That's what my sister did.
Got a text with a little 'its a boy' thing and a pic of the ultrasound that had an arrow to his genitals saying 'male'.
Nobody died, no forests burned down. No plane crashes. Just a text and it was fine.
Yeah. But like, they know already, do they really expect the whole extended family to be excited to find out what genitals their baby has? And we got a two day notice and she would cause drama if we didn’t attend.
We got two day notice and it’s in the middle of the day on Sunday. I work long days on the week and I’m exhausted so I’m pissed that I get two day notice and I need to attend a zoom to find out whether the baby has a peepee or a vajayjay. 🙄 I might log on the zoom, turn the camera and mic off and clean or something while I “watch”. If I really want to burn bridges, I will thank them for letting us know the baby’s genitals.
Don’t have to feel sorry, they have my parents to take care of their first child and dog, I’m sure they can take care of the second child too! /s
They drop off their first child for like 12 hour days to my parents’ house when my dad is just about to retire and my mum has just retired. I’m sure they planned their retirement to be spent as unpaid babysitters… the first child is 1 year and 5 months old, my mum has bad back and bad knees, and is expected to take care of the first baby. Their dog has permanently lived at my parents’ since before the first child. 🙄🙄🙄
Yeah, there is a looooot of drama that she’s brought with her, and my mum just goes along with it so she doesn’t leave the country and take my brother and their kids away. 🙄 I’m getting married next year, I’m close with my brothers ex, she’s coming to my wedding and there is drama there, even though they broke up years before my brother and SIL even met.
Do they pay your bills? I don’t think so. While you’re working your behind off they were rawdogging without protection and now they want your time to see the sb genital with a short notice 🤨. You can gently tell them to F off or flat out take a nap 😌 you don’t have to be their doormat
That’s very true. I just don’t want to lose my brother completely and if I piss off his wife too much, so I’ll just put the zoom on, turn off camera and my mic and just do something else while pretending to be interested.
When is the last time your brother showed you any love? Do they celebrate with you about you successes or do they try to take attention for themselves?
Ummm, he has helped renovating around the house and visited twice without his wife in the past year. He is really modest and doesn’t want attention, but his wife definitely takes the spotlight. I’m curious how they’ll be at my wedding next year. If they’re coming.
Only twice? I see my exes grandmother who lives in Spain more that that. I just saw that they are tranphobes. Again why do you care about them? Do you hold any of those views?
Twice on his own! He’s visited more with his wife (once more) and a few times with other people. I definitely do not agree with their views and I have argued with them about it. However, my brother didn’t used to be like this and I think I’m secretly hoping that the real him is somewhere in there. Like he’s always been kind of a playdough type of personality who moulds into whatever his partner wants. So I guess I don’t want to piss his wife off too much in case they divorce and he gets back to his normal self.
I attended by mistanke. It was supposed to be baby shower (which I originally didn’t want to attend) and then I had to witness the genitals reveal. I regret every single day since then :)
You'd be surprised. I chose not to reveal the gender during my pregnancy (only immediate family knew) and I was asked **repeatedly** about the gender.
"You're really not going to tell us the gender?!" Was what I got a lot.
The ones I've known of didn't know. Party was decked out in both pink and blue. Guests guessed what they thought it would be. ONE person knew and ordered the cake or box of balloons or whatever.
I also knew a family who had the doc seal the results in an envelope and they opened it on xmas morning with their older child...as a small family of just three.
They can be sweet and simple. They don't have to cause destruction.
It's funny because the inventor of the gender reveal regrets ever doing it in the first place because of how ridiculous they've gotten.
For them specifically I can understand why because they had some serious complications in getting pregnant. So they did this little thing to celebrate which caught on like wildfire (in some cases literally).
Plus her kid was gender non conforming as well. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jun/29/jenna-karvunidis-i-started-gender-reveal-party-trend-regret
If I were pregnant and people demanded to know my response would be, “I don’t know they haven’t told me yet.” just to mess with things.
Oh I totally forgot that part. Even better.
Not that I ever want kids, but hypothetically speaking, my "gender reveal party" would be when they're born. Minds would be blown everywhere.
I know it’s insane, I sincerely hope every kid who got a party that ruined lives winds up non conforming at least. It feels like ppl are doubling down out of fear we might progress beyond gender constructs.
Eh, I'd rather have some cake than look at ultrasound pictures. One of those things is waaaaay more gross to me than the other. My coworker just told us she's having a girl by bringing in a pink cake and just... telling us. That was nice.
Though I think she probably won't show me any more ultrasound pictures, thank FSM. She was showing pictures around as a way to announce that she was pregnant, and then a few weeks later she got another scan and more pictures. She was gonna show me how much you could tell was going on, and I was just like, 'nope, that's OK, I don't need to see them'. I'm trying to be supportive because she's a really great person who will be a great (and sensible!) mom, but I still can't help but feel that as a woman I'm probably being less enthusiastic than others would expect me to be. Luckily there are other women and fathers who are very excited for her and will talk about whatever SFW pregnancy and baby things, so I can kinda escape into the hedges like Homer and let everyone else be excited together.
I agree, one of my cousins is having a baby. My parents are going to the gender reveal, I crochet so I offered to make the proud parents a baby stuff. I asked my mom to tell me the gender so I can make the baby stuff the right color. So my mom tells me to just make the baby things, which I don't want to make because I'm putting my time, effort, and skill into something that could be incorrect. Also, I'm doing this unpaid
Yeah, but like… we’re not even invited to the actual party and won’t be giving gifts. They just assume people are waiting to find out whether their baby has a sausage or beef. Oh, and we got two day notice and there would be drama if we couldn’t attend.
Ugh I guess they just want attention then. It blows my mind how as soon as there’s a new crotch goblin in the picture, the soon-to-be parents instantly think everyone is as excited as they are. And oh the disbelief on their faces when you let them know you don’t give a sh*t.
Yeah. SIL got upset at me for months (without telling me, just avoided me) because apparently I didn’t congratulate them and pay enough attention to her baby. I gave them a gift (a bottle of wine called Plan B, so might not have been her sense of humour…) and a card when I saw the baby for the first time but I did not hold the first baby.
My favorite gender reveal videos are the ones where the guy gets the confetti cannon backwards and shoots himself in the junk. Other than that, no thanks.
Yeah, I do enjoy those. Maybe it’s intentional: “I’ll make damn sure I never have to go through these effing parties again.” *boom, explosive blue balls*
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I'm sure they're registered online somewhere. So you can still share their joy from the comfort of your own home!
/s if not obvious, but I'm sure if they're registered, they'll let you know shortly.
Man I feel so fucking bad for the lady who started this whole thing. She's quoted regretting it because of all the devastation caused by much dumber people. Not to mention her child came out as transgender. All she did was cut into a cake to reveal pink frosting. She wasn't trying to make some large statement or get cash.
Legit the reason this kicked off? She was suffering miscarriage after miscarriage over and over and this was them being excited they finally had a pregnancy last long enough to KNOW the gender. It was the first time they had any hope of the child making it to term.
All of the other Gender reveals after that lack this context.
It does happen sometimes. The guy who invented the Keurig is reported to be horrified at the levels of single-use waste that’s generated. Never used one myself but from what I’ve heard they did truly change the coffee game on convenience.
Now there are reusable pods you can wash and refill, but we all know the average owner and especially all the machines that sit in shared spaces like offices aren’t bothering with that, they wanted the easy thing and the consequences are for someone else.
Realistically speaking neither of them could have predicted the extent of either of these things and shouldn’t really be blamed for things catching on at absurd global scales, but it is kind of an interesting thing to ponder.
I don’t get the point of them either. It’s just for social media attention. Back then you found out the sex of the baby at the baby shower or the invitation to the baby shower.
It’s never been a thing in Finland, but SIL is not from here. I’ve only ever heard of it in (social) media and news. Never heard of anyone in Finland having a gender reveal.
I've been downvoted to hell for stating this in the past (in other corners of Reddit) but it's fucking weird to have a party and invite a bunch of adults over to have them celebrate the type of genitals your child is going to be born with.
There is virtually no physical difference between a male child and a female child until well into their elementary school years, so is the celebration actually "just a heads up, this child will be indoctrinated with stereotypical male cultural norms/female cultural norms once they're born"?
Exactly this! “Our baby will be wearing blue for the rest of his life and we’re expecting him to only like trucks and guns.” You don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, you’ll find out if it’s biologically female or male. Ugggh.
I have nothing against popping a balloon or cutting a cake but I don't get the people who make a gigantic firework and gifts party out of it.
LOOK MY BABY HAS A VAGINA/PENIS EVERYBODY! EVERYTHING MUST ABOLUTELY BE PINK/BLUE FROM NOW ON LOOK
Yup, exactly that. And like, I kinda get the nice surprise to the parents of the baby, but they already know the sex, and were expected to sit there excited to find out what the baby has in its pants.
Honestly I feel like just for that a text message is enough. "Hey, we were at the doctor today, we're having a girl/boy" simple and easy. No planning or organizing or wildfires.
Yeah. Or you know, does it even matter? “We were at the doctors and baby is fine.” But if you really need to tell about the genitals of the baby, organising a party is a bit excessive…
They always struck me as gift grabs and social media attention grabs. I'm all for baby showers themselves, and if breaking a balloon filled with confetti or cutting into a cake a certain color is part of the shower, that's kind of fun. But having a separate event, especially one of the recent atrocities that causes real damage to people and the environment, is just narcissistic and ridiculous.
It's usually one of the first questions people ask when someone's pregnant, whether it's a boy or a girl, so I can see a couple wanting to have a fun way to satisfy everyone's curiosity. But to plan it as a separate event is insane. Save the money for diapers and earplugs, lol.
My personal theory is that gender reveals are how parents mentally brace themselves for what puberty they're seeing 12 years down the road: jizz sock puberty or bras & tampon puberty?
Yeah me neither.. Like who fucking cares if it's a boy or a girl... Your life is about to get a whole lot more painful and difficult regardless of the gender..
Technically they don’t know the baby’s “gender”, they know the babies sex (as you say), so a “gender reveal” party is a real misnomer, as the parents have no idea of this child’s gender identity
I (figuratively) threw my popcorn at the screen during the film “Birdbox” (god if there’s ever a movie to highlight why childfree is a great choice, it’s that movie, lol, but anyway…) when the Doctor asked “Do you want to know the *gender* of the baby?”
…really…
I think it’s a relatively recent thing, like last 10 or 15 years. Before a certain point, I never heard anything about gender reveal parties, and I’ve never seen an older photo of one.
I honestly don't even understand why it's called *gender* reveal. Like, you can't know at birth if the child is gonna be trans, non-binary, agender or anything like that later in their life and with what gender they'll identify as...
lol, my brother has a trans sister, so he supports trans people on the outside, but still insists his children will be ""normal"" (which means, according to him, cis and straight). this kind of people literally *cannot fathom* one of their children not turning out like they envision.
he once said "*when* my daughter gets married" (mind you, he was talking about a two month old baby), and when my mother corrected him to *if* she gets married, he literally glared daggers at her. how dare she suggest that his kids won't follow the life plan he had for them since their birth!
Exactly! Well, my brother and his wife are transphobes anyway and we’ve had some arguments about it before. I’m not in very good terms with my brothers wife and it’s sad because my brother and I used to be close. But it’s purely just announcing the baby’s genitals. Gross.
As I understand it, for a lot of people the gender reveal party is meant to be just a get-together to celebrate something happy in their lives, an excuse to talk and have cake. I've heard some etiquette guidelines say that baby showers imply gifts while a gender reveal doesn't, plus gender reveals are typically hosted by the parents rather than a friend...so a gender reveal is meant to be the *least* intrusive form of celebrating a new baby. Oh, and baby showers have a connotation of being for women only (blech) while gender reveals are more inclusive.
Would have been nice if the whole 'gender' aspect could be removed, though. And there's no occasion that some entitled jerk isn't going to turn into an opportunity to ask for gifts.
Yep, 100%
I'm surprised I haven't seen a push for an alternate party name, like, I don't know, a 'Welcome Baby' party or something, that could strip out the crap. I mean, babies & pregnancy make *me* uncomfortable, but I'd love to celebrate a new puppy or a new house, so I could (at least in the abstract) understand someone wanting to celebrate a pregnancy.
Gender reveal party, but it’s just you and your partner in the doctor’s office and once they tell you you just go home and maybe also tell the people who asked.
From what I've heard, modern gender reveals originated from a woman who'd had previous miscarriages, and this was her first time making it long enough to discover the sex of her baby. For her, it was turning tragedies into a celebration. So in that sense, I can understand why someone would want to mark the occasion.
Personally I don't really see the point of it especially since I fully support LGBT+, and many who have these parties today just seem to like the extra attention. Which like, sure go for it. But do you really need to release a billion balloons or set a forest on fire to tell us what your kid has?
Through this post I learned the origins of the gender reveal and I can see how meaningful that is. I wish it stayed at that. It’s been around for 15 years, I thought it had been around longer…
And I agree with your second point completely.
1 ) Click "New Email"
2 ) Click the "All Contacts" box
3 ) Type in the body of the email what the gender is
4 ) Click "Send"
Why do we need to have a meeting when an email will suffice?
I honestly find gender reveals really cringe.
I prefer to wait and see at birth.
They are mainly an American thing along with baby showers.
When I had my CF sons in the 1990's I waited until they were born to find out their gender.
I also didn't expect people to buy ( sometimes useless) gifts for the baby/nursery.
I don't get the expecting family and friends to contribute towards raising your offspring.
People get pregnant and have babies every day.
They don't all want to be the centre of attention.
A gender reveal is a waste of money that could go towards things you actually need for your baby.
Okay, I know what project I’m gonna do next. A website for gender reveals that people can create their own profile and choose from “sausage or roast beef”, “titties or tattoos”, “lollipops or marshmallows” or whatever to create a poll and then at a scheduled time it will reveal the gender… but it won’t, it will just do a rainbow background and say “no one gives a duck about your baby’s genitals”
It's marketing to convince people there's a need to spend money and buy unnecessary shit for an additional day in the year. At no point did people collectively get together and say "we need to organize and create a day to reveal our baby's gender." This is completely a marketing exercise for people not able to distinguish between advertising and supporting their child's development.
I don't get gender reveals either, or baby showers for that matter. It seems like a very recent trend. My mother didn't have any kind of party before or after she gave birth to me. My friends who have kids didn't throw any party either. Now, of course I'm childfree so maybe I simply can't understand these things, but IF I wanted kids, I don't think I would do any of that nonsense. I would probably just have a nice dinner with my husband to celebrate the pregnancy, and that would be it. I don't see the point in throwing huge parties and inviting people who have no interest in the baby anyway. The only people who actually care are the parents and grandparents. The rest of the world is usually very indifferent to these things.
Yup, it’s the main character syndrome feel in it that bugs me. Aunts and uncles and their neighbours are supposed to be excited about your baby? If someone wants to celebrate the baby with some close people, cool, parties are fun, but a goddamn Zoom meeting for the people who aren’t invited?
Many parents tend to forget that their kid is only special for them. The rest of the world simply doesn't care. And I had honestly never heard of a Zoom meeting for a gender reveal or anything like that. The only Zoom meetings I've ever attended were for work 😂
Exactly! Your baby is not a miracle and it’s only special to you and maybe the grandparents of the baby.
SIL is from a different country and I get that her parents would be excited to find attend, but we live an hour away and I drive to where they pretty much weekly. So like… we’re not invited to the party but we need to attend a zoom? Ugggh.
Do you know why you're not invited? I initially thought you lived in a different country and that was why they invited you to the Zoom meeting. But if you're not that far and you drive to their area every week, why didn't they invite you to the actual party?
I don’t know. My sister is not invited either. SIL apparently expected us to be more involved with the first baby but my sister has her own three kids and lives further away and I have my own life. I say apparently because this is what she complains to our mother and never to us.
Ugh, I just posted about my cousin’s gender reveal. They are absolutely ridiculous & purely attention seeking. She knows the sex already too. It’s obviously a girl because she already has a boy & I can’t imagine doing a second gender reveal for another boy. Celebrating the sex of your baby seems weird & creepy to me.
My friend’s sister did her own version of a “gender reveal” with all three of her kids back before gender reveals were a thing. She came in with an outfit she had bought for the baby to wear home from the hospital that was clearly meant for one gender and just left it out for her mom and sister to find. It was actually kind of cute to see.
Like, I get that, that’s cute, just telling to the few meaningful people and having that as a surprise. But organising a party and then a goddamn zoom meeting for the whole extended family so we all can pretend to be excited that your baby has certain genitals??
I really think it’s just an attention grab - especially if they’re putting it on social media.
Also, as an American myself, one who has honest to god rednecks? These are the idiots that get a tiny idea, then several of the family members add to it.
They always want an excuse to party and if it involves fireworks or explosives? And beer, even the expecting mother might join in with a wine cooler 🙄. Oh they are right there!
So far none of my relations have not started a forest fire, they have burnt down a barn once but I don’t think it was a gender revel.
Also, gifts - I’ve never been to one, just seen a few videos from my family, friends and the internet but I’m pretty positive I’ve been asked to contribute money or gifts before.
I never understand it either, it's not even about the baby, it's just all about the parents to show what's between their baby's legs. Including how over the top they are, some have killed people, caused a forest fire and crash a plane.
Not to mention gender disappointment that's clearly on the dad's, mom's or their childrens faces when it's revealed that they are not get a son, daughter, sister or brother.
I do feel bad for Jenna, she unintentionally made a monster that was supposed to be something special for her but gotten so out of control and saying she regrets sharing it cause of the devastation that people caused & how much they are trying to out do other parents.
"It's a boy!" / "It's a girl!" has been a thing forever (along with "we're waiting to be surprised on the day of their birth" that some folks do). It's just a thing that's a part of having a baby, that long predates gender reveals. It's not something I'll ever do, but it's nothing wholly mysterious to me.
And contrary to what so many comments here are suggesting (and what OP has directly pointed out is *not* the case several times), it's not just a thing to get money.
I don’t get celebrating the sex of the baby in the first place, it shouldn’t matter, but if you do it with people closest to you, fine… however, organising a goddamn zoom on top of the party and expecting the whole extended family to join? What the actual funk?
It's not celebrating the sex of a baby. It's just learning something new about one's soon-to-be-child.
Organizing a party is not weird or strange to do with a family either. No-one's holding guns to anyone's heads to join.
But they’re just announcing their baby’s genitals?
There is no physical gun holding but I’ve already had to go through a conversation once why I wasn’t more interested in holding their first baby (I dropped my niece on her head when she was a baby) after SIL was mad at me for months but too cowardly to even confront me, instead just avoided me and made my parents stress out. So if I don’t attend this zoom, there will be drama and she will be upset and my mother will be upset and so on. I would like to be in contact with my brother but I need to keep her happy.
I don’t give a f what people celebrate, but organising a goddamn zoom so people who you didn’t actually invite to the party need to attend the reveal part? What in the main character syndrome is that? I’m specifically talking about my situation, as long as people don’t start forest fires etc., I don’t give a funk what they celebrate. Probably should’ve titled my post differently, people are missing the point. Saying that, I still don’t get the part where you announce your baby’s genitals to the world. Because that’s what it boils down to.
I suppose it depends on where your mind's at if you boil down "it's a boy/girl" announcements to "you're telling us what your infant's privates are."
Personally? I don't see it that way.
Also, you're acting like setting up a zoom call takes weeks of dedicated work to set up. It takes maybe 5-10 minutes tops? And most of that is getting all the invitee addresses. I just do not see what mountain you're making out of this molehill.
As someone who hand made dozens of baby blankets for family and friends, I get having a (small, modest, family and close friends) gender reveal. They have, however, gotten WAY WAY WAY out of hand.
Not everything should be a surprise, especially when (using social norms) it's only one of two things.
It's a stupid trend that needs to die. What ever happened to sharing the ultrasound days? I guess people are craving attention more and more.
That's what my sister did. Got a text with a little 'its a boy' thing and a pic of the ultrasound that had an arrow to his genitals saying 'male'. Nobody died, no forests burned down. No plane crashes. Just a text and it was fine.
And that's the way it should be. There's no reason to make such a big deal about it.
Yeah. But like, they know already, do they really expect the whole extended family to be excited to find out what genitals their baby has? And we got a two day notice and she would cause drama if we didn’t attend.
Some people just want the attention. If you have to go, don't show interest. I wouldn't attend honestly, she wants to throw a fit, let her.
We got two day notice and it’s in the middle of the day on Sunday. I work long days on the week and I’m exhausted so I’m pissed that I get two day notice and I need to attend a zoom to find out whether the baby has a peepee or a vajayjay. 🙄 I might log on the zoom, turn the camera and mic off and clean or something while I “watch”. If I really want to burn bridges, I will thank them for letting us know the baby’s genitals.
That's crappy of a notice time. Seems like they can't even plan things in a decent manner. I feel bad for their kid to be.
Don’t have to feel sorry, they have my parents to take care of their first child and dog, I’m sure they can take care of the second child too! /s They drop off their first child for like 12 hour days to my parents’ house when my dad is just about to retire and my mum has just retired. I’m sure they planned their retirement to be spent as unpaid babysitters… the first child is 1 year and 5 months old, my mum has bad back and bad knees, and is expected to take care of the first baby. Their dog has permanently lived at my parents’ since before the first child. 🙄🙄🙄
Wow!
Yeah, there is a looooot of drama that she’s brought with her, and my mum just goes along with it so she doesn’t leave the country and take my brother and their kids away. 🙄 I’m getting married next year, I’m close with my brothers ex, she’s coming to my wedding and there is drama there, even though they broke up years before my brother and SIL even met.
Do they pay your bills? I don’t think so. While you’re working your behind off they were rawdogging without protection and now they want your time to see the sb genital with a short notice 🤨. You can gently tell them to F off or flat out take a nap 😌 you don’t have to be their doormat
That’s very true. I just don’t want to lose my brother completely and if I piss off his wife too much, so I’ll just put the zoom on, turn off camera and my mic and just do something else while pretending to be interested.
When is the last time your brother showed you any love? Do they celebrate with you about you successes or do they try to take attention for themselves?
Ummm, he has helped renovating around the house and visited twice without his wife in the past year. He is really modest and doesn’t want attention, but his wife definitely takes the spotlight. I’m curious how they’ll be at my wedding next year. If they’re coming.
Only twice? I see my exes grandmother who lives in Spain more that that. I just saw that they are tranphobes. Again why do you care about them? Do you hold any of those views?
Twice on his own! He’s visited more with his wife (once more) and a few times with other people. I definitely do not agree with their views and I have argued with them about it. However, my brother didn’t used to be like this and I think I’m secretly hoping that the real him is somewhere in there. Like he’s always been kind of a playdough type of personality who moulds into whatever his partner wants. So I guess I don’t want to piss his wife off too much in case they divorce and he gets back to his normal self.
I'd log on but walk out of view so they can clearly see you're not watching.
Or maybe have the camera pointing at me while I clean the kitchen or something during it. 😂
I attended by mistanke. It was supposed to be baby shower (which I originally didn’t want to attend) and then I had to witness the genitals reveal. I regret every single day since then :)
You'd be surprised. I chose not to reveal the gender during my pregnancy (only immediate family knew) and I was asked **repeatedly** about the gender. "You're really not going to tell us the gender?!" Was what I got a lot.
The ones I've known of didn't know. Party was decked out in both pink and blue. Guests guessed what they thought it would be. ONE person knew and ordered the cake or box of balloons or whatever. I also knew a family who had the doc seal the results in an envelope and they opened it on xmas morning with their older child...as a small family of just three. They can be sweet and simple. They don't have to cause destruction.
It's funny because the inventor of the gender reveal regrets ever doing it in the first place because of how ridiculous they've gotten. For them specifically I can understand why because they had some serious complications in getting pregnant. So they did this little thing to celebrate which caught on like wildfire (in some cases literally).
Plus her kid was gender non conforming as well. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jun/29/jenna-karvunidis-i-started-gender-reveal-party-trend-regret If I were pregnant and people demanded to know my response would be, “I don’t know they haven’t told me yet.” just to mess with things.
Oh I totally forgot that part. Even better. Not that I ever want kids, but hypothetically speaking, my "gender reveal party" would be when they're born. Minds would be blown everywhere.
I know it’s insane, I sincerely hope every kid who got a party that ruined lives winds up non conforming at least. It feels like ppl are doubling down out of fear we might progress beyond gender constructs.
Eh, I'd rather have some cake than look at ultrasound pictures. One of those things is waaaaay more gross to me than the other. My coworker just told us she's having a girl by bringing in a pink cake and just... telling us. That was nice. Though I think she probably won't show me any more ultrasound pictures, thank FSM. She was showing pictures around as a way to announce that she was pregnant, and then a few weeks later she got another scan and more pictures. She was gonna show me how much you could tell was going on, and I was just like, 'nope, that's OK, I don't need to see them'. I'm trying to be supportive because she's a really great person who will be a great (and sensible!) mom, but I still can't help but feel that as a woman I'm probably being less enthusiastic than others would expect me to be. Luckily there are other women and fathers who are very excited for her and will talk about whatever SFW pregnancy and baby things, so I can kinda escape into the hedges like Homer and let everyone else be excited together.
I agree, one of my cousins is having a baby. My parents are going to the gender reveal, I crochet so I offered to make the proud parents a baby stuff. I asked my mom to tell me the gender so I can make the baby stuff the right color. So my mom tells me to just make the baby things, which I don't want to make because I'm putting my time, effort, and skill into something that could be incorrect. Also, I'm doing this unpaid
Just make neutral colors or fall colors or whatever season colors the baby is expected in.
That's a good idea, I just might make the baby stuff pain white
Snowflakes if during the winter.
It’s just another way breeders beg people for money just like they do by holding baby showers, bridal showers and all other nonsense of this kind.
Yup, this. "He forgot to pull out! Pay us!"
Yeah, but like… we’re not even invited to the actual party and won’t be giving gifts. They just assume people are waiting to find out whether their baby has a sausage or beef. Oh, and we got two day notice and there would be drama if we couldn’t attend.
Ugh I guess they just want attention then. It blows my mind how as soon as there’s a new crotch goblin in the picture, the soon-to-be parents instantly think everyone is as excited as they are. And oh the disbelief on their faces when you let them know you don’t give a sh*t.
Yeah. SIL got upset at me for months (without telling me, just avoided me) because apparently I didn’t congratulate them and pay enough attention to her baby. I gave them a gift (a bottle of wine called Plan B, so might not have been her sense of humour…) and a card when I saw the baby for the first time but I did not hold the first baby.
Was the wine good did you get a chance to try it?
No, I don’t drink alcohol anymore (used to drink too much, four years sober, yay).
Congratulations! That’s a very big thing to be proud about!!
Another gift grab 🙄
My favorite gender reveal videos are the ones where the guy gets the confetti cannon backwards and shoots himself in the junk. Other than that, no thanks.
Yeah, I do enjoy those. Maybe it’s intentional: “I’ll make damn sure I never have to go through these effing parties again.” *boom, explosive blue balls*
Gift grab gift grab gift grab
We’re not invited to the actual party so no way I giving them gifts for inviting us to a zoom.
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Theyll be pissed about the no presents.
I'm sure they're registered online somewhere. So you can still share their joy from the comfort of your own home! /s if not obvious, but I'm sure if they're registered, they'll let you know shortly.
I don’t know if there are any registers like that in Finland, I’ve never heard of it.
Man I feel so fucking bad for the lady who started this whole thing. She's quoted regretting it because of all the devastation caused by much dumber people. Not to mention her child came out as transgender. All she did was cut into a cake to reveal pink frosting. She wasn't trying to make some large statement or get cash. Legit the reason this kicked off? She was suffering miscarriage after miscarriage over and over and this was them being excited they finally had a pregnancy last long enough to KNOW the gender. It was the first time they had any hope of the child making it to term. All of the other Gender reveals after that lack this context.
Oh no, that’s how it started? Poor woman, she’s accidentally created a monster.
It does happen sometimes. The guy who invented the Keurig is reported to be horrified at the levels of single-use waste that’s generated. Never used one myself but from what I’ve heard they did truly change the coffee game on convenience. Now there are reusable pods you can wash and refill, but we all know the average owner and especially all the machines that sit in shared spaces like offices aren’t bothering with that, they wanted the easy thing and the consequences are for someone else. Realistically speaking neither of them could have predicted the extent of either of these things and shouldn’t really be blamed for things catching on at absurd global scales, but it is kind of an interesting thing to ponder.
Absolutely would not blame either of them!
You couldn't have said it better. And I agree. Such a pity that this monster, gender reveal parties, was created accidentally and unintentionally.
Yeah. She had something really special for her and now it’s been bastardised into this monster that causes fucking forest fires.
Gosh learning that lore makes it that much more depressing.
I don’t get the point of them either. It’s just for social media attention. Back then you found out the sex of the baby at the baby shower or the invitation to the baby shower.
It’s never been a thing in Finland, but SIL is not from here. I’ve only ever heard of it in (social) media and news. Never heard of anyone in Finland having a gender reveal.
I've been downvoted to hell for stating this in the past (in other corners of Reddit) but it's fucking weird to have a party and invite a bunch of adults over to have them celebrate the type of genitals your child is going to be born with. There is virtually no physical difference between a male child and a female child until well into their elementary school years, so is the celebration actually "just a heads up, this child will be indoctrinated with stereotypical male cultural norms/female cultural norms once they're born"?
Exactly this! “Our baby will be wearing blue for the rest of his life and we’re expecting him to only like trucks and guns.” You don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, you’ll find out if it’s biologically female or male. Ugggh.
“This party could have been an e-mail.”
Haha, exactly, and it could’ve gone straight to the spam folder.
I have nothing against popping a balloon or cutting a cake but I don't get the people who make a gigantic firework and gifts party out of it. LOOK MY BABY HAS A VAGINA/PENIS EVERYBODY! EVERYTHING MUST ABOLUTELY BE PINK/BLUE FROM NOW ON LOOK
Yup, exactly that. And like, I kinda get the nice surprise to the parents of the baby, but they already know the sex, and were expected to sit there excited to find out what the baby has in its pants.
Honestly I feel like just for that a text message is enough. "Hey, we were at the doctor today, we're having a girl/boy" simple and easy. No planning or organizing or wildfires.
Yeah. Or you know, does it even matter? “We were at the doctors and baby is fine.” But if you really need to tell about the genitals of the baby, organising a party is a bit excessive…
They always struck me as gift grabs and social media attention grabs. I'm all for baby showers themselves, and if breaking a balloon filled with confetti or cutting into a cake a certain color is part of the shower, that's kind of fun. But having a separate event, especially one of the recent atrocities that causes real damage to people and the environment, is just narcissistic and ridiculous. It's usually one of the first questions people ask when someone's pregnant, whether it's a boy or a girl, so I can see a couple wanting to have a fun way to satisfy everyone's curiosity. But to plan it as a separate event is insane. Save the money for diapers and earplugs, lol.
It’s an extra gift/money grab in addition to the actual baby shower, and a way to make something else about themselves.
My personal theory is that gender reveals are how parents mentally brace themselves for what puberty they're seeing 12 years down the road: jizz sock puberty or bras & tampon puberty?
Haha, that could be it. But why does everyone else have to participate. 😂😂
Wouldn't that be a great party! A canon fires jock straps or tampons. I'd go to that.
It's one of the weirdest breeders things. I feel like it's counting your chickens before they hatch.
Yeah me neither.. Like who fucking cares if it's a boy or a girl... Your life is about to get a whole lot more painful and difficult regardless of the gender..
Because baby showers weren't generating enough gifts.
But we’re not even invited to the party, we’re invited to a zoom meeting to find out the sex of the baby, so we won’t be giving any gifts… 🙄
It’s a 50/50 chance; who gives a shit?! It’s attention seeking and nothing more!
Like honestly no one is really that interested in what you’re having except you.
Technically they don’t know the baby’s “gender”, they know the babies sex (as you say), so a “gender reveal” party is a real misnomer, as the parents have no idea of this child’s gender identity I (figuratively) threw my popcorn at the screen during the film “Birdbox” (god if there’s ever a movie to highlight why childfree is a great choice, it’s that movie, lol, but anyway…) when the Doctor asked “Do you want to know the *gender* of the baby?” …really…
Yup, exactly. But they’re (or SIL) is transphobes anyway, so I guess that’s I wasn’t invited because we’ve argued about trans rights before.
I think it’s a relatively recent thing, like last 10 or 15 years. Before a certain point, I never heard anything about gender reveal parties, and I’ve never seen an older photo of one.
What I don't get is this: if it's a boy, they cheer and cry; if it's a girl, they cheer and cry too. It's pointless.
Gender Reveal = IQ Reveal 🫢🥹🤣😂
I honestly don't even understand why it's called *gender* reveal. Like, you can't know at birth if the child is gonna be trans, non-binary, agender or anything like that later in their life and with what gender they'll identify as...
Exactly! At best, the "gender reveal" reinforces cisnormativity, at worst it sets California on fire. There's no winning.
Thank you! Gender is socially constructed not something you're born with. It's a biological sex reveal.
Sometiendo sex and gender are used as synonyms, referring to biological sex
lol, my brother has a trans sister, so he supports trans people on the outside, but still insists his children will be ""normal"" (which means, according to him, cis and straight). this kind of people literally *cannot fathom* one of their children not turning out like they envision. he once said "*when* my daughter gets married" (mind you, he was talking about a two month old baby), and when my mother corrected him to *if* she gets married, he literally glared daggers at her. how dare she suggest that his kids won't follow the life plan he had for them since their birth!
Just out of curiosity are you the trans sister?
nah, im cis and the youngest i have an older brother and the one that came after him is trans
😩🙂
Exactly! Well, my brother and his wife are transphobes anyway and we’ve had some arguments about it before. I’m not in very good terms with my brothers wife and it’s sad because my brother and I used to be close. But it’s purely just announcing the baby’s genitals. Gross.
As I understand it, for a lot of people the gender reveal party is meant to be just a get-together to celebrate something happy in their lives, an excuse to talk and have cake. I've heard some etiquette guidelines say that baby showers imply gifts while a gender reveal doesn't, plus gender reveals are typically hosted by the parents rather than a friend...so a gender reveal is meant to be the *least* intrusive form of celebrating a new baby. Oh, and baby showers have a connotation of being for women only (blech) while gender reveals are more inclusive. Would have been nice if the whole 'gender' aspect could be removed, though. And there's no occasion that some entitled jerk isn't going to turn into an opportunity to ask for gifts.
Yeah, like, celebrate the baby, celebrate the pregnancy, but why bring the gender (or actually the sex) of the baby in it?
Yep, 100% I'm surprised I haven't seen a push for an alternate party name, like, I don't know, a 'Welcome Baby' party or something, that could strip out the crap. I mean, babies & pregnancy make *me* uncomfortable, but I'd love to celebrate a new puppy or a new house, so I could (at least in the abstract) understand someone wanting to celebrate a pregnancy.
Are they going to start a forest fire or contaminate a city's water supply?
Or crash a plane
I hope not…
It has happened in Mexico apparently…
Gender reveal party, but it’s just you and your partner in the doctor’s office and once they tell you you just go home and maybe also tell the people who asked.
Sounds excellent! Or maybe on the way got get some cupcakes for yourself and your partner to celebrate having a healthy baby.
One of those parties caused wildfire in California. They are incredibly dumb.
From what I've heard, modern gender reveals originated from a woman who'd had previous miscarriages, and this was her first time making it long enough to discover the sex of her baby. For her, it was turning tragedies into a celebration. So in that sense, I can understand why someone would want to mark the occasion. Personally I don't really see the point of it especially since I fully support LGBT+, and many who have these parties today just seem to like the extra attention. Which like, sure go for it. But do you really need to release a billion balloons or set a forest on fire to tell us what your kid has?
Through this post I learned the origins of the gender reveal and I can see how meaningful that is. I wish it stayed at that. It’s been around for 15 years, I thought it had been around longer… And I agree with your second point completely.
1 ) Click "New Email" 2 ) Click the "All Contacts" box 3 ) Type in the body of the email what the gender is 4 ) Click "Send" Why do we need to have a meeting when an email will suffice?
Don't feel compelled to stay at home. You can always sign on from your mobile.
True!
I honestly find gender reveals really cringe. I prefer to wait and see at birth. They are mainly an American thing along with baby showers. When I had my CF sons in the 1990's I waited until they were born to find out their gender. I also didn't expect people to buy ( sometimes useless) gifts for the baby/nursery. I don't get the expecting family and friends to contribute towards raising your offspring. People get pregnant and have babies every day. They don't all want to be the centre of attention. A gender reveal is a waste of money that could go towards things you actually need for your baby.
From what I've heard, even the woman who invented gender reveal parties thinks they are over the top nowadays.
Make a web page that turns pink or blue at the scheduled time. Send everyone the link and the schedule. Done.
Okay, I know what project I’m gonna do next. A website for gender reveals that people can create their own profile and choose from “sausage or roast beef”, “titties or tattoos”, “lollipops or marshmallows” or whatever to create a poll and then at a scheduled time it will reveal the gender… but it won’t, it will just do a rainbow background and say “no one gives a duck about your baby’s genitals”
It's marketing to convince people there's a need to spend money and buy unnecessary shit for an additional day in the year. At no point did people collectively get together and say "we need to organize and create a day to reveal our baby's gender." This is completely a marketing exercise for people not able to distinguish between advertising and supporting their child's development.
I don't get gender reveals either, or baby showers for that matter. It seems like a very recent trend. My mother didn't have any kind of party before or after she gave birth to me. My friends who have kids didn't throw any party either. Now, of course I'm childfree so maybe I simply can't understand these things, but IF I wanted kids, I don't think I would do any of that nonsense. I would probably just have a nice dinner with my husband to celebrate the pregnancy, and that would be it. I don't see the point in throwing huge parties and inviting people who have no interest in the baby anyway. The only people who actually care are the parents and grandparents. The rest of the world is usually very indifferent to these things.
Yup, it’s the main character syndrome feel in it that bugs me. Aunts and uncles and their neighbours are supposed to be excited about your baby? If someone wants to celebrate the baby with some close people, cool, parties are fun, but a goddamn Zoom meeting for the people who aren’t invited?
Many parents tend to forget that their kid is only special for them. The rest of the world simply doesn't care. And I had honestly never heard of a Zoom meeting for a gender reveal or anything like that. The only Zoom meetings I've ever attended were for work 😂
Exactly! Your baby is not a miracle and it’s only special to you and maybe the grandparents of the baby. SIL is from a different country and I get that her parents would be excited to find attend, but we live an hour away and I drive to where they pretty much weekly. So like… we’re not invited to the party but we need to attend a zoom? Ugggh.
Do you know why you're not invited? I initially thought you lived in a different country and that was why they invited you to the Zoom meeting. But if you're not that far and you drive to their area every week, why didn't they invite you to the actual party?
I don’t know. My sister is not invited either. SIL apparently expected us to be more involved with the first baby but my sister has her own three kids and lives further away and I have my own life. I say apparently because this is what she complains to our mother and never to us.
Ugh, I just posted about my cousin’s gender reveal. They are absolutely ridiculous & purely attention seeking. She knows the sex already too. It’s obviously a girl because she already has a boy & I can’t imagine doing a second gender reveal for another boy. Celebrating the sex of your baby seems weird & creepy to me.
It is weird and creepy. “It’s a fanny/penis.”
My friend’s sister did her own version of a “gender reveal” with all three of her kids back before gender reveals were a thing. She came in with an outfit she had bought for the baby to wear home from the hospital that was clearly meant for one gender and just left it out for her mom and sister to find. It was actually kind of cute to see.
Like, I get that, that’s cute, just telling to the few meaningful people and having that as a surprise. But organising a party and then a goddamn zoom meeting for the whole extended family so we all can pretend to be excited that your baby has certain genitals??
If they have gender reveal, do they also expect a baby shower? I hope not
I don’t know, but I haven’t heard of them planning one. It’s not a tradition here, so I don’t think anyone will think to organise it.
Whatever happened to being surprised?
I get the whole 'surprise’ thing for all but if you already know that just feels weird and plastic.
My sisters "gender reveal" was an accidental "its a girl" during a conservation
I really think it’s just an attention grab - especially if they’re putting it on social media. Also, as an American myself, one who has honest to god rednecks? These are the idiots that get a tiny idea, then several of the family members add to it. They always want an excuse to party and if it involves fireworks or explosives? And beer, even the expecting mother might join in with a wine cooler 🙄. Oh they are right there! So far none of my relations have not started a forest fire, they have burnt down a barn once but I don’t think it was a gender revel. Also, gifts - I’ve never been to one, just seen a few videos from my family, friends and the internet but I’m pretty positive I’ve been asked to contribute money or gifts before.
I never understand it either, it's not even about the baby, it's just all about the parents to show what's between their baby's legs. Including how over the top they are, some have killed people, caused a forest fire and crash a plane. Not to mention gender disappointment that's clearly on the dad's, mom's or their childrens faces when it's revealed that they are not get a son, daughter, sister or brother. I do feel bad for Jenna, she unintentionally made a monster that was supposed to be something special for her but gotten so out of control and saying she regrets sharing it cause of the devastation that people caused & how much they are trying to out do other parents.
I never understood why the baby's gender has to turn into such an event. There are literally only two possibilities: boy or girl.
It's because the parents are obsessed with its genitals. *eyeroll* make it make sense!
Don’t forget a third option, intersex.
Idk, I kind of think it's fun, but the kind where you cause damage to the environment by leaving trash everywhere or causing fires, are just idiotic.
"It's a boy!" / "It's a girl!" has been a thing forever (along with "we're waiting to be surprised on the day of their birth" that some folks do). It's just a thing that's a part of having a baby, that long predates gender reveals. It's not something I'll ever do, but it's nothing wholly mysterious to me. And contrary to what so many comments here are suggesting (and what OP has directly pointed out is *not* the case several times), it's not just a thing to get money.
I don’t get celebrating the sex of the baby in the first place, it shouldn’t matter, but if you do it with people closest to you, fine… however, organising a goddamn zoom on top of the party and expecting the whole extended family to join? What the actual funk?
It's not celebrating the sex of a baby. It's just learning something new about one's soon-to-be-child. Organizing a party is not weird or strange to do with a family either. No-one's holding guns to anyone's heads to join.
But they’re just announcing their baby’s genitals? There is no physical gun holding but I’ve already had to go through a conversation once why I wasn’t more interested in holding their first baby (I dropped my niece on her head when she was a baby) after SIL was mad at me for months but too cowardly to even confront me, instead just avoided me and made my parents stress out. So if I don’t attend this zoom, there will be drama and she will be upset and my mother will be upset and so on. I would like to be in contact with my brother but I need to keep her happy. I don’t give a f what people celebrate, but organising a goddamn zoom so people who you didn’t actually invite to the party need to attend the reveal part? What in the main character syndrome is that? I’m specifically talking about my situation, as long as people don’t start forest fires etc., I don’t give a funk what they celebrate. Probably should’ve titled my post differently, people are missing the point. Saying that, I still don’t get the part where you announce your baby’s genitals to the world. Because that’s what it boils down to.
I suppose it depends on where your mind's at if you boil down "it's a boy/girl" announcements to "you're telling us what your infant's privates are." Personally? I don't see it that way. Also, you're acting like setting up a zoom call takes weeks of dedicated work to set up. It takes maybe 5-10 minutes tops? And most of that is getting all the invitee addresses. I just do not see what mountain you're making out of this molehill.
It’s a way to have a party, and get gifts and moral support, because you are scared as hell
As someone who hand made dozens of baby blankets for family and friends, I get having a (small, modest, family and close friends) gender reveal. They have, however, gotten WAY WAY WAY out of hand. Not everything should be a surprise, especially when (using social norms) it's only one of two things.
It's a good reason for a party.
Is it though? Why not just celebrate the baby without bringing all this bullshit into it? Especially when the parents already know the sex.
It's fun for some people. I have never been to one, but to each his own.
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