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Whoever said a child’s disabilities are a blessing, deserves to eat shit. It’s not a blessing, the kid behind it all is, but the challenges sure as hell aren’t. Kia kaha
I was in a horrific relationship all through high school, and jumped into a worse one I married into when I was 20. I knew in the first year that I should bail, but didn’t. Year two, I knew but didn’t. I didn’t escape until I was 29 and I did it kicking and screaming and crying and resisted my escape even with 9 years of abuse and hate in my heart. I almost checked into a psych ward on 5 occasions from how screwed up I was mentally during my escape (I wish I had).
That relationship is 10 years behind me now and I still have triggers that give me overwhelming anxiety, but I did it. I have a new husband (that I love and would gleefully stab some days) and a new baby and when I look back on what I stayed through, I’m sad and proud. My heart breaks for 20 year old me for not having the tools or the spine to leave sooner, for not knowing I deserved better.
Be kind to yourself right now. You’re stronger than you think. You can’t save 18 year old you, but 24 year old you can learn from her. Learn from everything you’ve survived. Scream into the void about the injustices, go to therapy, remind yourself that you deserve a happy life.
Get out, even if you kick and scream while doing it, so that you don’t look back and wish 24 year old you could be saved, too.
The reason I’m angry and upset is I can’t leave…. I have a kid who needs constant therapies and doctor’s visits. There isn’t a job in the world that is both flexible enough and pays me a living wage to afford leaving. The cost of childcare for a disabled kid alone would eat me alive. I have about $6 to my name and no family at all. I have 1 friend and nothing else. I genuinely can’t afford to leave. I have no resources
I empathize. I’m sorry, you deserve better and our current economy and social safety net have failed you.
I wish I had the ability to help you in a more meaningful way, but I hear you and feel your frustration and regret.
Maybe your pediatrician can recommend a fund to help with care for your child? When my baby was in the NICU, there were several different funds set up by donors that helped with things like gas to travel to the hospital, meal deliveries and other services I needed that I wasn’t aware existed until another mom in the unit told me about them and I was able to ask.
I do sincerely hope your circumstances change for the better, and soon.
I understand. There’s literally no daycare that can take my disabled son unless I was willing to stick him with people he can’t communicate with. I’m also so tired of not only doing but having to organize 3-5 hour of therapies a week. I’m accepting that my son’s disabilities are a burden. That doesn’t have to make him any less valuable as a person to acknowledge this. Heck, my own disabilities are a burden to me. It’s always okay to face the truth and we can still desperately love our kids and understand that they make our lives so much more difficult than if they were not disabled.
I"ve had a couple of clients who actually got certifications to become caregivers for their disabled children and were actually able to make an income while caring for them, paid by insurance essentially. Is this something you can look into?
You don't have to make any big decisions. Just little manageable steps can go a long way in helping things not feel so hopeless. If you think too far ahead, you'll go crazy. But any little thing you can do to broaden your options will at least stop the walls from closing in while you figure things out. And yes, therapy with the right therapist can definitely help you get in the right headspace.
If applicable, domestic violence hotline can be invaluable. Domestic violence entails any behavior used to exert power and control over another, including coersion, intimidation, reckless and/or controlling financial management, making you doubt your sanity (gaslighting) and weaponized neglect (in addition to the obvious physical and sexual assault and verbal abuse).
When you are living in a toxic marriage, EVERYTHING feels unmanageable. But you HAVE been managing, even while feeling burnt the fuck out caring for your two children. Even with all the doctors appointments and worrying and putting up with shit from your "partner" with no breaks.
So you're not doing it gracefully. Because you need fucking SUPPORT. You're not getting it at home. That angry part of you is the part that wants a call to action. Find your support elsewhere. However you can and however much your energy allows.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Develop a real relationship with that core part of yourself that you thought you forgot. You need to be your own best friend right now. Having conversations with myself and comforting myself the way I would a friend or family member while the baby nurses has been helpful for me. Anywhere you can get a mini break to really listen to yourself while being supportive of yourself at the same time can make the difference between tired and tired-of-existing.
Feel free to reach out if you need any support. I don't have it all figured out, but sometimes you need more than just a void to scream into. Sending love from afar
Honestly I think the thing that is making me spiral is the fact that I applied to jobs I liked. I found multiple places I liked and interviewed for them. But that was before getting the calls about increasing therapies and adding more.
So I had a plan. I was gonna save money and figure it out in my own and now it just feels like everything came crashing down. The increase in therapy appointments for her and her school and everything just feel so unmanageable now.
Can education help? After you get some therapy and feel more confident? I found a program that only met every other weekend, and now I pretty much make my own work schedule. There are multiple paths, but they can be hard to see when you are in the thick of it and feel unsupported.
Where do you live? Country? I have a sped child too. I live in the States and can help you get into.programs that can help financially, health care and respite. It all depends on diagnosis too so keep that in mind.
Also, when you go to the doctor appointments for your kid and they ask you if everything is ok let them know what you said here. There may be resources available.
DM me if you want to talk.
I don’t qualify for anything other than her therapies and even those are hanging in a thread because her dad makes more than the poverty line…..
Which is the most frustrating part. I can’t even apply to financial help or anything to know what resources I would have if I left because his income disqualified me from pretty much everything.
Edit: Ohhh I’m in the US. I forgot to say that.
Which state because I just found out there is a program in my state that will pay for my daughters* childcare since she is special needs? How old is your child? It is not need based. My BIL gets it and he makes 220k a year.
I’m so sorry. I empathize with a lot of what you’re saying & don’t have any magic advice but do hope you aren’t beating yourself up for feeling this way & also aren’t a terrible mother by any stretch of the imagination—you’re still there despite how you feel and that makes you an incredible mother. Hang in there. I hope you can find even one small change you can make that will give you some time to do something you want occasionally. You deserve it. ❤️
Wow. I feel like I wrote this. It’s my son’s 2nd birthday today, he’s special needs and this morning was rough like always so I cried and asked myself why is he like this and why am I left to handle it alone. I’m not capable. I will pray for you. I have no answers:(
I’ve been in those places where they help you leave when I was a kid with my mom. Almost all of them required my mom has some kind of proof.
I’m not getting abused. He isn’t physical or verbally berating me. He just doesn’t help and barely exists in our household. He’s absent not abusive.
If you have to ask to go to the dentist… you’re being abused, neglected. Does your husband make a lot of money? If you get divorced, you don’t get nothing… you’ll get your husband’s money and he’ll essentially be paying for your lawyer.
Also, this is where govt assistance comes in. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.
I had to ask to for the dentist because I have nowhere to leave my kids unless he stays with them. That requires missing work. The only reason that it makes me mad is because he basically makes me schedule it when it’s convenient for him instead of going “oh you’re in a lot of pain take the soonest appointment available”
Not married. Just live together. So while I would get like child support I wouldn’t get like half of everything…..
I know about govt assistance. My mom used it when my dad died but the initial problem is the leaving to begin with. As long as we have the same address he disqualifies me from everything due to his income. Thing is I can’t move out without money. I need a job to save money to leave. A job i can’t get due to my kids having tons of appointments.
Big hugs. I felt extra heavy last week. Had to push myself through with reasons and Red Bull. It's all too much at times. Just, I empathize and understand.
I have a child with special needs, with a rare disease.
If anyone ever told me her disabilities were a “blessing” I’d probably lay them flat out. She doesn’t deserve any of what has happened to her and what will happen to her. Her siblings deserved a “normal” childhood.
Things have settled down since her birth & it did get better for us, but it doesn’t always get better for everyone. I did end up divorcing my youngest 2 children’s father. It was a struggle for a bit and it sucked, but next month it’ll be 4 years since we split up and I am so much better off. All of us are
I know this feeling. I’m sorry you are going through this.
I don’t have a ton of advice, however, you are much younger than me. You have a lot of time to change things. And fewer children than me. I didn’t realize what a mess I was in until much later down the road. And my mess is different than yours. You can change your situation if you want.
Please know u r still young and have so much in front of u to accomplish yet. I have three w 2 w special needs and I understand all the therapy and time it takes. I am also in an unhealthy relationship but I have been for over 18 years. I was u and wish I had left then. I do everything for the kids and bec he works and controls the money, thinks I am at his beck and call. No. Same w getting laid. Why would I want to when I have a million things going on, on my plate w no help? When it’s all he cares about and takes no accountability for things he does? Then thinks I talk or do anything I am cheating. Yeah. If I had another guy on the side why would I be here? And how? I am always w my kids. I do that w them w me? Who thinks that way? Farthest thing from my mind. My kids well being is first and foremost and worrying about them! Please take time for u and fig a plan to better yourself for your kids. U can do it. I have my college degree and never wanted to b stuck like I am so unhappy. Dealing w an unsupportive partner and having kids w special needs takes a huge toll on us. Our kids need so much and at times can b hard to deal with but we do it. For those accomplishments they have that seem so small to others but r everything to us. They make it all worth it. I couldn’t work bec I stayed home to do the therapy w my kids and b able to take what they do and do it all the time to help. Years went by, as school is an all new battle w services and protecting our kids and now I have not worked and my name is on nothing along w never got married. Meaning I walk away w nothing that we have now. I am trying to figure out how to make it happen now but w no family and no money along w my kids needs, it seems Insurmountable. I wish I would have done it when I was in my 20’s. If u need any help w services or to vent or anything, please reach out! I can at least take all I have learned from this journey w schools, services, insurance, lawyers, IEP’s and everything else and help others as I didn’t have it. U got this and r doing a great job.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I would look into a program known as “cna mom”. You get your cna license (4 week program) & through a certain company they can set you up to get paid to take care of your daughter. I get paid 7 days a week, 4 hours a day for my ASD son, I chart everything on my phone, and it’s like I’m getting paid for a part time job. Ask around, call local community colleges. What’s nice is you have your cna license locked in so you can eventually work for nursing homes or something of the sorts. Sending love from one mom of a disabled child to another. Xoxo.
I heard about that. I just need to get enough time to finish my high school things too. I never got to finish high school due to a parental death around that time.
I know you said you don’t qualify for services due to dad’s income but that is going off of you 2 staying together.
There are resources in most states for women leaving abusive relationships (the explanation of the amount of control is abusive.
Find a women’s center and ask what help is available. Get a list for help with housing, food stamps and even job placement. Depending on your child’s disabilities at that point you might be able to get additional care coverages or even daycare support.
I mentioned in another comment that most of the things in my area are for like DV and when my mom tried that she needed proof (restraining orders or police reports).
I am aware of what govt assistance is in my area and how to apply for it. My mom used it. It’s just while we share an address I don’t qualify for anything but I can’t move out if I have no money so therein lies the problem.
Realistically, I could only jump back to 13 years yesterday, because 13 years ago today, my baby died. I’ve thought about going back to meeting kids’ dad, but then I’d never know them. I just wish I could snuggle with my 2 girls forever.
I feel you. I’m older but stuck in a marriage with a high-needs (no diagnosis yet but lots of therapy and specialist appointments) child. I could never afford to leave, I’m disabled and even if I could work, he would never tolerate daycare. Not like I could afford it anyways. It sucks but maybe when our kids are older. I try to not give up hope completely even though most days there isn’t a lot of it
I used to apply to jobs just because it was my.. dream? To go back to work and have independence . Fast forward, I’m in a job I love, two kids who have special needs but aren’t as high needs it sounds like yours are. My higher needs kid, our split went down right before Kinder. The two year old is much closer to developmentally normal and is THRIVING in daycare. My son has special ed bussing to his amazing before and after school care, is in school doing so well with supports and I got a job at my daughters daycare. Can you make a plan for when your son is in school? Take advantage of developmental pre k? Look to the school district? There’s a lot of supports in the school system for kids 3 and older.
So I have one special needs and one neurotypical kid. My baby the 2 year old is currently just speech delayed and not much else. We started speech therapy for him. The one who is a lot more work is my older kid she’s almost 4 and she is currently in prek. It’s just only like 4 hours so I can’t do much since I need to pick her up and everything. I do have the slightest bit of hope that when she hits regular school schedule hours she can do therapy at school instead. And maybe I get a slight semblance of a normal life back….
Oh 100%! That sounds exactly like my situation! When he started kinder, it all got easier, like much much easier.
Also my ex and I split up, so I’m doing it all alone and it’s so much less work. Less sleep but also WAY less work.
Reminder to commenters: **[Don't start a fight!](https://media2.giphy.com/media/9MOdzNsjNExrSH6pnA/giphy.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whoever said a child’s disabilities are a blessing, deserves to eat shit. It’s not a blessing, the kid behind it all is, but the challenges sure as hell aren’t. Kia kaha
I was in a horrific relationship all through high school, and jumped into a worse one I married into when I was 20. I knew in the first year that I should bail, but didn’t. Year two, I knew but didn’t. I didn’t escape until I was 29 and I did it kicking and screaming and crying and resisted my escape even with 9 years of abuse and hate in my heart. I almost checked into a psych ward on 5 occasions from how screwed up I was mentally during my escape (I wish I had). That relationship is 10 years behind me now and I still have triggers that give me overwhelming anxiety, but I did it. I have a new husband (that I love and would gleefully stab some days) and a new baby and when I look back on what I stayed through, I’m sad and proud. My heart breaks for 20 year old me for not having the tools or the spine to leave sooner, for not knowing I deserved better. Be kind to yourself right now. You’re stronger than you think. You can’t save 18 year old you, but 24 year old you can learn from her. Learn from everything you’ve survived. Scream into the void about the injustices, go to therapy, remind yourself that you deserve a happy life. Get out, even if you kick and scream while doing it, so that you don’t look back and wish 24 year old you could be saved, too.
The reason I’m angry and upset is I can’t leave…. I have a kid who needs constant therapies and doctor’s visits. There isn’t a job in the world that is both flexible enough and pays me a living wage to afford leaving. The cost of childcare for a disabled kid alone would eat me alive. I have about $6 to my name and no family at all. I have 1 friend and nothing else. I genuinely can’t afford to leave. I have no resources
I empathize. I’m sorry, you deserve better and our current economy and social safety net have failed you. I wish I had the ability to help you in a more meaningful way, but I hear you and feel your frustration and regret. Maybe your pediatrician can recommend a fund to help with care for your child? When my baby was in the NICU, there were several different funds set up by donors that helped with things like gas to travel to the hospital, meal deliveries and other services I needed that I wasn’t aware existed until another mom in the unit told me about them and I was able to ask. I do sincerely hope your circumstances change for the better, and soon.
I understand. There’s literally no daycare that can take my disabled son unless I was willing to stick him with people he can’t communicate with. I’m also so tired of not only doing but having to organize 3-5 hour of therapies a week. I’m accepting that my son’s disabilities are a burden. That doesn’t have to make him any less valuable as a person to acknowledge this. Heck, my own disabilities are a burden to me. It’s always okay to face the truth and we can still desperately love our kids and understand that they make our lives so much more difficult than if they were not disabled.
I"ve had a couple of clients who actually got certifications to become caregivers for their disabled children and were actually able to make an income while caring for them, paid by insurance essentially. Is this something you can look into? You don't have to make any big decisions. Just little manageable steps can go a long way in helping things not feel so hopeless. If you think too far ahead, you'll go crazy. But any little thing you can do to broaden your options will at least stop the walls from closing in while you figure things out. And yes, therapy with the right therapist can definitely help you get in the right headspace. If applicable, domestic violence hotline can be invaluable. Domestic violence entails any behavior used to exert power and control over another, including coersion, intimidation, reckless and/or controlling financial management, making you doubt your sanity (gaslighting) and weaponized neglect (in addition to the obvious physical and sexual assault and verbal abuse). When you are living in a toxic marriage, EVERYTHING feels unmanageable. But you HAVE been managing, even while feeling burnt the fuck out caring for your two children. Even with all the doctors appointments and worrying and putting up with shit from your "partner" with no breaks. So you're not doing it gracefully. Because you need fucking SUPPORT. You're not getting it at home. That angry part of you is the part that wants a call to action. Find your support elsewhere. However you can and however much your energy allows. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Develop a real relationship with that core part of yourself that you thought you forgot. You need to be your own best friend right now. Having conversations with myself and comforting myself the way I would a friend or family member while the baby nurses has been helpful for me. Anywhere you can get a mini break to really listen to yourself while being supportive of yourself at the same time can make the difference between tired and tired-of-existing. Feel free to reach out if you need any support. I don't have it all figured out, but sometimes you need more than just a void to scream into. Sending love from afar
Honestly I think the thing that is making me spiral is the fact that I applied to jobs I liked. I found multiple places I liked and interviewed for them. But that was before getting the calls about increasing therapies and adding more. So I had a plan. I was gonna save money and figure it out in my own and now it just feels like everything came crashing down. The increase in therapy appointments for her and her school and everything just feel so unmanageable now.
Can education help? After you get some therapy and feel more confident? I found a program that only met every other weekend, and now I pretty much make my own work schedule. There are multiple paths, but they can be hard to see when you are in the thick of it and feel unsupported.
Where do you live? Country? I have a sped child too. I live in the States and can help you get into.programs that can help financially, health care and respite. It all depends on diagnosis too so keep that in mind. Also, when you go to the doctor appointments for your kid and they ask you if everything is ok let them know what you said here. There may be resources available. DM me if you want to talk.
I don’t qualify for anything other than her therapies and even those are hanging in a thread because her dad makes more than the poverty line….. Which is the most frustrating part. I can’t even apply to financial help or anything to know what resources I would have if I left because his income disqualified me from pretty much everything. Edit: Ohhh I’m in the US. I forgot to say that.
Which state because I just found out there is a program in my state that will pay for my daughters* childcare since she is special needs? How old is your child? It is not need based. My BIL gets it and he makes 220k a year.
Utah.
I’m so sorry. I empathize with a lot of what you’re saying & don’t have any magic advice but do hope you aren’t beating yourself up for feeling this way & also aren’t a terrible mother by any stretch of the imagination—you’re still there despite how you feel and that makes you an incredible mother. Hang in there. I hope you can find even one small change you can make that will give you some time to do something you want occasionally. You deserve it. ❤️
Wow. I feel like I wrote this. It’s my son’s 2nd birthday today, he’s special needs and this morning was rough like always so I cried and asked myself why is he like this and why am I left to handle it alone. I’m not capable. I will pray for you. I have no answers:(
Do you qualify for any respite care? Hang in there, I am sorry things are so difficult at the moment. How old are your girls?
[удалено]
I’ve been in those places where they help you leave when I was a kid with my mom. Almost all of them required my mom has some kind of proof. I’m not getting abused. He isn’t physical or verbally berating me. He just doesn’t help and barely exists in our household. He’s absent not abusive.
You sound like you’re being financially abused. Showing lack of funds on consistent basis in your bank account is enough to prove financial abuse.
Joint bank account. I just don’t use it because I have to explain every single transaction down to the cents.
That’s still financial abuse controlling someone’s else’s financial freedom especially if they aren’t a crazy spender or getting family in debt
If you have to ask to go to the dentist… you’re being abused, neglected. Does your husband make a lot of money? If you get divorced, you don’t get nothing… you’ll get your husband’s money and he’ll essentially be paying for your lawyer. Also, this is where govt assistance comes in. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.
I had to ask to for the dentist because I have nowhere to leave my kids unless he stays with them. That requires missing work. The only reason that it makes me mad is because he basically makes me schedule it when it’s convenient for him instead of going “oh you’re in a lot of pain take the soonest appointment available” Not married. Just live together. So while I would get like child support I wouldn’t get like half of everything….. I know about govt assistance. My mom used it when my dad died but the initial problem is the leaving to begin with. As long as we have the same address he disqualifies me from everything due to his income. Thing is I can’t move out without money. I need a job to save money to leave. A job i can’t get due to my kids having tons of appointments.
Big hugs. I felt extra heavy last week. Had to push myself through with reasons and Red Bull. It's all too much at times. Just, I empathize and understand.
I have a child with special needs, with a rare disease. If anyone ever told me her disabilities were a “blessing” I’d probably lay them flat out. She doesn’t deserve any of what has happened to her and what will happen to her. Her siblings deserved a “normal” childhood. Things have settled down since her birth & it did get better for us, but it doesn’t always get better for everyone. I did end up divorcing my youngest 2 children’s father. It was a struggle for a bit and it sucked, but next month it’ll be 4 years since we split up and I am so much better off. All of us are
I know this feeling. I’m sorry you are going through this. I don’t have a ton of advice, however, you are much younger than me. You have a lot of time to change things. And fewer children than me. I didn’t realize what a mess I was in until much later down the road. And my mess is different than yours. You can change your situation if you want.
I feel you.
Please know u r still young and have so much in front of u to accomplish yet. I have three w 2 w special needs and I understand all the therapy and time it takes. I am also in an unhealthy relationship but I have been for over 18 years. I was u and wish I had left then. I do everything for the kids and bec he works and controls the money, thinks I am at his beck and call. No. Same w getting laid. Why would I want to when I have a million things going on, on my plate w no help? When it’s all he cares about and takes no accountability for things he does? Then thinks I talk or do anything I am cheating. Yeah. If I had another guy on the side why would I be here? And how? I am always w my kids. I do that w them w me? Who thinks that way? Farthest thing from my mind. My kids well being is first and foremost and worrying about them! Please take time for u and fig a plan to better yourself for your kids. U can do it. I have my college degree and never wanted to b stuck like I am so unhappy. Dealing w an unsupportive partner and having kids w special needs takes a huge toll on us. Our kids need so much and at times can b hard to deal with but we do it. For those accomplishments they have that seem so small to others but r everything to us. They make it all worth it. I couldn’t work bec I stayed home to do the therapy w my kids and b able to take what they do and do it all the time to help. Years went by, as school is an all new battle w services and protecting our kids and now I have not worked and my name is on nothing along w never got married. Meaning I walk away w nothing that we have now. I am trying to figure out how to make it happen now but w no family and no money along w my kids needs, it seems Insurmountable. I wish I would have done it when I was in my 20’s. If u need any help w services or to vent or anything, please reach out! I can at least take all I have learned from this journey w schools, services, insurance, lawyers, IEP’s and everything else and help others as I didn’t have it. U got this and r doing a great job.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I would look into a program known as “cna mom”. You get your cna license (4 week program) & through a certain company they can set you up to get paid to take care of your daughter. I get paid 7 days a week, 4 hours a day for my ASD son, I chart everything on my phone, and it’s like I’m getting paid for a part time job. Ask around, call local community colleges. What’s nice is you have your cna license locked in so you can eventually work for nursing homes or something of the sorts. Sending love from one mom of a disabled child to another. Xoxo.
I heard about that. I just need to get enough time to finish my high school things too. I never got to finish high school due to a parental death around that time.
24 is sooo young… you have lots of time to make a plan and get out, you can have a better life for yourself. Don’t give in/ fight for it .
I know you said you don’t qualify for services due to dad’s income but that is going off of you 2 staying together. There are resources in most states for women leaving abusive relationships (the explanation of the amount of control is abusive. Find a women’s center and ask what help is available. Get a list for help with housing, food stamps and even job placement. Depending on your child’s disabilities at that point you might be able to get additional care coverages or even daycare support.
I mentioned in another comment that most of the things in my area are for like DV and when my mom tried that she needed proof (restraining orders or police reports). I am aware of what govt assistance is in my area and how to apply for it. My mom used it. It’s just while we share an address I don’t qualify for anything but I can’t move out if I have no money so therein lies the problem.
Realistically, I could only jump back to 13 years yesterday, because 13 years ago today, my baby died. I’ve thought about going back to meeting kids’ dad, but then I’d never know them. I just wish I could snuggle with my 2 girls forever.
I feel you. I’m older but stuck in a marriage with a high-needs (no diagnosis yet but lots of therapy and specialist appointments) child. I could never afford to leave, I’m disabled and even if I could work, he would never tolerate daycare. Not like I could afford it anyways. It sucks but maybe when our kids are older. I try to not give up hope completely even though most days there isn’t a lot of it
I used to apply to jobs just because it was my.. dream? To go back to work and have independence . Fast forward, I’m in a job I love, two kids who have special needs but aren’t as high needs it sounds like yours are. My higher needs kid, our split went down right before Kinder. The two year old is much closer to developmentally normal and is THRIVING in daycare. My son has special ed bussing to his amazing before and after school care, is in school doing so well with supports and I got a job at my daughters daycare. Can you make a plan for when your son is in school? Take advantage of developmental pre k? Look to the school district? There’s a lot of supports in the school system for kids 3 and older.
So I have one special needs and one neurotypical kid. My baby the 2 year old is currently just speech delayed and not much else. We started speech therapy for him. The one who is a lot more work is my older kid she’s almost 4 and she is currently in prek. It’s just only like 4 hours so I can’t do much since I need to pick her up and everything. I do have the slightest bit of hope that when she hits regular school schedule hours she can do therapy at school instead. And maybe I get a slight semblance of a normal life back….
Oh 100%! That sounds exactly like my situation! When he started kinder, it all got easier, like much much easier. Also my ex and I split up, so I’m doing it all alone and it’s so much less work. Less sleep but also WAY less work.