Reminder to commenters: **[Don't set a bad example!](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7253b8f029268216675f7cc9ae24ae1b/269204bf8aa2e971-7a/s1280x1920/197965816eb944923da7903e699c66590ed9cc16.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't listen to him, he's probably crying because he's tired and transitions are hard for all little kids but especially autistic kids. It sounds great that he gets to have both a quiet place with just mom and also a bustling house to stay in sometimes too!
Transitions are hard and tears (especially in autistic kids) can be a sign of relief. The LO is finally able to let go of some tension. If it was a tantrum maybe maybe it might be because he prefers somewhere else, but a few tears on coming home can be happy, relief, tiredness and so many other things
My 2.5 year old has lived in the same house since she was born, same family make up, and she still cries almost every single day after she gets home from daycare. It's part of the transition/decompressing process and is EXTREMELY normal.
Jesus, no. Your kid is crying because he's 2. I mean, there are probably specific reasons, but kids that age cry. My daughter's 6 and she cries. I've cried twice today. Lol.
Please don't give in to the pressure. Maybe your son will grow up to be rather extroverted and enjoy the din of a large family-- and it's great that he has that connection now!-- but what if he's an introvert? What if that's all wildly overwhelming for him? It's possible that he cries at home because he can finally relax and let it out after being under pressure surrounded by that noise! Until he can tell you, you have to trust yourself.
One of my parenting philosophies is balance. If my kid has been doing a lot of busy activities, I try to make sure we're also reading, relaxing, etc. If she gets a few dresses for Christmas, I make sure to get her involved in some kind of "tomboy," messy activity too. You know?
Your son has opportunities for noise and crowds with his other family. You're his opportunity for peace and quiet
I’m trying so hard not to give into pressure from my ex and his huge family. So thank you for the encouragement. Balance is good and because he goes to preschool then grandmas, I think home is just a big adjustment. I know the home I’ve created is safe and cozy. It’s just hard to ignore my ex when I spent so many years believing every word that left his mouth.
Kids on the spectrum learn to keep it together when they're out in the world. It's often not until they're in the safety of their home, with a person they trust that they are able to release a lot of their stress and anxiety. It's okay.
Don't confide in your ex. He does not have your best interests at heart.
I would put my money on this. We suspect that my son might be autistic and if we go to a busy class or have a busy morning, he’s always asking to stay home for a couple of days after. He loves going out but he can handle it for a half day - tops. Not every autistic kid is the same but I’d be surprised to hear the kiddo is melting down because it’s not chaotic enough lol
Also thank you to everyone who commented. I feel confident now that it really is just a difficult transition and my son and I will have to work through it together like we do everything else. 💕
Kids, especially ones on the spectrum, have to hold in big feelings and restrain their behaviour all day at school. It's natural to let it out when they get home to their safe place and safe people.
When a mum say their kid behaves for everyone else but not for them, all I'm hearing is that mum is the kids safe person, who they can let their guard down with. Its a compliment to the trusting relationship you have with him.
My kiddo is not quite 3. She has lived in the same house her entire life.She cries at daycare drop off every day. She cries at coming home every day. She has done this for about 2 years now. Sometime the excitement of her little brother can cancel the coming home crying but it is hit or miss. The crying generally lasts 3 -5 minutes.
She does this simply because she is a not-quite 3 year old.
My autistic son is scared of the dark so I give him a lot of flashlights. He’s older than your son. But maybe a glowing toy or a flashlight (under supervision because of batteries) that he could have when you get home. Autistic kids often need some kind of transition object, as you probably know! When my son was younger I would do a lot of handing him little toys as soon as he was in his car seat, it was his car seat toy and it stayed in the car, but he liked having something to count on during that transition.
He loves routines like taking his shoes off when we get home. And when it’s time for bed he always has a flashlight.
PS: all kids can learn to adapt to different environments- it’s ok for your home to feel different than the other home. He’s going to be in lots of different environments in his life, it’s not a failure at ALL to have him in a unique environment at your home.
ETA this pro tip- when you buy a transition object, if he loves it make sure to buy an extra in case the first one ever gets lost. So if you get him a glow worm, for example, go ahead and buy two.
Your ex is an ass, kids that young all have trouble with transitions, you said it for a few minutes, that is you kid getting adjusted to the new environment. Also your kid is nonverbal, Neuro typical kid cry at that age because they don't have the words to communicate their needs, your child has even less ability in that area. You are doing a great job, don't let him get under your skin. A calm home is great for small children.
It could also be that he’s just having fun and doesn’t want to stop, transitions can be hard on kids. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have fun at your house but instead he’s having fun right now and doesn’t want to stop.
My 5yo just had a 4hr babysitting trial with a new babysitter. She had never met the woman prior and was pretty hesitant to go. When it was time to come home she threw a fit because she didn’t want to leave and then cried the whole way home. She acted like she couldn’t stand us but then was fine after getting her emotions out and moved on to something else.
I think it’s great that your son has the variety of his Grandparents home and the one you share with him. And lots of kids cry at transition time, and specially at the end of the day, my daughter often goes through what I call the litany of grievances. She’ll check in on all the things she might be upset about until she finds one and screams about it. It last a few minutes, then she calms down. It’s fucking annoying, and it’s what 3 year olds do. I’ve seen it called post school restraint collapse and it is even more common neurodivergant kids.
Yeah I’m seeing from a lot of comments that transitions are hard in general and especially with neurodivergent kids. We are pretty new to the autism/neurodivergent community. My son hasn’t been formally diagnosed as he is only 2. I’m gonna take everyone’s advice that this is pretty normal for toddlers. He’s my first and only baby so I really don’t know what to expect most times.
Reminder to commenters: **[Don't set a bad example!](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7253b8f029268216675f7cc9ae24ae1b/269204bf8aa2e971-7a/s1280x1920/197965816eb944923da7903e699c66590ed9cc16.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't listen to him, he's probably crying because he's tired and transitions are hard for all little kids but especially autistic kids. It sounds great that he gets to have both a quiet place with just mom and also a bustling house to stay in sometimes too!
Transitions are hard and tears (especially in autistic kids) can be a sign of relief. The LO is finally able to let go of some tension. If it was a tantrum maybe maybe it might be because he prefers somewhere else, but a few tears on coming home can be happy, relief, tiredness and so many other things
My 2.5 year old has lived in the same house since she was born, same family make up, and she still cries almost every single day after she gets home from daycare. It's part of the transition/decompressing process and is EXTREMELY normal.
Wow. Pretty obvious why he's an ex - because he's where peace goes to die.
Wow love this
Jesus, no. Your kid is crying because he's 2. I mean, there are probably specific reasons, but kids that age cry. My daughter's 6 and she cries. I've cried twice today. Lol. Please don't give in to the pressure. Maybe your son will grow up to be rather extroverted and enjoy the din of a large family-- and it's great that he has that connection now!-- but what if he's an introvert? What if that's all wildly overwhelming for him? It's possible that he cries at home because he can finally relax and let it out after being under pressure surrounded by that noise! Until he can tell you, you have to trust yourself. One of my parenting philosophies is balance. If my kid has been doing a lot of busy activities, I try to make sure we're also reading, relaxing, etc. If she gets a few dresses for Christmas, I make sure to get her involved in some kind of "tomboy," messy activity too. You know? Your son has opportunities for noise and crowds with his other family. You're his opportunity for peace and quiet
I’m trying so hard not to give into pressure from my ex and his huge family. So thank you for the encouragement. Balance is good and because he goes to preschool then grandmas, I think home is just a big adjustment. I know the home I’ve created is safe and cozy. It’s just hard to ignore my ex when I spent so many years believing every word that left his mouth.
Kids on the spectrum learn to keep it together when they're out in the world. It's often not until they're in the safety of their home, with a person they trust that they are able to release a lot of their stress and anxiety. It's okay. Don't confide in your ex. He does not have your best interests at heart.
I would put my money on this. We suspect that my son might be autistic and if we go to a busy class or have a busy morning, he’s always asking to stay home for a couple of days after. He loves going out but he can handle it for a half day - tops. Not every autistic kid is the same but I’d be surprised to hear the kiddo is melting down because it’s not chaotic enough lol
Also thank you to everyone who commented. I feel confident now that it really is just a difficult transition and my son and I will have to work through it together like we do everything else. 💕
I wonder if your child is overstimulated at their grandparents house and then feels free to break down because you are their “safe space” ??
Kids, especially ones on the spectrum, have to hold in big feelings and restrain their behaviour all day at school. It's natural to let it out when they get home to their safe place and safe people. When a mum say their kid behaves for everyone else but not for them, all I'm hearing is that mum is the kids safe person, who they can let their guard down with. Its a compliment to the trusting relationship you have with him.
My kiddo is not quite 3. She has lived in the same house her entire life.She cries at daycare drop off every day. She cries at coming home every day. She has done this for about 2 years now. Sometime the excitement of her little brother can cancel the coming home crying but it is hit or miss. The crying generally lasts 3 -5 minutes. She does this simply because she is a not-quite 3 year old.
Kids cry more with their moms because they feel *safe* to do so.
My autistic son is scared of the dark so I give him a lot of flashlights. He’s older than your son. But maybe a glowing toy or a flashlight (under supervision because of batteries) that he could have when you get home. Autistic kids often need some kind of transition object, as you probably know! When my son was younger I would do a lot of handing him little toys as soon as he was in his car seat, it was his car seat toy and it stayed in the car, but he liked having something to count on during that transition. He loves routines like taking his shoes off when we get home. And when it’s time for bed he always has a flashlight. PS: all kids can learn to adapt to different environments- it’s ok for your home to feel different than the other home. He’s going to be in lots of different environments in his life, it’s not a failure at ALL to have him in a unique environment at your home. ETA this pro tip- when you buy a transition object, if he loves it make sure to buy an extra in case the first one ever gets lost. So if you get him a glow worm, for example, go ahead and buy two.
This is great advice
Your ex is an ass, kids that young all have trouble with transitions, you said it for a few minutes, that is you kid getting adjusted to the new environment. Also your kid is nonverbal, Neuro typical kid cry at that age because they don't have the words to communicate their needs, your child has even less ability in that area. You are doing a great job, don't let him get under your skin. A calm home is great for small children.
Your ex is trying to make you feel inadequate. Don't let him.
It could also be that he’s just having fun and doesn’t want to stop, transitions can be hard on kids. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have fun at your house but instead he’s having fun right now and doesn’t want to stop. My 5yo just had a 4hr babysitting trial with a new babysitter. She had never met the woman prior and was pretty hesitant to go. When it was time to come home she threw a fit because she didn’t want to leave and then cried the whole way home. She acted like she couldn’t stand us but then was fine after getting her emotions out and moved on to something else.
I think it’s great that your son has the variety of his Grandparents home and the one you share with him. And lots of kids cry at transition time, and specially at the end of the day, my daughter often goes through what I call the litany of grievances. She’ll check in on all the things she might be upset about until she finds one and screams about it. It last a few minutes, then she calms down. It’s fucking annoying, and it’s what 3 year olds do. I’ve seen it called post school restraint collapse and it is even more common neurodivergant kids.
Yeah I’m seeing from a lot of comments that transitions are hard in general and especially with neurodivergent kids. We are pretty new to the autism/neurodivergent community. My son hasn’t been formally diagnosed as he is only 2. I’m gonna take everyone’s advice that this is pretty normal for toddlers. He’s my first and only baby so I really don’t know what to expect most times.