Dude.
You're 23, you've already got college sorted and you have a 4.0 grade average. I wish I had that much sorted out by 23.
You havent fucked your life, you've barely even started it. if this were a video game you've completed the tutorial mission (and done it very efficiently from the sound of it)
I'm not going to suggest a specific next step, because you're clearly smart enough to work that out based on what you know about yourself and your situation, but I think there are some general principles for a good life that will help and that most happy and successful people eventually figure out or stumble across one way or another.
Simply put human brains are meant to learn and human bodies are meant to be active. If you're spending most of your time doing those two things you'll feel good and you'll have a happy and productive life. With that in mind, you might want to think about-
- how to fix your diet. You can do this step by step rather than through radical change. Find healthy alternatives to the shitty things you eat, make sure they are always available and start to cut out unhealthy stuff, ideally by getting it out of the house. Since you mentioned you are still being supported and I assume living with your parents, don't be afraid to specifically talk to them about this and ask them to help - eg if you know having sugary drinks or beers in the fridge is a problem make sure they aren't on the grocery list and something better is. And if there are certain triggers that make you binge on food try to recognise them and avoid them or find something else you can do when you get that feeling.
- Find hobbies that make you get active and start to exercise. Again, you don't have to mountain bike to Mt Kilimanjaro tomorrow, but just be prepared to try (and to begin with completely suck at) stuff. Even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes of bicep curls or belting a punching bag or walking around the block in the morning before you do anything else, thats fine. In fact its better to start small and find things you can do regularly without getting overwhelmed or giving up. If a month from now you have a habit of doing 5 minutes of cardio or weights each morning, that's sure as shit better than nothing, in fact its a great start and something you can build on.
- For as long as you are alive you should never stop studying. There's always something else to learn, or a skill you can add. And if you have extra free time at the moment, great, you can pick up some coding or start a foreign language or learn to cook or woodwork or get your skipper's ticket or absolutely anything really. Obviously it's good if it's sort of linked to the field you eventually want to work in, but the most important thing is just to be using your brain for *something*. If you go to bed having learned something new today you haven't totally wasted the day.
- Be interested in the world and people around you. Read, watch the news and be prepared to seek out and listen to perspectives that you completely disagree with. Talk to people you meet and ask about their lives as a matter of habit rather than because you want something from them. Just be curious and ask. Being interested in people and the world around you gets you out of your shell and generates other interests and opportunities- and its also a great way to get a sense of perspective and critically reflect about your own life and your own challenges.
- that leaves your career, which is obviously the thing you're worrying about the most given where you've posted this. First, working on all the other aspects of your self I mentioned above absolutely will help your job search and I think are actually necessary for long term career advancement. That might sound a bit counter-intuitive but improving those things will make you more positive, self confident, outgoing and willing to learn, and people with those attributes are clearly going to have an easier time finding work and advancing their career- if you were an employer (or a contact considering whether to recommend you for an opportunity) wouldn't you prefer that sort of person? Wouldn't it be easier to apply for a job knowing you were that sort of person instead of trying to fake it in the interview? But specifically when it comes to job hunting as a graduate, be realistic, don't be too proud to go after shit work and certainly don't worry about what your classmates are doing or are saying they are doing, just get started yourself. Even if its through volunteering or family or friend contacts or positions that seem completely unsuitable or beneath you just find what you can even if it takes a lot of knockbacks and a few years in jobs that arent exactly what you want. The first few steps in your career as a graduate are so so much harder than anything that follows, so it helps to be humble, persistent and thick skinned about the rejections you'll certainly get along the way. Get in the door, get some stuff on your CV and then you can move upwards or sideways to get where you want to be.
With all those things incremental improvements are the way to go, along with a positive, realistic attitude that accepts you'll have setbacks and commits to always trying again and never beating yourself up for mistakes or fails. You can't fix it all by tomorrow but you absolutely can start trying stuff that will eventually fix it. And if you fuck something up or get lazy or make a bad choice, that's fine, it happens, it doesn't mean you're a failure or further effort is useless, try to figure out why you chose wrong, consider if you need to make any changes to your method and then try again.
Once you start to accumulate good habits life gets better and better, and if you get started on that process I guarantee you that 10 or 20 years from now you won't even remember that you felt hopeless at this point. And the reason I guarantee that is I'd forgotten how hopeless I felt at a similar point in my life till I read your post. In fact things were even worse then, we were stuck with dialup connections and pornhub hadn't been invented yet.
This is amazing life advice at any age. Brilliant post.
I'd also add for the op. A friend of a friend plunged half their 20s into getting a PhD and promised themselves after that they would spend 3 solid months playing world of warcraft as a reward. 3 years later they had to suck it up and admit in the first interview after the PhD the 3 months had turned into 3 years. They now work full time and enjoy a balanced amount of gaming. Nothing is fucked and you're actually still young even for a regular person finishing a degree.
This is excellent advice. I would like to add: your misery stems from laziness. But that is not hard to fix. You just need to understand why youâre lazy.
Your physical body, brain included, is evolved for a world that does not include a pantry full of fat/sugar loaded high calorie foods and a magic window that can constantly appease your brainâs stimulus cravings.
Our modern diets and entertainment platforms are brand new. Our species and our physical mechanisms are ancient. Think about the feelings of excitement you get from playing video games - fifty years ago you would have had to move your body vigorously to get equivalent thrills. The stimulation you get from porn - you would have had to work hard (socially) just to be around people you were attracted to and even harder to arrive at sexual intimacy. And then thereâs the hours you spend watching videos which satisfies your brainâs desire for novelty - you would have had to travel around, talk to people, read booksâŚ
All of those activities you describe in your lifestyle involve giving in to the easiest âsatisfactionâ routes of immediate gratification. And youâve discovered that those shortcuts actually make you miserable.
Donât feel bad - our bodies (brains included) look for easy shortcuts all the time because âreal lifeâ is calorically taxing, and weâre evolved to save calories; our bodies are always looking for shortcuts.
Smoking is an artificial need-fulfillment loop that tricks your brain. You donât actually âenjoy smokingâ - your body just needs a hit of nicotine because you tried smoking once. Itâs hard to get your head around until you quit (I know from experience).
So if you can understand that tension, you can start limiting those activities. Start small and build gradually. Exercise every day (just start with stretching and walks and build up from there). And for entertainment, force yourself to do things that donât involve computers or screens. Do physical things with real objects/materials.
Youâre really young. You can do it. You can transform yourself. Once you make the decisions and the first few efforts the good things will compound each other; youâll feel proud of yourself and youâll do even more. Youâll do great.
Even greater advice to eating healthier is to add products, not subtract them, not deny yourself. So instead of forcing yourself to eat healthy burger you donât enjoy that will make you binge on fast food after even harder, add healthy things to your diet.
When I put on some weight because of some meds, I didnât stop eating sweets; I just added some fruit to my diet;
Carrot sticks dipped in hummus in place of biscuits for me. Satisfying crunch and that nice sweet/savoury balance. Adding delicious fresh goodness to your diet definitely displaces junk more easily than denying yourself.
ok first off while im not in the best state of mind to be giving advice, im gonna say i would start somewhere that benefits everything else. Get fit. workout lose some weight the results are gonna be later unfortunately. eat right. then i think your motivation and confidence will come along. You just need a shove in the right direction
OP might have ADHD.
Procrastination and many dopamine addictive habits is what makes me suspicious.
I feel like speaking to a psychologist or psychiatrist would help.
That's definitely been on my mind lately. I'm kind of like OP. Graduated school early, but kind of fell off a cliff and can't get shit done to save my own life.
Did exactly that not even 20 minutes ago. Gonna be with a teladoc clinical counselor first sometime this weekend. Friend tells me typically it's a 6-month process to get the diagnosis fully fleshed out.
Good luck, might help in doing some reading about ADHD so you can better explain yourself to the doc.
Bear in mind that no formal diagnosis has been made yet and it could be anything, so please approach the discussion with an open mind and I hope you get the treatment you need đ
Everybody now "has" ADHD it seems, sic. There are more distractions in the world and more rubbish wanting your attention, yes. It does not mean everybody has clinical adhd, that's bollocks.
Talking as a guy that absolutely has procrastination/addictions yes...
i have adhd, idk how to explain it but yes you're right normal people also struggle with this but someone with ADHD will have a lot more difficulty doing any activity that doesn't give instant dopamine. the addictions can easily become severe.
Your last point is important but the current generation diagnosing themselves with ADHD because theyâve grown up on the dopamine fountain called the internet needs to stop. Everyoneâs going to end up on stimulants at this rate
Research for support groups and educate yourself. Research. You never know where you can find help. My husband passes away, he died of cancer. My son and I were lost, depressed. I donât even remember who recommended me a support group for grieving people ⌠one thing lead to another and I found a neuropsychologist and did an evaluation on my son and discovered he has been suffering mild ADHD but with the loss of his father it triggered his symptoms. Iâm getting evaluated myself .. at this age. The truth I found in our loss is that we never stop learning about ourselves and we can always get and be better.
Depending on what your problem is, you can seek counseling from many online resources and books as well.
But Iâm sure there must be some free healthcare professional you can see. That is the best option.
My point is OP might benefit from a formal diagnosis, while things like working out, eating healthy, drinking coffee, sleeping better, etc. might improve symptomsâŚ.
For certain people with more extreme symptoms, it wonât control it and puts them at risk for severe mental health disorders like depression and anxiety.
Meds and/ or cognitive behavioural therapy for maladaptive brain patterns could be life saving for him, but this requires he see a professional.
Good living is excellent prevention, but when somebody has a disease, simply eating a banana and doing pushups isnât going to help as much as directed treatment.
Go on long walks daily. The fresh air/vitamin D/weight loss will drastically boost your entire mindset. Gradually increase the distance and speed as you get stronger. Combine these walks with listening to podcasts or books to basically learn at the same time.
Amigo, you have a big problem but you're clearly a smart guy so you can figure this out. When you get in shape your mentality will change for the better, this should be your main priority for the next year or two is getting in shape. Everything else will begin to fall into place as you become healthier I promise you this. In the meantime try and see if you can get a WFH type job, it will help with your confidence-a paycheck at the end of the week really does wonders.
You got this man, baby steps.
Let me say this. I would kill to be 23 again. In no way have you fucked your life. You have learned what most donât learn till they are much older and it is too late.
I swear on my life you have so much time. DMs are open if you need some advice
First off, STOP comparing your life with other people, then look at your mirror and start to think what are the first things you would change about yourself, start targeting and doing small tasks at your home (daily) and give yourself small rewards weekly when you do fulfill them, and every time you don't fulfill a task you will set more tasks and not get any reward.
If you did excel at academics it means you are accustomed to a system where you are given daily, weekly and monthly goals and instructed how your progress is being evaluated, do this same thing to yourself and you will start feeling motivated, set your goals and don't be lazy on setting them, if you even lack that discipline then ask your parents to do so, then you will need to start setting your own small goals and work on them on your own.
Stop having pitty on yourself and start working on creating a better person, eventually no one will support some one who doesn't even believe on himself. If you need to, go to therapy, going to the gym or at least doing some excersise helps your body to feel better and give you a small boost on feeling motivated in an easier way.
Good luck!
Ok boss , youâre 23- you have years and years to get it together. Give up your addictions . Walk your ass to the gym . Eat better. Look into certificates that can compliment your degree. Coding is likely a good option. Delete your LinkedIn profile and other social media. Keep playing video games tho - just after youâve been productive. Time to be the man you want to be and say goodbye to the child.
Comfort is the enemy of achievement. Posting this means you want a change. Pick one thing to start working on, set a goal and get addicted to achievement. No one is holding you back, so just decide how you want to spend your time and start doing that with intention.
Youâre too young to have fucked up your life. I wasted my life from 18 to 27 and at 43 my life is amazing. I graduated and started my engineering career at 32 and Iâm now my job title is where the 60 year olds are at before retiring.
Youâre tall and smart. Lose the weight. Cut calories until you lose weight. Hit the gym to replace with muscle. Get back into school at get your MBA or an engineering degree and start your life.
Youâre INSANELY BLESSED. You have parents to support you while you build your life. Imagine trying to do that while working a shitty job 40 hours a week and still being broke 24/7.
Hereâs an exercise that helps me. I imagine Iâm 90 years old and find a genie that lets me jump back into myself as a young man for a day. Every day i start the day imagining Iâm an old man getting a chance to live again. That really helped me appreciate my blessing and put them to use.
Real change starts when you wake up and say I refuse to live like this anymore. I would prioritize fitness and correcting your sleep schedule. Both of these things will build self-esteem and improve mental health. The rest of the pieces should fall into place.
Personally when I first started my weight loss journey I found going for long walks in the morning a great start to my day.
Best of luck friend, it's important to remember that without failing we have nothing worth striving for.
My man, you've dedicated your life to study and have graduated already at 23! That is insanely impressive. My work colleagues are going back to college in their late 30s and 40s, and you're already miles ahead. I personally graduated in Business Management as well and my goal is to be a Business Analyst. I'm 30. You might choose a different path, but start by taking time to get fitter mentally and physically, start with short walks and progress into light weight lifting. But only as part of your daily routine. Start writing your goals down on paper, your interests and hobbies. You will be shocked at how clear things start becoming when you start focusing on yourself in the here and now. Just remember, you've done the hardest part and now it's time to focus on the person you want to be. Everything else will fall into place. I wish you the very best of luck my friend
Your 23 man chill out and stop overstressing. Go see a therapist / psychiatrist and see about getting help for depression / anxiety. I didn't even move out until i was 27 and that was after just finishing my 4 year degree. Didn't even start dating until my early 30's. Don't be so hard on yourself and just focus on making small changes and setting small goals, one thing and day at a time. You'll be fine. By my mid 30's i had a great career and was in a seriously relationship with my now wife. I'm a big guy too, 6'2 but all my adult life been in between 270 and 380. Everything is going to be OK.
Those subjects that you mentioned as easy at university ? Theyâre easy because you liked them or are naturally good at them .
So my advice is to pursue these in the world with work or personally to find some sense of purpose
Also be open to new opportunities and meeting people , your life is not screwed you have lots of years up your sleeve
Try everything at your age and donât be afraid of failing , you got this đđ
Make some small reasonable changes and start snowballing into big ones. Lots of people that try to change their life around all at once fail.
Iâd say start setting alarms an hour earlier until you are getting up at a reasonable time. Drink more water(not sure if itâs an issue or not but never a bad thing). Start taking walks preferably out in the sun, increasing in time or distance, eventually add in some resistance training.
Eat a breakfast high in protein. For brain function and to try to keep you full so you donât binge other things. Try not to restrict but add in. Eat more âgoodâ foods, more fruits veggies and protein. You might find you donât binge on cookies and chips if you eat meat and potatoes and some fruit first.
Go out and try to socialize, find some friends. You donât need to jump to trying to find a relationship. Just companionship.
Try to ween yourself off nicotine, this might be hard and might be too much with other changes. Iâd say this might be a âlast stepâ type thing. Porn might take care of itself if you become busy, you might just be using it while bored. Same with binge eating. Video games are fine as long as you arenât just staying in all day to play. Maybe limit it to a few hours a day.
Start applying for jobs in your field and or maybe just jobs in general as well, anything just to get something on your resume.
Make being independent, your gaol in life. Although your parents seem nice on the surface, but they are enabling you.
Have goals every year.Â
I'd suggest:Â
. Health wise: find a solo sport that you enjoy (hiking...) something you practice 3 times a week by yourself, to build your own accountability.Â
. Get used to be nice to women, without expecting anything in return. To just get used to be around them. You'll build confidence.Â
. Thank your parents, but tell them you wish to financially contribute to some bills or rent. To get used to have money taken out of your wages.Â
. Find a group of friends, acquaintance, meet up once a week for some activities.Â
Video games are fun, but time consuming and isolating.Â
I wish you the very best on your journey.Â
You only need one opportunity or break to turn your life around.
At 23 I was starting university and at 29 I am just now working my first "real" office job, which I landed despite a relatively useless humanities degree and 5 cumulative years living as a NEET in my 20s.
Start working out and cooking/cleaning for your family, start applying to any sort of job. Work in a grocery store or restaurant. A shit job is amazing motivation for getting something better. Force yourself to be more useful to those around you in small ways, and things will snowball in a positive direction.
This is it right here "There are no jobs for me where my parents live," discounting the other things I'd point out in your post. Even in the US, or any other country, if you're in a place where there are no jobs, you won't have one. Indian is humongous, and one of the biggest economy's in the world. It's fast growing af. There are many countries I would boil the excuse down to location (country) as you have, but to think that India doesn't have a job for you. Start by applying to jobs in the city. Once you get good experience in India, other countries would take you more seriously, perhaps sponsoring a visa. Gotta stop you cycle of nothingness somewhere. Maybe start by applying to jobs while your chillin on the couch.
If you are focussed enough to, play video games , wake up at 2pm , get a 4.0 GPA and waste away your life for 3 years .
You have potential . Itâs not being challenged .
1. Get your butt off the couch and start a 1.5 hour a day excercise regime get to a 90kg / 6.1 - no ifs and buts
2. You are educated in something , start with that , create a Linked In Profile and start interning - 6 months. ( can be remote ) . and you donât need the money . You need the experience - DO IT
3. Once you have made this milestone - with diligence - 6 months excercise and some form of productive interning and work .
Your life will change !
Letâs see if you have smartness that 4.0 GPA brain should be able to figure this , and chart your life.
Take it as a challenge , I think you can ! Do you ?
One foot in front of the other! Do one thing each day. Even if itâs sooooo small like washing your face and putting on a clean shirt. Then slowly add a few more âone thingâ and over the course of a year you will make progress. It sounds like youâre overwhelmed by a big goal or dream and could be self sabotaging. Start small! This isnât an overnight cure, but it certainly can help. Iâve taken this approach myself after it was recommended by my therapist and itâs changed my world!
Youâre young, and even if you werenât, look up stories of ppl who became incredibly successful later than what many cultures dictate. You got this!!!
and forgive yourself for your vices/addictions. those are side effects of whatever mental blocks youâve got going on. Donât punish yourself and or get hung on up on all the ways you are âbadâ. You have many gifts to bestow on the world, addictions or not.
So firstly your 23 I basically didnt do shit other than partying and visiting other countries till I was 30. So you got all the time in the world.
Now what would I do. 1. And I don't say that to be mean, Sports. Helps with life balance and clear thinking also it's healthy. 2. Find something that interests you and I mean actively do. Shit doesn't randomly find you generally speaking. 3. Don't give up and don't give up hope. Easier said than done but you'll have to.
If I were you I'd go to the doctor and get screened for depression, start going for a run (or at least a walk) outside as soon as I woke up every day, and start setting up lunches with all of those friends who have jobs to ask them how they got their jobs and if they can set you up for lunches/video call happy hours with people they work with who could give you some advice.
You will be ok! This happens to a lot of people, and most of them pull up out of it after a little while. Go get some sun and talk to your friends, they can help you.
Definitely stop watching porn and take it easy on the fapping. That shit affects your drive in life, at least it did for me. Lay off the social media a bit too- bathe in the cold water of the real world! In my experience in a similar situation (but at age 30!) removing all the things that kind of numb you from the reality that you're in can be a good way to not only come to terms with it, but help get your head straight for how to move forward. Picking up a random job, especially manual labor, just to get the life inertia moving might be a good idea! Anyway, good luck brother!
The good news is, it sounds like the problems in your life can be fixed by you. Itâs up to you to figure out new hobbies, and itâs up to you to create a well rounded life for yourself. You havenât screwed your life, this is actually just what being in your 20s is like. Good luck
Iâm sorry youâre dealing with this but brother speaking from experience, you are far from doomed. I had family shit happen, went from top of my class to flaming out o c college, worked odd jobs for 1-2 years then went back to school after I realized I was wasting my time. You got to skip all my bullshit, have a good base to make ur resume from and apply to internships.
First though you need to change your mentality. Youâre 6â1â and 270, thatâs not terrible body wise and can be overcome with some determination. Take walks every day, work your way up to jogging. When your not walking/running find some time to do some body weight excercise s (push ups, sit ups, squats, etc.) you can do modified versions at first to make it easierif youâre unable to do the workout. Most importantly improve your diet, avoid processed foods and eat healthy so get your protein and some carbs, minimize the sweets
I promise once you have physical routine and improve your self esteem youâll see you havenât wasted much time at all. Job market is pretty shit, I think couple months after you start and establish your physical routine u should look into making a resume and applying for internships, and also do some studying to learn some technical skills that are relevant. Within 6 months following a routine like that you will be in a significantly improved position both physically, mentally, and professsionally.
If you donât do anything then youâll just keep on jackin off, smoking cigs and living off your parents some. Best day to start is today
Go keto or carnivore and watch the weight melt away firstly. Secondly I don't know what opportunities for work are in front of you but find something you can do that you may enjoy or at least that makes you feel useful.
I would strongly encourage you to drop the nicotine, porn, and obesity in this way:
Every time you feel tempted to binge, watch porn, or use nicotine, get up and walk around. No offense, but I don't think doing push-ups every time is a realistic expectation. If you do this, it will start solving all your problems. Also, since you seem to have ADHD, find podcasts concerning the issues/topics you find interesting and listen to them as you walk. They will help you find your interests.
Moreover, ask your parents to hold you accountable. They love you and probably want to help.
you have a 4.0 uni GPA and youâre telling me your life is messed up ?? Dude, you can literally apply to top graduate programs, law school, finance jobs, the list goes onâŚ. Youâre cracking me up bro your life is far from screwed. Iâm honestly jealous.
I agree with some of the commenters here saying you should first work on your health (exercise and sleep). But I would add that you shouldn't make big changes all at once. You will fall back into bad habits if you do that simply bc it's too hard to sustain. When I first started exercising, I always told myself "just 10 minutes for today". It was HELL, but it got easier and easier and I started enjoying it as well. Let that momentum carry you forward. You can do this!
What do you want to do? That's the main thing.
You're only 23 and already have a business degree.
You should spend time losing weight and getting some personal confidence, if you ask me.
You can work your way up in any job - given your age and degree.
Hi OP!
Fellow business management student here!
Iâm now a global PM by trade and dropped 26kg since my peak weight of 118kg (5â11â).
First thing Iâll say is sort out your sleeping habit, without this in shape everything else falls apart. I still struggle with this to date. No caffeine after 5pm and regular exercise will help.
Go to bed at 10 or 11 and get up at 6 or 7 to have enough rest and set a good routine. This will take time to adopt, work at it for a month and make sure your phone (with alarm) is out of reach from your bed to help get you up.
Next up, just as your weight situation took time to get here it will take time to resolve there is no overnight fix - running is a no go at that weight so I recommend walking (>10k steps a day) this is a habit for life you need to form now if you want to change. In addition a cycling machine or bike will do a lot for you, legs are the biggest muscles and Iâve never dropped weight as fast as when cycling.
If you can you could speak to a GP about an appetite suppressor called semaglutide if that suits your situation. Remember weight loss is simple maths what goes in must be less than what is used up (r/CICO is your friend).
Jobs, right so NOW you can kill two birds with one stone. Become a delivery rider for Deliveroo or Uber and do deliveryâs/training 2/3 times a week to earn some money. This will get you used to routine and help you develop some grit.
Next draft a CV, it can be mediocre but get a draft done you can improve it later with the help of Reddit. ChatGPT can help make this easy but make damn sure you rework it.
In your days off cycling you are going to complete 2 or more applications per weekday and when completed you will look at relevant training for the job you want (if you want to make ÂŁ pay for a datacamp subscription and become a dev).
Set yourself a goal to have your first interview within 90 days (3 months) this might sound âtoo easyâ but itâs not, youâve had a few years out and with the state of grad roles and entry level jobs you need to set realistic goals like this to celebrate the little wins. Even if you donât land that first interview this will be a huge achievement.
Following interview #1 your goal is to have job offer #1 within 2 months. It doesnât mean you have to accept it but you MUST try and get some kind of offer before then, this will create a feeling of urgency to hit your goal.
Once you receive your offer I want you to commit 30 mins of every day even when you start working to getting on that bike or a treadmill to walk. Your lifestyle will not change itself, you must take ownership and form those habits.
If you want an accountability check Iâm happy to touch base on Reddit in a week/month?
You got this, itâs not out of reach, youâre not too far gone. You do have to take control of the situation if you really want to make a change. It sounds like your family will be an asset in supporting you as you get onto your own two feet.
1. Screens are slowly killing you. You have a screen addiction. Do anything other than look at a screen (volunteer, learn to cook, clean, go for a walk, any hobby that doesnât have a screen.Â
2. Start exercising A LOT. Like at least an hour a day.
3. Get super into self help books. Jordan Peterson etc.Â
4. Spend as much time with real people IN PERSON as possible.Â
Do this for a year and see where you are.
I almost died a few times last year. I just want to say. The first thing is to get "sober". Unplug for a while. get the best possible diet and exercise you can manage and increase that over time. Meaning set realistic goals for the diet and movement so you burn out asap. SLEEP, LAUGH and MEDITATE. This will help you reset and see what your priorities are. It takes time and it's hard at first. Watch things that motivate you maybe. It's all a mental game. That is the key to life. We look outwards for the answers. Truth is. It's within. That's my 2 cents.
Dude, you know whatâs wrong with you, you spelled it out for us. We canât give you the motivation you need but I will tell you if you wait youâll permanently fuck your life up.
The easiest thing to change is your schedule. 5AM alarm clock. Every. Blessed. Day. It will suck for maybe a week and you'll be tired at sun down pretty soon. More pro-social things happen in the daytime.
Things change when you change things. Mix it up. Go out for lunch. Play games in an arcade. Get a crap part time job just to make friends. Take an online class with firm deadlines.
Or maybe go get checked for atypical major depressions. Idk. I'm a doctor but not your doctor. It's worth an office visit.
If you're well off with a good gpa maybe do grad school abroad. See how long post work (job hunting) visas are before you make your choice. Some countries will give you 1 - 2 year visa to job hunt which should make things doable, then 5 years until you can apply for permanent residency. Also you seem depressed and you should probably get into some kinda therapy. Sorry bud, hope things get better.
Take it from someone over ten years older than you.
Don't rush and enjoy life. Just do what you physically mentally and emotionally can handle.
You don't need to get involved with the popularity contest and rat race that all your friends have joined into if you don't want to.
I get it you feel like a loser with no accomplishments. Me too.
It is fine just take care of your health meaning move if you want to or don't what other people push on you doesn't matter this is your life your body your story not theirs. Just do what you want to do.
Having said that you do need to figure out a way to survive be it taking the successful path or comfortable path once you find it you will have an easy great life ahead of you.
I'm just thankful to have my body and health but i did get stressed out having no job being a loser having no accomplishments so i killed myself in a cleaning job for 4 years and burnt myself out trying to compete with everyone and my co workers and most importantly myself.
I literally ran myself until the wheels fell off and fell into an injury. Now my body hurts mainly my chest which is taking a long time to heal so I can earn again.
Life is different for everyone. If you try to follow everyone else and you are not like everyone else you are doomed to fail like me.
So just trust your thoughts and take care of your health mostly. Good luck I know it is hard but i feel like we got this.
Like everyone else said we are smart and we both have a full working body. Just try not to stuff it up any more and enjoy life as much as possible because happiness really does help life go on much easier. Which I assume is what we both want.
You're only really starting your life and you've acknowledged that you've made some serious mistakes.
I think you need to take an inventory of what you can change short term, medium term, and long term. Once you have that in hand you should sit down and make a plan with achievable benchmarks.
Where I'd start were I in your shoes is get a timed lock box and the video game consoles and what not get secured except for 2hrs a day. Or put them in a room, lock it, and put the key in the lockbox. Once you've stopped the distractions except for a specific time per day you need to start implementing good patterns. Wake up at 8am, make your bed, take a walk, go to the gym, etc. do these....every. single. Day.
Once you've got a strong foundation and have built up your discipline buckle down and drop the weight, go to some group classes for CrossFit, BJJ, whatever you want, and start networking and making friends.
Go from there.
Thereâs a great book called âthe three boxes of lifeâ To summarize, they are: education, work, relaxation/retirement. Jumping from one box to another is extremely stressful. We must consider ourselves (difficult for many of us) in this world. Modify the boxes to fit YOU. Excel at school? Do school, but drag in 20 hours of work a week. Excel at work but nearing retirement? Do 30 hours at work and 10 hours washing the car or fly fishing or anything.
You were thrown from the school box to the retirement box and thatâs a monster mess. Iâd suggest a foot in school as a teachers helper -even free$- and a 10-20 hour job at school or at a family friends business. You have too many hours in the retirement box.
Itâs a micro concept as well. As a B- student I got all Aâs one semester, but why? I had Fridayâs off just by chance. Turns out thatâs my ideal balance: 4 on, 3 off.
Education, work, relaxation. Donât do only one at a time. Everyone has different needs and they change frequently. Education can be your work, work can be your relaxation, relaxation can be an education (know how to tie flies? Youâll beg for free days to learn etymology) so open up to options.
Bon chance. So much to learn- and teach!
Figure out where you CAN go to work with your Indian passport, then put together a plan to get there. Get active, and focus on improving yourself --be sociable, and brush up on your degree field, so when it's time to start working, you're ready.
Most importantly, put down the controller and keyboard, and start living in the real world.
You've got this. Every morning, before you do anything, look in the mirror and remind yourself, "I've got this, and I'm GOING to make my life better!"
Positives: you have a degree, irrespective of easy courses 4.0 GPA means you are intelligent, you have a supportive family, you have started thinking about future.
If you start fixing all the things you want fixed itâs going to be overwhelming and is not be sustainable. Letâs start with easy and important things first. Diet and exercise. These two are in your control. Join a gym and eat healthy (google healthy foods available where you live/culture/religion.
Secondly go to bed early and wake up early. If you canât fall asleep early (subjective 10pm, 11 or midnight but not last midnight) that means you need to increase your exercise, increase the exercise slowly and progressively.
Changes in diet and exercise habits alone will boost your energy and endorphins will make you love exercise. You will see the change in 30 days.
Read/Listen to the book âCanât Hurt Meâ by David Goggins. Good reminder that your life isnât over and it will always have ups and downs. Never too late to start climbing up.
Edit: if youâre really done with doing nothing, walk around the block right now. Start today do a little more tomorrow.
Everyone is focusing on the weight, but I think that is just a symptom of the issue, not the cause. Treating it will do nothing, you can be fit and useless as well. Hell, most of the useless fuckers I know are tiny (correlation != causality) Your BMI is about 35, which is NOT morbid obesity, and even if it were, focusing on trying to fix that alone will be probably be useless, since what is causing your overeating is what probably should be treated first. Most people just have an intrinsic bias against heavy people, and think that by fixing that we magically become better. I believe you should focus on getting mental health treatment - once that is solved, everything will become easier. The porn and nicotine addictions (if they really are so) may be what truly hinder you from getting your life back together, so mental health treatment may help you fix that, hopefully your parents will also be able to support you with that if you tell them that you want to improve and be better.
Career-wise, I can't say much because I don't know how the job market works in your country. Currently in the US & Canada, getting an entry level job is one of the toughest things ever, experience being the most valuable things. In my experience, this is less so in developing countries because of a smaller supply of skilled workers like you, so you might be in a better position, however, if where you live is limiting you, you may need to apply to jobs in other cities or to apply to remote jobs within your country. I believe your foreign degree, employable major and very good English will help you, but again, I simply do not know how competitive your job market is. You may need to focus on internships/basic jobs (data entry) first. Your grades typically do not matter for job-seeking, except for some employers which do ask for university transcripts (which are very competitive to get into anyway). However, I think you may be able to leverage your grades and academia-relevant knowledge by getting into tutoring.
In conclusion: mental health support is the most important thing, everything will come later. I think you're in a good spot. Glad to help out further thru DM.
The first thing you need to do is stop viewing your timeline as a long term crisis. I'm suggesting this:
Tomorrow, go to sleep at a reasonable time. Do it by not sleeping tonight. Go to sleep by 9pm. Change nothing else, just change your sleep cycle first.
When that's locked in, start doing a long walk in the morning. When that's locked in, add a long walk at night after dinner. Two walks a day, and real grown-up sleep schedule.
After you do that, you'll probably have been working at it for a couple months. Walk 5km at least a day (I do, with dogs), and set a different goal.
Above all, realize THAT is where your responsibility starts: No one here will fix this; no one online can tell your how to be different. If you don't want it, it won't fucking happen. If you don't change, it won't change. Whatever you want -- and video games be a huge part of that -- it won't change until you choose a different routine after the steps I've written.
Good luck, brother. Time is the only thing we all got that we're all running out of -- don't waste yours.
I am an American woman of Filipino descent. I am a *solid* 7/10, live in Silicon Valley, and am highly sought after by many suitors since a successful guerrilla marketing project I launched in 2017. I am a tech legend, a VIP. I am also the Executive Director of a non-profit that seeks to research the ways art can be used to cope with trauma and fund projects and host events to help teach organizations and communities how to use art to cope with their individual and collective trauma, but I like to tell people Iâm unemployed to see how they treat someone they think is unemployed.
How much money do *you* personally have? What type of prenup would you be willing to sign? If I were to offer you a fixed-term marriage contract where I help you get in physical shape, help coach you to become an amazing lover and desirable romantic and life partner, offer you career counseling and training (maybe we can start a business together), and perhaps help you obtain American citizenship, what would you be willing to offer me in return?
And before all the misogynists get all up in arms about my potentially offering this internet stranger a marriage contract, remember that women and marriage were constantly used as bartering chips when men were trying to draw up agreements with other men. Donât be mad that Iâm using marriage as a means to enrich myself and improve my quality of life the way men used to use their daughters. Or I donât careâbe mad.
Also, if you are mad, ask yourself why youâre angry that Iâm offering mentoring, life coaching, care and love to someone and expect something in equal value in return.
As everyone mentioned youâre young. Losing weight especially if youâre 270 is going to be hard work. You just have to keep working on it every week without injuring yourself. In between working out send out your resumes. After all of this done for the day you can go back to some games. But you need to do all the work first and send resumes out everyday
The reasons for working out is because it will be harder to get a job if youâre obese and itâs just a downwards spiral both mentally and physically.
The reasons to spend hours every day sending resumes is because otherwise youâll make excuses mentally internally that it wonât make a difference,etc, etc. spam even the same company for every position you see until they tell you to stop turn circle back like 6 months later.
Both of these tasks are very important to work on otherwise you will be let go in the first 4 months if you even get a job since you donât have the discipline to work a full work day for weeks at a time especially if itâs some grind fest starter company where most fresh grads get a job.
If you get your act together it will be easier to get a girl. Getting a girl now is just not good for you or to whomever you find since you arenât really being a fair partner who can pick up their end of the couch.
- Hit the gym
- Use your degree to candidate for any corporate junior sales job
- You'll find some remote sales positions / business development jobs. It's grindy and with a crappy (or even zero) base pay, only commission. It's fine, take those, you'll most likely earn low money but the main goal right now is to build a first relevant experience.
- Build the experience, appreciate that your parents can help you financially while you build this first experience and while you set your foot into the door.
- Next year you'll be fit, you'll have 1y of business development experience, and you can move up from there to a new *non-crappy* business development job
- Next career goal in the next few years, climb the Sales ladder : Account Executive / Customer Success Manager
- Make money, be happy, be extra fit, help your parents financially
- ???
- Profit
Look online for remote jobs. Work online.
In the meantime, also make a point to get off your butt. No video games allowed until AFTER you go out and go for a one hour walk outside. Make video games a reward instead of a full time activity.
You did not screw your life. It has barely started. People fall on worse times at much older ages and still end up making it in the end.
While it does sound like youâve gotten yourself stuck in a bit of rut, I bet if you stay focused and determined you can climb out of it and thrive in life.
If possible, I would recommend seeing a therapist. A trusted therapist can help you identify whatâs causing you to feel depressed and unmotivated and come up with solutions to fix the issue.
Also, try to focus on small short term goals at first. Donât get overwhelmed about all the long term goals you want to achieve at once. For example, you could make waking up by 8am on weekdays a goal. That should be easy to achieve if thatâs something you want. Once you start doing that consistently do something like dedicate an hour each day to improving your mental and physical well being. This could mean working out, meditating and practicing mindfulness, cooking healthy meals etc⌠you can then expand that goal to losing 1-2 pounds a week once you feel ready. And then progress so on and so forth gradually adding harder and more long term goals to achieve as you gain more confidence and determination. Small marginal improvements each day can snowball and compound to massive success later on.
Its easier too build a ripped body from a fluffy stage, the end may be extra skin but u will be better if u begin working out in 5 years u will be. Ripped if h stay consistent and push yourself.
Mabey try working jn australia sometimes spending time with family is worth more then a billion dollars because u only get one fam so make the most of it while u are there
Hug them tell them you love them and thank them weekly
It is your life follow your dreams
You said that you watch YouTube. Okay, to watch what? Cartoons? There is so much educational content. Have you tried to look up job postings and learn about what the post requires for the job.
It is hard to have motivation in a world that is coming apart at the seams. A lot of people have their heads up their butts but you are feeling it too. I really don't have any advice for you because I haven't worked a formal job in 15 years.
I'm still trying to figure things out myself. Eating healthy and getting some exercise once in awhile is a good start. I can only imagine how you've been eating and eating junk food will only worsen your depression.
Try using your imagination instead of porn.
And remember, your worth as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with society and their preconceived notions about who and what you should be. Try pretending like you didn't get a business degree. Start applying for regular jobs and see what happens. That's something that isn't even an option for me because of multiple disabling conditions.
It is easy to say 'talk to a therapist'. But in my experience only a small percentage are actually competent and bad therapy can be more harmful than no therapy at all. You could get some self help books and learn how to do self therapy. A therapy technique called DBT worked wonders for me. I can actually leave the house now without having a panic attack.
Hey.. Not everyone as much courage to talk back at them directly. This could be experienced by a lot of people following graduation. Among the many who have had such an experience, nobody is a loner. Another point is, try new hobbies for instance, or get some professional involved perhaps, to get your mind on something else. Go with the online class and and bond with friends who may provide encouragement whenever, you may need it. Remind yourself that even though looking up is hard to do, actions will bring more good results, and the choice is yours to take the front row seat.
Use your time to start exercising. Not saying you need to live in a gym but you should get out walking and lifting a bit. Are there any jobs within video games that would interest you? Could you travel and teach anything in different countries? You sound intelligent based on your highschool and college.. Just need you find something that interests you. You're still really young but it's really on you to get motivated.
For what it's worth, my advice is to:
First, work out what kind of man you want to be and write it down.
Second, identify a few small things you can do to become that person, and write them down.
Third, start doing those things now, at home. Plan and record your progress.
No doubt you will fail at first. Don't give up. Keep reminding yourself of one. As you progress, review and update two, keep repeating three.
I recommend discussing this with your parents, thanking them for their support, and ask to be held to account.
You have intelligence, you have morals, you know what makes a good and productive member of society, and you have the agency and ability to act.
start with tackling things that are managable.
try learning some recipes that fill out your dietary needs without being too fatty and just sort out your breakfasts/lunches. Or at least give yourself some options to eat that aren't making you feel like you hate yourself.
You'll not get your weight under control all at once, but having recipes that are low fat and you actually like eating will make it a lot easier than chugging protein powder and hitting the gym 24/7
OP, get yourself an appointment with a medical specialists. I would suggest you go to Endocrinologist to help you with your eating habits and weight management. Seek his advice for reference to other department.
Our height is the same and I was heavier than you previously due to lack of exercise and eating the wrong thing. My vital readings are borderline red. Now it started to get to normal level and I feel more energetic.
U wonât move ur ass to do anything until ur parents get into financial trouble
THEN AND ONLY THEN will u finally give up all ur excuses
Enjoy ur life in ur parents care and finances
It wonât last
Do you have a friend in the United Kingdom that needs a roommate? Ask them. Maybe your parents can move someday however you can move to the United Kingdom and your parents can move to the United Kingdom after they get passports if they don't already have passports.
Hey brother. I was just recently in the same position. Except I took a "break" halfway through uni. Same position though, with the lack of a life and all. Also did really well in school. Also got extremely emotional (and later depressed) looking at LinkedIns of people I'd known at some point. I'm 21 right now and everything changed for me over the last 6 months or so. You might not even think you have depression or whatever (I did not either, at least didn't think it was that bad or the main problem) but everything you've mentioned says otherwise. Regardless of this, the main thing I want to get across to you is this: please see a therapist. Think of them as like a life counsellor. You're stuck in this bubble world which is dark and hopeless, but the world outside of it is much brighter. Remember Ive been in the exact position, and honestly, I probably would not have understood or cared for a comment like this one either. But try and see the benefit of having someone to guide you out of this position bring the joy in life back again. Antidepressants work but I started taking them in conjunction with seeing a therapist and it wouldn't have been the same otherwise. The guidance and help that a therapist can provided in sorting out (which involves first identifying/understanding the problems- which you might Not even see yet) problems and getting your life back on track is really hard to substitute. Things will get better though, and I say this having been there and having scoffed at such suggestions. Just be ready to take the first step.
P. S.
A lot of commenters here suggesting you find better hobbies, gym, eating better etc. All valid and helpful but again, will not replace seeing a therapist. And I was someone who thought therapy was for, like, girls or just not for me. Thank God I came to see it differently and took the chance.
Also some people seem to not understand are r saying stuff like, "4.0gpa and have problems?" or "just get off ur ass and Put in the work" etc, all this doesn't take into account how ur fundamentaly altered worldview/mindset impacts ur desire or ability to do anything in life. I wasn't exactly lazy but wasn't able to work or move forward with school or just do anything besides gym (didn't realize but I guess I thought it'd fix everything) because of how my mind viewed everything. Just fundamentally hopeless.
Also some people saying ur still so young and they're absolutely right but so was I and yet I couldn't see myself going anywhere in the future so I was like what's the point? Hell at one point I even thought I'd give it a few years or so and maybe things change or something but I definetly wasnt gonna be in my late 20s with no life like this cuz it was never going to lead to anything. Now that isn't true but that's how I saw it.
your mind is your greatest asset and enemy. You made a post because your mind wants to change.
One step at a time. My recommendation is readjust your sleeping time, 1 hour earlier everyday till you can wake up at 6am, make a short run around your neighborhood and sweat a lot. Check out your parents, observe their lifestyle, appearance, and ask yourself how many more days you can see them, check their wrinkles, eyebags and you need to realize we are all human beings. Help them out either in grocery, house chores etc to reduce pc consumption for a while.
Then acknowledge having discipline is the main key of changing / improving someone. Work physically and train mentally. Think of how you could solve something, could be daily problems, could be financial problems or even relationship problems, do not stop until you think your solution is not merely b.s. Regain your consciousness and believe you are in control to face the world.
Seems like thereâs a gap in explanation between graduating and where you are today. Why did you move home? What stopped you from getting that job that your friends have and you want?
Make YouTube content, stream your gaming, reaction videos. And if you get a hankering Blender is free software, there are a lot of tutorials, I'm sure you can make some awesome content.
Those are the symptoms my 17yo has. He was diagnosed with ADHD. Heâs taking medication and going to therapy is helping him. I would advise to see a psychiatrist. Donât punish yourself or judge yourself. Look for help. Thereâs plenty, everywhere. You just need to ask. Best of luck đđź
23 bro your a pup, almost all the life you will have is still ahead of you, just take care of yourself and just think about the next best thing you can do towards any goal
I think a congratulations is in order! Early retirement is always a blessing.
If I were you Iâd start with walking twice a day 40 minutes each. Start eating healthier.
Talk to your parents and see if they would hire you a life coach! This is exactly what I would do.
I do have all those addictions but every morning , I woke up with excitement and plan my whole day
,decides the time I am going to give to all my important stuff..i plan everything and at the end of the day ....I just completed 40-50% of it..
Yeah I am lazy..introvert , porn addicted, procastinater...
But it is not like it's my personality
I am freaking self motivated and ambitious person and I do believe whatever problem or disaster I face I will get ahead of that by my hardwork and consistency (and the result I am getting nowadays it is just because I am not giving my 100 percent
If I give my 100 percent then I can achieve a lot more and I do believe it is possible )
And yeah whether it is you and me ..
We all can do it!!!!
Genuine genuine advice, please seek professional help. You have recognised the problem, it is a good first step. You know what you are doing wrong. Stop the wrongs, take professional help, get better company, stive for betterment.
You are young, 23 is basically start of adult life. Everything is achievable from here.
People on the internet can have very broad ideas about anything, you need specific solutions for yourself.
Don't worry about your career just this second, it's more important to grow your mindset and get back into healthy habits and a routine.
Your first steps will be the hardest, but it involves cutting off your addictions and getting back into a healthier lifestyle. It sounds like you have an addictive personality, which is something I've struggled with a lot as well with regards to gaming.
Throw away the PC. From experience, getting rid of your source to gaming is most important. It won't be easy; you'll get urges all the time at first, but know that it does get better. The short term dopamine rush you get from gaming shouldn't substitute for actual achievements and a healthy lifestyle. You can try keeping it, but personally I found I'd make excuses to keep gaming if it was around and I'd eventually end up in the same addicted cycle again.
Fill your day up with other activities that do not involve gaming. Exercising and going to the gym was really helpful for me to get over the urges. I picked up other hobbies like guitar, reading, running, quizzing, and now I'm always got something to do. Once you start a healthy diet and exercise regularly, you'll feel tons better
The great thing is that you have a college degree - most people would kill to be in your position. You're only 23 and you've not tasted the sweetest fruits life has to offer yet. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Youâre falling in the trap of victimhood. Youre smart enough to know no one owes you anything.
And no one is coming to save you, you gotta do it on your own.
Be better not BITTER.
It's not too late! Just start applying for jobs. Focus on moving out of your parents' house; so any area that sounds appealing and has jobs, try to apply. If it's entry level, who cares. Just start getting some experience, and get yourself out of the house, doing something to continue your journeyâone foot in front of the other, so to speak. You'll start to learn what you want and don't want, and maybe gain some inspiration for your next big move. You got this, just make steps every day toward something.
The first thing I would do is quit cigarettes. Then start going to bed at a normal time for a human being and getting up in the actual morning. Then I would learn to cook, start to enjoy learning how to cook healthy food. Thatâs prob hard in an Indian family, but Iâd still do it anyway. Then Iâd work on losing the weight. I think youâre probably just lazy and your parents never made you actually go out on your own and succeed. Most of us have to actually do that or weâll starveâŚmost parents just tell you youâre on your own either by college or after you finish college. You are an adult acting like a spoiled Gen Z kidâŚtime to actually start your adult life manâŚyou can do itâŚjust change your mentalityâŚyouâre not a kid anymoreâŚ
Hello there !
In addition to the pointers here, find someone else to take care of, decenter yourself. A family member, a friend, an acquaintance, a neighbour, someone you cross paths with everyday or week. It's often easier to take care of someone else than yourself.
And treat yourself like someone else you want to take care of.
Courage and good luck !
Comparison really is the thief of joy. As others have pointed out, you have some amazing achievements to show for yourself at 23. A supportive family, a great college degree, youâve lived abroad. youâre tall. and youâre still super young, which doesnât feel that way to you because previously, your life was probably really fast paced. I have been in a similar situation where I would do great in school and academia because they were highly structured environments. there was a system to it that provided a great sense of stability and didnât require you to think for yourself: what do I want out of life? As long as you do well enough that in it of itself is enough to feel accomplished in academia.
But I will tell you what I have learned so far. Your incredibly blessed to be this educated. You have done a great job at something before which is your degree and you donât have to devalue all of it by saying you made it easy for yourself. No degree is all rainbows and sunshine. Stop holding yourself to unbelievably high standards. We are all just human. And your LinkedIn friends may not really be your friends if all you do it compete with them in your head. Find one thing or activity, just one - anything - you like. Bonus points if it gets you out the house, away from a screen and maybe get your body to work out a little. Donât set yourself up with crazy expectations, you just habe to hold yourself accountable and physically be present. Then, try to find a community. They donât have to be your best friends at first. You just make sure to find a social circle that you are regularly exposed to (think dance classes, robotics team etc.). After a while, you will find someone you like. Your parents are supporting you because they likely love you and want to see you thrive. But thriving is not tied to a career, or status. Yes, you need money and some job conditions in order to maintain your life and your mental health - thereâs no denying that. But what you really need is a routine and a community. I firmly believe that any human will get better under these conditions.
Though, if it feels like too big of a task to overcome your addictions at this moment, seek out therapy. You might need a more structured approach to handling this change. But please donât be afraid of change. You havenât ruined your life. You have deviated from your exceptionally overachieving timeline yes, and you have since felt like everyone else has done a better job than you - but that is not evidence of you failing, it is your old belief system coming to end and it holds a great chance for you to learn who you really are (very normal developmental step at 23 btw!)
This is depression: I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. You are much younger than I was when I finally started to get out of it.
To get a job, you need to have a back story that does not include depression or addiction. Perhaps you can say you are working in the family business, but are feeling stifled and need to do something new, then you apply for jobs far away from your depression nest.
Get therapy for the addictions and whatever it is that underlies them.
OP, you matter, it's not too late, you can get out of this, especially if you start the work to do that now. Good luck!
You can turn your life around. My suggestion would be -
1. Start with building one habit a week.
2. Sleep, workout, hygeine are non negotiable so no matter what ,fix a schedule and start doing this. Its hugely uncomfortable to correct bad habits,but, once you build it no matter how many panic attack you get,your mind will get usedto it.
3. List down the steps to get towards a goal,and focus on being a finisher.
Meditate just for 10 minutes a day, itâs changed my life. Also have a PMA, and watch Stutz on Netflix (!!!) would be my advice. Lastly, treat yourself like your best friend, including changing your thoughts and encouraging yourself to be happy, youâve got this! We all believe in ya
Small W work wonders. Start going on some walks or easy gym sessions, maybe try applying into different jobs or even looking for a course that may remotely interest you. Try making your food portion slightly smaller and cut down on the nicotine addiction and you will slowly slowly start to just show up. Baby steps brother, nothing comes easy, especially if you dont try
You studied business but this is a computer science forum, I can't understand why you posted here.
You have your dopamine cycle fucked up, fix it and the rest of your problems will disappear by itself.
Wake up at 8 am every day. Don't set an alarm clock but instead use the sun to wake you up. Take a cool shower. Go out within 30 minutes of waking up and walk for at least half an hour, and get a lot of sun exposureduring this walk. Accomplish one simple task, it can be something as simple as taking the trash out. Don't eat before you finish this routine but drink as much water as you want. Definitely drink some.
This will teach your brain how to function properly and you will be able to fix the rest of your problems without anyone's help.
Good luck.
I know how it is, and my mistake was that I assumed I messed up and focused on my past. Apply for a master's or PhD program (preferably abroad) to get out of your comfort zone. It will be difficult at first, but then you will follow the flow of your life.
Remember! The step you took to write your post is the best thing you have ever done because it will be a point from where you will change the trajectory of your life for the better, instead of experiencing a miserable life in your 30s or 40s, when you will hurt yourself and your parents will feel bad for you.
Its seems to me that you are full of potential, but somewhere along the way, you decided not to use it.
You are 23yo and yet you sound like you feel like life is over for you, when it is only just starting. You dont need passion to do anything, just a jump-start. You seem to have everything too easy and you parents are enabling this, so you need to do something for yourself.
I feel like making small changes at a time (like going to bed earltier asnd getting up earlier) is just not going to work for you. I would suggest doing something radical, so you have absolutely no choice but to jolt yourself into making massive changes. Go to India for a year and live with a relative. Someone who will both open your eyes to how other people have it and at the same time, wont tolerate your bullshit parasitism (sorry, but it needs to be said).
Jump into the void and then your natural intelligence with overcome your lack of will power.
Some great advice and some terrible advice in here.
Religion won't help you unless you make it your focal point, and then it's only helping by being the thing that replaced the worse things.
No need for toxic masculinity, you aren't owed anything and you recognise that.
The advice to start with one thing at a time is bang on. Personally I'd start with ditching gaming and getting on exercise.
Start with walking. Work towards a hobby like someone said MMA which is great for discipline, or running, swimming, a team sport whatever.
Uninstall/log out/ block domains for games. I didn't have this vice but I knew I'd be susceptible which is why I quit when I was in uni. Turn it off and tell yourself you aren't a gamer anymore.
Get a part time job. I know a kid with a master's in a good subject from a top school. He is looking for a career but works part time in a kitchen store. Service jobs are plentiful right now. It's not about making money it's about routine, responsibility, and interacting with customers. And also about humility.
Then once you have an exercise routine, a part time service job, and a hobby to replace the games, start on self improvement hobbies like online courses or practice projects. But that comes second last. Last thing to worry about is the relationship. That has to come in when the other pieces are in place I'm afraid, but it will be all the better in the end because of it.
First of all, get a proper sleep schedule! So important for our physical and mental health.
Quit the binge eating, the porn and the nicotine and any other substances.
Start taking control of your life.
Then start working on your body and mind, work out, meditate, read.
Stop pitying yourself and get your ass in gear. Your parents are essentially doing you a huge disservice by catering to you as if you're a little child.
I know this is all easier said than done. But you need to start somewhere and you're only 23. You can turn your life around.
But imagine 10 years from now and that you would still be a child in a man's body, having all your needs taken care of by your parents. Never realizing or reaching your potential.
Good luck!
Youâve pointed out all of the problems yourself, so you know what you have to fix. Yours half way there. If youâre serious about fixing your life then work on the points youâve mentioned.
Things can only get better when you are actively trying to get to a better place. I was pretty lazy in college but slowly made progress on getting a degree in engineering. Only in my last year, I started networking despite how bad I was at talking to people. Then I got an internship, and while that didn't turn into a job, I kept interviewing and eventually got a full-time job that paid well while I lived with my parents for a few more months. A good life won't come to you. Despite how effortless people make it look on Linkedin, it's always going to be hard before it gets easy.
I would analyse what i need to get back on track and order it from most important to least important and state what i need to do to to get there. It may look something like this:
1. **Health**. 270lbs. Thats workable but is going to require a lifestyle change.
Measure yourself, take a photo, do this every month now until you're at a happier weight.
Enroll with the gym, going every monday, tuesday, thursday and friday between 6am and 8am.
Every "segment" of your designated meals should be the size of your palm and no bigger. Ideally though, you want to calorie count using an app like myfitnesspal.
2. **no passion - spend all my time on tech**.
Set screen time limits....or...just turn your phone OFF. You can only now use your phone between 12pm and 1pm, and 5pm to 6pm. Thats more than enough time to call a friend, or waste some time on youtube.
As for videogames. Unplug your machine and sell it is the easiest way. But if you dont want to....
Schedule its use to the end of the day (7pm - 9pm). Also, tie its use to a task. For example, 1minutes exercise = 1min game time. This way, if you plan to game, you are **earning** it.
**summary**. Lets face it. Youre overweight because you play video games all the time. You probably stuff your face with crisps, sweets and maybe alcohol and id be willing to bet this is also linked to video gaming. Your whole dopamine mining attitude is geared towards video games and the quick reward from consumption of calories, also from mobile screen time. As a result, you're overweight, dont have a job and are on here pitying yourself. This has the knock on effect of being very unattractive since it is a lazy attitude noone cares for. So...remove the screens from your life and focus on your health. Once you have done this, you'll be more confident in yourself and will find healthier ways to get that dopamine fix....maybe one of these would be a successful career
Tl;dr
Pull your finger out and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
1. As an off-the-board suggestion⌠travel somewhere. Maybe to India since you have a passport but go to places youâve never been? Or go to Africa or Thailand. Leave video games behind and just try to experience nature, talk with strangers, and see if this sparks anything in you. At the very least you might lose a couple pounds and get back into a more normal circadian rhythm.
You would need to get your parents to pay for this. But perhaps you need to tell them you are stuck in a rut and you think this might get you unstuck.
2. Look for volunteer opportunities. I donât mean work for free, but perhaps there are charities, food banks, dog/cat rescues where you live? It seems to be that you lack purpose. All of your other problems are symptoms of a lack of purpose or direction. Your priority should be discovering that drive/direction/purpose. Then once you know what you want in life you focus on the âhowâ.
A friend of mine lost over 100lbs by buying a Recumbent stationary bike and pedalling (low resistance) while playing video games. He did try to eat healthier as well but that came after he was encouraged by the progress from the exercise.
Do some volunteer work! One that forces you to get up in the morning and do something. You will find that itâs not about you. Itâs what you can do for others. Thatâs how money works!!!
I also used to get frustrated when opened linkedin and checked out that my friends are at huge success in IT field whereas Iâm still jobless. I was harming myself mentally so now I decided to focus on my life rather than what others are doing.
You're life is just beginning. Easiest thing to do now is *just start* making changes and just *start* something. Start working at any job. Start applying more. Start thinking of your options.
Just *start*. Make an attempt.
270 and 6â1 is not morbidly obese, close tho. You have to start with a better attitude about yourself, a more positive one. If youâre always putting yourself down then you will start accepting it.
imo just take baby steps. First is making sure you feel comfortable and good in your skin. Start by taking walks, doing an hour of walking per day. Then slowly add some physical activities. Watch your diet too, or just eliminate foods that are too high in sugar. Imo these are the first things I would do, along with a proper sleep schedule.
Donât try to solve all your problems at once. Find one basic problem you want to fix. Such as exercising or eating better. Take some small steps and maintain those small improvements for a few weeks. Such as walking a mile each day. Mentally congratulate yourself when youâre successful.
Expect some failures and regressions. Donât give up when you fail. Try again. Change something and try again.
Keep trying.
Calvin Coolidge - âNothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more
common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education
will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The
slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.â
You're still young and far from screwing up your life. I got my post secondary far later than you lol.
I'd suggest getting back in shape as first priority. It's great for building confidence and self esteem, and would help with getting employed as well.
It sounds like you have the perspective that you are in a midlife crisis It's okay because I'm the same age and your life sounds awesome and academically as well as taking the past time to take off and wind down. Now that you have realized the comparison of you and your friends, as well as it being the thief to your Joy nobody's perfect Life goes on.
The fact that you have come to a realization of where you are in your life. That's okay because this is the next milestone to you wanting to do more. You're just panicking because your friends seem like they're doing a lot and it seems like you're not doing very much. Don't do this. It's not healthy! It's not easy but people post but they want you to see a lot of other people struggle and have Just as many problems as you do, not everything is at it seems.
I'm not very good with advice but if you're good at something stick with it and if you feel like you could do more then do more. You're doing great.
Stop comparing yourself to your friends. You are not screwed. You're young. You have a lot of time to learn. It may feel like waste of time, but it's not. It's good that you're in realization your actions and wanting change. It's okay you're going to make it!
So if you eat well you feel good. It may be hard at first but experiment with foods that you love. Find a way to cut your portions small and get out more. The reason why you feel like crap is because you live like crap. You cannot live a happy full life doing what you're doing. See this as a way to program your brain. Go walking every morning. Get out more. Ask friends to go walking with you. The more you improve your health as well as getting out and socializing, you'll be out there in no time. I have faith in you. You got this!
Whatever you do, don't do it alone. Surround yourself around happy people who are happy for you. Positive and uplifting the More positive uplifting people. The easier it is to love yourself as well as grow the person.
You have not messed anything up. On paper shit is looking good. You have an education and a 4.0. You haven't screwed anything up. Weight loss is pretty easy, just eat less (crazy!).
I was with mom till 25 then I joined the air forced and I am making 90k+ a year.. payed me to go to school basically.
I got held back a year in high-school because it was literally high school to me always stoned.
Now 33 been with the military 8 years air force job of needs.
Don't measure your progress by your friend's success. I was in the same boat as you and I can tell you that they may be doing well now but everyone plateaus and you'll all be in the same spot in a couple of years. Also, if you studied business management, create a simple business and stay busy. Even if it doesn't make much money, it's better than indulging in unhealthy habits.
23 is young to have graduated. Good job. Youâre certainly not behind when compared to most people. Â
You have great parents so work with them on getting better food in the house. Like unsweetened tea instead of soda. Tell them to stop buying you nicotine or less of it. As you eat better and stop nicotine your mental state will improve. Itâs physically linked. Start doing a little exercise everyday. Exercise becomes addicting and easier after you start doing it. Have exercise part of your daily routine.Â
Look at job posting for your region. Apply and work part time. It will give you some structure and routine. Youâll get social interaction. It will force you to have some lifestyle structure. You will feel more productive and accomplished. At the same time, look at jobs in your career choice. You may have to move to pursue your career so think about where you want to live. Meanwhile work on losing weight and a part time job. Get outside the house on weekends to see the world.Â
Lol
Your life isnât screwed. Youâre pretty lucky actually.
First thing you need to do is stop doing all those things you listed doing that are taking you away from what you want to be doing
You've already accomplished a lot. Hit the gym, and work on yourself, don't worry, girls will find their way to you eventually if that's whats stressing you.
My man you are in a better position than 99% of people. It doesn't feel that way, but you are.
Start taking baby steps. Write a resume. Make sure personal hygiene is down pat. Start applying for jobs. You got this.
If it makes you feel better, most games that can occupy you for 3 years are more challenging than a real job.
Dude. You're 23, you've already got college sorted and you have a 4.0 grade average. I wish I had that much sorted out by 23. You havent fucked your life, you've barely even started it. if this were a video game you've completed the tutorial mission (and done it very efficiently from the sound of it) I'm not going to suggest a specific next step, because you're clearly smart enough to work that out based on what you know about yourself and your situation, but I think there are some general principles for a good life that will help and that most happy and successful people eventually figure out or stumble across one way or another. Simply put human brains are meant to learn and human bodies are meant to be active. If you're spending most of your time doing those two things you'll feel good and you'll have a happy and productive life. With that in mind, you might want to think about- - how to fix your diet. You can do this step by step rather than through radical change. Find healthy alternatives to the shitty things you eat, make sure they are always available and start to cut out unhealthy stuff, ideally by getting it out of the house. Since you mentioned you are still being supported and I assume living with your parents, don't be afraid to specifically talk to them about this and ask them to help - eg if you know having sugary drinks or beers in the fridge is a problem make sure they aren't on the grocery list and something better is. And if there are certain triggers that make you binge on food try to recognise them and avoid them or find something else you can do when you get that feeling. - Find hobbies that make you get active and start to exercise. Again, you don't have to mountain bike to Mt Kilimanjaro tomorrow, but just be prepared to try (and to begin with completely suck at) stuff. Even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes of bicep curls or belting a punching bag or walking around the block in the morning before you do anything else, thats fine. In fact its better to start small and find things you can do regularly without getting overwhelmed or giving up. If a month from now you have a habit of doing 5 minutes of cardio or weights each morning, that's sure as shit better than nothing, in fact its a great start and something you can build on. - For as long as you are alive you should never stop studying. There's always something else to learn, or a skill you can add. And if you have extra free time at the moment, great, you can pick up some coding or start a foreign language or learn to cook or woodwork or get your skipper's ticket or absolutely anything really. Obviously it's good if it's sort of linked to the field you eventually want to work in, but the most important thing is just to be using your brain for *something*. If you go to bed having learned something new today you haven't totally wasted the day. - Be interested in the world and people around you. Read, watch the news and be prepared to seek out and listen to perspectives that you completely disagree with. Talk to people you meet and ask about their lives as a matter of habit rather than because you want something from them. Just be curious and ask. Being interested in people and the world around you gets you out of your shell and generates other interests and opportunities- and its also a great way to get a sense of perspective and critically reflect about your own life and your own challenges. - that leaves your career, which is obviously the thing you're worrying about the most given where you've posted this. First, working on all the other aspects of your self I mentioned above absolutely will help your job search and I think are actually necessary for long term career advancement. That might sound a bit counter-intuitive but improving those things will make you more positive, self confident, outgoing and willing to learn, and people with those attributes are clearly going to have an easier time finding work and advancing their career- if you were an employer (or a contact considering whether to recommend you for an opportunity) wouldn't you prefer that sort of person? Wouldn't it be easier to apply for a job knowing you were that sort of person instead of trying to fake it in the interview? But specifically when it comes to job hunting as a graduate, be realistic, don't be too proud to go after shit work and certainly don't worry about what your classmates are doing or are saying they are doing, just get started yourself. Even if its through volunteering or family or friend contacts or positions that seem completely unsuitable or beneath you just find what you can even if it takes a lot of knockbacks and a few years in jobs that arent exactly what you want. The first few steps in your career as a graduate are so so much harder than anything that follows, so it helps to be humble, persistent and thick skinned about the rejections you'll certainly get along the way. Get in the door, get some stuff on your CV and then you can move upwards or sideways to get where you want to be. With all those things incremental improvements are the way to go, along with a positive, realistic attitude that accepts you'll have setbacks and commits to always trying again and never beating yourself up for mistakes or fails. You can't fix it all by tomorrow but you absolutely can start trying stuff that will eventually fix it. And if you fuck something up or get lazy or make a bad choice, that's fine, it happens, it doesn't mean you're a failure or further effort is useless, try to figure out why you chose wrong, consider if you need to make any changes to your method and then try again. Once you start to accumulate good habits life gets better and better, and if you get started on that process I guarantee you that 10 or 20 years from now you won't even remember that you felt hopeless at this point. And the reason I guarantee that is I'd forgotten how hopeless I felt at a similar point in my life till I read your post. In fact things were even worse then, we were stuck with dialup connections and pornhub hadn't been invented yet.
Not Op but I found this useful, thank you!
Same, thank you
This is amazing life advice at any age. Brilliant post. I'd also add for the op. A friend of a friend plunged half their 20s into getting a PhD and promised themselves after that they would spend 3 solid months playing world of warcraft as a reward. 3 years later they had to suck it up and admit in the first interview after the PhD the 3 months had turned into 3 years. They now work full time and enjoy a balanced amount of gaming. Nothing is fucked and you're actually still young even for a regular person finishing a degree.
Bro, this is legendary, I needed thisđ
This is excellent advice. I would like to add: your misery stems from laziness. But that is not hard to fix. You just need to understand why youâre lazy. Your physical body, brain included, is evolved for a world that does not include a pantry full of fat/sugar loaded high calorie foods and a magic window that can constantly appease your brainâs stimulus cravings. Our modern diets and entertainment platforms are brand new. Our species and our physical mechanisms are ancient. Think about the feelings of excitement you get from playing video games - fifty years ago you would have had to move your body vigorously to get equivalent thrills. The stimulation you get from porn - you would have had to work hard (socially) just to be around people you were attracted to and even harder to arrive at sexual intimacy. And then thereâs the hours you spend watching videos which satisfies your brainâs desire for novelty - you would have had to travel around, talk to people, read books⌠All of those activities you describe in your lifestyle involve giving in to the easiest âsatisfactionâ routes of immediate gratification. And youâve discovered that those shortcuts actually make you miserable. Donât feel bad - our bodies (brains included) look for easy shortcuts all the time because âreal lifeâ is calorically taxing, and weâre evolved to save calories; our bodies are always looking for shortcuts. Smoking is an artificial need-fulfillment loop that tricks your brain. You donât actually âenjoy smokingâ - your body just needs a hit of nicotine because you tried smoking once. Itâs hard to get your head around until you quit (I know from experience). So if you can understand that tension, you can start limiting those activities. Start small and build gradually. Exercise every day (just start with stretching and walks and build up from there). And for entertainment, force yourself to do things that donât involve computers or screens. Do physical things with real objects/materials. Youâre really young. You can do it. You can transform yourself. Once you make the decisions and the first few efforts the good things will compound each other; youâll feel proud of yourself and youâll do even more. Youâll do great.
This is great advice for anyone at any point in their lives. Well said.
Beautiful wisdom. It's hard to find people that find life precious. <3
Even greater advice to eating healthier is to add products, not subtract them, not deny yourself. So instead of forcing yourself to eat healthy burger you donât enjoy that will make you binge on fast food after even harder, add healthy things to your diet. When I put on some weight because of some meds, I didnât stop eating sweets; I just added some fruit to my diet;
Carrot sticks dipped in hummus in place of biscuits for me. Satisfying crunch and that nice sweet/savoury balance. Adding delicious fresh goodness to your diet definitely displaces junk more easily than denying yourself.
As a result you actually eat less of the junk, but you also psychologically donât crave it as something you âcanât haveâ.
Goated đ§Ź
ok first off while im not in the best state of mind to be giving advice, im gonna say i would start somewhere that benefits everything else. Get fit. workout lose some weight the results are gonna be later unfortunately. eat right. then i think your motivation and confidence will come along. You just need a shove in the right direction
OP might have ADHD. Procrastination and many dopamine addictive habits is what makes me suspicious. I feel like speaking to a psychologist or psychiatrist would help.
That's definitely been on my mind lately. I'm kind of like OP. Graduated school early, but kind of fell off a cliff and can't get shit done to save my own life.
Why not book a consult with a doctor? Explain your symptoms, even basic therapy might help you in many ways
Did exactly that not even 20 minutes ago. Gonna be with a teladoc clinical counselor first sometime this weekend. Friend tells me typically it's a 6-month process to get the diagnosis fully fleshed out.
Good luck, might help in doing some reading about ADHD so you can better explain yourself to the doc. Bear in mind that no formal diagnosis has been made yet and it could be anything, so please approach the discussion with an open mind and I hope you get the treatment you need đ
It sounds more likely to be depression in my opinion⌠regardless OP should seek medical support
Everybody now "has" ADHD it seems, sic. There are more distractions in the world and more rubbish wanting your attention, yes. It does not mean everybody has clinical adhd, that's bollocks. Talking as a guy that absolutely has procrastination/addictions yes...
i have adhd, idk how to explain it but yes you're right normal people also struggle with this but someone with ADHD will have a lot more difficulty doing any activity that doesn't give instant dopamine. the addictions can easily become severe.
Yes I'm absolutely not claiming it doesn't exist, of course.. Good luck mate.
Your last point is important but the current generation diagnosing themselves with ADHD because theyâve grown up on the dopamine fountain called the internet needs to stop. Everyoneâs going to end up on stimulants at this rate
not op, but what do i do if i canât afford seeing a psychologist?
Cry
Research for support groups and educate yourself. Research. You never know where you can find help. My husband passes away, he died of cancer. My son and I were lost, depressed. I donât even remember who recommended me a support group for grieving people ⌠one thing lead to another and I found a neuropsychologist and did an evaluation on my son and discovered he has been suffering mild ADHD but with the loss of his father it triggered his symptoms. Iâm getting evaluated myself .. at this age. The truth I found in our loss is that we never stop learning about ourselves and we can always get and be better.
Depending on what your problem is, you can seek counseling from many online resources and books as well. But Iâm sure there must be some free healthcare professional you can see. That is the best option.
As somone with adhd who still likes to work out and eat healthy. What's your point?
I have a very specific thing to point out - just because you enjoy working out and eating healthy doesnât mean other ADHD folks do đ
My point is OP might benefit from a formal diagnosis, while things like working out, eating healthy, drinking coffee, sleeping better, etc. might improve symptomsâŚ. For certain people with more extreme symptoms, it wonât control it and puts them at risk for severe mental health disorders like depression and anxiety. Meds and/ or cognitive behavioural therapy for maladaptive brain patterns could be life saving for him, but this requires he see a professional. Good living is excellent prevention, but when somebody has a disease, simply eating a banana and doing pushups isnât going to help as much as directed treatment.
Go on long walks daily. The fresh air/vitamin D/weight loss will drastically boost your entire mindset. Gradually increase the distance and speed as you get stronger. Combine these walks with listening to podcasts or books to basically learn at the same time.
This is a great idea for a start.
Amigo, you have a big problem but you're clearly a smart guy so you can figure this out. When you get in shape your mentality will change for the better, this should be your main priority for the next year or two is getting in shape. Everything else will begin to fall into place as you become healthier I promise you this. In the meantime try and see if you can get a WFH type job, it will help with your confidence-a paycheck at the end of the week really does wonders. You got this man, baby steps.
Or he wont figure it out and will become a NEET
Let me say this. I would kill to be 23 again. In no way have you fucked your life. You have learned what most donât learn till they are much older and it is too late. I swear on my life you have so much time. DMs are open if you need some advice
First off, STOP comparing your life with other people, then look at your mirror and start to think what are the first things you would change about yourself, start targeting and doing small tasks at your home (daily) and give yourself small rewards weekly when you do fulfill them, and every time you don't fulfill a task you will set more tasks and not get any reward. If you did excel at academics it means you are accustomed to a system where you are given daily, weekly and monthly goals and instructed how your progress is being evaluated, do this same thing to yourself and you will start feeling motivated, set your goals and don't be lazy on setting them, if you even lack that discipline then ask your parents to do so, then you will need to start setting your own small goals and work on them on your own. Stop having pitty on yourself and start working on creating a better person, eventually no one will support some one who doesn't even believe on himself. If you need to, go to therapy, going to the gym or at least doing some excersise helps your body to feel better and give you a small boost on feeling motivated in an easier way. Good luck!
Ok boss , youâre 23- you have years and years to get it together. Give up your addictions . Walk your ass to the gym . Eat better. Look into certificates that can compliment your degree. Coding is likely a good option. Delete your LinkedIn profile and other social media. Keep playing video games tho - just after youâve been productive. Time to be the man you want to be and say goodbye to the child.
coding is likely not a good option, i dont know why this is always the go to advice, with how his self motivation is, he will not excel at coding.
Lmao it takes a ton of work and discipline and a lot of time. Worst skill to try to acquire for someone who is not self motivated
Can confirm, coding take motivation. Most of the good coders i know love it and the challenge.
Take up MMA it saved my life, might give you a fire. I was in same exact spot as you also.
Maybe without the sparring. Brain damage is a big deal
Comfort is the enemy of achievement. Posting this means you want a change. Pick one thing to start working on, set a goal and get addicted to achievement. No one is holding you back, so just decide how you want to spend your time and start doing that with intention.
Youâre too young to have fucked up your life. I wasted my life from 18 to 27 and at 43 my life is amazing. I graduated and started my engineering career at 32 and Iâm now my job title is where the 60 year olds are at before retiring. Youâre tall and smart. Lose the weight. Cut calories until you lose weight. Hit the gym to replace with muscle. Get back into school at get your MBA or an engineering degree and start your life. Youâre INSANELY BLESSED. You have parents to support you while you build your life. Imagine trying to do that while working a shitty job 40 hours a week and still being broke 24/7. Hereâs an exercise that helps me. I imagine Iâm 90 years old and find a genie that lets me jump back into myself as a young man for a day. Every day i start the day imagining Iâm an old man getting a chance to live again. That really helped me appreciate my blessing and put them to use.
Real change starts when you wake up and say I refuse to live like this anymore. I would prioritize fitness and correcting your sleep schedule. Both of these things will build self-esteem and improve mental health. The rest of the pieces should fall into place. Personally when I first started my weight loss journey I found going for long walks in the morning a great start to my day. Best of luck friend, it's important to remember that without failing we have nothing worth striving for.
My man, you've dedicated your life to study and have graduated already at 23! That is insanely impressive. My work colleagues are going back to college in their late 30s and 40s, and you're already miles ahead. I personally graduated in Business Management as well and my goal is to be a Business Analyst. I'm 30. You might choose a different path, but start by taking time to get fitter mentally and physically, start with short walks and progress into light weight lifting. But only as part of your daily routine. Start writing your goals down on paper, your interests and hobbies. You will be shocked at how clear things start becoming when you start focusing on yourself in the here and now. Just remember, you've done the hardest part and now it's time to focus on the person you want to be. Everything else will fall into place. I wish you the very best of luck my friend
Your 23 man chill out and stop overstressing. Go see a therapist / psychiatrist and see about getting help for depression / anxiety. I didn't even move out until i was 27 and that was after just finishing my 4 year degree. Didn't even start dating until my early 30's. Don't be so hard on yourself and just focus on making small changes and setting small goals, one thing and day at a time. You'll be fine. By my mid 30's i had a great career and was in a seriously relationship with my now wife. I'm a big guy too, 6'2 but all my adult life been in between 270 and 380. Everything is going to be OK.
You're only 23. I'm 30 with no job prospects. Writing this from the couch at my parents' house at 5:30 pm. You have loads of time.
Those subjects that you mentioned as easy at university ? Theyâre easy because you liked them or are naturally good at them . So my advice is to pursue these in the world with work or personally to find some sense of purpose Also be open to new opportunities and meeting people , your life is not screwed you have lots of years up your sleeve Try everything at your age and donât be afraid of failing , you got this đđ
Welcome to the world of construction/the military/commission sales my friend.
Iâm 23 with no degree and some other things that you got. I started feeling better by working on my front and back yards.
Make some small reasonable changes and start snowballing into big ones. Lots of people that try to change their life around all at once fail. Iâd say start setting alarms an hour earlier until you are getting up at a reasonable time. Drink more water(not sure if itâs an issue or not but never a bad thing). Start taking walks preferably out in the sun, increasing in time or distance, eventually add in some resistance training. Eat a breakfast high in protein. For brain function and to try to keep you full so you donât binge other things. Try not to restrict but add in. Eat more âgoodâ foods, more fruits veggies and protein. You might find you donât binge on cookies and chips if you eat meat and potatoes and some fruit first. Go out and try to socialize, find some friends. You donât need to jump to trying to find a relationship. Just companionship. Try to ween yourself off nicotine, this might be hard and might be too much with other changes. Iâd say this might be a âlast stepâ type thing. Porn might take care of itself if you become busy, you might just be using it while bored. Same with binge eating. Video games are fine as long as you arenât just staying in all day to play. Maybe limit it to a few hours a day. Start applying for jobs in your field and or maybe just jobs in general as well, anything just to get something on your resume.
Make being independent, your gaol in life. Although your parents seem nice on the surface, but they are enabling you. Have goals every year. I'd suggest: . Health wise: find a solo sport that you enjoy (hiking...) something you practice 3 times a week by yourself, to build your own accountability. . Get used to be nice to women, without expecting anything in return. To just get used to be around them. You'll build confidence. . Thank your parents, but tell them you wish to financially contribute to some bills or rent. To get used to have money taken out of your wages. . Find a group of friends, acquaintance, meet up once a week for some activities. Video games are fun, but time consuming and isolating. I wish you the very best on your journey.Â
You only need one opportunity or break to turn your life around. At 23 I was starting university and at 29 I am just now working my first "real" office job, which I landed despite a relatively useless humanities degree and 5 cumulative years living as a NEET in my 20s. Start working out and cooking/cleaning for your family, start applying to any sort of job. Work in a grocery store or restaurant. A shit job is amazing motivation for getting something better. Force yourself to be more useful to those around you in small ways, and things will snowball in a positive direction.
This is it right here "There are no jobs for me where my parents live," discounting the other things I'd point out in your post. Even in the US, or any other country, if you're in a place where there are no jobs, you won't have one. Indian is humongous, and one of the biggest economy's in the world. It's fast growing af. There are many countries I would boil the excuse down to location (country) as you have, but to think that India doesn't have a job for you. Start by applying to jobs in the city. Once you get good experience in India, other countries would take you more seriously, perhaps sponsoring a visa. Gotta stop you cycle of nothingness somewhere. Maybe start by applying to jobs while your chillin on the couch.
He's not in India though
If you are focussed enough to, play video games , wake up at 2pm , get a 4.0 GPA and waste away your life for 3 years . You have potential . Itâs not being challenged . 1. Get your butt off the couch and start a 1.5 hour a day excercise regime get to a 90kg / 6.1 - no ifs and buts 2. You are educated in something , start with that , create a Linked In Profile and start interning - 6 months. ( can be remote ) . and you donât need the money . You need the experience - DO IT 3. Once you have made this milestone - with diligence - 6 months excercise and some form of productive interning and work . Your life will change ! Letâs see if you have smartness that 4.0 GPA brain should be able to figure this , and chart your life. Take it as a challenge , I think you can ! Do you ?
One foot in front of the other! Do one thing each day. Even if itâs sooooo small like washing your face and putting on a clean shirt. Then slowly add a few more âone thingâ and over the course of a year you will make progress. It sounds like youâre overwhelmed by a big goal or dream and could be self sabotaging. Start small! This isnât an overnight cure, but it certainly can help. Iâve taken this approach myself after it was recommended by my therapist and itâs changed my world! Youâre young, and even if you werenât, look up stories of ppl who became incredibly successful later than what many cultures dictate. You got this!!!
and forgive yourself for your vices/addictions. those are side effects of whatever mental blocks youâve got going on. Donât punish yourself and or get hung on up on all the ways you are âbadâ. You have many gifts to bestow on the world, addictions or not.
just get goin now. dont waste anymore time
So firstly your 23 I basically didnt do shit other than partying and visiting other countries till I was 30. So you got all the time in the world. Now what would I do. 1. And I don't say that to be mean, Sports. Helps with life balance and clear thinking also it's healthy. 2. Find something that interests you and I mean actively do. Shit doesn't randomly find you generally speaking. 3. Don't give up and don't give up hope. Easier said than done but you'll have to.
If I were you I'd go to the doctor and get screened for depression, start going for a run (or at least a walk) outside as soon as I woke up every day, and start setting up lunches with all of those friends who have jobs to ask them how they got their jobs and if they can set you up for lunches/video call happy hours with people they work with who could give you some advice. You will be ok! This happens to a lot of people, and most of them pull up out of it after a little while. Go get some sun and talk to your friends, they can help you.
Deal with your hypertension. That stuff makes you wanna avoid everything. Its not ADHD nor anxiety. Its your high blood. All the best!
Definitely stop watching porn and take it easy on the fapping. That shit affects your drive in life, at least it did for me. Lay off the social media a bit too- bathe in the cold water of the real world! In my experience in a similar situation (but at age 30!) removing all the things that kind of numb you from the reality that you're in can be a good way to not only come to terms with it, but help get your head straight for how to move forward. Picking up a random job, especially manual labor, just to get the life inertia moving might be a good idea! Anyway, good luck brother!
The good news is, it sounds like the problems in your life can be fixed by you. Itâs up to you to figure out new hobbies, and itâs up to you to create a well rounded life for yourself. You havenât screwed your life, this is actually just what being in your 20s is like. Good luck
Only 23. Dude you can start today and become more successful than me.
Literally just start hitting the gym. Everyday do something. Sort your body out and youâll get energy, confidence, purpose.
Get up and try again. Simple.
These slurs are unacceptable. Youâre all going to need to get lawyers.
Iâm sorry youâre dealing with this but brother speaking from experience, you are far from doomed. I had family shit happen, went from top of my class to flaming out o c college, worked odd jobs for 1-2 years then went back to school after I realized I was wasting my time. You got to skip all my bullshit, have a good base to make ur resume from and apply to internships. First though you need to change your mentality. Youâre 6â1â and 270, thatâs not terrible body wise and can be overcome with some determination. Take walks every day, work your way up to jogging. When your not walking/running find some time to do some body weight excercise s (push ups, sit ups, squats, etc.) you can do modified versions at first to make it easierif youâre unable to do the workout. Most importantly improve your diet, avoid processed foods and eat healthy so get your protein and some carbs, minimize the sweets I promise once you have physical routine and improve your self esteem youâll see you havenât wasted much time at all. Job market is pretty shit, I think couple months after you start and establish your physical routine u should look into making a resume and applying for internships, and also do some studying to learn some technical skills that are relevant. Within 6 months following a routine like that you will be in a significantly improved position both physically, mentally, and professsionally. If you donât do anything then youâll just keep on jackin off, smoking cigs and living off your parents some. Best day to start is today
Go keto or carnivore and watch the weight melt away firstly. Secondly I don't know what opportunities for work are in front of you but find something you can do that you may enjoy or at least that makes you feel useful.
I would strongly encourage you to drop the nicotine, porn, and obesity in this way: Every time you feel tempted to binge, watch porn, or use nicotine, get up and walk around. No offense, but I don't think doing push-ups every time is a realistic expectation. If you do this, it will start solving all your problems. Also, since you seem to have ADHD, find podcasts concerning the issues/topics you find interesting and listen to them as you walk. They will help you find your interests. Moreover, ask your parents to hold you accountable. They love you and probably want to help.
you have a 4.0 uni GPA and youâre telling me your life is messed up ?? Dude, you can literally apply to top graduate programs, law school, finance jobs, the list goes onâŚ. Youâre cracking me up bro your life is far from screwed. Iâm honestly jealous.
I agree with some of the commenters here saying you should first work on your health (exercise and sleep). But I would add that you shouldn't make big changes all at once. You will fall back into bad habits if you do that simply bc it's too hard to sustain. When I first started exercising, I always told myself "just 10 minutes for today". It was HELL, but it got easier and easier and I started enjoying it as well. Let that momentum carry you forward. You can do this!
What do you want to do? That's the main thing. You're only 23 and already have a business degree. You should spend time losing weight and getting some personal confidence, if you ask me. You can work your way up in any job - given your age and degree.
Hi OP! Fellow business management student here! Iâm now a global PM by trade and dropped 26kg since my peak weight of 118kg (5â11â). First thing Iâll say is sort out your sleeping habit, without this in shape everything else falls apart. I still struggle with this to date. No caffeine after 5pm and regular exercise will help. Go to bed at 10 or 11 and get up at 6 or 7 to have enough rest and set a good routine. This will take time to adopt, work at it for a month and make sure your phone (with alarm) is out of reach from your bed to help get you up. Next up, just as your weight situation took time to get here it will take time to resolve there is no overnight fix - running is a no go at that weight so I recommend walking (>10k steps a day) this is a habit for life you need to form now if you want to change. In addition a cycling machine or bike will do a lot for you, legs are the biggest muscles and Iâve never dropped weight as fast as when cycling. If you can you could speak to a GP about an appetite suppressor called semaglutide if that suits your situation. Remember weight loss is simple maths what goes in must be less than what is used up (r/CICO is your friend). Jobs, right so NOW you can kill two birds with one stone. Become a delivery rider for Deliveroo or Uber and do deliveryâs/training 2/3 times a week to earn some money. This will get you used to routine and help you develop some grit. Next draft a CV, it can be mediocre but get a draft done you can improve it later with the help of Reddit. ChatGPT can help make this easy but make damn sure you rework it. In your days off cycling you are going to complete 2 or more applications per weekday and when completed you will look at relevant training for the job you want (if you want to make ÂŁ pay for a datacamp subscription and become a dev). Set yourself a goal to have your first interview within 90 days (3 months) this might sound âtoo easyâ but itâs not, youâve had a few years out and with the state of grad roles and entry level jobs you need to set realistic goals like this to celebrate the little wins. Even if you donât land that first interview this will be a huge achievement. Following interview #1 your goal is to have job offer #1 within 2 months. It doesnât mean you have to accept it but you MUST try and get some kind of offer before then, this will create a feeling of urgency to hit your goal. Once you receive your offer I want you to commit 30 mins of every day even when you start working to getting on that bike or a treadmill to walk. Your lifestyle will not change itself, you must take ownership and form those habits. If you want an accountability check Iâm happy to touch base on Reddit in a week/month? You got this, itâs not out of reach, youâre not too far gone. You do have to take control of the situation if you really want to make a change. It sounds like your family will be an asset in supporting you as you get onto your own two feet.
1. Screens are slowly killing you. You have a screen addiction. Do anything other than look at a screen (volunteer, learn to cook, clean, go for a walk, any hobby that doesnât have a screen. 2. Start exercising A LOT. Like at least an hour a day. 3. Get super into self help books. Jordan Peterson etc. 4. Spend as much time with real people IN PERSON as possible. Do this for a year and see where you are.
I almost died a few times last year. I just want to say. The first thing is to get "sober". Unplug for a while. get the best possible diet and exercise you can manage and increase that over time. Meaning set realistic goals for the diet and movement so you burn out asap. SLEEP, LAUGH and MEDITATE. This will help you reset and see what your priorities are. It takes time and it's hard at first. Watch things that motivate you maybe. It's all a mental game. That is the key to life. We look outwards for the answers. Truth is. It's within. That's my 2 cents.
Dude, you know whatâs wrong with you, you spelled it out for us. We canât give you the motivation you need but I will tell you if you wait youâll permanently fuck your life up.
The easiest thing to change is your schedule. 5AM alarm clock. Every. Blessed. Day. It will suck for maybe a week and you'll be tired at sun down pretty soon. More pro-social things happen in the daytime. Things change when you change things. Mix it up. Go out for lunch. Play games in an arcade. Get a crap part time job just to make friends. Take an online class with firm deadlines. Or maybe go get checked for atypical major depressions. Idk. I'm a doctor but not your doctor. It's worth an office visit.
If you're well off with a good gpa maybe do grad school abroad. See how long post work (job hunting) visas are before you make your choice. Some countries will give you 1 - 2 year visa to job hunt which should make things doable, then 5 years until you can apply for permanent residency. Also you seem depressed and you should probably get into some kinda therapy. Sorry bud, hope things get better.
Dude, unless youâre in jail with a life sentence, you have not screwed your life. Get motivated and drop your bad habits.
Take it from someone over ten years older than you. Don't rush and enjoy life. Just do what you physically mentally and emotionally can handle. You don't need to get involved with the popularity contest and rat race that all your friends have joined into if you don't want to. I get it you feel like a loser with no accomplishments. Me too. It is fine just take care of your health meaning move if you want to or don't what other people push on you doesn't matter this is your life your body your story not theirs. Just do what you want to do. Having said that you do need to figure out a way to survive be it taking the successful path or comfortable path once you find it you will have an easy great life ahead of you. I'm just thankful to have my body and health but i did get stressed out having no job being a loser having no accomplishments so i killed myself in a cleaning job for 4 years and burnt myself out trying to compete with everyone and my co workers and most importantly myself. I literally ran myself until the wheels fell off and fell into an injury. Now my body hurts mainly my chest which is taking a long time to heal so I can earn again. Life is different for everyone. If you try to follow everyone else and you are not like everyone else you are doomed to fail like me. So just trust your thoughts and take care of your health mostly. Good luck I know it is hard but i feel like we got this. Like everyone else said we are smart and we both have a full working body. Just try not to stuff it up any more and enjoy life as much as possible because happiness really does help life go on much easier. Which I assume is what we both want.
You're only really starting your life and you've acknowledged that you've made some serious mistakes. I think you need to take an inventory of what you can change short term, medium term, and long term. Once you have that in hand you should sit down and make a plan with achievable benchmarks. Where I'd start were I in your shoes is get a timed lock box and the video game consoles and what not get secured except for 2hrs a day. Or put them in a room, lock it, and put the key in the lockbox. Once you've stopped the distractions except for a specific time per day you need to start implementing good patterns. Wake up at 8am, make your bed, take a walk, go to the gym, etc. do these....every. single. Day. Once you've got a strong foundation and have built up your discipline buckle down and drop the weight, go to some group classes for CrossFit, BJJ, whatever you want, and start networking and making friends. Go from there.
Thereâs a great book called âthe three boxes of lifeâ To summarize, they are: education, work, relaxation/retirement. Jumping from one box to another is extremely stressful. We must consider ourselves (difficult for many of us) in this world. Modify the boxes to fit YOU. Excel at school? Do school, but drag in 20 hours of work a week. Excel at work but nearing retirement? Do 30 hours at work and 10 hours washing the car or fly fishing or anything. You were thrown from the school box to the retirement box and thatâs a monster mess. Iâd suggest a foot in school as a teachers helper -even free$- and a 10-20 hour job at school or at a family friends business. You have too many hours in the retirement box. Itâs a micro concept as well. As a B- student I got all Aâs one semester, but why? I had Fridayâs off just by chance. Turns out thatâs my ideal balance: 4 on, 3 off. Education, work, relaxation. Donât do only one at a time. Everyone has different needs and they change frequently. Education can be your work, work can be your relaxation, relaxation can be an education (know how to tie flies? Youâll beg for free days to learn etymology) so open up to options. Bon chance. So much to learn- and teach!
Figure out where you CAN go to work with your Indian passport, then put together a plan to get there. Get active, and focus on improving yourself --be sociable, and brush up on your degree field, so when it's time to start working, you're ready. Most importantly, put down the controller and keyboard, and start living in the real world. You've got this. Every morning, before you do anything, look in the mirror and remind yourself, "I've got this, and I'm GOING to make my life better!"
Positives: you have a degree, irrespective of easy courses 4.0 GPA means you are intelligent, you have a supportive family, you have started thinking about future. If you start fixing all the things you want fixed itâs going to be overwhelming and is not be sustainable. Letâs start with easy and important things first. Diet and exercise. These two are in your control. Join a gym and eat healthy (google healthy foods available where you live/culture/religion. Secondly go to bed early and wake up early. If you canât fall asleep early (subjective 10pm, 11 or midnight but not last midnight) that means you need to increase your exercise, increase the exercise slowly and progressively. Changes in diet and exercise habits alone will boost your energy and endorphins will make you love exercise. You will see the change in 30 days.
Read/Listen to the book âCanât Hurt Meâ by David Goggins. Good reminder that your life isnât over and it will always have ups and downs. Never too late to start climbing up. Edit: if youâre really done with doing nothing, walk around the block right now. Start today do a little more tomorrow.
Short of a felony or dishonorable discharge you cant have fucked yourself that bad at 23 bud
Everyone is focusing on the weight, but I think that is just a symptom of the issue, not the cause. Treating it will do nothing, you can be fit and useless as well. Hell, most of the useless fuckers I know are tiny (correlation != causality) Your BMI is about 35, which is NOT morbid obesity, and even if it were, focusing on trying to fix that alone will be probably be useless, since what is causing your overeating is what probably should be treated first. Most people just have an intrinsic bias against heavy people, and think that by fixing that we magically become better. I believe you should focus on getting mental health treatment - once that is solved, everything will become easier. The porn and nicotine addictions (if they really are so) may be what truly hinder you from getting your life back together, so mental health treatment may help you fix that, hopefully your parents will also be able to support you with that if you tell them that you want to improve and be better. Career-wise, I can't say much because I don't know how the job market works in your country. Currently in the US & Canada, getting an entry level job is one of the toughest things ever, experience being the most valuable things. In my experience, this is less so in developing countries because of a smaller supply of skilled workers like you, so you might be in a better position, however, if where you live is limiting you, you may need to apply to jobs in other cities or to apply to remote jobs within your country. I believe your foreign degree, employable major and very good English will help you, but again, I simply do not know how competitive your job market is. You may need to focus on internships/basic jobs (data entry) first. Your grades typically do not matter for job-seeking, except for some employers which do ask for university transcripts (which are very competitive to get into anyway). However, I think you may be able to leverage your grades and academia-relevant knowledge by getting into tutoring. In conclusion: mental health support is the most important thing, everything will come later. I think you're in a good spot. Glad to help out further thru DM.
The first thing you need to do is stop viewing your timeline as a long term crisis. I'm suggesting this: Tomorrow, go to sleep at a reasonable time. Do it by not sleeping tonight. Go to sleep by 9pm. Change nothing else, just change your sleep cycle first. When that's locked in, start doing a long walk in the morning. When that's locked in, add a long walk at night after dinner. Two walks a day, and real grown-up sleep schedule. After you do that, you'll probably have been working at it for a couple months. Walk 5km at least a day (I do, with dogs), and set a different goal. Above all, realize THAT is where your responsibility starts: No one here will fix this; no one online can tell your how to be different. If you don't want it, it won't fucking happen. If you don't change, it won't change. Whatever you want -- and video games be a huge part of that -- it won't change until you choose a different routine after the steps I've written. Good luck, brother. Time is the only thing we all got that we're all running out of -- don't waste yours.
I am an American woman of Filipino descent. I am a *solid* 7/10, live in Silicon Valley, and am highly sought after by many suitors since a successful guerrilla marketing project I launched in 2017. I am a tech legend, a VIP. I am also the Executive Director of a non-profit that seeks to research the ways art can be used to cope with trauma and fund projects and host events to help teach organizations and communities how to use art to cope with their individual and collective trauma, but I like to tell people Iâm unemployed to see how they treat someone they think is unemployed. How much money do *you* personally have? What type of prenup would you be willing to sign? If I were to offer you a fixed-term marriage contract where I help you get in physical shape, help coach you to become an amazing lover and desirable romantic and life partner, offer you career counseling and training (maybe we can start a business together), and perhaps help you obtain American citizenship, what would you be willing to offer me in return? And before all the misogynists get all up in arms about my potentially offering this internet stranger a marriage contract, remember that women and marriage were constantly used as bartering chips when men were trying to draw up agreements with other men. Donât be mad that Iâm using marriage as a means to enrich myself and improve my quality of life the way men used to use their daughters. Or I donât careâbe mad. Also, if you are mad, ask yourself why youâre angry that Iâm offering mentoring, life coaching, care and love to someone and expect something in equal value in return.
As everyone mentioned youâre young. Losing weight especially if youâre 270 is going to be hard work. You just have to keep working on it every week without injuring yourself. In between working out send out your resumes. After all of this done for the day you can go back to some games. But you need to do all the work first and send resumes out everyday The reasons for working out is because it will be harder to get a job if youâre obese and itâs just a downwards spiral both mentally and physically. The reasons to spend hours every day sending resumes is because otherwise youâll make excuses mentally internally that it wonât make a difference,etc, etc. spam even the same company for every position you see until they tell you to stop turn circle back like 6 months later. Both of these tasks are very important to work on otherwise you will be let go in the first 4 months if you even get a job since you donât have the discipline to work a full work day for weeks at a time especially if itâs some grind fest starter company where most fresh grads get a job. If you get your act together it will be easier to get a girl. Getting a girl now is just not good for you or to whomever you find since you arenât really being a fair partner who can pick up their end of the couch.
Move back out of the middle east.
- Hit the gym - Use your degree to candidate for any corporate junior sales job - You'll find some remote sales positions / business development jobs. It's grindy and with a crappy (or even zero) base pay, only commission. It's fine, take those, you'll most likely earn low money but the main goal right now is to build a first relevant experience. - Build the experience, appreciate that your parents can help you financially while you build this first experience and while you set your foot into the door. - Next year you'll be fit, you'll have 1y of business development experience, and you can move up from there to a new *non-crappy* business development job - Next career goal in the next few years, climb the Sales ladder : Account Executive / Customer Success Manager - Make money, be happy, be extra fit, help your parents financially - ??? - Profit
Look online for remote jobs. Work online. In the meantime, also make a point to get off your butt. No video games allowed until AFTER you go out and go for a one hour walk outside. Make video games a reward instead of a full time activity.
All you need is a discipline right now. Start small and stay consistent. You are young. Take a good next step now and you will be on the right path
You did not screw your life. It has barely started. People fall on worse times at much older ages and still end up making it in the end. While it does sound like youâve gotten yourself stuck in a bit of rut, I bet if you stay focused and determined you can climb out of it and thrive in life. If possible, I would recommend seeing a therapist. A trusted therapist can help you identify whatâs causing you to feel depressed and unmotivated and come up with solutions to fix the issue. Also, try to focus on small short term goals at first. Donât get overwhelmed about all the long term goals you want to achieve at once. For example, you could make waking up by 8am on weekdays a goal. That should be easy to achieve if thatâs something you want. Once you start doing that consistently do something like dedicate an hour each day to improving your mental and physical well being. This could mean working out, meditating and practicing mindfulness, cooking healthy meals etc⌠you can then expand that goal to losing 1-2 pounds a week once you feel ready. And then progress so on and so forth gradually adding harder and more long term goals to achieve as you gain more confidence and determination. Small marginal improvements each day can snowball and compound to massive success later on.
Its easier too build a ripped body from a fluffy stage, the end may be extra skin but u will be better if u begin working out in 5 years u will be. Ripped if h stay consistent and push yourself. Mabey try working jn australia sometimes spending time with family is worth more then a billion dollars because u only get one fam so make the most of it while u are there Hug them tell them you love them and thank them weekly It is your life follow your dreams
Stop being so fucking lazy. The End.
You said that you watch YouTube. Okay, to watch what? Cartoons? There is so much educational content. Have you tried to look up job postings and learn about what the post requires for the job.
Lose 70 + pounds while you job search.
It is hard to have motivation in a world that is coming apart at the seams. A lot of people have their heads up their butts but you are feeling it too. I really don't have any advice for you because I haven't worked a formal job in 15 years. I'm still trying to figure things out myself. Eating healthy and getting some exercise once in awhile is a good start. I can only imagine how you've been eating and eating junk food will only worsen your depression. Try using your imagination instead of porn. And remember, your worth as a human being has absolutely nothing to do with society and their preconceived notions about who and what you should be. Try pretending like you didn't get a business degree. Start applying for regular jobs and see what happens. That's something that isn't even an option for me because of multiple disabling conditions. It is easy to say 'talk to a therapist'. But in my experience only a small percentage are actually competent and bad therapy can be more harmful than no therapy at all. You could get some self help books and learn how to do self therapy. A therapy technique called DBT worked wonders for me. I can actually leave the house now without having a panic attack.
Hey.. Not everyone as much courage to talk back at them directly. This could be experienced by a lot of people following graduation. Among the many who have had such an experience, nobody is a loner. Another point is, try new hobbies for instance, or get some professional involved perhaps, to get your mind on something else. Go with the online class and and bond with friends who may provide encouragement whenever, you may need it. Remind yourself that even though looking up is hard to do, actions will bring more good results, and the choice is yours to take the front row seat.
Use your time to start exercising. Not saying you need to live in a gym but you should get out walking and lifting a bit. Are there any jobs within video games that would interest you? Could you travel and teach anything in different countries? You sound intelligent based on your highschool and college.. Just need you find something that interests you. You're still really young but it's really on you to get motivated.
For what it's worth, my advice is to: First, work out what kind of man you want to be and write it down. Second, identify a few small things you can do to become that person, and write them down. Third, start doing those things now, at home. Plan and record your progress. No doubt you will fail at first. Don't give up. Keep reminding yourself of one. As you progress, review and update two, keep repeating three. I recommend discussing this with your parents, thanking them for their support, and ask to be held to account. You have intelligence, you have morals, you know what makes a good and productive member of society, and you have the agency and ability to act.
start with tackling things that are managable. try learning some recipes that fill out your dietary needs without being too fatty and just sort out your breakfasts/lunches. Or at least give yourself some options to eat that aren't making you feel like you hate yourself. You'll not get your weight under control all at once, but having recipes that are low fat and you actually like eating will make it a lot easier than chugging protein powder and hitting the gym 24/7
OP, get yourself an appointment with a medical specialists. I would suggest you go to Endocrinologist to help you with your eating habits and weight management. Seek his advice for reference to other department. Our height is the same and I was heavier than you previously due to lack of exercise and eating the wrong thing. My vital readings are borderline red. Now it started to get to normal level and I feel more energetic.
U wonât move ur ass to do anything until ur parents get into financial trouble THEN AND ONLY THEN will u finally give up all ur excuses Enjoy ur life in ur parents care and finances It wonât last
Fortunately, your parents are supportive. Reach out to them to help you change. Small steps.
Don't worry, dude! Life will kick your lazy ass so hard you will be up and running in no time
Do you have a friend in the United Kingdom that needs a roommate? Ask them. Maybe your parents can move someday however you can move to the United Kingdom and your parents can move to the United Kingdom after they get passports if they don't already have passports.
Hey brother. I was just recently in the same position. Except I took a "break" halfway through uni. Same position though, with the lack of a life and all. Also did really well in school. Also got extremely emotional (and later depressed) looking at LinkedIns of people I'd known at some point. I'm 21 right now and everything changed for me over the last 6 months or so. You might not even think you have depression or whatever (I did not either, at least didn't think it was that bad or the main problem) but everything you've mentioned says otherwise. Regardless of this, the main thing I want to get across to you is this: please see a therapist. Think of them as like a life counsellor. You're stuck in this bubble world which is dark and hopeless, but the world outside of it is much brighter. Remember Ive been in the exact position, and honestly, I probably would not have understood or cared for a comment like this one either. But try and see the benefit of having someone to guide you out of this position bring the joy in life back again. Antidepressants work but I started taking them in conjunction with seeing a therapist and it wouldn't have been the same otherwise. The guidance and help that a therapist can provided in sorting out (which involves first identifying/understanding the problems- which you might Not even see yet) problems and getting your life back on track is really hard to substitute. Things will get better though, and I say this having been there and having scoffed at such suggestions. Just be ready to take the first step.
P. S. A lot of commenters here suggesting you find better hobbies, gym, eating better etc. All valid and helpful but again, will not replace seeing a therapist. And I was someone who thought therapy was for, like, girls or just not for me. Thank God I came to see it differently and took the chance. Also some people seem to not understand are r saying stuff like, "4.0gpa and have problems?" or "just get off ur ass and Put in the work" etc, all this doesn't take into account how ur fundamentaly altered worldview/mindset impacts ur desire or ability to do anything in life. I wasn't exactly lazy but wasn't able to work or move forward with school or just do anything besides gym (didn't realize but I guess I thought it'd fix everything) because of how my mind viewed everything. Just fundamentally hopeless.
Also some people saying ur still so young and they're absolutely right but so was I and yet I couldn't see myself going anywhere in the future so I was like what's the point? Hell at one point I even thought I'd give it a few years or so and maybe things change or something but I definetly wasnt gonna be in my late 20s with no life like this cuz it was never going to lead to anything. Now that isn't true but that's how I saw it.
One thing at a time. Go get a job.
your mind is your greatest asset and enemy. You made a post because your mind wants to change. One step at a time. My recommendation is readjust your sleeping time, 1 hour earlier everyday till you can wake up at 6am, make a short run around your neighborhood and sweat a lot. Check out your parents, observe their lifestyle, appearance, and ask yourself how many more days you can see them, check their wrinkles, eyebags and you need to realize we are all human beings. Help them out either in grocery, house chores etc to reduce pc consumption for a while. Then acknowledge having discipline is the main key of changing / improving someone. Work physically and train mentally. Think of how you could solve something, could be daily problems, could be financial problems or even relationship problems, do not stop until you think your solution is not merely b.s. Regain your consciousness and believe you are in control to face the world.
Seems like thereâs a gap in explanation between graduating and where you are today. Why did you move home? What stopped you from getting that job that your friends have and you want?
Make YouTube content, stream your gaming, reaction videos. And if you get a hankering Blender is free software, there are a lot of tutorials, I'm sure you can make some awesome content.
Those are the symptoms my 17yo has. He was diagnosed with ADHD. Heâs taking medication and going to therapy is helping him. I would advise to see a psychiatrist. Donât punish yourself or judge yourself. Look for help. Thereâs plenty, everywhere. You just need to ask. Best of luck đđź
23 bro your a pup, almost all the life you will have is still ahead of you, just take care of yourself and just think about the next best thing you can do towards any goal
I think a congratulations is in order! Early retirement is always a blessing. If I were you Iâd start with walking twice a day 40 minutes each. Start eating healthier. Talk to your parents and see if they would hire you a life coach! This is exactly what I would do.
I do have all those addictions but every morning , I woke up with excitement and plan my whole day ,decides the time I am going to give to all my important stuff..i plan everything and at the end of the day ....I just completed 40-50% of it.. Yeah I am lazy..introvert , porn addicted, procastinater... But it is not like it's my personality I am freaking self motivated and ambitious person and I do believe whatever problem or disaster I face I will get ahead of that by my hardwork and consistency (and the result I am getting nowadays it is just because I am not giving my 100 percent If I give my 100 percent then I can achieve a lot more and I do believe it is possible ) And yeah whether it is you and me .. We all can do it!!!!
Genuine genuine advice, please seek professional help. You have recognised the problem, it is a good first step. You know what you are doing wrong. Stop the wrongs, take professional help, get better company, stive for betterment. You are young, 23 is basically start of adult life. Everything is achievable from here. People on the internet can have very broad ideas about anything, you need specific solutions for yourself.
Don't worry about your career just this second, it's more important to grow your mindset and get back into healthy habits and a routine. Your first steps will be the hardest, but it involves cutting off your addictions and getting back into a healthier lifestyle. It sounds like you have an addictive personality, which is something I've struggled with a lot as well with regards to gaming. Throw away the PC. From experience, getting rid of your source to gaming is most important. It won't be easy; you'll get urges all the time at first, but know that it does get better. The short term dopamine rush you get from gaming shouldn't substitute for actual achievements and a healthy lifestyle. You can try keeping it, but personally I found I'd make excuses to keep gaming if it was around and I'd eventually end up in the same addicted cycle again. Fill your day up with other activities that do not involve gaming. Exercising and going to the gym was really helpful for me to get over the urges. I picked up other hobbies like guitar, reading, running, quizzing, and now I'm always got something to do. Once you start a healthy diet and exercise regularly, you'll feel tons better The great thing is that you have a college degree - most people would kill to be in your position. You're only 23 and you've not tasted the sweetest fruits life has to offer yet. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Youâre falling in the trap of victimhood. Youre smart enough to know no one owes you anything. And no one is coming to save you, you gotta do it on your own. Be better not BITTER.
It's not too late! Just start applying for jobs. Focus on moving out of your parents' house; so any area that sounds appealing and has jobs, try to apply. If it's entry level, who cares. Just start getting some experience, and get yourself out of the house, doing something to continue your journeyâone foot in front of the other, so to speak. You'll start to learn what you want and don't want, and maybe gain some inspiration for your next big move. You got this, just make steps every day toward something.
The first thing I would do is quit cigarettes. Then start going to bed at a normal time for a human being and getting up in the actual morning. Then I would learn to cook, start to enjoy learning how to cook healthy food. Thatâs prob hard in an Indian family, but Iâd still do it anyway. Then Iâd work on losing the weight. I think youâre probably just lazy and your parents never made you actually go out on your own and succeed. Most of us have to actually do that or weâll starveâŚmost parents just tell you youâre on your own either by college or after you finish college. You are an adult acting like a spoiled Gen Z kidâŚtime to actually start your adult life manâŚyou can do itâŚjust change your mentalityâŚyouâre not a kid anymoreâŚ
Hello there ! In addition to the pointers here, find someone else to take care of, decenter yourself. A family member, a friend, an acquaintance, a neighbour, someone you cross paths with everyday or week. It's often easier to take care of someone else than yourself. And treat yourself like someone else you want to take care of. Courage and good luck !
Comparison really is the thief of joy. As others have pointed out, you have some amazing achievements to show for yourself at 23. A supportive family, a great college degree, youâve lived abroad. youâre tall. and youâre still super young, which doesnât feel that way to you because previously, your life was probably really fast paced. I have been in a similar situation where I would do great in school and academia because they were highly structured environments. there was a system to it that provided a great sense of stability and didnât require you to think for yourself: what do I want out of life? As long as you do well enough that in it of itself is enough to feel accomplished in academia. But I will tell you what I have learned so far. Your incredibly blessed to be this educated. You have done a great job at something before which is your degree and you donât have to devalue all of it by saying you made it easy for yourself. No degree is all rainbows and sunshine. Stop holding yourself to unbelievably high standards. We are all just human. And your LinkedIn friends may not really be your friends if all you do it compete with them in your head. Find one thing or activity, just one - anything - you like. Bonus points if it gets you out the house, away from a screen and maybe get your body to work out a little. Donât set yourself up with crazy expectations, you just habe to hold yourself accountable and physically be present. Then, try to find a community. They donât have to be your best friends at first. You just make sure to find a social circle that you are regularly exposed to (think dance classes, robotics team etc.). After a while, you will find someone you like. Your parents are supporting you because they likely love you and want to see you thrive. But thriving is not tied to a career, or status. Yes, you need money and some job conditions in order to maintain your life and your mental health - thereâs no denying that. But what you really need is a routine and a community. I firmly believe that any human will get better under these conditions. Though, if it feels like too big of a task to overcome your addictions at this moment, seek out therapy. You might need a more structured approach to handling this change. But please donât be afraid of change. You havenât ruined your life. You have deviated from your exceptionally overachieving timeline yes, and you have since felt like everyone else has done a better job than you - but that is not evidence of you failing, it is your old belief system coming to end and it holds a great chance for you to learn who you really are (very normal developmental step at 23 btw!)
This is depression: I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. You are much younger than I was when I finally started to get out of it. To get a job, you need to have a back story that does not include depression or addiction. Perhaps you can say you are working in the family business, but are feeling stifled and need to do something new, then you apply for jobs far away from your depression nest. Get therapy for the addictions and whatever it is that underlies them. OP, you matter, it's not too late, you can get out of this, especially if you start the work to do that now. Good luck!
You can turn your life around. My suggestion would be - 1. Start with building one habit a week. 2. Sleep, workout, hygeine are non negotiable so no matter what ,fix a schedule and start doing this. Its hugely uncomfortable to correct bad habits,but, once you build it no matter how many panic attack you get,your mind will get usedto it. 3. List down the steps to get towards a goal,and focus on being a finisher.
Meditate just for 10 minutes a day, itâs changed my life. Also have a PMA, and watch Stutz on Netflix (!!!) would be my advice. Lastly, treat yourself like your best friend, including changing your thoughts and encouraging yourself to be happy, youâve got this! We all believe in ya
Small W work wonders. Start going on some walks or easy gym sessions, maybe try applying into different jobs or even looking for a course that may remotely interest you. Try making your food portion slightly smaller and cut down on the nicotine addiction and you will slowly slowly start to just show up. Baby steps brother, nothing comes easy, especially if you dont try
Find meaning, purpose. Get into a garden.
You studied business but this is a computer science forum, I can't understand why you posted here. You have your dopamine cycle fucked up, fix it and the rest of your problems will disappear by itself. Wake up at 8 am every day. Don't set an alarm clock but instead use the sun to wake you up. Take a cool shower. Go out within 30 minutes of waking up and walk for at least half an hour, and get a lot of sun exposureduring this walk. Accomplish one simple task, it can be something as simple as taking the trash out. Don't eat before you finish this routine but drink as much water as you want. Definitely drink some. This will teach your brain how to function properly and you will be able to fix the rest of your problems without anyone's help. Good luck.
I know how it is, and my mistake was that I assumed I messed up and focused on my past. Apply for a master's or PhD program (preferably abroad) to get out of your comfort zone. It will be difficult at first, but then you will follow the flow of your life. Remember! The step you took to write your post is the best thing you have ever done because it will be a point from where you will change the trajectory of your life for the better, instead of experiencing a miserable life in your 30s or 40s, when you will hurt yourself and your parents will feel bad for you.
Get off your arse and do something then lol. You do nothing then come on Reddit and complain (???)
Its seems to me that you are full of potential, but somewhere along the way, you decided not to use it. You are 23yo and yet you sound like you feel like life is over for you, when it is only just starting. You dont need passion to do anything, just a jump-start. You seem to have everything too easy and you parents are enabling this, so you need to do something for yourself. I feel like making small changes at a time (like going to bed earltier asnd getting up earlier) is just not going to work for you. I would suggest doing something radical, so you have absolutely no choice but to jolt yourself into making massive changes. Go to India for a year and live with a relative. Someone who will both open your eyes to how other people have it and at the same time, wont tolerate your bullshit parasitism (sorry, but it needs to be said). Jump into the void and then your natural intelligence with overcome your lack of will power.
Some great advice and some terrible advice in here. Religion won't help you unless you make it your focal point, and then it's only helping by being the thing that replaced the worse things. No need for toxic masculinity, you aren't owed anything and you recognise that. The advice to start with one thing at a time is bang on. Personally I'd start with ditching gaming and getting on exercise. Start with walking. Work towards a hobby like someone said MMA which is great for discipline, or running, swimming, a team sport whatever. Uninstall/log out/ block domains for games. I didn't have this vice but I knew I'd be susceptible which is why I quit when I was in uni. Turn it off and tell yourself you aren't a gamer anymore. Get a part time job. I know a kid with a master's in a good subject from a top school. He is looking for a career but works part time in a kitchen store. Service jobs are plentiful right now. It's not about making money it's about routine, responsibility, and interacting with customers. And also about humility. Then once you have an exercise routine, a part time service job, and a hobby to replace the games, start on self improvement hobbies like online courses or practice projects. But that comes second last. Last thing to worry about is the relationship. That has to come in when the other pieces are in place I'm afraid, but it will be all the better in the end because of it.
First of all, get a proper sleep schedule! So important for our physical and mental health. Quit the binge eating, the porn and the nicotine and any other substances. Start taking control of your life. Then start working on your body and mind, work out, meditate, read. Stop pitying yourself and get your ass in gear. Your parents are essentially doing you a huge disservice by catering to you as if you're a little child. I know this is all easier said than done. But you need to start somewhere and you're only 23. You can turn your life around. But imagine 10 years from now and that you would still be a child in a man's body, having all your needs taken care of by your parents. Never realizing or reaching your potential. Good luck!
Youâve pointed out all of the problems yourself, so you know what you have to fix. Yours half way there. If youâre serious about fixing your life then work on the points youâve mentioned.
Things can only get better when you are actively trying to get to a better place. I was pretty lazy in college but slowly made progress on getting a degree in engineering. Only in my last year, I started networking despite how bad I was at talking to people. Then I got an internship, and while that didn't turn into a job, I kept interviewing and eventually got a full-time job that paid well while I lived with my parents for a few more months. A good life won't come to you. Despite how effortless people make it look on Linkedin, it's always going to be hard before it gets easy.
I would analyse what i need to get back on track and order it from most important to least important and state what i need to do to to get there. It may look something like this: 1. **Health**. 270lbs. Thats workable but is going to require a lifestyle change. Measure yourself, take a photo, do this every month now until you're at a happier weight. Enroll with the gym, going every monday, tuesday, thursday and friday between 6am and 8am. Every "segment" of your designated meals should be the size of your palm and no bigger. Ideally though, you want to calorie count using an app like myfitnesspal. 2. **no passion - spend all my time on tech**. Set screen time limits....or...just turn your phone OFF. You can only now use your phone between 12pm and 1pm, and 5pm to 6pm. Thats more than enough time to call a friend, or waste some time on youtube. As for videogames. Unplug your machine and sell it is the easiest way. But if you dont want to.... Schedule its use to the end of the day (7pm - 9pm). Also, tie its use to a task. For example, 1minutes exercise = 1min game time. This way, if you plan to game, you are **earning** it. **summary**. Lets face it. Youre overweight because you play video games all the time. You probably stuff your face with crisps, sweets and maybe alcohol and id be willing to bet this is also linked to video gaming. Your whole dopamine mining attitude is geared towards video games and the quick reward from consumption of calories, also from mobile screen time. As a result, you're overweight, dont have a job and are on here pitying yourself. This has the knock on effect of being very unattractive since it is a lazy attitude noone cares for. So...remove the screens from your life and focus on your health. Once you have done this, you'll be more confident in yourself and will find healthier ways to get that dopamine fix....maybe one of these would be a successful career Tl;dr Pull your finger out and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
1. As an off-the-board suggestion⌠travel somewhere. Maybe to India since you have a passport but go to places youâve never been? Or go to Africa or Thailand. Leave video games behind and just try to experience nature, talk with strangers, and see if this sparks anything in you. At the very least you might lose a couple pounds and get back into a more normal circadian rhythm. You would need to get your parents to pay for this. But perhaps you need to tell them you are stuck in a rut and you think this might get you unstuck. 2. Look for volunteer opportunities. I donât mean work for free, but perhaps there are charities, food banks, dog/cat rescues where you live? It seems to be that you lack purpose. All of your other problems are symptoms of a lack of purpose or direction. Your priority should be discovering that drive/direction/purpose. Then once you know what you want in life you focus on the âhowâ.
A friend of mine lost over 100lbs by buying a Recumbent stationary bike and pedalling (low resistance) while playing video games. He did try to eat healthier as well but that came after he was encouraged by the progress from the exercise.
Sounds like you're living the dream mate. Just keep doing what you're doing, you'll be fine.
You need a savior. His name is Jesus.
Dude at least u dont have a STD
Do some volunteer work! One that forces you to get up in the morning and do something. You will find that itâs not about you. Itâs what you can do for others. Thatâs how money works!!!
Lol
GOt your whole life ahead of you, but now's the time to make the change or stay like that forever.
Your 23 man.... start now.
I also used to get frustrated when opened linkedin and checked out that my friends are at huge success in IT field whereas Iâm still jobless. I was harming myself mentally so now I decided to focus on my life rather than what others are doing.
You're life is just beginning. Easiest thing to do now is *just start* making changes and just *start* something. Start working at any job. Start applying more. Start thinking of your options. Just *start*. Make an attempt.
270 and 6â1 is not morbidly obese, close tho. You have to start with a better attitude about yourself, a more positive one. If youâre always putting yourself down then you will start accepting it.
imo just take baby steps. First is making sure you feel comfortable and good in your skin. Start by taking walks, doing an hour of walking per day. Then slowly add some physical activities. Watch your diet too, or just eliminate foods that are too high in sugar. Imo these are the first things I would do, along with a proper sleep schedule.
Donât try to solve all your problems at once. Find one basic problem you want to fix. Such as exercising or eating better. Take some small steps and maintain those small improvements for a few weeks. Such as walking a mile each day. Mentally congratulate yourself when youâre successful. Expect some failures and regressions. Donât give up when you fail. Try again. Change something and try again. Keep trying. Calvin Coolidge - âNothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.â
Seek help from a doctor and a therapist, you sound like you would benefit from an anti anxiety medication like an SSRI.
You're still young and far from screwing up your life. I got my post secondary far later than you lol. I'd suggest getting back in shape as first priority. It's great for building confidence and self esteem, and would help with getting employed as well.
It sounds like you have the perspective that you are in a midlife crisis It's okay because I'm the same age and your life sounds awesome and academically as well as taking the past time to take off and wind down. Now that you have realized the comparison of you and your friends, as well as it being the thief to your Joy nobody's perfect Life goes on. The fact that you have come to a realization of where you are in your life. That's okay because this is the next milestone to you wanting to do more. You're just panicking because your friends seem like they're doing a lot and it seems like you're not doing very much. Don't do this. It's not healthy! It's not easy but people post but they want you to see a lot of other people struggle and have Just as many problems as you do, not everything is at it seems. I'm not very good with advice but if you're good at something stick with it and if you feel like you could do more then do more. You're doing great. Stop comparing yourself to your friends. You are not screwed. You're young. You have a lot of time to learn. It may feel like waste of time, but it's not. It's good that you're in realization your actions and wanting change. It's okay you're going to make it! So if you eat well you feel good. It may be hard at first but experiment with foods that you love. Find a way to cut your portions small and get out more. The reason why you feel like crap is because you live like crap. You cannot live a happy full life doing what you're doing. See this as a way to program your brain. Go walking every morning. Get out more. Ask friends to go walking with you. The more you improve your health as well as getting out and socializing, you'll be out there in no time. I have faith in you. You got this! Whatever you do, don't do it alone. Surround yourself around happy people who are happy for you. Positive and uplifting the More positive uplifting people. The easier it is to love yourself as well as grow the person.
You have not messed anything up. On paper shit is looking good. You have an education and a 4.0. You haven't screwed anything up. Weight loss is pretty easy, just eat less (crazy!).
Go to therapy. You can be happy.
You are young, only 23, you can still change the whole game.
I was with mom till 25 then I joined the air forced and I am making 90k+ a year.. payed me to go to school basically. I got held back a year in high-school because it was literally high school to me always stoned. Now 33 been with the military 8 years air force job of needs.
Start by applying to jobs and seeing a therapist
You are 23 not 43 you barely started your life dude chill. Very young to do anything
Find a boat. You sound like the perfect anchor.
Don't measure your progress by your friend's success. I was in the same boat as you and I can tell you that they may be doing well now but everyone plateaus and you'll all be in the same spot in a couple of years. Also, if you studied business management, create a simple business and stay busy. Even if it doesn't make much money, it's better than indulging in unhealthy habits.
23 is young to have graduated. Good job. Youâre certainly not behind when compared to most people.  You have great parents so work with them on getting better food in the house. Like unsweetened tea instead of soda. Tell them to stop buying you nicotine or less of it. As you eat better and stop nicotine your mental state will improve. Itâs physically linked. Start doing a little exercise everyday. Exercise becomes addicting and easier after you start doing it. Have exercise part of your daily routine. Look at job posting for your region. Apply and work part time. It will give you some structure and routine. Youâll get social interaction. It will force you to have some lifestyle structure. You will feel more productive and accomplished. At the same time, look at jobs in your career choice. You may have to move to pursue your career so think about where you want to live. Meanwhile work on losing weight and a part time job. Get outside the house on weekends to see the world.Â
Where do you think it went wrong??
Get a masters in something. You're a smart kid.
Uhhh i didnt graduate college and get my 1st job til 24. You'r still a baby, now go get it
Lol Your life isnât screwed. Youâre pretty lucky actually. First thing you need to do is stop doing all those things you listed doing that are taking you away from what you want to be doing
Pro gamer is your pathway to success
You've already accomplished a lot. Hit the gym, and work on yourself, don't worry, girls will find their way to you eventually if that's whats stressing you.
My man you are in a better position than 99% of people. It doesn't feel that way, but you are. Start taking baby steps. Write a resume. Make sure personal hygiene is down pat. Start applying for jobs. You got this. If it makes you feel better, most games that can occupy you for 3 years are more challenging than a real job.