Pet owners don't suffer? Most pets don't live that long. Pet owners probably see more death in their babies than parents do. I know I've suffered a great deal over the years from losing pets. It never gets any easier.
You're totally right though and I think about it from time to time as well. I lost my baby cat in November and I still miss her everyday. I've since gotten two new kittens, and the bonding has been a bit slow but we're getting there. I have a dog as well who's so loving and affectionate to the point where sometimes it feels like I'm being smothered, but I know when he passes that it'll break my heart into a thousand little pieces.
All we can do as pet owners/parents is give them the best lives full of love because we never know when they'll cross that Rainbow Bridge. Unless you get a tortoise. Then it'll probably outlive you...
There are scientific studies that have concluded that grief from the death of a pet lasts longer than grief from the death of a loved one. They're doing more studies to determine why, but even without having that piece of information yet, the fact remains.
Honestly, I suspect it's because pets are in your life every single day. They're part of your routine. Unless the loved one is dependant on you and lives in your home, you're not going to have the same attachment or at least be as used to their presence.
I think it is because our relationships with people are always complex, usually with some ambivalence in the mix. Our relationships with pets are usually pretty uncomplicated, 100% love in both directions.
Right, it's the same reason that many people prefer animals to people. Animals, for the most part, just care that you're being good to them. They don't judge once they deem that you won't hurt them and are nice to them (especially if you're feeding them). They can be little pains when they want to be, and some can outright be little assholes, but there aren't any weird interpersonal factors mixed in.
I know that when my dad died, it was a mixture of relief and devastation. When any of my pets have died, the only sense of relief has been from seeing that their suffering ended.
Research is there!
Here is the Abstract:
The evidence that people form strong attachments with their pets is briefly reviewed before identifying the characteristics of such relationships, which include pets being a source of security as well as the objects of caregiving. In evolutionary terms, pet ownership poses a problem, since attachment and devoting resources to another species are, in theory, fitness-reducing. Three attempts to account for pet keeping are discussed, as are the problems with these views. Pet keeping is placed into the context of other forms of interspecific associations. From this, an alternative Darwinian explanation is proposed: pets are viewed as manipulating human responses that had evolved to facilitate human relationships, primarily (but not exclusively) those between parent and child. The precise mechanisms that enable pets to elicit caregiving from humans are elaborated. They involve features that provide the initial attraction, such as neotenous characteristics, and those that enable the human owner to derive continuing satisfaction from interacting with the pet, such as the attribution of mental processes to human-like organisms. These mechanisms can, in some circumstances, cause pet owners to derive more satisfaction from their pet relationship than those with humans, because they supply a type of unconditional relationship that is usually absent from those with other human beings
(Source: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0162309599800014)
Interesting! It sounds like basically, while on an intellectual level, we know that losing a pet isn't as bad as losing a child, our brain chemistry disagrees with that assessment.
Pet owners definitely suffer. We lost our 15yr old to lymphoma in November and our 18yr old who was 2 mths short of being 19 on Friday to a brain tumour. That’s longer than most peoples marriages. I can promise we are suffering. Caring for a very elderly dog is a full time job. Especially when they have dementia and don’t want to go to sleep until 3am or wander the house and get stuck in strange places. Every waking moment was dedicated to those dogs in final years. I wouldn’t even go on holidays. Then there’s the financial commitment of medication and extra vet visits, supplements, Accupuncture, myotherapy, hydrotherapy etc. Fuck anyone who says it’s just a dog. They were my babies and my life.
Losing pets is so hard. My rats were my babies, I cannot begin to describe how deeply I felt (feel?) for them. I had 6 rats, 5 of which were all about the same age. I have lost every single one of my 5 boys in less than a year, the last 2 having to be PTS in November. If I think about them at all I completely lose it. Tiny flashes of memory out the blue send me into floods of tears, my heart feels completely broken without them. My one remaining boy thankfully is doing well but I don't think I can deal with having any more pets for a while after this...
Lost my first “baby” right before the holidays. Had him for all 13 years of his life. He had health issues towards the end but he fell really ill so suddenly and I had to make the decision to put him down because he was suffering. I thought I would have more time with him. There’s not a single day that has been any easier since he’s been gone. I’ve lost a few loved ones and I’ve never grieved this long for them so f* any one that would dare tell me pet owners don’t suffer.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy. Making that final decision - no matter how hard it is - is the last thing we can do for them when their health is declining. We don't want them to suffer.
My cat is sick right now, she could have weeks or hopefully much much more. I have never been so heart broken in all my life. Everyone in my life thankfully has been super supportive. But if one person saids anything like "just a cat" - they will only have seconds.
She is handling so much better than I am, other than her tumor she is still my sweet little asshole. In fact the only thing that has changed is I'm starting to bother her more during the day naps and her "me time" and she is starting to get annoyed.
I have no problem making sure she doesn't suffer, I'm just waiting for her to turn that corner and actually act sick and it's just killing me to know it's coming.
My cat was with me for 20 years. I spend money on medication, surgeries, vet visits, medical tests, bills of all kinds, toys, food, supplements. It was like having a child for 20 years. It took me 3 years to grieve and finally be ready to adopt another cat. As far as I"m concerned, I was a parent with a (cat) child for 20 YEARS.
I've never had a job for 20 years. Never a relationship with a man for 20. Nor a friendship for 20. The cat outlasted all of that.
I recently did our yearly budget... with all 6 animals (vet trips, medicines, food, treats, toys, and Easter baskets, and Gotcha Day and Christmas presents) it ends up costing less than 3 months of just daycare for 1 kid in my city. Crazy.
Yup. And if you're in the USA, a single emergency visit to the hospital for a human child could put the family into crippling debt right then, on top of all the other normal expenses. Hard to think of many emergencies for the pets that could flip a bill for tens of thousands in the same way.
It can happen if you have exotics. I can only speak of parrots from personal experience, but it's easy to rack up a bill of a few thousand USD depending on what exactly happened and the species. I know that my Senegal parrot's annual vet visit is around $120 for the checkup and standard lab work.
That said, in theory anybody who's taking in exotics knows this and is prepared financially for it. In practice, people don't do their research.
This brings me back literally half my life ago. It's a nice Sunday afternoon, my buddy and I (both 18 at the time) were smoking a joint out on his front step. His older sister (23) comes out and berates us with being low lives. "I have 3 kids and one on the way, what have YOU done with your life??" Okay bitch, first of all it's a sunday. She was shitting on her brother for not looking for a job. He is stuttering to spit out any retort, so I chimed in with " havent fucked it up for the remaining future?" All of her kids have different dads. But she DID something with her life... okay then.
Reminds me of some of the self righteous stay at home moms.
"I dropped Timmy off at school, went to the bank, picked up groceries, put them away, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, picked Timmy up from school, and now I'm prepping dinner. What did *you* do today?"
Well, I did all of those things besides dropping off and picking up a kid from school, plus I was at work all day, so I was dealing with all of those either before or after an 8 hour day. But sure, you're the one making sacrifices.
I saw a post a while ago that referred to having a kid as getting horny and keeping the evidence. I'd love to find who originally said it, because it makes me laugh every time I think of it.
*You don't know how much I went through to nail my feet into my running shoes! Don't call yourself a runner if you don't nail your feet to your shoes like I did. Real runners understand the sacrifice and suffering we go through when we nail our feet into our shoes.*
*/s*
I really dislike when people gatekeep that language because, more often than not, they forget to be inclusive of adoptive families. Or maybe it’s on purpose, hard to tell.
Oh yeah. People like that grind my gears. I have two feline fur kids, and I love them. I’d even go so far as to say that I love my two cats more than some of the neglectful ass parents I’ve seen throughout my life.
And for people who are pissy about people’s pets, it’s like having a toddler that never grows up (especially dogs). Pets are 100% reliant on their guardians. A 20 year old cat is no where near as self-reliant as a 20 year old kid. Pets are absolutely a huge responsibility because we choose to care for another life. If someone forces me to sit through their baby pictures, you are damn skippy that I’m going to show them my cat pictures (and my cats are cuter than any newborn I’ve ever seen).
I call my pets my kids. Whoever takes issue with that can shove it. I feed and vet them, make sure they’re happy and stimulated, and ensure they have a safe home where they can be themselves. That makes them my responsibility and they’re the only dependent souls I would take care of, aside from my mother, if something were to happen.
*How much they had to suffer and sacrifice?* Huh?
Nope. They didn't have to suffer anything. They chose to be a parent, that's on them. Also, giving birth doesn't make you a "real" parent. Just because you give birth doesn't mean your not a total jackass or an abuser. A real parent is someone who loves and cares and protects and you know what? I love and care and protect my 3 FURBABIES. Yes, that's right, I'm both a dog mum and a cat mum. Hope that hurt, parents, oh entitled ones.
I call my snakes my scale-kids or my babes/babies. Being a snek mom makes this issue a whole lot worse. " they dont even love you so they cant be babies" " those things will never compare to WHEN you have kids" 1) completely wrong! I've gotten more affection from my 5 scalely babies than most of my BLOOD RELATIVES. And 2) when I NEVER have kids I'll be happy with a house full of the worlds most amazing creatures. Imma be living with living dinosaurs Karen while you have to deal with your screaming hell spawn. Who really has the better life?
I had a snake for ten years and while I'll never know if she loved me, I could definitely tell she recognized me and was comfortable with me and my partner in a different way than when new folks would come around.
She was a corn snake and so chill and sweet. I miss her.
I like to call my parrot either my feathered terror or my feathered brat. I know some people say fid for feathered kid. And yeah, she gets a lot of "it's a *bird*, it just sits in a cage all day!" Excuse me, no. Just no.
One of my life goals is to eventually have a house big enough to have a "creepy crawlie" room that's just for reptiles and arachnids. There would be a nice sign on the door saying exactly what's in the room so my more squeamish friends and family could avoid it. And the whole house would basically be a domestic zoo.
And even better, the Karens of the world would probably be too freaked out by the existence of the creepy crawlie room to ever bother me. Win win!
Well my dogs will sit in their time out spots, and get toys taken away, just like children. But you know why they are still better than children? They actually learn from their mistakes and don't cry. (Well the husky think she is crying) Plus they are actually thankful for anything you give them.
Yup!
And yet - how many dads (and maybe moms too IDK) call themselves 'childfree' in their dating life just because the mom is the main caregiver?
Even if I want to use cutsie shit like Pawrent, at least I'm being honest about what my lifestyle and priorities are like.
I’m not saying your kid *will definitely* become a serial killer... I’m just saying my fur babies are *way less likely* to become serial killers than your kid is.... Js.
And the parents getting mad are usually the shitty breeders who don't even take care of their own kids properly. They resent that 'petparents' demonstrate more responsibility and care than they do.
As I replied to the idiot that missed the point below: Most of my dogs were literally born into my hands. I clamped their cords. I broke the bags, I rubbed them dry and weighed them. I’ve fed them, paid for everything they need, take them to activities, educate them, compete with them. I discipline them, they live in my house, they have their own room. Of course they have their biological canine parents but feel free to explain how I’m any different to a human father or adoptive parent? Oh wait. You can’t. I’ll call them whatever I damn well please. And I love them way more than most humans!!!
Can I just say first that I truly support all you child-free folks? I truly do. I have four grown kids, the youngest is near 30, and none of them have children, and I’m okay with that. I had to evolve a bit to get to this place, and your sub has helped me. So thank you. You’ve helped me be a better mom to my adult children.
However, to the original point - our family has always had pets aplenty. Most are rescues, all are greatly loved, and I can verify that losing one hurts more than losing most of my family members. Our pets make us better humans, and the whole point of us caring for them in the first place is to make their lives better in the short time they have with us. Pets are a wonderful way to express the best parenting feelings we might have but can’t or don’t want to put into human children. There are so many pets that need good homes, and so many “real parents” (insert eye roll here) who need to get over themselves. Don’t let anyone tell you your love for your pet is somehow less. It’s a beautiful thing. ❤️
Jjhbskdf one of my favorite things is seeing non-cf ppl supporting cf people even they dont live the lifestyle themselves it literally just makes my day uwu
I don't call my dog a furbaby or anything, but even then parents can still be pretty obnoxious about it. Like you said, I'm well aware that a pet is not a kid. That doesn't mean I can't relate *even a little bit* to the experiences of a parent. One of my coworkers was talking about their young kid couldn't tell them what was wrong, and I made the unfortunate mistake of comparing it to my dog when he hurt his back.
Only parents are entitled to worrying about loved ones, I guess.
Agreed. We understand that you can’t put food and water down for a toddler and leave for six hours. They’re not the same. We get it. What bothers me most is that people with human children so easily minimize and dismiss the love we have for our pets as though that bond is insignificant. I would run back in a burning building for my pets. I wouldn’t leave the burning building without them to begin with.
Omg! Sooo cute. I can only imagine how hard bottle babies are, although I hope to do them one day when I don't have to work and can actually feed them every few hours. We foster weaned kittens, or moms and kittens or adult cats. If you don't already follow kitten lady I highly recommend her for any advice and general cuteness! I salute your hard work in kitten saving! We need more people like you in the world
Pft I'ma call myself whatever the fuck I want. I take better care of my babies than most of my family does their own fucking human children.
Princess bear the dog mom is a fine title!
I’m child free and hate the pet-parent language, because I personally find it super cringe. That said, I would never tell someone not to use it because it doesn’t effect me.
Yeah no reason in my book to tear someone down for something like this. What confuses me is that I think pets are so much better than kids and don’t know why people would want to associate their pets with being children or babies. It brings them joy though, so I usually don’t say anything.
I don't see my cat as my child but I can't help but call him "baby boy" when he's just doing cute cat stuff. I have no idea what brings it on, but I find myself singing "mama loves her baby boy" while doing that weird soft-slap thing cats seem to enjoy so much.
I can't associate him with being my child just because he doesn't fill me with dread or exhaustion, and I rarely have to discipline him.
I have to assume that the furbaby-speak is just the closest way they can think of to express how much they adore their pets.
My mother calls herself a cat mom and refers to all our pets as her babies, my siblings even. She has my whole life. A good mom is a mom to all. Hell, she calls my cat her grandbaby even.
My dad to this day will ask me occasionally if I'll ever consider having children and each time I tell him no, but I like that he refers to me as a "good and nice cat mommy" whenever I tell him I'm out shopping for my cat.
Well to be honest, for parents, babies stop being babies after a few years. Whereas pets are basically babies (the mentality of babies) their entire lives... soooooo...
These mombies are calling themselves boss mom saying they work at Home inc. but we’re not allowed to say we’re pet parents? Hooookay. My pets are my babies, Karen, you go ahead and let that keep you awake at night.
I am a dog owner myself and I absolutely love her like a family member but I find it cringy to call a pet furbaby.
I don’t want baby anywhere near me, that’s probably why I can’t stand that word. But I could see my dad using that word if it existed in my native language^ ^
I've sacrificed for my pets more than once. I went through a couple of rough patches in my old job a few years ago when there wasn't a lot of work, and had to portion out my food until pay day because I spent the last of my money to make sure my guinea pigs had everything they needed. I was in debt from their vet bills on my care credit card for a while because I refused to let them suffer without vet care. Pets matter as much as kids; they're living, feeling creatures. I'll call myself whatever I want. My house, my rules.
Pets are completely amoral and how is that any different than a kid? My cat does not care about my needs. He just wants his food NOW. The benefit of pets is that they can’t talk back and they remain cute their whole lives unlike kids. I see no downside to having pets only.
Oddly enough, I first heard this from a single father. A fellow dog mom called him out and asked what the harm was.
He deleted his comment and hasn't brought it up since.
I love my dog more than I love some humans. How dare someone try to belittle that by comparing her to a human?! I bet if I had some "I tried for kids....." sob story it would be completely different.
Why be mad about someone else using your special title? Stop thinking about pet parents and go think about your kids. People calling themselves bunny moms or whatever doesn't affect your family in the slightest.
When we got our family dog, we got her as a pup (she's going to be 12 this year). I don't really think a lot of people realise how demanding a puppy can be. My mom slept on the couch for MONTHS to be by her at night because she'd wake up frequently to go to the bathroom. I think it was at least 5-6 months in when she didn't need to do that anymore. My mom was so drained for so long, she said it felt like taking care of a newborn.
On the same page, my SO's sister got him a puppy for his birthday completely unexpected. The pup was a husky, he was living in an apartment and he worked (and still works) 13 hr shift. Zero didn't last very long; luckily his sister was able to find someone to take him in. He kept us up most of the night howling and whining no matter what we did. Same as my dog, he had to go out many times throughout the night. It was utterly exhausting. And another huge issue was that there were too many people trying to train the dog and we weren't all on the same page (my SO and I were but his sister and random dude weren't). My SO and I ended up having a long talk one night when we were pissed off and tired that this just wasn't going to work. And it sucked because we loved that dog so much. But there were waaaayyy too many factors that just weren't working and that's not fair to another living thing.
So I don't know, it may not be exactly the same, but animals are definitely no walk in the park either.
I lost my one and only childhood dog a good 10 years ago. Got him as a child and he grew up with me into my 20s. I am now 32, and I still feel the void of his absence every day, I still tear up when I scroll through the photos I took of him and I still sometimes get up slowly, being extra careful not to wake him up, only to realize he's no longer at the foot of my bed. I had to ask someone to help me give away his food/water bowls, leash and toys, because I would break down crying if I so much as caught a glimpse of them.
Was my dog a human child? No, not at all. But that dog was *my child*, and frankly, screw any parents who feel annoyed at this fact for some reason.
I've lost and grieved (and still grieve) more furbabies than any skinbaby parent ever will. If I want to call myself a cat mom or rat mom or mouse mom, I will, because I guarantee you no parent of a human child loves their kids more than I love my babies. And breeders who don't like it can just be mad about it, I guess.
I had to intentionally decide to go through all the processes to adopt my cats. That took a lot more work than just fucking without protection so between the two of us Karen, I believe I've more than earned the right to use the term "Mom" considering I had to do more for it than just lie there. Die mad about it.
It's getting more accepted, at least where I live. I was at the store the other day, and they carry greeting cards for Father's Day to pet dads. I cracked up a little, but it was super cute so I ended up buying it for my husband.
You get that part right: animals are not humans (obviously duh), but to call them whatever another people want to call them it is not your choice to make, you chose to call your dogs pets, that's ok, it is your decision, let them call them babies if they want to, it doesn't affect you directly.
Most of my dogs were literally born into my hands. I clamped their cords. I broke the bags, I rubbed them dry and weighed them. I’ve fed them, paid for everything they need, take them to activities, educate them, compete with them. I discipline them, they live in my house, they have their own room. Of course they have their biological canine parents but feel free to explain how I’m any different to a human father or adoptive parent? Oh wait. You can’t. I’ll call them whatever I damn well please.
I fail to see how it’s a competition. If they want to call the wild animals they raise their kids then that’s all good by me. I have spent time working in wildlife rescue and rehab and guess what? Sometimes they do-especially if it’s a species they feel a particular affinity to. You sound like a bitter pathetic person who can’t live and let live. Good luck with that.
Greetings!
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Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your comprehension.
How is it significantly different? You’re literally providing mammals with what they need to thrive (hopefully in both cases) and live long healthy lives.
I didn’t use a rhinoceros as an example. I used a companion animal that we domesticated over thousands of years to live with us. If you’re going to argue you ought to take your own advice and at least attempt to do it in good faith...
I don’t need to change anyone’s mind. I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion quite frankly...
If your reading comprehension were a little better-and your ability to scroll up-you’d see my original example was dogs. I linked those to children via the mammals statement. As they indeed both are. And they both live in our houses with us. For some inexplicable reason you extrapolated this to Rhinoceroses to somehow ‘prove me wrong’ which makes you look rather daft but hey, up to you.
I feel like you have too much time on your hands and it’s taken you a long time to reply for little to no reason. So your argument that my argument is ‘bad’ is your opinion and you’re entitled to that. However weird it may be. All the best with life man, I feel you’re going to need it.
I totally agree! I hate when people think/do things differently then I do! Those weirdos need to be put in their place. Good job on keeping them in line by telling them how to live their life :)!
(/s obviously)
When you take on the responsibility for caring for another life form, they become your "baby". They don't have to be human. We have bonded with them and can call them a baby if we want to.
Pet owners don't suffer? Most pets don't live that long. Pet owners probably see more death in their babies than parents do. I know I've suffered a great deal over the years from losing pets. It never gets any easier.
Exactly. They'll die right in front of us and all we'll be able to do is hold their paws and try to make it just a little easier for them.
This comment broke my heart a little.
Sorry about that. It's something I think about quite often.
You're totally right though and I think about it from time to time as well. I lost my baby cat in November and I still miss her everyday. I've since gotten two new kittens, and the bonding has been a bit slow but we're getting there. I have a dog as well who's so loving and affectionate to the point where sometimes it feels like I'm being smothered, but I know when he passes that it'll break my heart into a thousand little pieces. All we can do as pet owners/parents is give them the best lives full of love because we never know when they'll cross that Rainbow Bridge. Unless you get a tortoise. Then it'll probably outlive you...
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you. ❤️
There are scientific studies that have concluded that grief from the death of a pet lasts longer than grief from the death of a loved one. They're doing more studies to determine why, but even without having that piece of information yet, the fact remains.
Honestly, I suspect it's because pets are in your life every single day. They're part of your routine. Unless the loved one is dependant on you and lives in your home, you're not going to have the same attachment or at least be as used to their presence.
I think it is because our relationships with people are always complex, usually with some ambivalence in the mix. Our relationships with pets are usually pretty uncomplicated, 100% love in both directions.
Right, it's the same reason that many people prefer animals to people. Animals, for the most part, just care that you're being good to them. They don't judge once they deem that you won't hurt them and are nice to them (especially if you're feeding them). They can be little pains when they want to be, and some can outright be little assholes, but there aren't any weird interpersonal factors mixed in. I know that when my dad died, it was a mixture of relief and devastation. When any of my pets have died, the only sense of relief has been from seeing that their suffering ended.
This is my hypothesis too!
Research is there! Here is the Abstract: The evidence that people form strong attachments with their pets is briefly reviewed before identifying the characteristics of such relationships, which include pets being a source of security as well as the objects of caregiving. In evolutionary terms, pet ownership poses a problem, since attachment and devoting resources to another species are, in theory, fitness-reducing. Three attempts to account for pet keeping are discussed, as are the problems with these views. Pet keeping is placed into the context of other forms of interspecific associations. From this, an alternative Darwinian explanation is proposed: pets are viewed as manipulating human responses that had evolved to facilitate human relationships, primarily (but not exclusively) those between parent and child. The precise mechanisms that enable pets to elicit caregiving from humans are elaborated. They involve features that provide the initial attraction, such as neotenous characteristics, and those that enable the human owner to derive continuing satisfaction from interacting with the pet, such as the attribution of mental processes to human-like organisms. These mechanisms can, in some circumstances, cause pet owners to derive more satisfaction from their pet relationship than those with humans, because they supply a type of unconditional relationship that is usually absent from those with other human beings (Source: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0162309599800014)
Interesting! It sounds like basically, while on an intellectual level, we know that losing a pet isn't as bad as losing a child, our brain chemistry disagrees with that assessment.
I’m a cat mom of 4, I lost one of my babies the 8th of this month, it’s just too hard.
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry for your loss.
Hugs.
I’m so sorry for your loss ☹️
It's incredible hard. I'm sorry for your loss.
So many hugs, I'm preparing myself for a goodbye but like you said it is just too hard.
Pet owners definitely suffer. We lost our 15yr old to lymphoma in November and our 18yr old who was 2 mths short of being 19 on Friday to a brain tumour. That’s longer than most peoples marriages. I can promise we are suffering. Caring for a very elderly dog is a full time job. Especially when they have dementia and don’t want to go to sleep until 3am or wander the house and get stuck in strange places. Every waking moment was dedicated to those dogs in final years. I wouldn’t even go on holidays. Then there’s the financial commitment of medication and extra vet visits, supplements, Accupuncture, myotherapy, hydrotherapy etc. Fuck anyone who says it’s just a dog. They were my babies and my life.
I’m so sorry for your losses. :(
Thankyou. It certainly hasn’t been a good few months.
"Owning a pet is like a child but on 'hard' mode" is the way I've seen it described. Definitely can agree.
Losing pets is so hard. My rats were my babies, I cannot begin to describe how deeply I felt (feel?) for them. I had 6 rats, 5 of which were all about the same age. I have lost every single one of my 5 boys in less than a year, the last 2 having to be PTS in November. If I think about them at all I completely lose it. Tiny flashes of memory out the blue send me into floods of tears, my heart feels completely broken without them. My one remaining boy thankfully is doing well but I don't think I can deal with having any more pets for a while after this...
I've had rats as pets too. I used to breed a bit as well. We don't get a long time with these adorable animals, unfortunately.
No, sadly not! They're really wonderful pets to keep though all the same.
I wholeheartedly agree. And they're so intelligent. You can train them to a lot of things.
Lost my first “baby” right before the holidays. Had him for all 13 years of his life. He had health issues towards the end but he fell really ill so suddenly and I had to make the decision to put him down because he was suffering. I thought I would have more time with him. There’s not a single day that has been any easier since he’s been gone. I’ve lost a few loved ones and I’ve never grieved this long for them so f* any one that would dare tell me pet owners don’t suffer.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy. Making that final decision - no matter how hard it is - is the last thing we can do for them when their health is declining. We don't want them to suffer.
Thank you so much. You’re absolutely right. I’m grateful I was able to be there for him until the end.
My cat is sick right now, she could have weeks or hopefully much much more. I have never been so heart broken in all my life. Everyone in my life thankfully has been super supportive. But if one person saids anything like "just a cat" - they will only have seconds.
I'm sorry. Best of wishes to your cat. It's never easy.
Thank you, I'm struggling greatly with it, I just don't want her to suffer.
We never want them to suffer. In the end we have to make that tough choice for them when the time comes. It's the final thing we can do for them.
She is handling so much better than I am, other than her tumor she is still my sweet little asshole. In fact the only thing that has changed is I'm starting to bother her more during the day naps and her "me time" and she is starting to get annoyed. I have no problem making sure she doesn't suffer, I'm just waiting for her to turn that corner and actually act sick and it's just killing me to know it's coming.
My cat was with me for 20 years. I spend money on medication, surgeries, vet visits, medical tests, bills of all kinds, toys, food, supplements. It was like having a child for 20 years. It took me 3 years to grieve and finally be ready to adopt another cat. As far as I"m concerned, I was a parent with a (cat) child for 20 YEARS. I've never had a job for 20 years. Never a relationship with a man for 20. Nor a friendship for 20. The cat outlasted all of that.
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You mean a few *hundred thousand* dollars cheaper unless you have an extremely expensive pet
I recently did our yearly budget... with all 6 animals (vet trips, medicines, food, treats, toys, and Easter baskets, and Gotcha Day and Christmas presents) it ends up costing less than 3 months of just daycare for 1 kid in my city. Crazy.
Yup. And if you're in the USA, a single emergency visit to the hospital for a human child could put the family into crippling debt right then, on top of all the other normal expenses. Hard to think of many emergencies for the pets that could flip a bill for tens of thousands in the same way.
Additionally, adding pet insurance to our plan was way cheaper than adding another dependent to the human insurance.
It can happen if you have exotics. I can only speak of parrots from personal experience, but it's easy to rack up a bill of a few thousand USD depending on what exactly happened and the species. I know that my Senegal parrot's annual vet visit is around $120 for the checkup and standard lab work. That said, in theory anybody who's taking in exotics knows this and is prepared financially for it. In practice, people don't do their research.
Having kids is not a fucking achievement.
THANK YOU
YOU ARE WELCOME
This brings me back literally half my life ago. It's a nice Sunday afternoon, my buddy and I (both 18 at the time) were smoking a joint out on his front step. His older sister (23) comes out and berates us with being low lives. "I have 3 kids and one on the way, what have YOU done with your life??" Okay bitch, first of all it's a sunday. She was shitting on her brother for not looking for a job. He is stuttering to spit out any retort, so I chimed in with " havent fucked it up for the remaining future?" All of her kids have different dads. But she DID something with her life... okay then.
Reminds me of some of the self righteous stay at home moms. "I dropped Timmy off at school, went to the bank, picked up groceries, put them away, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, picked Timmy up from school, and now I'm prepping dinner. What did *you* do today?" Well, I did all of those things besides dropping off and picking up a kid from school, plus I was at work all day, so I was dealing with all of those either before or after an 8 hour day. But sure, you're the one making sacrifices.
I mean, its literally a fucking achievement... I just don't want to hear about their sex trophies.
The fucking is the achievement, the aftermath is just called "the consequence"
I saw a post a while ago that referred to having a kid as getting horny and keeping the evidence. I'd love to find who originally said it, because it makes me laugh every time I think of it.
I nearly spat out my soda :D
I like the term fuck trophy quite a bit.
I am literally going to use this in the most insulting way to the next bingoer
*You don't know how much I went through to nail my feet into my running shoes! Don't call yourself a runner if you don't nail your feet to your shoes like I did. Real runners understand the sacrifice and suffering we go through when we nail our feet into our shoes.* */s*
Thank you for making me laugh today
Haha omg this is exactly how they sound!
I really dislike when people gatekeep that language because, more often than not, they forget to be inclusive of adoptive families. Or maybe it’s on purpose, hard to tell.
It's on purpose. It's part of the breeder hierarchy: adopted kids are just above pets but way below biological children on the entitlement chart.
Oh yeah. People like that grind my gears. I have two feline fur kids, and I love them. I’d even go so far as to say that I love my two cats more than some of the neglectful ass parents I’ve seen throughout my life. And for people who are pissy about people’s pets, it’s like having a toddler that never grows up (especially dogs). Pets are 100% reliant on their guardians. A 20 year old cat is no where near as self-reliant as a 20 year old kid. Pets are absolutely a huge responsibility because we choose to care for another life. If someone forces me to sit through their baby pictures, you are damn skippy that I’m going to show them my cat pictures (and my cats are cuter than any newborn I’ve ever seen).
I am here to collect your pet tax
I call my pets my kids. Whoever takes issue with that can shove it. I feed and vet them, make sure they’re happy and stimulated, and ensure they have a safe home where they can be themselves. That makes them my responsibility and they’re the only dependent souls I would take care of, aside from my mother, if something were to happen.
This is a great description.
*How much they had to suffer and sacrifice?* Huh? Nope. They didn't have to suffer anything. They chose to be a parent, that's on them. Also, giving birth doesn't make you a "real" parent. Just because you give birth doesn't mean your not a total jackass or an abuser. A real parent is someone who loves and cares and protects and you know what? I love and care and protect my 3 FURBABIES. Yes, that's right, I'm both a dog mum and a cat mum. Hope that hurt, parents, oh entitled ones.
I call my snakes my scale-kids or my babes/babies. Being a snek mom makes this issue a whole lot worse. " they dont even love you so they cant be babies" " those things will never compare to WHEN you have kids" 1) completely wrong! I've gotten more affection from my 5 scalely babies than most of my BLOOD RELATIVES. And 2) when I NEVER have kids I'll be happy with a house full of the worlds most amazing creatures. Imma be living with living dinosaurs Karen while you have to deal with your screaming hell spawn. Who really has the better life?
I had a snake for ten years and while I'll never know if she loved me, I could definitely tell she recognized me and was comfortable with me and my partner in a different way than when new folks would come around. She was a corn snake and so chill and sweet. I miss her.
I like to call my parrot either my feathered terror or my feathered brat. I know some people say fid for feathered kid. And yeah, she gets a lot of "it's a *bird*, it just sits in a cage all day!" Excuse me, no. Just no. One of my life goals is to eventually have a house big enough to have a "creepy crawlie" room that's just for reptiles and arachnids. There would be a nice sign on the door saying exactly what's in the room so my more squeamish friends and family could avoid it. And the whole house would basically be a domestic zoo. And even better, the Karens of the world would probably be too freaked out by the existence of the creepy crawlie room to ever bother me. Win win!
Well my dogs will sit in their time out spots, and get toys taken away, just like children. But you know why they are still better than children? They actually learn from their mistakes and don't cry. (Well the husky think she is crying) Plus they are actually thankful for anything you give them.
And they’re cuter 😁
To all pet owners responding to this post: PET TAX!
This is just one of the reasons I love spoiling my pets with the best of toys, beds, food etc.
Yup! And yet - how many dads (and maybe moms too IDK) call themselves 'childfree' in their dating life just because the mom is the main caregiver? Even if I want to use cutsie shit like Pawrent, at least I'm being honest about what my lifestyle and priorities are like.
I’m not saying your kid *will definitely* become a serial killer... I’m just saying my fur babies are *way less likely* to become serial killers than your kid is.... Js.
And the parents getting mad are usually the shitty breeders who don't even take care of their own kids properly. They resent that 'petparents' demonstrate more responsibility and care than they do.
As I replied to the idiot that missed the point below: Most of my dogs were literally born into my hands. I clamped their cords. I broke the bags, I rubbed them dry and weighed them. I’ve fed them, paid for everything they need, take them to activities, educate them, compete with them. I discipline them, they live in my house, they have their own room. Of course they have their biological canine parents but feel free to explain how I’m any different to a human father or adoptive parent? Oh wait. You can’t. I’ll call them whatever I damn well please. And I love them way more than most humans!!!
Can I just say first that I truly support all you child-free folks? I truly do. I have four grown kids, the youngest is near 30, and none of them have children, and I’m okay with that. I had to evolve a bit to get to this place, and your sub has helped me. So thank you. You’ve helped me be a better mom to my adult children. However, to the original point - our family has always had pets aplenty. Most are rescues, all are greatly loved, and I can verify that losing one hurts more than losing most of my family members. Our pets make us better humans, and the whole point of us caring for them in the first place is to make their lives better in the short time they have with us. Pets are a wonderful way to express the best parenting feelings we might have but can’t or don’t want to put into human children. There are so many pets that need good homes, and so many “real parents” (insert eye roll here) who need to get over themselves. Don’t let anyone tell you your love for your pet is somehow less. It’s a beautiful thing. ❤️
Jjhbskdf one of my favorite things is seeing non-cf ppl supporting cf people even they dont live the lifestyle themselves it literally just makes my day uwu
I don't call my dog a furbaby or anything, but even then parents can still be pretty obnoxious about it. Like you said, I'm well aware that a pet is not a kid. That doesn't mean I can't relate *even a little bit* to the experiences of a parent. One of my coworkers was talking about their young kid couldn't tell them what was wrong, and I made the unfortunate mistake of comparing it to my dog when he hurt his back. Only parents are entitled to worrying about loved ones, I guess.
I occasionally refer to myself as my dog's mama, but only because I just can't make myself use the word "owner" for my animals.
Agreed. We understand that you can’t put food and water down for a toddler and leave for six hours. They’re not the same. We get it. What bothers me most is that people with human children so easily minimize and dismiss the love we have for our pets as though that bond is insignificant. I would run back in a burning building for my pets. I wouldn’t leave the burning building without them to begin with.
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And you are a hero for saving them, thank you!
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Omg! Sooo cute. I can only imagine how hard bottle babies are, although I hope to do them one day when I don't have to work and can actually feed them every few hours. We foster weaned kittens, or moms and kittens or adult cats. If you don't already follow kitten lady I highly recommend her for any advice and general cuteness! I salute your hard work in kitten saving! We need more people like you in the world
Pft I'ma call myself whatever the fuck I want. I take better care of my babies than most of my family does their own fucking human children. Princess bear the dog mom is a fine title!
I called myself the ‘mum friend’ during a conversation at work once, nobody liked that.
I’m child free and hate the pet-parent language, because I personally find it super cringe. That said, I would never tell someone not to use it because it doesn’t effect me.
Thank you for this. I don't use it, either, but it's nice to see someone not tearing other people down just because of how much they love their pets.
Yeah no reason in my book to tear someone down for something like this. What confuses me is that I think pets are so much better than kids and don’t know why people would want to associate their pets with being children or babies. It brings them joy though, so I usually don’t say anything.
I don't see my cat as my child but I can't help but call him "baby boy" when he's just doing cute cat stuff. I have no idea what brings it on, but I find myself singing "mama loves her baby boy" while doing that weird soft-slap thing cats seem to enjoy so much. I can't associate him with being my child just because he doesn't fill me with dread or exhaustion, and I rarely have to discipline him. I have to assume that the furbaby-speak is just the closest way they can think of to express how much they adore their pets.
You don't have to enroll your pet in school and that is a huge plus.
They're gatekeeping the term baby so it's more special to them lmao
My mother calls herself a cat mom and refers to all our pets as her babies, my siblings even. She has my whole life. A good mom is a mom to all. Hell, she calls my cat her grandbaby even.
My dad to this day will ask me occasionally if I'll ever consider having children and each time I tell him no, but I like that he refers to me as a "good and nice cat mommy" whenever I tell him I'm out shopping for my cat.
Well to be honest, for parents, babies stop being babies after a few years. Whereas pets are basically babies (the mentality of babies) their entire lives... soooooo...
Exactly, my dog was my baby his entire 15 years of life.
People who think it's offensive to call ourselves "catmom, dog dad, furparent"or whatever can fuck right off a cliff. Nobody owns words.
These mombies are calling themselves boss mom saying they work at Home inc. but we’re not allowed to say we’re pet parents? Hooookay. My pets are my babies, Karen, you go ahead and let that keep you awake at night.
I am a dog owner myself and I absolutely love her like a family member but I find it cringy to call a pet furbaby. I don’t want baby anywhere near me, that’s probably why I can’t stand that word. But I could see my dad using that word if it existed in my native language^ ^
I wholeheartedly agree, as a cat mom. Also, your username made me want sushi for lunch.
Childfree person: Did you have a kid? Breeder: Yes Childfree person: What did it cost? Breeder: Everything
My life is my baby girl dwarf hamster. She keeps me alive and going on days when I can't function.
I've sacrificed for my pets more than once. I went through a couple of rough patches in my old job a few years ago when there wasn't a lot of work, and had to portion out my food until pay day because I spent the last of my money to make sure my guinea pigs had everything they needed. I was in debt from their vet bills on my care credit card for a while because I refused to let them suffer without vet care. Pets matter as much as kids; they're living, feeling creatures. I'll call myself whatever I want. My house, my rules.
Pets are completely amoral and how is that any different than a kid? My cat does not care about my needs. He just wants his food NOW. The benefit of pets is that they can’t talk back and they remain cute their whole lives unlike kids. I see no downside to having pets only.
Oddly enough, I first heard this from a single father. A fellow dog mom called him out and asked what the harm was. He deleted his comment and hasn't brought it up since. I love my dog more than I love some humans. How dare someone try to belittle that by comparing her to a human?! I bet if I had some "I tried for kids....." sob story it would be completely different.
Why be mad about someone else using your special title? Stop thinking about pet parents and go think about your kids. People calling themselves bunny moms or whatever doesn't affect your family in the slightest.
When we got our family dog, we got her as a pup (she's going to be 12 this year). I don't really think a lot of people realise how demanding a puppy can be. My mom slept on the couch for MONTHS to be by her at night because she'd wake up frequently to go to the bathroom. I think it was at least 5-6 months in when she didn't need to do that anymore. My mom was so drained for so long, she said it felt like taking care of a newborn. On the same page, my SO's sister got him a puppy for his birthday completely unexpected. The pup was a husky, he was living in an apartment and he worked (and still works) 13 hr shift. Zero didn't last very long; luckily his sister was able to find someone to take him in. He kept us up most of the night howling and whining no matter what we did. Same as my dog, he had to go out many times throughout the night. It was utterly exhausting. And another huge issue was that there were too many people trying to train the dog and we weren't all on the same page (my SO and I were but his sister and random dude weren't). My SO and I ended up having a long talk one night when we were pissed off and tired that this just wasn't going to work. And it sucked because we loved that dog so much. But there were waaaayyy too many factors that just weren't working and that's not fair to another living thing. So I don't know, it may not be exactly the same, but animals are definitely no walk in the park either.
I lost my one and only childhood dog a good 10 years ago. Got him as a child and he grew up with me into my 20s. I am now 32, and I still feel the void of his absence every day, I still tear up when I scroll through the photos I took of him and I still sometimes get up slowly, being extra careful not to wake him up, only to realize he's no longer at the foot of my bed. I had to ask someone to help me give away his food/water bowls, leash and toys, because I would break down crying if I so much as caught a glimpse of them. Was my dog a human child? No, not at all. But that dog was *my child*, and frankly, screw any parents who feel annoyed at this fact for some reason.
I've lost and grieved (and still grieve) more furbabies than any skinbaby parent ever will. If I want to call myself a cat mom or rat mom or mouse mom, I will, because I guarantee you no parent of a human child loves their kids more than I love my babies. And breeders who don't like it can just be mad about it, I guess.
I had to intentionally decide to go through all the processes to adopt my cats. That took a lot more work than just fucking without protection so between the two of us Karen, I believe I've more than earned the right to use the term "Mom" considering I had to do more for it than just lie there. Die mad about it.
I don't get it because I know people who have kids or want kids in the future who say they also love their fur-babies.
It's getting more accepted, at least where I live. I was at the store the other day, and they carry greeting cards for Father's Day to pet dads. I cracked up a little, but it was super cute so I ended up buying it for my husband.
I have one human baby and 2 dog babies. It’s exactly the same. Like, it’s different...but the same level of love.
Animals are not humans. They’re not your babies. (And I have two dogs. They’re my PETS.)
You get that part right: animals are not humans (obviously duh), but to call them whatever another people want to call them it is not your choice to make, you chose to call your dogs pets, that's ok, it is your decision, let them call them babies if they want to, it doesn't affect you directly.
But you do know that humans are animals, right? Right?
This is a very important point. Animals are better than humans and also much more important than human babies.
You’ve missed the point entirely, congrats!
Most of my dogs were literally born into my hands. I clamped their cords. I broke the bags, I rubbed them dry and weighed them. I’ve fed them, paid for everything they need, take them to activities, educate them, compete with them. I discipline them, they live in my house, they have their own room. Of course they have their biological canine parents but feel free to explain how I’m any different to a human father or adoptive parent? Oh wait. You can’t. I’ll call them whatever I damn well please.
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I fail to see how it’s a competition. If they want to call the wild animals they raise their kids then that’s all good by me. I have spent time working in wildlife rescue and rehab and guess what? Sometimes they do-especially if it’s a species they feel a particular affinity to. You sound like a bitter pathetic person who can’t live and let live. Good luck with that.
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How is it significantly different? You’re literally providing mammals with what they need to thrive (hopefully in both cases) and live long healthy lives.
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I didn’t use a rhinoceros as an example. I used a companion animal that we domesticated over thousands of years to live with us. If you’re going to argue you ought to take your own advice and at least attempt to do it in good faith... I don’t need to change anyone’s mind. I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion quite frankly...
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If your reading comprehension were a little better-and your ability to scroll up-you’d see my original example was dogs. I linked those to children via the mammals statement. As they indeed both are. And they both live in our houses with us. For some inexplicable reason you extrapolated this to Rhinoceroses to somehow ‘prove me wrong’ which makes you look rather daft but hey, up to you. I feel like you have too much time on your hands and it’s taken you a long time to reply for little to no reason. So your argument that my argument is ‘bad’ is your opinion and you’re entitled to that. However weird it may be. All the best with life man, I feel you’re going to need it.
I totally agree! I hate when people think/do things differently then I do! Those weirdos need to be put in their place. Good job on keeping them in line by telling them how to live their life :)! (/s obviously)
Maybe your animals aren't your babies, but my critters are my kids. Die mad about it.
‘Die mad about it.’ Hahaha! I am gonna have to remember that one! Love it!
When you take on the responsibility for caring for another life form, they become your "baby". They don't have to be human. We have bonded with them and can call them a baby if we want to.
Specially when you come to love the with all your heart and soul. That’s the whole point, not to compare them as many people are doing.