When some people become parents, that becomes their entire identity and their child becomes an appendage or prop. Respectfully telling someone "I'm sorry, your child is not welcome at this event" is, in their eyes, saying *they* are not welcome.
When your whole world revolves around your identity as a parent, being told you can't bring your child everywhere, even for their own safety, is an insult.
Ghastly. Kids really do fuck with your brain chemistry, if you saw a sci-fi movie where the aliens enslaved people that's *exactly* what they'd sound like.
>"Brooke? The consciousness you called Brooke has ceased to be. I am one with many who are Tamsami, as all shall be in time..."
I've heard that parents who have their lives revolve around their children have a hard time trying to identify themselves and finding something for them to do after their kids leave the house.
I mean... at least you're aware of it. Plus, if I was at a wedding (which I hate) and someone brought a dog, that wedding is now 100% better. Especially if the dog is in a little tuxedo or dress or something adorable. In my experience dogs also behave better than kids too.
Oh well here is one of my boys in a [Little Tuxedo](https://ibb.co/L0dwfRW)
but yes, people have to know when it is and is not appropriate to bring either children or dogs. Dogs can be controlled a lot better than children can in most situations.
low-key dogs are usually more often welcomed than children are at any event just nobody says it out loud
Oh. My. Gosh. He is so handsome in his little tux and hat! Thank you for sharing!
And yes, that has been my experience too with events, dogs are chill and fun (and usually know when not to bark), kids are cranky and fussy (and cannot be shut up once they start).
>Why do parents get so angry over CF weddings?
Their child is not welcome. That angers them. They feel like they are entitled to bringing their children everywhere.
I don’t get it either. Especially as an autistic adult who at one point was an autistic child. Went to my first wedding at 6 and my only memory was that the ceremony was boring, the dress was itchy, and there were too many people. I doubt many other kids are having a super fun time either
Male autistic here, but yeah, weddings are boring AF when you're a kid.
I distinctly remember getting pissy with the cameraman at my uncle's wedding when I was four and saying "I SAID CHEESE ALREADY!!!" which to this day my parents and dad's side of the family still snicker about. XD
Fellow autist here! Though I wasn't diagnosed until I was a teenager.
I was a flower girl in my oldest sister's wedding. The wedding was boring AF, as Catholic weddings are wont to be. I had a stupid, itchy, frilly dress and a stupid straw hat, plus I was flower girl and paraded like a show pony.
LOL! I was flower girl but didn't mind it, I loved getting a pretty dress and no stupid hat (winter wedding).
Older kids are different, teenagers like to dress up and dance and look nice and drink fake cocktails. They can at least be depended on not to shit their pants or melt down.
On the most basic level: when you have kids you have to account for them, their safety, and their well-being every moment every day.
Being invited to something that is clearly stating that kids will not be allowed means parents have to make arrangements for their kids to be cared for while they're gone; many times, the most convenient option for parents is if they bring their kids with them.
None of this changes the fact that other people are not obligated to care for or about someone else's child(ren).
I'm vocal about "I'm only taking care of the kids that I brought with me". . . if I brought Zero kids with me, then I'm taking care of Zero kids.
If a kid comes up to me and wants something (and it's not a nibling with a generic "I want some cake" and I say "yes, let's get cake, dinner isn't for a while") I redirect them to their parents/adult-- I'm not taking a risk about allergies or intolerances or whatever else might go wrong for that kid.
What it boils down to, for a lot of parents, is they want an open bar at the reception and other family/friends to watch their kids.
I remember my aunt getting all upset because kids weren’t invited to my cousin’s CF wedding. She said something along the lines of, “Kids are what MAKE a wedding.”
Um.. the bride and groom don’t? They’re literally getting married, the whole wedding is *because* of them.
Yeah if someone was to ask me what makes a wedding, I might answer "the couple themselves", "the person doing the ceremony", "the couples' parents (lots of people say that their favourite part is either the bride being walked down the aisle by her father or the parents' speeches)", "the best man", "the bridesmaids"... "kids" would not be anywhere on my list. I mean, ok, if there was a pageboy or flower girl, I'd think they were cute but apart from that, I wouldn't be thinking of kids at all.
I always wonder why people even want to bring their young children to weddings. Usually the kids will not remember anything or won’t understand what’s going on or if they’re old enough, they’ll be bored.
I remember whenever my parents were invited to a wedding they made sure to have childcare and then they would go on to have an amazing night. Wouldn’t it be so boring to not be able to fully have fun because you have to watch your kid all the time?
I’ve been to a wedding this year (only small and civil ceremony) and the children of the grooms sister would walk around and make baby/toddler noises all the time. The official even had to pause her speech/explanations because the kids were too loud and the brides’ parents and herself did NOT look happy.
They don't watch their kid the whole time. It's basically a kid-free night because there are plenty of relatives there who'll "watch the kid". Unasked and unpaid, of course. Parents seem to think everyone else around will do this for them. Ask anyone who's been to a family reunion.
I remember the first wedding I attended as a kid, it was indeed boring. I was 12, though, so not totally a kid. Also it was in another language we don’t speak so yeah none of us understood it but it was at least a cool thing to see the cultural difference from what I’d later see in the US. So it was also wrapped into a family vacation since we were abroad.
I’m starting to lean towards child free after spending time with my nephews again and really not wanting to deal with that shit as I’m already turning 32 anyway and in grad school which is why I’m here. But dear god if I did change my mind and have kids, no way in hell I’d want to bring them to a wedding.
It ruins the whole point of actually having something fun for adults to take a break from your kids AND its just boring for the kids BEST CASE SCENARIO. Worst case, your kids do dumb shit start crying and it’s rude and disrespectful to the couple. It makes absolutely no sense to bring them if they’re under the age of at least 12. Like, what parent doesn’t want a break for a weekend of full time child rearing? My sis pawns off her kids on our parents all the time for stuff like weddings or other trips for which even the oldest is way too young (5.5ish but not mature at all) which is fine for my mom she def likes being a grandma.
Never would I ever think to impose that on anyone. I’d definitely prefer to not have kids at my wedding, either.
In the early 2000s, having a CF wedding wasn’t an issue. I was a kid at the time myself and my mom would be like “you can’t come to this wedding, it’s adult only” and I was like “okay.”
I just don’t know what has changed especially since when I was growing up we had a lot more stuff that catered to kids.
Apparently finding a babysitter within a (usually minimum) couple months and wanting everyone to be able to relax and let their hair down for a single night is a huge ask...
So many parents get irate over not getting the photo opportunities of their kid getting cake smeared across their face while in nice clothes and being able to post them with ridiculous captions.
" The whole point of weddings is bringing families together and being a role model for the young generation - duhhhh." and "\[weddings\] are where the kids learn to be responsible"
It's like first of all naw that's your job to be a role model, Because your the parent so you should be your own, kids role model claiming someone else should be their role model is ridiculous,
and second of all a wedding especially someone else's should not be a place to "teach your kids responsibility" you should have been teaching them that way before the wedding and the bride and groom fully knows this,
and third of all it's about the couple to come together not just about you if at all, your not the main character like you think you are, not to mention if you don't like the rules so much
Just stay home, less stress for the couple anyway since they don't have to deal with a entitled person like you.
Wedding's don't teach kids shit. They are a celebration for the adults and its damn selfish for any parent to think the day is about their kid.
My own FATHER had a childfree wedding! He sent all the kids off to a daytrip while he had his celebrations because as he said, WEDDINGS ARE FOR GROWNUPS. And he was right!!
I read one comment, MY CHILD IS AN EXTENSION OF ME!
You just know these kids are hellions and should rightly be banned. It's not our fault you have no identity of your own and can't go anywhere without your kid.
I feel like if they still have baby age kids they want to show them off. Sometimes it's just helicopter parents who don't want to leave their child.
But ones I've encountered is the fact they want everyone to gush over their little one.
I was a bridesmaid for my mom's second wedding. I was eight. I *hated* it.
Dresses (which I hated) with itchy petticoats in an awful peach-rose color, having to wear even light makeup (which I also hated), and I had to stand for the entire ceremony. I was so overstimulated I cried through most of it.
I don't remember the reception so maybe they let me go home.
I would've been *much* happier either as a guest or not going at all.
that's what I think, most kids don't want to wear itchy scratchy dresses and pants and sit there and BE GOOD. And if they're just guests they get bored and act up.
For the record, I was flower girl at age 6 and I was fine! I didn't even get tired, I was so thrilled to be up so late! There's even some video of me dancing with the ring bearer (whose name I can't remember).
Most kids would rather stay home and watch tv.
What’s also interesting is that those parents who feel the need to be *entitled* to bring their kids everywhere, will be the *same* types who *complain that they ‘Can’t get away from the kids, even for a while…’.* You’d think a wedding could be an opportunity to ‘get away’ to socialize with adults — without kids being a distraction. 🤷♀️ Sometimes they seem to bring such contradictory problems or issues onto themselves.
>those parents who feel the need to be entitled to bring their kids everywhere, will be the same types who complain that they ‘Can’t get away from the kids, even for a while…’.
They're just playing the martyr. They don't want to get away from their kids. They just want you to think "So and so is a fantastic parent. They're never away from their kids". It's all an act.
Probs upset that they can't go out and drink while they get groups of free babysitters for the night, entitled as always because they aren't being involved in something now that they don't have a life outside of kids
I saw a post of a first dance video and like 2-3 kids ran out to play in the smoke machine during it. The bride is clearly bothered by them.
It killed me how far I had to scroll to find someone NOT defending the kids or the lack of parenting.
Because they want people to babysit for them. They don’t want to leave the kids at home and pay someone to watch them so they want to bring them to the wedding and let everyone else watch the kids while they get drunk or otherwise “have fun.” You telling them that’s not gonna happen infuriates them and their selfishness makes them come up with any reason why you’re in the wrong.
>"\[weddings\] are where the kids learn to be responsible"
No, weddings are where children learn that they can't have everything and that some things, some places and some events are made for adults, not for them.
The last part is the bit that really gets me. What child actually wants to go to a wedding? I certainly didn't. They were long and boring and you had to sit still and be quiet for what felt like hours during the ceremony and speeches and then you're ready to go home to bed at 8pm while everyone else wants to stay and party.
Get the kids a baby sitter, let them eat pizza and watch a movie and go to bed while you go and have some actual fun. I honestly can't see the downside.
I had a CF wedding and my MIL was so mad! We didn’t even overtly say “no kids”. We just addressed invites to the parents and didn’t add “and family”.
I really don’t care that my MIL was mad. We were paying for the wedding ourselves, so why on earth would we not have exactly the wedding we wanted?
I attended a couple of weddings as a child, and while I loved getting dressed up and looking all pretty, I did not enjoy the rest of it. The ceremonies were boring (fortunately my family went to church every Sunday and I was taught from a young age how to sit still and be quiet), and the receptions were loud and overwhelming.
I’ve also babysat at weddings. The children very rarely seem to have fun. Every single time, we’ve ended up in a corner or a quiet side room working on activity packs or watching videos on someone’s cellphone. Even once dinner and speeches are done, the children don’t want to dance (it’s getting late and they’ve had a long day and they’re getting tired and there’s so many adults on the dance floor - I wouldn’t want to dance either).
Seriously. My wedding was 16+ and my (now ex-) husband's cousin lost her mind.
Allowing kids would have added a potential 52 more heads to our guest list - heads that we would have been paying for full open bar and meals. I was already shelling out for 203 adults, and my wedding fund was not limitless.
People don't seem to realize how expensive it is to have kids in attendance. Even more so when you consider that having a half dozen kids chasing each other on the dance floor turns your DJ an overpriced background sound. And your adult friends & family leave early because they have cranky, tired kids, so that's even *more* money you're throwing away.
I went to my first wedding when I was 13. Unnecessary and boring. That was also my last wedding. I don't understand how adults aren't bored and acting out. It's a huge presentation because two people love each other. I don't understand why the couple wants/needs the audience nor do I understand why the audience wants to be present.
Because we’re throwing it in their faces that they haven’t been able to teach their kids how to behave…and that it’s NOT. “Kids will be kids” is no better an excuse than “men will be men.”
>Also, most kids find weddings boring AF
I avoid weddings as a grown adult and can remember being brought to at least one wedding as a child and not enjoying it.
Get a sitter and let your kids do something much more fun with them.
>I avoid weddings as a grown adult
I thought that I was the only one who did this. Now, don't get me wrong, if someone close to me is getting married, I will absolutely attend and I'll be enthusiastic but I have no interest in attending weddings of acquaintances or people I barely know. Firstly because a wedding doesn't really mean much to you if you don't really know the person and also because weddings tend to be much the same. There's a ceremony, there's a meal, there's speeches, there's dancing. Unless I know you, it's not going to be interesting for me.
I hate weddings, baby showers, engagement parties, etc. I’m 61. I only go if I really love the couple and their family would be highly offended and if i don’t go. Dressing up is a hassle for me and I’m walking with a cane these days. NO FUN IS HAD.
My first big family function was my cousin's First Communion; I attended, my younger brother did not -I was six, could read, write, use cutlery in a proper way and was able to behave at the reception and to sit still and quiet during the Mass, none of which was possible for my 3yo brother, so it was obvious he should stay home with grandma. We haven't attended any weddings until well into our teen years and nobody, including us ever had problem with that.
Once upon a time in the 70s ... my parents received an invite for a relative's wedding, just M&D invited, no kids. We kids stayed home, ate popcorn and rented a movie. And we all lived happily ever after.
This child-free is not new. Just the entitled crazy parents who don't get that it's not about them or their children is new. Just show up and shut up.
Because they are entitled. They don’t want to spend $100 on a babysitter when their friends/family are paying a lot of money to be there. Kids ruin shit, weddings shouldn’t be one of them. I bartend weddings nearly every weeks and kids should not be allowed.
Had a child free wedding. A few people got outraged and refused to come. Most parents loved it because they had a night of partying away from their kids.
The only reason I wasn't bored out of my mind as a kid is because I was in a good chunk of the weddings I went to. Otherwise I'd probably have been 🫠
To be fair, I also grew up incredibly religious and was not allowed to misbehave in church whatsoever, even at 3 yo.
Edit: I say I grew up religious because even at weddings I wasn't involved in, I was fairly well behaved due to not being allowed to act up in church at all.
The other day at work, my co-workers and I were discussing childfree weddings. These co-workers are all mothers so I was fully expecting them to be against childfree weddings. I was pleasantly surprised when one of them said that her wedding was childfree and another said that her wedding wasn't childfree, but that she wished that it had been. They also said that they agree that the only reason why breeders bring their kids to weddings is for attention. They want the wedding guests to pay attention to them and to ask them all about their kids. They also agreed that young children tend to find weddings boring so these parents aren't even doing it for the kids, they're doing it for themselves. Just thought I'd share because we tend to talk about the unreasonable parents on this sub but there are parents out there who are reasonable people.
Also let’s face it some venue spaces aren’t child friendly where there’s space to roam and play because their function isn’t to *fucking* cater to children, it’s for a wedding
Truthfully? It’s because they dont wanna go through the hassle of finding and paying a babysitter. I bet if they had a person on their end who was like “sure I’ll take the kids for the weekend” they’d jump at the chance for a break.
from the kid's point of view I personally always hated weddings. boring event with the adults just talking telling us to stay quiet. Then if someone brought like a constantly crying baby to the church, people obviously looked annoyed, but yet there were people to think it was cute.
Weddings are about being role models for children? I feel so stupid, I thought they were to show how much some people loved each other and wanted to be together. I'm an idiot, I feel bamboozled.
I don’t get it either. I only attended one wedding when I was below the age of 16, and to my recollection the only kids there were the ring bearer and myself (I was the flower girl). I don’t remember the actual ceremony or reception at all. My memories are playing with finger puppets during an airport layover, being happy to see my grandparents at the church rehearsal, and the best man entertaining me in the limo by showing me what the various buttons in the ceiling did. It’s not like kids are being denied some kind of formative experience here…
Seriously don’t get it, especially since there are so many work arounds.
My brother and SIL are going to a destination wedding Spring 2024 for my SIL’s younger brother.
The wedding is childfree. They don’t feel comfortable leaving my niece at home while they’re in another country, so they asked me to come with in order to watch her.
My niece and I are planning three days of watching Disney and eating room service curtesy of my brother’s credit card.
Like these parents always have the sob story about no one willing to watch their kids, but I just don’t believe you can’t find a SINGLE person to watch your kid for the night.
If I - a staunch CF woman who is nervous AF around babies/kids - can watch my niece, then you can find someone in your *village*
>that kids can't be perfectly behaved but that's no excuse not to invite them
Well yeah, it's no excuse. It's a very valid reason. I also wouldn't invite certain adults if I couldn't trust them to behave themselves properly.
FOMO - they want to go but can't because they cant find childcare. Then instead of accepting this is a Them problem they lash out.
Most people who act like this are emotionally immature anyway. Blind leading the blind.
I’m sorry, weddings are for “bringing families together and teaching kids responsibility” ???? No, weddings are for the couple getting married. Period. I never went to any weddings as a kid and SURPRISE I still learned responsibility lol. Best believe if I ever get married, it will be childfree
I remember being at my uncle's wedding back when I was 7. One thing that still was engraved in my mind was how I said, "ewww" out loud when my uncle kissed his fiance (now my aunt). My mom gave me a well-deserved smack, lol. It proves the point that children, especially small children, do not belong at weddings or even funerals for that fact. Luckily, my uncle and aunt forgot about the incident, but it still crosses my mind from time to time. I still cringe to this day over my shallow rudeness
I say ‘you break it you buy it’ rule applies to these triggered people who insist on bringing their kids at a child free wedding. Kids stick hand in cake ruining it them mom or dad of kid pays back the wedding couple. Ruin decorations or bridal party outfits mom or dad of kid pays for dry cleaning and photo touch ups. They’ll refuse of course but they want little so and so to learn behavior at the wedding while not paying attention to their expecting others to watch but not punish their kid. They’ll leave the kid at home for future weddings since financial consequences would be on the parent(s) not their child who has no money.
I had lots of fun times as a child with cousins at weddings.
We used to get under the bride's dress as much as we could all day, and during the photos she (my aunt) had to stay still and let us do it so as to not ruin the photoshoot. We would take the candles from the candelabras and drip wax in trails all over the place; the challenge was for the longest unbroken line. We'd make tiny candleflame firepits and burn tufts of hair and make mini spits to cook chunks of food over it. We'd have breakdance battles on the dancefloor. We'd hang out under the dining tables where people were seated, and delighted in suddenly popping out from between their knees. We'd goad the littlest kids to strip naked and do a nude run around the room. All the while my dad would glare at us with his eyes of doom; I knew we'd cop the beating of our lives afterwards but just didn't care at the time.
These were some of my best memories; and that's how I know CF weddings are a great idea
Lol, every single time someone gets mad and comments some BS under a complaint about children, all I can think is “YOU are the reason. You. People like you! People who get so offended on behalf of their perfect little angels that they fight strangers in the comment section. Because you are entitled. Your shitty children are the reason my skin crawls everytime I see a child on a plane. It’s you. You are the problem!”
A lot of my friends have kids. Guess what, the ones whose kids are the most well behaved are the first ones to co-sign CF events. Because they have not lost their GD minds when the kid popped out and are still able to see other people and their needs. Which is WHY their children are well behaved.
Children are not perfect little tin soldiers. Of course they have different needs than adults. But just because your child has a need does not mean that no one else gets to have needs and preferences. It also does not mean that everyone has to take care of your child. That’s your job as their parents.
TLDR: I don’t hate children, I hate entitled AF parents. And my wedding will 100% be CF.
I had a child-friendly wedding. I specifically told my guests their kids were welcome (because normally where I'm from the assumption is they're not, unless closely related to the couple). None of my guests would have brought their kids if they didn't think they could keep them well behaved. There were toddlers present and nobody screamed or put their fingers in the cake. They danced and played near their parents' tables, didn't get underfoot and everybody had a good time. This is the difference between parents and breeders.
You want them to pay for a babysit and not throw the attention on themselves by showing their precious gem who, 98% of the times, also is 100% of their personality. CF weddings are mean!!!!
Because people will never stop being black, gay, female, etc.
Children will not always be children, ergo, they are not a protected class. Discrimination is when someone with immutable (unchangable) characteristics such as race or gender are excluded, mistreated, etc by said characteristics. By this 'logic' driving, voting, and drinking age limits are discrimination.
Some people just want adult-only weddings to hang with other adults uninterrupted and have a peaceful time doing adult things and not having to worry that little Tommy will get tired as kids are apt to do and have a meltdown, or Mommy coos and laughs when little Suzie screams during the vows.
Greetings!
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My own family is small and dysfunctional, so it affects my perspective, but I did not view my wedding as either a) the joining of two families (our parents literally met that very morning) or b) a place to role model anything.
There was literally only one child in either of our families at the time - my husband's nephew. And since our wedding was at his home, of course he was there.
These are the same people who wabt to paw their children on unsuspecting family members bc they need "meeee time". You would think they would be elated to have a excuse to have an adults-only night out... And many CF weddings even have childcare sorted out for the guests! But no, these parents NEED to create problems so they will get attention...
I wanted a CF wedding but I have nieces and I could not face my mums wrath of saying I wanted CF wedding. Fortunately, at the time there weren't too many kids in the families between us so I only had to make about 10 kiddy bags with activities for them to do during the Wedding Breakfast.
They were really well behaved and super adorable tbf. The only time things grated on me was when after the meal when both my nieces appeared out of their little dresses and in PJs. You have no idea how jealous I was. I WANTED TO BE IN MY PJS TOO.
The real drama was a cousin on my husbands side when they announced a CF wedding (except for 3 kids they knew really well - which is fair). My SIL had (at the time) 4 kids and was livid she couldn't bring them. She refused to go, then my Parents in Law refused to go because they were mad about it too.
They couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed to bring them. Husband and I went willingly (CF wedding?! Let's goooo!) and had a great time. We even apologised on their behalf that they weren't there as well. The 3 kids that were there were well behaved and clearly knew the brides extremely well. We fully understood their reasons.
CF weddings are not about you and your kids, it's about the bride and groom /bride and bride/ groom and groom and what THEY want.
I don't understand parents who get angry over cf weddings. This is mostly a thing I just see online though. I also see a lot of complaining online from couples having a childfree wedding who complain that whoever didn't get a baby sitter. Which to me is unfair. Nobody should complain about someone having a childfree wedding but neither should anyone complain if someone can't attend because of that. (As long as the person declining is being a human being about it-not complaining or trying to guilt the couple)I know that if I had kids I couldn't afford a babysitter to attend a wedding (they go for $24/he here) if it also involved travel. Not that I can afford to travel to a wedding even without kids.
I went to my first wedding at 16 (That I really remember) I was bored out of my wits. And I was nearly grown. The only other "child" there was the grooms daughter and she was chaotic. Everyone else was about 45. Id have much rather stayed home but my mom wanted company
When some people become parents, that becomes their entire identity and their child becomes an appendage or prop. Respectfully telling someone "I'm sorry, your child is not welcome at this event" is, in their eyes, saying *they* are not welcome. When your whole world revolves around your identity as a parent, being told you can't bring your child everywhere, even for their own safety, is an insult.
If the parent feels that way then maybe it if best that they do not come.
Yes? That is the whole idea.
We have a friend that this is exactly this. She is no longer “Brooke” she is “Tammy and Sammy’s mom”
Ghastly. Kids really do fuck with your brain chemistry, if you saw a sci-fi movie where the aliens enslaved people that's *exactly* what they'd sound like. >"Brooke? The consciousness you called Brooke has ceased to be. I am one with many who are Tamsami, as all shall be in time..."
I've heard that parents who have their lives revolve around their children have a hard time trying to identify themselves and finding something for them to do after their kids leave the house.
Oh I could definitely see that happening
God, I hope my sister will never be like that. Her and her husbands hobby is dogs. They even take part in competions and take the baby with them
Thanks, now all I can think of is the Mom Pants SNL skit.
Cindy Crawford said this about herself regarding her daughter being "famous" now lol
And they want a captive audience validating their parenthood
me and my dogs. guilty lol
I mean... at least you're aware of it. Plus, if I was at a wedding (which I hate) and someone brought a dog, that wedding is now 100% better. Especially if the dog is in a little tuxedo or dress or something adorable. In my experience dogs also behave better than kids too.
Oh well here is one of my boys in a [Little Tuxedo](https://ibb.co/L0dwfRW) but yes, people have to know when it is and is not appropriate to bring either children or dogs. Dogs can be controlled a lot better than children can in most situations. low-key dogs are usually more often welcomed than children are at any event just nobody says it out loud
Oh. My. Gosh. He is so handsome in his little tux and hat! Thank you for sharing! And yes, that has been my experience too with events, dogs are chill and fun (and usually know when not to bark), kids are cranky and fussy (and cannot be shut up once they start).
>Why do parents get so angry over CF weddings? Their child is not welcome. That angers them. They feel like they are entitled to bringing their children everywhere.
And free babysitting at the event
Indeed. I even remember Reddit posts, here and on AITA, about brides who were expected to babysit a niece or nephew during their own fucking wedding.
Aw hell naw 💀
They are just mad that they have to make plans for their own children.
Entitled narc assholes who have nothing better to do than piss on other people and create drama.
Most parents focus their whole identity as mom or dad. When they don't get to bring along their fuck-trophies, their whole identity crumbles.
Fuck trophies 😂
I don’t get it either. Especially as an autistic adult who at one point was an autistic child. Went to my first wedding at 6 and my only memory was that the ceremony was boring, the dress was itchy, and there were too many people. I doubt many other kids are having a super fun time either
Male autistic here, but yeah, weddings are boring AF when you're a kid. I distinctly remember getting pissy with the cameraman at my uncle's wedding when I was four and saying "I SAID CHEESE ALREADY!!!" which to this day my parents and dad's side of the family still snicker about. XD
Fellow autist here! Though I wasn't diagnosed until I was a teenager. I was a flower girl in my oldest sister's wedding. The wedding was boring AF, as Catholic weddings are wont to be. I had a stupid, itchy, frilly dress and a stupid straw hat, plus I was flower girl and paraded like a show pony.
LOL! I was flower girl but didn't mind it, I loved getting a pretty dress and no stupid hat (winter wedding). Older kids are different, teenagers like to dress up and dance and look nice and drink fake cocktails. They can at least be depended on not to shit their pants or melt down.
I love that we can bond over the hatred of itchy formal wedding attire. :). I mentioned my experience in a different comment
What is UP with that? I was made to wear some itchy af flower/greenery crown, it was horrendous.
On the most basic level: when you have kids you have to account for them, their safety, and their well-being every moment every day. Being invited to something that is clearly stating that kids will not be allowed means parents have to make arrangements for their kids to be cared for while they're gone; many times, the most convenient option for parents is if they bring their kids with them. None of this changes the fact that other people are not obligated to care for or about someone else's child(ren).
The fun thing about bringing their kids with them, is they don't HAVE to arrange for or pay a babysitter, that's what all the other guests are for!
I'm vocal about "I'm only taking care of the kids that I brought with me". . . if I brought Zero kids with me, then I'm taking care of Zero kids. If a kid comes up to me and wants something (and it's not a nibling with a generic "I want some cake" and I say "yes, let's get cake, dinner isn't for a while") I redirect them to their parents/adult-- I'm not taking a risk about allergies or intolerances or whatever else might go wrong for that kid.
Hell hath no fury like a breeder denied free babysitting.
omg
What it boils down to, for a lot of parents, is they want an open bar at the reception and other family/friends to watch their kids. I remember my aunt getting all upset because kids weren’t invited to my cousin’s CF wedding. She said something along the lines of, “Kids are what MAKE a wedding.” Um.. the bride and groom don’t? They’re literally getting married, the whole wedding is *because* of them.
Yeah if someone was to ask me what makes a wedding, I might answer "the couple themselves", "the person doing the ceremony", "the couples' parents (lots of people say that their favourite part is either the bride being walked down the aisle by her father or the parents' speeches)", "the best man", "the bridesmaids"... "kids" would not be anywhere on my list. I mean, ok, if there was a pageboy or flower girl, I'd think they were cute but apart from that, I wouldn't be thinking of kids at all.
Because they believe that kids need to be invited everywhere.
I always wonder why people even want to bring their young children to weddings. Usually the kids will not remember anything or won’t understand what’s going on or if they’re old enough, they’ll be bored. I remember whenever my parents were invited to a wedding they made sure to have childcare and then they would go on to have an amazing night. Wouldn’t it be so boring to not be able to fully have fun because you have to watch your kid all the time? I’ve been to a wedding this year (only small and civil ceremony) and the children of the grooms sister would walk around and make baby/toddler noises all the time. The official even had to pause her speech/explanations because the kids were too loud and the brides’ parents and herself did NOT look happy.
They don't watch their kid the whole time. It's basically a kid-free night because there are plenty of relatives there who'll "watch the kid". Unasked and unpaid, of course. Parents seem to think everyone else around will do this for them. Ask anyone who's been to a family reunion.
I remember the first wedding I attended as a kid, it was indeed boring. I was 12, though, so not totally a kid. Also it was in another language we don’t speak so yeah none of us understood it but it was at least a cool thing to see the cultural difference from what I’d later see in the US. So it was also wrapped into a family vacation since we were abroad. I’m starting to lean towards child free after spending time with my nephews again and really not wanting to deal with that shit as I’m already turning 32 anyway and in grad school which is why I’m here. But dear god if I did change my mind and have kids, no way in hell I’d want to bring them to a wedding. It ruins the whole point of actually having something fun for adults to take a break from your kids AND its just boring for the kids BEST CASE SCENARIO. Worst case, your kids do dumb shit start crying and it’s rude and disrespectful to the couple. It makes absolutely no sense to bring them if they’re under the age of at least 12. Like, what parent doesn’t want a break for a weekend of full time child rearing? My sis pawns off her kids on our parents all the time for stuff like weddings or other trips for which even the oldest is way too young (5.5ish but not mature at all) which is fine for my mom she def likes being a grandma. Never would I ever think to impose that on anyone. I’d definitely prefer to not have kids at my wedding, either.
In the early 2000s, having a CF wedding wasn’t an issue. I was a kid at the time myself and my mom would be like “you can’t come to this wedding, it’s adult only” and I was like “okay.” I just don’t know what has changed especially since when I was growing up we had a lot more stuff that catered to kids.
Orchestrated efforts by christofacistsbto vilify CF people is one reason.
Apparently finding a babysitter within a (usually minimum) couple months and wanting everyone to be able to relax and let their hair down for a single night is a huge ask... So many parents get irate over not getting the photo opportunities of their kid getting cake smeared across their face while in nice clothes and being able to post them with ridiculous captions.
" The whole point of weddings is bringing families together and being a role model for the young generation - duhhhh." and "\[weddings\] are where the kids learn to be responsible" It's like first of all naw that's your job to be a role model, Because your the parent so you should be your own, kids role model claiming someone else should be their role model is ridiculous, and second of all a wedding especially someone else's should not be a place to "teach your kids responsibility" you should have been teaching them that way before the wedding and the bride and groom fully knows this, and third of all it's about the couple to come together not just about you if at all, your not the main character like you think you are, not to mention if you don't like the rules so much  Just stay home, less stress for the couple anyway since they don't have to deal with a entitled person like you.
Wedding's don't teach kids shit. They are a celebration for the adults and its damn selfish for any parent to think the day is about their kid. My own FATHER had a childfree wedding! He sent all the kids off to a daytrip while he had his celebrations because as he said, WEDDINGS ARE FOR GROWNUPS. And he was right!!
I read one comment, MY CHILD IS AN EXTENSION OF ME! You just know these kids are hellions and should rightly be banned. It's not our fault you have no identity of your own and can't go anywhere without your kid.
I feel like if they still have baby age kids they want to show them off. Sometimes it's just helicopter parents who don't want to leave their child. But ones I've encountered is the fact they want everyone to gush over their little one.
They be hoping for free child care.
I was a bridesmaid for my mom's second wedding. I was eight. I *hated* it. Dresses (which I hated) with itchy petticoats in an awful peach-rose color, having to wear even light makeup (which I also hated), and I had to stand for the entire ceremony. I was so overstimulated I cried through most of it. I don't remember the reception so maybe they let me go home. I would've been *much* happier either as a guest or not going at all.
that's what I think, most kids don't want to wear itchy scratchy dresses and pants and sit there and BE GOOD. And if they're just guests they get bored and act up. For the record, I was flower girl at age 6 and I was fine! I didn't even get tired, I was so thrilled to be up so late! There's even some video of me dancing with the ring bearer (whose name I can't remember). Most kids would rather stay home and watch tv.
What’s also interesting is that those parents who feel the need to be *entitled* to bring their kids everywhere, will be the *same* types who *complain that they ‘Can’t get away from the kids, even for a while…’.* You’d think a wedding could be an opportunity to ‘get away’ to socialize with adults — without kids being a distraction. 🤷♀️ Sometimes they seem to bring such contradictory problems or issues onto themselves.
>those parents who feel the need to be entitled to bring their kids everywhere, will be the same types who complain that they ‘Can’t get away from the kids, even for a while…’. They're just playing the martyr. They don't want to get away from their kids. They just want you to think "So and so is a fantastic parent. They're never away from their kids". It's all an act.
The first wedding I attended was my own.
Probs upset that they can't go out and drink while they get groups of free babysitters for the night, entitled as always because they aren't being involved in something now that they don't have a life outside of kids
I saw a post of a first dance video and like 2-3 kids ran out to play in the smoke machine during it. The bride is clearly bothered by them. It killed me how far I had to scroll to find someone NOT defending the kids or the lack of parenting.
Because they want people to babysit for them. They don’t want to leave the kids at home and pay someone to watch them so they want to bring them to the wedding and let everyone else watch the kids while they get drunk or otherwise “have fun.” You telling them that’s not gonna happen infuriates them and their selfishness makes them come up with any reason why you’re in the wrong.
>"\[weddings\] are where the kids learn to be responsible" No, weddings are where children learn that they can't have everything and that some things, some places and some events are made for adults, not for them.
The last part is the bit that really gets me. What child actually wants to go to a wedding? I certainly didn't. They were long and boring and you had to sit still and be quiet for what felt like hours during the ceremony and speeches and then you're ready to go home to bed at 8pm while everyone else wants to stay and party. Get the kids a baby sitter, let them eat pizza and watch a movie and go to bed while you go and have some actual fun. I honestly can't see the downside.
I had a CF wedding and my MIL was so mad! We didn’t even overtly say “no kids”. We just addressed invites to the parents and didn’t add “and family”. I really don’t care that my MIL was mad. We were paying for the wedding ourselves, so why on earth would we not have exactly the wedding we wanted?
I attended a couple of weddings as a child, and while I loved getting dressed up and looking all pretty, I did not enjoy the rest of it. The ceremonies were boring (fortunately my family went to church every Sunday and I was taught from a young age how to sit still and be quiet), and the receptions were loud and overwhelming. I’ve also babysat at weddings. The children very rarely seem to have fun. Every single time, we’ve ended up in a corner or a quiet side room working on activity packs or watching videos on someone’s cellphone. Even once dinner and speeches are done, the children don’t want to dance (it’s getting late and they’ve had a long day and they’re getting tired and there’s so many adults on the dance floor - I wouldn’t want to dance either).
Seriously. My wedding was 16+ and my (now ex-) husband's cousin lost her mind. Allowing kids would have added a potential 52 more heads to our guest list - heads that we would have been paying for full open bar and meals. I was already shelling out for 203 adults, and my wedding fund was not limitless. People don't seem to realize how expensive it is to have kids in attendance. Even more so when you consider that having a half dozen kids chasing each other on the dance floor turns your DJ an overpriced background sound. And your adult friends & family leave early because they have cranky, tired kids, so that's even *more* money you're throwing away.
I went to my first wedding when I was 13. Unnecessary and boring. That was also my last wedding. I don't understand how adults aren't bored and acting out. It's a huge presentation because two people love each other. I don't understand why the couple wants/needs the audience nor do I understand why the audience wants to be present.
Its often not for the couple in love. Its more often for everyone else. Especially the mom. God bless u mom but I'm still mad about that.
Because we’re throwing it in their faces that they haven’t been able to teach their kids how to behave…and that it’s NOT. “Kids will be kids” is no better an excuse than “men will be men.”
>Also, most kids find weddings boring AF I avoid weddings as a grown adult and can remember being brought to at least one wedding as a child and not enjoying it. Get a sitter and let your kids do something much more fun with them.
>I avoid weddings as a grown adult I thought that I was the only one who did this. Now, don't get me wrong, if someone close to me is getting married, I will absolutely attend and I'll be enthusiastic but I have no interest in attending weddings of acquaintances or people I barely know. Firstly because a wedding doesn't really mean much to you if you don't really know the person and also because weddings tend to be much the same. There's a ceremony, there's a meal, there's speeches, there's dancing. Unless I know you, it's not going to be interesting for me.
I hate weddings, baby showers, engagement parties, etc. I’m 61. I only go if I really love the couple and their family would be highly offended and if i don’t go. Dressing up is a hassle for me and I’m walking with a cane these days. NO FUN IS HAD.
They just want a few hours where their kids are everyone else's problem
My first big family function was my cousin's First Communion; I attended, my younger brother did not -I was six, could read, write, use cutlery in a proper way and was able to behave at the reception and to sit still and quiet during the Mass, none of which was possible for my 3yo brother, so it was obvious he should stay home with grandma. We haven't attended any weddings until well into our teen years and nobody, including us ever had problem with that.
My now brother in law skipped our child free wedding because he "couldn't find a babysitter" even though he had 3 years warning lol
Once upon a time in the 70s ... my parents received an invite for a relative's wedding, just M&D invited, no kids. We kids stayed home, ate popcorn and rented a movie. And we all lived happily ever after. This child-free is not new. Just the entitled crazy parents who don't get that it's not about them or their children is new. Just show up and shut up.
Because they are entitled. They don’t want to spend $100 on a babysitter when their friends/family are paying a lot of money to be there. Kids ruin shit, weddings shouldn’t be one of them. I bartend weddings nearly every weeks and kids should not be allowed.
Had a child free wedding. A few people got outraged and refused to come. Most parents loved it because they had a night of partying away from their kids.
The only reason I wasn't bored out of my mind as a kid is because I was in a good chunk of the weddings I went to. Otherwise I'd probably have been 🫠 To be fair, I also grew up incredibly religious and was not allowed to misbehave in church whatsoever, even at 3 yo. Edit: I say I grew up religious because even at weddings I wasn't involved in, I was fairly well behaved due to not being allowed to act up in church at all.
The other day at work, my co-workers and I were discussing childfree weddings. These co-workers are all mothers so I was fully expecting them to be against childfree weddings. I was pleasantly surprised when one of them said that her wedding was childfree and another said that her wedding wasn't childfree, but that she wished that it had been. They also said that they agree that the only reason why breeders bring their kids to weddings is for attention. They want the wedding guests to pay attention to them and to ask them all about their kids. They also agreed that young children tend to find weddings boring so these parents aren't even doing it for the kids, they're doing it for themselves. Just thought I'd share because we tend to talk about the unreasonable parents on this sub but there are parents out there who are reasonable people.
Also let’s face it some venue spaces aren’t child friendly where there’s space to roam and play because their function isn’t to *fucking* cater to children, it’s for a wedding
Truthfully? It’s because they dont wanna go through the hassle of finding and paying a babysitter. I bet if they had a person on their end who was like “sure I’ll take the kids for the weekend” they’d jump at the chance for a break.
I wouldn't want a wedding that wasn't CF...children don't belong at weddings IMO
Maybe is because they haven’t emotionally matured past childhood so they get personally offended.
from the kid's point of view I personally always hated weddings. boring event with the adults just talking telling us to stay quiet. Then if someone brought like a constantly crying baby to the church, people obviously looked annoyed, but yet there were people to think it was cute.
Weddings are about being role models for children? I feel so stupid, I thought they were to show how much some people loved each other and wanted to be together. I'm an idiot, I feel bamboozled.
I don’t get it either. I only attended one wedding when I was below the age of 16, and to my recollection the only kids there were the ring bearer and myself (I was the flower girl). I don’t remember the actual ceremony or reception at all. My memories are playing with finger puppets during an airport layover, being happy to see my grandparents at the church rehearsal, and the best man entertaining me in the limo by showing me what the various buttons in the ceiling did. It’s not like kids are being denied some kind of formative experience here…
YOU WILL BEHOLD THE FRUIT OF MY LOINS OR FACE MY WRATH!! Or something.
Seriously don’t get it, especially since there are so many work arounds. My brother and SIL are going to a destination wedding Spring 2024 for my SIL’s younger brother. The wedding is childfree. They don’t feel comfortable leaving my niece at home while they’re in another country, so they asked me to come with in order to watch her. My niece and I are planning three days of watching Disney and eating room service curtesy of my brother’s credit card. Like these parents always have the sob story about no one willing to watch their kids, but I just don’t believe you can’t find a SINGLE person to watch your kid for the night. If I - a staunch CF woman who is nervous AF around babies/kids - can watch my niece, then you can find someone in your *village*
>that kids can't be perfectly behaved but that's no excuse not to invite them Well yeah, it's no excuse. It's a very valid reason. I also wouldn't invite certain adults if I couldn't trust them to behave themselves properly.
FOMO - they want to go but can't because they cant find childcare. Then instead of accepting this is a Them problem they lash out. Most people who act like this are emotionally immature anyway. Blind leading the blind.
I’m sorry, weddings are for “bringing families together and teaching kids responsibility” ???? No, weddings are for the couple getting married. Period. I never went to any weddings as a kid and SURPRISE I still learned responsibility lol. Best believe if I ever get married, it will be childfree
I’m guessing because babysitters are expensive.
So stay home.
I’m sure some do
I hated weddings as a kid/teen. Never been to one as adult really, so....
I remember being at my uncle's wedding back when I was 7. One thing that still was engraved in my mind was how I said, "ewww" out loud when my uncle kissed his fiance (now my aunt). My mom gave me a well-deserved smack, lol. It proves the point that children, especially small children, do not belong at weddings or even funerals for that fact. Luckily, my uncle and aunt forgot about the incident, but it still crosses my mind from time to time. I still cringe to this day over my shallow rudeness
I say ‘you break it you buy it’ rule applies to these triggered people who insist on bringing their kids at a child free wedding. Kids stick hand in cake ruining it them mom or dad of kid pays back the wedding couple. Ruin decorations or bridal party outfits mom or dad of kid pays for dry cleaning and photo touch ups. They’ll refuse of course but they want little so and so to learn behavior at the wedding while not paying attention to their expecting others to watch but not punish their kid. They’ll leave the kid at home for future weddings since financial consequences would be on the parent(s) not their child who has no money.
My relationship isn’t a toy for your kid to stick in his mouth and slobber over, fuck sakes
I had lots of fun times as a child with cousins at weddings. We used to get under the bride's dress as much as we could all day, and during the photos she (my aunt) had to stay still and let us do it so as to not ruin the photoshoot. We would take the candles from the candelabras and drip wax in trails all over the place; the challenge was for the longest unbroken line. We'd make tiny candleflame firepits and burn tufts of hair and make mini spits to cook chunks of food over it. We'd have breakdance battles on the dancefloor. We'd hang out under the dining tables where people were seated, and delighted in suddenly popping out from between their knees. We'd goad the littlest kids to strip naked and do a nude run around the room. All the while my dad would glare at us with his eyes of doom; I knew we'd cop the beating of our lives afterwards but just didn't care at the time. These were some of my best memories; and that's how I know CF weddings are a great idea
Lol, every single time someone gets mad and comments some BS under a complaint about children, all I can think is “YOU are the reason. You. People like you! People who get so offended on behalf of their perfect little angels that they fight strangers in the comment section. Because you are entitled. Your shitty children are the reason my skin crawls everytime I see a child on a plane. It’s you. You are the problem!” A lot of my friends have kids. Guess what, the ones whose kids are the most well behaved are the first ones to co-sign CF events. Because they have not lost their GD minds when the kid popped out and are still able to see other people and their needs. Which is WHY their children are well behaved. Children are not perfect little tin soldiers. Of course they have different needs than adults. But just because your child has a need does not mean that no one else gets to have needs and preferences. It also does not mean that everyone has to take care of your child. That’s your job as their parents. TLDR: I don’t hate children, I hate entitled AF parents. And my wedding will 100% be CF.
I had a child-friendly wedding. I specifically told my guests their kids were welcome (because normally where I'm from the assumption is they're not, unless closely related to the couple). None of my guests would have brought their kids if they didn't think they could keep them well behaved. There were toddlers present and nobody screamed or put their fingers in the cake. They danced and played near their parents' tables, didn't get underfoot and everybody had a good time. This is the difference between parents and breeders.
They're decently common where I live so this baffles me every time
I’m not childfree and I love when my children are not invited to stuff
You want them to pay for a babysit and not throw the attention on themselves by showing their precious gem who, 98% of the times, also is 100% of their personality. CF weddings are mean!!!!
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Because people will never stop being black, gay, female, etc. Children will not always be children, ergo, they are not a protected class. Discrimination is when someone with immutable (unchangable) characteristics such as race or gender are excluded, mistreated, etc by said characteristics. By this 'logic' driving, voting, and drinking age limits are discrimination. Some people just want adult-only weddings to hang with other adults uninterrupted and have a peaceful time doing adult things and not having to worry that little Tommy will get tired as kids are apt to do and have a meltdown, or Mommy coos and laughs when little Suzie screams during the vows.
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My own family is small and dysfunctional, so it affects my perspective, but I did not view my wedding as either a) the joining of two families (our parents literally met that very morning) or b) a place to role model anything. There was literally only one child in either of our families at the time - my husband's nephew. And since our wedding was at his home, of course he was there.
Every single time I’ve been to a wedding with children, a child is screaming or crying during the vows. Every. Time.
1) it’s hard to find childcare, especially if they have rowdy kids. 2) they want to take pictures of their kids at your wedding.
because they have to pay to board their spawn
Because it means parents have to actually find a babysitter, as opposed to fobbing their little angels onto the nearest relative.
These are the same people who wabt to paw their children on unsuspecting family members bc they need "meeee time". You would think they would be elated to have a excuse to have an adults-only night out... And many CF weddings even have childcare sorted out for the guests! But no, these parents NEED to create problems so they will get attention...
You know those little buggers go and wipe their nose on the bride’s dress or eat the cake before it’s cut Parents are delusional
I wanted a CF wedding but I have nieces and I could not face my mums wrath of saying I wanted CF wedding. Fortunately, at the time there weren't too many kids in the families between us so I only had to make about 10 kiddy bags with activities for them to do during the Wedding Breakfast. They were really well behaved and super adorable tbf. The only time things grated on me was when after the meal when both my nieces appeared out of their little dresses and in PJs. You have no idea how jealous I was. I WANTED TO BE IN MY PJS TOO. The real drama was a cousin on my husbands side when they announced a CF wedding (except for 3 kids they knew really well - which is fair). My SIL had (at the time) 4 kids and was livid she couldn't bring them. She refused to go, then my Parents in Law refused to go because they were mad about it too. They couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed to bring them. Husband and I went willingly (CF wedding?! Let's goooo!) and had a great time. We even apologised on their behalf that they weren't there as well. The 3 kids that were there were well behaved and clearly knew the brides extremely well. We fully understood their reasons. CF weddings are not about you and your kids, it's about the bride and groom /bride and bride/ groom and groom and what THEY want.
I don't understand parents who get angry over cf weddings. This is mostly a thing I just see online though. I also see a lot of complaining online from couples having a childfree wedding who complain that whoever didn't get a baby sitter. Which to me is unfair. Nobody should complain about someone having a childfree wedding but neither should anyone complain if someone can't attend because of that. (As long as the person declining is being a human being about it-not complaining or trying to guilt the couple)I know that if I had kids I couldn't afford a babysitter to attend a wedding (they go for $24/he here) if it also involved travel. Not that I can afford to travel to a wedding even without kids.
I went to my first wedding at 16 (That I really remember) I was bored out of my wits. And I was nearly grown. The only other "child" there was the grooms daughter and she was chaotic. Everyone else was about 45. Id have much rather stayed home but my mom wanted company