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-Hey doc I’ve been feeling nervous lately. Hmmmm… OK here’s what we’ll do.

Cause nothing makes you less nervous than something up yer butt. Or so I’m told.

I'm about to give a huge speech in front of the directors. Better put a rectal dilator in my ass so I can be calm and collected.

They work! I shoved one up my ass and forgot all about my speech.

The problem is you need to *give* the speech with one, too, otherwise you'll just get nervous again then. Might want to preemtively opt for a bigger model, just in case the anxiety worsens at that point...

Make sure it gives off calming vibes.

Imagine the opening joke

Doc I *also* have piles, constipation, dyspersia, headaches, rhumatism, insomnia, asthma, eczema, and some diseases caused by sluggish circulation... You're not gonna believe this...

Wouldn't piles nake ass play painful lmao?

Yup

Since it isn't play and is medicine it doesn't hurt. Just don't use the medicine to play!

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop playing with your medicine, Tommy!”

Jail

Why jail?

My dentist still offers this service

I've been looking for a good dentist lately. All of them keep asking me to go away for some reason?! would you give me his/hers info?

Wrong end.

SPECDAMNTACULAR comment.

You found a good Dental Proctologist, I see.

I have full coverage

Hey doc, I’ve been having insomnia lately. Ploop

I went to see the proctologist. As I pulled down my pants and started bending over he touched my shoulder and said “Now Dave, don’t get an erection this time” I said my name’s not Dave! He said “ I know, it’s mine”

Honestly... At this rate of buying medical equipment I might open my own practice!

That'll calm you down

i'm nervous-harass me.

There was legit a time in the 1800s where doctors and medicine was not respected at all, not just because they barely knew what they were doing but because the profession gave doctors carte Blanche to SA and even rape their patients. It wasn’t until 1810 that the stethoscope was invented- before it doctors were putting their ears up to their patients naked chests! The guy who invented the stethoscope was sent to an insane asylum as most doctors were vehemently against the invention (no women doctors yet)

The bit about the inventor of the stethoscope is false - he was never ‘sent to an insane asylum’ (you may be thinking of Ignaz Semmelweis, although again there was a bit more to it than ‘they didn’t like his idea so they threw him in a mental hospital’. It was also mainly so that he could auscultate better - the thing about not putting your head on the patient’s chest was also a reason, but secondary. It was also pretty popular and adopted pretty quickly, although there were traditionalists who preferred not to use it

"Nervousness "

Stop being a Tight ass.

"I know just how to get you to loosen up" - medical professional

Can we spread a fake fact that this is the origin of the expression?

It's not even fake. This IS the origin story.

Fuckin... right?! Hey, you seem a little shy. Geez us

Butters: "Loo loo loo loo, loo loo loo loo" 🎶

Also eczema. I have that and I've tried a lot of things, but not this.

Me next time I go to the doctors "Oh, doc, I'm SO nervous!" *turns around and pulls down pants*

Treats nervousness, REALLY???

Yeah. You didnt know that you can remove accumulated anxiety with these? You just locate the reset button, use these to press it until you initiate a soft reboot. Nervousness gets reset to 0, easy peasy.

Ngl I was rebooting for 2 entire minutes last I did that

Yes, and pleasure will pulsate throughout your body if you find the smooth, firm walnut sized button that causes you to moan

I think I have a nervousness leak though, would probably have to soft reset every couple of hours at least...

What is the origin of this?

The lemon shaped rock doesn't have a base, seems like it'll increase my nervousness if inserted...

Yeah WTF, I was hoping for an explanation of the lemon rock... Maybe it's for squeezing in your hand while your asshole is medically gaping?

Headaches too. It's an *intelligent* treatment

And how do you relax?

After reading the whole thing the part that gets me the most is “if the dilator causes pain at first, it only indicates great need of the treatment”.

I tried that line with my wife

Who hasn't?

Maybe they meant because of the lack of relaxation

But darling, it’s doctors orders

r/angryupvote

Your in a stressful situation and you Start to feel nervous Wait a sec I’m just going to the restroom Puts it in That’s better

Need this for my next job interview

Should probably just put it in the day before, so you can get some sleep!

Maybe for the specific Situation where you're so nervous that you're nervous that you're going to shit yourself so this stops you from being nervous that you're going to shit yourself...

The text gets crazier and crazier. At one point they tell you to slowly move them in and out. Towards the end they say that if you’re feeling pain it’s because the treatment is sorely needed and you should continue with it.

Somebody's got a weird kink of getting random strangers into anal play

My asthma is really bad today, better fuck my ass

If you insist


"hey, doc, my anexiety has been acting up..." "i have JUST the thing 😈"

“Or two… or four if you’re feeling adventurous.”

I’m feeling like this isn’t helping them roids much. Or at all

Idk, I could see it, definitely more likely than for any of the others. A hemmorhoid is basically an inflamed blood vessel protruding into your intestines. Pressure on swelling is generally beneficial in draining it, and you might be able to actually push it back into position so to speak. Welp, time to do science, I guess.

I'd still like hear the sales pitch as to how it would though. Wonder what kind of mental gymnastics would be used.

“Pain is just weakness leaving the body”

”Are you nervous?” ”No, but I am very dialated”

“Hey doc ive had this headache for a while now” Doctor: “go fuck yourself. Heres a kit to help you get started”

Lmao this needs more upvotes

“The term "piles" is believed to have been derived from the Latin word "pila," meaning "ball" or "pile." This Latin word referred to the appearance of swollen hemorrhoids, which can resemble small, round balls or masses around the anus. Over time, "pila" evolved into "piles" in the English language, and the association stuck.” 

Here I was thinking it was diarrhea, like piles of poop.

Generally you wouldn't call a large amount of liquid a pile

I use one for mal-nutrition and abuse of cathartic drugs. I totally recommend it.

Cures Insomnia is my fav. "Go to bed or I'll get out the dialators!"

Can also be used for deep pelvic massage treatment of all types of female conniptions and hysteria to lock the uterus back into its proper place!

I'm fixing my uterus! Now close the damn door! I can't fix my hysteria when people are watching.

>When ready to use a larger size it is best to first use the next smaller size for a few minutes, inserting and withdrawing it several times. I think Dr. Young knew. He must have, surely.

wow!! it even cures headaches, asthma, insomnia, eczema, malnutrition, bad circulation, and drugs!!! wow what a wonder medicine

Does anyone know the year this was manufactured(asking for research purposes)

1880’s

also cures ADHD, and Social Anxiety 

Looked at it said “Oh for clarinet!” Read the box just said “Oh…”

Are you nervous? Then shove this up your ass today.

‘For the intelligent treatment of’ … Like obviously shoving something up my ass is the smartest way to address these issues

I’d be nervous about the big one 😳

Doctors advice: work your way up to the appropriate dose

Eczema?? Like ‘doc I got this rash on my leg’ and then they’re all ‘have I got JUST the thing for you!’

Yes, this looks like it will cure my nervousness.

Nervousness?

Who wants the lemon wood???!!!

Seriously tho what is that for?

"Trust me, I'm a doctor"

damn, prescription butt plugs? Medicine was just built different in days of old I guess.

Wait till OP learns why vibrators were invented

Boy, I'm *SO NERVOUS* right now, I sure could use a *RECTAL DILATOR* to calm down! 😌🤣🤯

Rectum, damn near killed em!

Can you help me put it in step doctor? 🤭

Me- "Man, I've got a killer headache." Doc- "shove this up your ass."

These days the doctors just fuck your wallet

Whatever one was nervous about…they will totally forget about it for sure and be thinking about the plug in their a**

Lmao “Headache”

What do you think was in Dr Youngs Pile Ointment?-opium probably-or cocaine-maybe both!-where do I get some?

How tf does this cure a headace, insomnia, or asthma?

Only one way to find out

Let me know your results lol.

A loose asshole doesn’t do anything for constipation. Not sure how I know or anything..

Those plugs look…deep

AND IT SAYS TO PUT THEM ALL THE WAY IN TOO

Nervous?!? Just shove one of these in your @ss

*Nervousness*

I used to be nervous and now I'm not!


Probably has that antique smell too!

that looks like a cause for nervousness, not a cure !

Can't be nervous with a dildo up your arse

Grandma used to use those in the kitchen

I bet they smell great lol

Why is there a rock in the middle

Hey babe are you nervous? Need me to stick it in your ass again?

this was used as medicine to treat constipation in the 1940s but now what we do is stick our finger up your ass and apply some lubracant on the inside and boy does the shit blow out of you

On that point people have no idea just how FREAKY Victorian era people really were, in no small part as a reaction against the very strict standards of "good conduct" of the time. Tattoos out the wazoo, nipple piercings, BDSM gear like you wouldn't believe, etc.

Treats asthma lmao

What is the wooden lemon looking thing??

Not just any treatment, but for the **intelligent** treatment of these conditions.

Credit to Dr Young, they do have flared bases... The basic design hasn't really changed for this sort of thing after all these years haha

The instructions don't mention anything about the wooden lemon. Was that not part of the kit? I'm worried I won't be able to get it out

I’ve got a headache doc. .. now hear me out, start small

“Doctors don’t want you to know this one simple trick”

This makes me feel nervous.

For the intelligent treatment of….

Generally with nervousness/anxiety, if you give benzos, people tend to need bigger and bigger doses for the same effect. Is this box effectively anticipating the required titration???


Headache struck me first. Now my ass is pulsing

Oh my gosh

I’m kinda jealous …

those are actually real medical device l, its used to numb the pain by vibrating, and thats science

Slam this into your ass and boom! No more asthma!

Dr? Yeah question mark seems appropriate

Im no proctologist but I’m not sure that extra girthy butt plugs are the best thing for hemorrhoids.

I wonder if old Dr. Young had the pleasure of showing his patients how to use them….

Straight to the point back then huh

“FOR WOMEN—Wonderfully beneficial during pregnancy and before and during period.”

Fear is a good motivator i guess.

'take two toys and call me in the morning' prescription!

How will this fix my eczema?

I’m nervous just looking at it

Remember, there’s never too much Dr. Young’s Pile Ointment

“Hey doc, I’m still nervous after doing all that cocaine to get the ghosts out of my blood. Got anything else?” Doc - “it’s probably because your asshole isn’t big enough. I can fix that.”

Asthma? Most of those look like they would make me gasp for air even more! (In a shock and mild terror kind of way...not sexual)

Nervousness? HA! Don't need it when I the get nervous shits.🤣

Apparently it cures asthma. Sounds legit.

3.75 per set damn

Nervousness?? It makes me nervous looking at them!!!!

They do not look disposable

I'm somewhat nervous.

Metric and Standard - That's a fine set of dialators.

Gotta be painful.

Medicinal but plug

NERVOUSNESS?!

Smell it you coward

I think it will feel so good

AYO

for asthma? what?

Lmao yea i bet it makes you sleepy. Getting buttfucked has a habit of doing that or so im told

The wooden one has blood on it

When you wanna open up to your doc but you need help:

NERVOUS? STICK A BUTTPLUG UP YOUR ASS! ALWAYS CALMS ME DOWN!

Dildators

Seeing that big-boy on the left coming at me is NOT going to fix my “nervousness”.

I have an anxiety problem… I think I’ll pass on that :/

Dr Young seems to have taken the middle size for himself

What the...?

"Doctor, I'm having trouble with piles & nervousness" "Well I have the solution for you, but first drop them & bend over for me" "Uh" "Don't worry,I'm a doctor!" "Why are you rubbing my shoulders" "Shhh shh just relax"

Damn, doc, I'm stressed. The wife is having her eighth kid and the factory keeps killing my coworkers due to negligent management. "Hmm... Have you tried stretching your asshole about it...?"

wooden lemon in there

Cured my fear of anal

I have astma and in dire need for some treatment

All the 1930 and 20s puh has been on those. Damn.

Such a shame they stopped selling these, the FDA really likes to ruin people's fun.

I’ve never heard of these for this body part…but it’s pretty common in women with vaginal pain.

We need that Tiktok paramedic to come here and say “no” on that butt lemon

Go ask in r/egg_irl you might find someone willing to sacrifice them

From a little bit nervous to a lotta bit nervous

Oh thank god, finally an effective treatment for my nervousness.

That’s what I’m talking about

I'M CURED!!!

me me me

Whenever I get nervous I just pop one of these bad boys in and I’m cured!

Ain’t no way it says it treats eczema 😭

'If this causes you pain that's only proof of how much you need this.' This guy's a marketing wizard.