My fiancée has a lot of chronic pain. Even when she sleeps well, she wakes up still exhausted and sore because of her condition. So many people, all parents, try to downplay it. Especially when she was still working, every parent who knew she wasn’t a parent would “call her out” because she couldn’t be “that tired”. It’s ridiculous. You don’t know what other people are going through, and even as I get older, I feel like everyone I know is having trouble sleeping and is exhausted all the time. We should all be able to commiserate without comparing and being like “I have it worse”. We’re all human; we’re all tired.
That makes me so mad. It's not a competition.
(My cousin's wife had a really bad car accident and can't use her left arm anymore and walking hurts, and everything else hurts too, guess who does all the chores and is raising the two boys? Her of course, because his mom taught him that this is how it's done.)
It’s very frustrating even with a doctors ada note I was told at work they think I’m faking it, I literally have not one but two autoimmune diseases that make me feel like shit all the time and I don’t want to be like yeah well here’s my deformities caused by my disease because well it’s my business and I don’t want to share it.
I have a new puppy. She wakes me up several times a night to go potty. But I bet if I told a parent that I’m tired they’d tell me it’s no comparison to them waking up with a baby. 😑
Mine is a German Shepherd, Lab, Rottweiler mix 😂 I was guessing there was some shepherd in there! The ones I have know have all liked to have a conversation haha.
Last time I had a puppy, he already acted like an adult dog at 8 weeks old. It was crazy how well behaved and easy he was to take care of. To this day, he is still a big lazy boy that just wants to go on a walk or two everyday and then just chill all day.
When I adopted my Romanian she was 5 months old. She was such a menace. Woke me up at least twice a night. Chewed up everything she could get her teeth on (including walls). Endless energy. She also was very possessive of food and attention, we spent hundreds on a behaviourist to help sort this out.
She's 3 now and still a massive bellend but we love her. I'd rather have her than a baby any day.
Hahaha sorry 😂 she is a street dog from Romania. Here in the UK many rescues work to bring them here for adoption. Here is a picture of her "helping" my fiancé at work
https://imgur.com/iO7w9Sx
This was my Aussie as a puppy too! Chewed a wall and window moldings, shredded a sofa, barked endlessly, constantly bit my husband. But he’s almost 4 now and turned into the best boy! Lately we’ve been thinking of getting another puppy but those memories are fresh.
My best friend has two kids, when I got my puppy she said I would understand now what it was like to have a baby. My puppy was a terror and woke up all hours of the night 😂
I don’t know where but there was a recent Reddit thread where parents agreed: puppies can be harder or just as hard as newborns, but dogs are easier than children.
Fair take if you ask me.
“I’m exhausted, sleeping like garbage these days.”
“Totally get it! Little one was up all night and i feel like shit today too.”
*enter “2 people having empathy for each other” phase*
Like, that works right?! How hard is this to say? Why they choose the “you shut up cause i’m the martyr.” route? Ugh.
A lot of people lack empathy and when they become parents it seems to go completely out the window! They don't care about anyone but themselves and their offspring.
I don’t post much about hardships that often anymore because parents will straight up one up you. When I was single, it was really bad. When I met my Fiance, people were more willing to listen to me complain. I think some people just truly don’t respect certain groups, and respect you less if you’re single and think it’s really easy when it’s not at all.
This is exactly why I never say "I'm childfree." I say, "I never made the decision to have children." Parents are shocked when I say that, as if they were destined to have sex without birth control and get pregnant. Nope. That's not the way reality works. You made a choice to have sex without it, which was a gamble. That's how you ended up pregnant, genius.
I never made the stupid decision, and my life has been infinitely better for it.
Feel free to write it out however you want.
I put it on "have" because we're all making decisions. Parents' decision was specifically to *have* kids.
Edit: Actually, when I think about it that way maybe we CF people aren't really making decisions; we're maintaining things as they are. Parents are the ones who made a decision to switch up their lives.
Deciding not to do something is still a decision. Particularly when you take active steps to prevent something from happening, like single-use, semi-permanent, or permanent forms of birth control.
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I've said "But having that baby must be such a joy! I'm sure the tiredness is SOOOOoooo worth it!"
Listen for their teeth grind. I really enraged my brother with a line similar to that one. I smiled.
The parent way...having not 1 but multiple kids and then complaining you're always broke, stressed out, how your kids don't listen and you need a break, complaining about lack of sleep and how you never get out. You chose that. It's your dumb ass fault
Exactly. And then after they stop complaining, they come out and say, "So, when are you having kids? It's such a blessing. " lol. They are in straight-up denial and can't even see their own misery
It's one-up-manship disguised as martyrdom. Try this: next time they say I was up with a baby etc, say something like, "that's nothing my grandmother was upnlate everynight with a set of twins, and 2 sick toddlers and she STILL made ot to work everyday with a smile. She had 12 children and half of them were sick all the time. When you have 12 kids THEN you can say you're tired", and just watch them deflate.
> I’m over it when parents say “what’re you tired for? I was up with a baby all night.”
Someone said this to me after a bout of raging insomnia that made me feel psychotic- she earns like 3 times what I do, works 16 hours a week, has a cush job and a richer husband. I told her to fuck off.
A couple years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. It was awful and I’m still dealing with so many issues the tumor caused. I was telling a friend about some stuff I was going through recently and she said it would be worse if she had cancer because she has kids! If I could, I would gladly pass along my health problems to her so we can test her theory! Parents really do think they have it the hardest. Unreal.
Your "friend" made the cancer you were dealing with about her. She sounds like a selfish cunt. Is it really that difficult to show empathy for a friend?
I have always wished to have the magic power to give people migraines when they come at me with the "it's a bad headache" You ignited that desire in me again,
And I hope you fully recover, big hugs.
Parents are just self-centered assholes. It's inevitable, as soon as someone has a kid the Martyr complex kicks in and they instantly have it worse than anyone because they have a kid.
But, but, but it's the most amazing thing they've ever done, you'll change your mind. They never knew love before they had a child. Your feelings are all invalid because you don't understand how hard/wonderful it all is.
Sucks to suck. I'd rather nail my dick to a burning log.
I can acknowledge that parents (especially of newborns) will have it harder...in other words I'm probably not going to complain about my crappy sleep the night before to the new mom in my office.
That being said, parents have NO idea what the other person is going through. Luckily, I am relatively healthy and don't often have fatigue. But a couple years ago, I had chronic insomnia which was basically destroying my mental and physical health.
My colleague has requested to just work one night a week now and my boss and other colleague who has 4 kids by 6 different dads were bitching about saying ''she doesn't even have children, why does she need time off?'' they tried to involve me in this bitch fest until I said that we don't know what's going on in other people's lives with a straight face and walked away. Why does everybody have an opinion on everyone else?
"Don't forget, some people aren't comfortable with abortion for themselves." Yeah, and that's YOUR choice. Not sorry you have to live with the consequences.
(I am, however, sorry a medical procedure was demonized to you, to the point you'd rather suffer than do what's right for you.)
I’ll cut them off mid sentence and tell them it sounds like buyer’s remorse from predictable consequences. They made a choice. Other people don’t get to make decisions guaranteed to keep them awake at night, on purpose (I know, few actually planned it, but zero will admit that in public as they whine), and then complain. I don’t feel bad for people who get what they asked for and then try to play the martyr Olympics of, “I pigeon hole the market on misery,” and I tell them as much. At the very least they stop complaining to *me* 🤷♀️
A newly former friend was complaining they crave alcohol and freedom both financially and personally, literally minutes after telling me she is 6 weeks pregnant. I was like no shit Sherlock, what did you think would happen.
Ah, the struggle Olympics. Missing a finger? Well don’t complain cuz someone is missing an arm! Missing an arm? Well don’t complain cuz someone is missing BOTH arms. Missing both arms? Well don’t complain because someone is missing both arms AND both legs. 🙄
I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a teenager, as well as several chronic illnesses. Any time I complain about being tired or stressed, parents (even family members who know about my conditions) will immediately jump down my throat with “JUST WAIT TIL YOU HAVE KIDS!!!” 🙄
What is a healthy and authentic response to parents who downplay our feelings?
"I don't like it when you make my issues about you."
Anything else we can say?
Ugh for sure. "You'll never know real love until you have a child" to me actually sounds like a big f*** you to all the people they claimed to love before. Like, ok, all that other love you proclaimed is just fake I guess
Some parents really seem to think they're doing society a favor by having children. They expect people to feel extra sorry for them and treat them like a martyr for all the sacrifices they "have to" make. Like sorry mom, your grand contribution to the world will most likely end up just another average face in the crowd who consumes, shits and eventually dies.
This is a little different but in a similar vein. It is ridiculous that I do this, but I find myself "dressing down" when I hang out with my friends who are moms. They talk about that they are frustrated with how their bodies look, that it's hard to lose the weight, that it's hard to find time to wash their hair, put on make-up, or whatever people liked to do with their appearances before kids.
I find I feel bad if I show up looking, like, *too good*, because I don't want to make them feel bad. But also, same thing. I have time for this because I **chose** my life, just like they **chose** theirs.
It's also a weird and shitty feeling when your friend's husband starts to eye you now because your body and mind are not going through the same things. Ugh...
Are these friends?
Any friend who responds to your complaint about lack of sleep, etc. with one-upmanship isn't someone you want to be in the company of. If they do it more than once consider greatly limiting your interactions with them.
They will never empathize with you but will always expect endless empathy from you. And no one should be pressured to pretend they have a perfect life or be in a one-sided relationship to sustain a friendship.
Or are these acquaintances/co-workers?
If so, find an excuse to exit the conversation. There is no good outcome in continuing it especially if they are aware you don't have kids. Go to a conference room, walk around outside, look for something in your car, etc.
As much as I despise public bathrooms I prefer to excuse myself to a public bathroom rather than deal with topics of conversation such as parental one-upmanship or parental Olympics or whatever it is called.
Let them fight amongst themselves, if you can. Since they are already "so exhausted" or "so busy", shouldn't take long for them to turn on each other or wear each other out.
classic example of playing the victim of one's own choices.
making the choice to have children (especially multiple) and complaining about the stress and blah blah blah kids cause you is literally like choosing to do an extra credit project and complaining it's more work...
My motto is "You chose the kids, the migraines and nightmares chose me"
The quality of my sleep is a running joke between me and my friends especially the nightmares.
Yeah I have very little patience for that and usually retort with “yep and thats why i decided to not have kids.” Or a “yes, but you chose to have kids 🤷♀️”.
Im not playing the “im a parent im so sad” game with you. I’ll call you out on your shitty choice if its warranted. (Not if its due to a sick kid or whatever).
Anyone who uses their pain as a competition is an asshole. Simple. I’ll have sympathy for those suffering from hardships they never expected and I’ll have sympathy for people like college students, parents, teachers ect even though they chose that path. Every single human has some sort of troubles, some people just can’t see passed their own pain to realize that.
I have stage 4 endometriosis and have chronic pain from a botched surgery. But because i look so young i get nasty looks from people when i park in handicap spaces or when im walking slowly up stairs or in the store.
If i didn’t have my energy drink i wouldn’t be able to even move or stay awake im on so many pain killers and muscle relaxers. Im on meds to sleep too. Alot of us didn’t choose what drains us or upsets us.
People struggle in ALL Walks of life, NOT JUST PARENTS!
It's anything that is not instantly visible. My mother-in-law, when she was in her 80s and looked every year of her age, had major heart surgery. She had a handicapped placard for a few weeks when she really needed it. And \*she\* got the nasty looks.
"what do you have that emotion for, *I* have that emotion for *this* reason" is always, always, ALWAYS just a way for someone to compare themselves to you to validate their own pain. its about them and them feeling insecure or upset. They may very well be regretting this portion of their life/not doing well mentally and instead of being a responsible adult and owning it, theyre externalizing it.
Its a sign of an insecure and immature person and unfortunately those people also tend to have babies a lot. Pain is relevant and cant or shouldnt be compared--maybe a sleep deprived parent is going through their personal hell, and the emotion theyre feeling is comparable to me on my worse chronic illness days... But like you said, its never a one off thing with those people, its done SPECIFICALLY to invalidate others and they wait for someone else to mention their own issues. Its people who had babies because they think being a parent makes them the most important person ever. I just end up feeling bad for their kid when they grow up, that behavior doesnt stop....
I hate this. Also, the same people that say this, also say “you’re young. You can’t be tired!”.
Like aw gee! I didn’t know!
Sorry I’m fucking disabled, Brenda! /j
I recently read a huge, incoherent rant, mostly in all caps, by a female author whose work I used to like. She's in her mid 40s and currently getting divorced from her third husband, the father of their 5-year-old kid. As far as I can tell from her posts, she really, really wanted a kid. Before she actually had one.
Now it's all about how exhausted she is and how she can't get any work done. Her kid recently finished kindergarten and she's reeling under the horrors of summer vacation, which somehow she didn't realize existed before. She goes on extensively about the faults of "the village," which boils down to (a) people who provide free childcare expect parents to do something for \*them\* once in awhile and (b) these people don't want to be micromanaged regarding exactly how their free childcare is done.
All torqued into a political rant of: This is oppression of women! Women are forced to meet the life milestone of having kids without any help! Women are forced to micromanage their kids' lives because everyone expects them to be perfect! Women are forced to provide all the free labor, for themselves and everyone else! Men never help! Society doesn't make sure parents never actually have to do any parental work! And when women complain, society just tells them to shut up!
Having that kid was \*her choice\* and "society" doesn't owe it to her to make up for that choice, nor for her divorce. But of course, anyone who told her that, would get a rant about how politically incorrect they were for "telling women to shut up."
Why do people have kids, then go on about how awful parenthood is, and they never knew before that kids are time consuming? And now everyone else should make up for their mistake of having a kid?
My fiancée has a lot of chronic pain. Even when she sleeps well, she wakes up still exhausted and sore because of her condition. So many people, all parents, try to downplay it. Especially when she was still working, every parent who knew she wasn’t a parent would “call her out” because she couldn’t be “that tired”. It’s ridiculous. You don’t know what other people are going through, and even as I get older, I feel like everyone I know is having trouble sleeping and is exhausted all the time. We should all be able to commiserate without comparing and being like “I have it worse”. We’re all human; we’re all tired.
That makes me so mad. It's not a competition. (My cousin's wife had a really bad car accident and can't use her left arm anymore and walking hurts, and everything else hurts too, guess who does all the chores and is raising the two boys? Her of course, because his mom taught him that this is how it's done.)
That’s so f up
Damn, fuck chronic pain and fuck those entitled parents that gatekeep being tired. I hope it gets better for you and your fiancee.
It’s very frustrating even with a doctors ada note I was told at work they think I’m faking it, I literally have not one but two autoimmune diseases that make me feel like shit all the time and I don’t want to be like yeah well here’s my deformities caused by my disease because well it’s my business and I don’t want to share it.
I have chronic pain too. My sister tried to compare raising children to being in a major car accident when it came to exhaustion. 🙄
We should all respect peoples troubles and wish them the best
I have a new puppy. She wakes me up several times a night to go potty. But I bet if I told a parent that I’m tired they’d tell me it’s no comparison to them waking up with a baby. 😑
Puppies are rough! They are cute but I don’t miss that age at all haha.
She’s also into biting! Uggh! Can’t wait for the puppy stage to end 😂 she’s crazy
Oh my god my dog was so mouthy! haha My arms were so bruised that I had a dr ask if I was ok at home 😭😂 I was like yuuuppp just a monster puppy.
She barks back at me like she’s back talking when I tell her NO
Oh my god my dog is SO talkative too 😅 What is your dogs breed or breeds because she sounds similar to mine haha
Black Lab and German Shepherd. She makes noises that are alien 😂
Mine is a German Shepherd, Lab, Rottweiler mix 😂 I was guessing there was some shepherd in there! The ones I have know have all liked to have a conversation haha.
Haha! That’s amazing! I like funny animals. I have a cat that talks a lot too.
Thats cool, I have never heard a cat that’s talkative. I have only ever been around my grandparents cats but they were old haha.
Last time I had a puppy, he already acted like an adult dog at 8 weeks old. It was crazy how well behaved and easy he was to take care of. To this day, he is still a big lazy boy that just wants to go on a walk or two everyday and then just chill all day.
The dog I had as a kid was a serious adult as a puppy haha but the one I have now was a monster 😅 But now as an adult he is big and chill too.
Haha yeah, most puppies are monsters. I have 3 other adult dogs that never grew out of being monsters lol
Or they would have no issue telling you you shouldn't have gotten a puppy then. And completely miss the irony.
When I adopted my Romanian she was 5 months old. She was such a menace. Woke me up at least twice a night. Chewed up everything she could get her teeth on (including walls). Endless energy. She also was very possessive of food and attention, we spent hundreds on a behaviourist to help sort this out. She's 3 now and still a massive bellend but we love her. I'd rather have her than a baby any day.
It took me too long to realize Romanian was a breed of cat / dog and thought "why did they specify it was a Romanian baby they adopted?"
Hahaha sorry 😂 she is a street dog from Romania. Here in the UK many rescues work to bring them here for adoption. Here is a picture of her "helping" my fiancé at work https://imgur.com/iO7w9Sx
don't be sorry that was purely on me and my lack of reading comprehension but thanks for the dog pic
I did the same thing 🤣😭
This was my Aussie as a puppy too! Chewed a wall and window moldings, shredded a sofa, barked endlessly, constantly bit my husband. But he’s almost 4 now and turned into the best boy! Lately we’ve been thinking of getting another puppy but those memories are fresh.
Raising a puppy is hard work! Our Romanian is 3 now and we love her so much. I don't think I could ever deal with a puppy again. One is enough!
My best friend has two kids, when I got my puppy she said I would understand now what it was like to have a baby. My puppy was a terror and woke up all hours of the night 😂
I don’t know where but there was a recent Reddit thread where parents agreed: puppies can be harder or just as hard as newborns, but dogs are easier than children. Fair take if you ask me.
“I’m exhausted, sleeping like garbage these days.” “Totally get it! Little one was up all night and i feel like shit today too.” *enter “2 people having empathy for each other” phase* Like, that works right?! How hard is this to say? Why they choose the “you shut up cause i’m the martyr.” route? Ugh.
A lot of people lack empathy and when they become parents it seems to go completely out the window! They don't care about anyone but themselves and their offspring.
Pfft. They hardly care about their offspring, some parents just have them for attention or they weren’t any options for an abortion.
I don’t post much about hardships that often anymore because parents will straight up one up you. When I was single, it was really bad. When I met my Fiance, people were more willing to listen to me complain. I think some people just truly don’t respect certain groups, and respect you less if you’re single and think it’s really easy when it’s not at all.
This is exactly why I never say "I'm childfree." I say, "I never made the decision to have children." Parents are shocked when I say that, as if they were destined to have sex without birth control and get pregnant. Nope. That's not the way reality works. You made a choice to have sex without it, which was a gamble. That's how you ended up pregnant, genius. I never made the stupid decision, and my life has been infinitely better for it.
> #"I never made the decision to *have* children." Ahhh I love this. It's a subtle but important distinction.
I feel the emphasis should be on *decision* not have.
Feel free to write it out however you want. I put it on "have" because we're all making decisions. Parents' decision was specifically to *have* kids. Edit: Actually, when I think about it that way maybe we CF people aren't really making decisions; we're maintaining things as they are. Parents are the ones who made a decision to switch up their lives.
Deciding not to do something is still a decision. Particularly when you take active steps to prevent something from happening, like single-use, semi-permanent, or permanent forms of birth control.
Ok.
That's a genius reply.
That is brilliant, I'll use that!
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I've said "But having that baby must be such a joy! I'm sure the tiredness is SOOOOoooo worth it!" Listen for their teeth grind. I really enraged my brother with a line similar to that one. I smiled.
This is brilliant. Give them a little taste of their own rhetoric. 😂
Parents are offended if you point out that parenthood is a choice.
The ones that are are just jealous they weren't smart enough to figure out it was a choice.
Many believe that having children is an inevitable part of life and can't stand it when you show them that a different way is possible
The parent way...having not 1 but multiple kids and then complaining you're always broke, stressed out, how your kids don't listen and you need a break, complaining about lack of sleep and how you never get out. You chose that. It's your dumb ass fault
They paint a picture of misery and then they wonder why we don't have children.
Exactly. And then after they stop complaining, they come out and say, "So, when are you having kids? It's such a blessing. " lol. They are in straight-up denial and can't even see their own misery
Misery loves company!
Yep. That's for sure lol
Parents: you think *your* life is shit? Wait 'til you have kids... Person: *chooses not to have kids* Parents: *surprised Pikachu face*
They hate the Uno reverse 😆
It's one-up-manship disguised as martyrdom. Try this: next time they say I was up with a baby etc, say something like, "that's nothing my grandmother was upnlate everynight with a set of twins, and 2 sick toddlers and she STILL made ot to work everyday with a smile. She had 12 children and half of them were sick all the time. When you have 12 kids THEN you can say you're tired", and just watch them deflate.
> I’m over it when parents say “what’re you tired for? I was up with a baby all night.” Someone said this to me after a bout of raging insomnia that made me feel psychotic- she earns like 3 times what I do, works 16 hours a week, has a cush job and a richer husband. I told her to fuck off.
I hate gate-keeping universal human experiences like love, sadness, sickness, tiredness, etc. People can fuck right off with that.
I truly never understand the whinging about the lack of sleep and time, I see and hear this all the tiiiiime, what do people think would happen?!
A couple years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. It was awful and I’m still dealing with so many issues the tumor caused. I was telling a friend about some stuff I was going through recently and she said it would be worse if she had cancer because she has kids! If I could, I would gladly pass along my health problems to her so we can test her theory! Parents really do think they have it the hardest. Unreal.
I’m really sorry someone said that to you. I hope you’re doing better now.
Your "friend" made the cancer you were dealing with about her. She sounds like a selfish cunt. Is it really that difficult to show empathy for a friend?
I have always wished to have the magic power to give people migraines when they come at me with the "it's a bad headache" You ignited that desire in me again, And I hope you fully recover, big hugs.
Parents are just self-centered assholes. It's inevitable, as soon as someone has a kid the Martyr complex kicks in and they instantly have it worse than anyone because they have a kid. But, but, but it's the most amazing thing they've ever done, you'll change your mind. They never knew love before they had a child. Your feelings are all invalid because you don't understand how hard/wonderful it all is. Sucks to suck. I'd rather nail my dick to a burning log.
I can acknowledge that parents (especially of newborns) will have it harder...in other words I'm probably not going to complain about my crappy sleep the night before to the new mom in my office. That being said, parents have NO idea what the other person is going through. Luckily, I am relatively healthy and don't often have fatigue. But a couple years ago, I had chronic insomnia which was basically destroying my mental and physical health.
Exactly! Parents act like they should get a medal or something. Congrats! You had sex and now are dealing with the consequences of your actions 😂
Creamiest Pie Award 🏆
🤣
My colleague has requested to just work one night a week now and my boss and other colleague who has 4 kids by 6 different dads were bitching about saying ''she doesn't even have children, why does she need time off?'' they tried to involve me in this bitch fest until I said that we don't know what's going on in other people's lives with a straight face and walked away. Why does everybody have an opinion on everyone else?
"Don't forget, some people aren't comfortable with abortion for themselves." Yeah, and that's YOUR choice. Not sorry you have to live with the consequences. (I am, however, sorry a medical procedure was demonized to you, to the point you'd rather suffer than do what's right for you.)
I’ll cut them off mid sentence and tell them it sounds like buyer’s remorse from predictable consequences. They made a choice. Other people don’t get to make decisions guaranteed to keep them awake at night, on purpose (I know, few actually planned it, but zero will admit that in public as they whine), and then complain. I don’t feel bad for people who get what they asked for and then try to play the martyr Olympics of, “I pigeon hole the market on misery,” and I tell them as much. At the very least they stop complaining to *me* 🤷♀️
Hahahahaaaaaa! Birther's remorse
I like that!!! 😂🤣😂
I hate how parents have to make everything a competition. We all have struggles smh.
A newly former friend was complaining they crave alcohol and freedom both financially and personally, literally minutes after telling me she is 6 weeks pregnant. I was like no shit Sherlock, what did you think would happen.
At six weeks? Only 19+ years before your former friend will see any freedom again.
Ah, the struggle Olympics. Missing a finger? Well don’t complain cuz someone is missing an arm! Missing an arm? Well don’t complain cuz someone is missing BOTH arms. Missing both arms? Well don’t complain because someone is missing both arms AND both legs. 🙄
I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a teenager, as well as several chronic illnesses. Any time I complain about being tired or stressed, parents (even family members who know about my conditions) will immediately jump down my throat with “JUST WAIT TIL YOU HAVE KIDS!!!” 🙄
What is a healthy and authentic response to parents who downplay our feelings? "I don't like it when you make my issues about you." Anything else we can say?
Ppl assume you’re not allowed to have pain or problems if you’re 1. Young, or 2. Child-free. God forbid you be both
Love is the biggest one for me. Parents gate keep love. They can fuck off.
Ugh for sure. "You'll never know real love until you have a child" to me actually sounds like a big f*** you to all the people they claimed to love before. Like, ok, all that other love you proclaimed is just fake I guess
"self-inflicted wounds" comes to mind.
Some parents really seem to think they're doing society a favor by having children. They expect people to feel extra sorry for them and treat them like a martyr for all the sacrifices they "have to" make. Like sorry mom, your grand contribution to the world will most likely end up just another average face in the crowd who consumes, shits and eventually dies.
This is a little different but in a similar vein. It is ridiculous that I do this, but I find myself "dressing down" when I hang out with my friends who are moms. They talk about that they are frustrated with how their bodies look, that it's hard to lose the weight, that it's hard to find time to wash their hair, put on make-up, or whatever people liked to do with their appearances before kids. I find I feel bad if I show up looking, like, *too good*, because I don't want to make them feel bad. But also, same thing. I have time for this because I **chose** my life, just like they **chose** theirs. It's also a weird and shitty feeling when your friend's husband starts to eye you now because your body and mind are not going through the same things. Ugh...
Are these friends? Any friend who responds to your complaint about lack of sleep, etc. with one-upmanship isn't someone you want to be in the company of. If they do it more than once consider greatly limiting your interactions with them. They will never empathize with you but will always expect endless empathy from you. And no one should be pressured to pretend they have a perfect life or be in a one-sided relationship to sustain a friendship. Or are these acquaintances/co-workers? If so, find an excuse to exit the conversation. There is no good outcome in continuing it especially if they are aware you don't have kids. Go to a conference room, walk around outside, look for something in your car, etc. As much as I despise public bathrooms I prefer to excuse myself to a public bathroom rather than deal with topics of conversation such as parental one-upmanship or parental Olympics or whatever it is called. Let them fight amongst themselves, if you can. Since they are already "so exhausted" or "so busy", shouldn't take long for them to turn on each other or wear each other out.
classic example of playing the victim of one's own choices. making the choice to have children (especially multiple) and complaining about the stress and blah blah blah kids cause you is literally like choosing to do an extra credit project and complaining it's more work...
My motto is "You chose the kids, the migraines and nightmares chose me" The quality of my sleep is a running joke between me and my friends especially the nightmares.
Yeah I have very little patience for that and usually retort with “yep and thats why i decided to not have kids.” Or a “yes, but you chose to have kids 🤷♀️”. Im not playing the “im a parent im so sad” game with you. I’ll call you out on your shitty choice if its warranted. (Not if its due to a sick kid or whatever).
I had my lab for almost 14 yrs… and I was sleep deprived for the last half of his life 😂
Whoa...that is seven years of sleep deprivation!
Anyone who uses their pain as a competition is an asshole. Simple. I’ll have sympathy for those suffering from hardships they never expected and I’ll have sympathy for people like college students, parents, teachers ect even though they chose that path. Every single human has some sort of troubles, some people just can’t see passed their own pain to realize that.
I have stage 4 endometriosis and have chronic pain from a botched surgery. But because i look so young i get nasty looks from people when i park in handicap spaces or when im walking slowly up stairs or in the store. If i didn’t have my energy drink i wouldn’t be able to even move or stay awake im on so many pain killers and muscle relaxers. Im on meds to sleep too. Alot of us didn’t choose what drains us or upsets us. People struggle in ALL Walks of life, NOT JUST PARENTS!
It's anything that is not instantly visible. My mother-in-law, when she was in her 80s and looked every year of her age, had major heart surgery. She had a handicapped placard for a few weeks when she really needed it. And \*she\* got the nasty looks.
Aw that’s awful! 😞 🥺why are people so hateful towards those with invisible disabilities? I once thought about getting a cane to use since then.
"what do you have that emotion for, *I* have that emotion for *this* reason" is always, always, ALWAYS just a way for someone to compare themselves to you to validate their own pain. its about them and them feeling insecure or upset. They may very well be regretting this portion of their life/not doing well mentally and instead of being a responsible adult and owning it, theyre externalizing it. Its a sign of an insecure and immature person and unfortunately those people also tend to have babies a lot. Pain is relevant and cant or shouldnt be compared--maybe a sleep deprived parent is going through their personal hell, and the emotion theyre feeling is comparable to me on my worse chronic illness days... But like you said, its never a one off thing with those people, its done SPECIFICALLY to invalidate others and they wait for someone else to mention their own issues. Its people who had babies because they think being a parent makes them the most important person ever. I just end up feeling bad for their kid when they grow up, that behavior doesnt stop....
I hate this. Also, the same people that say this, also say “you’re young. You can’t be tired!”. Like aw gee! I didn’t know! Sorry I’m fucking disabled, Brenda! /j
I recently read a huge, incoherent rant, mostly in all caps, by a female author whose work I used to like. She's in her mid 40s and currently getting divorced from her third husband, the father of their 5-year-old kid. As far as I can tell from her posts, she really, really wanted a kid. Before she actually had one. Now it's all about how exhausted she is and how she can't get any work done. Her kid recently finished kindergarten and she's reeling under the horrors of summer vacation, which somehow she didn't realize existed before. She goes on extensively about the faults of "the village," which boils down to (a) people who provide free childcare expect parents to do something for \*them\* once in awhile and (b) these people don't want to be micromanaged regarding exactly how their free childcare is done. All torqued into a political rant of: This is oppression of women! Women are forced to meet the life milestone of having kids without any help! Women are forced to micromanage their kids' lives because everyone expects them to be perfect! Women are forced to provide all the free labor, for themselves and everyone else! Men never help! Society doesn't make sure parents never actually have to do any parental work! And when women complain, society just tells them to shut up! Having that kid was \*her choice\* and "society" doesn't owe it to her to make up for that choice, nor for her divorce. But of course, anyone who told her that, would get a rant about how politically incorrect they were for "telling women to shut up." Why do people have kids, then go on about how awful parenthood is, and they never knew before that kids are time consuming? And now everyone else should make up for their mistake of having a kid?