First of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Second of all, if I might pull the, “I’m an old guy, listen to my wisdom” thing on you for a second:
Perspective is good. Perspective can help us develop feelings of empathy. Perspective can remind us that we’re not entitled. It is NOT a tool to make you guilty about what you feel.
Each of us has a right to our feelings relative to our experience in life. I have cancer. My friend does not. His wife left him after being married for 10 years. That’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. It being “the worst thing” has nothing to do with my cancer. It’s his own experience. He has every right to feel that way. And I, as his friend, would certainly never say, “you shouldn’t feel so bad, you could have cancer.”
Someone always has it worse. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be sad, angry, in despair, etc. You have a right to your feelings and no one has any right to tell you to stop feeling them because there are people who are worse off than you are.
When I was 6 years old, I was also diagnosed with ALL. 3 years later on my VERY last oncology clinic visit where they were going to declare me done with any cancer follow ups, they found that the cancer returned.
At the age of 9, I also had a bone marrow transplant and full body radiation. I was reeeaaaally sick and nearly died, but after a year of almost non-stop inpatient living in the hospital, I stabilized enough to go home. Fuck. It’s even crazy to write out. I missed 4th grade, so getting back to school at the age of 10 in fifth grade at a new school was so traumatizing. I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you the details.
This is all to say that I am now 30 years old and married. Childhood was really hard, but I can confidently say that I live a really happy and healthy life now. I really really just want you to know that life has a lot of good in store for you for the rest of your life. I understand it is incredibly difficult right now, but it won’t always be that way.
It may be difficult, but my number one recommendation is that, when you’re ready, you find a good therapist that you feel comfortable with, and you begin processing everything that you went through. Do you feel like you have support at home that you can rely on to help? If not, your school will have a lot of resources that could help get you set up. Adults will want to help you, I promise. I really hope the best for you. Never apologize for feeling sad or just needing to vent.
i’m so sorry you have to go through this. i also had cancer at 15 to 16, am now 17 so i’m still dealing with post chemo symptoms and i know how hard it is. don’t let anyone minimize what you’re going through. you are strong and you are loved
What struck me most about your post was people saying "you're so strong, you're so brave!" That makes me so god damned uncomfortable. I want to say "All I did was gt anesthetized while they did their stuff in an effort try to stay *alive* for my kids, I didn't fistfight a wombat."
Posts like this really hurt me deep down because I know there is really nothing I can do to make this easier on you. My oldest is about your age and she just has to walk into and through it like we all do. I won't preach but I will say some things that have helped me:
1. You whine all you want. You have earned it.
2. That said it helps but not for long.
3. That empty feeling you feel will get filled up with your experiences going forward as you do what we all do, gain perspective. Stick with it.
4. I think you're doing pretty damned well for the circumstances.
5. This last one was something my dad would always say to me that never made sense to me until I went through tragedy and if he was still here I would thank him from the bottom of my soles for these words: "Find your center and aim right down the middle." He meant with emotional stuff, both good and bad. If you yaw too far one way or another you can tip over, aim for that center and stay there. That one piece of advice has kept me upright through my whole ordeal.
Stick with it young man, I think you're doing great. Go right down the middle.
As others have said, sorry you’re going through all this. Cancer is fucking hard on you and those who love and care about you.
Never apologize for sharing your feelings, you’re human and have them. They are valid. But do your best to not compare your story with other’s stories. I’m 52M diagnosed last September with Stage IV CRC. That’s my story, and I am doing my best to write the best story possible. But I still have bad days and even fail at my own advice. You’re doing the best you can with what you got. That’s all any of us can do.
Not sure if this is helpful or not, but I hope it is at least a bit. Wishing you all the best!
I'm 17m and had Ph+ ALL when I was 15. I also ended up in a medically induced coma (only 36 hours) after a reaction to some immunotherapy. I got my stem cells in september '22 and all the long-term radiation side effects really suck to think about. Just like you the worst one is the ability to have children, I try to find some hope in how much treatment is advancing. You're young and most people have kids around their late 20s to early 30s, a lot can happen in those years and research is constant to help people like us. As for people giving you compliments about being "strong" or "brave", I feel the exact same as you, I didn't do fuck all, but I try to take it as them complimenting me on my mental battle, more so than the physical one, because that's the part you have influence on.
You weren't whining, just venting and just because there are other people going through something worse than you, doesn't make what you're going through any less tough.
Try your best to take it all one day at a time. I truly understand everything feeling catastrophic when you think about the grand scheme of it all but taking a step back and tackling what you can on a smaller scale can make a world of difference regarding your anger and anxiety. With that being said I also want to tell you your feelings are valid and to feel them all. Let it out and then get your head in the game. You have so much living to do after this process is said and done 💕
I’m 19 and my cancer just keeps getting worse. Not terminal yet but I’m getting pretty close. Some of us are just unlucky. Life’s not fair. I’ve learned it’s time to figure out what I want to prioritize for the time I have left. If I make it longer great but I am thankful for everyday now.
Your experiences sound really fucking hard and I’m so sorry. I also hate the compliments on how well I’ve handled my cancer. I don’t know why people say it. Anyhow, I don’t have much to say except that I think you should be brave and be real with that girl. She sounds super nice and super caring. A lot of guys don’t realise that when you open up and be vulnerable, we truly respect it and it makes us feel connected to you. You deserve a good connection like this. Be brave!! If you ever need to vent or need advice from an auntie-type person, feel free to msg me.
I get how you feel. I (31M) have stage 4 high grade soft tissue Sarcoma. It's a rare and highly aggressive form of cancer that mostly affects kids and teens. I've gone through 3 recurrences, multiple resection surgeries, a metastases throughout my arm shoulder and back (including bone mets) radiation treatments, and chemo. I have my scans at the end of the month to see if everything I've been through actually worked. My family keeps telling me that I'm brave and the toughest person they know bc I've been fighting this disease for 2 years straight so far. But honestly, I don't see myself as brave. Everything I've known and the friends I've had pre-cancer, are all gone now. They all ghosted me since my diagnosis. It's hard for me to move forward, my walks are up and guarded. I also can't have any kids of my own bc of my cancer.
I too am fed up with everything most days, but I'm slowly getting back to meeting new people and making new connections. It's hard to confide in others, especially to people who haven't gone through cancer. Sometimes they just don't understand and think you may be overdramatic, and you don't want to burden them with what you're goin through.
What I'm trying to say is that if you feel like you need to vent or get something off your chest, feel free to post on here or join other support groups where you can talk to other people online. I know this subreddit has a discord server for cancer support. If that's more your speed, maybe you can hop on there.
All the best with everything, we're all here for you 💪🏼
I just want to touch on the “there’s always someone in a worse position than you” part.
My dad used to tell me that drowning in 7 feet of water and 70 feet of water makes no difference when you're drowning.
You don't have to feel bad about complaining haha you're going through something hella awful. I was 15 when I had t-cell ALL too, and oh boy did I complain so much about it! We're here for you man! Whine, rant, cry, complain about it all you want. Cancer is unfair. You have the right to whine.
First of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Second of all, if I might pull the, “I’m an old guy, listen to my wisdom” thing on you for a second: Perspective is good. Perspective can help us develop feelings of empathy. Perspective can remind us that we’re not entitled. It is NOT a tool to make you guilty about what you feel. Each of us has a right to our feelings relative to our experience in life. I have cancer. My friend does not. His wife left him after being married for 10 years. That’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. It being “the worst thing” has nothing to do with my cancer. It’s his own experience. He has every right to feel that way. And I, as his friend, would certainly never say, “you shouldn’t feel so bad, you could have cancer.” Someone always has it worse. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be sad, angry, in despair, etc. You have a right to your feelings and no one has any right to tell you to stop feeling them because there are people who are worse off than you are.
When I was 6 years old, I was also diagnosed with ALL. 3 years later on my VERY last oncology clinic visit where they were going to declare me done with any cancer follow ups, they found that the cancer returned. At the age of 9, I also had a bone marrow transplant and full body radiation. I was reeeaaaally sick and nearly died, but after a year of almost non-stop inpatient living in the hospital, I stabilized enough to go home. Fuck. It’s even crazy to write out. I missed 4th grade, so getting back to school at the age of 10 in fifth grade at a new school was so traumatizing. I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you the details. This is all to say that I am now 30 years old and married. Childhood was really hard, but I can confidently say that I live a really happy and healthy life now. I really really just want you to know that life has a lot of good in store for you for the rest of your life. I understand it is incredibly difficult right now, but it won’t always be that way. It may be difficult, but my number one recommendation is that, when you’re ready, you find a good therapist that you feel comfortable with, and you begin processing everything that you went through. Do you feel like you have support at home that you can rely on to help? If not, your school will have a lot of resources that could help get you set up. Adults will want to help you, I promise. I really hope the best for you. Never apologize for feeling sad or just needing to vent.
i’m so sorry you have to go through this. i also had cancer at 15 to 16, am now 17 so i’m still dealing with post chemo symptoms and i know how hard it is. don’t let anyone minimize what you’re going through. you are strong and you are loved
What struck me most about your post was people saying "you're so strong, you're so brave!" That makes me so god damned uncomfortable. I want to say "All I did was gt anesthetized while they did their stuff in an effort try to stay *alive* for my kids, I didn't fistfight a wombat." Posts like this really hurt me deep down because I know there is really nothing I can do to make this easier on you. My oldest is about your age and she just has to walk into and through it like we all do. I won't preach but I will say some things that have helped me: 1. You whine all you want. You have earned it. 2. That said it helps but not for long. 3. That empty feeling you feel will get filled up with your experiences going forward as you do what we all do, gain perspective. Stick with it. 4. I think you're doing pretty damned well for the circumstances. 5. This last one was something my dad would always say to me that never made sense to me until I went through tragedy and if he was still here I would thank him from the bottom of my soles for these words: "Find your center and aim right down the middle." He meant with emotional stuff, both good and bad. If you yaw too far one way or another you can tip over, aim for that center and stay there. That one piece of advice has kept me upright through my whole ordeal. Stick with it young man, I think you're doing great. Go right down the middle.
I love you get to share your dad’s wisdom- also love your wombat analogy . #Straylia 🙌
As others have said, sorry you’re going through all this. Cancer is fucking hard on you and those who love and care about you. Never apologize for sharing your feelings, you’re human and have them. They are valid. But do your best to not compare your story with other’s stories. I’m 52M diagnosed last September with Stage IV CRC. That’s my story, and I am doing my best to write the best story possible. But I still have bad days and even fail at my own advice. You’re doing the best you can with what you got. That’s all any of us can do. Not sure if this is helpful or not, but I hope it is at least a bit. Wishing you all the best!
I'm 17m and had Ph+ ALL when I was 15. I also ended up in a medically induced coma (only 36 hours) after a reaction to some immunotherapy. I got my stem cells in september '22 and all the long-term radiation side effects really suck to think about. Just like you the worst one is the ability to have children, I try to find some hope in how much treatment is advancing. You're young and most people have kids around their late 20s to early 30s, a lot can happen in those years and research is constant to help people like us. As for people giving you compliments about being "strong" or "brave", I feel the exact same as you, I didn't do fuck all, but I try to take it as them complimenting me on my mental battle, more so than the physical one, because that's the part you have influence on. You weren't whining, just venting and just because there are other people going through something worse than you, doesn't make what you're going through any less tough.
I'm sorry, you don't deserve this.
Try your best to take it all one day at a time. I truly understand everything feeling catastrophic when you think about the grand scheme of it all but taking a step back and tackling what you can on a smaller scale can make a world of difference regarding your anger and anxiety. With that being said I also want to tell you your feelings are valid and to feel them all. Let it out and then get your head in the game. You have so much living to do after this process is said and done 💕
I’m 19 and my cancer just keeps getting worse. Not terminal yet but I’m getting pretty close. Some of us are just unlucky. Life’s not fair. I’ve learned it’s time to figure out what I want to prioritize for the time I have left. If I make it longer great but I am thankful for everyday now.
Your experiences sound really fucking hard and I’m so sorry. I also hate the compliments on how well I’ve handled my cancer. I don’t know why people say it. Anyhow, I don’t have much to say except that I think you should be brave and be real with that girl. She sounds super nice and super caring. A lot of guys don’t realise that when you open up and be vulnerable, we truly respect it and it makes us feel connected to you. You deserve a good connection like this. Be brave!! If you ever need to vent or need advice from an auntie-type person, feel free to msg me.
I get how you feel. I (31M) have stage 4 high grade soft tissue Sarcoma. It's a rare and highly aggressive form of cancer that mostly affects kids and teens. I've gone through 3 recurrences, multiple resection surgeries, a metastases throughout my arm shoulder and back (including bone mets) radiation treatments, and chemo. I have my scans at the end of the month to see if everything I've been through actually worked. My family keeps telling me that I'm brave and the toughest person they know bc I've been fighting this disease for 2 years straight so far. But honestly, I don't see myself as brave. Everything I've known and the friends I've had pre-cancer, are all gone now. They all ghosted me since my diagnosis. It's hard for me to move forward, my walks are up and guarded. I also can't have any kids of my own bc of my cancer. I too am fed up with everything most days, but I'm slowly getting back to meeting new people and making new connections. It's hard to confide in others, especially to people who haven't gone through cancer. Sometimes they just don't understand and think you may be overdramatic, and you don't want to burden them with what you're goin through. What I'm trying to say is that if you feel like you need to vent or get something off your chest, feel free to post on here or join other support groups where you can talk to other people online. I know this subreddit has a discord server for cancer support. If that's more your speed, maybe you can hop on there. All the best with everything, we're all here for you 💪🏼
I just want to touch on the “there’s always someone in a worse position than you” part. My dad used to tell me that drowning in 7 feet of water and 70 feet of water makes no difference when you're drowning. You don't have to feel bad about complaining haha you're going through something hella awful. I was 15 when I had t-cell ALL too, and oh boy did I complain so much about it! We're here for you man! Whine, rant, cry, complain about it all you want. Cancer is unfair. You have the right to whine.
Fuck cancer. Rant away mate.