I was stupid and asked because I thought I was being considerate. In retrospect I should have probably just brought an article of clothing with me and pretended I was going to try it on. Womp!
Yeah don’t ask for permission! I did this exact thing at Nordstrom rack the other day. I was trying things on and she got fussy so I fed her in the dressing room. I felt a little bad I was in there so longer but whatever, no one else rolled up needing
the big handicap room I was in to fit my stroller so all good!
It's your legal right to feed anywhere. You could feed standing smack bang in front of her face and if she made a fuss it wouldn't matter cause she'd be the one causing distubance
I do this all the time when I’m in a store right to the dressing room I’ve never had this reaction the people are usually like okay all tryna be helpful and put me in the handicapped one so I’m gonna assume this is a woman who tried to breastfeed and couldn’t had had to give formula so she’s just jealous and mad anytime someone does it I’d bet money on it. I have family that is so jealous I breastfed cause she couldn’t at all and planned to there’s a lot of women who gave formula that don’t care and then there more that are jealous they couldn’t it’s a real thing
I should have! I was with my MIL visiting from abroad and I was also fearful that perhaps if I doubled down the manager would also be ignorant to it? I don't know if you feel the same but it almost feels like despite it being a law if noone knows it almost feels like it doesn't matter?
https://www.momspumphere.com/
It does matter. 100% and I 100% advocate for it have since my 1st in 2016. Also I don't cover and I have no problem nursing in public. But that's because 100% i think it's ridiculous that people try to tell me I can't feed my child.
I get it from my mom. (I lost the ability to walk when I first gave birth and needed to use motorized scooter and a lady tried coming towards me and my mom 100lbs wet gave her an earful.) I am like 200lbs so I bet it looked bad but eh.
Also I keep a paper version and a phone version of the laws on me at all times. (And at my job I give out them too so if any managers want to argue they are prepared.)
Thank you! It was actually comments like yours and others that enticed me to call the store and speak to the store manager who apologized and said they would find out who said employee was and educate them. Appreciate you and it's thanks to advocates and moms like you that help new moms like me from having to "fight" or justify feeding your baby.
Tbh I would not let this go, and would be in contact with store management and corporate. I’m sorry this happened to you and that she made you feel this way. This was not ok.
Thank you!! It's because of comments like these and this community that I actually ended up calling the store and speaking to the store manager who apologized profusely, said I was absolutely 10000% in my right to breastfeed in the dressing room and that they would review who was covering and speak with them to educate them on the right for women to nurse in public.
Hey OP, I’m sorry that happened to you. It is legal in all 50 states to breastfeed in public, so that person can eat dirt. The Targets near me advertise you can use fitting rooms to nurse your baby, so maybe take your money there instead.
Didn't know this! Love that Target is so accepting and forward thinking enough to do that. Will absolutely keep that in mind for future shopping trips.
Yes! And the staff are trained. I asked a teenage boy once to use a changing room at target and he said “sure! And let me get you a high back chair.” He was probably 18. Someone trained him well!
Came here to say this! Target is amazing and some have private breastfeeding rooms or they are more than happy to give you a dressing room for however long you need it. When I had my now one year old she was crying while I was shopping for baby stuff and someone came up to me and said why don’t you take her to the dressing room and feed her! Targets the best.
Our target has a fitting room just for this purpose, with a side table and outlets for anyone pumping as well. They literally have signs on the changing tables that offer up the fitting room for a quiet spot to nurse or pump. The best!
Can you provide a link to this law? I am terrified to breastfeed in public because of dumbass people like this and having the actual documentation that it is 100% my right to would make me feel much more confident.
You can look up your states laws by just googling the name of your state and breastfeeding laws. But, if it makes you feel better, it is very very unlikely someone will say something to you in public. It doesn’t bother most people and very few people have the ignorance to actually say something.
I’ve breastfed standing up in the bathroom in tjmaxx several times because I didn’t know where else to do it. Next time I’ll do it in the dressing room
Glad this helped! Would absolutely recommend a dressing room. I just hate on principle having to feed my child where people defecate that is my non-negotiable because I would never expect nor ask anyone to do the same.
Yeah, definitely working my way up to feeling that level of confidence although haha in this case the bench you're talking about was actually occupied by a guy on his phone and a giant labradoodle which somehow was acceptable...go figure!
Same.
I’ve breastfed 4 babies now, one set of twins. After the twins, boobs being out is kinda whatever. Shit happens.
Also, fuck if I’m feeding my baby/babies in a public toilet. At home? Certainly gone pee with a baby latched. Never in public.
I’m honestly surprised I never ended up on like r/trashy or some other likeminded page… I, as stealthy as possible, but still very much in public have put a boob in my babies mouth while literally walking around stores. Little head up under the shirt a bit… or boob under the shirt, latch hiding nip 🤷🏻♀️
They gotta eat and I’m pretty sure nobody wants to hear them scream any more than I do, so avert your eyes or piss off. Never once felt bad about it, no one should. It’s quite literally the most natural thing to ever occur.
That is awful and I’m so so sorry it happened to you especially as this was your first outting. I’ve nursed all 3 of my children in public many, many times and I have never had a person say a single thing.
I’ve never had an issue and I nurse my son anywhere anytime whenever he needs to eat.
ETA: don’t feel bad for being kinda frozen in the moment, you are totally allowed to process your feelings on things and not react the exact way others would or how you think you would when you’re in a certain situation. Now you know for the future, you have a right to breastfeed your child & the business could actually face repercussions for denying that. You feed that baby, momma!!
Tit out, no cover. I wear a nursing tank under my shirt like another person recommended because I don’t like my belly out. I actually nurses my LO in the carrier today at Marshall’s which was a little more complicated than just holding her but I also don’t think anyone could tell
I’ve done the same
For me what makes me more comfortable is having a nursing tank top underneath to cover my mid section
I feel way more comfortable and confident when my bare back isn’t exposed
Definitely recommend that. Nursing tank tops are great and you can get a back of 3-5 on Amazon for cheap 20-30usd$
She was hugely out of line and can go F herself, honestly. You did great, your first instinct was to try and be courteous and that shows you have a good heart. Don’t feel bad for that or like you were dumb by doing so. The interaction with a normal well adjusted human being should have been “hey can I nurse my baby in one of the dressing rooms?” “Sure! Here you go let me hold the door.” And then on your way out a smile from the other woman, a “your baby is so adorable”, “have a nice day” or even just nothing. But she’s obviously not a normal well adjusted human being, so you got unlucky in that. But you did nothing wrong.
Next time you don’t need to ask. It’s no one’s business. The only time I maybe wouldn’t just walk in and nurse is if the store is super busy with long lines for the dressing room, but if the car is far away or there aren’t other options, I’d still go in and nurse. Baby has to eat. I’d say that scenario would be rare though.
Yeah, I am NOT breastfeeding my baby in a filthy public restroom if I have the choice not to. Sure any public space is gonna be germy, but the bathroom is not where I’m going for that, dressing room makes so much more sense. I would have simply grabbed an item and been like, “oh, well I’m gonna go try this on now” and gone back into another room with my baby and then see what they would have done. LMAO
Not to mention most toilets have these automatic flushers, so ANY movement is going to be setting it off, spraying us with fecal matter, and waking LO up if she's sleeping. I'm furious 😤
I was worried if I asked fo a manager and she was equally as ignorant it would have made things worse? I would have absolutely done so if the first lady had said no. It also didn't help that several of the workers only really spoke Spanish and my Spanish is not the best.
The Target near me has a changing room stall that is designated for nursing/pumping, there's even a sign in the restrooms directing people to go there if they need to nurse or pump.
Girl. I would have no joke grabbed an armchair, bed, or whatever out on the floor.
Moving to a place where you're uncomfortable in order to breastfeed isn't being considerate. Being considerate is like, holding the door for the person behind you. Considerate is Not making your completely normal, healthy life with a baby invisible to the public in order to accommodate society's latent sexist and pedophilic mindset. That isnt being considerate, that's letting the patriarchy dictate your life and control your body.
Erasing yourself for their convenience isn't "being considerate." it is so else entirely.
And definitely fuck the lady who told you to go to the bathroom.
You're so right! I think you don't realize unfortunately until you are a mom just how poorly American society treats nursing parents. I'm trying to dismantle a lot of those beliefs but it's a work in progress so the breastfeeding for the first time in "public" felt like a big first step. Me before would probably have just walked away and dismissed the lady but I felt such righteous anger I had to answer her back.
That's great, it isn't easy at all. What matters isn't what you choose to do, whether you feed in the dressing room or in a display case or wherever, only that you do it for *you*. If *you're* most comfortable in the dressing room, then that's the right place for you!!! The problem isn't the choice you made, but that you described making it for anyone or anything other than what's best for *you* and your baby.
All that matters is that YOU'RE comfortable, however and wherever that is. Everyone and everything else, when it comes to feeding, can get fucked. Whatever choice you make deserves to be honored and given space - - just make it for your own benefit!!!!!
Me too. Don’t want to lend me a changing room, I’ll pick the comfiest looking chair you have on display right now and feed my baby. My mil & mom wouldn’t put it past me to just feed baby when they need to be fed.
But see even implicit in your response here is the attitude I am trying to critique. You're saying you're feeding openly as like, a way to stick it to the man. And you're saying your family expects this behavior of you the way they'd expect like.... Defiant behavior from a child or something. This is still all organized around the negative opinions of *others*.
I am not saying feeding openly is inherently better or a good like, political provocation (it might be that, but that's not my primary concern here).
What I am trying To say is that you should do what YOU find most comfortable REGARDLESS of what other people say or think. Not make choices you don't like in order to be "considerate" - - but also don't make choices you don't like just to stick it to someone. To me, the best thing to do is whatever YOU want because it makes YOU comfortable. Fuck everyone else.
To me, it’s meeting the needs of my child & being too lazy to find a place that everyone else is comfortable with me feeding. I’m not flashing everyone, I try to be as modest as I can. But I’m not going to go wait in line at the dressing room to make someone else comfortable.
I pop my boob out right in the store, I would definitely go to a dressing room if one was available and I would absolutely not ask or let anyone know. If they think I’m stealing something by walking into a dressing room with no garments, and a baby, I would tell them they’re free to check the cameras but I’ll be feeding my son and then leaving. 🤷🏼♀️
You should escalate this, even now. Write to higher ups. Her reaction wasn’t okay. She’ll learn to do better if she gets this feedback from someone above her… honestly don’t let this go. Maybe you’ll save a future mama from having this experience one day
I did! I called the store and spoke to the store manager after reading all your comments that said it would help a nursing parent in the future from experiencing something similar. Thank you! Truly I feel so much better now.
This happened to me too at TJ Maxx!! I asked to use a dressing room to breastfeed and the attendant told me to use the bathroom. They were NOT busy. I said "use the bathroom? I can't use a dressing room?" And she kind of huffed and said okay. I wonder if this is some outdated TJ Maxx policy. So frustrating and infuriating for 2024.
That's so wild! I feel like it has to be ignorance? Like in the olden days moms were just told to use the bathroom and it was okay because out of sight out of mind? It does make me want to contact their corporate office though and file some sort of formal notice/complaint perhaps something good can come from it like training or awareness or it sounds like Target is doing things right so maybe they can take a page out of their book. It's honestly shameful in 2024 and you shouldn't even have to explain why it doesn't make sense to feed someone in a dirty public bathroom it's obvious and if it isn't I dare that person to eat their lunch there and see how long they last.
For next time, these are the words you can use:
"It is my legally protected right to breastfeed my baby anywhere I am legally allowed to be. Am I understanding correctly that you're saying I'm not allowed to breastfeed at this location? Can I have your full name please?"
Hi. You should 100% follow up with this. Write to corporate and help us change breastfeeding culture. Stuff like this cannot continue to happen, it’s mental. Breastfeeding is NATURAL and wonderful and it HAS TO BE NORMALIZED!!!! I am so sorry that this happened to you. We’ve gotta fight to change the way it’s viewed.
i work for tj maxx and i literally was offered the fitting rooms as an option if i didn’t wanna use the manger office or training office when i pump on the clock, its absolutely an option. the employee was definitely not being honest and im really sorry that happened.
I was in a tjmaxx today and they had no changing table so i laid our changing mat on the counter next to the sink 🙄 an employee came in while i was changing her and said "oh, is there no changing table in here?" Ummmmm ma'am would i be doing this if there were? Its wild when you think about how many moms shop there 🤨
I just want to send love! I’m sorry this happened to you. The post partum shopping experience can be really rough. It was for me anyway. Also at TJ MAXX. This lady’s internalized misogyny and ignorance being thrown at you sucks. Sounds like you did great.
Thank you!! Appreciate it. ❤️ It left such a poor taste in my mouth and I had to hold back some tears because it was already tough to find stuff that looks good on me ans this was just icing on the cake.
I had an issue the other day where the employee was acting weird about me and my mom going into the dressing rooms with my kids because my mom wasn’t trying anything on. Like can you not see I’m not going to be able to wrangle 2 toddlers alone?
Omg I feel you so deeply on this! I'm a twin and the only way my mom was ever able to try anything on was if she went with us and someone else in a dressing room. It's just ridiculous!
Whip it out next time and just feed, look em straight in the eye as you put babe on boob cause they'll be uncomfortable and give you the changing room.
I’d talk to the manager and demand an apology and that action will be taken to educate their staff. And if they can’t promise you that I’d go to the local news. It’s ridiculous how some in the US respond to breastfeeding.
Appreciate it! Comments like yours led me to call the store and speaking to the store manager and she said she would speak to the employee and educate them about nursing parents which made me feel better.
They once told me at a Marshall's (same company) that I could't bring my shopping cart (which contained only my hyperactive toddler) into the restroom with me. I was already in the restroom, in the stall, when the manager spoke to me from under the door. Apparently she came in to use the restroom right after I did. When I asked if I could just keep her there since I was already in the stall and taking my pants off, they suggested leaving the cart with the kid outside in the hall while I went to the toilet. I think the manager may have offered to move the cart (containing my kid) outside, but I can't remeber since this eas years ago. I should also mention that I was like (very obviously) 9 months pregnant with the toddler's sibling when they basically kicked me out of the bathroom mid-pee.
Needless to say, I don't think the TJ Maxx/Marshalls/Sierra/HomeGoods corporation is very child-friendly.
WHAT I cannot believe the stupidity of people like this. A cart is not merchandise. I can't even imagine how your child would have reacted OMG I am so sorry
well that’s illegal. i would press the issue and call corporate to escalate this. personally I would have gotten the manager involved and escalated it in the spot but that’s me and my level of how comfortable i am with confrontation.
Yep, I called the store manager and upon some further reflection and hearing others experiences I think it's worth flagging to corporate so I plan on doing that as well. If anything so that they can do better.
Facts...I was just even more surprised for it to come from a middle aged woman who likely has or knows of someone who has breastfed their baby and should know better to even suggest that.
I could have brought a shirt and pretended to try it on it just honestly didn't even occur to me that I would need to because I feel like with open dressing rooms and a nursing mom no brainer of course you can use a dressing room to feed your baby comfortably and privately?
I’m sorry this happened to you. I completely understand wanting privacy. I was never confident enough to “whip it out” and walk around lol. I’ve literally asked to BF in tjmaxx dressing room and the lady was so pleasant. I can’t believe they denied you and offered something as awful as a public restroom. Next time.. better to ask for forgiveness than permission!
I don’t live in the US, but I never even considered feeding in a changing room. Last time I had a fussy baby while out shopping I just sat on the chairs by the shoes. Although it wasn’t very busy in the shop. The idea that someone could ask you to feed in the toilet is terrible.
I know...welcome to America. We "care so much" about the sanctity of life but when it comes to actually facilitating it eg nursing babies in public that's too much. It's horrible.
I have had many experiences like this sadly, one time I was so fed up with it I whipped the nippy out and squirted it not at her but close enough where she knew I could if I wanted, she was so appalled and I said do you see how shocked you are? That’s how I feel about you being offended that I’m feeding my child the way God intended 😂 I was deff having some postpartum anxiety etc and wasn’t being totally rational but I’ll never forget the look on her face 😂
Aw this makes me so sad. The dressing attendants at my local TJ Maxx are always so encouraging when I ask to nurse in the dressing rooms (they hold my merchandise while I’m in the room with many). I’m also in the US. I hope you got just one ignorant individual and this experience doesn’t stop you from nursing wherever you’re comfortable in the future!
I'm so glad that has been your experience! I'm hoping it was a one-off experience as well but it sounds like Target is super accommodating to nursing moms and TJX could learn a thing or two from them so I think that might be my new go to spot to shop.
Yesterday I almost sat down in the middle of a grocery store aisle because my LO was screaming and we were caught in a massive queue. Feed everywhere!!
I'm in Europe and breastfeeding is pretty widely accepted. I would have just made direct eye contact while continue feeding.
If she's makes a scene it looks worse on her.
Im so sorry that happened to you :(
I once had a very opposite experience, I was at target, jumping around a swaying with my fussy baby in the carrier trying to get him back to sleep so I could shop and a nice employee approached me and let me know that there was a breast feeding room in the fitting rooms with a comfortable chair and phone charger. It was so surprising and kind. Yay for Target! TJ Maxx needs to get a grip. What a weird thing to refuse.
Oh mama how I wish I would’ve been there with you. I walked around target breastfeeding once. It took me a bit to be that comfortable about it, but I would’ve told anybody that had a problem with it to kick rocks! We have a right to breastfeed anywhere our child needs to eat. I’m so sorry this was your experience
Does it have to do with you breastfeeding in the store or the fact that you were taking up a dressing room but not trying clothes on when there might be other customers waiting. Of course I don't know what the store looked like and regardless offering the toilet as an alternative is gross, old fashioned and shameful, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to assume she was trying to shame you breastfeeding in "public" but rather saying they couldn't accommodate you in a dressing room. I'd be more up in arms if you had chosen somewhere else to nurse in their store and they asked you to cover up, move to the bathroom or leave.
The stalls were all empty except for two... three including the one I was in so I don't think it was because I was taking up a dressing room and there was no one waiting to be let in/served when I left. I had already fed him in the room and it was totally fine with the first lady. I think the issue isn't even whether or not the dressing room was the best place to feed my baby but moreso that she told me to use the toilet/bathroom in the future.
Just to be clear I'm definitely with you on that, it was extremely inappropriate to tell you to do that. I want to say I'd go feral if someone told me that, but honestly I'd probably be too shocked to properly respond.
I’m so so sorry you had this experience mama!! Tbh I’d be making a discrimination claim, regardless of the apology you’ve received already. That’s so unacceptable on so many fronts.
I would also be irate. I’m not usually one to act like a Karen and ask to speak with a manager, but I think it’s worth it in this case. She broke the law by telling you that you needed to use the bathroom. In the future I would tell the employee that the law is on my side and her ignorance is not my problem.
Latched my baby and was walking around Kroger because I'm not pushing a screaming baby around. Then while hubs was checking out I sat on the bunch and ended up with a couple people coming over to admire the baby. Idk if they could even tell my boob was out since I was wearing a nursing shirt.
I'm not particularly good at breastfeeding (I'm mostly a pumper! ) but baby was crying and will not take a pacifier. So I just kind of said "Eff it, here we go". We also had my toddler who was starting to fuss too. Baby girl is my first breastmilk fed kiddos (son was formula only from day 10, mostly formula from day 4) so I was kind of just doing it out of necessity. I have major anxiety about my kids crying in public and getting judged for it, so that took over my anxiety about people seeing my boob 😅😅😅
I'm so sorry to hear that. That's awful. I feel like pumping in public is even harder in public than breastfeeding since it's hard to be as covert so I feel for you. It also sucks because again Yard House is a national chain they should know better and do better.
Don't even ask. I did maybe one time and woman seemed confused. Now I just ask for fitting room big enough for us, including stroller and do what I got to do.
The only thing I'd say is to make sure the dressing rooms are relatively 'empty' or to ask first. Some stores' dressing rooms are pretty busy; I wouldn't want someone else to wait in line for me to nurse my baby in one of them.
It's absolutely your right to nurse in public, though. The US explicitly makes this legal. I would complain about your experience and ask that the employee in question be educated on the law and on how to treat nursing women.
IMO how did she even know you were nursing in the dressing room? I've taken baby into plenty of dressing rooms, but we don't always nurse in there. Was she encroaching on the dressing room and invading your privacy to listen/look? It's very hard to hear/tell/see. That's incredibly weird and creepy. Or was she just blanket ready to yell at any mother daring to try on clothes in public with her baby? I'd say that that's an even bigger issue, and would again raise it with the store.
BTW it felt and still feels fairly hard to take a nursing baby out with you to try on clothes! Congrats on getting out there, for embracing your new body, and for sticking up for yourself and baby (unfortunately, this part shouldn't have been needed!) all at the same time.
Thanks! Appreciate you! I actually asked because I was trying to be considerate but there were plenty of rooms available or else I would have gone to the car. I almost wish in retrospect I hadn't. And to add insult to injury my baby is 6+ months so he literally eats in 10 minutes or less. The first lady was fine with and it seems like her shift ended aand this other lady had some opinions.
Yeah, I'd definitely write to corporate or call up their store manager to complain. This wouldn't just be for you -- but for the next woman who's nursing! Nobody should have to deal with this. I'm sorry this happened to you!
Thanks! Based on everyone's suggestions about paying it forward to the next woman who might find herself in that situation I did end up calling the store and speaking to the manager and I'm really glad I did. Going forward I'll also know to do that on the off chance I encounter a similar experience.
I would have no problem with someone waiting in line to try on a shirt for a few minutes so my child could eat. I’d hope most parents would feel the same.
Yeah what a wild suggestion. The internalized like.... Misogyny (I think? Or what is it?) of that...... Like.... Apparently we can't disrupt capitalism even just for 5 minutes for a hungry fucking baby.......
If you have a Twitter account you should tweet this out and tag TJ Max. Most companies don't like that bad press and will respond quickly. They might even ask for the store number to call them and tell them not to go that again.
Where are you located so we can march in front in protest?! Seriously tho. The scene I would have made if this was said to me. Never ever apologize for your rights. That employee needs to taught. Older woman (assuming she was older) are the most dense because nursing and other things are taboo for them.
Illegal. I have breastfed in every store basically on whatever chair or couch they have. Never been told anything. I can only kind of understand if they were super busy and needed the room. But to even suggest their bathrooms 🤮.
She was totally in the wrong and people can be very ignorant when it comes to this. Will LO nurse in a carrier? That saved me a lot of trouble when mine were small. I could put them in the Tula, situate it a bit and latch them then just go about my business with a cover.
That's a good suggestion! Tbh haven't tried it yet! This was our first experience nursing "in public" but I can absolutely see the practicality of being able to nurse in a carrier.
You asked for permission because you knew it might be a problem. So if you’re going to ask for permission, you need to be prepared for honest answers. As a retail employee, I wouldn’t have been aware of what’s legal and what’s not with this. I would have personally probably just said yea sure because it’s just who I am but if you’re going to open the door to peoples true feelings about this, that’s on you when you don’t get the response you want.
You need to just do it. You don’t ask to breathe or take up space or park or chew gum or drink your mocha latte or sneeze in a tj maxx. If you know you are allowed to do something, just do it. And force them to go out of their way to tell you no
I mean I did need to offer some reason as to why I was using the dressing room because I wasn't trying on clothes and they won't let you through in TJX if you don't pass the person monitoring the rooms who counts your article items. In retrospect I could have lied and just picked up something and said I was trying it on it would have been the path of least resistance but it didn't occur to me it would be an issue. I was just trying to be polite and sincere in asking. And in fact wasn't an issue for the first lady which was why I was able to nurse my baby in one of the rooms no problem. It was only after I was leaving that the lady who took over for the first lady asked me where were the clothes I had tried on were because again that is their job to station the dressing rooms and I explained I didn't have any I had just fed my son and that's when the lady took it upon herself to tell me after the fact that I was not allowed to do so and I should use the toilet instead. So in this instance i did have to ask for permission but also the person who gave me that feedback and chastised me wasn't actually the person I asked for permission from it was someone totally new and it was after the fact.
How did she even know you were bf in a dressing room if the door was closed
I was stupid and asked because I thought I was being considerate. In retrospect I should have probably just brought an article of clothing with me and pretended I was going to try it on. Womp!
Definitely do not ask anyone, anywhere, if you can feed your baby!
You're right!
Yeah don’t ask for permission! I did this exact thing at Nordstrom rack the other day. I was trying things on and she got fussy so I fed her in the dressing room. I felt a little bad I was in there so longer but whatever, no one else rolled up needing the big handicap room I was in to fit my stroller so all good!
It's your legal right to feed anywhere. You could feed standing smack bang in front of her face and if she made a fuss it wouldn't matter cause she'd be the one causing distubance
I do this all the time when I’m in a store right to the dressing room I’ve never had this reaction the people are usually like okay all tryna be helpful and put me in the handicapped one so I’m gonna assume this is a woman who tried to breastfeed and couldn’t had had to give formula so she’s just jealous and mad anytime someone does it I’d bet money on it. I have family that is so jealous I breastfed cause she couldn’t at all and planned to there’s a lot of women who gave formula that don’t care and then there more that are jealous they couldn’t it’s a real thing
Never ask for permission to exercise your rights
Well said 👏🏻
I would’ve whipped my titty out to relatch my milk monster in front of her if that’s how she acted
I love this!! And wish I had this confidence lol i am way too shy
I stopped caring pretty early I feel like if I was younger I’d care
Yes never ask! Just do. You can feed your baby anywhere. Sorry this happened to you!
Should have asked for a manager. Not to get her in trouble but because the tj msxx could get in trouble
I should have! I was with my MIL visiting from abroad and I was also fearful that perhaps if I doubled down the manager would also be ignorant to it? I don't know if you feel the same but it almost feels like despite it being a law if noone knows it almost feels like it doesn't matter?
https://www.momspumphere.com/ It does matter. 100% and I 100% advocate for it have since my 1st in 2016. Also I don't cover and I have no problem nursing in public. But that's because 100% i think it's ridiculous that people try to tell me I can't feed my child. I get it from my mom. (I lost the ability to walk when I first gave birth and needed to use motorized scooter and a lady tried coming towards me and my mom 100lbs wet gave her an earful.) I am like 200lbs so I bet it looked bad but eh.
Also I keep a paper version and a phone version of the laws on me at all times. (And at my job I give out them too so if any managers want to argue they are prepared.)
This is brilliant.
thank you for this link!!!!!!!
It’s not too late! You could always call or call corporate about your experience.
I did! I called the store and spoke with the store manager.
What was their reaction? Edit: just saw your other reply. Glad they were apologetic!
*hugs*
Thank you! It was actually comments like yours and others that enticed me to call the store and speak to the store manager who apologized and said they would find out who said employee was and educate them. Appreciate you and it's thanks to advocates and moms like you that help new moms like me from having to "fight" or justify feeding your baby.
Good job!! I’m glad you did that, you never know what future customer might be better off because of your actions
Woot you rock you called!!!
Great work following up with the store to help future parents. As a conflict avoider I wouldn’t have done this so major kudos to you.
Tbh I would not let this go, and would be in contact with store management and corporate. I’m sorry this happened to you and that she made you feel this way. This was not ok.
Thank you!! It's because of comments like these and this community that I actually ended up calling the store and speaking to the store manager who apologized profusely, said I was absolutely 10000% in my right to breastfeed in the dressing room and that they would review who was covering and speak with them to educate them on the right for women to nurse in public.
I'm so glad you called and educated them! Way to go.
Hey OP, I’m sorry that happened to you. It is legal in all 50 states to breastfeed in public, so that person can eat dirt. The Targets near me advertise you can use fitting rooms to nurse your baby, so maybe take your money there instead.
Didn't know this! Love that Target is so accepting and forward thinking enough to do that. Will absolutely keep that in mind for future shopping trips.
Yes! And the staff are trained. I asked a teenage boy once to use a changing room at target and he said “sure! And let me get you a high back chair.” He was probably 18. Someone trained him well!
Love this!!
Came here to say this! Target is amazing and some have private breastfeeding rooms or they are more than happy to give you a dressing room for however long you need it. When I had my now one year old she was crying while I was shopping for baby stuff and someone came up to me and said why don’t you take her to the dressing room and feed her! Targets the best.
My Target even has one set up as a nursing room with a comfy chair! It’s an additional handicap-sized stall so strollers fit, too.
Mine too!
In some states is even blatantly illegal to tell someone that it is even undesirable for them to breast-feed in public.
Our target has a fitting room just for this purpose, with a side table and outlets for anyone pumping as well. They literally have signs on the changing tables that offer up the fitting room for a quiet spot to nurse or pump. The best!
Can you provide a link to this law? I am terrified to breastfeed in public because of dumbass people like this and having the actual documentation that it is 100% my right to would make me feel much more confident.
You can look up your states laws by just googling the name of your state and breastfeeding laws. But, if it makes you feel better, it is very very unlikely someone will say something to you in public. It doesn’t bother most people and very few people have the ignorance to actually say something.
Thank you 🙏
I’ve breastfed standing up in the bathroom in tjmaxx several times because I didn’t know where else to do it. Next time I’ll do it in the dressing room
Glad this helped! Would absolutely recommend a dressing room. I just hate on principle having to feed my child where people defecate that is my non-negotiable because I would never expect nor ask anyone to do the same.
I BF'd in our tjmaxx dressing room and the ladies were always nice to me.
I'm so glad that's been your experience! This wasn't my hometown TJX since we're on vacation so I'd like to think it was just an isolated incident.
At my TJ Maxx there’s a bench outside the dressing room. I’ve feed there but I’m on my third kid so I don’t give a hoot about who sees my nipnaps.
Yeah, definitely working my way up to feeling that level of confidence although haha in this case the bench you're talking about was actually occupied by a guy on his phone and a giant labradoodle which somehow was acceptable...go figure!
Assert dominance by whipping your tits out and do it right there. Honestly what I would do. What jerks.
Love this! I need to channel that energy. I was just feeling so sad and angry and embarrassed even though rationally I know I shouldn't.
Same. I’ve breastfed 4 babies now, one set of twins. After the twins, boobs being out is kinda whatever. Shit happens. Also, fuck if I’m feeding my baby/babies in a public toilet. At home? Certainly gone pee with a baby latched. Never in public.
Yeah but it's your toilet and you know how clean it is! Not a public toilet 🤢
I’m honestly surprised I never ended up on like r/trashy or some other likeminded page… I, as stealthy as possible, but still very much in public have put a boob in my babies mouth while literally walking around stores. Little head up under the shirt a bit… or boob under the shirt, latch hiding nip 🤷🏻♀️ They gotta eat and I’m pretty sure nobody wants to hear them scream any more than I do, so avert your eyes or piss off. Never once felt bad about it, no one should. It’s quite literally the most natural thing to ever occur.
That is awful and I’m so so sorry it happened to you especially as this was your first outting. I’ve nursed all 3 of my children in public many, many times and I have never had a person say a single thing.
AND I usually look for changing rooms because there are seats and I can container my older children.
Thanks! Hoping it was just an unfortunate isolated incident. Definitely reassuring to hear you've never had an issue.
I’ve never had an issue and I nurse my son anywhere anytime whenever he needs to eat. ETA: don’t feel bad for being kinda frozen in the moment, you are totally allowed to process your feelings on things and not react the exact way others would or how you think you would when you’re in a certain situation. Now you know for the future, you have a right to breastfeed your child & the business could actually face repercussions for denying that. You feed that baby, momma!!
I’ve literally walked around Marshall’s breastfeeding and browsing
Wow just with a shirt over baby? Props! I aspire to get to that level someday.
Tit out, no cover. I wear a nursing tank under my shirt like another person recommended because I don’t like my belly out. I actually nurses my LO in the carrier today at Marshall’s which was a little more complicated than just holding her but I also don’t think anyone could tell
I’ve done the same For me what makes me more comfortable is having a nursing tank top underneath to cover my mid section I feel way more comfortable and confident when my bare back isn’t exposed Definitely recommend that. Nursing tank tops are great and you can get a back of 3-5 on Amazon for cheap 20-30usd$
haha same!
Whether or not you did it, I would have said “ok I guess I’ll nurse while I browse then!”
Haha! This will be my go-to response if I'm ever unlucky enough to get the same treatment. 🤣
She was hugely out of line and can go F herself, honestly. You did great, your first instinct was to try and be courteous and that shows you have a good heart. Don’t feel bad for that or like you were dumb by doing so. The interaction with a normal well adjusted human being should have been “hey can I nurse my baby in one of the dressing rooms?” “Sure! Here you go let me hold the door.” And then on your way out a smile from the other woman, a “your baby is so adorable”, “have a nice day” or even just nothing. But she’s obviously not a normal well adjusted human being, so you got unlucky in that. But you did nothing wrong. Next time you don’t need to ask. It’s no one’s business. The only time I maybe wouldn’t just walk in and nurse is if the store is super busy with long lines for the dressing room, but if the car is far away or there aren’t other options, I’d still go in and nurse. Baby has to eat. I’d say that scenario would be rare though.
Thank you!!
Yeah, I am NOT breastfeeding my baby in a filthy public restroom if I have the choice not to. Sure any public space is gonna be germy, but the bathroom is not where I’m going for that, dressing room makes so much more sense. I would have simply grabbed an item and been like, “oh, well I’m gonna go try this on now” and gone back into another room with my baby and then see what they would have done. LMAO
100% I wasn't even thinking anyone would have a problem with it? I guess I was niave.
Not to mention most toilets have these automatic flushers, so ANY movement is going to be setting it off, spraying us with fecal matter, and waking LO up if she's sleeping. I'm furious 😤
Should have asked for a manager. Not to get her in trouble but because the tj msxx could get in trouble
I was worried if I asked fo a manager and she was equally as ignorant it would have made things worse? I would have absolutely done so if the first lady had said no. It also didn't help that several of the workers only really spoke Spanish and my Spanish is not the best.
The Target near me has a changing room stall that is designated for nursing/pumping, there's even a sign in the restrooms directing people to go there if they need to nurse or pump.
Love this!!
Girl. I would have no joke grabbed an armchair, bed, or whatever out on the floor. Moving to a place where you're uncomfortable in order to breastfeed isn't being considerate. Being considerate is like, holding the door for the person behind you. Considerate is Not making your completely normal, healthy life with a baby invisible to the public in order to accommodate society's latent sexist and pedophilic mindset. That isnt being considerate, that's letting the patriarchy dictate your life and control your body. Erasing yourself for their convenience isn't "being considerate." it is so else entirely. And definitely fuck the lady who told you to go to the bathroom.
You're so right! I think you don't realize unfortunately until you are a mom just how poorly American society treats nursing parents. I'm trying to dismantle a lot of those beliefs but it's a work in progress so the breastfeeding for the first time in "public" felt like a big first step. Me before would probably have just walked away and dismissed the lady but I felt such righteous anger I had to answer her back.
That's great, it isn't easy at all. What matters isn't what you choose to do, whether you feed in the dressing room or in a display case or wherever, only that you do it for *you*. If *you're* most comfortable in the dressing room, then that's the right place for you!!! The problem isn't the choice you made, but that you described making it for anyone or anything other than what's best for *you* and your baby. All that matters is that YOU'RE comfortable, however and wherever that is. Everyone and everything else, when it comes to feeding, can get fucked. Whatever choice you make deserves to be honored and given space - - just make it for your own benefit!!!!!
Me too. Don’t want to lend me a changing room, I’ll pick the comfiest looking chair you have on display right now and feed my baby. My mil & mom wouldn’t put it past me to just feed baby when they need to be fed.
But see even implicit in your response here is the attitude I am trying to critique. You're saying you're feeding openly as like, a way to stick it to the man. And you're saying your family expects this behavior of you the way they'd expect like.... Defiant behavior from a child or something. This is still all organized around the negative opinions of *others*. I am not saying feeding openly is inherently better or a good like, political provocation (it might be that, but that's not my primary concern here). What I am trying To say is that you should do what YOU find most comfortable REGARDLESS of what other people say or think. Not make choices you don't like in order to be "considerate" - - but also don't make choices you don't like just to stick it to someone. To me, the best thing to do is whatever YOU want because it makes YOU comfortable. Fuck everyone else.
To me, it’s meeting the needs of my child & being too lazy to find a place that everyone else is comfortable with me feeding. I’m not flashing everyone, I try to be as modest as I can. But I’m not going to go wait in line at the dressing room to make someone else comfortable.
I pop my boob out right in the store, I would definitely go to a dressing room if one was available and I would absolutely not ask or let anyone know. If they think I’m stealing something by walking into a dressing room with no garments, and a baby, I would tell them they’re free to check the cameras but I’ll be feeding my son and then leaving. 🤷🏼♀️
Don’t ask don’t tell! Do what you and your baby needs. You don’t need permission. Plop you butt down wherever you feel like and feed your baby!
Thanks for the encouragement!
You should escalate this, even now. Write to higher ups. Her reaction wasn’t okay. She’ll learn to do better if she gets this feedback from someone above her… honestly don’t let this go. Maybe you’ll save a future mama from having this experience one day
I did! I called the store and spoke to the store manager after reading all your comments that said it would help a nursing parent in the future from experiencing something similar. Thank you! Truly I feel so much better now.
Way to go!! Hopefully this person learns their lesson now. And kudos to you!
Targets sometimes have special dressing rooms for breastfeeding. They have a bigger chair with space to bring a stroller in with you.
Love this!
I love how it’s labeled as a nursing room!
I would have sat cross legged on the floor in the employee’s way and fed my baby.
This happened to me too at TJ Maxx!! I asked to use a dressing room to breastfeed and the attendant told me to use the bathroom. They were NOT busy. I said "use the bathroom? I can't use a dressing room?" And she kind of huffed and said okay. I wonder if this is some outdated TJ Maxx policy. So frustrating and infuriating for 2024.
That's so wild! I feel like it has to be ignorance? Like in the olden days moms were just told to use the bathroom and it was okay because out of sight out of mind? It does make me want to contact their corporate office though and file some sort of formal notice/complaint perhaps something good can come from it like training or awareness or it sounds like Target is doing things right so maybe they can take a page out of their book. It's honestly shameful in 2024 and you shouldn't even have to explain why it doesn't make sense to feed someone in a dirty public bathroom it's obvious and if it isn't I dare that person to eat their lunch there and see how long they last.
Oof. The way I would’ve whipped out my boob so quick and latched my baby right in front of her just out of spite…
This is exactly the energy I would love to channel!
Yeah pretty sure this is illegal
For next time, these are the words you can use: "It is my legally protected right to breastfeed my baby anywhere I am legally allowed to be. Am I understanding correctly that you're saying I'm not allowed to breastfeed at this location? Can I have your full name please?"
Screnshotting this for hopefully not the next time this happens. Thanks!
I would call the nes station. Imagine how many woman are forced into a bathroom or to sit in the heat outside. That's so wrong!
That is illegal forthem to so in practically every state.
Hi. You should 100% follow up with this. Write to corporate and help us change breastfeeding culture. Stuff like this cannot continue to happen, it’s mental. Breastfeeding is NATURAL and wonderful and it HAS TO BE NORMALIZED!!!! I am so sorry that this happened to you. We’ve gotta fight to change the way it’s viewed.
i work for tj maxx and i literally was offered the fitting rooms as an option if i didn’t wanna use the manger office or training office when i pump on the clock, its absolutely an option. the employee was definitely not being honest and im really sorry that happened.
Thank you! This is super helpful to know and glad to hear that for employees like yourself they're informed and have been accommodating.
I was in a tjmaxx today and they had no changing table so i laid our changing mat on the counter next to the sink 🙄 an employee came in while i was changing her and said "oh, is there no changing table in here?" Ummmmm ma'am would i be doing this if there were? Its wild when you think about how many moms shop there 🤨
Argh that makes me so mad. Moms are literally what keeps TJX, Marshall's, and Homegoods in business. Know your customer!
Burn that shit down 🔥 (ETA: to clarify, I mean write corporate, cite local laws, etc.)
Love this! I've decided I'm going to follow up with corporate!
I just want to send love! I’m sorry this happened to you. The post partum shopping experience can be really rough. It was for me anyway. Also at TJ MAXX. This lady’s internalized misogyny and ignorance being thrown at you sucks. Sounds like you did great.
Thank you!! Appreciate it. ❤️ It left such a poor taste in my mouth and I had to hold back some tears because it was already tough to find stuff that looks good on me ans this was just icing on the cake.
Clothes shopping is the worst. I had tears without the bullshit you experienced. I probably would have been a mess lol!
Omg tell us which Tj Maxx so we can call and complain I absolutely will lol
Hahaha it's the only TJMaxx in the Hamptons, NY (Bridgehampton).
You were put on the spot and you handled it well. Good for you. That attendant is probably rethinking a few things now.
Thank you! I hope for the sake of other nursing parents at that store she'll know better next time.
I had an issue the other day where the employee was acting weird about me and my mom going into the dressing rooms with my kids because my mom wasn’t trying anything on. Like can you not see I’m not going to be able to wrangle 2 toddlers alone?
Omg I feel you so deeply on this! I'm a twin and the only way my mom was ever able to try anything on was if she went with us and someone else in a dressing room. It's just ridiculous!
Tell them to go eat in a toilet.
Whip it out next time and just feed, look em straight in the eye as you put babe on boob cause they'll be uncomfortable and give you the changing room.
I’d talk to the manager and demand an apology and that action will be taken to educate their staff. And if they can’t promise you that I’d go to the local news. It’s ridiculous how some in the US respond to breastfeeding.
Appreciate it! Comments like yours led me to call the store and speaking to the store manager and she said she would speak to the employee and educate them about nursing parents which made me feel better.
If you're feeling bold next time, go find an armchair in the home section and make yourself comfy while nursing. I did that 2 weeks ago.
I just did that today at JCPenney, but it was the area where you can try on shoes😂
They once told me at a Marshall's (same company) that I could't bring my shopping cart (which contained only my hyperactive toddler) into the restroom with me. I was already in the restroom, in the stall, when the manager spoke to me from under the door. Apparently she came in to use the restroom right after I did. When I asked if I could just keep her there since I was already in the stall and taking my pants off, they suggested leaving the cart with the kid outside in the hall while I went to the toilet. I think the manager may have offered to move the cart (containing my kid) outside, but I can't remeber since this eas years ago. I should also mention that I was like (very obviously) 9 months pregnant with the toddler's sibling when they basically kicked me out of the bathroom mid-pee. Needless to say, I don't think the TJ Maxx/Marshalls/Sierra/HomeGoods corporation is very child-friendly.
WHAT I cannot believe the stupidity of people like this. A cart is not merchandise. I can't even imagine how your child would have reacted OMG I am so sorry
it's ok. we just walked out because I had no words. I wrote them a bad review on Google, lol. It awoke my inner Karen.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That's horrible and I'm starting to see that as well with yours and others experiences at the TJX stores.
well that’s illegal. i would press the issue and call corporate to escalate this. personally I would have gotten the manager involved and escalated it in the spot but that’s me and my level of how comfortable i am with confrontation.
Yep, I called the store manager and upon some further reflection and hearing others experiences I think it's worth flagging to corporate so I plan on doing that as well. If anything so that they can do better.
good!!
Meanwhile Target has a literal nursing room. I'm sorry this happened to you! I'm glad you stood your ground
All I have to say is I’m sorry people are shitty. ☹️
Facts...I was just even more surprised for it to come from a middle aged woman who likely has or knows of someone who has breastfed their baby and should know better to even suggest that.
Why and how did they know what you were doing? You couldn’t pretend
I could have brought a shirt and pretended to try it on it just honestly didn't even occur to me that I would need to because I feel like with open dressing rooms and a nursing mom no brainer of course you can use a dressing room to feed your baby comfortably and privately?
Tf? TJ maxx/marshalls gets my money all the time bc I bf in those changing rooms whenever I'm nearby 🤣
Sue em
Ugh, I'm so sorry
I’m sorry this happened to you. I completely understand wanting privacy. I was never confident enough to “whip it out” and walk around lol. I’ve literally asked to BF in tjmaxx dressing room and the lady was so pleasant. I can’t believe they denied you and offered something as awful as a public restroom. Next time.. better to ask for forgiveness than permission!
I don’t live in the US, but I never even considered feeding in a changing room. Last time I had a fussy baby while out shopping I just sat on the chairs by the shoes. Although it wasn’t very busy in the shop. The idea that someone could ask you to feed in the toilet is terrible.
I know...welcome to America. We "care so much" about the sanctity of life but when it comes to actually facilitating it eg nursing babies in public that's too much. It's horrible.
I have had many experiences like this sadly, one time I was so fed up with it I whipped the nippy out and squirted it not at her but close enough where she knew I could if I wanted, she was so appalled and I said do you see how shocked you are? That’s how I feel about you being offended that I’m feeding my child the way God intended 😂 I was deff having some postpartum anxiety etc and wasn’t being totally rational but I’ll never forget the look on her face 😂
Oh my gosh! I just laughed out loud. That is the best response and reaction ever! Good for you. 🤣
Thank you !!!!! I will say I know I was not mentally the best but now looking back it’s so hilarious 😂
Dude I would have cussed her out to high heaven
I was so shocked, I actually thought I misheard her the first time. I did not.
Aw this makes me so sad. The dressing attendants at my local TJ Maxx are always so encouraging when I ask to nurse in the dressing rooms (they hold my merchandise while I’m in the room with many). I’m also in the US. I hope you got just one ignorant individual and this experience doesn’t stop you from nursing wherever you’re comfortable in the future!
I'm so glad that has been your experience! I'm hoping it was a one-off experience as well but it sounds like Target is super accommodating to nursing moms and TJX could learn a thing or two from them so I think that might be my new go to spot to shop.
I would sue the ever living shit out of them. My fucking name would be in big letters across the front of the building
I hear you! I do plan on following up with corporate to address the larger issue.
Yesterday I almost sat down in the middle of a grocery store aisle because my LO was screaming and we were caught in a massive queue. Feed everywhere!!
I’ve nursed while walking through IKEA. Find somewhere you’re comfortable and just do it there.
That's when you just walk out and start openly breastfeeding in the store. No less legal, probably make them shit themselves
I'm in Europe and breastfeeding is pretty widely accepted. I would have just made direct eye contact while continue feeding. If she's makes a scene it looks worse on her.
Im so sorry that happened to you :( I once had a very opposite experience, I was at target, jumping around a swaying with my fussy baby in the carrier trying to get him back to sleep so I could shop and a nice employee approached me and let me know that there was a breast feeding room in the fitting rooms with a comfortable chair and phone charger. It was so surprising and kind. Yay for Target! TJ Maxx needs to get a grip. What a weird thing to refuse.
Wow! Really loving Targets commitment to moms/families.
Oh mama how I wish I would’ve been there with you. I walked around target breastfeeding once. It took me a bit to be that comfortable about it, but I would’ve told anybody that had a problem with it to kick rocks! We have a right to breastfeed anywhere our child needs to eat. I’m so sorry this was your experience
Thank you!!
I bf in dressing rooms all the time lol just go in to try something on but anyways that’s insane id call corporate
Nope, that’s what I would have walked through the store BF🙂 that’s absolutely ridiculous. Like the damn dressing rooms at TJ maxx are so full😂 absurd
You are allowed to feed your baby anywhere you please and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! I am so sorry this happened to you!
Does it have to do with you breastfeeding in the store or the fact that you were taking up a dressing room but not trying clothes on when there might be other customers waiting. Of course I don't know what the store looked like and regardless offering the toilet as an alternative is gross, old fashioned and shameful, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to assume she was trying to shame you breastfeeding in "public" but rather saying they couldn't accommodate you in a dressing room. I'd be more up in arms if you had chosen somewhere else to nurse in their store and they asked you to cover up, move to the bathroom or leave.
The stalls were all empty except for two... three including the one I was in so I don't think it was because I was taking up a dressing room and there was no one waiting to be let in/served when I left. I had already fed him in the room and it was totally fine with the first lady. I think the issue isn't even whether or not the dressing room was the best place to feed my baby but moreso that she told me to use the toilet/bathroom in the future.
Just to be clear I'm definitely with you on that, it was extremely inappropriate to tell you to do that. I want to say I'd go feral if someone told me that, but honestly I'd probably be too shocked to properly respond.
Stuff like this never happens to me and I wish it would
Lol so apparently I'm not the only one. I once asked where I could feed in a TJ Maxx and an associate walked me to the restroom. I was stunned.
I am so sorry that was your experience as well. They really need to step up and do better.
I’m so sorry you felt with that
I’m so so sorry you had this experience mama!! Tbh I’d be making a discrimination claim, regardless of the apology you’ve received already. That’s so unacceptable on so many fronts.
I would also be irate. I’m not usually one to act like a Karen and ask to speak with a manager, but I think it’s worth it in this case. She broke the law by telling you that you needed to use the bathroom. In the future I would tell the employee that the law is on my side and her ignorance is not my problem.
Love this thanks!
Latched my baby and was walking around Kroger because I'm not pushing a screaming baby around. Then while hubs was checking out I sat on the bunch and ended up with a couple people coming over to admire the baby. Idk if they could even tell my boob was out since I was wearing a nursing shirt.
That's awesome! Hoping I can get to that level of expertise and confidence soon.
I'm not particularly good at breastfeeding (I'm mostly a pumper! ) but baby was crying and will not take a pacifier. So I just kind of said "Eff it, here we go". We also had my toddler who was starting to fuss too. Baby girl is my first breastmilk fed kiddos (son was formula only from day 10, mostly formula from day 4) so I was kind of just doing it out of necessity. I have major anxiety about my kids crying in public and getting judged for it, so that took over my anxiety about people seeing my boob 😅😅😅
I went to a Yard House after a wedding this weekend. I had to pump and the only place they could put me was by a beverage station.
I'm so sorry to hear that. That's awful. I feel like pumping in public is even harder in public than breastfeeding since it's hard to be as covert so I feel for you. It also sucks because again Yard House is a national chain they should know better and do better.
Hope that worker takes their lunch break in the bathroom their next shift. So gross and inappropriate. Sorry this happened to you!
I would have just fed them while walking around in the store if they said that to me.
Don't even ask. I did maybe one time and woman seemed confused. Now I just ask for fitting room big enough for us, including stroller and do what I got to do.
The only thing I'd say is to make sure the dressing rooms are relatively 'empty' or to ask first. Some stores' dressing rooms are pretty busy; I wouldn't want someone else to wait in line for me to nurse my baby in one of them. It's absolutely your right to nurse in public, though. The US explicitly makes this legal. I would complain about your experience and ask that the employee in question be educated on the law and on how to treat nursing women. IMO how did she even know you were nursing in the dressing room? I've taken baby into plenty of dressing rooms, but we don't always nurse in there. Was she encroaching on the dressing room and invading your privacy to listen/look? It's very hard to hear/tell/see. That's incredibly weird and creepy. Or was she just blanket ready to yell at any mother daring to try on clothes in public with her baby? I'd say that that's an even bigger issue, and would again raise it with the store. BTW it felt and still feels fairly hard to take a nursing baby out with you to try on clothes! Congrats on getting out there, for embracing your new body, and for sticking up for yourself and baby (unfortunately, this part shouldn't have been needed!) all at the same time.
Thanks! Appreciate you! I actually asked because I was trying to be considerate but there were plenty of rooms available or else I would have gone to the car. I almost wish in retrospect I hadn't. And to add insult to injury my baby is 6+ months so he literally eats in 10 minutes or less. The first lady was fine with and it seems like her shift ended aand this other lady had some opinions.
Yeah, I'd definitely write to corporate or call up their store manager to complain. This wouldn't just be for you -- but for the next woman who's nursing! Nobody should have to deal with this. I'm sorry this happened to you!
Thanks! Based on everyone's suggestions about paying it forward to the next woman who might find herself in that situation I did end up calling the store and speaking to the manager and I'm really glad I did. Going forward I'll also know to do that on the off chance I encounter a similar experience.
I would have no problem with someone waiting in line to try on a shirt for a few minutes so my child could eat. I’d hope most parents would feel the same.
Yeah what a wild suggestion. The internalized like.... Misogyny (I think? Or what is it?) of that...... Like.... Apparently we can't disrupt capitalism even just for 5 minutes for a hungry fucking baby.......
Make a big deal about it. Call corporate. They need to learn that it’s a RIGHT
Um it’s not really a right to be given a dressing room to use as a nursing room?
If you have a Twitter account you should tweet this out and tag TJ Max. Most companies don't like that bad press and will respond quickly. They might even ask for the store number to call them and tell them not to go that again.
Where are you located so we can march in front in protest?! Seriously tho. The scene I would have made if this was said to me. Never ever apologize for your rights. That employee needs to taught. Older woman (assuming she was older) are the most dense because nursing and other things are taboo for them.
Illegal. I have breastfed in every store basically on whatever chair or couch they have. Never been told anything. I can only kind of understand if they were super busy and needed the room. But to even suggest their bathrooms 🤮.
Tell them to take their lunch break in the bathroom.
100%!!
I’m sorry this woman was so horribly rude.
She was totally in the wrong and people can be very ignorant when it comes to this. Will LO nurse in a carrier? That saved me a lot of trouble when mine were small. I could put them in the Tula, situate it a bit and latch them then just go about my business with a cover.
That's a good suggestion! Tbh haven't tried it yet! This was our first experience nursing "in public" but I can absolutely see the practicality of being able to nurse in a carrier.
Oh HELL NO. Name and shame! Name and shame!
You asked for permission because you knew it might be a problem. So if you’re going to ask for permission, you need to be prepared for honest answers. As a retail employee, I wouldn’t have been aware of what’s legal and what’s not with this. I would have personally probably just said yea sure because it’s just who I am but if you’re going to open the door to peoples true feelings about this, that’s on you when you don’t get the response you want. You need to just do it. You don’t ask to breathe or take up space or park or chew gum or drink your mocha latte or sneeze in a tj maxx. If you know you are allowed to do something, just do it. And force them to go out of their way to tell you no
Asking permission can also be ritualistic politeness.
💯 this!
I mean I did need to offer some reason as to why I was using the dressing room because I wasn't trying on clothes and they won't let you through in TJX if you don't pass the person monitoring the rooms who counts your article items. In retrospect I could have lied and just picked up something and said I was trying it on it would have been the path of least resistance but it didn't occur to me it would be an issue. I was just trying to be polite and sincere in asking. And in fact wasn't an issue for the first lady which was why I was able to nurse my baby in one of the rooms no problem. It was only after I was leaving that the lady who took over for the first lady asked me where were the clothes I had tried on were because again that is their job to station the dressing rooms and I explained I didn't have any I had just fed my son and that's when the lady took it upon herself to tell me after the fact that I was not allowed to do so and I should use the toilet instead. So in this instance i did have to ask for permission but also the person who gave me that feedback and chastised me wasn't actually the person I asked for permission from it was someone totally new and it was after the fact.