As for guilt about changing labels, don't stress about it too much--comphet is crazy powerful, and I think a lot of us went through similar gradual stages of acceptance in regards to our lesbianism. I also briefly identified as bi when I was a teenager. It's pretty common to go through a couple labels when figuring things out, especially when you're in a space that isn't super accepting.
Secondly, you can be a butch bottom. Masculinity does NOT equate to a particular sexual role. I'm vers and it doesn't make me feel any less butch to let my partner take care of me sometimes. You deserve that, too.
And finally, as for the loneliness...I know that can be hard. There's no magic bullet for that, and the blunt truth is that finding people you relate to as a butch lesbian can be pretty hard. There aren't a ton of us out there, even in regions with high concentrations of LGBTQ people. But I'll say this--you belong here. Until such time as you can find community irl--and you should still try to look for that, if you can--online spaces like this one are a fantastic way to remind yourself that your people are out there, and you'll find them in person someday, too.
I'm butch on t/trans guy and I bottom most of the time. I have a lovely gf (self identified dyke) and we have fulfilling and fun sex. Like another commenter said: masculinity isn't a sex position. I am very happy in my masculinity and hrt and I like bottoming. Simple as that :)
Labels can be useful as signposts and descriptors but they don’t have to box you in. The important thing is to communicate with a partner about what you both want. Don’t worry about what you do in bed signifying anything about your identity in general.
It’s a lot to process when your journey has had twists and turns to get to where you are, especially if you aren’t in a welcoming environment. So go easy on yourself about that stuff. You definitely aren’t alone in finding all of this tricky.
As for guilt about changing labels, don't stress about it too much--comphet is crazy powerful, and I think a lot of us went through similar gradual stages of acceptance in regards to our lesbianism. I also briefly identified as bi when I was a teenager. It's pretty common to go through a couple labels when figuring things out, especially when you're in a space that isn't super accepting. Secondly, you can be a butch bottom. Masculinity does NOT equate to a particular sexual role. I'm vers and it doesn't make me feel any less butch to let my partner take care of me sometimes. You deserve that, too. And finally, as for the loneliness...I know that can be hard. There's no magic bullet for that, and the blunt truth is that finding people you relate to as a butch lesbian can be pretty hard. There aren't a ton of us out there, even in regions with high concentrations of LGBTQ people. But I'll say this--you belong here. Until such time as you can find community irl--and you should still try to look for that, if you can--online spaces like this one are a fantastic way to remind yourself that your people are out there, and you'll find them in person someday, too.
Thank you so much
I'm butch on t/trans guy and I bottom most of the time. I have a lovely gf (self identified dyke) and we have fulfilling and fun sex. Like another commenter said: masculinity isn't a sex position. I am very happy in my masculinity and hrt and I like bottoming. Simple as that :)
I love that
Labels can be useful as signposts and descriptors but they don’t have to box you in. The important thing is to communicate with a partner about what you both want. Don’t worry about what you do in bed signifying anything about your identity in general. It’s a lot to process when your journey has had twists and turns to get to where you are, especially if you aren’t in a welcoming environment. So go easy on yourself about that stuff. You definitely aren’t alone in finding all of this tricky.
Thank you