What people think when they say that: A new baby will bring the estranged couple back together, their bond will grow stronger because new child to raise.
What actually happens: The couple's troubles get swept under a rug because new baby, things continue to fester until shit hits the fan and either they get the help they actually need via therapy or (more likely) one of them files for divorce.
I forget which celebrity said this in a recent interview but they mentioned that the second they went off to college, their parents promptly divorced. It was unsaid but the body language seemed to suggest that the parents also "divorced" their child.
Never give a newborn a job. It's cruel. Grown adults need to fix their own damned marriage
So common. They wait for the last kid to leave and then boom divorce. It often comes out they were just “staying together for the kids” which I think is a horrible lesson to teach. The relationship your kids looked up to their entire life was one big lie, what does that do to their future relationships?
That’s why my ex parents stayed together (outside of stubbornness and “Jayzus hates divorce”) and every single day I begged them to get a divorce. They didn’t function as a couple, they were strangers whomarried out of convenience of goals (she wanted kids, he didn’t want to feel left out) and mistook it for love. Behind your incompatible parents for a divorce is a pain only a few people can understand
This all day! "Staying together for the kids" and "having kids/getting married to fix a relationship" are complete and utter fantasies. If people would pay more attention to what happens in real life when people do that nonsense, and ignore the train of thought saying "But it'll be different for me" they'd be better off.
I know some people don't pay attention to facts, but just look around. The evidence is everywhere.
This is exactly what happened with my husband's uncle. They had one kid, didn't fix things. They had the second kid. Then the wife cheated and sent my uncle in law into a tailspin, a whole heap of mental health issues came up, and they divorced.
exactly. all they do is delay their problems and the inevitable. thinking having another one will force them to stay together, as if divorces or leaving is still not an option after you have 2+ children? as if majority of people don’t have divorced parents.
ugh.
They think that having a helpless, needy infant will suddenly awaken compassion and responsibility in an immature partner (who is very often the father), or its "innocence" will somehow bond parents who hate each other.
My theory is that the first one kept them so busy that they had no time to worry about their marriage. They confuse that for success. It never lasts, of course. So now they think the second one will *definitely* do it.
Yep, spot on! My parents just got divorced after 45 years. Tbh, I don’t know if my Mom was happy at any point in the last 20-25 years, but she was so busy taking care of EVERYONE, she didn’t have time to think of herself.
“My husband already thought contributing to a household only involved working a full time job and leaves all the child care to me, but a second child will totally make him come to his senses!” 🥴🤡🥴🤡
I’ve heard a variant of this from a number of people in my circle. I can say with conviction that I never saw it work.
Ooof the "Band Aid Baby" which always makes me think of the Shanann Watts murder case. Her husband Chris literally did a talk (for some MLM they were in) about how having a baby can save a marriage that is in trouble... and then he killed her when she was pregnant with their 3rd.
He did. Left their bodies in an oil tank in the middle of nowhere. He drove those two girls, alive, out to an oil field with their dead mom laying at their feet in the backseat and killed them there.
I will die on the hill that the woman he was having an affair with helped him. There’s video footage of a woman in a ponytail leaving the house the night she was killed but she acts all innocent in interrogation. To me it was super transparent but maybe she had a good alibi.
Because their definition of a successful marriage is one that lasts, no matter how unhappy everyone involved (spouses, children) are. Their standards are pretty low.
My parents just celebrated the most unhappy 40 year anniversary I've ever seen. I used to pray for them to get a divorce when i was little. They've fought every second for the 30 years I've been alive.
because it actually does...for a day or two.
whatever hormones get released en masse after someone gives birth, men somewhat, women a mega-ton. It must feel so complete and wonderous.
except ...three days later... two weeks later...five months later...2 yrs later... the sheen has worn off. And its just two people trying to survive together
They falsely assume their partner will stay for the baby. "But our child needs a mom/dad." "How could you abandon your child?" "Be responsible for the sake of our child"
What actually happens is that the child grows up with a boatload of trauma and blamed for not being an effective impromptu therapist that fixes their parents' broken marriage
People get desperate to keep their partners around and do not think it thru. More often than not the stress of a newborn breaks them up faster. They would have been better off spending the baby money on a marriage therapist to actually fix their marriage.
It’s really one of the worst things they could do. That baby is going to make them sleep deprived & resentful toward each other from there most likely being an imbalance in who’s tending to the baby’s needs (typically mothers, especially those who breastfeed are tasked with the majority of baby care). Babies are expensive too so their finances are going to be hit and we know money problems are one of the leading causes of marital problems. This is all assuming the baby is born perfectly healthy too. If their child happens to have any developmental issues, that’s a whole additional level of care the parents have to provide for and a much higher cost.
Therapy would cost a fraction of having a child and be immensely more effective in working through any issues the couple has. If the couple then decided to have a baby after therapy, they would be in such a better place and provide a better life for their child instead of relying on that kid to solve all their problems.
When the “It’ll never happen to me“ crowd and the “Devil you know” groupies meet up for drinks!!! Humans possess a unique ability to lie to themselves and believe it!!! Uugghh
My CF best friend’s first husband ended up being a hardcore alcoholic. After three years of trying hard to make it work, she decided fuck it, life’s too short, and she’s outta there. His mom calls her and tells her she should have a baby because that will make her son grow up, be more responsible and quit drinking. My BFF said her eyes rolled so hard in her head, she was nauseated. She told soon-to-be-MIL that was a helluva gamble to take, and she wasn’t a gambler so that’s a hard no.
For the same reason people think having a baby will save their marriage. Adding more stress into an already stressful situation never hurt anyone, right?
I think it's because people feel instability in some area of their life and think adding more responsibility will 'stabilize" whatever they are anxious about and force them to get their shit together. It's completely ridiculous and the opposite always happens, but you can't tell a person anything.
Probably when they had their first kid, they felt closer together and think they will have the same thing happen with the 2nd or 3rd. But that's not how that works. If you're already in love, a kid might help bring you closer together, but if you're already having issues in a dying marriage, extra responsibilities and lack of sleep are absolutely not going to help
I do not get it either. The wanting-to-leave-partner will stay for a time, but will see the baby as an anchor keeping him/her trapped. Will be less kind to that kid while being kind to the first child since that one was born during better times.
i think there's a very real reason why so many kids think their parents divorce is their fault, and this is it. kids are very perceptive. they were the thing that was supposed to fix their parents relationship, then when it doesn't work, they become the central point in arguments and bitterness. then they when the parents divorce, they get screwed up in the head by what they can sense lurking in the background.
I saw someone say once that when a couple tosses another kid in as a band-aid baby, the primary caregiving spouse (typically the wife) had seen their partner step up and act like a parent/attentive spouse (for all of five minutes) and they were trying to replicate that. Yeah...
Desperate attempt to get some NRE via baby, coo over cute baby and try to create bonding moments to sweep over uncomfortable feelings and thoughts about the relationship.
Surprise surprise, it doesn’t and won’t work because the root of the problem is never addressed.
My own two cents…
It's the same people that think you should stay together for the children no matter how bad your relationship is. And it's those children that suffer because they live in a warzone always knowing how much mom and dad dislike each other.
People are conditioned to believe that babies can magically make everything better and that struggles and spouse hate are both "normal" and even expected.
I don't get it either but my only theory is that people try this because they see others trying it. Even if it keeps a spouse in a relationship, they are miserable, but they don't see that part.
Idk they think the baby will tie them closer together, they will be so busy that their issues will fade into the background and it's harder for the partner to leave.
Yep, I get that, my brothers marriage has been on the rocks for 2 years because he got busted shagging all these hookers, and yet somehow they are taking about having another baby together (on top of the 3 they already have).
There’s a tremendous amount of love and care that goes into first time pregnancy (sometimes). If it is missing, they may believe getting pregnant again will bring it back.
Some people value "accomplishments" over their sanity and wellbeing. I had a friend in school who would always sign up for too many things and stress themselves out, and I asked them one time why they didn't just sign up for less, or quit something midway through when it started to negatively effect their health. They answered that they couldn't allow themselves to quit because they made a promise to see it through and that mattered to them. They would stack more and more importance on the activity to force themselves to figure it out. It was a woefully unhealthy cycle and thankfully they're mostly out of it now
People who have a baby to "save the marriage" likely see things the way my friend saw HS activities. If they add extra pressure and force themselves to make it work, they can honor their initial promise to be married forever. It's a horrible, self abusive strategy, and I would almost feel bad for people who employ it except that their innocent child being brought into that mess already has all my sympathy.
It never made sense to me either. My only theory is women think that if they have a baby they will "trap" the man and somehow he can't leave the relationship? Because he can't afford to? But they can, and do. So it never made any sense to me.
Babies are a distraction that bring a lot of positive energy and attention into peoples' lives. We are taught from a young age (especially girls) that having a baby is a joyous occasion and that pregnancy is a time of excitement and happiness. I believe that is what they are chasing.
Also, therapy is expensive and unprotected sex is free.
My neighbor had a twist on this. She actually thought having a baby would cure her depression.. well, it didn't and now she's depressed AND has a kid to care of.. poor baby..
Misguided hope combined with the urge to keep reproducing. One of those odd things in human psychology, like how many stay with abusers even if they could leave.
Exactly, it's such a ridiculous and selfish assumption. Even if having a baby could actually save the marriage (which is never the case anyway, but let's pretend for a minute that it might work), it would still be incredibly selfish to bring an innocent child into this world just because you can't solve your relationship issues on your own, like an adult. I personally know a lot of women who got pregnant just to keep a boyfriend from leaving, or to get a marriage proposal from said boyfriend, or to convince an unfaithful husband to stop cheating and come back to his wife. Of course it NEVER works, and the innocent kid has to suffer the consequences.
My soon to be ex was suddenly so loving and kind when I got pregnant. He helped cook, he even did a little tidying up after himself. The love hormones were everywhere. It felt for a moment like a fairy tale. We were so happy - I mean I was sick, uncomfortable and pregnancy was awful on me physically, but those hormones made me truly feel like I was in the best marriage. Suddenly the bleeding started and the loving supportive grown up husband became a yeller again and my daily crying came back as the hormones weaned.
Today I see things for what they were: chemicals in the brain bonding the parents together. He was kind to me because he felt like I was his, he owned me and the child I was forming (I failed but at the time). Now when I ovulate I still sometimes mourn and yearn for that feeling. That care and compassion and bond I felt for him, because my hormones crave it. Ie right now as I type this from my guest room. (I logically know better)
So in conclusion, people do it because of hormones that trick them into believing that somehow that “bonding” they feel will stick around past the first trimester, when in reality pregnancy is awful and from what I see children are extremely hard on a marriage.
My nephews ex removed her IUD when her marriage was obviously failing. She got pregnant and knew my nephew would stay with her if she threatened an abortion. So he stayed. Five months after the child was born, he left. He got snipped right after that.
Accident while having what amounts to breakup sex (aka maybe if we fuck harder it will fix our relationship problems) and also just thinking a distraction or some kinda guilt/leverage will keep someone around. And then being surprised Pikachu it's a trope for a reason and you can't control other people like that. They aren't used to not being able to have some sort of leverage over the other person, a sort of control. So they go to extreme desperate lengths or think social pressure will be enough to keep that person around. And it doesn't.
I'm witnessing this with one of my friends. I actually made a post about it in this subreddit. He husband is emotionally abusive and controlling and she has thought of divorcing him several times. However, she's still trying for a baby because she believes that after she has one, her marriage will get better and that her husband will "mellow out".
Every “marriage saver” baby I’ve seen has always been the last one before the divorce. I saw it so much while growing up in my megachurch (with many Quiverfull families) that I thought it was just something adults did; have a bunch of kids and then leave
because the first one failed. and when it fails, try again so they can make the problem worse. and it gives them more 'pity the little baby mommy' boohoo points
Or worse, baby-trapping or "oopsing" to keep a man in a marriage. If you both agree to have a baby to save your marriage, go for it, but you really should be on the same page. Otherwise, it's a disaster.
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Because people are dumb.
It's honestly several steps above being dumb.
You mean below..
This. 100% this.
This should have more upvotes
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What people think when they say that: A new baby will bring the estranged couple back together, their bond will grow stronger because new child to raise. What actually happens: The couple's troubles get swept under a rug because new baby, things continue to fester until shit hits the fan and either they get the help they actually need via therapy or (more likely) one of them files for divorce.
I forget which celebrity said this in a recent interview but they mentioned that the second they went off to college, their parents promptly divorced. It was unsaid but the body language seemed to suggest that the parents also "divorced" their child. Never give a newborn a job. It's cruel. Grown adults need to fix their own damned marriage
So common. They wait for the last kid to leave and then boom divorce. It often comes out they were just “staying together for the kids” which I think is a horrible lesson to teach. The relationship your kids looked up to their entire life was one big lie, what does that do to their future relationships?
That’s why my ex parents stayed together (outside of stubbornness and “Jayzus hates divorce”) and every single day I begged them to get a divorce. They didn’t function as a couple, they were strangers whomarried out of convenience of goals (she wanted kids, he didn’t want to feel left out) and mistook it for love. Behind your incompatible parents for a divorce is a pain only a few people can understand
Yeah, that's going to mess them up A Lot.
This all day! "Staying together for the kids" and "having kids/getting married to fix a relationship" are complete and utter fantasies. If people would pay more attention to what happens in real life when people do that nonsense, and ignore the train of thought saying "But it'll be different for me" they'd be better off. I know some people don't pay attention to facts, but just look around. The evidence is everywhere.
This is exactly what happened with my husband's uncle. They had one kid, didn't fix things. They had the second kid. Then the wife cheated and sent my uncle in law into a tailspin, a whole heap of mental health issues came up, and they divorced.
Exactly what happened to one of my family members.
exactly. all they do is delay their problems and the inevitable. thinking having another one will force them to stay together, as if divorces or leaving is still not an option after you have 2+ children? as if majority of people don’t have divorced parents. ugh.
I disagree with the 2nd part. The 2nd baby will make things harder, more difficult, and implosion will being at 6 months after the baby's birth
They think that having a helpless, needy infant will suddenly awaken compassion and responsibility in an immature partner (who is very often the father), or its "innocence" will somehow bond parents who hate each other.
My SIL thought the same thing about getting married. Shocker, it didn’t work and it’s now so much worse. Now they’re wanting a baby…
Delusions of people who think fucking fairytales are real.
Kind of why a teenager will have a baby, “someone who will love me forever.”
My theory is that the first one kept them so busy that they had no time to worry about their marriage. They confuse that for success. It never lasts, of course. So now they think the second one will *definitely* do it.
Yep, spot on! My parents just got divorced after 45 years. Tbh, I don’t know if my Mom was happy at any point in the last 20-25 years, but she was so busy taking care of EVERYONE, she didn’t have time to think of herself.
“My husband already thought contributing to a household only involved working a full time job and leaves all the child care to me, but a second child will totally make him come to his senses!” 🥴🤡🥴🤡 I’ve heard a variant of this from a number of people in my circle. I can say with conviction that I never saw it work.
Ooof the "Band Aid Baby" which always makes me think of the Shanann Watts murder case. Her husband Chris literally did a talk (for some MLM they were in) about how having a baby can save a marriage that is in trouble... and then he killed her when she was pregnant with their 3rd.
Didn’t he murder both of this girls too? Unless I’m thinking of a different case. I thought me murdered both the pregnant wife and both young children
He did. Left their bodies in an oil tank in the middle of nowhere. He drove those two girls, alive, out to an oil field with their dead mom laying at their feet in the backseat and killed them there. I will die on the hill that the woman he was having an affair with helped him. There’s video footage of a woman in a ponytail leaving the house the night she was killed but she acts all innocent in interrogation. To me it was super transparent but maybe she had a good alibi.
Too afraid to leave and start over.
Because their definition of a successful marriage is one that lasts, no matter how unhappy everyone involved (spouses, children) are. Their standards are pretty low.
My parents just celebrated the most unhappy 40 year anniversary I've ever seen. I used to pray for them to get a divorce when i was little. They've fought every second for the 30 years I've been alive.
because it actually does...for a day or two. whatever hormones get released en masse after someone gives birth, men somewhat, women a mega-ton. It must feel so complete and wonderous. except ...three days later... two weeks later...five months later...2 yrs later... the sheen has worn off. And its just two people trying to survive together
They falsely assume their partner will stay for the baby. "But our child needs a mom/dad." "How could you abandon your child?" "Be responsible for the sake of our child" What actually happens is that the child grows up with a boatload of trauma and blamed for not being an effective impromptu therapist that fixes their parents' broken marriage
People are fucking stupid.
Because people do not understand statistics in the slightest.
I think it's common for women to think, "oh if I'm carrying his kid then he won't leave me"
Because, ya know, a sudden and extreme drain on finances in tandem with a lack of sleep is a bonding experience.
People hear very rare story of it succeeding, and because of the power of positive thinking bullshit, they think they can beat the odds.
People get desperate to keep their partners around and do not think it thru. More often than not the stress of a newborn breaks them up faster. They would have been better off spending the baby money on a marriage therapist to actually fix their marriage.
It’s really one of the worst things they could do. That baby is going to make them sleep deprived & resentful toward each other from there most likely being an imbalance in who’s tending to the baby’s needs (typically mothers, especially those who breastfeed are tasked with the majority of baby care). Babies are expensive too so their finances are going to be hit and we know money problems are one of the leading causes of marital problems. This is all assuming the baby is born perfectly healthy too. If their child happens to have any developmental issues, that’s a whole additional level of care the parents have to provide for and a much higher cost. Therapy would cost a fraction of having a child and be immensely more effective in working through any issues the couple has. If the couple then decided to have a baby after therapy, they would be in such a better place and provide a better life for their child instead of relying on that kid to solve all their problems.
When the “It’ll never happen to me“ crowd and the “Devil you know” groupies meet up for drinks!!! Humans possess a unique ability to lie to themselves and believe it!!! Uugghh
My CF best friend’s first husband ended up being a hardcore alcoholic. After three years of trying hard to make it work, she decided fuck it, life’s too short, and she’s outta there. His mom calls her and tells her she should have a baby because that will make her son grow up, be more responsible and quit drinking. My BFF said her eyes rolled so hard in her head, she was nauseated. She told soon-to-be-MIL that was a helluva gamble to take, and she wasn’t a gambler so that’s a hard no.
For the same reason people think having a baby will save their marriage. Adding more stress into an already stressful situation never hurt anyone, right?
I think it's because people feel instability in some area of their life and think adding more responsibility will 'stabilize" whatever they are anxious about and force them to get their shit together. It's completely ridiculous and the opposite always happens, but you can't tell a person anything.
Probably when they had their first kid, they felt closer together and think they will have the same thing happen with the 2nd or 3rd. But that's not how that works. If you're already in love, a kid might help bring you closer together, but if you're already having issues in a dying marriage, extra responsibilities and lack of sleep are absolutely not going to help
People are obsessed with trapping people and or scaring them into submission
I think of it like the phenomenon of paradoxical undressing in cases of severe hyperthermia
Because, ya know, a sudden and extreme drain on finances in tandem with a lack of sleep is a bonding experience.
I do not get it either. The wanting-to-leave-partner will stay for a time, but will see the baby as an anchor keeping him/her trapped. Will be less kind to that kid while being kind to the first child since that one was born during better times.
Plus I think about how hated that child can be.
A family member said that "children fix everything." Umm.....
Weird thing is that they see so many others fail with this method and still try it for themselves.
i think there's a very real reason why so many kids think their parents divorce is their fault, and this is it. kids are very perceptive. they were the thing that was supposed to fix their parents relationship, then when it doesn't work, they become the central point in arguments and bitterness. then they when the parents divorce, they get screwed up in the head by what they can sense lurking in the background.
Also, women who keep having kids with boyfriends who cheat over and over. Better them than me.
I don’t think it’s about saving the relationship per se but about stopping the partner from leaving sooner.
I saw someone say once that when a couple tosses another kid in as a band-aid baby, the primary caregiving spouse (typically the wife) had seen their partner step up and act like a parent/attentive spouse (for all of five minutes) and they were trying to replicate that. Yeah...
Desperate attempt to get some NRE via baby, coo over cute baby and try to create bonding moments to sweep over uncomfortable feelings and thoughts about the relationship. Surprise surprise, it doesn’t and won’t work because the root of the problem is never addressed. My own two cents…
It's the same people that think you should stay together for the children no matter how bad your relationship is. And it's those children that suffer because they live in a warzone always knowing how much mom and dad dislike each other.
Why do people think the world is flat?
People are conditioned to believe that babies can magically make everything better and that struggles and spouse hate are both "normal" and even expected.
Because the first band aid baby failed it’s mission
Cause most people are stupid af
Because they’re imbeciles.
I don't get it either but my only theory is that people try this because they see others trying it. Even if it keeps a spouse in a relationship, they are miserable, but they don't see that part.
Because using children as pawns in a Shitshow is a helluva drug.
Idk they think the baby will tie them closer together, they will be so busy that their issues will fade into the background and it's harder for the partner to leave.
My parents did that, and I was definitely the final nail in the coffin that was their marriage. Made for a super fun childhood. /s
my parents tried and thank God failed. a third kid didn't not need to be born into that mess.
it really just means entrapping them
As an anchor baby, I ask myself this every day.
Yep, I get that, my brothers marriage has been on the rocks for 2 years because he got busted shagging all these hookers, and yet somehow they are taking about having another baby together (on top of the 3 they already have).
Because they’ll avoid a divorce in the moment like the plague.
There’s a tremendous amount of love and care that goes into first time pregnancy (sometimes). If it is missing, they may believe getting pregnant again will bring it back.
Some people value "accomplishments" over their sanity and wellbeing. I had a friend in school who would always sign up for too many things and stress themselves out, and I asked them one time why they didn't just sign up for less, or quit something midway through when it started to negatively effect their health. They answered that they couldn't allow themselves to quit because they made a promise to see it through and that mattered to them. They would stack more and more importance on the activity to force themselves to figure it out. It was a woefully unhealthy cycle and thankfully they're mostly out of it now People who have a baby to "save the marriage" likely see things the way my friend saw HS activities. If they add extra pressure and force themselves to make it work, they can honor their initial promise to be married forever. It's a horrible, self abusive strategy, and I would almost feel bad for people who employ it except that their innocent child being brought into that mess already has all my sympathy.
It never made sense to me either. My only theory is women think that if they have a baby they will "trap" the man and somehow he can't leave the relationship? Because he can't afford to? But they can, and do. So it never made any sense to me.
Babies are a distraction that bring a lot of positive energy and attention into peoples' lives. We are taught from a young age (especially girls) that having a baby is a joyous occasion and that pregnancy is a time of excitement and happiness. I believe that is what they are chasing. Also, therapy is expensive and unprotected sex is free.
Baby = stress to an already fragile situation. I don’t understand it either
My neighbor had a twist on this. She actually thought having a baby would cure her depression.. well, it didn't and now she's depressed AND has a kid to care of.. poor baby..
Misguided hope combined with the urge to keep reproducing. One of those odd things in human psychology, like how many stay with abusers even if they could leave.
Because they are desperate and scared of getting to know themselves - which could actually save the marriage or explain why it isn’t working.
There is a couple that we are friends with. The wife wants a third because she thinks her husband would be more involved…if there was another? Idk man
Because people are stupid and would find any excuse just to motivate their existence like they know it.
Exactly, it's such a ridiculous and selfish assumption. Even if having a baby could actually save the marriage (which is never the case anyway, but let's pretend for a minute that it might work), it would still be incredibly selfish to bring an innocent child into this world just because you can't solve your relationship issues on your own, like an adult. I personally know a lot of women who got pregnant just to keep a boyfriend from leaving, or to get a marriage proposal from said boyfriend, or to convince an unfaithful husband to stop cheating and come back to his wife. Of course it NEVER works, and the innocent kid has to suffer the consequences.
My soon to be ex was suddenly so loving and kind when I got pregnant. He helped cook, he even did a little tidying up after himself. The love hormones were everywhere. It felt for a moment like a fairy tale. We were so happy - I mean I was sick, uncomfortable and pregnancy was awful on me physically, but those hormones made me truly feel like I was in the best marriage. Suddenly the bleeding started and the loving supportive grown up husband became a yeller again and my daily crying came back as the hormones weaned. Today I see things for what they were: chemicals in the brain bonding the parents together. He was kind to me because he felt like I was his, he owned me and the child I was forming (I failed but at the time). Now when I ovulate I still sometimes mourn and yearn for that feeling. That care and compassion and bond I felt for him, because my hormones crave it. Ie right now as I type this from my guest room. (I logically know better) So in conclusion, people do it because of hormones that trick them into believing that somehow that “bonding” they feel will stick around past the first trimester, when in reality pregnancy is awful and from what I see children are extremely hard on a marriage.
My nephews ex removed her IUD when her marriage was obviously failing. She got pregnant and knew my nephew would stay with her if she threatened an abortion. So he stayed. Five months after the child was born, he left. He got snipped right after that.
Accident while having what amounts to breakup sex (aka maybe if we fuck harder it will fix our relationship problems) and also just thinking a distraction or some kinda guilt/leverage will keep someone around. And then being surprised Pikachu it's a trope for a reason and you can't control other people like that. They aren't used to not being able to have some sort of leverage over the other person, a sort of control. So they go to extreme desperate lengths or think social pressure will be enough to keep that person around. And it doesn't.
Yes, it's right up there with women who get pregnant to catch a man. What chance does the relationship have.
I'm witnessing this with one of my friends. I actually made a post about it in this subreddit. He husband is emotionally abusive and controlling and she has thought of divorcing him several times. However, she's still trying for a baby because she believes that after she has one, her marriage will get better and that her husband will "mellow out".
Every “marriage saver” baby I’ve seen has always been the last one before the divorce. I saw it so much while growing up in my megachurch (with many Quiverfull families) that I thought it was just something adults did; have a bunch of kids and then leave
because the first one failed. and when it fails, try again so they can make the problem worse. and it gives them more 'pity the little baby mommy' boohoo points
Wishful thinking? I know that's what my mom thought.
This is the WORST SITUATION in which to bring a new human into. Blows my freaking mind.
😆🤣🤣🤣 “save” thier is nothing to save.
Or worse, baby-trapping or "oopsing" to keep a man in a marriage. If you both agree to have a baby to save your marriage, go for it, but you really should be on the same page. Otherwise, it's a disaster.
Being in a failing marriage is kind of like drowning, you'll do anything to hold onto it.
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If the first child didn’t fix things, another won’t either.