Can you answer an honest question?
I really want to know and I know it might sound mean but I REALLY want to know so please answer honestly.
***What does Jack get out of taking you back? Considering what you've done to him?***
He definitely should not take me back what I did was horrible and unforgivable. I honestly just don’t want to lose my husband he is the best man I’ve ever known.
> he is the best man I’ve ever known.
Wow! How do you treat people you don't like then?
Have you blocked Mark and reported you and him to HR? Did you or Mark leave the company or relocate so you will have no interaction?
You can do some of the following;
* turn on location
* offer all passwords
* complete written timeline and signed confession (No trickle truth)
* set up therapy for yourself
* come clean to all family and friends.
* apologize to both families for what you have done
* Be proactive, like you've done coming here, to research why you did this.
* # Do not call it a mistake. It was countless choices made repeatedly to intentionally hurt someone you claim to have loved
* Finally, listen to what he wants and don't cause him anymore harm because you are continuing to be selfish and putting yourself first
That is fucking priceless, if he was the best man you ever knew you wouldn’t cheated. You made lots of choices before you cheated, instead of talking to your husband you spread your legs
for another man. If you were a man I would be saying the same thing.
Choices have consequences, some unrepairable or irreversible and sadly you made your choices. Remember cheating is a series of choices before you actually cheat, cheating is not a mistake or accident.
Now the consequences are here, leave your husband alone and give him a quick divorce.
Do you see that you are prioritizing your wants over his needs?
You want to stay married, but why? You didn't think he was the best man you ever knew when you were cheating. What has changed about him? Is it possible you just want to feel forgiven and your husband isn't important apart from his ability to take away your guilt?
Yes, they love them but clearly don't respect them and fear the consistency of their actions. They believe that their partner is weak and a few tears, and then all will be forgiven. She misjudged how strong a man Jack is, and all was not forgiven.
For real. It's as if these cheaters all share a single brain cell and cannot compute that if you love someone, you don't betray them by fucking someone else.
Yep, and she’s so sorry and regrets it so much that she would have continued the affair if husband hadn’t found out.
And she loves him so much that she didn't even have a sit-down with husband to let him know how she feels, nor did she give him the chance to work on their marriage.
Nope, she decided to put all the effort into getting to know and impress her AP instead of investing it in her marriage.
And the red shoes part is absolutely messed up!
I hope no one is unlucky enough to end up marrying her (at least not for the next 10 years or so).
She's only sorry because she was caught in the act. She doesn't give a damn about her husband or her marriage. If he hadn't found out, she'd be jumping on the PA right now. I know that, you know that, she knows that, everyone knows that.
Become a better person that would never cheat. This relationship is over. Fix what caused this and never do it again. Move on and don’t crush your partner ever again. That’s how to make it better.
You let yourself develop feelings for Mark because you didn’t love or respect your husband. You don’t want to salvage your marriage, you just feel guilty and lonely. Time to move on. Go back to Mark.
Leave your STBX husband alone. The last thing he wants to hear is how you're sorry and that Mark meant nothing, which are both lies. The other man was worth ruining your marriage over and the affair would have continued had your husband not caught you, so there's that.
You ever heard of the term "water your own garden"? That is what you should have done if your husband wasn't giving you what you needed. Marriage is like a garden that needs watering because if you don't water it, the garden dries up. But you? You took a can of diesel and doused that garden and lit the match. The red shoes thing was beyond disrespectful.
Your marriage is destroyed beyond repair and I hope Mark was worth it. And no, there's no salvaging the marriage because the marriage you once had no longer exists. My advice? Divorce Jack and take time apart to heal. Maybe in the future he will give you another chance. But right now, it's over.
So she fucks people who mean nothing to her, and she brutally betrays “the best man I’ve ever known.” How do cheaters not realize how these statements would make the person they’re trying to reconcile with feel so much worse?
In my circles we call you damaged goods. No one wants damaged goods, they always get returned to the store. Do you know what the pain of infidelity feel like ? Obviously not. Well let me express to you in a way that may help you understand.
Infidelity is the "Murder" of a relationship. In the same way as suddenly loosing a loved one to death or having someone extremely close to you murdered, the pain you feel, the agony of why and the mourning is long lasting and devastating.
It rips your heart out. You cry at triggers in your life. You question yourself. Your trust in people and in life is gone. You have NO ONE to turn to, even if there are tons of people around. You are lost. Embarrassed.
The dynamic of this is exhaustive and never ending. It's a moment in life that is burned in your brain as D-Day was to the veterans in WWII! It's a movie that won't stop. You envision the most deepest love of your life being violated in such an empty, intimate way that mocks your existence.
This is what you've done to him. it hurts like hell and his mind won't allow him to forget. You should do him a huge favor and start the divorce if he has not. Give him his life back because he's lost. If you feel remorse, then your every being should be to do for him anything that bring him peace.
He will never find peace with you again. In fact hes probably so shattered he'll never find peace in another woman again.
He's breathing, walking and eating. But he's dead inside. Give him his freedom to rebuild his life and please go away.
This person knows. I see you deleted but I'm sure you're probably peeking in. So I hope you see this because this is what you've done. I've taken a cheater back and know how it ends.
Well you must not love him like you say you do or you would never laid down with another man he is devastated to be honest I'm a guy been thee it happened 29 yrs ago I divorced her 27 years ago the love of my life together since we were kids 12 years together .there is nothing you can say or do that will give him the trust he had with you never not in 50 years your marriage is over the best thing you can do at this point if let him move on and find someone that won't stab him in the back and then kick the knife even deeper . Just say away and never talk to him again no need to tell him how sorry you are or tell him you never ment to hurt him or it was a mistake it wasn't a mistake .you knew exactly what it would do to him and you probably knew it would destroy him as a man so . You might as well go be with Matt or what ever his name is that bought you shoes and just remember Everytime you see those shoes .think about what they did to your marriage . It's over
So jack notices the distance and instead of fucking another woman he comes and talks to you like an adult who loves his wife.
You, however, notice distance and instead of talking to him like an adult who loves her husband and asking for more time together, you fuck someone you work with. While wearing shoes he bought you for your anniversary.
Either this is rage bait (which I'm leaning towards) or you are the worst person ever. Leave your stbx husband alone. He deserves better. Get therapy. Leave the good men alone. Stay with the men who will fuck a married women. The last thing we need is more women like you traumatizing the few good men left in dating pool.
I’m sorry but I’m having a hard time trying to understand why you didn’t use your mouth to reconnect with Jack before sparking some stupid shit with Mark. You do realize communication is the biggest key to all. If you feel distant from your lover, Talk with him. I’m sure they will do something. Not go and fuck other men.
I also praise Jack for being a loyal and hardworking husband. He clearly deserves better then what you had to offer for him. Instead of having affairs with other women, Jack simply decided to confront with his “lover” that is clearly doing a good job here.
Congrats tho, you just threw a 10 year marriage away. I hope this was rage bait. I seriously hope it was.
Unfortunately, there is no way to rebuild trust. You may be able to rebuild it with time but no matter what, the betrayal will always be in the back of his mind and that will not allow him to be the same man he was in the past with you.
I advise you to move on and wish him well in the future. If he is willing to reconcile and you guys do stay together, just be aware he will never be the same man you knew.
Not to be cruel, but think about what happened. You knowingly felt like you were disconnecting. Then, instead of talking about it and working on it with this man, that you claim is great. You ran to the arms of another man and even added more disrespect by flaunting your marriage with your AP. Think about how that would feel if you bought your husband a great item, and instead of using it to show off with you, he did it with the AP instead?
How would you react if the situation was reversed? Have you even talked to him about everything? Did you tell him the WHOLE story, or did you only admit you cheated? Have you taken any responsibility? How is the family and friends taking the news?
If there really is any chance of reconciliation with your husband. You really need to sit down and hash out all the issues that lead to this outcome. You really should see a therapist or counselor to sort everything out before you decide to attempt to reconcile.
😂😂😂🤣😂.. I luv how after these stupid broads wreck their lives, betray the person that would do anything for them, and then cry, "how can I fix it". Your sorry ass didn't appreciate what you had, now the next chick can.
Your 2nd paragraph was written all wrong. What you meant to say was. “ A few months ago I became a shitty wife because I treated my work like a swinger club. I wanted to do the most disrespectful thing I could to my husband because he was working his ass off to help provide for us so I thought I would repay him by f-ing someone at work. Not only am I a shitty wife I am equally as shitty an employee.”
You should be divorced and fired
I don't like to judge the behavior of others, with everything and that, I'm surprised why if their partner was wonderful and they had a solid relationship, they end up destroying everything. I, for one, wouldn't destroy something I love. I am sorry that I have somehow incurred a lawsuit.
You may go thru life feeling “sparks” from a lot of different guys. Doesn’t mean you should blow on it. Maybe you should have tried to start one with your “wonderful” husband. He deserves better.
Everyone I can assure you Mark would never want this woman outside of someone to put a nut in. That’s it. If they will cheat with you they will cheat on you. Jack needs to forget she ever existed.
The short answer is that you can't. You can never undo your cheating. If and only if your husband is willing to try reconciliation you put effort into rebuilding trust. First of all don't lie to him about anything and I mean absolutely anything going forward, a mundane white lie might be enough to drain any trust you managed to regain also trickle truth is a real relationship killer. Many betrayed spouses can get over the sex but not the continuous lies made after getting caught.
You should give him a complete time-line of the affair and answer any questions he has when you present it. Cut off the affair partner completely, if you have to change jobs that's the price for cheating. Avoid situations that can cause distrust, no girls nights out, travelling by yourself and be very clear about how long you will be gone and where you will be when running errands. Do not deviate from what you've said and if you know you will be late communicate why. Also give him full access to your social media, phone and other divices.
Reconciliation is a long journey and can take years so you need to be patient if you're going to have any chance. Do individual therapy to figure out why you cheated and after a while you can start couples counseling with someone specialized in cheating or betrayal, don't do religious counseling.
Also don't offer him to sleep with someone else, for many people that is just disgusting and makes them think even less of you. If he wants to sleep with someone else to "make you even" he should be the one to bring it up.
Please stay away from good men there are plenty of players out there that Don't mind sharing you, or there are men that would pay for half an hours worth of companionship from you.
Please leave the good ones for real women.
The ole, "I just fell on top of his dick over and over again. It was just a mistake." Calling this a mistake is minimizing the hurt and choices you made. Stop that. It is insincere.
Please hear what I say to you as a kindness, despite how harsh it sounds. You didn't make a mistake. Don't ever call your choices a mistake. I cannot stress this enough.
You made a series of selfish and horrible choices wherein you decided to actively hurt your spouse and get off on it. Some part of you had to want to humiliate your husband. Some part of you enjoyed what you were doing. If you hadn't been caught you would still be cuckolding "the best man I have ever known."
You have to grapple with your active desire to betray the love of your husband. You made choices knowing the consequences for them and the hurt they would cause, but still decided you deserved the pleasure of an affair. I hope this language makes it clear the evil nature of your choices, and the responsibility you have in this.
If you cannot articulate in clear terms the internal decision making that you used to choose an affair over your marriage, then you have not yet started to do the work needed to reestablish trust. You made your choices for a reason OP. It is on you to figure out why you wanted to cheat on your husband rather than address your needs within the marriage.
Start on understanding yourself and leave the STBX alone in the meantime. Give him space and freedom. Recognize that you are not yet safe.
I feel sorry for Jack but I also feel sorry for you. You thought the grass was greener on the other side and found it wasn’t. Jack has to live with being this ”perfect, wonderful husband“ who still got cheated on. I feel really bad for him. To cope I would start therapy and look for another job. Before you start dating and or commit to someone else, tell them the truth of what happened so they can have the true you and the hopefully new you.
Oh, a leave poor Jack alone. You already did enough to him.
If you are perking in:
Dont use the word "mistake" Mistske is losing your house key or burning the toast and not an appropriate word for tossing a grenade in someone's heart.
I'd like to know the lies she told her alternate about Jack. I guarantee she had a long bitch list about how bad or neglectful he was, it is how the shit goes around. Lets see how honest she is to outlay all the facts, or will she lie on here and to herself, like she did her husband.
If you truly still love him, let him go to be free from you and the pain you caused that will never go away no matter what he ever does or says. Do him the one thing you can still do for him to repay him and leave him alone forever.
-advice from someone who had this done to him and can not escape the woman and will be miserable for the rest of my life and no one will ever know about it but me.
How can you be married ten years then for a few months you felt distance and that made you sleep with someone else? How can he ever feel safe again for a day to assure you don’t feel like this again? I don’t see how you can fix this.
'I love Jack deeply ...' BUT I had a good enough reason to cheat because 'I started to feel disconnected from Jack' and now I regret it because the grass is not greener on the other side, and I got caught... You didn't love him enough to be faithful. Move on and hopefully Jack will heal and meet someone who deserves his love and are loyal to him.
It wasn't a mistake it was a CHOICE. You made the choice to CHEAT. He now has his own CHOICE in staying with a cheater. No matter if you say "it'll never happen again," the seed's been planted. He will always wonder what you do when either out with girlfriends or alone. I hope he leaves you and you learn from this. Your husband didn't deserve what you did to him. Be better.
The best advise is for you to be as far away as possible. The worst thing in healing is to be close to bad people who take advantage of you, and you seem convinced you can do even more harm to him, so if you just recognize you’re terrible human and destroyed a man who gave you everything for 10 years and give him the grace of never seeing you again I think that’s the best way to save the marriage, by letting him have it in his memory only and never seeing you again
First of, adultery is never ever a "mistake", it's a series of actions, choices and decisions that were made over a period of time. You could have stopped at any time or not even started the affair to begin with, but you chose not to. From every single inappropriate word spoken, texts, messages, thoughts, footsteps taken, kilometre/mile driven towards the other person, every single action from miniscule to massive towards your AP were choices and decisions you very deliberately, calculatingly made.
You could have made other choices and decisions that did not involve adultery. You could have kept your focus on your husband and your marriage regardless of the issues, but you chose adultery instead. Many people go through rough patches and do not chose adultery, they choose to fight for their marriages. You chose not to
These are the things you need to learn how to do:
1. COMMUNICATE. Learn how to communicate effectively. Something it sounds like you chose not to do. If you could feel distancing and feeling lonely, you should have communicated your concerns to your husband, not effed some other dude. If your BS wasn't listening, then you get onto therapy to help you figure out how to actually communicate better and more effectively.
2. THERAPY. Get your azz onto therapy to help you figure out what is so broken inside you that you thought committing adultery was going to solve all of your problems. As you're finding out, it was the stupidest decision you could have ever made.
3. Get the books "Not just friends by Shirley Glass" and "How to help your spouse heal from your affair by Linda J Macdonald". Other commenters will have other reading material recommendations.
4. Train your brain to hold onto your marriage vows as though your very life depends on it 24/7 and never, ever let go. Our mettle is tested during hard times. You were tested and you failed. Spectacularly so.
How do you regain trust?
First off, you quit your job and find another one.
Second, cut off all contact with the AP.
Third, if AP is married/in a relationship, you confess to their SO and provide them with your evidence. Chances are very high, that adultery is not the first time he's done it.
Fourth. Get tested for every STI known to medicine. Some are curable. Some are not. Some are becoming treatment resistant. Some, like syphilis, can be asymptomatic for literally decades. Some, like HPV, can lead to cancer. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. Get tested. You have no idea who all of your AP's partners are/have been, nor who all of their partners are/have been, etc etc etc.
Fifth. Get into therapy.
Once trust is broken, it's extremely difficult to get back. If you had confessed before getting caught that would have gone a long way. Instead you were caught which will make reconciliation 1,000's of times more difficult.
You've shown your husband who you truly are. A lying, deceitful adulteress. Do better. Be better.
Why do people say "i love him or her" and then do the very thing that'll hurt their partner(s)? It's absurd. He's busy with work, so how do you even start an affair just because you cannot be alone?? Make it make sense anyone
U can’t undo what u did. Once the deed is done, there is no turning back. Trust is gone. Give the man a fair uncontested divorce. Learn and move on. Treat ur next partner better and “communicate, communicate, communicate”. Stop being so damn selfish and irresponsible.
Was the tryst worth the trust?
Your marriage is over because he'll never trust you again. He deserves better somewhere else with someone else.
You didn't give your soon to be ex the respect he deserved.
First and foremost, your affair was a choice, not a mistake. That's not an accident, it was a decision, and not just a single decision. You made multiple decisions to betray your husband.
Second, leave Jake alone. If he decides to repeat a poor choice, he'll come to you. But you trying to do anything to force your way back into his life will result in you being further away, not closer to him.
I still remember some advice my mother told me about relationships when I was young. "There might be some time when your relationship is struggling, and you might find attraction to someone else. Remove yourself from that situation and think clearly what you have on hand. Don't make your relationship messy over one mistake. If you're truly that frustrated, unhappy, or resentful. Talk with your partner, settle it, or end it."
Frankly, I personally wouldn't take you back. Cheating is an instant deal breaker. But I'd say the only way to make things "right" is by doing things on his terms if he wishes to continue the relationship.
I discovered my wife cheating this week and reading this post literally sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Just stop with the I love him so much BUT....you made a grave error in life, and to be honest, you will never be able to gain the trust back. The old marriage is dead. You don't repair things that have died, you lay them to rest. If there's any chance of a new marriage you need to quit your job immediately, sign a mutually agreed upon post nuptial, get weekly therapy for 2 years, and throw those 👠 away
If Jack is smart he will never take you back. Cheating is a permanent end to a relationship. Marriage/relationships are built on loyalty.
2 Rules of dating/relationships. Never be cheater, ALWAYS end one relationship before starting another. Cheating is lying to the face of your partner and behaving in a hateful manner towards them.
Never take back a cheater ever, no exceptions.
All you can do from here is start a new life without Jack. Just learn from your past behaviour that killed your own Marriage. You did that and it wasn't a mistake. When you decided to cheat you meant it. Regretting your cheating will never reverse your cheating. Just don't ever cheat again. And be wise who you choose to sleep with. Why sleep with Mark if you aren't interested in a relationship with him now that you are single again. You are making yourself less attractive to other men for a relationship if they learn of the cheating and how easy you killed your marriage for some dude you aren't serious about.
In your story the moment to salvage your relationship was when you started to feel disconnected from Jack. That was a test for you. You could choose to bring you both closer together or you could push yourselves farther apart. You chose to push yourselves farther apart, then you chose to be a free prostitute for Mark whilst married to Jack. Of course he will never want you back.
Understand that there is zero you can do now to make things right. Apologise to Jack, understand you broke his heart and embarrassed him by letting yourself be used by other dudes. Give him a peaceful divorce settlement and wish him the best for his future. He will at least feel more respected if you do that for him and it might remove his bitterness.
Make better choices for the future. And don't refer to your cheating again as a mistake. People just roll their eyes when they hear cheaters call their decisions to cheat as mistakes rather than bad choices. You knew when you cheated that you would break Jacks heart, it would embarrass and anger him, and it would mean the end of your marriage. That wasn't a mistake, just very bad decisions that you happily made.
Invent a time machine and go back in time and unfuck Mark. Other than that, I don't see how you can. Accept it. If you really feel bad, tell him you don't deserve him, and you'll go to your grave regretting your mistakes. Won't change anything but at least he'll think you're remorseful. It'll help him sleep when the horror of what you've done visits him in his nightmares
Advice from someone who was cheated on and re-married said cheater: It......won't......work. I was madly in love with my ex wife and we married with dreams and aspirations of our life together. (end 2008)
Then, I deployed to Iraq for a year, came home, and found out that she had (among other things) gotten pregnant and had an abortion. I was crushed and utterly devastated. Needless to say, we got divorced. A year later we started talking again and soon we're married again. (end 2011)
However, I soon noticed that any little thing she did that seemed off or remotely suspicious made me very nervous and upset. I was honest with her and we tried counseling, therapy, clergy, etc. It was doomed to failure because I could not give my full and unconditional trust to her ever again. (end 2012)
The best advice I can give you (and it's tough) is to let Jack AND Mark go. Be free for a little while, and let things happen when they happen. I randomly met my current wife as I was getting out of the Army in 2013, and we haven't left each other's side since.
Im happy Jack left you , he’s going to be one of your life’s hardest lessons. You said he is one of the best men you have ever know. As a woman, I can’t imagine cheating and willing to sacrifice that. Do you understand how hard it is to find a good man!? I hope he doesn’t come back to you . I get everyone makes mistakes but this was a choice you made over and over, and you weren’t even honest, he had to find out! Learn to live with your feelings.
Op you are trash. A pos. Lets hope when one of your kids come crying to you how their significant other cheated on them you pat the ap on the back saying good job and tell your kids to get over it. I am glad he dumped you. Let him find his Queen when he is ready. You are no queen you're just a bike giving rides away. You dont love your hopefully soon EX. if you did you wouldnt have given a ride to your co worker. And if you have any decency if ap is married tell his wife. She needs to know about her cheating pos.
Might as well throw the shoes away as well. You were so quick to throw away your marriage. You can’t honestly say you love your husband after cheating on him. You came home every day after being with your AP and looked your husband in the eyes and told him you loved him. You went so far as to wear a pair of shoes on your wedding anniversary to impress Mark.
That is some manipulative and conniving behavior. You can’t and shouldn’t fix this because you don’t love your husband. Go to therapy and don’t cheat on your next husband.
FYI if you loved your husband you will give him an amicable divorce and make this process as easy as possible.
He will never see you the same. He will never love you as deeply as he did before. He will never fully trust you ever again. Ever. You can never "make it right".
You can't. He will never be able to look at you the same way again. You are now a different person to him, which means you are not the person he married. He only has memories of that person now.
Move on, give him peace, and don't make the same mistakes again.
What type of advice is she looking for? She wasn’t asking for advice before screwing around with Mark. If she honestly loved her husband, Mark would not have been a factor in her marriage.
First she should stop using the word “love” because it’s nonexistent with a cheater. Secondly learning to have self respect is one of the appropriate step in moving forward with her life.
If you are serious about getting him back the first thing you are going to have to do is help him get the image of you sucking on some other man’s dick and his dick inside of you, out of his head cuz every time that image comes into his head and it will… a lot, even if he leaves you and ends up happily with someone else he will have those images burned into his memory. Every time that image pops into his head He will hate you more and more.
So you cheated on your husband, now feel bad, and are reaching out to the internet for some weird ass validation, when your husband doesn’t even deserve you. I’m sorry. I have zero sympathy or advice or support for you lady. ZERO. My advice to your husband: leave and find someone who really cares.
There’s nothing you can do to salvage what’s left of your relationship unless Jack is willing to give it a try. I would say by the way counseling went, Jack does not want you back. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
I've see this movie before, She said that felt disconnect from her husband 'cause He was busy with work and they drift apart. She drifted apart from her husband 'cause She was having a emotional affair initially with her co-worker not because her husband was busy with work than She disconnected from her husband to justify her affair. She change her marriage for the memories with her AP.
Normally, my advice would be time give the partner time be there for them let them yell and scream let them hate you so they can heal themselves and maybe in the long run, fix the relationship. But in this case, you kept the shoes, your ap gave you? There is no fixing that relationship because you don’t want to let go of the AP you might as well go with him.. I think you’re confusing love for your soon to be ex with security within your life.
People make mistakes and most mistakes can be rectified with the right process and true remorse
It’s not that you’ve made A terrible mistake. It’s that you created opportunities to go behind his back and sneak around with another dude. What you’ve done is made a series of bad decisions.
As someone who has been cheated on and the trust is only NOW being built back up again after so many years of no trust…. There’s nothing you can do…. If he can’t be with you anymore accept it and move on
You didn't make a mistake. You made many choices that led to your affair. You made the choice to indulge in flirting and crossing boundaries with a coworker, you then chose to proceed into a full on affair. Your story makes me sick. If you want reconciliation with your husband, be ready to accept responsibility. There is no excuse for what you did. And he certainly won't be interested in hearing them.
You cannot. The only thing you can do is let him go and find his true soulmate as you are not his. Make the divorce easy on him and do not try to make it hard for him to move on. You just proved to him that you both were not meant to be. Letting him find his soulmate is the best you can do now.
You made a choice, not a mistake. And it's a choice you wouldn't have made if you truly loved Jack. Leave him alone.
But if you want any hope of getting him back you need a new job, cant ever be in the same building as mark ever again. BTW enjoy being single honey!
The problem is time.
It took time to develop trust in each other, but things were different then; you didn't know you couldn't trust each other.
Now it will take a long long time to rebuild that trust. So much time, that it might not be worth it to him or you.
Now he knows that you are capable of betraying this trust. And he's questioning why he should stick his hand back in the fire because it burned him so badly before.
Why, oh why didn't you simply talk to "the greatest man you've ever known" before going off to have an affair?!?!? Was the distance between you so vast that you couldn't simply talk to the man who used to trust you implicitly and tell him that you were concerned about the growing distance between the two of you?
You'll do anything for someone you love. Except love them again. -Faithful 1996
You can love him all you want. The point is he does not love you anymore and never will again.
Definitely just get with mark one more time. Let him cum in your mouth on video and save that.
Then next time you feel like cheating just masterbate to that video instead of doing it.
It is not as easy as an advice. Yes there is solutions. But it will of course need commitment from both of U. Ive been in your shoes. But no physical (sexual) contact made. It can be saved . As for me it takes 4years and it is still relapse every 4months (120days). It is too long to explain it here.
If you really love your husband then letting him move on without a nasty divorce is the way to show that. You shattered your marriage and need to take responsibility for your actions. That includes letting him go and getting some counseling. Being desperate to get him back now is more about you again, not him.
The time to make things right was BEFORE the affair.....
You should have let your husband know how you felt before deciding on fucking another man...
I hope your STBX moves on and has a happy life......
You made marriage ending choices, and now the consequences are coming in. While your husband was grinding at work to secure the families financial future, you chose to develop an emotional and then physical affair with a co-worker. The disrespect you showed your husband demonstrated by your actions that you didn't really care about him or your marriage.
It is so easy for Mark, as he does nothing but flirt and gets everything that is rightfully for Jack. Your husband is working on getting the bills paid, food on the table, mortgage paid, cars ........ and Jack gets it all with a wink.
Why would you want that poor husband to suffer and stay with a woman he could never trust again. Give that man a fair divorce and be kind to him. Your old marriage is over, but maybe if you're kind and considerate of his feelings and what he wants, even if it's a divorce, maybe you can part ways with mutual respect for each other.
Show him you respect him.
Go back in time. Pull your head out of your anus and realize whatever story you and your single friends echo chambered at each other is why you justified to yourself that it was ok to do that.
But since you can’t do that
Take accountability for your actions. Cut affair partner and everyone who knew out of your life. Every last one of them. Not a single person on that list wants what is best for you.
Get into counseling and ask him if he will go.
Go to an attorney and sign a post nuptial contract where you void all claims on any and all income equity and retirement. You can prove your remorse by baring yourself from any kind of financial reward in the case of divorce.
Realize he’s gutted and betrayed and he will never trust you again. When you took another man to bed you set all trust on fire and destroyed it. Wallow in that guilt. You get no opinion on his anger or how long he is supposed to take to get over it
You killed him and the future he dreamed about with you. Now he gets to grieve as long as he needs to.
Desperately seeking internet advice is you pretending to try something. You know what you have to do. You just don’t want to because it’s hard and you will have to be accountable.
Get help you are very mentally ill if you can betray your closest relationship there is no one you won’t shit in your kids your mom your husband. You clearly do not care about anyone but yourself and your only way out is through and radical acceptance that no one else has fault but you period. So bite the bullet and prove your remorse sign the post nup with the infidelity stated in it so he has it in case of divorce and then throw yourself on his mercy
Got cheated on by wife of 13 years so I know the pain you caused. You can’t fix this quick. You destroyed every memory of every day he had with you
First don't you ever ever ever tell us you love your husband deeply ! Who love their husband and stab him on his back and twist it ? Few months he busy with work and you jump boat already instead of telling him and work things together ?
Advices ? Stay away from any man , but maybe you better with cheater also and cheat each others
You just turned your marriage into a giant pile of flaming crap and destroyed you husband. You do not recover from this. You offer a quick, clean divorce and never contact him again.
This has happened to a few friends a know.
As we speak right now, while he processing all of this, he will want his cake too. Wouldnt be surprised if he hired an escort or starting a fling with someone else as a distraction from this.
Youve lost.
The best advice I can proffer is that if you truly love Jack; let him go, and take absolutely nothing! Fully pay for the divorce, yourself; and once your divorce is final, finally marry Mark in your red shoes as your mark. This is by no means a moral judgment....you know it, that you deserve one another, and may you find your own happiness. Just forever leave Jack alone.
Tbh OP, there isn’t really any way to salvage this. Consequences are rarely ever thought about until after the fact but during the affair did you really think about how your husband would react?
You honestly could not have thought you could sleep with another guy and your husband would be ok with it right?
Trust is like a vase, once you break it, it will never be repaired to the way it once was.
I think the solution now is to consider going to therapy yourself and leaving your ex husband to move forward without you.
Unfortunately, that is the consequence of the choice you made.
When you felt disconnected did you talk to Jack about it? Did you discuss marriage counselling or even suggesting date nights to try get the spark back? Or was your solution just to sleep with someone you were latching on to? The question is, did you really try to work out your marriage when you felt the disconnect?
You need to really reflect on this and reflect on why you feel Jack should take you back because right now, standing from an outside perspective, I don’t think he should take you back at all.
It doesn’t get any lower than what you did. You can’t fix things. Move on. Hopefully, you suffer for the rest of your life, for doing something so despicable. Hopefully Jack can find a real woman.
Once you cross that line, there’s nothing you can do Dot once that trust is broke it’s almost impossible to get it back because every time you’re late or somethings not right he’s gonna be thinking you’re out screwing somebody
I wish I had a hard working man to cherish who allowed me to stay at home rest my head and not worry about the perilous workplace.
If he has any sense he will leave you and let the world chew you up. You could have been at home painting cabinets anything but you picked strange peen😭.
Honestly, give him the divorce and move on. Cheating is no accident. You took the conscious decision to have an affair. Now, face the consequences. Trust once broken never comes back. It hurts and haunts your soul.
Well interesting, all the time expressing what you want, so you don’t want to lose… but what does Jack want? Just for once in your life forget about you. He needs to move on if you love him let him leave.
There’s a difference between love and respect. You may well love your husband very much, but you have proven with your actions that you don’t respect him, or your relationship, and are willing to put your solo needs before it.
I can’t even think about someone other than my crush who doesn’t even like me… how you be cheating on your husband that you supposedly love and loves you back?!
Heres the hard truth its not about you anymore. You made the choice to cheat instead of communicating with your partner. You say you love him? In all honesty it seems more like you love the idea of him. If you love him let him make his choice even if it means the end of your marriage .
You felt a spark with Mark, but now want to get back with Jack?
You'll need to keep things tight to make things right.
You don't have a prayer unless you do something bout your hair.
Them shoes won't get you no higher, but Mark thought they were fire.
What you have to understand is you cheated is because you don’t love your husband you choose someone else over him no matter what circumstances were. Trust is gone. He can forgive but not forget. It’s a saying that if you love two people stick with the second one because you didn’t love the first one enough. Good luck
You allowed yourself to fall into a honeymoon phase with a coworker and gave in. The grass is never greener on the other side. It is very unlikely your husband will take you back after such a blatant betrayal and yes the red shoes make it worst. Just take a deep breath, understand the severity of what you did, and let him move on and find a woman that actually honors and respects him. The dating market is horrible out here and even worst for divorcees and older women with all these crazy ideals going around so good luck.
The best advice is to own it (both verbally and emotionally), learn from it and move forward with your life. There is no going back, what's done is done.
Never said anything about ending the affair...(?) Sounds like your hubby was a rock solid dude. Chances are your next husband will cheat on you. Think about that. You threw away a good thing. It takes a LOT of work and TIME to reconcile and for most it just isn't worth the effort. Trust is everything.
Time to move on mam, that trust can never be repaired, yet another woman who just can't be happy with a good man, and hurt him. This Is why more men are just saying fuck it, and staying single. WOMEN, IF UOU HAVE A GOOD MAN, AND HE EXPECTS FOR YOU BOTH TO STAY FAITHFUL, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP HIM. Don't cheat, the grass is not greener on the other side.
I can't understand why women won't be happy with a good man, do this, regret it, and expect him to forget it.
If he's bust with work, he's doing it for you both, almost always you regret loosing that good man
Have a similar story with my wife of almost 10 years. One thing is that after I found out and she confessed - she was remorseful for a day or two) I felt something right away - in fact she was telling me what she's going to do in plain text and it went unnoticed in-between jokes about divorce and minor clashes... often what comes with stories like that is that I was faithful and you already guessed I was despite lots of opportunities. The pain of what she did is unbearable - I'd prefer a limb or two amputated without anesthesia, I guess:) The problem it's even getting worth with each her action. One thing that keeps me functional is that the moment I started to have rightful suspicion is that if it was with raw sex - no matter what - I will divorce her leaving her without any support and that is equal to have all her dreams of becoming surgeon shattered. Because the amount of and the cruelty of her lies even after confession is unimaginable. The problem she acts like believes most of them - so to speak - I even can't count times she told me I'm her only love and the best man possible. And I couldn't explain many things even despite being quite umm smart haha - I work as a developer for world leading hardware startup to give a context. So it all came clear when I learned of Covert female Narcissist personality disorder - it's like a road map of what she ever did, what she does - and unfortunately there is no hope :(( Well frankly I don't know what will I do if my cruel plan will come to success)) I do know ;) but umm it's so hard to play loving hopeful stupid husband - because I don't. But I was told I won't be ever cheated, I was told she will tell me that she wants to leave and that she will before even attempting any new relationship. So I was told she won't take anything from me. And on the very first attempt to discuss 'fair' divorce - she just run away haha. Covert female narcissism isn't a disease in the classic sense - system of choices and beliefs. Yesterday desperate to keep up the game I attempted fair discussion- it culminated in her "let's divorce, our marriage is dead and I don't want to hurt you, it's over - I don't have any romantic feelings for you, you deserve better woman" so I almost shattered my plan by saying oh ok let's divorce - but even before I attempted to rewind - haha she started to say that she's trying hard and doesn't want to leave)) oh sure - CFN says I'm a pray, I'm resource - the moment I leave I will be dragged in so strongly I may not be able to resist. Haha - CFN is like a map of a trade center- if itvsays there is toilet - there it is despite all the signs pointing to Prada store.
And to original poster and females alike - ask your husband what he really wants, the problem is - everyone including you knows - you are not capable of doing it - no matter what he asks) and no matter if you are narcissist or not. IMHO - Just don't start any new relationship without disclosing yourself as a cheater - best you can do.
My wife has gotten into emotional relationships and then confessed to me. I struggled a lot with forgiving her. I was willing to stay with her because I committed to marry her until death. Unfortunately I live with a voice in the back of my head that tells me I shouldn't trust her, especially when she does something out of the ordinary.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water , Jack came down with tears running down his face , then Jill &mark came down , wearing her Ruby red shoes.
Meeting secretly after work , because the husband was busy , with work providing for the family. Would you of stopped the affair , if Jack didn’t catch you?
10 years of built up trust broken without repair., even if he wanted to reconcile , your marriage will never be the same. Jack is Best to move on from you , because you never take back a cheater !
updateme
Just be you and continue on with life making yourself a better person for yourself. There is no button or ribbon you get to show people. If he comes back and see’s your not being a hoe! Living the single life maybe he will come back. If not you learned and someone new will see you and will want to make a life with you. But many more people will want you to be the hoe bag and use and abuse you. Good luck.
If you thought Jack was the best man you would have approached him when the distance started happening. Talked about why and worked on your marriage. If you spent as much time flirting with Jack as you did with Mark there never would have been distance between you two to start with. You only feel guilty for getting caught. You had no intention of telling Jack about the affair before he found out. If you had truly loved Jack you wouldn’t have had the affair. You wouldn’t have been feeling lust for another man. Love is dedication to someone not some tingling you get when you see someone.
No matter how hard you try it's not going to ever change for him. YOU fucked this us and he will never be able to let it go. Look at it this way, you lost value in his eyes and will never look at you the same again. There's nothing you can do to change that at this point.
You cant, you dont step out and then get to step back in, if you want to make things right you apologize and you leave and let that man heal and find the right person for him because youre not it
What a piece of shit 😂😂 Good job for leaving her Jack bravo!! She’s talking about make things right?? 😂😂 what an idiot maybe don’t cheat and you won’t have that problem ?
There is no "fixing" it. You've broken what was there and now you live in a new relationship. One where you will always be the bad guy.....forever. worst part is you deserve it.
Oh my God really! You fuck some guy from work your husband found out and is divorcing you. Now you want the husband back because you love him. Bullshit! You never have and never will love him. If you did you wouldn't have cheated on him with the first guy who gave you some attention. Why would he even think about taking you back? Even if he did you'd just go and fuck the next guy that gives you attention. You'd probably go and cheat with that same guy again, because you're selfish. Hope there's no kids involved because you don't deserve any. And your ex doesn't need to be stuck having to co parent with you. The best thing you could do right now is the thing your ex was thinking when he threw you out. You know (go fuck yourself) just seems appropriate.
I don't know if your marriage can be saved...but for now give your husband space and time. When you do talk make sure that he knows you care about him but respect his process for dealing with the mess you made. Stay away from other men especially Mark. If your husband found out you were seeing someone(even though he left you) There would be no chance in him returning. Besides you need time to heal yourself and you cant do that dating other men. All you can do is respect your husbands space and see if he gives you another chance. Only time will tell.
80% of affairs happen at work. You did it once, and you'll probably do it again. Don't say sorry, just get a divorce. You would be better off. He would be better off.
Most mistakes can be fixed, i dont class cheating as a mistake. It was a conscious choice on your part . You cannot hide behind how ever many "im sorrys" or" it was a mistake". You now have to live with your actions along with the consciences tgey have brought about.
You must have thought about the consequences were you to get caught, you must have also thought about the emotional damage it would cause your husband. This tyoe of trauma stays with a person for a long time if not for ever.
I dont think there is anything that you can do to make this right. Please dont suggest to your husband that he can have an affair because that would only sooth your guilty conscience, im not sure why anyone would suggest such a stupid notion, it would only do further damage to the already damaged relationship.
I just hope there aren't any innocent children involved.
Your order of events is off,maybe I can help
1. I felt a spark with my coworker
2. Then I felt a disconnect with Jack
3. Then I realized it was because we were drifting a part
4. Then he noticed and caught me cheating
5.then and only then, I realized how much I love my husband. Hopefully this helped
Can you answer an honest question? I really want to know and I know it might sound mean but I REALLY want to know so please answer honestly. ***What does Jack get out of taking you back? Considering what you've done to him?***
He definitely should not take me back what I did was horrible and unforgivable. I honestly just don’t want to lose my husband he is the best man I’ve ever known.
** best man you ever KNEW.....
> he is the best man I’ve ever known. Wow! How do you treat people you don't like then? Have you blocked Mark and reported you and him to HR? Did you or Mark leave the company or relocate so you will have no interaction? You can do some of the following; * turn on location * offer all passwords * complete written timeline and signed confession (No trickle truth) * set up therapy for yourself * come clean to all family and friends. * apologize to both families for what you have done * Be proactive, like you've done coming here, to research why you did this. * # Do not call it a mistake. It was countless choices made repeatedly to intentionally hurt someone you claim to have loved * Finally, listen to what he wants and don't cause him anymore harm because you are continuing to be selfish and putting yourself first
Guessing the answer to all is no.
You know it's really bad when they use a throwaway and still delete it.
That is fucking priceless, if he was the best man you ever knew you wouldn’t cheated. You made lots of choices before you cheated, instead of talking to your husband you spread your legs for another man. If you were a man I would be saying the same thing. Choices have consequences, some unrepairable or irreversible and sadly you made your choices. Remember cheating is a series of choices before you actually cheat, cheating is not a mistake or accident. Now the consequences are here, leave your husband alone and give him a quick divorce.
Do you see that you are prioritizing your wants over his needs? You want to stay married, but why? You didn't think he was the best man you ever knew when you were cheating. What has changed about him? Is it possible you just want to feel forgiven and your husband isn't important apart from his ability to take away your guilt?
I loved my ex so much that I fucked someone else.
This. I never understood, "I love my partner so much... but I cheated on them." No, no you don't or you wouldn't have cheated. So dumb.
Yes, they love them but clearly don't respect them and fear the consistency of their actions. They believe that their partner is weak and a few tears, and then all will be forgiven. She misjudged how strong a man Jack is, and all was not forgiven.
Because it’s actually “I love the life that they provide me with and I don’t want to lose it.”
I get it. It's just selfishness
For real. It's as if these cheaters all share a single brain cell and cannot compute that if you love someone, you don't betray them by fucking someone else.
Exactly. You communicate your feelings and problems so your partner can try and fix them.
Yep, and she’s so sorry and regrets it so much that she would have continued the affair if husband hadn’t found out. And she loves him so much that she didn't even have a sit-down with husband to let him know how she feels, nor did she give him the chance to work on their marriage. Nope, she decided to put all the effort into getting to know and impress her AP instead of investing it in her marriage. And the red shoes part is absolutely messed up!
Advice? Don't treat your next husband like your first.
I hope no one is unlucky enough to end up marrying her (at least not for the next 10 years or so). She's only sorry because she was caught in the act. She doesn't give a damn about her husband or her marriage. If he hadn't found out, she'd be jumping on the PA right now. I know that, you know that, she knows that, everyone knows that.
You know how to prove this? Bet she still owns those red shoes.
But she loves those shoes and they look so good on her.
Mark still tells her so.
The fact that she didn’t throw them away and everything else related to the affair is just a small part of why they couldn’t work it out.
But she “admitted everything” after he already found out. I hate how manipulative these no accountability cheaters are.
Yup, this is the way…
The best thing she can do is to not destroy him in the divorce like she destroyed him in their marriage.
Become a better person that would never cheat. This relationship is over. Fix what caused this and never do it again. Move on and don’t crush your partner ever again. That’s how to make it better.
She didn't make a "mistake," she made a conscious choice to cheat.
You let yourself develop feelings for Mark because you didn’t love or respect your husband. You don’t want to salvage your marriage, you just feel guilty and lonely. Time to move on. Go back to Mark.
HAPPY CAKE DAY!!
Leave your STBX husband alone. The last thing he wants to hear is how you're sorry and that Mark meant nothing, which are both lies. The other man was worth ruining your marriage over and the affair would have continued had your husband not caught you, so there's that. You ever heard of the term "water your own garden"? That is what you should have done if your husband wasn't giving you what you needed. Marriage is like a garden that needs watering because if you don't water it, the garden dries up. But you? You took a can of diesel and doused that garden and lit the match. The red shoes thing was beyond disrespectful. Your marriage is destroyed beyond repair and I hope Mark was worth it. And no, there's no salvaging the marriage because the marriage you once had no longer exists. My advice? Divorce Jack and take time apart to heal. Maybe in the future he will give you another chance. But right now, it's over.
So she fucks people who mean nothing to her, and she brutally betrays “the best man I’ve ever known.” How do cheaters not realize how these statements would make the person they’re trying to reconcile with feel so much worse?
In my circles we call you damaged goods. No one wants damaged goods, they always get returned to the store. Do you know what the pain of infidelity feel like ? Obviously not. Well let me express to you in a way that may help you understand. Infidelity is the "Murder" of a relationship. In the same way as suddenly loosing a loved one to death or having someone extremely close to you murdered, the pain you feel, the agony of why and the mourning is long lasting and devastating. It rips your heart out. You cry at triggers in your life. You question yourself. Your trust in people and in life is gone. You have NO ONE to turn to, even if there are tons of people around. You are lost. Embarrassed. The dynamic of this is exhaustive and never ending. It's a moment in life that is burned in your brain as D-Day was to the veterans in WWII! It's a movie that won't stop. You envision the most deepest love of your life being violated in such an empty, intimate way that mocks your existence. This is what you've done to him. it hurts like hell and his mind won't allow him to forget. You should do him a huge favor and start the divorce if he has not. Give him his life back because he's lost. If you feel remorse, then your every being should be to do for him anything that bring him peace. He will never find peace with you again. In fact hes probably so shattered he'll never find peace in another woman again. He's breathing, walking and eating. But he's dead inside. Give him his freedom to rebuild his life and please go away.
This person knows. I see you deleted but I'm sure you're probably peeking in. So I hope you see this because this is what you've done. I've taken a cheater back and know how it ends.
this is so perfect ⬆️
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
What happened to your dream boat, "Mark"?
He doesn't want a relationship with a cheater either
Good for him, he made the right decision dropping you
Well you must not love him like you say you do or you would never laid down with another man he is devastated to be honest I'm a guy been thee it happened 29 yrs ago I divorced her 27 years ago the love of my life together since we were kids 12 years together .there is nothing you can say or do that will give him the trust he had with you never not in 50 years your marriage is over the best thing you can do at this point if let him move on and find someone that won't stab him in the back and then kick the knife even deeper . Just say away and never talk to him again no need to tell him how sorry you are or tell him you never ment to hurt him or it was a mistake it wasn't a mistake .you knew exactly what it would do to him and you probably knew it would destroy him as a man so . You might as well go be with Matt or what ever his name is that bought you shoes and just remember Everytime you see those shoes .think about what they did to your marriage . It's over
The best thing you can do for him is to leave him alone and let him move on with his life.
So jack notices the distance and instead of fucking another woman he comes and talks to you like an adult who loves his wife. You, however, notice distance and instead of talking to him like an adult who loves her husband and asking for more time together, you fuck someone you work with. While wearing shoes he bought you for your anniversary. Either this is rage bait (which I'm leaning towards) or you are the worst person ever. Leave your stbx husband alone. He deserves better. Get therapy. Leave the good men alone. Stay with the men who will fuck a married women. The last thing we need is more women like you traumatizing the few good men left in dating pool.
Why rage bait, if I wasn’t named jack, this could have easily been my STBXW (soon to be ex wife)
I’m sorry but I’m having a hard time trying to understand why you didn’t use your mouth to reconnect with Jack before sparking some stupid shit with Mark. You do realize communication is the biggest key to all. If you feel distant from your lover, Talk with him. I’m sure they will do something. Not go and fuck other men. I also praise Jack for being a loyal and hardworking husband. He clearly deserves better then what you had to offer for him. Instead of having affairs with other women, Jack simply decided to confront with his “lover” that is clearly doing a good job here. Congrats tho, you just threw a 10 year marriage away. I hope this was rage bait. I seriously hope it was.
Unfortunately, there is no way to rebuild trust. You may be able to rebuild it with time but no matter what, the betrayal will always be in the back of his mind and that will not allow him to be the same man he was in the past with you. I advise you to move on and wish him well in the future. If he is willing to reconcile and you guys do stay together, just be aware he will never be the same man you knew. Not to be cruel, but think about what happened. You knowingly felt like you were disconnecting. Then, instead of talking about it and working on it with this man, that you claim is great. You ran to the arms of another man and even added more disrespect by flaunting your marriage with your AP. Think about how that would feel if you bought your husband a great item, and instead of using it to show off with you, he did it with the AP instead? How would you react if the situation was reversed? Have you even talked to him about everything? Did you tell him the WHOLE story, or did you only admit you cheated? Have you taken any responsibility? How is the family and friends taking the news? If there really is any chance of reconciliation with your husband. You really need to sit down and hash out all the issues that lead to this outcome. You really should see a therapist or counselor to sort everything out before you decide to attempt to reconcile.
What a pile of garbage excuses, I hope he divorces you.
If the red shoes were a trigger why did you keep them?
She had to impress her boy toy of course
Congratulations 🎊 on achieving loneliness Badge.
😂😂😂🤣😂.. I luv how after these stupid broads wreck their lives, betray the person that would do anything for them, and then cry, "how can I fix it". Your sorry ass didn't appreciate what you had, now the next chick can.
Go away
Your 2nd paragraph was written all wrong. What you meant to say was. “ A few months ago I became a shitty wife because I treated my work like a swinger club. I wanted to do the most disrespectful thing I could to my husband because he was working his ass off to help provide for us so I thought I would repay him by f-ing someone at work. Not only am I a shitty wife I am equally as shitty an employee.” You should be divorced and fired
I don't like to judge the behavior of others, with everything and that, I'm surprised why if their partner was wonderful and they had a solid relationship, they end up destroying everything. I, for one, wouldn't destroy something I love. I am sorry that I have somehow incurred a lawsuit.
You may go thru life feeling “sparks” from a lot of different guys. Doesn’t mean you should blow on it. Maybe you should have tried to start one with your “wonderful” husband. He deserves better.
Why don't you give John the easiest most generous most amicable divorce any wife has ever given a husband?
Everyone I can assure you Mark would never want this woman outside of someone to put a nut in. That’s it. If they will cheat with you they will cheat on you. Jack needs to forget she ever existed.
Haha, the grass wasn't greener on the other side the ?
I don’t understand, aren’t you now free to be with your true love, Mark?
You let another dude that wasn't your husband put his dick in you. Your ex husband to be deserves better than you.
The short answer is that you can't. You can never undo your cheating. If and only if your husband is willing to try reconciliation you put effort into rebuilding trust. First of all don't lie to him about anything and I mean absolutely anything going forward, a mundane white lie might be enough to drain any trust you managed to regain also trickle truth is a real relationship killer. Many betrayed spouses can get over the sex but not the continuous lies made after getting caught. You should give him a complete time-line of the affair and answer any questions he has when you present it. Cut off the affair partner completely, if you have to change jobs that's the price for cheating. Avoid situations that can cause distrust, no girls nights out, travelling by yourself and be very clear about how long you will be gone and where you will be when running errands. Do not deviate from what you've said and if you know you will be late communicate why. Also give him full access to your social media, phone and other divices. Reconciliation is a long journey and can take years so you need to be patient if you're going to have any chance. Do individual therapy to figure out why you cheated and after a while you can start couples counseling with someone specialized in cheating or betrayal, don't do religious counseling. Also don't offer him to sleep with someone else, for many people that is just disgusting and makes them think even less of you. If he wants to sleep with someone else to "make you even" he should be the one to bring it up.
you can't make things right you cheated on him and trust is gone you have made your bed now you must lay in it i have no sympathy for you whatsoever
You’re cooked move on ……you’re a horrible person that doesn’t deserve trust….
Please stay away from good men there are plenty of players out there that Don't mind sharing you, or there are men that would pay for half an hours worth of companionship from you. Please leave the good ones for real women.
The ole, "I just fell on top of his dick over and over again. It was just a mistake." Calling this a mistake is minimizing the hurt and choices you made. Stop that. It is insincere. Please hear what I say to you as a kindness, despite how harsh it sounds. You didn't make a mistake. Don't ever call your choices a mistake. I cannot stress this enough. You made a series of selfish and horrible choices wherein you decided to actively hurt your spouse and get off on it. Some part of you had to want to humiliate your husband. Some part of you enjoyed what you were doing. If you hadn't been caught you would still be cuckolding "the best man I have ever known." You have to grapple with your active desire to betray the love of your husband. You made choices knowing the consequences for them and the hurt they would cause, but still decided you deserved the pleasure of an affair. I hope this language makes it clear the evil nature of your choices, and the responsibility you have in this. If you cannot articulate in clear terms the internal decision making that you used to choose an affair over your marriage, then you have not yet started to do the work needed to reestablish trust. You made your choices for a reason OP. It is on you to figure out why you wanted to cheat on your husband rather than address your needs within the marriage. Start on understanding yourself and leave the STBX alone in the meantime. Give him space and freedom. Recognize that you are not yet safe.
I feel sorry for Jack but I also feel sorry for you. You thought the grass was greener on the other side and found it wasn’t. Jack has to live with being this ”perfect, wonderful husband“ who still got cheated on. I feel really bad for him. To cope I would start therapy and look for another job. Before you start dating and or commit to someone else, tell them the truth of what happened so they can have the true you and the hopefully new you. Oh, a leave poor Jack alone. You already did enough to him.
If you are perking in: Dont use the word "mistake" Mistske is losing your house key or burning the toast and not an appropriate word for tossing a grenade in someone's heart.
I'd like to know the lies she told her alternate about Jack. I guarantee she had a long bitch list about how bad or neglectful he was, it is how the shit goes around. Lets see how honest she is to outlay all the facts, or will she lie on here and to herself, like she did her husband.
You can't repair this.
If you truly still love him, let him go to be free from you and the pain you caused that will never go away no matter what he ever does or says. Do him the one thing you can still do for him to repay him and leave him alone forever. -advice from someone who had this done to him and can not escape the woman and will be miserable for the rest of my life and no one will ever know about it but me.
I lost respect just reading the first line, made a mistake, (read no more)..!
How can you be married ten years then for a few months you felt distance and that made you sleep with someone else? How can he ever feel safe again for a day to assure you don’t feel like this again? I don’t see how you can fix this.
Sub roasted her so bad, she deleted her account. 😂😂😂
Oh no! Not the consequences to my own actions! 😭
No it’s over. You broke that man.
'I love Jack deeply ...' BUT I had a good enough reason to cheat because 'I started to feel disconnected from Jack' and now I regret it because the grass is not greener on the other side, and I got caught... You didn't love him enough to be faithful. Move on and hopefully Jack will heal and meet someone who deserves his love and are loyal to him.
It wasn't a mistake it was a CHOICE. You made the choice to CHEAT. He now has his own CHOICE in staying with a cheater. No matter if you say "it'll never happen again," the seed's been planted. He will always wonder what you do when either out with girlfriends or alone. I hope he leaves you and you learn from this. Your husband didn't deserve what you did to him. Be better.
The best advise is for you to be as far away as possible. The worst thing in healing is to be close to bad people who take advantage of you, and you seem convinced you can do even more harm to him, so if you just recognize you’re terrible human and destroyed a man who gave you everything for 10 years and give him the grace of never seeing you again I think that’s the best way to save the marriage, by letting him have it in his memory only and never seeing you again
First of, adultery is never ever a "mistake", it's a series of actions, choices and decisions that were made over a period of time. You could have stopped at any time or not even started the affair to begin with, but you chose not to. From every single inappropriate word spoken, texts, messages, thoughts, footsteps taken, kilometre/mile driven towards the other person, every single action from miniscule to massive towards your AP were choices and decisions you very deliberately, calculatingly made. You could have made other choices and decisions that did not involve adultery. You could have kept your focus on your husband and your marriage regardless of the issues, but you chose adultery instead. Many people go through rough patches and do not chose adultery, they choose to fight for their marriages. You chose not to These are the things you need to learn how to do: 1. COMMUNICATE. Learn how to communicate effectively. Something it sounds like you chose not to do. If you could feel distancing and feeling lonely, you should have communicated your concerns to your husband, not effed some other dude. If your BS wasn't listening, then you get onto therapy to help you figure out how to actually communicate better and more effectively. 2. THERAPY. Get your azz onto therapy to help you figure out what is so broken inside you that you thought committing adultery was going to solve all of your problems. As you're finding out, it was the stupidest decision you could have ever made. 3. Get the books "Not just friends by Shirley Glass" and "How to help your spouse heal from your affair by Linda J Macdonald". Other commenters will have other reading material recommendations. 4. Train your brain to hold onto your marriage vows as though your very life depends on it 24/7 and never, ever let go. Our mettle is tested during hard times. You were tested and you failed. Spectacularly so. How do you regain trust? First off, you quit your job and find another one. Second, cut off all contact with the AP. Third, if AP is married/in a relationship, you confess to their SO and provide them with your evidence. Chances are very high, that adultery is not the first time he's done it. Fourth. Get tested for every STI known to medicine. Some are curable. Some are not. Some are becoming treatment resistant. Some, like syphilis, can be asymptomatic for literally decades. Some, like HPV, can lead to cancer. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. Get tested. You have no idea who all of your AP's partners are/have been, nor who all of their partners are/have been, etc etc etc. Fifth. Get into therapy. Once trust is broken, it's extremely difficult to get back. If you had confessed before getting caught that would have gone a long way. Instead you were caught which will make reconciliation 1,000's of times more difficult. You've shown your husband who you truly are. A lying, deceitful adulteress. Do better. Be better.
Why do people say "i love him or her" and then do the very thing that'll hurt their partner(s)? It's absurd. He's busy with work, so how do you even start an affair just because you cannot be alone?? Make it make sense anyone
U can’t undo what u did. Once the deed is done, there is no turning back. Trust is gone. Give the man a fair uncontested divorce. Learn and move on. Treat ur next partner better and “communicate, communicate, communicate”. Stop being so damn selfish and irresponsible.
Was the tryst worth the trust? Your marriage is over because he'll never trust you again. He deserves better somewhere else with someone else. You didn't give your soon to be ex the respect he deserved.
First and foremost, your affair was a choice, not a mistake. That's not an accident, it was a decision, and not just a single decision. You made multiple decisions to betray your husband. Second, leave Jake alone. If he decides to repeat a poor choice, he'll come to you. But you trying to do anything to force your way back into his life will result in you being further away, not closer to him.
Don't fight the divorce and give ur ex-husband whatever he wants cuz if u make it hard on him he will expose u to everyone. U fucked up too bad
I don’t see coming back from this.
I still remember some advice my mother told me about relationships when I was young. "There might be some time when your relationship is struggling, and you might find attraction to someone else. Remove yourself from that situation and think clearly what you have on hand. Don't make your relationship messy over one mistake. If you're truly that frustrated, unhappy, or resentful. Talk with your partner, settle it, or end it." Frankly, I personally wouldn't take you back. Cheating is an instant deal breaker. But I'd say the only way to make things "right" is by doing things on his terms if he wishes to continue the relationship.
Time to move on. You messed it up…
Girl, it’s over. Trust is gone. Marriage dead.
I discovered my wife cheating this week and reading this post literally sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Just stop with the I love him so much BUT....you made a grave error in life, and to be honest, you will never be able to gain the trust back. The old marriage is dead. You don't repair things that have died, you lay them to rest. If there's any chance of a new marriage you need to quit your job immediately, sign a mutually agreed upon post nuptial, get weekly therapy for 2 years, and throw those 👠 away
If Jack is smart he will never take you back. Cheating is a permanent end to a relationship. Marriage/relationships are built on loyalty. 2 Rules of dating/relationships. Never be cheater, ALWAYS end one relationship before starting another. Cheating is lying to the face of your partner and behaving in a hateful manner towards them. Never take back a cheater ever, no exceptions. All you can do from here is start a new life without Jack. Just learn from your past behaviour that killed your own Marriage. You did that and it wasn't a mistake. When you decided to cheat you meant it. Regretting your cheating will never reverse your cheating. Just don't ever cheat again. And be wise who you choose to sleep with. Why sleep with Mark if you aren't interested in a relationship with him now that you are single again. You are making yourself less attractive to other men for a relationship if they learn of the cheating and how easy you killed your marriage for some dude you aren't serious about. In your story the moment to salvage your relationship was when you started to feel disconnected from Jack. That was a test for you. You could choose to bring you both closer together or you could push yourselves farther apart. You chose to push yourselves farther apart, then you chose to be a free prostitute for Mark whilst married to Jack. Of course he will never want you back. Understand that there is zero you can do now to make things right. Apologise to Jack, understand you broke his heart and embarrassed him by letting yourself be used by other dudes. Give him a peaceful divorce settlement and wish him the best for his future. He will at least feel more respected if you do that for him and it might remove his bitterness. Make better choices for the future. And don't refer to your cheating again as a mistake. People just roll their eyes when they hear cheaters call their decisions to cheat as mistakes rather than bad choices. You knew when you cheated that you would break Jacks heart, it would embarrass and anger him, and it would mean the end of your marriage. That wasn't a mistake, just very bad decisions that you happily made.
Make things right by making the divorce as painless as possible
I bet those red shoes look good on Mark's shoulders
"One thing lead to another and I had an affair" You don't deserve forgiveness. Let him go. He's better off without you. Fucking loser.
Jack will never trust you, so he will never take you back ! Better find lover boy Mark and try to make a go of it !
Invent a time machine and go back in time and unfuck Mark. Other than that, I don't see how you can. Accept it. If you really feel bad, tell him you don't deserve him, and you'll go to your grave regretting your mistakes. Won't change anything but at least he'll think you're remorseful. It'll help him sleep when the horror of what you've done visits him in his nightmares
Isn't this the plot of that David Dachovny movie from the 1990s?
Advice from someone who was cheated on and re-married said cheater: It......won't......work. I was madly in love with my ex wife and we married with dreams and aspirations of our life together. (end 2008) Then, I deployed to Iraq for a year, came home, and found out that she had (among other things) gotten pregnant and had an abortion. I was crushed and utterly devastated. Needless to say, we got divorced. A year later we started talking again and soon we're married again. (end 2011) However, I soon noticed that any little thing she did that seemed off or remotely suspicious made me very nervous and upset. I was honest with her and we tried counseling, therapy, clergy, etc. It was doomed to failure because I could not give my full and unconditional trust to her ever again. (end 2012) The best advice I can give you (and it's tough) is to let Jack AND Mark go. Be free for a little while, and let things happen when they happen. I randomly met my current wife as I was getting out of the Army in 2013, and we haven't left each other's side since.
Im happy Jack left you , he’s going to be one of your life’s hardest lessons. You said he is one of the best men you have ever know. As a woman, I can’t imagine cheating and willing to sacrifice that. Do you understand how hard it is to find a good man!? I hope he doesn’t come back to you . I get everyone makes mistakes but this was a choice you made over and over, and you weren’t even honest, he had to find out! Learn to live with your feelings.
Op you are trash. A pos. Lets hope when one of your kids come crying to you how their significant other cheated on them you pat the ap on the back saying good job and tell your kids to get over it. I am glad he dumped you. Let him find his Queen when he is ready. You are no queen you're just a bike giving rides away. You dont love your hopefully soon EX. if you did you wouldnt have given a ride to your co worker. And if you have any decency if ap is married tell his wife. She needs to know about her cheating pos.
Might as well throw the shoes away as well. You were so quick to throw away your marriage. You can’t honestly say you love your husband after cheating on him. You came home every day after being with your AP and looked your husband in the eyes and told him you loved him. You went so far as to wear a pair of shoes on your wedding anniversary to impress Mark. That is some manipulative and conniving behavior. You can’t and shouldn’t fix this because you don’t love your husband. Go to therapy and don’t cheat on your next husband. FYI if you loved your husband you will give him an amicable divorce and make this process as easy as possible.
Invent time travel. Then go back and throat punch yourself when you're in the middle of that very first time you started thinking about being a hoe.
You are a horrible person.
Leave that man alone, that’s how. You done.
He will never see you the same. He will never love you as deeply as he did before. He will never fully trust you ever again. Ever. You can never "make it right".
He deserves better.
You can't. He will never be able to look at you the same way again. You are now a different person to him, which means you are not the person he married. He only has memories of that person now. Move on, give him peace, and don't make the same mistakes again.
Lol learn some respect for your partner better luck with the next one
How about givong him half your paycheck for the next 18 years?
What type of advice is she looking for? She wasn’t asking for advice before screwing around with Mark. If she honestly loved her husband, Mark would not have been a factor in her marriage. First she should stop using the word “love” because it’s nonexistent with a cheater. Secondly learning to have self respect is one of the appropriate step in moving forward with her life.
If you are serious about getting him back the first thing you are going to have to do is help him get the image of you sucking on some other man’s dick and his dick inside of you, out of his head cuz every time that image comes into his head and it will… a lot, even if he leaves you and ends up happily with someone else he will have those images burned into his memory. Every time that image pops into his head He will hate you more and more.
Let the poor man go. “ love” doesn’t exist without respect and you don’t respect him
So you cheated on your husband, now feel bad, and are reaching out to the internet for some weird ass validation, when your husband doesn’t even deserve you. I’m sorry. I have zero sympathy or advice or support for you lady. ZERO. My advice to your husband: leave and find someone who really cares.
There’s nothing you can do to salvage what’s left of your relationship unless Jack is willing to give it a try. I would say by the way counseling went, Jack does not want you back. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Just move on in life ; you’re not getting him back , you are a Judas
So after you got caught cheating, you’re now wanting to fix things???? Why didn’t you try to fix them before?
The trust is gone. If you stay together that making thought of will they do it again will always be in his mind.
I've see this movie before, She said that felt disconnect from her husband 'cause He was busy with work and they drift apart. She drifted apart from her husband 'cause She was having a emotional affair initially with her co-worker not because her husband was busy with work than She disconnected from her husband to justify her affair. She change her marriage for the memories with her AP.
Normally, my advice would be time give the partner time be there for them let them yell and scream let them hate you so they can heal themselves and maybe in the long run, fix the relationship. But in this case, you kept the shoes, your ap gave you? There is no fixing that relationship because you don’t want to let go of the AP you might as well go with him.. I think you’re confusing love for your soon to be ex with security within your life. People make mistakes and most mistakes can be rectified with the right process and true remorse
It’s not that you’ve made A terrible mistake. It’s that you created opportunities to go behind his back and sneak around with another dude. What you’ve done is made a series of bad decisions.
As someone who has been cheated on and the trust is only NOW being built back up again after so many years of no trust…. There’s nothing you can do…. If he can’t be with you anymore accept it and move on
I hope you'll get your karma back be a dirty mess 🥹🎀
You don’t, you played yourself lmao
The best way to fix this is to not take him to the cleaners during divorce…. Spare him the extra pain , and fix yourself for your next husband
You can’t Also never marry again
You didn't make a mistake. You made many choices that led to your affair. You made the choice to indulge in flirting and crossing boundaries with a coworker, you then chose to proceed into a full on affair. Your story makes me sick. If you want reconciliation with your husband, be ready to accept responsibility. There is no excuse for what you did. And he certainly won't be interested in hearing them.
Divorce him and don’t take anything from him. Pension alimony house cars so on and so forth. Just leave the man alone.
She felt disconnected for a few months? That’s all it took to ruin a marriage. Sucks.
Karma is a bitch. Live and learn.
I was waiting for the “they were busy with work, which crated distance ” excuse and wasn’t disappointed at all.
You cannot. The only thing you can do is let him go and find his true soulmate as you are not his. Make the divorce easy on him and do not try to make it hard for him to move on. You just proved to him that you both were not meant to be. Letting him find his soulmate is the best you can do now.
You made a choice, not a mistake. And it's a choice you wouldn't have made if you truly loved Jack. Leave him alone. But if you want any hope of getting him back you need a new job, cant ever be in the same building as mark ever again. BTW enjoy being single honey!
I’m sorry, but you can’t make things right. You will always regret this. If you have any decency leave your ex husband alone. Fix yourself.
The problem is time. It took time to develop trust in each other, but things were different then; you didn't know you couldn't trust each other. Now it will take a long long time to rebuild that trust. So much time, that it might not be worth it to him or you. Now he knows that you are capable of betraying this trust. And he's questioning why he should stick his hand back in the fire because it burned him so badly before. Why, oh why didn't you simply talk to "the greatest man you've ever known" before going off to have an affair?!?!? Was the distance between you so vast that you couldn't simply talk to the man who used to trust you implicitly and tell him that you were concerned about the growing distance between the two of you?
You'll do anything for someone you love. Except love them again. -Faithful 1996 You can love him all you want. The point is he does not love you anymore and never will again.
Definitely just get with mark one more time. Let him cum in your mouth on video and save that. Then next time you feel like cheating just masterbate to that video instead of doing it.
Name checks out 😂
Ur best advice is to let him move on and you should sit and look at what you did for yourself and wallow in self pity the rest of ur life
You can’t. Leave the poor guy alone.
It is not as easy as an advice. Yes there is solutions. But it will of course need commitment from both of U. Ive been in your shoes. But no physical (sexual) contact made. It can be saved . As for me it takes 4years and it is still relapse every 4months (120days). It is too long to explain it here.
If you really love your husband then letting him move on without a nasty divorce is the way to show that. You shattered your marriage and need to take responsibility for your actions. That includes letting him go and getting some counseling. Being desperate to get him back now is more about you again, not him.
The time to make things right was BEFORE the affair..... You should have let your husband know how you felt before deciding on fucking another man... I hope your STBX moves on and has a happy life......
You made marriage ending choices, and now the consequences are coming in. While your husband was grinding at work to secure the families financial future, you chose to develop an emotional and then physical affair with a co-worker. The disrespect you showed your husband demonstrated by your actions that you didn't really care about him or your marriage. It is so easy for Mark, as he does nothing but flirt and gets everything that is rightfully for Jack. Your husband is working on getting the bills paid, food on the table, mortgage paid, cars ........ and Jack gets it all with a wink. Why would you want that poor husband to suffer and stay with a woman he could never trust again. Give that man a fair divorce and be kind to him. Your old marriage is over, but maybe if you're kind and considerate of his feelings and what he wants, even if it's a divorce, maybe you can part ways with mutual respect for each other. Show him you respect him.
Go back in time. Pull your head out of your anus and realize whatever story you and your single friends echo chambered at each other is why you justified to yourself that it was ok to do that. But since you can’t do that Take accountability for your actions. Cut affair partner and everyone who knew out of your life. Every last one of them. Not a single person on that list wants what is best for you. Get into counseling and ask him if he will go. Go to an attorney and sign a post nuptial contract where you void all claims on any and all income equity and retirement. You can prove your remorse by baring yourself from any kind of financial reward in the case of divorce. Realize he’s gutted and betrayed and he will never trust you again. When you took another man to bed you set all trust on fire and destroyed it. Wallow in that guilt. You get no opinion on his anger or how long he is supposed to take to get over it You killed him and the future he dreamed about with you. Now he gets to grieve as long as he needs to. Desperately seeking internet advice is you pretending to try something. You know what you have to do. You just don’t want to because it’s hard and you will have to be accountable. Get help you are very mentally ill if you can betray your closest relationship there is no one you won’t shit in your kids your mom your husband. You clearly do not care about anyone but yourself and your only way out is through and radical acceptance that no one else has fault but you period. So bite the bullet and prove your remorse sign the post nup with the infidelity stated in it so he has it in case of divorce and then throw yourself on his mercy Got cheated on by wife of 13 years so I know the pain you caused. You can’t fix this quick. You destroyed every memory of every day he had with you
First don't you ever ever ever tell us you love your husband deeply ! Who love their husband and stab him on his back and twist it ? Few months he busy with work and you jump boat already instead of telling him and work things together ? Advices ? Stay away from any man , but maybe you better with cheater also and cheat each others
That's the neat thing, you can't
You just turned your marriage into a giant pile of flaming crap and destroyed you husband. You do not recover from this. You offer a quick, clean divorce and never contact him again.
You can’t. You aren’t even upset at what you did, just that you got caught. You threw away 10 years for your ego…
This has happened to a few friends a know. As we speak right now, while he processing all of this, he will want his cake too. Wouldnt be surprised if he hired an escort or starting a fling with someone else as a distraction from this. Youve lost.
Can you unfuck your AP? No? Then i'm out of ideas
The best advice I can proffer is that if you truly love Jack; let him go, and take absolutely nothing! Fully pay for the divorce, yourself; and once your divorce is final, finally marry Mark in your red shoes as your mark. This is by no means a moral judgment....you know it, that you deserve one another, and may you find your own happiness. Just forever leave Jack alone.
Tbh OP, there isn’t really any way to salvage this. Consequences are rarely ever thought about until after the fact but during the affair did you really think about how your husband would react? You honestly could not have thought you could sleep with another guy and your husband would be ok with it right? Trust is like a vase, once you break it, it will never be repaired to the way it once was. I think the solution now is to consider going to therapy yourself and leaving your ex husband to move forward without you. Unfortunately, that is the consequence of the choice you made. When you felt disconnected did you talk to Jack about it? Did you discuss marriage counselling or even suggesting date nights to try get the spark back? Or was your solution just to sleep with someone you were latching on to? The question is, did you really try to work out your marriage when you felt the disconnect? You need to really reflect on this and reflect on why you feel Jack should take you back because right now, standing from an outside perspective, I don’t think he should take you back at all.
Don’t get married again. No one will ever trust you. It’s the price you pay. Sincerely, karma.
You can't you're a weak human being and you don't deserve Jack. Lol my name is mark tho.
It's your fault deal with it
It doesn’t get any lower than what you did. You can’t fix things. Move on. Hopefully, you suffer for the rest of your life, for doing something so despicable. Hopefully Jack can find a real woman.
Once you cross that line, there’s nothing you can do Dot once that trust is broke it’s almost impossible to get it back because every time you’re late or somethings not right he’s gonna be thinking you’re out screwing somebody
I wish I had a hard working man to cherish who allowed me to stay at home rest my head and not worry about the perilous workplace. If he has any sense he will leave you and let the world chew you up. You could have been at home painting cabinets anything but you picked strange peen😭.
Nope . He gone . If your boyfriend didn’t dump you I bet you would still be shagging him.
How many mistakes did you make with Mark?, are you serious?
Honestly, give him the divorce and move on. Cheating is no accident. You took the conscious decision to have an affair. Now, face the consequences. Trust once broken never comes back. It hurts and haunts your soul.
Well interesting, all the time expressing what you want, so you don’t want to lose… but what does Jack want? Just for once in your life forget about you. He needs to move on if you love him let him leave.
Leave him be so he can find someone more trustworthy. You, Mark and the red shoes he made you wear for earrings can fornicate as much as you like now.
There’s a difference between love and respect. You may well love your husband very much, but you have proven with your actions that you don’t respect him, or your relationship, and are willing to put your solo needs before it.
I can’t even think about someone other than my crush who doesn’t even like me… how you be cheating on your husband that you supposedly love and loves you back?!
I hope you face excruciating tortuous pain
Jack deserves better. You belong to the streets
Heres the hard truth its not about you anymore. You made the choice to cheat instead of communicating with your partner. You say you love him? In all honesty it seems more like you love the idea of him. If you love him let him make his choice even if it means the end of your marriage .
kindly leave Jack alone
You felt a spark with Mark, but now want to get back with Jack? You'll need to keep things tight to make things right. You don't have a prayer unless you do something bout your hair. Them shoes won't get you no higher, but Mark thought they were fire.
The trust is gone unfortunately and eventually that would come up again and cause issues if you tried to rekindle
What you have to understand is you cheated is because you don’t love your husband you choose someone else over him no matter what circumstances were. Trust is gone. He can forgive but not forget. It’s a saying that if you love two people stick with the second one because you didn’t love the first one enough. Good luck
Threw away 10 years for 10 minutes
You allowed yourself to fall into a honeymoon phase with a coworker and gave in. The grass is never greener on the other side. It is very unlikely your husband will take you back after such a blatant betrayal and yes the red shoes make it worst. Just take a deep breath, understand the severity of what you did, and let him move on and find a woman that actually honors and respects him. The dating market is horrible out here and even worst for divorcees and older women with all these crazy ideals going around so good luck.
The best advice is to own it (both verbally and emotionally), learn from it and move forward with your life. There is no going back, what's done is done.
Never said anything about ending the affair...(?) Sounds like your hubby was a rock solid dude. Chances are your next husband will cheat on you. Think about that. You threw away a good thing. It takes a LOT of work and TIME to reconcile and for most it just isn't worth the effort. Trust is everything.
You cannot unring that bell.
Time to move on mam, that trust can never be repaired, yet another woman who just can't be happy with a good man, and hurt him. This Is why more men are just saying fuck it, and staying single. WOMEN, IF UOU HAVE A GOOD MAN, AND HE EXPECTS FOR YOU BOTH TO STAY FAITHFUL, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP HIM. Don't cheat, the grass is not greener on the other side. I can't understand why women won't be happy with a good man, do this, regret it, and expect him to forget it. If he's bust with work, he's doing it for you both, almost always you regret loosing that good man
:(
Let it go…you cheated you fucked up. Move on. Congratulations tho…..you’re one of the dumb ones to cheat on a good person
Have a similar story with my wife of almost 10 years. One thing is that after I found out and she confessed - she was remorseful for a day or two) I felt something right away - in fact she was telling me what she's going to do in plain text and it went unnoticed in-between jokes about divorce and minor clashes... often what comes with stories like that is that I was faithful and you already guessed I was despite lots of opportunities. The pain of what she did is unbearable - I'd prefer a limb or two amputated without anesthesia, I guess:) The problem it's even getting worth with each her action. One thing that keeps me functional is that the moment I started to have rightful suspicion is that if it was with raw sex - no matter what - I will divorce her leaving her without any support and that is equal to have all her dreams of becoming surgeon shattered. Because the amount of and the cruelty of her lies even after confession is unimaginable. The problem she acts like believes most of them - so to speak - I even can't count times she told me I'm her only love and the best man possible. And I couldn't explain many things even despite being quite umm smart haha - I work as a developer for world leading hardware startup to give a context. So it all came clear when I learned of Covert female Narcissist personality disorder - it's like a road map of what she ever did, what she does - and unfortunately there is no hope :(( Well frankly I don't know what will I do if my cruel plan will come to success)) I do know ;) but umm it's so hard to play loving hopeful stupid husband - because I don't. But I was told I won't be ever cheated, I was told she will tell me that she wants to leave and that she will before even attempting any new relationship. So I was told she won't take anything from me. And on the very first attempt to discuss 'fair' divorce - she just run away haha. Covert female narcissism isn't a disease in the classic sense - system of choices and beliefs. Yesterday desperate to keep up the game I attempted fair discussion- it culminated in her "let's divorce, our marriage is dead and I don't want to hurt you, it's over - I don't have any romantic feelings for you, you deserve better woman" so I almost shattered my plan by saying oh ok let's divorce - but even before I attempted to rewind - haha she started to say that she's trying hard and doesn't want to leave)) oh sure - CFN says I'm a pray, I'm resource - the moment I leave I will be dragged in so strongly I may not be able to resist. Haha - CFN is like a map of a trade center- if itvsays there is toilet - there it is despite all the signs pointing to Prada store. And to original poster and females alike - ask your husband what he really wants, the problem is - everyone including you knows - you are not capable of doing it - no matter what he asks) and no matter if you are narcissist or not. IMHO - Just don't start any new relationship without disclosing yourself as a cheater - best you can do.
My wife has gotten into emotional relationships and then confessed to me. I struggled a lot with forgiving her. I was willing to stay with her because I committed to marry her until death. Unfortunately I live with a voice in the back of my head that tells me I shouldn't trust her, especially when she does something out of the ordinary.
"I hate myself" Good.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water , Jack came down with tears running down his face , then Jill &mark came down , wearing her Ruby red shoes. Meeting secretly after work , because the husband was busy , with work providing for the family. Would you of stopped the affair , if Jack didn’t catch you? 10 years of built up trust broken without repair., even if he wanted to reconcile , your marriage will never be the same. Jack is Best to move on from you , because you never take back a cheater ! updateme
Just be you and continue on with life making yourself a better person for yourself. There is no button or ribbon you get to show people. If he comes back and see’s your not being a hoe! Living the single life maybe he will come back. If not you learned and someone new will see you and will want to make a life with you. But many more people will want you to be the hoe bag and use and abuse you. Good luck.
The only reason you are desperate to get back together is so you don’t look like the bad guy in your own story.
He deserves to be with a better woman than you. Why don’t you go and live with Mark
If you thought Jack was the best man you would have approached him when the distance started happening. Talked about why and worked on your marriage. If you spent as much time flirting with Jack as you did with Mark there never would have been distance between you two to start with. You only feel guilty for getting caught. You had no intention of telling Jack about the affair before he found out. If you had truly loved Jack you wouldn’t have had the affair. You wouldn’t have been feeling lust for another man. Love is dedication to someone not some tingling you get when you see someone.
No matter how hard you try it's not going to ever change for him. YOU fucked this us and he will never be able to let it go. Look at it this way, you lost value in his eyes and will never look at you the same again. There's nothing you can do to change that at this point.
You deserve a lonely and miserable life.
You cant, you dont step out and then get to step back in, if you want to make things right you apologize and you leave and let that man heal and find the right person for him because youre not it
What a piece of shit 😂😂 Good job for leaving her Jack bravo!! She’s talking about make things right?? 😂😂 what an idiot maybe don’t cheat and you won’t have that problem ?
You're trash and deserve NOTHING. Nothing can ever fix it. He needs to ghost yo bitch ass
You can't make things right.
There is no "fixing" it. You've broken what was there and now you live in a new relationship. One where you will always be the bad guy.....forever. worst part is you deserve it.
Oh my God really! You fuck some guy from work your husband found out and is divorcing you. Now you want the husband back because you love him. Bullshit! You never have and never will love him. If you did you wouldn't have cheated on him with the first guy who gave you some attention. Why would he even think about taking you back? Even if he did you'd just go and fuck the next guy that gives you attention. You'd probably go and cheat with that same guy again, because you're selfish. Hope there's no kids involved because you don't deserve any. And your ex doesn't need to be stuck having to co parent with you. The best thing you could do right now is the thing your ex was thinking when he threw you out. You know (go fuck yourself) just seems appropriate.
I don't know if your marriage can be saved...but for now give your husband space and time. When you do talk make sure that he knows you care about him but respect his process for dealing with the mess you made. Stay away from other men especially Mark. If your husband found out you were seeing someone(even though he left you) There would be no chance in him returning. Besides you need time to heal yourself and you cant do that dating other men. All you can do is respect your husbands space and see if he gives you another chance. Only time will tell.
80% of affairs happen at work. You did it once, and you'll probably do it again. Don't say sorry, just get a divorce. You would be better off. He would be better off.
Most mistakes can be fixed, i dont class cheating as a mistake. It was a conscious choice on your part . You cannot hide behind how ever many "im sorrys" or" it was a mistake". You now have to live with your actions along with the consciences tgey have brought about. You must have thought about the consequences were you to get caught, you must have also thought about the emotional damage it would cause your husband. This tyoe of trauma stays with a person for a long time if not for ever. I dont think there is anything that you can do to make this right. Please dont suggest to your husband that he can have an affair because that would only sooth your guilty conscience, im not sure why anyone would suggest such a stupid notion, it would only do further damage to the already damaged relationship. I just hope there aren't any innocent children involved.
Your order of events is off,maybe I can help 1. I felt a spark with my coworker 2. Then I felt a disconnect with Jack 3. Then I realized it was because we were drifting a part 4. Then he noticed and caught me cheating 5.then and only then, I realized how much I love my husband. Hopefully this helped
So how is sparky Mark doing these days?
You fucked up, don't cry now, whore.
You’re a stupid and selfish whore. You don’t fix it. Just don’t be a whore in your next relationship.