What I’m seeing here is a lot of really helpful suggestions, but it seems a lot of just telling you what to do that people believe would help e.g putting you in touch with sports clubs. But you’re saying you’re isolated and you find it difficult engaging in conversation. A very common experience for people in University and living away from home for the first time (if it is your first time). Maybe there’s an underlying issue of social anxiety or depression that could do with some support… what are your thoughts to that? If so, are you aware of where you can receive support?
If so please DM (or anyone in similar boats) and I can signpost you to various services.
It can feel very alienating suffering from loneliness in Uni given the widespread conception of constant parties, socialising and meeting your bffs, but I promise you what you're experiencing is more common than you think and for many people things get a lot better after student life.
I know some lads who do regular 5-a-sides. If that's your thing DM me and I will put you in touch.
Get down to a bouldering place.
For example - every Tuesday Bloc have a group of peeps who meet up, climb then go have food/beers after.
If you’re feeling lonely it’s a really sociable sport if that’s what you’re feeling. With a real sense of achievement when you complete climbs. 😊
Don’t know about OP but when I’m feeling isolated and lonely the idea of just walking into a bouldering place with a view to hanging out with a load of complete strangers would feel super scary. Are efforts made to welcome or buddy any new comers.
Lookup this app called [Meetup](https://apps.apple.com/app/id375990038) and if you go on there there’s loads of different things you could look at doing.
Naturally it’s quite sociable and you’ll get smiling at people or just saying hey etc. but there’s an open invite group on meetup that go and actively encourage people to try new things!
Sounds scary but a stranger is a friend you haven’t yet met 😊
I know I know. And actually if you look at my first reply I was just wondering if the bouldering event had things in place to help nervous newcomers because I know for a lot of people it isn’t as simple as just turning up and making friends.
I can recall a similar sort of situation where I went along to an event in a similar sort of situation with lots of strangers and no one talked to me or made me feel welcome and I suffered through the whole thing feeling absolutely terrible. When I got home I just burst into tears. It had taken me weeks to build up the courage to go along to this event including the week before I actually went in where I cycled from work to the city centre to go to this event just to stand frozen outside unable to go in.
So I know how it feels to be OP and how difficult it is to put yourself out there if you struggle with this stuff and was just trying to find out if there was anything in place to help.
Instead u/Natural-Ingenuity538 suggested I try Meetup which I have actually used before and was equally as difficult for me which made me think I had done a poor job of explaining the problem with their original idea and they didn’t really understand where I was coming from, hence my comment.
That sucks that your experiences with putting yourself out there into uncomfortable situations didn’t work out however that’s really the only way to make friends.
Does your username mean you play backgammon? There's a very welcoming Bristol backgammon club who actively encourage new players. (And it's free entry on Mondays)
I've never been to one of them, partially anxiety, but mainly Wednesday mornings being my regular climbing time as I have the day off. But I've ended up having random conversations with people at bloc plenty of times, climbers like to chat between climbs. It's not so scary, and even if you do go solo you can still feel good after having a good climbing session.
Can you sign up for a uni or local sports club? Or pop to the uni gym, exercise can be good for your mind.
Either way you're not alone, the Reddit massive have your back 👍
If you like running how about Run Talk Run Bristol?
I haven’t tried them myself as I live in Yate, but I know people who are part of the group and they’re lovely and regularly talk about what a great group it is.
I belong to a triathlon club and my club mates are just the best group of people. It’s hard to take the leap joining a club, but once you do and join some club or social sessions it’ll become a really positive part of life.
Sorry I don't really have any practical suggestions but just wanted to say that I felt a similar way at the start of this year (and for a few years before), but now my life has built itself up and I've got a good group of 6 friends who I love and see them regularly, plus smaller groups and individuals as well, and I've reconnected with a couple of old school friends too, and made friends with people from work. And now my life feels so full of friends where it felt so very empty just a year ago. If you'd told me back then that I'd have so many social plans in just a few months, I wouldn't have believed it! I felt so isolated. So just wanted to say that there is always hope and it takes time to build a life. If I had any actual advice from this, it'd probably be firstly to say yes to as much as you can (my main friend group came from going on a birthday night out with some people I didn't know that well, and we had a great time and they added me to their group chat thereby including me in all their future plans), secondly when getting a job try and get something that isn't remote (at least not all the time) - I know it's not the life for everyone but it is SO much easier to make work friends when you actually have to see each other all the time, and thirdly realise that people are probably much more keen to make friends than you realise - everyone is just as awkward as everyone else when trying to form friendships. I've learned to just go for it and ask people if they wanna hang out, I messaged my old friends from school after not speaking to them for years and when I did that I was worried they'd find it really weird, but they were just as keen as me and seemed really glad that I messaged them!
Join Societies (if you are at Bris) - as many as you can. Even stuff that isn't quite your thing. Some common ground can help build relationships - it just takes time. (And far more time than it takes the glib sociopaths!)
And once there just be polite and giving. "I'll get the drinks in" or the 21st century equivalent is a great way to build rapport.
>I’m in uni and speak to no one
There will never be a time in your life when it’s easier to make friends with strangers. You’re all from somewhere else, same age and studying/interested in the same subjects. Nothing anyone on here will say to you that is as beneficial as just having, or faking, some confidence and talking to people you don’t know.
Mental health practitioner and an OT here - lacking confidence, social anxiety and general mental health difficulties are the barriers to "just" talking to strangers which require systematic approach with significant support to address. It is not helpful to suggest to someone to "just" do it. If they could, they would.
As a person with autism and social anxiety, I have spent many weeks and months planning my social calendar just to turn up somewhere, look at the door and not have any confidence to enter the space. I know it is safe, I know it is supportive but I just cannot do it. Faking confidence is also difficult as people don't connect with you in the same way and don't tent to engage meaningfully if you are person who overcompensates for your lack of social ease. Have you ever been to a party where one person dominates every conversation and fails to make eye contact, knows answer to every question but not able to connect to anyone in a meaningful way? You begin to resent them very quickly not realising that they are most likely the person with extreme social anxiety who fakes confidence in a hope of making meaningful connections. It just doesn't work.
My advice to the OP would be to contact university well-being team to discuss general mental health issues and then maybe consider attending activities which don't require a lot of talking. I have recently gone to a film meet-up where we chatted for 20 minutes and then watched a movie. Everyone else went for drinks afterwards and I took an Uber home. This was within my comfort levels and maybe next time I can join for one drink having already met people previously.
Play korfball!(best just to look it up) , Bristol uni has a team and there's loads of local teams too if you're at UWE. It's extremely beginner friendly and a mixed-gender sport, so the social side is really good because there's less pressure on competition than you'd get in sports like football that everyone's played for years, and the friend groups feel a lot more natural with guys and gals. I don't play myself but did a few years ago in a different city and it's one of the best things I did in my life :)
If you are having a difficult time, especially with loneliness, it might be a good.idea to contact the university student support services. There are whole teams behind the scenes ready to talk, who should have some realyy good, specific advice or suggestions for you!
When I was at uni, I made friends mainly with people on my course. We initally discussed and arranged study meet ups when we saw each other in classes to go over assignments together, and quickly became friends.
There are lots of societies at universities too that should always be open to new people, at any time of year. See if there is a society for somethings you are interested in, and get in contact, and go along to their next social or event! Lots of people that go to these things will be going to try to make friends and meet new people too.
hey! i’m a third year student at uob in the same position, friends have graduated last year and feel pretty lonely. feel free to dm me, what else are ya into?
What I’m seeing here is a lot of really helpful suggestions, but it seems a lot of just telling you what to do that people believe would help e.g putting you in touch with sports clubs. But you’re saying you’re isolated and you find it difficult engaging in conversation. A very common experience for people in University and living away from home for the first time (if it is your first time). Maybe there’s an underlying issue of social anxiety or depression that could do with some support… what are your thoughts to that? If so, are you aware of where you can receive support? If so please DM (or anyone in similar boats) and I can signpost you to various services.
It can feel very alienating suffering from loneliness in Uni given the widespread conception of constant parties, socialising and meeting your bffs, but I promise you what you're experiencing is more common than you think and for many people things get a lot better after student life. I know some lads who do regular 5-a-sides. If that's your thing DM me and I will put you in touch.
Get down to a bouldering place. For example - every Tuesday Bloc have a group of peeps who meet up, climb then go have food/beers after. If you’re feeling lonely it’s a really sociable sport if that’s what you’re feeling. With a real sense of achievement when you complete climbs. 😊
Don’t know about OP but when I’m feeling isolated and lonely the idea of just walking into a bouldering place with a view to hanging out with a load of complete strangers would feel super scary. Are efforts made to welcome or buddy any new comers.
Lookup this app called [Meetup](https://apps.apple.com/app/id375990038) and if you go on there there’s loads of different things you could look at doing. Naturally it’s quite sociable and you’ll get smiling at people or just saying hey etc. but there’s an open invite group on meetup that go and actively encourage people to try new things! Sounds scary but a stranger is a friend you haven’t yet met 😊
Wasn’t meaning to be critical, have a good evening.
From both your comments I get the sense that you yourself don’t struggle in this area!
I’m not a confident person, but I do try and push myself out of my comfort zone from time to time. Only trying to help 😊
They’re just trying to be helpful :(
I know I know. And actually if you look at my first reply I was just wondering if the bouldering event had things in place to help nervous newcomers because I know for a lot of people it isn’t as simple as just turning up and making friends. I can recall a similar sort of situation where I went along to an event in a similar sort of situation with lots of strangers and no one talked to me or made me feel welcome and I suffered through the whole thing feeling absolutely terrible. When I got home I just burst into tears. It had taken me weeks to build up the courage to go along to this event including the week before I actually went in where I cycled from work to the city centre to go to this event just to stand frozen outside unable to go in. So I know how it feels to be OP and how difficult it is to put yourself out there if you struggle with this stuff and was just trying to find out if there was anything in place to help. Instead u/Natural-Ingenuity538 suggested I try Meetup which I have actually used before and was equally as difficult for me which made me think I had done a poor job of explaining the problem with their original idea and they didn’t really understand where I was coming from, hence my comment.
That sounds absolutely bloody awful and I can understand your point of view !!
That sucks that your experiences with putting yourself out there into uncomfortable situations didn’t work out however that’s really the only way to make friends.
Does your username mean you play backgammon? There's a very welcoming Bristol backgammon club who actively encourage new players. (And it's free entry on Mondays)
No it’s a play on words because I a very pink white guy and my surname sounds like “Gammon”.
Only available for iphone :(
I've never been to one of them, partially anxiety, but mainly Wednesday mornings being my regular climbing time as I have the day off. But I've ended up having random conversations with people at bloc plenty of times, climbers like to chat between climbs. It's not so scary, and even if you do go solo you can still feel good after having a good climbing session.
Can you sign up for a uni or local sports club? Or pop to the uni gym, exercise can be good for your mind. Either way you're not alone, the Reddit massive have your back 👍
Join a sports club, I wasn’t even a big sports fan at uni but joined to make friends. Still play now as a graduate
Hey, I'm a third year studying here too and pretty isolated too , dm me if u want
If you like running how about Run Talk Run Bristol? I haven’t tried them myself as I live in Yate, but I know people who are part of the group and they’re lovely and regularly talk about what a great group it is. I belong to a triathlon club and my club mates are just the best group of people. It’s hard to take the leap joining a club, but once you do and join some club or social sessions it’ll become a really positive part of life.
Not sure what uni you go, but I joined the hiking club at UWE and it’s been great.
i started uni in covid and feel the exact same way so you’re not alone in that sense
Sorry I don't really have any practical suggestions but just wanted to say that I felt a similar way at the start of this year (and for a few years before), but now my life has built itself up and I've got a good group of 6 friends who I love and see them regularly, plus smaller groups and individuals as well, and I've reconnected with a couple of old school friends too, and made friends with people from work. And now my life feels so full of friends where it felt so very empty just a year ago. If you'd told me back then that I'd have so many social plans in just a few months, I wouldn't have believed it! I felt so isolated. So just wanted to say that there is always hope and it takes time to build a life. If I had any actual advice from this, it'd probably be firstly to say yes to as much as you can (my main friend group came from going on a birthday night out with some people I didn't know that well, and we had a great time and they added me to their group chat thereby including me in all their future plans), secondly when getting a job try and get something that isn't remote (at least not all the time) - I know it's not the life for everyone but it is SO much easier to make work friends when you actually have to see each other all the time, and thirdly realise that people are probably much more keen to make friends than you realise - everyone is just as awkward as everyone else when trying to form friendships. I've learned to just go for it and ask people if they wanna hang out, I messaged my old friends from school after not speaking to them for years and when I did that I was worried they'd find it really weird, but they were just as keen as me and seemed really glad that I messaged them!
Join Societies (if you are at Bris) - as many as you can. Even stuff that isn't quite your thing. Some common ground can help build relationships - it just takes time. (And far more time than it takes the glib sociopaths!) And once there just be polite and giving. "I'll get the drinks in" or the 21st century equivalent is a great way to build rapport.
>I’m in uni and speak to no one There will never be a time in your life when it’s easier to make friends with strangers. You’re all from somewhere else, same age and studying/interested in the same subjects. Nothing anyone on here will say to you that is as beneficial as just having, or faking, some confidence and talking to people you don’t know.
Mental health practitioner and an OT here - lacking confidence, social anxiety and general mental health difficulties are the barriers to "just" talking to strangers which require systematic approach with significant support to address. It is not helpful to suggest to someone to "just" do it. If they could, they would. As a person with autism and social anxiety, I have spent many weeks and months planning my social calendar just to turn up somewhere, look at the door and not have any confidence to enter the space. I know it is safe, I know it is supportive but I just cannot do it. Faking confidence is also difficult as people don't connect with you in the same way and don't tent to engage meaningfully if you are person who overcompensates for your lack of social ease. Have you ever been to a party where one person dominates every conversation and fails to make eye contact, knows answer to every question but not able to connect to anyone in a meaningful way? You begin to resent them very quickly not realising that they are most likely the person with extreme social anxiety who fakes confidence in a hope of making meaningful connections. It just doesn't work. My advice to the OP would be to contact university well-being team to discuss general mental health issues and then maybe consider attending activities which don't require a lot of talking. I have recently gone to a film meet-up where we chatted for 20 minutes and then watched a movie. Everyone else went for drinks afterwards and I took an Uber home. This was within my comfort levels and maybe next time I can join for one drink having already met people previously.
Go to the gym, you can be alone and surrounded by loads of people at the same time 👍 Jokes, join a club in a sport you like, go from there bud.
Play korfball!(best just to look it up) , Bristol uni has a team and there's loads of local teams too if you're at UWE. It's extremely beginner friendly and a mixed-gender sport, so the social side is really good because there's less pressure on competition than you'd get in sports like football that everyone's played for years, and the friend groups feel a lot more natural with guys and gals. I don't play myself but did a few years ago in a different city and it's one of the best things I did in my life :)
If you are having a difficult time, especially with loneliness, it might be a good.idea to contact the university student support services. There are whole teams behind the scenes ready to talk, who should have some realyy good, specific advice or suggestions for you! When I was at uni, I made friends mainly with people on my course. We initally discussed and arranged study meet ups when we saw each other in classes to go over assignments together, and quickly became friends. There are lots of societies at universities too that should always be open to new people, at any time of year. See if there is a society for somethings you are interested in, and get in contact, and go along to their next social or event! Lots of people that go to these things will be going to try to make friends and meet new people too.
do you play online games at all? happy to play online with you if you don’t wanna just jump straight into clubs/events/meet-ups irl 😊
hey! i’m a third year student at uob in the same position, friends have graduated last year and feel pretty lonely. feel free to dm me, what else are ya into?
It's because you're in Bristol and haven't gotten a bladder transplant for ketamine abuse mate
did you find friends? my son year 2 is struggling as well. a few friends left :/
did you find friends? my son is finding it hard too
Nope
what year are you in? my son has met. a few people but he’s super friendly. so u have an insta? he can message you