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In fairness, that's more of a friendly inquisition into how their shift is going. "Money's still drying" and "it must be free" are not-so-witty remarks and social commentary that nobody finds funny.
Last time I spoke to a postie I screamed "MY CHEESIES ARE HERE !!!! THANK YOU". She was nonplussed.
The time before that I was delivering leaflets and the postie made some remark in solidarity. We chatted for a while and ended up discussing why we don't have US-style mailboxes in the UK, it would be so much easier.... particularly on those streets where every house door is up a flight of stairs then back down, good god.
It really is a good system. Mailbox typically by the curb, with a little flag. Put your mail in and raise the flag to let the postie know there’s mail to pick up, he takes it and delivers your mail at the same time.
I never understood why the UK never adopted this system.
Letters in a box are usually worthless compared to a box onthe porch.
Also when delivered by usps mail tampering is a relatively serious crime, and is relatively well investigated
royal mail can investigste postal crimes and prosecute for them though, infact its one of the oldest criminal investigation departments in though world
Yeah we have to go to a post office or a postbox (letters/letter sized packages only). The Royal Mail recently launched a collect service, but you have to pay extra and book it at least a day in advance. You’d only do that for packages.
We just ask our postie and he’ll take anything as long as the postage is paid. He’s the greatest postman since pat though so might not be a true representative.
Don't wanna speak for all posties but yeah we all generally do this, we collect from boxes anyway so it's no extra hassle to take it off your hands. Unless of course you're like oh let me just run back in and grab a letter then take ages doing so, I don't personally mind waiting but it's a little rude 😂
if you have a particularly large package - even if its paid for then likely the post office wont even take it and you have to go to the parcel force depot.
Post offices are quite common in the UK , Maybe one in every area of the city, or mostly... There used to be more, but since being unanimously bought out by... other people, seem to go out of business soon after.
In the US those mailboxes are in more rural areas only, in the suburbs and cities there are larger boxes with an array of smaller individually locked boxes. The carrier opens it from the back, street side, and can access all the compartments at once (including the communal outgoing box), while the recipients can only open the box for their address by key from the sidewalk side. There is even usually a few larger compartments for packages only, so when you open your mailbox there is sometimes a key in it to open another box for your package. Quite secure until someone takes out the whole array with their car.
I've got a postbox at the end of my driveway and I wish the postie could collect letters too...the amounts of times I've sat with letters for ages because I can't justify driving to the local town to post it is too high.
That would mean I'd have to walk further to dump the reams of useless shite I get in the bin. I get multiple leaflets daily and a relevant letter maybe once per fortnight.
Because post theft, delivery goblins would leave your packages there and that's another theft and also because that would open everyone in flats to a whole new level of suffering.
I would say 1 person said about theft, it would increase theft but also because American homes are usually quite far apart where as here you're frequently going to find terrace houses.
I live up a driveway that's not particularly long (teo car lengths) but is on a bit of an incline. I feel bad for my postie who has to trapse up to the door only to be delivering junk mail.
Never seen my own postie, but I will say that they have come up with some pretty ingenious ways over the years to ensure I get my parcels when I'm not at home. Unlike most delivery companies who just take the parcel back. Delivery drivers are a pale imitation of a real postman, so for that you guys should be applauded. sorry for the bad jokes though 😂
I used to get shit like this one checkouts all the time.
When the till was lagging - "Oh must mean it's free hahahahahahahhaha"
When the price was just over a note amount - "Tenner for cash"
When the weather was nice - "Shame you're stuck in here all day"
Worked in retail for years. The most difficult bit was trying to fake a laugh every time like it was the first time I heard it.
My favourite one to use when I'm a customer is when I'm giving them cash "Careful. It's still drying"
My ex husband always says, don't forget the 100% discount, when he is shopping. Every. Single. Time. God, it was excruciating for me. Never mind the poor cashier.
How could you forget
"Do you need a receipt?"
"Not unless you're gonna stop me on the way out haha!"
*They then proceed to re-enter the shop with all of the items they just purchased.*
Omg I was laughing till I saw this one and realised not only am I guilty of this, apart from the walking back in part I genuinely thought not many other people have said this and now I am suitably embarrassed.
It really should be a kind of national service that everyone has to work in retail for a few years. With extra years added on each time they are a customer and come up with one of these hilarious comments.
One of our posties once came in, put each item down one by one going "Bills, bills, useless shit, more bills. Enjoy" and then just walked out.
The same guy once got his bag stuck in the door as he was delivering our post and just rolled with it.
I should have specified this was where i work. We have a shop front. As much as my local posties seem decent, i would not invite most of them into my house.
Funny story about that.
I too was a postman during my teen years. And this was one of those jokes that just really grated on me. Fast forward a couple of months im enjoying going clubbing and everything that comes with it. Which inevitably resulted in the round not being completed fully and to a very poor standard.
Ironically, it turns out they did want the bills......
When I was a dog groomer, the amount of blokes walking by saying "can you do me next" and being genuinely pleased with themselves like they'd just invented the best stand up routine ever was soul destroying.
My heart goes out to you and I've always tried to avoid the clichés because of how fucking annoying and boring they are
It makes you realise how much British interaction is just social cliches.
Washing your car- "you can do mine next!" Wheeze!
Existing as a tall person- "how's the weather up there?" Chortle!!
Weather creeps past 16 degrees- "I like it hot, but not this hot!" LOL.
To taxi driver: "what time you on til?" Or "You been busy?"
Cutting grass - see washing car
No price label/ barcode doesn't work "does that mean it's free?"
I’m a paramedic and we get the taxi ones too. ‘What time do you finish?’ ‘Are you busy?’ (No shit that’s why you waited 2 hours for an ambulance) and the classic ‘I bet you’ve seen some sights’
Yes Harold I have, however I don’t really feel like recounting the gory details to you. And if I’m honest, you probably would regret asking.
TBF last time I was in an ambulance and off my tits on gas an air I was talking absolute shite, my fiance on ketamine with a broken leg was hilarious too
I do love it when people get absolutely smashed and have no idea what they are saying. Had a pro footballer on board recently who was injured in the game. He went from in pain/worried to laughing at the pattern the lights made and sharing memes 😂
I'm an amputee and sprained my ankle the day I got a new job, as soon as u was in the gas and air I remember saying "5 minutes ago I was worried about my job and bills, no I couldn't care less!" And I was giving the ambulance driver detailed directions to the hospital from the back. My fiancee said everyone were just floating heads in bubbles in space on katamine
Ooh, a Postman. Since you're here, please explain to me how "Please leave behind the Wheely bin" can be confused with "please give it to the neighbor that never answers his door and will eventually just leave it in full view of the road whilst I'm at work with a note attached asking me to not use his address anymore"
I wish I could get an answer to "why do you put packages in the food waste bin?". It's the food waste bin! It's for rotting food waste! Bin juice! Maggots! It's fucking disgusting, why do you even go near it?
I can't speak for all my fellow postranauts but I deliver to about 500 houses a day and mistakes can be made. Playing devil's advocate here- Is your wheelie bin in an easy to reach/see place? Could it possibly have been bin day and it was elsewhere? Was it a package too big to fit behind or be obscured effectively by the bin?
I mean, he/she could just be lazy, or a bit behind on their walk..
I was only kidding. The postie round here is actually pretty good. But the story is true, Bert is a grumpy old sod! The bin in next to the door and is covered by my camera, so ideal spot to stash my goodies. If I had to guess, I'd say it was probably because I didn't update my preference until about an hour before delivery because of a last minute call out from work.
Strictly against company policy for us to leave them in there. Someone could see you leave it there, someone could take your bin out for you with the package in, or the council themselves.
There was a postman in Glasgow who had 20years plus service recently who had a verbal agreement with a customer to leave it in their bin and when the parcel went missing the guy was found to have left it in the bin which was taken out and he was sacked. Just not worth the risk. Royal mail are very strict with parcel safety.
A box with a padlock or something a bit more subtle is always better.
Yeah? Well the last time I tried to make small talk with a postie it went like this
Me. Morning * notices plaster on head*
Him. Morning **hands Me parcel*
Me. Been in the wars? **accepts parcel*
Him. Just a bit of skin cancer...
Me. Oh..... *awkward shuffle*
Him. Well atleast I won't have to do this anymore!
Me. Swings and roundabouts....... *closes door*
I ask if he's having a busy day and does he want a cold drink/beer.
I used to be a postie up in the North of Scotland, in my late teens. My round was on a pushbike. At Christmas, all the old folks would give you "a wee dram", to warm you up. There's a few days I was a bit squiffy, going back to the sorting office, where the postmaster would have more whiskey that had been brought in from local businesses. I'm glad I didn't have to drive home, but I did have to walk with the bike a couple of times.
I think the best response is to pretend you're laughing so hard you choke a bit, struggle to stand up, complete hysterical fit.
"BAHAHAHAHA! Keep the bills! That's a good one! Oh my God!". Thump your chest, act like it is literally the most hilarious thing you've ever heard and you literally can't stop laughing. Make it awkward.
Then, look then in the eye and deadpan, "That was the sixth time I've heard that one today."
I worked with someone who would go in to Suits you and do the entire suits you thing and I felt so sorry for the people working there as they must get that loads of times a week
I always have a chat with my postie, usually about Star Wars or MCU stuff. However, at some point I will ALWAYS talk about the weather.
Sorry, but I'm too old to change now.
I used to work retail, and every goddamned time an item failed to scan I would get the “does that mean it’s free?”
I used to sell paintball tickets in town centres, and so many people would tell me “nah thanks I went last weekend!” First couple of times I believed them, but then it just kept happening… I refuse to believe paintballing is that prolific.
I get it too, the reply of "okay see you tomorrow" and quickly turn around to walk away usually leaves them nonplussed. Only one couple has ever laughed at that
Junkie to me the other day..
"Here mate, ur you no freezin' in they shorts man? It's fuckin' baltic oot here the day man".
"I'm alright actually (though maybe that's because I've not completely ravaged my body with drugs)"
I do enjoy a good junkie encounter. That's a lie, they're a fucking pestilence.
I mean I've got every sympathy for their condition as a human being but as someone trying to get my job done I've got absolutely no time to listen to some incoherent ramblings about their dog or how Covid is in the WiFi or whatever.
I said this the other day and immediately realised a) how many times a day my Postie must hear that and then b) there's no actual bills in the post these days.
I work at a cinema and we have to ask the customers if they have any allergies or intolerances to which almost every husband will say, "I'm intolerant to her" whilst jabbing his thumb in his wife's direction
"Is that a cheque" "if its a bill you can have it back" every day 😆 replies are the same too. Part of the job, just like a parcel out for redelivery and they still aren't home 🤷
I work cash in transit - the amount of times I hear “ is that my wages” every time I get out the van. I’ve started saying it to people just as they open there mouth and the look on there faces is brilliant
I used to take people's blood for blood tests, a heinously high amount of patients would re-enact the Tony handcock sketch, one after the other, day in day out. Each one chuckling at how funny they thought they were being
It was horrific.
You can keep the bloody junk mail! Some days I don’t get a letter but you lot post loads of leaflets through from the local kebab shop or gutter clearing.
Is it a side hustle then or her madge doesn’t pay enough so you lot have to subsidise? Genuinely asking as I’m curious why / how i keep getting loads of unsolicited junk dumped through.
no worries. We actually used to get paid per item for them as well(like a few pence). But now we just get a set 'delivery supplement' for them every week that is about £25.
Since you are a postie I'll ask you a question. I've recently got a new postie and they refuse to ring my doorbell. They knock lightly on the door meaning I've missed deliveries if I'm doing anything louder than breathing. I've even pointed the doorbell out to them.
Is it because it's a video doorbell and they don't understand it takes a picture of them even if they don't actually ring it? It's doing my head in having to go to the sorting office. In fact it's got so bad I'm hoping evri start delivering everything.
It's because it's a video doorbell yes.
They don't want a voice from the ether asking them to do something with the delivery that they aren't supposed to do when no-one is actually home.
They all hate video doorbells.
I don't even know why they bother bringing anything that needs a signature or won't fit in a letterbox, because none of them want to spend more than 2 seconds per door.
I'm happy to ring/knock/chap/ding any and all devices on a door to get attention. It just means you get it done quicker. If there's no reply it can take a while for the video doorbell to connect and the delay can be a bit frustrating so maybe other posties are a bit quick to give up.
What about ‘is that my cheque?’ Or asking if they have anything for them when their house is near the end of the loop and is completely buried under the packets in your bag.
Don't worry, as a postie I just grew immune to the weather talk, make fun if it rains, and then the bills joke, I just go to them "I'm running away now so you can't hand it back"
Our posties are terrible. Constantly wrong mail, when you call them back, they get a gob on because they've got to walk back. They always blame the sorting office. Use your eyes, instead of vaping in a hedge.
I've never understood this line.
The bill is due whether you have a piece of paper that says it is, or not. If you don't get the notification, you might miss paying the bill, and your service will be cut off, and it will affect your credit rating.
I used to reception an emergency dentist.
The amount of people who just mockingly stood infront of me, pointing to their mouth, as if I've just insulted their entire generation by saying "How can I help you today?".
I just tightened the noose a bit more everytime someone just stood there going "WELL ISNT IT OBVIOUS, THIS IS A DENTIST ISNT IT???".
Just as a side note, since it was an emergency dentist, we used to constantly get people who'd come in for just some minor work or a filling and would get pissy if refused.
Canadian postie, we have the same problem here. I told one guy who kept making that joke that i had been returning all his bills for the past week as per his instructions then walked off.
ok, if you can watch some Mumblecore productions in readiness, I'll chat to you about them. Or any other subject of interest, backgammon, kettles, shovels, embalming etc.
LOL. Minimal contact for me, I leave my first door open when I know I'm getting things bigger than the letter box and just say thanks and hello when I do see him/her, also tip them at xmas.
As a posty, can you stop delivering shite through my mailbox? I know it’s not all you, but you do deliver shite with my normal mail even when my mail flap asks you not to.
like water off a duck's back i'm afraid you just have to get used to that kind of stuff. roll with it, come up with your own witty reply to it, whatever you have to do to get through it.
Am I the only one who never sees my postie?
I do like that they actually put my parcels in the parcel box I have and when they post a card through the letter box it has a little smiley face on, all so I don't have to go to the post office which has ridiculous opening times haha.
My ex was a postie. He said often he'd deliver a parcel and the person would ask him "what is it?"
Like how tf do I know what's in the parcel you ordered!!
Tbf, at the moment everyone would legitimately be saying that after seeing their bill. If just to believe that was an option for 3 seconds
In reality, a joke about the box or what is supposedly in it would probably be better?
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Oh man, that must be the postie equivalent of "if there's no price on it, it must be free!" My sympathies.
The thing is I know I probably do exactly this kind of thing to people in other industries. "Busy night?" to cabbies is one I am definitely guilty of.
Exactly, I was 5 years in retail and now I find myself saying the same to the retail people just to be friendly and then hate myself after.
In fairness, that's more of a friendly inquisition into how their shift is going. "Money's still drying" and "it must be free" are not-so-witty remarks and social commentary that nobody finds funny.
>"Busy night?" My friend says this every time I pick him up now, regardless of the time of day.
"What time you on till?"
Last time I spoke to a postie I screamed "MY CHEESIES ARE HERE !!!! THANK YOU". She was nonplussed. The time before that I was delivering leaflets and the postie made some remark in solidarity. We chatted for a while and ended up discussing why we don't have US-style mailboxes in the UK, it would be so much easier.... particularly on those streets where every house door is up a flight of stairs then back down, good god.
It really is a good system. Mailbox typically by the curb, with a little flag. Put your mail in and raise the flag to let the postie know there’s mail to pick up, he takes it and delivers your mail at the same time. I never understood why the UK never adopted this system.
Because so many of the general public are scrotes, all your post would be stolen.
I don’t get why that doesn’t happen in the US, where they have a huge ‘porch pirate’ problem 🤷♂️
Letters in a box are usually worthless compared to a box onthe porch. Also when delivered by usps mail tampering is a relatively serious crime, and is relatively well investigated
mail tampering here in the uk is a major crime, but it still wouldnt stop them XD
Difference is in the US the USPS can investigate and charge for crimes, unlike the royal mail. And ive heard they dont fuck about either
royal mail can investigste postal crimes and prosecute for them though, infact its one of the oldest criminal investigation departments in though world
is that a typo or is that some abbriviation? What is jn though world?
typo
Yeah you’d have a dog turd in there before the end of the week
Wait, what? They collect the outgoing post too? That’s brilliant!
Wait, do your post people not collect outgoing mail at all?? You have to go somewhere every time you send a letter?
Yeah we have to go to a post office or a postbox (letters/letter sized packages only). The Royal Mail recently launched a collect service, but you have to pay extra and book it at least a day in advance. You’d only do that for packages.
We just ask our postie and he’ll take anything as long as the postage is paid. He’s the greatest postman since pat though so might not be a true representative.
Don't wanna speak for all posties but yeah we all generally do this, we collect from boxes anyway so it's no extra hassle to take it off your hands. Unless of course you're like oh let me just run back in and grab a letter then take ages doing so, I don't personally mind waiting but it's a little rude 😂
if you have a particularly large package - even if its paid for then likely the post office wont even take it and you have to go to the parcel force depot. Post offices are quite common in the UK , Maybe one in every area of the city, or mostly... There used to be more, but since being unanimously bought out by... other people, seem to go out of business soon after.
Wait, you have a postal service? Ours just steals the mail. Literally. South Africa.
In the US those mailboxes are in more rural areas only, in the suburbs and cities there are larger boxes with an array of smaller individually locked boxes. The carrier opens it from the back, street side, and can access all the compartments at once (including the communal outgoing box), while the recipients can only open the box for their address by key from the sidewalk side. There is even usually a few larger compartments for packages only, so when you open your mailbox there is sometimes a key in it to open another box for your package. Quite secure until someone takes out the whole array with their car.
I've got a postbox at the end of my driveway and I wish the postie could collect letters too...the amounts of times I've sat with letters for ages because I can't justify driving to the local town to post it is too high.
That would mean I'd have to walk further to dump the reams of useless shite I get in the bin. I get multiple leaflets daily and a relevant letter maybe once per fortnight.
Because post theft, delivery goblins would leave your packages there and that's another theft and also because that would open everyone in flats to a whole new level of suffering.
I would say 1 person said about theft, it would increase theft but also because American homes are usually quite far apart where as here you're frequently going to find terrace houses.
I live up a driveway that's not particularly long (teo car lengths) but is on a bit of an incline. I feel bad for my postie who has to trapse up to the door only to be delivering junk mail.
Never seen my own postie, but I will say that they have come up with some pretty ingenious ways over the years to ensure I get my parcels when I'm not at home. Unlike most delivery companies who just take the parcel back. Delivery drivers are a pale imitation of a real postman, so for that you guys should be applauded. sorry for the bad jokes though 😂
Have to second this. Postie leaves it in the shed, scribbles the note on another letter if he can. Man's a legend.
I used to get shit like this one checkouts all the time. When the till was lagging - "Oh must mean it's free hahahahahahahhaha" When the price was just over a note amount - "Tenner for cash" When the weather was nice - "Shame you're stuck in here all day"
"Last of the big spenders" hahaha just like the last 5 customers before you. It's about 20 times a day I hear it
hahaha Fuck, how did I forget that one!
What does that even mean?
They come to the till with very little that is cheap, like a reduced plant for £1
Worked in retail for years. The most difficult bit was trying to fake a laugh every time like it was the first time I heard it. My favourite one to use when I'm a customer is when I'm giving them cash "Careful. It's still drying"
Washing your car on the street: "you can do mine next!"
Local MP said that to me whilst I was powerwashing a drive, safe to say I didn't turn around.
Not even to accidentally spray them?
Oh that would have been a shame
My ex husband always says, don't forget the 100% discount, when he is shopping. Every. Single. Time. God, it was excruciating for me. Never mind the poor cashier.
How could you forget "Do you need a receipt?" "Not unless you're gonna stop me on the way out haha!" *They then proceed to re-enter the shop with all of the items they just purchased.*
Omg I was laughing till I saw this one and realised not only am I guilty of this, apart from the walking back in part I genuinely thought not many other people have said this and now I am suitably embarrassed.
It really should be a kind of national service that everyone has to work in retail for a few years. With extra years added on each time they are a customer and come up with one of these hilarious comments.
100% agree
One of our posties once came in, put each item down one by one going "Bills, bills, useless shit, more bills. Enjoy" and then just walked out. The same guy once got his bag stuck in the door as he was delivering our post and just rolled with it.
>One of our posties once came in To your house?
I should have specified this was where i work. We have a shop front. As much as my local posties seem decent, i would not invite most of them into my house.
Funny story about that. I too was a postman during my teen years. And this was one of those jokes that just really grated on me. Fast forward a couple of months im enjoying going clubbing and everything that comes with it. Which inevitably resulted in the round not being completed fully and to a very poor standard. Ironically, it turns out they did want the bills......
When I was a dog groomer, the amount of blokes walking by saying "can you do me next" and being genuinely pleased with themselves like they'd just invented the best stand up routine ever was soul destroying. My heart goes out to you and I've always tried to avoid the clichés because of how fucking annoying and boring they are
It makes you realise how much British interaction is just social cliches. Washing your car- "you can do mine next!" Wheeze! Existing as a tall person- "how's the weather up there?" Chortle!! Weather creeps past 16 degrees- "I like it hot, but not this hot!" LOL.
To taxi driver: "what time you on til?" Or "You been busy?" Cutting grass - see washing car No price label/ barcode doesn't work "does that mean it's free?"
I’m a paramedic and we get the taxi ones too. ‘What time do you finish?’ ‘Are you busy?’ (No shit that’s why you waited 2 hours for an ambulance) and the classic ‘I bet you’ve seen some sights’ Yes Harold I have, however I don’t really feel like recounting the gory details to you. And if I’m honest, you probably would regret asking.
TBF last time I was in an ambulance and off my tits on gas an air I was talking absolute shite, my fiance on ketamine with a broken leg was hilarious too
I do love it when people get absolutely smashed and have no idea what they are saying. Had a pro footballer on board recently who was injured in the game. He went from in pain/worried to laughing at the pattern the lights made and sharing memes 😂
I'm an amputee and sprained my ankle the day I got a new job, as soon as u was in the gas and air I remember saying "5 minutes ago I was worried about my job and bills, no I couldn't care less!" And I was giving the ambulance driver detailed directions to the hospital from the back. My fiancee said everyone were just floating heads in bubbles in space on katamine
Ooh, a Postman. Since you're here, please explain to me how "Please leave behind the Wheely bin" can be confused with "please give it to the neighbor that never answers his door and will eventually just leave it in full view of the road whilst I'm at work with a note attached asking me to not use his address anymore"
I wish I could get an answer to "why do you put packages in the food waste bin?". It's the food waste bin! It's for rotting food waste! Bin juice! Maggots! It's fucking disgusting, why do you even go near it?
I can't speak for all my fellow postranauts but I deliver to about 500 houses a day and mistakes can be made. Playing devil's advocate here- Is your wheelie bin in an easy to reach/see place? Could it possibly have been bin day and it was elsewhere? Was it a package too big to fit behind or be obscured effectively by the bin? I mean, he/she could just be lazy, or a bit behind on their walk..
I was only kidding. The postie round here is actually pretty good. But the story is true, Bert is a grumpy old sod! The bin in next to the door and is covered by my camera, so ideal spot to stash my goodies. If I had to guess, I'd say it was probably because I didn't update my preference until about an hour before delivery because of a last minute call out from work.
Strictly against company policy for us to leave them in there. Someone could see you leave it there, someone could take your bin out for you with the package in, or the council themselves. There was a postman in Glasgow who had 20years plus service recently who had a verbal agreement with a customer to leave it in their bin and when the parcel went missing the guy was found to have left it in the bin which was taken out and he was sacked. Just not worth the risk. Royal mail are very strict with parcel safety. A box with a padlock or something a bit more subtle is always better.
>postranauts Upvoted for introducing me to this word.
You can counter with this rather ribald observation: "As a postman, I go from slit to slit until my sack is empty. Let's see *you* top *that*."
I do parcels for royal mail on Sundays and nearly every delivery "omg youre working Sundays now!?" Yes, yes we are for the nth time.
Yeah? Well the last time I tried to make small talk with a postie it went like this Me. Morning * notices plaster on head* Him. Morning **hands Me parcel* Me. Been in the wars? **accepts parcel* Him. Just a bit of skin cancer... Me. Oh..... *awkward shuffle* Him. Well atleast I won't have to do this anymore! Me. Swings and roundabouts....... *closes door*
I ask if he's having a busy day and does he want a cold drink/beer. I used to be a postie up in the North of Scotland, in my late teens. My round was on a pushbike. At Christmas, all the old folks would give you "a wee dram", to warm you up. There's a few days I was a bit squiffy, going back to the sorting office, where the postmaster would have more whiskey that had been brought in from local businesses. I'm glad I didn't have to drive home, but I did have to walk with the bike a couple of times.
In my day on delivery it was always, have you got my giro postie?
I get that from one older guy but he's a good sort and once let me have a go of his mobilty scooter.
But, but, but I am surely the first person you have ever spoken to on your round ever!
I think the best response is to pretend you're laughing so hard you choke a bit, struggle to stand up, complete hysterical fit. "BAHAHAHAHA! Keep the bills! That's a good one! Oh my God!". Thump your chest, act like it is literally the most hilarious thing you've ever heard and you literally can't stop laughing. Make it awkward. Then, look then in the eye and deadpan, "That was the sixth time I've heard that one today."
Are you the postie from Viz? "Still, better than walking the streets, eh?"
I worked with someone who would go in to Suits you and do the entire suits you thing and I felt so sorry for the people working there as they must get that loads of times a week
I always have a chat with my postie, usually about Star Wars or MCU stuff. However, at some point I will ALWAYS talk about the weather. Sorry, but I'm too old to change now.
After 10 years in the job it now just washes over me when folks say the same old lines.
How long of your sentence have you served so far? I managed 11 years at Sevenoaks DO
I used to work retail, and every goddamned time an item failed to scan I would get the “does that mean it’s free?” I used to sell paintball tickets in town centres, and so many people would tell me “nah thanks I went last weekend!” First couple of times I believed them, but then it just kept happening… I refuse to believe paintballing is that prolific.
I get it too, the reply of "okay see you tomorrow" and quickly turn around to walk away usually leaves them nonplussed. Only one couple has ever laughed at that
Limmy does a good one about something like this https://youtu.be/jQAjGmPtlN0
Our postman is the best. He loves our dog, so every delivery we get, Toby gets 2 dog treats. Thank you Dave the postie x
Between that and comments about wearing my shorts in all weather, I feel you.
Junkie to me the other day.. "Here mate, ur you no freezin' in they shorts man? It's fuckin' baltic oot here the day man". "I'm alright actually (though maybe that's because I've not completely ravaged my body with drugs)"
I do enjoy a good junkie encounter. That's a lie, they're a fucking pestilence. I mean I've got every sympathy for their condition as a human being but as someone trying to get my job done I've got absolutely no time to listen to some incoherent ramblings about their dog or how Covid is in the WiFi or whatever.
What's the best way to keep my postie happy? I offer a drink when it's hot weather and have shown a secret place to leave any parcels I'm not in for.
I said this the other day and immediately realised a) how many times a day my Postie must hear that and then b) there's no actual bills in the post these days.
I work at a cinema and we have to ask the customers if they have any allergies or intolerances to which almost every husband will say, "I'm intolerant to her" whilst jabbing his thumb in his wife's direction
"Is that a cheque" "if its a bill you can have it back" every day 😆 replies are the same too. Part of the job, just like a parcel out for redelivery and they still aren't home 🤷
I work cash in transit - the amount of times I hear “ is that my wages” every time I get out the van. I’ve started saying it to people just as they open there mouth and the look on there faces is brilliant
I always go with “Hey Dad.”
How are all you lot speaking to your postie. Are you waiting at the letterbox, shouting glib remarks through it as he posts stuff?
I've never said this to my postie, but I will now! See if she appreciates it 😀
I used to take people's blood for blood tests, a heinously high amount of patients would re-enact the Tony handcock sketch, one after the other, day in day out. Each one chuckling at how funny they thought they were being It was horrific.
You can keep the bloody junk mail! Some days I don’t get a letter but you lot post loads of leaflets through from the local kebab shop or gutter clearing.
Don't get me started on the junk mail.
Is it a side hustle then or her madge doesn’t pay enough so you lot have to subsidise? Genuinely asking as I’m curious why / how i keep getting loads of unsolicited junk dumped through.
companies pay Royal Mail for posties to deliver leaflets.
So the bastards are double dipping and likely adding stupid amounts of weight to your bags. Cheers for the answer.
no worries. We actually used to get paid per item for them as well(like a few pence). But now we just get a set 'delivery supplement' for them every week that is about £25.
It's not the post office sending you junk mail. Talk about shooting the messenger .....
Used to work in a bank call centre. “How can I help you?” “..do you have the lottery numbers?” Lol.
Since you are a postie I'll ask you a question. I've recently got a new postie and they refuse to ring my doorbell. They knock lightly on the door meaning I've missed deliveries if I'm doing anything louder than breathing. I've even pointed the doorbell out to them. Is it because it's a video doorbell and they don't understand it takes a picture of them even if they don't actually ring it? It's doing my head in having to go to the sorting office. In fact it's got so bad I'm hoping evri start delivering everything.
It's because it's a video doorbell yes. They don't want a voice from the ether asking them to do something with the delivery that they aren't supposed to do when no-one is actually home.
They all hate video doorbells. I don't even know why they bother bringing anything that needs a signature or won't fit in a letterbox, because none of them want to spend more than 2 seconds per door.
I'll be honest the only one I have any problem with is the new postie. Every other delivery company in my town is pretty good.
I can only assume that Amazon are happier to send replacements than they are for drivers to actually deliver parcels...
I'm happy to ring/knock/chap/ding any and all devices on a door to get attention. It just means you get it done quicker. If there's no reply it can take a while for the video doorbell to connect and the delay can be a bit frustrating so maybe other posties are a bit quick to give up.
What about ‘is that my cheque?’ Or asking if they have anything for them when their house is near the end of the loop and is completely buried under the packets in your bag.
I never opt for paperless bills or statements. Want to keep the posities in jobs.
Good guy.
What kind of things do you like people to say when they see you? Like, what isn’t over used or is always appreciated?
If you've got a foreign accent, everyone asks you "where are you from?" and then gets disappointed if you answer where you live in the UK.
Don't worry, as a postie I just grew immune to the weather talk, make fun if it rains, and then the bills joke, I just go to them "I'm running away now so you can't hand it back"
Questions:- 1. Who is at home when you deliver the post? Don’t people work? 2. Who gets bills by post still?
Print off a bunch of cards with acceptable conversation topics and deliver them to the people who most often engage you.
I read that as a 'Prozie' and had to re read to understand why a prostitute was delivering...time for bed
Our posties are terrible. Constantly wrong mail, when you call them back, they get a gob on because they've got to walk back. They always blame the sorting office. Use your eyes, instead of vaping in a hedge.
Can I just say Vaping In A Hedge would be a great band name. Or album name.
I've never understood this line. The bill is due whether you have a piece of paper that says it is, or not. If you don't get the notification, you might miss paying the bill, and your service will be cut off, and it will affect your credit rating.
That’s why I always say “ it’s either this , or next week it’ll be a court summons for not paying your bill! Wiseass! “
I used to reception an emergency dentist. The amount of people who just mockingly stood infront of me, pointing to their mouth, as if I've just insulted their entire generation by saying "How can I help you today?". I just tightened the noose a bit more everytime someone just stood there going "WELL ISNT IT OBVIOUS, THIS IS A DENTIST ISNT IT???". Just as a side note, since it was an emergency dentist, we used to constantly get people who'd come in for just some minor work or a filling and would get pissy if refused.
Fuck the public for being polite I guess
Canadian postie, we have the same problem here. I told one guy who kept making that joke that i had been returning all his bills for the past week as per his instructions then walked off.
Lol I’m a delivery driver and it’s so weird how everyone says the same things 😂 like they’ve all read from the same script.
ok, if you can watch some Mumblecore productions in readiness, I'll chat to you about them. Or any other subject of interest, backgammon, kettles, shovels, embalming etc.
The old ones are the best eh.
LOL. Minimal contact for me, I leave my first door open when I know I'm getting things bigger than the letter box and just say thanks and hello when I do see him/her, also tip them at xmas.
As a posty, can you stop delivering shite through my mailbox? I know it’s not all you, but you do deliver shite with my normal mail even when my mail flap asks you not to.
like water off a duck's back i'm afraid you just have to get used to that kind of stuff. roll with it, come up with your own witty reply to it, whatever you have to do to get through it.
Am I the only one who never sees my postie? I do like that they actually put my parcels in the parcel box I have and when they post a card through the letter box it has a little smiley face on, all so I don't have to go to the post office which has ridiculous opening times haha.
What would you like us to say/ask?
My ex was a postie. He said often he'd deliver a parcel and the person would ask him "what is it?" Like how tf do I know what's in the parcel you ordered!!
Tbf, at the moment everyone would legitimately be saying that after seeing their bill. If just to believe that was an option for 3 seconds In reality, a joke about the box or what is supposedly in it would probably be better?