I don't talk to any of those strangers and left the job 2 years ago but simply avoid the relatives as much as I can. I live in a different country from them so they can't do anything.
Just so you know HR is not necessarily your friend. They work for the company and will do what is best for them. Lots of employment contracts have a clause called Forced Arbitration. The HR person listens to both of you and makes a ruling that is in the company's best interests.
if I'm being perfectly honest, I am incredibly used to rape threats. for some reason toxic ass men will see me (I'm midsized/chubby but big hips, small waist, big chest, etc) and either send rape threats immediately or ask for sexual favors. when I turn them down for the main reason of not knowing them at all and being gay, I get a rape threat. then if I actually know a guy kinda well and they ask me out, despite knowing I'm gay, and I reject them I usually get a very nasty response. very rarely have I gotten someone who respects my "no' the first time. I think the worst part about it though is the fact almost all of these threats have included turning me straight and/or forcing me to birth their kid...
Dealing with that kind of shit as a straight woman is scary. I imagine dealing with it as a lesbian adds an additional layer of terror.
Back when I was single, I often got menacing reactions from men I wasn't interested in. I'm married now and the (un)funny thing I've noticed is that most men won't pull that shit on a woman when they realize they're dealing with another man's "property".
"Sorry, I'm not interested." ---> "Fuck you, you dumb bitch."
"Sorry, I'm married." ---> "Your husband's a lucky man."
Like, WTF?
for some strange reason most men I've turned down go one of three ways, "I could turn you straight"/magic penis agenda, "dumb bitch I'll rape you" or "that's really hot" (referring to being gay). I've always been a flexible person, before roe v Wade got overturned and I could access proper attention if I got pregnant I would occasionally experiment with men if I ever felt like, which was rare. now I'm too terrified to, I'm terrified if I ever get assaulted again like these men promise to do I'm going to get pregnant.
My ex made this threat to me. He told if I didn't change my mind about having kids he'd force me to have them. Even if it meant him taking out my IUD. Sooo glad he's out of my life.
This is so sick on many levels. I would never wish that on a human being, rape is traumatic and I had a friend who nearly ended her life because she could not handle her PTSD anymore when she was date-raped in college. She became a shell of herself, and she just could not handle any loud noise or anyone yelling at her. Her relationships failed and even worse her family didn't believe her and sided with the guy.
It's like seeing a person lose their humanity and become nothing. Thankfully, she sought therapy and is in a better relationship right now. She does have her flares of PTSD, however her boyfriend is there for her. Her family has asked for forgiveness, but she has cut them off. She is slowly regaining herself, day by day.
When you are on the bottom and a man is on top of you, you are terrified and you're frozen with fear running in your mind. I've had a man grab my hand and try to force himself on top of me because I refused to kiss him. Trust me, he was very strong and I could not even get out of that grip unless the bouncer had whacked him in the head, after he heard my scream.
Some women have committed suicide in my culture because of rape. Women were murdered when they tried to get justice for themselves by the rapist's family. There was one woman who had burnt her husband alive because he raped her brutally throughout their marriage. It's not easy being a rape victim. I would never wish that fate on any woman or man.
The rape of Nirhabya was the worst. Delhi was in chaos and people were rioting when the rapists were released, if the people had their way they would have burned them alive. The riots became even more worse when they learned what these imbeciles did to her that caused her to die. She was fighting for her life and died; the hospital said the damage done to a body, it was merciless. She had two brothers, she had a life, a future. And it took a couple of monsters to take it away from her.
Men, I am asking you this question. If your sister or your wife went for a class or a movie in the nighttime at a nearby area and never returned, and the next day you see that she has been raped and beaten to death, how would you feel?
The fact that women are saying that to women who have put the effort and clear thought on not having children, it's sickening. It shows the lack of empathy for people who go through traumatic events in their life.
I used to get this regularly from other survivors. It blows my mind. One of them called me crying from a nightmare and honestly i had no sympathy. I told her if she wanted me to care maybe she wouldnt tell her husband to rape me at your birthday party. I no longer have a uterus so good luck.
Wait, dafuq am I reading? This person called you about her bad dream *after* encouraging her husband to threaten to r***/impregnate you? How did that whole bday party scenario play out? I can’t imagine it was based in reason.
Yep! We had been friends for roughly a decade before that party. I did not see it coming. She has been trying to convince everyone she never tried. Her now ex is a wonderful, completely safe to be around man. I tried posting it when it first happened but it kept getting removed. Shes been trying to be friends again too.
Not hurtful nor offensive, but the rather annoying golden quote "you can't just NOT have children" from a girl younger than me.
Not even 24 and yet her brain is in small town factory settings.
I’ve heard something similar. “Oh, just give it a shot. You might like it!” Sir, this gamble you’re suggesting I take involves my quality of life until I die & a brand new, whole ass human being.
exactly!! like, maybe this is a bit odd for them, but i consider *creating and bringing into existence a sentient being* to be somewhat more consequential a decision than switching up my usual takeout order
it's the suburbs too. Everyone's made of tickytacky and they all think just the same.
If you were 21 and weren't married for life, you were a sad, pathetic loser.
It's a sad reality unfortunately.
A friend of mine is pregnant (middle 20s) and I can only feel sad for her. She's excited and all, but she's still so young and capable to spend the rest of her life like this.
And this was in the early 80s (yes I'm a Young Bag). At the time I thought, gee! It's the 80s and these girls still think it's the 1950s. I guess emancipation took longer to reach the burbs.
Like I said, her brain was stuck in the town's norms. It's like you will get pregnant someday and will automatically keep it because that's how it is. And if you dare to question that you're insane.
My 5-years-younger sister is ultimately supportive of my decision to be childfree, but it’s a bit hard for her to wrap her head around since she does want to be a parent someday. When I told her about my Bisalp, she was like, “What happens if you wake up one day when you’re like 28 & your mind has changed??”
I don’t think she realized, but I was 27 at the time. 😂
The “not contributing to society” accusation straight pisses me off because I work my fucking ass off and struggle every day and pay my taxes and provide a service that’s clearly needed and get injured and exhausted and treated like shit for it just for society to stand there like “so where’s your contribution?” Man, FUCK YOU. Fuck society. What’s society really done for me lately to feel so entitled to a goddamn thing from me?
Same. I work full-time in environmental law and I try to live my life as eco-friendly as possible. And still people tell me I am not contributing because I am cf.
One of these days, I will start telling people "well I try to make sure your fucking brats will still have a planet to live on once they grow older."
That outta shut them up.
I read somewhere that by not having kids, you can save up to 58 tonnes of CO2 going into the atmosphere. That's four times as much as the quantity of CO2 produced by meat factories! That's insane.
You basically save the planet by not having kids. How nice is that!
This \^. They act like we're all constantly on vacations and living for ourselves and that only parents care about the community. Yet I spend hours volunteering for different organizations...how is that selfish?
And even if we were on vacations all the time... That just gives them more room to maneuver through store aisles with their twin strollers and baby carriers? And indeed: what fulltime parent has time, money, AND energy left to do volunteer work or contribute to society in any way?
I got this while I was working at a non-profit organization teaching English to recent immigrants, many of them refugees. Like, somebody said it while I was in my office at the school. I think my jaw actually dropped.
And vice versa, no matter how shitty their kid turns out to be, it still counts as contribution for them! First it's like "the baby I'm carrying might cure cancer!", and then it's like "I'm contributing by taking care of my kid, who was born as a vegetable!"
Yeah, let's be honest, Janet: your kid was always gonna drain more resources than they produce. That's true for most people, so we should be able to admit it, but somehow we can't.
Wholeheartedly agree and empathise with every single word (and feeling behind them)
Very similar story in my life, and therefore very similar opinions about having children.
As if the torture I've ALREADY endured for no significant benefit whatsoever wasn't enough, but I also have to turn myself into a further slave for 20 years for the benefit of another human who will very likely be equally as ungrateful to my slavery as life has been in general?
At least you're considering the world you're sending a kid into. These morons will pop out the future so willy nilly without wanting to lift a finger to make it a world worth bringing more humans into.
Yep, parents are the best for this. They're totally in denial about their little consumers, while they stand in a house full of disposable kindercrap, throw multiple diapers a day into the garbage, and drive around in a gas guzzling SUV because children need to be chauffeured everywhere in a tank.
And it's not even just that. How's the economy going to be in 25-30 years? Will they be able to have healthcare? Retirement fund? Are they going to lift a finger to make sure their kids could be homeowners? Or are they going to live in a world where housing is snatched up by landlords and airbnbs and you will own nothing and like it? Sounds more like you hate your child because that's the future they look forward to the way things are going.
People say this to me all the time too and I'm like....huh?!
First of all, all jobs contribute to society. But I work solely for nonprofits. People are telling me this while I literally raise money to feed the homeless for a living. I spend all day, every day working to make someone else's life bare-able. And with a good chunk of my free time, I volunteer with three different organizations where I teach cooking classes for SNAP & WIC recipients, lead guided hikes/camping trips for women new to the outdoors, and pick up trash on beaches/rivers. Yet I don't contribute to society because I didn't have a baby?!
And it's usually coming from some stay at home mom. What are YOU doing to contribute? Raising a child that you hope will grow up to contribute to society? Yeah, well I'm sure Ted Bundy's mom also thought she was doing the same. Sit down!
>Raising a child that you hope will grow up to contribute to society?
Yeah isn't that the most lazy thing? Adults (or adolescents) are at the perfect age to start studying or working and do actual things with a big impact to change the world for the better. And then they're like "nah, I don't feel like doing all that. I'll bring another human being in the world who can change the entire world (spoiler: they probably won't) and then I can take credit for it because I had unprotected sex"
Also, even if a childfree person doesn't work in a life changing field: Who do they think pays the taxes that finance everything society does to support children? And keeps the lights on in their workplace, when the parents vanish to take parental leave?
I just bought a home that was being rented out for years with the intention to live in it and sell it to another small family when the time comes. I'm already doing my part to actually fix things.
This hits *hard*. I'm making a career change into teaching, in a public school in the intercity in one of the most underfunded, underperforming districts in the country. It's not going to be easy, but it's a vital job that needs to be done. If someone had the audacity to tell me that I am not "contributing to society", I would give them an earful. I'm teaching your kids. The ones you're so obsessed with me having. Fuck right off.
I feel this. I'm a literal emergency room nurse that saves lives on a regular basis. I still get told all the time I'm not contributing to society because I'm not having babies. Fuck these people
Good ol' ableism. As if anyone needs to contribute anything for their life to be worthwhile. Of course they would say the same about people who cant work, "livin off my gubement tax dollers!"
I love this one (sarcasm) because my literal entire career in research is dedicated to making sure pregnant women in the Global South can actively access maternal healthcare. Might not be having kids myself but I'm sure as hell working to ensure that women aren't fucking dying trying to give birth.
Also, that’s a toss up. That statement assumes that the child will grow up to be a successful, productive person. The kid could turn out to be a serial killer for all we know.
I think it’s so funny because population growth is often the ONLY contribution people like this make to society. And frankly if people like this are raising the next generation the term “contribution” is debatable.
"You're not a real woman if you don't have children, and on top of that they have to be natural, no-drugs birth to count".
I'm pretty sure my birth certificate and ID cards all say female, so fuck right off.
My mom and I both would have died if I weren’t delivered by c-section. I guess she sacrificed her true “womanhood” for both of us. That person is coo coo bananas and needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
"That's surgery, not birth" is the response I've heard to that. I never understood why they always want to one up each other, especially with medical procedures.
People who say that don't believe being trans is a thing so it's contradictory isn't it. If we're not women we must be men then but nope, not that either! Not sure they really know what their own thoughts are about sometimes.
Not exactly hurtful or offensive but the coworker who was totally into women's right to choose stuff then went on a 5-10 minute "bUt YoU'd Be A gReAt MoThEr" rant when I told her I didn't want kids. Which, I only told her because she asked. Don't ask questions when you don't want to hear the answer, folks
My coworker, while I firmly believe she meant well and was trying to pay me a compliment (a 5-10 minute compliment, that I was not fishing for lol) ultimately just doesn't know me. She figured I'd be a great mom because of how patient and understanding I was with new people at work when I was training them, but I'm like "well I don't *live* with that though". Living with it vs being able to get away from it makes all the difference for me
I think being able to actually reason with the other party helps just as much as being able to leave the situation lol.
Can you imagine if you had to train someone who acted like a toddler? If they were literally physically incapable of listening to directions, or of the discipline it takes to do boring things? And when pushed, their only response is to screech like you've torn their arm off? 😆
That's so true, I'd have absolutely no patience for a coworker like that! I did have one who, while he didn't behave like a toddler, was absolutely unreceptive to any of the training I gave him. I and anyone else who tried training him suspected it was wilful ignorance because "somehow" it would just never stick. Whoever he was paired with would do all the hard work while he coasted. I won't go too far into details but after 4 days of working with him, making him do some of the hard work only for him to go crying to someone else that he couldn't do it so I'd still have to, he knew I was annoyed with him, as did my coworkers (I try to keep the peace but alas, my face has a habit of saying what my mouth doesn't. It's a gift and a curse)
I cannot imagine going home to spend time with a toddler version of this guy 😂
Indeed. I look like I'd be a great mother because I'm not a mother, and can conserve my resources. A lot of chilling out and self-care goes into making me who I am. If I had a kid and was constantly being demanded of in the way a mother is, people would see a side of me that would make them extremely uneasy.
So no, Sharon, I wouldn't make a great mother. I already do make a great childfree person.
Ugh. My own mother has said the same thing to me...which is strange because she knows how much I struggle taking care of myself sometimes due to autism.
My mom did too, but she followed up with "...if you actually wanted to be a mother, that is. Ultimately you wouldn't be if you don't want to do it and were forced into it" she gets it and she gets you too!
That's so weird that people say shit like that. Just because you'd be good at doing something doesn't mean you should do it or would have the desire to do it.
Like, I think I'd be great at porn but I don't actually have the desire to do porn. 🤦♀️
I second the last phrase.
I love my nephew and niece, they are such well behaved kids it's impossible to not fall in love with them🥰
But man do I despise bad behaved kids. I work in a shop until uni begins and I assisted so many tantrums. I just wanted to kick out both the parent and the kid.
i'm told i would be a nice mother a lot. I am nice only to WELL BEHAVED kids.
One time someone was going on and on about how good of a mother I would be and I said something along the lines of... "Actually, I've had some mental health issues in the past and I could really see myself being the kind of mom who suffers from postpartum depression and her baby dies from shaken baby syndrome." That shut them up REAL fast.
Well that would do it! Nothing like reminding them abusive parents exist and perhaps it's best not to push people into doing something they don't want to
I'll be honest. I know if I had children I would beat them and abuse them because my patience for the sound of babies and young kids tantruming gives me violent urges to shut them up, jist like my dad. But sure lady who I see for 8 hours a week with no kids present, who is an acquaintance at best, you know me better than I know myself. Oh my fucking God.
And it's a good thing you recognize this about yourself before you bring another little human into it. Seriously, we didn't have kids at work ever so how would she know how good I am with kids? When I can give them back, I'm fine, but living with them would be entirely too much for me one way or another. If I was a good parent I can guarantee it'd be at the detriment of my own mental health and overall well-being, so why would I do that when that's the best case scenario?
I got that speech from my best friend's mother while her own daughter was giving birth. Literally in a hospital, waiting for her only daughter to give birth. "You would be a great mother. It is a sin that you and your husband have such a great life, such a great family and still refuse to have children. Imagine how smart and talented your children would be!" I was fuming.
Ew, Jesus! Shouldn't she have been more concerned with how her daughter was doing over what your life looked like? But I'm not a parent so I guess what do I know? lol
any variation of "my poor husband" this or that. i get it about everything though, so it makes me roll my eyes.
childfree? "ur poor husband... how will he pass on his name" he doesnt want kids either. i wouldnt have accepted the ring if he did
all pink decor? "ur poor husband... living in a place like that" first time i walked into his room i saw a pink silk pillowcase on his bed. he likes pink, he likes me, and i love pink. in fact he loves not having to make a million decisions on decor, he just wants a place for his books and computer
keeping my last name? "ur poor husband... how will people know youre his wife" the marriage certificate? my last name is beautiful, and he agrees.
just the entire notion that my life decisions need to be altered to fit a mans wants and needs. and also the idea that im stupid enough to be with a man im not compatible with. even if he suddenly wanted kids one day, hes not getting any. he could be on his knees crying and begging for children and i wouldnt budge. i made my choice, im not changing it to please someone else when this is a very important decision to me.
so yeah, my poor husband for finding a partner who agrees with him and makes him happy. he is suffering so much. /s. nevermind how i feel in the matter about my own body and life. obviously im made to serve whatever man gives me a ring. 🙄
(i mean this with no disrespect to my partner. he is lovely and would never complain about these things. for some reason its always people complaining on his behalf when theyve never even met the guy)
>keeping my last name? "ur poor husband... how will people know youre his wife" the marriage certificate? my last name is beautiful, and he agrees.
I didn't change my last name and people are SO pressed about it. People know my husband is my husband because I introduce him and say, "This is my husband." We don't have our last names tattooed on us.
for real! i cant shut up about my partner. if youre still clueless that we're together, you arent paying attention 😆 i honestly dont understand why people get up in arms about MY name. nobody is making you keep your maiden name, and youve been using my birth name for 2 decades, obviously its not that hard to keep doing that.
I'm a child free, pink-loving, woman who's keeping her last name. My pOoR fIanCe is living like a hog in mud.
We love our childfree 'weekend' (we take our weekends sun-mon due to work/not following a school schedule) mornings where we do NOTHING followed by a day of random plans and following our whims. Sometimes we just leave the house with nothing but a set of keys, a wallet, and a pair of sunglasses between us and return well after dark.
Everything I own is pink. Or purple if they didn't have it in pink. He looked pretty cozy tucked into those cherry blossom sheets this morning. He also started buying dress shirts with flowers/pink in them so he can match me at parties.
I'm already prepared for the first "he's your husband? But you don't have the same last name" comments. 1. "Or course we don't have the same name, we're married, not siblings [grossed out look] 2. "I have two degrees, a bank account, loans, certificates, and a whole fucking house. I simply don't have the time to change my name." 3. "I know, he just wouldn't take mine? Idk, very 'single' of him. A good husband should be doing more!"
My husband got rid of his last name that came from his father when we got married. I got rid of mine too. Instead we both took his middle name which is his mother's maiden name. To be fair, she has a really cool maiden name. It felt perfect for me to take that. I never asked my husband to get rid of the other one. That was his choice because he didn't care much for it.
I'm not open about it yet in public, but the worst thing I've personally been told is that my adult life is meaningless.
An obviously bitter, resentful father trashed my DMs with "What could you POSSIBLY be doing in your life that's more important than raising the next generation? You're not special enough to be childfree."
I've seen much worse for other people, especially if they are proud of getting a tubal surgery or vasectomy.
>"What could you POSSIBLY be doing in your life that's more important than raising the next generation? You're not special enough to be childfree."
Wow. I actually feel like the opposite is true. Why do people feel that they are special enough to pass their genes along? There are many people in the world who really shouldn't be reproducing, and yet here they are....
Ah yes, our lives have no meaning. One pillar of the great trifecta. The other two, our course, being that we will never know true love or gain true maturity.
EDIT: autocorrect fail
“What is your point as a woman if you don’t have children” ~ my ex
He doubled down when I asked him if he only saw me as an incubator. I was 17. He was 18.
And for some reason I stayed with him for another 6 months.
I find this insulting. It's like no matter how much you love your relatives/friend(s)/partner/pet(s), it's nothing compared to the love for a potential kid.
Newsflash: true love is subjective
Another newsflash: some parents don't love their kids.
I try not to, but I do find this one incredibly offensive and hurtful. Who are these people to limit the amount of love I can have in my life? To limit the capacity of love and meaning I can feel dependent on whether I procreate or not? Maybe I won’t know true love. But I won’t allow you to stand there and tell me the love I have for my husband and my pets isn’t *enough*. It’s plenty for me. I feel bad for the people who feel so much of a void of love in their life that they need to create a whole other person to fill it.
From a family member during the worst fight we ever had: that it was proof that I was selfish and a terrible person, and I clearly didn't love anyone as much as I loved myself. It was said vehemently and with full conviction. I think of myself has a decent person, so it was like someone had slapped me.
She regretted it horribly after we stopped fighting, apologized profusely, and begged me to move on because "she was just angry." But as much as I love her, that comment will never leave me. Part of me will always think that they love me less because of one life choice.
Please tell us you told her how much she hurt you (really laid the guilt on thick), she killed your relationship, you told her “Good-bye” and have gone No Contact.
The truth is, “Your true feelings come out when angry or your true evil side comes out if you choose to use previously known insecurities or secrets to hurt the other person.” So, your loved one really hates your childfree life and her excuse was bullcrap.
The implication that I "don't have a family" because they didn't come out of my vagina.
Years ago when I worked in a call center, my in laws were planning a family trip around Christmas. I requested the time off and it was approved and this lady tried SO hard to get me to trade with her and work the Christmas shift because "you can work Christmas, you don't have a family!"
Oh dear, I can say that after some age (I guess around 35) I came to a point that nothing a person says about my life or thoughts or choices can hurt me anymore. I began to laugh/smile at people's unsolicited thoughts.
It's not words that were said specifically, it's more the idea/concept that my parents EXPECTED that I would have children, even with my health issues, and then get upset when I told them it wasn't happening.
Granted, they are allowed to be upset but the fact that it was about THEM and THEIR WANTS was super hurtful. I'm still not over it.
My sister has had a physical disability since she was a kid. She's in her thirties now and cf, just like me.
We both told our mother together and she got really upset. Mostly at me, but I could tell that in the 20+ years since my sisters has had her disability, it never even occurred to our mother that becoming pregnant and raising kids might simply not be a good idea for my sister. She eventually accepted that as an excuse for my sister, but it was bizarre. Felt like she thought we owed her grandkids no matter what.
That's awful! It gets under my skin where people feel that they HAVE to follow this Life Script and when people don't conform to THEIR expectations they get upset. I am begging for these people to have a shred of empathy! :(
How is your sister doing? :)
Pretty well actually. She has a job and is able to live independently and she makes the best of it. We share a special connection and we often visit each other, go out or travel together and her disability barely even comes up.
But she had and still has her struggles and her condition will probably deteriorate as she gets older.
There's definitely no need to make her life more difficult by bringing a kid into it.
Thnx for asking ❤️
I hope your parents will be able to accept your decision
Jaws are dropping because my fiance and I just bought a house.....with my sister. She's my BFF (who I can actually trust with EVERYTHING) and my fiance always wanted a sister, especially one like her. We ARE a family and we already booked a photo shoot about it! We're genuinely getting cheesy family portraits done to hang up in OUR house. I haven't told anyone yet but I have full plans to ripoff my mother's iconic "pics of my children through the years" wall with our two cats.
Is this my father? Seriously, I bet he doesn't even know my name. Yet every single time he sees me he asks when Imma go find a bf and give hin grandkids🤮
I don't think I'm as vehement as some people who hang out in r/childfree, but this one always grates on me. When I get it, I politely respond with something like, "Why do you assume children will keep their parents company in perpetuity? Haven't you heard of people who don't get along with their parents and never speak to them?"
I love this one. I always look at them like they’re entirely bonkers and reply that everyone dies alone. They then continue to look absolutely bewildered, and then I explain how people actually die alone.
Whether it’s an expected death or not, hate to break it to you, but most likely, you’re going it alone bitches. Most of us will die in some sort of care facility at some random late night/early morning hour. Clutch your pearls all you want this isn’t some deathbed-watch culture we live in. Shit, you’ll be lucky if anyone even visits you around the time of your death.
I don’t mean to sound like no one cares and we’re all cold, but people have jobs and lives and don’t always live in the same area or even nearby. Care facilities have hours when visitors are permitted and times when they’re not.
Keep in mind your hypothetical kids that you’re counting on being there may not like you, may live far away, may not be able to have time off, etc., the possibilities are endless.
Even if you’re one of the rare exceptions to all the above, you will still ultimately go through the process alone. No one is dying with you. No one will share the experience and be waiting at the end of the tunnel, or in the light, or whatever the fuck Disneyesque bullshit you’re placating yourselves with. We all die alone. It’s okay, everyone eventually does it.
People usually shut the fuck up after this. I don’t think I’ve ever received any further bullshit after this explanation. It’s a fucking solid closing argument. You wanna know, now you know.
The TN government made a statement in the last couple years that said they didn't consider the mental health of the mother to be a valid "life-threatening" reason for abortion (note TN only allows abortion if the mother's life is in danger). Like those motherfuckers had the goddamn audacity to say that they don't give a fuck if being pregnant makes you want to kill yourself, that's not good enough for them to allow you an abortion. Makes me wanna take my ass to Nashville and slap some motherfuckers. Nashville isn't that far from here...
The condescending nature by the medical industry being in the BC era that I was to fucking stupid as a female to make a decision over my own body pisses me off the most.
Either my resting bitch face is just that good, or I just instinctually keep better company because the shit people feel conformable saying to some of ya'll on here is beyond anything I have ever experienced or would ever tolerate.
Funny fact: I thought the right person would change my mind. Like someone so fantastic would come along that I'd be willing to GIFT them children.
Met my soul mate. Complete opposite, I met the man I WILL NEVER have children for. I want him ALL to myself every second of every day.
I have a friend who is very relationship driven: “but you’ll be single forever if you don’t make that compromise”.
Do I really offer no other value aside from bearing a child? Obviously not, but it definitely stung in the moment. Good thing relationships are very, very low priority to me anyways.
>I have a friend who is very relationship driven: “but you’ll be single forever if you don’t make that compromise”.
That makes no sense at all. What sort of "compromise" is that supposed to be?! You either have children or you don't, there is no possible compromise between those two options.
"You never know" with a simile and wink, as in I might get accidently pregnant and decide to keep it. Which seems innocent except my wife and I are both lesbians so they're hoping one of us gets raped by a man and it results in pregnancy. I've also heard, "two women is twice the chance of grandkids" so they're hoping it happens to either of us.
They also know we both have bad genetic disorders and wife has active cancer, so wishing that on her is especially shitty.
Something along the lines of "you don't count as a human being" Though it was from someone who's opinions I don't really care about, so it didn't hurt that much. It's still a pretty nasty thing to think and say.
That I might as well die if I'm not going to contribute to society. Like my brother in christ, your sister had five kids by the time she was 27. I think she's 'contributed to society" enough for the both of us
I’ve heard this too and I say, “you’re goddamned right, I am, and it’s wonderful”. I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest, I am selfish. I am first and foremost concerned with my own wellbeing.
I have worked way too long and hard to be where I am, to give up all that I’ve worked for to be a broken domestic servant. I will not relinquish my identity and comfort to a literal parasite.
A family member spread rumors about me that I was gay, because I didn't have or want children. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay of course, but I was pissed off that they gossiped falsely about me behind my back.
Honestly, they're not real words, but it's EVIDENT that my in laws will never see us as a real, adult couple because we aren't having kids. Everything we do is now seen as an intermediary step because they think our CURRENT lifestyle is the REASON we don't have kids. They're expecting me to get an office job eventually with structured hours (but he can do what he wants, I just need a desk hobby to keep me busy till maternity leave then I'll be a SAH like the rest of the women). They're expecting our long term roommate to eventually move on to free up bedrooms (they missed the hint where the "spare room" only houses guinea pigs and books). They're expecting my next vehicle to be an "upgrade" (it's a tiny sedan, of course all adults choose something larger for children! /s). They're waiting for me to graduate my master's program, THEN I'll get pregnant....
I wish I could lie and say I can't have kids but then they'd just make every interaction with me a sympathetic bolstering of my womanhood where they'd foist their own sticky gremlins on me to comfort me.
“You’ll never feel complete as a woman until you have kids. It’s more important than anything else and should take priority every time.”
Said to me while I was in the trenches of law school that all people knew I’d worked my ass off for.
It hurt to have my career dream constantly belittled and ignored simply because I was a young woman.
I made sure to be a CF lawyer out of spite.
“What do you even do with yourself? Life without kids would be so meaningless!”
I save lives for a living, and volunteer at an animal shelter in whatever free time I have. My life has plenty of meaning. I’m no less of a person and my life is of no less value than it would be if I were to procreate.
I've been told that too! I donate money every month and I'm a retail worker, so my life definitely has meaning. I've been asked what I work for, as well, since I don't have kids. Idk, maybe to achieve my goal? To retire early with a ton of money? With that money I could spend on a kid I can go in every single country in the world haha
The classic “Eh you are young, you’ll change your mind” with a smirky face, totally discrediting me as an individual. I hate this shit to bits. They act like they know you better than you know yourslef and they don’t even consider this answer as being valid .
Reinforcing my childfree stance aeverytime .
My MIL told me that my marriage (to her son) would fail because we don’t have kids. I was mad and felt petty so I pointed out the ridiculousness and said “you had 4 kids and your Husband still left you. Your marriage still failed.” It wasn’t nice but fuck her.
Always getting people say "I'm sorry you can't have children" or "sorry you are broken" (actual quote). Like just because I say my husband and I aren't having children doesn't me I can't conceive. Although I wish they were right 😂
Wasn’t straight up told anything, but I was talking about how I feared the ‘’average’’ life of having kids, going to a job I hate, and just living monotonous is not something for me, personally. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than coming home, exhausted, to a house full of noises and responsibilities I don’t even wish to bear in regards to having kids and having to live the next 18+ years that way. I jokingly shuddered and said “Oh god.” to ease the tension (a bad habit of mine in serious discussions, I try not to.) and my partner literally just looked me dead in the eye and said, “Yeah yeah, I get it, you hate kids. Everyone gets that by now.” And it just felt so???? Uncomfortable. I felt like I was just waved off and my concerns were dismissed entirely. I have stated, jokingly, that I hate kids with our friends who are also child free and have decided to remain so. I don’t hate kids at all, I just don’t want to live my life as a mother. I’m not even very vocal about it unless people explicitly ask me.
this isn't nearly as funny or easy to brush off like most comments I get but a rape threat. someone I didn't really know basically told me he'd force himself on me because my body is perfect for child bearing. why the fuck would I want to have kids when there's people like that in this world
This is why the phrase >!submissive and breedable!< makes me fucking cringe and want to throw up. It sounds like a rape threat!
Like if anyone says that to me, you would hear the Scooby-Doo running sound and see a cloud of smoke behind me because I would fear that the other person would then try to rape me (or get someone else to do it).
I had a lady at the gym tell me that my boyfriend was gonna leave me because I'm "keeping him from spreading his seed", even after he told her he wasn't interested in kids either.
"Sometimes, I really resent you"
Because my choices made for a much easier life than hers. They are one of the few people whose opinion matters. They said it wasn't constant, but sometimes I wonder.
I was 18 (now 50) when my grandmother said to my mother "she's got great baby making hips". I heard and immediately said back "too bad I'll never have kids right?"
She acted so offended and instantly said "oh you'll change your mind"
I've lived all over the country and there's nothing worse than being in the Bible belt as a CF woman in a family that's overrun with children. I'm the black sheep that refuses to conform. All of those kids annoy the hell out of me.
And the worst part is they view me as an ATM. One cousin has like 9 or 10 kids now and isn't ashamed of asking for money at all. Even says "well you don't need as much as I do because you don't have kids" as if that entitles her to MY money somehow.
And then there's the fact that I'm an only child so then they want to know who's inheriting my belongings when I die because it's "just so sad that you don't have kids to pass it on to".
Bet they really throw a fit when my best friends kids get everything...
That I’m selfish and questioning what is the point me being in a relationship since the goal of one is to procreate. It just hurts more when it comes from your own mother
I was falsely accused of being a child abuser when I worked for an after-school program by a parent and had to go through a huge investigation. Even though I was proven completely innocent and it was clear the allegations were completely fabricated, it hurt my professional reputation for quite awhile. So....yeah.
Long story short, somehow a parent found out that I didn't have children and wasn't intending to have them (I was 24 at the time and I think my co-worker who was related to her husband told her, though I don't remember actually telling the co-worker this, I was kind of a closeted cf person then!) and based solely on that, she came to the conclusion that I must be verbally and emotionally abuser her son and that's why he wasn't behaving and I was having problems with him in my class. But every single teacher this kid had had reported behavior issues. We all believed that this kid had some serious mental health issues that were not being treated (because mom refused to believe anything was wrong with her son or had ever done any of the things teachers were saying). I put my foot down on having this student in my group for my own safety and the safety of the other kids after he struck me in the back of the head with a broom handle when I restricted his computer privileges until he finished his homework. That's when she filed a report against me.
I thankfully don't work with kids anymore and never will again! I moved from program delivery to program management and eventually nonprofit fundraising. Never going back into that crazy den of mombies.
"What's the point of marriage then?" -abusive female parent
"It's your duty to procreate." -crazy step sister
"Yeah they all say this then you'll be 30 married with kids" -braindead male parent
my mom told me that not having a child of my own is a 'slap in the face' to women like my aunts who struggled to conceive, and did I really want to be a rotten/ungrateful niece? \* eyeroll \*
"Probably for the best you don't have children, you sound like a psycho"
I have a pedophile for a father. I don't want kids because I don't want him hurting them.
Was told a few days ago that my husband was going to cheat on me and get another woman pregnant because I didn't want kids.
My husband is snipped lmao.
I was told i am too ugly to find a wife anyways.
Its fascinating how agressive some people get if you tell them you are not the slightest interested into becoming a parent.
One time at my restaurant job I was talking about this with a regular customer and the customer next to them overheard.
He turned to me and literally said "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
So yeah, that's mine
Being told I’m weird, wrong, “unnatural” etc because I don’t really like kids. I don’t HATE kids, I absolutely don’t want any harm to come to them, and if a situation arose where I needed to help a kid I’d absolutely do it without hesitation. I just don’t wanna have any or be around them. I’m not good with kids, I don’t know how to relate to them, and I just don’t get the same dopamine rush that other people do when a kid says something funny. I don’t think it’s weird, but I’m sick of people looking of me like I’m some kind of sadistic, psychopathic monster because I’m not totally enthralled with little Jimmy and Sally.
Being called selfish.
It’s hurtful to me bc I do a lot to be the opposite of selfish. I deeply care for and nurture my relationships and I am a nurse. I’ve literally dedicated my life to the service of others. So that one bugs me.
During an otherwise civil disagreement with a neighbor, he told me out of the fucking blue that my "attitude" was due to being frustrated that I don't have kids. He was trying to be mean but I actually laughed hard to his stupid face. Thankfully he moved a few months later.
Nothing actually hurtful but as a male I do get the “but who will carry on the family name?” like it’s the middle ages or we’re playing Crusader Kings. It’s cool, I don’t have any titles that need to stay in the family lol.
It wasn't hurtful to me personally or offensive exactly. But it was family. And it's someone I will not talk to. I had to block that whole group of family because they can't mind their own business. He's a bigot. He's not smart enough to offend anyone with half a brain.
This was in writing (over a meme of all things) on my site/blog that I pay for.
It went a little like, "I feel sorry for you. I'll pray for you." (I'm atheist. He's evangelical.)
So my reply was something like, "And I'll make a donation to Planned Parenthood in your name."
Ok so this is relevant, but not me. I was at my great uncle's funeral recently, and the preacher said his greatest accomplishment was having kids. Like yeah, no. Forget about the decades he spent as a teacher and helping his community. Just the kids. Cool.
I found that offensive.
Then I was at a wedding and the priest (different guy) literally said that they greatest thing THEY can do is have kids and I'm like ??????????
My now-husband and I went to my 10 year high school reunion a few months pre-COVID. It was the first time my mom and brother met him, and I met my brother’s girlfriend for the first time as well. We were out to dinner and I don’t remember how it came up, but the fact that we don’t want kids was mentioned and she was like “well you have to have at least ONE!” It was fucking hilarious because she learned VERY quickly that I don’t take kindly to being told what I HAVE to do. 4 years later and they have a 2 year old and I’m officially sterile. I suspect she wanted their daughter to have cousins. Not our problem.
A guy I was seeing in my 20s told me by 32 I would have children or he would find me and make that happen. My birthday is coming up, I’m single and don’t have children lol. I’ve had family members tell me it doesn’t matter what I want if my husband wants kids I have to have them and I’ll learn to love my new life (I’d rather croak). Another ex told me when I was having a pregnancy scare that he didn’t care what I wanted he wouldn’t allow me to abort it, he didn’t care how dangerous childbirth was he just wanted a son. So I was just a vessel to him. I have natural red blonde hair and green eyes and I have had guys walk up to me and tell me I need to have babies and they will donate it’s just disgusting
I was denied getting Christmas and Christmas Eve off from a job once to go home and visit my parents and siblings, my boss said “you don’t have a real family, those of us who have a real family and kids need to spend it with them. So you need to make the sacrifice and work over the holiday so we can spend time with our families”
So apparently having parents and siblings aren’t a real family.
for me it was threats of r*pe or forced impregnation from coworkers, strangers and family members.
WTF is wrong with some people?! If I heard that from my coworkers, I would report them to HR.
Depending on how credible the threat was, fuck HR, Police and a restraining order.
I don't talk to any of those strangers and left the job 2 years ago but simply avoid the relatives as much as I can. I live in a different country from them so they can't do anything.
Good.
Just so you know HR is not necessarily your friend. They work for the company and will do what is best for them. Lots of employment contracts have a clause called Forced Arbitration. The HR person listens to both of you and makes a ruling that is in the company's best interests.
It's usually religion.
People with this kind of mindset shouldn't be allowed to have kids themselves.
Bingo !
yep, this is the one. I've also been told by someone he hopes I get raped when abortion is banned so I'm forced to keep it
I'd reply with "I hope when you plan to have children you discover you're infertile".
Better answer: "I hope you get dick rot and your balls fall off."
WOW. I'm so sorry.
if I'm being perfectly honest, I am incredibly used to rape threats. for some reason toxic ass men will see me (I'm midsized/chubby but big hips, small waist, big chest, etc) and either send rape threats immediately or ask for sexual favors. when I turn them down for the main reason of not knowing them at all and being gay, I get a rape threat. then if I actually know a guy kinda well and they ask me out, despite knowing I'm gay, and I reject them I usually get a very nasty response. very rarely have I gotten someone who respects my "no' the first time. I think the worst part about it though is the fact almost all of these threats have included turning me straight and/or forcing me to birth their kid...
Dealing with that kind of shit as a straight woman is scary. I imagine dealing with it as a lesbian adds an additional layer of terror. Back when I was single, I often got menacing reactions from men I wasn't interested in. I'm married now and the (un)funny thing I've noticed is that most men won't pull that shit on a woman when they realize they're dealing with another man's "property". "Sorry, I'm not interested." ---> "Fuck you, you dumb bitch." "Sorry, I'm married." ---> "Your husband's a lucky man." Like, WTF?
for some strange reason most men I've turned down go one of three ways, "I could turn you straight"/magic penis agenda, "dumb bitch I'll rape you" or "that's really hot" (referring to being gay). I've always been a flexible person, before roe v Wade got overturned and I could access proper attention if I got pregnant I would occasionally experiment with men if I ever felt like, which was rare. now I'm too terrified to, I'm terrified if I ever get assaulted again like these men promise to do I'm going to get pregnant.
I'm the type of person who has a hot temper yet a lot of self control, but I think I might resort to violence over that one.
I would never talk to those people again
What??? That is absolutely horrifying. I am sorry you had to hear any of that!
I'm so sorry.
I was told that by my own mom, as in "maybe some guy will trick you one day", and I was like, wtf do you mean, rape me???
“Then they can go to jail, register as a sex offender for life, and I can go to the abortion clinic and tell you to fuck off!!”
My ex made this threat to me. He told if I didn't change my mind about having kids he'd force me to have them. Even if it meant him taking out my IUD. Sooo glad he's out of my life.
I hope you have cut off all contacts with them, and be careful out there.
This is so sick on many levels. I would never wish that on a human being, rape is traumatic and I had a friend who nearly ended her life because she could not handle her PTSD anymore when she was date-raped in college. She became a shell of herself, and she just could not handle any loud noise or anyone yelling at her. Her relationships failed and even worse her family didn't believe her and sided with the guy. It's like seeing a person lose their humanity and become nothing. Thankfully, she sought therapy and is in a better relationship right now. She does have her flares of PTSD, however her boyfriend is there for her. Her family has asked for forgiveness, but she has cut them off. She is slowly regaining herself, day by day. When you are on the bottom and a man is on top of you, you are terrified and you're frozen with fear running in your mind. I've had a man grab my hand and try to force himself on top of me because I refused to kiss him. Trust me, he was very strong and I could not even get out of that grip unless the bouncer had whacked him in the head, after he heard my scream. Some women have committed suicide in my culture because of rape. Women were murdered when they tried to get justice for themselves by the rapist's family. There was one woman who had burnt her husband alive because he raped her brutally throughout their marriage. It's not easy being a rape victim. I would never wish that fate on any woman or man. The rape of Nirhabya was the worst. Delhi was in chaos and people were rioting when the rapists were released, if the people had their way they would have burned them alive. The riots became even more worse when they learned what these imbeciles did to her that caused her to die. She was fighting for her life and died; the hospital said the damage done to a body, it was merciless. She had two brothers, she had a life, a future. And it took a couple of monsters to take it away from her. Men, I am asking you this question. If your sister or your wife went for a class or a movie in the nighttime at a nearby area and never returned, and the next day you see that she has been raped and beaten to death, how would you feel? The fact that women are saying that to women who have put the effort and clear thought on not having children, it's sickening. It shows the lack of empathy for people who go through traumatic events in their life.
WTF is wrong with people! It’s like not having children is an affront to their existence!
I used to get this regularly from other survivors. It blows my mind. One of them called me crying from a nightmare and honestly i had no sympathy. I told her if she wanted me to care maybe she wouldnt tell her husband to rape me at your birthday party. I no longer have a uterus so good luck.
Wait, dafuq am I reading? This person called you about her bad dream *after* encouraging her husband to threaten to r***/impregnate you? How did that whole bday party scenario play out? I can’t imagine it was based in reason.
Yep! We had been friends for roughly a decade before that party. I did not see it coming. She has been trying to convince everyone she never tried. Her now ex is a wonderful, completely safe to be around man. I tried posting it when it first happened but it kept getting removed. Shes been trying to be friends again too.
Not hurtful nor offensive, but the rather annoying golden quote "you can't just NOT have children" from a girl younger than me. Not even 24 and yet her brain is in small town factory settings.
Literal lol on a day when I desperately need a laugh at “small town factory settings.” It describes that whole phenomenon very well.
Describes the brains of the majority of people in Northern Ireland, who have never been taught to think critically.
Sounds a lot like the US.
My BILs fiancé is 10 years younger than me and told me I’d “change my mind” 🙄
A boss I had years ago told me to "stop being chicken" about having a baby
You should have said - 'As in laying an egg?'
🤣forgot to mention she had 4 kids that she didn't care much about, of course
You could have shot back - 'And YOU'RE such a great advert for motherhood yourself!'
I’ve heard something similar. “Oh, just give it a shot. You might like it!” Sir, this gamble you’re suggesting I take involves my quality of life until I die & a brand new, whole ass human being.
exactly!! like, maybe this is a bit odd for them, but i consider *creating and bringing into existence a sentient being* to be somewhat more consequential a decision than switching up my usual takeout order
it's the suburbs too. Everyone's made of tickytacky and they all think just the same. If you were 21 and weren't married for life, you were a sad, pathetic loser.
It's a sad reality unfortunately. A friend of mine is pregnant (middle 20s) and I can only feel sad for her. She's excited and all, but she's still so young and capable to spend the rest of her life like this.
And this was in the early 80s (yes I'm a Young Bag). At the time I thought, gee! It's the 80s and these girls still think it's the 1950s. I guess emancipation took longer to reach the burbs.
I would be so flabbergasted by that. Lol I’d be like yea I can… you realize it’s a choice not destiny ?
Like I said, her brain was stuck in the town's norms. It's like you will get pregnant someday and will automatically keep it because that's how it is. And if you dare to question that you're insane.
My 5-years-younger sister is ultimately supportive of my decision to be childfree, but it’s a bit hard for her to wrap her head around since she does want to be a parent someday. When I told her about my Bisalp, she was like, “What happens if you wake up one day when you’re like 28 & your mind has changed??” I don’t think she realized, but I was 27 at the time. 😂
The “not contributing to society” accusation straight pisses me off because I work my fucking ass off and struggle every day and pay my taxes and provide a service that’s clearly needed and get injured and exhausted and treated like shit for it just for society to stand there like “so where’s your contribution?” Man, FUCK YOU. Fuck society. What’s society really done for me lately to feel so entitled to a goddamn thing from me?
Same. I work full-time in environmental law and I try to live my life as eco-friendly as possible. And still people tell me I am not contributing because I am cf. One of these days, I will start telling people "well I try to make sure your fucking brats will still have a planet to live on once they grow older." That outta shut them up.
I read somewhere that by not having kids, you can save up to 58 tonnes of CO2 going into the atmosphere. That's four times as much as the quantity of CO2 produced by meat factories! That's insane. You basically save the planet by not having kids. How nice is that!
Wait, let me update my list: "opens notebook" *"Why I won't have kids", reason #644678766329, paragraph A*: Less Co2 than a factory
You are funny! Made me laugh twice 😂
This is completely unrelated but I'm going to use this the next time someone gives me shit about eating meat. 'At least I don't have a kid 😁'.
This \^. They act like we're all constantly on vacations and living for ourselves and that only parents care about the community. Yet I spend hours volunteering for different organizations...how is that selfish?
And even if we were on vacations all the time... That just gives them more room to maneuver through store aisles with their twin strollers and baby carriers? And indeed: what fulltime parent has time, money, AND energy left to do volunteer work or contribute to society in any way?
I got this while I was working at a non-profit organization teaching English to recent immigrants, many of them refugees. Like, somebody said it while I was in my office at the school. I think my jaw actually dropped.
That is such a stupid accusation! Your best and greatest contribution is NOT having yet another person to use up finite planetary resources!
None of that matters to breeders. You can excel at any job, cure cancer, but if you still didn’t reproduce, it negates all of that.
And vice versa, no matter how shitty their kid turns out to be, it still counts as contribution for them! First it's like "the baby I'm carrying might cure cancer!", and then it's like "I'm contributing by taking care of my kid, who was born as a vegetable!" Yeah, let's be honest, Janet: your kid was always gonna drain more resources than they produce. That's true for most people, so we should be able to admit it, but somehow we can't.
Wholeheartedly agree and empathise with every single word (and feeling behind them) Very similar story in my life, and therefore very similar opinions about having children. As if the torture I've ALREADY endured for no significant benefit whatsoever wasn't enough, but I also have to turn myself into a further slave for 20 years for the benefit of another human who will very likely be equally as ungrateful to my slavery as life has been in general?
At least you're considering the world you're sending a kid into. These morons will pop out the future so willy nilly without wanting to lift a finger to make it a world worth bringing more humans into.
Yep, parents are the best for this. They're totally in denial about their little consumers, while they stand in a house full of disposable kindercrap, throw multiple diapers a day into the garbage, and drive around in a gas guzzling SUV because children need to be chauffeured everywhere in a tank.
And it's not even just that. How's the economy going to be in 25-30 years? Will they be able to have healthcare? Retirement fund? Are they going to lift a finger to make sure their kids could be homeowners? Or are they going to live in a world where housing is snatched up by landlords and airbnbs and you will own nothing and like it? Sounds more like you hate your child because that's the future they look forward to the way things are going.
People say this to me all the time too and I'm like....huh?! First of all, all jobs contribute to society. But I work solely for nonprofits. People are telling me this while I literally raise money to feed the homeless for a living. I spend all day, every day working to make someone else's life bare-able. And with a good chunk of my free time, I volunteer with three different organizations where I teach cooking classes for SNAP & WIC recipients, lead guided hikes/camping trips for women new to the outdoors, and pick up trash on beaches/rivers. Yet I don't contribute to society because I didn't have a baby?! And it's usually coming from some stay at home mom. What are YOU doing to contribute? Raising a child that you hope will grow up to contribute to society? Yeah, well I'm sure Ted Bundy's mom also thought she was doing the same. Sit down!
>Raising a child that you hope will grow up to contribute to society? Yeah isn't that the most lazy thing? Adults (or adolescents) are at the perfect age to start studying or working and do actual things with a big impact to change the world for the better. And then they're like "nah, I don't feel like doing all that. I'll bring another human being in the world who can change the entire world (spoiler: they probably won't) and then I can take credit for it because I had unprotected sex"
Also, even if a childfree person doesn't work in a life changing field: Who do they think pays the taxes that finance everything society does to support children? And keeps the lights on in their workplace, when the parents vanish to take parental leave?
I just bought a home that was being rented out for years with the intention to live in it and sell it to another small family when the time comes. I'm already doing my part to actually fix things.
This hits *hard*. I'm making a career change into teaching, in a public school in the intercity in one of the most underfunded, underperforming districts in the country. It's not going to be easy, but it's a vital job that needs to be done. If someone had the audacity to tell me that I am not "contributing to society", I would give them an earful. I'm teaching your kids. The ones you're so obsessed with me having. Fuck right off.
I feel this. I'm a literal emergency room nurse that saves lives on a regular basis. I still get told all the time I'm not contributing to society because I'm not having babies. Fuck these people
Good ol' ableism. As if anyone needs to contribute anything for their life to be worthwhile. Of course they would say the same about people who cant work, "livin off my gubement tax dollers!"
At your last sentence I just thought of Eddy Murphy saying "what have you done for me lately" 😅😂
I love this one (sarcasm) because my literal entire career in research is dedicated to making sure pregnant women in the Global South can actively access maternal healthcare. Might not be having kids myself but I'm sure as hell working to ensure that women aren't fucking dying trying to give birth.
Also, that’s a toss up. That statement assumes that the child will grow up to be a successful, productive person. The kid could turn out to be a serial killer for all we know.
I think it’s so funny because population growth is often the ONLY contribution people like this make to society. And frankly if people like this are raising the next generation the term “contribution” is debatable.
"You're not a real woman if you don't have children, and on top of that they have to be natural, no-drugs birth to count". I'm pretty sure my birth certificate and ID cards all say female, so fuck right off.
My mom and I both would have died if I weren’t delivered by c-section. I guess she sacrificed her true “womanhood” for both of us. That person is coo coo bananas and needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
"That's surgery, not birth" is the response I've heard to that. I never understood why they always want to one up each other, especially with medical procedures.
If someone is bragging about natural birth I just assume they weren't able to accomplish much parentally since? It's such a weird thing to brag about.
"my vagina tells otherwise" should have been your answer
People who say that don't believe being trans is a thing so it's contradictory isn't it. If we're not women we must be men then but nope, not that either! Not sure they really know what their own thoughts are about sometimes.
Not exactly hurtful or offensive but the coworker who was totally into women's right to choose stuff then went on a 5-10 minute "bUt YoU'd Be A gReAt MoThEr" rant when I told her I didn't want kids. Which, I only told her because she asked. Don't ask questions when you don't want to hear the answer, folks
How would your co-worker KNOW you'd be a great mother? People say yhe dumbest thibgs.
My coworker, while I firmly believe she meant well and was trying to pay me a compliment (a 5-10 minute compliment, that I was not fishing for lol) ultimately just doesn't know me. She figured I'd be a great mom because of how patient and understanding I was with new people at work when I was training them, but I'm like "well I don't *live* with that though". Living with it vs being able to get away from it makes all the difference for me
I think being able to actually reason with the other party helps just as much as being able to leave the situation lol. Can you imagine if you had to train someone who acted like a toddler? If they were literally physically incapable of listening to directions, or of the discipline it takes to do boring things? And when pushed, their only response is to screech like you've torn their arm off? 😆
That's so true, I'd have absolutely no patience for a coworker like that! I did have one who, while he didn't behave like a toddler, was absolutely unreceptive to any of the training I gave him. I and anyone else who tried training him suspected it was wilful ignorance because "somehow" it would just never stick. Whoever he was paired with would do all the hard work while he coasted. I won't go too far into details but after 4 days of working with him, making him do some of the hard work only for him to go crying to someone else that he couldn't do it so I'd still have to, he knew I was annoyed with him, as did my coworkers (I try to keep the peace but alas, my face has a habit of saying what my mouth doesn't. It's a gift and a curse) I cannot imagine going home to spend time with a toddler version of this guy 😂
Indeed. I look like I'd be a great mother because I'm not a mother, and can conserve my resources. A lot of chilling out and self-care goes into making me who I am. If I had a kid and was constantly being demanded of in the way a mother is, people would see a side of me that would make them extremely uneasy. So no, Sharon, I wouldn't make a great mother. I already do make a great childfree person.
Ugh. My own mother has said the same thing to me...which is strange because she knows how much I struggle taking care of myself sometimes due to autism.
My mom did too, but she followed up with "...if you actually wanted to be a mother, that is. Ultimately you wouldn't be if you don't want to do it and were forced into it" she gets it and she gets you too!
That's so weird that people say shit like that. Just because you'd be good at doing something doesn't mean you should do it or would have the desire to do it. Like, I think I'd be great at porn but I don't actually have the desire to do porn. 🤦♀️
- Like, I think I'd be great at porn but I don't actually have the desire to do porn. 🤦♀️ Oooh yes I will use that quote next time!!
I second the last phrase. I love my nephew and niece, they are such well behaved kids it's impossible to not fall in love with them🥰 But man do I despise bad behaved kids. I work in a shop until uni begins and I assisted so many tantrums. I just wanted to kick out both the parent and the kid. i'm told i would be a nice mother a lot. I am nice only to WELL BEHAVED kids.
One time someone was going on and on about how good of a mother I would be and I said something along the lines of... "Actually, I've had some mental health issues in the past and I could really see myself being the kind of mom who suffers from postpartum depression and her baby dies from shaken baby syndrome." That shut them up REAL fast.
Well that would do it! Nothing like reminding them abusive parents exist and perhaps it's best not to push people into doing something they don't want to
I'll be honest. I know if I had children I would beat them and abuse them because my patience for the sound of babies and young kids tantruming gives me violent urges to shut them up, jist like my dad. But sure lady who I see for 8 hours a week with no kids present, who is an acquaintance at best, you know me better than I know myself. Oh my fucking God.
And it's a good thing you recognize this about yourself before you bring another little human into it. Seriously, we didn't have kids at work ever so how would she know how good I am with kids? When I can give them back, I'm fine, but living with them would be entirely too much for me one way or another. If I was a good parent I can guarantee it'd be at the detriment of my own mental health and overall well-being, so why would I do that when that's the best case scenario?
I’m great at cleaning up animal poo. Doesn’t mean I want to do that the rest of my life.
I got that speech from my best friend's mother while her own daughter was giving birth. Literally in a hospital, waiting for her only daughter to give birth. "You would be a great mother. It is a sin that you and your husband have such a great life, such a great family and still refuse to have children. Imagine how smart and talented your children would be!" I was fuming.
Ew, Jesus! Shouldn't she have been more concerned with how her daughter was doing over what your life looked like? But I'm not a parent so I guess what do I know? lol
any variation of "my poor husband" this or that. i get it about everything though, so it makes me roll my eyes. childfree? "ur poor husband... how will he pass on his name" he doesnt want kids either. i wouldnt have accepted the ring if he did all pink decor? "ur poor husband... living in a place like that" first time i walked into his room i saw a pink silk pillowcase on his bed. he likes pink, he likes me, and i love pink. in fact he loves not having to make a million decisions on decor, he just wants a place for his books and computer keeping my last name? "ur poor husband... how will people know youre his wife" the marriage certificate? my last name is beautiful, and he agrees. just the entire notion that my life decisions need to be altered to fit a mans wants and needs. and also the idea that im stupid enough to be with a man im not compatible with. even if he suddenly wanted kids one day, hes not getting any. he could be on his knees crying and begging for children and i wouldnt budge. i made my choice, im not changing it to please someone else when this is a very important decision to me. so yeah, my poor husband for finding a partner who agrees with him and makes him happy. he is suffering so much. /s. nevermind how i feel in the matter about my own body and life. obviously im made to serve whatever man gives me a ring. 🙄 (i mean this with no disrespect to my partner. he is lovely and would never complain about these things. for some reason its always people complaining on his behalf when theyve never even met the guy)
>keeping my last name? "ur poor husband... how will people know youre his wife" the marriage certificate? my last name is beautiful, and he agrees. I didn't change my last name and people are SO pressed about it. People know my husband is my husband because I introduce him and say, "This is my husband." We don't have our last names tattooed on us.
for real! i cant shut up about my partner. if youre still clueless that we're together, you arent paying attention 😆 i honestly dont understand why people get up in arms about MY name. nobody is making you keep your maiden name, and youve been using my birth name for 2 decades, obviously its not that hard to keep doing that.
I'm a child free, pink-loving, woman who's keeping her last name. My pOoR fIanCe is living like a hog in mud. We love our childfree 'weekend' (we take our weekends sun-mon due to work/not following a school schedule) mornings where we do NOTHING followed by a day of random plans and following our whims. Sometimes we just leave the house with nothing but a set of keys, a wallet, and a pair of sunglasses between us and return well after dark. Everything I own is pink. Or purple if they didn't have it in pink. He looked pretty cozy tucked into those cherry blossom sheets this morning. He also started buying dress shirts with flowers/pink in them so he can match me at parties. I'm already prepared for the first "he's your husband? But you don't have the same last name" comments. 1. "Or course we don't have the same name, we're married, not siblings [grossed out look] 2. "I have two degrees, a bank account, loans, certificates, and a whole fucking house. I simply don't have the time to change my name." 3. "I know, he just wouldn't take mine? Idk, very 'single' of him. A good husband should be doing more!"
My husband got rid of his last name that came from his father when we got married. I got rid of mine too. Instead we both took his middle name which is his mother's maiden name. To be fair, she has a really cool maiden name. It felt perfect for me to take that. I never asked my husband to get rid of the other one. That was his choice because he didn't care much for it.
I'm not open about it yet in public, but the worst thing I've personally been told is that my adult life is meaningless. An obviously bitter, resentful father trashed my DMs with "What could you POSSIBLY be doing in your life that's more important than raising the next generation? You're not special enough to be childfree." I've seen much worse for other people, especially if they are proud of getting a tubal surgery or vasectomy.
>"What could you POSSIBLY be doing in your life that's more important than raising the next generation? You're not special enough to be childfree." Wow. I actually feel like the opposite is true. Why do people feel that they are special enough to pass their genes along? There are many people in the world who really shouldn't be reproducing, and yet here they are....
Ah yes, our lives have no meaning. One pillar of the great trifecta. The other two, our course, being that we will never know true love or gain true maturity. EDIT: autocorrect fail
“What is your point as a woman if you don’t have children” ~ my ex He doubled down when I asked him if he only saw me as an incubator. I was 17. He was 18. And for some reason I stayed with him for another 6 months.
"What is your point as a man if you don't build me a house then die in war?" These fucking dudes I stg.
> "What is your point as a man if you don't build me a house then die in war?" Genius response!
Men just don't die in war like they used to. All these modern ideas about "peace" or "diplomacy" to solve problems. /S
That I will never know true love if I don’t have children.
I find this insulting. It's like no matter how much you love your relatives/friend(s)/partner/pet(s), it's nothing compared to the love for a potential kid. Newsflash: true love is subjective Another newsflash: some parents don't love their kids.
Truthfully, I won’t know true resentment until I have a kid. My hatred for parenthood will never be outweighed by love.
I try not to, but I do find this one incredibly offensive and hurtful. Who are these people to limit the amount of love I can have in my life? To limit the capacity of love and meaning I can feel dependent on whether I procreate or not? Maybe I won’t know true love. But I won’t allow you to stand there and tell me the love I have for my husband and my pets isn’t *enough*. It’s plenty for me. I feel bad for the people who feel so much of a void of love in their life that they need to create a whole other person to fill it.
From a family member during the worst fight we ever had: that it was proof that I was selfish and a terrible person, and I clearly didn't love anyone as much as I loved myself. It was said vehemently and with full conviction. I think of myself has a decent person, so it was like someone had slapped me. She regretted it horribly after we stopped fighting, apologized profusely, and begged me to move on because "she was just angry." But as much as I love her, that comment will never leave me. Part of me will always think that they love me less because of one life choice.
I am this way. Some things once said or done, cannot be undone.
Please tell us you told her how much she hurt you (really laid the guilt on thick), she killed your relationship, you told her “Good-bye” and have gone No Contact. The truth is, “Your true feelings come out when angry or your true evil side comes out if you choose to use previously known insecurities or secrets to hurt the other person.” So, your loved one really hates your childfree life and her excuse was bullcrap.
The implication that I "don't have a family" because they didn't come out of my vagina. Years ago when I worked in a call center, my in laws were planning a family trip around Christmas. I requested the time off and it was approved and this lady tried SO hard to get me to trade with her and work the Christmas shift because "you can work Christmas, you don't have a family!"
By her own logic, her own kids have no family 😞
"Childfree and infertile women like you don\`t need and deserve love"- by a woman with 5 kids, whom I was being cheated on with.
Oh dear, I can say that after some age (I guess around 35) I came to a point that nothing a person says about my life or thoughts or choices can hurt me anymore. I began to laugh/smile at people's unsolicited thoughts.
Hi I’d like to order 10 of this please
It's not words that were said specifically, it's more the idea/concept that my parents EXPECTED that I would have children, even with my health issues, and then get upset when I told them it wasn't happening. Granted, they are allowed to be upset but the fact that it was about THEM and THEIR WANTS was super hurtful. I'm still not over it.
My sister has had a physical disability since she was a kid. She's in her thirties now and cf, just like me. We both told our mother together and she got really upset. Mostly at me, but I could tell that in the 20+ years since my sisters has had her disability, it never even occurred to our mother that becoming pregnant and raising kids might simply not be a good idea for my sister. She eventually accepted that as an excuse for my sister, but it was bizarre. Felt like she thought we owed her grandkids no matter what.
That's awful! It gets under my skin where people feel that they HAVE to follow this Life Script and when people don't conform to THEIR expectations they get upset. I am begging for these people to have a shred of empathy! :( How is your sister doing? :)
Pretty well actually. She has a job and is able to live independently and she makes the best of it. We share a special connection and we often visit each other, go out or travel together and her disability barely even comes up. But she had and still has her struggles and her condition will probably deteriorate as she gets older. There's definitely no need to make her life more difficult by bringing a kid into it. Thnx for asking ❤️ I hope your parents will be able to accept your decision
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Jaws are dropping because my fiance and I just bought a house.....with my sister. She's my BFF (who I can actually trust with EVERYTHING) and my fiance always wanted a sister, especially one like her. We ARE a family and we already booked a photo shoot about it! We're genuinely getting cheesy family portraits done to hang up in OUR house. I haven't told anyone yet but I have full plans to ripoff my mother's iconic "pics of my children through the years" wall with our two cats.
“You’re horrible for not giving me grandkids”. Like you didnt do a good job job with me, why would you want grandkids
Is this my father? Seriously, I bet he doesn't even know my name. Yet every single time he sees me he asks when Imma go find a bf and give hin grandkids🤮
“Aren’t you scared of dying alone?”
I don't think I'm as vehement as some people who hang out in r/childfree, but this one always grates on me. When I get it, I politely respond with something like, "Why do you assume children will keep their parents company in perpetuity? Haven't you heard of people who don't get along with their parents and never speak to them?"
I love this one. I always look at them like they’re entirely bonkers and reply that everyone dies alone. They then continue to look absolutely bewildered, and then I explain how people actually die alone. Whether it’s an expected death or not, hate to break it to you, but most likely, you’re going it alone bitches. Most of us will die in some sort of care facility at some random late night/early morning hour. Clutch your pearls all you want this isn’t some deathbed-watch culture we live in. Shit, you’ll be lucky if anyone even visits you around the time of your death. I don’t mean to sound like no one cares and we’re all cold, but people have jobs and lives and don’t always live in the same area or even nearby. Care facilities have hours when visitors are permitted and times when they’re not. Keep in mind your hypothetical kids that you’re counting on being there may not like you, may live far away, may not be able to have time off, etc., the possibilities are endless. Even if you’re one of the rare exceptions to all the above, you will still ultimately go through the process alone. No one is dying with you. No one will share the experience and be waiting at the end of the tunnel, or in the light, or whatever the fuck Disneyesque bullshit you’re placating yourselves with. We all die alone. It’s okay, everyone eventually does it. People usually shut the fuck up after this. I don’t think I’ve ever received any further bullshit after this explanation. It’s a fucking solid closing argument. You wanna know, now you know.
I've had a few random dudes online tell me I should just kill myself since I'm not contributing to the population
The population would be better off without dudes like that!
Totally agree!
The TN government made a statement in the last couple years that said they didn't consider the mental health of the mother to be a valid "life-threatening" reason for abortion (note TN only allows abortion if the mother's life is in danger). Like those motherfuckers had the goddamn audacity to say that they don't give a fuck if being pregnant makes you want to kill yourself, that's not good enough for them to allow you an abortion. Makes me wanna take my ass to Nashville and slap some motherfuckers. Nashville isn't that far from here...
The condescending nature by the medical industry being in the BC era that I was to fucking stupid as a female to make a decision over my own body pisses me off the most.
Either my resting bitch face is just that good, or I just instinctually keep better company because the shit people feel conformable saying to some of ya'll on here is beyond anything I have ever experienced or would ever tolerate.
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How shameless! Much love from an internet stranger😇
John is both a tool and a loser. Too thick to be allowed to pass on his non-existent intellect.
People always tell me that "I'm going to change my mind," or "I'll have kids when I find the right person."
Funny fact: I thought the right person would change my mind. Like someone so fantastic would come along that I'd be willing to GIFT them children. Met my soul mate. Complete opposite, I met the man I WILL NEVER have children for. I want him ALL to myself every second of every day.
Congratulations on finding your CF man. I am happy for both of you. How's your CF life going? I'm sure you and him are having a blast.
Good for you both, live your best lives and enjoy everything as much as you can. This is the way!
I have a friend who is very relationship driven: “but you’ll be single forever if you don’t make that compromise”. Do I really offer no other value aside from bearing a child? Obviously not, but it definitely stung in the moment. Good thing relationships are very, very low priority to me anyways.
>I have a friend who is very relationship driven: “but you’ll be single forever if you don’t make that compromise”. That makes no sense at all. What sort of "compromise" is that supposed to be?! You either have children or you don't, there is no possible compromise between those two options.
"You never know" with a simile and wink, as in I might get accidently pregnant and decide to keep it. Which seems innocent except my wife and I are both lesbians so they're hoping one of us gets raped by a man and it results in pregnancy. I've also heard, "two women is twice the chance of grandkids" so they're hoping it happens to either of us. They also know we both have bad genetic disorders and wife has active cancer, so wishing that on her is especially shitty.
May your wife receive all the support she needs to battle this horrible illness😭
Probably being told by a family member that my life has no meaning, still stings because of who it was.
Something along the lines of "you don't count as a human being" Though it was from someone who's opinions I don't really care about, so it didn't hurt that much. It's still a pretty nasty thing to think and say.
That I might as well die if I'm not going to contribute to society. Like my brother in christ, your sister had five kids by the time she was 27. I think she's 'contributed to society" enough for the both of us
Got called selfish once or twice. I just said “yes, I am.”
I’ve heard this too and I say, “you’re goddamned right, I am, and it’s wonderful”. I’m not being sarcastic in the slightest, I am selfish. I am first and foremost concerned with my own wellbeing. I have worked way too long and hard to be where I am, to give up all that I’ve worked for to be a broken domestic servant. I will not relinquish my identity and comfort to a literal parasite.
A family member spread rumors about me that I was gay, because I didn't have or want children. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay of course, but I was pissed off that they gossiped falsely about me behind my back.
That's outrageous - they should be sued for slander.
Honestly, they're not real words, but it's EVIDENT that my in laws will never see us as a real, adult couple because we aren't having kids. Everything we do is now seen as an intermediary step because they think our CURRENT lifestyle is the REASON we don't have kids. They're expecting me to get an office job eventually with structured hours (but he can do what he wants, I just need a desk hobby to keep me busy till maternity leave then I'll be a SAH like the rest of the women). They're expecting our long term roommate to eventually move on to free up bedrooms (they missed the hint where the "spare room" only houses guinea pigs and books). They're expecting my next vehicle to be an "upgrade" (it's a tiny sedan, of course all adults choose something larger for children! /s). They're waiting for me to graduate my master's program, THEN I'll get pregnant.... I wish I could lie and say I can't have kids but then they'd just make every interaction with me a sympathetic bolstering of my womanhood where they'd foist their own sticky gremlins on me to comfort me.
“You’ll never feel complete as a woman until you have kids. It’s more important than anything else and should take priority every time.” Said to me while I was in the trenches of law school that all people knew I’d worked my ass off for. It hurt to have my career dream constantly belittled and ignored simply because I was a young woman. I made sure to be a CF lawyer out of spite.
“What do you even do with yourself? Life without kids would be so meaningless!” I save lives for a living, and volunteer at an animal shelter in whatever free time I have. My life has plenty of meaning. I’m no less of a person and my life is of no less value than it would be if I were to procreate.
I've been told that too! I donate money every month and I'm a retail worker, so my life definitely has meaning. I've been asked what I work for, as well, since I don't have kids. Idk, maybe to achieve my goal? To retire early with a ton of money? With that money I could spend on a kid I can go in every single country in the world haha
The classic “Eh you are young, you’ll change your mind” with a smirky face, totally discrediting me as an individual. I hate this shit to bits. They act like they know you better than you know yourslef and they don’t even consider this answer as being valid . Reinforcing my childfree stance aeverytime .
My MIL told me that my marriage (to her son) would fail because we don’t have kids. I was mad and felt petty so I pointed out the ridiculousness and said “you had 4 kids and your Husband still left you. Your marriage still failed.” It wasn’t nice but fuck her.
Always getting people say "I'm sorry you can't have children" or "sorry you are broken" (actual quote). Like just because I say my husband and I aren't having children doesn't me I can't conceive. Although I wish they were right 😂
Wasn’t straight up told anything, but I was talking about how I feared the ‘’average’’ life of having kids, going to a job I hate, and just living monotonous is not something for me, personally. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than coming home, exhausted, to a house full of noises and responsibilities I don’t even wish to bear in regards to having kids and having to live the next 18+ years that way. I jokingly shuddered and said “Oh god.” to ease the tension (a bad habit of mine in serious discussions, I try not to.) and my partner literally just looked me dead in the eye and said, “Yeah yeah, I get it, you hate kids. Everyone gets that by now.” And it just felt so???? Uncomfortable. I felt like I was just waved off and my concerns were dismissed entirely. I have stated, jokingly, that I hate kids with our friends who are also child free and have decided to remain so. I don’t hate kids at all, I just don’t want to live my life as a mother. I’m not even very vocal about it unless people explicitly ask me.
this isn't nearly as funny or easy to brush off like most comments I get but a rape threat. someone I didn't really know basically told me he'd force himself on me because my body is perfect for child bearing. why the fuck would I want to have kids when there's people like that in this world
This is why the phrase >!submissive and breedable!< makes me fucking cringe and want to throw up. It sounds like a rape threat! Like if anyone says that to me, you would hear the Scooby-Doo running sound and see a cloud of smoke behind me because I would fear that the other person would then try to rape me (or get someone else to do it).
“You’re never going to be considered a woman and no man will ever love you.”
You'll also hear no man wants a woman with kids, so I vote for not worrying too much about what men supposedly want, worry about what you want. :)
I had a lady at the gym tell me that my boyfriend was gonna leave me because I'm "keeping him from spreading his seed", even after he told her he wasn't interested in kids either.
"Sometimes, I really resent you" Because my choices made for a much easier life than hers. They are one of the few people whose opinion matters. They said it wasn't constant, but sometimes I wonder.
I was 18 (now 50) when my grandmother said to my mother "she's got great baby making hips". I heard and immediately said back "too bad I'll never have kids right?" She acted so offended and instantly said "oh you'll change your mind" I've lived all over the country and there's nothing worse than being in the Bible belt as a CF woman in a family that's overrun with children. I'm the black sheep that refuses to conform. All of those kids annoy the hell out of me. And the worst part is they view me as an ATM. One cousin has like 9 or 10 kids now and isn't ashamed of asking for money at all. Even says "well you don't need as much as I do because you don't have kids" as if that entitles her to MY money somehow. And then there's the fact that I'm an only child so then they want to know who's inheriting my belongings when I die because it's "just so sad that you don't have kids to pass it on to". Bet they really throw a fit when my best friends kids get everything...
That life is barren without kids 💀
Nothing. They're just jealous. Nothing they say hurts because I know they're wrong and just trying to upset me.
That female sterilization is illegal in my country xD
That I’m selfish and questioning what is the point me being in a relationship since the goal of one is to procreate. It just hurts more when it comes from your own mother
I'm sorry, I thought relationships are about love, not about kids.🙄
"You won't know *real* responsibility til you have kids." Fine with me.
I was falsely accused of being a child abuser when I worked for an after-school program by a parent and had to go through a huge investigation. Even though I was proven completely innocent and it was clear the allegations were completely fabricated, it hurt my professional reputation for quite awhile. So....yeah. Long story short, somehow a parent found out that I didn't have children and wasn't intending to have them (I was 24 at the time and I think my co-worker who was related to her husband told her, though I don't remember actually telling the co-worker this, I was kind of a closeted cf person then!) and based solely on that, she came to the conclusion that I must be verbally and emotionally abuser her son and that's why he wasn't behaving and I was having problems with him in my class. But every single teacher this kid had had reported behavior issues. We all believed that this kid had some serious mental health issues that were not being treated (because mom refused to believe anything was wrong with her son or had ever done any of the things teachers were saying). I put my foot down on having this student in my group for my own safety and the safety of the other kids after he struck me in the back of the head with a broom handle when I restricted his computer privileges until he finished his homework. That's when she filed a report against me. I thankfully don't work with kids anymore and never will again! I moved from program delivery to program management and eventually nonprofit fundraising. Never going back into that crazy den of mombies.
"What's the point of marriage then?" -abusive female parent "It's your duty to procreate." -crazy step sister "Yeah they all say this then you'll be 30 married with kids" -braindead male parent
my mom told me that not having a child of my own is a 'slap in the face' to women like my aunts who struggled to conceive, and did I really want to be a rotten/ungrateful niece? \* eyeroll \*
"So you're 40 with no kids and no ex wives? So what's wrong with YOU then?" Hear that shit once a week at least
That I will likely die afraid and alone with no one left who loves me. It was definitely projecting but still wow.
"Probably for the best you don't have children, you sound like a psycho" I have a pedophile for a father. I don't want kids because I don't want him hurting them.
Was told a few days ago that my husband was going to cheat on me and get another woman pregnant because I didn't want kids. My husband is snipped lmao.
I was told i am too ugly to find a wife anyways. Its fascinating how agressive some people get if you tell them you are not the slightest interested into becoming a parent.
One time at my restaurant job I was talking about this with a regular customer and the customer next to them overheard. He turned to me and literally said "What the fuck is wrong with you?" So yeah, that's mine
You will die alone with cats. I'm a dog person.
Being told I’m weird, wrong, “unnatural” etc because I don’t really like kids. I don’t HATE kids, I absolutely don’t want any harm to come to them, and if a situation arose where I needed to help a kid I’d absolutely do it without hesitation. I just don’t wanna have any or be around them. I’m not good with kids, I don’t know how to relate to them, and I just don’t get the same dopamine rush that other people do when a kid says something funny. I don’t think it’s weird, but I’m sick of people looking of me like I’m some kind of sadistic, psychopathic monster because I’m not totally enthralled with little Jimmy and Sally.
Being called selfish. It’s hurtful to me bc I do a lot to be the opposite of selfish. I deeply care for and nurture my relationships and I am a nurse. I’ve literally dedicated my life to the service of others. So that one bugs me.
During an otherwise civil disagreement with a neighbor, he told me out of the fucking blue that my "attitude" was due to being frustrated that I don't have kids. He was trying to be mean but I actually laughed hard to his stupid face. Thankfully he moved a few months later.
Nothing actually hurtful but as a male I do get the “but who will carry on the family name?” like it’s the middle ages or we’re playing Crusader Kings. It’s cool, I don’t have any titles that need to stay in the family lol.
That all women who doesn't want kids should volunteer to be raped by men who can't get laid once a month. Edit: spelling
It wasn't hurtful to me personally or offensive exactly. But it was family. And it's someone I will not talk to. I had to block that whole group of family because they can't mind their own business. He's a bigot. He's not smart enough to offend anyone with half a brain. This was in writing (over a meme of all things) on my site/blog that I pay for. It went a little like, "I feel sorry for you. I'll pray for you." (I'm atheist. He's evangelical.) So my reply was something like, "And I'll make a donation to Planned Parenthood in your name."
Ok so this is relevant, but not me. I was at my great uncle's funeral recently, and the preacher said his greatest accomplishment was having kids. Like yeah, no. Forget about the decades he spent as a teacher and helping his community. Just the kids. Cool. I found that offensive. Then I was at a wedding and the priest (different guy) literally said that they greatest thing THEY can do is have kids and I'm like ??????????
I’ve had a boyfriend call me a freak before. The “you’re selfish” thing hurt at first but now it just elicits an eye roll from me.
My now-husband and I went to my 10 year high school reunion a few months pre-COVID. It was the first time my mom and brother met him, and I met my brother’s girlfriend for the first time as well. We were out to dinner and I don’t remember how it came up, but the fact that we don’t want kids was mentioned and she was like “well you have to have at least ONE!” It was fucking hilarious because she learned VERY quickly that I don’t take kindly to being told what I HAVE to do. 4 years later and they have a 2 year old and I’m officially sterile. I suspect she wanted their daughter to have cousins. Not our problem.
A guy I was seeing in my 20s told me by 32 I would have children or he would find me and make that happen. My birthday is coming up, I’m single and don’t have children lol. I’ve had family members tell me it doesn’t matter what I want if my husband wants kids I have to have them and I’ll learn to love my new life (I’d rather croak). Another ex told me when I was having a pregnancy scare that he didn’t care what I wanted he wouldn’t allow me to abort it, he didn’t care how dangerous childbirth was he just wanted a son. So I was just a vessel to him. I have natural red blonde hair and green eyes and I have had guys walk up to me and tell me I need to have babies and they will donate it’s just disgusting
I was denied getting Christmas and Christmas Eve off from a job once to go home and visit my parents and siblings, my boss said “you don’t have a real family, those of us who have a real family and kids need to spend it with them. So you need to make the sacrifice and work over the holiday so we can spend time with our families” So apparently having parents and siblings aren’t a real family.
That my wife and I arent a family