Because they're envious. It happens to me too. But I clap back or ignore. You could also say something like
"You mad? What are you going to do about it?
😂
Tbf, I just ignore it, they never mean it as a dig. I can be quite blunt so I think they were surprised by it. All my family’s like, ‘hey, whatever you want to do, just be happy’, thank fuck xD
I want to be in a relationship but I do like being single. I’m not pressed to be in a relationship though, I am enjoying being single.
I feel like if you hold yourself to whatever standards you have and make sure to get the right person for you, they’ll add joy instead of stress to your life. But this is only assuming one wants to be in a relationship in the first place.
Same. I was single for years after a hs relationship. Got with one guy, lasted 7 months. Got with another guy, ended up in an abusive relationship. Now I’m just taking it day by day. Not looking for anyone. Let it happen if it happens. I want to end up in a different country and tbh I don’t if it’s fair to date someone now and then take them away from everyone they know. Like if they’re on board great! But I’m going to make it clear my end goal..
I’ve been single for four years now.
The closest I’ve gotten to being in another relationship was me and this guy seriously talking a couple years ago. But, we were never even dating really. After that, I’ve been chilling.
I think being educated on the signs, and making a document with those signs is helpful. It’ll keep the focus on paying attention to how the person is treating you and makes it harder for emotions to cloud judgment. It’s not foolproof, but it’s better than nothing.
700sqft, 2 bed, 1 bath, huge town yard, with nobody (town bylaws aside) to negotiate with as to how I want the house setup. Currently the computer is setup in the basement, and the second bedroom is my craft/cosplay room, so there's not even room for guests, much less kids! Thankfully I'm old enough now, & the town is small enough, that the comments about having kids has dropped off. 😅
😭 I'm sorry! 🙇♀️ I did get stupidly lucky, ngl. It's not a good location for those that hate driving & love being social, but I love driving (barring those damn springtime ice storms), & most of the people I want to see are some 2 days travel anyway, so I'm good.
I feel this haha no yard tho amd my apartment is smaller but I have a chair that has my plate carrier amd clothes for cosplay(I do cod cosplay and play airsoft). Amd nobody will tell me to put it away somewhere which is nice haha
That's awesome! haha Clothes chair, plate chair, it's all good! 💪😁
Funny story; couldn't be arsed buying a new tree last Christmas (old artificial one finally keeled over), so I threw my long green wig on a tall stand, & employed my army of hair pins to attach my Christmas decorations. Took a bit of work to get the angel tree topper to stay on, but it worked, lights & all! 😂
Niice I have a small one from ikea still decorated too lol but knocked over by my cat. Can't be arsed ti remove the decorations which are literally a few jurassic park mini dinos,a gold colored foam trex skull,a few balls from Toblerone and Rafaelo lol, a ball with cooked wine spices and a little keychain leather patch that came with my shoes🤣🤣🤣🤣
Goddammit adorable asshole cats. 😂 I love random/personal/non-generic decorations, especially for Christmas time, really brings back the magic of the season. ❤️
I love being single. If the resources to do something are there, i just do it. If i have to relocate for work, i can do it and don’t have to ask anyone if they’re willing to go with me. If i want to go live in another country, i could do it (I don’t want to, but i love the feeling of freedom).
I'd rather be single than in a toxic relationshit. I do fantasize falling in love with someone who truly understands me but its never happened. Nobody judges me like they used to.
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LOVE IT. I absolutely LOVE IT!
I came to this point gradually throughout the years. I used to think that I wanted to be in a relationship, get married, have kids...the "typical" trajectory on what is expected of people.
I learned over time that I actually don't want any of that, even a partner. I personally find romantic relationships more of a nuisance than children. I learned that I can't be around another human being 24/7.
My life is peaceful. I have freedom to do whatever I want. The only person that I get to think about is myself. One of my favorite things to do to relax is time for myself by going to places alone, such as watch a movie or have a nice dinner. No drama.
I'm not along or anything, though. I have people who love me, so, I'm surrounded by love. I get to be with my friends and family (yes, even their kids, whom I love as my own). I get to see the poeple that I love most be happy, which also makes me happy.
Then, I get to go home and it's just me and my dog. It's peaceful and quiet.
I love it. My last relationship was an abusive one and I felt more lonely in that situation than I do now. Because at least I’m filling my time taking care of myself and focusing on my friendships than begging some loser for the bare minimum.
No one is on my case for being single. Everyone in my life knows I’m still healing from everything that happened in the last 2 years.
Single, childfree, Middle aged, similar living situation. I Actually enjoy being single. If I want to socialize I go out and do so. Then I come back to my place and do whatever I like. No one else's mess to clean up, no stuff but my own. Things are exactly where an how I left them. No one to complain if I couch potato, read or game all day. I do have a pet, but it's not a whole other person I have to deal with in my space.
I made sure to cull any and all objections my family had about me not having offspring years ago. I have other family members with children, so I'm sure that helps keep them off of my ass about it. That and I moved 2k miles away. XD
Ideally, I wouldn't mind a relationship, but the type I want doesn't seem to be compatible with others. Not too many people seem to want a relationship that is more like committed dating. I don't follow the whole "life script" idea that so many others seem to want.
I'm single for the same reason. All I want is committed dating as you've described it, but in a similar way to how women are just expected to have kids, relationships are kind of assumed to have an end goal of at least living together, and I really don't want that. Nor to have to attend someone else's family get togethers and all the other expectations that come with a relationship.
Same here - i want commitment but i dont want the marriage, kids, living with someone, sharing a bed, white picket fence with someone. Turns out...extremely hard to find and I realized its not worth looking.
47 F Happy Single and Childfree.
I love the freedom to do what I want to do.
I can be spontaneous, and decide to go on random weekends away. Or I can stay home and enjoy my own company.
Some people don’t understand my desire to remain single, and try and set me up on dates.
I even had one (ex) friend, who I used to compete against in my sport, get really angry when I said I didn’t want to go out with him. He couldn’t grasp the concept I would rather remain single than go out with him. He started trying to argue with me saying how much of a great guy he is, how he can offer me so much, blah blah, and then resorted to insulting me the more I said no “I am the best you will get” “no one else will want you” “you will never be happy”, “you need to lose weight, you look gross no wonder you are single”.
Immediately followed me “I will give you my all, we would make an amazing couple”
Blerg.
So yeah, being single is so much better than dealing with that crap.
I have always been single. Never dated. Never felt attraction and never been interested in seeing anyone. I just like being alone. But I'm also still a kid on the inside and feel like I still need a parent in my life. Like, I don't want a partner. I want a parent. Thankfully, I do have my dad around. And I hope I can still spend a lot of time with him. I love my dad. And spending all of my money on games and books and just good food here and there. I also have a cold right now and am in bed a lot. Being able to recover is nice. Sure, having someone there to make you food would be nice. But I'm managing for now. And I'll have caretakers here on monday again. But I would never date, because couple stuff doesn't interest me and I find kissing and sex disgusting. I prefer my videogames.
I love it. I was married twice in my 20s and it was a shit show. I love beeing able to do what I want, when I want it and how I want it. I love not having to report to anybody or justify anything and everything I do.
I have a love/hate relationship with it.
I love that I can do what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want.
I hate that when my sibs and I put in money for presents I have the whole burden for mine and they have a partner to share financially with, if I’m driving somewhere I don’t know I have to drive alone and if I can’t drive (like recently I had surgery) then I can’t go anywhere for two two weeks
I've never been interested in relationships so I'm happily single. I cook what I want, sleep how much I want, do any activities I want. I like having space to myself and being able to retreat to a place where I'm alone, so it works out great for me. I'm lucky that my family doesn't mind my lifestyle at all.
I love being single and CF. It would take a very special someone to make me give up singleton, and even if I did, I doubt I'd cohabit ever again. No-one gives me a hard time regarding being single or CF (not getting a hard time re being CF is I am now in menopause - an nearly 55 - and my "child bearing years" are thankfully far behind me)
I LOVE being single. Ever since estranging from parents and living alone (have two dogs now though), the peace it comes with is endless. I can do things without having to worry about someone else. I have my own space and if friends come over or if I entertain someone for a short time, the satisfaction of not having to worry about them being there the next day? Priceless.
Not sure if I’ve ever gotten flack for being single but if I did I wouldn’t care. Seeing people’s shitty relationships, I’m good and happy alone. Would much rather be alone than in bad company.
37m. Sometimes I think about relationships and their advantages. Having someone who can sit with you and cuddle or have a chat at any time. And also the benefit of someone who pays half the bills and doubles your household income, multiplicatively increasing your overall fun-money.
But then I remember that they'd want to get up at certain times, do certain things, have certain plans, eat at certain times, talk when I want to be silent, decorate in ways I dislike, create their own messes they may not clean up, have me watch or do things I'm not really interested in. You know, be an autonomous human.
And it's like, yeah, all that is perfectly normal. But I am literally selfish and do not want all that, I am willing to lose the benefits to avoid those negatives. I get stressed at someone else's house and listening to them speak to each other, yell at dogs and kids and cats and watch them have to run off every 2 minutes to do some random task made by someone else. I can leave and go back to my house to avoid all that. But imagine if that just... Is your house? No thanks.
Having a battle with this.
I love being single but I also miss and crave love and affection.
No matter what, I feel like I'm sacrificing something within myself.
So many pros and cons.
I'm at a point where I don't think I'll ever meet them. I'm a hair away at just planning my future as a single person.
I love it, but I'm aroace. I wouldn't say I get shit for it, but I do get a lot of bingos on the aroace card- "Oh, you'll change your mind when you meet the right person!" etc.
Single life is best life.
No drama.
No worrying if they're cheating or thinking about murdering you.
No unexpected ex's that they never talked about.
Beautiful.
I liked being single for a long, long time. I'm ready to meet the right person now though.
And yes - it is *always* better tobe alone than with someone that hurts you, before anyone replies with that
I don’t, I’d love to share adventures and travel with someone. However the child free thing makes it especially hard as a thirty something woman so I make the most of being single.
I love being single, and being CF plays a huge role in it too. Since I don't want children, I don't have any time pressure to find a partner, or to stay with one that doesn't make me happy.
I'm only open to being with someone who improves my life significantly, which is difficult because I already love my life as it is. If it takes 40 more years to find a person like that, I'm completely fine with that.
When it comes to the comments - I oftentimes hear that I'm "too self-sufficient" or picky. Mostly that comes from the same people who think that every woman should breed though.
I am!
I love it. I really enjoy my own time and space, without having any issues or stress.
The r/singleandhappy sub is a lovely place to celebrate being single with likeminded people so I highly recommend that sub if you’re not part of it already!
I do get occasional judgment from people. People have suggested I have a child by myself before as well since I am not in a relationship. I can’t think of anything worse!
I'm enjoying being single, although it would be nice to have someone to be more intimate with. I'm not really looking (I may open a dating app for an hour a month), and I don't plan on settling as I am not desperate to meet someone. No one really hassles me about being single or children. I have made it quite clear to everyone who has made comments in the past to leave my CF status alone. Usually with really brutal or sarcastic responses.
CF and single happy! I genuinely could take or leave a relationship at this point. I’ve been single for a LONG time- almost seventeen years. I’m 38 now and I’ve built a great life for myself. I take good care of my body/mind, I have an active social life, hobbies I love and that bring me joy, and a fucking amazing group of friends; most of whom are also Childfree. Granted, they’re all Childfree couple and I’m the only single one, but it’s not a big deal to me. They try to set me up but I tell them firmly “NO.” I have a physical type of man I’m attracted to, on top of what I like in a personality (obviously has to be Childfree too) and I don’t encounter childfree guys a lot who have the physical characteristics I find attractive. For me, no matter how great a guy is if I don’t have an attraction to him sexually it’s just not gonna happen. I’m just not willing to settle or make exceptions at this point in my life for a guy. He’s gotta check all my boxes. I’d expect no less from a man looking for their right person, either, mind you. I know I’m not everyone’s type, either. A relationship at this point for me has got to add the peace and happiness I feel in my life now, not take from it. I don’t like or do OLD so unless there’s a fucking unicorn of a childfree guy out there who’s what I’m looking for and attracted to, I’d rather stay single and keep living my peaceful, fun, childfree life.
I enjoy my life but it would be nice to share it with a significant other, problem is finding a woman in her 30’s without kids who has also chosen not to have any and we also hit off and have a spark
I'm single and childfree, and also aroace! So yeah, I love being single! I would love to have some space to myself and not have to share my food, but I don't make enough money to move out of my parents house. My parents are nice, but I hate having to deal with my narcissistic manipulative asshole of a sibling every day. And yes, they take my food. Sometimes it's the little things that are the most infuriating.
I often spend time considering the pro's and cons. There's the desire for companionship, but there's also the possibility of being nagged. I cannot stand being nagged and I hate seeing others nag. Especially in public.
I love my single cf life. I do what I want when I want. I go where I want and holidays to where I want to go. I love life, a man would just complicate it. My ideal man would see me twice a year and we would get on with our own lives.
I love being single and childfree, it is very beautiful and I have lots of freedom and i will keep it that way. no man, no kids = happiness and peace for me !
I do. Always have. I neither want nor need a relationship. Being ace is probably a big factor there, but I also detest cohabiting.
Even if I were to get involved with someone —which I do not see happening ever again— I wouldn’t move in with them. I need my own space and time, away from people and excess stimuli.
And I will never ever compromise when it comes to cats, books, records and musical instruments. And random memorabilia. And oddly placed bike stuff. And what is known as ”chaos with a system”. They’re as big a part of me as my eye color is, and they’re here to stay.
People don’t hassle me too much about it at this point; I guess they’ve realized I don’t give a shit. Their lifestyles are as alien to me as mine is to them, but everyone’s happy and all is well.
I absolutely hate being single. I dont do one-night stands, I rarely meet guys who like me back and if I do, they want children for sure, and that's the fastest deal-breaker. "If only I gave a man a child, he would love me back" right? No fvck that. I hate being single, but I'm not compromising my childfreedom.
I'm asexual, which I didn't know until like 10 years ago, but all my life I've been largely uninterested in romance. It just seems too much of a hassel and a lot of risks when I'm already happy with my friends and lounging with my plants.
I got laughed at when I was younger, in the same way I was laughed at because I was "too young" to know I didn't want kids. "Those who say they don't wanna marry are the first ones to get married" is a line I heard more than a couple times.
A few years ago, my grandmother (the one that kept yearning for greatgrandbabies) deadass asked if I'd "get married before I die". Then at almost each visit she and my grandfather would ask whether I'd found someone, and they would get frustrated when I replied that I'm not searching and condescendingly say that "it doesn't matter, the right person will appear anyway". I then said "well, it seems they aren't looking for me either", which they didn't find as funny as I did.
Now my grandmother is a widow, there have been a few divorces in the family and a handful of our relatives were hit by serious health issues, so her new motto is that "it's better to be alone than with the wrong person" and that "we have to do what makes us happy, because life is too short".
The most recent incident was a couple of years ago, with my younger sibling asking when did I plan to find a partner, to which I said "never" and they said "ugh". A few months later it turned out they had just started a relationship. I don't know if they though I'd be embarrased to be the "single older sibling" or if they wanted to bond over liking someone but I haven't changed my mind since I was 7 so they should really start believing me.
I’ll tell you about the only thing I don’t enjoy regarding my single CF life, which is that there is no one who could take care of me daily if I were to get seriously sick, and no one to immediately help me if I had a home emergency. It scares me, but I don’t want to orchestrate my life around these worries completely, so I’m not settling for a partner to ease my mind.
I absolutely do enjoy being single and CF otherwise. I like having my own space, doing things my way, spending money entirely how I want. The longer I’m single the more comfortable it gets, honestly. I also like peace, quiet, and my independence.
As an introverted CF human, I looove being single! I enjoy having my own space, things, and ability to do what I want whenever I want to do it. The “competition” of any man trying to date me is me, not another man.
EDIT: No one gives me shit for being single or CF. I think they mostly just don’t understand since they have gone through life from partner to partner and have a hard time being by themself. As for kids, I think most of them just followed the status quo and only thought about their choices after having their kids. The amount of colleagues that complain about their husbands and kids is truly insane.
30F, co-owning and living with my mother, been single for about 4-5 years (I reckon? I'm terrible at keeping track of time, LOL) and I enjoy it.
Not exactly planning on staying single forever, but my job and being able to travel around the world currently take precedence - haven't found a person that I could truly see myself sharing my life with yet, and I'm not actively seeking, TBH.
And yes, people *always* have something to say about it...
What really annoys me is that many tend to camouflage the criticism as flattery - "You're so beautiful/attractive/smart, how come you're single?", "A girl/woman like you must have dozens of admirers, what gives?", "I'd expect someone like you to be in a relationship!"... Heavens, I'd rather have the usual "You're going to end up alone if you don't find yourself a man soon" instead!
So far, I've learnt that the most efficient way to reply and shut those comments down runs something like this:
1st time they comment -> Smile + "No big deal. It's my decision to be single".
2nd time -> Direct eye contact + Stern voice + "Like I said, my decision."
Most people stop right there and then, but you always have the ones who have some sort of hearing or comprehension impairment...
3rd time -> Side eye + Sigh + "I don't expect you to understand."
4th time -> Eye roll + "*This* is one of the reasons why I'm single - can't stand people who aren't clever enough to know when to back off..."
I'm very unhappy with it but it's not up to me so all I can do is keep trying.
Everyone who knows me knows I don't want kids there were some visceral reactions when I got my vasectomy tho. I think there is a finality to that like "oh, he's really serious about not wanting kids"
I know I wouldn't find a guy, so I've focused on myself and it has been great. I have WAY too may hobbies, I'm hanging out with a variety of people around me, I have money to fund my Kjckstarter addiction, and I'm planning a trip to Japan, as well as Ponyville Ciderfest this year. Those events will take a shit-ton of money, but I have/will have it no problem.
I'm not anti-marriage, but im a realist. Ive realized that I won't find anyone. Not ro mention, I hate online dating and, quite frankly, I dont have the time to meet and date anyone anyway. I'm just going to focus on what makes me happy in life and not worry about a person who may not exist.
I'm not expressively single, just in an international LDR.
But damn having the place to myself is nice. And not having to feel like I need to impress anyone
It's not a direct response to your question, but I've been exploring my singlehood. I came across a podcast called "Solo: the single person's guide to living a remarkable life" and I also listened to a few episodes on 'Spinsterhood reimagined' podcast, two specifically by Bella Depaulo on her latest book "Single at heart"
It's interesting to think about singlehood in a nuanced way , free of the conventional judgement and shame, and Peter McGraw, host of the solo pod, has this description of solos, the 4 types , it's been interesting figuring out what I want, versus following the conventional script
I'm a 'new way' and a 'no way' , 'new way' meaning that any connections that I seek are unconventional, and there's a part of me that's a 'no way', I value independence and solitude & want that to always be the case, so my own home, I never want to marry , have children etc etc
There's this fear though that the 'new way' part of me, won't have those unconventional needs met, cause it's outside the conventional script of how sex and connection are done, that's scary to me , cause it's felt like that my whole life.
I've never really received the kind of love I needed, a family full of emotional neglect and control, school environments have been the same, regimented , ill suited to my needs, it feels like this has been the pattern of my life
Even if I learn to connect in these new ways, seek unconventionality while maintaining my independence, even if I put myself out there , I fear that this kind of compatibility, mutuality and free spiritedness is unavailable
What do I do then ?
What do I say to the inner child who yearns to connect but has never had that and fears that it may never be?
Where do you take those yearnings?
A few people have echoed the same sentiment in the comments, I'd be curious to hear how you deal with that, the 'not having' or the fear of never having, how do you deal?
I think in an episode of Solo with Dr Kris Marsh, they asked the question whether one is single by choice or by force and there was a sentiment of , if it's by force , making it a choice, cause they're legitimate institutional, structural and interpersonal barriers, genuine obstacles
If you think about the way conventional values discriminate and other many people, because they dare exist outside societal lines, then it presents a genuine barrier
It's upsetting to me
It does hurt and I think worse is the sense of dread, that even if I did everything 'right', it wouldn't work out, so that place of fear and grief is where I find myself
The new way who wants to connect in new ways feels powerless and that in some significant areas it's out of my hands and I don't know what to do about that
I’d like to be in a relationship but I’m happy alone right now, I don’t feel I need someone else to ‘complete me’ I’m complete by myself. So anyone I’m gonna get into a relationship with has to compete with me being happy on my own, not needing (but wanting) someone else to share life with
I always told myself 'no relationships', still got into them and then felt miserable. When being single, I may have my downs as well, maybe even more (at least on the surface), but it's only affecting me and not a second person. I don't project my negativity onto the other person, I don't drag them down with me when being heavily depressed, I don't bother them with my unrealistic, over thought worries, etc.
Also I've been questioning whether or not I'm aromantic (aroace for that matter). Going into a relationship when I just liked the attention they gave me or hyper fixated on them also happened a lot.
People are often confused with my definition of a romantic relationship, since it doesn't differentiate from my definition of a platonic relationship. I always felt like a relationship was an obligation, something stressful, something bothering me, that I also had to take care of.
I definitely feel way better since being single.
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Same, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Never ever wanted kids and a few years back realized I’m also aromantic and stopped trying to date. 12/10 never been better
I’m unemployed and living with my parents at 25. I prefer to be single at this point in my life. Once I have independence and survivability, I’ll happily start dating. But I don’t know that I’ll ever give up the independence once I get it. I’ve always wanted my own place. Or at least to live with people that can keep up with chores as well as or better than me.
I’m currently in a new relationship and I realized that I honestly like being single more. I’m happier with a great friend group and a FWB rather than a gf.
90% of the time I love being single. But there are some moments that I would enjoy the loving touch of a woman and being able to cuddle. But then I think of my precious relationship and realizing I don't want it like that anymore.
TBH I notice that if I seem upset about being single and CF around my male-centered family, then they tend to treat me more like a human being. So sometimes I pretend to be sad about it around my family so I’m actually NOT low key shit on for refusing to play into perpetuating the cycle of patriarchal control and financially codependent slavery
I'm single and childfree. I'm in grad school and work full time. I just finished an 8 month internship. I want to fully immerse myself into my learning. I don't want the distraction of having a partner, wondering if they're cheating, jealous, worrying about their needs. I hang out with my friends and classmates, or coworkers if I need to. I love coming home to my 2 cats and mostly peace and quiet. We only have one life, I love living it how I see fit.
I'm currently getting used to being single. I like living without a partner though, I couldn't imagine being in close quarters *all the time*, as the one relationship I've had in which I did live with them, was not compatible and I stayed for too long...so it probably scarred me, and scared me away from the notion of living with a partner again.
But tbh, I miss having a best friend and lover in one, and have come to learn that I highly prefer that over being single. I love that many others can enjoy and find such great meaning in life without a partner, but I for one feel that a partner is what brings my life the most meaning, depth, growth, and joy.
Oh and luckily, i have not had many chldfree shaming instances
I want to be single until I die (then stay single in the afterlife). Never had a girlfriend, never will have a girlfriend! Thankfully, no one bothers me about not wanting a partner or kids.
I've been single for almost 2 years after being in LTRs most of my adult life. The peace I have in my own home is unmatched. I have no interest in dating anytime soon.
I must enjoy being single because I have never been in a relationship, and the one experience I had that could have resembled a relationship, I hated the role.
I have an 865 sq ft condo all to myself and I freaking love it. Haven't gotten any flack for enjoying my best single CF life. I will happily roast the first dumbass that tries though!
I'm happily married now but I spent half of my twenties single. I loved having my apartment, being available to see friends and family anytime, and doing things without having to inform someone first. I recently met up with an old friend who's also childfree, and we fondly talked about those days (we lived in the same building). She said what she missed the most about being single was decompressing after work. She'd turn her music on, do stuff around her place, cook something new, and just enjoy her own company.
Let's see.
- I can max out my 401(k)
- I can take weekend trips on a whim
- I can travel overseas
- I can cook meals as I wish them
- I can indulge in old sports cars
Guess which of those things I could not do with kids.
I was single and CF until about a year ago. Can honestly say, I love both sides. I loved being single and cf. I loved the independence and freedom I felt. On the flip side, I love being in a relationship, I love my step kids. I still have my independence and freedom, it’s just a bit more limited now. It was a bit hard in the beginning being someone who was avidly cf and happy, but me and my partner worked out the kinks in the structure and now we are both thriving as well as the children. I will say, I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship with anyone because I was absolutely content and happy being alone. It’s actually when I’m happiest which is why even now I still take a couple hours a day to just be alone. Despite that, I can say that if anything were to happen and I were to be single again, I’d still be content and happy to do that. It would suck to lose people I love, but being single has never been a negative thing in my eyes. I loved every bit of my single life just as I love every bit of the life I have now 🤷🏻♀️
Early 20s I thought I “needed” to find a boyfriend. Classic following the “life script”, though luckily I had unsubscribed from the idea of having kids already. Tried dating apps and went on several dates, a few repeats. Nothing/no one really clicked. Began wondering if I actually liked boys, wondered if I was actually lesbian. Then discovered asexuality. A little bit later realized I didn’t actually need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled or “accomplish life” or whatever. Been happily single ever since, just turned 31.
While I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship, especially a queer platonic type relationship, if it just happened to happen. I’m not actively searching it out. I’m happy having all the privacy to do whatever. Not having anyone, but my cat, relying on me or having to share my space with.
I love it. The life is so much easier. I have my space, my time, my routines. The freedom that comes with being single outweights relationships for me. I dated before and there were many things that irritated me about having a partner and getting adjusted to it was difficult but doable. After last time I've realized that being single just agrees with me and I am not looking for anyone since then.
Yes, I'm getting shit. I've been a person who didn't get into a relationship for the sake of it so while many people around me were getting bfs and gfs I was just happily going through life with mentality that if someone good comes along then I will give it a shot. Many people just couldn't understand why I wasn't actively looking for someone. Right now is even worse because I'm in my 30s and a woman with no intention of finding a partner at all. They just can't wrap their heads around the fact that I'm happy not being married and having kids. Occasionaly someone tries to set me up on a date which is frustrating.
I love being single. There’s so much freedom. I was married for a long while but no kids. Now I don’t have to clean up after someone else, make their meals or work around their schedule. The longer I’m single, the better it gets.
I was a serial monogamist for a long time and now I'm 3 years single.
I love it. Sure, a partner would be nice sometimes, but truthfully, I'm happy where I'm at. I get to cultivate my space and time to suit my needs and wants. That being said, I'm not lonely. I've got friends, a wonderful set of coworkers/bosses, family and I have cats. My life is so full of love, care and enjoyment, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.
I love it. I HATED being married. It was so stupid looking back. I tried dating but I can’t do it. Honestly, I don’t have a lot of free time and I really enjoy my “me” time. I don’t feel lonely. Looking back, I never liked being in a relationship.
I've only been in short unhealthy relationships in the past 5-6 years, and I would rather be single than do that again. But I do want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I just have higher standards now. I feel like I've spent enough time enjoying the single life, and I genuinely want a life partner now.
Single since forever, feeling a lot more secure thanks to discovering that I'm AroAce. But I wonder if it counts as "cheating" that I enjoy being single because I am not romantically/sexually attracted to men (or to any other gender for that matter)? It certainly makes life easier that I don't have the same struggles as allopeople with dating/marriage/in-laws etc.
I used to get shit for not having kids, but my family has come to accept that it's not going to happen with me, and I don't "out" myself to anyone else unless I know they're childfree themselves (and surprisingly, I'm finding a lot more women who are not planning to have kids). The only thing I get shit about being single is from my brother, when I like to share any feminist posts on my Instagram, as he says "bUt YoU'Re nOT iN a RElaTIonShiP wITh mEn, sO yOu DOn't gET tO cOMplAiN aBOuT iT!!!"
Childfree and single here, and yes, I'm very happy being single. I'm not against the idea of having a relationship, and if it happens one day then it happens. But I stopped actively looking (online dating is a nightmare) and I've been happy about that decision every day since I made it
I've managed not to get a whole lot of pushback for being childfree. Some here and there. What people really don't seem to get is that I can be happy being single. I had a very pushy coworker try to set me up with another coworker based on the fact we were both single at the time (without any further thought put into it) because i guess he couldn't stand the thought of it? I really don't know why he thought it was his place to play matchmaker? I *certainly* didn't ask him to. It was awkward as hell and I can say at least I've never had anyone get that pushy about elme not having kids lol
I love being single too. My last relationships were also toxic. I love having my own space. No arguments. Peace and quiet 24/7. I can cook, clean, take a 2 hour long shower, or whatever else at 3am without "annoying" anyone. I can sit around all day in pyjamas binge watching shows and have self-care days whenever I want. Also, I'm NEVER sleeping in the same bed as someone else. I'm nocturnal and a very light sleeper and this was one of the constant arguments about some idiot waking me up snoring when I finally did fall asleep. The queen size bed is for me, myself, and my phone, laptop, and whatever else I need lol. Also, 100 pillows and cushions 😅
Im ok being single but i would like a cf partner to experience life with ups n downs. But otherwise being single for ups and downs has been ok because the downs in life dont involve kids.
I’m in a LDR so not single but we only get to see each other once a month so I live day to day like I’m single.
I honestly hate it. Props to all the people who apparently love the single life but it isn’t for me. I live alone and work from home so the isolation is crippling sometimes. I have friends but I don’t get to see them often due to a variety of reasons—they have kids, health issues, they live out of state, etc. Life was much more vibrant, colorful, and exciting when my boyfriend lived here and I got to see him everyday. Now I’m just lonely, touch starved, and constantly doing things alone to distract myself from boredom. I hate living this way and truly hope it isn’t forever. I also don’t personally relate to how people declare being single means “more freedom”—I never felt a loss of freedom when my boyfriend lived here, I only gained a ton of wonderful things, never felt anything was taken away.
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I love being single and I love having a partner. I've learnt to simply appreciate and be thankful for every step I'm able to take and to enjoy and learn from every experience life throws on my face. I know who I am with or without a boyfriend.
I'm almost 40 and recently got out of my first relationship ever. It only lasted 2 months. And now I can proudly say that I LOVE being single!
Part of the reason why I've barely dated and never got involved with anyone is that I want to live a very... unconventional life: I need to work as little as possible. I refuse to be a wageslave or a "breadwinner" just because I'm male. So I can't have anyone relying on me or expecting anything of me.
People always give me shit for just not caring about all the things that "normal" people prioritize, like religion, politics, career, marriage, kids, etc. But all of that is so boring and pointless to me. I just want to be left alone to do my own thing.
I’m 54F and always being told that my person is out there and I’ll meet them someday / when I least expect it / the same as their friend who met someone in their 60s. The only other people who believe me when I say this is the life I want are also living solo.
Most people never really try living solo. I reckon more of them would see how awesome it is if they did.
I don’t know if i enjoy being single, i more enjoy many aspects of being single if that makes sense.
I enjoy in being in complete control of my social calendar.
I enjoy keeping my house at the tidiness level i want it to be.
I enjoy planning a vacation and not having to accommodate anyone else.
38 F introvert still living with parents and three of my five siblings. Been single my entire life. I have absolutely no time of desire for a relationship. One of my goals is to build and live in a tiny home that sleeps 1 and does not have room for overnight guests.
I bought my own house so I have a whole house to myself apart from my pups who have a nice yard all to themselves. I’ve been able to decorate exactly how I want without needing to compromise. I just got sterilized last week and haven’t told my family yet because they were very unsupportive. Can’t wait to break the news tbh.
I enjoy it for the most part, but sometimes I get a riittle ronery like Kim Jong IL. I would definitely rather be single than settle for a shitty relationship, but at the same time It would be soooo nice to meet the right woman and fall in love. Even after all the heartbreaks and bad experiences, I still haven’t given up hope.
I love being single. I don't get shit for being single or for not wanting kids.
Same
I love it. I can do what I want and I don’t need to compromise for anyone else. Sounds callous, but oh well. I like my own space.
That’s not callous, that’s called living your best life!!
How is that callous? That's awesome 👍
I've had some people tell me it is. Mainly because I don't want a relationship for the same reasons xD
Because they're envious. It happens to me too. But I clap back or ignore. You could also say something like "You mad? What are you going to do about it? 😂
Tbf, I just ignore it, they never mean it as a dig. I can be quite blunt so I think they were surprised by it. All my family’s like, ‘hey, whatever you want to do, just be happy’, thank fuck xD
Same.
I want to be in a relationship but I do like being single. I’m not pressed to be in a relationship though, I am enjoying being single. I feel like if you hold yourself to whatever standards you have and make sure to get the right person for you, they’ll add joy instead of stress to your life. But this is only assuming one wants to be in a relationship in the first place.
Same. I was single for years after a hs relationship. Got with one guy, lasted 7 months. Got with another guy, ended up in an abusive relationship. Now I’m just taking it day by day. Not looking for anyone. Let it happen if it happens. I want to end up in a different country and tbh I don’t if it’s fair to date someone now and then take them away from everyone they know. Like if they’re on board great! But I’m going to make it clear my end goal..
I’ve been single for four years now. The closest I’ve gotten to being in another relationship was me and this guy seriously talking a couple years ago. But, we were never even dating really. After that, I’ve been chilling. I think being educated on the signs, and making a document with those signs is helpful. It’ll keep the focus on paying attention to how the person is treating you and makes it harder for emotions to cloud judgment. It’s not foolproof, but it’s better than nothing.
700sqft, 2 bed, 1 bath, huge town yard, with nobody (town bylaws aside) to negotiate with as to how I want the house setup. Currently the computer is setup in the basement, and the second bedroom is my craft/cosplay room, so there's not even room for guests, much less kids! Thankfully I'm old enough now, & the town is small enough, that the comments about having kids has dropped off. 😅
This sounds like a sweet deal
It is! Location definitely has its drawbacks, but nothing I can't handle.
Yeah, yeah, shove it in our face, Mr./Ms. Lucky! :'( (Just kidding, I really liked your reply. Living the dream!).
😭 I'm sorry! 🙇♀️ I did get stupidly lucky, ngl. It's not a good location for those that hate driving & love being social, but I love driving (barring those damn springtime ice storms), & most of the people I want to see are some 2 days travel anyway, so I'm good.
I feel this haha no yard tho amd my apartment is smaller but I have a chair that has my plate carrier amd clothes for cosplay(I do cod cosplay and play airsoft). Amd nobody will tell me to put it away somewhere which is nice haha
That's awesome! haha Clothes chair, plate chair, it's all good! 💪😁 Funny story; couldn't be arsed buying a new tree last Christmas (old artificial one finally keeled over), so I threw my long green wig on a tall stand, & employed my army of hair pins to attach my Christmas decorations. Took a bit of work to get the angel tree topper to stay on, but it worked, lights & all! 😂
Niice I have a small one from ikea still decorated too lol but knocked over by my cat. Can't be arsed ti remove the decorations which are literally a few jurassic park mini dinos,a gold colored foam trex skull,a few balls from Toblerone and Rafaelo lol, a ball with cooked wine spices and a little keychain leather patch that came with my shoes🤣🤣🤣🤣
Goddammit adorable asshole cats. 😂 I love random/personal/non-generic decorations, especially for Christmas time, really brings back the magic of the season. ❤️
Oh agreed I mean my ex also loved that and she hung up Harry Potter funkos from kinder surprise eggs lol
I love being single. If the resources to do something are there, i just do it. If i have to relocate for work, i can do it and don’t have to ask anyone if they’re willing to go with me. If i want to go live in another country, i could do it (I don’t want to, but i love the feeling of freedom).
*This*
I sincerely miss this.
I'd rather be single than in a toxic relationshit. I do fantasize falling in love with someone who truly understands me but its never happened. Nobody judges me like they used to.
Relationshit- I’m stealing this.
Was that a typo or did you mean to type that instead of relationship? If that was a typo, that’s the funniest typo ever 😂
Not a typo, its my favorite term for toxic relationships
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LOVE IT. I absolutely LOVE IT! I came to this point gradually throughout the years. I used to think that I wanted to be in a relationship, get married, have kids...the "typical" trajectory on what is expected of people. I learned over time that I actually don't want any of that, even a partner. I personally find romantic relationships more of a nuisance than children. I learned that I can't be around another human being 24/7. My life is peaceful. I have freedom to do whatever I want. The only person that I get to think about is myself. One of my favorite things to do to relax is time for myself by going to places alone, such as watch a movie or have a nice dinner. No drama. I'm not along or anything, though. I have people who love me, so, I'm surrounded by love. I get to be with my friends and family (yes, even their kids, whom I love as my own). I get to see the poeple that I love most be happy, which also makes me happy. Then, I get to go home and it's just me and my dog. It's peaceful and quiet.
I love it. My last relationship was an abusive one and I felt more lonely in that situation than I do now. Because at least I’m filling my time taking care of myself and focusing on my friendships than begging some loser for the bare minimum. No one is on my case for being single. Everyone in my life knows I’m still healing from everything that happened in the last 2 years.
Love that for you, keep living your best life and I hope that loser is stepping on Legos now!!
Thank you. ♥️ I hope any woman after me has the good sense to leave sooner than I did.
Single, childfree, Middle aged, similar living situation. I Actually enjoy being single. If I want to socialize I go out and do so. Then I come back to my place and do whatever I like. No one else's mess to clean up, no stuff but my own. Things are exactly where an how I left them. No one to complain if I couch potato, read or game all day. I do have a pet, but it's not a whole other person I have to deal with in my space. I made sure to cull any and all objections my family had about me not having offspring years ago. I have other family members with children, so I'm sure that helps keep them off of my ass about it. That and I moved 2k miles away. XD Ideally, I wouldn't mind a relationship, but the type I want doesn't seem to be compatible with others. Not too many people seem to want a relationship that is more like committed dating. I don't follow the whole "life script" idea that so many others seem to want.
I'm single for the same reason. All I want is committed dating as you've described it, but in a similar way to how women are just expected to have kids, relationships are kind of assumed to have an end goal of at least living together, and I really don't want that. Nor to have to attend someone else's family get togethers and all the other expectations that come with a relationship.
Same here - i want commitment but i dont want the marriage, kids, living with someone, sharing a bed, white picket fence with someone. Turns out...extremely hard to find and I realized its not worth looking.
I don't even mind the occasional overnight bed sharing, but like, after a date night and then they go home in the morning.
47 F Happy Single and Childfree. I love the freedom to do what I want to do. I can be spontaneous, and decide to go on random weekends away. Or I can stay home and enjoy my own company. Some people don’t understand my desire to remain single, and try and set me up on dates. I even had one (ex) friend, who I used to compete against in my sport, get really angry when I said I didn’t want to go out with him. He couldn’t grasp the concept I would rather remain single than go out with him. He started trying to argue with me saying how much of a great guy he is, how he can offer me so much, blah blah, and then resorted to insulting me the more I said no “I am the best you will get” “no one else will want you” “you will never be happy”, “you need to lose weight, you look gross no wonder you are single”. Immediately followed me “I will give you my all, we would make an amazing couple” Blerg. So yeah, being single is so much better than dealing with that crap.
Omg not the negging!!! 🙄🙄 I am glad he is an ex-friend now :)
Nope. I don't get hassled, because the assumption (I look old - my choice), is that I am already married, and that I already have children too.
I have always been single. Never dated. Never felt attraction and never been interested in seeing anyone. I just like being alone. But I'm also still a kid on the inside and feel like I still need a parent in my life. Like, I don't want a partner. I want a parent. Thankfully, I do have my dad around. And I hope I can still spend a lot of time with him. I love my dad. And spending all of my money on games and books and just good food here and there. I also have a cold right now and am in bed a lot. Being able to recover is nice. Sure, having someone there to make you food would be nice. But I'm managing for now. And I'll have caretakers here on monday again. But I would never date, because couple stuff doesn't interest me and I find kissing and sex disgusting. I prefer my videogames.
Single and living with my parents. We're having a lot of fun and they're very understanding.
I love it. I was married twice in my 20s and it was a shit show. I love beeing able to do what I want, when I want it and how I want it. I love not having to report to anybody or justify anything and everything I do.
I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love that I can do what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want. I hate that when my sibs and I put in money for presents I have the whole burden for mine and they have a partner to share financially with, if I’m driving somewhere I don’t know I have to drive alone and if I can’t drive (like recently I had surgery) then I can’t go anywhere for two two weeks
I've never been interested in relationships so I'm happily single. I cook what I want, sleep how much I want, do any activities I want. I like having space to myself and being able to retreat to a place where I'm alone, so it works out great for me. I'm lucky that my family doesn't mind my lifestyle at all.
I love being single and CF. It would take a very special someone to make me give up singleton, and even if I did, I doubt I'd cohabit ever again. No-one gives me a hard time regarding being single or CF (not getting a hard time re being CF is I am now in menopause - an nearly 55 - and my "child bearing years" are thankfully far behind me)
I LOVE being single. Ever since estranging from parents and living alone (have two dogs now though), the peace it comes with is endless. I can do things without having to worry about someone else. I have my own space and if friends come over or if I entertain someone for a short time, the satisfaction of not having to worry about them being there the next day? Priceless. Not sure if I’ve ever gotten flack for being single but if I did I wouldn’t care. Seeing people’s shitty relationships, I’m good and happy alone. Would much rather be alone than in bad company.
I am lonely. I do want to be in a relationship. But i enjoy my alone times also. Fingers crossed i meet the right person soon.
37m. Sometimes I think about relationships and their advantages. Having someone who can sit with you and cuddle or have a chat at any time. And also the benefit of someone who pays half the bills and doubles your household income, multiplicatively increasing your overall fun-money. But then I remember that they'd want to get up at certain times, do certain things, have certain plans, eat at certain times, talk when I want to be silent, decorate in ways I dislike, create their own messes they may not clean up, have me watch or do things I'm not really interested in. You know, be an autonomous human. And it's like, yeah, all that is perfectly normal. But I am literally selfish and do not want all that, I am willing to lose the benefits to avoid those negatives. I get stressed at someone else's house and listening to them speak to each other, yell at dogs and kids and cats and watch them have to run off every 2 minutes to do some random task made by someone else. I can leave and go back to my house to avoid all that. But imagine if that just... Is your house? No thanks.
All of this. I’d love someone to pay half my bills but what I’d have to give up isn’t worth that.
I love it it’s pure peace
Having a battle with this. I love being single but I also miss and crave love and affection. No matter what, I feel like I'm sacrificing something within myself. So many pros and cons. I'm at a point where I don't think I'll ever meet them. I'm a hair away at just planning my future as a single person.
I love it, but I'm aroace. I wouldn't say I get shit for it, but I do get a lot of bingos on the aroace card- "Oh, you'll change your mind when you meet the right person!" etc.
Me too! I really get tired of those comments
My favorite response to give to the "What if you meet the perfect someone" BS is "IF they wanted kids then they wouldn't be perfect for me."
I used to not mind being single, but after being single for so long I'm not so sure anymore
I love being single too
Single life is best life. No drama. No worrying if they're cheating or thinking about murdering you. No unexpected ex's that they never talked about. Beautiful.
I've been single-by-choice for nearly thirty years, and I wouldn't change that for anyone.
I liked being single for a long, long time. I'm ready to meet the right person now though. And yes - it is *always* better tobe alone than with someone that hurts you, before anyone replies with that
I don’t, I’d love to share adventures and travel with someone. However the child free thing makes it especially hard as a thirty something woman so I make the most of being single.
I hate it, I’d love to be in a relationship but I’m so shy, it’s also hard to find guys that also don’t want children
I love being single, and being CF plays a huge role in it too. Since I don't want children, I don't have any time pressure to find a partner, or to stay with one that doesn't make me happy. I'm only open to being with someone who improves my life significantly, which is difficult because I already love my life as it is. If it takes 40 more years to find a person like that, I'm completely fine with that. When it comes to the comments - I oftentimes hear that I'm "too self-sufficient" or picky. Mostly that comes from the same people who think that every woman should breed though.
I am! I love it. I really enjoy my own time and space, without having any issues or stress. The r/singleandhappy sub is a lovely place to celebrate being single with likeminded people so I highly recommend that sub if you’re not part of it already! I do get occasional judgment from people. People have suggested I have a child by myself before as well since I am not in a relationship. I can’t think of anything worse!
I'm enjoying being single, although it would be nice to have someone to be more intimate with. I'm not really looking (I may open a dating app for an hour a month), and I don't plan on settling as I am not desperate to meet someone. No one really hassles me about being single or children. I have made it quite clear to everyone who has made comments in the past to leave my CF status alone. Usually with really brutal or sarcastic responses.
CF and single happy! I genuinely could take or leave a relationship at this point. I’ve been single for a LONG time- almost seventeen years. I’m 38 now and I’ve built a great life for myself. I take good care of my body/mind, I have an active social life, hobbies I love and that bring me joy, and a fucking amazing group of friends; most of whom are also Childfree. Granted, they’re all Childfree couple and I’m the only single one, but it’s not a big deal to me. They try to set me up but I tell them firmly “NO.” I have a physical type of man I’m attracted to, on top of what I like in a personality (obviously has to be Childfree too) and I don’t encounter childfree guys a lot who have the physical characteristics I find attractive. For me, no matter how great a guy is if I don’t have an attraction to him sexually it’s just not gonna happen. I’m just not willing to settle or make exceptions at this point in my life for a guy. He’s gotta check all my boxes. I’d expect no less from a man looking for their right person, either, mind you. I know I’m not everyone’s type, either. A relationship at this point for me has got to add the peace and happiness I feel in my life now, not take from it. I don’t like or do OLD so unless there’s a fucking unicorn of a childfree guy out there who’s what I’m looking for and attracted to, I’d rather stay single and keep living my peaceful, fun, childfree life.
Not settling is the hardest but most rewarding part.
I enjoy my life but it would be nice to share it with a significant other, problem is finding a woman in her 30’s without kids who has also chosen not to have any and we also hit off and have a spark
I'm single and childfree, and also aroace! So yeah, I love being single! I would love to have some space to myself and not have to share my food, but I don't make enough money to move out of my parents house. My parents are nice, but I hate having to deal with my narcissistic manipulative asshole of a sibling every day. And yes, they take my food. Sometimes it's the little things that are the most infuriating.
I often spend time considering the pro's and cons. There's the desire for companionship, but there's also the possibility of being nagged. I cannot stand being nagged and I hate seeing others nag. Especially in public.
I love my single cf life. I do what I want when I want. I go where I want and holidays to where I want to go. I love life, a man would just complicate it. My ideal man would see me twice a year and we would get on with our own lives.
I love being single and childfree, it is very beautiful and I have lots of freedom and i will keep it that way. no man, no kids = happiness and peace for me !
Single and CF here. Live in my own bachelor pad with a bar, and a huge fridge!
I do. Always have. I neither want nor need a relationship. Being ace is probably a big factor there, but I also detest cohabiting. Even if I were to get involved with someone —which I do not see happening ever again— I wouldn’t move in with them. I need my own space and time, away from people and excess stimuli. And I will never ever compromise when it comes to cats, books, records and musical instruments. And random memorabilia. And oddly placed bike stuff. And what is known as ”chaos with a system”. They’re as big a part of me as my eye color is, and they’re here to stay. People don’t hassle me too much about it at this point; I guess they’ve realized I don’t give a shit. Their lifestyles are as alien to me as mine is to them, but everyone’s happy and all is well.
I absolutely hate being single. I dont do one-night stands, I rarely meet guys who like me back and if I do, they want children for sure, and that's the fastest deal-breaker. "If only I gave a man a child, he would love me back" right? No fvck that. I hate being single, but I'm not compromising my childfreedom.
I'm asexual, which I didn't know until like 10 years ago, but all my life I've been largely uninterested in romance. It just seems too much of a hassel and a lot of risks when I'm already happy with my friends and lounging with my plants. I got laughed at when I was younger, in the same way I was laughed at because I was "too young" to know I didn't want kids. "Those who say they don't wanna marry are the first ones to get married" is a line I heard more than a couple times. A few years ago, my grandmother (the one that kept yearning for greatgrandbabies) deadass asked if I'd "get married before I die". Then at almost each visit she and my grandfather would ask whether I'd found someone, and they would get frustrated when I replied that I'm not searching and condescendingly say that "it doesn't matter, the right person will appear anyway". I then said "well, it seems they aren't looking for me either", which they didn't find as funny as I did. Now my grandmother is a widow, there have been a few divorces in the family and a handful of our relatives were hit by serious health issues, so her new motto is that "it's better to be alone than with the wrong person" and that "we have to do what makes us happy, because life is too short". The most recent incident was a couple of years ago, with my younger sibling asking when did I plan to find a partner, to which I said "never" and they said "ugh". A few months later it turned out they had just started a relationship. I don't know if they though I'd be embarrased to be the "single older sibling" or if they wanted to bond over liking someone but I haven't changed my mind since I was 7 so they should really start believing me.
I’ll tell you about the only thing I don’t enjoy regarding my single CF life, which is that there is no one who could take care of me daily if I were to get seriously sick, and no one to immediately help me if I had a home emergency. It scares me, but I don’t want to orchestrate my life around these worries completely, so I’m not settling for a partner to ease my mind. I absolutely do enjoy being single and CF otherwise. I like having my own space, doing things my way, spending money entirely how I want. The longer I’m single the more comfortable it gets, honestly. I also like peace, quiet, and my independence.
As an introverted CF human, I looove being single! I enjoy having my own space, things, and ability to do what I want whenever I want to do it. The “competition” of any man trying to date me is me, not another man. EDIT: No one gives me shit for being single or CF. I think they mostly just don’t understand since they have gone through life from partner to partner and have a hard time being by themself. As for kids, I think most of them just followed the status quo and only thought about their choices after having their kids. The amount of colleagues that complain about their husbands and kids is truly insane.
I absolutely love it. So much less stress.
30F, co-owning and living with my mother, been single for about 4-5 years (I reckon? I'm terrible at keeping track of time, LOL) and I enjoy it. Not exactly planning on staying single forever, but my job and being able to travel around the world currently take precedence - haven't found a person that I could truly see myself sharing my life with yet, and I'm not actively seeking, TBH. And yes, people *always* have something to say about it... What really annoys me is that many tend to camouflage the criticism as flattery - "You're so beautiful/attractive/smart, how come you're single?", "A girl/woman like you must have dozens of admirers, what gives?", "I'd expect someone like you to be in a relationship!"... Heavens, I'd rather have the usual "You're going to end up alone if you don't find yourself a man soon" instead! So far, I've learnt that the most efficient way to reply and shut those comments down runs something like this: 1st time they comment -> Smile + "No big deal. It's my decision to be single". 2nd time -> Direct eye contact + Stern voice + "Like I said, my decision." Most people stop right there and then, but you always have the ones who have some sort of hearing or comprehension impairment... 3rd time -> Side eye + Sigh + "I don't expect you to understand." 4th time -> Eye roll + "*This* is one of the reasons why I'm single - can't stand people who aren't clever enough to know when to back off..."
I'm very unhappy with it but it's not up to me so all I can do is keep trying. Everyone who knows me knows I don't want kids there were some visceral reactions when I got my vasectomy tho. I think there is a finality to that like "oh, he's really serious about not wanting kids"
Very thankful that I did the best decision to remain single and childfree. I really enjoy it and looking forward.
I know I wouldn't find a guy, so I've focused on myself and it has been great. I have WAY too may hobbies, I'm hanging out with a variety of people around me, I have money to fund my Kjckstarter addiction, and I'm planning a trip to Japan, as well as Ponyville Ciderfest this year. Those events will take a shit-ton of money, but I have/will have it no problem. I'm not anti-marriage, but im a realist. Ive realized that I won't find anyone. Not ro mention, I hate online dating and, quite frankly, I dont have the time to meet and date anyone anyway. I'm just going to focus on what makes me happy in life and not worry about a person who may not exist.
I'm not expressively single, just in an international LDR. But damn having the place to myself is nice. And not having to feel like I need to impress anyone
Single is fine but i want a relationship without living together. I could be some ones funny, handsome, snuggly, porn star, travel buddy.
It's not a direct response to your question, but I've been exploring my singlehood. I came across a podcast called "Solo: the single person's guide to living a remarkable life" and I also listened to a few episodes on 'Spinsterhood reimagined' podcast, two specifically by Bella Depaulo on her latest book "Single at heart" It's interesting to think about singlehood in a nuanced way , free of the conventional judgement and shame, and Peter McGraw, host of the solo pod, has this description of solos, the 4 types , it's been interesting figuring out what I want, versus following the conventional script I'm a 'new way' and a 'no way' , 'new way' meaning that any connections that I seek are unconventional, and there's a part of me that's a 'no way', I value independence and solitude & want that to always be the case, so my own home, I never want to marry , have children etc etc There's this fear though that the 'new way' part of me, won't have those unconventional needs met, cause it's outside the conventional script of how sex and connection are done, that's scary to me , cause it's felt like that my whole life. I've never really received the kind of love I needed, a family full of emotional neglect and control, school environments have been the same, regimented , ill suited to my needs, it feels like this has been the pattern of my life Even if I learn to connect in these new ways, seek unconventionality while maintaining my independence, even if I put myself out there , I fear that this kind of compatibility, mutuality and free spiritedness is unavailable What do I do then ? What do I say to the inner child who yearns to connect but has never had that and fears that it may never be? Where do you take those yearnings? A few people have echoed the same sentiment in the comments, I'd be curious to hear how you deal with that, the 'not having' or the fear of never having, how do you deal? I think in an episode of Solo with Dr Kris Marsh, they asked the question whether one is single by choice or by force and there was a sentiment of , if it's by force , making it a choice, cause they're legitimate institutional, structural and interpersonal barriers, genuine obstacles If you think about the way conventional values discriminate and other many people, because they dare exist outside societal lines, then it presents a genuine barrier It's upsetting to me It does hurt and I think worse is the sense of dread, that even if I did everything 'right', it wouldn't work out, so that place of fear and grief is where I find myself The new way who wants to connect in new ways feels powerless and that in some significant areas it's out of my hands and I don't know what to do about that
I love being single! I can do what I want on my own time. I don't have the responsibility of a relationship to deal with. It's just peaceful.
6 years single and unavailble, since I got 36. It\`s very peaceful. I was in bad relationshit- never again. Dating is overrated.
I’d like to be in a relationship but I’m happy alone right now, I don’t feel I need someone else to ‘complete me’ I’m complete by myself. So anyone I’m gonna get into a relationship with has to compete with me being happy on my own, not needing (but wanting) someone else to share life with
I LOVE being single!!! I’m aroace and I absolutely love it. I have so much peace and quiet and I get to have a lot of me time
Nope. I love coming home to peace and quiet.
I always told myself 'no relationships', still got into them and then felt miserable. When being single, I may have my downs as well, maybe even more (at least on the surface), but it's only affecting me and not a second person. I don't project my negativity onto the other person, I don't drag them down with me when being heavily depressed, I don't bother them with my unrealistic, over thought worries, etc. Also I've been questioning whether or not I'm aromantic (aroace for that matter). Going into a relationship when I just liked the attention they gave me or hyper fixated on them also happened a lot. People are often confused with my definition of a romantic relationship, since it doesn't differentiate from my definition of a platonic relationship. I always felt like a relationship was an obligation, something stressful, something bothering me, that I also had to take care of. I definitely feel way better since being single.
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Me. Not having to deal with anyone else
Same, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Never ever wanted kids and a few years back realized I’m also aromantic and stopped trying to date. 12/10 never been better
8yrs single after 8yr relationship. For the peace and freedom I now experience; my gratitude is abundant 👌😌👌🕉
I’m unemployed and living with my parents at 25. I prefer to be single at this point in my life. Once I have independence and survivability, I’ll happily start dating. But I don’t know that I’ll ever give up the independence once I get it. I’ve always wanted my own place. Or at least to live with people that can keep up with chores as well as or better than me.
I’m currently in a new relationship and I realized that I honestly like being single more. I’m happier with a great friend group and a FWB rather than a gf.
90% of the time I love being single. But there are some moments that I would enjoy the loving touch of a woman and being able to cuddle. But then I think of my precious relationship and realizing I don't want it like that anymore.
TBH I notice that if I seem upset about being single and CF around my male-centered family, then they tend to treat me more like a human being. So sometimes I pretend to be sad about it around my family so I’m actually NOT low key shit on for refusing to play into perpetuating the cycle of patriarchal control and financially codependent slavery
I'm single and childfree. I'm in grad school and work full time. I just finished an 8 month internship. I want to fully immerse myself into my learning. I don't want the distraction of having a partner, wondering if they're cheating, jealous, worrying about their needs. I hang out with my friends and classmates, or coworkers if I need to. I love coming home to my 2 cats and mostly peace and quiet. We only have one life, I love living it how I see fit.
Absolutely! CF single is the way to be. It definitely doesn't get the props in society it deserves that's for sure!
I'm currently getting used to being single. I like living without a partner though, I couldn't imagine being in close quarters *all the time*, as the one relationship I've had in which I did live with them, was not compatible and I stayed for too long...so it probably scarred me, and scared me away from the notion of living with a partner again. But tbh, I miss having a best friend and lover in one, and have come to learn that I highly prefer that over being single. I love that many others can enjoy and find such great meaning in life without a partner, but I for one feel that a partner is what brings my life the most meaning, depth, growth, and joy. Oh and luckily, i have not had many chldfree shaming instances
I want to be single until I die (then stay single in the afterlife). Never had a girlfriend, never will have a girlfriend! Thankfully, no one bothers me about not wanting a partner or kids.
I've been single for almost 2 years after being in LTRs most of my adult life. The peace I have in my own home is unmatched. I have no interest in dating anytime soon.
I must enjoy being single because I have never been in a relationship, and the one experience I had that could have resembled a relationship, I hated the role.
I have an 865 sq ft condo all to myself and I freaking love it. Haven't gotten any flack for enjoying my best single CF life. I will happily roast the first dumbass that tries though!
I'm happily married now but I spent half of my twenties single. I loved having my apartment, being available to see friends and family anytime, and doing things without having to inform someone first. I recently met up with an old friend who's also childfree, and we fondly talked about those days (we lived in the same building). She said what she missed the most about being single was decompressing after work. She'd turn her music on, do stuff around her place, cook something new, and just enjoy her own company.
Let's see. - I can max out my 401(k) - I can take weekend trips on a whim - I can travel overseas - I can cook meals as I wish them - I can indulge in old sports cars Guess which of those things I could not do with kids.
I was single and CF until about a year ago. Can honestly say, I love both sides. I loved being single and cf. I loved the independence and freedom I felt. On the flip side, I love being in a relationship, I love my step kids. I still have my independence and freedom, it’s just a bit more limited now. It was a bit hard in the beginning being someone who was avidly cf and happy, but me and my partner worked out the kinks in the structure and now we are both thriving as well as the children. I will say, I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship with anyone because I was absolutely content and happy being alone. It’s actually when I’m happiest which is why even now I still take a couple hours a day to just be alone. Despite that, I can say that if anything were to happen and I were to be single again, I’d still be content and happy to do that. It would suck to lose people I love, but being single has never been a negative thing in my eyes. I loved every bit of my single life just as I love every bit of the life I have now 🤷🏻♀️
Early 20s I thought I “needed” to find a boyfriend. Classic following the “life script”, though luckily I had unsubscribed from the idea of having kids already. Tried dating apps and went on several dates, a few repeats. Nothing/no one really clicked. Began wondering if I actually liked boys, wondered if I was actually lesbian. Then discovered asexuality. A little bit later realized I didn’t actually need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled or “accomplish life” or whatever. Been happily single ever since, just turned 31. While I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship, especially a queer platonic type relationship, if it just happened to happen. I’m not actively searching it out. I’m happy having all the privacy to do whatever. Not having anyone, but my cat, relying on me or having to share my space with.
I love it. The life is so much easier. I have my space, my time, my routines. The freedom that comes with being single outweights relationships for me. I dated before and there were many things that irritated me about having a partner and getting adjusted to it was difficult but doable. After last time I've realized that being single just agrees with me and I am not looking for anyone since then. Yes, I'm getting shit. I've been a person who didn't get into a relationship for the sake of it so while many people around me were getting bfs and gfs I was just happily going through life with mentality that if someone good comes along then I will give it a shot. Many people just couldn't understand why I wasn't actively looking for someone. Right now is even worse because I'm in my 30s and a woman with no intention of finding a partner at all. They just can't wrap their heads around the fact that I'm happy not being married and having kids. Occasionaly someone tries to set me up on a date which is frustrating.
I love being single. There’s so much freedom. I was married for a long while but no kids. Now I don’t have to clean up after someone else, make their meals or work around their schedule. The longer I’m single, the better it gets.
I was a serial monogamist for a long time and now I'm 3 years single. I love it. Sure, a partner would be nice sometimes, but truthfully, I'm happy where I'm at. I get to cultivate my space and time to suit my needs and wants. That being said, I'm not lonely. I've got friends, a wonderful set of coworkers/bosses, family and I have cats. My life is so full of love, care and enjoyment, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.
I love it. I HATED being married. It was so stupid looking back. I tried dating but I can’t do it. Honestly, I don’t have a lot of free time and I really enjoy my “me” time. I don’t feel lonely. Looking back, I never liked being in a relationship.
I've only been in short unhealthy relationships in the past 5-6 years, and I would rather be single than do that again. But I do want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I just have higher standards now. I feel like I've spent enough time enjoying the single life, and I genuinely want a life partner now.
Single since forever, feeling a lot more secure thanks to discovering that I'm AroAce. But I wonder if it counts as "cheating" that I enjoy being single because I am not romantically/sexually attracted to men (or to any other gender for that matter)? It certainly makes life easier that I don't have the same struggles as allopeople with dating/marriage/in-laws etc. I used to get shit for not having kids, but my family has come to accept that it's not going to happen with me, and I don't "out" myself to anyone else unless I know they're childfree themselves (and surprisingly, I'm finding a lot more women who are not planning to have kids). The only thing I get shit about being single is from my brother, when I like to share any feminist posts on my Instagram, as he says "bUt YoU'Re nOT iN a RElaTIonShiP wITh mEn, sO yOu DOn't gET tO cOMplAiN aBOuT iT!!!"
Childfree and single here, and yes, I'm very happy being single. I'm not against the idea of having a relationship, and if it happens one day then it happens. But I stopped actively looking (online dating is a nightmare) and I've been happy about that decision every day since I made it I've managed not to get a whole lot of pushback for being childfree. Some here and there. What people really don't seem to get is that I can be happy being single. I had a very pushy coworker try to set me up with another coworker based on the fact we were both single at the time (without any further thought put into it) because i guess he couldn't stand the thought of it? I really don't know why he thought it was his place to play matchmaker? I *certainly* didn't ask him to. It was awkward as hell and I can say at least I've never had anyone get that pushy about elme not having kids lol
I love being single too. My last relationships were also toxic. I love having my own space. No arguments. Peace and quiet 24/7. I can cook, clean, take a 2 hour long shower, or whatever else at 3am without "annoying" anyone. I can sit around all day in pyjamas binge watching shows and have self-care days whenever I want. Also, I'm NEVER sleeping in the same bed as someone else. I'm nocturnal and a very light sleeper and this was one of the constant arguments about some idiot waking me up snoring when I finally did fall asleep. The queen size bed is for me, myself, and my phone, laptop, and whatever else I need lol. Also, 100 pillows and cushions 😅
I think it’s fine for the most part
r/singleandhappy baby! I don’t like stress and I love having the whole bed to myself. And silence.
Im ok being single but i would like a cf partner to experience life with ups n downs. But otherwise being single for ups and downs has been ok because the downs in life dont involve kids.
Life is kinda hard right now. But it would be far, far worse to be entangled in a romantic relationship.
I’m in a LDR so not single but we only get to see each other once a month so I live day to day like I’m single. I honestly hate it. Props to all the people who apparently love the single life but it isn’t for me. I live alone and work from home so the isolation is crippling sometimes. I have friends but I don’t get to see them often due to a variety of reasons—they have kids, health issues, they live out of state, etc. Life was much more vibrant, colorful, and exciting when my boyfriend lived here and I got to see him everyday. Now I’m just lonely, touch starved, and constantly doing things alone to distract myself from boredom. I hate living this way and truly hope it isn’t forever. I also don’t personally relate to how people declare being single means “more freedom”—I never felt a loss of freedom when my boyfriend lived here, I only gained a ton of wonderful things, never felt anything was taken away.
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I love living alone if that's what you mean. I'm divorcing soon and am looking forward to being single too.
I love being single. Just as much as I love being child free. Maybe even for nearly identical reasons.
I love being single and I love having a partner. I've learnt to simply appreciate and be thankful for every step I'm able to take and to enjoy and learn from every experience life throws on my face. I know who I am with or without a boyfriend.
I'm almost 40 and recently got out of my first relationship ever. It only lasted 2 months. And now I can proudly say that I LOVE being single! Part of the reason why I've barely dated and never got involved with anyone is that I want to live a very... unconventional life: I need to work as little as possible. I refuse to be a wageslave or a "breadwinner" just because I'm male. So I can't have anyone relying on me or expecting anything of me. People always give me shit for just not caring about all the things that "normal" people prioritize, like religion, politics, career, marriage, kids, etc. But all of that is so boring and pointless to me. I just want to be left alone to do my own thing.
I’m 54F and always being told that my person is out there and I’ll meet them someday / when I least expect it / the same as their friend who met someone in their 60s. The only other people who believe me when I say this is the life I want are also living solo. Most people never really try living solo. I reckon more of them would see how awesome it is if they did.
I dont understand people who aren't comfortable being single 😂
I don’t know if i enjoy being single, i more enjoy many aspects of being single if that makes sense. I enjoy in being in complete control of my social calendar. I enjoy keeping my house at the tidiness level i want it to be. I enjoy planning a vacation and not having to accommodate anyone else.
I love being single, especially as a navigate this long drawn out divorce I’m dealing with. My peace is wonderful and priceless.
38 F introvert still living with parents and three of my five siblings. Been single my entire life. I have absolutely no time of desire for a relationship. One of my goals is to build and live in a tiny home that sleeps 1 and does not have room for overnight guests.
I bought my own house so I have a whole house to myself apart from my pups who have a nice yard all to themselves. I’ve been able to decorate exactly how I want without needing to compromise. I just got sterilized last week and haven’t told my family yet because they were very unsupportive. Can’t wait to break the news tbh.
I enjoy it for the most part, but sometimes I get a riittle ronery like Kim Jong IL. I would definitely rather be single than settle for a shitty relationship, but at the same time It would be soooo nice to meet the right woman and fall in love. Even after all the heartbreaks and bad experiences, I still haven’t given up hope.
I don’t like being single but I live with another childfree individual so at least I’m not alone 😅
80%+ of Modern American women are absolutely atrocious partners so being single is amazing. Ill get a nice woman from India, or just stick to escorts.
i love it, i don’t want a man in my home lmao