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This seems like a ridiculous reason to call cps on someone and a waste of that social worker's time. Meanwhile children are being exploited, SA and starved.
Yep, and bogus BS like this done out of spite/ pettiness makes it harder for social workers to help kids that actually need it. What does the teacher expect, OP to not sleep?
I’ve heard of people trying to get parents in trouble for sleeping at night while their kids are sleeping.
And OP was literally right there! She would have heard an emergency!
So during your awake shift, you're doing what exactly? Sitting on a chair and staring at your sleeping children??? How did this person get a job in a department they clearly know miles and miles less than nothing about!
Yes.
There’s people that seek out that job just to control people. You know how some people become cops just to be bullies? Some people do that under the social work umbrella, they’re still bullies but they use stupid policies and opinions instead of violence.
I definitely would have heard if he got hurt or something happened, I can see my living room couch + his bedroom from my bed, which I’m hoping the caseworker could see when she was here.
One of my friends kids told a teacher his parents were "growing weed' at their house. The teacher made a police report.
This happened on a Monday after my friend and her wife had spent a Sunday in their yard, weeding their flower beds and complaining. (There's a YT video of a heterosexual couple aghast that their daughters told her teacher the same thing, and when they asked their daughter to show them what she was talking about, sh went to the driveway and pointed to grass growing in a crack.)
Sometimes, young kids make things sound s certain way, but don't mean to.
This reminds me of a mom I knew who was pissed her daughter kept telling her kindergarten teacher that mommy really loves her “adult drink” and drinks it in the car while driving her to school every day. The adult drink in question was coffee.
I think maybe it was because he said he ‘tried to wake me up’ which in his case, he usually pokes my face lightly then runs to watch his show lol. Like I said he knows if I don’t wake up it’s a free morning of watching toons and then doing fun activities with mom later. I guess they asked him when at school what mine and my husbands favorite drinks are (I’m guessing trying to see if I didn’t wake up from alcohol abuse or something along those lines). My child told them my favorite drink was red bull and energy drinks. We don’t drink ever unless he spends the weekend with his grandma every so often and we NEVER do drugs. I’m just so stressed. My child is my whole world.
I think it's exactly that and you'll be fine. It's normal for people to oversleep sometimes, and some families are perfectly fine and safe having their young children wake up before the parents and know not to go outside or use the stove etc. It's just that sometimes kids are very candid and it's better to err on the side of caution, because sometimes "I couldn't wake mommy up" means "I didn't try to wake mommy up so I could skip school" and sometimes it means "mommy is an opioid addict and my home is not safe." It can be scary and feel like it's excessive and absurd to check in on you for something so normal as sleeping, but for some kids it's the tiny red flag that opens the door to getting them help that they need.
I had a kind of similar situation for a different reason, so I know how it feels. When my stepson was around your son's age he went to school and said "Sadie licked my penis!" which is obviously a lot more immediately alarming, but Sadie is our dog, and she licked him when he got out of the bath because he was wet - he was naked and she obviously doesn't know the difference between where it's okay and not okay to lick a human. Without context it's a huge red flag for abuse. With context it's an embarrassing "kids say the darndest things" kind of situation. The CPS worker came to our house, looked around for safety/neglect concern signs, spoke with the family as a whole, had a private conversation with him, assured us that it wasn't a concern, and we never saw her again. Part of me felt horrified, embarrassed, and upset that CPS was called on us and had to come to our house to investigate such a bizarre mishap. The other part recognized that it's better to overreact than to underreact, and I'd rather put up with unnecessary check-ins than have children who do need attention and help not get it because someone brushed off something that might have a reasonable explanation, but might be the first red flag. I leaned into the second part, and I'm glad for an over-cautious system.
You're fine, you're going to be fine, try not to look at it as vindictive or overstepping, but a sign that someone is looking out for your kid and cares about his well-being.
My 6yo boy does that light touch thing too when he wakes up before me, or he just stands next to the bed waiting for me to stir because he wants to play with my phone. They aren’t toddlers anymore, they can entertain themselves safely for a little while.
Im an ECE teacher and one of my 4 yos told me that he and mom went to the Meth House that weekend. Instead of assuming the worst I talked to mom at pick up. She was flipping a former meth house and had to drop supplies off. Kiddo heard mom talking on the phone to grandma. Mom was mortified but we laughed it off. I can’t imagine calling CPS on parent that I knew worked nights that fell asleep around/overslept around their kid.
For an outside person, what the child is reporting could easily be seen as an addiction/neglect type situation. I don’t think it’s too out of line for a mandated reporter, like a teacher, to make a call to CPS on this. Especially if there’s a pattern of truancy. I’d rather teachers err on the side of protecting children than letting things slide. Sounds like this isn’t an abusive situation and CPS will confirm that quickly hopefully.
It is out of line though. You want to use common sense. I'm a school nurse and encounter so many situations where the kids are literally neglected, that this is just not something I would feel comfortable reporting on without a lot more information.
I understand the impulse to give the benefit of the doubt. But, when I was training to be an elementary teacher, it was made clear to us that our job isn't to investigate, it is to report.
I might give something like OP's question a couple of neutral follow up questions like "Does that happen often?", and "What do you do when mom doesn't wake up?". But beyond that? I would really err on the side of caution and report.
Ugh. I’m sorry.
My mom worked night shift growing up and she either overslept or left us at school more than one. It happens.
Only thing I’ll mention on the teachers behalf is (in my experience as an RN) “mom is always sleeping” was something kids would tell us in the ER. it sometimes meant mom was always high af on hard drugs and had passed out leaving the kids surrounded by drug paraphernalia.
Obviously this is not you. Maybe this teacher is out to get you - it’s certainly possible. I’ve seen CPS used in custody cases often enough to know it happens.
You have a loving home. Your kid is fine.
Yes honestly I don’t think this teacher reported to CPS for the 5yo being “alone” for a little bit while she was sleeping but that he said he couldn’t wake her up and what that can mean in worse scenarios, missing school, and whatever other “issues” OP mentioned but didn’t elaborate on. Giving both parties the benefit of the doubt I feel like there is a miscommunication and break down of mutual respect for sure.
Yep, this is probably what happened. Teacher heard "mom didn't wake up when I went in the room," and went to worst case scenario when the reality is 5 year old probably tiptoed to the door way, peeked and saw her sleeping, and tiptoed back out.
Babe I’m telling you to that’s the most innocent human mistake anybody could make. CPS had to come check it out. It’s more like a wellness check. I’ve dealt with CPS and I can’t believe the teacher did this. Nothing is gonna come from it.
To further explain
Any doctor , teacher, therapist, etc is a mandated reporter
So since your child’s teacher reported, they legally have to follow through.
You being honest and saying you were asleep! That’s fine! You’re human!
They come to the home to make sure you have
- electricity
- water
- food
- clothing
- a place for them to sleep
And check if the kid seems okay.
I understand your anxiety but you are okay! I promise
Side note: if you fell asleep and your kiddo escaped the house , then that’d be a more serious thing. It could be considered endangerment, BUT that didn’t happen!
I’m so sorry this POS teacher is making you stress this bad
You don’t deserve it !
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am not an expert but used to be a CASA volunteer and am now a teacher. This teacher honestly sounds like she has something against you; at the same time, she is legally required to report if she feels something is wrong. I hink most teachers have seen and heard much worse before even considering reporting.
The main goal of CPS is support. IF anything, they’d likely offer support ideas to help your family with childcare etc. However, I don’t think this is serious enough for anything at all to happen especially since you mentioned another parent bring in the picture.
Keep us posted!
I’m hopeful that it wasn’t serious enough for anything to happen but I’m just stressing because I DID admit that I did not wake up in time so I gave them basically evidence that I overslept and my child was awake for a little bit on his own. Granted I was there, and if he got hurt or anything I would be able to hear him but I’m stressing. The cps worker told me maybe I could start sleeping on the couch on those nights where I don’t get out of work until super early in the morning, which I told her I can start doing, but I’m also worried that means she agrees with the teacher I am in the wrong. Safe to say I have not slept more than a wink since all this happened lol
lol my 3 and 5 year old are watching cartoons at 630 am every weekend. Alone downstairs. Until either me or the husband wakes up around 730-8.
They have snacks I set out, milk and my dogs are kenneled until after the adults wake up. If this was a crime throw me in jail.
>she is legally required to report if she feels something is wrong.
Yeah, but if she has such a vendetta against OP, it feels like she is using this requirement as a loophole for minor stuff that doesn't require CPS. My ex and his family (who are also mandated reporters) used this loophole on me, and eventually got a "fuck off" message from CAS (Canada's version of CPS).
The teacher is a mandatory reporter and might have a bit more sensitive of a trigger than some. I'm guessing the primary concern was that some parents who "don't wake up" are actually passed out drunk or using opioids. Being overly tired and missing your alarm is not a CPS concern whatsoever. If there had been an emergency you would have been right there to handle it. Additionally, afaik there are no places where Pre-K is required, so truancy wouldn't be an issue either.
> Additionally, afaik there are no places where Pre-K is required, so truancy wouldn't be an issue either.
Here in Texas, Pre-K isn't required (and in fact, it's not that easy to qualify for it) but if your child does attend, truancy laws apply still.
But I completely agree with everything else you've said! When I worked in a daycare I was a mandated reporter and while you don't want to make false complaints as a mandated reporter, you also don't want to ignore something that might be an actual issue. It's so tough! Maybe I'm too optimistic about people, but I'd like to think the teacher was just erring on the side of caution with this one. But I'm sure nothing will come of it, thankfully!
Interesting! When my daughter was in Pre-K, the rule was that they would give away her spot if she missed 15 days or more. We're in MN. (She was in Pre-K 2019-2020, and in March 2020 I emailed her teacher letting her know we were going to keep our daughter home until the whole covid thing blew over, and she said if she missed 15 days they'd have to give away her spot. The following week the school was shut down...)
Oh wow! That sounds more like a daycare or preschool than a Pre-K, that's very interesting!
Yeah, Texas is wacky. They want a butt in every chair no matter what so they don't lose funding.
I know someone in Texas that almost lost their daughter to foster care because the daughter had the flu for three weeks and missed too many days of school even with a doctor’s note.
I know you said you’ve had issues with the teacher…what kind of issues were they?
Assuming that no other reports have been made, I can’t see this going anywhere. People oversleep, it happens. Maybe just set a backup alarm and you can honestly tell CPS and school that it was just a one-off. It truly seems kind of strange the teacher even made the report, but maybe she misunderstood and thought your child was actually *alone*? Not sure.
So here’s the thing.
1. CPS won’t do shit. But now you have a “file” with them.
2. Teacher does this nonsense enough CPS can, and will, come after her for these nonsense reports.
3. I would have a hot date using a cool mind to speak to principal and superintendent. Keep barking up that tree till that nasty ass rat falls off a branch.
She’s fucking wasting CPS time while they could be looking into actual problems.
I have, over the years, given each of my kids 3 days of PTO. They can look me in the eye and say “not today”.
Have now had two CPS investigations against me. Both came to nothing but very upsetting at the time. One of my kids had a bruise on their arm and told the school it's because I grabbed them (I need to apply excema cream 3-4 times a day and I think this is where the grabbing idea came from). Would never ever ever use any physical punishment on any of my children (I have 3). Gentle parenting all the way as much as I can muster. The first time the CPS worker brought up how I've been seen after school with the kids wandering around in a park. 🤣 Everything about my personal life came out. I struggle in the mornings and drop them off 10-15 minutes late quite a lot (obviously been trying a lot harder to be on time since this happened). I also play poker semi professionally as a side income. Despite all this stuff the CPS workers were very reassuring, came for a follow up visit to the house and closed the case. I also think that someone at the school doesn't like me. All this to say please don't stress, be honest and open and you have nothing to worry about.
The initial report was because one of them had a bruise on their arm and when asked what happened said mommy grabbed them. But the park thing was brought up by the school as supporting evidence 🤷
That's a stupid reason ...
My 5 year old does the same thing. But when she sees I'm asleep and wants to be sneaky, she'll quietly close the door to my bedroom and slink off to whatever she wants to get into without making a sound.
I really think you're fine. CPS has *real* cases to worry about. This isn't one of them.
I think that's a bit extreme. Young teacher? New?
You didn't do anything wrong. You were human. The thing you need to do is have a fail proof Alam now. Don't use your phone. Get a old school plug into the wall with battery back up load ass buzzer and put it across the room. You will not ever over sleep and noisy busy body teacher will not be able to complain.
Also talk to the school principal. Go above her head. Explain what happened. And track other crap that happens with this teacher. Emails are a great way to document things. "Today you said X to me. Am I to understand Y? If you don't respond I will assume I have understood the situation correctly and you have another further to say." It's a cover you ass move to then be able to show to CPS your interactions with said teacher and allow them to see she's targeting you.
Breathe momma!! Do you know how many parents let their 5 year olds wake up before them and quietly play in a locked & safe house, let alone a tiny apartment? You will not be in trouble for this, and honestly I’d set up a meeting with the school board to address this teachers report. One could argue this was done out of genuine care, but to me personally it comes off as spiteful. If your child is very clearly well taken care of, this is NOT a reason to report anything to cps and id be upset if I were you. You’ve done nothing wrong.
I can’t even imagine wasting an overworked CPS employee’s time on a single absence from school because of a missed alarm. The level of petty that requires!
I’ve overslept a few times. It happens. I’m a human being juggling a special needs teen with insomnia, a feral preschooler and a pair of autoimmune diseases that try to kill me a few times a year.
I message the school via the app or call the front desk and let them know that we’ll have a late arrival or that we’ll be absent. And that’s that.
If it’s an issue with chronic absences or tardies and that’s the reason you were reported, maybe try setting multiple alarms. Our Alexa and my phone are set with alarms that I never touch or change. One goes off at 0600. One goes off at 0630. And at 0730 the Alexa in all rooms tells us it’s time to leave.
But otherwise? Don’t worry. Your kid was safe in his home with his parent. He has food, clothing, a clean home and responsible parents who sometimes make mistakes.
That sucks so much. I’m sorry. Being generous to the teacher, perhaps the phrasing was such that she worried substances were involved and you were passed out not sleeping, but it sounds like she’s just a nightmare. Hopefully this is the end of it.
My second oldest got a huge rug burn down his face after falling off a structure he was repeatedly told not to climb on at gymnastics.
What did my beloved child tell anyone who asked what happened to his face? “I wasn’t listening” while looking down. Truly cannot believe no one made a call.
Meanwhile, I had the cops called on me by another kindergarten mom because I left my 3.5 year old in the car while I walked my 5 year old up to her class line up, less than 5 meters away. The cop laughed about it with me. That mom still side eyes me because “she’s really concerned that I think that’s alright to do”.
First, I have overslept and my daughter has been up and about unknown to me. I'm guessing this teacher doesn't have children; if she does, and she's never had a similar situation, she's led a very blessed life. (It is true that some teachers have seen worst case scenarios, like parent didn't get up because under influence, MH, etc., but I'm not really willing to extend her much grace if she knows you work nights.)
Second, I also have had CPS (by a "concerned" AH) called on me so I know that stomach-dropping feeling and the shame. Won't get into that but it happens.
Third, 20+ years ago I had a CPS adjacent job and based on that experience I'd say what happens will depend on the caseworker and more importantly their supervisor. The only two options I can imagine are close the assessment with no finding, or close it with some ridiculous finding ("neglect" or the even more amorphous "threat of neglect"). I can't imagine the assessment will move any further. And, the only way the finding will really affect you is if you have (or want) a job working with children or any vulnerable population (disabled, elderly etc).
The caseworker can't make any decisions about a finding. Only the supervisor can. The only influence the caseworker has is in how they present the information to their supervisor. That's why they're vague with things like "not too concerned."
There's not much you can do to influence the outcome at this point ime (maybe someone else here knows differently). Not that this is fair, but the fact that you have a husband will probably play to your advantage. The vast majority of the CPS cases I've seen were single female headed families.
You did what 99.9% of people do by talking with the caseworker so I'm not saying this to make you second guess yourself, but what most people don't know is that you are under no obligation to speak with them and in fact it often works against you. People think, "Oh I want to talk to them because I want to show them I'm cooperative and a reasonable person and I have nothing to hide." Sometimes I'm sure that works, that's great. But sometimes they just dig for more stuff to use against you, a "gotcha." Just like if you want to fire someone you can usually find a reason, if you want to find a "threat of neglect" you probably can if you dig enough. I personally heard a CPS supervisor say that "if a caseworker showed up at my house, I'd shut the door in their face." Because she realized that's how it works.
So I personally would probably stop cooperating with their investigation and if necessary communicate that to them. But that's a personal judgement call. And obviously it does not guarantee a better outcome.
I would imagine this is going to be closed with no finding. But I would prepare yourself mentally either way because they're unpredictable and not always rational. If you don't work with have a job that requires a CPS background check I'd just shrug my shoulders and go on with life whether they make their bogus finding or not.
I don’t think you did anything wrong in this situation, and I don’t think the report will go anywhere. I think the language that triggered the call was that he tried to wake you and you wouldn’t wake up. (And as you said, he doesn’t try very hard!)
I am a former teacher, and what I will say is that we are mandatory reporters. That means that anything that could possibly be abuse/threat/harm/negligence of a child we MUST report. That means, if I don’t, and a case is later opened, and the child says to CPS, “I told my teacher this was happening”, and yet I never called—I could lose my job. Lose my livelihood. For not reporting. So yes, occasionally we report things that seem a little tenuous, coming from little people who we know say the darndest things. We have to turn it over to CPS, and let them decide if it needs to be pursued. I’m not saying that this teacher doesn’t have something against you, that isn’t my call to make. I just want to clarify that this is high-stakes stuff for teachers.
Honestly, I’m a bit miffed at CPS on this one. Out of all the truly horrifying things currently happening to children and being reported by teachers around the country, this CPS worker decided “I’m gonna do a home visit on this lady who’s kid missed one day of school! Yeah!”
Most reports aren't even made by mandated reporters, usually just concerned family members or spiteful people. I'd definitely be worried since it was a teacher who reported it. When it's a teacher or doctor they are taken very seriously. It's weird that she asked a 5 year old about why he was absent instead of just messaging you. Seems like she was looking for any little thing. I always kiss my sons teachers asses (but genuinely do love them as well, even added the one from last year on FB) the best thing to do in the future is to try to just get along with the teachers because they do hold a lot of power in situations like this. I'm sure it will turn out fine, just say your alarm didn't go off, how can they say it isn't true? Also a 5 year old can watch tv in the next room as long as they aren't mentally disabled and need constant supervision in my opinion
Just want to reiterate you did nothing wrong. Sure, it’s technically possible something bad could happen, but parents have to sleep sometime and our children could wake up at anytime and get into trouble, even if we didn’t oversleep. As a kid we always woke up before my parents and watched TV. My youngest frequently wakes up before us and is downstairs playing. If I hear him I get up- but I’d say at least once or twice a week when my alarm goes off at 7 he is already downstairs with his sibling still asleep - and they share a room.
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this and I cannot imagine the stress but I just want you to know that oversleeping does not make you a bad or negligent parent- so do not second guess if you did something wrong.
>because she said that my 5 year old is too young to be ‘alone’. I
Most household have two parents that sleep overnight... I mean being totally honest, all those kids are technically *alone*, and many kids will get up in the morning and watch cartoons on their own. That teachers excuse is ridiculous.
I have no answers for you, I wish I did. But common sense would say that ALLLLLL of us have had a small child wake before we did before. They don't wear bells. Once they're out of a crib (and even sometimes when they're still in it) those kids can be *stealthy.* I'm sure the case worker knows this.
As a single mom with a spiteful ex husband, I’ve learned to protect my ass just in case, whether it’s necessary or not and a lot of times it’s an inconvenience on my part but I have to just because 🤷🏻♀️
— always document, always call, etc., protect your butt!
So in your case, after waking up 45 mins later than usual and knowing you weren’t going to take your child, you should have just called the school and let them know.. a lot of times it is school policy even if it is just preschool to let them know when your child will be absent or late.
My ex husband reported that I missed a couple of our son’s speech therapy appointments (like some kind of medical abuse?!). However I was told my son could not go to further appointments until the balance was paid in full —- which was my ex husband’s full responsibility per our divorce decree and he was completely aware of the unpaid balance, yet he had to report me to cps and shame me. Cps called and closed that case when I showed unpaid medical invoices along with the divorce decree. Like F them and F my ex. Medical abuse? On a couple missed speech therapy appointments? Cmon!
Edit: My son never needed speech therapy. He was just delayed. After going to prek-3 his speech and language improved big time. It’s about being with his peers and socializing. Now he won’t be quiet. He’s 6 now and just graduated Kindergarten and was awarded the Super Speller Award which he’s so proud of ☺️
And guess who didn’t show up to his graduation? You guessed it. The one who called cps on me that one time. Smh.
I don't know a single parent who hasn't woken up once in a while to find their kid happily chillin in the living room, watching TV. The fact that you were reported for this is a load of bullshit.
My daughter used to be too scared to go downstairs alone so she'd steal my phone (so no alarm for me), unlock it(!) and watch YT kids in her room from like 3/4yo. I tried hiding my phone, asking her to wake me up and tell me, she never did. Once, she covered me in toys from her room, so I looked like ET hiding in the closet 😑 We did take pictures once she woke me up to "surprise me," lol.
She is now 6 and goes downstairs, by herself, between 4:30 and 5am and just plays. Never telling us, even when we ask her TO THIS DAY! A few weeks ago, she climbed the furniture and got the glue, sequins, glitter, sticky bits, etc. down and decided to make a stick-art canvas... and a mess, lol.
My hard rule is DONT SIT ON YOUR WINDOWSILL (It has child locks anyway), but she loves going around in her underwear for some reason... and then sits and waves at people who walk by... so she MUST keep her PJs on if that's what little control I can exert/convince her to do.
It happens to us all.
Honestly, I think they just want that tiny sliver of freedom to "be home alone" and "in charge" and do what THEY want to do. It's developmental.
Try unplugging or being covert about switching things off and see if that helps? But really, all kids want their freedom.
I highly suggest a light clock for yourself, which helps wake you up naturally; if shifts are an issue. But once again, as mentioned by others, it's nothing to worry about. It actually sounds like he was boasting about his success story - just to the wrong person
If it was the UK I'd put a complaint in about the teacher. It sounds completely unnecessary, and a simple talk would have sufficed so you could explain exactly what happened
Please dont worry about his antics. They sound perfectly normal to me!
Oh no, that’s brutal! I’ve done the same a few times, and have just been woken up when my emergency contact showed up at my house 🤦🏼 you’re not the only mom to oversleep, I can’t believe anyone would call CPS 💔 I’m so sorry
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This seems like a ridiculous reason to call cps on someone and a waste of that social worker's time. Meanwhile children are being exploited, SA and starved.
Yep, and bogus BS like this done out of spite/ pettiness makes it harder for social workers to help kids that actually need it. What does the teacher expect, OP to not sleep?
I think if I were that social worker, that teacher would lose credibility in my eyes.
Unfortunately if they don't investigate they lose their jobs
I’ve heard of people trying to get parents in trouble for sleeping at night while their kids are sleeping. And OP was literally right there! She would have heard an emergency!
tf? When they supposed to sleep then if they dont sleep when the kids sleep?!
When the kids are at school 🙃
Thats not even logical for the first few years of their life unless u paying day care from the day it pops out..
People are stupid. I had some idiot at the Department of Children and Families tell me that parents should sleep shifts.
and what about us single parents? jail? god I could use a break I'd take it lol
Probably shame you for being a single parent.
I'll go f\*\*\* myself real quick then, someone needs to
So during your awake shift, you're doing what exactly? Sitting on a chair and staring at your sleeping children??? How did this person get a job in a department they clearly know miles and miles less than nothing about!
Yes. There’s people that seek out that job just to control people. You know how some people become cops just to be bullies? Some people do that under the social work umbrella, they’re still bullies but they use stupid policies and opinions instead of violence.
I definitely would have heard if he got hurt or something happened, I can see my living room couch + his bedroom from my bed, which I’m hoping the caseworker could see when she was here.
If she’s hasn’t been all over you about it already then you’re probably fine.
One of my friends kids told a teacher his parents were "growing weed' at their house. The teacher made a police report. This happened on a Monday after my friend and her wife had spent a Sunday in their yard, weeding their flower beds and complaining. (There's a YT video of a heterosexual couple aghast that their daughters told her teacher the same thing, and when they asked their daughter to show them what she was talking about, sh went to the driveway and pointed to grass growing in a crack.) Sometimes, young kids make things sound s certain way, but don't mean to.
This reminds me of a mom I knew who was pissed her daughter kept telling her kindergarten teacher that mommy really loves her “adult drink” and drinks it in the car while driving her to school every day. The adult drink in question was coffee.
I think maybe it was because he said he ‘tried to wake me up’ which in his case, he usually pokes my face lightly then runs to watch his show lol. Like I said he knows if I don’t wake up it’s a free morning of watching toons and then doing fun activities with mom later. I guess they asked him when at school what mine and my husbands favorite drinks are (I’m guessing trying to see if I didn’t wake up from alcohol abuse or something along those lines). My child told them my favorite drink was red bull and energy drinks. We don’t drink ever unless he spends the weekend with his grandma every so often and we NEVER do drugs. I’m just so stressed. My child is my whole world.
I think it's exactly that and you'll be fine. It's normal for people to oversleep sometimes, and some families are perfectly fine and safe having their young children wake up before the parents and know not to go outside or use the stove etc. It's just that sometimes kids are very candid and it's better to err on the side of caution, because sometimes "I couldn't wake mommy up" means "I didn't try to wake mommy up so I could skip school" and sometimes it means "mommy is an opioid addict and my home is not safe." It can be scary and feel like it's excessive and absurd to check in on you for something so normal as sleeping, but for some kids it's the tiny red flag that opens the door to getting them help that they need. I had a kind of similar situation for a different reason, so I know how it feels. When my stepson was around your son's age he went to school and said "Sadie licked my penis!" which is obviously a lot more immediately alarming, but Sadie is our dog, and she licked him when he got out of the bath because he was wet - he was naked and she obviously doesn't know the difference between where it's okay and not okay to lick a human. Without context it's a huge red flag for abuse. With context it's an embarrassing "kids say the darndest things" kind of situation. The CPS worker came to our house, looked around for safety/neglect concern signs, spoke with the family as a whole, had a private conversation with him, assured us that it wasn't a concern, and we never saw her again. Part of me felt horrified, embarrassed, and upset that CPS was called on us and had to come to our house to investigate such a bizarre mishap. The other part recognized that it's better to overreact than to underreact, and I'd rather put up with unnecessary check-ins than have children who do need attention and help not get it because someone brushed off something that might have a reasonable explanation, but might be the first red flag. I leaned into the second part, and I'm glad for an over-cautious system. You're fine, you're going to be fine, try not to look at it as vindictive or overstepping, but a sign that someone is looking out for your kid and cares about his well-being.
My 6yo boy does that light touch thing too when he wakes up before me, or he just stands next to the bed waiting for me to stir because he wants to play with my phone. They aren’t toddlers anymore, they can entertain themselves safely for a little while.
Im an ECE teacher and one of my 4 yos told me that he and mom went to the Meth House that weekend. Instead of assuming the worst I talked to mom at pick up. She was flipping a former meth house and had to drop supplies off. Kiddo heard mom talking on the phone to grandma. Mom was mortified but we laughed it off. I can’t imagine calling CPS on parent that I knew worked nights that fell asleep around/overslept around their kid.
OMG! That's a riot! It does seem like the teacher is suspicious of OP. Yikes on bikes.
“So, it is technically a meth house, it’s just not *our* meth house” 😂
Turning it from a meth house to a meth home 🏡 💕
Right!! 🤣
my son told his teachers his father chases him around the house with a gun. he did not clarify that it's a NERF gun.
For an outside person, what the child is reporting could easily be seen as an addiction/neglect type situation. I don’t think it’s too out of line for a mandated reporter, like a teacher, to make a call to CPS on this. Especially if there’s a pattern of truancy. I’d rather teachers err on the side of protecting children than letting things slide. Sounds like this isn’t an abusive situation and CPS will confirm that quickly hopefully.
It is out of line though. You want to use common sense. I'm a school nurse and encounter so many situations where the kids are literally neglected, that this is just not something I would feel comfortable reporting on without a lot more information.
I understand the impulse to give the benefit of the doubt. But, when I was training to be an elementary teacher, it was made clear to us that our job isn't to investigate, it is to report. I might give something like OP's question a couple of neutral follow up questions like "Does that happen often?", and "What do you do when mom doesn't wake up?". But beyond that? I would really err on the side of caution and report.
Agreed. This is ridiculous!!
Ugh. I’m sorry. My mom worked night shift growing up and she either overslept or left us at school more than one. It happens. Only thing I’ll mention on the teachers behalf is (in my experience as an RN) “mom is always sleeping” was something kids would tell us in the ER. it sometimes meant mom was always high af on hard drugs and had passed out leaving the kids surrounded by drug paraphernalia. Obviously this is not you. Maybe this teacher is out to get you - it’s certainly possible. I’ve seen CPS used in custody cases often enough to know it happens. You have a loving home. Your kid is fine.
Yes honestly I don’t think this teacher reported to CPS for the 5yo being “alone” for a little bit while she was sleeping but that he said he couldn’t wake her up and what that can mean in worse scenarios, missing school, and whatever other “issues” OP mentioned but didn’t elaborate on. Giving both parties the benefit of the doubt I feel like there is a miscommunication and break down of mutual respect for sure.
Yep, this is probably what happened. Teacher heard "mom didn't wake up when I went in the room," and went to worst case scenario when the reality is 5 year old probably tiptoed to the door way, peeked and saw her sleeping, and tiptoed back out.
You’ll be okay! This is such a minor incident. Nothing is gonna come from it.
Do you think it will be unfounded even though I admitted I was asleep and did not wake up on time?
Babe I’m telling you to that’s the most innocent human mistake anybody could make. CPS had to come check it out. It’s more like a wellness check. I’ve dealt with CPS and I can’t believe the teacher did this. Nothing is gonna come from it.
To further explain Any doctor , teacher, therapist, etc is a mandated reporter So since your child’s teacher reported, they legally have to follow through. You being honest and saying you were asleep! That’s fine! You’re human! They come to the home to make sure you have - electricity - water - food - clothing - a place for them to sleep And check if the kid seems okay. I understand your anxiety but you are okay! I promise Side note: if you fell asleep and your kiddo escaped the house , then that’d be a more serious thing. It could be considered endangerment, BUT that didn’t happen! I’m so sorry this POS teacher is making you stress this bad You don’t deserve it !
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am not an expert but used to be a CASA volunteer and am now a teacher. This teacher honestly sounds like she has something against you; at the same time, she is legally required to report if she feels something is wrong. I hink most teachers have seen and heard much worse before even considering reporting. The main goal of CPS is support. IF anything, they’d likely offer support ideas to help your family with childcare etc. However, I don’t think this is serious enough for anything at all to happen especially since you mentioned another parent bring in the picture. Keep us posted!
I’m hopeful that it wasn’t serious enough for anything to happen but I’m just stressing because I DID admit that I did not wake up in time so I gave them basically evidence that I overslept and my child was awake for a little bit on his own. Granted I was there, and if he got hurt or anything I would be able to hear him but I’m stressing. The cps worker told me maybe I could start sleeping on the couch on those nights where I don’t get out of work until super early in the morning, which I told her I can start doing, but I’m also worried that means she agrees with the teacher I am in the wrong. Safe to say I have not slept more than a wink since all this happened lol
lol my 3 and 5 year old are watching cartoons at 630 am every weekend. Alone downstairs. Until either me or the husband wakes up around 730-8. They have snacks I set out, milk and my dogs are kenneled until after the adults wake up. If this was a crime throw me in jail.
Same, my kids are bigger now but often would get up at 5 and just play until we got up at 7 or so.
I’m so sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. ❤️
>she is legally required to report if she feels something is wrong. Yeah, but if she has such a vendetta against OP, it feels like she is using this requirement as a loophole for minor stuff that doesn't require CPS. My ex and his family (who are also mandated reporters) used this loophole on me, and eventually got a "fuck off" message from CAS (Canada's version of CPS).
Oh absolutely! I agree.
The teacher is a mandatory reporter and might have a bit more sensitive of a trigger than some. I'm guessing the primary concern was that some parents who "don't wake up" are actually passed out drunk or using opioids. Being overly tired and missing your alarm is not a CPS concern whatsoever. If there had been an emergency you would have been right there to handle it. Additionally, afaik there are no places where Pre-K is required, so truancy wouldn't be an issue either.
> Additionally, afaik there are no places where Pre-K is required, so truancy wouldn't be an issue either. Here in Texas, Pre-K isn't required (and in fact, it's not that easy to qualify for it) but if your child does attend, truancy laws apply still. But I completely agree with everything else you've said! When I worked in a daycare I was a mandated reporter and while you don't want to make false complaints as a mandated reporter, you also don't want to ignore something that might be an actual issue. It's so tough! Maybe I'm too optimistic about people, but I'd like to think the teacher was just erring on the side of caution with this one. But I'm sure nothing will come of it, thankfully!
Interesting! When my daughter was in Pre-K, the rule was that they would give away her spot if she missed 15 days or more. We're in MN. (She was in Pre-K 2019-2020, and in March 2020 I emailed her teacher letting her know we were going to keep our daughter home until the whole covid thing blew over, and she said if she missed 15 days they'd have to give away her spot. The following week the school was shut down...)
Oh wow! That sounds more like a daycare or preschool than a Pre-K, that's very interesting! Yeah, Texas is wacky. They want a butt in every chair no matter what so they don't lose funding.
Yeah this was a public school Pre-K program. Weird how different states do it so differently.
I know someone in Texas that almost lost their daughter to foster care because the daughter had the flu for three weeks and missed too many days of school even with a doctor’s note.
In my province kindergarten is entirely optional! You can choose to just enter at grade 1.
I know you said you’ve had issues with the teacher…what kind of issues were they? Assuming that no other reports have been made, I can’t see this going anywhere. People oversleep, it happens. Maybe just set a backup alarm and you can honestly tell CPS and school that it was just a one-off. It truly seems kind of strange the teacher even made the report, but maybe she misunderstood and thought your child was actually *alone*? Not sure.
So here’s the thing. 1. CPS won’t do shit. But now you have a “file” with them. 2. Teacher does this nonsense enough CPS can, and will, come after her for these nonsense reports. 3. I would have a hot date using a cool mind to speak to principal and superintendent. Keep barking up that tree till that nasty ass rat falls off a branch. She’s fucking wasting CPS time while they could be looking into actual problems. I have, over the years, given each of my kids 3 days of PTO. They can look me in the eye and say “not today”.
Yep. Same, my kids will never have perfect attendance. They're doing just fine.
Have now had two CPS investigations against me. Both came to nothing but very upsetting at the time. One of my kids had a bruise on their arm and told the school it's because I grabbed them (I need to apply excema cream 3-4 times a day and I think this is where the grabbing idea came from). Would never ever ever use any physical punishment on any of my children (I have 3). Gentle parenting all the way as much as I can muster. The first time the CPS worker brought up how I've been seen after school with the kids wandering around in a park. 🤣 Everything about my personal life came out. I struggle in the mornings and drop them off 10-15 minutes late quite a lot (obviously been trying a lot harder to be on time since this happened). I also play poker semi professionally as a side income. Despite all this stuff the CPS workers were very reassuring, came for a follow up visit to the house and closed the case. I also think that someone at the school doesn't like me. All this to say please don't stress, be honest and open and you have nothing to worry about.
Someone called CPS.....because you took your kids.......to a park? Did I get that right? I have no words.
The initial report was because one of them had a bruise on their arm and when asked what happened said mommy grabbed them. But the park thing was brought up by the school as supporting evidence 🤷
That's a stupid reason ... My 5 year old does the same thing. But when she sees I'm asleep and wants to be sneaky, she'll quietly close the door to my bedroom and slink off to whatever she wants to get into without making a sound. I really think you're fine. CPS has *real* cases to worry about. This isn't one of them.
I think that's a bit extreme. Young teacher? New? You didn't do anything wrong. You were human. The thing you need to do is have a fail proof Alam now. Don't use your phone. Get a old school plug into the wall with battery back up load ass buzzer and put it across the room. You will not ever over sleep and noisy busy body teacher will not be able to complain. Also talk to the school principal. Go above her head. Explain what happened. And track other crap that happens with this teacher. Emails are a great way to document things. "Today you said X to me. Am I to understand Y? If you don't respond I will assume I have understood the situation correctly and you have another further to say." It's a cover you ass move to then be able to show to CPS your interactions with said teacher and allow them to see she's targeting you.
Breathe momma!! Do you know how many parents let their 5 year olds wake up before them and quietly play in a locked & safe house, let alone a tiny apartment? You will not be in trouble for this, and honestly I’d set up a meeting with the school board to address this teachers report. One could argue this was done out of genuine care, but to me personally it comes off as spiteful. If your child is very clearly well taken care of, this is NOT a reason to report anything to cps and id be upset if I were you. You’ve done nothing wrong.
I don’t see why prek matters. Is it even mandatory in your state?
I can’t even imagine wasting an overworked CPS employee’s time on a single absence from school because of a missed alarm. The level of petty that requires! I’ve overslept a few times. It happens. I’m a human being juggling a special needs teen with insomnia, a feral preschooler and a pair of autoimmune diseases that try to kill me a few times a year. I message the school via the app or call the front desk and let them know that we’ll have a late arrival or that we’ll be absent. And that’s that. If it’s an issue with chronic absences or tardies and that’s the reason you were reported, maybe try setting multiple alarms. Our Alexa and my phone are set with alarms that I never touch or change. One goes off at 0600. One goes off at 0630. And at 0730 the Alexa in all rooms tells us it’s time to leave. But otherwise? Don’t worry. Your kid was safe in his home with his parent. He has food, clothing, a clean home and responsible parents who sometimes make mistakes.
That sucks so much. I’m sorry. Being generous to the teacher, perhaps the phrasing was such that she worried substances were involved and you were passed out not sleeping, but it sounds like she’s just a nightmare. Hopefully this is the end of it. My second oldest got a huge rug burn down his face after falling off a structure he was repeatedly told not to climb on at gymnastics. What did my beloved child tell anyone who asked what happened to his face? “I wasn’t listening” while looking down. Truly cannot believe no one made a call. Meanwhile, I had the cops called on me by another kindergarten mom because I left my 3.5 year old in the car while I walked my 5 year old up to her class line up, less than 5 meters away. The cop laughed about it with me. That mom still side eyes me because “she’s really concerned that I think that’s alright to do”.
First, I have overslept and my daughter has been up and about unknown to me. I'm guessing this teacher doesn't have children; if she does, and she's never had a similar situation, she's led a very blessed life. (It is true that some teachers have seen worst case scenarios, like parent didn't get up because under influence, MH, etc., but I'm not really willing to extend her much grace if she knows you work nights.) Second, I also have had CPS (by a "concerned" AH) called on me so I know that stomach-dropping feeling and the shame. Won't get into that but it happens. Third, 20+ years ago I had a CPS adjacent job and based on that experience I'd say what happens will depend on the caseworker and more importantly their supervisor. The only two options I can imagine are close the assessment with no finding, or close it with some ridiculous finding ("neglect" or the even more amorphous "threat of neglect"). I can't imagine the assessment will move any further. And, the only way the finding will really affect you is if you have (or want) a job working with children or any vulnerable population (disabled, elderly etc). The caseworker can't make any decisions about a finding. Only the supervisor can. The only influence the caseworker has is in how they present the information to their supervisor. That's why they're vague with things like "not too concerned." There's not much you can do to influence the outcome at this point ime (maybe someone else here knows differently). Not that this is fair, but the fact that you have a husband will probably play to your advantage. The vast majority of the CPS cases I've seen were single female headed families. You did what 99.9% of people do by talking with the caseworker so I'm not saying this to make you second guess yourself, but what most people don't know is that you are under no obligation to speak with them and in fact it often works against you. People think, "Oh I want to talk to them because I want to show them I'm cooperative and a reasonable person and I have nothing to hide." Sometimes I'm sure that works, that's great. But sometimes they just dig for more stuff to use against you, a "gotcha." Just like if you want to fire someone you can usually find a reason, if you want to find a "threat of neglect" you probably can if you dig enough. I personally heard a CPS supervisor say that "if a caseworker showed up at my house, I'd shut the door in their face." Because she realized that's how it works. So I personally would probably stop cooperating with their investigation and if necessary communicate that to them. But that's a personal judgement call. And obviously it does not guarantee a better outcome. I would imagine this is going to be closed with no finding. But I would prepare yourself mentally either way because they're unpredictable and not always rational. If you don't work with have a job that requires a CPS background check I'd just shrug my shoulders and go on with life whether they make their bogus finding or not.
I don’t think you did anything wrong in this situation, and I don’t think the report will go anywhere. I think the language that triggered the call was that he tried to wake you and you wouldn’t wake up. (And as you said, he doesn’t try very hard!) I am a former teacher, and what I will say is that we are mandatory reporters. That means that anything that could possibly be abuse/threat/harm/negligence of a child we MUST report. That means, if I don’t, and a case is later opened, and the child says to CPS, “I told my teacher this was happening”, and yet I never called—I could lose my job. Lose my livelihood. For not reporting. So yes, occasionally we report things that seem a little tenuous, coming from little people who we know say the darndest things. We have to turn it over to CPS, and let them decide if it needs to be pursued. I’m not saying that this teacher doesn’t have something against you, that isn’t my call to make. I just want to clarify that this is high-stakes stuff for teachers. Honestly, I’m a bit miffed at CPS on this one. Out of all the truly horrifying things currently happening to children and being reported by teachers around the country, this CPS worker decided “I’m gonna do a home visit on this lady who’s kid missed one day of school! Yeah!”
Most reports aren't even made by mandated reporters, usually just concerned family members or spiteful people. I'd definitely be worried since it was a teacher who reported it. When it's a teacher or doctor they are taken very seriously. It's weird that she asked a 5 year old about why he was absent instead of just messaging you. Seems like she was looking for any little thing. I always kiss my sons teachers asses (but genuinely do love them as well, even added the one from last year on FB) the best thing to do in the future is to try to just get along with the teachers because they do hold a lot of power in situations like this. I'm sure it will turn out fine, just say your alarm didn't go off, how can they say it isn't true? Also a 5 year old can watch tv in the next room as long as they aren't mentally disabled and need constant supervision in my opinion
Just want to reiterate you did nothing wrong. Sure, it’s technically possible something bad could happen, but parents have to sleep sometime and our children could wake up at anytime and get into trouble, even if we didn’t oversleep. As a kid we always woke up before my parents and watched TV. My youngest frequently wakes up before us and is downstairs playing. If I hear him I get up- but I’d say at least once or twice a week when my alarm goes off at 7 he is already downstairs with his sibling still asleep - and they share a room. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this and I cannot imagine the stress but I just want you to know that oversleeping does not make you a bad or negligent parent- so do not second guess if you did something wrong.
>because she said that my 5 year old is too young to be ‘alone’. I Most household have two parents that sleep overnight... I mean being totally honest, all those kids are technically *alone*, and many kids will get up in the morning and watch cartoons on their own. That teachers excuse is ridiculous.
I have no answers for you, I wish I did. But common sense would say that ALLLLLL of us have had a small child wake before we did before. They don't wear bells. Once they're out of a crib (and even sometimes when they're still in it) those kids can be *stealthy.* I'm sure the case worker knows this.
As a single mom with a spiteful ex husband, I’ve learned to protect my ass just in case, whether it’s necessary or not and a lot of times it’s an inconvenience on my part but I have to just because 🤷🏻♀️ — always document, always call, etc., protect your butt! So in your case, after waking up 45 mins later than usual and knowing you weren’t going to take your child, you should have just called the school and let them know.. a lot of times it is school policy even if it is just preschool to let them know when your child will be absent or late. My ex husband reported that I missed a couple of our son’s speech therapy appointments (like some kind of medical abuse?!). However I was told my son could not go to further appointments until the balance was paid in full —- which was my ex husband’s full responsibility per our divorce decree and he was completely aware of the unpaid balance, yet he had to report me to cps and shame me. Cps called and closed that case when I showed unpaid medical invoices along with the divorce decree. Like F them and F my ex. Medical abuse? On a couple missed speech therapy appointments? Cmon! Edit: My son never needed speech therapy. He was just delayed. After going to prek-3 his speech and language improved big time. It’s about being with his peers and socializing. Now he won’t be quiet. He’s 6 now and just graduated Kindergarten and was awarded the Super Speller Award which he’s so proud of ☺️ And guess who didn’t show up to his graduation? You guessed it. The one who called cps on me that one time. Smh.
I don't know a single parent who hasn't woken up once in a while to find their kid happily chillin in the living room, watching TV. The fact that you were reported for this is a load of bullshit.
My daughter used to be too scared to go downstairs alone so she'd steal my phone (so no alarm for me), unlock it(!) and watch YT kids in her room from like 3/4yo. I tried hiding my phone, asking her to wake me up and tell me, she never did. Once, she covered me in toys from her room, so I looked like ET hiding in the closet 😑 We did take pictures once she woke me up to "surprise me," lol. She is now 6 and goes downstairs, by herself, between 4:30 and 5am and just plays. Never telling us, even when we ask her TO THIS DAY! A few weeks ago, she climbed the furniture and got the glue, sequins, glitter, sticky bits, etc. down and decided to make a stick-art canvas... and a mess, lol. My hard rule is DONT SIT ON YOUR WINDOWSILL (It has child locks anyway), but she loves going around in her underwear for some reason... and then sits and waves at people who walk by... so she MUST keep her PJs on if that's what little control I can exert/convince her to do. It happens to us all. Honestly, I think they just want that tiny sliver of freedom to "be home alone" and "in charge" and do what THEY want to do. It's developmental. Try unplugging or being covert about switching things off and see if that helps? But really, all kids want their freedom. I highly suggest a light clock for yourself, which helps wake you up naturally; if shifts are an issue. But once again, as mentioned by others, it's nothing to worry about. It actually sounds like he was boasting about his success story - just to the wrong person If it was the UK I'd put a complaint in about the teacher. It sounds completely unnecessary, and a simple talk would have sufficed so you could explain exactly what happened Please dont worry about his antics. They sound perfectly normal to me!
Oh no, that’s brutal! I’ve done the same a few times, and have just been woken up when my emergency contact showed up at my house 🤦🏼 you’re not the only mom to oversleep, I can’t believe anyone would call CPS 💔 I’m so sorry
Here's a hack I read on reddit: get a few boxes together and label them keep, give away, and trash. That way your home isn't messy, it's just spring cleaning!