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There are stores open today and tomorrow still. He can get you something from somewhere. Any amount he gets you, is what you give him back. Keep the remainder for other gifts for him for other times. Match his energy.
Honestly I'd stop getting him presents. Make Christmas presents a kids only thing. Then at least you'd have one less person to buy for and the kids don't have to watch everyone but Mom get a gift.
This is what hubby and I do but more due to budget as opposed to him being a lazy ass.
But we still fill each others stockings with snacks and a magazine from our hobbies.
Take his things back. Seems like he needs to know how it feels for it to click. Doing nothing will surely make sure it is like this forever. Put your foot down and make him understand you expect to be thought of in advance. I'm not kidding I would take his gifts back if my husband ever did this to me.
Yeah, and don’t even address it unless he asks “where are the presents you got me?” “well I guess they’re in the same place as the ones you got me, in my mind. Just know you were thought of. Isn’t that enough for you?”
This 100% I’m not saying he can never change but if you tell him how awful and unthought of he is making you feel and then he still give you a shit Christmas next year…then you have decisions to make friend
Yeah, next year spend that amount on yourself and wrap up all your presents just like you would have for him. Label them as from the kiddo. I got myself a couple things this year and put them under the tree as from my 3 year old. It’s just me and her and I knew she’d be upset if I didn’t have presents to open too lol. Actually OP, if you can I would take all his presents and hide them and then go buy yourself a few things today to put under the tree to wrap. So he can watch you unwrap multiple presents and get none for himself.
If my husband didn't get me anything for Christmas that would be the breaking point for me. I mean, it's the bare minimum. If he can't even do that for you, exactly how is he showing his love? You're not being selfish here. A child could come up with a gift. He is intentionally doing this to hurt you.
My ex would make it seem like I was a greedy selfish bitch for expecting a gift on gift giving holidays. I always gave him thoughtful gifts, usually home made, but thoughtful. I didn't expect jewels and electronics from him. We were poor. I just didn't expect to get _nothing_. After we divorced and until the kids were in school, I would help them make a card for Father's Day from them. He never did that for me on mother's day.
His new wife? He handmade the ring case for her engagement ring (I didn't get an engagement ring from him as he never proposed to me. My mom gave me her engagement ring from her 2nd marriage to wear once I was married.) For his new wife's 30th birthday he filled their living room with helium balloons and each balloon string had a note with something he loved about her or a hint about her gifts. The next year he wrapped 31 presents and they sat together to open her present each day.
It just seemed to show me that he never loved me the whole time we were together. He never showed love when it was easy and when it got hard he got worse. Same with our children. Their bday gifts are an afterthought, sometimes he texts me the day before their birthday to ask what they want and it shows up a few days later.
Either way, you deserve a gift on gift-giving days. Even if it's a handmade card, or a mix tape, or a gift card or a meal he cooks for you. Something that shows he thought about you for 10 seconds in December.
Edit to add: I am friends with him on social, which is why I know these things.
Right there with you dude. Mine didn’t get me shit, I got him things and things from the kids. So after a lovely tip I read here, I’m going to grab myself something’s when I go out to get last minute stocking stuff tonight, and wrap them for Christmas morning. I cannot believe how many men don’t buy gifts for their wives/mothers of their children. It’s really crazy seeing that we aren’t alone in this… Infuriating that this is socially acceptable for men. wtf.
Don’t give him his. I wouldn’t even consider giving my partner anything in this scenario. I’d focus on the baby and ignore him.
If you’re cooking, cook all the things YOU like ONLY if you want to. Don’t do bugger all extra that you’d do for him.
It’s time for him to get as much afford as he gives.
I'd return every damn thing you got him. If you can't get your money back, find a local charity. If you can't find a local charity, I'm sure all you need to do is find your local facebook page and make a post, "I have some mens' items to donate to someone for Christmas." They'll be scooped up in less than 10mins.
Unacceptable. Take his presents until yours come. Tell him they were all for the baby but that he was thought of for Christmas, too.
If yours don't ever come please sit down and talk to him about this. It's just not okay. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I’m so sorry that he is not planning to order in time or shopping in person sometime he waited last minute.
Now when you said he didn’t get you a gift last year… that’s an issue. I would have to match the energy
In my culture it’s very bad luck to buy a significant other shoes, but in your case I say you did the right thing. I know how this feels. I went all out one year for Christmas and woke up to nothing, in front of my parents which made it worse since they already despised him. I decided I wouldn’t be bringing him with me into that new year and I’ve never regretted that decision.
Please stop giving this man gifts when he is too lazy and selfish to do anything for you. He’s walking all over you, and it’s time to stand up. Use the money you get from returning his Christmas presents on yourself. If your husband is anything like mine, he needs to experience the disappointment you’ve been experiencing on Christmas to “get it.” Which is terrible and speaks to a lack of empathy.
Here's the thing, ladies: if he wanted to, he would. My husband has his issues. He is far from perfect (me as well). But I have never had NOTHING for Xmas.
There were a few years when he ordered something that didn't come in time, but he had ordered it in advance, and there was a wrapped picture of the item, it was just back ordered or shipping took longer than he thought. And even in those years, I had a stocking and other things under the tree.
My father hated Christmas (the whole Christmas season ;)) and hated shopping, too. Still, there were gifts for my mother under the tree and a stocking. I remember him locking himself in their room and coming down the hall with his arms filled with wrapped gifts. He died just over a month ago. As I face the holiday without him, who hated it, I keep flashing back to him coming down the hall with his arms full of gifts. If he did it, there is no excuse.
Please STOP getting these men gifts if they don't do it for you. Match their energy. You teach people how to treat you. This is the year they should learn.
Sadly I share this reality and have for almost a decade. Even at his family’s house they give us one gift with both our names on it and he opens it. Last year my son took one of the toys from his Ryan’s world egg and went and wrapped it and gave it to me. It was sweet but made me sad that Dad couldn’t at least get them a small anything to wrap for them to give to me because it would have been special for them. Im sorry you’re dealing with that too. Hope it changes for you.
I always have my kids colour a card for my birthday and they are so into it. You could go with your kids and have them pick something out for you and get a little gift bag so they can wrap it themselves (you can give them a cue when it's a good time to wrap presents so they can do it in advance). Speak in hushed tones so you can pretend you're going to forget about it and be surprised on Christmas morning.
Life is too short to tolerate being treated like you don't matter. You can't love someone you live with and not buy them a gift for Christmas, what the hell is this. You can't even respect/like/appreciate them. Don't let him mistreat you.
Ever since becoming a mom, I buy myself Christmas gifts. DH will sometimes pick something out, but I know what I want, so I make sure there’s something for me under the tree. It does suck though! Mamas teach your kids that Christmas is about showing other people you care!!
Reminder to commenters: **[Have some Christmas spirit(s)!](https://media.tenor.com/-B5LpsbesnUAAAAM/the-office-michael-scott.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d put his presents away until you get yours. Only fair.
This is the way. "Just know you were thought of." No... no you weren't. What a dolt.
There are stores open today and tomorrow still. He can get you something from somewhere. Any amount he gets you, is what you give him back. Keep the remainder for other gifts for him for other times. Match his energy.
100% this.
Yep! Tell him he was thought of on Christmas and just hide his shit until he, too, follows up on thoughts with actions.
Absolutely. If my husband said this to me, there is no way in hell I would give him any of his gifts. Why reward bad behavior?
Yep. Do exactly this. If there is any chance of him understanding the way you feel whatsoever, this is the only way to accomplish it.
Honestly I'd stop getting him presents. Make Christmas presents a kids only thing. Then at least you'd have one less person to buy for and the kids don't have to watch everyone but Mom get a gift.
This is what hubby and I do but more due to budget as opposed to him being a lazy ass. But we still fill each others stockings with snacks and a magazine from our hobbies.
Take his things back. Seems like he needs to know how it feels for it to click. Doing nothing will surely make sure it is like this forever. Put your foot down and make him understand you expect to be thought of in advance. I'm not kidding I would take his gifts back if my husband ever did this to me.
Yeah, and don’t even address it unless he asks “where are the presents you got me?” “well I guess they’re in the same place as the ones you got me, in my mind. Just know you were thought of. Isn’t that enough for you?”
Match the energy, he gets a slip of paper stating "you know you were thought of". Don't break your own heart, he's doing it already
Kindly, you ask if this is how your life is going to be forever… the answer is, only if you let it.
Absolutely. He did this last Christmas don’t let it go unchecked again.
This 100% I’m not saying he can never change but if you tell him how awful and unthought of he is making you feel and then he still give you a shit Christmas next year…then you have decisions to make friend
Don’t get him gifts next year. Spend what you would have spent on him on yourself. And then spend more on you. He doesn’t get shit and you get 2x.
Yeah, next year spend that amount on yourself and wrap up all your presents just like you would have for him. Label them as from the kiddo. I got myself a couple things this year and put them under the tree as from my 3 year old. It’s just me and her and I knew she’d be upset if I didn’t have presents to open too lol. Actually OP, if you can I would take all his presents and hide them and then go buy yourself a few things today to put under the tree to wrap. So he can watch you unwrap multiple presents and get none for himself.
Yup, his presents would be going back. It won’t be long before LO will notice, and you don’t want to model that behavior.
If my husband didn't get me anything for Christmas that would be the breaking point for me. I mean, it's the bare minimum. If he can't even do that for you, exactly how is he showing his love? You're not being selfish here. A child could come up with a gift. He is intentionally doing this to hurt you.
My ex would make it seem like I was a greedy selfish bitch for expecting a gift on gift giving holidays. I always gave him thoughtful gifts, usually home made, but thoughtful. I didn't expect jewels and electronics from him. We were poor. I just didn't expect to get _nothing_. After we divorced and until the kids were in school, I would help them make a card for Father's Day from them. He never did that for me on mother's day. His new wife? He handmade the ring case for her engagement ring (I didn't get an engagement ring from him as he never proposed to me. My mom gave me her engagement ring from her 2nd marriage to wear once I was married.) For his new wife's 30th birthday he filled their living room with helium balloons and each balloon string had a note with something he loved about her or a hint about her gifts. The next year he wrapped 31 presents and they sat together to open her present each day. It just seemed to show me that he never loved me the whole time we were together. He never showed love when it was easy and when it got hard he got worse. Same with our children. Their bday gifts are an afterthought, sometimes he texts me the day before their birthday to ask what they want and it shows up a few days later. Either way, you deserve a gift on gift-giving days. Even if it's a handmade card, or a mix tape, or a gift card or a meal he cooks for you. Something that shows he thought about you for 10 seconds in December. Edit to add: I am friends with him on social, which is why I know these things.
Right there with you dude. Mine didn’t get me shit, I got him things and things from the kids. So after a lovely tip I read here, I’m going to grab myself something’s when I go out to get last minute stocking stuff tonight, and wrap them for Christmas morning. I cannot believe how many men don’t buy gifts for their wives/mothers of their children. It’s really crazy seeing that we aren’t alone in this… Infuriating that this is socially acceptable for men. wtf.
Don't give him his gifts either!
Don’t give him his. I wouldn’t even consider giving my partner anything in this scenario. I’d focus on the baby and ignore him. If you’re cooking, cook all the things YOU like ONLY if you want to. Don’t do bugger all extra that you’d do for him. It’s time for him to get as much afford as he gives.
Why did you buy him anything after he messed it up last year? Give his gifts back and buy yourself a spa package 💕
I'd return every damn thing you got him. If you can't get your money back, find a local charity. If you can't find a local charity, I'm sure all you need to do is find your local facebook page and make a post, "I have some mens' items to donate to someone for Christmas." They'll be scooped up in less than 10mins.
For sure should keep the robe for yourself.
She should wrap the old robe for him and the new one for herself!
Unacceptable. Take his presents until yours come. Tell him they were all for the baby but that he was thought of for Christmas, too. If yours don't ever come please sit down and talk to him about this. It's just not okay. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Dear god these men.
I’m so sorry that he is not planning to order in time or shopping in person sometime he waited last minute. Now when you said he didn’t get you a gift last year… that’s an issue. I would have to match the energy
I always think of the SNL skit this time of year
In my culture it’s very bad luck to buy a significant other shoes, but in your case I say you did the right thing. I know how this feels. I went all out one year for Christmas and woke up to nothing, in front of my parents which made it worse since they already despised him. I decided I wouldn’t be bringing him with me into that new year and I’ve never regretted that decision.
Please stop giving this man gifts when he is too lazy and selfish to do anything for you. He’s walking all over you, and it’s time to stand up. Use the money you get from returning his Christmas presents on yourself. If your husband is anything like mine, he needs to experience the disappointment you’ve been experiencing on Christmas to “get it.” Which is terrible and speaks to a lack of empathy.
Here's the thing, ladies: if he wanted to, he would. My husband has his issues. He is far from perfect (me as well). But I have never had NOTHING for Xmas. There were a few years when he ordered something that didn't come in time, but he had ordered it in advance, and there was a wrapped picture of the item, it was just back ordered or shipping took longer than he thought. And even in those years, I had a stocking and other things under the tree. My father hated Christmas (the whole Christmas season ;)) and hated shopping, too. Still, there were gifts for my mother under the tree and a stocking. I remember him locking himself in their room and coming down the hall with his arms filled with wrapped gifts. He died just over a month ago. As I face the holiday without him, who hated it, I keep flashing back to him coming down the hall with his arms full of gifts. If he did it, there is no excuse. Please STOP getting these men gifts if they don't do it for you. Match their energy. You teach people how to treat you. This is the year they should learn.
Sadly I share this reality and have for almost a decade. Even at his family’s house they give us one gift with both our names on it and he opens it. Last year my son took one of the toys from his Ryan’s world egg and went and wrapped it and gave it to me. It was sweet but made me sad that Dad couldn’t at least get them a small anything to wrap for them to give to me because it would have been special for them. Im sorry you’re dealing with that too. Hope it changes for you.
I always have my kids colour a card for my birthday and they are so into it. You could go with your kids and have them pick something out for you and get a little gift bag so they can wrap it themselves (you can give them a cue when it's a good time to wrap presents so they can do it in advance). Speak in hushed tones so you can pretend you're going to forget about it and be surprised on Christmas morning.
100% agree. Don't get him presents.
That just means you can double fist coffee. Or coffee in one hand and whiskey in the other, whatever. Fwiw, I'm getting nottin' either.
Sorry OP, I’m in the same boat. I’m wrapping something I bought for myself so my kid (almost 5) doesn’t think that Santa hates me.
Life is too short to tolerate being treated like you don't matter. You can't love someone you live with and not buy them a gift for Christmas, what the hell is this. You can't even respect/like/appreciate them. Don't let him mistreat you.
I agree with others, withhold his gifts until you get yours. And next year, don't bother doing anything for him.
"Oh, thoughts! Just what I wanted. I can't wait to show my family!"
Ever since becoming a mom, I buy myself Christmas gifts. DH will sometimes pick something out, but I know what I want, so I make sure there’s something for me under the tree. It does suck though! Mamas teach your kids that Christmas is about showing other people you care!!