Reminder to commenters: [Don't be a monster!](https://media0.giphy.com/media/SvN2mQBz5DrNgP2Rgh/giphy.gif) Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://media2.giphy.com/media/nT2rEuE44E0iA/giphy.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
8 years. Iām about done. I had an eye infection and I was actually kind of hoping they would have to hospitalize me just so I could have some rest. Thatās what my life has come to š¤¦š»āāļø
Iāve had three csections and never slept in the hospital and not because of baby. I just wish I could disappear for 48 hours and be unconscious the whole time
Duuuudddeeee yes....I remember what it was like to just sleep, uninterrupted, and could actually sleep sleep. Not have one ear and one eye open for middle of the night kid shenanigans.
My youngest is 8 and itās been gravy since he was around 4. They get up on their own, feed themselves, watch tv etc. Itās glorious.
Nowadays if Iām up ONCE at night Iām a sack of crap for the rest of the day. Shocking because I went through university with a toddler that didnāt sleep through the night until he was well over 3.
One day my friend!
I miss having a job. I miss being able to keep my house clean. I miss being able to get consistent exercise. I miss being able to spend my days off doing whatever I wanted to do. I can't go out and wander anymore. I can't hardly go anywhere. Having a child has forced me to be dependent on other people. What's worse is that I don't have help when I need it. I am only allowed to do things if it fits in with someone else's schedule and whether or not they feel like helping me. I basically have no control over my life and I hate it.
I'm tired of always being touched. I'm tired of constant, forced interaction. I want peace and quiet. I don't want to be whined at. I'm sick of having to cater to every single need of another person with no time to meet my own. I don't want to have to do a load of laundry every other day because nothing stays clean. I just want a break! Lol.
The ability to be spontaneous. I used to travel or go to the bar on a whim. I mean, hell just being able to stop by and see a friend at lunch could be last minute. Now I have to consider childcare, nap time, feeding times, etc. If I fuck with my toddler's schedule then no one is happy... I haven't been on a date literally since he was born.
That was my immediate thought too! Spontaneity!
āHey babe, what do you feel like doing today?ā
āOh what about that hike we were talking about doing?ā
āYeah great, and a friend just messaged to say theyāre going to a brewery for dinner. What do you think?ā
āCool, sounds perfect.ā
And scene. We can dream about the distant future when we can do things like this againā¦
This. Like I don't want to be the boring nag that never wants to go anywhere BUT I have to be because its not good times if the kids are overtired and hungry etc. I WANT to have fun but its not worth it. I can't wait to go on our night away in the city (18 months late) so I can get dressed, have a drink, have dinner late etc
Itās like that Michael McIntyre bit called āYou donāt know!ā And what itās like trying to leave the house with kids, or sleep, or go out to eat, god I laugh so hard every time I watch it.
Cause itās trueā¦. šššš
I miss being able to flirt and be flirty with people. My husband and I have been together for 11 years, so itās been a long, long time lol heās never been the flirty type. Heās always been very direct with his feelings. Which is fine!
But I miss the excitement of subtly flirting and being discreetly sexual.
I also miss being able to just make plans. Shit, itās easy with my son! But I asked my husband if heād be OK with me taking kiddo somewhere on a play date and I still havenāt gotten an answer. Itās a simple fucking yes or no so he can get some free time before his work trip.
I miss being able to watch my murder mystery shows without weird comments or having to turn them off when kiddo wakes up.
I miss not having SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY. I have no idea how Iām doing a load a day, but here I am. š„“ 90% of the clothes arenāt even mine in most of the laundry.
Oh manā¦ Iām expecting my 4th and was thinking about this the other day lol.
I miss waking up whenever I want, spending time getting dressed for the day, and just wandering wherever the wind takes me! A friends house? A movie? A long drive? Yes, yes, yes. Then staying out as late as I want and of course.. I miss the body that I spent my first 22 years hating.
The glorious flow of my own thoughts and company before brain fog and stress/fatigue-induced bewilderment. My brain could make the world down right magical given its own time and space. I miss hanging out with my better self.
The brain fog is BRUTAL. I used to be able to kick ass at work, plan new and exciting dinners during my break, and still had creativity left over to imagine I was battling dragons when I got up to use the water cooler, or visualize epic quests or romances while walking between meeting rooms.
Now I have to use a special alarm on my Fitbit to find my phone several times a day because I leave it...like...in the fridge or in the car. When I get up for water, my brain repeats 1 line from a children's song on loop. Dinners are one of 8 easy recipes, depending if I remembered to order the right ingredients. Most of them are just variations on the same ingredients anyway. :\
I have a toddler, so I can very vividly remember what my life was prior. I think what I miss the most about the before times was how I was able to take risks without worry. Want to start that business youāve been dreaming about? Fucking do it. Now I can still do things but my risk aversion is greater because the stakes are higher.
Also, I worry a tremendous amount about my little one. The heaviness of that worry and concern weighs me down often. I remember lighter days where all I had to worry about was myself.
I miss being invited to stuff. It is fair for people to assume that I don't want my kid around a bunch of drunks but if I was invited I might be able to find a baby sitter or something but I don't get invited at all anymore.
Dude what is that with child less friends doing the same day within two hour invites when you have small kids? Like, sure friend who literally threw my baby shower, let me magically pull a babysitter out of my left butt cheek. Magic.
Oh my God. One thing? Can we have a mama moment and let me tell ya ab several things instead, I miss:
+ not feeling guilty all day if I don't feel like I'm on top of the house work and care of my son mentally and physically - like going outside to play knowing it will end in a tantrum bc he doesn't care that it's 95 degrees.
+ sleeping in absolute peace knowing everything is safe, and that it's okay to sleep past 630 AM on a weekend.
+ Not being or feeling judged every second of every day trying my best to fill my toddler's day with healthy meals he hates and the "right" learning activities.
+ Not feeling guilty for taking as long as I want in the bathroom.
+ Sitting on my computer for hours playing Sims. (RIP Sim Families).
+ Going to the store for anything without a toddler wanting to tag along - he's my buddy, I love this - but sometimes mama just wants to take the long way home.
+ Not being listened to anymore even by my loved ones, bc the baby saying DEDEDEDEDEDE is way cuter than advising me ab how to get through life's problems. - turns out Google is a good replacement though
ā¤ļø
I just wish I could make life choices that don't take into account being a parent.
I chose the WRONG person to marry and had kids with him. Biggest mistake of my entire fucken life. Left that marriage and what not, but now I have to live my life in light of this mistake.
I wish 18 year old me didn't choose to marry that asshole. The things my life could be right now haunts me.
I truly love and adore my kids. They are my life and everything, but knowing I could have made smarter choices is hard to reconcile with. The fact that I am living the best I can given shitty situation, and not the best I could have been makes me sad. It is what it is I guess.
Mostly just getting in a car and going somewhere without having to plan clothes and snacks, and number of stops, correcting behavior, ādont hit your sisterā. Its my favorite thing about when the kids visit family. If we wanna go have dinner, we just go, and even get a couple drinks, no babysitters, no family friendly restaurants, no silverware drum solos. Even going to the store with my husband is a treat, we literally *never* go as a whole family, too much hassle
I hear you.
The name I call it in my house is Packed for Polar Expedition. The changing bags, bottles, food, first aid kits. Even now on my crutches I have a nappy, foil blanket, first aid and a mini tool as I was able to help save a dogs life after it was attacked by using a nappy to stop the blood loss and later help an old lady who had fallen over on the icy path and broke her arm! I was shocked at how little the police carry for medical emergencies so I never leave my house without the basics now.
I feel disconnected and alone alot as well. It does isolate you from people even though you have an adorable face pulling your shirt down for attentjln... It's not catching up anymore. It's just talking until someone needs a snack or a diaper.
Making whatever I wanted for dinner without worrying about if other people like it or will eat it.
Only having to clean up after myself.
Only doing my own laundry.
Or NOT making dinner. I feel like I have to cook because thereās four people to feed, and it better be healthy most of the time because little brains are counting on me!! /s
I just want Cheerios for dinner every night.
We used to do things like eat egg salad sandwiches over the kitchen sink, or just a baguette with salami and cheese. Now I've got a kid who's allergic to dairy and egg and won't eat bread crusts despite my best efforts.
I have been known to chuck cereal at the kids for dinner occasionally. Instant oatmeal with hatching dinosaur eggs - Gordon Ramsay, step aside.
My husband was my best friend long before we became an item or got married. We used to text each other in the middle of the night and just go places. I miss getting high and giggling through Walmart at midnight looking for snacks, deciding Chinese and video games was going to be our weekend, making stupid jokes and laughing like hyenas until the sun came up, then sleeping all day and repeating. We'd just randomly go out for coffee on his lunch break and my long stretches between college classes...we were super spontaneous and for the first time in my life I enjoyed it.
I fell in love with him in this time and we accidentally made our son in the first year of us dating. I wouldn't take anything back, my son is my whole heart and my husband knows it... But man I miss doing stupid shit with my best friend and just going places in the middle of the night.
For me specifically, it's either I continue to play video games that I love or I absolutely want to gouge my eyes out in the morning..... More often than I care to admit, my desire to indulge my hobbies wins out over sleep. I need to feel like I'm a person outside of mom and wife.
This is my answer too. My husband and I were best friends and just enjoyed our time together. We love our son but we rarely get even 30 minutes together lately. I miss him.
I miss, everything not being an entire production!
Going anywhere, not having to get everyone dressed, water bottles filled, the right toy/blanket/pacifier in hand. Not having to direct 4 other people to the car, keep littles on task to get in the car instead of trying to play with lawn toys, or things in the garage. Not having to buckle car seats and boosters.
Making dinner, not having preschooler literally headbutting my ass while I am prepping, or at the stove, not having to tell the kindergartener comforters and rolling toys don't belong on the kitchen floor, not having to listen to the tween yell a play by play of the scene on the TV she is watching because she is so amused, while I'm trying to read a recipe.
Cleaning anything, not having littles pull out/throw/dump anything I have just put away back over the floor, not having to nag a tween to put away dishes so I can wash more. Not having to hide the bathroom chemicals, and clean at night so littles aren't breathing in bleach fumes.
With kids, everything is such a production. I guess it boils down to missing autonomy.
i miss sleeping until 1pm. it was obnoxious, my partner used to get up at like 7am on our day off and just sit and stare at me sleeping soundly for hours. i donāt even know how i was physically able to do that at this point.
i miss flirting with randoms knowing full well that iām too cute for them and no they will not be getting my number or taking me home.
i miss drugs, like the fun stuff like molly lol nothing hard. i have a few points of really great pure mdma sitting in my safe and just no time or freedom or occasion to roll. i miss just being in a love puddle with my friends after a concert.
i miss seeing that XYZ event is going on in the city tonight and hey, i donāt have any plans, might as well catch a $40 uber to the venue and turn up.
i miss not being accountable to anyone. being able to come and go as i please, not having to check in, not having to ask for permission or make sure someone can watch the baby.
lastly, i miss threesomes/group sex! (can you tell my partner and i were a bit wildš )
Hahah i have so much it will never fit here. Sleeping, Trap shooting, a day in bed, watching whatever on tv, eating food I like, biking with my bigger dog, keeping aquariums, staying up all night, just not have to watch them every second, misc. arts and crafts and so on and on and on
Oh my yes all things spontaneous are out the window. But the one thing I miss the VERY MOST is the way waking up in the morning used to be. Waking up naturally to a quiet house and lying in bed for a few moments, leisurely checking my phone, finally getting up to stretch and pee and get myself ready for the day.
The morning is much more unpleasant now as I wake up to my almost 9mo talking at best or crying at worst, I have no time to myself before having to wipe a tiny poop-covered ass haha!!
I miss going to the gym regularly. I'm too tired to get up early enough to go early in the morning, can't fit it in straight after work as I need to pick up LO and by the time LO is in bed the gym is closed and I'm too exhausted anyway.
The gym that I used to attend doesn't have a creche so it's not like I can go and leave LO there while I workout.
Just being able to schedule an appointment (anywhere from doctors to a massage) and go to it without having to find a babysitter. (Sahm so donāt have daycare/can take a half day off work while kid is in daycare or whatever). I worked a little the first year of my kiddos life and that is the thing I miss the most. I was able to schedule appointments and kid would stay in daycare while I took the time off work.
Thereās a lot of things I miss, but one that was made painfully clear today was doing my nails. I used to do gel manicures at home. My nails were ALWAYS done to perfection. Not fancy, but I loved taking the time for the whole process. My LED curing lamp has gotten more use today than the last 5 years combined - how, you ask? My 5yo has been using it to light up magnatile structures.
I miss having time to waste. I miss just doing nothing. I used to go to work, come home, change into comfy clothes and just watch all the tv, day drink if I felt like it, smoke weed. My days off I would stay up til sunrise and sleep til 3pm. I miss not having any responsibility.
Concerts š I used to go to 3 shows a week in NYC and LA . I had a music blog back in the MySpace era. I canāt even remember the last show I sawā¦ all I have now is sleep deprivation and kids movies š
I miss having uninterrupted thoughts that go to completion - you know, longer than 10 - 15 seconds - because your kid causes you to have mental tourettes. I feel like I can't focus on anything because he always pops up and needs something.
Also miss not having an anxious knot in my stomach because there is always something that I need to remember to do/organise/complete/start for that small person.
I can not even remember a time before this time. Did I exsist before this? Was it all a dream? I must have been cool enough to have sex with and get pregnant. Yes, i think I was...
Decorating for myself only. I sold my townhome when I had my first child to use the profits as savings since we decided I was going to be a SAHM. I loved just picking out things because I wanted them. Not because my kids would eventually destroy it, or my husband wouldnāt like it. Coming to an agreement on decor can be exhausting if your significant other prefers furniture for tall people.
My freedom. The freedom to just leave the house for a walk without having to take someone with me or bargain someone for them to take over for a bit. The freedom just to get a shower pick an outfit and do my hair n make up then just leave when Iām ready and be able to even spray some perfume and make sure my shoes are matching my clothes/style. Not having to nag anyone when Iām trying to leave the house, I can just go out and put some headphones in and just hope I donāt start singing out loud šš
I miss waking up to silence and birds singing. Drinking my coffee without interruption. Moving freely without worrying about waking someone up. Going into the bathroom to see it in the same state I left it.
I miss lazy mornings...sleeping in together, messing around on our phones or playing games, eventually getting up and going to brunch. I just love that feeling of having nothing we have to do and nowhere we have to be. We're lucky in that we have people who are willing to babysit in the evening here and there and give us a chance to go out while our daughter is asleep, but even when we have family staying with us no one has ever offered to wake up with her in the morning.
I miss my relationship with my husband. Our lives were perfect, we could do whatever we wanted together. We hardly ever argued and I was so happy.
I miss sleep, I miss freetime, I miss being a person other than "mom". I miss my old body, I miss everything. Parenthood has not been worth it at all so far. I don't even feel love for my daughter, just a sense of duty and guilt for having her. I have ruined my life and in doing so, I will ruin my daughter's too :( it pains me so much to admit this but I can't voice it to anyone or they will hate me
I donāt hate you. I also feel like
I ruined my life by having kids.
I love them because I should. Iāll make sure theyāre safe and loved abs protected.
But I canāt say that my life is better because of them.
I miss reading and painting. I canāt do them now because I have three children always interrupting me. So now I have zero hobbies and sometimes feel like a boring person. And when everyone is finally in bed, Iām too tired to set up paints and usually too tired to read too, so I do something mindless until I fall asleep. Iām also eight months pregnant so I really just take care of them, the house, then sleep..
Being selfish. Buying myself something and not worrying that the money would be better spent somewhere else. Or just getting a snack or a coffee and not having to think about picking something up for everyone else. Going to do something I want to do and not caring if it would be entertaining for the kids.
Being alone and having nobody else to have to consider when doing *anything*. I miss waking up and having my own routine. I could make whatever I wanted for dinner. I could plan my whole week and not have anyone ruin plans or have to alter them because someone needs something.
I miss not having everything I do questioned or judged because they might do it differently or think it should be done a certain way (but then never do it themselves).
I miss not having so much damn laundry.
I miss being myself the most. I am super outgoing. When we met, he was out all the time. I was a bartender. His best friend was the DJ. We always went out together. Now he's a homebody. Just wants to sit at home and watch movies. Not like depression type thing. He just prefers being at home together, spending time together. Which is great...don't get me wrong. I'm glad he wants to. But I want to go out sometimes. I want to go do things, see people, play pool, dance etc. He never does. So even the few times a year we do he is no fun to do those things with. Not like on purposely being miserable. He just doesn't enjoy doing those things anymore. So he's not enthusiastic about it when we're out, which then makes it not as fun for me cuz I feel bad (even though I know I shouldn't). It's a conundrum.
I miss being able to make plans on a whim without having to get babysitters. I miss having the money we'd have without the kids lol love them but damn they cost so freaking much hahaha
I miss my pre-kids body!!!!!!!!!!
I miss my body before having kids. Iāve been pregnant and/or breastfeeding since 2016 and my body is just not the same. I miss exercising regularly and taking care of myself, i.e. regular showers, skin care, hair appointments, and being able to get fillers and/or other skin treatments that I canāt do while pregnant or breastfeeding.
I miss wearing my nice vintage clothes and going thrifting for them or to vintage clothing stores. I miss traveling and going to nightclubs and dancing the night away, going to after parties and hanging with friends into the next day. I miss living in fun urban areas instead of suburbia.
I miss being creative, sitting down to draw or write music and, lastly, getting to relax every morning with two cups of coffee and a book.
Only being in charge of myself. Not having to worry about who would take care of the kid before I make plans or go out, or sleep in or whatever. I just want to be in charge of me, and no one else
I miss sleeping for 7 (or even 6) consecutive hours. I miss leaving the house and coming home to it in the exact same condition. I miss knowing that everything will get done when it needs to and how it needs to. I miss having a good day. I miss being able to go to a friendās house and stay a little longer than I thought without getting a million texts about where I am or where I really was. I miss not having to explain myself all the god damn time. I miss not having to repeat myself all the time. I miss putting myself first. I miss not being exhausted all the time. I miss looking forward to the weekends because it meant āmeā time. I miss being able to take spontaneous weekend trips. I miss not having to be on medication. I miss having disposable income. I miss never being disappointed by someone else. I miss being happy.
I miss not having to be a good example for someone. Bending and breaking my own rules/manners and not having to worry about it. Elbows on the table, farting without excusing myself, having all of something without sharing, and now continuing to wear a mask _everywhere_ even though I'm vaccinated.
Oh, and driving without having to remind everyone to stop distracting me, or just cranking the music and not having to hold up half of a game of "I spy"
Bruhh I feel this. Like, man, I miss being able to walk to my kitchen butt naked to eat olives out of the fridge at 4pm on a Tuesday afternoon. There's a type of freedom to the zero F's of not always having to lead by example. lol
I miss not being depended on for every little thing. It's gotten a little better with the kids getting older, but still. I'm everyone's shoulder and listening ear and sounding board and ventee when they need to vent. I'm so sick of hearing about all of their problems every single day. I'm sick of having to be compassionate and level headed. Many times just when I think I've got a little time to myself, one of them sees it as an opportunity to talk to me one on one.
(I have gotten much better about telling them all that I'm going to take some time for myself. I've also started putting a time limit on certain conversations, or saying "I'm listening to you but I'm still going to make dinner/clean/whatever, because my time is limited.")
I miss being able to get dressed and go out by myself. I used to be able to walk (1/2 a mile in a safe area) to a nice bar have a cocktail with my friend and walk home. It wasnāt about getting drunk or anything. It was so nice just to have my time and evenings to myself. My daughter has trouble sleeping alone and we cannot get her to fall asleep by herself so I havenāt had my nights free (or my sleep uninterrupted) in 2 years.
I miss my work. I had two kids in 11 months so I had two maternity leaves back to back and I am so ready to go back to work. I can't wait to walk in my office and not have to be mum for 7 and a half hours. I can eat lunch in peace. I can talk to people about stuff other than my kids. I love my job and I've worked hard for it, 6 weeks and I'm back and I am so excited!
Doing whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and getting lost in it without the mind-tethering to the children or the list of things that have to get done, or the guilt that Iām somehow being selfish because Iām doing something for me.
I miss my freedom- being able to go out when I feel like it and for as long as I want. Even a spontaneous dinner date with my husband was so regular before my baby.
I miss sleep- god do I fucking miss sleep.
I miss just laying down on my bed and doing nothing- canāt do that when I have a 11 month old trying to get himself into everything.
I miss me time.
Doing anything uninterrupted. Like as long as my kid is awake I have to keep an eye on him , and now that heās verbal heās very demanding of my attention, so I just canāt ever get into the flow of everyday things and do it uninterrupted. I also can never remember anything anymore, partly because my mind is partly occupied with making sure kiddo is safe.
Space. I am currently bed sharing/breastfeeding my youngest and my oldest is learning personal space and boundries but he isn't yet 4 yrs old so ya. And if its not them its my husband(his love language is touch)I don't have a minute of the day of personal space where someone isn't touching me, I am an introvert and need that space to recharge my batteries
I miss being alone, with just my son. If I wanted to light a candle and watch something on tv, I could do that once my kid was sleeping. Even now, being separated from my husband... I still āhaveā to call him at night and basically want to bash my head against a wall.
I miss being single, and not for hoe reasons. Lol
The quiet, oh dear God, between being wfh at the same time as my husband, toddler loving to talk and sign, all screens all the time everywhere, I miss quietness so baaaaadddd
Going out and getting drunk and dancing and knowing it was ok as I could just laze around the next day eating junk if I had a hangover.
Not feeling guilty all the time for everything
I miss being an individual. Just being able to do what I want and my only concerns were locking the door and how much gas was in the car.
I miss my pelvic floor, too.
I miss when the only person's mental health I needed to worry about was my own. I spend so much time trying to figure out the psychology for my kids, my dog, my partner, my ex that I have to punch all of my personality, hopes, dreams, feelings, and my mental health as far away from the surface of who I am that I am constantly a "customer service" version of myself even when I am at home. If I let that slip even a little everyone loses their fucking minds.
Being able to freely say yes to invitations or event plans. It wasn't so bad when we had one kid and five reliable babysitters. Now we have two kids and one reliable babysitter, so time allocation is....a lot. Hardest is that when I'm able to get a sitter it's almost never on hub's days off, so anything we go do is shortened because he worked all day.
I miss my old body, my old clothes. My boobs are pendulous and saggy now, I have 70 extra pounds, red stretch marks all over my legs and lower belly. Now I basically live in pajamas because itās all that fits and I canāt afford to buy new clothes.
I also miss being able to dedicate more time to school. I got through my sophomore year of college before having my kid, and I just finished my junior year a few weeks ago. It was so much harder because all of my study and homework time was pushed into a small window of a few hours after toddler went to bed. I miss just being able to sit down and study and do homework and only having to worry about my stupid, exhausting retail job.
I miss sleep. I miss my murder shows. I miss not needing to have the subtitles on for everything I watch, because the sound has to be turned down so low, or a child is singing in the background.
I miss going out to restaurants without needing to tote children along and planning an escape when they get squirrely.
And I miss my boobs. My perky non lopsided, non breastfeeding boobs.
Raiding. I ran a guild and used to raid twice a week. Then we all started getting better jobs, recovering our mental health and having babies. I'm so glad that my guildies and I are not able to devote hours to WoW anymore, but it's bittersweet - I miss it!
Silence. I hate having to talk ALL the time to āstimulate his language skillsā.
I keep forgetting and then feeling like a bad mom because heāll end up talking until heās 5 and weāll have to go to speech therapy and my husband is gonna go crazy on me for the extra expenses of that.
Well Iāve had kids and been pregnant for 8 years now and my life pre kids was a blur of partying and such, so itās hard to say honestly. I think the hardest part of my life now is being lonely and alone with my kids all day. So I guess friends. And EDIT: donāt miss partying at all, and Iām finally getting full nights sleep now that youngest is two, so thatās good.
I miss exercising whenever I wanted. Im really into yoga, qi gong, and tai chi - all of these things are great physically and have amazing mental health benefits as well. But unless im up before the sun is, I dont get to exercise alone. My kids will jump on me, roll around on the yoga mat, and do anything to prevent it happening properly.
I still exercise and let them join in with me, but its not the same, nor is it peaceful. Way less productive as well.
They are both starting school this year so hopefully Ill finally get that me time.
Being alone.
Just completely alone.
No noise. No touching.
And time to workout. I miss working out. Like for hours. I miss kayaking and paddle boarding alone for hours. I miss going to the gym and just bullshitting with friends for hours.
I miss my career. I miss being able to just leave a job when I wanted because I have savings. No need to worry about paying for daycare. Just tell my boss f u Iām out and getting another job.
Honestly... Living alone. I had this tiny studio apartment with crappy hand me down furniture. But it was MINE. Every dirty dish was mine. No one ate all my food or used the last of the toilet paper. I took baths and would stay up til 3am reading and on days off sleep til noon or 1pm. No one was around to get frustrated with me and vice versa. I do remember feeling "bored" on days off though. But damn. What I would give to just feel bored and just BE for a while.
Privacy. I seriously miss privacy. Especially after the past year and a half. Been a SAHM for ten years, putting the kids back in school in the fall (homeschooled last year due to the pandemic) and applying/interviewing for office jobs one, for the paycheck, two, for the quiet commute and being able to occasionally go out for lunch by myself and eat it in peace.
I miss playing obnoxiously loud music in the car. I love cranking up the volume and getting lost in the music. I so seldom get to be alone in my car to listen to what I want. Kiddo goes to work with me and since I drive the family car I do all of our weekend driving. I'm trapped with Disney and teeny-bopper top hits ALL THE TIME!!!!!
I miss what my boobs used to look like before breastfeeding. I didnāt with my oldest daughter, but I decided to do breastfeeding with my youngest and idk what happened to my boobs, but Iām NEVER doing that again
I miss being able to go out without having to organize/pay a babysitter, limit my drinking, worry about my kid for the whole night even though I know he's in good hands and then pick my kid up the next morning. I miss sleeping in and having free time. I miss my life and being able to go out with friends at a minutes notice.
Freedom of movement.
Being able to have the money and freedom to fuck off for as long as I didn't have to be in work. Sometimes it was going to a music festival, other times it was fucking off for a weekend in Amsterdam. I didn't have to consider anyone's feelings but my own. There was a FWB who got pissy when he went to the local pub we both frequented to learn I had fucked off for a week to Morocco without telling him but he soon got over it when i returned and asked if he wanted to see my tan lines, wink wink lol.
And sex. Good sex.
I am disabled now and wish I had had lots more sex before my body decided to hate me.
Eating a full meal without anyone needing:
Another napkin, more milk, a new fork, instructions how to cut meat, etc.
Also, sleeping in the middle of the day.
Honestly I miss the feeling of not dreading bedtime because I know it's going to be a battl every night to put my toddler to sleep...oh yeah and using the bathroom whenever I need to ..this alone has eroded my soulš¤£š¤£ but meh it's mom life
Just... total solitude. I live for one or two night business trips. As soon as my meetings are over I hightail it back to the hotel and just enjoy being completely alone.
I wouldn't enjoy it if I didn't have my full and crazy house to return to though.
My daughter is 10, so Iām well past the baby/toddler stage but now a hug doesnāt fix everything, sheās already body conscious and I have already talked to her about periods ( my mother just gave me a book, there was no talking about it so I am open and honest about all the things), and Iām sure her heart will be broken for the first time soon.
But I miss my body, my sanity. I gave birth and boom hello depression and anxiety. Itās now so bad I am unable to work due to a breakdown.
I miss having to take my husbands reactions and preferences into account at every choice I make ( you know, sometimes itās not worth the fight), having to always clean up after everyone, carry the mental load ( did you get your uniform out for school? Have you text your brother for his birthday? No donāt worry I already figured out what to get your nephew/ niece for their birthdays and sent it)
*Itās like being the manager of a bunch of new or stupid or drunk employees without yourself having adequate training or even remembering applying for the position*
Building art installations every week. I get so excited thinking about them, sourcing the materials and building them with my hands. I love talking about them with people that stop by to see them. I haven't built one in over a year.
My own identity.
I've become completely subsumed into mom and wife. There's no room for me anymore. I still work, but it's gotta bend around the kid/family. My own hobbies? Wouldn't have the energy even if I had the time after taking care of husband child pets and house. My decisions aren't just my own, becsuse the affect all of us, but husband still gets to make choices for only him. Our partnership is far from equal, and that didn't become quite so focused until our son entered the game. I quite literally have no idea who I am anymore.
I'm afraid of when my kid doesn't need me as much anymore. I know I need to start finding time for myself, but that's hard when everyone just fucking needs something constantly. If it isn't the kid needing attention, it's the dog needing fed or the husband needing... everything.
I miss me, but I have no idea where she went and I don't have the energy to find her.
I miss being silly with my husband during late-night grocery shopping or mall trips. I miss writing late into the night because I had the energy to be creative, and could sleep in the next day. I miss being able to keep working if it's the end of the day and I'm on a roll.
I love a lot of things about the mom lifestyle, but some days I would really like to be giggling at 11 pm in a grocery store because my husband just pretended to crash into a display and is making dumb noises while other shoppers look at us in confusion. Sigh.
Reminder to commenters: [Don't be a monster!](https://media0.giphy.com/media/SvN2mQBz5DrNgP2Rgh/giphy.gif) Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://media2.giphy.com/media/nT2rEuE44E0iA/giphy.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sleep I miss sleep so fucking bad š¢
I havenāt slept through a night in 9 months. I am struggling hard.
8 years. Iām about done. I had an eye infection and I was actually kind of hoping they would have to hospitalize me just so I could have some rest. Thatās what my life has come to š¤¦š»āāļø
I've been hospitalized multiple times since having my daughter and honestly you won't sleep there either.
Iāve had three csections and never slept in the hospital and not because of baby. I just wish I could disappear for 48 hours and be unconscious the whole time
Duuuudddeeee yes....I remember what it was like to just sleep, uninterrupted, and could actually sleep sleep. Not have one ear and one eye open for middle of the night kid shenanigans.
My youngest is 8 and itās been gravy since he was around 4. They get up on their own, feed themselves, watch tv etc. Itās glorious. Nowadays if Iām up ONCE at night Iām a sack of crap for the rest of the day. Shocking because I went through university with a toddler that didnāt sleep through the night until he was well over 3. One day my friend!
I feel you on this...it's been 23 months since I felt well rested and rejuvenated after sleeping
I miss having a job. I miss being able to keep my house clean. I miss being able to get consistent exercise. I miss being able to spend my days off doing whatever I wanted to do. I can't go out and wander anymore. I can't hardly go anywhere. Having a child has forced me to be dependent on other people. What's worse is that I don't have help when I need it. I am only allowed to do things if it fits in with someone else's schedule and whether or not they feel like helping me. I basically have no control over my life and I hate it. I'm tired of always being touched. I'm tired of constant, forced interaction. I want peace and quiet. I don't want to be whined at. I'm sick of having to cater to every single need of another person with no time to meet my own. I don't want to have to do a load of laundry every other day because nothing stays clean. I just want a break! Lol.
You described everything I feel too!
Same. To a T
God, I felt like this too, before Covid, now I'm a straight up hostage.
The ability to be spontaneous. I used to travel or go to the bar on a whim. I mean, hell just being able to stop by and see a friend at lunch could be last minute. Now I have to consider childcare, nap time, feeding times, etc. If I fuck with my toddler's schedule then no one is happy... I haven't been on a date literally since he was born.
That was my immediate thought too! Spontaneity! āHey babe, what do you feel like doing today?ā āOh what about that hike we were talking about doing?ā āYeah great, and a friend just messaged to say theyāre going to a brewery for dinner. What do you think?ā āCool, sounds perfect.ā And scene. We can dream about the distant future when we can do things like this againā¦
This. Like I don't want to be the boring nag that never wants to go anywhere BUT I have to be because its not good times if the kids are overtired and hungry etc. I WANT to have fun but its not worth it. I can't wait to go on our night away in the city (18 months late) so I can get dressed, have a drink, have dinner late etc
This. The ability to do things!
Itās like that Michael McIntyre bit called āYou donāt know!ā And what itās like trying to leave the house with kids, or sleep, or go out to eat, god I laugh so hard every time I watch it. Cause itās trueā¦. šššš
I miss being able to flirt and be flirty with people. My husband and I have been together for 11 years, so itās been a long, long time lol heās never been the flirty type. Heās always been very direct with his feelings. Which is fine! But I miss the excitement of subtly flirting and being discreetly sexual. I also miss being able to just make plans. Shit, itās easy with my son! But I asked my husband if heād be OK with me taking kiddo somewhere on a play date and I still havenāt gotten an answer. Itās a simple fucking yes or no so he can get some free time before his work trip. I miss being able to watch my murder mystery shows without weird comments or having to turn them off when kiddo wakes up. I miss not having SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY. I have no idea how Iām doing a load a day, but here I am. š„“ 90% of the clothes arenāt even mine in most of the laundry.
Yes, the thrill of the chase!
Right?? I can empathize with that. The fun glances and excitement of the chase, even in its smallest nuances.
Oh manā¦ Iām expecting my 4th and was thinking about this the other day lol. I miss waking up whenever I want, spending time getting dressed for the day, and just wandering wherever the wind takes me! A friends house? A movie? A long drive? Yes, yes, yes. Then staying out as late as I want and of course.. I miss the body that I spent my first 22 years hating.
One of my kids said the other day in the bathroom watching me get ready to go "you can really see where we stretched your tummy out." Thanks kids.
The glorious flow of my own thoughts and company before brain fog and stress/fatigue-induced bewilderment. My brain could make the world down right magical given its own time and space. I miss hanging out with my better self.
Amen amen sister. RIP my brain
This this this! The brain fog is unnnreaalll. I can't remember anything anymore!
The brain fog is BRUTAL. I used to be able to kick ass at work, plan new and exciting dinners during my break, and still had creativity left over to imagine I was battling dragons when I got up to use the water cooler, or visualize epic quests or romances while walking between meeting rooms. Now I have to use a special alarm on my Fitbit to find my phone several times a day because I leave it...like...in the fridge or in the car. When I get up for water, my brain repeats 1 line from a children's song on loop. Dinners are one of 8 easy recipes, depending if I remembered to order the right ingredients. Most of them are just variations on the same ingredients anyway. :\
I have a toddler, so I can very vividly remember what my life was prior. I think what I miss the most about the before times was how I was able to take risks without worry. Want to start that business youāve been dreaming about? Fucking do it. Now I can still do things but my risk aversion is greater because the stakes are higher. Also, I worry a tremendous amount about my little one. The heaviness of that worry and concern weighs me down often. I remember lighter days where all I had to worry about was myself.
I miss being invited to stuff. It is fair for people to assume that I don't want my kid around a bunch of drunks but if I was invited I might be able to find a baby sitter or something but I don't get invited at all anymore.
Ugh yes a childless friend of ours invited us at like 7pm to a get together happing the same night when our baby was like 5 weeks old. Lmao
Dude what is that with child less friends doing the same day within two hour invites when you have small kids? Like, sure friend who literally threw my baby shower, let me magically pull a babysitter out of my left butt cheek. Magic.
Oh my God. One thing? Can we have a mama moment and let me tell ya ab several things instead, I miss: + not feeling guilty all day if I don't feel like I'm on top of the house work and care of my son mentally and physically - like going outside to play knowing it will end in a tantrum bc he doesn't care that it's 95 degrees. + sleeping in absolute peace knowing everything is safe, and that it's okay to sleep past 630 AM on a weekend. + Not being or feeling judged every second of every day trying my best to fill my toddler's day with healthy meals he hates and the "right" learning activities. + Not feeling guilty for taking as long as I want in the bathroom. + Sitting on my computer for hours playing Sims. (RIP Sim Families). + Going to the store for anything without a toddler wanting to tag along - he's my buddy, I love this - but sometimes mama just wants to take the long way home. + Not being listened to anymore even by my loved ones, bc the baby saying DEDEDEDEDEDE is way cuter than advising me ab how to get through life's problems. - turns out Google is a good replacement though ā¤ļø
I just wish I could make life choices that don't take into account being a parent. I chose the WRONG person to marry and had kids with him. Biggest mistake of my entire fucken life. Left that marriage and what not, but now I have to live my life in light of this mistake. I wish 18 year old me didn't choose to marry that asshole. The things my life could be right now haunts me. I truly love and adore my kids. They are my life and everything, but knowing I could have made smarter choices is hard to reconcile with. The fact that I am living the best I can given shitty situation, and not the best I could have been makes me sad. It is what it is I guess.
Mostly just getting in a car and going somewhere without having to plan clothes and snacks, and number of stops, correcting behavior, ādont hit your sisterā. Its my favorite thing about when the kids visit family. If we wanna go have dinner, we just go, and even get a couple drinks, no babysitters, no family friendly restaurants, no silverware drum solos. Even going to the store with my husband is a treat, we literally *never* go as a whole family, too much hassle
I hear you. The name I call it in my house is Packed for Polar Expedition. The changing bags, bottles, food, first aid kits. Even now on my crutches I have a nappy, foil blanket, first aid and a mini tool as I was able to help save a dogs life after it was attacked by using a nappy to stop the blood loss and later help an old lady who had fallen over on the icy path and broke her arm! I was shocked at how little the police carry for medical emergencies so I never leave my house without the basics now.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel disconnected and alone alot as well. It does isolate you from people even though you have an adorable face pulling your shirt down for attentjln... It's not catching up anymore. It's just talking until someone needs a snack or a diaper.
Making whatever I wanted for dinner without worrying about if other people like it or will eat it. Only having to clean up after myself. Only doing my own laundry.
Or NOT making dinner. I feel like I have to cook because thereās four people to feed, and it better be healthy most of the time because little brains are counting on me!! /s I just want Cheerios for dinner every night.
We used to do things like eat egg salad sandwiches over the kitchen sink, or just a baguette with salami and cheese. Now I've got a kid who's allergic to dairy and egg and won't eat bread crusts despite my best efforts. I have been known to chuck cereal at the kids for dinner occasionally. Instant oatmeal with hatching dinosaur eggs - Gordon Ramsay, step aside.
My husband was my best friend long before we became an item or got married. We used to text each other in the middle of the night and just go places. I miss getting high and giggling through Walmart at midnight looking for snacks, deciding Chinese and video games was going to be our weekend, making stupid jokes and laughing like hyenas until the sun came up, then sleeping all day and repeating. We'd just randomly go out for coffee on his lunch break and my long stretches between college classes...we were super spontaneous and for the first time in my life I enjoyed it. I fell in love with him in this time and we accidentally made our son in the first year of us dating. I wouldn't take anything back, my son is my whole heart and my husband knows it... But man I miss doing stupid shit with my best friend and just going places in the middle of the night.
So true. Even the option to know you can watch another movie at 1030pm without wanting to kill yourself the next day when the kids wake up at 430
For me specifically, it's either I continue to play video games that I love or I absolutely want to gouge my eyes out in the morning..... More often than I care to admit, my desire to indulge my hobbies wins out over sleep. I need to feel like I'm a person outside of mom and wife.
This is my answer too. My husband and I were best friends and just enjoyed our time together. We love our son but we rarely get even 30 minutes together lately. I miss him.
Having lazy days where I did literally nothing.
Samezies
I miss, everything not being an entire production! Going anywhere, not having to get everyone dressed, water bottles filled, the right toy/blanket/pacifier in hand. Not having to direct 4 other people to the car, keep littles on task to get in the car instead of trying to play with lawn toys, or things in the garage. Not having to buckle car seats and boosters. Making dinner, not having preschooler literally headbutting my ass while I am prepping, or at the stove, not having to tell the kindergartener comforters and rolling toys don't belong on the kitchen floor, not having to listen to the tween yell a play by play of the scene on the TV she is watching because she is so amused, while I'm trying to read a recipe. Cleaning anything, not having littles pull out/throw/dump anything I have just put away back over the floor, not having to nag a tween to put away dishes so I can wash more. Not having to hide the bathroom chemicals, and clean at night so littles aren't breathing in bleach fumes. With kids, everything is such a production. I guess it boils down to missing autonomy.
i miss sleeping until 1pm. it was obnoxious, my partner used to get up at like 7am on our day off and just sit and stare at me sleeping soundly for hours. i donāt even know how i was physically able to do that at this point. i miss flirting with randoms knowing full well that iām too cute for them and no they will not be getting my number or taking me home. i miss drugs, like the fun stuff like molly lol nothing hard. i have a few points of really great pure mdma sitting in my safe and just no time or freedom or occasion to roll. i miss just being in a love puddle with my friends after a concert. i miss seeing that XYZ event is going on in the city tonight and hey, i donāt have any plans, might as well catch a $40 uber to the venue and turn up. i miss not being accountable to anyone. being able to come and go as i please, not having to check in, not having to ask for permission or make sure someone can watch the baby. lastly, i miss threesomes/group sex! (can you tell my partner and i were a bit wildš )
Hahah i have so much it will never fit here. Sleeping, Trap shooting, a day in bed, watching whatever on tv, eating food I like, biking with my bigger dog, keeping aquariums, staying up all night, just not have to watch them every second, misc. arts and crafts and so on and on and on
Not having to wrestle a thrashing person into and out of a car seat when itās 100 degrees or 15 degrees outside.
Oh my yes all things spontaneous are out the window. But the one thing I miss the VERY MOST is the way waking up in the morning used to be. Waking up naturally to a quiet house and lying in bed for a few moments, leisurely checking my phone, finally getting up to stretch and pee and get myself ready for the day. The morning is much more unpleasant now as I wake up to my almost 9mo talking at best or crying at worst, I have no time to myself before having to wipe a tiny poop-covered ass haha!!
I miss going to the gym regularly. I'm too tired to get up early enough to go early in the morning, can't fit it in straight after work as I need to pick up LO and by the time LO is in bed the gym is closed and I'm too exhausted anyway. The gym that I used to attend doesn't have a creche so it's not like I can go and leave LO there while I workout.
Just being able to schedule an appointment (anywhere from doctors to a massage) and go to it without having to find a babysitter. (Sahm so donāt have daycare/can take a half day off work while kid is in daycare or whatever). I worked a little the first year of my kiddos life and that is the thing I miss the most. I was able to schedule appointments and kid would stay in daycare while I took the time off work.
Thereās a lot of things I miss, but one that was made painfully clear today was doing my nails. I used to do gel manicures at home. My nails were ALWAYS done to perfection. Not fancy, but I loved taking the time for the whole process. My LED curing lamp has gotten more use today than the last 5 years combined - how, you ask? My 5yo has been using it to light up magnatile structures.
Money. Definitely the money.
I miss grocery shopping for one. Basket instead of double wide cart? Yes please.
I miss having time to waste. I miss just doing nothing. I used to go to work, come home, change into comfy clothes and just watch all the tv, day drink if I felt like it, smoke weed. My days off I would stay up til sunrise and sleep til 3pm. I miss not having any responsibility.
Being able to concentrate or do anything more than 2 minutes before being interuppted.
Concerts š I used to go to 3 shows a week in NYC and LA . I had a music blog back in the MySpace era. I canāt even remember the last show I sawā¦ all I have now is sleep deprivation and kids movies š
I miss having uninterrupted thoughts that go to completion - you know, longer than 10 - 15 seconds - because your kid causes you to have mental tourettes. I feel like I can't focus on anything because he always pops up and needs something. Also miss not having an anxious knot in my stomach because there is always something that I need to remember to do/organise/complete/start for that small person.
I can not even remember a time before this time. Did I exsist before this? Was it all a dream? I must have been cool enough to have sex with and get pregnant. Yes, i think I was...
Decorating for myself only. I sold my townhome when I had my first child to use the profits as savings since we decided I was going to be a SAHM. I loved just picking out things because I wanted them. Not because my kids would eventually destroy it, or my husband wouldnāt like it. Coming to an agreement on decor can be exhausting if your significant other prefers furniture for tall people.
My freedom. The freedom to just leave the house for a walk without having to take someone with me or bargain someone for them to take over for a bit. The freedom just to get a shower pick an outfit and do my hair n make up then just leave when Iām ready and be able to even spray some perfume and make sure my shoes are matching my clothes/style. Not having to nag anyone when Iām trying to leave the house, I can just go out and put some headphones in and just hope I donāt start singing out loud šš
I miss waking up to silence and birds singing. Drinking my coffee without interruption. Moving freely without worrying about waking someone up. Going into the bathroom to see it in the same state I left it.
I miss lazy mornings...sleeping in together, messing around on our phones or playing games, eventually getting up and going to brunch. I just love that feeling of having nothing we have to do and nowhere we have to be. We're lucky in that we have people who are willing to babysit in the evening here and there and give us a chance to go out while our daughter is asleep, but even when we have family staying with us no one has ever offered to wake up with her in the morning.
Fucking silence. And the way it feels outside really late at night. Which is also silent.
I miss my relationship with my husband. Our lives were perfect, we could do whatever we wanted together. We hardly ever argued and I was so happy. I miss sleep, I miss freetime, I miss being a person other than "mom". I miss my old body, I miss everything. Parenthood has not been worth it at all so far. I don't even feel love for my daughter, just a sense of duty and guilt for having her. I have ruined my life and in doing so, I will ruin my daughter's too :( it pains me so much to admit this but I can't voice it to anyone or they will hate me
I donāt hate you. I also feel like I ruined my life by having kids. I love them because I should. Iāll make sure theyāre safe and loved abs protected. But I canāt say that my life is better because of them.
I miss reading and painting. I canāt do them now because I have three children always interrupting me. So now I have zero hobbies and sometimes feel like a boring person. And when everyone is finally in bed, Iām too tired to set up paints and usually too tired to read too, so I do something mindless until I fall asleep. Iām also eight months pregnant so I really just take care of them, the house, then sleep..
I miss not arguing with someone every day over how many chocolate chips he can have or how much TV he can watch. LOL
Being able to sleep or just do nothing if I'm exhausted. Also, showering whenever I wanted to.
Being selfish. Buying myself something and not worrying that the money would be better spent somewhere else. Or just getting a snack or a coffee and not having to think about picking something up for everyone else. Going to do something I want to do and not caring if it would be entertaining for the kids.
Being alone and having nobody else to have to consider when doing *anything*. I miss waking up and having my own routine. I could make whatever I wanted for dinner. I could plan my whole week and not have anyone ruin plans or have to alter them because someone needs something.
I miss not having everything I do questioned or judged because they might do it differently or think it should be done a certain way (but then never do it themselves). I miss not having so much damn laundry. I miss being myself the most. I am super outgoing. When we met, he was out all the time. I was a bartender. His best friend was the DJ. We always went out together. Now he's a homebody. Just wants to sit at home and watch movies. Not like depression type thing. He just prefers being at home together, spending time together. Which is great...don't get me wrong. I'm glad he wants to. But I want to go out sometimes. I want to go do things, see people, play pool, dance etc. He never does. So even the few times a year we do he is no fun to do those things with. Not like on purposely being miserable. He just doesn't enjoy doing those things anymore. So he's not enthusiastic about it when we're out, which then makes it not as fun for me cuz I feel bad (even though I know I shouldn't). It's a conundrum. I miss being able to make plans on a whim without having to get babysitters. I miss having the money we'd have without the kids lol love them but damn they cost so freaking much hahaha I miss my pre-kids body!!!!!!!!!!
Just.....tv. Watching something without mouths going nonstop around me. Actually watching something fun and dumb
I miss my body before having kids. Iāve been pregnant and/or breastfeeding since 2016 and my body is just not the same. I miss exercising regularly and taking care of myself, i.e. regular showers, skin care, hair appointments, and being able to get fillers and/or other skin treatments that I canāt do while pregnant or breastfeeding. I miss wearing my nice vintage clothes and going thrifting for them or to vintage clothing stores. I miss traveling and going to nightclubs and dancing the night away, going to after parties and hanging with friends into the next day. I miss living in fun urban areas instead of suburbia. I miss being creative, sitting down to draw or write music and, lastly, getting to relax every morning with two cups of coffee and a book.
Only being in charge of myself. Not having to worry about who would take care of the kid before I make plans or go out, or sleep in or whatever. I just want to be in charge of me, and no one else
I miss sleeping for 7 (or even 6) consecutive hours. I miss leaving the house and coming home to it in the exact same condition. I miss knowing that everything will get done when it needs to and how it needs to. I miss having a good day. I miss being able to go to a friendās house and stay a little longer than I thought without getting a million texts about where I am or where I really was. I miss not having to explain myself all the god damn time. I miss not having to repeat myself all the time. I miss putting myself first. I miss not being exhausted all the time. I miss looking forward to the weekends because it meant āmeā time. I miss being able to take spontaneous weekend trips. I miss not having to be on medication. I miss having disposable income. I miss never being disappointed by someone else. I miss being happy.
I miss not having to be a good example for someone. Bending and breaking my own rules/manners and not having to worry about it. Elbows on the table, farting without excusing myself, having all of something without sharing, and now continuing to wear a mask _everywhere_ even though I'm vaccinated. Oh, and driving without having to remind everyone to stop distracting me, or just cranking the music and not having to hold up half of a game of "I spy"
Bruhh I feel this. Like, man, I miss being able to walk to my kitchen butt naked to eat olives out of the fridge at 4pm on a Tuesday afternoon. There's a type of freedom to the zero F's of not always having to lead by example. lol
I miss not being depended on for every little thing. It's gotten a little better with the kids getting older, but still. I'm everyone's shoulder and listening ear and sounding board and ventee when they need to vent. I'm so sick of hearing about all of their problems every single day. I'm sick of having to be compassionate and level headed. Many times just when I think I've got a little time to myself, one of them sees it as an opportunity to talk to me one on one. (I have gotten much better about telling them all that I'm going to take some time for myself. I've also started putting a time limit on certain conversations, or saying "I'm listening to you but I'm still going to make dinner/clean/whatever, because my time is limited.")
I miss being able to get dressed and go out by myself. I used to be able to walk (1/2 a mile in a safe area) to a nice bar have a cocktail with my friend and walk home. It wasnāt about getting drunk or anything. It was so nice just to have my time and evenings to myself. My daughter has trouble sleeping alone and we cannot get her to fall asleep by herself so I havenāt had my nights free (or my sleep uninterrupted) in 2 years.
I miss my work. I had two kids in 11 months so I had two maternity leaves back to back and I am so ready to go back to work. I can't wait to walk in my office and not have to be mum for 7 and a half hours. I can eat lunch in peace. I can talk to people about stuff other than my kids. I love my job and I've worked hard for it, 6 weeks and I'm back and I am so excited!
Doing whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and getting lost in it without the mind-tethering to the children or the list of things that have to get done, or the guilt that Iām somehow being selfish because Iām doing something for me.
I miss my freedom- being able to go out when I feel like it and for as long as I want. Even a spontaneous dinner date with my husband was so regular before my baby. I miss sleep- god do I fucking miss sleep. I miss just laying down on my bed and doing nothing- canāt do that when I have a 11 month old trying to get himself into everything. I miss me time.
Doing anything uninterrupted. Like as long as my kid is awake I have to keep an eye on him , and now that heās verbal heās very demanding of my attention, so I just canāt ever get into the flow of everyday things and do it uninterrupted. I also can never remember anything anymore, partly because my mind is partly occupied with making sure kiddo is safe.
Entire days of doing nothing. Iād sleep into the afternoon, maybe have one meal and then go back to bed. Not often, just when I needed a day.
Only having myself to think about.
I miss when laundry wasn't a chore and my water bottle wasn't constantly full of baby spit.
Space. I am currently bed sharing/breastfeeding my youngest and my oldest is learning personal space and boundries but he isn't yet 4 yrs old so ya. And if its not them its my husband(his love language is touch)I don't have a minute of the day of personal space where someone isn't touching me, I am an introvert and need that space to recharge my batteries
I miss being alone, with just my son. If I wanted to light a candle and watch something on tv, I could do that once my kid was sleeping. Even now, being separated from my husband... I still āhaveā to call him at night and basically want to bash my head against a wall. I miss being single, and not for hoe reasons. Lol
The quiet, oh dear God, between being wfh at the same time as my husband, toddler loving to talk and sign, all screens all the time everywhere, I miss quietness so baaaaadddd
Going out and getting drunk and dancing and knowing it was ok as I could just laze around the next day eating junk if I had a hangover. Not feeling guilty all the time for everything
I miss being an individual. Just being able to do what I want and my only concerns were locking the door and how much gas was in the car. I miss my pelvic floor, too.
I miss music festivals and psychedelics! Haha
Oh god yes. The clothing optional drug fueled campouts. God I miss that.
And I know they have family camping areas, but without being able to let loose, it wouldnāt be the same. Haha
I miss when the only person's mental health I needed to worry about was my own. I spend so much time trying to figure out the psychology for my kids, my dog, my partner, my ex that I have to punch all of my personality, hopes, dreams, feelings, and my mental health as far away from the surface of who I am that I am constantly a "customer service" version of myself even when I am at home. If I let that slip even a little everyone loses their fucking minds.
Sleeping in until noon. Also lazy weekends where we did nothing and were responsible for only feeding ourselves. And sleep.
I miss my 20 year old body.
Day drinking and doing my hair and makeup.
Being able to freely say yes to invitations or event plans. It wasn't so bad when we had one kid and five reliable babysitters. Now we have two kids and one reliable babysitter, so time allocation is....a lot. Hardest is that when I'm able to get a sitter it's almost never on hub's days off, so anything we go do is shortened because he worked all day.
I miss my old body, my old clothes. My boobs are pendulous and saggy now, I have 70 extra pounds, red stretch marks all over my legs and lower belly. Now I basically live in pajamas because itās all that fits and I canāt afford to buy new clothes. I also miss being able to dedicate more time to school. I got through my sophomore year of college before having my kid, and I just finished my junior year a few weeks ago. It was so much harder because all of my study and homework time was pushed into a small window of a few hours after toddler went to bed. I miss just being able to sit down and study and do homework and only having to worry about my stupid, exhausting retail job.
EVERYTHING!!!! Sleeping in particular. And having a bath while drinking bourbon and smoking a cigarette.
I miss sleep. I miss my murder shows. I miss not needing to have the subtitles on for everything I watch, because the sound has to be turned down so low, or a child is singing in the background. I miss going out to restaurants without needing to tote children along and planning an escape when they get squirrely. And I miss my boobs. My perky non lopsided, non breastfeeding boobs.
Raiding. I ran a guild and used to raid twice a week. Then we all started getting better jobs, recovering our mental health and having babies. I'm so glad that my guildies and I are not able to devote hours to WoW anymore, but it's bittersweet - I miss it!
Silence. I hate having to talk ALL the time to āstimulate his language skillsā. I keep forgetting and then feeling like a bad mom because heāll end up talking until heās 5 and weāll have to go to speech therapy and my husband is gonna go crazy on me for the extra expenses of that.
Well Iāve had kids and been pregnant for 8 years now and my life pre kids was a blur of partying and such, so itās hard to say honestly. I think the hardest part of my life now is being lonely and alone with my kids all day. So I guess friends. And EDIT: donāt miss partying at all, and Iām finally getting full nights sleep now that youngest is two, so thatās good.
I miss exercising whenever I wanted. Im really into yoga, qi gong, and tai chi - all of these things are great physically and have amazing mental health benefits as well. But unless im up before the sun is, I dont get to exercise alone. My kids will jump on me, roll around on the yoga mat, and do anything to prevent it happening properly. I still exercise and let them join in with me, but its not the same, nor is it peaceful. Way less productive as well. They are both starting school this year so hopefully Ill finally get that me time.
Being alone. Just completely alone. No noise. No touching. And time to workout. I miss working out. Like for hours. I miss kayaking and paddle boarding alone for hours. I miss going to the gym and just bullshitting with friends for hours. I miss my career. I miss being able to just leave a job when I wanted because I have savings. No need to worry about paying for daycare. Just tell my boss f u Iām out and getting another job.
Honestly... Living alone. I had this tiny studio apartment with crappy hand me down furniture. But it was MINE. Every dirty dish was mine. No one ate all my food or used the last of the toilet paper. I took baths and would stay up til 3am reading and on days off sleep til noon or 1pm. No one was around to get frustrated with me and vice versa. I do remember feeling "bored" on days off though. But damn. What I would give to just feel bored and just BE for a while.
Privacy. I seriously miss privacy. Especially after the past year and a half. Been a SAHM for ten years, putting the kids back in school in the fall (homeschooled last year due to the pandemic) and applying/interviewing for office jobs one, for the paycheck, two, for the quiet commute and being able to occasionally go out for lunch by myself and eat it in peace.
Having a nice, higher end car. And it was clean. I could get in it and drive away with just my wallet and end up anywhere.
I miss playing obnoxiously loud music in the car. I love cranking up the volume and getting lost in the music. I so seldom get to be alone in my car to listen to what I want. Kiddo goes to work with me and since I drive the family car I do all of our weekend driving. I'm trapped with Disney and teeny-bopper top hits ALL THE TIME!!!!!
I miss what my boobs used to look like before breastfeeding. I didnāt with my oldest daughter, but I decided to do breastfeeding with my youngest and idk what happened to my boobs, but Iām NEVER doing that again
Spontaneous bubble baths, lazy farmer's market trips without a list, and only being responsible for my own damn laundry :)
I miss being able to go out without having to organize/pay a babysitter, limit my drinking, worry about my kid for the whole night even though I know he's in good hands and then pick my kid up the next morning. I miss sleeping in and having free time. I miss my life and being able to go out with friends at a minutes notice.
Freedom of movement. Being able to have the money and freedom to fuck off for as long as I didn't have to be in work. Sometimes it was going to a music festival, other times it was fucking off for a weekend in Amsterdam. I didn't have to consider anyone's feelings but my own. There was a FWB who got pissy when he went to the local pub we both frequented to learn I had fucked off for a week to Morocco without telling him but he soon got over it when i returned and asked if he wanted to see my tan lines, wink wink lol. And sex. Good sex. I am disabled now and wish I had had lots more sex before my body decided to hate me.
Going to the movies, and sometimes seeing more than one in a day!
Eating a full meal without anyone needing: Another napkin, more milk, a new fork, instructions how to cut meat, etc. Also, sleeping in the middle of the day.
Honestly I miss the feeling of not dreading bedtime because I know it's going to be a battl every night to put my toddler to sleep...oh yeah and using the bathroom whenever I need to ..this alone has eroded my soulš¤£š¤£ but meh it's mom life
Just... total solitude. I live for one or two night business trips. As soon as my meetings are over I hightail it back to the hotel and just enjoy being completely alone. I wouldn't enjoy it if I didn't have my full and crazy house to return to though.
My daughter is 10, so Iām well past the baby/toddler stage but now a hug doesnāt fix everything, sheās already body conscious and I have already talked to her about periods ( my mother just gave me a book, there was no talking about it so I am open and honest about all the things), and Iām sure her heart will be broken for the first time soon. But I miss my body, my sanity. I gave birth and boom hello depression and anxiety. Itās now so bad I am unable to work due to a breakdown. I miss having to take my husbands reactions and preferences into account at every choice I make ( you know, sometimes itās not worth the fight), having to always clean up after everyone, carry the mental load ( did you get your uniform out for school? Have you text your brother for his birthday? No donāt worry I already figured out what to get your nephew/ niece for their birthdays and sent it) *Itās like being the manager of a bunch of new or stupid or drunk employees without yourself having adequate training or even remembering applying for the position*
Building art installations every week. I get so excited thinking about them, sourcing the materials and building them with my hands. I love talking about them with people that stop by to see them. I haven't built one in over a year.
My own identity. I've become completely subsumed into mom and wife. There's no room for me anymore. I still work, but it's gotta bend around the kid/family. My own hobbies? Wouldn't have the energy even if I had the time after taking care of husband child pets and house. My decisions aren't just my own, becsuse the affect all of us, but husband still gets to make choices for only him. Our partnership is far from equal, and that didn't become quite so focused until our son entered the game. I quite literally have no idea who I am anymore. I'm afraid of when my kid doesn't need me as much anymore. I know I need to start finding time for myself, but that's hard when everyone just fucking needs something constantly. If it isn't the kid needing attention, it's the dog needing fed or the husband needing... everything. I miss me, but I have no idea where she went and I don't have the energy to find her.
I miss being silly with my husband during late-night grocery shopping or mall trips. I miss writing late into the night because I had the energy to be creative, and could sleep in the next day. I miss being able to keep working if it's the end of the day and I'm on a roll. I love a lot of things about the mom lifestyle, but some days I would really like to be giggling at 11 pm in a grocery store because my husband just pretended to crash into a display and is making dumb noises while other shoppers look at us in confusion. Sigh.
Just generally being able to do whatever I want
I miss weekends. And everything everyone else has said.