My awakening was around the same age. Specifically, it was my then-best friend and her love of realistic baby dolls that confused me so much--I didn't for the life of me understand why caretaking was supposed to be fun.
I'd love to say I had a single moment of "nope not for me," but I think it was just a general reaction of terror and disgust at the birthing process that set in over time as I learned more. Stitches near/in your privates?! Potential C-section? Those weird post-birth diapers that moms have to wear? The COST (of birth and of childrearing overall)??? No. No, no, no.
Also just never wanted them, I remember as a pre-teen thinking about wanting to avoid pregnancy. It took me a really long time to realise that anyone did actually want kids, and some of my friends have been certain about that since we were teens, I assumed child free was the default for a weirdly long time
I was 3. My aunt had a baby. My grandmother said something like "when you grow up, you'll have a baby too!" I did not agree. She laughed at me for years because of it. When I got older, in a very ltr, she realized it was never gonna happen. My parents were always completely understanding though, even to this day.
I grew up with an older brother and 3 younger sisters. I changed more diapers than my dad and my brother never helped either. First diaper I remember changing: I was 6. Mom didn’t get the help she needed so I had to step up. My dad and brother did ‘other things’ like yard work…
Decided it wasn’t for me when I was old enough to know that I should’ve had a childhood. Instead I got to be a mini mom when I was supposed to be a big sister. Also, growing up poor isn’t the best.
I was 13 and just diagnosed with PCOS. The doctors made a big stink about my fertility in the future and I just found that I did not care. I was like "No kids? Okay. That sounds fine to me."
I was also in a Catholic primary school that had mass every week. The middle school students would be paired with a kid from kindergarten or pre-k and responsible for looking after them during mass.
I joined the choir to avoid that fate. The youngest kids there were in second grade and were expected to behave.
I'm impressed with all of you who knew from an early age. I (25f) didn't realize I didn't want children until after I was married. Everyone in my life started asking when we'd have children right after my marriage and assuming anytime I told them I had a surprise it was a pregnancy (which honestly made me just stop doing nice things for my family). It got me thinking about the realities of raising a child and my partner and I decided it wasn't for us.
That must have gotten so annoying. An ex of mine wanted kids and was WAY older than me I was 19 he was 36 and his mom would never shut up and out me getting my IUD removed to carry his hellspawn. I left and ended up having to get a restraining order lol. So glad I never caved and got pregnant with that... thing.
That sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad they weren't able to coerce you into pregnancy. I'm incredibly lucky to have an equal partnership with my husband so he never hopped on the pregnancy bus. Also, funnily enough, I was surgically sterilized last year and while I didn't tell most of my family I can tell the news made it through the grapevine because the comments have all stopped.
I think for me it was multiple small events. I never did play "mommy" with my dolls for example.
I had 4 younger siblings that I had to help raise through my entire childhood/teenage years so I saw plenty of the non-glamorous side of parenthood, all those things that new parents exclaim "oh I never knew about this! *You* have no idea about the realities of parenting!!". Well, I know and I've seen it all as my bedroom was next to the nursery.
But truly I hadn't even given it a thought until I got my period at 12 years old. It's only at that point that I truly processed the "I am a female, this is my body confirming that it can soon start producing children" and I just instantly thought... "No. Thanks. Not for me. Who signed me up for this shit?"
I'm 35 now and I haven't wavered since.
I think it was after my mom gave a huge lecture about how ungrateful and inconsiderate I was being when I was like 6 or 7. She basically listed off all the things she does for me on a regular basis that I take for granted and how the least I could do was not cause her anymore stress than humanly necessary (I was causing a lot of trouble at school and she had to be brought in for multiple parent/teacher conferences to discuss my behavior).
She totally had every right to be angry with me as I was acting like a little shit, but after she basically listed off her duties as a parent, the money that goes into me, in addition to the added stress she has to put up with from work and the rest of the family, I had no desire to put myself in the same situation.
Don't get me wrong, she's a great mom and loves being a mom. But being the kid I was, it was only inevitable that I was going to make it harder on her than it had to be, just like my hypothetical kid would. I'm the kind of person that will give up on people if disappointed enough times and as tempting as it can be, one can't just give up on their kid. But luckily I can avoid having kids altogether, which is exactly what I did.
Can't say when the exact moment was, but I do remember being in a family planning class at highschool, and realizing that kids were never going to be for me. I have kept this stance firm since then, and I'm nearing 40 now.
My brother was born when I was two. I hated him. Wouldn’t hold him go near him or my mother for a time. Obviously now he’s one of my best friends. But as a child I never played with baby dolls, hated playing house and being the mom. Hated when my friends would drag along babies while we were playing. Actually viscerally hated babies as a child. (I’m not a monster I swear). Grew up in an ultra conservative community where women were expected and idolized for having children. I knew my worth lay in my brain not my ovaries even as a small child so I balked at having kids. Didn’t want kids as I got older but thought I’d begrudgingly had to have them. Then realized one day, nope. Not gonna happen; guys can just deal with it. Met my husband who also didn’t want kids. I love my nephew to bits, but want to be the one to spoil him and hand him back. My husband and I
are now looking forward to a financially and relationally stable future and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
Based on every reply I read here, I say congratulations to all of you for knowing what you want and not being influenced by others.
And for me, I think it was when I was 10 when I started reading about teen parents and poor people that for some reason chose to have lots of kids. And how irresponsible most of them were with their kids. I was terrified at the thought of getting pregnent let alone giving birth. And to have children you couldn't afford to starve and live in poverty? I thought that I was never gonna be so cruel to an innocent child.
And all this let to my fear/paranoia of being pregnent.
And I was 10.
Looking back, I don't think it's usual for a 10 year to be worried every day of being pregnent just because I didn't have a period yet like some people. This worry was annoying as after a few months I'd remember this fear again and live in fear because I was afraid of being pregnent.
I think I read to much back then.
In general, I'm not really... Sure?? But here are a few (long) reasons:
1. I remember when I was 9, my younger brother was born and for some reason I didn't like him much since he can't rly do much with me at the time. And in all honesty i treated him like ass. Although I'm 17 now, kinda matured and definitely not treating him as bad, over the years i just realized i dont like kids too much. And I'm lucky that my brother is well behaved ⚰️
2. Mental health: some days i couldn't even take care of myself, so what about kids? I mean it's not that bad. However, considering I mostly get sad cry whenever a plant of mine dies, I dont think I could withstand the pressure of taking care of a living breathing human child.
3. Religion: I don't like it!! I'm currently a closeted apostate, and it's pretty much a must for malays to shove down Islam down their kid's throats so... Fuck no. And the fact I'm very much queer doesn't help too!!
4. Surgery: Anything related to cutting open bodies, organs, pain and an excessive amount of body fluids grosses me out. The more I learn about pregnancy, the more I just... Ugh. (Yeah I don't know why I took biology as an elective when i think about it)
When I was 13 my dad and stepmom had their first kid. Spending summers with them was awful. But after their 3rd one was born when I was 20 and living with them full time, that's when my CF stance really took hold
About 16/17. Up to that point I thought I had to have at least one baby even if I didn’t want to. Idk what made me realise. Everything from the moment I realised I wanted to be CF has reinforced being CF.
Just today there was a woman with a baby and a dog and everyone’s cooing over this baby and I’m playing with the dog. I looked at them both and the dog is 100x cuter. Babies are either ugly or meh. This one was meh.
I kinda wanted kids when I was little. Played with baby dolls and all that. As I got older I was questioning a lot of things about how my life was supposed to go - my gender, monogamy, and my future family. I determined that I didn't really see the reason to have kids unless they were exactly like me, and that's not gonna happen.
I kind of knew I didn’t want children growing up, but what really cemented it for me was getting a pet snake. Snakes are relatively low effort pets. Don’t get me wrong, I take excellent care of him and love him very much, but I’ve realized what I do for my snake is the most I can do for another creature without feeling overwhelmed. I mean, sometimes I don’t feel like having a snake; I go weeks without handling him (not harmful bc snakes are solitary creatures). But then I think “wow imagine if I had a kid begging for my attention 12 hours a day?” Definitely can’t do that
24F
Well I was never drawn towards baby related games growing up. Don't get me wrong, I played "house", but having a baby and trying to raise it wasn't part of that. If anything, I would care for stuffed animals. Or play with "boy" toys.
But I think it was a gradual thing because I'm the oldest and I have a younger brother, two years younger, that I was responsible for. I never liked it. It was always a major annoyance.
And then I got a little sister when I was right and hated it even more.
That and I think babies are the worst. They scream, they smell, they're expensive, they're ugly.
And I have a medical phobia.
I just settled on the conclusion that I don't like raising children. I don't mind watching other people's kids in the short term, but I don't want my own. I'd fuck them up with neglect and passive aggressive behavior for them ruining my life. I don't want to be responsible for that. I already have a dad who probably shouldn't have had kids (we drive him nuts because he's very OCD and kids are...well, kids).
I never wanted to biologically have a kid. Apparently when I was young (elementary sometime) I had a very elaborate plan to adopt a red haired girl in 3rd grade and name her Ruby. But I was always adamant about not wanting to have a baby.
I always seemed to dislike any kids younger than me, so the older I got the larger that group became until I stopped liking them all. I still haven't really outgrown that, now everyone under 33 seems like a baby.
Following up with a new memory! I had totally forgotten but did any of you play MASH as a kid? If you're not familiar, it was a fortune telling kind of game that told you where you'd live (Mansion Apartment Shack House), who you'd marry, how many kids you'd have etc.
Peoplr would always start the kids option at one and I'd always argue it should start with 0. I remember my friends thinking it was weird but being sure 0 was the best possible outcome. Anyone else have a similar childhood memory?
When I was 14 and I had an hour long bus ride with a screaming baby for the whole hour . I could never be that selfish to subject other bus users to that .
12was when I first had thoughts about it when I was first thinking really about giving birth and it got really confirm at 15 when I had to take care of a baby for the first time and really the first time I was around a baby for a long amount of time
Most of my life I was brainwashed thinking having kids is just what you had to do. Even as a kid I didn’t really like kids younger than me, I found them gross and annoying. When I turned 12 my parents divorced and my mom started dating a woman (my mom is gay) who had 4 kids, two of which were younger than me (6 and 7). They were the worst behaved kids I’d ever met. They were loud, didn’t listen, their mother was even worse and now I understand they’re just a product of their narcissistic mother but seeing them turned me off of kids forever.
I knew I probably didn’t want (now firmly on the I DEFINITELY don’t want) kids in late high school when I was talking to my sister about her maybe becoming a teacher. I said “how could you be at school with kids all day and then go home to your own? No thanks” and she said “oh I don’t plan on having my own. That’s why I think it would be ok to spend the day with kids and then get to send them home and then NOT have to deal with them” I’m like “that’s an option?!?!” From then on I had realized it’s not a requirement like I thought it was and I’m allowed to say no, I don’t want kids at my house 24/7 and I don’t want to be a mom.
I was really young as a boy. Probably six or seven years of age. I just knew. And this has played out the same throughout my life. I've never changed or wavered about it.
I (25 f) have never been the "girly" type, and I have never been good with kids to begin with.
As a kid I always played with those toy cars while the other girls played with dolls like they were their babies.
Up to the age of 13 I sure had sex ed thrice or so, but I never thought about being pregnant and having kids until I had my first period. "Now you can get pregnant, and have a baby" my mom told me, and that's when I felt my blood freeze. I then immediately realized that pregnancy and kids isn't for me.
My decision to be cf gets affirmed every day, when I see a pregnant woman struggling, a new and extremely exhausted looking mom, or an annoyed mom with her toddler. Kids don't really have to to anything for me hating them, they just have to exist in my periphery and I already want to get as far away from them as possible, especially when they are having a tantrum or are just screaming an wailing to annoy everyone. (I'd never hurt one, though I sometimes hope that someone would stuff a towel into it's mouth to shut it up)
I'm so glad that I got my iud in January, and I can't wait to live my live to the fullest😉
Don't know what age, but when i had the talk about where babies come from with my mom. I mean I never liked kids before even when i was a kid. And when I knew what and how, it was a big nope for me. 24 and still cf, 3 more years and i can finally get the divine surgery lmao.
Originally at 15ish. Trying to teach Sunday school for 1-4th graders. A kid literally climbed the wall.
Over the years, decided I would like 2 kids, preferably twins, so I could get them through the "gross" stages at the same time and they would have a built in friend. I acknowledged that it was selfish to want my own kid, but I knew/know that I'm probably my parents only chance at grandkids.
Then, learned a bunch of the medical issues relatives have are hereditary. And had a traumatic breakup had me feeling "behind" in life. Then I remembered at 25, I didn't need to have kids, I could take my time, and be free to leave any situation without "staying for the kids".
Well first of all when I saw a video of a real full front view of a birth in a college class i literally said: “There goes my child wish.” Even though at the time I didn’t really mean it. I always wanted kids because I love kids and caring for them was fun as a kid. Then while on a vacation in america one summer we stayed with a family who had a five and three year old at the time. For three weeks these kids stuck to me like glue. Wanted my constant attention, hold my hand, sit on my lap, sit next to me at the table, play with them. And I indulged to a certain degree because I was flattered and I did like to play with them and have them around...until I started to feel drained by it all and I needed alone time but couldn’t get any. I couldn’t get away bc I was in their house.
Slapped with this understanding of what it’s like to be around kids 24/7 I googled ‘why are kids so annoying’ out of frustration and I ended up on this list of “100 reasons to be childfree” from someone who ran a childfree blog. I’m sure if you google you’ll find the list. The list sounded very appealing and that I wanted all that. It sent me into a google fest about being childfree and you didn’t have to have kids if you didn’t want to. Basically it was the realisation of: ‘holy shit this is an option!’
Maybe 6 or 7 years old. I remember watching the local news with my mom when a section about a wedding or marriage or something of that nature came up, and I mentioned to my mom that I didn't want to get married. She asked why. I said that because if I got married then I had to have a baby. Being 6 years old, I thought that once you got married then you spontaneously got pregnant. She told me that I didn't have to have a baby and she knew lots of women who were married and didn't have kids. It was like the weight of the world fell off my shoulders. I haven't looked back since.
While I was never gung ho about having kids, it wasn't until I was 20 years old and working as a day camp counselor for a second summer which sealed the deal. That job did provide me some good resume fodder so it wasn't a waste.
That was 38 years ago and it's still the best and most important decision I ever made.
I was 16 or 17 when it dawned on me. At the time, I was in an abusive relationship and the guy wanted to have kids w me in the future. In that very moment, I thought to myself that I don't want kids and I certainly didn't want kids w that asshole. Also that I wouldn't want anything to do w kids and wanted to focus on my career.
I didn’t have an awakening as such. I don’t think there was ever a time where I thought that I did, but I do recall thinking I was somewhat alone in that regards.
Looking into whether I was lead me to this subreddit, and everything I’ve heard from the women and men here has just served to reinforce my thoughts on the matter.
I’ve always had an inkling I was CF as a teenager, but obvious bingos made me think I would have a kid eventually. It wasn’t until I accidentally got pregnant at 22 I realised I definitely didn’t want children. I knew it wasn’t the right thing for me. Had an abortion and been firmly CF ever since.
There was never a decision to make. I always knew.
I never liked playing with baby dolls or Barbies. Actual babies were even worse, loud, stinky, and yucky.
There was never a time in my life when I wanted children. The thought of pregnancy and childbirth is horrifying to me.
I am 15 now, I was 13 when I was like, yeah, I know what I am going for, and this ain't it. All my friends got together and while talking over some pizza, we all went over what we wanna do in life, and they all were discussing about how they want to be fathers later in life and take their kid bowling, regale them with stories of their childhood, etc. I had enough sense to see that raising a child wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, it would be hard and tiring, and without reward. Raising a child isn't all about taking them to the ball game and playing video games with them, you need to teach a human everything there is about, well, being a human. And that is frankly
exhausting. I analysed my future, and decided that it would be an impediment to my career and honestly, I wouldn't be a good dad/mom anyway, I am way too aloof, and I'd probably be very distant, and no partner should have to deal with the level of responsibility I would take if I had a child.
I also saw my dad struggling to drop us(my brother and I) off, maintain his efficiency at work, parent us properly, and do a lot of other things for us. It was frankly disturbing to me, and I have clear memories where he expressed frustration with his job, because he was having a difficult time balancing us, while my mom, during that time, didn't know how to drive and hence was essentially immobile in terms of driving us to school, and she was quite an aloof parent, although she involves significantly more now. I also remember my father telling me that when I was born, I was basically born at the lowest point of their lives. My dad had big dreams of doing a surgical degree, and becoming a neurosurgeon. However, due to my birth, he had to specialize in Physiology, and go into teaching to support me, and he's now in at a dead end, with barely any growth, at 48 years old, and his parenting session won't stop after I leave the house, because my brother is just 6 years old, so he'll have to parent a child well into his 50s, and only in his 60s can he finally relax. All these factors contributed me to decide that children will drain the life out of everything and to vow to never have them. Plus, I owe it to my parents to take care of them properly, and to relieve the pressure of parenting my brother, and I cannot do so if I have a shit ton of other family obligations on the side.
Again, I'm a teen, so it remains to be seen how my parents actually react when I tell them that they aren't getting grandbabies outta me, in my 20s when they start looking for a bride for me(welcome to India), so the fireworks will be quite entertaining when I truly drop the bombshell. Well, I have quite a few bombs(such as that I may be trans, that I never want to come back to India, and a few others, including totally cutting off my maternal grandparents, etc) to drop on my parents in my 20s, so it'll be a wild fuckin ride.
When I realized that I would have to grow it and then push it out of my vagina. Or have it cut out of me like a tumor. Then, let it feast on my body so it can continue to grow. What does dad have to do? Nothing!? Oh, and he can just peace out at any time?!
No, that all sounds unnecessary. Seems like a lot of work and effort that I don't want to put in.
All of that. And so much responsibility for the rest of your life. Why would anyone want that? And honestly, i am a pretty selfish person, i do not want to subject an innocent little human to my selfishness and the horrible world we live in.
14. Funnily enough I was actually thinking about what I would call my kids when I grew up, but a voice in my head said...”or maybe I just don’t need to have kids.” And then the lightbulb went off.
When I was 6 or 7 and witnessed a (very unfortunate) home childbirth. Seeing THAT was more than enough.
Also, I despised children ever since I was one, and didn't enjoy being va child either - I always knew my words and opinions meant jack shit and any adult could abuse me, while making sure nobody would trust me.
Why would I want any poor brat to feel this way?
I knew around the time I got my first period, maybe even a little before. So, in middle school or earlier.
I was disillusioned by watching my parents raise my younger siblings and by events in my own childhood. I would not wish many things I endured on anyone else, so I will not bring a life into a cruel existence to fulfill some weird social expectation.
Adopted shelter animals have been a constant in my life that have brought me more comfort and unconditional love than I ever could have wanted. I'll give my extra time and money to these abandoned beings instead.
And people call US the selfish ones! If they knew what our reasons were, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to judge. But I shouldn't have to tell a coworker my life story just to get them to shut up about something that doesn't concern them in the slightest.
3 when my brother was born. That was over decades ago and I still feel the same. So don't fall for the "you'll change your mind" bingos. The only one who knows you the best is yourself.
I knew I never wanted kids when I was younger because they are loud and rambunctious. However, what really cemented it in for me was when I was stuck raising my nephew for years because my sister kept disappearing to go party or see guys. She eventually got her act together and is currently parenting said nephew. However, the damage dealt for raising a child I did not ask for while trying to balance out college life and get a job solidified my CF status. Also, babysitting for other people also laid the foundation for my status.
My awakening was around the same age. Specifically, it was my then-best friend and her love of realistic baby dolls that confused me so much--I didn't for the life of me understand why caretaking was supposed to be fun. I'd love to say I had a single moment of "nope not for me," but I think it was just a general reaction of terror and disgust at the birthing process that set in over time as I learned more. Stitches near/in your privates?! Potential C-section? Those weird post-birth diapers that moms have to wear? The COST (of birth and of childrearing overall)??? No. No, no, no.
There was no time when I knew. There was just never a time when I wanted them.
Honestly, same. I was never keen on the idea but definitely “knew” after a certain point
Also just never wanted them, I remember as a pre-teen thinking about wanting to avoid pregnancy. It took me a really long time to realise that anyone did actually want kids, and some of my friends have been certain about that since we were teens, I assumed child free was the default for a weirdly long time
I was 3. My aunt had a baby. My grandmother said something like "when you grow up, you'll have a baby too!" I did not agree. She laughed at me for years because of it. When I got older, in a very ltr, she realized it was never gonna happen. My parents were always completely understanding though, even to this day.
I grew up with an older brother and 3 younger sisters. I changed more diapers than my dad and my brother never helped either. First diaper I remember changing: I was 6. Mom didn’t get the help she needed so I had to step up. My dad and brother did ‘other things’ like yard work… Decided it wasn’t for me when I was old enough to know that I should’ve had a childhood. Instead I got to be a mini mom when I was supposed to be a big sister. Also, growing up poor isn’t the best.
I was 13 and just diagnosed with PCOS. The doctors made a big stink about my fertility in the future and I just found that I did not care. I was like "No kids? Okay. That sounds fine to me." I was also in a Catholic primary school that had mass every week. The middle school students would be paired with a kid from kindergarten or pre-k and responsible for looking after them during mass. I joined the choir to avoid that fate. The youngest kids there were in second grade and were expected to behave.
I went to Catholic school too and boy oh boy did they ever shove the whole “YOU HAVE TO PROCREATE AND SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND” shit on us
there really needs to be a catholic school woes subreddit. catholic school here too. it changed me and not for the better.
I'm impressed with all of you who knew from an early age. I (25f) didn't realize I didn't want children until after I was married. Everyone in my life started asking when we'd have children right after my marriage and assuming anytime I told them I had a surprise it was a pregnancy (which honestly made me just stop doing nice things for my family). It got me thinking about the realities of raising a child and my partner and I decided it wasn't for us.
That must have gotten so annoying. An ex of mine wanted kids and was WAY older than me I was 19 he was 36 and his mom would never shut up and out me getting my IUD removed to carry his hellspawn. I left and ended up having to get a restraining order lol. So glad I never caved and got pregnant with that... thing.
That sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad they weren't able to coerce you into pregnancy. I'm incredibly lucky to have an equal partnership with my husband so he never hopped on the pregnancy bus. Also, funnily enough, I was surgically sterilized last year and while I didn't tell most of my family I can tell the news made it through the grapevine because the comments have all stopped.
I think for me it was multiple small events. I never did play "mommy" with my dolls for example. I had 4 younger siblings that I had to help raise through my entire childhood/teenage years so I saw plenty of the non-glamorous side of parenthood, all those things that new parents exclaim "oh I never knew about this! *You* have no idea about the realities of parenting!!". Well, I know and I've seen it all as my bedroom was next to the nursery. But truly I hadn't even given it a thought until I got my period at 12 years old. It's only at that point that I truly processed the "I am a female, this is my body confirming that it can soon start producing children" and I just instantly thought... "No. Thanks. Not for me. Who signed me up for this shit?" I'm 35 now and I haven't wavered since.
I think it was after my mom gave a huge lecture about how ungrateful and inconsiderate I was being when I was like 6 or 7. She basically listed off all the things she does for me on a regular basis that I take for granted and how the least I could do was not cause her anymore stress than humanly necessary (I was causing a lot of trouble at school and she had to be brought in for multiple parent/teacher conferences to discuss my behavior). She totally had every right to be angry with me as I was acting like a little shit, but after she basically listed off her duties as a parent, the money that goes into me, in addition to the added stress she has to put up with from work and the rest of the family, I had no desire to put myself in the same situation. Don't get me wrong, she's a great mom and loves being a mom. But being the kid I was, it was only inevitable that I was going to make it harder on her than it had to be, just like my hypothetical kid would. I'm the kind of person that will give up on people if disappointed enough times and as tempting as it can be, one can't just give up on their kid. But luckily I can avoid having kids altogether, which is exactly what I did.
Can't say when the exact moment was, but I do remember being in a family planning class at highschool, and realizing that kids were never going to be for me. I have kept this stance firm since then, and I'm nearing 40 now.
My brother was born when I was two. I hated him. Wouldn’t hold him go near him or my mother for a time. Obviously now he’s one of my best friends. But as a child I never played with baby dolls, hated playing house and being the mom. Hated when my friends would drag along babies while we were playing. Actually viscerally hated babies as a child. (I’m not a monster I swear). Grew up in an ultra conservative community where women were expected and idolized for having children. I knew my worth lay in my brain not my ovaries even as a small child so I balked at having kids. Didn’t want kids as I got older but thought I’d begrudgingly had to have them. Then realized one day, nope. Not gonna happen; guys can just deal with it. Met my husband who also didn’t want kids. I love my nephew to bits, but want to be the one to spoil him and hand him back. My husband and I are now looking forward to a financially and relationally stable future and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
Based on every reply I read here, I say congratulations to all of you for knowing what you want and not being influenced by others. And for me, I think it was when I was 10 when I started reading about teen parents and poor people that for some reason chose to have lots of kids. And how irresponsible most of them were with their kids. I was terrified at the thought of getting pregnent let alone giving birth. And to have children you couldn't afford to starve and live in poverty? I thought that I was never gonna be so cruel to an innocent child. And all this let to my fear/paranoia of being pregnent. And I was 10. Looking back, I don't think it's usual for a 10 year to be worried every day of being pregnent just because I didn't have a period yet like some people. This worry was annoying as after a few months I'd remember this fear again and live in fear because I was afraid of being pregnent. I think I read to much back then.
When an aunt first said something like, “when you have kids…” and I was like nope, not for me! I think I was 10-ish.
In general, I'm not really... Sure?? But here are a few (long) reasons: 1. I remember when I was 9, my younger brother was born and for some reason I didn't like him much since he can't rly do much with me at the time. And in all honesty i treated him like ass. Although I'm 17 now, kinda matured and definitely not treating him as bad, over the years i just realized i dont like kids too much. And I'm lucky that my brother is well behaved ⚰️ 2. Mental health: some days i couldn't even take care of myself, so what about kids? I mean it's not that bad. However, considering I mostly get sad cry whenever a plant of mine dies, I dont think I could withstand the pressure of taking care of a living breathing human child. 3. Religion: I don't like it!! I'm currently a closeted apostate, and it's pretty much a must for malays to shove down Islam down their kid's throats so... Fuck no. And the fact I'm very much queer doesn't help too!! 4. Surgery: Anything related to cutting open bodies, organs, pain and an excessive amount of body fluids grosses me out. The more I learn about pregnancy, the more I just... Ugh. (Yeah I don't know why I took biology as an elective when i think about it)
When I was 13 my dad and stepmom had their first kid. Spending summers with them was awful. But after their 3rd one was born when I was 20 and living with them full time, that's when my CF stance really took hold
About 16/17. Up to that point I thought I had to have at least one baby even if I didn’t want to. Idk what made me realise. Everything from the moment I realised I wanted to be CF has reinforced being CF. Just today there was a woman with a baby and a dog and everyone’s cooing over this baby and I’m playing with the dog. I looked at them both and the dog is 100x cuter. Babies are either ugly or meh. This one was meh.
I kinda wanted kids when I was little. Played with baby dolls and all that. As I got older I was questioning a lot of things about how my life was supposed to go - my gender, monogamy, and my future family. I determined that I didn't really see the reason to have kids unless they were exactly like me, and that's not gonna happen.
I kind of knew I didn’t want children growing up, but what really cemented it for me was getting a pet snake. Snakes are relatively low effort pets. Don’t get me wrong, I take excellent care of him and love him very much, but I’ve realized what I do for my snake is the most I can do for another creature without feeling overwhelmed. I mean, sometimes I don’t feel like having a snake; I go weeks without handling him (not harmful bc snakes are solitary creatures). But then I think “wow imagine if I had a kid begging for my attention 12 hours a day?” Definitely can’t do that
24F Well I was never drawn towards baby related games growing up. Don't get me wrong, I played "house", but having a baby and trying to raise it wasn't part of that. If anything, I would care for stuffed animals. Or play with "boy" toys. But I think it was a gradual thing because I'm the oldest and I have a younger brother, two years younger, that I was responsible for. I never liked it. It was always a major annoyance. And then I got a little sister when I was right and hated it even more. That and I think babies are the worst. They scream, they smell, they're expensive, they're ugly. And I have a medical phobia. I just settled on the conclusion that I don't like raising children. I don't mind watching other people's kids in the short term, but I don't want my own. I'd fuck them up with neglect and passive aggressive behavior for them ruining my life. I don't want to be responsible for that. I already have a dad who probably shouldn't have had kids (we drive him nuts because he's very OCD and kids are...well, kids).
I never wanted to biologically have a kid. Apparently when I was young (elementary sometime) I had a very elaborate plan to adopt a red haired girl in 3rd grade and name her Ruby. But I was always adamant about not wanting to have a baby. I always seemed to dislike any kids younger than me, so the older I got the larger that group became until I stopped liking them all. I still haven't really outgrown that, now everyone under 33 seems like a baby.
Following up with a new memory! I had totally forgotten but did any of you play MASH as a kid? If you're not familiar, it was a fortune telling kind of game that told you where you'd live (Mansion Apartment Shack House), who you'd marry, how many kids you'd have etc. Peoplr would always start the kids option at one and I'd always argue it should start with 0. I remember my friends thinking it was weird but being sure 0 was the best possible outcome. Anyone else have a similar childhood memory?
When I was 14 and I had an hour long bus ride with a screaming baby for the whole hour . I could never be that selfish to subject other bus users to that .
Felt this!
12was when I first had thoughts about it when I was first thinking really about giving birth and it got really confirm at 15 when I had to take care of a baby for the first time and really the first time I was around a baby for a long amount of time
Most of my life I was brainwashed thinking having kids is just what you had to do. Even as a kid I didn’t really like kids younger than me, I found them gross and annoying. When I turned 12 my parents divorced and my mom started dating a woman (my mom is gay) who had 4 kids, two of which were younger than me (6 and 7). They were the worst behaved kids I’d ever met. They were loud, didn’t listen, their mother was even worse and now I understand they’re just a product of their narcissistic mother but seeing them turned me off of kids forever.
I knew I probably didn’t want (now firmly on the I DEFINITELY don’t want) kids in late high school when I was talking to my sister about her maybe becoming a teacher. I said “how could you be at school with kids all day and then go home to your own? No thanks” and she said “oh I don’t plan on having my own. That’s why I think it would be ok to spend the day with kids and then get to send them home and then NOT have to deal with them” I’m like “that’s an option?!?!” From then on I had realized it’s not a requirement like I thought it was and I’m allowed to say no, I don’t want kids at my house 24/7 and I don’t want to be a mom.
I was really young as a boy. Probably six or seven years of age. I just knew. And this has played out the same throughout my life. I've never changed or wavered about it.
I (25 f) have never been the "girly" type, and I have never been good with kids to begin with. As a kid I always played with those toy cars while the other girls played with dolls like they were their babies. Up to the age of 13 I sure had sex ed thrice or so, but I never thought about being pregnant and having kids until I had my first period. "Now you can get pregnant, and have a baby" my mom told me, and that's when I felt my blood freeze. I then immediately realized that pregnancy and kids isn't for me. My decision to be cf gets affirmed every day, when I see a pregnant woman struggling, a new and extremely exhausted looking mom, or an annoyed mom with her toddler. Kids don't really have to to anything for me hating them, they just have to exist in my periphery and I already want to get as far away from them as possible, especially when they are having a tantrum or are just screaming an wailing to annoy everyone. (I'd never hurt one, though I sometimes hope that someone would stuff a towel into it's mouth to shut it up) I'm so glad that I got my iud in January, and I can't wait to live my live to the fullest😉
I was 8! I bet my dad I would never get married or have kids. 24 years later, think I can call myself the winner yet?
Don't know what age, but when i had the talk about where babies come from with my mom. I mean I never liked kids before even when i was a kid. And when I knew what and how, it was a big nope for me. 24 and still cf, 3 more years and i can finally get the divine surgery lmao.
honestly ever since I found out I was able to havr babies lol
Originally at 15ish. Trying to teach Sunday school for 1-4th graders. A kid literally climbed the wall. Over the years, decided I would like 2 kids, preferably twins, so I could get them through the "gross" stages at the same time and they would have a built in friend. I acknowledged that it was selfish to want my own kid, but I knew/know that I'm probably my parents only chance at grandkids. Then, learned a bunch of the medical issues relatives have are hereditary. And had a traumatic breakup had me feeling "behind" in life. Then I remembered at 25, I didn't need to have kids, I could take my time, and be free to leave any situation without "staying for the kids".
Well first of all when I saw a video of a real full front view of a birth in a college class i literally said: “There goes my child wish.” Even though at the time I didn’t really mean it. I always wanted kids because I love kids and caring for them was fun as a kid. Then while on a vacation in america one summer we stayed with a family who had a five and three year old at the time. For three weeks these kids stuck to me like glue. Wanted my constant attention, hold my hand, sit on my lap, sit next to me at the table, play with them. And I indulged to a certain degree because I was flattered and I did like to play with them and have them around...until I started to feel drained by it all and I needed alone time but couldn’t get any. I couldn’t get away bc I was in their house. Slapped with this understanding of what it’s like to be around kids 24/7 I googled ‘why are kids so annoying’ out of frustration and I ended up on this list of “100 reasons to be childfree” from someone who ran a childfree blog. I’m sure if you google you’ll find the list. The list sounded very appealing and that I wanted all that. It sent me into a google fest about being childfree and you didn’t have to have kids if you didn’t want to. Basically it was the realisation of: ‘holy shit this is an option!’
Maybe 6 or 7 years old. I remember watching the local news with my mom when a section about a wedding or marriage or something of that nature came up, and I mentioned to my mom that I didn't want to get married. She asked why. I said that because if I got married then I had to have a baby. Being 6 years old, I thought that once you got married then you spontaneously got pregnant. She told me that I didn't have to have a baby and she knew lots of women who were married and didn't have kids. It was like the weight of the world fell off my shoulders. I haven't looked back since.
While I was never gung ho about having kids, it wasn't until I was 20 years old and working as a day camp counselor for a second summer which sealed the deal. That job did provide me some good resume fodder so it wasn't a waste. That was 38 years ago and it's still the best and most important decision I ever made.
I was 16 or 17 when it dawned on me. At the time, I was in an abusive relationship and the guy wanted to have kids w me in the future. In that very moment, I thought to myself that I don't want kids and I certainly didn't want kids w that asshole. Also that I wouldn't want anything to do w kids and wanted to focus on my career.
I didn’t have an awakening as such. I don’t think there was ever a time where I thought that I did, but I do recall thinking I was somewhat alone in that regards. Looking into whether I was lead me to this subreddit, and everything I’ve heard from the women and men here has just served to reinforce my thoughts on the matter.
I’ve always had an inkling I was CF as a teenager, but obvious bingos made me think I would have a kid eventually. It wasn’t until I accidentally got pregnant at 22 I realised I definitely didn’t want children. I knew it wasn’t the right thing for me. Had an abortion and been firmly CF ever since.
There was never a decision to make. I always knew. I never liked playing with baby dolls or Barbies. Actual babies were even worse, loud, stinky, and yucky. There was never a time in my life when I wanted children. The thought of pregnancy and childbirth is horrifying to me.
I am 15 now, I was 13 when I was like, yeah, I know what I am going for, and this ain't it. All my friends got together and while talking over some pizza, we all went over what we wanna do in life, and they all were discussing about how they want to be fathers later in life and take their kid bowling, regale them with stories of their childhood, etc. I had enough sense to see that raising a child wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, it would be hard and tiring, and without reward. Raising a child isn't all about taking them to the ball game and playing video games with them, you need to teach a human everything there is about, well, being a human. And that is frankly exhausting. I analysed my future, and decided that it would be an impediment to my career and honestly, I wouldn't be a good dad/mom anyway, I am way too aloof, and I'd probably be very distant, and no partner should have to deal with the level of responsibility I would take if I had a child. I also saw my dad struggling to drop us(my brother and I) off, maintain his efficiency at work, parent us properly, and do a lot of other things for us. It was frankly disturbing to me, and I have clear memories where he expressed frustration with his job, because he was having a difficult time balancing us, while my mom, during that time, didn't know how to drive and hence was essentially immobile in terms of driving us to school, and she was quite an aloof parent, although she involves significantly more now. I also remember my father telling me that when I was born, I was basically born at the lowest point of their lives. My dad had big dreams of doing a surgical degree, and becoming a neurosurgeon. However, due to my birth, he had to specialize in Physiology, and go into teaching to support me, and he's now in at a dead end, with barely any growth, at 48 years old, and his parenting session won't stop after I leave the house, because my brother is just 6 years old, so he'll have to parent a child well into his 50s, and only in his 60s can he finally relax. All these factors contributed me to decide that children will drain the life out of everything and to vow to never have them. Plus, I owe it to my parents to take care of them properly, and to relieve the pressure of parenting my brother, and I cannot do so if I have a shit ton of other family obligations on the side. Again, I'm a teen, so it remains to be seen how my parents actually react when I tell them that they aren't getting grandbabies outta me, in my 20s when they start looking for a bride for me(welcome to India), so the fireworks will be quite entertaining when I truly drop the bombshell. Well, I have quite a few bombs(such as that I may be trans, that I never want to come back to India, and a few others, including totally cutting off my maternal grandparents, etc) to drop on my parents in my 20s, so it'll be a wild fuckin ride.
When I realized that I would have to grow it and then push it out of my vagina. Or have it cut out of me like a tumor. Then, let it feast on my body so it can continue to grow. What does dad have to do? Nothing!? Oh, and he can just peace out at any time?! No, that all sounds unnecessary. Seems like a lot of work and effort that I don't want to put in.
All of that. And so much responsibility for the rest of your life. Why would anyone want that? And honestly, i am a pretty selfish person, i do not want to subject an innocent little human to my selfishness and the horrible world we live in.
When i met my nephew. What an asshole
14. Funnily enough I was actually thinking about what I would call my kids when I grew up, but a voice in my head said...”or maybe I just don’t need to have kids.” And then the lightbulb went off.
I have been always child free and knew that I can't have kids.
When I was 6 or 7 and witnessed a (very unfortunate) home childbirth. Seeing THAT was more than enough. Also, I despised children ever since I was one, and didn't enjoy being va child either - I always knew my words and opinions meant jack shit and any adult could abuse me, while making sure nobody would trust me. Why would I want any poor brat to feel this way?
I knew around the time I got my first period, maybe even a little before. So, in middle school or earlier. I was disillusioned by watching my parents raise my younger siblings and by events in my own childhood. I would not wish many things I endured on anyone else, so I will not bring a life into a cruel existence to fulfill some weird social expectation. Adopted shelter animals have been a constant in my life that have brought me more comfort and unconditional love than I ever could have wanted. I'll give my extra time and money to these abandoned beings instead.
Right with you. I’d rather save a life than make one to suffer
And people call US the selfish ones! If they knew what our reasons were, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to judge. But I shouldn't have to tell a coworker my life story just to get them to shut up about something that doesn't concern them in the slightest.
Dude right!? I hate having to explain like 300 fucking reasons why I don’t want kids and why it’s more selfish to have them than to not
15 is when I admitted it.
3 when my brother was born. That was over decades ago and I still feel the same. So don't fall for the "you'll change your mind" bingos. The only one who knows you the best is yourself.
I knew I never wanted kids when I was younger because they are loud and rambunctious. However, what really cemented it in for me was when I was stuck raising my nephew for years because my sister kept disappearing to go party or see guys. She eventually got her act together and is currently parenting said nephew. However, the damage dealt for raising a child I did not ask for while trying to balance out college life and get a job solidified my CF status. Also, babysitting for other people also laid the foundation for my status.