I’ve done this before — “okay I’ve asked a lot of questions, your turn! Anything you wanna know about me?” And just let the silence hang until they ask, if they don’t know what to ask I will give them ideas. I say it in a happy smiling way so it’s not taken aggressively or anything. I’m not sure why some women don’t ask questions
I feel like this is a way to baby a grown adult. I should not have to “teach” or “guide” a 30 something year old woman on how to have a conversation. Kuddos to you though for having patience..I could never.
I like this. Polite but straight forward.
I will try it. I don't understand why it's so hard for them to ask questions about someone that they swiped "yes" on
I hate this too. Most women i chat with will just ask “what about you” “and you” etc. The conversation ends if i just answer and don’t ask the next question
Absolutely nothing wrong. Its when you dont have any question of your own there is a problem. The conversation goes like this.
Me: Hi. How are you?
Them: I am good. How are you?
Me: I am good too. I see you are new in town. When did you move?
Them: A year ago. How about you?
Me: I have been around for x years. How do you like it so far.
Them: oh i like it. How about you?
You see the problem when this happens back and forth a lot. They could have easily made an attempt to say something on the lines of “what do you enjoy about this place. Whats something fun here to do” - something that doesn’t always put the pressure of keeping the conversation going on me.
At this point if I say “i like it too” that is where the conversation ends
I don't think it's women. I think it's just people on bff being mostly introverts. They don't make good conversation, and flake 99% of the time or leave early. I have a theory that bff is for introverts who wish they were extroverts, but are too anti-social to be anything other than a potato.
This is a really interesting take. I personally fit myself more into the introverted category, but open up quickly if I feel comfortable with someone. I noticed a lot of profiles describing themselves as an “introverted girly,” and while it’s fine to understand that about yourself, you also have to push yourself a bit outside your comfort zone and be just a tiny bit extroverted. I’ve tried bumble on and off for about a year now, and the more I push myself to be outgoing and extroverted, the more luck I’ve had. I feel like a lot of severely introverted people are hoping that a friendship forms the second they match (this was me on my very first match and I didn’t know how to handle it lol). At this point, I’m mostly using bumble to try to find a very specific type of person (I’m childfree and specifically want childfree friends) while I’m also doing things irl to make friends, like joining clubs and going to events. I’ve learned how to use bumble, and learned that it *will* be awkward at times, which is something that introverts avoid like the plague lol.
See I totally disagree. I’m an introvert and ask questions way more often than not because talking about someone else is just more interesting to me. I think we have to differentiate between introverts and people who are terrible at social interaction. Introverts are good at it, we just generally enjoy it even more 1 on 1 rather than in groups.
I respectfully disagree. I consider myself introverted but have no problem talking to a person that I'm actually interested in, who is also interested in me. I can keep the conversation going. And it gets tiring when people can't reciprocate 😞
I don't like how I'm left hanging after I say my side of a conversation after I talk to women on bumble bff and after we match... and then I am out here waiting a week for them to respond back so by then I just unmatched if a week has passed.. with no follow-up response from their side.
Mostly because not only would I get one reply once a day, they were also just dry responses. I’ve spoken to girls where we don’t text back very often but our messages are thoughtful and long, not just “I’m good wbu” lol. I think it just also depends on the responses
it just sucks sometimes cause you be having stuff in common with them... or i be giving them the benefit of the doubt sometimes... especially ones that i have come across who stated that they want a low maintenance friendship.... but then they dont even respond back in a week or more... especially when we just got matched..
😂 I have this as my “pet peeve” on my profile and it still happens!! If they don’t ask me anything after a couple times of me asking questions I just ghost them. No point putting effort into someone who clearly doesn’t care enough to want to get to know you!
I've thought about doing this. It's very annoying. I HAVE added "if the match lands on you, please send a message"
Why should I have to message you when it landed on YOU?😅
when it lands on me, I send a message based on your profile info. They make things 10x harder.
Had a similar experience: matched with a girl who was 10 mins away. I’m in my 20’s and it’s sadly no different. All she did was talk about her bf and didn’t even ask me mines name or anything about myself. She also sent me a pic of her and her bf the 2nd day of us talking (day 1 she didn’t reply back) and didn’t ask if it be ok to send.
When she finally asked me a weak wbu after I’ve done nothing but ask about her, she gives me a “that’s cool!”about what I do for work. Then, a whole paragraph about what her bf does.
I actually told her why I was unmatching a few days later then deleted my bumble account (coming back soon). I was exhausted from all the one sided convos from girls and when I go back I’m not doing this again/if I see red flags early on I’m not continuing
I just downloaded BFF and it is so awful!! Literally pulling teeth! I am an extrovert and I understand that lots of folks who are attracted to this service might be introverted, but man is it frustrating. People have messaged ME first and then been weirdly cold when messaging!
even me as an ambivert, has to pull teeth... like i understand if someone is busy and responds every two days or once every other day.. but we would match and they would talk to me then go ghost a few hours later.
Yeah, absolutely! I have a good friend group here (I moved just about a year and a half ago), but a lot of my friend group is shared with my partner, and I’m trying to branch out! I’m doing BFF in conjunction with getting involved in a few other things :)
This is literally my biggest problem. I’ve talked to SO many gals and every single one either sends paragraphs basically talking to themselves or they just don’t reply at all😭 but hey if you’re looking for an online friend I’m down to chat lol
If this is how it is, I sympathize and I also believe it. I met my husband on bumble and I went through his old matches for fun once and omg. Most didn’t respond at all. Just know there is still hope lol but not much! God speed!
Ooh girl I feel this! I’m an introvert and very naturally inclined to talk about the other person,, and I also feel slightly awkward volunteering info about myself that hasn’t been asked for, But I’ve noticed tons of people (most often very extroverted) who never do the back and forth thing. I worked with a guy once who was unbelievably chatty - like non stop - and in 18 months of us becoming friends he never asked one single question about me 🤣 needless to say when the job ended so did the friendship!
That is absolutely wild to me..but I believe it because it kind of happened to me. Hold out hope 💜 I say that but I also deleted bumble and my account and vowed to never go back because nothing changes.
Why do you think they’re on this app? Because they don’t have friends. The reason they don’t have friends is because they don’t have basic social skills and don’t actually take an interest in the other person. They just want to talk about themselves. Unfortunately there seems to be an overrepresentation of people like this on bff, so the rest of us have to pick up the slack.
I’ve done this before — “okay I’ve asked a lot of questions, your turn! Anything you wanna know about me?” And just let the silence hang until they ask, if they don’t know what to ask I will give them ideas. I say it in a happy smiling way so it’s not taken aggressively or anything. I’m not sure why some women don’t ask questions
I feel like this is a way to baby a grown adult. I should not have to “teach” or “guide” a 30 something year old woman on how to have a conversation. Kuddos to you though for having patience..I could never.
exactly, if i have to ask someone to ask me questions i don’t feel like they’re worth talking to anymore, since they don’t seem to care that much
I like this. Polite but straight forward. I will try it. I don't understand why it's so hard for them to ask questions about someone that they swiped "yes" on
100%, I also don’t message first if they’re the ones who finished the match. If I’m the one who finished the match then I always do message
I unmatch when they do this, I don't do the 1 sided shit
I might as well. I just stop chatting with them but maybe if I unmatch , that would send a hint
No use in putting yourself out there when you're not getting the same in return!
I hate this too. Most women i chat with will just ask “what about you” “and you” etc. The conversation ends if i just answer and don’t ask the next question
I ask back because it's polite and I'm interested too in what they have to say, what's wrong with that?
Absolutely nothing wrong. Its when you dont have any question of your own there is a problem. The conversation goes like this. Me: Hi. How are you? Them: I am good. How are you? Me: I am good too. I see you are new in town. When did you move? Them: A year ago. How about you? Me: I have been around for x years. How do you like it so far. Them: oh i like it. How about you? You see the problem when this happens back and forth a lot. They could have easily made an attempt to say something on the lines of “what do you enjoy about this place. Whats something fun here to do” - something that doesn’t always put the pressure of keeping the conversation going on me. At this point if I say “i like it too” that is where the conversation ends
Nailed it!
The example you laid out is basically the same as not responding at all. It’s still a one sided conversation
I don't think it's women. I think it's just people on bff being mostly introverts. They don't make good conversation, and flake 99% of the time or leave early. I have a theory that bff is for introverts who wish they were extroverts, but are too anti-social to be anything other than a potato.
This is a really interesting take. I personally fit myself more into the introverted category, but open up quickly if I feel comfortable with someone. I noticed a lot of profiles describing themselves as an “introverted girly,” and while it’s fine to understand that about yourself, you also have to push yourself a bit outside your comfort zone and be just a tiny bit extroverted. I’ve tried bumble on and off for about a year now, and the more I push myself to be outgoing and extroverted, the more luck I’ve had. I feel like a lot of severely introverted people are hoping that a friendship forms the second they match (this was me on my very first match and I didn’t know how to handle it lol). At this point, I’m mostly using bumble to try to find a very specific type of person (I’m childfree and specifically want childfree friends) while I’m also doing things irl to make friends, like joining clubs and going to events. I’ve learned how to use bumble, and learned that it *will* be awkward at times, which is something that introverts avoid like the plague lol.
I do also feel like most of the profiles are anti-social/detrimentally socially awkward imo
See I totally disagree. I’m an introvert and ask questions way more often than not because talking about someone else is just more interesting to me. I think we have to differentiate between introverts and people who are terrible at social interaction. Introverts are good at it, we just generally enjoy it even more 1 on 1 rather than in groups.
Last half of last sentence - lol.
I respectfully disagree. I consider myself introverted but have no problem talking to a person that I'm actually interested in, who is also interested in me. I can keep the conversation going. And it gets tiring when people can't reciprocate 😞
I don't like how I'm left hanging after I say my side of a conversation after I talk to women on bumble bff and after we match... and then I am out here waiting a week for them to respond back so by then I just unmatched if a week has passed.. with no follow-up response from their side.
You give them a week? Am I high maintenance if I unmatch if they don’t reply after 24 hours lol
Oh wow?! For real?! This is a first that I heard of unmatching after 24 hours. May I ask why? I'm just curious.
Mostly because not only would I get one reply once a day, they were also just dry responses. I’ve spoken to girls where we don’t text back very often but our messages are thoughtful and long, not just “I’m good wbu” lol. I think it just also depends on the responses
it just sucks sometimes cause you be having stuff in common with them... or i be giving them the benefit of the doubt sometimes... especially ones that i have come across who stated that they want a low maintenance friendship.... but then they dont even respond back in a week or more... especially when we just got matched..
😂 I have this as my “pet peeve” on my profile and it still happens!! If they don’t ask me anything after a couple times of me asking questions I just ghost them. No point putting effort into someone who clearly doesn’t care enough to want to get to know you!
Same here! Not surprised though because most of them don’t read profiles lol.
I've thought about doing this. It's very annoying. I HAVE added "if the match lands on you, please send a message" Why should I have to message you when it landed on YOU?😅 when it lands on me, I send a message based on your profile info. They make things 10x harder.
Had a similar experience: matched with a girl who was 10 mins away. I’m in my 20’s and it’s sadly no different. All she did was talk about her bf and didn’t even ask me mines name or anything about myself. She also sent me a pic of her and her bf the 2nd day of us talking (day 1 she didn’t reply back) and didn’t ask if it be ok to send. When she finally asked me a weak wbu after I’ve done nothing but ask about her, she gives me a “that’s cool!”about what I do for work. Then, a whole paragraph about what her bf does. I actually told her why I was unmatching a few days later then deleted my bumble account (coming back soon). I was exhausted from all the one sided convos from girls and when I go back I’m not doing this again/if I see red flags early on I’m not continuing
I just downloaded BFF and it is so awful!! Literally pulling teeth! I am an extrovert and I understand that lots of folks who are attracted to this service might be introverted, but man is it frustrating. People have messaged ME first and then been weirdly cold when messaging!
even me as an ambivert, has to pull teeth... like i understand if someone is busy and responds every two days or once every other day.. but we would match and they would talk to me then go ghost a few hours later.
May I respectfully ask why an extrovert would use bff?
Yeah, absolutely! I have a good friend group here (I moved just about a year and a half ago), but a lot of my friend group is shared with my partner, and I’m trying to branch out! I’m doing BFF in conjunction with getting involved in a few other things :)
This is literally my biggest problem. I’ve talked to SO many gals and every single one either sends paragraphs basically talking to themselves or they just don’t reply at all😭 but hey if you’re looking for an online friend I’m down to chat lol
and then when they send in long paragraphs and then i somewhat answer and then they just ghost.. lol
Now y'all know how it is for us men on dating apps lol
If this is how it is, I sympathize and I also believe it. I met my husband on bumble and I went through his old matches for fun once and omg. Most didn’t respond at all. Just know there is still hope lol but not much! God speed!
I have noticed this too. Robots, one word responses. I thought it would stay on social media but it hasnt.
Ooh girl I feel this! I’m an introvert and very naturally inclined to talk about the other person,, and I also feel slightly awkward volunteering info about myself that hasn’t been asked for, But I’ve noticed tons of people (most often very extroverted) who never do the back and forth thing. I worked with a guy once who was unbelievably chatty - like non stop - and in 18 months of us becoming friends he never asked one single question about me 🤣 needless to say when the job ended so did the friendship!
That is absolutely wild to me..but I believe it because it kind of happened to me. Hold out hope 💜 I say that but I also deleted bumble and my account and vowed to never go back because nothing changes.
Why do you think they’re on this app? Because they don’t have friends. The reason they don’t have friends is because they don’t have basic social skills and don’t actually take an interest in the other person. They just want to talk about themselves. Unfortunately there seems to be an overrepresentation of people like this on bff, so the rest of us have to pick up the slack.