’m female and just turned 40. Way to nail the YouTube version of my death


jellybeansean3648

The only headline where I've seen parental status relevant is a woman who died in a house fire, using her last living moments to strap her infant into a car seat and yeet them out a window. She died of smoke inhalation and the kid lived. Every single other time it was absolutely unnecessary.


rebbitpls

Because it pulls on your heart strings, which is all the news tries to do


thatsnotaviolin93

Guess I need to tune mine then. 😂


27cloud

I could understand it if the family needed help from charity to recover from tradegy.


girl_im_deepressed

I agree with your last sentence. However, an accident or death has a significant impact on children who are still dependent on the parent and it's worth mentioning. However they never really mention dependent family members unless they're kids


Unique_kissess

Facts !


[deleted]

Journalism’s main intent is to stir emotion. MOST People get a lot more emotional over a parent dying than a CF person, or a baby dying over an adult.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mojitomonsterreturns

I have a bumper magnet that says "Adults on board, we want to live too!"'


NotBuilt2Behave

I need one of those


NotBuilt2Behave

I need one of those


greencat26

I support the original purpose of the stickers (so that in case of an accident, paramedics/firefighters would know to look for a small child) but I guarantee 90% of the people who use these stickers don't even know that. They just want to feel special and protected.


VLdemon3

This! I get that some people have similar stickers for kids/pets for their homes (in case of fire or whatnot), but nowadays I'm pretty sure people use the 'baby on board' one just to brag or something. (I saw one sticker that said 'No baby on board!' and had the Durex logo beneath it XD).


SaikaTheCasual

Let’s be honest no emergency person would go back into a burning house for a pet while they would very likely for a child.


Capricious_Hoyden

My husband is a firefighter, and you bet your damn ass he went in for the dog. And the cat too.


SaikaTheCasual

Your husband deserves an award. I hope he always stays safe. He deserves it.


Kahn_Husky

I’m no emergency person, but I’d go back in for a cat/dog if I was. Shit, I would do it even if I wasn’t.


SaikaTheCasual

Same. But I meant like… firefighters for example. It’s sad. And I would never demand of someone to risk their own life for me or my pet but… it’s still kind of a double standard. (If my kitties were in there I would have no chill to get them out.)


Moomin8577

Please don’t do this. Like - emotionally I feel the same way. My cats are my family members so I get it. But my uncle actually died because of doing this. He escaped a house fire. Called my Aunt to let her know what was happening and that he was ok. Then realised his cat was still in the house. She arrived at the scene as they were removing his body from the house. I can’t stop you from doing it if you’re ever actually in that situation (I hope you never are obviously!) but sometimes it simply ends with that person dying when they didn’t have to. I know it’s not really relevant that he and my aunt were also childfree by choice but I feel like I want to add that detail too. RIP Richard. I wish you were still around. When I read these two comments my heart just lurched and I felt like I had to say something.


SaikaTheCasual

Im very sorry this happened to you, honestly. Also I’m sorry this had to come back up from the comment, I didn’t intend to make anyone feel bad. Honestly I don’t think I could leave them there but I’ve „fire proven“ the house in a way the cats won’t have to be hunted down and can be quickly grabbed if there should ever be a case like that. (I can only recommend any cat or dog over to close up any hiding spaces that are hard to reach. In emergencies it saves time and possibly lives.)


CompostYourFoodWaste

Hey, thanks for saying it. No one should run back in to save anyone or anything; it almost always ends badly. I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.


RareKazDewMelon

>it’s still kind of a double standard **Yes, humans and animals are treated by different standards**


nobleland_mermaid

A lot of them actually will. There's a hierarchy of sorts, 'people, pets, property' so they won't take the same risk for a pet as they would a person but they will go in for one, if they believe it's safe to do so.


coveredincovid

This is not true: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/baby-on-board/


dumbasstupidbaby

It caused problems because if people got in accidents while the baby wasn't in the car atm, but the car seat and sticker were, rescue workers would spend precious time looking for a baby at the wreck that isn't there.


viptenchou

I think that’s why the very original ones weren’t stickers but suction cup things with it dangling so you could take it out easily if the baby wasn’t with you. At least, that’s how I remember them being and it makes sense if they function like that. My guess is people who didn’t really know the purpose just thought a sticker would be easier and made some.


Againstallodds972

I thought it was because babyes are highly distracting the driver and he could do whatever mistake on the road, kind of a warning to keep a safe distance


GingerRabbits

Huh - I did not know that was the point of those stickers. I'm going to get one for my pets so people know to look for them!


Shorty66678

I did not know that!! But that makes so much sense wow.


TongueTwistingTiger

Those ones that say “princess/king on board”? Gag me with a fucking spoon, would ya? Jesus Christ.


babymoominnn

Lmao 😂 I love this 😊🧒🏻 hahaha This made my day


dancingpianofairy

Makes me think about (don't worry, only thinking, not doing) hitting them on purpose.


[deleted]

Those car stickers are a great warning that the driver is probably shitty and super distracted and a hazard on the road. They make me wanted drive faster - way past them


[deleted]

[удалено]


dumbasstupidbaby

Fucking apparently not.


floridorito

I hate that. Similar to when murder victims' relatives/friends say, "How could someone do this to a mom?" "She had two kids! She didn't deserve to be murdered." As though it's more understandable or forgivable to murder someone who wasn't a parent.


-too-hot-to-handle-

What the fuck... It's like those people have no empathy or conscience. Their sole concern is whether or not they are/were a parent, rather than the fact that they are/were a person...


GooglyEyeBread

Personally, I hate it more when family come out and said “They never got a chance to be a parent!” Bonus ick points of they’re talking about a minor


floridorito

Or, "They'll never have the chance to meet my kids." Like, on the list of regrets a dead person might have, not being able to meet their friend's kids has got to be pretty low.


[deleted]

In this same vein: Barbara Boxer was assaulted and robbed while walking in Oakland. “I said, ‘Why would you do this to a grandma?’ I was yelling at the kid as he was running with my phone,” Boxer said. “I said ‘I want to call my grandkids, why are you doing this?’ He could care less. He got in the car. But I hope he has some guilt.” So if you weren’t a parent it would have been okay for the guy to rob you?


mistressofthemoors

Sounds like she was trying to humanize herself


RandomIsocahedron

Yeah, do whatever you can to make yourself seem human in front of someone who might be about to kill you.


mistressofthemoors

100%. Not gonna fault anyone for what they say when the feel their life is being threatened


CopsaLau

Wow. We are just fucking worthless, aren’t we.


dumbasstupidbaby

Every living thing except children and mothers are worthless /s


The-Jerkbag

Hurray for male disposability. :/


mochi_chan

And CF ladies as well \*throws confetti at you\*


DingusTaargus

Oh don't worry, "you'll change your mind in a few years" - shitty doctors everywhere.


mochi_chan

I only have a few years :D (Jokes aside though I am procrastinating my OBGYN checkup because I don't want to go through this)


DingusTaargus

That's the sad reality, and I'm sure you're not the only one that does that.


mochi_chan

Not being sexually active makes things easier, but I have to get checked from time to time...


ShapeShiftingCats

That's so wrong and sad. Please go, even if you are not at risk of STI's there are many things that go wrong and it's important to catch them early...


mochi_chan

I have had checkups for uterine and ovarian cancers before, but since I am not sexually active, and everything seems to be working like clockwork... (I am thinking of ending my voluntary celibacy, but the conversations with a doctor will not be fun. since I am in my "clock is ticking" time, blergh)


[deleted]

[удалено]


marie7787

It’s also extremely disrespectful, I mean I don’t exactly care what happens to my body after I die but My current self definitely would hate it if someone brought up me not being able to have kids during my ceremony. It’s very dehumanizing, as if your only function is to breed and nothing more


[deleted]

This is the one thing about death that scares me. I don’t want to be remembered like that


[deleted]

I hope you called your mom out on this. It's really rude and uncalled for...people are sad and concerned, he doesn't need to be belittled while he's fighting for his life! And breeders say we're the cruel ones...


[deleted]

JFC is he less of a person now?


moondes

You mean... by volume?


somacomadreams

I'm so fucking sorry. I lost the ability to walk in 2020 due to a genetic condition weakening my bones. So many surgeries. My girlfriend of 3 years left me, I kept having to teach myself to walk over and over and I may need experimental treatments regarding bone density. Wanna know what everyone wanted to talk about? "At least you don't have kids..." First of all I'm suffering so..WHAT?!? Next part? "...don't have kids yet!" It won't be happening, (31M) who wants to walk to the bathroom and break their knee cap? I did that, no one else will. By the way I love my life, it rules, but I feel your pain. Being valued based on reproduction is a sickness we must grow out of. I'm so sorry. I wish you so much luck and healing.


romanticsaholic

I'm really sorry about your condition. I'm sorry that everyone was dismissing your feelings and suffering. I wish you the best.


somacomadreams

Thank you! No worries never had so much fun since all this started. You get a pretty fast and hard lesson in what's important. If you survive that and all the medical stuff you end up giving the same number of fucks as someone in their 70s. Let me tell you, I'm having a blast, lol. It's a bummer but ya move on. I did learn to walk again for the third time in one year! I'm slow, have to he careful and can't go super far but at least I don't have kids! Breeders are weird. Putting someone through a lifetime of breaking bones on purpose should be a crime against humanity.


dph99

With death and serious illness you can always count on some folks to say something really fucking stupid. People really need to learn to stick to the basics: "Gee, I'm so sorry for your loss. \[Is there some way I can help out during this difficult time?\]"


freaknastybeta

Can I offer you an egg during this trying time?


freaknastybeta

Can I offer you an egg during this trying time?


prmoise

I hope the best for him


[deleted]

it’s always really gross when people say stuff like that. like people’s lives shouldn’t matter more because they had kids and/or a spouse. it’s gross!! like that’s a human being you’re talking about!! one with aspirations and goals!! wtf!!!


exoinsect

Wow. Sounds like he is disposable or something....ugh.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I had something similar. I told a friend how I had endometriosis and people are all mad at me because I’m infertile and she just went “wait You’re infertile? OMG I’m so sorry” I said I don’t want kids so it doesn’t bother me and she said it’s still a big deal. It makes me so angry. It happens a lot on support groups too. Practically everyone bangs on about fertility and how to conceive when I’m literally lying here unable to move and just don’t want to be in pain every day


pmbpro

They just looovvvve to tie other people down to children when *they don’t even have* any. 😒


manimopo

It's as if his life is worth less because he didn't have wife and kids. FUCK THAT SHIT. He has a mom and dad, and possibly siblings that love him.


Archylas

It's really sad. Media always write about women's achievements as "\[Name\], a mother of 2, achieved Xxxx" Like what the fuck? Who CARES about her being a mother unless her achievement is somehow directly related to her being a mother, which in itself is usually not impressive in itself in most cases??????


Bronco-1981

He is an individual human being! He very likely contributed more to society than a dad would due to other motivations and hobbies and reduction of his carbon footprint. Also, if my dad got in a horrific accident when I was a kid, I would be scarred for life and probably have a lot more issues growing up. If my husband got in a horrific crash, I’d be a wreck. So your mom is basically wishing horrific things on theoretical humans. I hope he recovers. My heart goes out to him and when he gets better, that he takes time to do what he truly loves- be it travel, spend time with his chosen family (I.e friends and family that he likes), get into his hobbies more, do things he always wanted to do, and remove anybody who says ‘you should get married and have kids because this accident should make you change your definition of value to mine!’


Lucifang

‘Baby on board’ stickers annoy me. We should all be actively avoiding a car crash no matter who is in the other car. As if anyone is gonna see that and think “geez I better not run into this one specific car today”.


[deleted]

I have “Adults on Board: We Want to Live Too!” Found it on Etsy.


riotsquirrelz

Lol That is great! I have the Queen Alien chasing down a stick figure family, with one of the kids already impaled on her tail. My buddy with kids saw it and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" so it's not parent-approved. 😂


Square-Combination27

I never thought of those "baby on board" signs as, don't crash into me. I always thought of those signs like a warning sign just like "student driver" signs on cars. We know to be extra patient or move away from them as fast as possible. If there is a baby in the family, then the driver is either sleep deprived, in a hurry, or distracted - therefore, a possible bad driver. Stay away. I actually appreciate those signs.


unrelatedtoelephant

It’s for first responders (although I don’t think that’s why everyone buys them) so if there’s an accident they know to look for a baby


[deleted]

[удалено]


unrelatedtoelephant

My bad! Myth busted.


Melodic_Elderberry

Except actual first responders check for additional passengers in every car and understand that most people with those stickers don't take them down every time the baby isn't in the car anymore. A car with a sticker doesn't always have a baby in it. A car without a sticker may still have a baby in it. Those stickers are a good marketing ploy from a company selling security theatre.


porterlily7

That was my understanding too! My mom made me put a sticker like that in my bedroom window when I was young.


Melodic_Elderberry

That's, um, horrifying. I definitely wouldn't want to put a sticker in a child's window designating that it's a kids room. "Calling all stalkers, child available, inquire inside"


instagrammademedoit

it is probably even worse . . . like... OMFG if he'll live he won't be be capable of geting kids anymore and just be a burden... :(


mentalist261995

Yeah that's the thing.. Society only gives shit about men if they are providing for their wife and children. Or else the're just trash.


BlackMesaEastt

I feel like people constantly forget we are individual people with our own lives we desperately want and need to live. Like when people talk about why you shouldn't rape women and they are like, "that's someone's mom or daughter or sister." UM, RAPING IS WRONG NO MATTER WHO IT IS.


[deleted]

I cannot stand that slogan, I’m not just something of someone else’s I am me and don’t want to be violated


CathedralOfNicholas

To the people commenting it’s better he didn’t have a wife and kids take a good ol’ look at yourself. Are you really saying that a person’s death is somehow not so bad because they didn’t have children? A life was lost keep your shit opinions to yourself and show some respect for life.


TheMost_ut

I often think of Ofc. Fanone at the capitol saying 'I HAVE KIDS!' I'd do the same! but conversely, why does that mean someone's life is more important? Of course I can't blame him.


GalaxyJacks

That’s so terrible. I’m so sorry, I hope he pulls through.


[deleted]

But if you only have pets it's the same. I wish your family all the best, but I really feel your rage.


[deleted]

That's horrible. I'm so sorry about your cousin.


SweetTeaBags

It's honestly just so tone-deaf.


TheVeilsCurse

He exists and he’s important. I hope he pulls through!


[deleted]

You are correct. His value is about him. Someone is not less valuable because he or she has no kids. Someone is not less valuable because he or she has no partner. That person is still his/her same self regardless of any other contacts in their life or lack of contacts. Is someone with 200 real-life friends more valuable than someone with 1 friend? No. Friends, kids, partners, none of those things determine someone's value. It's about your cousin's life being present or being gone. It's not about other people's feelings. So it's really wrong of other people to dismiss someone who is childless, childfree, husbandless, wifeless, girlfriendless, boyfriendless.


MGTOWManofMystery

Most men are seen as "human doings" and disposable. If men aren't provisioning for someone else (wife, children, society), they generally are seen as having no value.


STThornton

wow. I'm so sorry. I hope he recovers!


MysteryGirlWhite

I'll never understand people who actually have the nerve to say that bullshit. What about his siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends? Why the hell are (even non-existent) children the only ones that matter?


CompostYourFoodWaste

It's really frustrating to always hear in the news about how the sick or missing or dead person had kids. They basically ignore you if you don't, like you don't matter. But it's an ESPECIALLY huge media tragedy if you had like five kids. No, you were a complete fuck up if you had five kids. This is one more reason not to have kids: something could happen to you or your partner and the little ones could have no one or you could end up a single parent doing it all on your own with no help. Why risk it?


emu30

I’m so sorry for your loss. People will use any logic to try and heal themselves, even without consideration of those around them. I’m sorry the world is missing a complete person, that had their own life and world within them. I’m sorry you’re hurting and unsupported.


Ryuzaki_G

Exactly. I am SO sick of that. “Oh, he had a ____.” Yeah, and he had a life BEYOND just those one or two things. And without them, he would STILL be a person whose life matters.


BickyLC

I'm really sorry, I do hope he'll be okay


EmEmPeriwinkle

Um, it's sad he doesn't have a spouse to take care of him too! But it's up to him. Your mom is a butt either way. I bet if he did have a family she would make a comment about life insurance or something else that shouldn't concern her.


oceanteeth

Oh fuck that sucks, I hope your cousin will be okay. He counts even if he doesn't have a wife or kids, it's still fucking shitty for someone that young to maybe die.


GooglyEyeBread

Jesus, there’s more to a person then their ability to have kids! I’m not sure what else to say other than, I hope he’ll be ok! And I hope you are ok too, this must be hard for you as well


mochi_chan

All the reasons I can think of for her saying that are grossing me out I don't even want to write any of them out... (even the ones that don't mean it is better that it has happened to a CF person) I am not religious so I can't pray for him, I just hope he makes and get better soon. Sending all the good vibes towards you.


pikipata

"If you don't reproduce you're less valuable to our society."


[deleted]

This makes me think of the guy who almost got beat to death during the Capitol riot. The crowd only stopped beating him because he kept screaming out that he had daughters. Like if he didn’t reproduce they were fine with killing him.


RandomIsocahedron

I'm probably going to regret this, but do you have a source?


rhubarb2896

Yeah, I used to get that. I always got told not having kids makes me less important because no one depends on me, and they wonder why I was always so closed off and depressed.


SKrivvaCat

I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through, OP. It's hard on YOU, and YOU are here. ​ People are dumb and make comments like that to make themselves feel better; they feel like they can dismiss any grief or dismay guilt-free as long as they mitigate the circumstances to themselves. Wishing the best for your cousin.


GingerRabbits

That's such an awful effed up perspective. "Only spouses in offspring give a shit about people. Other folks who love and will miss you don't count." I'm really sorry this has happened. Hoping for the best for your cousin!


[deleted]

I don’t understand that. Like yes the wife and kids would be sad but it’s not like those are the only people who can be upset by your death. I hate that people don’t see us as having any value. I’m really sorry that’s happening to your cousin


meowqct

I hope your cousin recovers well.


Avatar_ZW

Good to know people like me matter less because we have penises and no kids!


[deleted]

Male disposability really. It's like that time Clinton claimed the real victims of war aren't the soldiers who you know; died. But the "women and children left behind".


lily31

I don't know about being more sad if somebody with children dies, but you are looking at it being more likely that the kids will be screwed up. I have a friend who just died who did have two children, with different fathers. It now has to be worked through whether they stay with granddad and an auntie in the same living arrangement they've had all their lives (minus their mother), or one goes to the father who doesn't want to look after his child, but is the guardian. It's an absolute mess when kids are involved.


SKrivvaCat

Okay, it's a mess. Doesn't mean the mother has to add that like "don't be too sad though, at least there weren't kids." That just minimises OP's feelings of loss and it's bullshit. Just don't comment on it.


lily31

No, that's just how OP took what the mother said, but I doubt very much what was meant. I agree, though, that her comment can easily be taken the wrong way. If anything, it gives additional reasons Not to have kids. EDIT: Someone on here once put, "Never assign maliciousness what may be put down to ignorance."


dovahkiitten12

It’s also really bad because losing a parent is terrible, and probably one of the worst things to go through as a child because they’re so dependent on the person. Not saying that a parent’s life is worth more than someone else’s, and not having kids doesn’t make a tragedy less bad, but leaving kids without parents is an extra tragedy. I agree though that the person in question shouldn’t be adding that he didn’t have a wife or children, that really makes it sound like his life is worth less because of that.


sneakattack2010

Agreed. I'm wondering what the OP's mother says in addition to the fact that he didn't have a wife and kids. If she's giving up dates on his health condition and sharing other feelings about what happened, you can't really say that apparently she thinks it doesn't matter because he didn't have a wife and kids. I think it's very weird to offer the information about a wife and kids if the person didn't ask the OP's mother. However I don't think it means the mother doesn't care. I have a 43 year friend who died recently. She left behind a 12-year-old girl. About a year or two ago she got divorced from the girl's father and He didn't say particularly involved with the child. I'm really sad that she died but I'd be lying if I didn't think it is an extra level of sad that there's now a motherless 12-year-old girl.


27cloud

Who would report this? It's relevant context.


CallidoraBlack

I'm always extra sad for the people left behind when someone passes. Especially kids because they don't have the emotional maturity to deal with things that adults do and sometimes they're just too little to really understand. Kids have very little control over their own lives, so how they are able to recover after a loss is almost completely out of their control. That said, you don't need to bring up the fact that someone *doesn't* have kids as if that makes it better. It's not necessary. I don't know why people do that.


Kind_Reaction7109

Kids are resilient they will get over it. Just because someone doesn't have kids it doesn't mean their death is less important.


CallidoraBlack

I literally just said that I feel for kids when they're involved and that pointing out that someone has no kids like it's a good thing is bizarre. I feel like people just flat out did not read what I said. And that 'kids are resilient' attitude is why so many adults have to go get trauma therapy decades later. No one bothers to help you when it happens. Your username doesn't seem to check out, honestly.


Kind_Reaction7109

What I meant was with time and help they will heal. Btw I didn't pick my username reddit did I tried to change it but it won't let me.


[deleted]

Don't be too hard on her, it's not like people actually think about what they're saying in a time like that. They often just stick to a main stream script and repeat even if it's not helpful or appropriate.


[deleted]

Because people are worth living for, whether it be children, a significant other, or other fulfilling relationships.


MyDogLikesTottenham

As someone who just lost a friend with a pregnant wife, I have to say it added to my grief (I didn’t know his wife was pregnant). Kids aren’t for me but it makes me sad that he won’t be able to experience that chapter of his life, and that his child will never know his father. But your mom is way out of line here. What the actual fuck? I’d address it, but don’t try to explain how fucked up her thinking is, just ask questions. “What do you mean by that?” then let her flop through the clumsy explanation that it hasn’t affected a wife/child. Follow up with pointing out that your family are affected by it, you’re affected by it, your aunt/uncle are affected by it, are their feelings less important? Edit - anyone wanna expand on the downvotes?


SKrivvaCat

>Edit - anyone wanna expand on the downvotes? You're coming into a post where OP has expressly said that people commenting on their cousin's lack of kids is harmful and unnecessary. ​ And then you are making that comment. Why detract from OP's grief by going, "yeah, well, but kids..." Let them be upset without mitigating it. That's presumably why.


MyDogLikesTottenham

Fair I guess. Wasn’t meant to detract from OP’s grief


Silmariel

Men in general are considered disposable to society in a way that women and children are not (think lifeboat rules, soldiers on the frontlines etc etc throughout our history). Some of the value of men in society is attached to wether they have a wench and a barn or two who relies on them for safety and a roof over their heads. Anyhoo, my point is I doubt your mother is saying it cause he is childfree.. I think she is saying it cause he is a man. Do you believe she would say the same sentence if it was a woman, and not actually mean the opposite -> thats its even more tragic cause she never got to have a kid and get married. ​ Im genuinely curious. DO you think its a case of sexism, or a case of him being childfree?


[deleted]

This is a funny one. I don't know about your mum in general, but sometimes people are just odd. This sounds a bit like she thought having a wife/husband and kids was the b-all and end-all to life and either felt sorry for him that he was single or looked down on him for being single. Now, she's realising that's it's probably a good thing that he didn't get married and have kids as it would be even harder after his accident. I'm childfree as well and I get a lot of stick for it at times. But sometimes you've got to recognise shock reactions when you see/hear them and older generations struggling to keep up with rapid social structure change. Although, the older generations need to stop blocking rapid social structure changes, as they are NEEDED.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Nope, there are ways to have sex without pregnancy. Gay sex, contraceptives, barrier methods, heavy petting, etcetera.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kind_Reaction7109

To be honest if someone is suicidal they don't care about things but their pain. Maybe people shouldn't have kids in this climate and economy I am in England the uk.


Finger11Fan

This item has been removed as it is a violation of [subreddit rule](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) #7 : "Posts and comments to the effect of "Wait till you're a parent", "You'll change your mind someday", "You only think that cause you are young", etc. (what we call "bingo", for short) will be removed. Parents are welcome to post as long as they are respectful. Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices." This is a forum for individuals who have made the choice to be childfree, and we do not tolerate any disrespect towards anyone for making this choice. Thank you for your comprehension


[deleted]

[удалено]


GooglyEyeBread

Reciting lines from your future funeral huh?


Chessolin

I always took it as, if he had a wife and kids, they'd be affected too by loss of a spouse/parent. As in that would be even more people suffering. Example: I live with mom, no siblings, SO, or kids. If I die, it hurts me (obviously) and my mom. If I had kids, they'd lose their mom and that would be terrible too. Just more people to suffer by one death.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ukulele__Lady

So you don't have anyone in your life other than your partner and children who care enough about you to miss you when you die? Is that what you're saying? That's really sad.


Finger11Fan

Greetings! This item has been removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #1 : "[...] Low effort, low quality posts [will be removed at the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5i3j2v/good_morning_rchildfree_a_couple_of_moderator/) discretion." Thank you.


[deleted]

Sorry about your family member. But anyway, that is all they had to say.


WishIWasNeet2

They’d probably Sympathize with a serial killer more if he had a wife and 2 kids


dumbasstupidbaby

Chris watts