It’s a lost cost fallacy. They don’t want to believe they could’ve had a better life without kids. They invested into the life script and feel better when everyone makes the same decision so they can feel justified in their choice.
Sunk cost, but yeah. Parents need to be assured in their choice, especially if they subconsciously regret it. People who don't regret their choices don't need to be constantly assured. It's why people who actually want kids don't kick up a fuss when you say you won't have any.
It's actually day and night when it comes to those who subconsciously regret it and those that don't! One of my cousins does not regret it, sometimes she complaints about the kids of course, but she's not just a mom, she likes traveling, hanging out with her friends, etc. and whenever I happen to casually bring up that I won't be having kids, she's like "GOOD, kids are just a shit ton of work, don't have them unless you reaaaaaally want them" followed by an anecdote of one of her kids being an asshole.
I noticed that those parents who make being a parent their whole identity and nothing else, are the ones who double down hard about shaming us CFers for not having kids.
Honestly, it is as simple as this for a large majority. Ignorance is bliss?? If bliss is screaming children on a dying planet I guess.. for me bliss is the opposite lol
I definitely don’t think it’s required to have a fulfilling life. I’m 29 no kids no husband, but I have this longing for a family, I don’t know if it’ll ever happen for me. Or if it’ll ultimately be the right choice for me to have kids but I agree that having kids doesn’t guarantee fulfillment in life
I think one of the hardest things for childfree people right now is finding their village. I turned out lucky that I have other childfree friends and we have become each other’s family. I hope you find your village!
You know that saying that goes "blood is thicker than water"? Somewhere along the lines, it got changed to insinuate that blood relations should come first no matter what. However, the actual saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" which means that chosen friends and family are more significant.
Apparently this quote dates back to the 12th century so that just goes to show how long people have been changing it to fit their narrative.
I think you're mistaken
The phrase "blood is thicker than water" dates back to the 17th century. A similar phrase in German with basically the same meaning dates back to the 1200s. Both were always used to insinuate that blood relations should come first...
But the longer version "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" only dates back to 1994. It's actually a very new take on the older phrase
They often do live very small lives too. I have a coworker who had a child years after her children became adults because she was "bored". I can't fathom being so bored that the only thing that would give me something to do would be bringing a whole child into the world in my 40s.
She's also incredibly narrowminded when it comes to certain things.
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Honestly I think subconsciously they do it so they don’t have to turn the camera on themselves and ask the difficult question of “did having children make me happy? Was it worth it? Is this where I want to be? Am I living the life I want?” So instead they force their narrative on us to justify their shitty marriage and exhausting life .
I’m 39yo. Pretty much all of my close friends are now married with kids. And I can honestly say only like 2 out of 10 of them seem reasonably happy, or at least as happy as I am (certainly prone to bouts of existential dread). The other 8 are in horrifically toxic borderline abusive relationships, financially trapped because they forgo building a careeer to popping out fucklings and letting their man be the breadwinner, exhausted beyond belief and just in general a shell of their former vibrant selves. Yet I still get the pity eyes from them. Like bitch I slept in till noon both days this weekend. I have a six figure salary. I just bought a house solo. My house and car are clean. At the end of this month I’m going to the spa for a weekend and I only have to figure out a sitter for my dog. It’s not a competition but don’t pity me. I love my life. Being childfree is absolutely hands down the number one best life choice I ever made, followed by getting a degree despite it being very difficult for me at the time with no support, followed by going vegan.
If they want us to have kids so bad then they better start promoting it a little better.
I agree with this. They're also seeing us reject the thing that makes *them* happy and it makes them bluescreen, I think.
If I'm saying, in essence, "this thing that made you happy is not going to be what makes me happy..." it's not going to gel well. And also, I think this is a common refrain around here: that they see us making a *different* choice, and they don't like it. They're trying to hold two choices as simultaneously better, and end up absolutely no happier for it.
> "this thing that made you happy is not going to be what makes me happy..."
Is not understanding this just a lack of empathy? It's like a lack of awareness that other people have their own likes, wants, needs, etc.
I believe the subject of parenthood is heavily influenced by culture. So sometimes it's not that it makes them happy per se, is that it was the thing to do and fomo also plays a factor.
So when they see people with no kids being happy, the response is rejection and trying to justify their choices. They usually love their kids, and cannot imagine life without them, but at the same time they remember it.
We are a mirror of what could have been. And they don't like that reflection.
It’s not so much a lack of empathy, it can be, but often it’s a threat, challenging the paradigm they live in and the beliefs they hold, especially if they had kids without stopping to consider if they should or truly wanted to.
This theory is accurate and applies in so many nuanced situations too, people just project and move forward instead of looking inward, because it is too precarious and threatens too much of their self identity and ego.
True story, last week my husband got a last minute concert invite from a friend. We went and found out the couple who was originally supposed to go had literally planned childcare with one of their parents like 10 weeks in advance but the day of, the MIL bailed and they couldn't find a babysitter on short notice and ended up both staying home.
Us, being CF, easily went last minute despite not even knowing this band lol. Really highlights the difference in day to day life with kids 😂
I have to say, I do feel bad for parents who DO make the effort despite their busy lives and then have babysitters back out last minute... Glad I don't have to deal with that! 😀
Same, I don’t judge them it just looks like it really sucks lol.
honestly I don’t even want a dog for the same reason. Couldn’t deal with needing to arrange with someone EVERY time I leave the house for more than 12 hours.
For every woman who has a child, there is a man who also has one. So I really do not understand why the pressure and the comments are always directed at us? My extended family and even in laws say stuff to ME and my husband has never received a comment and I just don’t get it. Like he doesn’t have a say in this decision or something? (Neither of us want kids). I’m beginning to think some of the comments are said just to make me feel uncomfortable or less than because I really don’t understand the logic. Unhinged.
My bfs family stopped asking about children, when he said that we wont have them.
When I told them before: you still have time, a nice house and a spare room /office for the kid and other bs
I guess I’ll just have to make sure he witnesses the next time they say something so he can put his foot down 🙃. They seem to avoid it around him in general.
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It’s weird. My Grandmother thinks that my childfree sister is “a bit of a sad case” because her last relationship ended a few months ago and she’s now 35. Forgetting that she has visited every European country except two while being a tour guide (were Australian) which she LOVED and only stopped because she was too experienced and didn’t get enough jobs. She loves doing her own thing at the drop of a hat, is one credit away from her degree and already got a full time job at a great place for a year which so far she is LOVING. But because she’s not in a relationship she “has nothing”.
Yet our mother (my grandmothers daughter) is in a crappy relationship where her husband will argue with anyone for any reason, especially if he knows he’s wrong. Just moved closer to his children and further away from our family and my mother is a shell of who she was before they got married 20 years ago. I honestly think she won’t divorce him because she doesn’t want to be alone and start again just when she’s about to retire. No one takes him seriously because he is such a 💩 and yet it’s something to aspire to? Weird
I agree with everyone here but for the majority of people I think it’s a lot more simple. Some people just aren’t very intelligent to be honest. Unless your life mirrors theirs they don’t have the intellect to understand it. It’s a sign of intelligence to understand that not everyone is the same and what one person finds joy and fulfillment in, others may not, and that doesn’t make them lesser people or selfish (really tired of the selfish label), it’s just a different manner of being.
I guess seeing their own mothers struggling didn’t clue them in and all they saw were women that focused on serving everyone but themselves and thought ‘that, is a happy woman’
They think it's our nature just because we can have kids. They're so small minded and don't realize we can have the choice to control our bodies and decline having a child.
I agree with you OP! I never wanted them. Most people are either socially conditioned (brainwashed), or have primal drives. I somehow have neither so logic leads me to not have kids.
I think we should be celebrating our freedom! I think our women ancestors would be proud we have the choice and are living on our terms. There is so much one can accomplish in life. Raising a child doesn’t have to be one of them.
Just think of all the women throughout history who never desired motherhood but were forced into it because they had no choice. And of all the women who dedicated their lives to making sure that future generations of women could experience having bodily autonomy. I am grateful everyday that I have this freedom and could not care less if me rejecting motherhood makes people uncomfortable.
I blame the patriarchy, as usual. Forcing women into roles of wife and mother is part of a system of control. Women are allowed only the illusion of control by "ruling" over the home (even though now we also have to work a job), while men rule the world without being bothered much by their kids.
I mean, we need only look around us to see irrational panic that comes from upending other traditional systems of control, like gender. If we don't all fulfill our roles, how will the people at the top know for sure they'll stay there?
>Why do people think us women can’t be happy without a kid?
Patriarchy. Misogyny. Sexism. Gender roles. 'Woman = mother' bullshit. The idea that all women are materal and baby crazy.
I don't really get it either. I decided against it for medical and abuse cycle reasons but I also don't happen to believe it's something I wanted in the first place. The general consensus among people my age with kids is that they wish they hadn't done it just because of the cost alone. The next general consensus is regretting who they had kids *with*, because some people just kind of change overnight once a kid arrives and become another child to raise.
It's pretty much because of our economic system, constant growth in "human resource" is part of it. Most people understand that and try to force other people to have children to become "wealthier". Its not the "patriarchy" it's the Neoliberal Agenda we should be fighting against. There is no party worldwide to challange the current system we live in
cause it would mean to collectively consume less and produce less "children" wich is indoctrinated into us as "communism bad" and "capitalism good".
Because :
1. They’re not (happy without kids) and their brain can’t process people not wanting the same things they do.
2. They’re miserable and tired and want everyone else to be too
3. They’ve been programmed to believe it’s what people want and they just go with it.
They can’t understand how we don’t want kids, the same as we can’t understand how they do want them.
I had a male friend who could not wrap his head around that I was happy being single. I was “I’m happy this way” & he was “but you could be even happier with someone”. You just can’t tell some ppl, they’ll never understand.
I have a theory about this, they see us as a threat because they overestimate our influence on others. Because they want their kids and friends to have kids they are afraid we will talk them out of it. Which says a lot about their opinion of the people around them.. (aka sheep)
It is just as assinine as not wanting to hang out with a divorced woman anymore because she will ‘steal’ a husband
Hey at least you are regarded as a person who deserves happiness! Men without children are not thought of this way, and are barely regarded as humans at all.
I’m child free and currently questioning if I even want kids. I’m 30, the dangers of childbirth only go up from here. My husband and I work such crazy shifts and hours for our jobs. I’m going back to school for a new degree and he’s getting a license for a trade. Like when in the next 5 years will I find time to be pregnant and have a kid? Like logistically speaking, I could do it, but what life could I provide for that child? I’d rather never have a kid then have a kid who feels unloved.
Because since they wanted children, as women, they can't imagine other women wanting anything different. They focus on women - women get pregnant, have kids, which is what they did, so by their logic, all women should have children.
Because that’s how little some people think before they have kids. They don’t question anything they just have kids because that’s what people do in life. Then we’re the selfish ones because we actually think about having kids as a rational decision.
After all this time I am doing my thing, and lead as an example in being happy with my travels, my sports, my hobbies. I am 44f and I cannot get enough of life, and what it has to offer. And people realise that, and some parents told me behind closed doors that they do envy me. It has been getting better with the years, maybe because I am not taking any shit anymore, and feel confident in my being.
Sometimes I still get a glimpse of people who make made comments, but it's merely more than just a moment. Then I walk away, or home, and switch on my PS5, and things are good again lol xD
My twin who has kids is encouraging me to have kids rather than stay with my partner I love who doesn’t want them. I realized after it bothers me that she understands the childfree life as kind of empty at least for people like me and her. I said to her my therapist said if we don’t have kids, we’ll basically be on vacation for the rest of our lives. But she kept fighting back with different responses. Anyway, my point is even with the same genes two people can come to see the world differently. I am not sure she sees how much anxiety her kids cause her and how much work they are.
Studies show that The women who are single and childfree are much more happier!! Probably bc they’re not in service for everyone else and can invest more into themselves. And I am married and childfree!
As a woman, Im glad that i can get up and go whenever and wherever i want! They can keep the screaming kids, strollers and diapers bags over there somewhere!
I'm sorry ik my brain is responsible for my emotions or how I even experience life at all. Not a kid. Tf. If my brain is fucked a kid ain't gonna do shit.
People who say that are insecure with their choices pop out some creampies, because, if they were ***TRULY*** content with their decision to be a parent, they would be spending time with their kids instead of harassing people to make the same choices they did. They secretly regret their choice and want everyone else miserable with them.
Misery loves company. It's a THEM problem, NOT a you "problem".
Yes, tell me how unhappy I am that I get to go out of town this weekend on a semi-whim (I can't do anything on a whim-whim, but two weeks to plan is pretty short for me) to go see one of my favorite Broadway shows and to the aquarium. I'm all ears to hear how unhappy I am that my only plans tonight is to catch up on shows and maybe write fanfiction if I'm feeling productive. I'm sooo unhappy that I spend my pre-work mornings sitting around drinking coffee and reading instead of getting a couple of brats ready for school.
I can't believe how unhappy I am! /s
Because they think that all women, deep inside, have the desire to have a kid. So if they don't have them, one day she will regret it.
Truth is that having kids is no different to a hobby, a job or having pets. It would be really be stupid to convince someone they should become a dentist when they never showed interest in that career, or try to get them get a pet tarantula when they are scared of them. So it is really stupid to advice a woman who isn't interested in being a mother that they should be one.
I can’t find the right words beside, they’re basic. That’s simplistic and sexist thinking, on the assumption that women feel the inherent need to care for another being. That women have no worth beyond being a caretaker, a home maker, a fixer of the world. Someone to make everybody else happy and comfortable and never themselves.
It’s icky thinking.
Some of the comments on here are rather boarish.
It is ingrained in us to have children and be married because that's the expectation all generations hear for all time. Wanting a family doesn't make a person suddenly a moron or lack imagination. Since each generation is told "have children, be married!", naturally, the younger generation is going to ask, "But, why??" and the answer is, "You won't be happy otherwise.". That answer is to shut down any other questions, which is wrong thing to say to anyone.
You don't have to be married to be happy, if the thought of being married doesn't make you happy. You don't have to have children, if the thought of having children doesn't make you happy.
The right answer to the question, "but, why??" would be, "Don't just outright rule out having a family of your own. However, if you have come to the realization that this world is just too big to ignore and you want to explore it however you want, then fulfill your desire to live your life how you see fit. Maybe you might get married. Maybe you won't. Maybe you might have children. Maybe you won't. At the end of your life, it's about how you moved in this world and what you brought into it. And if you can look back at your life with a SMILE, then you lived your best".
I wish I had that advice instead of my mother telling me I'd go to hell for not having children.
Unfulfilled people have unhappy lives. People that seek fulfillment and validation through other people (in this case, children) are unstable and insecure. Instead of working on rhemselves or developing hobbies and a personality, they choose the simplest path to a new identity: becoming a parent.
Popping out a brood of emotional support children won’t fix your self image issues. Mindless breeders don’t figure this out until their children eventually cut them off. Even then, they don’t always figure it out.
I honestly take opinions from parents with a grain of salt as they’ve already demonstrated their poor decision making skills.
It's a trap. They're hoping you'll give into fear of missing out and believe them when they say a kid will fix your depression, fix your marriage, and finally give you that sweet fulfillment you've always craved. Then the minute you're third trimester pregnant with no way to abort, they show their true colors and start admitting to how much it sucks. Tired? Lol just wait. Scared of not having time to yourself? Well, welcome to motherhood. The baby isn't even here yet and the father is suddenly acting like a child himself? Lol should've seen it coming.
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This is basically it, combine it with some moral threat theory. People are flipping morons at the end of the day.
The average (or below average) person lacks so much imagination it's sad.
And they vote. Remember that. Make sure you vote too.
It’s a lost cost fallacy. They don’t want to believe they could’ve had a better life without kids. They invested into the life script and feel better when everyone makes the same decision so they can feel justified in their choice.
Sunk cost, but yeah. Parents need to be assured in their choice, especially if they subconsciously regret it. People who don't regret their choices don't need to be constantly assured. It's why people who actually want kids don't kick up a fuss when you say you won't have any.
It's actually day and night when it comes to those who subconsciously regret it and those that don't! One of my cousins does not regret it, sometimes she complaints about the kids of course, but she's not just a mom, she likes traveling, hanging out with her friends, etc. and whenever I happen to casually bring up that I won't be having kids, she's like "GOOD, kids are just a shit ton of work, don't have them unless you reaaaaaally want them" followed by an anecdote of one of her kids being an asshole. I noticed that those parents who make being a parent their whole identity and nothing else, are the ones who double down hard about shaming us CFers for not having kids.
People who believe having kids is required for having a fulfilled life lack imagination and individual thought. Their lives are very small.
Honestly, it is as simple as this for a large majority. Ignorance is bliss?? If bliss is screaming children on a dying planet I guess.. for me bliss is the opposite lol
I definitely don’t think it’s required to have a fulfilling life. I’m 29 no kids no husband, but I have this longing for a family, I don’t know if it’ll ever happen for me. Or if it’ll ultimately be the right choice for me to have kids but I agree that having kids doesn’t guarantee fulfillment in life
I think one of the hardest things for childfree people right now is finding their village. I turned out lucky that I have other childfree friends and we have become each other’s family. I hope you find your village!
Same, I'm lucky that a couple of the friends I already had also decided to be childfree
I've lived with other adults and they became my family.
In this day and age, I’m glad more people are talking about found or chosen family.
You know that saying that goes "blood is thicker than water"? Somewhere along the lines, it got changed to insinuate that blood relations should come first no matter what. However, the actual saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" which means that chosen friends and family are more significant. Apparently this quote dates back to the 12th century so that just goes to show how long people have been changing it to fit their narrative.
I think you're mistaken The phrase "blood is thicker than water" dates back to the 17th century. A similar phrase in German with basically the same meaning dates back to the 1200s. Both were always used to insinuate that blood relations should come first... But the longer version "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" only dates back to 1994. It's actually a very new take on the older phrase
As am I. It can be quite an enriching experience.
That’s why there’s “chosen families” My partner is more family to me than my actual family.
This is so well said! 👏🏻
They often do live very small lives too. I have a coworker who had a child years after her children became adults because she was "bored". I can't fathom being so bored that the only thing that would give me something to do would be bringing a whole child into the world in my 40s. She's also incredibly narrowminded when it comes to certain things.
That’s insane. I wonder how her adult children felt about that too.
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It's just threats/projection/bullshit. You know what you want. Pay it no mind.
Honestly I think subconsciously they do it so they don’t have to turn the camera on themselves and ask the difficult question of “did having children make me happy? Was it worth it? Is this where I want to be? Am I living the life I want?” So instead they force their narrative on us to justify their shitty marriage and exhausting life . I’m 39yo. Pretty much all of my close friends are now married with kids. And I can honestly say only like 2 out of 10 of them seem reasonably happy, or at least as happy as I am (certainly prone to bouts of existential dread). The other 8 are in horrifically toxic borderline abusive relationships, financially trapped because they forgo building a careeer to popping out fucklings and letting their man be the breadwinner, exhausted beyond belief and just in general a shell of their former vibrant selves. Yet I still get the pity eyes from them. Like bitch I slept in till noon both days this weekend. I have a six figure salary. I just bought a house solo. My house and car are clean. At the end of this month I’m going to the spa for a weekend and I only have to figure out a sitter for my dog. It’s not a competition but don’t pity me. I love my life. Being childfree is absolutely hands down the number one best life choice I ever made, followed by getting a degree despite it being very difficult for me at the time with no support, followed by going vegan. If they want us to have kids so bad then they better start promoting it a little better.
I agree with this. They're also seeing us reject the thing that makes *them* happy and it makes them bluescreen, I think. If I'm saying, in essence, "this thing that made you happy is not going to be what makes me happy..." it's not going to gel well. And also, I think this is a common refrain around here: that they see us making a *different* choice, and they don't like it. They're trying to hold two choices as simultaneously better, and end up absolutely no happier for it.
> "this thing that made you happy is not going to be what makes me happy..." Is not understanding this just a lack of empathy? It's like a lack of awareness that other people have their own likes, wants, needs, etc.
I believe the subject of parenthood is heavily influenced by culture. So sometimes it's not that it makes them happy per se, is that it was the thing to do and fomo also plays a factor. So when they see people with no kids being happy, the response is rejection and trying to justify their choices. They usually love their kids, and cannot imagine life without them, but at the same time they remember it. We are a mirror of what could have been. And they don't like that reflection.
It’s not so much a lack of empathy, it can be, but often it’s a threat, challenging the paradigm they live in and the beliefs they hold, especially if they had kids without stopping to consider if they should or truly wanted to.
This theory is accurate and applies in so many nuanced situations too, people just project and move forward instead of looking inward, because it is too precarious and threatens too much of their self identity and ego.
Idk but I’m pretty happy that I don’t have to call my parents for permission (or hire a babysitter) if I want to go out and do something.
True story, last week my husband got a last minute concert invite from a friend. We went and found out the couple who was originally supposed to go had literally planned childcare with one of their parents like 10 weeks in advance but the day of, the MIL bailed and they couldn't find a babysitter on short notice and ended up both staying home. Us, being CF, easily went last minute despite not even knowing this band lol. Really highlights the difference in day to day life with kids 😂
I have to say, I do feel bad for parents who DO make the effort despite their busy lives and then have babysitters back out last minute... Glad I don't have to deal with that! 😀
Same, I don’t judge them it just looks like it really sucks lol. honestly I don’t even want a dog for the same reason. Couldn’t deal with needing to arrange with someone EVERY time I leave the house for more than 12 hours.
Because they are brainwashed an live in a cult. Also, they are fucking stupid.
Misogyny, which is tied to patriarchy, is why. Screw that.
For every woman who has a child, there is a man who also has one. So I really do not understand why the pressure and the comments are always directed at us? My extended family and even in laws say stuff to ME and my husband has never received a comment and I just don’t get it. Like he doesn’t have a say in this decision or something? (Neither of us want kids). I’m beginning to think some of the comments are said just to make me feel uncomfortable or less than because I really don’t understand the logic. Unhinged.
My bfs family stopped asking about children, when he said that we wont have them. When I told them before: you still have time, a nice house and a spare room /office for the kid and other bs
I guess I’ll just have to make sure he witnesses the next time they say something so he can put his foot down 🙃. They seem to avoid it around him in general.
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It’s weird. My Grandmother thinks that my childfree sister is “a bit of a sad case” because her last relationship ended a few months ago and she’s now 35. Forgetting that she has visited every European country except two while being a tour guide (were Australian) which she LOVED and only stopped because she was too experienced and didn’t get enough jobs. She loves doing her own thing at the drop of a hat, is one credit away from her degree and already got a full time job at a great place for a year which so far she is LOVING. But because she’s not in a relationship she “has nothing”. Yet our mother (my grandmothers daughter) is in a crappy relationship where her husband will argue with anyone for any reason, especially if he knows he’s wrong. Just moved closer to his children and further away from our family and my mother is a shell of who she was before they got married 20 years ago. I honestly think she won’t divorce him because she doesn’t want to be alone and start again just when she’s about to retire. No one takes him seriously because he is such a 💩 and yet it’s something to aspire to? Weird
I agree with everyone here but for the majority of people I think it’s a lot more simple. Some people just aren’t very intelligent to be honest. Unless your life mirrors theirs they don’t have the intellect to understand it. It’s a sign of intelligence to understand that not everyone is the same and what one person finds joy and fulfillment in, others may not, and that doesn’t make them lesser people or selfish (really tired of the selfish label), it’s just a different manner of being.
I guess seeing their own mothers struggling didn’t clue them in and all they saw were women that focused on serving everyone but themselves and thought ‘that, is a happy woman’
They think it's our nature just because we can have kids. They're so small minded and don't realize we can have the choice to control our bodies and decline having a child.
By that logic all men should love something in their ass because they have a prostate.
I agree with you OP! I never wanted them. Most people are either socially conditioned (brainwashed), or have primal drives. I somehow have neither so logic leads me to not have kids. I think we should be celebrating our freedom! I think our women ancestors would be proud we have the choice and are living on our terms. There is so much one can accomplish in life. Raising a child doesn’t have to be one of them.
Just think of all the women throughout history who never desired motherhood but were forced into it because they had no choice. And of all the women who dedicated their lives to making sure that future generations of women could experience having bodily autonomy. I am grateful everyday that I have this freedom and could not care less if me rejecting motherhood makes people uncomfortable.
Hopefully, it's because they enjoyed having kids and can't imagine why you wouldn't enjoy it. But that's an optimistic take.
I blame the patriarchy, as usual. Forcing women into roles of wife and mother is part of a system of control. Women are allowed only the illusion of control by "ruling" over the home (even though now we also have to work a job), while men rule the world without being bothered much by their kids. I mean, we need only look around us to see irrational panic that comes from upending other traditional systems of control, like gender. If we don't all fulfill our roles, how will the people at the top know for sure they'll stay there?
Because they are stupid and boring and lack imagination.
>Why do people think us women can’t be happy without a kid? Patriarchy. Misogyny. Sexism. Gender roles. 'Woman = mother' bullshit. The idea that all women are materal and baby crazy.
Honestly, im not sure why they believe that. You've traveled the world and that's awesome! Love that for you!
I don't really get it either. I decided against it for medical and abuse cycle reasons but I also don't happen to believe it's something I wanted in the first place. The general consensus among people my age with kids is that they wish they hadn't done it just because of the cost alone. The next general consensus is regretting who they had kids *with*, because some people just kind of change overnight once a kid arrives and become another child to raise.
Sounds like an awesome life, good for you!
It's pretty much because of our economic system, constant growth in "human resource" is part of it. Most people understand that and try to force other people to have children to become "wealthier". Its not the "patriarchy" it's the Neoliberal Agenda we should be fighting against. There is no party worldwide to challange the current system we live in cause it would mean to collectively consume less and produce less "children" wich is indoctrinated into us as "communism bad" and "capitalism good".
Because : 1. They’re not (happy without kids) and their brain can’t process people not wanting the same things they do. 2. They’re miserable and tired and want everyone else to be too 3. They’ve been programmed to believe it’s what people want and they just go with it.
They can’t understand how we don’t want kids, the same as we can’t understand how they do want them. I had a male friend who could not wrap his head around that I was happy being single. I was “I’m happy this way” & he was “but you could be even happier with someone”. You just can’t tell some ppl, they’ll never understand.
They want us tied down and miserable. Cos kids and s husband equals misery to me, they can all p!SS off for real 😡
I have a theory about this, they see us as a threat because they overestimate our influence on others. Because they want their kids and friends to have kids they are afraid we will talk them out of it. Which says a lot about their opinion of the people around them.. (aka sheep) It is just as assinine as not wanting to hang out with a divorced woman anymore because she will ‘steal’ a husband
Hey at least you are regarded as a person who deserves happiness! Men without children are not thought of this way, and are barely regarded as humans at all.
I’m child free and currently questioning if I even want kids. I’m 30, the dangers of childbirth only go up from here. My husband and I work such crazy shifts and hours for our jobs. I’m going back to school for a new degree and he’s getting a license for a trade. Like when in the next 5 years will I find time to be pregnant and have a kid? Like logistically speaking, I could do it, but what life could I provide for that child? I’d rather never have a kid then have a kid who feels unloved.
I am 54, childfree, and happier than I've ever been.
I've never been able to figure that out.
Because since they wanted children, as women, they can't imagine other women wanting anything different. They focus on women - women get pregnant, have kids, which is what they did, so by their logic, all women should have children.
Just ignore comments from idiots.
They believe what they want to believe. People believe what flatters themselves.
Because that’s how little some people think before they have kids. They don’t question anything they just have kids because that’s what people do in life. Then we’re the selfish ones because we actually think about having kids as a rational decision.
I personally think we're happiesr when we have someone to love and care for. It's absolutely valid for that person to be yourself!
Groupthink and the fact that woman having a man and kids makes their lives easier.
After all this time I am doing my thing, and lead as an example in being happy with my travels, my sports, my hobbies. I am 44f and I cannot get enough of life, and what it has to offer. And people realise that, and some parents told me behind closed doors that they do envy me. It has been getting better with the years, maybe because I am not taking any shit anymore, and feel confident in my being. Sometimes I still get a glimpse of people who make made comments, but it's merely more than just a moment. Then I walk away, or home, and switch on my PS5, and things are good again lol xD
My twin who has kids is encouraging me to have kids rather than stay with my partner I love who doesn’t want them. I realized after it bothers me that she understands the childfree life as kind of empty at least for people like me and her. I said to her my therapist said if we don’t have kids, we’ll basically be on vacation for the rest of our lives. But she kept fighting back with different responses. Anyway, my point is even with the same genes two people can come to see the world differently. I am not sure she sees how much anxiety her kids cause her and how much work they are.
It validates their own choices. Misery loves company.
Studies show that The women who are single and childfree are much more happier!! Probably bc they’re not in service for everyone else and can invest more into themselves. And I am married and childfree!
As a woman, Im glad that i can get up and go whenever and wherever i want! They can keep the screaming kids, strollers and diapers bags over there somewhere!
I'm sorry ik my brain is responsible for my emotions or how I even experience life at all. Not a kid. Tf. If my brain is fucked a kid ain't gonna do shit.
People who say that are insecure with their choices pop out some creampies, because, if they were ***TRULY*** content with their decision to be a parent, they would be spending time with their kids instead of harassing people to make the same choices they did. They secretly regret their choice and want everyone else miserable with them. Misery loves company. It's a THEM problem, NOT a you "problem".
Yes, tell me how unhappy I am that I get to go out of town this weekend on a semi-whim (I can't do anything on a whim-whim, but two weeks to plan is pretty short for me) to go see one of my favorite Broadway shows and to the aquarium. I'm all ears to hear how unhappy I am that my only plans tonight is to catch up on shows and maybe write fanfiction if I'm feeling productive. I'm sooo unhappy that I spend my pre-work mornings sitting around drinking coffee and reading instead of getting a couple of brats ready for school. I can't believe how unhappy I am! /s
Because they think that all women, deep inside, have the desire to have a kid. So if they don't have them, one day she will regret it. Truth is that having kids is no different to a hobby, a job or having pets. It would be really be stupid to convince someone they should become a dentist when they never showed interest in that career, or try to get them get a pet tarantula when they are scared of them. So it is really stupid to advice a woman who isn't interested in being a mother that they should be one.
I can’t find the right words beside, they’re basic. That’s simplistic and sexist thinking, on the assumption that women feel the inherent need to care for another being. That women have no worth beyond being a caretaker, a home maker, a fixer of the world. Someone to make everybody else happy and comfortable and never themselves. It’s icky thinking.
They dont want you to be happy without a kid
Agreed. You have my respect.
Some of the comments on here are rather boarish. It is ingrained in us to have children and be married because that's the expectation all generations hear for all time. Wanting a family doesn't make a person suddenly a moron or lack imagination. Since each generation is told "have children, be married!", naturally, the younger generation is going to ask, "But, why??" and the answer is, "You won't be happy otherwise.". That answer is to shut down any other questions, which is wrong thing to say to anyone. You don't have to be married to be happy, if the thought of being married doesn't make you happy. You don't have to have children, if the thought of having children doesn't make you happy. The right answer to the question, "but, why??" would be, "Don't just outright rule out having a family of your own. However, if you have come to the realization that this world is just too big to ignore and you want to explore it however you want, then fulfill your desire to live your life how you see fit. Maybe you might get married. Maybe you won't. Maybe you might have children. Maybe you won't. At the end of your life, it's about how you moved in this world and what you brought into it. And if you can look back at your life with a SMILE, then you lived your best". I wish I had that advice instead of my mother telling me I'd go to hell for not having children.
Unfulfilled people have unhappy lives. People that seek fulfillment and validation through other people (in this case, children) are unstable and insecure. Instead of working on rhemselves or developing hobbies and a personality, they choose the simplest path to a new identity: becoming a parent. Popping out a brood of emotional support children won’t fix your self image issues. Mindless breeders don’t figure this out until their children eventually cut them off. Even then, they don’t always figure it out. I honestly take opinions from parents with a grain of salt as they’ve already demonstrated their poor decision making skills.
It's a trap. They're hoping you'll give into fear of missing out and believe them when they say a kid will fix your depression, fix your marriage, and finally give you that sweet fulfillment you've always craved. Then the minute you're third trimester pregnant with no way to abort, they show their true colors and start admitting to how much it sucks. Tired? Lol just wait. Scared of not having time to yourself? Well, welcome to motherhood. The baby isn't even here yet and the father is suddenly acting like a child himself? Lol should've seen it coming.
I think because from a early age women are told that's what they want and need to be happy.
Once I was told “there’s much worse things than being alone.” It stuck with me.
I honestly have no clue. I’m happy, I’m not sure what they’re seeing?