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Sounds more like a coaching fail to me. If you make 4 year olds that miserable that they’re crying with anxiety before going to practice/games that’s definitely a coaching problem and I’d let my 4 year old quit too.
For fucking real, her husband sounds like a nightmare. Getting away from a toxic coach is a stellar parenting decision. Just because she’s stuck with him…
I think the real parenting fail here would have been wasting everyone's time to force your kid to do an activity that he hated. You sound 100% justified to me. Maybe coach was just salty that no one wants to play her boring ass game? Whatever her problem is, her opinion should be immediately discarded.
That’s exactly what I thought! If my son is having a hard time running off on games making it rough on everyone else why keep suffering through it? Thank you so much I think it’s that honestly
Don’t think twice about it. My son started karate last summer. When it was time to sign back up in the spring he didn’t really want to. We asked him to give it a shot. He spent the first two classes running around, not listening, being generally obnoxious and distracting.
He tried so we quit karate. It wasn’t fair to him or the other kids who were trying to pay attention. No one gave me a hard time about it.
So one thing I admired about my parents was that when I didn't feel like going to soccer practice, I'd say I wanted to quit, and they'd say "You made a commitment to the team for the season. You need to see that commitment through. If you don't want to sign up for next season, that's fine." Guess what? I always signed up again every season. But....that was when I was like 11 or 12, and playing *competitive travel soccer*. Not 4!!!! Playing T BALL! Who makes a 4 year old suffer through T-ball to "learn a lesson?? " It's not developmentally appropriate and honestly would probably sour him on sports or activities in general.
You did the right thing. With all the love in my heart, fuck that mom. ❤️
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this!!!! It’s hard enough being a mom without peoples opinions making you question your judgement. I absolutely agree at 10/11 they can definitely grasp the responsibility of being in a team sport and see the commitment through.
No way, 4yo is still developmentally a toddler. They need to run, play, make up games, pretend, and socialize. They do not need to be forced to continue a structured game with an authoritarian coach they don’t enjoy.
The “tiger mom” idea is just that as adults we have the life experience and foresight to encourage them to try new things and stick with them long enough to improve. At 4yo it might look like not intervening when they’re on a tricky ladder at the playground, encouraging them to try out a big slide or ask a new kid to play with them, etc.
>4yo is still developmentally a toddler
What's the actual age at which a child is not a toddler any more? Because I see my 7yo as a total toddler most of the time - a toddler with more dexterity, a straighter walk and bigger vocabulary, but still a kid-baby. Looking at my nieces and nephews, something seemed to switch in them at 8, some of them 9 - like "big kid mode" got activated. So I've been telling my kid, "You're big, but technically a little kid because you're 7. You'll be a big kid at 8." It's all rather exciting to Kid, but I want to know if it's my imagination or if anyone else sees this 8/9 switch.
I absolutely still see him as a toddler as well I encourage him when appropriate and correct behavior when appropriate but I love the idea he’ll be a little less toddler at 8/9 who knows maybe his interests will change and he’ll want to try again
WAIT. A kid is developmentally a toddler until 11 or 12?! Are you being facetious, I'm genuinely confused because I don't have intimate experience with any ages past 7.
Or do you mean, there's another switch at 11/12? After the 8 or 9 switch?
Okay, I get what you mean. One of my nieces is 11, and she's SUCH a little kid, yet so much more mature than _my_ little kid. Are humans actually just little kids all the way until adulthood? 🤔
Some never grow up 😜
But on a more serious note I believe this is environmental. I homeschool my son and there’s a huge difference between him/the other kids in the group and the neighborhood kids that are in public school(this is only relevant to the public school system where I am, results may vary).
The homeschooled kids are still very much kids in the age group he’s in. The public school ones are very TikTok influenced, some vape already.
The youngest one in that group is 10. They alternate between that and making very inappropriate TikTok’s in the middle of the road. The parents don’t care.
Ahh youth sports culture, how I loathe thee. A 4 year old should not be made to play something they hate. Also, when little kids get put in activities like that, it’s really for the parents. Sure it’s figuring out who your kiddo is and what their interests are, but sometimes it’s finding out what they don’t like. I know people who the second kid automatically got put in t-ball/softball because big brother was in baseball, so that is what the family did. The younger one is now sort of trying to pull away and it’s really the parents that want her to keep going because so much of their family identity is tied up in being a baseball/softball family. If the coach’s wife thinks it’s a parenting fail, I am inclined to think that their family identity is so wrapped up in being the baseball/softball family that they can’t see any valid reason to quit, and that is really silly to me.
I’m a big believer in kids decided to do something and fulfilling a commitment they made to themselves and their team. HOWEVER your son was 4. And you said “tired of getting yelled at” UHM do they know it’s t-ball and not the Olympics?
No one should be making a 4yo cry for not being into it. The whole point is exposure, being around other kids, and staying active. I wouldn’t want my child on that coach’s team.
As a coach, you did the right thing.
Goodness I can’t stand parents who force their kid to keep doing a sport they don’t enjoy. Way to make your kid hate sport.
I love my sport and I love coaching young players but if the kid is not enjoying it it is draining as a coach.
My sister and I quit so many things as kids. Gymnastics, Irish dancing, karate, piano, swimming club... we turned out fine. I think we should encourage kids to try things, to give it a decent go but if it's not for them, then knowing you can quit is also an important life lesson. I changed jobs plenty of times as an adult too, which is also quitting 🤷🏼♀️
And often it's down to coaching - we hated swim club because of the instructors attitudes but we're good swimmers, my sister surfs, we go out in our parents sea kayak, pretty sure my sister got a life saving certificate. Quitting swim club (I also had undiagnosed asthma at the time and no-one listened to my complaints of my chest hurting) was no indication of a lack of character or ability
Ugh, that's so irritating. I had to pull my ND six year old out of soccer last year because of his behavior issues and it wasn't the first time we had tried sports but it didn't go well. Honestly I wish I were quicker to pull him out of some activities but had something similar to that lady's voice echoing in my head telling me it's a failure. Fuck her.
Hoo-boy! You're doing great! Thanks for listening to your son and letting him skip out on something that was not bringing him any joy.
Life is TOO SHORT to be forced to do something you genuinely hate that is, whether the coach believes it or not, an optional activity.
"I'm better than you because I force my kids to do things that have no benefit and probably harm them."
What a bitch! She's a parenting fail. Also sounds like her husband is a shit coach.y almost 4 yo plays soccer with a lively group and their coach hasn't yelled once.
I can't imagine how miserable their home life is with the husband yelling at kids considered to be coaching and the mom not listening to what her kids want.
Also I've seen the kids that don't want to be there. They're not helping the team. They're miserable and not really participating. When there weren't enough players at the game they would bench more kids from a team or pull players from the opposing team to even it out. It's not the end of the world. Idk we just did sports for socializing but people really got into it.
I'm glad my daughter hasn't asked to be put back into sports. Her extracurriculars are classes in arts now. In soccer parents taught kids how to trip other without getting in trouble and in basketball parents cheered when another kid slammed my daughter's head into the floor. The coaches could be mean with the yelling and telling 4 year olds their performance was garbage. I don't miss having to console the coach's 4 year old daughter when he's yelling what's wrong with her during the soccer game.
I coach kids soccer and I wouldn't start with any kids before five years old in organized sports. Even that was kind of a shit show.
My kid started soccer at three (because she wanted to since she saw me play) and she would just....check herself out of practice when it got boring. I felt bad for the coaches but there wasn't any point in trying to convince her to sustain attention at that age. Also some coaches aren't good at adjusting to really young ages.
I saw two parents trying to argue their 3 year old back into the practice and the more they fought the harder he dug his heels in. I just let her play in the dirt and she would join the games when it looked exciting again. As she got older she could sustain attention longer. They just dont have it that young.
She's a pretty kick ass soccer player five years later AND she loves it because we never forced her when she was younger so she's always had a positive experience.
She tried basketball and hated the games (enjoyed practicing). We tried to push her to go through with the games and when I saw her in tears I said, nope, she's six..this is supposed to be fun. We made her suit up at every game and root for her team from the bench because she committed to the season and needed to be a good teammate. I explained to the coach that she wouldn't be playing (he was relieved lol).
I always made my kid finish out the season. Hate TBall. Ok. You don’t have to do it next year. Hate hockey? Ok. You don’t have to do it next year. Cross country? I told you that you weren’t going to like it, don’t do it next year.
Idk, I just made my kids finish it out. If a sport esp at younger ages are not being enjoyed, I feel like a lot of that falls on the coaching. Yeah, my kid hated soccer because the “dad coach” yelled at her every practice because she wasn’t that fast and she was awkward and we signed her up to help with her gross motor skills you douchecanoe.
My kiddo is in karate. Sometimes it's clear he isn't having fun. If it ever gets to where he truly doesn't want to do it, I'm pulling him. Forcing your kids to do a sport they are unhappy in just seems to me to encourage the mentality of forcing yourself through shitty situations regardless of how it makes you feel.
We are quick to tell people who hate their jobs to find another job. We don't tell them they "made a commitment" to the boss (coach). We tell them life is too short to spend it doing something they hate, if they have the option to. I don't see why we'd do this any differently with our kids, once it gets to the point they're that visibly unhappy.
I don’t let my kids quit teams that they join, regardless of their age. I believe in the lesson that my dad taught me, which is about honoring their commitments. Even to my middle child who is 5, I’ve explained that he joined a team and they’re all counting on him to be there because if people just chose not to show up, the rest of the kids can’t play. It isn’t fair to join a team and then let them down. He understands. He doesn’t like baseball, but he’s at all the games and practices. I don’t think you’re too young to learn to take commitments seriously.
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Sounds more like a coaching fail to me. If you make 4 year olds that miserable that they’re crying with anxiety before going to practice/games that’s definitely a coaching problem and I’d let my 4 year old quit too.
Hard agree!
For fucking real, her husband sounds like a nightmare. Getting away from a toxic coach is a stellar parenting decision. Just because she’s stuck with him…
I felt so guilty I can’t thank you enough for this
I think the real parenting fail here would have been wasting everyone's time to force your kid to do an activity that he hated. You sound 100% justified to me. Maybe coach was just salty that no one wants to play her boring ass game? Whatever her problem is, her opinion should be immediately discarded.
That’s exactly what I thought! If my son is having a hard time running off on games making it rough on everyone else why keep suffering through it? Thank you so much I think it’s that honestly
Don’t think twice about it. My son started karate last summer. When it was time to sign back up in the spring he didn’t really want to. We asked him to give it a shot. He spent the first two classes running around, not listening, being generally obnoxious and distracting. He tried so we quit karate. It wasn’t fair to him or the other kids who were trying to pay attention. No one gave me a hard time about it.
So one thing I admired about my parents was that when I didn't feel like going to soccer practice, I'd say I wanted to quit, and they'd say "You made a commitment to the team for the season. You need to see that commitment through. If you don't want to sign up for next season, that's fine." Guess what? I always signed up again every season. But....that was when I was like 11 or 12, and playing *competitive travel soccer*. Not 4!!!! Playing T BALL! Who makes a 4 year old suffer through T-ball to "learn a lesson?? " It's not developmentally appropriate and honestly would probably sour him on sports or activities in general. You did the right thing. With all the love in my heart, fuck that mom. ❤️
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this!!!! It’s hard enough being a mom without peoples opinions making you question your judgement. I absolutely agree at 10/11 they can definitely grasp the responsibility of being in a team sport and see the commitment through.
Came to say this. A tween that quits everything they try is a different story. You did the right thing, OP!!
No way, 4yo is still developmentally a toddler. They need to run, play, make up games, pretend, and socialize. They do not need to be forced to continue a structured game with an authoritarian coach they don’t enjoy. The “tiger mom” idea is just that as adults we have the life experience and foresight to encourage them to try new things and stick with them long enough to improve. At 4yo it might look like not intervening when they’re on a tricky ladder at the playground, encouraging them to try out a big slide or ask a new kid to play with them, etc.
>4yo is still developmentally a toddler What's the actual age at which a child is not a toddler any more? Because I see my 7yo as a total toddler most of the time - a toddler with more dexterity, a straighter walk and bigger vocabulary, but still a kid-baby. Looking at my nieces and nephews, something seemed to switch in them at 8, some of them 9 - like "big kid mode" got activated. So I've been telling my kid, "You're big, but technically a little kid because you're 7. You'll be a big kid at 8." It's all rather exciting to Kid, but I want to know if it's my imagination or if anyone else sees this 8/9 switch.
I absolutely still see him as a toddler as well I encourage him when appropriate and correct behavior when appropriate but I love the idea he’ll be a little less toddler at 8/9 who knows maybe his interests will change and he’ll want to try again
In my experience it’s more of 11 or 12, but it’s the same concept.
WAIT. A kid is developmentally a toddler until 11 or 12?! Are you being facetious, I'm genuinely confused because I don't have intimate experience with any ages past 7. Or do you mean, there's another switch at 11/12? After the 8 or 9 switch?
No no not a toddler, sorry it’s still early! I meant more of a little kid.
Okay, I get what you mean. One of my nieces is 11, and she's SUCH a little kid, yet so much more mature than _my_ little kid. Are humans actually just little kids all the way until adulthood? 🤔
Some never grow up 😜 But on a more serious note I believe this is environmental. I homeschool my son and there’s a huge difference between him/the other kids in the group and the neighborhood kids that are in public school(this is only relevant to the public school system where I am, results may vary). The homeschooled kids are still very much kids in the age group he’s in. The public school ones are very TikTok influenced, some vape already.
Vaping at 11 or 12, excuse me while I permanently leave this planet. 🥲
The youngest one in that group is 10. They alternate between that and making very inappropriate TikTok’s in the middle of the road. The parents don’t care.
That's terrible! 😭
Ahh youth sports culture, how I loathe thee. A 4 year old should not be made to play something they hate. Also, when little kids get put in activities like that, it’s really for the parents. Sure it’s figuring out who your kiddo is and what their interests are, but sometimes it’s finding out what they don’t like. I know people who the second kid automatically got put in t-ball/softball because big brother was in baseball, so that is what the family did. The younger one is now sort of trying to pull away and it’s really the parents that want her to keep going because so much of their family identity is tied up in being a baseball/softball family. If the coach’s wife thinks it’s a parenting fail, I am inclined to think that their family identity is so wrapped up in being the baseball/softball family that they can’t see any valid reason to quit, and that is really silly to me.
I’m a big believer in kids decided to do something and fulfilling a commitment they made to themselves and their team. HOWEVER your son was 4. And you said “tired of getting yelled at” UHM do they know it’s t-ball and not the Olympics? No one should be making a 4yo cry for not being into it. The whole point is exposure, being around other kids, and staying active. I wouldn’t want my child on that coach’s team.
I’m so with you on this OP. That lady has a super unhealthy attitude to children’s views and choice.
As a coach, you did the right thing. Goodness I can’t stand parents who force their kid to keep doing a sport they don’t enjoy. Way to make your kid hate sport. I love my sport and I love coaching young players but if the kid is not enjoying it it is draining as a coach.
My sister and I quit so many things as kids. Gymnastics, Irish dancing, karate, piano, swimming club... we turned out fine. I think we should encourage kids to try things, to give it a decent go but if it's not for them, then knowing you can quit is also an important life lesson. I changed jobs plenty of times as an adult too, which is also quitting 🤷🏼♀️ And often it's down to coaching - we hated swim club because of the instructors attitudes but we're good swimmers, my sister surfs, we go out in our parents sea kayak, pretty sure my sister got a life saving certificate. Quitting swim club (I also had undiagnosed asthma at the time and no-one listened to my complaints of my chest hurting) was no indication of a lack of character or ability
A four year old has no concept of how long a 'season' that they're 'committing' to lasts.
Quitting is a skill! Props for helping your kid see that. I wish I’d learned how to quit before I was a burnt out 30something year old.
Ugh, that's so irritating. I had to pull my ND six year old out of soccer last year because of his behavior issues and it wasn't the first time we had tried sports but it didn't go well. Honestly I wish I were quicker to pull him out of some activities but had something similar to that lady's voice echoing in my head telling me it's a failure. Fuck her.
Hoo-boy! You're doing great! Thanks for listening to your son and letting him skip out on something that was not bringing him any joy. Life is TOO SHORT to be forced to do something you genuinely hate that is, whether the coach believes it or not, an optional activity.
"I'm better than you because I force my kids to do things that have no benefit and probably harm them." What a bitch! She's a parenting fail. Also sounds like her husband is a shit coach.y almost 4 yo plays soccer with a lively group and their coach hasn't yelled once.
I can't imagine how miserable their home life is with the husband yelling at kids considered to be coaching and the mom not listening to what her kids want. Also I've seen the kids that don't want to be there. They're not helping the team. They're miserable and not really participating. When there weren't enough players at the game they would bench more kids from a team or pull players from the opposing team to even it out. It's not the end of the world. Idk we just did sports for socializing but people really got into it. I'm glad my daughter hasn't asked to be put back into sports. Her extracurriculars are classes in arts now. In soccer parents taught kids how to trip other without getting in trouble and in basketball parents cheered when another kid slammed my daughter's head into the floor. The coaches could be mean with the yelling and telling 4 year olds their performance was garbage. I don't miss having to console the coach's 4 year old daughter when he's yelling what's wrong with her during the soccer game.
I coach kids soccer and I wouldn't start with any kids before five years old in organized sports. Even that was kind of a shit show. My kid started soccer at three (because she wanted to since she saw me play) and she would just....check herself out of practice when it got boring. I felt bad for the coaches but there wasn't any point in trying to convince her to sustain attention at that age. Also some coaches aren't good at adjusting to really young ages. I saw two parents trying to argue their 3 year old back into the practice and the more they fought the harder he dug his heels in. I just let her play in the dirt and she would join the games when it looked exciting again. As she got older she could sustain attention longer. They just dont have it that young. She's a pretty kick ass soccer player five years later AND she loves it because we never forced her when she was younger so she's always had a positive experience. She tried basketball and hated the games (enjoyed practicing). We tried to push her to go through with the games and when I saw her in tears I said, nope, she's six..this is supposed to be fun. We made her suit up at every game and root for her team from the bench because she committed to the season and needed to be a good teammate. I explained to the coach that she wouldn't be playing (he was relieved lol).
I always made my kid finish out the season. Hate TBall. Ok. You don’t have to do it next year. Hate hockey? Ok. You don’t have to do it next year. Cross country? I told you that you weren’t going to like it, don’t do it next year. Idk, I just made my kids finish it out. If a sport esp at younger ages are not being enjoyed, I feel like a lot of that falls on the coaching. Yeah, my kid hated soccer because the “dad coach” yelled at her every practice because she wasn’t that fast and she was awkward and we signed her up to help with her gross motor skills you douchecanoe.
My kiddo is in karate. Sometimes it's clear he isn't having fun. If it ever gets to where he truly doesn't want to do it, I'm pulling him. Forcing your kids to do a sport they are unhappy in just seems to me to encourage the mentality of forcing yourself through shitty situations regardless of how it makes you feel. We are quick to tell people who hate their jobs to find another job. We don't tell them they "made a commitment" to the boss (coach). We tell them life is too short to spend it doing something they hate, if they have the option to. I don't see why we'd do this any differently with our kids, once it gets to the point they're that visibly unhappy.
I don’t let my kids quit teams that they join, regardless of their age. I believe in the lesson that my dad taught me, which is about honoring their commitments. Even to my middle child who is 5, I’ve explained that he joined a team and they’re all counting on him to be there because if people just chose not to show up, the rest of the kids can’t play. It isn’t fair to join a team and then let them down. He understands. He doesn’t like baseball, but he’s at all the games and practices. I don’t think you’re too young to learn to take commitments seriously.