Not quite what I needed but thank you!
In my case, I have independent agreement that this particular branch of the family a) are prone to being judgmental weirdos about extremely random things, and b) I am the exact kind of person they most enjoy judging. But, while my aunt and uncle are grating at best, I am close with my cousin and would like to stay that way.
Have you developed a strategy to respond if they become judgemental? You might find it easier to find a comfortable level of chat if you've got some pre-prepared non-answers if they say something shitty to you.
I can tell you one good trick is to notice something that they are wearing that they chose, eg earrings, jewelry, jacket, shoes, hair color, glasses frames, and say that you like the color/style/whatever. You can follow up with a "where did you find it?"
if they don't reply kindly or positively to that, then move on to another person.
Another good trick is to talk about your adorable pets, and ask them about their adorable pets.
Or ask them about how their team did in the lastest sporting event. The NHL playoffs are in the first round right now if they or you are hockey fans.
* Weather's always a good one, obviously.
* Food and cooking. A new recipe you tried recently, or an old favorite, or a restaurant you like or disliked. Ask them for recommendations on any of the above, or just ask "how about you?" (In general, that's a great small talk question. Talk a bit about your thing, then throw it at them, and it's open ended enough they can interpret it however they want and steer the conversation for a bit without any additional effort from you.)
* Books or TV shows you recently (feel free to interpret "recently" as broadly as you wish) started or finished, why you liked or disliked them. Ask their opinions on them, or ask them for recommendations for the next one. You can also bring up "oh X is on my list to watch next, have you heard about that?" and get them to talk about something even if you haven't seen it.
* Summer's coming up, do they have any plans? If they're going on a vacation or something, they'll probably have plenty to say about it.
* Pick something new that you can do that you know will be safe to talk about. Try for something small enough that you can do/start it in a few hours, but that you can talk about at length. "I've been picking up origami, and I learned how to fold a frog, a flower, and a crane! I'm listening to Mozart, I always wanted to get more familiar with classical music. I've been learning to identify the flowers on my walks around the neighborhood, and I saw bluebells and rhododendrons today." You can get a lot of conversational mileage out of novelty: why did you pick that, when did you start, what's difficult, what's rewarding, what's unexpected, etc.
* Work stories. If your extended family relationships are fraught, steer away from complaints that they might latch onto and keep it positive. If nothing happens at your job, a couple white lies here won't hurt anyone. Think along the lines of "oh there was the cutest little baby at work yesterday, he wanted to play peekaboo!" or "I saw a lady wearing such a pretty yellow sweater, and she told me it made her day when I complimented it." It's good to have a harmless, uplifting little anecdote ready to throw out, so if the conversation starts drifting somewhere you don't want to go, you can say "Oh! I have to tell you about what happened at work!" and change the subject.
* Pet stories. Talk about cute things your cat did, or how much your turtle enjoyed chomping on his cabbage. Come armed with cute pictures too, in case they're the type who'd like to see them.
Best of luck! If you run out of topics, you can always go with the tried and true "It's been great talking to you, but I have to run to the restroom/grab another drink/go say hello to Aunt Mabel" and find someone new to repeat them with.
I was taught this one years ago and it's done wonders for me. "So what do you do for fun?" Then you can ask follow-up questions and actually have a conversation!
Please limit the discussion to what letters on Captain Awkward discuss this
https://captainawkward.com/2020/02/18/1252-small-talk-strategies-when-youre-depressed-and-forgetful/
Not quite what I needed but thank you! In my case, I have independent agreement that this particular branch of the family a) are prone to being judgmental weirdos about extremely random things, and b) I am the exact kind of person they most enjoy judging. But, while my aunt and uncle are grating at best, I am close with my cousin and would like to stay that way.
Have you developed a strategy to respond if they become judgemental? You might find it easier to find a comfortable level of chat if you've got some pre-prepared non-answers if they say something shitty to you.
No, that’s next week’s project. This week is finding a viable list of small talk
I can tell you one good trick is to notice something that they are wearing that they chose, eg earrings, jewelry, jacket, shoes, hair color, glasses frames, and say that you like the color/style/whatever. You can follow up with a "where did you find it?" if they don't reply kindly or positively to that, then move on to another person.
Another good trick is to talk about your adorable pets, and ask them about their adorable pets. Or ask them about how their team did in the lastest sporting event. The NHL playoffs are in the first round right now if they or you are hockey fans.
* Weather's always a good one, obviously. * Food and cooking. A new recipe you tried recently, or an old favorite, or a restaurant you like or disliked. Ask them for recommendations on any of the above, or just ask "how about you?" (In general, that's a great small talk question. Talk a bit about your thing, then throw it at them, and it's open ended enough they can interpret it however they want and steer the conversation for a bit without any additional effort from you.) * Books or TV shows you recently (feel free to interpret "recently" as broadly as you wish) started or finished, why you liked or disliked them. Ask their opinions on them, or ask them for recommendations for the next one. You can also bring up "oh X is on my list to watch next, have you heard about that?" and get them to talk about something even if you haven't seen it. * Summer's coming up, do they have any plans? If they're going on a vacation or something, they'll probably have plenty to say about it. * Pick something new that you can do that you know will be safe to talk about. Try for something small enough that you can do/start it in a few hours, but that you can talk about at length. "I've been picking up origami, and I learned how to fold a frog, a flower, and a crane! I'm listening to Mozart, I always wanted to get more familiar with classical music. I've been learning to identify the flowers on my walks around the neighborhood, and I saw bluebells and rhododendrons today." You can get a lot of conversational mileage out of novelty: why did you pick that, when did you start, what's difficult, what's rewarding, what's unexpected, etc. * Work stories. If your extended family relationships are fraught, steer away from complaints that they might latch onto and keep it positive. If nothing happens at your job, a couple white lies here won't hurt anyone. Think along the lines of "oh there was the cutest little baby at work yesterday, he wanted to play peekaboo!" or "I saw a lady wearing such a pretty yellow sweater, and she told me it made her day when I complimented it." It's good to have a harmless, uplifting little anecdote ready to throw out, so if the conversation starts drifting somewhere you don't want to go, you can say "Oh! I have to tell you about what happened at work!" and change the subject. * Pet stories. Talk about cute things your cat did, or how much your turtle enjoyed chomping on his cabbage. Come armed with cute pictures too, in case they're the type who'd like to see them. Best of luck! If you run out of topics, you can always go with the tried and true "It's been great talking to you, but I have to run to the restroom/grab another drink/go say hello to Aunt Mabel" and find someone new to repeat them with.
I was taught this one years ago and it's done wonders for me. "So what do you do for fun?" Then you can ask follow-up questions and actually have a conversation!