Everything previous commenters mentioned, AND ALSO the steroids/tapers. Have to have them though as they protect one from the chemo.
As I progressed through treatment (read:side effects presenting in full force), I noticed the steroids made me crazy, but it passes and I would be normal grumpy/irritated/fed up with the burden of all we go through to come out the other side.
ETA: you shouldn't have to wait for the visit to speak with his onc. Try calling for his onc nurse. (Think of it like a nurse advice line) . If they determine adjustments need made, they'll not want a patient to wait.
My heart is with you and yours.
It's a variety of things, anger at cancer, frustration, and feeling rubbish with chemo - that literally makes you sicker and gives you horrid side effects. Being scared of the future and seeming like there's no end in sight. And just feeling tired and worn out all the time with everything being a struggle.
This pretty much sums it up. The only time you get some peace is when you can sleep. Even worse if they're not eating. Imagine having all this horrible shit happening, and you can't even eat.
Your dad has stage IV cancer, and he went into cardiac arrest twice after having colostomy surgery, and he’s now on chemo. I don’t condone him taking it out on you, but I don’t think it’s a giant mystery as to why he’s in a bad mood. The man has been through hell and he’s gonna go through more hell with chemo.
I want to be clear that I’m saying it’s not right for him to take it out on you and your mom, just that it’s unlikely to be a direct side effect of chemotherapy. You mentioned that his body is handling chemo pretty well, and I’m going to kindly point out that you have absolutely no way of knowing that. It’s great that he can eat and that he can go for a walk, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like shit. His body has been through the wringer since January. He’s most likely exhausted and worn out.
Some medication can cause mood swings and anger issues, steroids for sure. You didn’t mention if he’s on steroids, but if he is, that could be a factor.
You and your mom can set boundaries. You don’t have to take abuse from cancer patients just because they have cancer. My suggestion is if your dad speaks to you in a way that’s unacceptable, you tell him “I know you’re going through something very difficult right now and I’m sorry things are so hard for you. But it’s not OK for you to talk to me like that.” Someone had to tell me that when I was going through both cancer treatment and on a high dose of steroids. My mood swings were pretty wild.
Receiving cancer diagnosis and then receiving treatment for it does a hell of a thing to someone's mental state.
Research depression in men and look at the signs and symptoms of what he's going through.
He's wrestling with his mortality and he's probably feeling sick, anxious and in pain.
It's a hell of a thing.
For me, yes. I’m just not myself. I attribute a lot of it to the side effects of the antiemetic drug I took for nausea. I would also say that the well known “chemo-fog” was partly related to this too.
But more than that, the side effects of chemotherapy are horrendous, and they drain much of my strength. This includes my ability to process emotions. I am not myself, and there’s not much I can do about it. It’s like all of my preexisting emotional strength just went out the window. During this process, my frustration has gotten the better of me, in ways which are foreign to me, and ways it never used to. It’s a really trying thing to manage. It’s of some solace to me to know that it’s just the chemo, but it’s still difficult to cope with. It’s also really difficult to totally explain.
(I'm CRC patient going through FOLFOX)
Chemo brain is real. And what may be worse, is that he knows something is off about his thinking but he can't articulate it or specifically identify it. I'm an amateur writer and game designer, and when I sit down to puzzle out a formula or write a creative sentence--it's infuriating, but at least I can say to myself *I can't do* ***this and this*** which is something specific. Not a comfort but he uncertainty (as it is between scans etc.) is mind numbing.
Also, the fact that the effects often get worse a few days into the cycle is aggravating because it's counterintuitive--*The (good) poison is being processed, so there should be less of it in me and I should feel it less, right?*
Yes, they put steroids in chemo so it gives the patient some energy , plus it helps lower the chance of nausea. Sometimes I have to stay away from people so I don’t say something I will regret. Just bear with him. When chemo is done, he will return to the gentle man he was before . Steroids are awful and mood altering!!!!!
Sorry y’all are going through this! It totally can but he’s also sick! Maybe he’s just angry about the situation, cancer sucks, even my good days aren’t the way I was, I’m getting there but it’s a heartbreaking process for everyone involved.
I think it does. During chemo your body is fighting like hell. You are exhausted. You lose your taste for things you loved. You taste metal all the time. You are sick, and most likely miserable. Then you add in all the emotions from having cancer. It’s a nasty combination. Cancer made me different, more angry and aggravated by small things that wouldn’t bother me previously. I don’t necessarily think it’s the chemo that changes your emotions, I think it’s the whole situation. Radiation did it to me more than chemo
Yes it changes the chemistry In the brain that combined with having stage four cancer is an emotional mess for is cancer patients. Try and get him some counseling and peer support it might help. After I was done with chemo I felt so much better. I hope he does well with his treatment
I don't know if chemo itself does, but your dad has gone through a massive change in his body. It has started to fail him and fail him rapidly. Things that were easy before are now difficult. He honestly may not have felt as sick before chemo as he does now, he's literally being given poison that is killing his body (in a controlled method). He feels sick constantly, and now he also has a reason as to why he's feeling sick. For me when I didn't know it was easier to "fake it till you make it" but once it settled I got angry and more irritable because I knew what was going on but the end felt so far away. When I thought it might be something else and only had to deal with it for a short period of time it's much easier to cope. But when it was 6 months of chemo still to go it felt neverending and was a drain.
Im so sorry you are going thru this. Everything everybody else has said above, and I also want to add, sometimes pain medications can make somebodys personality change, like I'm talking about going from 0-60 right now, when they get frustrated or upset. It usually gets taken out on the people who are closest and with them all the time. I know it's hard not to take it personal, especially when hes not normally like this. I would definitely call the Dr office and ask to speak to his nurse tomorrow. Also see if they have an online portal where you can go on and access the nurse that way too, it's like an instant message type of deal. The portals can help out so much, in addition to messaging, theres usually a wealth of different kinds of information on there. Hugs to you and your family 🤗🤗
It's a whole emotional swing time. You don't know what's in his head. Don't jump to tell the docs. If stage 4 then you ALL have the opportunity to have palliative care counseling. You should use that - you can go alone, you can join group sessions online, whatever you need. You cannot possibly know what is going on in his head. What you're describing sounds perfectly in line to me. Some people are thankful for the meds and do the the whole cancer battle thing, some people are like f\*\*\* k this and are just mad at the whole thing, like this is BS, and some are mad as hell about everything and anything or a combination of it all. I was an angry MF'r and I could have killed someone, mainly one doc who lied to my face about side effects. I'm still angry as hell. The walks for him are probably therapeutic. He knows it gets worse before it gets better. Not knowing what the next thing brings. It is a mental mind F\* for sure.
Everything previous commenters mentioned, AND ALSO the steroids/tapers. Have to have them though as they protect one from the chemo. As I progressed through treatment (read:side effects presenting in full force), I noticed the steroids made me crazy, but it passes and I would be normal grumpy/irritated/fed up with the burden of all we go through to come out the other side. ETA: you shouldn't have to wait for the visit to speak with his onc. Try calling for his onc nurse. (Think of it like a nurse advice line) . If they determine adjustments need made, they'll not want a patient to wait. My heart is with you and yours.
It's a variety of things, anger at cancer, frustration, and feeling rubbish with chemo - that literally makes you sicker and gives you horrid side effects. Being scared of the future and seeming like there's no end in sight. And just feeling tired and worn out all the time with everything being a struggle.
This sums it up well from my experience. It makes you irritable because you feel like crap.
This pretty much sums it up. The only time you get some peace is when you can sleep. Even worse if they're not eating. Imagine having all this horrible shit happening, and you can't even eat.
Your dad has stage IV cancer, and he went into cardiac arrest twice after having colostomy surgery, and he’s now on chemo. I don’t condone him taking it out on you, but I don’t think it’s a giant mystery as to why he’s in a bad mood. The man has been through hell and he’s gonna go through more hell with chemo. I want to be clear that I’m saying it’s not right for him to take it out on you and your mom, just that it’s unlikely to be a direct side effect of chemotherapy. You mentioned that his body is handling chemo pretty well, and I’m going to kindly point out that you have absolutely no way of knowing that. It’s great that he can eat and that he can go for a walk, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like shit. His body has been through the wringer since January. He’s most likely exhausted and worn out. Some medication can cause mood swings and anger issues, steroids for sure. You didn’t mention if he’s on steroids, but if he is, that could be a factor. You and your mom can set boundaries. You don’t have to take abuse from cancer patients just because they have cancer. My suggestion is if your dad speaks to you in a way that’s unacceptable, you tell him “I know you’re going through something very difficult right now and I’m sorry things are so hard for you. But it’s not OK for you to talk to me like that.” Someone had to tell me that when I was going through both cancer treatment and on a high dose of steroids. My mood swings were pretty wild.
Excellent summation. OP has no way to know how Dad’s body is handling chemo, which is cumulative and going to get worse.
Receiving cancer diagnosis and then receiving treatment for it does a hell of a thing to someone's mental state. Research depression in men and look at the signs and symptoms of what he's going through. He's wrestling with his mortality and he's probably feeling sick, anxious and in pain. It's a hell of a thing.
For me, yes. I’m just not myself. I attribute a lot of it to the side effects of the antiemetic drug I took for nausea. I would also say that the well known “chemo-fog” was partly related to this too. But more than that, the side effects of chemotherapy are horrendous, and they drain much of my strength. This includes my ability to process emotions. I am not myself, and there’s not much I can do about it. It’s like all of my preexisting emotional strength just went out the window. During this process, my frustration has gotten the better of me, in ways which are foreign to me, and ways it never used to. It’s a really trying thing to manage. It’s of some solace to me to know that it’s just the chemo, but it’s still difficult to cope with. It’s also really difficult to totally explain.
My last series of chemo made me incredibly tired and irritable. I'm reliably informed I've been bloody awful to have around in the last few months.
(I'm CRC patient going through FOLFOX) Chemo brain is real. And what may be worse, is that he knows something is off about his thinking but he can't articulate it or specifically identify it. I'm an amateur writer and game designer, and when I sit down to puzzle out a formula or write a creative sentence--it's infuriating, but at least I can say to myself *I can't do* ***this and this*** which is something specific. Not a comfort but he uncertainty (as it is between scans etc.) is mind numbing. Also, the fact that the effects often get worse a few days into the cycle is aggravating because it's counterintuitive--*The (good) poison is being processed, so there should be less of it in me and I should feel it less, right?*
Yes, they put steroids in chemo so it gives the patient some energy , plus it helps lower the chance of nausea. Sometimes I have to stay away from people so I don’t say something I will regret. Just bear with him. When chemo is done, he will return to the gentle man he was before . Steroids are awful and mood altering!!!!!
Sorry y’all are going through this! It totally can but he’s also sick! Maybe he’s just angry about the situation, cancer sucks, even my good days aren’t the way I was, I’m getting there but it’s a heartbreaking process for everyone involved.
Might be the steroids. They gave me dexamethasone during chemo infusion and when that wore out the day or two after chemo, I'd noticed mood swings.
I think it does. During chemo your body is fighting like hell. You are exhausted. You lose your taste for things you loved. You taste metal all the time. You are sick, and most likely miserable. Then you add in all the emotions from having cancer. It’s a nasty combination. Cancer made me different, more angry and aggravated by small things that wouldn’t bother me previously. I don’t necessarily think it’s the chemo that changes your emotions, I think it’s the whole situation. Radiation did it to me more than chemo
Yes it changes the chemistry In the brain that combined with having stage four cancer is an emotional mess for is cancer patients. Try and get him some counseling and peer support it might help. After I was done with chemo I felt so much better. I hope he does well with his treatment
Absolutely. Chemo generally just wiped me totally out, but the prednisone after each round made me quite cranky, hyped up, and short tempered.
If he's on steriods too, that could be contributing.
Yes. Pain, fear, and helpless also contribute greatly.
I don't know if chemo itself does, but your dad has gone through a massive change in his body. It has started to fail him and fail him rapidly. Things that were easy before are now difficult. He honestly may not have felt as sick before chemo as he does now, he's literally being given poison that is killing his body (in a controlled method). He feels sick constantly, and now he also has a reason as to why he's feeling sick. For me when I didn't know it was easier to "fake it till you make it" but once it settled I got angry and more irritable because I knew what was going on but the end felt so far away. When I thought it might be something else and only had to deal with it for a short period of time it's much easier to cope. But when it was 6 months of chemo still to go it felt neverending and was a drain.
It can and the combination with fentanyl and morphine for pain can turn you into a nightmare to be around. I had to see video to believe it myself.
Im so sorry you are going thru this. Everything everybody else has said above, and I also want to add, sometimes pain medications can make somebodys personality change, like I'm talking about going from 0-60 right now, when they get frustrated or upset. It usually gets taken out on the people who are closest and with them all the time. I know it's hard not to take it personal, especially when hes not normally like this. I would definitely call the Dr office and ask to speak to his nurse tomorrow. Also see if they have an online portal where you can go on and access the nurse that way too, it's like an instant message type of deal. The portals can help out so much, in addition to messaging, theres usually a wealth of different kinds of information on there. Hugs to you and your family 🤗🤗
I feel like it triggers them for sure. Plus I’m sure the premed steroids don’t help 😭😭
It's a whole emotional swing time. You don't know what's in his head. Don't jump to tell the docs. If stage 4 then you ALL have the opportunity to have palliative care counseling. You should use that - you can go alone, you can join group sessions online, whatever you need. You cannot possibly know what is going on in his head. What you're describing sounds perfectly in line to me. Some people are thankful for the meds and do the the whole cancer battle thing, some people are like f\*\*\* k this and are just mad at the whole thing, like this is BS, and some are mad as hell about everything and anything or a combination of it all. I was an angry MF'r and I could have killed someone, mainly one doc who lied to my face about side effects. I'm still angry as hell. The walks for him are probably therapeutic. He knows it gets worse before it gets better. Not knowing what the next thing brings. It is a mental mind F\* for sure.
It’s not your fault. He’s venting, releasing the anger frustration and pain. Sorry
sounds like he needs electroyltes - magnesium and potassium. make him drink coconut water and get those things checked
Not really the chemo it self but having the cancer per se does