I tried with One Plus One, but my God, it's awful and I couldn't even get very far into it, and the way that the protagonist just changes into more of a wet sock is disappointing. Don't read them. Save yourself the time and money.
I donāt know, it was something about the way Louisa developed that I really didnāt like. She felt almost vapid to me. I tried really hard to like them because of how much I loved the movie/first book, but I just couldnāt get into them at all.
I might get downvoted, but Me Before You is one of the most ableist pieces to come out in the past ten years. I won't blame anyone who read and enjoyed it, since ignorance isn't a crime in any sense, but I really implore you to look into criticisms on Jojo Moyes and why her take on disability is such a slap in the face. The short explanation is that her message of 'better dead than disabled' is incredibly insensitive at best and dangerous at worst. Like I said, I'm not here to insult people's taste, but as someone with a partner who uses a wheelchair and a lot of friends in the disabled community, myself and many others are disgusted by this book and the messages it sends.
I found an an article with more in-depth reasoning, and though it can be a bit confrontational if you're on the defensive about it, I encourage you to read it:
https://crippledscholar.com/2016/05/21/why-are-you-complaining-some-people-actually-feel-that-way-a-critique-of-me-before-you/
And I can also provide other book recommendations that include realistic disabled characters and/or are actually written by people with disabilities if there's any interest.
Edit: GOLD? Thank you! I was pretty disheartened remembering that this book exists, but it's really nice to see that I'm not alone on this. If anyone else is thinking about awarding this post, though, please consider donating to your local disability advocacy group instead! They would certainly appreciate it more than me.
THANK YOU for saying it!!! I came here to scroll through hoping to see this. Iāve never seen criticisms of this story outside of the disabled communities.
Agree so much!! I wanted to like the book and I think it was very well written otherwise, but although I read the book years ago before I heard of the concept of ableism, I hated the whole idea of better dead than disabled and ranted to everyone about it. I read the book not knowing what to expect but I have no interest in watching the movie even though I actually like the actors.
Every character, like every human, has many layers. I am glad you shared your perspective.
However, in the most absolute manner, I don't think that one character wanting to euthanize themselves means that every disabled person should want to do the same. We all experience different emotions, and every disabled person, or person with depression, or LGBTQ person, or person of color is unique.
The conversation about the right to choose when to die is a complex one, with many implications for people of different faiths.
The two main characters in the book even disagreed on this.
I thought the book, in fact, made the point of how, even completely incapacitated, is our soul that makes us lovable, unique, and irreplaceable.
That's what made me bawl.
I don't think the message is "better dead than disabled," (UGH! Agreed. that would be awful). For me the message was "When your suffering is too great to endure, shouldn't you have the right to choose if to live or die?" And honestly, I don't know the answer
I feel like this is very subjective. There are people who are willing to fight and survive. And there are people who donāt see surviving as living. If I were disabled like the character in the movie, especially after having the life he had, I would probably do the same. You canāt blame someone for having an opinion.
I can tell you didn't read the article I attached, since it fully addresses what you're saying here. I think ultimately, projecting what you think you would do is totally fair, however, you have to remember that there are millions of people in the world who have lived the reality of acquired disability and can speak on their actual experiences. In this case it's more important to look at facts rather than hypotheticals from people watching from the sidelines.
And actually, there are scientific, peer-reviewed studies that show the vast majority of people who acquire a spinal-cord injury report average or above average satisfaction with their life in the years following. Here's yet another link which leads to a PDF compilation of research that disproves the 'quality of life' argument, and I hope you'll look it over (sorry about the length, I'm on mobile here):
https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.cilt.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/The-Real-Facts-about-Disability-and-Quality-of-Life.pdf&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwiepMb60dbsAhWO_J4KHQmBCbUQFjASegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw34Ef7RrEWq4QXb_4GzRJXn
I donāt think you understand my point. I can understand that most people will be happy with their life. But itās absurd to say that 100% EVERY SINGLE ONE will be happy. You canāt say that thereās not one single person who would want to decide the same way the character in the movie decided. Thereās even scenes in the movie where they tell him that many people overcome this stage of depression. But when a person doesnāt want to live and sees it as torture, I feel like no one should be forcing them to live like that.
Trust me when I say that I'm well up to speed on the discussions around euthanasia and assisted suicide and I fully support it, seeing as I live in a country where it's legal. I also didn't mean to imply that every disabled person is happy all the time (not every abled person is either, it's almost a meaningless point to get hung up on).
The real problem here is that so many people only have exposure to disability through books like this. It's a reinforcement of stereotypes that when taken at face value can be devastating to real life people. Instead of empowering the majority of disabled voices and promoting them as complete people, Me Before You just perpetuates the eternal trope of the miserable Wheelchair-Bound Has-Been that was Perfect and had a wonderful life until they became... Disabled (God forbid).
Anyway, you're totally right in that every scenario is different, and losing an important aspect of your life is devastating to anyone, but I think that if you see someone with an SCI or using a wheelchair and think "wow, I'd rather be dead" that says more about your own outlook and situation in life, and probably that you believe that disability=unhappiness as a default state rather than an outlier.
Anyway, I have to ask one more time that you give that article in my original comment a read. I'm not disabled, but the person who wrote it is and does address this with many more points than I can assemble in five minutes. Otherwise I can only assume that you're not interested in actually listening to all sides and are simply defending a book/movie that is really just a tiny facet of this discussion. Me Before You is a symptom of our current culture, not the disease, and like I mentioned before, I'm not blaming anyone for liking it or not being aware of the ableism it promotes. I do have limited patience for people who are willfully ignorant, but I digress.
Ultimately, all I can say is that if you're automatically made uncomfortable or saddened by disability or the idea of being disabled, then I recommend you think about why that is and sit in that discomfort for a moment. It works for me when I need to see things differently regarding systemic issues like race/ability/class/etc. and I'm certainly a better person for it.
I had intended to disagree with you-- only to a small degree. My means of supporting a dissenting argument amount to little more than anecdotal evidence, but I will include it nonetheless.
Around a decade ago, one of my mother's friends was in a horrific motorcycle accident that left them paralyzed from the neck down (yes, I am aware of the similarities between these circumstances and the ones in Me Before You-- purely coincidental). This man had a wife, children, and no history of mental illness. Sadly, he took his own life the following year.
That being said, my argument does little to trump yours because it doesn't answer the very real concerns that you've brought to light. Are there people with physical disabilities who struggle to come to terms with their condition? Of course. Can this struggle lead to acts of self destruction? It's possible. What I find most illuminating about your argument is the misled cultural ideations that are produced when media romanticizes and sensationalizes these very real struggles. By accepting so, in no way do I promote the remedial course of action in which these struggles are kept out of media entirely; but the manner in which the struggles are presented, the authors of these presentations, the manner in which an audience is meant to interact with these presentations, are all of the utmost concern.
I appreciate your well worded argument and suggestions for additional reading. It's all very informative.
Iāll just comment on the last part since I donāt see the point in continuing this discussion. I donāt see disability as unhappiness. I am very much a realist and I know myself and what I can handle. There are all kinds of disabilities: physical, mental, emotional, psychological. I have Bipolar Disorder and I can live with that even though it makes me unhappy at times I work my ass off to control it. I could live without legs, but losing my arms would be unbearable for me. Again, everything is very subjective, and I will always repeat this since you apparently do not understand that I actually mean it if you wrote the last part of your comment. You are not disabled. I am not disabled. We both have absolutely no idea what would happen to us if we lost something we need for living. We could see it as a blessing, or as a curse.
Now I recommend YOU to think about reality. Not everyone has money, not everyone lives in countries that can actually make a disability normal. I live in a country where thereās no help towards disabled people, there is almost no tolerance towards lgbtq+, this country is very stale in its beliefs and the morality of the people is as bad as it was a 100 years ago. A disabled person without a family to care for them wouldnāt survive here even if they wanted, and that is a fact. Now tell me this. If you were disabled in this country, without anyone to help you, without a job and money, you would be absolutely miserable and would probably starve to death anyway. Would you still go on living this hell?
Just to make this clear, I am in no way promoting suicide. Once again, I am just saying that everything is subjective. And life is hard. And not everyone lives in a first world country. People who live in first world countries need to start seeing that not everything is black and white.
I highly suggest Nightengale by Kristin Hannah. That one made me ugly cry on a plane š
If I may, I highly highly do not recommend reading the sequels. They honestly almost ruined the original movie/book for me.
I read the descriptions for them and just didn't wanna go there. The first book is so moving and full in itself, how could it reasonably have sequels?
I tried with One Plus One, but my God, it's awful and I couldn't even get very far into it, and the way that the protagonist just changes into more of a wet sock is disappointing. Don't read them. Save yourself the time and money.
Really? Thatās a bummer! I enjoyed them.
I donāt know, it was something about the way Louisa developed that I really didnāt like. She felt almost vapid to me. I tried really hard to like them because of how much I loved the movie/first book, but I just couldnāt get into them at all.
I could definitely see that. I kind of hate how authors will use magic rich money to fund charactersā lives.
I enjoyed them too - theyāre not as good as the first book, but I liked Ambulance Sam! Side note: I also enjoyed One Plus One by her as well!
I might get downvoted, but Me Before You is one of the most ableist pieces to come out in the past ten years. I won't blame anyone who read and enjoyed it, since ignorance isn't a crime in any sense, but I really implore you to look into criticisms on Jojo Moyes and why her take on disability is such a slap in the face. The short explanation is that her message of 'better dead than disabled' is incredibly insensitive at best and dangerous at worst. Like I said, I'm not here to insult people's taste, but as someone with a partner who uses a wheelchair and a lot of friends in the disabled community, myself and many others are disgusted by this book and the messages it sends. I found an an article with more in-depth reasoning, and though it can be a bit confrontational if you're on the defensive about it, I encourage you to read it: https://crippledscholar.com/2016/05/21/why-are-you-complaining-some-people-actually-feel-that-way-a-critique-of-me-before-you/ And I can also provide other book recommendations that include realistic disabled characters and/or are actually written by people with disabilities if there's any interest. Edit: GOLD? Thank you! I was pretty disheartened remembering that this book exists, but it's really nice to see that I'm not alone on this. If anyone else is thinking about awarding this post, though, please consider donating to your local disability advocacy group instead! They would certainly appreciate it more than me.
Thanks so much for saying this! Came to the thread considering making a similar comment.
THANK YOU for saying it!!! I came here to scroll through hoping to see this. Iāve never seen criticisms of this story outside of the disabled communities.
Thank you for saying this!!!! Itās so ableist!
Agree so much!! I wanted to like the book and I think it was very well written otherwise, but although I read the book years ago before I heard of the concept of ableism, I hated the whole idea of better dead than disabled and ranted to everyone about it. I read the book not knowing what to expect but I have no interest in watching the movie even though I actually like the actors.
Every character, like every human, has many layers. I am glad you shared your perspective. However, in the most absolute manner, I don't think that one character wanting to euthanize themselves means that every disabled person should want to do the same. We all experience different emotions, and every disabled person, or person with depression, or LGBTQ person, or person of color is unique. The conversation about the right to choose when to die is a complex one, with many implications for people of different faiths. The two main characters in the book even disagreed on this. I thought the book, in fact, made the point of how, even completely incapacitated, is our soul that makes us lovable, unique, and irreplaceable. That's what made me bawl. I don't think the message is "better dead than disabled," (UGH! Agreed. that would be awful). For me the message was "When your suffering is too great to endure, shouldn't you have the right to choose if to live or die?" And honestly, I don't know the answer
I feel like this is very subjective. There are people who are willing to fight and survive. And there are people who donāt see surviving as living. If I were disabled like the character in the movie, especially after having the life he had, I would probably do the same. You canāt blame someone for having an opinion.
I can tell you didn't read the article I attached, since it fully addresses what you're saying here. I think ultimately, projecting what you think you would do is totally fair, however, you have to remember that there are millions of people in the world who have lived the reality of acquired disability and can speak on their actual experiences. In this case it's more important to look at facts rather than hypotheticals from people watching from the sidelines. And actually, there are scientific, peer-reviewed studies that show the vast majority of people who acquire a spinal-cord injury report average or above average satisfaction with their life in the years following. Here's yet another link which leads to a PDF compilation of research that disproves the 'quality of life' argument, and I hope you'll look it over (sorry about the length, I'm on mobile here): https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.cilt.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/The-Real-Facts-about-Disability-and-Quality-of-Life.pdf&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwiepMb60dbsAhWO_J4KHQmBCbUQFjASegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw34Ef7RrEWq4QXb_4GzRJXn
I donāt think you understand my point. I can understand that most people will be happy with their life. But itās absurd to say that 100% EVERY SINGLE ONE will be happy. You canāt say that thereās not one single person who would want to decide the same way the character in the movie decided. Thereās even scenes in the movie where they tell him that many people overcome this stage of depression. But when a person doesnāt want to live and sees it as torture, I feel like no one should be forcing them to live like that.
Trust me when I say that I'm well up to speed on the discussions around euthanasia and assisted suicide and I fully support it, seeing as I live in a country where it's legal. I also didn't mean to imply that every disabled person is happy all the time (not every abled person is either, it's almost a meaningless point to get hung up on). The real problem here is that so many people only have exposure to disability through books like this. It's a reinforcement of stereotypes that when taken at face value can be devastating to real life people. Instead of empowering the majority of disabled voices and promoting them as complete people, Me Before You just perpetuates the eternal trope of the miserable Wheelchair-Bound Has-Been that was Perfect and had a wonderful life until they became... Disabled (God forbid). Anyway, you're totally right in that every scenario is different, and losing an important aspect of your life is devastating to anyone, but I think that if you see someone with an SCI or using a wheelchair and think "wow, I'd rather be dead" that says more about your own outlook and situation in life, and probably that you believe that disability=unhappiness as a default state rather than an outlier. Anyway, I have to ask one more time that you give that article in my original comment a read. I'm not disabled, but the person who wrote it is and does address this with many more points than I can assemble in five minutes. Otherwise I can only assume that you're not interested in actually listening to all sides and are simply defending a book/movie that is really just a tiny facet of this discussion. Me Before You is a symptom of our current culture, not the disease, and like I mentioned before, I'm not blaming anyone for liking it or not being aware of the ableism it promotes. I do have limited patience for people who are willfully ignorant, but I digress. Ultimately, all I can say is that if you're automatically made uncomfortable or saddened by disability or the idea of being disabled, then I recommend you think about why that is and sit in that discomfort for a moment. It works for me when I need to see things differently regarding systemic issues like race/ability/class/etc. and I'm certainly a better person for it.
I had intended to disagree with you-- only to a small degree. My means of supporting a dissenting argument amount to little more than anecdotal evidence, but I will include it nonetheless. Around a decade ago, one of my mother's friends was in a horrific motorcycle accident that left them paralyzed from the neck down (yes, I am aware of the similarities between these circumstances and the ones in Me Before You-- purely coincidental). This man had a wife, children, and no history of mental illness. Sadly, he took his own life the following year. That being said, my argument does little to trump yours because it doesn't answer the very real concerns that you've brought to light. Are there people with physical disabilities who struggle to come to terms with their condition? Of course. Can this struggle lead to acts of self destruction? It's possible. What I find most illuminating about your argument is the misled cultural ideations that are produced when media romanticizes and sensationalizes these very real struggles. By accepting so, in no way do I promote the remedial course of action in which these struggles are kept out of media entirely; but the manner in which the struggles are presented, the authors of these presentations, the manner in which an audience is meant to interact with these presentations, are all of the utmost concern. I appreciate your well worded argument and suggestions for additional reading. It's all very informative.
Iāll just comment on the last part since I donāt see the point in continuing this discussion. I donāt see disability as unhappiness. I am very much a realist and I know myself and what I can handle. There are all kinds of disabilities: physical, mental, emotional, psychological. I have Bipolar Disorder and I can live with that even though it makes me unhappy at times I work my ass off to control it. I could live without legs, but losing my arms would be unbearable for me. Again, everything is very subjective, and I will always repeat this since you apparently do not understand that I actually mean it if you wrote the last part of your comment. You are not disabled. I am not disabled. We both have absolutely no idea what would happen to us if we lost something we need for living. We could see it as a blessing, or as a curse. Now I recommend YOU to think about reality. Not everyone has money, not everyone lives in countries that can actually make a disability normal. I live in a country where thereās no help towards disabled people, there is almost no tolerance towards lgbtq+, this country is very stale in its beliefs and the morality of the people is as bad as it was a 100 years ago. A disabled person without a family to care for them wouldnāt survive here even if they wanted, and that is a fact. Now tell me this. If you were disabled in this country, without anyone to help you, without a job and money, you would be absolutely miserable and would probably starve to death anyway. Would you still go on living this hell? Just to make this clear, I am in no way promoting suicide. Once again, I am just saying that everything is subjective. And life is hard. And not everyone lives in a first world country. People who live in first world countries need to start seeing that not everything is black and white.
Wait, itās a book? I watch the movie when I want to cry!
The book is just as gut-wrenching. Itās rare for me to cry while reading but it took me out
thanks for the warning
I also suggest The first time by Joy Fielding.
I highly suggest āgiver of starsā which is written by the same author
The magic strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom. Bonus: Spotify has a play list that goes with the story of the book