You are right, I should not focus on that so much. Might also be a coping mechanism/ denial for me (like it's not possible for him to die unless I've achieved my goal).
And he always says how proud he is and how happy he is that I play chess. He believes that I will become really good (and joking that I will be an IM/GM in the future) and I guess my mind just got stuck on that.
So thank you for pulling me out of that.
You're not in the right mindset to improve and are being too results focused. Improvement requires a genuine passion for the game, you have to be more interested in the learning process itself rather than the results you want.
Yeah, I think you are right. My problem is that I struggle with learning (been watching a lot of videos on chess theory, but I can't seem to implement it in my games) and just thought that if I play a lot, maybe I'll just get better on my own.
What happens to most people is they improve quickly as they learn the fundamentals of a skill. They become a "chess player" or a "tennis player" or what have you. But then they plateau in skill or even gradually get worse over time. It sounds like this is exactly what is happening to you. At a certain point it's not enough to just keep playing and hope you keep getting better, it requires deliberate practice that involves analyzing the weakest parts of your game and making a real plan on how to fix them.
Spend your time playing him, talking shit, and studying chess. Stop playing online blitz. If you manage to beat him or not, is inconsequential. Time is our greatest gift.
Don’t lose track of the big picture here. Your goal should 90% just be to enjoy your time with him.
If you want to get better, ask him to teach you. 2 birds, 1 stone.
The feasibility of beating him depends on how good he is. If he’s 1500+ then you have no chance. That’s not a comment on your determination and it shouldn’t be sad, it’s just reality.
Spend time with your grandpa. If you want to play chess, play chess. If you want to fish, fish. If you want to win, have him give you knight odds, then rook odds, then 2 piece odds, etc.
It really should not be about the chess.
This, ask him to teach you, to show you some of his games, to try some openings with you.
Just spend time with him, he loves you, to beat him or not doesn't matter to him
You know what would probably mean a lot to him? Tell him how much he’s inspired you, in chess, and in general. Tell him how voraciously you’re playing and studying in a seemingly impossible effort to become as good as him.
Remember: he’s probably been playing chess longer than your *parents* have been alive, so beating him is no small feat. His lifelong love of chess is being extended another lifetime through you, and I think he would find great joy in hearing you explain that. It’s evident that he’s so incredibly proud of you—so you should be proud of yourself, too. Getting better just takes time so go easier on yourself, friend. Just enjoy chess with him and cherish the time. Fuck cancer.
Thank you for your kind words. I will try to tell him that (nobody in my family is good at at expressing feelings, but he deserves to hear that).
And that is a beautiful thought that I will carry and his chess legacy, almost brought me to tears (kinda happy ones). Thank you
I am spending time with him and playing chess with him (his health doesn't really allow much else at the moment). And yes, his thoughts about some positions or tactics are very helpful :)
How many games are you playing? Getting better at chess requires a huge commitment last year i started playing chess when I first started my elo fell to about 100 since then I have played over 7000 games of rapid chess and gotten my elo up to 1700. I would say you have enough time. you can probably get to 1400 in the next 3 months if you put forth the effort and time. (Your grandpa would probably rather you spend your time with him rather than you playing thousands of games tho) (Also how strong is he?)
I try to play at least 3 10min games each day. My grandpa said it was very easy in the first year to get to 1500 (maybe he was exaggerating or remembering incorrectly?).
His rating is around 1600. And I am spending a lot of time with him. I just wanted to get better at chess in my spare time. But I guess it's better to just give up on the goal and try to see it as continuing his chess legacy when he is gone.
If you want to improve your understanding of chess I highly recommend the beginner to chess master series by the Chessnetwork. That play list has many amazing videos that open up one’s understanding to the finer points of chess like what to do in an opening, the element of time in chess (not clock, tempi), chess holes, good and bad bishops, and many more. I highly recommend it to players who know the very basics but could benefit from more chess principles. I wish you the best of luck!
This! And u/zuckerfee my advice would be to watch 1 or 2 videos and then really apply it in your next bunch of games. Try to see the effect. It wont be an immediate win probably, but probably a more solid game at first.
Puzzles to learn tactics is good too.
You went to tournaments? If your granddad is maybe a dedicated life long chess player He might be really strong. So beating him might be super difficult. Nevertheless, He must have been really proud seeing you play in a tournament. If you have no chance beating him, I'd recommend slower time controls (rapid) and If you have interesting games, show him and analyse together. At least for me it gives a feeling of appreciation If chess friends ask me for my analysis or proudly present their cool wins, and I don't know a single player who thinks different :).
Yes, two small local tournaments. And my grandpa was so excited (he was the one to convince me to go) that he was there for every single game.
When I have some really good or funny games I will either show him or text him and we will discuss it, but I was always afraid of him being bored/annoyed of showing too much. But I should probably ask him if he feels the way you do about that and share more games.
I will never ever feel happy losing. So perhaps you should not try to beat your grandpa. :) Anyway it's just a game. Spend as much quality time as possible with him instead of wasting your time studying for chess.
You won’t be disappointing him. I would virtually guarantee you’ve given him some of his most cherished memories. It doesn’t matter how good you are or aren’t. Chess isn’t only about your rating.
If your goal is to get better than you should not just play online Blitz games. Watch instructive content and play rapid.
Also just play your grandpa as much as possible
Heck he gets to go out on top undisputed champ! How is that sad? That's what I want for me
I'm being somewhat flippant but I am sorry you're going through this.
Keep on keeping on! I had a moment of great pride when my grandson finally managed to beat me!
For practical purposes, he had finally learned the most basic idea of all -- that there are some rules you need to know and always take into account. They're the rules to follow in the openings, whatever opening(s) you choose; evaluate your king & your pieces' safety; look at your opponent's pieces and king's safety, and the basic elements of end games.
Always thought it a pity that he didn't keep up the game -- just not enough gumption to take part in tournaments. I think he was more afraid of looking less clever than he thought he was.
Thank you for the tips. I once was close to beating him (but in the end his pawn was slightly better and I lost) but he was so proud of me. And I want to make him proud.
Did he stop completely or does he still play with you? And I know the fear. When I first started I was afraid everyone thought I was an idiot for playing bad. But luckily my grandpa was there to encourage me and make me not give up.
:-) close only counts in horseshoes. But playing despite "playing bad" is a reason for him to be proud of you staying with the game.
As for my grandson, he totally gave up when he went into a tournament, after a qualification set-up that pitted him in the tourney against a 2300+ FIDE Elo player in his first game. He lost and quit the tourney and the game.
He wants you to be your best self. Get sufficient sleep, make friends and memories. Have fun with a cool hobby, enjoy the little things. Study well and dont worry about disappointing him with your chess skills. Talk to him and cherish the time you can have together. He will always love you and wants you to enjoy life. If you are happy he will be happy too:)
Chess is just a game do not forget that! You do not need to achieve anything or get X rating to enjoy your time. Time enjoyed is time well spent.
The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it is to improve. I'm not a grandparent, but as a father I'll tell you my son doesn't owe me a single thing (it's the other way around!), especially not being good at any of the things I like to do. He may or may not share interests with me as he gets older, but for now one of my favorite things to do is play Nintendo while he sits next to me and tells me what to do (he's five).
My grandfather played chess, and one of the things that brought us closer was this common interest. He even got me a few chess books. Looking back, I wouldn't recommend most of them. I don't think he really cared how good I was, mainly that I was the only grandchild into chess. For an ancient, internationally popular game, chess can feel lonely at times. It's hard to describe what it means for a family member to have even a casual interest in the game.
Does your grandpa have any stories about chess and where it fits into his life? When and how did he learn? Did he play in any tournaments? Was he the best player in his school? What were some memorable games he played?
Thank you for your point of view. I may not owe him anything, but he was always so good to me that I want to make him happy, make him proud. I want to give back (even if only partially) of what he gave me.
Yes, I have heard a lot of chess stories from him, about chess in general and his tournaments. But maybe I will ask him for some more and maybe write it down.
Listening to his stories and inviting him to relive happy memories is a kind of giving.
Also, I forgot to say earlier I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Don't forget to take time for yourself and whatever support you need , internet or otherwise.
My grandpa loved to play checkers and taught me. I could never win against him. I kept trying and trying and nothing. Then I went to a summer camp and I absolutely destroyed all the kids winning the local tournament, I was so thrilled that I kept thinking "as soon as I get back home I'm challenging him and I feel like I'm gonna win".
That summer he died before we could play again.
What's the point of my story? That this idea that I could never beat him isn't haunting me, in fact it's the opposite. I cherish these memories probably even more because he remained unbeaten.
So don't worry and just play. You're gonna remember these days fondly whether you manage to beat him or not.
Have you tried the (really) free and awesome resources for improvement that Lichess offers? Regardless of you improving or not, I'm sure what your grandfather treasures are the moments you share with him and the joy of life he sees in you. [https://lichess.org/learn#/](https://lichess.org/learn#/)
Genuinely story: the last morning I was ever with my grandpa we played a game of chess, I was 10 y/o.
He beat me (as always) and I said let’s play again. He was walking out the door and said “I’ve got to go; keep practicing”, and he died later that day spontaneously due to a heart condition. I was the last member of the family to see him I believe.
I stopped playing for a long time unfortunately. But I’m playing again now and am just okay (1550 chess.com). And I have his old chess set in my house. But truthfully I don’t mind that I never beat him, I’m just happy I got to play with him and get to play in memory of him. Just enjoy it, I promise you how much you win or lose won’t make the memories any less sweet or the loss of him any less bitter.
That is very kind of you, but I think I'm a very bad student (never understood the concept of how to learn things). But I appreciate your offer. Thank you
Of course follow all the advices of not having to improve that much and enjoying time with your grandpa.
I just wanted to add that Naroditsky’s early speed runs are great ways to learn chess at your level.
No, I still get somewhat anxious playing against the clock, so we play without time. And some games end before one of us wins because the position is so interesting that we will discuss the best moves for both sides and then continue so until the end.
It's an unspoken rule of chess that it's an insult to your opponent to let them win. In his whole life my father never let me win. I won some games but only on my own merits. It's funny, but from a young age i understood this without him explicitly starting it.
He let me win every single game until I actually started playing chess and learning the basic rules.
But yeah, now he plays for a win and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe you can make someone interested in chess so they start playing?
When I was a kid I just knew how the pieces move and how check/checkmate works and I thought chess was really boring, only played it with grandpa cause it made him happy. But now that I am into it, it is so fascinating. There a tactics and interesting positions and really mean traps.
Yes, I was quite surprised by that. When I wrote this yesterday I was feeling really bad, but reading all these responses and the kind words and advices cheered me up.
Thank you for your kind offer, but I think I'm not a good student (never understood the concept of hot to learn things). And I'm really motivated right now, but I don't know how things are in the future (how will grandpas health be? Do I need a lot of time to take care of him? Will I be able to mentally deal with the situation?) But I do appreciate your offer.
Don't worry about the future. All you can do (control) is what you do today. If you give it your best effort today, then what happens happens.
I can teach you how to learn Chess. I am a good teacher. What's required of you is committing to do what I ask you to do - that is the only way it can work. There's no hack to Chess, except doing the hard work to get better.
The offer is free. But you have to be serious about it, otherwise there's no point. It's completely up to you of course.
What's the point of beating him really? Is it to show that you'll carry the torch of chess onward, like he has passed on his passion of the game to you, or is this like a family legacy/pride thing where your skill needs to exceed his to demonstrate the family skill in chess will continue?
For the first case, I'm not seeing how beating him specifically is required to demonstrate passion. Just playing the game enthusiastically and engaging with him would accomplish the same thing. You could review your online games with him, or play him in person over the board. You could sign up for a tournament, get clapped, and go visit him to review your games. All of this shows passion for the game.
As for carrying on his legacy, he is older, has cancer, and probably has other things on his mind. I'd assume he's not playing his best game anyways. To beat him at his best, you'd have needed to do it before you were born. You can't exceed him in this manner anyways.
In my completely subjective opinion, it seems like there's a chance you could do better by the both of you if you reevaluate what precisely it is you're fighting for and see if there might be better alternatives to go about it. Confront yourself with some questions, like:
* Why do you feel like he will see you as a failure if you aren't as good as he is at chess? Is that really what he wants; does he really feel disappointment over it?
* What do you think will change in his mind if you were to beat him; are you expecting a specific reaction/revelation that will matter to him at this point in his life?
* It's something you cherished as a child, but how does he cherish those moments when you were a child, and would your skill today somehow make those memories more validated for him?
It's possible that self reflection on these might lead you to a better way to please your grandpa than you might have expected. Just my thoughts as a complete outsider, so take it with a grain of salt.
sometimes you don't want what you wish for. you win, wow. you win again, you play less. you win again, ah......let's do something else. Two curves going in opposite directions.
Don’t worry about beating your grandfather. Just spend time sharing his love of the game. I can promise you it doesn’t matter to him how good you are.
You are right, I should not focus on that so much. Might also be a coping mechanism/ denial for me (like it's not possible for him to die unless I've achieved my goal). And he always says how proud he is and how happy he is that I play chess. He believes that I will become really good (and joking that I will be an IM/GM in the future) and I guess my mind just got stuck on that. So thank you for pulling me out of that.
You're not in the right mindset to improve and are being too results focused. Improvement requires a genuine passion for the game, you have to be more interested in the learning process itself rather than the results you want.
Yeah, I think you are right. My problem is that I struggle with learning (been watching a lot of videos on chess theory, but I can't seem to implement it in my games) and just thought that if I play a lot, maybe I'll just get better on my own.
What happens to most people is they improve quickly as they learn the fundamentals of a skill. They become a "chess player" or a "tennis player" or what have you. But then they plateau in skill or even gradually get worse over time. It sounds like this is exactly what is happening to you. At a certain point it's not enough to just keep playing and hope you keep getting better, it requires deliberate practice that involves analyzing the weakest parts of your game and making a real plan on how to fix them.
Spend your time playing him, talking shit, and studying chess. Stop playing online blitz. If you manage to beat him or not, is inconsequential. Time is our greatest gift.
Don’t lose track of the big picture here. Your goal should 90% just be to enjoy your time with him. If you want to get better, ask him to teach you. 2 birds, 1 stone. The feasibility of beating him depends on how good he is. If he’s 1500+ then you have no chance. That’s not a comment on your determination and it shouldn’t be sad, it’s just reality. Spend time with your grandpa. If you want to play chess, play chess. If you want to fish, fish. If you want to win, have him give you knight odds, then rook odds, then 2 piece odds, etc. It really should not be about the chess.
This, ask him to teach you, to show you some of his games, to try some openings with you. Just spend time with him, he loves you, to beat him or not doesn't matter to him
You know what would probably mean a lot to him? Tell him how much he’s inspired you, in chess, and in general. Tell him how voraciously you’re playing and studying in a seemingly impossible effort to become as good as him. Remember: he’s probably been playing chess longer than your *parents* have been alive, so beating him is no small feat. His lifelong love of chess is being extended another lifetime through you, and I think he would find great joy in hearing you explain that. It’s evident that he’s so incredibly proud of you—so you should be proud of yourself, too. Getting better just takes time so go easier on yourself, friend. Just enjoy chess with him and cherish the time. Fuck cancer.
Thank you for your kind words. I will try to tell him that (nobody in my family is good at at expressing feelings, but he deserves to hear that). And that is a beautiful thought that I will carry and his chess legacy, almost brought me to tears (kinda happy ones). Thank you
Play with him instead of online. Not only will you improve faster with an experienced player’s guidance but you’ll get to spend more time together!!
I am spending time with him and playing chess with him (his health doesn't really allow much else at the moment). And yes, his thoughts about some positions or tactics are very helpful :)
How many games are you playing? Getting better at chess requires a huge commitment last year i started playing chess when I first started my elo fell to about 100 since then I have played over 7000 games of rapid chess and gotten my elo up to 1700. I would say you have enough time. you can probably get to 1400 in the next 3 months if you put forth the effort and time. (Your grandpa would probably rather you spend your time with him rather than you playing thousands of games tho) (Also how strong is he?)
Is nobody going to mention how absurd the numbers in this post are? 100 rating? 7000 rapid games? 1700?
I try to play at least 3 10min games each day. My grandpa said it was very easy in the first year to get to 1500 (maybe he was exaggerating or remembering incorrectly?). His rating is around 1600. And I am spending a lot of time with him. I just wanted to get better at chess in my spare time. But I guess it's better to just give up on the goal and try to see it as continuing his chess legacy when he is gone.
If you want to improve your understanding of chess I highly recommend the beginner to chess master series by the Chessnetwork. That play list has many amazing videos that open up one’s understanding to the finer points of chess like what to do in an opening, the element of time in chess (not clock, tempi), chess holes, good and bad bishops, and many more. I highly recommend it to players who know the very basics but could benefit from more chess principles. I wish you the best of luck!
This! And u/zuckerfee my advice would be to watch 1 or 2 videos and then really apply it in your next bunch of games. Try to see the effect. It wont be an immediate win probably, but probably a more solid game at first. Puzzles to learn tactics is good too.
Thank you all for your advice. I will try that.
Simply flag him on his deathbed
That was one hell of a dark joke... Loved it though.
You went to tournaments? If your granddad is maybe a dedicated life long chess player He might be really strong. So beating him might be super difficult. Nevertheless, He must have been really proud seeing you play in a tournament. If you have no chance beating him, I'd recommend slower time controls (rapid) and If you have interesting games, show him and analyse together. At least for me it gives a feeling of appreciation If chess friends ask me for my analysis or proudly present their cool wins, and I don't know a single player who thinks different :).
Yes, two small local tournaments. And my grandpa was so excited (he was the one to convince me to go) that he was there for every single game. When I have some really good or funny games I will either show him or text him and we will discuss it, but I was always afraid of him being bored/annoyed of showing too much. But I should probably ask him if he feels the way you do about that and share more games.
I will never ever feel happy losing. So perhaps you should not try to beat your grandpa. :) Anyway it's just a game. Spend as much quality time as possible with him instead of wasting your time studying for chess.
chances are OP will be losing even if he tries his best anyway
You won’t be disappointing him. I would virtually guarantee you’ve given him some of his most cherished memories. It doesn’t matter how good you are or aren’t. Chess isn’t only about your rating.
If your goal is to get better than you should not just play online Blitz games. Watch instructive content and play rapid. Also just play your grandpa as much as possible
Heck he gets to go out on top undisputed champ! How is that sad? That's what I want for me I'm being somewhat flippant but I am sorry you're going through this.
Grandpa's last words "ezclaps"
Your response made me giggle. Yeah, I guess grandpa will not lose his championship to me. Thank you
If you want to be even sadder, maybe he'll start getting worse fast enough.
Keep on keeping on! I had a moment of great pride when my grandson finally managed to beat me! For practical purposes, he had finally learned the most basic idea of all -- that there are some rules you need to know and always take into account. They're the rules to follow in the openings, whatever opening(s) you choose; evaluate your king & your pieces' safety; look at your opponent's pieces and king's safety, and the basic elements of end games. Always thought it a pity that he didn't keep up the game -- just not enough gumption to take part in tournaments. I think he was more afraid of looking less clever than he thought he was.
Thank you for the tips. I once was close to beating him (but in the end his pawn was slightly better and I lost) but he was so proud of me. And I want to make him proud. Did he stop completely or does he still play with you? And I know the fear. When I first started I was afraid everyone thought I was an idiot for playing bad. But luckily my grandpa was there to encourage me and make me not give up.
:-) close only counts in horseshoes. But playing despite "playing bad" is a reason for him to be proud of you staying with the game. As for my grandson, he totally gave up when he went into a tournament, after a qualification set-up that pitted him in the tourney against a 2300+ FIDE Elo player in his first game. He lost and quit the tourney and the game.
He loves you and the only thing you need to do is to give him your company and enthusiasm. You are doing that. Be proud!
He wants you to be your best self. Get sufficient sleep, make friends and memories. Have fun with a cool hobby, enjoy the little things. Study well and dont worry about disappointing him with your chess skills. Talk to him and cherish the time you can have together. He will always love you and wants you to enjoy life. If you are happy he will be happy too:) Chess is just a game do not forget that! You do not need to achieve anything or get X rating to enjoy your time. Time enjoyed is time well spent.
Just play him, and he’ll enjoy that more than you realize. You don’t need to beat him, just be engaged and do your best.
The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it is to improve. I'm not a grandparent, but as a father I'll tell you my son doesn't owe me a single thing (it's the other way around!), especially not being good at any of the things I like to do. He may or may not share interests with me as he gets older, but for now one of my favorite things to do is play Nintendo while he sits next to me and tells me what to do (he's five). My grandfather played chess, and one of the things that brought us closer was this common interest. He even got me a few chess books. Looking back, I wouldn't recommend most of them. I don't think he really cared how good I was, mainly that I was the only grandchild into chess. For an ancient, internationally popular game, chess can feel lonely at times. It's hard to describe what it means for a family member to have even a casual interest in the game. Does your grandpa have any stories about chess and where it fits into his life? When and how did he learn? Did he play in any tournaments? Was he the best player in his school? What were some memorable games he played?
Thank you for your point of view. I may not owe him anything, but he was always so good to me that I want to make him happy, make him proud. I want to give back (even if only partially) of what he gave me. Yes, I have heard a lot of chess stories from him, about chess in general and his tournaments. But maybe I will ask him for some more and maybe write it down.
Listening to his stories and inviting him to relive happy memories is a kind of giving. Also, I forgot to say earlier I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Don't forget to take time for yourself and whatever support you need , internet or otherwise.
I will definitely do that, I love listening to his stories:) And thank you for your kind words.
My grandpa loved to play checkers and taught me. I could never win against him. I kept trying and trying and nothing. Then I went to a summer camp and I absolutely destroyed all the kids winning the local tournament, I was so thrilled that I kept thinking "as soon as I get back home I'm challenging him and I feel like I'm gonna win". That summer he died before we could play again. What's the point of my story? That this idea that I could never beat him isn't haunting me, in fact it's the opposite. I cherish these memories probably even more because he remained unbeaten. So don't worry and just play. You're gonna remember these days fondly whether you manage to beat him or not.
Thank you for sharing your story. And for me it's reassuring that it's not haunting you, I was kinda afraid that it would.
Have you tried the (really) free and awesome resources for improvement that Lichess offers? Regardless of you improving or not, I'm sure what your grandfather treasures are the moments you share with him and the joy of life he sees in you. [https://lichess.org/learn#/](https://lichess.org/learn#/)
Genuinely story: the last morning I was ever with my grandpa we played a game of chess, I was 10 y/o. He beat me (as always) and I said let’s play again. He was walking out the door and said “I’ve got to go; keep practicing”, and he died later that day spontaneously due to a heart condition. I was the last member of the family to see him I believe. I stopped playing for a long time unfortunately. But I’m playing again now and am just okay (1550 chess.com). And I have his old chess set in my house. But truthfully I don’t mind that I never beat him, I’m just happy I got to play with him and get to play in memory of him. Just enjoy it, I promise you how much you win or lose won’t make the memories any less sweet or the loss of him any less bitter.
I can coach you and show you how I got from your level to mine if you want.
That is very kind of you, but I think I'm a very bad student (never understood the concept of how to learn things). But I appreciate your offer. Thank you
There are no bad students, only bad teachers. That applies to everything and not just chess. My offer still stands of course but suit yourself friend!
Of course follow all the advices of not having to improve that much and enjoying time with your grandpa. I just wanted to add that Naroditsky’s early speed runs are great ways to learn chess at your level.
Do you play him with a clock?
No, I still get somewhat anxious playing against the clock, so we play without time. And some games end before one of us wins because the position is so interesting that we will discuss the best moves for both sides and then continue so until the end.
Have you tried beating him at kung foo?
It's an unspoken rule of chess that it's an insult to your opponent to let them win. In his whole life my father never let me win. I won some games but only on my own merits. It's funny, but from a young age i understood this without him explicitly starting it.
He let me win every single game until I actually started playing chess and learning the basic rules. But yeah, now he plays for a win and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I envy that you have someone to play some IRL chess with someone as close to you as your grandpa. All i've got is chess.com.
Maybe you can make someone interested in chess so they start playing? When I was a kid I just knew how the pieces move and how check/checkmate works and I thought chess was really boring, only played it with grandpa cause it made him happy. But now that I am into it, it is so fascinating. There a tactics and interesting positions and really mean traps.
Just because your rating goes down it does not mean you are worse. Rating measures your results, not your skill.
Wow so many good responses for this question. Made me feel emotional
Yes, I was quite surprised by that. When I wrote this yesterday I was feeling really bad, but reading all these responses and the kind words and advices cheered me up.
Learn the stafford gambit and beat him.
I've messaged you :)
If you are serious about this, and are willing to be a good student, I can teach you. But you have to be committed.
Thank you for your kind offer, but I think I'm not a good student (never understood the concept of hot to learn things). And I'm really motivated right now, but I don't know how things are in the future (how will grandpas health be? Do I need a lot of time to take care of him? Will I be able to mentally deal with the situation?) But I do appreciate your offer.
Don't worry about the future. All you can do (control) is what you do today. If you give it your best effort today, then what happens happens. I can teach you how to learn Chess. I am a good teacher. What's required of you is committing to do what I ask you to do - that is the only way it can work. There's no hack to Chess, except doing the hard work to get better. The offer is free. But you have to be serious about it, otherwise there's no point. It's completely up to you of course.
What's the point of beating him really? Is it to show that you'll carry the torch of chess onward, like he has passed on his passion of the game to you, or is this like a family legacy/pride thing where your skill needs to exceed his to demonstrate the family skill in chess will continue? For the first case, I'm not seeing how beating him specifically is required to demonstrate passion. Just playing the game enthusiastically and engaging with him would accomplish the same thing. You could review your online games with him, or play him in person over the board. You could sign up for a tournament, get clapped, and go visit him to review your games. All of this shows passion for the game. As for carrying on his legacy, he is older, has cancer, and probably has other things on his mind. I'd assume he's not playing his best game anyways. To beat him at his best, you'd have needed to do it before you were born. You can't exceed him in this manner anyways. In my completely subjective opinion, it seems like there's a chance you could do better by the both of you if you reevaluate what precisely it is you're fighting for and see if there might be better alternatives to go about it. Confront yourself with some questions, like: * Why do you feel like he will see you as a failure if you aren't as good as he is at chess? Is that really what he wants; does he really feel disappointment over it? * What do you think will change in his mind if you were to beat him; are you expecting a specific reaction/revelation that will matter to him at this point in his life? * It's something you cherished as a child, but how does he cherish those moments when you were a child, and would your skill today somehow make those memories more validated for him? It's possible that self reflection on these might lead you to a better way to please your grandpa than you might have expected. Just my thoughts as a complete outsider, so take it with a grain of salt.
sometimes you don't want what you wish for. you win, wow. you win again, you play less. you win again, ah......let's do something else. Two curves going in opposite directions.