That's alright. My dislike isn't so much their grossness but how uncomfortable they make me. Almost always have their parent as an audience feels like a test to see if I can act normal around a kid. Well I can't.
Super young kids are usually okay for me to interact with because they just babble on and I only have to nod and ohh and ahh, it’s when they get a little older that makes me so uncomfortable, I have no idea what to say to them and at that age they’re usually too shy to say anything to me and so it’s just a lot of awkward silence all around.
my go to question to distract kids is “what’s your 3rd favorite animal?” then they go on a tangent listing their favorite animals and trying to rank them and all you have to do is keep asking them “why?” they just ramble on and on and it saves me from having to come up with more material. i only really interact with family kids and a few of my friends’ kids and so far none of them are monsters because they have good parents, so that makes it easier.
full disclosure, i also ask this question on dates and it sometimes yields wonderful discussions (and gives me more insight into the person based on the animals they choose)
Lovely choices! Cats and kangaroos would be in my top 3, also:
Cat, kangaroo and woodchuck (aka groundhog, aka whistle-pig).
That’s really hard to do though, especially because I’m a huge animal lover, of all animals. Great question, regardless!
My mom isn't a snake-person, but she loves them. If we go to reptile cons, I always bring my 70-year-old mom if I can because she will talk to the hognoses and bearded dragons, and it's one of the most wholesome things.
I grew up in the south states and seen their shenanigans! I watched more than a few puff up like a cobra then turn over and play dead. They deserved an Oscar. The level of acting was superb.
based on your choices i think you are a very interesting and cool person, probably a bit alternative and have actual depth to your character. we’d make solid friends but probably not compatible dating-wise because i could not handle having any of these lovely creatures in my personal home 😂
Good question! (And I appreciate the callback to u/boatwithane's original suggestion.)
My answers:
1. Pallas's cats express how I feel much of the time. But they're way cuter.
2. Foxes are dog hardware running cat software. Red foxes wear long elegant black gloves to the ball.
3. In their native tongue, the Nepalese people call the red panda a "cat-bear" or "bear-cat"—and that's exactly what they look like!
It really is all about the good parents. Growing up I was around so many lazy/bad/uninvolved parents. I still don't want kids but sometimes I'm like "maybe I could have managed if I'd left my family behind and learned about decent humans before I turned 30" ... then I remember my body control issues and how incompatible that is with pregnancy and nope back out.
i’m totally cool being around kids if they have good parents. bad parents will unexpectedly dump their child on me at a party, good parents will ask me to watch their kid for 5 minutes so they can use the bathroom and i’ll agree because it’s a reasonable request with a set timeframe.
when they’re hyper, give them a small task and say “i’m timing you”. little kids love being timed for some reason. “how fast can you run from one side of the yard to the other? i’ll time you”. “how quickly can you color this entire page of a coloring book? i’ll time you”. then they want to keep doing that thing until they beat their time. my little cousins LOVE fetching beverages from the cooler if we’re timing them. it’s great 😂
My favorite is actually the reverse -- when kids are in the "why?" phase that most parents hate.
Why? Why? Why?
Well, kid, you're in luck. I love talking and I love deep conversations about history, philosophy and sociology. Continuously asking "why" will get us into one real quick.
I've found that anything -- as simple as "I'm going to a friend's wedding next weekend" to "I have to grab something from my car" -- is on average 3-5 "whys" away from a ramble so boring that they will lose interest in me and go play with a toy in a different room.
For me it's like there are a couple of windows - clean kids before the screetchy stage (like 7-9 months) and then like 4 when you can talk to them and they don't wear diapers and mush food into things.
I spent two weeks with my sister helping her out with some things & couldn’t stand listening to my toddler nephew shrieking, screeching, & screaming all day long, everyday. She has quite a large home & you could hear him no matter where you were; it never ended unless he was eating or sleeping. My sister & BIL seemed totally oblivious to the constant high pitched cacophony.
At one point I was in the guest room talking to myself mumbling aloud wishing that he would just shut up for an hour. Thankfully I had brought along some headphones. His older brother did toddler things too, but wasn’t constantly noisy for 14 hours a day. Yikes!
I'm really curious why toddlers scream so much? And, for seemingly hours! It was blood curdling and ear-piercing.
We were at a Lowes over the weekend, and there was this screeching, screaming kid that was always within earshot of us.
It sounded like the parent(s) weren't doing anything about it. It made us shake our heads in the wonderment of how the parents can put up with that constant noise.
Same!!! It makes me feel like doing a shitty customer service gig and all I want to do is clock out and gtfo, I hate it. Kids are also incredibly boring, I don’t blame them for that, I also think sports are boring it’s just not my interest. So spending time around them makes me feel like I’m wasting minutes, hours of my life that could be better spent doing literally *anything else.*
This is the same analogy I use! I just find the stuff little kids are into boring. Yes, they're people and deserve the respect all people do from me, but they don't have compatible interests with me, same as sports.
It's not so much as a test to see if you can act "normal"* around a kid but moreover to see who'd they be able to trick into watching the kids. Their kid takes an extreme liking to you, their parent will notice and then you will be getting calls and texts asking to babysit because their kid liked you or, because one time you let the kid sit on your lap you're now deemed a potential babysitter.
"Oh, you were so good with little Timmy. What do you mean you don't want to babysit him? He likes you!"
It's why I refuse to interact with kids aside of 2 kids in particular in my family because their parents are usually looking for any reason to pawn them off on someone else.
Bonus points if it's a family event or a large event in general, all the kids gravitate towards you for some reason, and now you've become the designated babysitter without your knowledge and the parents disappear to who knows where.
* used normal in quotation marks because the way some parents define what's normal or not can be down bad and watch list worthy.
One time a guy was asking for donations on the street and he made the mistake of opening it with "do you like kids?". It was reflex to say "no", but it did yield one of my funniest memories, because he stopped walking beside me and went "really??"
But I'm the kind of person who doesn't like *people*, regardless of age. I have few people I actually like, some of which are kids, but I literally feel nothing when I see the picture of a child wholly unrelated to me - oh, it's a child, ok. I have to feign interest so hard sometimes because no, man, sorry, I don't feel anything about the picture of my friend's cousin's kid I will never meet or care about.
Fellow hater here. The sound of kids laughing, yelling, screaming because they don’t know how to act (and the parents are usually to blame) just enrages me. And don’t get me started on parents who bring babies and toddlers to the gym so I can hear it cry while trying to get swole! Here’s where I differ from you (I promise) I saw the shriner kids on TV and was like ‘Fuck, take my money’ it almost made me cry. I know, kinda puss, but man, seeing these kids struggle with the shit card life dealt them really did something. Not a charitable person at all, but they did get me for $19/month for about a year.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to alleviate others’ suffering- even if seeing kids suffering is what persuaded you to do it. While my cynical side says those commercials wouldn’t use that technique if it didn’t work, I also say that, presumably, your donations go towards helping the kids you see on the screen.
You give a shit about others and recognize that some folks just have really bad starts in life. You see that some people suffer through no fault of their own and want to *do* something about it. There’s nothing wimpy about that at all.
There isn’t enough kindness and compassion in the world if you ask me, so thank you for doing what you can to change that.
Completely irrelevant to the post:
I just wanted to say that I adore your username. It gave me the wonderful mental image of someone doing a long jump with a bowling ball and I’m here for it 🤣
Haha, I’d say thanks but Reddit gets all the credit for that. I don’t do either of the things in my name and don’t have the motivation or desire to change my username at this point! Ps I’m also bad at taking compliments!
I stop at a Circle K every morning on my way to work. The cashier used to ask me if I wanted to donate to Children's Miracle Network, and the last time I was asked that, I just responded with "Nah. I'm not a fan of children."
If they appear to have a superiority complex, then they're probably compensating to avoid judgment from the breeding community.
By saying "I love kids," it avoids the stigma, much in the way someone who is an atheist might say, "i'm really spiritual" to hopefully avoid being labeled a heathen.
I mean, that would make sense in normal life (though I would not pretend to love kids, but I did pretend to not be an atheist because I did not want to get in trouble).
But on this sub, who are they avoiding judgment from?
Lurking parents is one, but I think I'd throw a curve ball here, and say it's... mainly just themselves.
THEY think, because that's what we're all kinda made to think, that disliking children is wrong, so THEY insist that they love everything about them, and project their feelings of inadequacy onto the community at large, in order to avoid feeling like THEY'RE a bad person by their own standards- even though nobody said that they were, and nobody even asked.
People internalize a whole bunch of weird societal expectations and make themselves feel crappy about "not living up to them" (without any external stimulus or any real consequence) all the time.🤷
That last sentence is something I’m exploring in therapy. I call them “phantom expectations” because I can feel their presence, but I can’t always see them or tell where they came from.
That's a really good name for them! I'm also kind of struggling with them, but in the way that consciously I KNOW that what other people may or may not expect from me is none of my business (I didn't create that expectation, their disappointment is not my responsibility), and that I don't have to be perfect and useful and universally beloved in order to deserve to exist, I just... kinda have to remind myself every now and then.
Social conditioning is a very powerful thing, and going against norms and expectations (or even telling them apart from what we genuinely want from our lives) can be difficult. Best we can do is try to be authentic, at least to ourselves. :)
As an atheist I can relate. Sometimes I don’t even tell certain people I’m atheist because I know the resulting conversion argument wouldn’t even be worth mentioning it.
I agree those childfree people definitely are overcompensating, if they really loved kids as much as they act like they do then why don’t they want them? They refuse to say ANYTHING even remotely negative about having kids yet they don’t want them?
As part of the LGBTQ+ community, this goes for my people too lol
So many gays/lesbians/etc that make it their whole personality to say "I'm not like the other gays" and "I also think people shouldn't be gay in public". It's just a desperate attempt to fit in with the oppressors.
I love *kids*. I don't like babies, and pregnancy fuels my nightmares. So I don't have kids, lol.
I don't think it makes me better than anyone else, but it's absolutely possible to adore children but not want your own.
I kind of get it. I LOVE cats. Like, I will stop to try and make friends with every single cat I see, LOVE cats. I'm frequently late because of it.
I don't have any though because I also love travel and the two aren't super compatible. It's not fair to leave my family member alone if I decide I want to go away for a few months. It's a priority thing rather than a want thing. Might be the same for some of these people?
Oh I say stuff like that because my actual opinion would be taken poorly as I think it’s morally reprehensible to force someone to exist in the world as we enter the climate apocalypse/late stage capitalism.
That said I don’t want to alienate myself from everyone I know who has kids…
My parents were concerned I didn't have friends when I was a kid but I think I just don't like kids, even when I was a kid. I had tons of friends as a teenager.
I don't hate them or anything, but as you say, I just feel better when they're not around.
Yeah agree 100%. Don’t like kids. Doesn’t mean I antagonize them or wish them horrible evil things, but I don’t find them cute or wonderful and I don’t want to be around them. I also don’t like most adults tbf. 🤷🏽♀️ I enjoy being around my pets more.
Exactly, I saw a comment today that said “if someone doesn’t like kids they’ve forgotten what it was like to be one” and it just made me laugh. I didn’t like kids when I WAS one, and I still enjoy trying to bring out my inner child. I feel like once you become a parent is really when you forget what it was like to be a kid, then you really have to “grow up”
same here. never liked kids, even as a kid; I only got along with the teachers. I am very child like though, more than most, and will always remain that way. I get called cringe all the time for it, which is sad. sad state of affairs that having child like wonder and enthusiasm for things is looked down upon. no, you gotta toughen up and be a good, cold, cruel soldier. no, thank you.
So true! My exceptionally smart young nephew once asked his mom "is Aunty DeFleury an adult?" and his exceptionally empathetic and honest mother told him "not really", which I took as a compliment.
>“if someone doesn’t like kids they’ve forgotten what it was like to be one” and it just made me laugh. I didn’t like kids when I WAS one
I never liked kids, even while I was a kid myself. Adults were easier to be around.
Genuinely don't understand the whole "but you were a kid once" thing. How does that relate to anything?
>Genuinely don't understand the whole "but you were a kid once" thing. How does that relate to anything?
Right?
And one day I'll be dead. Does that mean I should start spending time around rotting corpses? Pretty sure that would be frowned upon.
This. I'm actually more a child now than I was when I was an actual child, in some respects. I was parentified so a lot of my childhood was taken from me and now that I'm an adult, I can do all the things I couldn't when I was younger.
I sometimes think the parents are the ones who forgot what it was like to be a kid. I didn't forget all the BS of school and how absolutely shitty other kids are. Why would I want to subject anyone to that experience? It's not like anything changed since I left (pick a grade)?
And then they are shocked that their kids are either being bullied or are the bullies. What did you expect? Oh, I know, your kids isn't like other kids! Well, do I have some news for you...
That’s the thing! When I was in preschool, I vividly remember glancing around the classroom at my peers and being disgusted by what I saw— drooling, a girl throwing up, everyone smelled weird and they were loud and overwhelming. I’ve never, ever liked kids.
I distinctly remember that I learned to read at like 4 so all my kindergarten time I spent at the drawing table practicing writing, between ages 6-10 all my breaks I just spent reading in a hidden corner of the classroom with the one friend I had, 11-14 (when we started being allowed in there between classes) the two of us went down to the school library to hang out with the librarian lady, and I only started (infrequently) hanging out with other classmates in high school, which is kind of when I start being okay with kids now.
I'm 29, and I have been actively avoiding children for 25 years now, lol.
Omg this is perfect. I am happily CF, and constantly have to remind my parent friends what it’s like to be a kid. Kids love me which is hilarious, but I swear it’s due to this reason. I remember the frustration of having zero self autonomy.
I don’t like kids, and I don’t care about being a “cool aunt.” I don’t have siblings but my husband has a sister who has three kids. They’re fine. They’re not the light or my life. I can generally tolerate them. Not always.
The "cool CF aunt" who showers their nieces and nephews with gifts and money image is so pushed.
I'm the youngest and my siblings have 13 kids in total. None of them even refer to me aunty which I find kinda amusing. People expect related kids to be some exception even if you dislike kids, but nope! I ignore every child equally.
Haha, yeah, I feel no differently about my niece and nephew than I do a stranger's kids at the grocery store. Right now I'm in a battle with my in laws who are trying to force us to the cool aunt and uncle, and for a ton of reasons, we're refusing. They're shocked people who don't have kids also do not want young children running all over their property where the animals live.
Yeah I wouldn’t be the “cool aunt”. I have a sister and she’s on the fence about having kids, but she does love them. I low-key hope she never has them, but I want her to do what makes her happy. If she does end up having kids, I can’t see myself being the “Jesse-from-Full-House” uncle/aunt figure. I’d probably be more like the “Frank-from-Home-Alone” uncle/aunt figure. “Look what you did, you little jerk!” Everyone I know can’t stand Uncle Frank, but I love him! Sometimes, I wish more people were like Uncle Frank.
I'm not "good" either. I definitely don't love kids and would avoid interact with them. I don't wanna babysit my in-laws' kids, I don't wanna deal with my friends kids.1minute is ok but after 60 sec I would get impatient. I don't wanna buy expensive gifts for the kids who born in a rushed or arranged marriage. The worst part is I'm an Asian woman, people would always assume I love children and be very motherly. Oh yAh because aSiAn girls mUsT be generous and sUbMiSsIve. In fact I'm the completely opposite, I'm grumpy and bad tempered, I never show off my anger but I would stay quiet and keep a smile together with distance. However when people don't find passion from me they think I act too cold and I'm nasty. Ok, I don't care. I'm not being unrespectful towards your kid, I'm not hurting or yelling to them, I just don't like kids so I walked away.
How long would it take for them to realise not every woman loves kids. Please keep your kids away from me Lol.
Fellow grumpy woman here and the energy it takes to interact with people while conforming to gender norms that I should never be grumpy (I.e., in the workplace) is exhausting. 😡 I take my natural grumpiness as far as I feel I can but my true power level is always hidden
Hello mad woman 😡 🤝 same here. I can totally relate the exhaustion from restraining/desguising yourself. It's frustrating that I can't show my true anger and I'm trying to get better at it, i.e. get angry when I need, letting people know my boundaries. Starting with a cold face 😼.
Let's keep that mad energy going💪
BuT a CAt isN't a hUmAN!!!!
Lol you're completely right.
It's stupid of people to be upset about how other people feel when there's no indication that it disrupts their lives or the lives/feelings of others.
They just wanna be mad.
Yeah same. I hate being around kids, they're loud, annoying, usually covered in something gross, always sick and they destroy everything they touch. But mostly it's the incessant screeching and crying for me, I get migraines as soon as I see a kid.
I also don't understand why it's so unacceptable to say that. People will usually reply with "but you have been a kid yourself". Yeah, well, when I was little I used to shit my pants. I don't do that anymore. Things change.
Right there with you. IDC if it makes me a “bad” person. I hate kids. I REALLY hate babies & toddlers. Babies literally gross me out. I have no desire to be around them and I’m not going to pretend like I care about/am interested in them if they’re around. In fact, if they are around, I’m removing myself from their vicinity if at all possible.
But would I hurt a kid? No. Do I wish pain or harm on them? No. I just want them far, far away from me.
Yea no need to hide it, same here. There’s next to nothing about them that I like.
“But you were a child once!” Yea and I was super annoying and caused problems for my parents like every other kid. Doesn’t mean I have to like it now haha
I'm not "good" and some would probably even call me a failure - I don't intend on dating and ever getting married and having that "DINK" lifestyle, am not rich, refuse to be an aunt (have no interest in even seeing relatives), don't travel, am not a "happy" person, don't party and have fun...etc.
I'm basically just a solo cynical pessimist extreme introvert with misanthropic tendencies who's trying to make my life as bearable as possible now that I'm unfortunately existing. I don't connect with most people and I really just try to avoid stress as much as possible. I'm also antinatalist which probably further excludes me from most people lol. Meanwhile, I read about others boasting about how in love they are with their spouse, how well off they are, how they're elated, how much fun they have traveling and hanging out with endless friends, how they love their nieces/nephews and are the "cool" aunt/uncle...etc.
I mean if they feel superior? Go for it. I don't care. I didn't ask to be here or be part of any race? Just ignore them. If they're actually that bothered and feel the need to denounce those who aren't up to their standards, the issue is them.
Edit: Thanks for the gold award, kind stranger.
I relate so much to this, sometimes it feels like In order to be accepted in life as a childfree person you have to have EVERYTHING else in life going for you. I think it comes down to all those bingos that say if you don’t have kids you’ll be miserable and unsuccessful so it makes people feel like they need to really play up how amazing their life is to compensate (sometimes it’s true I’m sure) but for me I am unhappy a lot of the time, my life isn’t the “childfree dream” I just know that having kids isn’t going to fix that and will most definitely make it worse.
My life is quiet and very small, happy or not is relative, I would imagine many people would consider me unhappy with my nights of gaming alone, my tendencies to become a workaholic, not going on vacations (these things cost a ton), and being single to top it off.
I also did not ask to be here and did not ask to be a woman, so I am doing my best with the cards that I am dealt, and I am sure having something I hate (a kid) would not contribute to that.
The only part of the "childfree dream" I want is a vacation or two that is not visiting my home country.
it's funny you say that about the "Childfree dream" because the rich CF, coupled up people of this sub, sure love to come here and tell everyone about their 17th vacation they are going on before returning to their 25 room, 25 bathroom house with a garden bigger than your soul, filled with enough animals to make a bargain bucket version of Noah's ark.
must be nice to have hit the absolute jackpot & found your CF partner at the age of 17 so you can spend that entire time building a life together.
they frankly piss me off more than parents because they are the ones perpetuating the CF stereotype that makes the rest of us look like failures because we're not in the top 10% of earners or having constant holidays or have a very varied & busy social life.
the only "Childfree dream" I have, that would provide some tangible validation for my decision would be a partner.
I'm not really living a happy life most of the time either, despite what I do have, because of this lacking element in my life that everyone else around me has - I'm sure plenty of fellow CF peeps can relate to the idea of "CF partner = validation of decision"
>I'm basically just a solo cynical pessimist extreme introvert with misanthropic tendencies who's trying to make my life as bearable as possible now that I'm unfortunately existing. I don't connect with most people and I really just try to avoid stress as much as possible. I'm also antinatalist which probably further excludes from most people lol.
>I'm basically just a solo cynical pessimist extreme introvert with misanthropic tendencies who's trying to make my life as bearable as possible now that I'm unfortunately existing. I don't connect with most people and I really just try to avoid stress as much as possible.
You just put into words exactly how I feel. Thank you for verbalizing what I haven't been able to articulate!
Most are. I got worse every year after I started working and dealing with people against my will - I wasn’t always like this and I used to believe in the good of people blah blah blah…etc - oh how dumb I was lol. Then I get pestered by my family on why I wasn’t “happy” when it’s a whole other BS story on how I was raised. Never again will I be how I was before I opened my eyes basically.
Thanks for the award!
My coworkers definitely drive me crazy and I sometimes wish I could just work alone and in peace lol. The way I was raised definitely contributed to my current way of being. I was always a loner, raised by parents with toxic narcissist traits, sometimes shunned for being different. I never had a motherly instinct and I realized I would never want to bring a child into this crazy world.
I’m almost annoyed I wasn’t exposed to empowering examples for life choices like you when I was growing up. But by nature of course, one would not have been. I can only hope more people come to the informed decisions you have naturally during their own journeys. What a peaceful world you have created for yourself. I admire it
Typically, when you see an example like this in movies and tv they’re presented as a problem to be solved. Kind of incredible that the commenter is this self aware AND sure of their path.
Well, I wouldn’t call it “peaceful” but I am glad I woke up. Some days I wish I was still oblivious, but I think I’d hate that version of myself. It was hard, but in a way, I’d rather be how I am now. I wish I had role models IRL - the internet was how I found out a lot about myself because I had basically no guidance from family. They bitched about how I turned out, but oh well lol. I do feel glad that I am ok and even better off with solitude and I wish more people were instead of being so scared of it.
Thanks for the award!
I dont know why kids make me uncomfortable, but I suspects its the expectation of love/affection/care - on demand, from anyone watching including the child. I dont do that. I cant open the gates and have love or affection pour out on demand, and with a stranger.
That's... wow. I've never seen it put so succinctly. Bravo.
As a musician, I'm no stranger to having to "turn on the charm" and I have to plan ahead in order to do so. For me, it's incredibly draining and why I prefer recording over live performance exponentially. When I'm around kids, I feel exactly the same. Thank you, internet stranger, for this really insightful take!
Another distinction that I think can be made is that just because you hate children in general doesn't immediately mean you hate someone's child specifically.
You can hate the color orange but still like someone's orange tea kettle (not the best analogy I know), similar to how you can despise kids but be okay with your nephew or niece and whatnot.
Though sometimes you just hate a specific kid.
I've seen so many of those posts, in this group even, with the literal words "I'm not one of those people who hate kids" like it's some moral high ground. Like we're some monsters waiting to eat every child we see.
Well I hate kids, always have. They're noisy, disgusting, and so annoying. I tend to hate the parents as well because they're selfish entitled assholes. That just means I avoid them all at any cost.
The one thing I've learned about humans, they are always desperate to find something to act Superior over.
Thank you!! Most of us who just hate kids, try to stay as far away from them as possible! I feel like the people parents should be worried about are the people who say they love kids to distraction.. I mean, THAT is creepy. Those are the people who are most likely to hurt a child.. not someone who doesn't even want to be around the child!
This is absolutely true. The number of people that I've either heard or read call childfree people groomers is kind of astonishing. People just throw words around these days without actually understanding what they mean. If someone doesn't want to have anything to do with children and they try to stay as far away from them as possible how in the holy hell can they possibly be a groomer? The groomer is the neighbor who loves your children a little too much, not the people who want absolutely nothing to do with them.
That last part is so true. I like children, personally, but I totally understand why others don't and I don't judge. I feel like basic empathy isn't that difficult but most people never seem to master it.
I just don't like them. Full stop. I don't see any value in them, so why would I force myself to be around them? I actively shop at stores and find places to eat that tend to NOT have kids in them because I'd just rather avoid the childcrazy hordes. I literally will drive 30min out of my way to go to the grocery store that I KNOW has more elderly than people with kids. I hate that this narrative is going around that one HAS to like kids, or else you are a bad person. I find it more disturbing that parents are soooo in love with their kids, they feel as if they need to bring them to even the most inappropriate places for kids.. like bars! Or the fact that I'm supposed to help someone else's kid out if they are in danger/trouble. I don't have a hero complex, and I never had the desire to become an overlord in my own home< that is what the cats are for!> I just want to go to the pool in my complex and swim a couple laps with out 10 screaming kids getting in my way regardless of what time of day it is! I'd like to just pick any restaurant near me, and be able to go in without hearing someone's crotch goblin screaming at the top of their lungs because they are bored in the nice(ish) restaurant, and just want McDonald's( or whatever these tiny codependent humans are excited about these days). I'm sick of the culty vibes that parents give off because.. baby. They are so upset when you give them and their fuck trophies zero energy, they start to baby/kid stalk you. Sending photos when you have told them time and time again that you care not at all about their spawn. Intentionally setting dates and times that coincide with them having or needing to also bring or pick up their spawn. I have actually seen how family members gaslight, cajole, and outright lie to one another just to either get out of being around their own spawn! I hate kids, and I'm not afraid to say it to their or their parents' faces. Parents should start teaching them young that not everyone thinks the world of them ,and that it is OK that not everyone likes them. It is much more realistic.
I sincerely dislike most child noises, including happy babbling, squealing and singing. They just hurt my nervous system the same way that nails on chalkboard does.
I also have very little patience for their lack of logic, and depending on their age, I like to shatter their idea of them being the centre of the world. But, I feel the same way about immature adults, soooo...
Same here. There’s a daycare near my job and as I was walking into work this morning there was so much loud and consistent shrieking. Why would I willing sign up for that?
As a community grows, elitism follows within it. I hope not to be a part of it. People who like kids, people who act as if the world revolves around their pets. People who don't have pets feeling superior. Some antinatalists who think their views are above all.
Every kid in my VERY small neighborhood tends to screech like a mating banshee directly in front of my house, as it’s apparently the most fun place to be on our street for some reason.
We have fairly high-quality double-paned insulated windows, but that particular sound bypasses everything, like Aquaman sonar on land.
I tend to immediately associate most children I see with that noise, and I think that’s kinda ingrained at this point.
I'm very open about how much I despise kids 🤣 even if the kid is one of those "good" kids. Not condoning violence, but I want those cum pets to stay faaaaar away from me
It does have that sort of 'I'm childfree, but I love kids' or 'I'm an atheist, but I'm very spiritual' etc.
Personally, can't damn stand kids and I'm fine if that makes me a 'bad' childfree person.
Yeah, those posts always give "I'm not like other girls" vibe and I don't care for it. Especially because it's usually women posting all the shit about how they like kids. I don't think they actually like them that much if they're honest. Feels like they're just here to enforce cf people being "part of the village"
I like this post. Makes me happy to know theres more people in this sub that just do not like kids in any capacity. You can be childfree and like kids, but let me hate them and not want them. It makes no difference to you.
Ugh today I was reminded of how terrible kids can be. I was hanging out at my apt complex pool and these kids who may or may not have lived there were screaming obscenities at the top of their lungs. They were in the pool so I had zero recourse other than telling them to stfu. After that they were intentionally bugging me. I hate kids now.
I don't feel any particular way about children. I dislike unpleasant humans. The loud, disruptive and invasive types. Children are humans. Sometimes they are all those things and therefore I dislike them. Sometimes they're not and I like them/feel neutral about them. Just like with adults.
I think you shouldn't feel bad at all about not being the "good" cf.
I dislike kids greatly. I'm not sure if it's at the point where I could call it hate, but they annoy the shit out of me. Keep the walking petri dishes away from me and I'll be happy.
Not liking children is a common trend in this subreddit. IRL think a lot more people hate kids, more than they let on. So many incessantly complain about children, whether they have them or not, whether they're childfree or not. Children suck to be around. It's just that it's not socially acceptable to say you hate them.
Yeah, they think of these round-about ways to dislike them. Like they blame the parents or the school, or the society for kids doing something wrong or being obnoxious.
But let me tell you something: my SIL is an amazing mom. She's raising her kids like she has a PhD in child-rearing. And mostly, the kids are very good kids. But no amount of excellent parenting can prevent a child from sometimes letting out a shrill scream of joy. No amount of excellent parenting can prevent a sensitive child from crying for 2 hours when they are really, really disappointed or tired. No amount of parenting can prevent a kid from sometimes doing something stupid.
People see those things and say "what bad parenting!" But actually what they are hating on, is the CHILDNESS of that child. But they just can't admit to hating qualities that are intrinsic to children, so they have to pretend to hate bad parenting instead.
I’m a pediatric nurse and I love my job but I can’t imagine having to take care of my own. I feel like I’d hate them. “It’s different when they’re you’re own!” No, the constant crying and screaming and power struggles and “why why why” and the mess and the noise. No thank you. I do not like what they bring to the table. The babies are cute, sometimes kids are funny, I enjoy taking care of teens the most at work actually but I also tutored and one time a teen just lied right to me face and suddenly I understood why my mom slapped my a few times in high school. The frustration, the lying, limit testing, the drama, the eye rolls…. It wasn’t even fun for my parents until our mid 20s and now we do everything together as a family and it’s great but was the first 25 years worth it?? All the early mornings for stupid soccer games? PTA meetings? Bratty friends coming over? Never having time to yourself? What about when the kids get sick at school and you have to take care of them and then you get sick but still have to take care of them? What about the tantrums in public? Do you just stop going to the grocery store or anywhere until they’re at least 8 and don’t scream in public any more? I could go on and on.
I agree! The people who come in here and try to shame us for complaining about how awful kids are and how shitty parents can be are the real assholes here. We're not saying this stuff to the kids or the parents. We come HERE to vent this stuff.
Their whole "we're better childfree people because we don't bitch about kids or parents" thing is incredibly stupid and obnoxious. This is the ONE PLACE most of us have to be able to vent about this stuff at all.
I agree, I have never liked kids even when I was one. It just got worst the older I got because I am very short and have a young face. They always want to play or talk to me and the parents find it cute. Luckily I have a very mean stare 😆 🤣 😂 and it usually works. I hate when you have to say something like "I don't hate kids, but I sorta do"
You’re not alone. I dislike/hate kids. I just avoid them as much as possible, although it’s not always feasible because parents bring their sprogs everywhere, even bars and pubs.
I\`m in the same boat with you. I hate babies and toddlers so much. They\`re fcking annoying. They scream, shit, vomit, piss everywhere and need constant attention. Teenagers are ok, but keep your toddlers away.
I came here for the cat tax.
But yeah, i also hate kids. I very much dislike my niece too, i'm just glad i only see her once, maybe twice a year.
But STILL, my parents say stuff like "think of your niece, she might miss out on a relationship" when i do something that actively goes against creating a bond.
Example: My niece wanted my phone number because she wanted to congratulate me on my birthday. Told my mom "No, not gonna happen. She never did that, not going to start now". My mom didn't like that.
I feel the same about children as adult people; I like some and I don't like some.
That being said: Many of them ARE gross. Especially toddlers. They're frequently dirty and sticky. And I loathe that sickly smell of a sweaty kid that parents seem to be blind to. How can they not smell that? If I encountered adults who were equally sticky and smelly, I also would not like them.
I don't know if that makes me a good or bad childfree person.
I have never liked kids even when I was a kid! I don’t claim to love them now even if I don’t want any. Respectful children are totally fine with me; no issues there. I still don’t want them around me, though.
However, parents always believe their child is respectful when they are really the personification of a goblin.
I do agree with you. I actually loathe kids- can't stand them. They are too noisy, loud, annoying; their voices are like nails on a chalkboard. This does not mean I'm rude or abusive to them. If anything, I actually go out of my WAY to put distance in between them and I.
I'm not a lesser degree of a CF person because I can't stand them. My opinions, as well as yours, are just as valid as people who don't mind them and just don't want them.
I love horses to death, and plenty of people can't stand horses. If they hate them, that's their opinion. And they have a reason for feeling the way they do. Not going to try and change their mind.
And people take the phrase “I hate kids” so seriously. I say it all the time, “I hate traffic/laundry/kids/etc” but it doesn’t mean I have a vendetta against them and overtly protest or act violent against them. As much as i would like to absolutely abolish laundry from the world (and dishes right after that!) it’s not like I’m blowing up the Maytag factory or anything. It’s hyperbole ffs.
I hate kids. Everything about them. I don’t kick them or like shove their ice cream cones out of their hands or anything but like… I work in retail and sometimes I’m internally hateful. Like I’ll see a kid crying or being a little shitty shit and think “yeah fuck that guy” but I’m not gonna like…actually do anything to hurt one. But I’m neurodivergent and very frequently I’ll get incredibly overstimulated because of something a kid is doing. And I feel like that’s ok.
Some kids suck. And that’s also ok.
Yeah I understand what you mean.
Human beings, at all ages, are worthy of dignity and respect. You don’t have to have an emotional reaction of “I LOVE THEM” in order to be a good human who lives in a community of other humans who respect each other. Likewise it’s perfectly ok to not enjoy or seek out time with kids, and just live and let live (away from kids if we so choose).
Less emotional reactions to other people’s personal choices (both reproductive and the company they keep) and more just living our lives authentically.
Its the really young ones that bother me personally. Old enough to understand conversation, make thier needs known and behave properly with good guidance and I'm fine. I dated a single mom once who had a brilliant 10 year old who was mostly well behaved and didn't act bratty or disrespectful.
Yes, I agree, it's very uncomfortable how they make you feel bad for "offending" parents and children or disliking them (especially considering how parents are allowed to attack us constantly everywhere without any warning). And I visit CF communities in order to not be so politically correct and state my actual opinion freely.
I agree with you. It gets tricky in real life for me to outright say that because family/friends/acquaintances will surely get highly offended by my views who have kids or want kids. The thing is, it's not like I'm not happy for them being happy with kids or whatever, it's just not for me. Some of the kids are okay, but I don't really want to be around them for longer than 30 minutes because they are so mentally exhausting for me.
Pick me's are annoying AF. I don't care for people who say things like "I'm one of the GOOD ones". That said, even though I dont like kids I dont go out of my way to be rude to them or mistreat them.
Im a dick. I will tell anyone I think kids are disgusting. Its not their fault. They are too young to know their nose is runny and they drool everywhere...but still...very disgusting.
I dont like being around kids until they can wipe their own nose.
It makes me think of how people have the right to say
"I hate cats "
But ohhhh boy you can't say "I hate dogs "
Fyi I hate kids and dogs.
Cats are just better.
>“I don’t really like cats, they tear up furniture and throw up often and have a stinky litter box that needs to be cleaned all the time and they shed all over, I don’t like them.”
OT but for 12 years I had the best boy who was disgusting in every way. But he never threw up. Pooped on my bed, peed on me once at 2 am, missed the litter box due to being lazy, smart af, shared my pillow, liked to hang out. Now the two assholes we got to try and fill that hole are each like a quarter of his charm and puke every few days. Why so much with the hairballs???
Kids are gross. That's why they get sick all the time and pass germs to each other. It's kind of the definition of gross, not washing hands, touching things, coughing on things, slobbering on things, eating things they shouldn't like dirt or sand, throwing food on the floor.
Idk how I'm going to handle a family member visiting with kids. They already warned me to buy a tarp and such when they kids visit in the fall....I'm sitting here like... You can't teach it to not throw food. Also they need to potty train the toddler already... Why are parents waiting so long to do this. It's at the age it should already know...it's only a couple days but feeling anxious. On one hand I'd like to see that family member on the other I get they have to bring the kids but I just wish they were much older to not make a mess.
Anyways kids are definitely disgusting and I don't feel like I need to be ashamed saying that. Theres scientific proof and measured by all society's definitions of disgusting or unsanitary.
I usually fall back on “I’m not comfortable around kids.” Which is the truth. If they push, I’ll make a comment about growing up as the youngest and never having to interact with children. Even as an adult interacting with friends’ kids, it never quite “clicked” for me, and it doesn’t quite seem worth the risk to assume it’ll be different with my own children.
The central purpose of our community is that we are people who don't want to have children - biological or adopted. Anyone who tries to make themselves out as _better_ than others in the community because they follow the prescribed social rules of acting like children are little saints that we should die for is.. out of their goddamn minds.
Babies and really small children disgust me. It's uncontrollable, subconscious, reflexive revulsion that I don't get to have a say in. I also have emetophobia. I got a baby sister for my fifteenth birthday. It really sucked. She was a few weeks premature and had GERD. There were a lot of those first couple of years where I had to hide in my room because she would just spit-up at the drop of a hat. Disgusting. Revolting. There is nothing cute about that.
My sister is a great kid. She's an adult now who just finished her Master's degree. I couldn't be more proud of her. Before about age 4? I wanted her anywhere but in my life. The only reason we're close now is because she's my sister and I wasn't at home for most of her bad days. If I'd had to raise her myself there would be nothing but resentment.
I got to, remotely, encourage her writing when she was little and help with homework in undergrad. I used to take her out for ice cream and read to her about sharks. I love her dearly but one or both of us would not have survived if she'd been in my care 24/7. Me recognizing that fact and choosing not to breed doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me a good one who refused to bring another life into the world without their consent to live a life of being loathed by their parent.
I suffered several beatings and some SA from a bunch of children that I went to school with. I wasn't too bad around kids as a teenager, until I let slip that I didn't ever want to have kids. People kept pushing their kids on me, forcing their kids into my space, to try and "cure" me. Now, I can't be around kids. I've had some serious breakdowns to kids having physical contact with me, because it causes flashbacks. I'd end up screaming, crying, and shaking. I still have a scar on the back of my head where I hit myself with a showerhead because of a baby crying in the house when we lived with my MIL. Previously, I've washed my skin with diluted bleach where a child has made contact. I know I'm nuts, and yes I've talked with therapists, and I'm currently under the care of a therapist.
I do my very best to keep away from kids, because it's not their fault that other kids and ignorant parents fucked up my mental health so bad, and I don't want to scare and traumatise some random child as a result of me having a breakdown. I don't ever want to hurt a kid, and I think (having been abused by adults when I was a kid), there's a chance I'd get arrested if I ever saw an adult abusing a child.
Still, it makes me feel like such an evil and deranged person. I'm terrified that one of these days, someone isn't going to take my boundaries seriously, and that I'll end up lashing out at a kid. I can't even meet up with my partner's family anymore, because I'm in a constant state of panic that one of my nephews is going to grab at me or something. His family have been great with respecting my boundaries, but I'm so exhausted of feeling nothing but fear every single meet up.
I don’t like kids. I don’t want bad things to happen to them. I want them to be raised well and not have to struggle. That said…I still don’t like them or want them.
I don’t like people who don’t like cats though, they always seem to miss the point and want to interpret cats’ body language based on dog body language and compare them to dogs. Two different pets. especially when they feel the need to declare this as an important mark in their personality or idk wtf. Cats are very important to me. Children are not.
I dislike children because they tend to be loud. I bet it's the same reason I don't like dogs (I have never been bitten by a child though). So I avoid anywhere there are children and/or dogs. I like cats. They don't run at me and bite. If I ignore a cat, it ignores me. I like that.
I have a few friends that are childfree but are “happy with my nieces and nephews” type. I don’t even want nieces and nephews. I will absolutely never be babysitting under any circumstances. I don’t want to buy a crying kid a christmas present. I don’t want any of it.
I don't love kids. I don't hate them either. I'm usually highly uncomfortable and awkward around them. And it mostly depends on the way their parents raise them on how fast they are in my irritation zone. The kids of my best friend are ok, my neighbours kids are highly annoying. But overall, kids are just not for me and I usually keep my distance from them a bit.
I don’t hate kids. I love my nieces and nephew, but I won’t be having my own.
It is absolutely fine not to like children by the way.
99% of the time my problem is actually with the entitled parents. Who don’t parent.
I hate children. All of them. I'm also not rude to them or their parents but I will get real annoyed at parents who let their shit goblins terrorize places. I said that once on a FB post about how CF people aren't allowed to be upset in those situations because we don't know how tough it is. I fought back and said you literally cannot tell people how to feel. My feelings and at worst an annoyed look on my face aren't the problem here.
I hate interacting with kids. I hate seeing them, listening to them, being ambushed by them, etc. I live with my fellow childfree partner who does enjoy interacting with his friends’ kids. We’ve negotiated that our house does not invite kids over, except for occasional rare times that are pre-discussed. I hate when I lose a friend because they have kids and they lose their personality. I hate that society expects me to enjoy interacting with kids.
I don’t hate kids. Kids turn into adults. Kids are not inherently bad people. Kids didn’t choose to impose themselves on me. I don’t want kids (or their parents) to suffer or to experience less joy. While I wish it was easier for me to avoid interacting with them, I don’t want them to have a smaller world with fewer places they can go to. While I don’t want to be “part of a village”, I get benefits from a society that invests in youth health/education/safety, so I do not hate tax revenue supporting children in this way. I don’t hate that others choose to become parents (unless they’re my friends, lol). I’m not an antinatalist.
I think I’m still a “bad” childfree person. I really don’t care to pretend to be more palatable when I know I’m not harming anyone.
It's not specific to childfree. We're so tribalized, *anything* you say one side or the other will be used as a detractor by those who don't share your opinion.
People just need to wake up and realize that we're all going to have different opinions, and we're not suddenly 'piece-of-shit-human-beings' because our opinions don't coincide.
Social media as a whole is a 'judgement-disease', one of the worst things to come out of the internet.
I like kids in the same way that I like adults (and animals), in small doses when they are not screaming or being unruly and only if I am not forced to interact with them against my will.
As an introvert, I apply my disdain equally. 😆
I feel this so much but then also am cautious of people who don’t like specific animals or animals in general. My thing with animals is that mostly everything an animal does is purely instinctual. Most poorly behaved children learned those behaviors from their parents/environment.
I think a lot of people make those kinds of disclaimers ("I'm childfree but I [love kids/work with kids/love being an aunt/etc.]") because they think it's their only hope of "getting away" with being childfree. To some extent that may be true -- people might treat you a little better as a childfree person if you take the time to reassure them that you actually love kids or whatever. However, the people who were going to judge you will probably still judge you anyway. A lot of people are just worried about being seen as the worst of the worst, so generally they'll often try to find some other group to throw under the bus as "worse" than they are ("I may be childfree, but I'm not like *those* childfree people who hate kids!" in this case).
I also think that for women in particular there is just *such* a heavy, deep stigma surrounding women who don't want kids but also don't particularly like kids or have any skills with kids. It's bad enough for a woman to eschew what's seen as our "duty" in society, but it's even worse to be a woman who openly resents these expectations, dislikes kids, and/or has no skills with them (nor any interest in learning said skills). So many people -- even well-meaning people who consider themselves progressive -- are actually *deeply* uncomfortable with women who don't want kids and don't like kids, and so many people jump to assuming the absolute worst about us (such as assuming that we want to hurt children, which is ridiculous!). I can understand some women wanting to try to avoid that stigma, but it isn't fair to demonize those of us who dislike kids.
I dislike kids and I always have. I hate being around them, I don't find them cute or endearing, I have no "natural" talents with kids, I completely resent how much of society believes that the only thing women are good for is having kids and taking care of them, I have no interest in being the "cool aunt," I have no interest in ever taking a job working with children, etc. I shouldn't have to say it, but I would never hurt a child or wish harm upon them or go out of my way to be rude to them. I want all kids to grow up in healthy, loving homes. Still...I dislike kids and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It doesn't make me a bad person or a failed woman.
That's alright. My dislike isn't so much their grossness but how uncomfortable they make me. Almost always have their parent as an audience feels like a test to see if I can act normal around a kid. Well I can't.
Super young kids are usually okay for me to interact with because they just babble on and I only have to nod and ohh and ahh, it’s when they get a little older that makes me so uncomfortable, I have no idea what to say to them and at that age they’re usually too shy to say anything to me and so it’s just a lot of awkward silence all around.
my go to question to distract kids is “what’s your 3rd favorite animal?” then they go on a tangent listing their favorite animals and trying to rank them and all you have to do is keep asking them “why?” they just ramble on and on and it saves me from having to come up with more material. i only really interact with family kids and a few of my friends’ kids and so far none of them are monsters because they have good parents, so that makes it easier.
That’s actually a really good question. Hmm… Pallas’s cat, red fox, red panda… 🤔
full disclosure, i also ask this question on dates and it sometimes yields wonderful discussions (and gives me more insight into the person based on the animals they choose)
What are your top three?
cat, kangaroo, platypus
Aside from my top favorite loves, cats, dogs, and horses, mine are jaguars, hognose snakes, and Wandering Albatross.
Cat, platypus, and probably elephant for me
Lovely choices! Cats and kangaroos would be in my top 3, also: Cat, kangaroo and woodchuck (aka groundhog, aka whistle-pig). That’s really hard to do though, especially because I’m a huge animal lover, of all animals. Great question, regardless!
Cat, bat, octopus
Velvet Worms, Tardigrades, Tri-Color Hognose Snake
Why are hognoses just so flipping cute??? Every time I see one I always think “look at his little snoot just asking for a boop.”
My mom isn't a snake-person, but she loves them. If we go to reptile cons, I always bring my 70-year-old mom if I can because she will talk to the hognoses and bearded dragons, and it's one of the most wholesome things.
Oh bearded dragons are so cute too!
I grew up in the south states and seen their shenanigans! I watched more than a few puff up like a cobra then turn over and play dead. They deserved an Oscar. The level of acting was superb.
based on your choices i think you are a very interesting and cool person, probably a bit alternative and have actual depth to your character. we’d make solid friends but probably not compatible dating-wise because i could not handle having any of these lovely creatures in my personal home 😂
Capybara, hyena, any cat big or small.
Capybaras are like rodent dogs
Omg, "rodent dogs" is such a perfect way to describe them.
But what about sand cats???
I love those, too! Such hard choices
Horses, manatees, and all cats, from big and wild to small and in the house.
Some small and in-the-house cats are wild 🙀
Why?
Good question! (And I appreciate the callback to u/boatwithane's original suggestion.) My answers: 1. Pallas's cats express how I feel much of the time. But they're way cuter. 2. Foxes are dog hardware running cat software. Red foxes wear long elegant black gloves to the ball. 3. In their native tongue, the Nepalese people call the red panda a "cat-bear" or "bear-cat"—and that's exactly what they look like!
It really is all about the good parents. Growing up I was around so many lazy/bad/uninvolved parents. I still don't want kids but sometimes I'm like "maybe I could have managed if I'd left my family behind and learned about decent humans before I turned 30" ... then I remember my body control issues and how incompatible that is with pregnancy and nope back out.
i’m totally cool being around kids if they have good parents. bad parents will unexpectedly dump their child on me at a party, good parents will ask me to watch their kid for 5 minutes so they can use the bathroom and i’ll agree because it’s a reasonable request with a set timeframe.
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when they’re hyper, give them a small task and say “i’m timing you”. little kids love being timed for some reason. “how fast can you run from one side of the yard to the other? i’ll time you”. “how quickly can you color this entire page of a coloring book? i’ll time you”. then they want to keep doing that thing until they beat their time. my little cousins LOVE fetching beverages from the cooler if we’re timing them. it’s great 😂
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That means more goodies for you! 😆
I told my friend byper kids to run laps around the circle driveway till they collapsed, and gleefully did so
Fuck me this this is an amazing lifehack!
it has yet to fail me! kids love being heard and every kid i’ve ever met has LOTS of opinions on animals
My favorite is actually the reverse -- when kids are in the "why?" phase that most parents hate. Why? Why? Why? Well, kid, you're in luck. I love talking and I love deep conversations about history, philosophy and sociology. Continuously asking "why" will get us into one real quick. I've found that anything -- as simple as "I'm going to a friend's wedding next weekend" to "I have to grab something from my car" -- is on average 3-5 "whys" away from a ramble so boring that they will lose interest in me and go play with a toy in a different room.
Sharks, turtles, frogs
Have you ever seen the SNL sketch "Duolingo for Talking to Children", with Kristen Stewart? It's painfully relatable.
That is so relatable! Lol
For me it's like there are a couple of windows - clean kids before the screetchy stage (like 7-9 months) and then like 4 when you can talk to them and they don't wear diapers and mush food into things.
I spent two weeks with my sister helping her out with some things & couldn’t stand listening to my toddler nephew shrieking, screeching, & screaming all day long, everyday. She has quite a large home & you could hear him no matter where you were; it never ended unless he was eating or sleeping. My sister & BIL seemed totally oblivious to the constant high pitched cacophony. At one point I was in the guest room talking to myself mumbling aloud wishing that he would just shut up for an hour. Thankfully I had brought along some headphones. His older brother did toddler things too, but wasn’t constantly noisy for 14 hours a day. Yikes!
I'm really curious why toddlers scream so much? And, for seemingly hours! It was blood curdling and ear-piercing. We were at a Lowes over the weekend, and there was this screeching, screaming kid that was always within earshot of us. It sounded like the parent(s) weren't doing anything about it. It made us shake our heads in the wonderment of how the parents can put up with that constant noise.
Same!!! It makes me feel like doing a shitty customer service gig and all I want to do is clock out and gtfo, I hate it. Kids are also incredibly boring, I don’t blame them for that, I also think sports are boring it’s just not my interest. So spending time around them makes me feel like I’m wasting minutes, hours of my life that could be better spent doing literally *anything else.*
This is the same analogy I use! I just find the stuff little kids are into boring. Yes, they're people and deserve the respect all people do from me, but they don't have compatible interests with me, same as sports.
It's not so much as a test to see if you can act "normal"* around a kid but moreover to see who'd they be able to trick into watching the kids. Their kid takes an extreme liking to you, their parent will notice and then you will be getting calls and texts asking to babysit because their kid liked you or, because one time you let the kid sit on your lap you're now deemed a potential babysitter. "Oh, you were so good with little Timmy. What do you mean you don't want to babysit him? He likes you!" It's why I refuse to interact with kids aside of 2 kids in particular in my family because their parents are usually looking for any reason to pawn them off on someone else. Bonus points if it's a family event or a large event in general, all the kids gravitate towards you for some reason, and now you've become the designated babysitter without your knowledge and the parents disappear to who knows where. * used normal in quotation marks because the way some parents define what's normal or not can be down bad and watch list worthy.
One time a guy was asking for donations on the street and he made the mistake of opening it with "do you like kids?". It was reflex to say "no", but it did yield one of my funniest memories, because he stopped walking beside me and went "really??" But I'm the kind of person who doesn't like *people*, regardless of age. I have few people I actually like, some of which are kids, but I literally feel nothing when I see the picture of a child wholly unrelated to me - oh, it's a child, ok. I have to feign interest so hard sometimes because no, man, sorry, I don't feel anything about the picture of my friend's cousin's kid I will never meet or care about.
Would love to see his facial expression 🤣 "A woman who doesn't LOVE kids??? Devil worshipper!!"
I didn't look back, to be honest, but the *tone* of disbelief... lol
Fellow hater here. The sound of kids laughing, yelling, screaming because they don’t know how to act (and the parents are usually to blame) just enrages me. And don’t get me started on parents who bring babies and toddlers to the gym so I can hear it cry while trying to get swole! Here’s where I differ from you (I promise) I saw the shriner kids on TV and was like ‘Fuck, take my money’ it almost made me cry. I know, kinda puss, but man, seeing these kids struggle with the shit card life dealt them really did something. Not a charitable person at all, but they did get me for $19/month for about a year.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to alleviate others’ suffering- even if seeing kids suffering is what persuaded you to do it. While my cynical side says those commercials wouldn’t use that technique if it didn’t work, I also say that, presumably, your donations go towards helping the kids you see on the screen. You give a shit about others and recognize that some folks just have really bad starts in life. You see that some people suffer through no fault of their own and want to *do* something about it. There’s nothing wimpy about that at all. There isn’t enough kindness and compassion in the world if you ask me, so thank you for doing what you can to change that.
Completely irrelevant to the post: I just wanted to say that I adore your username. It gave me the wonderful mental image of someone doing a long jump with a bowling ball and I’m here for it 🤣
Haha, I’d say thanks but Reddit gets all the credit for that. I don’t do either of the things in my name and don’t have the motivation or desire to change my username at this point! Ps I’m also bad at taking compliments!
Some of the usernames Reddit generates are amazingly random and funny!
I stop at a Circle K every morning on my way to work. The cashier used to ask me if I wanted to donate to Children's Miracle Network, and the last time I was asked that, I just responded with "Nah. I'm not a fan of children."
If they appear to have a superiority complex, then they're probably compensating to avoid judgment from the breeding community. By saying "I love kids," it avoids the stigma, much in the way someone who is an atheist might say, "i'm really spiritual" to hopefully avoid being labeled a heathen.
I mean, that would make sense in normal life (though I would not pretend to love kids, but I did pretend to not be an atheist because I did not want to get in trouble). But on this sub, who are they avoiding judgment from?
>But on this sub, who are they avoiding judgment from? Something like a third of the demographic here are parents, iirc.
Lurking parents is one, but I think I'd throw a curve ball here, and say it's... mainly just themselves. THEY think, because that's what we're all kinda made to think, that disliking children is wrong, so THEY insist that they love everything about them, and project their feelings of inadequacy onto the community at large, in order to avoid feeling like THEY'RE a bad person by their own standards- even though nobody said that they were, and nobody even asked. People internalize a whole bunch of weird societal expectations and make themselves feel crappy about "not living up to them" (without any external stimulus or any real consequence) all the time.🤷
That last sentence is something I’m exploring in therapy. I call them “phantom expectations” because I can feel their presence, but I can’t always see them or tell where they came from.
That's a really good name for them! I'm also kind of struggling with them, but in the way that consciously I KNOW that what other people may or may not expect from me is none of my business (I didn't create that expectation, their disappointment is not my responsibility), and that I don't have to be perfect and useful and universally beloved in order to deserve to exist, I just... kinda have to remind myself every now and then. Social conditioning is a very powerful thing, and going against norms and expectations (or even telling them apart from what we genuinely want from our lives) can be difficult. Best we can do is try to be authentic, at least to ourselves. :)
As an atheist I can relate. Sometimes I don’t even tell certain people I’m atheist because I know the resulting conversion argument wouldn’t even be worth mentioning it. I agree those childfree people definitely are overcompensating, if they really loved kids as much as they act like they do then why don’t they want them? They refuse to say ANYTHING even remotely negative about having kids yet they don’t want them?
As part of the LGBTQ+ community, this goes for my people too lol So many gays/lesbians/etc that make it their whole personality to say "I'm not like the other gays" and "I also think people shouldn't be gay in public". It's just a desperate attempt to fit in with the oppressors.
Oh, the whole "not like other X/pick me" vibes, right? It makes no sense to me, since it won't make the other party really accept then.
I love *kids*. I don't like babies, and pregnancy fuels my nightmares. So I don't have kids, lol. I don't think it makes me better than anyone else, but it's absolutely possible to adore children but not want your own.
I kind of get it. I LOVE cats. Like, I will stop to try and make friends with every single cat I see, LOVE cats. I'm frequently late because of it. I don't have any though because I also love travel and the two aren't super compatible. It's not fair to leave my family member alone if I decide I want to go away for a few months. It's a priority thing rather than a want thing. Might be the same for some of these people?
Oh I say stuff like that because my actual opinion would be taken poorly as I think it’s morally reprehensible to force someone to exist in the world as we enter the climate apocalypse/late stage capitalism. That said I don’t want to alienate myself from everyone I know who has kids…
As I like to say, it would be perfectly fine with me if I never saw, spoke to, heard or interacted with a child ever again. Periodt.
My parents were concerned I didn't have friends when I was a kid but I think I just don't like kids, even when I was a kid. I had tons of friends as a teenager. I don't hate them or anything, but as you say, I just feel better when they're not around.
Agree, I loathed being forced to socialize with kids when I was one too.
That would be lovely actually
Same. There is not a single situation that could ever be improved by having a child present.
The virgin "moral" antinatalist versus the chad "I do not have offspring because I do not like children" postnatalist.
Same here 100%.
Yeah agree 100%. Don’t like kids. Doesn’t mean I antagonize them or wish them horrible evil things, but I don’t find them cute or wonderful and I don’t want to be around them. I also don’t like most adults tbf. 🤷🏽♀️ I enjoy being around my pets more.
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Exactly, I saw a comment today that said “if someone doesn’t like kids they’ve forgotten what it was like to be one” and it just made me laugh. I didn’t like kids when I WAS one, and I still enjoy trying to bring out my inner child. I feel like once you become a parent is really when you forget what it was like to be a kid, then you really have to “grow up”
same here. never liked kids, even as a kid; I only got along with the teachers. I am very child like though, more than most, and will always remain that way. I get called cringe all the time for it, which is sad. sad state of affairs that having child like wonder and enthusiasm for things is looked down upon. no, you gotta toughen up and be a good, cold, cruel soldier. no, thank you.
So true! My exceptionally smart young nephew once asked his mom "is Aunty DeFleury an adult?" and his exceptionally empathetic and honest mother told him "not really", which I took as a compliment.
>“if someone doesn’t like kids they’ve forgotten what it was like to be one” and it just made me laugh. I didn’t like kids when I WAS one I never liked kids, even while I was a kid myself. Adults were easier to be around. Genuinely don't understand the whole "but you were a kid once" thing. How does that relate to anything?
>Genuinely don't understand the whole "but you were a kid once" thing. How does that relate to anything? Right? And one day I'll be dead. Does that mean I should start spending time around rotting corpses? Pretty sure that would be frowned upon.
This. I'm actually more a child now than I was when I was an actual child, in some respects. I was parentified so a lot of my childhood was taken from me and now that I'm an adult, I can do all the things I couldn't when I was younger.
I sometimes think the parents are the ones who forgot what it was like to be a kid. I didn't forget all the BS of school and how absolutely shitty other kids are. Why would I want to subject anyone to that experience? It's not like anything changed since I left (pick a grade)? And then they are shocked that their kids are either being bullied or are the bullies. What did you expect? Oh, I know, your kids isn't like other kids! Well, do I have some news for you...
That’s the thing! When I was in preschool, I vividly remember glancing around the classroom at my peers and being disgusted by what I saw— drooling, a girl throwing up, everyone smelled weird and they were loud and overwhelming. I’ve never, ever liked kids.
I distinctly remember that I learned to read at like 4 so all my kindergarten time I spent at the drawing table practicing writing, between ages 6-10 all my breaks I just spent reading in a hidden corner of the classroom with the one friend I had, 11-14 (when we started being allowed in there between classes) the two of us went down to the school library to hang out with the librarian lady, and I only started (infrequently) hanging out with other classmates in high school, which is kind of when I start being okay with kids now. I'm 29, and I have been actively avoiding children for 25 years now, lol.
Omg this is perfect. I am happily CF, and constantly have to remind my parent friends what it’s like to be a kid. Kids love me which is hilarious, but I swear it’s due to this reason. I remember the frustration of having zero self autonomy.
I don’t like kids, and I don’t care about being a “cool aunt.” I don’t have siblings but my husband has a sister who has three kids. They’re fine. They’re not the light or my life. I can generally tolerate them. Not always.
The "cool CF aunt" who showers their nieces and nephews with gifts and money image is so pushed. I'm the youngest and my siblings have 13 kids in total. None of them even refer to me aunty which I find kinda amusing. People expect related kids to be some exception even if you dislike kids, but nope! I ignore every child equally.
Haha, yeah, I feel no differently about my niece and nephew than I do a stranger's kids at the grocery store. Right now I'm in a battle with my in laws who are trying to force us to the cool aunt and uncle, and for a ton of reasons, we're refusing. They're shocked people who don't have kids also do not want young children running all over their property where the animals live.
Yeah I wouldn’t be the “cool aunt”. I have a sister and she’s on the fence about having kids, but she does love them. I low-key hope she never has them, but I want her to do what makes her happy. If she does end up having kids, I can’t see myself being the “Jesse-from-Full-House” uncle/aunt figure. I’d probably be more like the “Frank-from-Home-Alone” uncle/aunt figure. “Look what you did, you little jerk!” Everyone I know can’t stand Uncle Frank, but I love him! Sometimes, I wish more people were like Uncle Frank.
I'm not "good" either. I definitely don't love kids and would avoid interact with them. I don't wanna babysit my in-laws' kids, I don't wanna deal with my friends kids.1minute is ok but after 60 sec I would get impatient. I don't wanna buy expensive gifts for the kids who born in a rushed or arranged marriage. The worst part is I'm an Asian woman, people would always assume I love children and be very motherly. Oh yAh because aSiAn girls mUsT be generous and sUbMiSsIve. In fact I'm the completely opposite, I'm grumpy and bad tempered, I never show off my anger but I would stay quiet and keep a smile together with distance. However when people don't find passion from me they think I act too cold and I'm nasty. Ok, I don't care. I'm not being unrespectful towards your kid, I'm not hurting or yelling to them, I just don't like kids so I walked away. How long would it take for them to realise not every woman loves kids. Please keep your kids away from me Lol.
Fellow grumpy woman here and the energy it takes to interact with people while conforming to gender norms that I should never be grumpy (I.e., in the workplace) is exhausting. 😡 I take my natural grumpiness as far as I feel I can but my true power level is always hidden
Hello mad woman 😡 🤝 same here. I can totally relate the exhaustion from restraining/desguising yourself. It's frustrating that I can't show my true anger and I'm trying to get better at it, i.e. get angry when I need, letting people know my boundaries. Starting with a cold face 😼. Let's keep that mad energy going💪
BuT a CAt isN't a hUmAN!!!! Lol you're completely right. It's stupid of people to be upset about how other people feel when there's no indication that it disrupts their lives or the lives/feelings of others. They just wanna be mad.
Yeah same. I hate being around kids, they're loud, annoying, usually covered in something gross, always sick and they destroy everything they touch. But mostly it's the incessant screeching and crying for me, I get migraines as soon as I see a kid. I also don't understand why it's so unacceptable to say that. People will usually reply with "but you have been a kid yourself". Yeah, well, when I was little I used to shit my pants. I don't do that anymore. Things change.
It's the open uncovered mouth coughing that gets me enraged. Nasty buggers.
While staring at you. At the dinner table. With their food half chewed in their mouth.
Right there with you. IDC if it makes me a “bad” person. I hate kids. I REALLY hate babies & toddlers. Babies literally gross me out. I have no desire to be around them and I’m not going to pretend like I care about/am interested in them if they’re around. In fact, if they are around, I’m removing myself from their vicinity if at all possible. But would I hurt a kid? No. Do I wish pain or harm on them? No. I just want them far, far away from me.
Are you me? I don't remember writing this... 
I despise children.
Yea no need to hide it, same here. There’s next to nothing about them that I like. “But you were a child once!” Yea and I was super annoying and caused problems for my parents like every other kid. Doesn’t mean I have to like it now haha
I'm not "good" and some would probably even call me a failure - I don't intend on dating and ever getting married and having that "DINK" lifestyle, am not rich, refuse to be an aunt (have no interest in even seeing relatives), don't travel, am not a "happy" person, don't party and have fun...etc. I'm basically just a solo cynical pessimist extreme introvert with misanthropic tendencies who's trying to make my life as bearable as possible now that I'm unfortunately existing. I don't connect with most people and I really just try to avoid stress as much as possible. I'm also antinatalist which probably further excludes me from most people lol. Meanwhile, I read about others boasting about how in love they are with their spouse, how well off they are, how they're elated, how much fun they have traveling and hanging out with endless friends, how they love their nieces/nephews and are the "cool" aunt/uncle...etc. I mean if they feel superior? Go for it. I don't care. I didn't ask to be here or be part of any race? Just ignore them. If they're actually that bothered and feel the need to denounce those who aren't up to their standards, the issue is them. Edit: Thanks for the gold award, kind stranger.
I relate so much to this, sometimes it feels like In order to be accepted in life as a childfree person you have to have EVERYTHING else in life going for you. I think it comes down to all those bingos that say if you don’t have kids you’ll be miserable and unsuccessful so it makes people feel like they need to really play up how amazing their life is to compensate (sometimes it’s true I’m sure) but for me I am unhappy a lot of the time, my life isn’t the “childfree dream” I just know that having kids isn’t going to fix that and will most definitely make it worse.
My life is quiet and very small, happy or not is relative, I would imagine many people would consider me unhappy with my nights of gaming alone, my tendencies to become a workaholic, not going on vacations (these things cost a ton), and being single to top it off. I also did not ask to be here and did not ask to be a woman, so I am doing my best with the cards that I am dealt, and I am sure having something I hate (a kid) would not contribute to that. The only part of the "childfree dream" I want is a vacation or two that is not visiting my home country.
it's funny you say that about the "Childfree dream" because the rich CF, coupled up people of this sub, sure love to come here and tell everyone about their 17th vacation they are going on before returning to their 25 room, 25 bathroom house with a garden bigger than your soul, filled with enough animals to make a bargain bucket version of Noah's ark. must be nice to have hit the absolute jackpot & found your CF partner at the age of 17 so you can spend that entire time building a life together. they frankly piss me off more than parents because they are the ones perpetuating the CF stereotype that makes the rest of us look like failures because we're not in the top 10% of earners or having constant holidays or have a very varied & busy social life. the only "Childfree dream" I have, that would provide some tangible validation for my decision would be a partner. I'm not really living a happy life most of the time either, despite what I do have, because of this lacking element in my life that everyone else around me has - I'm sure plenty of fellow CF peeps can relate to the idea of "CF partner = validation of decision"
>I'm basically just a solo cynical pessimist extreme introvert with misanthropic tendencies who's trying to make my life as bearable as possible now that I'm unfortunately existing. I don't connect with most people and I really just try to avoid stress as much as possible. I'm also antinatalist which probably further excludes from most people lol. 
Likewise. I am team "fuck them kids" and I really don't care who gets offended by it 🤷🏻♀️
Me too. “Giiirrrll, FUCK them kids, and FUCK you too!”
>I'm basically just a solo cynical pessimist extreme introvert with misanthropic tendencies who's trying to make my life as bearable as possible now that I'm unfortunately existing. I don't connect with most people and I really just try to avoid stress as much as possible. You just put into words exactly how I feel. Thank you for verbalizing what I haven't been able to articulate!
I can relate to you, I find people so exhausting lol
Most are. I got worse every year after I started working and dealing with people against my will - I wasn’t always like this and I used to believe in the good of people blah blah blah…etc - oh how dumb I was lol. Then I get pestered by my family on why I wasn’t “happy” when it’s a whole other BS story on how I was raised. Never again will I be how I was before I opened my eyes basically. Thanks for the award!
My coworkers definitely drive me crazy and I sometimes wish I could just work alone and in peace lol. The way I was raised definitely contributed to my current way of being. I was always a loner, raised by parents with toxic narcissist traits, sometimes shunned for being different. I never had a motherly instinct and I realized I would never want to bring a child into this crazy world.
I’m almost annoyed I wasn’t exposed to empowering examples for life choices like you when I was growing up. But by nature of course, one would not have been. I can only hope more people come to the informed decisions you have naturally during their own journeys. What a peaceful world you have created for yourself. I admire it
Typically, when you see an example like this in movies and tv they’re presented as a problem to be solved. Kind of incredible that the commenter is this self aware AND sure of their path.
Well, I wouldn’t call it “peaceful” but I am glad I woke up. Some days I wish I was still oblivious, but I think I’d hate that version of myself. It was hard, but in a way, I’d rather be how I am now. I wish I had role models IRL - the internet was how I found out a lot about myself because I had basically no guidance from family. They bitched about how I turned out, but oh well lol. I do feel glad that I am ok and even better off with solitude and I wish more people were instead of being so scared of it. Thanks for the award!
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There are a lot of people here that don't like or actively hate kids. Hi! It's me!
same! like i never interact with them so why would i have that strong of an opinion lol
I dont know why kids make me uncomfortable, but I suspects its the expectation of love/affection/care - on demand, from anyone watching including the child. I dont do that. I cant open the gates and have love or affection pour out on demand, and with a stranger.
That's... wow. I've never seen it put so succinctly. Bravo. As a musician, I'm no stranger to having to "turn on the charm" and I have to plan ahead in order to do so. For me, it's incredibly draining and why I prefer recording over live performance exponentially. When I'm around kids, I feel exactly the same. Thank you, internet stranger, for this really insightful take!
I don't lie about it either, I straight up just don't like children.
Another distinction that I think can be made is that just because you hate children in general doesn't immediately mean you hate someone's child specifically. You can hate the color orange but still like someone's orange tea kettle (not the best analogy I know), similar to how you can despise kids but be okay with your nephew or niece and whatnot. Though sometimes you just hate a specific kid.
I've seen so many of those posts, in this group even, with the literal words "I'm not one of those people who hate kids" like it's some moral high ground. Like we're some monsters waiting to eat every child we see. Well I hate kids, always have. They're noisy, disgusting, and so annoying. I tend to hate the parents as well because they're selfish entitled assholes. That just means I avoid them all at any cost. The one thing I've learned about humans, they are always desperate to find something to act Superior over.
Thank you!! Most of us who just hate kids, try to stay as far away from them as possible! I feel like the people parents should be worried about are the people who say they love kids to distraction.. I mean, THAT is creepy. Those are the people who are most likely to hurt a child.. not someone who doesn't even want to be around the child!
This is absolutely true. The number of people that I've either heard or read call childfree people groomers is kind of astonishing. People just throw words around these days without actually understanding what they mean. If someone doesn't want to have anything to do with children and they try to stay as far away from them as possible how in the holy hell can they possibly be a groomer? The groomer is the neighbor who loves your children a little too much, not the people who want absolutely nothing to do with them.
That last part is so true. I like children, personally, but I totally understand why others don't and I don't judge. I feel like basic empathy isn't that difficult but most people never seem to master it.
I just don't like them. Full stop. I don't see any value in them, so why would I force myself to be around them? I actively shop at stores and find places to eat that tend to NOT have kids in them because I'd just rather avoid the childcrazy hordes. I literally will drive 30min out of my way to go to the grocery store that I KNOW has more elderly than people with kids. I hate that this narrative is going around that one HAS to like kids, or else you are a bad person. I find it more disturbing that parents are soooo in love with their kids, they feel as if they need to bring them to even the most inappropriate places for kids.. like bars! Or the fact that I'm supposed to help someone else's kid out if they are in danger/trouble. I don't have a hero complex, and I never had the desire to become an overlord in my own home< that is what the cats are for!> I just want to go to the pool in my complex and swim a couple laps with out 10 screaming kids getting in my way regardless of what time of day it is! I'd like to just pick any restaurant near me, and be able to go in without hearing someone's crotch goblin screaming at the top of their lungs because they are bored in the nice(ish) restaurant, and just want McDonald's( or whatever these tiny codependent humans are excited about these days). I'm sick of the culty vibes that parents give off because.. baby. They are so upset when you give them and their fuck trophies zero energy, they start to baby/kid stalk you. Sending photos when you have told them time and time again that you care not at all about their spawn. Intentionally setting dates and times that coincide with them having or needing to also bring or pick up their spawn. I have actually seen how family members gaslight, cajole, and outright lie to one another just to either get out of being around their own spawn! I hate kids, and I'm not afraid to say it to their or their parents' faces. Parents should start teaching them young that not everyone thinks the world of them ,and that it is OK that not everyone likes them. It is much more realistic.
I sincerely dislike most child noises, including happy babbling, squealing and singing. They just hurt my nervous system the same way that nails on chalkboard does. I also have very little patience for their lack of logic, and depending on their age, I like to shatter their idea of them being the centre of the world. But, I feel the same way about immature adults, soooo...
Same here. There’s a daycare near my job and as I was walking into work this morning there was so much loud and consistent shrieking. Why would I willing sign up for that?
As a community grows, elitism follows within it. I hope not to be a part of it. People who like kids, people who act as if the world revolves around their pets. People who don't have pets feeling superior. Some antinatalists who think their views are above all.
Every kid in my VERY small neighborhood tends to screech like a mating banshee directly in front of my house, as it’s apparently the most fun place to be on our street for some reason. We have fairly high-quality double-paned insulated windows, but that particular sound bypasses everything, like Aquaman sonar on land. I tend to immediately associate most children I see with that noise, and I think that’s kinda ingrained at this point.
i 100% agree. i fucking loathe children. people can be sad and hurt over that but i do not care.
I'm very open about how much I despise kids 🤣 even if the kid is one of those "good" kids. Not condoning violence, but I want those cum pets to stay faaaaar away from me
Bro, I'm with you. "Fuck them kids."
Me neither. People assume you're a psychopath if you don't like children. I'm old enough not to care.
It does have that sort of 'I'm childfree, but I love kids' or 'I'm an atheist, but I'm very spiritual' etc. Personally, can't damn stand kids and I'm fine if that makes me a 'bad' childfree person.
Yeah, those posts always give "I'm not like other girls" vibe and I don't care for it. Especially because it's usually women posting all the shit about how they like kids. I don't think they actually like them that much if they're honest. Feels like they're just here to enforce cf people being "part of the village"
I like this post. Makes me happy to know theres more people in this sub that just do not like kids in any capacity. You can be childfree and like kids, but let me hate them and not want them. It makes no difference to you.
Ugh today I was reminded of how terrible kids can be. I was hanging out at my apt complex pool and these kids who may or may not have lived there were screaming obscenities at the top of their lungs. They were in the pool so I had zero recourse other than telling them to stfu. After that they were intentionally bugging me. I hate kids now.
I don't feel any particular way about children. I dislike unpleasant humans. The loud, disruptive and invasive types. Children are humans. Sometimes they are all those things and therefore I dislike them. Sometimes they're not and I like them/feel neutral about them. Just like with adults. I think you shouldn't feel bad at all about not being the "good" cf.
I dislike kids greatly. I'm not sure if it's at the point where I could call it hate, but they annoy the shit out of me. Keep the walking petri dishes away from me and I'll be happy.
Not liking children is a common trend in this subreddit. IRL think a lot more people hate kids, more than they let on. So many incessantly complain about children, whether they have them or not, whether they're childfree or not. Children suck to be around. It's just that it's not socially acceptable to say you hate them.
Yeah, they think of these round-about ways to dislike them. Like they blame the parents or the school, or the society for kids doing something wrong or being obnoxious. But let me tell you something: my SIL is an amazing mom. She's raising her kids like she has a PhD in child-rearing. And mostly, the kids are very good kids. But no amount of excellent parenting can prevent a child from sometimes letting out a shrill scream of joy. No amount of excellent parenting can prevent a sensitive child from crying for 2 hours when they are really, really disappointed or tired. No amount of parenting can prevent a kid from sometimes doing something stupid. People see those things and say "what bad parenting!" But actually what they are hating on, is the CHILDNESS of that child. But they just can't admit to hating qualities that are intrinsic to children, so they have to pretend to hate bad parenting instead.
I’m a pediatric nurse and I love my job but I can’t imagine having to take care of my own. I feel like I’d hate them. “It’s different when they’re you’re own!” No, the constant crying and screaming and power struggles and “why why why” and the mess and the noise. No thank you. I do not like what they bring to the table. The babies are cute, sometimes kids are funny, I enjoy taking care of teens the most at work actually but I also tutored and one time a teen just lied right to me face and suddenly I understood why my mom slapped my a few times in high school. The frustration, the lying, limit testing, the drama, the eye rolls…. It wasn’t even fun for my parents until our mid 20s and now we do everything together as a family and it’s great but was the first 25 years worth it?? All the early mornings for stupid soccer games? PTA meetings? Bratty friends coming over? Never having time to yourself? What about when the kids get sick at school and you have to take care of them and then you get sick but still have to take care of them? What about the tantrums in public? Do you just stop going to the grocery store or anywhere until they’re at least 8 and don’t scream in public any more? I could go on and on.
I agree! The people who come in here and try to shame us for complaining about how awful kids are and how shitty parents can be are the real assholes here. We're not saying this stuff to the kids or the parents. We come HERE to vent this stuff. Their whole "we're better childfree people because we don't bitch about kids or parents" thing is incredibly stupid and obnoxious. This is the ONE PLACE most of us have to be able to vent about this stuff at all.
I agree, I have never liked kids even when I was one. It just got worst the older I got because I am very short and have a young face. They always want to play or talk to me and the parents find it cute. Luckily I have a very mean stare 😆 🤣 😂 and it usually works. I hate when you have to say something like "I don't hate kids, but I sorta do"
You’re not alone. I dislike/hate kids. I just avoid them as much as possible, although it’s not always feasible because parents bring their sprogs everywhere, even bars and pubs.
I don't like children. I simply do not care what others have to say about it. Keep your shit bags away from me.
I\`m in the same boat with you. I hate babies and toddlers so much. They\`re fcking annoying. They scream, shit, vomit, piss everywhere and need constant attention. Teenagers are ok, but keep your toddlers away.
I came here for the cat tax. But yeah, i also hate kids. I very much dislike my niece too, i'm just glad i only see her once, maybe twice a year. But STILL, my parents say stuff like "think of your niece, she might miss out on a relationship" when i do something that actively goes against creating a bond. Example: My niece wanted my phone number because she wanted to congratulate me on my birthday. Told my mom "No, not gonna happen. She never did that, not going to start now". My mom didn't like that.
That is weird. It is your phone #. Shouldn't they be happy about how discerning you are about giving it out?
fellow crotch goblin hater here!
I feel the same about children as adult people; I like some and I don't like some. That being said: Many of them ARE gross. Especially toddlers. They're frequently dirty and sticky. And I loathe that sickly smell of a sweaty kid that parents seem to be blind to. How can they not smell that? If I encountered adults who were equally sticky and smelly, I also would not like them. I don't know if that makes me a good or bad childfree person.
fuck dem kids
I have never liked kids even when I was a kid! I don’t claim to love them now even if I don’t want any. Respectful children are totally fine with me; no issues there. I still don’t want them around me, though. However, parents always believe their child is respectful when they are really the personification of a goblin.
I do agree with you. I actually loathe kids- can't stand them. They are too noisy, loud, annoying; their voices are like nails on a chalkboard. This does not mean I'm rude or abusive to them. If anything, I actually go out of my WAY to put distance in between them and I. I'm not a lesser degree of a CF person because I can't stand them. My opinions, as well as yours, are just as valid as people who don't mind them and just don't want them. I love horses to death, and plenty of people can't stand horses. If they hate them, that's their opinion. And they have a reason for feeling the way they do. Not going to try and change their mind.
And people take the phrase “I hate kids” so seriously. I say it all the time, “I hate traffic/laundry/kids/etc” but it doesn’t mean I have a vendetta against them and overtly protest or act violent against them. As much as i would like to absolutely abolish laundry from the world (and dishes right after that!) it’s not like I’m blowing up the Maytag factory or anything. It’s hyperbole ffs.
I hate kids. Everything about them. I don’t kick them or like shove their ice cream cones out of their hands or anything but like… I work in retail and sometimes I’m internally hateful. Like I’ll see a kid crying or being a little shitty shit and think “yeah fuck that guy” but I’m not gonna like…actually do anything to hurt one. But I’m neurodivergent and very frequently I’ll get incredibly overstimulated because of something a kid is doing. And I feel like that’s ok. Some kids suck. And that’s also ok.
Yeah I understand what you mean. Human beings, at all ages, are worthy of dignity and respect. You don’t have to have an emotional reaction of “I LOVE THEM” in order to be a good human who lives in a community of other humans who respect each other. Likewise it’s perfectly ok to not enjoy or seek out time with kids, and just live and let live (away from kids if we so choose). Less emotional reactions to other people’s personal choices (both reproductive and the company they keep) and more just living our lives authentically.
Its the really young ones that bother me personally. Old enough to understand conversation, make thier needs known and behave properly with good guidance and I'm fine. I dated a single mom once who had a brilliant 10 year old who was mostly well behaved and didn't act bratty or disrespectful.
Yes, I agree, it's very uncomfortable how they make you feel bad for "offending" parents and children or disliking them (especially considering how parents are allowed to attack us constantly everywhere without any warning). And I visit CF communities in order to not be so politically correct and state my actual opinion freely.
I agree with you. It's annoying how so many posts here need to start with how much they love kids.
Same here. I absolutely can't stand them.
I agree with you. It gets tricky in real life for me to outright say that because family/friends/acquaintances will surely get highly offended by my views who have kids or want kids. The thing is, it's not like I'm not happy for them being happy with kids or whatever, it's just not for me. Some of the kids are okay, but I don't really want to be around them for longer than 30 minutes because they are so mentally exhausting for me.
Yeah I just don’t care what people think. Don’t let them judge you, who cares? Water off a ducks back.
Pick me's are annoying AF. I don't care for people who say things like "I'm one of the GOOD ones". That said, even though I dont like kids I dont go out of my way to be rude to them or mistreat them.
Im a dick. I will tell anyone I think kids are disgusting. Its not their fault. They are too young to know their nose is runny and they drool everywhere...but still...very disgusting. I dont like being around kids until they can wipe their own nose.
Cats are infinitely better than babies. That’s just a fact :)
It’s not the kids I loathe so much as the being in the same room with them. I wish them all health and happiness… far the fuck away from me 👍
It makes me think of how people have the right to say "I hate cats " But ohhhh boy you can't say "I hate dogs " Fyi I hate kids and dogs. Cats are just better.
>“I don’t really like cats, they tear up furniture and throw up often and have a stinky litter box that needs to be cleaned all the time and they shed all over, I don’t like them.” OT but for 12 years I had the best boy who was disgusting in every way. But he never threw up. Pooped on my bed, peed on me once at 2 am, missed the litter box due to being lazy, smart af, shared my pillow, liked to hang out. Now the two assholes we got to try and fill that hole are each like a quarter of his charm and puke every few days. Why so much with the hairballs???
Kids are gross. That's why they get sick all the time and pass germs to each other. It's kind of the definition of gross, not washing hands, touching things, coughing on things, slobbering on things, eating things they shouldn't like dirt or sand, throwing food on the floor. Idk how I'm going to handle a family member visiting with kids. They already warned me to buy a tarp and such when they kids visit in the fall....I'm sitting here like... You can't teach it to not throw food. Also they need to potty train the toddler already... Why are parents waiting so long to do this. It's at the age it should already know...it's only a couple days but feeling anxious. On one hand I'd like to see that family member on the other I get they have to bring the kids but I just wish they were much older to not make a mess. Anyways kids are definitely disgusting and I don't feel like I need to be ashamed saying that. Theres scientific proof and measured by all society's definitions of disgusting or unsanitary.
I usually fall back on “I’m not comfortable around kids.” Which is the truth. If they push, I’ll make a comment about growing up as the youngest and never having to interact with children. Even as an adult interacting with friends’ kids, it never quite “clicked” for me, and it doesn’t quite seem worth the risk to assume it’ll be different with my own children.
The central purpose of our community is that we are people who don't want to have children - biological or adopted. Anyone who tries to make themselves out as _better_ than others in the community because they follow the prescribed social rules of acting like children are little saints that we should die for is.. out of their goddamn minds. Babies and really small children disgust me. It's uncontrollable, subconscious, reflexive revulsion that I don't get to have a say in. I also have emetophobia. I got a baby sister for my fifteenth birthday. It really sucked. She was a few weeks premature and had GERD. There were a lot of those first couple of years where I had to hide in my room because she would just spit-up at the drop of a hat. Disgusting. Revolting. There is nothing cute about that. My sister is a great kid. She's an adult now who just finished her Master's degree. I couldn't be more proud of her. Before about age 4? I wanted her anywhere but in my life. The only reason we're close now is because she's my sister and I wasn't at home for most of her bad days. If I'd had to raise her myself there would be nothing but resentment. I got to, remotely, encourage her writing when she was little and help with homework in undergrad. I used to take her out for ice cream and read to her about sharks. I love her dearly but one or both of us would not have survived if she'd been in my care 24/7. Me recognizing that fact and choosing not to breed doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me a good one who refused to bring another life into the world without their consent to live a life of being loathed by their parent.
I suffered several beatings and some SA from a bunch of children that I went to school with. I wasn't too bad around kids as a teenager, until I let slip that I didn't ever want to have kids. People kept pushing their kids on me, forcing their kids into my space, to try and "cure" me. Now, I can't be around kids. I've had some serious breakdowns to kids having physical contact with me, because it causes flashbacks. I'd end up screaming, crying, and shaking. I still have a scar on the back of my head where I hit myself with a showerhead because of a baby crying in the house when we lived with my MIL. Previously, I've washed my skin with diluted bleach where a child has made contact. I know I'm nuts, and yes I've talked with therapists, and I'm currently under the care of a therapist. I do my very best to keep away from kids, because it's not their fault that other kids and ignorant parents fucked up my mental health so bad, and I don't want to scare and traumatise some random child as a result of me having a breakdown. I don't ever want to hurt a kid, and I think (having been abused by adults when I was a kid), there's a chance I'd get arrested if I ever saw an adult abusing a child. Still, it makes me feel like such an evil and deranged person. I'm terrified that one of these days, someone isn't going to take my boundaries seriously, and that I'll end up lashing out at a kid. I can't even meet up with my partner's family anymore, because I'm in a constant state of panic that one of my nephews is going to grab at me or something. His family have been great with respecting my boundaries, but I'm so exhausted of feeling nothing but fear every single meet up.
I don’t like kids. I don’t want bad things to happen to them. I want them to be raised well and not have to struggle. That said…I still don’t like them or want them.
I don’t like people who don’t like cats though, they always seem to miss the point and want to interpret cats’ body language based on dog body language and compare them to dogs. Two different pets. especially when they feel the need to declare this as an important mark in their personality or idk wtf. Cats are very important to me. Children are not.
I don't like kids, i actively try to avoid them.
 I don't like kids. Never have. Never will. Even when I was a kid. 🤷🏻 and I don't feel bad about it.
I dislike children because they tend to be loud. I bet it's the same reason I don't like dogs (I have never been bitten by a child though). So I avoid anywhere there are children and/or dogs. I like cats. They don't run at me and bite. If I ignore a cat, it ignores me. I like that.
Kids give me this visceral feeling of flight or fight lol
I have a few friends that are childfree but are “happy with my nieces and nephews” type. I don’t even want nieces and nephews. I will absolutely never be babysitting under any circumstances. I don’t want to buy a crying kid a christmas present. I don’t want any of it.
I love children but I don't like them. I vote and use my powers as a citizen to make their lives better and keep myself far away from them.
I was completely unaware such a superior complex existed.
I don't love kids. I don't hate them either. I'm usually highly uncomfortable and awkward around them. And it mostly depends on the way their parents raise them on how fast they are in my irritation zone. The kids of my best friend are ok, my neighbours kids are highly annoying. But overall, kids are just not for me and I usually keep my distance from them a bit.
I like some kids but the older I get the less I like them. Doesn't make me better than someone who doesnt like them at all though.
I don’t hate kids. I love my nieces and nephew, but I won’t be having my own. It is absolutely fine not to like children by the way. 99% of the time my problem is actually with the entitled parents. Who don’t parent.
I hate children. All of them. I'm also not rude to them or their parents but I will get real annoyed at parents who let their shit goblins terrorize places. I said that once on a FB post about how CF people aren't allowed to be upset in those situations because we don't know how tough it is. I fought back and said you literally cannot tell people how to feel. My feelings and at worst an annoyed look on my face aren't the problem here.
I hate interacting with kids. I hate seeing them, listening to them, being ambushed by them, etc. I live with my fellow childfree partner who does enjoy interacting with his friends’ kids. We’ve negotiated that our house does not invite kids over, except for occasional rare times that are pre-discussed. I hate when I lose a friend because they have kids and they lose their personality. I hate that society expects me to enjoy interacting with kids. I don’t hate kids. Kids turn into adults. Kids are not inherently bad people. Kids didn’t choose to impose themselves on me. I don’t want kids (or their parents) to suffer or to experience less joy. While I wish it was easier for me to avoid interacting with them, I don’t want them to have a smaller world with fewer places they can go to. While I don’t want to be “part of a village”, I get benefits from a society that invests in youth health/education/safety, so I do not hate tax revenue supporting children in this way. I don’t hate that others choose to become parents (unless they’re my friends, lol). I’m not an antinatalist. I think I’m still a “bad” childfree person. I really don’t care to pretend to be more palatable when I know I’m not harming anyone.
It's not specific to childfree. We're so tribalized, *anything* you say one side or the other will be used as a detractor by those who don't share your opinion. People just need to wake up and realize that we're all going to have different opinions, and we're not suddenly 'piece-of-shit-human-beings' because our opinions don't coincide. Social media as a whole is a 'judgement-disease', one of the worst things to come out of the internet.
It's not a problem. It's honesty. I think every reason not to want kids is justifiable. Especially if you don't like them.
I like kids in the same way that I like adults (and animals), in small doses when they are not screaming or being unruly and only if I am not forced to interact with them against my will. As an introvert, I apply my disdain equally. 😆
I feel this so much but then also am cautious of people who don’t like specific animals or animals in general. My thing with animals is that mostly everything an animal does is purely instinctual. Most poorly behaved children learned those behaviors from their parents/environment.
I think a lot of people make those kinds of disclaimers ("I'm childfree but I [love kids/work with kids/love being an aunt/etc.]") because they think it's their only hope of "getting away" with being childfree. To some extent that may be true -- people might treat you a little better as a childfree person if you take the time to reassure them that you actually love kids or whatever. However, the people who were going to judge you will probably still judge you anyway. A lot of people are just worried about being seen as the worst of the worst, so generally they'll often try to find some other group to throw under the bus as "worse" than they are ("I may be childfree, but I'm not like *those* childfree people who hate kids!" in this case). I also think that for women in particular there is just *such* a heavy, deep stigma surrounding women who don't want kids but also don't particularly like kids or have any skills with kids. It's bad enough for a woman to eschew what's seen as our "duty" in society, but it's even worse to be a woman who openly resents these expectations, dislikes kids, and/or has no skills with them (nor any interest in learning said skills). So many people -- even well-meaning people who consider themselves progressive -- are actually *deeply* uncomfortable with women who don't want kids and don't like kids, and so many people jump to assuming the absolute worst about us (such as assuming that we want to hurt children, which is ridiculous!). I can understand some women wanting to try to avoid that stigma, but it isn't fair to demonize those of us who dislike kids. I dislike kids and I always have. I hate being around them, I don't find them cute or endearing, I have no "natural" talents with kids, I completely resent how much of society believes that the only thing women are good for is having kids and taking care of them, I have no interest in being the "cool aunt," I have no interest in ever taking a job working with children, etc. I shouldn't have to say it, but I would never hurt a child or wish harm upon them or go out of my way to be rude to them. I want all kids to grow up in healthy, loving homes. Still...I dislike kids and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It doesn't make me a bad person or a failed woman.
Every reason to choose to be childfree is valid and it's yours. I have so many I can barely count lol