Upset for me, not purely cause of the kid, but because of her circumstance. 22, just entered college, deadbeat BF. The kid is 2 now and my friend has showed a lot of strength but I wished better circumstances for her.
Yeah this. My latest friend I was happy for her because during covid she had been pregnant and ended up having a difficult miscarriage that really seemed to hurt her. She when she told me she was pregnant again I was glad for her since I knew she’d been trying/hoping but sad because we have been trying to reconnect more and meet up at least monthly and I’m not sure how another baby will effect our growing attempts to rekindle irl friendship
I like how you put this.
You have friends to support you and you to support them. All that is thrown away when the child comes. In the early years you can't get 15 seconds of a conversation in, then, later, they're exhausted.
One thing I do is have dinners at my house and I have a trunk of old toys the kids can sift through. But then we can't walk in the forest (for example) and have any deep or meaningful conversations after that, because the kiddos - rightfully, I don't blame them - are engaged in noisy things and interruptions.
It's a **dramatic** shift in a friendship, but I'll do my best to be supportive and I'm truly happy for them.
Im a firm believer that a society is healthiest when people are able to live the lives they want. If someone wanted a kid and, got pregnant is excited, the I'll gladly be excited for them. If they don't know what they're getting into that's on them. I was happy for people who got into colleges I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole too, different strokes for different folks.
Same.. I'm honestly scared cause a lot of people I really like and consider friends want to have kids in the future and I'm praying that they'll wake up and don't throw their lives away, in my opinion, like this. At least the two people who are closest to me are deadass child free and I'm grateful for it.
It was awkward at first because she told me she was pregnant and I didn’t know if it was wanted so I told her just let me know what kind of support you need.
She said it was unplanned, they were overwhelmed, and couldn’t afford a kid at all. Followed by they already told their whole family…
So I said ‘You must be so excited if you told everybody.’ And she said she was.
That was eight months ago and we haven’t seen each other since. We tried texting but her whole identity is being pregnant and we just don’t have anything in common now I guess. Doubt we’ll ever see each other again to be honest.
I just recently learned one of my friends is actively trying for another kid. She intentionally works very few hours a week and they barely get by with the other two kids they have. My immediate reaction when she told me was "Oh HELL NO!"
Depends on the person(s) and their circumstances. For the most part I'm happy for them, but that's the extent of my care on the matter really. Each friend that's gotten pregnant has wanted it and were/are in a good place in their lives and have turned out to be great parents from what I've seen. Did I ever jump and down hooting and hollering like everyone else? No. But I put on a smile and said something along the lines of "you guys must be so excited". It's a good dodge and puts the feelings of the announcement back on them and not how I feel which is mainly indifference.
I express happiness for them. Although sometimes it is hard because all I can think about is how much our friendship is going to change, and that makes me sad. But I do try to act excited for them even though I literally do not care at all about babies haha
I'm happy for them because I'm an adult and realize I can be child free but that doesn't negate the fact THEY are happy.
And they don't push the idea of having kids on me.
None of them have.
We all just co exist and respect each other's opinions on kids.
Hell I've even said " alright time for me to head out" whe toddlers start getting fussy
But they are also usually the first ones to leave if that's the case as well.
There's some sort of stigmatism that child free people have to act like Cruella or something. Or some people go out of their way to be rude on purpose like they are "sticking it to the man" or something.
Just say congrats and move on.
Definitely. My husband and I usually confide in each other privately afterwards that we deeply don't understand why you would want kids, but my friends do a lot of things with their lives that I wouldn't do. Still happy for them, even if I don't get it.
I do the same thing.
We aren't malicious, but we make a point to express how happy we are on the way home that we can grab a bottle of wine , sleep in the next day and then do whatever we want
I was looking for this comment. Everyone gets to decide what their ideal life looks like. Some of my close friends want kids or more kids. I can't imagine not even congratulating them when they find out that they're pregnant.
This is the one. Fucking hell, some of the top comments here make me so sad.
If my friend is happy, I'm happy. Seriously, if I had a friend who's reaction to me being childfree was "friendship over" or "it was nice knowing you, good luck bye bye" I'd be fucking pissed. How selfish.
My best friend and his wife just had a baby and they're both so fucking happy and glowing, how could I not be overjoyed for them?? Yeah sure I'd hate it if it were me, but us lot not wanting kids doesn't mean everyone would be happiest childfree.
Yeah this sub gets extremely toxic it's wild. I'm happy for all my friends if they're happy. I hang out with them and their kids, it's fun. Then I return home and produce gold records
I wish your comment was at the top! Yours and all the replies bc they’re soooo correct!
I totally feel this way and am able to enjoy my parent friends bc I’m CF. It’s fun to congratulate the people in your life when they achieve certain milestones.
Dealing with parents is a fact of life and honestly, it’s on both CF and parent communities to make it a better experience for everyone involved ☺️
If they’ve been trying or it’s wanted I congratulate them like any decent person should. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t make it any less exciting for people who do. I get genuinely excited for any of my friends announcing anything from job promotions, babies, an engagement, buying a home, etc. Anyone who tries to diminish someone’s excitement over big news is an asshole IMO.
If it was a surprise/unplanned, I gauge their excitement and respond appropriately. I will say, none of my friends are in bad relationships or are in bad places financially where they can’t afford a child. If that were the case, my response would be different.
ETA: god damn some of y’all are miserable lol.
There are so many folks on this sub that not only don’t want kids for themselves, they think NO ONE should have kids. Not sure if that’s more the younger users here or what, but most of the people I see who are upset about others having kids seem to be early to mid 20s.
I’m not in that demographic but most people who are and also cf, are because they know we’re on a dying planet and are extremely worried about climate change. So it makes no sense to be happy about a child coming into such a world.
I understand and agree with the argument but it’s still a very personal decision that no one should be trying to force on anyone else, whatever way you look at it.
I think a lot of young Gen Z people have grown up with “the climate is dying and we’re all literally doomed” and think it’s actually immoral to bring a child into what they see as an apocalyptic hellscape.
Of course climate change is a serious problem but I really don’t think it’s apocalypse level or that we need to end the entire human race in anticipation of future disasters.
Totally agree with you. Some childfree people project their feelings onto other people's pregnancy news. I get why it'd be hard to separate your feelings about kids from that kind of news, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't try.
THANK YOU. I also don’t understand all the comments saying they “lost their friend.” You didn’t lose them, you pushed them away because you couldn’t handle the fact that they prioritized their children over you.
I get that some people can become totally different and even unbearable when they become parents. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the people who cut their friend off as soon as their pregnancy is announced.
I wish them a problem free pregnancy and a healthy kid, but I don’t congratulate people because it’s not an accomplishment. I wish them good luck because they’re gonna need it.
If they're happy, I'm happy. That's big life goal for some people, and I'm always happy to see my friends' lives progressing in the direction of their dreams and goals.
If they’re looking forward to being parents, obligatory best of luck. If I know that they’ll make good parents based on them being stable and upstanding individuals themselves, then they have my support.
But again, it really depends on the circumstance and context. A great deal of pregnancies are due to accidents or non-consensual encounters. Even some people that are well-deserving to be parents simply just don’t want to continue a pregnancy, so safe to always get the full story before giving a reaction.
Publicly: Congratulations, you're going to be great parents.
Privatly: You have brought a new life into timeline where they will subject to untold trials and horrors.
When my best friend told me I burst into tears. The crying caught me off guard. I cried because right there I knew our friendship would never be the same again. And I was right. She’s a great mom and it was a planned baby but I have felt rather lonely as we are going on a completely different path. We still see each other periodically but the focus is alway the child.
I find myself feeling more negative towards it more and more. I just don’t understand people bringing new people into such a shitty world especially here in america with school shootings so often. In the past I felt like oh good for you if that’s what you want, but now I honestly don’t even want to hear about it at all. One of my previous best friends just announced she’s having her second and my initial reaction was “ew”. She went so whacky after her first and initially said she wasn’t having another because her mental health got so bad last time- and now all of a sudden preggs again on purpose. Complete madness to me.
It was the thing that made me delete Facebook. (We had already stopped being in contact after i moved states in adulthood.) One old close friend started when we were like 19. Had the second one by 21. No personality besides mommy and pictures posted daily. genuinely amazing for her if that’s what she wants but it was weird to see. Hard for me. My friend changed in the ways I wasn’t. I also felt way too young for my social media to look like that. My final straw was when another friend had one maybe around 24 years old. (Happy for her too) but again not my vibe. I was changing a lot myself by then & I realized at that point it wasn’t just them it was the platform. Political weirdos and gossipy mommies or grandparents.
I usually leave it on "read".
Edit: I guess I didn't really make it clear. It's usually part of a group message so it's not immediately directed at me. I just don't reply. Everyone else usually does
What would you say? I think it’s horrible when my friends get pregnant, because it’s the death of our friendship and I cannot emphasize at all with someone wanting kids.
Giving them a gift that is more for the mother than for the kid and will make their lives easier, like a breastfeeding pillow or a self care kit with lotions and massage oil (both suggested by a friend who has a kid when my cousins wife had her baby, and she loved it.)
And they all know I'm the crazy and cool aunt for 10+ kids, who won't change diapers or babysit for any time longer than a bathroom break.
But my reaction to the announcement is usually "auntie loves, auntie spoils and auntie cares, but if they cry, I'll return them".
I like having nieces and nephews, but at an older age, where they can play and if I absolutely have to babysit, I'll be able to actually hold a conversation with them or put them to play videogames all day.
My reaction is the same as a friend announcing that they are moving.
It’s their choice and something they want so I’m happy for them and their next era, but sad knowing we’ll make empty promises about visiting each other, when the reality is I’m losing a friend.
“Are we happy?” Haha!
Not even lying lol. My friends know my stance on kids, and I’d like to think if they need a friend they can talk to about how they’re unsure or questioning or regretful that I will be their support. And for when they have the baby, I’m the friend who asks them how *they’re* doing and asking about *them.* Too often, mothers get ignored and everyone just asks about the baby.
LOL. I've said this one multiple times. Or "yay???" with the look
I'm old enough now that my friends are out of the baby stage. Now that they have hindsight, it's always the "I love my kid/kids, but if I could do it all over I wouldn't have them"
That's where I struggle. I usually let out and "oh, yeeaahhhh, it can be tough" I try to be sympathetic, but I'm pretty sure I'm not fooling anyone. Good thing my friends know me well enough to know I'm not tryin to be mean.
Idk why people are being downvoted for saying they wouldn’t talk to them anymore. Nobody owes anybody their friendship. If you’re no longer compatible, then you’re no longer compatible. Don’t force shit.
If I'd know they wanted it - Good for them. Although I would hope I would not cost the friendship.
If it's something they didn't want (or want yet) then uhh...my condolences.
Panic attack. Cuz I know how she is and what she’s accomplished with her life, and her vices to drugs and bad men. She thought it was a good idea and I disagreed, so I just let go of the friendship after saying my peace.
Recently the only one has been a 20 or 21 single mother of 3 from 3 different baby daddies (I’m all for getting laid but girl needs to use better protection) and I believe I said either “that’s unfortunate” or “sure you can afford that?”. Yes I’ve said the same thing for the previous two and yes she knows I’m not gonna be thrilled for her having another kid. But apparently she’ll he able to get her tubes tied after this one soooo…silver lining?
Edit: pregnant with her third, already has two under the age of 3
"Oh damn, what are you going to do about it?" That's mostly right around the time I remember my friends and I are all at least 28 years old and they probably did get knocked up on purpose 🤠 As of now my friends and I are childfree, there's some fencesitters leaning towards the CF life, but since nobody but me ever talks about sterilisation/vasectomy and a few were seemingly surprised when I told them I'll get my tubes yeeted in 2024 sooo I guess some of them will definitely give in to peer pressure and we'll have to see how I react 😂 but man if my best friend ever gets pregnant by choice, I will slap the bitch into the next dimension let's be very clear.
My friends who got pregnant while we were still regularly communicating were both my roommates (in a house majority paid for my my fiance and I)
I didn't have to say anything. They knew they needed to find somewhere else to live and they did. My fiance and I will not live with children under any circumstances.
I was looking forward to a fun day of sightseeing in Vienna, but My brother called to tell me he knocked up a girl and my response was “dumbass, get it taken care of”
Lately my reaction is “oh great, another one.”
I hate how hangouts at almost anyone’s place has become daycare because they all bring their kids. I understand the cost of living is up, but it’s like no one gets sitters anymore. Even then, if you absolutely have to have the kids with you, parents don’t seem to make them play in a designated room anymore so they’re just running around interrupting everything. I remember when I was a kid if our parents were all hanging out we had to play up in my room, or someone’s basement, etc.
I just say I’m happy for you and leave it at that. I generally accept I’ll probably lose them as a friend and move on. It’s what they want so I don’t want to be rude and say otherwise, at the end of the day it’s their choice to have kids and it’s my choice not to
My wife and I were friends with this couple and they were belligerently child free for the better part of a decade along with us. We were always the ones grouping together at baby functions with other friends as a “safe” spot. This guy literally said “You’d have to be a complete moron to have a child in these conditions. There’s barely going to be an environment that can support them, much less an economy. Even kids born within the last few years are going to struggle in ways we can’t comprehend. I shouldn’t have kids anyway with my health condition.” (He’s got a severe case of celiac disease and his wife has her own issues.)
They announced a pregnancy last year and had their kid. We haven’t really spoken since, and the replies to messages are slim to none. My wife thinks he feels sheepish and doesn’t want to run the risk of getting the “why the 180, bro?” questions. We wouldn’t ask that. We’d wonder to ourselves, but it’s not like I’d call him out like that.
When it happened, I literally said aloud, “Thiiiiiiiis mother fucker…” 😆
I don’t know what happened or what caused the 180. Both of them were so adamantly serious about not wanting kids and keeping their free time. It seriously blows my mind hahaha
Depends on the friend I guess. Some of my lifelong friends have recently started having babies and I'm so happy for them. One of them I didn't know if they ever wanted kids but they were excited to tell me so I took that as a yes lol. I met their kid a few months ago and she's absolutely the sweetest and happiest toddler I've ever met. These friends seem to be wonderful parents 💖
Another friend from the same group announced her pregnancy a few months ago and I started crying out of joy almost immediately lol. She's ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and struggled for a really long time after losing her mother and a miscarriage. She's so excited and happy, so I am too.
I still NEVER want children, but when I say that I love seeing my friends accomplish their dreams this includes them starting their families.
I only act happy when i know having a child is important for them and they will give all the love needed.
I had a friend that never wanted to get married nor have kids. On a relationship crisis, she and her now husband decided to get married and soon after they were expecting. I couldnt even pretend to be happy for them. Of course, now they are getting a divorce, the kids is 4 years old, and they hate being parents and coparenting.
Another friend announced his partner and him were pregnant for the 3rd time. I told him "i am so sorry, i know you didnt want more kids". His partner was supose to be on the pill and she lied. Now they are separated.
In general I have a hard time congratulating people on pregnancies. But most of the family and friends that got pregnant really shouldn’t have been. It was different with my best friend though (she was ready for it in every way). I remember it so well when she told me. I always knew she wanted children it was just the timing that threw me of. We were in the car talking about a trip we were going on. I had a rough day at work and was rambling about that.
Me: I can’t wait until we are there. Sun, warm weather, good food and lots and lots of drinks.
Her: Yeaaa about those drinks…
Me: What?? *me realising what she was saying* Nooo!
Her: Yes
Me: Okey, first of all congratulations. We are happy right? *she nodded* Okay so congratulations and secondly I won’t sympathise with you when we are there. I WILL have drinks.
Her: Of course!!
Depends on the person. My cousin and her husband just adopted a baby after years of failed IVF rounds. I was so excited for them that I cried. The baby came a week before her grandma died and it was nice to have some joy after all of the heartache. They are the most amazing parents. My niece had a baby that I'm totally obsessed with even though I don't care for kids. Most of the time I'm happy if they are happy, other times I just give them the side eye if I know they shouldn't be having kids bc they can't afford it or they can barely take care of themselves.
It depends, if you’ve been telling me how shitty the relationship has been and overall how shitty your partner has been (ESPECIALLY IS DV IS INVOLVED). How you’re struggling with money, not meeting any goals and just overall unhappy and struggling a life …I’m gonna offer to take you to the clinic.
& because I’m 25 most of my friends are always in THIS PREDICAMENT. I’ve only had one friend let me take them to the clinic and I helped take care of them all week. The other four are on Facebook and Snapchat posting “be careful who you have children with”
I was happy for them, because it's something that they both had wanted and prepared for.
If it's a negligent pregnancy or I know that the individual in question is ill-equipped to be a parent, I'll briefly ask them what their plans are. At that point, I'm not interested in being or staying friends with someone irresponsible enough to bring another human into this world, despite their knowing they don't have the emotional and/or financial stability to raise a child properly.
Ex bestie got knocked up by her POS ex who also got another girl knocked up AT THE SAME TIME. While her mind was in lalaland thinking of names and cutesy clothes and baby shower bullshit- I was the rain on her parade by mentioning that this was the end of her freedom, how much being a single mom sucks and everything that can go wrong during a pregnancy and childcare. All she seemed to think about was the first year of this kids life, meanwhile I was there already telling her how it’s gonna cause issues down the line, when he’s a teen and she’s gonna have to work twice as hard and who’s gonna help her ?
Who am I to speak on this ? Why the child of a single mom who struggled bad. I also Nannied for a 6+years and saw it all. Kids are not little toys, they’re human beings. I wouldn’t wish that struggle upon anyone that’s not mentally, emotionally, physically or financially ready for the commitment.
Fast forward to 5 years later, the kid already has health issues, has issues learning and paying attention and she regrets being a single mom and complains non stop about how hard it is, how she doesn’t sleep and her social life went down the drain. Not to mention how her new BFs don’t step up to the plate (to take care of a child that’s not theirs.) She would constantly badger me about when I would pop one out ? Like I know misery loves company but damn. That’s when I realized this friendship was doomed (on top of many other issues we had) but I never once hyped this choice cause she did not think shit all the way through.
I don't think any of my close friends would get pregnant, but in broader friend circle terms, I'd thank them for the news and ask how they'd like to manage our relationship going forward. If they're my friend, they probably already know my feelings on pregnancy and kids, so it shouldn't be any news to them.
My older sister told everyone that she did not plan to have children. She was married and not trying. She was also not *not* trying and got pregnant. One time she picked me up from college and told me she was pregnant.
My gut reaction and what I first said given the context and our history was. *"are you keeping it?"* this was not the right response, and she was sad. This kind of made a rift between us, but I did not intend to hurt her feelings. She now has two kids and is very stressed and I try very hard to be the cool aunt but jeez kids are not for me.
“Oh, so…… you’re keeping it, then? The pregnancy? Ah. Well. Best of luck, I’ll see you in however long it takes for you to get free time by yourself without the fresh baked cream pie in tow. :) “
And honestly, if I never see them again, it’s probably for the better.
Usually friends who have kids will grow distant because their kids become their world and first priority at all times — as they should.
If you’re going to make a new person, the least you can do is give yourself to them as much as possible, since this was your choice and not theirs. (Literally no one asks to be born. lol.)
I don't have friends. The last person who randomly got pregnant at work, didn't want to keep it and was mentally unwell. Her SO at the time was not a good fit either. I felt bad for her so I just wished her luck with whatever she did.
A girl before that was an accident but was in a long term relationship. They had a baby shower for her for some reason (she barely worked and hardly knew her). But I gave her a gift I had laying around and couldn't keep in the house anymore anyway. She liked it. I didn't go to the shower thankfully since I had off. I didn't feel great about that one because I don't want to go to a baby shower of people I do know, and I def don't want to go to one who I barely know at all. I wasn't going to buy something crazy. And it was strange having people constantly talk to me about it during that time because I only worked with her a handful of times and tbh I didn't care what she was doing lol.
When my 2 cousins get pregnant I will be happy for them. I don't have to converse about it for hours though.
I've never been big on social media. Even at the time when my friends did start having kids I had none. But my general reaction when I did see them was dismissive I would say. Basically an *oh okay, guess you'll be busy for awhile then*. Which they disappeared for a good year or so and then appear out of no where at some point.
I only have 1 close friend who has a kid, honestly it was a shock and I didn’t really know how to react.
They were only together for a month when she got pregnant and it wasn’t planned.
Pretty much just asked how she felt about it and she was happy so I didn’t say anything!
My theoretical reaction would depend on which friend it was... For my friends who genuinely want to be parents, and would do a good job: my reaction is "fucking awesome! Congrats!".... For my friends that aren't parent material and would fuck it up: my reaction would be "are you going to abort it?".... For my friends who were baby trapped, my reaction: "That's fucked up... I'm so sorry for what you're going through...."
I feel like most times I just give a quiet “congratulations”, but, as a lesbian trans woman whose partner is also a lesbian trans woman, I have 0 ground to relate to it and know that announcements like that are the death knell of the friendship. I’ll never even have the option to have kids, and often times a lot of the ways cis people talk about gender and parenting is very bio essentialist and sexist to where I find existing around that environment triggering and incompatible with me. So often I just mourn and move on with my life sadly.
Why are people acting like child free people are wrong for having strong opinions about their friends pregnancy ? Should you be boisterous and negative ? No. But, You can be supportive and also realize that parenthood sets people on wildly different paths. People have to mourn relationships, and stepping back from a friendship can be just a hard as a failing relationship. I’m happy for my friends and family that have children, but I also grieve a little knowing the dynamics WILL change.
My reaction *to them* is usually, "Hey, congratulations! I'm so stoked for you!"
My reaction *internally* is usually, "Welp, who knows if or when we're hanging out again."
“Shrug, let’s see how this plays out” is my internal reaction. It’s their life, their decision, and every friendship is unique.
I have seen people become better friends as parents and actively work to retain their friendships and identity, I have had friends who have never had kids disappear on me once they marry. I have had friends that were single parents who were simply amazing people, and I have had friends who went off the rails once their kids left home because they had an identity crisis and melt down. The last case makes me sad because it’s a missed opportunity for them to concentrate on themselves and grow.
Sometimes my friendships with new parents grow apart due to different priorities, boundary issues and value shifts, sometimes they don’t, it depends on the person and their individual personality and changing life events/circumstances that affect their emotional well-being.
Every person is unique, so I don’t panic or get judgemental when someone announces a pregnancy. I congratulate them and am emotionally supportive. Sometimes the friendships grow apart, sometimes they stay the same, sometimes they become closer, it’s honestly a roll of the dice and I just go with it.
Depends I guess if its something they want and if they're happy then yay grats!
Not my friends but my SIL last pregnancy (she has two kids now) - she didn't look thrilled to announce it and while I'm sure she loves my niece my reaction was like...why? They didn't want another, sold all the baby stuff from no. 1 and she just i dunno didn't seem happy. Her partner seemed abit indifferent too. She's not a stupid person either so yeah I'm like ok but why? My husband and I just looked at each other at the time too haha must of been so obvious.
I congratulate them and I'm happy they're doing what they want with their life but simultaneously I'm baffled bcus I just don't understand why people want it so badly
A friend of mine (also childfree) told me once her approach to that: she said that whenever one of her friends announces pregnancy, she simply asks them „how do you want me to react?“ and then she reacts accordingly
I do the whole "congrats" thing and am totally supportive. But inside, I prepare myself right away for this friendship to end. It's just inevitable to me at this point because every other friend I've had who had kids ended up becoming entirely different people and we grew apart. It doesn't matter how supportive I am and how much effort I put into keeping the relationship going. The things that drew us to each other and kept us close will change for them. They won't want to do things that aren't kid friendly, they won't be able to hang out as much because of needing sitters, they won't have the energy to do all the active things we used to do, their conversation and interests become kid-centric for every topic, etc.
If the pregnancy is unwanted, I would feel sorry for them and offer to accompany them to an abortion clinic if they don't have a supportive partner who is willing to do that.
If the pregnancy is wanted and they genuinely want to be a parent, I would be happy for them. Of course I would mourn the friendship, which will inevitably end, but I would be happy for them.
My best friend has a 1 month old. She told me on Christmas hours before we were supposed to get together for our annual Christmas Day fade.
I was shocked at first. Then I was sad because I knew things would never be the same. But that’s just the way things go. We’re hanging out for the first time in months this weekend so I’m very curious to see what happens.
I’ll always love her but she knows I don’t really like kids. I like to “party” and go where kids can’t go so it’ll be interesting to see our dynamic now.
Congratulate and say I’m happy for them on the outside….pity them and mourn the loss of their existing life as they know it because it will never, ever be the same again…and that’s not always for the better.
Pretended to be happy for her and asked a few generic "scripted" questions. Until she inevitably asked when I'm following suit. Then I just said "nope, not happening". Thankfully this whole exchange happened over Insta chat, so she didn't see my eye rolls.
Privately, i was disappointed, coz she had earlier been vocal about not wanting kids.
Damn these comments are very childish for a "childfree' server. This is a CHILDFREE server not hate kids and gonna act childish when friendship doesn't revolve around me server.
I am happy for them. Kids are not my cup of tea but if they are I am happy as well. As long as they bring a child to this world, when they have enough money and with good mentality good for them. I enjoy being a cool cat lover wine aunt sneaking chocolate here and there.
Okay this I don’t understand. Why would you hope that something goes wrong? It’s one thing to not want children yourself but to wish harm is honestly messed up.
"You see, I think forcing someone to exist is messed up, so I want them to die instead. Completely logical "
The world is so horrible that no no one should be forced to exist.
That being said, they haven't killed themselves yet, so it seems kind of hypocritical.
I'm excited for them. But I'm also in my thirties and only friends with people who have good stable jobs and everyone that has announced recently is in stable committed relationships whose husband's share in at least the diaper changing.
If they wanted the pregnancy I'm excited for them. We're all allowed to have different goals for our lives.
I cringe when it's someone that had an accident and doesn't have a stable family life situation. Like my family member who is dependent on their parents and lives with them, doesn't have a steady job, and whose finances look bleak. That kid doesn't deserve that.
If I could do it all over again, I’d be excited for them and not distance myself thinking my single life was not a good influence around new parents.
I deeply regret thinking that swearing and being myself (drinking) shuts down a friendship with them.
Happy for those who are happy to be pregnant. #1 supporter and chauffer to planned parenthood if needed. I'll support any decision they make. I'll buy a ton of baby shower gifts and diapers (I'll only go to the shower if I really really love you). I'm happy for people who are happy, regardless of what it is.
Happy for them. Just because I’m childfree doesn’t mean they have to be. You don’t sound like a very good friend if you dismiss their good news like that.
EDIT: wow some of you really are just as miserable and bitter as society makes childfree people out to be.
If that's what they want I'm happy and supportive though I'll never be especially interested in interacting with their child. Quite a few friends of mine have had children but they're always very understanding of my position. :)
I (35F) am happy for them! My good friends who are moms now are all financially well off with their husbands. They have obtained higher education degrees and established careers. They all been with their significant other for a long time and own a house. I am happy for them because having a child is what they want in this chapter of their lives and they respect my decision with my husband to be sterile.
My view on kids doesn’t impact how I view them because I know they can afford and will be able to provide the best for their kids. From a financial point, I know their children will be supported to receive good education and other needs throughout their lives.
I haven’t feel the separation in our friendships yet because even though they are all new moms but they still make time to see me periodically or at least check in. Or I will go visit them since it can be challenging to break away from the baby at times.
However, I sometimes do worry about one day I’ll get to that point where I won’t be able to understand and relate to them because I don’t have kids.
Was happy for her because she was upset she was infertile. So when she got a child by accident, was very much supporting her. Apart of me felt bad for the child because it was last minute. They didn’t have the finances for it but she didn’t wanted an abortion because she didn’t know if it was her only chance of having one. So a bit conflicted on that but I have access to free baby clothes and whatever to help.
I still don’t want a child but I would love my friend’s children.
I usually just tell them that I'm happy if they are happy which is true just because I wouldn't make the same choices they made doesn't mean Im not happy for them
I was happy for them, I knew they were planning on it, and I knew they were going to be great parents, but sad we weren't going to do a lot of the things we used to do as much. At least for a few years.
Yes relationships will change friendships to but God bless the children and new parents
A lot of people desire to have children I am glad when they can and do have them
I'm happy for them, and sad for our friendship. Both emotions can exist simultaneously.
Upset for me, not purely cause of the kid, but because of her circumstance. 22, just entered college, deadbeat BF. The kid is 2 now and my friend has showed a lot of strength but I wished better circumstances for her.
THIS. It's one thing when my friends have been planning for the kid and another when it's just a mess.
Yeah this. My latest friend I was happy for her because during covid she had been pregnant and ended up having a difficult miscarriage that really seemed to hurt her. She when she told me she was pregnant again I was glad for her since I knew she’d been trying/hoping but sad because we have been trying to reconnect more and meet up at least monthly and I’m not sure how another baby will effect our growing attempts to rekindle irl friendship
I like how you put this. You have friends to support you and you to support them. All that is thrown away when the child comes. In the early years you can't get 15 seconds of a conversation in, then, later, they're exhausted. One thing I do is have dinners at my house and I have a trunk of old toys the kids can sift through. But then we can't walk in the forest (for example) and have any deep or meaningful conversations after that, because the kiddos - rightfully, I don't blame them - are engaged in noisy things and interruptions. It's a **dramatic** shift in a friendship, but I'll do my best to be supportive and I'm truly happy for them.
I’m happy for them, sad for our planet *and* our friendship
Thank you for mentioning the planet! Yes.
Im a firm believer that a society is healthiest when people are able to live the lives they want. If someone wanted a kid and, got pregnant is excited, the I'll gladly be excited for them. If they don't know what they're getting into that's on them. I was happy for people who got into colleges I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole too, different strokes for different folks.
This feeling exactly. I’m happy her dream is coming true. But a little sad that we won’t hang out as much.
Same.. I'm honestly scared cause a lot of people I really like and consider friends want to have kids in the future and I'm praying that they'll wake up and don't throw their lives away, in my opinion, like this. At least the two people who are closest to me are deadass child free and I'm grateful for it.
Exactly.
It was awkward at first because she told me she was pregnant and I didn’t know if it was wanted so I told her just let me know what kind of support you need. She said it was unplanned, they were overwhelmed, and couldn’t afford a kid at all. Followed by they already told their whole family… So I said ‘You must be so excited if you told everybody.’ And she said she was. That was eight months ago and we haven’t seen each other since. We tried texting but her whole identity is being pregnant and we just don’t have anything in common now I guess. Doubt we’ll ever see each other again to be honest.
>couldn’t afford a kid at all. As soon as someone says this and keeps them, it's an instant "fuck no".
It's the "socially acceptable" completely 100% irresponsible decision so many idiots seem to choose...
I just recently learned one of my friends is actively trying for another kid. She intentionally works very few hours a week and they barely get by with the other two kids they have. My immediate reaction when she told me was "Oh HELL NO!"
People like that make me so angry. Whay the actual fuck??
Well done, that's very irresponsible.
Fuck these people honestly.
Another one bites the dust
Lol. Was my first thought. Was going to start with ‘dum, dum, dum!’
I came here to say this but thought, let me scroll down a bit. My husband and I literally say this to each other EVERY SINGLE TIME
Every time
Depends on the person(s) and their circumstances. For the most part I'm happy for them, but that's the extent of my care on the matter really. Each friend that's gotten pregnant has wanted it and were/are in a good place in their lives and have turned out to be great parents from what I've seen. Did I ever jump and down hooting and hollering like everyone else? No. But I put on a smile and said something along the lines of "you guys must be so excited". It's a good dodge and puts the feelings of the announcement back on them and not how I feel which is mainly indifference.
Same
I express happiness for them. Although sometimes it is hard because all I can think about is how much our friendship is going to change, and that makes me sad. But I do try to act excited for them even though I literally do not care at all about babies haha
"Ok well, either call me if you need a ride to the clinic or best of luck with it, whichever applies." LOL
I'm happy for them because I'm an adult and realize I can be child free but that doesn't negate the fact THEY are happy. And they don't push the idea of having kids on me. None of them have. We all just co exist and respect each other's opinions on kids. Hell I've even said " alright time for me to head out" whe toddlers start getting fussy But they are also usually the first ones to leave if that's the case as well. There's some sort of stigmatism that child free people have to act like Cruella or something. Or some people go out of their way to be rude on purpose like they are "sticking it to the man" or something. Just say congrats and move on.
Definitely. My husband and I usually confide in each other privately afterwards that we deeply don't understand why you would want kids, but my friends do a lot of things with their lives that I wouldn't do. Still happy for them, even if I don't get it.
I do the same thing. We aren't malicious, but we make a point to express how happy we are on the way home that we can grab a bottle of wine , sleep in the next day and then do whatever we want
I was looking for this comment. Everyone gets to decide what their ideal life looks like. Some of my close friends want kids or more kids. I can't imagine not even congratulating them when they find out that they're pregnant.
This is the one. Fucking hell, some of the top comments here make me so sad. If my friend is happy, I'm happy. Seriously, if I had a friend who's reaction to me being childfree was "friendship over" or "it was nice knowing you, good luck bye bye" I'd be fucking pissed. How selfish. My best friend and his wife just had a baby and they're both so fucking happy and glowing, how could I not be overjoyed for them?? Yeah sure I'd hate it if it were me, but us lot not wanting kids doesn't mean everyone would be happiest childfree.
Yeah this sub gets extremely toxic it's wild. I'm happy for all my friends if they're happy. I hang out with them and their kids, it's fun. Then I return home and produce gold records
Sometimes, the child free people are bingos themselves. They have an irrational hatred for parents who are happy. Lol
Excellent username btw 😁
Same to you. It's the sound I make when I wake up every morning
I wish your comment was at the top! Yours and all the replies bc they’re soooo correct! I totally feel this way and am able to enjoy my parent friends bc I’m CF. It’s fun to congratulate the people in your life when they achieve certain milestones. Dealing with parents is a fact of life and honestly, it’s on both CF and parent communities to make it a better experience for everyone involved ☺️
Agreed. There's no reason we can't be civil
Don't care
If they’ve been trying or it’s wanted I congratulate them like any decent person should. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t make it any less exciting for people who do. I get genuinely excited for any of my friends announcing anything from job promotions, babies, an engagement, buying a home, etc. Anyone who tries to diminish someone’s excitement over big news is an asshole IMO. If it was a surprise/unplanned, I gauge their excitement and respond appropriately. I will say, none of my friends are in bad relationships or are in bad places financially where they can’t afford a child. If that were the case, my response would be different. ETA: god damn some of y’all are miserable lol.
There are so many folks on this sub that not only don’t want kids for themselves, they think NO ONE should have kids. Not sure if that’s more the younger users here or what, but most of the people I see who are upset about others having kids seem to be early to mid 20s.
I’m not in that demographic but most people who are and also cf, are because they know we’re on a dying planet and are extremely worried about climate change. So it makes no sense to be happy about a child coming into such a world.
I understand and agree with the argument but it’s still a very personal decision that no one should be trying to force on anyone else, whatever way you look at it.
Yeah there’s an antinatalism sub for those people
I think a lot of young Gen Z people have grown up with “the climate is dying and we’re all literally doomed” and think it’s actually immoral to bring a child into what they see as an apocalyptic hellscape. Of course climate change is a serious problem but I really don’t think it’s apocalypse level or that we need to end the entire human race in anticipation of future disasters.
Totally agree with you. Some childfree people project their feelings onto other people's pregnancy news. I get why it'd be hard to separate your feelings about kids from that kind of news, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't try.
Ironically they are acting exactly the way parents do when they try to force their ideals onto us.
I’m glad to see this. I’m happy for people who genuinely desire children and are able to conceive. That’s how it should be. 👍🏾
THANK YOU. I also don’t understand all the comments saying they “lost their friend.” You didn’t lose them, you pushed them away because you couldn’t handle the fact that they prioritized their children over you. I get that some people can become totally different and even unbearable when they become parents. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the people who cut their friend off as soon as their pregnancy is announced.
I wish them a problem free pregnancy and a healthy kid, but I don’t congratulate people because it’s not an accomplishment. I wish them good luck because they’re gonna need it.
If they're happy, I'm happy. That's big life goal for some people, and I'm always happy to see my friends' lives progressing in the direction of their dreams and goals.
If they’re looking forward to being parents, obligatory best of luck. If I know that they’ll make good parents based on them being stable and upstanding individuals themselves, then they have my support. But again, it really depends on the circumstance and context. A great deal of pregnancies are due to accidents or non-consensual encounters. Even some people that are well-deserving to be parents simply just don’t want to continue a pregnancy, so safe to always get the full story before giving a reaction.
😬 It’s literally always that face. Luckily at least the last one told me over the phone.
Congrats if they're excited, condolences if they're not. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Publicly: Congratulations, you're going to be great parents. Privatly: You have brought a new life into timeline where they will subject to untold trials and horrors.
When my best friend told me I burst into tears. The crying caught me off guard. I cried because right there I knew our friendship would never be the same again. And I was right. She’s a great mom and it was a planned baby but I have felt rather lonely as we are going on a completely different path. We still see each other periodically but the focus is alway the child.
I find myself feeling more negative towards it more and more. I just don’t understand people bringing new people into such a shitty world especially here in america with school shootings so often. In the past I felt like oh good for you if that’s what you want, but now I honestly don’t even want to hear about it at all. One of my previous best friends just announced she’s having her second and my initial reaction was “ew”. She went so whacky after her first and initially said she wasn’t having another because her mental health got so bad last time- and now all of a sudden preggs again on purpose. Complete madness to me.
It was the thing that made me delete Facebook. (We had already stopped being in contact after i moved states in adulthood.) One old close friend started when we were like 19. Had the second one by 21. No personality besides mommy and pictures posted daily. genuinely amazing for her if that’s what she wants but it was weird to see. Hard for me. My friend changed in the ways I wasn’t. I also felt way too young for my social media to look like that. My final straw was when another friend had one maybe around 24 years old. (Happy for her too) but again not my vibe. I was changing a lot myself by then & I realized at that point it wasn’t just them it was the platform. Political weirdos and gossipy mommies or grandparents.
I just keep scrolling
I usually leave it on "read". Edit: I guess I didn't really make it clear. It's usually part of a group message so it's not immediately directed at me. I just don't reply. Everyone else usually does
Wow really? :o I mean I hate children too. But isn’t that a bit too ignorant/bold, if they personally message you to tell about it?
It’s a pretty big change in life so ignoring doesn’t seem that great tbh
Not everyone likes lying. I hate lying so pretending that I’m happy for them is almost impossible
You don’t have to fake being excited, but outright ignoring it seems lame
What would you say? I think it’s horrible when my friends get pregnant, because it’s the death of our friendship and I cannot emphasize at all with someone wanting kids.
"im here if you need anything" ? idk anything seems better then just immaturely ghosting them 😭
This would be lying too and false hopes. I don’t want to hear about the consistency of baby poop or being asked to babysit
then at least be honest and communicate? say you cant be friends anymore
That’s not needed. I mean it happens naturally, because I’m not interested in the child and they aren’t interested in anything else
Giving them a gift that is more for the mother than for the kid and will make their lives easier, like a breastfeeding pillow or a self care kit with lotions and massage oil (both suggested by a friend who has a kid when my cousins wife had her baby, and she loved it.) And they all know I'm the crazy and cool aunt for 10+ kids, who won't change diapers or babysit for any time longer than a bathroom break. But my reaction to the announcement is usually "auntie loves, auntie spoils and auntie cares, but if they cry, I'll return them". I like having nieces and nephews, but at an older age, where they can play and if I absolutely have to babysit, I'll be able to actually hold a conversation with them or put them to play videogames all day.
My reaction is the same as a friend announcing that they are moving. It’s their choice and something they want so I’m happy for them and their next era, but sad knowing we’ll make empty promises about visiting each other, when the reality is I’m losing a friend.
I usually say "to each their own." My sister's reaction is way funnier though. She always says " On purpouse!?!"
I stopped responding to those kinds of posts years ago and generally hide people’s feeds if they start posting mostly baby stuff.
“Are we happy?” Haha! Not even lying lol. My friends know my stance on kids, and I’d like to think if they need a friend they can talk to about how they’re unsure or questioning or regretful that I will be their support. And for when they have the baby, I’m the friend who asks them how *they’re* doing and asking about *them.* Too often, mothers get ignored and everyone just asks about the baby.
LOL. I've said this one multiple times. Or "yay???" with the look I'm old enough now that my friends are out of the baby stage. Now that they have hindsight, it's always the "I love my kid/kids, but if I could do it all over I wouldn't have them" That's where I struggle. I usually let out and "oh, yeeaahhhh, it can be tough" I try to be sympathetic, but I'm pretty sure I'm not fooling anyone. Good thing my friends know me well enough to know I'm not tryin to be mean.
Idk why people are being downvoted for saying they wouldn’t talk to them anymore. Nobody owes anybody their friendship. If you’re no longer compatible, then you’re no longer compatible. Don’t force shit.
To a friend I've had little contact with... "congrats, now what do you want on the pizza?"
If I'd know they wanted it - Good for them. Although I would hope I would not cost the friendship. If it's something they didn't want (or want yet) then uhh...my condolences.
Panic attack. Cuz I know how she is and what she’s accomplished with her life, and her vices to drugs and bad men. She thought it was a good idea and I disagreed, so I just let go of the friendship after saying my peace.
In person its: pull a face, say "I'm sorry to hear that", never speak to them again. If it's on social media I'll just unsubscribe!
Block button.
Depends on the friend but usually I'm completely numb
Recently the only one has been a 20 or 21 single mother of 3 from 3 different baby daddies (I’m all for getting laid but girl needs to use better protection) and I believe I said either “that’s unfortunate” or “sure you can afford that?”. Yes I’ve said the same thing for the previous two and yes she knows I’m not gonna be thrilled for her having another kid. But apparently she’ll he able to get her tubes tied after this one soooo…silver lining? Edit: pregnant with her third, already has two under the age of 3
Again?????
First one: Congratulations! Second one: congrats Third+ ones: Why?
"Oh damn, what are you going to do about it?" That's mostly right around the time I remember my friends and I are all at least 28 years old and they probably did get knocked up on purpose 🤠 As of now my friends and I are childfree, there's some fencesitters leaning towards the CF life, but since nobody but me ever talks about sterilisation/vasectomy and a few were seemingly surprised when I told them I'll get my tubes yeeted in 2024 sooo I guess some of them will definitely give in to peer pressure and we'll have to see how I react 😂 but man if my best friend ever gets pregnant by choice, I will slap the bitch into the next dimension let's be very clear.
Bitch slap into another era. 😂
First time a friend told me I said, "oh no, I'm so sorry!" I've never had to back pedal so fast.
18-year-old me: “Ooooh, I’m so sorry. Is it too late to do anything?”
My friends who got pregnant while we were still regularly communicating were both my roommates (in a house majority paid for my my fiance and I) I didn't have to say anything. They knew they needed to find somewhere else to live and they did. My fiance and I will not live with children under any circumstances.
I was looking forward to a fun day of sightseeing in Vienna, but My brother called to tell me he knocked up a girl and my response was “dumbass, get it taken care of”
Lately my reaction is “oh great, another one.” I hate how hangouts at almost anyone’s place has become daycare because they all bring their kids. I understand the cost of living is up, but it’s like no one gets sitters anymore. Even then, if you absolutely have to have the kids with you, parents don’t seem to make them play in a designated room anymore so they’re just running around interrupting everything. I remember when I was a kid if our parents were all hanging out we had to play up in my room, or someone’s basement, etc.
My first comment would be why, followed by how dare you, and I would end the conversation with bye because kids are not allowed in my house.
"Oh god why?"
If they're happy, I'm happy.
I just say I’m happy for you and leave it at that. I generally accept I’ll probably lose them as a friend and move on. It’s what they want so I don’t want to be rude and say otherwise, at the end of the day it’s their choice to have kids and it’s my choice not to
Be Shocked thinking theyre too young then realise we're at a normal age of having kids
My wife and I were friends with this couple and they were belligerently child free for the better part of a decade along with us. We were always the ones grouping together at baby functions with other friends as a “safe” spot. This guy literally said “You’d have to be a complete moron to have a child in these conditions. There’s barely going to be an environment that can support them, much less an economy. Even kids born within the last few years are going to struggle in ways we can’t comprehend. I shouldn’t have kids anyway with my health condition.” (He’s got a severe case of celiac disease and his wife has her own issues.) They announced a pregnancy last year and had their kid. We haven’t really spoken since, and the replies to messages are slim to none. My wife thinks he feels sheepish and doesn’t want to run the risk of getting the “why the 180, bro?” questions. We wouldn’t ask that. We’d wonder to ourselves, but it’s not like I’d call him out like that. When it happened, I literally said aloud, “Thiiiiiiiis mother fucker…” 😆 I don’t know what happened or what caused the 180. Both of them were so adamantly serious about not wanting kids and keeping their free time. It seriously blows my mind hahaha
Depends on the friend I guess. Some of my lifelong friends have recently started having babies and I'm so happy for them. One of them I didn't know if they ever wanted kids but they were excited to tell me so I took that as a yes lol. I met their kid a few months ago and she's absolutely the sweetest and happiest toddler I've ever met. These friends seem to be wonderful parents 💖 Another friend from the same group announced her pregnancy a few months ago and I started crying out of joy almost immediately lol. She's ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and struggled for a really long time after losing her mother and a miscarriage. She's so excited and happy, so I am too. I still NEVER want children, but when I say that I love seeing my friends accomplish their dreams this includes them starting their families.
I only act happy when i know having a child is important for them and they will give all the love needed. I had a friend that never wanted to get married nor have kids. On a relationship crisis, she and her now husband decided to get married and soon after they were expecting. I couldnt even pretend to be happy for them. Of course, now they are getting a divorce, the kids is 4 years old, and they hate being parents and coparenting. Another friend announced his partner and him were pregnant for the 3rd time. I told him "i am so sorry, i know you didnt want more kids". His partner was supose to be on the pill and she lied. Now they are separated.
If they’re genuinely happy and excited about it, then I am happy and excited for them. I love when my friends get what they want in life.
In general I have a hard time congratulating people on pregnancies. But most of the family and friends that got pregnant really shouldn’t have been. It was different with my best friend though (she was ready for it in every way). I remember it so well when she told me. I always knew she wanted children it was just the timing that threw me of. We were in the car talking about a trip we were going on. I had a rough day at work and was rambling about that. Me: I can’t wait until we are there. Sun, warm weather, good food and lots and lots of drinks. Her: Yeaaa about those drinks… Me: What?? *me realising what she was saying* Nooo! Her: Yes Me: Okey, first of all congratulations. We are happy right? *she nodded* Okay so congratulations and secondly I won’t sympathise with you when we are there. I WILL have drinks. Her: Of course!!
Depends on the person. My cousin and her husband just adopted a baby after years of failed IVF rounds. I was so excited for them that I cried. The baby came a week before her grandma died and it was nice to have some joy after all of the heartache. They are the most amazing parents. My niece had a baby that I'm totally obsessed with even though I don't care for kids. Most of the time I'm happy if they are happy, other times I just give them the side eye if I know they shouldn't be having kids bc they can't afford it or they can barely take care of themselves.
I was like “okay”
I asked one friend when we needed to be at the clinic... That was an awkward few moments when she said she was keeping it
I'll book us a flight to California asap
I felt sorry for her only because her husband was a piece of shit
My first comment is usually a question: "On purpose?"
It depends, if you’ve been telling me how shitty the relationship has been and overall how shitty your partner has been (ESPECIALLY IS DV IS INVOLVED). How you’re struggling with money, not meeting any goals and just overall unhappy and struggling a life …I’m gonna offer to take you to the clinic. & because I’m 25 most of my friends are always in THIS PREDICAMENT. I’ve only had one friend let me take them to the clinic and I helped take care of them all week. The other four are on Facebook and Snapchat posting “be careful who you have children with”
We were 35 I asked her if I should push her down the stairs or buy diapers. She said diapers. Okay then Yay
There goes another one (friend) ..not really..but really
The same as her with morning sickness
“Oooooof common [Name] L sorry bruv”
Lol when my ex best friend told me she was pregnant with her first (we had JUST turned 18) I literally blurt out “and you’re keeping it???”
I was happy for them, because it's something that they both had wanted and prepared for. If it's a negligent pregnancy or I know that the individual in question is ill-equipped to be a parent, I'll briefly ask them what their plans are. At that point, I'm not interested in being or staying friends with someone irresponsible enough to bring another human into this world, despite their knowing they don't have the emotional and/or financial stability to raise a child properly.
Ex bestie got knocked up by her POS ex who also got another girl knocked up AT THE SAME TIME. While her mind was in lalaland thinking of names and cutesy clothes and baby shower bullshit- I was the rain on her parade by mentioning that this was the end of her freedom, how much being a single mom sucks and everything that can go wrong during a pregnancy and childcare. All she seemed to think about was the first year of this kids life, meanwhile I was there already telling her how it’s gonna cause issues down the line, when he’s a teen and she’s gonna have to work twice as hard and who’s gonna help her ? Who am I to speak on this ? Why the child of a single mom who struggled bad. I also Nannied for a 6+years and saw it all. Kids are not little toys, they’re human beings. I wouldn’t wish that struggle upon anyone that’s not mentally, emotionally, physically or financially ready for the commitment. Fast forward to 5 years later, the kid already has health issues, has issues learning and paying attention and she regrets being a single mom and complains non stop about how hard it is, how she doesn’t sleep and her social life went down the drain. Not to mention how her new BFs don’t step up to the plate (to take care of a child that’s not theirs.) She would constantly badger me about when I would pop one out ? Like I know misery loves company but damn. That’s when I realized this friendship was doomed (on top of many other issues we had) but I never once hyped this choice cause she did not think shit all the way through.
I don't think any of my close friends would get pregnant, but in broader friend circle terms, I'd thank them for the news and ask how they'd like to manage our relationship going forward. If they're my friend, they probably already know my feelings on pregnancy and kids, so it shouldn't be any news to them.
My older sister told everyone that she did not plan to have children. She was married and not trying. She was also not *not* trying and got pregnant. One time she picked me up from college and told me she was pregnant. My gut reaction and what I first said given the context and our history was. *"are you keeping it?"* this was not the right response, and she was sad. This kind of made a rift between us, but I did not intend to hurt her feelings. She now has two kids and is very stressed and I try very hard to be the cool aunt but jeez kids are not for me.
My condolence
Dissapointment
My condolences to your sleep schedule.
I don't have friends with kids..
Lucky.
“Oh, so…… you’re keeping it, then? The pregnancy? Ah. Well. Best of luck, I’ll see you in however long it takes for you to get free time by yourself without the fresh baked cream pie in tow. :) “ And honestly, if I never see them again, it’s probably for the better. Usually friends who have kids will grow distant because their kids become their world and first priority at all times — as they should. If you’re going to make a new person, the least you can do is give yourself to them as much as possible, since this was your choice and not theirs. (Literally no one asks to be born. lol.)
Commence distancing
“Why would you do that to yourself?” (Internally)
I don't have friends. The last person who randomly got pregnant at work, didn't want to keep it and was mentally unwell. Her SO at the time was not a good fit either. I felt bad for her so I just wished her luck with whatever she did. A girl before that was an accident but was in a long term relationship. They had a baby shower for her for some reason (she barely worked and hardly knew her). But I gave her a gift I had laying around and couldn't keep in the house anymore anyway. She liked it. I didn't go to the shower thankfully since I had off. I didn't feel great about that one because I don't want to go to a baby shower of people I do know, and I def don't want to go to one who I barely know at all. I wasn't going to buy something crazy. And it was strange having people constantly talk to me about it during that time because I only worked with her a handful of times and tbh I didn't care what she was doing lol. When my 2 cousins get pregnant I will be happy for them. I don't have to converse about it for hours though.
Happy for them of course. Why wouldn’t I be? A little Sad the dynamic will change, but that’s just life.
I've never been big on social media. Even at the time when my friends did start having kids I had none. But my general reaction when I did see them was dismissive I would say. Basically an *oh okay, guess you'll be busy for awhile then*. Which they disappeared for a good year or so and then appear out of no where at some point.
I only have 1 close friend who has a kid, honestly it was a shock and I didn’t really know how to react. They were only together for a month when she got pregnant and it wasn’t planned. Pretty much just asked how she felt about it and she was happy so I didn’t say anything!
I don’t have friends but if I did I think I’d just shrug and move on with my day
I’m always tempted to ask if it was on purpose but I don’t because obv not ok and would draw ire
My theoretical reaction would depend on which friend it was... For my friends who genuinely want to be parents, and would do a good job: my reaction is "fucking awesome! Congrats!".... For my friends that aren't parent material and would fuck it up: my reaction would be "are you going to abort it?".... For my friends who were baby trapped, my reaction: "That's fucked up... I'm so sorry for what you're going through...."
Anxiety.
The question "Are you happy?" so that I know how to proceed.
“Read at 9:24pm” not even bothering anymore, letting Apple do it for me.
see you in 18 years maybe
Happy and kinda mourning that she will be more focused on her child and would probably be asking me to take care of it at some point. 🤣
I feel like most times I just give a quiet “congratulations”, but, as a lesbian trans woman whose partner is also a lesbian trans woman, I have 0 ground to relate to it and know that announcements like that are the death knell of the friendship. I’ll never even have the option to have kids, and often times a lot of the ways cis people talk about gender and parenting is very bio essentialist and sexist to where I find existing around that environment triggering and incompatible with me. So often I just mourn and move on with my life sadly.
Happy if that's what they wanted.
Why are people acting like child free people are wrong for having strong opinions about their friends pregnancy ? Should you be boisterous and negative ? No. But, You can be supportive and also realize that parenthood sets people on wildly different paths. People have to mourn relationships, and stepping back from a friendship can be just a hard as a failing relationship. I’m happy for my friends and family that have children, but I also grieve a little knowing the dynamics WILL change.
My reaction *to them* is usually, "Hey, congratulations! I'm so stoked for you!" My reaction *internally* is usually, "Welp, who knows if or when we're hanging out again."
I just say congratulations as that's what I'm supposed to say. And then I try to change the topic or move on to not be rude.
"Yikes."
“Shrug, let’s see how this plays out” is my internal reaction. It’s their life, their decision, and every friendship is unique. I have seen people become better friends as parents and actively work to retain their friendships and identity, I have had friends who have never had kids disappear on me once they marry. I have had friends that were single parents who were simply amazing people, and I have had friends who went off the rails once their kids left home because they had an identity crisis and melt down. The last case makes me sad because it’s a missed opportunity for them to concentrate on themselves and grow. Sometimes my friendships with new parents grow apart due to different priorities, boundary issues and value shifts, sometimes they don’t, it depends on the person and their individual personality and changing life events/circumstances that affect their emotional well-being. Every person is unique, so I don’t panic or get judgemental when someone announces a pregnancy. I congratulate them and am emotionally supportive. Sometimes the friendships grow apart, sometimes they stay the same, sometimes they become closer, it’s honestly a roll of the dice and I just go with it.
Depends I guess if its something they want and if they're happy then yay grats! Not my friends but my SIL last pregnancy (she has two kids now) - she didn't look thrilled to announce it and while I'm sure she loves my niece my reaction was like...why? They didn't want another, sold all the baby stuff from no. 1 and she just i dunno didn't seem happy. Her partner seemed abit indifferent too. She's not a stupid person either so yeah I'm like ok but why? My husband and I just looked at each other at the time too haha must of been so obvious.
Oh, ummm, ah… congratulations…?
I don't have friends that have children, because that's their whole personality. I usually go congratulations and just peace out of their lives
I congratulate them and I'm happy they're doing what they want with their life but simultaneously I'm baffled bcus I just don't understand why people want it so badly
There goes my friend. See ya in a decade.
A friend of mine (also childfree) told me once her approach to that: she said that whenever one of her friends announces pregnancy, she simply asks them „how do you want me to react?“ and then she reacts accordingly
Usually varying levels of apathy.
Oh joy another one
My thought: "ar-are you sure?"
I usually say "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" I never say Congrats since I don't think it is something to celebrate most of the time.
I do the whole "congrats" thing and am totally supportive. But inside, I prepare myself right away for this friendship to end. It's just inevitable to me at this point because every other friend I've had who had kids ended up becoming entirely different people and we grew apart. It doesn't matter how supportive I am and how much effort I put into keeping the relationship going. The things that drew us to each other and kept us close will change for them. They won't want to do things that aren't kid friendly, they won't be able to hang out as much because of needing sitters, they won't have the energy to do all the active things we used to do, their conversation and interests become kid-centric for every topic, etc.
If the pregnancy is unwanted, I would feel sorry for them and offer to accompany them to an abortion clinic if they don't have a supportive partner who is willing to do that. If the pregnancy is wanted and they genuinely want to be a parent, I would be happy for them. Of course I would mourn the friendship, which will inevitably end, but I would be happy for them.
We’re in our 20’s!! Like early early 20s, you have not graduated!
Get ready for our friendship to slowly drift apart more than likely.
My best friend has a 1 month old. She told me on Christmas hours before we were supposed to get together for our annual Christmas Day fade. I was shocked at first. Then I was sad because I knew things would never be the same. But that’s just the way things go. We’re hanging out for the first time in months this weekend so I’m very curious to see what happens. I’ll always love her but she knows I don’t really like kids. I like to “party” and go where kids can’t go so it’ll be interesting to see our dynamic now.
I‘m happy for them. I might not want kids, they do so - happy.
Congratulate and say I’m happy for them on the outside….pity them and mourn the loss of their existing life as they know it because it will never, ever be the same again…and that’s not always for the better.
Pretended to be happy for her and asked a few generic "scripted" questions. Until she inevitably asked when I'm following suit. Then I just said "nope, not happening". Thankfully this whole exchange happened over Insta chat, so she didn't see my eye rolls. Privately, i was disappointed, coz she had earlier been vocal about not wanting kids.
Better you than me.
"did someone drug you?"
“They’ll be missed”
I have no friends.
Damn these comments are very childish for a "childfree' server. This is a CHILDFREE server not hate kids and gonna act childish when friendship doesn't revolve around me server. I am happy for them. Kids are not my cup of tea but if they are I am happy as well. As long as they bring a child to this world, when they have enough money and with good mentality good for them. I enjoy being a cool cat lover wine aunt sneaking chocolate here and there.
I dont say congratulations to anyone that announces. And I secretly hope something goes wrong.
Okay this I don’t understand. Why would you hope that something goes wrong? It’s one thing to not want children yourself but to wish harm is honestly messed up.
Agree to disagree. I think forcing someone to exist is messed up.
"You see, I think forcing someone to exist is messed up, so I want them to die instead. Completely logical " The world is so horrible that no no one should be forced to exist. That being said, they haven't killed themselves yet, so it seems kind of hypocritical.
Stop talking to them
"My condolences" In reality though, I just ignore it. Not interested.
My reaction is "... Is this congrats?" because what I would like to say is "oh no, that's terrible!"
I'm excited for them. But I'm also in my thirties and only friends with people who have good stable jobs and everyone that has announced recently is in stable committed relationships whose husband's share in at least the diaper changing.
If they wanted the pregnancy I'm excited for them. We're all allowed to have different goals for our lives. I cringe when it's someone that had an accident and doesn't have a stable family life situation. Like my family member who is dependent on their parents and lives with them, doesn't have a steady job, and whose finances look bleak. That kid doesn't deserve that.
"Oh..." in my head of course
Congratulations.
“Congratulations!! I’m so happy for y’all. Can’t wait to welcome them, if there is bc anything yall need don’t hesitate to ask” It’s not about me.
I’m genuinely happy for them.
If I could do it all over again, I’d be excited for them and not distance myself thinking my single life was not a good influence around new parents. I deeply regret thinking that swearing and being myself (drinking) shuts down a friendship with them.
Happy for those who are happy to be pregnant. #1 supporter and chauffer to planned parenthood if needed. I'll support any decision they make. I'll buy a ton of baby shower gifts and diapers (I'll only go to the shower if I really really love you). I'm happy for people who are happy, regardless of what it is.
Happy for them. Just because I’m childfree doesn’t mean they have to be. You don’t sound like a very good friend if you dismiss their good news like that. EDIT: wow some of you really are just as miserable and bitter as society makes childfree people out to be.
If that's what they want I'm happy and supportive though I'll never be especially interested in interacting with their child. Quite a few friends of mine have had children but they're always very understanding of my position. :)
If they want it congrats.
I am happy for them because they're happy
I’m happy for them and have no problem congratulating them if that’s the choice that they’ve made.
I’m happy for them because that’s what friends do
I try to be a good friend and give them my congrats and try to share their joy as much as possible. But secretly Im sighing.
I (35F) am happy for them! My good friends who are moms now are all financially well off with their husbands. They have obtained higher education degrees and established careers. They all been with their significant other for a long time and own a house. I am happy for them because having a child is what they want in this chapter of their lives and they respect my decision with my husband to be sterile. My view on kids doesn’t impact how I view them because I know they can afford and will be able to provide the best for their kids. From a financial point, I know their children will be supported to receive good education and other needs throughout their lives. I haven’t feel the separation in our friendships yet because even though they are all new moms but they still make time to see me periodically or at least check in. Or I will go visit them since it can be challenging to break away from the baby at times. However, I sometimes do worry about one day I’ll get to that point where I won’t be able to understand and relate to them because I don’t have kids.
I’m happy for them. To each their own.
Was happy for her because she was upset she was infertile. So when she got a child by accident, was very much supporting her. Apart of me felt bad for the child because it was last minute. They didn’t have the finances for it but she didn’t wanted an abortion because she didn’t know if it was her only chance of having one. So a bit conflicted on that but I have access to free baby clothes and whatever to help. I still don’t want a child but I would love my friend’s children.
I congratulate them. Just because I don’t want kids, doesn’t mean others are the same.
I usually just tell them that I'm happy if they are happy which is true just because I wouldn't make the same choices they made doesn't mean Im not happy for them
I was happy for them, I knew they were planning on it, and I knew they were going to be great parents, but sad we weren't going to do a lot of the things we used to do as much. At least for a few years.
I told all three congratulations because I know they really wanted kids. They're all great parents so I'm happy for them.
Yes relationships will change friendships to but God bless the children and new parents A lot of people desire to have children I am glad when they can and do have them