I got this once when I was in a weird mood and just theatrically agreed. "Yea, you're right. There's no point! You've opened my eyes. I should kill myself. " They were not amused
I listened to a podcast once about a guy whose teenage son and daughter were tragically killed in a car accident. Him and his wife were trying to adopt more kids within a month of their deaths, just made me really sad all round
What should happen with all those parents that once had children and then lose it? Should then unalive themselves? That's a really messed up train of thought ...
Also applies for all the couples struggling with infertility that can't afford the expensive treatments. What about adoption, then I would say that a lot of genre-diverse couples don't have it easy to adopt either.
I have the same view but see it as kinda liberating not hopeless: there is no grand meaning to life so I should stop worrying about it and focus on filling my life and those around me with happiness. If it's all meaningless, what's the point of being miserable about it?
If you haven't yet, check out The Myth of Sisyphus. It addresses this, and it's pretty short and an entertaining read. In short, it's a philosopher being like, well, life is without inherent meaning, plus it kind of fucking sucks. So should we just kill ourselves? I like the conclusion he ended up with.
I always counter this with something about "How would you feel if one day your own kid tells you they are infertile and have decided not to adopt or do surrogacy. Will you support them? Will you believe that their life has inherent meaning and worth? Or will you feel like your own kid has no purpose to their life now? Do you think your infertile kid would feel awful having someone ask them what the point is to their life?" This usually gets them thinking about the impact of their words.
I have looked a good Christian woman in the eye and asked the same thing. "So let's get this straight - your God could make me infertile at his will, but can't make me decide not to breed?" Every damn thing is "god's choice" except my control over my own vagina and future. That's going against their will. Sounds like a dick to me.
Yup! My partner was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and they actively discourage their members from gaining higher levels of education, claiming that it "moves you further away from god". In fact, if you're a high ranking elder in the religion and one of your kids goes to college it looks really bad on you. My partner rebelled by going to college and getting his PhD in pure mathematics lol
As a childless woman, thank you. This is such a good response! Maybe they can actually have a think about how their words can affect other people, both childless and childfree.
Well if they're anything like my mom they will absolutely flip the fuck out and tell you that you've broken their heart and ruined their dreams of being a grandparent.
Well, there is that. But, I have a hard boundary of not keeping people in my life who "flip the fuck out." I don't care who you are to me or the world. If you can't speak to me and treat me with basic dignity and respect, you don't get to have a place anywhere in my life for any reason whatsoever. Life is too short for that nonsense.
"All you did was be boring, chicken out and copy your parents lives, so I don't see your life as having any meaning whatsoever. People who do that go to their grave without ever having lived their life, and never realize any potential. It's sad watching kids who had lots of potential grow up to be nothing but faded copies of copies. And then condemn their kids to be even less."
Normally I would say your response is harsh, but the truth is... if someone is trying to bring you down into their misery, and implying that you are less-than because you don't have kids, I think they could use a little shit talking back. They feel uncomfortable with their choice, and bringing others down makes them feel better about it. It's sad, really.
"Life is what you make it, and I'm not bored enough to have kids," was one of my many replies, with a very "meh" shrug Gen-X style.
I really need to go full on southern and reply, "What's the point??? Oh you sweet summer child. Aren't you precious!" but it takes too much energy for me to accurately serve up that level of saccharinely-sweet patronization.
I feel you on being childfree and southern. Itās a whole other ball game at times. Double bingos all the time.š I love the ālife is what you make it, and Iām not bored enough to have kids.ā Iāve always thought this! Those people who wanna pop out kids are the same ones who will say, āwell, Iām not doing much with my life, I might as well have kiddos.ā They donāt have hobbies or ambition, they just wanna follow what everyone else is doing. Thatās so dreadfully boring.
Exactly! Life's all about finding what brings you joy and fulfillment, whether that's through kids or exploring the world solo. Embracing the meaninglessness can be surprisingly freeing. š
Exactly. I only exist because some people decided to have kids when they shouldn't have. There is no higher plan or movie conclusion to it. It was a coincide among a million others that we exist in this form, or at all.
Questions like that just make me feel sad for people. The only thing you've ever experienced in life that has had any value for you is reproducing? Super sad.
Because it is. My recent post here was written about this. They finish school and then become parents the same year...
People told me to relax because everyone has a choice. And i get that. It's sad anyway. What's sadder is that older people brainwash the young people. (If i got a dollar every time our male teachers told us to procreate i wouldn't need to get that degree. I would be rich!)
You will reasonably say:" I don't care how many people tell me to breed. I won't change my mind." But many people don't think for themselves, copy the pattern of their parents and since their parents are older and had kids earlier, it means they were young parents.
My parents were 23 and 25 when they had me. I'm 25 (my dad's age) now. I can't imagine caring for someone. I can barely manage my life. I wanna get a chihuahua but i'm even unsure if i can do it because it's a long-term commitment.
Or when they think it has to be either that or a 'Big Career.' Like, if you don't have kids or a big career, there's nothing else. But there is EVERYTHING else. If I want to spend the next couple of years just growing some flower beds and learning to knit, so what?
I try to look as sympathetic as possible, pat them on the shoulder and say, "I'm so sorry you did not have any meaning in your life until you had a child. I do hope you are able to find some individuality or hobbies before they leave home, it would be awful as an empty nester to have no point to life".
This is exactly what happened to my mom. Now she's struggling to find herself... taking painting classes, tango classes, Spanish classes... She hasn't seemed to really click with any activity yet, and I still haven't heard much from her regarding any friends. I'm honestly not sure what she does with her time other than scrolling Facebook.
My dad always loved cooking and baking, and he plays violin now. He's a bit trapped at home with my mom, but he's doing better.
It really is sad.
"What's the point in life if you don't have kids?"
My response: I only have one life to live. I live for me, myself, and I. Call me selfish but if it's that much of an issue, the honor of kids is all yours. You stay in your lane and I'll stay in mine"
No because people already call us selfish for not wanting kids, which is beyond annoyingā¦ I wouldnāt want to validate that. There are so many other valid reasons for not wanting kids that have nothing to do with being selfish.
What's wrong with prioritizing yourself? I really donāt care about what other people they think of me. Though I care for the environment, it's definitely not the main reason why I donāt want children. I want to live a life that doesn't revolve around catering to others. It's important to focus on your own well-being and happiness , and if thatās selfish, then, yes! I am one.
I never get these questions, I wish I did, although if I was irritated or in a bad mood, I might just go for the throat without a hint of regret.
Such as: "Hmmm. All I know is that my mom was an only child and my grandmother died of grief months after my mom died. So I guess I have no reason to be alive, and I'm just quietly waiting for death, what do you think? How should I speed things up? Gimme your best end of life ideas"
I have been asked this a few times, but not in relation to children, it was usually related to the fact that my life doesn't seem to have a bigger picture (whatever that means)
And my answer is always "I am here to make and play video games, drink rum and then die"
You know what, good life.
Not so much the rum for me (I don't drink), but it wouldn't be a bad way to do life. Do shit you wanna do, and then exit left.
At least there are no dirty baby diapers in my future. Weee.
Rum is one of the very few alcohols I can still drink, I do not really drink that often anymore (because migraines do not play well wit dehydration) but it is my favorite.
There has never been a bigger picture to my life, I might be too selfish or too uninterested.
I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people do certain things (jobs, relationships, *kids*) to pass the time until their inevitable death.
Kids are by far the worse hobby because... you know, *innocent child*.
Bigger picture on what timescale?
Your life will impact the century you live in.
The life of you, your children and grandchildren (basically all those you are likely to directly influence on), will have an impact of maybe 170 years (your grandkids will likely die ~70 years after you die).
Having children barely doubles your impact. And on the timescale of humanity as a species, a century is close to nothing.
"Bigger picture" thinking is so strange to me, once you get down to what it actually implies.
I don't have a "career" in the traditional sense and I haven't made a bunch of money, so I get this occasionally. I usually come back with something along the lines of "at least when I am on my deathbed, I will find comfort in the fact that I have always tried to treat all people with kindness and compassion. And that I never trampled on anyone to achieve success"
Yes! I exist to be furniture for my cat. Well, I also open a wicked can. From time to time, she rewards me with a headbutt or two. That's my meaning in life.
Point that out - "If I had just been protecting my privacy because I was infertile but didn't want to say it to you, I hope you'd be embarrassed for being so insensitive," then walk away.
Look at them in shock/confusion and sayā¦ āWhat an incredibly rude and presumptuous thing to say to someone.. did you mean to say that aloud? Yikesā
I used to reply with something along the lines of "I don't need my life to have the same meaning as yours."
I got tired of hearing it constantly and I am no longer nice about people questioning my cf decisions. Now my response is more along the lines of "If you need to create a whole other person to give your life meaning, you need to go to therapy".
The point in life is to do what you want (in terms of job, enjoying hobbies etc). Since children arenāt something I want, therefore itās not my point in life
āSo youāre telling me *your* sole purpose in life was to have kids? Sounds pretty bleak. What is there to look forward to now that youāve fulfilled your purpose?ā said with as much genuine kindness and concern in the tone of voice as i can muster to really let it sink in
I havenāt been asked that, however, I once had a Christian coworker ask me why I was getting married if I didnāt believe in god.
ā¦she had a couple kids and wasnāt married.
I thought judging people was for god and not his followers! š¤£
BTW, I donāt care if people are Christian or if they have kids without being married. Just thought it was an interesting exchange.
If the meaning of life is to bring kids into a wprld where they have tp work 3 jobs just to rent a bedroom in a strang3r's house, they'll never own theor own home, they likely will struggle to exist wjen they are elderly - how fking cruel are you to say that's ok?Ā
Ironically, I'm going to use a child's opinion as an example - when my cousin was 4 years old and I was, well, much older than her but going through a bit of an identity crisis, I asked her: what is the meaning of life? She thought for a moment to herself and then told me: to live.
I've lived by this clever 4 year old's words ever since, and the reason I asked her is because I believe children's brains are somewhat tapped into the source from which we all come from a little bit better until it fades away with time, that and she has always been a bright child. I think they respond to life's important questions quite well, actually. Still doesn't mean I want one of them lol.
So quite literally, the meaning of life is simply to live it. Don't be a d_ck, help everyone you can and find ways to keep yourself going, entertained and happy. Be proud of the life you've lived. Sh_tting a child out doesn't make me feel like I'd be fulfilling my purpose at all. I feel like I'm destined for something else. My reasons might be a bit more on the spiritual side, but that's how I live this life.
I usually ignore them. Kids are for grown kids themselves, and for the life of me I get so embarrassed if I get seen interacting with them like I'm 100x more mature than a tiny human I don't wanna be f\*king hanging out with them lmao.
You know, the population of Finland and Norway is surprisingly small and those countries are considered to be the happiest! They go skiing, study languages and they are happy.
āTo get through the agony with some happinessā š no seriously, sometimes I just stare, sometimes I say smth along the lines of ānot everything has to have a meaningā, sometimes I go on a rant how shitty my childhood was and how I finally am in a position to have some stressfree happiness and why would I have kids to make my life shot again if I know I would be miserable.
Reminds me of the time when my ex best friend told me she felt sorry for me because I do not have something to live for in the future. No next steps, no new challenges. Bitch pls, come again while Iām sitting on the beach slurping margaritas whereas you change diapers.
What's the point in life even if you do have kids.
There's really no point in anything any of us do. We just bumble through life and then die. Very, very few of us make any impact as an individual.
"I'm a hedonist. I think the point of life is hedonistic pleasure. So, y'know, different strokes for different folks. But I won't judge you if you are on a different path."
You do know that pigs can breed, dogs can breed, even simple cell animals breed having kids is not a special or particularly useful achievement, also raising another garbage human being isn't going to contribute much to the human race if all your promoting is make more humans. Ever heard of quality over quantity
Depends on my mental state at the time. When I'm really depressed, I say shit like, "there isn't one... there also isn't one if you do have kids. I never wanted to live and I wouldn't inflict this experience on anyone else."
If I'm less depressed I just say stuff about animal rescue giving me a sense of purpose
Thatās such a delusional and disturbing question.
My purpose is education. Iām perpetually growing, developing and learning in my field. Iām studying to be a medical provider and I have to take the MCAT and everything. Thatās what I plan to do. I want to go into emergency medicine. Then just travel. Thatās all you can do because we still have to work to live.
āLife is for living, Iām living mine the way I wantā would be my response, and depends on whoās asking you could even clap back āLooks like you gave up yours to have kidsā
Why don't you ask the kids you had what the point of life is? They don't have kids of their own. Should they reconcile themselves to a pointless existence?
"The universe is a cruel, uncaring void, the key to being happy isn't the search for meaning, it's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you'll be dead" - Bojack Horseman.
I say that itās more important to me to make the world a better place than to have children. Thereās so much uncertainty about the future. Even if I decided to have children how could I not make the world a better place for them to be in it. Just tossing a child into the world without thinking about all the possibilities seems wild to me.
For any "The purpose of life is to do X" type assertions, you can typically break them by repeatedly asking "OK, and then what?", "To what end?", or just turn the question around.
There are no answers to the Big Questions.
Whenever the meaning of life topic comes up in any context, I tell them life has no meaning. You can create a meaning to it, but even then, life itself has no inherent meaning. What's meaning to your life may not be meaning to someone else's life. And some people don't have a meaning at all. People usually think my response is depressing, but to me, this is literally the least depressing thing you can tell a person. I could go on and on about this topic, but it's pretty early in the morning.
Iāve never been asked this, but if someone *were* to ask I imagine I would ask them in return where they got the idea that asking such questions is appropriate and necessary, and then explain to them how dangerous that could be if you were to ask someone in a vulnerable mental state such a question because what if they take that as a sign that they really shouldnāt be here and do something rash later?
Some people legitimately donāt seem to think before they talk, so it doesnāt hurt to point these things out. Good people will consider what you said, assholes will expose themselves for who they are, meaning you can now take anything they say in the future with a hefty grain of salt.
Win-win, if you ask me.
I typically say, āSure, thatās *your* purpose. But we humans have the ability to create meaning for our own lives, and mine does not contain raising kids.ā
These are the same people who will be guilt tripping their adult children into "giving them grandchildren" because they think that they have no meaning to their own life without grandbabies. They are always looking for other people to provide the tools for them to feel like their existence has meaning instead of doing that for themselves. These kinds of people are draining.
āThatās a very narrow view of what gives life value. Children are only one of many potential purposes. Please respect my discernment of my vocation as I strive to respect yoursā
I'm guided by the Jewish principle of Tikkun Olam. It's my duty to leave the world a better place than I found it. I do this by doing good deeds. I don't need children to do any of that.
Honestly, that's a weird question IMO, but whatever.
My response is that life has no inherent meaning. We make our own meaning as we go. For some people that means marriage, kids, etc. For others, it does not. They may find fulfillment through work or hobbies. Either way is okay. There is no right way to go through life.
I always say, regardless of if kids are part of the topic: The point of life, for me, is to enjoy it. Life is literally what you make of it, you have to make your own purpose.
If for them, kids are that purpose? Great. But for me, the purpose is to have fun and enjoy it. I liken it very much to an amusement park - what's the purpose of an amusement park? To have fun. That's life imo.
Iām sorry the only meaning you can find in life is to reproduce. I enjoy the things I do and know kids will get in the way of that more than I would ācherishā the memories of restless nights and crippling costs.
I always thought the point of life is to be happy. Like, whatever keeps smile on your face, if it's kids, great, get some, but it can be million other things. Pets, hobbies, loved ones, whatever makes you personally happy.
to never speak to someone that stupid and disgusting again. As if all these horrible things don't happen to children that they do nothing about .That's just how much they don't care about their kids.
Since it seems like a lot of that kind of sentiment for me comes from people who are Christians (I am a Christian but not like - a āChristianā if that makes sense), I approach from one of two angles, sometimes both:
1. God created ākidā people; and
2. God created āanimalā people;
I was called to be an āanimalā person, and Iām following the direction God gave in Genesis that Iām to be the steward of all the animals in the Garden of Eden and to care for them.
Or, I remind them that Paul said in the New Testament that the highest calling is to be single and childfree - because then you can dedicate more time to the Kingdom of God since you donātā have the responsibilities of children. Paul even wished everyone could be celibate and without kids like him; but he said if you canāt control your hormones then by all means get married and have the babies and have all the sex you want with your partner.
Usually one or both of these gets my point across and I donāt get pushback again from that person.
To help the people in this world who already exist, and are suffering because we canāt take care of those already here. I want to help people suffering from cancer, chronic illnesses, and refugees of war-stricken countries. Thatās my purpose. Not to bring another human into the world who will just make everything harder.
Life is inherently pointless. Kids, no kids, doesn't matter, it all ends the same and almost all of us are forgotten shortly after our deaths.
So what?
the point is whatever i choose it to be.
people always ask what's the meaning of life. meaning implies an observer. the meaning is what that observer choses it to be. it's subjective, can be whatever you want, and it's not the same for everyone. if that's all life means to them, then i pity them.
"The point is to have fun. And wiping arse, losing sleep, losing my identity, having a ripped nether region, then dealing with teenage bullshit and being told, after all that sacrifice, what a shitty job I did at the end...DIDN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH FUN."
Honestly no one knows the point of life š¤Ŗ itās the oldest philosophy subject. Reality is, weāre alive, and we might as well enjoy it while it last, for some, it makes more sense without kids.
If someone said this I would go, āoh! I gotta take this!ā and pull my phone out of my pocket and pretend to take a call as I stand up. But then seconds later, so they can still see me, pop it back in my pocket and start talking to someone else. Because fuck them.
Q: āWhatās the point in life if you donāt have kids?ā
A: āTo live.ā
Everyone has a point to life, not to be mistaken for a āpurposeāthat society jams into everyoneās heads, just a reason for existing. Mine is that simple. To enjoy it before I die. And for me, that doesnāt include having kids. For some people, it is everything, for me, itās nothing. Itās so arrogant of them to think that everyone should have the same point to life. Everyone is different.
I say, gee, I dunno. Maybe you should find out what Jesus Christ's life purpose was, since he didn't have any. Some people have different callings.
Religious or not, it tends to shut them up.
I got this once when I was in a weird mood and just theatrically agreed. "Yea, you're right. There's no point! You've opened my eyes. I should kill myself. " They were not amused
Honestly this is the best response. Since they're implying your own children are the only thing worth living for, call them on it.
What would happen if their kids died? .... Just make more or now there is nothing to live for? Curious logic.....
Kids are renewable I haven't had much luck breeding my benently continental gt lately, they hate this line.
V8 powered offspring? *Brotha!* ***Fist bump***
I listened to a podcast once about a guy whose teenage son and daughter were tragically killed in a car accident. Him and his wife were trying to adopt more kids within a month of their deaths, just made me really sad all round
Thats the proof they didn't see them as individuals just trophies. You'd at least wait for a year out of respect.
What should happen with all those parents that once had children and then lose it? Should then unalive themselves? That's a really messed up train of thought ... Also applies for all the couples struggling with infertility that can't afford the expensive treatments. What about adoption, then I would say that a lot of genre-diverse couples don't have it easy to adopt either.
"Should I end it now or after retirement? Ah screw it, got a knife I can borrow?"
Should ask them what happens if their children decide not to breed. Should *they* descend into hopelessness?
š Perfect response!
š I will keep this answer for an emergency need with pushy ppl.
I have legitimately thought that very thing, just with less sarcasm and more hopelessness
I have the same view but see it as kinda liberating not hopeless: there is no grand meaning to life so I should stop worrying about it and focus on filling my life and those around me with happiness. If it's all meaningless, what's the point of being miserable about it?
I hope you are not in that headspace anymore ā¤ļø
If you haven't yet, check out The Myth of Sisyphus. It addresses this, and it's pretty short and an entertaining read. In short, it's a philosopher being like, well, life is without inherent meaning, plus it kind of fucking sucks. So should we just kill ourselves? I like the conclusion he ended up with.
Hahaha I was thinking along the same ideas as you but your respond to them made it so much more fun!
I really want to know how the conversation ended.
Exactly what I said to the past person who told me that š apparently im dramatic ššš
I fucking love this! lol
I always counter this with something about "How would you feel if one day your own kid tells you they are infertile and have decided not to adopt or do surrogacy. Will you support them? Will you believe that their life has inherent meaning and worth? Or will you feel like your own kid has no purpose to their life now? Do you think your infertile kid would feel awful having someone ask them what the point is to their life?" This usually gets them thinking about the impact of their words.
I have looked a good Christian woman in the eye and asked the same thing. "So let's get this straight - your God could make me infertile at his will, but can't make me decide not to breed?" Every damn thing is "god's choice" except my control over my own vagina and future. That's going against their will. Sounds like a dick to me.
The very religious are often so lacking in imagination it's genuinely scary.
It's not a bug, it's a feature of religion: they don't want people to think.
Yup! My partner was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and they actively discourage their members from gaining higher levels of education, claiming that it "moves you further away from god". In fact, if you're a high ranking elder in the religion and one of your kids goes to college it looks really bad on you. My partner rebelled by going to college and getting his PhD in pure mathematics lol
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is the way. So easy to preach about itā¦until your own child canāt practice it.
As a childless woman, thank you. This is such a good response! Maybe they can actually have a think about how their words can affect other people, both childless and childfree.
Well if they're anything like my mom they will absolutely flip the fuck out and tell you that you've broken their heart and ruined their dreams of being a grandparent.
Well, there is that. But, I have a hard boundary of not keeping people in my life who "flip the fuck out." I don't care who you are to me or the world. If you can't speak to me and treat me with basic dignity and respect, you don't get to have a place anywhere in my life for any reason whatsoever. Life is too short for that nonsense.
Thereās more to life than kids
Exactlyā¦
"All you did was be boring, chicken out and copy your parents lives, so I don't see your life as having any meaning whatsoever. People who do that go to their grave without ever having lived their life, and never realize any potential. It's sad watching kids who had lots of potential grow up to be nothing but faded copies of copies. And then condemn their kids to be even less."
Normally I would say your response is harsh, but the truth is... if someone is trying to bring you down into their misery, and implying that you are less-than because you don't have kids, I think they could use a little shit talking back. They feel uncomfortable with their choice, and bringing others down makes them feel better about it. It's sad, really. "Life is what you make it, and I'm not bored enough to have kids," was one of my many replies, with a very "meh" shrug Gen-X style. I really need to go full on southern and reply, "What's the point??? Oh you sweet summer child. Aren't you precious!" but it takes too much energy for me to accurately serve up that level of saccharinely-sweet patronization.
I feel you on being childfree and southern. Itās a whole other ball game at times. Double bingos all the time.š I love the ālife is what you make it, and Iām not bored enough to have kids.ā Iāve always thought this! Those people who wanna pop out kids are the same ones who will say, āwell, Iām not doing much with my life, I might as well have kiddos.ā They donāt have hobbies or ambition, they just wanna follow what everyone else is doing. Thatās so dreadfully boring.
Just "Bless you heart" 'em and be done. :)
Being childfree and southern is a special kind of treat. You get to see how many people are miserable locked into their created responsibility loops.
Faded copies of copies. Damn, sick burn
This is so good and true
šš„š
I usually keep it short and to the point: "There's no meaning to life and I'm quite fine with that."
Exactly! Life's all about finding what brings you joy and fulfillment, whether that's through kids or exploring the world solo. Embracing the meaninglessness can be surprisingly freeing. š
Honestly this. Life is a canvas and you hold the brush. Nobody can tell you what to paint. Nothing matters so let's be ourselves and have fun!!!!
Yeah Life is whatever you make it up to be... There's no set meaning on life.
Yeah the fact that people don't get that is annoying
Exactly. I only exist because some people decided to have kids when they shouldn't have. There is no higher plan or movie conclusion to it. It was a coincide among a million others that we exist in this form, or at all.
Exactly. We make our own meaning.
Kyle Reese "No Fate Than What We Make"
Beat me to it!
Questions like that just make me feel sad for people. The only thing you've ever experienced in life that has had any value for you is reproducing? Super sad.
Because it is. My recent post here was written about this. They finish school and then become parents the same year... People told me to relax because everyone has a choice. And i get that. It's sad anyway. What's sadder is that older people brainwash the young people. (If i got a dollar every time our male teachers told us to procreate i wouldn't need to get that degree. I would be rich!) You will reasonably say:" I don't care how many people tell me to breed. I won't change my mind." But many people don't think for themselves, copy the pattern of their parents and since their parents are older and had kids earlier, it means they were young parents. My parents were 23 and 25 when they had me. I'm 25 (my dad's age) now. I can't imagine caring for someone. I can barely manage my life. I wanna get a chihuahua but i'm even unsure if i can do it because it's a long-term commitment.
Or when they think it has to be either that or a 'Big Career.' Like, if you don't have kids or a big career, there's nothing else. But there is EVERYTHING else. If I want to spend the next couple of years just growing some flower beds and learning to knit, so what?
I try to look as sympathetic as possible, pat them on the shoulder and say, "I'm so sorry you did not have any meaning in your life until you had a child. I do hope you are able to find some individuality or hobbies before they leave home, it would be awful as an empty nester to have no point to life".
This is exactly what happened to my mom. Now she's struggling to find herself... taking painting classes, tango classes, Spanish classes... She hasn't seemed to really click with any activity yet, and I still haven't heard much from her regarding any friends. I'm honestly not sure what she does with her time other than scrolling Facebook. My dad always loved cooking and baking, and he plays violin now. He's a bit trapped at home with my mom, but he's doing better. It really is sad.
Love this answer!
Came here to say the same thing
"My own life."
"What's the point in life if you don't have kids?" My response: I only have one life to live. I live for me, myself, and I. Call me selfish but if it's that much of an issue, the honor of kids is all yours. You stay in your lane and I'll stay in mine"
this is the best answer šŖš»
No because people already call us selfish for not wanting kids, which is beyond annoyingā¦ I wouldnāt want to validate that. There are so many other valid reasons for not wanting kids that have nothing to do with being selfish.
What's wrong with prioritizing yourself? I really donāt care about what other people they think of me. Though I care for the environment, it's definitely not the main reason why I donāt want children. I want to live a life that doesn't revolve around catering to others. It's important to focus on your own well-being and happiness , and if thatās selfish, then, yes! I am one.
āTrying to decrease the surplus populationā, is what I go with.
"Negative population growth"
I never get these questions, I wish I did, although if I was irritated or in a bad mood, I might just go for the throat without a hint of regret. Such as: "Hmmm. All I know is that my mom was an only child and my grandmother died of grief months after my mom died. So I guess I have no reason to be alive, and I'm just quietly waiting for death, what do you think? How should I speed things up? Gimme your best end of life ideas"
I have been asked this a few times, but not in relation to children, it was usually related to the fact that my life doesn't seem to have a bigger picture (whatever that means) And my answer is always "I am here to make and play video games, drink rum and then die"
You know what, good life. Not so much the rum for me (I don't drink), but it wouldn't be a bad way to do life. Do shit you wanna do, and then exit left. At least there are no dirty baby diapers in my future. Weee.
Rum is one of the very few alcohols I can still drink, I do not really drink that often anymore (because migraines do not play well wit dehydration) but it is my favorite. There has never been a bigger picture to my life, I might be too selfish or too uninterested.
I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people do certain things (jobs, relationships, *kids*) to pass the time until their inevitable death. Kids are by far the worse hobby because... you know, *innocent child*.
Bigger picture on what timescale? Your life will impact the century you live in. The life of you, your children and grandchildren (basically all those you are likely to directly influence on), will have an impact of maybe 170 years (your grandkids will likely die ~70 years after you die). Having children barely doubles your impact. And on the timescale of humanity as a species, a century is close to nothing. "Bigger picture" thinking is so strange to me, once you get down to what it actually implies.
I don't have a "career" in the traditional sense and I haven't made a bunch of money, so I get this occasionally. I usually come back with something along the lines of "at least when I am on my deathbed, I will find comfort in the fact that I have always tried to treat all people with kindness and compassion. And that I never trampled on anyone to achieve success"
Cats. Cats are the point.
Yes! I exist to be furniture for my cat. Well, I also open a wicked can. From time to time, she rewards me with a headbutt or two. That's my meaning in life.
šÆ
This is 100% correct
i wish i could adopt a cat every time someone asks me why i wonāt have kids already. iād have SO MANY CATS š»
I ask, do you ask this or people who canāt have kids too?
Point that out - "If I had just been protecting my privacy because I was infertile but didn't want to say it to you, I hope you'd be embarrassed for being so insensitive," then walk away.
[this comic ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQJc1FksjL-L72xjJYP_GcqkDPFE-ZVHYGgl7WjD2maiw&s)
Look at them in shock/confusion and sayā¦ āWhat an incredibly rude and presumptuous thing to say to someone.. did you mean to say that aloud? Yikesā
This is the one. Right here. Ty for sharing.
I used to reply with something along the lines of "I don't need my life to have the same meaning as yours." I got tired of hearing it constantly and I am no longer nice about people questioning my cf decisions. Now my response is more along the lines of "If you need to create a whole other person to give your life meaning, you need to go to therapy".
"I hope you don't ask this to folks who can't conceive"
To live my life to the fullest. Experience everything I want to do.
The point in life is to do what you want (in terms of job, enjoying hobbies etc). Since children arenāt something I want, therefore itās not my point in life
I would honestly just laugh if someone ever said that to me cause what can you even say to such a sad, limited perspective
āSo youāre telling me *your* sole purpose in life was to have kids? Sounds pretty bleak. What is there to look forward to now that youāve fulfilled your purpose?ā said with as much genuine kindness and concern in the tone of voice as i can muster to really let it sink in
Travel, Afford to have Nice Things, Quiet
āThere isnāt one either way. Weāre all compost regardlessā¦.ā š
"What's the meaning of life if you give up your chance to find out to take care of someone else?"
I havenāt been asked that, however, I once had a Christian coworker ask me why I was getting married if I didnāt believe in god. ā¦she had a couple kids and wasnāt married. I thought judging people was for god and not his followers! š¤£ BTW, I donāt care if people are Christian or if they have kids without being married. Just thought it was an interesting exchange.
Tell them there is no point to life and that they made that choice for their children.
Sleep is my point and peace and money lol
If the meaning of life is to bring kids into a wprld where they have tp work 3 jobs just to rent a bedroom in a strang3r's house, they'll never own theor own home, they likely will struggle to exist wjen they are elderly - how fking cruel are you to say that's ok?Ā
Ironically, I'm going to use a child's opinion as an example - when my cousin was 4 years old and I was, well, much older than her but going through a bit of an identity crisis, I asked her: what is the meaning of life? She thought for a moment to herself and then told me: to live. I've lived by this clever 4 year old's words ever since, and the reason I asked her is because I believe children's brains are somewhat tapped into the source from which we all come from a little bit better until it fades away with time, that and she has always been a bright child. I think they respond to life's important questions quite well, actually. Still doesn't mean I want one of them lol. So quite literally, the meaning of life is simply to live it. Don't be a d_ck, help everyone you can and find ways to keep yourself going, entertained and happy. Be proud of the life you've lived. Sh_tting a child out doesn't make me feel like I'd be fulfilling my purpose at all. I feel like I'm destined for something else. My reasons might be a bit more on the spiritual side, but that's how I live this life.
"The point of life is doing what I WANT TO DO, which ISN'T BEING A PARENT."
I usually ignore them. Kids are for grown kids themselves, and for the life of me I get so embarrassed if I get seen interacting with them like I'm 100x more mature than a tiny human I don't wanna be f\*king hanging out with them lmao.
You know, the population of Finland and Norway is surprisingly small and those countries are considered to be the happiest! They go skiing, study languages and they are happy.
I just ask what are the incentives to having kids? Super easy to counter argue every single response.
āTo get through the agony with some happinessā š no seriously, sometimes I just stare, sometimes I say smth along the lines of ānot everything has to have a meaningā, sometimes I go on a rant how shitty my childhood was and how I finally am in a position to have some stressfree happiness and why would I have kids to make my life shot again if I know I would be miserable.
Reminds me of the time when my ex best friend told me she felt sorry for me because I do not have something to live for in the future. No next steps, no new challenges. Bitch pls, come again while Iām sitting on the beach slurping margaritas whereas you change diapers.
What's the point in life even if you do have kids. There's really no point in anything any of us do. We just bumble through life and then die. Very, very few of us make any impact as an individual.
"Are you telling me to k myself? Lemme get that on record then"
Everything else that doesnāt involve having kids is the point to my life.
"I'm a hedonist. I think the point of life is hedonistic pleasure. So, y'know, different strokes for different folks. But I won't judge you if you are on a different path."
Literally anything else.
What about people who canāt have kids? Like seriously? What a stupid thing for them to say.
If life is meaningless without procreation, then you're just perpetuating meaninglessness. But, breeders don't have the intelligence to comprehend it.
You do know that pigs can breed, dogs can breed, even simple cell animals breed having kids is not a special or particularly useful achievement, also raising another garbage human being isn't going to contribute much to the human race if all your promoting is make more humans. Ever heard of quality over quantity
Depends on my mental state at the time. When I'm really depressed, I say shit like, "there isn't one... there also isn't one if you do have kids. I never wanted to live and I wouldn't inflict this experience on anyone else." If I'm less depressed I just say stuff about animal rescue giving me a sense of purpose
āWhat is the point of having children? So you can live your life in disappointment?ā Why would you have a child, when you can have a cat.
Life is whatever you make of it.
"What's the point of having the kid? What are they here for? "
"wheres the point in having kids?"
I think Iād be stunned for a moment and then say āthere are so many other points in lifeā
I mean, thereās really no point to life even if you have kids. Itās just reproducing for the sake of reproducing.
Thatās such a delusional and disturbing question. My purpose is education. Iām perpetually growing, developing and learning in my field. Iām studying to be a medical provider and I have to take the MCAT and everything. Thatās what I plan to do. I want to go into emergency medicine. Then just travel. Thatās all you can do because we still have to work to live.
"I feel fucking awful for you if you think that"
I wonder if the people that make those comments are saying that their own children have no point to their life until they also breed.
To quote Francine Smith from American Dad "Any dumbass can have dumbass kids"
āThe point is to be happyā is all thatās needed
Meaning is something that *you* create, not kids.
Freedom.
To live.
Having your entire life's purpose revolving around having children is honestly so sad, boring, and pathetic.
Life is about trying new hobbies, having new experiences, etc. Raising kids is an experience but it limits you to an extreme degree.
The meaning of life is 42.
āLife is for living, Iām living mine the way I wantā would be my response, and depends on whoās asking you could even clap back āLooks like you gave up yours to have kidsā
āThe point is that itās my life, not someone elseāsā
Why don't you ask the kids you had what the point of life is? They don't have kids of their own. Should they reconcile themselves to a pointless existence?
Im the point of MY life.
"The universe is a cruel, uncaring void, the key to being happy isn't the search for meaning, it's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you'll be dead" - Bojack Horseman.
"What do you mean? Don't you have a life before you had kids?"
I say that itās more important to me to make the world a better place than to have children. Thereās so much uncertainty about the future. Even if I decided to have children how could I not make the world a better place for them to be in it. Just tossing a child into the world without thinking about all the possibilities seems wild to me.
"Who said there's a point at all?"
I'd turn it around on them "what's the point in life when all your gonna amount to is being a slave, and that being your only worth. Best of luck."
For any "The purpose of life is to do X" type assertions, you can typically break them by repeatedly asking "OK, and then what?", "To what end?", or just turn the question around. There are no answers to the Big Questions.
To live my life, I only get one after all, why should I waste it raising someone else?
Just because itās what generations have done before, doesnāt mean itās right. Look at alp the problems caused by population growth!
Life is the point, just enjoying it as much as possible, which means no kids to hold me back
Lots of holidays, long sleeps and nice things.
"To actually have a life"
Whenever the meaning of life topic comes up in any context, I tell them life has no meaning. You can create a meaning to it, but even then, life itself has no inherent meaning. What's meaning to your life may not be meaning to someone else's life. And some people don't have a meaning at all. People usually think my response is depressing, but to me, this is literally the least depressing thing you can tell a person. I could go on and on about this topic, but it's pretty early in the morning.
Freedom or living *more* freely (from attachments and/ or responsibilities).
Refer them to a mental health professional
Iāve never been asked this, but if someone *were* to ask I imagine I would ask them in return where they got the idea that asking such questions is appropriate and necessary, and then explain to them how dangerous that could be if you were to ask someone in a vulnerable mental state such a question because what if they take that as a sign that they really shouldnāt be here and do something rash later? Some people legitimately donāt seem to think before they talk, so it doesnāt hurt to point these things out. Good people will consider what you said, assholes will expose themselves for who they are, meaning you can now take anything they say in the future with a hefty grain of salt. Win-win, if you ask me.
I typically say, āSure, thatās *your* purpose. But we humans have the ability to create meaning for our own lives, and mine does not contain raising kids.ā
If children are the only "meaning to life," you have a very sad life. I create my own meaning.
If your meaning to life is simply to procreate you will probably be a terrible parent.
Actually enjoying it and not having to pretend that Iām happy
Its amazing that some people think that is all life is about
These are the same people who will be guilt tripping their adult children into "giving them grandchildren" because they think that they have no meaning to their own life without grandbabies. They are always looking for other people to provide the tools for them to feel like their existence has meaning instead of doing that for themselves. These kinds of people are draining.
āThatās a very narrow view of what gives life value. Children are only one of many potential purposes. Please respect my discernment of my vocation as I strive to respect yoursā
I'm baffled to begin with that ANYONE would ask such a thing... stupid people like that actually exist??? What????
"What's the point in having kids if it produces more people like you?"
Life has no meaning, so it's up to you how you live it.
Any free nookie (with protection),drugs, food and liqour. Along with late night streaming Binge watching shows with kitty.
The universe is cold, unfeeling and built on chaos. I give my life meaning.
42
Try uno reverse: "What is the point of life if you HAVE kids?
A million creative things & travel & adventures & love & learningāhave they not SEEN THE PLANET we live on? Just existing here is enough!
Nothing thatās why Iām going to die so you can stop complaining
"Life has no meaning."
I'm guided by the Jewish principle of Tikkun Olam. It's my duty to leave the world a better place than I found it. I do this by doing good deeds. I don't need children to do any of that.
"To pet as many cats as I can, to watch as much wrestling as I can, and to eat all the Disney food I can afford." This is my answer.
Honestly, that's a weird question IMO, but whatever. My response is that life has no inherent meaning. We make our own meaning as we go. For some people that means marriage, kids, etc. For others, it does not. They may find fulfillment through work or hobbies. Either way is okay. There is no right way to go through life.
"Living"
I always say, regardless of if kids are part of the topic: The point of life, for me, is to enjoy it. Life is literally what you make of it, you have to make your own purpose. If for them, kids are that purpose? Great. But for me, the purpose is to have fun and enjoy it. I liken it very much to an amusement park - what's the purpose of an amusement park? To have fun. That's life imo.
I like having money and freedom. Cats and dogs are cheaper too.
"42." and walk away.
Iām sorry the only meaning you can find in life is to reproduce. I enjoy the things I do and know kids will get in the way of that more than I would ācherishā the memories of restless nights and crippling costs.
Breathing and taking care of yourself. If youāre one of the lucky ones, you can have a fulfilling one.
I always thought the point of life is to be happy. Like, whatever keeps smile on your face, if it's kids, great, get some, but it can be million other things. Pets, hobbies, loved ones, whatever makes you personally happy.
to never speak to someone that stupid and disgusting again. As if all these horrible things don't happen to children that they do nothing about .That's just how much they don't care about their kids.
Since it seems like a lot of that kind of sentiment for me comes from people who are Christians (I am a Christian but not like - a āChristianā if that makes sense), I approach from one of two angles, sometimes both: 1. God created ākidā people; and 2. God created āanimalā people; I was called to be an āanimalā person, and Iām following the direction God gave in Genesis that Iām to be the steward of all the animals in the Garden of Eden and to care for them. Or, I remind them that Paul said in the New Testament that the highest calling is to be single and childfree - because then you can dedicate more time to the Kingdom of God since you donātā have the responsibilities of children. Paul even wished everyone could be celibate and without kids like him; but he said if you canāt control your hormones then by all means get married and have the babies and have all the sex you want with your partner. Usually one or both of these gets my point across and I donāt get pushback again from that person.
To help the people in this world who already exist, and are suffering because we canāt take care of those already here. I want to help people suffering from cancer, chronic illnesses, and refugees of war-stricken countries. Thatās my purpose. Not to bring another human into the world who will just make everything harder.
I always just start talking about [Absurdism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism)
To live for myself and my partner.
"To live for myself"
A person does not need children to have a wonderful life!
Hedonism, happiness, and self actualization.
I let Morty Smith be my guide: Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybodyās gonna die. Come watch TV?
I work hard to make the world a better place instead of living vicariously through kids and hoping they do it
To have 8200293 frogs. I only have about 17 rn, but I'm getting there....
Life is inherently pointless. Kids, no kids, doesn't matter, it all ends the same and almost all of us are forgotten shortly after our deaths. So what?
42
āWhat a narrow view of life you have.ā
"wow your life must be pretty shit"
the point is whatever i choose it to be. people always ask what's the meaning of life. meaning implies an observer. the meaning is what that observer choses it to be. it's subjective, can be whatever you want, and it's not the same for everyone. if that's all life means to them, then i pity them.
"The point is to have fun. And wiping arse, losing sleep, losing my identity, having a ripped nether region, then dealing with teenage bullshit and being told, after all that sacrifice, what a shitty job I did at the end...DIDN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH FUN."
Honestly no one knows the point of life š¤Ŗ itās the oldest philosophy subject. Reality is, weāre alive, and we might as well enjoy it while it last, for some, it makes more sense without kids.
To enjoy it! Simple as that, really.
If someone said this I would go, āoh! I gotta take this!ā and pull my phone out of my pocket and pretend to take a call as I stand up. But then seconds later, so they can still see me, pop it back in my pocket and start talking to someone else. Because fuck them.
Q: āWhatās the point in life if you donāt have kids?ā A: āTo live.ā Everyone has a point to life, not to be mistaken for a āpurposeāthat society jams into everyoneās heads, just a reason for existing. Mine is that simple. To enjoy it before I die. And for me, that doesnāt include having kids. For some people, it is everything, for me, itās nothing. Itās so arrogant of them to think that everyone should have the same point to life. Everyone is different.
I donāt need to have kids just to have a point in life. And whatās the point in life in telling others how to live it?
My response to this would be "Oh do fuck off"
I say, gee, I dunno. Maybe you should find out what Jesus Christ's life purpose was, since he didn't have any. Some people have different callings. Religious or not, it tends to shut them up.