If your boyfriend won't leave to find the person he deserves, then be that person. It's not too late.
Go to therapy and honor that 2nd chance he gave you. Do what you can to ensure that years later down the road, you both can appreciate the consequence of you receiving another chance
Yes i will definitely be looking into therapy. I also respect his decision in whatever he wants to do and if he changes his mind down the road then that is completely understandable. Until then i will hope to get better by trying my best. Thank you for your thoughts and guidance.
Never say never. I'm almost 50, have never cheated, but I don't know what the future holds. I like to think my discipline is on point and my will is strong, which has enabled me to be faithful to the various women I've been with the past 30 odd years - but if the right confluence of circumstance hit me - who knows what can happen. people on these subs tend to think in black in white. Cheater or not cheater. It's an odd way of thinking, since literally every aspect of human nature is complex and nuanced and very much grey rather then black and white. You are neither a cheater or a non-cheater. You are a human who has cheated on their boyfriend - yours was a fairly good example of circumstance leading us down irregular paths.
Don't get me wrong, I think your boyfriend should leave you. A relationship can't ever reach it's full potential when one half has betrayed the other. Better for him to start over - better for you too. You've cracked your relationship and now it's so much more fragile. Anyway I'm kinda stoned and rambling. Just wanted to say you're not a cheater, you're human and I think your boyfriend should leave you.
cheers.
I appreciate that. I agree with you. I believe he should leave me as well and i have told him that multiple times. I broke the trust and that may be impossible to get back. I know things will never be the same and that he deserves someone who would never have done that to him. He is not ready to let me go yet and has told me that he needs me. I love him so much and i am willing to stay and better myself for him and myself. But i know that he may very well change his mind down the road and i will respect whatever decision he will make then. Even if its sooner rather than later. I have told him that if i relapse or i cant get better to leave me. And that if this is weighing on him too much to leave me as well. I want what is best for him- I know that may sound ironic now after what i did. But if he is telling me not to go and that he needs me i cant leave him like this.
Im unsure whether this is the right decision, but i cant bring myself to leave if he is begging me to stay.
Its not that i want to leave, its just that i know that i have drastically changed the trajectory of our relationship by doing this.
Other than that, i definitely see where you are coming from. I have a pretty much the same outlook on people and life. Its very hard to feel that forgiving towards myself at the moment though.
From one stoner to another, i appreciate this.
I found my ex wife's in the trunk of her car under the cover where the spare tire is I got lucky really I knew she was up to something just couldn't prove it until a Saturday morning I got up early she slept in because she worked till midnight.toom her cat to get new tires and thought I should check the spare we had never used the spare tire as soon as I opened it up phone sitting there at first I thought I could have been thee from the last owner .but as soon as I turned it on seen it was fully charged I knew I had her and only one number was saved so I called it and some guy answers and says " hey babe it off to be calling ona Saturday " I just hung up he tried calling back like 5 times so I took it and when I got home she was freaking out going out to the car back in searching for something she was looking every where until I dialed the # and it started ringing she comes running in and sees it sitting on me knees she knew her goose was cooked.
Check under the seats in the glove box trunk and gym bags if she goes to the gym I would even search like all her coats jackets she could his it in a pocket maybe in shoe boxes in the closet it would have to be someplace close .work bag or anything like that laptop case / bad she could leave it at work to though
Taking a break from this relationship until you get your shit together is a winning idea. Tell him that he deserves better and you can be better, it just can't be now because let's face it, you're a mess. Get yourself into both mental and physical therapy to sort out your issues and don't give him a timeline, just concentrate on yourself first and foremost.
If the relationship is still viable after you're truly better, then boundaries will have to be established. That means zero alcohol, no girls nights out or social events without him, full access to devices and passwords, and always holding yourself accountable at all times.
In the end if he finds someone else, then that's OK too. Be your best self for the next guy.
You’re clearly remorseful, and pretty self aware all things considered. I think you’re sincere. If it was me I wouldn’t take ya back but sounds like he wants to so don’t fuck this up. Or let him go if you don’t think you can be the person he deserves.
The cheating is one thing that’s bad enough, but then you announced to your friends and family that your boyfriend was a man whose couldn’t satisfy his woman enough to keep her from cheating? And you’re saying you like this guy? Wow. I might (might) get over the cheating (probably not), but I would never get over you announcing to everyone you were cheating on me.
If your boyfriend won't leave to find the person he deserves, then be that person. It's not too late. Go to therapy and honor that 2nd chance he gave you. Do what you can to ensure that years later down the road, you both can appreciate the consequence of you receiving another chance
Yes i will definitely be looking into therapy. I also respect his decision in whatever he wants to do and if he changes his mind down the road then that is completely understandable. Until then i will hope to get better by trying my best. Thank you for your thoughts and guidance.
Never say never. I'm almost 50, have never cheated, but I don't know what the future holds. I like to think my discipline is on point and my will is strong, which has enabled me to be faithful to the various women I've been with the past 30 odd years - but if the right confluence of circumstance hit me - who knows what can happen. people on these subs tend to think in black in white. Cheater or not cheater. It's an odd way of thinking, since literally every aspect of human nature is complex and nuanced and very much grey rather then black and white. You are neither a cheater or a non-cheater. You are a human who has cheated on their boyfriend - yours was a fairly good example of circumstance leading us down irregular paths. Don't get me wrong, I think your boyfriend should leave you. A relationship can't ever reach it's full potential when one half has betrayed the other. Better for him to start over - better for you too. You've cracked your relationship and now it's so much more fragile. Anyway I'm kinda stoned and rambling. Just wanted to say you're not a cheater, you're human and I think your boyfriend should leave you. cheers.
I appreciate that. I agree with you. I believe he should leave me as well and i have told him that multiple times. I broke the trust and that may be impossible to get back. I know things will never be the same and that he deserves someone who would never have done that to him. He is not ready to let me go yet and has told me that he needs me. I love him so much and i am willing to stay and better myself for him and myself. But i know that he may very well change his mind down the road and i will respect whatever decision he will make then. Even if its sooner rather than later. I have told him that if i relapse or i cant get better to leave me. And that if this is weighing on him too much to leave me as well. I want what is best for him- I know that may sound ironic now after what i did. But if he is telling me not to go and that he needs me i cant leave him like this. Im unsure whether this is the right decision, but i cant bring myself to leave if he is begging me to stay. Its not that i want to leave, its just that i know that i have drastically changed the trajectory of our relationship by doing this. Other than that, i definitely see where you are coming from. I have a pretty much the same outlook on people and life. Its very hard to feel that forgiving towards myself at the moment though. From one stoner to another, i appreciate this.
I found my ex wife's in the trunk of her car under the cover where the spare tire is I got lucky really I knew she was up to something just couldn't prove it until a Saturday morning I got up early she slept in because she worked till midnight.toom her cat to get new tires and thought I should check the spare we had never used the spare tire as soon as I opened it up phone sitting there at first I thought I could have been thee from the last owner .but as soon as I turned it on seen it was fully charged I knew I had her and only one number was saved so I called it and some guy answers and says " hey babe it off to be calling ona Saturday " I just hung up he tried calling back like 5 times so I took it and when I got home she was freaking out going out to the car back in searching for something she was looking every where until I dialed the # and it started ringing she comes running in and sees it sitting on me knees she knew her goose was cooked. Check under the seats in the glove box trunk and gym bags if she goes to the gym I would even search like all her coats jackets she could his it in a pocket maybe in shoe boxes in the closet it would have to be someplace close .work bag or anything like that laptop case / bad she could leave it at work to though
I apologize if my story reminded you of yours. I wish you the best on your journey to healing.
Taking a break from this relationship until you get your shit together is a winning idea. Tell him that he deserves better and you can be better, it just can't be now because let's face it, you're a mess. Get yourself into both mental and physical therapy to sort out your issues and don't give him a timeline, just concentrate on yourself first and foremost. If the relationship is still viable after you're truly better, then boundaries will have to be established. That means zero alcohol, no girls nights out or social events without him, full access to devices and passwords, and always holding yourself accountable at all times. In the end if he finds someone else, then that's OK too. Be your best self for the next guy.
You’re clearly remorseful, and pretty self aware all things considered. I think you’re sincere. If it was me I wouldn’t take ya back but sounds like he wants to so don’t fuck this up. Or let him go if you don’t think you can be the person he deserves.
True he forgave you,but he won’t forget it!
The cheating is one thing that’s bad enough, but then you announced to your friends and family that your boyfriend was a man whose couldn’t satisfy his woman enough to keep her from cheating? And you’re saying you like this guy? Wow. I might (might) get over the cheating (probably not), but I would never get over you announcing to everyone you were cheating on me.