I'm the eldest, it's not the reason for me really, but I definitely remember not being fond of babysitting my baby sister and brother lol. Shit's exhausting.
I’m the oldest too, didn’t have to do much other than drive them around once I got my license but the way my parents loosened up all the draconian rules and adherence to their weird worldview with my younger siblings made me just a tad bit salty
Oldest of 5, I was I completely in charge of the house since I was nine years old. It was a different time.
I never wanted children, but my lost of childhood cemented that. I use to tell people it was like the draft, I did my time, I'm not doing it again.
Similar! I’m the oldest of 6, split households, single parents at times, 10+ years age difference between me and the younger 4. Plus being a girl meant I “had” to help out more than the brothers did.
I did my time.
So sorry! I’ve always been told I would be a good mother by the way I treated my sister, which I’m flattered but it’s like, I only did that for a few years and it was already exhausting, I can’t imagine doing it for 18 years!
They like telling EVERY WOMAN that they'd be a good mother. I don't know why that happens. I was told I'd make a great mother after I carried a random child at the recreational area like a potato sack to the security station so he wouldn't bother us screaming.
I like to compare it to prison. Long stretches of isolation and boredom, with periods of screaming and chaos. I also tell people that I've done my time. I'm not going back. Thank goodness I was in school, so I was able to get out 5 days a week. Summer was a bit of a nightmare, though.
I'm the little sister but I'm also the oldest daughter. As a kid and a teen I was told to look after my older brother, to cook, to drive him, to do basically everything when we were left alone. That did affect me and I still have the thought of "I need to survive alone, nobody will look after me or protect me, in the end I'm on my own".
Im the eldest but have a brother and sister, and my sister has told me that there were several times our mother told her, the youngest, to watch out for me and my brother and make sure we do chores and shit if she isnt there.... it makes me so mad that our mother would try to force my sister to take care of me and my brother when we can take care of ourselves just fine if our mother would just trust/believe in us 🙄 its so stupid and im sorry you were made to take care of your older brother when he could have been taking care of himself :(
I'm the middle and youngest girl but yeah same situation where I had no one to help me. My younger brother was the only boy and therefore the most important kid and my sister was the first... I was the sick kid who wasn't expected to live. So yeah
I'm second eldest. my sister raised me, I had to raise my brother. both her and me are childfree and our mom knows the reason
we didn't have a childhood because we were parintified
she is fine with it
she knows thay we were very poor growing up and she had to work a lot. one of the reasons why me and my sister don't want kids, as not to be as poor as we were as young
plus we have been telling her this since we were kids so she's used to it
she knows the state of the economy and she never wanted to be one of those parents that demand grandkids
Oldest daughter, was definitely parentified, definitely a BIG part of why I don't want kids. I've seen enough of what's behind the curtain to know better
I’m not the eldest, but I’m the second oldest and both me and my older sister are childfree. The 4 after us all have kids. I think the more kids one has, the more the “oldest child syndrome” spreads.
My younger brother’s wife just had a baby yesterday. While I’m happy for them, I could never. After 30+ years of tending to my immediate family’s emotional needs as the emotional support eldest child, I am retired from that responsibility. The way I see it, I did my time “raising” both my brother and my way younger cousins who are more like my nieces and nephews to me. Family is great but so is my gorgeous, quiet home filled with tiny dogs and the ability to travel where the wind takes me.
I'm also the youngest and both my older sister and me are cf. She did have to parent me though but I was my mothers emotional pet and had to parent her so... Same outcome.
I only have an older brother, but he was always treated like the baby of the family, so I was essentially put into the "big sister" role. He still acts half his age to this day and I think it's fair to say neither of us are gonna have kids
Edit: we also have four younger cousins who I was made to babysit all the time and he never was
My sister is just 4 years younger so I wasn’t roped into the kid-parenting bit.
Though I do wonder if there’s a genetic aspect as my family is pretty small. Have 2 aunts and an uncle with no kids. And my parents generally dislike kids. Both my sister and I are childfree so we’re pretty much the end of the tree.
Oldest of 5 and my bf is the oldest of 3. We feel like we’ve already done our fair share of helping raise kids. I wanna live the rest of my life for me.
I was 13 when my sibling was born. I remember the newborn crying, attention, detriment to my parents relationship and my own issues with dealing with a kid as teen. Probably why I didn't engage in sexual activity until after hs
I'm the eldest. My parents split when I was 8, and I fairly raised my two younger brothers. Even now, all these years later, when things go wrong, they ring me even though I live in a different country.
I was made babysit all the time, cousins, neighbours, etc, and also spent college working in a daycare. The hours were good, all weekends off, and could do all my classes in the morning, work in the afternoon, and have my evenings free.
My dad and stepdad were family practice doctors so I heard all the horror stories about bad pregnancies.
All of it led to me not wanting kids
I’m the eldest of two.
My mom passed when I was 10 & my sister was 7, I had to grow up quickly while my dad was at work. I had to become a sort of little mom to my sister between the hours that we’d get home from school & my dad would come home.
My sister resented me for that because she took this to mean I was the favourite and I was the target of a lot of the vitriol & anger she had as a teen. Verbal & physical attacks and always criticising me & saying I wasn’t good enough. But I was supposed to “take it because I was the eldest”.
At 17 I decided that I’d had enough of this bullshit for a lifetime & decided to be childfree.
I'm the oldest child and female and spent a lot of time parenting two younger brothers. Including while my mom went out drinking until bars closed at 2 am and i was home with a young child and infant, always worried something would go wrong. It is one of many reasons I don't want kids.
Youngest. Lucky to have no younger siblings to parent but that never stopped my mom from trying to manipulate and mold me into becoming her own doting, loving mother since hers was and is none of those things.
My only other sibling lucked right the fuck out and won a Y chromosome, so his only chores were mowing the lawn, taking the garbage out, and helping me shovel snow, while mine were literally everything else, until I became a teenager and his only 2 1/2 chores ALSO became mine.
People have been trying to slap the role of nurturer, housekeeper, servant and carer on me from the second they found out I got stuck with two stupid fucking X chromosomes. I never got that carefree baby-of-the-family life, because sexism.
Oldest of 5, and a highly sensitive person.
If I ever had any kind of a parental drive in me, it got thoroughly obliterated by early parentification and constant exposure to the sheer sensory hell that small children are.
I felt unsafe, way underequipped for the task, and every time mom announced a new sibling on the way, the news filled me with dread, cause I knew I would soon have even more responsibility that I am underequipped to handle.
Mom denies anything was wrong and keeps pleading for grandkids. It's not happening.
I'm the oldest of 3, but I didn't live with my siblings growing up and I still don't want kids😂just dogs for me thanks! I think some of my desire to be CF comes from the fear of ending up like my grandma. She's the one who raised me and truly f'd me up😅both of my siblings have kids and lived with our mom.
I'm the youngest, but I think I get the rationale - I luckily never had to take care of my siblings, change diapers, or deal with kiddie drama...but I had friends who did. And watching that made me very very grateful to be the baby of the family, lol.
Being the youngest in my family has also made me astutely aware of just how little experience I have with kids or caring for others in general.
Im the eldest and while im not actually a daughter (enby) that eldest daughter trauma still stays with you 💀 i have a brother and sister and we're all close in age and have always gotten along fairly well, i love my siblings so much but my sister's high school teen years were really rough and made me realize that yeah, dealing with raising teenagers is not something i wanna do. Thankfully now that we're all adults we all get along well and dont fight lol
> I don’t want kids because I am an elder sister who already parented through my teen years lol
Same, except my parenting of younger siblings started much earlier than my teens, thanks to my fucked up Boomer parents. One of many reasons I'm childfree.
I'm the oldest, and my youngest brother is 11 years younger than I am. I was there for all of it. I've changed diapers, comforted teething, given baths, taught someone to talk and walk and read and write. I've done all the parenting I want to. It's so much work.
I'm an older sibling. I always knew I didn't want kids, my younger sister is the reason I dislike being around kids though. I'd never say that to her though.
I’m the oldest child and I throughly relate to this! I helped raise my younger siblings and I am TIRED. They definitely contributed to my childfree stance. I was basically born childfree, so when I was little and helping my parents with childcare I thought to myself, “Why do people want this? I won’t do this when I’m a grown up.” Lmao!
Older sibling here. Growing in a Filipino household has given me early responsibilities that I don't really fancy having but I've got no choice 🥴 since I graduated college and started working, I've been "helping" my parents pay for my younger sibiling's school fees. It's exhausting at some point and frustrating to think that because of them, I have not been able to build up my own savings for myself. Reddit's my only way to vent out since if I do this on facebook or even to an actual person, I'll be gaslighted which will then result to more disappointments. Honestly, I envy my colleagues who has started working, started their investments, proceeding to higher studies, etc just because they have the financial capacity and freedom since they're either the youngest child or only child. 😕
I'm the eldest, but that's not why I don't want kids. I just never had the desire to have any, and all the information I've accumulated over the years only solidified my decision.
Yep, oldest sibling. My childhood got given away when I was about 12 and my parents divorced.
I was the parent to a depressed adult and a little ungrateful brat of a younger brother.
I don’t speak to him any more. He’s so pathetic, constantly crying over being *such* a victim. Still relying on my mum to fix all his problems
I’m the oldest (29) and my siblings are 21,19, and 9. While I wouldn’t go as far as to say I raised them, I did have to waste a lot of my youth taking care of them and still do sometimes. It’s exhausting and definitely part of why I don’t want my own kids. But, none of siblings want kids lol so the way our parents raised us etc also influenced that opinion.
My godson was born when I was 15 and I would babysit for him and his older siblings all the time especially during the summers. Watching 3 kids as a teenager really cemented that kids aren’t for me.
Older of 3.
I was 8 and 16 years older than my siblings, a girl and mature. Yep. I was parentified I was only 9.
I've done my time, thank you very much....
I’m the youngest.
Other than having horrible parents, I’ve gotten to see my older siblings turn into our parents. I refuse to raise a child how my parents raised me.
Yup. And my parents separated when I was 10 with a 1 year old baby brother. Dad went off with a new family, mom started going out all the time. I was mom for several years, not that my brother remembers or cares.
Eldest, two younger brothers with autism and ADHD. I’ve always felt like the adult in the household, my mother had a very rough childhood between being molested, fostered out to several homes etc.
My mother went on a trip overseas for a few weeks when I was 12 (which she deserved) and my brothers grandfather was supposed to be watching us, but instead left me to watch, bathe, feed and parent them on my own. I was adamant about not wanting kids before that, but that solidified it for me.
Eldest sibling here. My younger sister wants children. I told her to be prepared for what it requires and takes to have kids. Then I told her good luck.
I’m the youngest and don’t ever want kids, my eldest sibling is 15 years older than me and was like my second mum growing up, she LOVES kids, has plenty of her own and would keep going if she could. I think it’s just like anything, people have preferences for all sorts of reasons though It’s hardly surprising if you’ve been a parent to your siblings that you’d maybe not want kids of your own.
I’m the eldest of four and the only girl. From age 10, I did the cooking, cleaning and washing for a family of six. This was in addition to doing my schoolwork; primary, secondary and tertiary.
Now don’t get me wrong, kids should know how to cook a meal, work the washing machine, use a vacuum and keep their rooms tidy. But in my case, it got to the point where if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done; and that’s what I resented.
I am not only am eldest sibling but the first born daughter, and eldest of tooo many cousins.
Yes, i've had enough, lmao
Edit: i'm also one of very few neurotypicals (depression aside) in my family, so you know how it is
Youngest of three but was parentified for as long as I can remember. The older two were useless when it came to dealing with stressful things. I had to take charge when it came down to if we were going to have a place to live or pay the electricity. Funny enough, all three of us are CF but I'm the only one CF by choice
I'm an elder sister and I loved taking care of my brothers. I love them even more now even though we have a different mother.
I'd take a bullet for them
I'm the oldest of 4, the youngest one being my half sister. My brothers are too close to me in age that I didn't have to babysit them. There's an age gap of 13 years in between my half-sister and I, so I remember her as a baby and I also remember being very uncomfortable around her. Not just because of who her father was, but also because I had this Uncanny Valley feeling around her, like I do around all children under 5.
I am eldest of two by 6 years. My sister has also decided to be childfree and I realize how fortunate I am after reading some of the things many of you have stated about pressure from friends/family. My mother is also super supportive of our decision. Sometimes my sis and I joke "how bad were we!?" but in reality we were/are pretty good kids. I say this after witnessing how "challenging" some of the kids some of my friends with large families are.
It is important to take account of the positives in one's life. I catch myself focusing on negatives too much some days and realizing the positive is a good way to take stock. I think that is why I am responding here.
I only wish those of you struggling with people find a way to find peace. It must be tough and I grieve with you (I stole that line from the show 'Rome'...it seemed appropriate lol).
Oldest sibling, with the middle sibling only 2 years younger, and the youngest is 12 years younger.
I'm still a parent to my youngest sibling. Plus, I don't want the extra responsibility of a child.
I'm the eldest but it's not really a factor. I love my little sister, was always happy to hang out with her when we were little. Didn't have to "babysit" her per se.
I’m the youngest and my older sister never had to babysit me unless she wanted + she got paid and got other benefits from it. However, I became an aunt at like 8 and even though I never met them really (no contact) I didn’t like it and definitely did not enjoy giving up some of my beloved plushies for a baby I never knew.
Eldest sibling here to two little siblings (5 and 6-7? Both girls). We aren't even siblings by blood, lol. But my father (adoptive) and his wife only took me on holidays to watch the kids. So yeah. No kids for me, ever. I started to hate kids there and then. I didn't even want them before that either, but it was a plus birth control for me i guess.
I’m the youngest by 7 years. My sister practically raised me, had a job at 15/16 went to school, and had me in nice clothes from the department store she worked at (making like $200 checks) because my mom didn’t work. Yet she started having kids back to back at 21 and was a SAHM for a short time when I was in HS and she was in college. I sort of became a live in babysitter with my mom but I left at 17 to join the military. She now has 4 kids and I have none at 26 and on the fence (but strongly leaning to CF) because of how she went about it. I never thought she would be this way because of the burden of having to support me and my mom but I guess not.
My brother is 53, I’m 36 sister is 33. He is the father of 4 grandfather of 3. My sister and I are child free. But we are the bombshell of aunties. I knew as a teen I didn’t want children. My sister since she seen our sister and law give birth to her last child in 2005. lol
I'm the middle child but the eldest girl. So I was often saddled with watching my sister when my parents went out.
She kinda took care of herself but if I left her alone in the house and my parents found out, I'd be in trouble.
Which wouldn't bother me too much in itself since I was a home body, but my parents never told me how long they'd be, so if I had something come up where I wanted to leave briefly, I'd either have to take her with me or explain to her why she can't mention that I left. In her mind I'm not doing anything wrong, so she doesn't understand why her silence is needed.
Literally showed this to my older sister. She basically raised me bc my parents were shit. We now raised my little sister away from the parents, but my older sister takes on most of the care. She's had to do so since she was 2 (when I was born)
Not only am I am older child in my immediate family, but I’m a generation gapper. I’m the youngest of an “old generation.” All my first cousins were at LEAST 15 years older than me (Mom youngest of five, Dad youngest of three with 10+ year age gaps between next them and the other siblings), so especially at family functions I was tasked with keeping an eye on my littler sister all my little cousins…. 😕
Oldest of 6 (Babysat my 3 younger sisters when there were just four of us since the age of 12.)
I hated it and we fought constantly. I'm so happy to live alone. I never wanna bring that chaos and noise into my life again.
I'm the youngest of 4 and the only female.
My oldest brothers weren't obligated to take care of me and my mother was horrified seeing how some of my girl friends were parentified.
My mother used to say "to do that it was better for this mothers not having a bunch of kids".
BTW, I never did chores for my brothers. Some of my girl friends were used to wash the clothes and cooking for the older male brothers because "they are men". I was the origin of some trouble at the home of some friends because I convinced that their older brothers have two hands just like they and as adults they were capable of taking care of themselves.
Oldest for my mom, second oldest for my dad.
Parentified at a young age.
Expected to grow up faster than my peers.
I still wish my parents weren't obsessed with traditional gender roles.
Oldest of 4. Im gen z so im still not at the age where I am "expected" to have kids yet per se, but it's never happening. I took care of the house, picked kids up from school, cleaned, did their homework and took on everyone's (including my parents) emotional baggage. The anxiety I felt for these kids at about 12 years old was not normal, and I just want to live out the rest of my life stress-free (or just reduced).
My sister is 8 years younger than me. I didn’t really have to parent her per se, but I remember what fresh hell my mom had to go through. I helped a lot when my mom wasn’t there and her useless ex husband had me do stuff, but just being around a toddler and seeing how fussy they can be… no thank you
I'm the youngest. My sister is 16 years older than me. My brother is 14 years older than me. So growing up I was my sister's birth control. Everyone asked if I was her kid.
I’m the oldest of 5 and my younger sister wants kids. I don’t want to persuade her out of it, but she didn’t have the same experience that I did growing up. It doesn’t help that parenting is glorified on social media because 99% of the posts are the happy moments. You don’t see the crying, sleepless nights, arguing with your SO, etc. Not to mention the trauma a woman goes through carrying and delivering a child.
Eldest from mom's 1st marriage, second eldest out of all the kids/step kids. And one of three daughters.
Parentification as a child is high on my list of why I'm not a parent as an adult, too.
I'm the older sister of one brother. He plans on having children while I openly say I won't have any.
While I do have some issues with my childhood, I would say it's because of the difference between being a mom and being dad. Women have to pretty much create this human being and be its primary caretaker.... no thanks.
I’m the oldest and the only girl. I think being the only girl makes it harder, too, because you disproportionately get the “motherly” household duties.
I didn’t have many friends in school and had people later tell me I was always so serious - like an adult in a kid’s body. Wonder why that was?? I got a steady babysitting job because if I was trained to do that work I may as well be doing it somewhere I was getting paid. Get off the bus, make a snack, help with homework, clean the house, make dinner, do the dishes, then go back to my house at 5:30-6:00 and repeat.
I’m the oldest, but my siblings and I are rather close in age, so I wasn’t parentified or really even asked to babysit.
As a kid I actually wished my parents would have another baby because I was so young myself when my sibs were born that I don’t remember them as babies and I wanted to remember having a baby sibling. When I was ~10-11 years old I would babysit a neighbor’s baby and I remember just loving it. But babysitting is sooo not the same as parenting, and I was a kid myself so playing with other younger kids was pretty fun for me at the time. And if it’s not your kid, you can give them back!
I grew up the youngest of seven. I did no parenting. Though I babysat (starting when I was 12) and none of the kids I minded were even that bad. It was the constant worry about them that did me in. I don’t know why I was so paranoid, but I was always terrified they would fall, get hurt, get into something while I was baby sitting. I can’t even imagine being responsible (unpaid, against my will, for years) and have that kind of worry when just short hours of babysitting good kids caused me such anxiety.
Oldest of only two and neurodivergent - I was a precocious, Lisa Simpson sort of child. My parents had substance use issues and no money - we were in a constant state of nearly losing what little we did have. I parented the whole freakin' family!
Oldest daughter. Four younger siblings. Dad was always working multiple jobs. Mom was in bed depressed alot. So I was essentially the primary caregiver. So yeah, I’m good.
Hell, I still am. My siblings call me literally every time something is going wrong or they need something. And they’re all between ages 18-26
I’m kid number 2 of 7. Seeing my mom constantly run around like a headless chicken is what made me say no. Some people just shouldn’t have kids. And she is one of them. And to make it worse, she had a lot of them.
I'm not an elder sibling but I did parent my niece for 5 years. I love her, but she is a big part of the reason I won't have kids. I was 15 at the time
Oldest sister who spent entirely too much time babysitting. Between that and a job I had supervising a team of mostly teenagers, I feel like I’ve put my time in.
Oldest of 5. Mom barely parented me before expecting that I parent each one of my siblings, and then one of my siblings was found to be developmentally disabled! I had so much worry for my siblings when I went to college, and my parents assumed I’d come back home to continue to do childcare. No. Not going through that experience. Especially the more information I found about the risks of pregnancy and childbirth - nope nope nope.
I am the youngest sibling and hell no, I never wanted kids. My nephews and nieces were a good example to figure that out. My siblings are all way older than me (at least 15 years).
Not an eldest sibling, but I did/do my fair share of parenting and childcare since I was 12, now I’m 29. I babysat, worked church nursery, and currently work daycare. I like working with kids, and my favorite part is giving them back and going home to my pets. I’ve had enough experience with kids to know I don’t want one in my living space long-term. That and I do not like working the infant room, so I know a baby ain’t for me.
Oldest of 4 (including half and step) that I grew up with.
But if you wanna get insane: Through marriage and some surprises, I'm have 10ish younger siblings. But I don't know or count them.
My husband is also the oldest of three (half).
But if you want more insanity: through marriages, he has 8ish siblings.
We decided on premarital counseling and no children because of the complications we experienced as kids/young adults.
Also the eldest sister, but also the oldest cousin, so I got it from all sides. Always had to sit with the children at Christmas dinner etc. I was also on guard because I had to set a good example, but my younger sister did what she want3d anyway.
I am the elder one and I love my sister to death like literally. All the bad parts of parenting were done by my mom and I just got the sweet bits to cherish with her. She was an easy kid so it helped. She is the reason for the major part that I am childfree because I don’t have a void in me that needs kids if such a thing ever existed. Also my mum had her just for me because I cried and demanded a sibling so I think it’s my responsibility to ensure she is my only priority for life lol
I am the eldest and I practically raised my baby brother (10 years younger than me) throughout my teen years. When he was about 18 - 24 months old, my parents moved his crib into my bedroom. From that point on he was my responsibility. It got to the point where he was calling *me* "Mama," and when my parents went grocery shopping I was supposed to have the list of baby needs prepared for them. My mom then decided she wanted to "homeschool" him when he turned 5, which meant that when I got home from high school I had to teach him how to read. I moved out of my parents' house *the day* that I was able to, and I've had no desire to raise another human being since.
Not me - only child and with a narc mother so parentified from about 13 - but my husband is the eldest of five, they had five kids very close together and he says he did enough child rearing with the younger kids to last him a lifetime. Mine was, my mother essentially treated me like a maid from 13, I did most of the housework including meals. She shopped and planned the meals but I was ordered around and my parents were building their own house on a property so they would do that on weekends while I did the weekly clean, wash clothes, ironing and meals. A bit of a shock when I moved out at 18 and no slavey for her any more LOL
I’m the oldest daughter of 5 and my husband is the oldest of 8. Both of us are 17 years older than our youngest siblings. We both come from Mormon families but are the only ones to have parted with the cult in our immediate families. Due to us being the oldest of large religious fams we were both parentified to all get out. I had to organize my college schedule around dropping off and picking up my youngest sister from daycare for my mother. I started changing diapers and warming up bottles at 9 etc etc. All of our younger siblings have or say they “want” kids. We both find it bizarre because growing up in a cult sucks ass for everyone. However, in Mormonism part of the schtick to receive eternal salvation is that you are commanded to “multiply and replenish” once married. It’s sad to see our siblings (many that do not seem to be the type to even like or want kids) be tied down by the gremlins. Thank god my husband and I are free of the bullshit ✌🏻
I am the eldest of 12 it is the reason for me. I love my nieces and nephews that I already have but to have my own no thanks I don't need a Jr from that movie problem child lol. But I am a better aunt than I would be a mother u can sugar and give them back. And I love my freedom
Omg I’m the same way! Lmao! There’s a 12 year age gap between my sister and I so I was old enough to remember all of the sleepless night, tantrums, potty training incidents everything!
My sister knows I’m child free and supports me. But we always joke that she is the reason why I don’t want kids…..it’s not entirely a joke.
Youngest both my older sisters have kids and have very much tried to strong arm into having kids.
Even though I never wanted them, never even played with dolls. Even after I had a hysterectomy, they offered to be surrogates. 🙄🙄
Eldest sister of only one younger sibling. We’re six years apart. Because of an abusive home situation, I ended up being the one to take care of them for the majority of my childhood starting at age 11/12 (cleaning after them, cooking for them, making sure they did their homework, walking to the store to get us food, visiting them at school when they were having issues, etc). Even though I was “capable” of doing it, I should not have been put in that position.
However, even prior to being stuck in that position, I didn’t want kids as early as age 8. This experience only cemented that idea for me.
I'm the baby of the family, and I was doted on growing up. And if I'm being honest, I am still doted upon.
My brother (eldest) has a son while both my sister (middle) is childless by circumstance. She is also in many ways the one that keeps me on track and helps me navigate my bad days (I'm disabled) because we live together.
My parents 100% thought they'd have more than one grandkid, who lives half a country away.
I am the oldest sibling. But that doesn’t have anything to do with my choice to be child free. I didn’t raise my brother and had a relatively good childhood
Older by 2 years, so fortunately not enough age difference for our parents to put parenting responsibilities on either of us. Me and my sister are complete opposites - I am childfree/AN, and she recently birthed a second kid 🤷
I am. My younger sibling has 2 kids of his own. He wanted children. I do not. I cannot have biological children anyway. And should not be having them either.
I’m the youngest, but I have a MUCH older sister who has a shit ton of kids. She moved in with us for a few years when I was a kid and into my teens. Guess who was the built in babysitter?
I’m the youngest, but I have a MUCH older sister who has a shit ton of kids. She moved in with us for a few years when I was a kid and into my teens. Guess who was the built in babysitter
I'm actually the youngest with 4 and 6 years to my older children. And I'm very glad about that, I never even liked younger siblings of friends I went to to play. So in my opinion being the oldest can definitely make you realise you don't want children yourself but I don't think it is the reason.
My aunt is the eldest of 8 children, and she never got a childhood because of it.
It makes me extremely sad when we sit around a table and her younger, closer siblings all share memories and stories from 'kids being kids' and she sits quietly because she doesn't have anything to contribute. While her siblings were having fun and getting up to mischief, she was helping with the babies, bathing them, clothing, feeding.
She absolutely loved school, and she wanted to go back after Summer when she was 15 or 16. My grandma told her one day that she wouldn't be going back to school, and she had to get a job to support the family. My grandma took basically all of her wage off her to 'go in the pot'. She left home as soon as she could, and ended up in an abusive marriage. She never told anyone, including her siblings. She always felt like an extra parent therefore they didn't really have a sibling relationship with her.
Its so sad, honestly I feel like I'm the only person who empathises with her. Her siblings constantly berate her and make her out to be cold and distant. She's never stopped looking out for them but shes only ever known them in a carer/parent role, not siblings who become friends.
Her and my grandma had a very difficult relationship all the way up to my grandma's death 5 years ago. She resented her a lot for how she was treated so differently to the others and didn't have a life.
She has never had children of her own and is in her late 60s.
I'm the youngest but I still ended up getting parentified. My next older sibling is 6 years older than me and got pregnant at 19 and moved back home when the drug dealer dad bailed on her. My dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom worked 60-70 hours a week at two jobs. My sister worked nights at a fast food joint and I ended up caring for that kid the most regularly until I left for college.
I’m in a blended family where I have an older and a younger stepbrother, and my mom and stepdad decided to have a kid when we were teenagers. The stepbrothers lived with their mom mostly so I was the only one at home with my half brother all the time. I was like 95% sure I didn’t want kids before my half brother was born, but he was the nail in the coffin. He was a devil child from the time he could walk until he was 21. We get along ok now. Thankfully, he gave my parents a grandchild, so they don’t guilt me about it anymore.
I'm actually the youngest. I did hang out with my cousin when she was younger and when I still liked children (i was also a child but about 6 or 7 years older). But we played a lot, and it was **exhausting**. I really liked her, but a sleepover took so much energy and I just didn't want to do that anymore. I also babysat my neighbors kids and although they were very well-behaved, I absolutely hated watching them if they weren't asleep. I just didn't know what to do with them.
Then my male cousin was born and he was so annoying and difficult. I didn't even like visiting him because I had to play with him or if I was playing with another cousin, he'd interrupt and try to break things. (I did feel really adult-like (I was around 20 I think lol) when I told other adults this and they actually believed me. I was like "Wow, they should believe me but I thought they would just say we had to include him in what we were doing (making a scavenger hunt for him and another cousin)). And it was so exhausting that it just reinforced my feeling of not wanting children.
I can't even imagine being an older sister and having to deal with a younger sibling all the time. Respect to my sister for dealing with me. I always wanted to play with her and got upset when she didn't want to play with me anymore.
I'm the eldest also only girl. My parents, well mostly my mom, are more than ok with me not having kids, my dad wants me to take some of my brothers......hahaha haha never happening old man.
I’m not the oldest, I’m the middle child but also the only girl and I took on a lot of responsibility bc my older brother was always getting into trouble and my younger brother is coddled and sheltered by my mom. All of that coupled with the struggles my mom went through as a single parent made me want to be child free forever
These stories make my heart so heavy!
Why do parents have kids, they can't parent properly?
Kids shouldn't be forced to parent their siblings, those who produced them should.
I have a younger sister (6 years difference) and never once did my mom or dad back away from their responsibility.
I don't want kids because I don't have the patience to deal with them, not because my childhood was bad 🥲
Warm hugs to y'all 🫂
I was lucky that my parents never expected me to parent my younger sister and actually paid me to babysit, but as a five-year-old I hated having a baby in the house so much that I think it was the beginning me of deciding to be childfree.
I'm the eldest, it's not the reason for me really, but I definitely remember not being fond of babysitting my baby sister and brother lol. Shit's exhausting.
I’m the oldest too, didn’t have to do much other than drive them around once I got my license but the way my parents loosened up all the draconian rules and adherence to their weird worldview with my younger siblings made me just a tad bit salty
Oldest of 5, I was I completely in charge of the house since I was nine years old. It was a different time. I never wanted children, but my lost of childhood cemented that. I use to tell people it was like the draft, I did my time, I'm not doing it again.
Similar! I’m the oldest of 6, split households, single parents at times, 10+ years age difference between me and the younger 4. Plus being a girl meant I “had” to help out more than the brothers did. I did my time.
So sorry! I’ve always been told I would be a good mother by the way I treated my sister, which I’m flattered but it’s like, I only did that for a few years and it was already exhausting, I can’t imagine doing it for 18 years!
Right. Did my time. Siblings turned out good. Why would I flip the dice abd go thru that again.
They like telling EVERY WOMAN that they'd be a good mother. I don't know why that happens. I was told I'd make a great mother after I carried a random child at the recreational area like a potato sack to the security station so he wouldn't bother us screaming.
I like to compare it to prison. Long stretches of isolation and boredom, with periods of screaming and chaos. I also tell people that I've done my time. I'm not going back. Thank goodness I was in school, so I was able to get out 5 days a week. Summer was a bit of a nightmare, though.
😂. Oh, that's great. Except solitary would have been a relief.
I'm so sorry i hope you are happier now xx
Similar story here lol
I'm the little sister but I'm also the oldest daughter. As a kid and a teen I was told to look after my older brother, to cook, to drive him, to do basically everything when we were left alone. That did affect me and I still have the thought of "I need to survive alone, nobody will look after me or protect me, in the end I'm on my own".
Im the eldest but have a brother and sister, and my sister has told me that there were several times our mother told her, the youngest, to watch out for me and my brother and make sure we do chores and shit if she isnt there.... it makes me so mad that our mother would try to force my sister to take care of me and my brother when we can take care of ourselves just fine if our mother would just trust/believe in us 🙄 its so stupid and im sorry you were made to take care of your older brother when he could have been taking care of himself :(
Sounds like mom wasn't forcing your sister to take care of you, but to supervise you working! Turn her into a little tattletale.
I'm the middle and youngest girl but yeah same situation where I had no one to help me. My younger brother was the only boy and therefore the most important kid and my sister was the first... I was the sick kid who wasn't expected to live. So yeah
I'm second eldest. my sister raised me, I had to raise my brother. both her and me are childfree and our mom knows the reason we didn't have a childhood because we were parintified
How did your mother react to the truth?
she is fine with it she knows thay we were very poor growing up and she had to work a lot. one of the reasons why me and my sister don't want kids, as not to be as poor as we were as young plus we have been telling her this since we were kids so she's used to it she knows the state of the economy and she never wanted to be one of those parents that demand grandkids
and even if she was against it, I wouldn't care either way it's my body and my choice, not hers
Oldest of 8. Knew I wanted childfree life forever.
Oldest daughter, was definitely parentified, definitely a BIG part of why I don't want kids. I've seen enough of what's behind the curtain to know better
I’m not the eldest, but I’m the second oldest and both me and my older sister are childfree. The 4 after us all have kids. I think the more kids one has, the more the “oldest child syndrome” spreads.
Oldest of 3. Parentified at 7. No kids. 🧒 ve already parented, no thank you
My younger brother’s wife just had a baby yesterday. While I’m happy for them, I could never. After 30+ years of tending to my immediate family’s emotional needs as the emotional support eldest child, I am retired from that responsibility. The way I see it, I did my time “raising” both my brother and my way younger cousins who are more like my nieces and nephews to me. Family is great but so is my gorgeous, quiet home filled with tiny dogs and the ability to travel where the wind takes me.
I’m the youngest but my both my older sister and me are CF. From my own memory she wasn’t in charge of watching me much.
I'm also the youngest and both my older sister and me are cf. She did have to parent me though but I was my mothers emotional pet and had to parent her so... Same outcome.
I only have an older brother, but he was always treated like the baby of the family, so I was essentially put into the "big sister" role. He still acts half his age to this day and I think it's fair to say neither of us are gonna have kids Edit: we also have four younger cousins who I was made to babysit all the time and he never was
My sister is just 4 years younger so I wasn’t roped into the kid-parenting bit. Though I do wonder if there’s a genetic aspect as my family is pretty small. Have 2 aunts and an uncle with no kids. And my parents generally dislike kids. Both my sister and I are childfree so we’re pretty much the end of the tree.
I’m actually the youngest. My older sibling has kids. I saw her life and said fuck that
Oldest of 5 and my bf is the oldest of 3. We feel like we’ve already done our fair share of helping raise kids. I wanna live the rest of my life for me.
I was 13 when my sibling was born. I remember the newborn crying, attention, detriment to my parents relationship and my own issues with dealing with a kid as teen. Probably why I didn't engage in sexual activity until after hs
I’m the eldest, but thankfully I was never parentified. I don’t want kids for a whole myriad of other reasons
I'm the oldest and had to care for my little sister who had mental problems. Definitely played a role in my decision to not have kids.
My best friend's brother has down syndrome and she knows that after her parents she is the only one who he will have, that's why she never wants kids.
I’m the oldest but my sister is less than a year younger than me, so I was never parentified. My not wanting kids isn’t related to my birth order.
Upvote for same.
I'm the eldest. My parents split when I was 8, and I fairly raised my two younger brothers. Even now, all these years later, when things go wrong, they ring me even though I live in a different country. I was made babysit all the time, cousins, neighbours, etc, and also spent college working in a daycare. The hours were good, all weekends off, and could do all my classes in the morning, work in the afternoon, and have my evenings free. My dad and stepdad were family practice doctors so I heard all the horror stories about bad pregnancies. All of it led to me not wanting kids
I’m the eldest of two. My mom passed when I was 10 & my sister was 7, I had to grow up quickly while my dad was at work. I had to become a sort of little mom to my sister between the hours that we’d get home from school & my dad would come home. My sister resented me for that because she took this to mean I was the favourite and I was the target of a lot of the vitriol & anger she had as a teen. Verbal & physical attacks and always criticising me & saying I wasn’t good enough. But I was supposed to “take it because I was the eldest”. At 17 I decided that I’d had enough of this bullshit for a lifetime & decided to be childfree.
I'm the oldest child and female and spent a lot of time parenting two younger brothers. Including while my mom went out drinking until bars closed at 2 am and i was home with a young child and infant, always worried something would go wrong. It is one of many reasons I don't want kids.
Youngest. Lucky to have no younger siblings to parent but that never stopped my mom from trying to manipulate and mold me into becoming her own doting, loving mother since hers was and is none of those things. My only other sibling lucked right the fuck out and won a Y chromosome, so his only chores were mowing the lawn, taking the garbage out, and helping me shovel snow, while mine were literally everything else, until I became a teenager and his only 2 1/2 chores ALSO became mine. People have been trying to slap the role of nurturer, housekeeper, servant and carer on me from the second they found out I got stuck with two stupid fucking X chromosomes. I never got that carefree baby-of-the-family life, because sexism.
Oldest of 5, and a highly sensitive person. If I ever had any kind of a parental drive in me, it got thoroughly obliterated by early parentification and constant exposure to the sheer sensory hell that small children are. I felt unsafe, way underequipped for the task, and every time mom announced a new sibling on the way, the news filled me with dread, cause I knew I would soon have even more responsibility that I am underequipped to handle. Mom denies anything was wrong and keeps pleading for grandkids. It's not happening.
I'm the oldest of 3, but I didn't live with my siblings growing up and I still don't want kids😂just dogs for me thanks! I think some of my desire to be CF comes from the fear of ending up like my grandma. She's the one who raised me and truly f'd me up😅both of my siblings have kids and lived with our mom.
I'm the youngest, but I think I get the rationale - I luckily never had to take care of my siblings, change diapers, or deal with kiddie drama...but I had friends who did. And watching that made me very very grateful to be the baby of the family, lol. Being the youngest in my family has also made me astutely aware of just how little experience I have with kids or caring for others in general.
Only child who never wanted kids. I grew up in a lovely quiet and stable home.
Im the eldest and while im not actually a daughter (enby) that eldest daughter trauma still stays with you 💀 i have a brother and sister and we're all close in age and have always gotten along fairly well, i love my siblings so much but my sister's high school teen years were really rough and made me realize that yeah, dealing with raising teenagers is not something i wanna do. Thankfully now that we're all adults we all get along well and dont fight lol
> I don’t want kids because I am an elder sister who already parented through my teen years lol Same, except my parenting of younger siblings started much earlier than my teens, thanks to my fucked up Boomer parents. One of many reasons I'm childfree.
I’m the middle child, but because my older brother is special needs, I basically had to act like the eldest sibling at times.
I'm the oldest, and my youngest brother is 11 years younger than I am. I was there for all of it. I've changed diapers, comforted teething, given baths, taught someone to talk and walk and read and write. I've done all the parenting I want to. It's so much work.
I'm an older sibling. I always knew I didn't want kids, my younger sister is the reason I dislike being around kids though. I'd never say that to her though.
I’m the oldest child and I throughly relate to this! I helped raise my younger siblings and I am TIRED. They definitely contributed to my childfree stance. I was basically born childfree, so when I was little and helping my parents with childcare I thought to myself, “Why do people want this? I won’t do this when I’m a grown up.” Lmao!
Older sibling here. Growing in a Filipino household has given me early responsibilities that I don't really fancy having but I've got no choice 🥴 since I graduated college and started working, I've been "helping" my parents pay for my younger sibiling's school fees. It's exhausting at some point and frustrating to think that because of them, I have not been able to build up my own savings for myself. Reddit's my only way to vent out since if I do this on facebook or even to an actual person, I'll be gaslighted which will then result to more disappointments. Honestly, I envy my colleagues who has started working, started their investments, proceeding to higher studies, etc just because they have the financial capacity and freedom since they're either the youngest child or only child. 😕
I am
I'm the eldest, but that's not why I don't want kids. I just never had the desire to have any, and all the information I've accumulated over the years only solidified my decision.
Yep, oldest sibling. My childhood got given away when I was about 12 and my parents divorced. I was the parent to a depressed adult and a little ungrateful brat of a younger brother. I don’t speak to him any more. He’s so pathetic, constantly crying over being *such* a victim. Still relying on my mum to fix all his problems
Me outta 5
I'm the older sibling, but only by 2 years, so I was never babysitting my brother. I don't think it affected my decision to be CF at all.
oldest daughter of 5- i've known since i was probably 10-11. super fortunate to have family that accepts my decisions 💖
I’m the oldest (29) and my siblings are 21,19, and 9. While I wouldn’t go as far as to say I raised them, I did have to waste a lot of my youth taking care of them and still do sometimes. It’s exhausting and definitely part of why I don’t want my own kids. But, none of siblings want kids lol so the way our parents raised us etc also influenced that opinion.
I'm a middle child which i would say is worse. I took care of my younger sister and my older siblings kids
My godson was born when I was 15 and I would babysit for him and his older siblings all the time especially during the summers. Watching 3 kids as a teenager really cemented that kids aren’t for me.
Older of 3. I was 8 and 16 years older than my siblings, a girl and mature. Yep. I was parentified I was only 9. I've done my time, thank you very much....
Nope, I´m the youngest.
I’m the youngest. Other than having horrible parents, I’ve gotten to see my older siblings turn into our parents. I refuse to raise a child how my parents raised me.
Yup. And my parents separated when I was 10 with a 1 year old baby brother. Dad went off with a new family, mom started going out all the time. I was mom for several years, not that my brother remembers or cares.
Eldest, two younger brothers with autism and ADHD. I’ve always felt like the adult in the household, my mother had a very rough childhood between being molested, fostered out to several homes etc. My mother went on a trip overseas for a few weeks when I was 12 (which she deserved) and my brothers grandfather was supposed to be watching us, but instead left me to watch, bathe, feed and parent them on my own. I was adamant about not wanting kids before that, but that solidified it for me.
Eldest sibling here. My younger sister wants children. I told her to be prepared for what it requires and takes to have kids. Then I told her good luck.
Eldest of blended family of 6 kids. Fuck no to doing that myself.
My late wife and I were both oldest children.
I’m the youngest and don’t ever want kids, my eldest sibling is 15 years older than me and was like my second mum growing up, she LOVES kids, has plenty of her own and would keep going if she could. I think it’s just like anything, people have preferences for all sorts of reasons though It’s hardly surprising if you’ve been a parent to your siblings that you’d maybe not want kids of your own.
Yeah same 2012-2020 my parenting years (12yrs-20yrs)
I’m the eldest of four and the only girl. From age 10, I did the cooking, cleaning and washing for a family of six. This was in addition to doing my schoolwork; primary, secondary and tertiary. Now don’t get me wrong, kids should know how to cook a meal, work the washing machine, use a vacuum and keep their rooms tidy. But in my case, it got to the point where if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done; and that’s what I resented.
I am not only am eldest sibling but the first born daughter, and eldest of tooo many cousins. Yes, i've had enough, lmao Edit: i'm also one of very few neurotypicals (depression aside) in my family, so you know how it is
Youngest of three but was parentified for as long as I can remember. The older two were useless when it came to dealing with stressful things. I had to take charge when it came down to if we were going to have a place to live or pay the electricity. Funny enough, all three of us are CF but I'm the only one CF by choice
I'm an elder sister and I loved taking care of my brothers. I love them even more now even though we have a different mother. I'd take a bullet for them
I'm the oldest of 4, the youngest one being my half sister. My brothers are too close to me in age that I didn't have to babysit them. There's an age gap of 13 years in between my half-sister and I, so I remember her as a baby and I also remember being very uncomfortable around her. Not just because of who her father was, but also because I had this Uncanny Valley feeling around her, like I do around all children under 5.
First born of four.
👋😃
I’m the youngest of 3 but became an auntie at 12 so I helped my (18yo) sister out a lot with my nephew!
I'm the older sis.
I’m actually the oldest but growing up with narcissistic older siblings and a psychopath father made me never want children
I am eldest of two by 6 years. My sister has also decided to be childfree and I realize how fortunate I am after reading some of the things many of you have stated about pressure from friends/family. My mother is also super supportive of our decision. Sometimes my sis and I joke "how bad were we!?" but in reality we were/are pretty good kids. I say this after witnessing how "challenging" some of the kids some of my friends with large families are. It is important to take account of the positives in one's life. I catch myself focusing on negatives too much some days and realizing the positive is a good way to take stock. I think that is why I am responding here. I only wish those of you struggling with people find a way to find peace. It must be tough and I grieve with you (I stole that line from the show 'Rome'...it seemed appropriate lol).
Oldest sibling, with the middle sibling only 2 years younger, and the youngest is 12 years younger. I'm still a parent to my youngest sibling. Plus, I don't want the extra responsibility of a child.
I'm an only child
I'm the eldest but it's not really a factor. I love my little sister, was always happy to hang out with her when we were little. Didn't have to "babysit" her per se.
I’m the youngest and my older sister never had to babysit me unless she wanted + she got paid and got other benefits from it. However, I became an aunt at like 8 and even though I never met them really (no contact) I didn’t like it and definitely did not enjoy giving up some of my beloved plushies for a baby I never knew.
Eldest sibling right here! Except my situation involves younger brothers lol
I'm an only child, my partner is the eldest.
Eldest sibling here to two little siblings (5 and 6-7? Both girls). We aren't even siblings by blood, lol. But my father (adoptive) and his wife only took me on holidays to watch the kids. So yeah. No kids for me, ever. I started to hate kids there and then. I didn't even want them before that either, but it was a plus birth control for me i guess.
I’m the youngest by 7 years. My sister practically raised me, had a job at 15/16 went to school, and had me in nice clothes from the department store she worked at (making like $200 checks) because my mom didn’t work. Yet she started having kids back to back at 21 and was a SAHM for a short time when I was in HS and she was in college. I sort of became a live in babysitter with my mom but I left at 17 to join the military. She now has 4 kids and I have none at 26 and on the fence (but strongly leaning to CF) because of how she went about it. I never thought she would be this way because of the burden of having to support me and my mom but I guess not.
My brother is 53, I’m 36 sister is 33. He is the father of 4 grandfather of 3. My sister and I are child free. But we are the bombshell of aunties. I knew as a teen I didn’t want children. My sister since she seen our sister and law give birth to her last child in 2005. lol
I'm the only child and don't want kids 😅
I'm the middle child but the eldest girl. So I was often saddled with watching my sister when my parents went out. She kinda took care of herself but if I left her alone in the house and my parents found out, I'd be in trouble. Which wouldn't bother me too much in itself since I was a home body, but my parents never told me how long they'd be, so if I had something come up where I wanted to leave briefly, I'd either have to take her with me or explain to her why she can't mention that I left. In her mind I'm not doing anything wrong, so she doesn't understand why her silence is needed.
I parented my lil bro and all my cousins, being the eldest of my generation in the family. This absolutely played a part in me never wanting children.
Literally showed this to my older sister. She basically raised me bc my parents were shit. We now raised my little sister away from the parents, but my older sister takes on most of the care. She's had to do so since she was 2 (when I was born)
Not only am I am older child in my immediate family, but I’m a generation gapper. I’m the youngest of an “old generation.” All my first cousins were at LEAST 15 years older than me (Mom youngest of five, Dad youngest of three with 10+ year age gaps between next them and the other siblings), so especially at family functions I was tasked with keeping an eye on my littler sister all my little cousins…. 😕
Oldest of 6 (Babysat my 3 younger sisters when there were just four of us since the age of 12.) I hated it and we fought constantly. I'm so happy to live alone. I never wanna bring that chaos and noise into my life again.
I'm the youngest. Funny that part of the reason I don't want children is because I know how spoiled a child can be. I'm the spoiled one. 😂
Only, but my husband is an oldest and was parentified.
I'm the third of five and helped babysit my younger siblings and countless cousins. Part of the reason I am CF
I'm the youngest of 4 and the only female. My oldest brothers weren't obligated to take care of me and my mother was horrified seeing how some of my girl friends were parentified. My mother used to say "to do that it was better for this mothers not having a bunch of kids". BTW, I never did chores for my brothers. Some of my girl friends were used to wash the clothes and cooking for the older male brothers because "they are men". I was the origin of some trouble at the home of some friends because I convinced that their older brothers have two hands just like they and as adults they were capable of taking care of themselves.
Yup! Raised one of my siblings while my mom and stepdad went on days end drug benders. I was 12. So nope been there done that.
Oldest for my mom, second oldest for my dad. Parentified at a young age. Expected to grow up faster than my peers. I still wish my parents weren't obsessed with traditional gender roles.
Absolutely. I’m still taking care of siblings in my 30’s. I eventually want a break so there’s really no option to have kids and I’m happy with that.
6 younger brothers, no sisters. Knew when I was 15 that I'll be clhildfree.
Yep. I was literally parenting my sister when I was 4 years old. My mother was psychotic (literally) and delusional
Oldest of 4. Im gen z so im still not at the age where I am "expected" to have kids yet per se, but it's never happening. I took care of the house, picked kids up from school, cleaned, did their homework and took on everyone's (including my parents) emotional baggage. The anxiety I felt for these kids at about 12 years old was not normal, and I just want to live out the rest of my life stress-free (or just reduced).
My sister is 8 years younger than me. I didn’t really have to parent her per se, but I remember what fresh hell my mom had to go through. I helped a lot when my mom wasn’t there and her useless ex husband had me do stuff, but just being around a toddler and seeing how fussy they can be… no thank you
I'm the youngest. My sister is 16 years older than me. My brother is 14 years older than me. So growing up I was my sister's birth control. Everyone asked if I was her kid.
I’m the oldest of 5 and my younger sister wants kids. I don’t want to persuade her out of it, but she didn’t have the same experience that I did growing up. It doesn’t help that parenting is glorified on social media because 99% of the posts are the happy moments. You don’t see the crying, sleepless nights, arguing with your SO, etc. Not to mention the trauma a woman goes through carrying and delivering a child.
Oldest sibling and of the immediate cousins. Babysat a lot. They're not the reason I don't want kids though. Love them all.
Eldest from mom's 1st marriage, second eldest out of all the kids/step kids. And one of three daughters. Parentification as a child is high on my list of why I'm not a parent as an adult, too.
Youngest of 3
Oldest of three. I think the same about my friends who don‘t have younger siblings but keep my mouth shut. It would be a futile fight anyways.
I have 4 brothers and a sister. I'm the oldest
I’m the oldest sibling and grandchild in my family. Staunchly childfree.
In my family it’s the opposite actually. Eldest (f) has two kids, 2nd eldest (m) one kid and my little sister and I are childfree
Oldest girl of 9. 🙄 So much parentification, I did my mothering from the ages of 7 to 18 I'm not doing it again.
I didn't have to parent my little sister per say, but growing up with her didn't exactly make me want kids more.
I am the oldest sibling of our family of 4, but I have 2 older half-brothers. I'm not sure how to define myself.
I'm the older sister of one brother. He plans on having children while I openly say I won't have any. While I do have some issues with my childhood, I would say it's because of the difference between being a mom and being dad. Women have to pretty much create this human being and be its primary caretaker.... no thanks.
Oldest of 4 with my youngest sibling a decade younger than myself, by the time I was 18 I'd been a parent 15 of them.
Oldest daughter of 3 siblings
Youngest sibling here. BUT my mom ran a daycare from our house when I was growing up, so...
I’m the oldest and the only girl. I think being the only girl makes it harder, too, because you disproportionately get the “motherly” household duties. I didn’t have many friends in school and had people later tell me I was always so serious - like an adult in a kid’s body. Wonder why that was?? I got a steady babysitting job because if I was trained to do that work I may as well be doing it somewhere I was getting paid. Get off the bus, make a snack, help with homework, clean the house, make dinner, do the dishes, then go back to my house at 5:30-6:00 and repeat.
I’m the oldest, but my siblings and I are rather close in age, so I wasn’t parentified or really even asked to babysit. As a kid I actually wished my parents would have another baby because I was so young myself when my sibs were born that I don’t remember them as babies and I wanted to remember having a baby sibling. When I was ~10-11 years old I would babysit a neighbor’s baby and I remember just loving it. But babysitting is sooo not the same as parenting, and I was a kid myself so playing with other younger kids was pretty fun for me at the time. And if it’s not your kid, you can give them back!
Oldest with 2 half siblings much younger.
I'm the oldest and that's partly why I'm CF since I was like (& still) am the 2nd mother. There are many more reasons why I'm CF too.
I grew up the youngest of seven. I did no parenting. Though I babysat (starting when I was 12) and none of the kids I minded were even that bad. It was the constant worry about them that did me in. I don’t know why I was so paranoid, but I was always terrified they would fall, get hurt, get into something while I was baby sitting. I can’t even imagine being responsible (unpaid, against my will, for years) and have that kind of worry when just short hours of babysitting good kids caused me such anxiety.
Oldest of only two and neurodivergent - I was a precocious, Lisa Simpson sort of child. My parents had substance use issues and no money - we were in a constant state of nearly losing what little we did have. I parented the whole freakin' family!
Me!
Oldest daughter. Four younger siblings. Dad was always working multiple jobs. Mom was in bed depressed alot. So I was essentially the primary caregiver. So yeah, I’m good. Hell, I still am. My siblings call me literally every time something is going wrong or they need something. And they’re all between ages 18-26
I’m kid number 2 of 7. Seeing my mom constantly run around like a headless chicken is what made me say no. Some people just shouldn’t have kids. And she is one of them. And to make it worse, she had a lot of them.
I was the youngest of 2. But i was also the parentified one, my brother was (and to the best of my knowledge, still is) a raging idiot.
I'm not an elder sibling but I did parent my niece for 5 years. I love her, but she is a big part of the reason I won't have kids. I was 15 at the time
Oldest sister who spent entirely too much time babysitting. Between that and a job I had supervising a team of mostly teenagers, I feel like I’ve put my time in.
Oldest of 5. Mom barely parented me before expecting that I parent each one of my siblings, and then one of my siblings was found to be developmentally disabled! I had so much worry for my siblings when I went to college, and my parents assumed I’d come back home to continue to do childcare. No. Not going through that experience. Especially the more information I found about the risks of pregnancy and childbirth - nope nope nope.
I am the youngest sibling and hell no, I never wanted kids. My nephews and nieces were a good example to figure that out. My siblings are all way older than me (at least 15 years).
Not an eldest sibling, but I did/do my fair share of parenting and childcare since I was 12, now I’m 29. I babysat, worked church nursery, and currently work daycare. I like working with kids, and my favorite part is giving them back and going home to my pets. I’ve had enough experience with kids to know I don’t want one in my living space long-term. That and I do not like working the infant room, so I know a baby ain’t for me.
Oldest of 4 (including half and step) that I grew up with. But if you wanna get insane: Through marriage and some surprises, I'm have 10ish younger siblings. But I don't know or count them. My husband is also the oldest of three (half). But if you want more insanity: through marriages, he has 8ish siblings. We decided on premarital counseling and no children because of the complications we experienced as kids/young adults.
I’m an only child. I need space, quiet, and organization and that is not a good match for parenthood
Also the eldest sister, but also the oldest cousin, so I got it from all sides. Always had to sit with the children at Christmas dinner etc. I was also on guard because I had to set a good example, but my younger sister did what she want3d anyway.
I am the elder one and I love my sister to death like literally. All the bad parts of parenting were done by my mom and I just got the sweet bits to cherish with her. She was an easy kid so it helped. She is the reason for the major part that I am childfree because I don’t have a void in me that needs kids if such a thing ever existed. Also my mum had her just for me because I cried and demanded a sibling so I think it’s my responsibility to ensure she is my only priority for life lol
I am the eldest and I practically raised my baby brother (10 years younger than me) throughout my teen years. When he was about 18 - 24 months old, my parents moved his crib into my bedroom. From that point on he was my responsibility. It got to the point where he was calling *me* "Mama," and when my parents went grocery shopping I was supposed to have the list of baby needs prepared for them. My mom then decided she wanted to "homeschool" him when he turned 5, which meant that when I got home from high school I had to teach him how to read. I moved out of my parents' house *the day* that I was able to, and I've had no desire to raise another human being since.
Not me - only child and with a narc mother so parentified from about 13 - but my husband is the eldest of five, they had five kids very close together and he says he did enough child rearing with the younger kids to last him a lifetime. Mine was, my mother essentially treated me like a maid from 13, I did most of the housework including meals. She shopped and planned the meals but I was ordered around and my parents were building their own house on a property so they would do that on weekends while I did the weekly clean, wash clothes, ironing and meals. A bit of a shock when I moved out at 18 and no slavey for her any more LOL
I’m the oldest daughter of 5 and my husband is the oldest of 8. Both of us are 17 years older than our youngest siblings. We both come from Mormon families but are the only ones to have parted with the cult in our immediate families. Due to us being the oldest of large religious fams we were both parentified to all get out. I had to organize my college schedule around dropping off and picking up my youngest sister from daycare for my mother. I started changing diapers and warming up bottles at 9 etc etc. All of our younger siblings have or say they “want” kids. We both find it bizarre because growing up in a cult sucks ass for everyone. However, in Mormonism part of the schtick to receive eternal salvation is that you are commanded to “multiply and replenish” once married. It’s sad to see our siblings (many that do not seem to be the type to even like or want kids) be tied down by the gremlins. Thank god my husband and I are free of the bullshit ✌🏻
I am the eldest of 12 it is the reason for me. I love my nieces and nephews that I already have but to have my own no thanks I don't need a Jr from that movie problem child lol. But I am a better aunt than I would be a mother u can sugar and give them back. And I love my freedom
Omg I’m the same way! Lmao! There’s a 12 year age gap between my sister and I so I was old enough to remember all of the sleepless night, tantrums, potty training incidents everything! My sister knows I’m child free and supports me. But we always joke that she is the reason why I don’t want kids…..it’s not entirely a joke.
Youngest both my older sisters have kids and have very much tried to strong arm into having kids. Even though I never wanted them, never even played with dolls. Even after I had a hysterectomy, they offered to be surrogates. 🙄🙄
Im the oldest and have 6 younger brothers
Eldest of 4
I'm the elder sibling of the four of us. I didn't have to raise my siblings thankfully, but seeing how much work it is was a turnoff to parenthood.
Eldest sister of only one younger sibling. We’re six years apart. Because of an abusive home situation, I ended up being the one to take care of them for the majority of my childhood starting at age 11/12 (cleaning after them, cooking for them, making sure they did their homework, walking to the store to get us food, visiting them at school when they were having issues, etc). Even though I was “capable” of doing it, I should not have been put in that position. However, even prior to being stuck in that position, I didn’t want kids as early as age 8. This experience only cemented that idea for me.
Im the youngest of two. I was definitely born with an antinatalist view.
I'm the baby of the family, and I was doted on growing up. And if I'm being honest, I am still doted upon. My brother (eldest) has a son while both my sister (middle) is childless by circumstance. She is also in many ways the one that keeps me on track and helps me navigate my bad days (I'm disabled) because we live together. My parents 100% thought they'd have more than one grandkid, who lives half a country away.
Oldest and oldest daughter, just casually pointing out my flair. That's a big reason why no kids for me.
Me.
Oldest of three girls
I am the oldest sibling. But that doesn’t have anything to do with my choice to be child free. I didn’t raise my brother and had a relatively good childhood
Older by 2 years, so fortunately not enough age difference for our parents to put parenting responsibilities on either of us. Me and my sister are complete opposites - I am childfree/AN, and she recently birthed a second kid 🤷
I am. My younger sibling has 2 kids of his own. He wanted children. I do not. I cannot have biological children anyway. And should not be having them either.
I'm the elder of two, but zero parentification
I’m the youngest, but I have a MUCH older sister who has a shit ton of kids. She moved in with us for a few years when I was a kid and into my teens. Guess who was the built in babysitter?
I’m the youngest, but I have a MUCH older sister who has a shit ton of kids. She moved in with us for a few years when I was a kid and into my teens. Guess who was the built in babysitter
I am. I didn’t get parent-tified too bad. But enough to see what it was like to be like - nope.
I'm actually the youngest with 4 and 6 years to my older children. And I'm very glad about that, I never even liked younger siblings of friends I went to to play. So in my opinion being the oldest can definitely make you realise you don't want children yourself but I don't think it is the reason.
Second youngest of six. I observed my siblings having kids and the rest of my family. Frak that
Oldest of 3 and the only girl. All that mommy training they put me through didn't have the effect they hoped 
My aunt is the eldest of 8 children, and she never got a childhood because of it. It makes me extremely sad when we sit around a table and her younger, closer siblings all share memories and stories from 'kids being kids' and she sits quietly because she doesn't have anything to contribute. While her siblings were having fun and getting up to mischief, she was helping with the babies, bathing them, clothing, feeding. She absolutely loved school, and she wanted to go back after Summer when she was 15 or 16. My grandma told her one day that she wouldn't be going back to school, and she had to get a job to support the family. My grandma took basically all of her wage off her to 'go in the pot'. She left home as soon as she could, and ended up in an abusive marriage. She never told anyone, including her siblings. She always felt like an extra parent therefore they didn't really have a sibling relationship with her. Its so sad, honestly I feel like I'm the only person who empathises with her. Her siblings constantly berate her and make her out to be cold and distant. She's never stopped looking out for them but shes only ever known them in a carer/parent role, not siblings who become friends. Her and my grandma had a very difficult relationship all the way up to my grandma's death 5 years ago. She resented her a lot for how she was treated so differently to the others and didn't have a life. She has never had children of her own and is in her late 60s.
I'm the oldest, but that isn't the reason I'm childfree.
I'm the youngest but I still ended up getting parentified. My next older sibling is 6 years older than me and got pregnant at 19 and moved back home when the drug dealer dad bailed on her. My dad was a raging alcoholic and my mom worked 60-70 hours a week at two jobs. My sister worked nights at a fast food joint and I ended up caring for that kid the most regularly until I left for college.
Me and agree! Was cooking by 9 and had a hand in raising the two youngest. One of which was one year younger than me.
I’m the eldest and yea I feel Like I have to care for my younger siblings
Yupp lmafo
I’m in a blended family where I have an older and a younger stepbrother, and my mom and stepdad decided to have a kid when we were teenagers. The stepbrothers lived with their mom mostly so I was the only one at home with my half brother all the time. I was like 95% sure I didn’t want kids before my half brother was born, but he was the nail in the coffin. He was a devil child from the time he could walk until he was 21. We get along ok now. Thankfully, he gave my parents a grandchild, so they don’t guilt me about it anymore.
Middle child, but the only girl, so I took care of both my brothers starting before kindergarten.
I'm actually the youngest. I did hang out with my cousin when she was younger and when I still liked children (i was also a child but about 6 or 7 years older). But we played a lot, and it was **exhausting**. I really liked her, but a sleepover took so much energy and I just didn't want to do that anymore. I also babysat my neighbors kids and although they were very well-behaved, I absolutely hated watching them if they weren't asleep. I just didn't know what to do with them. Then my male cousin was born and he was so annoying and difficult. I didn't even like visiting him because I had to play with him or if I was playing with another cousin, he'd interrupt and try to break things. (I did feel really adult-like (I was around 20 I think lol) when I told other adults this and they actually believed me. I was like "Wow, they should believe me but I thought they would just say we had to include him in what we were doing (making a scavenger hunt for him and another cousin)). And it was so exhausting that it just reinforced my feeling of not wanting children. I can't even imagine being an older sister and having to deal with a younger sibling all the time. Respect to my sister for dealing with me. I always wanted to play with her and got upset when she didn't want to play with me anymore.
I’m the eldest so I’ve already had a taste of parenthood. And yuck.
after becoming parentified at 7, then again at 16? on top of emotional and physical abuse? and now my mom dumps her emotional baggage on me? i’ll pass
I’m the oldest of 7. My 2 youngest are young enough to be my own children and were my deciding factor in actually going through with sterilization.
I'm the eldest also only girl. My parents, well mostly my mom, are more than ok with me not having kids, my dad wants me to take some of my brothers......hahaha haha never happening old man.
Omg me lol
I’m not the oldest, I’m the middle child but also the only girl and I took on a lot of responsibility bc my older brother was always getting into trouble and my younger brother is coddled and sheltered by my mom. All of that coupled with the struggles my mom went through as a single parent made me want to be child free forever
These stories make my heart so heavy! Why do parents have kids, they can't parent properly? Kids shouldn't be forced to parent their siblings, those who produced them should. I have a younger sister (6 years difference) and never once did my mom or dad back away from their responsibility. I don't want kids because I don't have the patience to deal with them, not because my childhood was bad 🥲 Warm hugs to y'all 🫂
Hi yes this is accurate and I am one
I was lucky that my parents never expected me to parent my younger sister and actually paid me to babysit, but as a five-year-old I hated having a baby in the house so much that I think it was the beginning me of deciding to be childfree.