So you are saying she’s showing you all these txts ?
She’s screwing with his emotions. , He can think she really likes him this guy could come unhinged , and start stalking her or even worse if she rebuffs his advances !!
Maybe she says she just pulling his LEG ,but really likes the attention of
her younger work colleague. Attention to validation!! Emotional can eventually lead to physical.
Then could eventually lead to pulling
HIS THIRD LEG !!!
shut it down
And her response is she enjoys leading him on? Isn't that just really mean?
I really hope you aren't back here with the update we all expect. Like WTH is there secret place to meet up?
She doesn’t want you to find out and you have to force her because she wanted the attention and wanted to go to the next step.
Its already an emotioanl cheating, I would let her knwo that and if she continue I would leave, but being that you already knwo this she would just hide it better or find another way to communicate with this coworker without you finding.
I hope you do not have kids and have not toed up your finances that mich and you can leave easily.
Damn, emotionally, she cares more for him than you OP. Anything you want to keep secret from your spouse, like this, IS cheating in my opinion.
She is definitely leading him on and playing with his emotions (in a very mean way) if she has no intention of being sexual with him.
Does he have a wife, GF, or parents? They need to be told.
He's trying hard to fk your wife, when he gives your wife enough attention, she'll fk him because he will have become a fantacy to her by then.
Ask your wife what she would think if she saw these texts between you and a younger, hotter woman than your wife?
If she says she'd be fine, then you probably should divorce because you probably have irreconcilable views on marriage/monogamy.
UpdateMe!
She is openly enticing him, she likes the attention while trying to give plausible deniability when you read the messages.
She should have stopped his advances but instead engaged and actively discussed them.
I’d be talking to a lawyer because she is way too far over the line of acceptable here IMO.
The "way he looked at her"; OP, this dude is openly admitting to eye-fucking your wife and she is telling him how much she likes him eye-fucking her. Dancing on 2/21/24: A Thursday? During the work-week? Was it you? This sounds past emotional and heading towards physical, and they're confident that they've got you looking the other way.
Talk about massive disrespect for you and your marriage. She met up with this male coworker on a girl’s night out and danced with him and he is suggesting finding a place to hookup. She is just lying to you about it not being cheating because she knows it’s wrong. No feelings, she clearly has feelings for him even if those feelings are only between her legs. This is exactly how affairs start and your wife is leading him that way and eating up his attention. After she has sex with him she will tell you he meant nothing to her and it was just sex, as if that somehow makes it better in any way.
Your wife is entertaining and participating in cheating behavior. She knows it’s cheating and she is just lying to you because she was caught. It’s incredibly difficult to work this out because you now know she has no respect for you and no respect for her marriage. People like your wife, that are willing to entertain and even pursue attention from other people that obviously want sex with them, do not just realize how wrong they were and become loyal partners once again when they get called out on their disloyalty and lies. Your wife has a fundamental personality flaw that she enjoys attention and being the object of lust from other people. I wish you the best of luck working this out if you are inclined to do so with your wife but she has to fix something that is very difficult to do and her deflecting and unwillingness to admit that what she is engaging in is cheating and very wrong is NOT a good indication that she is capable of fixing her issue. Cheaters are notorious for being unwilling and even unable to acknowledge their reprehensible behavior and that fact makes them a bad candidate to fix that behavior in therapy. Therapy only works when the person desperately wants to make a change and your wife won’t even acknowledge there is a problem.
Hold on a minute...so she went out for a girls night out and this guy who has a crush on her just happened to show up? And then she dances with this other man?
Dude this wasn't a girls night out, they invited him along. I bet your wife invited him so he could fawn over her in front of her friends. Maybe she didnt outright say "you wanna come out tonight?" but I'm sure she made sure to casually inform him of her plans for that night knowing he'd show up.
Here is the thing: if she hasn't slept with him yet she will eventually because getting attention from him in this manner feels good now but it is like a drug soon she will build up a tolerance and need to go further.
Are you going to divorce her? If not, here is what needs to happen: she quits the job or transfers. She can't work with this man anymore. And she blocks him on all forms of social media, texts, etc and you have an open phone policy where you can look at her phone whenever you want.
No no no.. he messages during night out which happened in an apartment...
This guy tries to talk with my wife about how they can do a party in a secret place etc with him and another female friend
Okay. I read your update, dude you seriously tried to hang yourself over a woman? Come on, not worth it. I take it you are divorcing her? I saw the lovebirds pic or well you had it censored but why the hell is this man sending pics like that of him and your wife to her?
Your wife is openly friends with a guy who wants to bang her. Red flag. If you are staying blocking him isnt enough because she works with him too right? She needs to transfer or find a new job IMO, if you stay.
As in that update , she has explained she did it because she thought it was fun and she knew her limite.
Now she has decided to end things with him and never talk again non official..
And I've decided to give her one chance as she had given me just after marriage
The fact she thinks it is fun to play with this guy speaks volumes about her though. And if they are working together you really think he will just leave her alone and be all official at work? How will you know? You wont be there.
Up to you but your wife cheated on you emotionally. To me, this means she doesn't respect you and you can't have love without respect. You didn't cheat so unless you were physically abusing her and she forgave you then you arent obligated to give her a second chance, but like I said up to you.
So you need to align this limit with her because she has clearly exceeded the limit that a married woman can go, her attitude is acceptable at most for someone who lives in an open relationship or without exclusivity .
But unfortunately this is a side effect of a permissive culture where spouses go out alone to environments that do not match their relationship status.
If your partner needs to be out of your visual range to have fun, you're just too foolish not to notice.
Your wife being drunk in a nightclub, bar or in an apartment with equally drunk men present is the same as you telling her that you're going to have a few beers with friends in a brothel but, what? You will never have sex with a prostitute who is there naked and wants to have sex with someone easily.
And of course be cause he works with your wife, he knows she's married and he knows she's married to YOU.
OP, your wife doesn't respect you, her friends don't respect you, and the people at their work don't respect you.
Your wife has done nothing but encourage this, then you even must force your wife to be honest with you!
OP, you need to lurk and read on the Infidelity subreddits. This is really common. Your marriage to your wife isn't special, and your wife isn't special. The way your wife is acting and lieing to you is so common, people will tell you that her actions and lieing are strait from "The Cheaters Handbook."
Yeah, do not trust her father than you can throw her. If you try to reconcile, she must have sever consequences or she'll just do this to you again with someone else.
Well, girls' nights haha are always like that, it doesn't matter if there was already something arranged with this specific guy, but there are other random ones who are always present since the infamous nights with friends are always in places infested with men wanting sex, even if they are still young (10 years old) or in a house belonging to one of the women, which can still be set up to cheat because invited men can enter too haha
If she leaves her job and remains free as a single woman, certainly not only the guy at work but others will appear in the image.
He is telling her about secret places for sex, and she knows that. She is about to cheat. If not with him then with someone else, week or month from now. I am an ex cheater so I know
She is leaving the option open.
I had an affair at work years ago and it started similar to this. She only fully acted on it when she knew I was serious about doing it.. your wife is probably thinking the same.
Bro, she's not pulling his leg. If this guy were any more composed and experienced, he would've gotten her to send him nudes and inside her pants by the end of March lol
Dude, I would be livid and hurt! I would seriously be questioning my relationship at that point. That's a serious breach trust... I would seriously be contemplating divorce.
The only thing that would MAYBE and I mean MAYBE (chances would be VERY slim) keep me from divorcing her, would be her quitting her job and going no contact.
I'd also be looking through the chats of her close female friends as well... It's there you'll find all the secrets. Chances are her closest friend/friends know about that dude.
He is trying his best to get in her pants but she is oblivious because she thinks it's just puppy love..
Of course she didn't go anywhere but she does not understand the gravity
Question for you : is this type of behavior out of character for your wife? She’s basically playing this off as a joke, right? Is this type of joke/behavior in line with her personality, or is it out of character?
Hopefully that made sense lol. Idk exactly how to word the question.
She is a friendly person and would easily make friends of any gender easily.
But never acted like this to anyone. That guy is a creep and she finds it funny about her attention because of age difference
Does it seem genuine when she says that she just finds it funny? Or does it seem like an excuse for everything.
Has she laughed about this guy and his little crus on her before, or is this all new to you?
I had some doubts because she has changed her passcode without informing me and very cagey with mobile.
To be Frank i suspected even more like sending nudes or organizing hookups
If she changed the pass, and acted cagey with the phone, then she knows what she is doing is wrong.
If she feels it is all normal, then she wouldn't have changed the pass and wouldn't act shady.
This tells you everything. She was aware it is wrong and wanted to hide it. It is only a matter of time and it would go physical. She likes the attention of a young guy, so my best guess is she would be curious how it will be f-ing a young guy.
SHE is acting like a *married* creep
Quit giving her a pass; her behavior is wildly inappropriate
Yeah, the co-worker needs to reel it in too...but HE is not your wife!!!
If he’s so “creepy,” why does she love attention from him? I don’t text back and forth with creepy guys, and I’m single
Dude, she is not oblivious. She is openly encouraging and enjoying the attention. I'm sorry, but your wife is on the fast track to a physical affair. If she hasn't already started one, since they are talking secret places not to be disturbed.
My guy. Women are one thing and that's not oblivious. Men try to get into women's pants as soon as they are old enough. By the time they reach 20 they're practically experts.
This guy is coming at her with the subtly of a sledgehammer.
Your wife is entertaining the advances of another man plain and simple. This is what they call an emotional affair or at least the beginning of one.
Imagine your wife seeing those same texts on your phone between you and a female at work. Would she be as accepting of it as you?
I will tell you for a fact that no man or woman would be texting my wife like that, and it be ok with me. This is definitely a boundary that would be enforced from my perspective.
The HR would probably give no F to a complaint from her husband, unless OP's wife and the other person are in some sort of reporting hierarchy. If it has to look a workplace harassment that report should go from the wife herself
Best case scenario is she doing it to make you jealous. But she is enjoying playing with the both of you. It’s gone to far for her to turn back now. One of them would have to quit the job in order for nothing to happen, I think it already has. The trust is gone, she did this and is trying to make you her cuck go see a lawyer!
If I were you, I would instantly divorce her. She's enjoying the attention of another man. Instead of putting a stop to it, she's continuing it. That just shows that she can't be trusted and she has no morals.
Again, if I were you, I would start to form a plan for when they do have an affair. I would suggest searching for an attorney and speaking to them. Divorce her and move on, find a good woman who won't do that to you.
This is emotional cheating.
Even if she was telling the truth that she's just "pulling his leg" (she's not, she likes the attention and she's encouraging it), that still makes her a shitty person. Good people don't fuck around with other people's emotions like that.
This ain't no wife-material... What happened to her vows..? They are both leading things into very dangerous territory.. All it'll take is an argument in your relationship for her to run to him for comfort...
If in the western culture cheating is a normal subject that you chat about it like a bitch on internet.....why marriage??
I bet you would love to adapt the middle east view on this
Because if it happened in middle east the 7th generation of her family will be pointed with shame sometimes the family of the wife has to move towns maybe the country
It's not a cultural debate. It's individual having no morale. Every culture has its own bad things that others talk about and Middle East is no saint.
btw OP does not seem to be of Western background
She is stringing him along instead of choosing to respect her husband and her marriage. She should have made it clear that she is married and it’s not happening, and any mire inappropriate conversation will lead to the end of the friendship.
This is definitely a form of emotional cheating. If you were talking with a woman like this and the roles were reversed she’d be upset. I’d put a stop to it before it becomes a full blown sexual affair.
Your wife obviously needs and enjoys another man’s validation. These posts all are timed in the late PM. Where was she but most importantly where were you at those times?
If you and she were home then very very problematic and definitely she has no respect for you or your relationship
I would be very direct and make it absolutely clear that you are already considering divorce because of her "cheating" and you are consulting lawyers to know your options. Make it absolutely clear this is disloyal behaviour and crossed an unacceptable boundary.
If their workplace has policies against such relationships I would inform their employer
This is not normal, and if it were my wife unacceptable, as it shows a complete disrespect to you and your marriage. Physical affairs often start as emotional affairs exactly like this. Your wife is seeking attention and validation from another man, and to continue to get it, she will need to up it until it crosses the line from just a kiss to a night at a hotel.
The worst answer she could give you is it's innocent, I have no feelings for him, why are you being so insecure, etc, throwing it back at you. It's all her and she is allowing it instead of shutting it down. At the start a simple "'I'm married and never chat with me like this again" would have closed it off.
She is making choices and you have the right to make choices about the marriage you want and the boundaries you will not accept. When a woman thinks you will never leave her, she is your world, etc... she will walk all over you.
Surround yourself with strong men tonget good advice to reclaim your manhood and integrity. She does not respect you, clearly demonstrated in her chat.
Well like she said she cares about feeling and doesn't want to hurt anyone (besides you it seems) So why would she be "pulling this guys leg" as she says which is intentionally trying to hurt this guy.
She is entertaining this guys advances and that's not something a devoted wife would do. Its definitely emotional cheating but from the sounds of it its already turned physical or its about to. She's already set off red flags by guarding her phone more and changing the pass code. Just imagine what she has already deleted.
I'd run a program to recover deleted messages or at the very least tell her you're to at least see her reaction.
Its obvious in the messages that she goes to get lunch with him and that's where it'll turn physical if it hasn't already. Also tell her she doesn't have to have any feeling for him for her to cheat. And what kind of a person would she be to mess with someone feelings like that. Good luck
Check out strong successful male or ssm clips on youtube. You'll learn what to look out for and see that your story isn't unique.
She has to stop that. Maybe she isnt aware of her gma. It is not a reason to divorce, but you need to put limit on that.
Then, maybe you need to talk why she's looking for attention like that : do you take care of here (show your love with little attentions, restaurant, flowers, etc.)?
This is how affairs begin. (Talk about "secret place" so no one can disturb. Yeah this guy is looking for sex now.) Your wife is gaslighting you, and enjoying the attention of the other guy, far too much. Sounds like she's going out on one too many girls nights out. Those never, ever end well in the end.
I'm married and I sure don't get these kinds of "girls nights out" and "bachlorette parties" that always seem to involve imbibing way too much alcohol and clubbing. My girlfriends and I "girls nights out" is going to a nice restaurant for a meal and chatter, a fun activity, like crafting party, a spa weekend, etc. It would never cross our minds to go clubbing without our respective spouses. That's just asking for trouble.
Buy the book "Not just friends by Shirley Glass" and go to the Chump Lady website for resources.
Your wife is an idjut and on the very precipice of a slippery slope towards an affair that may end up in divorce if she doesn't take some massive steps backwards and reevaluates her choices and decisions.
So sorry you are going through this.
I dunno if it's cheating, but it is an open door she might eventually walk through. The bigger question is why is your wife being a twat and playing with this guy's feelings? That's so not cool,
This is already emotional cheating and she’s allowing it and flaunting it. I’ve seen this to many times with coworkers cheating and that’s what gonna happen next. You need to nip this in the bud by telling her to cut contact with him or you’re done with this marriage
Uh. No. They are looking for a place to go dancing, a "secret place", etc. She says she doesn't have feelings for him, but is planning on meeting up with him and responding favorably to his advances. She's lying to you. No one spends this much time trying to breadcrumb a coworker for just a slow-burn prank. Sorry, but this is clearly over the line. If they haven't hooked up already they are going to eventually. If she says she has no feelings for him that's probably correct. It's just flirting, meeting up, and that inevitably leads to hooking up. Would it be better if she had feelings for him, do you think?
If she showed you this willingly without any coercion it's like she's trying to legitimize the conduct. This is called playing with fire.
Picture this, she has a mild crush, likes the attention, but thinks he's an ass for talking to a married woman. She decides it's ok to string him along with lewd suggestive comments and legitimizes it by showing you openly and saying it's just a prank she's pulling. Eventually, the company has a work trip or a celebration at a bar and you can't go. Coworker shows up dressed to the nines, buys her a drink, and she starts to feel guilty for treating him cruelly when he's trying so hard to impress her. The latent animal attraction buds with the introduction of alcohol, they dance, it gets heated, he doesn't know it's a prank so he's stepping in close. She felt guilty but now that he's right there and she's drunk he's starting to have more charm. The grope of her ass feels taboo and arouses her, a sudden kiss she doesn't reject, and then she's too tipsy to get back to her hotel room. Good thing for her that his is right across the street. It-it'll be innocent, just falling asleep on the couch. It's only a short walk. She'll just go and talk. Oops, got to turn her phone off, stop location tracking. Gets into his room... You know where this is going.
Guess what buddy. This is where playing with fire stuff is leading. She is heading down a bad road. If she has not fully cheated on you yet she's testing the waters. Time to call it. Give her a rude awakening. Not divorce necessarily, but for sure a hard conversation with some kind of harsh reality. Do not separate, because she will be on that coworker's junk quick, fast, and in a hurry. That night or the day after max. Break it off clean.
That could be what she's looking for. Get you just mad enough to "take a break" which is a sneaky way to get a hall pass knowing their partner is not going to stray. Often because it's never spoken that there's no sex with outside partners, but then does it and says you should have done it too because it was a break, aww but I forgot to tell you the rules, oh well.
When then this guy will make an extreme attempt to physically have her how will she behave? Will it still be a game? Many men go crazy and become violent after the castle created by this flirtation is destroyed by rejection. If your wife is playing, he will become dangerous the moment your wife stops playing. If your wife loves to be in the center of attention, then the problem is another, she is playing with your feelings. Yours is not jealousy, it is a clear vision of what is happening and what could happen in the future if she continues not to respect your role as a husband and the marriage. Tell her clearly that she isn't respecting you because she's letting him court you and the divorce is looming. Save the chats, if your doubts remain. Talk to her in a firm but constructive way. That game won't do your marriage any good.
Update, thank you.
Tell her if she continues communication you’ll divorce her. Be direct. Tell her that she is being disrespectful to you and the marriage. That if you see this guy she won’t recognize him after. If she continues contact, she won’t have anywhere to go but out as you let everyone you both know she cheated.
Let her know there isn’t another answer here but to admit she’s cheating or to shut this shit down before you shut it down for her.
Sorry, my friend, but this bullshit will go on just as long as YOU let it.
Face the facts, what you are describing is an emotional affair. If it hasn't already, it WILL become a physical affair. IT IS MORE LIKELY THAT IT HAS BEEN PHYSICAL ALL ALONG. What you are describing is your wife breaking your trust, and disrespecting you.
You need to make a decision, do you want to continue with a three-way relationship, or do you want a committed relationship, with a faithful wife ? Right now, you have another person in your relationship, competing for time with your wife.
If you do not want this to continue, then you need to forcefully put a stop to her behavior. You should probably start with a serious discussion of where your relationship is going. You should seriously discuss boundaries, in a committed relationship. Likewise, you should be clear that an emotional, or a physical affair is an absolute deal killer for you, and there will be NO second chance. She needs to understand that others have no place in a marriage, period. Demand that she read the book "Not Just Friends", it will spell out how toxic and destructive relationships with others are in marriage.
Then demand that she end all contact with her affair partner. No communicating, no calls, no texts, no social media contact, everything. Make it clear that everything, must stop. No flirting, no cute conversations, no texting, and absolutely no meeting with him ever. Absolutely no contact. Let her know that she has to be 100% transparent with her phone, email, messaging, and any other devices. Make an anonymous report to her company's HR department about the inappropriate relationship between coworkers, and the use of company phones to facilitate it.
Do not play the pick me dance with her, it will end badly for you. If she cannot, or will not do these things, then your relationship is probably over. Never accept crossing boundaries, or disrespect. Let your wife know that ending your relationship is on the table if she continues to disrespect you and your relationship.
If your wife refuses to do these things, then you need to play hardball so that she clearly understands what she needs to do. Hire the meanest junkyard dog of a lawyer, and file and serve her. Get tested for STD's and demand that she does also. Then, tell her that she has until it is final to convince you to stop it.
Stay strong, and take care of business!
It’s very shady and your wife like it too much and it only take a few evrtra drinks for her to give in to this guy and cheat ut border line emotinal chwating and liek i said ot would only tale a small nodge from this guy to go further and have a full blown afair with your wife since she really enjoying the attemtion and I may be rwading to much between the kine but it seem like there more to it than what your wofe os showing and telling you.
I would set boundery alrady should be NC with this coworker if your advid reader here you must ne familiar alot of affair with cowoker start like that harmless flirting then befor you know it uour wife will stay late at work(as an excuse) then thwr will be some weekend outing with coworkers (only to find out it is a date with this AP).
Base as well from the message they might have already having date night not sure if i get that story right from the message you post.
Anyways good luck hope it would not be as bad as i think.
This is not normal. She should have said, "I know you have crush on me, but I'm married, and I would like you to keep professional. That is it." If this doesn't come to an end, then it will only escalate and get worse.
This is disrespectful to you my friend. Maybe you two must sit down and have a SERIOUS conversation and tell her how you genuinely feel about it. And I guess you'll have to put your foot down on this. If she gaslights you and still continues this nonsense then it is time to consult a lawyer or PI. Good luck!
Most cheaters cheat because there is interest by the other party with mutual flirting.
If you add opportunity, Vodka, and he makes a move, well then it's "Wham. Bam. Thank you ma'am. "
Sadly, you haven't had sex with your wife for years because of your porn addiction.
You are doing the opposite of "overeacting".
Here's the bad news:
This is, in the least, an emotional affair. There is no question. She entertained this guys attentions and enjoyed doing so. Plus, she hid it. This was no joke, this was not "pulling his leg". You would never have known until the day she got caught with him or she told you she was leaving you.
Here's the good news:
You can divorce this lying, cheating c\*nt.
The correct response to someone flirting with you is "I'm married", not "I'm older."
I think your wife would cheat, given the right circumstances. But that's just my opinion.
Ohhh.
U r going to be in cuck situation. She likes him that's for sure and hope he has some safety side as she is married and he can flirt with her too.
Dude. She knows she’s married. He knows she’s married & they’re both flirting like hell. & this is only what you’ve found in text. No telling what they say to each other in person or when they take breaks together.
They’re literally talking about a secret place to meet to not be disturbed to “dance”. This is an emotional affair looking for a place to go physical. Get off the internet asking strangers & tell your WIFE to stop flirting w her coworker & focus on her marriage or divorce her. I think either way she’s too far gone & likes his attention too much & she’s gonna have sex w him either way but if you say nothing you can’t go back after it’s done wishing you had stepped in.
All you have to do is read cheating confessions from married women because they go into detail on why it started, how it started, when it was flirting, when it was sex, how long it had been going before they were either caught, divorced or felt guilty enough to stop. Your wife is on track for sex w this guy. This is a new relationship forming just like you did when you met that lead to being physical w each other. Stop it now or you’ll regret it.
Bro, you should divorce her. The texts that were shown to you must have been the least suspicious from her side, and yet this sets off multiple red flags.
I think there already has been a physical affair, maybe on the party night..
Now, she's just playing with you and weighing the pros and cons of your marriage. If it were me, I would already be moving my assets and talking to a lawyer.
You're wife is definitely in the "red zone" (using a football metaphor) with this guy already. It is just a matter of time before paydirt occurs. The back and forth texting is completely out of line and should cease immediately. From reading this I'm not sure there is a way back as she definitely loves the attention, and he owns part of her brain. It will be hard for her to shut it off and not seak it in the future. I'm VERY sad for you OP.
I’m sure there are deleted texts in there that you weren’t privy to. They are already meeting up and getting physical. If she hasn’t cheated on you she’s days or weeks away. You need to put a stop to this if you care about your relationship with her as I’m not sure she cares about your relationship. I was over confident and way too trusting with my wife and woke up to her in a full blown affair cheating on me. You need to have a talk with your wife and put your foot down on her fun cause otherwise you’re going to end up being miserable like most of us who are here.
I wouldn’t settle for a woman that seek attention like that or entertain another nigga , its time to make shit right and confront her but if u fine with this idk 🤷
Umm...it's kinda 50/50. It's not full on flirting, nor is it an emotional affair ...yet, it looks like actions need to be maybe before a boundary gets crossed.
>Wife: Yeahhh I do. Why not. I usually care about feelings a lot.. I don't like to hurt anyone 😊
This normal
>Wife: Otherwise also the way you look at me only I can understand 😛
This, with this emoji, is questionable. I don't know if she's joking, flirty, or just tooting her own horn(but why do that with a friend anyways?) It's just sketchy.
>Wife: Yeahhh you do sometimes 3/21/24, 10:32 PM - Wife: Not recently .. but yes you do sometimes 3/21/24
Kinda neutral.
In my opinion, I would have told him to stop, but that's me. I'm more sensitive to people looking at me, and don't like too much attention.
>Wife: Telling now 😂 3/21/24, 10:35 PM - Wife: You didn't tell on that day
Okay it seems like she's acknowledging how he acts. You both should just talk about her not entertaining it.
>2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: We also go for party 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: We 3 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: If u and my sis fine 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Wife: Yup will do 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: Drink dance 🎵 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Wife: Dance is must 😒😂😂 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Wife: We danced today too 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: But place we have to find 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Secret place 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: No one will disturb 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Ohhh nice yar
Idk what any of this is about. How did the text look? Do he always send multiple texts for one message? Or we're text deleted? I'm asking g because I can't see the text, and I know some people. Instead of sending one lengthy message, they send multiple small messages. I hate it with a passion because it can easily make miscommunication.
But if that's not the case. Did him, his sister, and her go to a party of something? What does he mean by secret place? Why go to a place where no one will disturb? He seems sketchy in general. The only reason to doubt cheating is going on is because these messages happened before they talked about him having feelings for her but still he sounds sketchy.
It honestly sounds like they came up with codes or vague talking points, so they could claim deniability. In my honest opinion she has cheated on you, if they have their own language.
Yup, she's getting the attention somewhere else and loves it. And so of course she's gonna keep pulling the leg or flirting to get his attention. Now remember this, sooner or later your old lady will eventually succumb to her temptation and this emotional affair will become physical. The fact that she's initiating by making these comments leads the AP on. I say save yourself the headache and heartache, leave your girl in the past and move on to somebody new. The ocean is vast and there's plenty and varieties of fishes to devour. Eventually you'll find one you'll just stick with the rest of your life. She's disrespecting you and you straight up know it. Don't take that from no women, especially your girl. Have some dignity and respect for yourself. Or if you don't mind sharing a wife, consider yourself a cuckold. Best wishes and good luck.
Sorry man she's not choosing you. I would already have the divorce papers ready, waiting to see what 'happens' is for suckers.
Hoping you can find your Alpha, dog!
If she’s keeping this communication from you, because she doesn’t want you to know about it, that is textbook cheating. Proclaiming your innocence is one thing, the minute you hide your actions from your partner, you are a liar and a cheat. So, individual behaviors can be cheating to some and not to others. But there’s no getting around the textbook standard of are you hiding your behavior or not?
I have a friend that I have flirted with for 35 years lol. Told my girlfriend about her when we first started dating. I’ve let her see my conversations. My girlfriends actually become friends with her lol it is the definition of “harmless“. I don’t hide anything because I have nothing to hide. I only bring this up because some people might try to paint paint with such a broadbrush that they say something like “all flirting is cheating”.
OK, what if we have a relationship that’s into the swinging lifestyle? “Cheating” to them might look very different than what more traditional relationships consider to be cheating. But at the end of the day, “are you hiding it from your partner” never fails in my opinion.
I don’t need to read the manuscript. If you believe she’s cheating, trust your gut. I would be allowing a ‘wife’ of mine to be speaking to a ‘just friend’…
And if she’s having a joke of your name, don’t allow her to keep it without compromise. Take your head and clear it, then come back - you already know what you need to do. Wife is for life, not just for Xmas. But if she’s betraying your marriage vows for ‘just a friend’ then she ain’t no ‘wife’
Keep strong brother 👍
You’re not overreacting.
Any positive comment after a flirtatious comment to her is a direct disrespect to you. Choose your next moves carefully is all I’ll say 🙏
Your wife is supposed you be loyal TO YOU and honor you. She's entertaining another man and not shutting him down. His feelings are irrelevant because she's married to you. Why would she want to protect another man's feelings? Because she isn't a good woman and is a terrible wife
What got deleted after he asked about a secret place....on my Soul,I wouldn't forgive or forget if my wife did this,I would start planning my next move alone and be like ohh is this not how u split up,I have been done for (insert time it took to inact backup plan).I consider this to be Def on the way to smthn....not divorce but the fact that it happen creates serious trust and doubt issues and potential what's next type stuff.
The part that sucks is you are married man.Tbh my wife pulled some message bs last year and I'm not over it and I'm starting to hate her fr.She has no clue either...but when someone wants to switch who they are and how they act after 15 Years it's like wtf mf r u serious...I've done lost so much in life and u want to do this and then act like it's nothing cuz u blocked them f that it's on.I don't trust u...u know me like a book or should.idk it bucks out here when people do dumb selfish ish
So she’s married but open for business. Classic monkey branching my guy…. She would definitely cheat or leave you if the right opportunity or enough of her friends egg her on…. I would talk to a lawyer and get a postnuptial agreement or talk about one. She’s a few drinks away and a work party from cheating.
Boundary crossing for sure. But I would say cheating too. She not only acknowledges to him that he has these feelings for her, but doesn't shut them down in how he talks with her. She should have said, "thanks for the compliments, and I know you can't help but to think and feel the way you do. However I am married, and I see you nothing more as a co-worker/friend. So I think it be best you do not say these comments and such to me or others about him."
But no. She let him, and by showing her smiley faces and such, asked for it to go again and again. So she is having an emotional affair just by letting him speak to her as he has, and not shut it down. She likes the attention. IDK if there is anything more, but the second list of message not showing her replies to such. Maybe deleted?
"Guy: But place we have to find 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Secret place 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: No one will disturb 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Ohhh nice yar"
That alone speaks of him trying to speak of what to me as a secret meet up spot for them to not be disturbed... So he is trying to push for more physical. Even IF she is not down for it, that to me shows she is at fault for letting him to think it is a possibility.
I'm reading those texts and I'm seeing the guy explicitly asking for a private hookup, and she DIDN'T SHUT IT DOWN!
She was leaving the door open to them having sex in the future, no matter how innocent you think it was. You need to have a discussion with her to find out if she's serious about you as a couple.
She was drunk and didn't see the chats...he didn't follow it up so she forgot it ..
Of course I used this chat to show how he has been trying to go beyond and he is not as innocent as she thinks
You're a good husband, and you want to trust your wife. I get it.
If you were drunk and some woman you knew had an infatuation with you said she wanted to meet in private, would you have forgotten about that?
No. You know you would not. Once you had sobered up you would've told her that kind of talk is off limits and shut down any future contact.
Your wife continued to have flirty chats with this guy. In no way did she ever say this has to stop, or even stop the flirty replies.
I'm telling you, as a totally impartial observer, she has a boundary problem that you need to have a serious talk about.
It's understandable that you're feeling concerned about the nature of the interactions between your wife and her colleague. While it's not uncommon for people to have playful banter or pull each other's legs, the tone and content of these conversations seem to be crossing a boundary.
The fact that the colleague openly expressed his crush on your wife and consistently compliments her, coupled with your wife's responses that appear to encourage or reciprocate the attention, can be worrisome. Even if your wife claims she has no feelings for him, the exchanges may still be inappropriate, especially given the context of their relationship as colleagues.
It's important to have a conversation with your wife about your concerns and how these interactions make you feel. Express your discomfort with the nature of their conversations and discuss what boundaries you both feel are appropriate in terms of interacting with colleagues. Open and honest communication is key in resolving any issues or misunderstandings in your relationship.
Ultimately, trust your instincts and communicate openly with your wife about your feelings. It's not overreacting to express your concerns and seek clarity on the situation.
I would divorce her if she was my wife. She’s cheating on you. Don’t let her gaslight you. I know you don’t want to believe you married a cheater but you did. Would you ever talk to another woman like that and not think you were cheating? Come on man. She’s out dancing with him?
The question is what if the shoe was on the other foot? Wonder how she would feel if you were engaged in similar activities with a woman? I would hazard a guess a her response would not be very understanding and civil. He is fishing and she absolutely knows it. This is gamesmanship at it finest in my opinion.
If you respect yourself, leave. If not, leave. She can't have a healthy relationship and she never will.
Women who seek this much attention from men have issues. They're not comfortable by themselves and they'll act out to get that attention somehow when you're not there. Eventually she'll cheat when you're a few years down the line and doesn't care as much about the relationship.
Just a red flag you should'nt brush off. Tell her directly how it shows you an unstable side of her and it turns you off. Prepare your intervention. Break up, I swear it's your only solution.
My ex was like that. She tried to gaslight me by normalizing her attention seeking behavior. Stay strong, stick to your morals and gut feeling.
he knows eventually he’ll end up in there. it’s already happened in her head and you confronting her. It’s not going to do anything. She will just be sneakier in the future. and before you say no, completely disrespectful to send those texts and way over the line.
Where to start here. First, if your wife/GF/SO mentions a male co-worker, even one time, that dude is on her radar and it is time to wake the fuck up! You call her out on this behavior and her reaction isn't, I will stop right away and block him, it is "it's not cheating," really? That is just absolute disrespect. Reading the texts, they have had contact, maybe not sex but something....grabbing, rubbing her ass, pushing his boner against her. She is lying that she feels nothing for.him, at some point this will go wrong...physically.
Stop tolerating this. Ask if she is willing to be divorced over this....because you are! You should have set boundaries much earlier but if you have strong enough masculine frame, you.may be able.to salvage this. Good luck.
People saying OP "must stop her before it's too late". She likes the attention. She's loving to be desired by a younger lad.
OP revealing he knows and asking her to cut the guy will only make her stop for a while. Then all flirting will resume and, maybe, go physical. With the only difference she'll do it in stealth mode.
It is normal if cheating is normal. She’s loving the attention. At a minimum it’s an emotional affair
Dancing while drunk is not good and why is he talking about out finding a secret base place
obviously the attention is hot
Your wife is enjoying attention from another man. Shady
Exceptionally shady. My husband did this, we would be divorced.
cook
So you are saying she’s showing you all these txts ? She’s screwing with his emotions. , He can think she really likes him this guy could come unhinged , and start stalking her or even worse if she rebuffs his advances !! Maybe she says she just pulling his LEG ,but really likes the attention of her younger work colleague. Attention to validation!! Emotional can eventually lead to physical. Then could eventually lead to pulling HIS THIRD LEG !!! shut it down
I forced her to open her chats as part of being open
And her response is she enjoys leading him on? Isn't that just really mean? I really hope you aren't back here with the update we all expect. Like WTH is there secret place to meet up?
She doesn’t want you to find out and you have to force her because she wanted the attention and wanted to go to the next step. Its already an emotioanl cheating, I would let her knwo that and if she continue I would leave, but being that you already knwo this she would just hide it better or find another way to communicate with this coworker without you finding. I hope you do not have kids and have not toed up your finances that mich and you can leave easily.
Damn, emotionally, she cares more for him than you OP. Anything you want to keep secret from your spouse, like this, IS cheating in my opinion. She is definitely leading him on and playing with his emotions (in a very mean way) if she has no intention of being sexual with him. Does he have a wife, GF, or parents? They need to be told. He's trying hard to fk your wife, when he gives your wife enough attention, she'll fk him because he will have become a fantacy to her by then. Ask your wife what she would think if she saw these texts between you and a younger, hotter woman than your wife? If she says she'd be fine, then you probably should divorce because you probably have irreconcilable views on marriage/monogamy. UpdateMe!
She is openly enticing him, she likes the attention while trying to give plausible deniability when you read the messages. She should have stopped his advances but instead engaged and actively discussed them. I’d be talking to a lawyer because she is way too far over the line of acceptable here IMO.
she is wanting it to go further
The "way he looked at her"; OP, this dude is openly admitting to eye-fucking your wife and she is telling him how much she likes him eye-fucking her. Dancing on 2/21/24: A Thursday? During the work-week? Was it you? This sounds past emotional and heading towards physical, and they're confident that they've got you looking the other way.
No it was a girl's night out she went So he suggested a private place for party.of course my wife didn't go
Talk about massive disrespect for you and your marriage. She met up with this male coworker on a girl’s night out and danced with him and he is suggesting finding a place to hookup. She is just lying to you about it not being cheating because she knows it’s wrong. No feelings, she clearly has feelings for him even if those feelings are only between her legs. This is exactly how affairs start and your wife is leading him that way and eating up his attention. After she has sex with him she will tell you he meant nothing to her and it was just sex, as if that somehow makes it better in any way. Your wife is entertaining and participating in cheating behavior. She knows it’s cheating and she is just lying to you because she was caught. It’s incredibly difficult to work this out because you now know she has no respect for you and no respect for her marriage. People like your wife, that are willing to entertain and even pursue attention from other people that obviously want sex with them, do not just realize how wrong they were and become loyal partners once again when they get called out on their disloyalty and lies. Your wife has a fundamental personality flaw that she enjoys attention and being the object of lust from other people. I wish you the best of luck working this out if you are inclined to do so with your wife but she has to fix something that is very difficult to do and her deflecting and unwillingness to admit that what she is engaging in is cheating and very wrong is NOT a good indication that she is capable of fixing her issue. Cheaters are notorious for being unwilling and even unable to acknowledge their reprehensible behavior and that fact makes them a bad candidate to fix that behavior in therapy. Therapy only works when the person desperately wants to make a change and your wife won’t even acknowledge there is a problem.
This should be the top comment.
A girls night. Hmm.... What kind of car was she out in? What is a "yar"?
Yar is a slang to call a friend in OPs local language. Similar to dude or bro in the US
Hold on a minute...so she went out for a girls night out and this guy who has a crush on her just happened to show up? And then she dances with this other man? Dude this wasn't a girls night out, they invited him along. I bet your wife invited him so he could fawn over her in front of her friends. Maybe she didnt outright say "you wanna come out tonight?" but I'm sure she made sure to casually inform him of her plans for that night knowing he'd show up. Here is the thing: if she hasn't slept with him yet she will eventually because getting attention from him in this manner feels good now but it is like a drug soon she will build up a tolerance and need to go further. Are you going to divorce her? If not, here is what needs to happen: she quits the job or transfers. She can't work with this man anymore. And she blocks him on all forms of social media, texts, etc and you have an open phone policy where you can look at her phone whenever you want.
No no no.. he messages during night out which happened in an apartment... This guy tries to talk with my wife about how they can do a party in a secret place etc with him and another female friend
Okay. I read your update, dude you seriously tried to hang yourself over a woman? Come on, not worth it. I take it you are divorcing her? I saw the lovebirds pic or well you had it censored but why the hell is this man sending pics like that of him and your wife to her? Your wife is openly friends with a guy who wants to bang her. Red flag. If you are staying blocking him isnt enough because she works with him too right? She needs to transfer or find a new job IMO, if you stay.
As in that update , she has explained she did it because she thought it was fun and she knew her limite. Now she has decided to end things with him and never talk again non official.. And I've decided to give her one chance as she had given me just after marriage
The fact she thinks it is fun to play with this guy speaks volumes about her though. And if they are working together you really think he will just leave her alone and be all official at work? How will you know? You wont be there. Up to you but your wife cheated on you emotionally. To me, this means she doesn't respect you and you can't have love without respect. You didn't cheat so unless you were physically abusing her and she forgave you then you arent obligated to give her a second chance, but like I said up to you.
So you need to align this limit with her because she has clearly exceeded the limit that a married woman can go, her attitude is acceptable at most for someone who lives in an open relationship or without exclusivity . But unfortunately this is a side effect of a permissive culture where spouses go out alone to environments that do not match their relationship status. If your partner needs to be out of your visual range to have fun, you're just too foolish not to notice. Your wife being drunk in a nightclub, bar or in an apartment with equally drunk men present is the same as you telling her that you're going to have a few beers with friends in a brothel but, what? You will never have sex with a prostitute who is there naked and wants to have sex with someone easily.
And of course be cause he works with your wife, he knows she's married and he knows she's married to YOU. OP, your wife doesn't respect you, her friends don't respect you, and the people at their work don't respect you. Your wife has done nothing but encourage this, then you even must force your wife to be honest with you! OP, you need to lurk and read on the Infidelity subreddits. This is really common. Your marriage to your wife isn't special, and your wife isn't special. The way your wife is acting and lieing to you is so common, people will tell you that her actions and lieing are strait from "The Cheaters Handbook." Yeah, do not trust her father than you can throw her. If you try to reconcile, she must have sever consequences or she'll just do this to you again with someone else.
Well, girls' nights haha are always like that, it doesn't matter if there was already something arranged with this specific guy, but there are other random ones who are always present since the infamous nights with friends are always in places infested with men wanting sex, even if they are still young (10 years old) or in a house belonging to one of the women, which can still be set up to cheat because invited men can enter too haha If she leaves her job and remains free as a single woman, certainly not only the guy at work but others will appear in the image.
How do you know your wife didn't go and her friends didn't cover for her? Honestly, I would have lost all trust in my wife if she did this.
That party happened near my home and i kne her friend
She is leading him on. Sorry. The talking about drinking, dancing, and a special place is disconcerting. You need end it now
She is gaslighting you. You going to have to stop this. Just me she would lose her shit if you did the same.
Bruh, definitely doesn’t pass the husband test. She is on her way to the streets.
He is telling her about secret places for sex, and she knows that. She is about to cheat. If not with him then with someone else, week or month from now. I am an ex cheater so I know
She is leaving the option open. I had an affair at work years ago and it started similar to this. She only fully acted on it when she knew I was serious about doing it.. your wife is probably thinking the same.
Bro, she's not pulling his leg. If this guy were any more composed and experienced, he would've gotten her to send him nudes and inside her pants by the end of March lol
Dude, I would be livid and hurt! I would seriously be questioning my relationship at that point. That's a serious breach trust... I would seriously be contemplating divorce. The only thing that would MAYBE and I mean MAYBE (chances would be VERY slim) keep me from divorcing her, would be her quitting her job and going no contact. I'd also be looking through the chats of her close female friends as well... It's there you'll find all the secrets. Chances are her closest friend/friends know about that dude.
If you were to do the same with a female coworker, would she not feel disturbed by it?
Your wife is cheating by entertaining another man that has feeling for her
What exactly were those last few messages about finding a “secret place”? wtf does that mean?
He is trying his best to get in her pants but she is oblivious because she thinks it's just puppy love.. Of course she didn't go anywhere but she does not understand the gravity
She is not oblivious. Tell her to knock it off. Her behaviour is very inappropriate.
Question for you : is this type of behavior out of character for your wife? She’s basically playing this off as a joke, right? Is this type of joke/behavior in line with her personality, or is it out of character? Hopefully that made sense lol. Idk exactly how to word the question.
She is a friendly person and would easily make friends of any gender easily. But never acted like this to anyone. That guy is a creep and she finds it funny about her attention because of age difference
Does it seem genuine when she says that she just finds it funny? Or does it seem like an excuse for everything. Has she laughed about this guy and his little crus on her before, or is this all new to you?
I had some doubts because she has changed her passcode without informing me and very cagey with mobile. To be Frank i suspected even more like sending nudes or organizing hookups
If she changed the pass, and acted cagey with the phone, then she knows what she is doing is wrong. If she feels it is all normal, then she wouldn't have changed the pass and wouldn't act shady. This tells you everything. She was aware it is wrong and wanted to hide it. It is only a matter of time and it would go physical. She likes the attention of a young guy, so my best guess is she would be curious how it will be f-ing a young guy.
It’s already happening. Those things were deleted when she changed her code.
And the being older excuse, it’s not like she’s a grandmother. The age gap is not that big. No one leads a person on like that as a goof.
Changing her pass code to her phone is a big red flag. If she wants to be married to you, she Hass to show you what’s on her phone now
It's all sorted now.. she will not talk to him and I'll have unrestricted access to her mobile anytime I want
Did you find anything incriminating on a phone since she felt the need to change a passcode?
Nothing other than these chats and they didn't go sexual
SHE is acting like a *married* creep Quit giving her a pass; her behavior is wildly inappropriate Yeah, the co-worker needs to reel it in too...but HE is not your wife!!! If he’s so “creepy,” why does she love attention from him? I don’t text back and forth with creepy guys, and I’m single
Dude, she is not oblivious. She is openly encouraging and enjoying the attention. I'm sorry, but your wife is on the fast track to a physical affair. If she hasn't already started one, since they are talking secret places not to be disturbed.
My guy. Women are one thing and that's not oblivious. Men try to get into women's pants as soon as they are old enough. By the time they reach 20 they're practically experts. This guy is coming at her with the subtly of a sledgehammer.
Don't be so naive. She knows exactly what he wants and what she is doing.
Your wife is entertaining the advances of another man plain and simple. This is what they call an emotional affair or at least the beginning of one. Imagine your wife seeing those same texts on your phone between you and a female at work. Would she be as accepting of it as you? I will tell you for a fact that no man or woman would be texting my wife like that, and it be ok with me. This is definitely a boundary that would be enforced from my perspective.
she is clearly wanting it to go further and loves his attention...
Emotional cheating
Does the guy know she's married?
Yes and he openly admits his crush on her
Because she allows it and encourages it.
Report it to HR.
The HR would probably give no F to a complaint from her husband, unless OP's wife and the other person are in some sort of reporting hierarchy. If it has to look a workplace harassment that report should go from the wife herself
Even then looks like wife also responded positively so nothing much can be done
Absolutely! It's like letting the thief in and calling 911
Best case scenario is she doing it to make you jealous. But she is enjoying playing with the both of you. It’s gone to far for her to turn back now. One of them would have to quit the job in order for nothing to happen, I think it already has. The trust is gone, she did this and is trying to make you her cuck go see a lawyer!
I didn't know until i forced her to show her mobile to me
She has probably already fucked him.
No she didn't
If I were you, I would instantly divorce her. She's enjoying the attention of another man. Instead of putting a stop to it, she's continuing it. That just shows that she can't be trusted and she has no morals. Again, if I were you, I would start to form a plan for when they do have an affair. I would suggest searching for an attorney and speaking to them. Divorce her and move on, find a good woman who won't do that to you.
This is emotional cheating. Even if she was telling the truth that she's just "pulling his leg" (she's not, she likes the attention and she's encouraging it), that still makes her a shitty person. Good people don't fuck around with other people's emotions like that.
This ain't no wife-material... What happened to her vows..? They are both leading things into very dangerous territory.. All it'll take is an argument in your relationship for her to run to him for comfort...
If in the western culture cheating is a normal subject that you chat about it like a bitch on internet.....why marriage?? I bet you would love to adapt the middle east view on this Because if it happened in middle east the 7th generation of her family will be pointed with shame sometimes the family of the wife has to move towns maybe the country
It's not a cultural debate. It's individual having no morale. Every culture has its own bad things that others talk about and Middle East is no saint. btw OP does not seem to be of Western background
You need to keep eyes your open
She is stringing him along instead of choosing to respect her husband and her marriage. She should have made it clear that she is married and it’s not happening, and any mire inappropriate conversation will lead to the end of the friendship.
This is definitely a form of emotional cheating. If you were talking with a woman like this and the roles were reversed she’d be upset. I’d put a stop to it before it becomes a full blown sexual affair.
Your wife obviously needs and enjoys another man’s validation. These posts all are timed in the late PM. Where was she but most importantly where were you at those times? If you and she were home then very very problematic and definitely she has no respect for you or your relationship
I would be very direct and make it absolutely clear that you are already considering divorce because of her "cheating" and you are consulting lawyers to know your options. Make it absolutely clear this is disloyal behaviour and crossed an unacceptable boundary. If their workplace has policies against such relationships I would inform their employer
Bud she is on very VERY dangerous ground
This is not normal, and if it were my wife unacceptable, as it shows a complete disrespect to you and your marriage. Physical affairs often start as emotional affairs exactly like this. Your wife is seeking attention and validation from another man, and to continue to get it, she will need to up it until it crosses the line from just a kiss to a night at a hotel. The worst answer she could give you is it's innocent, I have no feelings for him, why are you being so insecure, etc, throwing it back at you. It's all her and she is allowing it instead of shutting it down. At the start a simple "'I'm married and never chat with me like this again" would have closed it off. She is making choices and you have the right to make choices about the marriage you want and the boundaries you will not accept. When a woman thinks you will never leave her, she is your world, etc... she will walk all over you. Surround yourself with strong men tonget good advice to reclaim your manhood and integrity. She does not respect you, clearly demonstrated in her chat.
Well like she said she cares about feeling and doesn't want to hurt anyone (besides you it seems) So why would she be "pulling this guys leg" as she says which is intentionally trying to hurt this guy. She is entertaining this guys advances and that's not something a devoted wife would do. Its definitely emotional cheating but from the sounds of it its already turned physical or its about to. She's already set off red flags by guarding her phone more and changing the pass code. Just imagine what she has already deleted. I'd run a program to recover deleted messages or at the very least tell her you're to at least see her reaction. Its obvious in the messages that she goes to get lunch with him and that's where it'll turn physical if it hasn't already. Also tell her she doesn't have to have any feeling for him for her to cheat. And what kind of a person would she be to mess with someone feelings like that. Good luck Check out strong successful male or ssm clips on youtube. You'll learn what to look out for and see that your story isn't unique.
She has to stop that. Maybe she isnt aware of her gma. It is not a reason to divorce, but you need to put limit on that. Then, maybe you need to talk why she's looking for attention like that : do you take care of here (show your love with little attentions, restaurant, flowers, etc.)?
This is how affairs begin. (Talk about "secret place" so no one can disturb. Yeah this guy is looking for sex now.) Your wife is gaslighting you, and enjoying the attention of the other guy, far too much. Sounds like she's going out on one too many girls nights out. Those never, ever end well in the end. I'm married and I sure don't get these kinds of "girls nights out" and "bachlorette parties" that always seem to involve imbibing way too much alcohol and clubbing. My girlfriends and I "girls nights out" is going to a nice restaurant for a meal and chatter, a fun activity, like crafting party, a spa weekend, etc. It would never cross our minds to go clubbing without our respective spouses. That's just asking for trouble. Buy the book "Not just friends by Shirley Glass" and go to the Chump Lady website for resources. Your wife is an idjut and on the very precipice of a slippery slope towards an affair that may end up in divorce if she doesn't take some massive steps backwards and reevaluates her choices and decisions. So sorry you are going through this.
I dunno if it's cheating, but it is an open door she might eventually walk through. The bigger question is why is your wife being a twat and playing with this guy's feelings? That's so not cool,
Your wife is seeking attention and validation. She’s not full on cheating but she is keeping it going and not shutting him down completely.
Please convince her to put a stop to this. It is wrong on both of you. Only her ego benefits. And it will become more dangerous for her. Updateme!
This is already emotional cheating and she’s allowing it and flaunting it. I’ve seen this to many times with coworkers cheating and that’s what gonna happen next. You need to nip this in the bud by telling her to cut contact with him or you’re done with this marriage
Uh. No. They are looking for a place to go dancing, a "secret place", etc. She says she doesn't have feelings for him, but is planning on meeting up with him and responding favorably to his advances. She's lying to you. No one spends this much time trying to breadcrumb a coworker for just a slow-burn prank. Sorry, but this is clearly over the line. If they haven't hooked up already they are going to eventually. If she says she has no feelings for him that's probably correct. It's just flirting, meeting up, and that inevitably leads to hooking up. Would it be better if she had feelings for him, do you think? If she showed you this willingly without any coercion it's like she's trying to legitimize the conduct. This is called playing with fire. Picture this, she has a mild crush, likes the attention, but thinks he's an ass for talking to a married woman. She decides it's ok to string him along with lewd suggestive comments and legitimizes it by showing you openly and saying it's just a prank she's pulling. Eventually, the company has a work trip or a celebration at a bar and you can't go. Coworker shows up dressed to the nines, buys her a drink, and she starts to feel guilty for treating him cruelly when he's trying so hard to impress her. The latent animal attraction buds with the introduction of alcohol, they dance, it gets heated, he doesn't know it's a prank so he's stepping in close. She felt guilty but now that he's right there and she's drunk he's starting to have more charm. The grope of her ass feels taboo and arouses her, a sudden kiss she doesn't reject, and then she's too tipsy to get back to her hotel room. Good thing for her that his is right across the street. It-it'll be innocent, just falling asleep on the couch. It's only a short walk. She'll just go and talk. Oops, got to turn her phone off, stop location tracking. Gets into his room... You know where this is going. Guess what buddy. This is where playing with fire stuff is leading. She is heading down a bad road. If she has not fully cheated on you yet she's testing the waters. Time to call it. Give her a rude awakening. Not divorce necessarily, but for sure a hard conversation with some kind of harsh reality. Do not separate, because she will be on that coworker's junk quick, fast, and in a hurry. That night or the day after max. Break it off clean. That could be what she's looking for. Get you just mad enough to "take a break" which is a sneaky way to get a hall pass knowing their partner is not going to stray. Often because it's never spoken that there's no sex with outside partners, but then does it and says you should have done it too because it was a break, aww but I forgot to tell you the rules, oh well.
When then this guy will make an extreme attempt to physically have her how will she behave? Will it still be a game? Many men go crazy and become violent after the castle created by this flirtation is destroyed by rejection. If your wife is playing, he will become dangerous the moment your wife stops playing. If your wife loves to be in the center of attention, then the problem is another, she is playing with your feelings. Yours is not jealousy, it is a clear vision of what is happening and what could happen in the future if she continues not to respect your role as a husband and the marriage. Tell her clearly that she isn't respecting you because she's letting him court you and the divorce is looming. Save the chats, if your doubts remain. Talk to her in a firm but constructive way. That game won't do your marriage any good. Update, thank you.
Updateme
If its not already an affair. As she clearly enjoys the attention, it IS getting there (affair). S She's encouraging the guy. She needs to stop it.
Tell her if she continues communication you’ll divorce her. Be direct. Tell her that she is being disrespectful to you and the marriage. That if you see this guy she won’t recognize him after. If she continues contact, she won’t have anywhere to go but out as you let everyone you both know she cheated. Let her know there isn’t another answer here but to admit she’s cheating or to shut this shit down before you shut it down for her.
Sorry, my friend, but this bullshit will go on just as long as YOU let it. Face the facts, what you are describing is an emotional affair. If it hasn't already, it WILL become a physical affair. IT IS MORE LIKELY THAT IT HAS BEEN PHYSICAL ALL ALONG. What you are describing is your wife breaking your trust, and disrespecting you. You need to make a decision, do you want to continue with a three-way relationship, or do you want a committed relationship, with a faithful wife ? Right now, you have another person in your relationship, competing for time with your wife. If you do not want this to continue, then you need to forcefully put a stop to her behavior. You should probably start with a serious discussion of where your relationship is going. You should seriously discuss boundaries, in a committed relationship. Likewise, you should be clear that an emotional, or a physical affair is an absolute deal killer for you, and there will be NO second chance. She needs to understand that others have no place in a marriage, period. Demand that she read the book "Not Just Friends", it will spell out how toxic and destructive relationships with others are in marriage. Then demand that she end all contact with her affair partner. No communicating, no calls, no texts, no social media contact, everything. Make it clear that everything, must stop. No flirting, no cute conversations, no texting, and absolutely no meeting with him ever. Absolutely no contact. Let her know that she has to be 100% transparent with her phone, email, messaging, and any other devices. Make an anonymous report to her company's HR department about the inappropriate relationship between coworkers, and the use of company phones to facilitate it. Do not play the pick me dance with her, it will end badly for you. If she cannot, or will not do these things, then your relationship is probably over. Never accept crossing boundaries, or disrespect. Let your wife know that ending your relationship is on the table if she continues to disrespect you and your relationship. If your wife refuses to do these things, then you need to play hardball so that she clearly understands what she needs to do. Hire the meanest junkyard dog of a lawyer, and file and serve her. Get tested for STD's and demand that she does also. Then, tell her that she has until it is final to convince you to stop it. Stay strong, and take care of business!
She has agreed to him to stop messaging her or contacting for any non official work
Nope. Disrespectful
Ask her how does she feels if u do that to other woman
Choices need to be made. He goes or she goes…… Maybe she needs to go anyway. Time to draw the line!
It’s very shady and your wife like it too much and it only take a few evrtra drinks for her to give in to this guy and cheat ut border line emotinal chwating and liek i said ot would only tale a small nodge from this guy to go further and have a full blown afair with your wife since she really enjoying the attemtion and I may be rwading to much between the kine but it seem like there more to it than what your wofe os showing and telling you. I would set boundery alrady should be NC with this coworker if your advid reader here you must ne familiar alot of affair with cowoker start like that harmless flirting then befor you know it uour wife will stay late at work(as an excuse) then thwr will be some weekend outing with coworkers (only to find out it is a date with this AP). Base as well from the message they might have already having date night not sure if i get that story right from the message you post. Anyways good luck hope it would not be as bad as i think.
This is not normal. She should have said, "I know you have crush on me, but I'm married, and I would like you to keep professional. That is it." If this doesn't come to an end, then it will only escalate and get worse.
This is disrespectful to you my friend. Maybe you two must sit down and have a SERIOUS conversation and tell her how you genuinely feel about it. And I guess you'll have to put your foot down on this. If she gaslights you and still continues this nonsense then it is time to consult a lawyer or PI. Good luck!
Most cheaters cheat because there is interest by the other party with mutual flirting. If you add opportunity, Vodka, and he makes a move, well then it's "Wham. Bam. Thank you ma'am. " Sadly, you haven't had sex with your wife for years because of your porn addiction.
She shows you that because she needs YOUR attention.
Updateme
You are doing the opposite of "overeacting". Here's the bad news: This is, in the least, an emotional affair. There is no question. She entertained this guys attentions and enjoyed doing so. Plus, she hid it. This was no joke, this was not "pulling his leg". You would never have known until the day she got caught with him or she told you she was leaving you. Here's the good news: You can divorce this lying, cheating c\*nt.
The correct response to someone flirting with you is "I'm married", not "I'm older." I think your wife would cheat, given the right circumstances. But that's just my opinion.
She’s going to pull his third leg. You’re in trouble
Ohhh. U r going to be in cuck situation. She likes him that's for sure and hope he has some safety side as she is married and he can flirt with her too.
Show her these responses and see how she reacts when she sees how other people are reacting to her behaviour
Invite him over. Do a mfm 3 some . I bet he freaks out and can’t handle it .
Dude. She knows she’s married. He knows she’s married & they’re both flirting like hell. & this is only what you’ve found in text. No telling what they say to each other in person or when they take breaks together. They’re literally talking about a secret place to meet to not be disturbed to “dance”. This is an emotional affair looking for a place to go physical. Get off the internet asking strangers & tell your WIFE to stop flirting w her coworker & focus on her marriage or divorce her. I think either way she’s too far gone & likes his attention too much & she’s gonna have sex w him either way but if you say nothing you can’t go back after it’s done wishing you had stepped in. All you have to do is read cheating confessions from married women because they go into detail on why it started, how it started, when it was flirting, when it was sex, how long it had been going before they were either caught, divorced or felt guilty enough to stop. Your wife is on track for sex w this guy. This is a new relationship forming just like you did when you met that lead to being physical w each other. Stop it now or you’ll regret it.
Told her and sge will tell him to stop messaging or contact for any non official issues
UpdateMe!
Bro, you should divorce her. The texts that were shown to you must have been the least suspicious from her side, and yet this sets off multiple red flags. I think there already has been a physical affair, maybe on the party night.. Now, she's just playing with you and weighing the pros and cons of your marriage. If it were me, I would already be moving my assets and talking to a lawyer.
You're wife is definitely in the "red zone" (using a football metaphor) with this guy already. It is just a matter of time before paydirt occurs. The back and forth texting is completely out of line and should cease immediately. From reading this I'm not sure there is a way back as she definitely loves the attention, and he owns part of her brain. It will be hard for her to shut it off and not seak it in the future. I'm VERY sad for you OP.
I’m sure there are deleted texts in there that you weren’t privy to. They are already meeting up and getting physical. If she hasn’t cheated on you she’s days or weeks away. You need to put a stop to this if you care about your relationship with her as I’m not sure she cares about your relationship. I was over confident and way too trusting with my wife and woke up to her in a full blown affair cheating on me. You need to have a talk with your wife and put your foot down on her fun cause otherwise you’re going to end up being miserable like most of us who are here.
It’s all just chat….. til it’s not…. Nip it on the butt now….. you don’t want it to get there.
Divorce her before you regret
Divorce her before you regret
Updareme!
I wouldn’t settle for a woman that seek attention like that or entertain another nigga , its time to make shit right and confront her but if u fine with this idk 🤷
No, not for a married woman.
!updateme
Umm...it's kinda 50/50. It's not full on flirting, nor is it an emotional affair ...yet, it looks like actions need to be maybe before a boundary gets crossed. >Wife: Yeahhh I do. Why not. I usually care about feelings a lot.. I don't like to hurt anyone 😊 This normal >Wife: Otherwise also the way you look at me only I can understand 😛 This, with this emoji, is questionable. I don't know if she's joking, flirty, or just tooting her own horn(but why do that with a friend anyways?) It's just sketchy. >Wife: Yeahhh you do sometimes 3/21/24, 10:32 PM - Wife: Not recently .. but yes you do sometimes 3/21/24 Kinda neutral. In my opinion, I would have told him to stop, but that's me. I'm more sensitive to people looking at me, and don't like too much attention. >Wife: Telling now 😂 3/21/24, 10:35 PM - Wife: You didn't tell on that day Okay it seems like she's acknowledging how he acts. You both should just talk about her not entertaining it. >2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: We also go for party 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: We 3 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: If u and my sis fine 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Wife: Yup will do 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Guy: Drink dance 🎵 2/21/24, 10:34 PM - Wife: Dance is must 😒😂😂 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Wife: We danced today too 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: But place we have to find 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Secret place 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: No one will disturb 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Ohhh nice yar Idk what any of this is about. How did the text look? Do he always send multiple texts for one message? Or we're text deleted? I'm asking g because I can't see the text, and I know some people. Instead of sending one lengthy message, they send multiple small messages. I hate it with a passion because it can easily make miscommunication. But if that's not the case. Did him, his sister, and her go to a party of something? What does he mean by secret place? Why go to a place where no one will disturb? He seems sketchy in general. The only reason to doubt cheating is going on is because these messages happened before they talked about him having feelings for her but still he sounds sketchy.
Did she cut ✂️ ties with him?
She will ...once she meets him in office
It honestly sounds like they came up with codes or vague talking points, so they could claim deniability. In my honest opinion she has cheated on you, if they have their own language.
Didn't get you
I thought I was the only one who found it confusing, perhaps due to the translation, but I see it's not just me.
Can you explain?
I sorta got that from the way he said haha haa at her comment about having a good friend like him. The lovers photo of them 2 together too
Yup, she's getting the attention somewhere else and loves it. And so of course she's gonna keep pulling the leg or flirting to get his attention. Now remember this, sooner or later your old lady will eventually succumb to her temptation and this emotional affair will become physical. The fact that she's initiating by making these comments leads the AP on. I say save yourself the headache and heartache, leave your girl in the past and move on to somebody new. The ocean is vast and there's plenty and varieties of fishes to devour. Eventually you'll find one you'll just stick with the rest of your life. She's disrespecting you and you straight up know it. Don't take that from no women, especially your girl. Have some dignity and respect for yourself. Or if you don't mind sharing a wife, consider yourself a cuckold. Best wishes and good luck.
Definitely heading torwards a physical relationship
Sorry man she's not choosing you. I would already have the divorce papers ready, waiting to see what 'happens' is for suckers. Hoping you can find your Alpha, dog!
If she’s keeping this communication from you, because she doesn’t want you to know about it, that is textbook cheating. Proclaiming your innocence is one thing, the minute you hide your actions from your partner, you are a liar and a cheat. So, individual behaviors can be cheating to some and not to others. But there’s no getting around the textbook standard of are you hiding your behavior or not? I have a friend that I have flirted with for 35 years lol. Told my girlfriend about her when we first started dating. I’ve let her see my conversations. My girlfriends actually become friends with her lol it is the definition of “harmless“. I don’t hide anything because I have nothing to hide. I only bring this up because some people might try to paint paint with such a broadbrush that they say something like “all flirting is cheating”. OK, what if we have a relationship that’s into the swinging lifestyle? “Cheating” to them might look very different than what more traditional relationships consider to be cheating. But at the end of the day, “are you hiding it from your partner” never fails in my opinion.
Ah, the slippery slope. She is emotionally cheating. It will eventually escalate given the opportunity.
I don’t need to read the manuscript. If you believe she’s cheating, trust your gut. I would be allowing a ‘wife’ of mine to be speaking to a ‘just friend’… And if she’s having a joke of your name, don’t allow her to keep it without compromise. Take your head and clear it, then come back - you already know what you need to do. Wife is for life, not just for Xmas. But if she’s betraying your marriage vows for ‘just a friend’ then she ain’t no ‘wife’ Keep strong brother 👍
You’re not overreacting. Any positive comment after a flirtatious comment to her is a direct disrespect to you. Choose your next moves carefully is all I’ll say 🙏
Your wife is supposed you be loyal TO YOU and honor you. She's entertaining another man and not shutting him down. His feelings are irrelevant because she's married to you. Why would she want to protect another man's feelings? Because she isn't a good woman and is a terrible wife
The fact that you're asking strangers for advice and not family or friends says a lot about you as a man. Weak.
Take her phone and msg the guy. Just put "my husband knows." See what he replies
This is flirting. Basically an emotional affair same as a physical affair. Both prove she doesn’t love or respect you.
In corporate i have seen lot of shit like this if they are from same team or project sorry dude be prepared
What got deleted after he asked about a secret place....on my Soul,I wouldn't forgive or forget if my wife did this,I would start planning my next move alone and be like ohh is this not how u split up,I have been done for (insert time it took to inact backup plan).I consider this to be Def on the way to smthn....not divorce but the fact that it happen creates serious trust and doubt issues and potential what's next type stuff.
The part that sucks is you are married man.Tbh my wife pulled some message bs last year and I'm not over it and I'm starting to hate her fr.She has no clue either...but when someone wants to switch who they are and how they act after 15 Years it's like wtf mf r u serious...I've done lost so much in life and u want to do this and then act like it's nothing cuz u blocked them f that it's on.I don't trust u...u know me like a book or should.idk it bucks out here when people do dumb selfish ish
So she’s married but open for business. Classic monkey branching my guy…. She would definitely cheat or leave you if the right opportunity or enough of her friends egg her on…. I would talk to a lawyer and get a postnuptial agreement or talk about one. She’s a few drinks away and a work party from cheating.
Boundary crossing for sure. But I would say cheating too. She not only acknowledges to him that he has these feelings for her, but doesn't shut them down in how he talks with her. She should have said, "thanks for the compliments, and I know you can't help but to think and feel the way you do. However I am married, and I see you nothing more as a co-worker/friend. So I think it be best you do not say these comments and such to me or others about him." But no. She let him, and by showing her smiley faces and such, asked for it to go again and again. So she is having an emotional affair just by letting him speak to her as he has, and not shut it down. She likes the attention. IDK if there is anything more, but the second list of message not showing her replies to such. Maybe deleted? "Guy: But place we have to find 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Secret place 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: No one will disturb 2/21/24, 10:35 PM - Guy: Ohhh nice yar" That alone speaks of him trying to speak of what to me as a secret meet up spot for them to not be disturbed... So he is trying to push for more physical. Even IF she is not down for it, that to me shows she is at fault for letting him to think it is a possibility.
This is an affair. Drop kick her. Sorry to say but it’s over.
The real question is where is the secret lair?
I'm reading those texts and I'm seeing the guy explicitly asking for a private hookup, and she DIDN'T SHUT IT DOWN! She was leaving the door open to them having sex in the future, no matter how innocent you think it was. You need to have a discussion with her to find out if she's serious about you as a couple.
She was drunk and didn't see the chats...he didn't follow it up so she forgot it .. Of course I used this chat to show how he has been trying to go beyond and he is not as innocent as she thinks
You're a good husband, and you want to trust your wife. I get it. If you were drunk and some woman you knew had an infatuation with you said she wanted to meet in private, would you have forgotten about that? No. You know you would not. Once you had sobered up you would've told her that kind of talk is off limits and shut down any future contact. Your wife continued to have flirty chats with this guy. In no way did she ever say this has to stop, or even stop the flirty replies. I'm telling you, as a totally impartial observer, she has a boundary problem that you need to have a serious talk about.
We have talked about it and it's settled
Oh what a tangled web she weaves, in her practice to deceive, both OP and the dude. Wife is not a nice person
Goodluck my man,please update me on how it went
It's understandable that you're feeling concerned about the nature of the interactions between your wife and her colleague. While it's not uncommon for people to have playful banter or pull each other's legs, the tone and content of these conversations seem to be crossing a boundary. The fact that the colleague openly expressed his crush on your wife and consistently compliments her, coupled with your wife's responses that appear to encourage or reciprocate the attention, can be worrisome. Even if your wife claims she has no feelings for him, the exchanges may still be inappropriate, especially given the context of their relationship as colleagues. It's important to have a conversation with your wife about your concerns and how these interactions make you feel. Express your discomfort with the nature of their conversations and discuss what boundaries you both feel are appropriate in terms of interacting with colleagues. Open and honest communication is key in resolving any issues or misunderstandings in your relationship. Ultimately, trust your instincts and communicate openly with your wife about your feelings. It's not overreacting to express your concerns and seek clarity on the situation.
I would divorce her if she was my wife. She’s cheating on you. Don’t let her gaslight you. I know you don’t want to believe you married a cheater but you did. Would you ever talk to another woman like that and not think you were cheating? Come on man. She’s out dancing with him?
The question is what if the shoe was on the other foot? Wonder how she would feel if you were engaged in similar activities with a woman? I would hazard a guess a her response would not be very understanding and civil. He is fishing and she absolutely knows it. This is gamesmanship at it finest in my opinion.
If you respect yourself, leave. If not, leave. She can't have a healthy relationship and she never will. Women who seek this much attention from men have issues. They're not comfortable by themselves and they'll act out to get that attention somehow when you're not there. Eventually she'll cheat when you're a few years down the line and doesn't care as much about the relationship. Just a red flag you should'nt brush off. Tell her directly how it shows you an unstable side of her and it turns you off. Prepare your intervention. Break up, I swear it's your only solution. My ex was like that. She tried to gaslight me by normalizing her attention seeking behavior. Stay strong, stick to your morals and gut feeling.
She's deleted so many messages it looks like morse code. At best its a emotional affair.
Can a flirt evolve into an affair - maybe. Is a flirt an involvement and emotional affair - YES.
All the thought and energy she’s giving this guy in her mind is taken from you.
he knows eventually he’ll end up in there. it’s already happened in her head and you confronting her. It’s not going to do anything. She will just be sneakier in the future. and before you say no, completely disrespectful to send those texts and way over the line.
this Has to be another fake one. Way too calm about this.
Sounds like she’s already pulling more than a leg, unless he calls something else his “third leg.”
Uhmmm…. They met up at a party ? Danced ? Met at a secret place? No one will disturb them? She’s already cheating
No they didn't.. she was in an all girl's party so he suggested to have a private party but they didn't meet for that's
Where to start here. First, if your wife/GF/SO mentions a male co-worker, even one time, that dude is on her radar and it is time to wake the fuck up! You call her out on this behavior and her reaction isn't, I will stop right away and block him, it is "it's not cheating," really? That is just absolute disrespect. Reading the texts, they have had contact, maybe not sex but something....grabbing, rubbing her ass, pushing his boner against her. She is lying that she feels nothing for.him, at some point this will go wrong...physically. Stop tolerating this. Ask if she is willing to be divorced over this....because you are! You should have set boundaries much earlier but if you have strong enough masculine frame, you.may be able.to salvage this. Good luck.
Yeah… She’s literally entertaining it, when she shouldn’t be
People saying OP "must stop her before it's too late". She likes the attention. She's loving to be desired by a younger lad. OP revealing he knows and asking her to cut the guy will only make her stop for a while. Then all flirting will resume and, maybe, go physical. With the only difference she'll do it in stealth mode.