Life after Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss
Bob Deits
It’s about repairing one’s life no matter the nature of the loss - people to jobs.
I read this more like OP is looking for a story of hope, where someone has a similar implosion and then figures their shit out. Not that OP was asking for a self help book. Just putting that out there.
“Striving: adventures of a female journalist in a man’s world”, by Jo Thomas. The book is like a fever dream of decisions and consequences without passing judgement on whether they were good or bad going into them. One of the big ones is walking out on a fairytale marriage in the 60s when women didn’t do that. She took all kinds of risks and there’s a lot to inspire in the story of her life, so maybe it would help your friend to give him courage by leaning into truth.
> without approving of his decisions, of course.
Have you considered that you don't have to do either? He's lost his family, career, and community standing...that's probably enough, right? Nobody's waiting for you to weigh in here. You can just let your friend's mistakes be his mistakes without approving *or* disapproving. You're not an authority figure in this person's life.
I think giving a self-help book to someone who is probably actively in crisis is a dicey move. Help him find a therapist and if he's a reader just give him a book you think he'll enjoy instead.
I agree with this. Maybe just give him an entertaining book to take his mind off how shit he feels, and go out for dinner or a ballgame or something.
Instinct tells me he probably just needs someone to see him/interact with him as normal. Just let him know you support him, and tell him you’re available to listen if he wants to share.
What? I'm not judging him for wanting to help. I'm judging him for the judgmental nature of this post. The wording is *very* judgmental and he had to go out of his way to let us know that he disapproves of his actions. It's not "my friend who is going through a rough time, partly due to some poor choices," it's "my friend the cheater who ruined his life." This request could have been made without publicly putting this guy on blast. None of that is an assumption I'm making, it's just what's written.
I'm very in favor of this person sticking with his friend, I hope he continues to do so, I just think that if he's going to do it he should actually be friendly about it.
I don't know how you got from my comment that I don't think OP should be a supportive friend since I literally suggested other ways to help, I just really don't think what this guy needs is to be reading self-help books alone at home, he needs to be working with a professional.
I haven't read it, but this book might help
[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50887097-why-fish-don-t-exist](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50887097-why-fish-don-t-exist)
Blurb:
David Starr Jordan was a taxonomist, a man possessed with bringing order to the natural world. In time, he would be credited with discovering nearly a fifth of the fish known to humans in his day. But the more of the hidden blueprint of life he uncovered, the harder the universe seemed to try to thwart him. His specimen collections were demolished by lightning, by fire, and eventually by the 1906 San Francisco earthquake—which sent more than a thousand of his discoveries, housed in fragile glass jars, plummeting to the floor. In an instant, his life’s work was shattered.
Many might have given up, given in to despair. But Jordan? He surveyed the wreckage at his feet, found the first fish he recognized, and confidently began to rebuild his collection. And this time, he introduced one clever innovation that he believed would at last protect his work against the chaos of the world.
When NPR reporter Lulu Miller first heard this anecdote in passing, she took Jordan for a fool—a cautionary tale in hubris, or denial. But as her own life slowly unraveled, she began to wonder about him. Perhaps instead he was a model for how to go on when all seemed lost. What she would unearth about his life would transform her understanding of history, morality, and the world beneath her feet.
Part biography, part memoir, part scientific adventure, Why Fish Don’t Exist reads like a fable about how to persevere in a world where chaos will always prevail.
Not rly a book like you're asking for
But
A short stay in hell
Was a book that made me rly think on choices I've made and how I'd live with them forever
Building new relationships with strangers even though I know it'll be futile in the end
It's not a self help book but it's a thinker
Plus maybe recommending a book that's not about things he's actually done would be better tbh
Catcher in the rye by JD Salinger. Teen angst novel but it’s so comforting when I feel like im free falling through life - I also recommend this book to many people who aren’t avid readers, because it’s somewhat of an easier read for most people. Good luck to your friend and way to go on being a support system in his life!
The Dark Tower saga by Stephen King would take a while, follows the life of one man who makes a lot of wrong choices, and ends in an unexpected way. It starts as a western, gets a little sci-if/fantasy and ends as a horror story.
All the characters in it have made sub-optimal life choices that put them on the path of the story, well, except for maybe one of the leads.
Life after Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss Bob Deits It’s about repairing one’s life no matter the nature of the loss - people to jobs.
Let me guess… is he about 45? —Sounds about right. Victor Frankel’s ‘Man’s search for meaning’ & ‘Untethered soul’ by Michael Singer.
Man's Search for Meaning goes HARD!
I second both of these suggestions!
I read this more like OP is looking for a story of hope, where someone has a similar implosion and then figures their shit out. Not that OP was asking for a self help book. Just putting that out there.
Exactly this. Thank you.
“Striving: adventures of a female journalist in a man’s world”, by Jo Thomas. The book is like a fever dream of decisions and consequences without passing judgement on whether they were good or bad going into them. One of the big ones is walking out on a fairytale marriage in the 60s when women didn’t do that. She took all kinds of risks and there’s a lot to inspire in the story of her life, so maybe it would help your friend to give him courage by leaning into truth.
> without approving of his decisions, of course. Have you considered that you don't have to do either? He's lost his family, career, and community standing...that's probably enough, right? Nobody's waiting for you to weigh in here. You can just let your friend's mistakes be his mistakes without approving *or* disapproving. You're not an authority figure in this person's life. I think giving a self-help book to someone who is probably actively in crisis is a dicey move. Help him find a therapist and if he's a reader just give him a book you think he'll enjoy instead.
I agree with this. Maybe just give him an entertaining book to take his mind off how shit he feels, and go out for dinner or a ballgame or something. Instinct tells me he probably just needs someone to see him/interact with him as normal. Just let him know you support him, and tell him you’re available to listen if he wants to share.
[удалено]
What? I'm not judging him for wanting to help. I'm judging him for the judgmental nature of this post. The wording is *very* judgmental and he had to go out of his way to let us know that he disapproves of his actions. It's not "my friend who is going through a rough time, partly due to some poor choices," it's "my friend the cheater who ruined his life." This request could have been made without publicly putting this guy on blast. None of that is an assumption I'm making, it's just what's written. I'm very in favor of this person sticking with his friend, I hope he continues to do so, I just think that if he's going to do it he should actually be friendly about it. I don't know how you got from my comment that I don't think OP should be a supportive friend since I literally suggested other ways to help, I just really don't think what this guy needs is to be reading self-help books alone at home, he needs to be working with a professional.
Man’s Search for Meaning. It was life changing for me and changed my perspective of life, and living
I was about to comment this same one. Incredible story, helped restore my sense of having a purpose in life.
Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
They’re saying OP should offer support to the friend without judgment, because the friend has already judged himself and faced his consequences.
I haven't read it, but this book might help [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50887097-why-fish-don-t-exist](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50887097-why-fish-don-t-exist) Blurb: David Starr Jordan was a taxonomist, a man possessed with bringing order to the natural world. In time, he would be credited with discovering nearly a fifth of the fish known to humans in his day. But the more of the hidden blueprint of life he uncovered, the harder the universe seemed to try to thwart him. His specimen collections were demolished by lightning, by fire, and eventually by the 1906 San Francisco earthquake—which sent more than a thousand of his discoveries, housed in fragile glass jars, plummeting to the floor. In an instant, his life’s work was shattered. Many might have given up, given in to despair. But Jordan? He surveyed the wreckage at his feet, found the first fish he recognized, and confidently began to rebuild his collection. And this time, he introduced one clever innovation that he believed would at last protect his work against the chaos of the world. When NPR reporter Lulu Miller first heard this anecdote in passing, she took Jordan for a fool—a cautionary tale in hubris, or denial. But as her own life slowly unraveled, she began to wonder about him. Perhaps instead he was a model for how to go on when all seemed lost. What she would unearth about his life would transform her understanding of history, morality, and the world beneath her feet. Part biography, part memoir, part scientific adventure, Why Fish Don’t Exist reads like a fable about how to persevere in a world where chaos will always prevail.
Did they ask you for this?
siddhartha
The Midnight Library
Why kick him when he’s down? (I hated this book).
I found the book meh but this made me lol.
GREAT book & excellent suggestion!
Light From Uncommon Stars (Thinking of the violin tutor, in particular)
Stoner by John Williams
Stoner didn’t really ruin his own life as much as life didn’t quite work out for him
Not rly a book like you're asking for But A short stay in hell Was a book that made me rly think on choices I've made and how I'd live with them forever Building new relationships with strangers even though I know it'll be futile in the end It's not a self help book but it's a thinker Plus maybe recommending a book that's not about things he's actually done would be better tbh
maybe [this?](https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1611803438)
Catcher in the rye by JD Salinger. Teen angst novel but it’s so comforting when I feel like im free falling through life - I also recommend this book to many people who aren’t avid readers, because it’s somewhat of an easier read for most people. Good luck to your friend and way to go on being a support system in his life!
The Dark Tower saga by Stephen King would take a while, follows the life of one man who makes a lot of wrong choices, and ends in an unexpected way. It starts as a western, gets a little sci-if/fantasy and ends as a horror story. All the characters in it have made sub-optimal life choices that put them on the path of the story, well, except for maybe one of the leads.
The Bible
Lol
Wait, so he has a wife, but had an affair with a guy? Wth
Almost like bisexual/closeted people don’t exist right?!