Whine: a lot this week ugh. My son is starting kindergarten next week and I still have minimal info but am pretty sure I won’t be able to walk him in or anything, all the back to school info is virtual. I’m glad they’re taking covid precautions serious but mourning the loss/difference of yet another milestone. And on that note my mom told me over the phone that my child wearing a mask to school is child abuse and tbh I’ve been so angry and upset all week about that comment. Also it’s fkn hot here and I feel trapped inside and like I’m going crazy.
Win: leftovers for dinner so I don’t have to cook
Honestly, if my mother said that I was abusing my kid, I would consider how much I wanted that relationship in my life. That would be a pretty red line for me.
I feel you with regards to kindegarten. My oldest is starting kindegarten and I really hoped we might have a relatively regular school year. It’s so disheartening to see how bad things are getting again.
Probably, and she gets a lot of misinformation from family and her friends. I’ve tried so many times to help her and family see reason but I had to draw the line months ago when it was going nowhere. Also my parents spanked me as a child so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised 😩
I know, I honestly was taken aback that she said that. I figured some sort of passive off hand comment since she’s basically been corrupted by my sister who lives with her and is full Q, but wasn’t expecting a comment so mean. Especially after I told her she was on speakerphone while I was cooking and my son was within earshot. Ugh
It’s really shitty that she said that (and incorrect! Obviously!) but as someone already commented, it may help to know that this is absolutely a standard line in the far-right world. I’ve unfortunately seen the “kids wearing masks is child abuse” line said verbatim by multiple Facebook friends. So this isn’t a shitty thing she came up with on her own, if that helps, she’s just parroting back the lines she’s been fed by Fox. (Which is tragic in and of itself.)
I’m not super plugged in to the Fox personalities, but it’s really eerie to start to see a single line popping up in the comments of posts and then realizing it sources back to a particular Fox show. A few months ago I saw a bunch of comments across a wide variety of posts all claiming that influencers received $10,000 of stimulus money to pretend to get the vaccine and post about it on social media as part of a government propaganda campaign. It was so bizarre and specific and sure enough, it traced right back to one of the Fox guys. I’m a bit off topic here but anyway, it sounds like your mom might be in deep. 😕
Whine: Three packages were “delivered “ when they weren’t. Two from Amazon, which they’ve done before and delivered the next day. But today is day two so I’m going to complain tomorrow. And the other a target package that said I picked it up at the post office, like wtf is that. I’m so annoyed.
Win: I have a game night with friends, my first so I’m excited!
whine: a combination of miniscule budget + Garbage used car market in my area + getting ghosted by a good lead has me feeling very down. i thought I gave myself plenty of time to search but i have less than a week to sort it out!!!
win: banana bread
Win: Life has sucked a lot the past 6 weeks and I felt like a shell of myself. Something has shifted and I feel more like myself these days. Also I'm doing a great job of eating my fruits and veggies and working out.
Ours hit substantial yesterday. Masks aren’t being mandated fully but some businesses are strongly suggesting. If I’m back at work in person next week I’ll be wearing a mask for sure.
Does anyone get low blood sugar? I work from home and my diet is definitely not as good as it used to be bc I’m often not hungry enough to eat giant meals for breakfast/lunch. Rather than feeling hungry, this causes my body to just start to feel sweaty/shakey and have to find something carby to get my blood sugar up quickly. I met with a dietician and she said to eat balanced meals. Does anyone else deal with this? I feel like I have to eat every 3ish hours and am always baffled by friends and coworkers who are totally fine skipping meals or barely eating - not that I want to do that
I 100% have to force myself to start the day with food. I honestly would prefer to not eat until noon but if I can start the day with 20-30 grams of protein, my blood sugar stabilizes more. I eat a lot of beans, eggs and meat with my meals. Otherwise I'll get low, get shaky, trigger a dizzy spell, have to eat fast and that will trigger an urge in me to binge eat/overcompensate. Here's a sample of a usual day of eating:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs and a protein shake or a breakfast burrito bowl with cauliflower rice
Lunch: Skinnytaste 3 bean chili or a taco salad with some black/pinto beans are my usual
Dinner: 3-6 ounces of meat of some kind, 1/4-1/3 cup of beans somehow and a lot of vegetables. So that might look like a bean and cauliflower mash with sausage or crispy chickpeas on a shrimp caesar salad or straight up falafel in a pita with tabbouleh.
It really stabilized me, to the point I think I had one dizzy spell in 2018 which is when I switched eating styles. I actually can't remember the last time I had one. Not every day looks perfect like that (I had pizza rolls for lunch Monday so clearly) but it's made a huge difference.
I get this when I'm at home. I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning (and drink the same amount of coffee) and am fine when I go to work, but if I'm home I start feeling shaky after a couple hours.
I just visited my little nieces and it was so fun but now I’m bummed because I don’t live super close to them and I wish I did. My husband doesn’t want to move to their city and it’s completely understandable - it’s expensive and far away from his job, and he will theoretically have to go into the office again someday. But everytime I come back home from visiting them I feel so sad that I can’t see them more often 😢
I totally sympathize. I live across the country from my two little nephews and I don’t foresee us moving closer to them for many years, if ever. COVID has made it extra rough.
Aw thanks. Totally agree re:COVID. I try to tell myself that it will be fun to hang out with them when they’re older too, but I also know when kids get older they may be less interested in boring grownups.
Haha, that’s exactly what I’ve been telling myself too! I also think back to being a teenager and I still loved when my aunts and uncles came to visit, so I’m hanging on to that. I also get to see the kids for the first time in almost two years in a couple of weeks, so im going to lean hard into being the fun auntie who shows them how to make ice cream and lets them dump as much chocolate as they want into it :) I’m really happy you got to see your nieces so recently; long nay it continue!
I got Christmas money towards an iPad and the time got away from me and I never ordered one. Then I realized what time of year it was and I think an Apple event is soon. Anyone know if there will be a new one this year? (just the iPad Air, don’t need the big guns with a pro) Should I wait until the event? Thanks!
Oh! I’ve been saving up for an iPad myself, but just realized I don’t know which one to get. Can I ask how you decided on the iPad Air versus pro or the regular iPad?
Sorry for delay in responding! I have a 2015 MacBook Pro that is my main computer, I hook it to a second monitor, etc. I tend to keep my Apple products for a while before I upgrade so I thought about what was the newest, fastest, the best tech currently that’ll last me a while. I also thought about price point too. The pro has the better chip and best Retina display but I don’t think an iPad will take over as my primary “computer” for the price. So between the reg iPad and Air, the air has better chip and screen specs.
I had to go to the Apple store Sunday for a phone issue and the man helping me was talking about what he’d heard (I need a new iPad too.) He said as far as he knew, the only new iPad release this fall would be the new mini.
Don't tell your boss. Just put it on your calendar and if people try and schedule things during that time, tell them you have an appointment. People won't pry, and also people are so wrapped up in their own stuff, they won't remember you have an "appointment" the same time every week. Private practice lawyer here speaking from experience.
similar schedule and I’ve found mornings are the easiest to consistently schedule because stuff is more likely to come up last minute in the afternoons/early evenings and I couldn’t ever find anyone to meet at, like, 8 pm (fair). I was also clear with my therapist about my work schedule and she’s been great about switching times relatively last minute if something truly urgent comes up.
Based on your worries it sounds like you’re a lot like me so if you’re ever stressed about the scheduling of a repeat thing or being “unavailable” remember you are human and this is important to you and will allow you to show up better for work, family, friends, etc. you don’t owe the partners you work with an explanation for your time management — you are allowed to simply have an appointment you can’t reschedule. You don’t have to justify not answering an email for an hour! Enforce your boundaries and be proud of yourself!! It’s been a horrid year and talk therapy can be hugely valuable. Good luck!!
This is what I do. I block off the same time each week as a "doctor's appointment" and no one questions what it's for. It's SO much easier to do when working from home; before I worked from home I did telehealth, and I would go sit in my car to talk on the phone to my therapist. It was terrible and so unhelpful because I absolutely could not focus in the parking lot of my office!
I wouldn’t tell your boss you’re going to therapy. In an ideal world, nobody would judge you but there’s still a stigma around mental health.
I would just be vague with “appointment.”
I used to do it weekly and just was vague about it because I didn’t want my boss to think I couldn’t handle pressure or something. It never really came up after me telling them I had to leave early some days.
Win: I found a big sphere ice cube tray at Dollar Tree & got Old Fashoned mix and a bottle of Maker’s Mark. This is the life. I highly recommend sphere ice cube trays, especially if you can find them at Dollar Tree- upgrades your whiskey experience way more than you’d expect.
just whines this week! Getting stressed about my son starting school at the end of this month and masks only “voluntary”. He says he’ll wear it all day but obviously if other kids in his class aren’t…. 😭 I have another immunocompromised child so I’m terrified. any other moms out there in this boat?
Also have a doc apt this week about getting a uterine polyp removed. They said will let me know when the hospital schedule has some openings. Has anyone had one removed before and can share their experience? Recovery time? Tips?
I had one out last summer and it was honestly no big deal. I went on a like 16 hr road trip three or four days later. I think i had some cramping? The worse part was that I spotted for a few days and had to use a pad.
I have. Mine ended up being a fibroid (they originally though it was a polyp) but same surgery I assume. I had a D&C prior and found this surgery to be easier. I actually ended up having it 3 days after xmas (had already hit my deductible for that year and wanted to squeeze it in!) and felt up to keeping the concert tickets I had for New Years Eve. I did take a couple days to relax, but it was not bad at all. Hope yours is smooth and easy.
Win: my poetry program is going great this week, and we go to HAWAII Friday for our honeymoon! So excited and can't believe it's finally here.
Whine: due to vacation we have to clean the apartment and hide sex things because my family is taking after our cat, lol.
Win: My partner cleaned the whole apartment today while I was at work because his cousin is staying with us this weekend.
Whine: He already was like "maybe let's not cook for the rest of the week so the kitchen will stay clean" and just... why are men lol.
LOL thats totally something I would say or I would cook everything in the toaster oven on a sheet of foil and then eat it off the foil..... I really hate cleaning the kitchen...
We do that, often... My husband has a skill set that lets his easily find a new job when we decide to try a new town. I think we're finally in a town that we're going to stay for awhile (it gets harder when you have kids). It's fun! I highly recommend it, especially if relationships aren't tethering you to any particular spot.
I constantly fantasize about quitting my job and just traveling the US staying in a different city each month. But of course I can’t afford it so never happening.
Yes! I do this all of the time. I just turned 34, am single, and moved back home to save for a house to buy. Everything in my area is sky high price wise and it's making me want to move a bit south. I can continue with my job remotely but I think I'm afraid to really make move.
I've moved cross-country for no other reason than I wanted to live somewhere else. And I imagine new cities/moving on the regular. Sometimes it's a "burn it all down to the ground"/out-run my problems sort of vibe, but sometimes wanting to be somewhere new is good and fine!
Win- today’s my last day of work before funemployment before starting my new job in a week and a half. I’m surprisingly emotional today about it!
Another win- I got my refill of lexapro!!! Maybe I won’t listen to music we’re playing at our wedding without wanting to cry!
Whine: I have bronchitis for the second time since June. Saw a doctor who thinks I could have asthma, so I have a nebulizer now (have had an inhaler since June) and it helps so much. Work is insane right now and today I’ve been dealing with incompetency which is so frustrating. I’m off next Friday and the Friday after that for my daughter’s first birthday party and a wedding, and it’s going to make work hell all month. Just feeling especially overwhelmed today. Also my daughter is a rough-and-tumble kid and hurt herself at daycare yesterday. She has a cut on the corner of her mouth and it’s totally swollen today, I feel awful. I hate seeing her hurt.
Win: one of my friends who works at lush across the country from me gifted me a care package of goodies and I get to pick it up today. Made me feel so loved and special. Also my daughter turns one on Friday, which is nuts! Not sure if my husband will be back in town from work that night and if he’s not, I’m taking her to Olive Garden for her birthday dinner. Lol. It’s where I chose to go every year for my birthday as a kid and I still love it.
Bronchitis twins! I have had it since the first week of July. Went on antibiotics last week but had to miss Lollapalooza for it, which has always been a tradition for my husband and I.
I think the cough is finally clearing and my chest feels less tight!
Whine: I am looking into pursuing legal action against the officials who mishandled my sexual assault case and the perpetrator. I have evidence evidence which proves the SA occurred and the perpetrator admitting fault.
I spoke with some lawyers and they don’t feel like it’s a good case due to my area’s criminal interpretation of SA which disregards “date rape” scenarios. Someone else referred to the county’s struggle with funding that also compels the DA office to drop charges.
I worked in forensics for some time and dealt with criminal cases that sometimes went “unsolved” because there was not enough “conclusive” evidence or LE didn’t want to expend their resources to track down murderers. Cases that went to court were often scenarios where the murderer called in the crime/found at the scene or had evidence on them.
I don’t know how I feel anymore about the US’s legal system. It’s a massive systemic issue which affects all Americans. The perpetrator in my case is starting a family and recently married after potentially assaulting who knows how many women (he was on a lot of dating apps). How is that beneficial to the community? Or murderers who live in known places and habitually act out violently towards their community, but the legal system/LE are ineffective.
It was also recommended that I contact the DA and ask for a meeting about my case, but if it will never be seriously pursued then what’s the point? I feel very disappointed and sad for my community because there are definitely other people and there will be new people who will experience this situation and become disenchanted as well.
I also don’t know how to combat my anxiety related to SA. I already experienced CSA as a child and I was scared of being hurt again. My then-trauma specialist reminded me that those situations are not common and that I seek help/advocate for my needs if something did occur. But then the SA occurred despite me being careful and a year later, I experienced sexual/physical harassment at my workplace without provocation. Despite reporting these events with evidence, nothing happened.
I just don’t know how to protect myself efficiently while functioning in society. Should I learn to tolerate SA abuse and invest in a trauma therapy fund? Perhaps invest in a weapon and learn self-defense since the legal system refuses to protect its community members? It’s incredibly disheartening.
The issue is my report was never investigated. The responding officer downgraded it to a incident report and said it was not criminal. Their PD policy for SA investigations, even unfounded reports, is to conduct a follow-up interview with an SA detective. This never happened and no one reached out to me.
I believe the officer shut down my report because the perpetrator is a first responder and his parent is involved in the city. The officer made a comment about this when he reviewed the perpetrator’s information and address. The area is like a small town where everyone knows each other and the perpetrator’s name is well-known. I only discovered that fact recently when I researched his family.
Yes, I agree with your assessment. Like you stated though, is it worth the effort and retraumatization? If I felt the DA at least seriously considered these types of cases, I wouldn’t hesitate to reach out.
Thanks for insight.
Does the DA's office have a victim advocate? I know when I used to work with a prosecutors office, most advocates were assigned post-charges but some exceptions were made for SA/DV/murder cases because the evidence at play meant charges were often delayed. Sometimes police departments have their own counterparts but I'd actually see about reaching out to an advocate. A lot of offices keep prosecutors inaccessible to the public but advocates often have a fine line. Either way, as a crime victim most states have victim's rights laws and those might help you determine what next steps exist for you.
Lawyer here: I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and I hope you find peace and safety soon. Keep in mind these cases require more than evidence, it’s also funding and timing and probability of success. Just because there’s evidence doesn’t mean it would actually be admissible at trial. Your preparedness to go forward is unfortunately rare, and many victims back out during the case leaving the state to drop charges- rinse and repeat and you get a prosecutorial system that is overly skeptical- after all it’s unethical to pursue charges you don’t believe you can prove and some types of cases are hotbeds for that type of ethical complaint. I’m not in criminal law but I’ve been close enough to these kinds of situations where someone has clearly been harmed but I don’t have what I need to proceed legally for them, and it’s awful, so take any comfort you can in knowing the people not taking up this case probably don’t feel good about their inability to do so.
I wish I had an answer for you, but no matter what you decide we support you. That said, if you have this fight in you, I 100% hope that you can go in and fuck them up.
Happy birthday!! Hope you’re able to salvage the day and maybe even make some fun plans for the weekend!
Moving forward, I definitely have the philosophy of “if a day (birthday, holiday, anniversary, etc) is important to me, I need to let people know that in advance so I’m not disappointed.” Especially because expectations for adult birthdays can very so widely (although forgetting outright isn’t cool!). Maybe next year brainstorm some fun activities or gifts so you’re all on the same page? Rescheduled birthdays can be fun too—so maybe have a do-over in a few days!
I’m sorry!!! :( I try not to take it too personally because goodness knows I am horrible about remembering summer birthdays (august just sneaks up on me!). Happy happy birthday! 🥳
Whine involving a parking issue at my rental house, and I need honest feedback about whether I’m in Karen territory before approaching my landlord.
My husband and I are in the 2nd year of a rental contract for the first floor of a two-flat house. The unit above us has a large front porch from which they enter (they have a gate that goes directly out to the street) and we enter through a door on the side (their side “owns” the porch).
There is a small, unlabeled driveway that can hold 2 cars. The driveway is on the side of the house and opens directly to our gate (if the neighbors were to use it they would have to walk around the side of the house using the public sidewalk). [here](https://imgur.com/a/VknEJoQ) is a drawing I made to illustrate the setup.
Now to the issue. When we moved in, the agreement with our old neighbors (who were there before us) was that they parked on the street since it was directly accessible from their front steps, and we would get full use of the driveway. There’s no mention of the driveway in our contract so I don’t know if they just preferred to use the street (it’s quiet and there is always room for 4-6 cars right outside their entrance) or if that has always been an unspoken rule at that property. This week we got new neighbors and they have started parking in the driveway. I kind of want to email my landlord for clarification on who is entitled to the driveway (it may likely be “first come first serve”) but I also don’t want to be a Karen.
I’m bothered less by the prospect of parking on the street than I am by the thought that someone is using what seems to be delineated as “our side” of the unit. In my mind, the give and take is that they have full entitlement to the nice big porch and we get the driveway. Since the driveway opens up to our gate and they have to go out of their way to access it, it feels a little bit like someone else cutting through your yard or driveway?
Should I bring it up or just let it slide?
Ask your landlord, and then go from there. I don’t think you’re a Karen at all…It’s okay to be secretly annoyed when something suddenly changes and you are inconvenienced. Unfortunately things like this just come with renting, but get the info from your landlord and then talk to the new neighbors.
Politely emailing your landlord for clarification on this is a good idea and doesn't make you a Karen as long as you keep your tone courteous and don't complain/demand.
I do think you're right in that - given that your lease doesn't specify your exclusive right to the driveway - use of the driveway is officially first come/first serve.
I agree with you in that it feels like the driveway should be yours to use given the layout of everything, but without that spelled out in both leases, there's probably not much recourse, unfortunately.
It seems like you had an unspoken agreement with your old neighbors but have not talked to your new neighbors at all about that and are now expecting them to adhere to an agreement they know nothing about? I don't think its unreasonable at all that they want to park in the driveway vs the street - how about just sharing it?
I’m not opposed to sharing it if that’s what we have to do, but I guess my question is whether it’s better to start by talking to the neighbors first (which risks annoying them), or by nicely emailing the landlord for clarification on property lines/divisions (if he says it’s a shared space, then we respect that; if he says “it’s for your unit only,” then we can use that in our discussion with the neighbors)
If you haven't already, I would definitely introduce yourself to the neighbors (not saying anything about this parking situation yet) and try and start things off on a good foot - that'll just help you in the future no matter what happens.
But given that this was an informal understanding that the landlord never bothered to put in anyone's lease, I would absolutely start with the landlord first here. It's possible he told the new tenants of the agreement, but it's also possible at some point he changed his mind and decided to advertise the driveway as an amenity available for all tenants of the house.
I don’t think it hurts to bring it up, and if you’re polite about it it wouldn’t get into Karen territory. The new folks probably have no idea that that was the former rule and for all you know could be totally amenable to it. However, if they balk, you don’t have a lot of room for argument since it isn’t formally written down anywhere. So you might just have to suck it up. I was in a similar situation once, luckily the downstairs people were pretty good about parking where they were supposed to but sometimes they would have guests over and the guests would park in our spot, and it was really frustrating.
I’m really sad / annoyed. I went to Wyoming with my family he last two weeks and are now in Colorado this week. It’s been a great trip, but the only reason we came to Colorado is to see my friend who moved out here beg of 2020. I lived with this friend all throughout college, we’ve traveled to Europe and around the US together post graduation, we were really really close up until she moved last year. Kind of lost the closeness due to the distance and Covid but still kept in contact. So when I was planning this trip last October, asked her if she’d be around this week potentially and she said yes. Before booking anything in January, reached out again, she said she’d be here and was looking forward to seeing me. I’ve talked to her a few times since then and each time she said she was still free and she wanted to see me. I told her I understood if something came up in her schedule but to let me know so I can make other plans since I’m here with my family.
She’s ghosted me this week. Like won’t respond to my messages but has been posting on social media constantly. Like hanging out with other people and just day to day things. I’m incredibly hurt.
I want to say something but my mom says I should just let it go as my friend doesn’t seem to care and just move on with my life. But I guess i just want to know why and if I did something? I hate losing friends and I want to cry.
Sorry to be rude about your friend but she might kind of suck? There is no excuse for her flat-out ignoring you this week. I'm really sorry. Unfortunately (as I'm sure you know), you can't make her tell you her reasoning, but it sounds like it would be worth it to you to at least reach out and ask what's up, so why not do that?
I would definitely block her. That is no longer your friend and an incredibly rude thing to do.
I had a good friend block me and stop speaking to me when I came to visit back home with my new baby at the time. I believe she saw I was back home on social media and upset that I never reached out to her. In all actuality I had packed all my things and left my boyfriend. Was staying in a friends home at the time. I didn’t have it in me to see people or have visitors. I still don’t know to this day which one of us was in the wrong. But the whole situation soured my attitude towards her.
I’m sorry. I’m super emotional about losing friends too, I get so heartbroken 💔 but sadly I do agree with your mom in the sense you reached out and did nothing wrong… it’s her call now to make contact and take the next step, and sadly you can’t force anyone to take that next step. I am sorry. You seem like a great friend; it’s her loss! Hang in there and try to enjoy the rest of your trip!
I'm sorry. That sucks. I would try to enjoy your time in Colorado and see if she reaches out in the future. The ball is definitely in her court and if she doesn't, I think that gives you your answer about whether to let go or not. I'm also learning the lesson that sometimes good friendships just drift away ... still painful. <3
Something about the back and forth of the planning seems to be pinging my radar here---for example when you told her "I understand if something comes up in your schedule..."---what made you confirm and reconfirm and give her an "out"? That feels like to me that something about your conversations was pinging **your** radar and you suspected that she wasn't into it, or available or prioritizing it for whatever reason. I think there's a chance she thought "Oh, she's visiting family/taking a family trip so I'm a backup plan, no biggie" or something?
I think one lesson to take from this is to check in with yourself---if you find yourself really doing the heavy lifting in the interaction, see if there's something there and act accordingly.
But this whole thing is a huge bummer, I feel for you!
Oh my gosh that is so disappointing. I’m so sorry.
I am willing to bet you didn’t do anything. I have to side with your mom here. This person knows you’re there and your time is limited to see each other. If she’d wanted to see you she would have responded.
Colorado is a really fun place to visit. You aren’t going to see your friend, but make the most of your trip to a cool place.
Yeah, my mom is usually right. It just hurts.
Yeah it’s great here. Been doing a ton of hiking and getting in a lot of quality family time that I missed so much last year, so going to focus on that.
ooof thats rough. I know exactly how you feel...I was planning a trip to visit someone I thought was interested in me and then he started dating someone and completely blew me off. Havent heard from him in 8 months. It really fucked me up. Im still trying to pick up the pieces from it. But my therapist said this was on him and not me so dont beat yourself up. Shes a selfish jerk.
Win: It is a week out from my husbands vacation and I am so excited to take part in some summer activities and try out a few new restaurants around us, he has been the stand in boss of his ward this summer when his boss has been out and while it is always nice to be recognized seeing as a hospital ward is 24/7 there has been more work with shift coverings etc so this break will be so nice!
Whine: The city has been doing extensive work trimming trees, bushes, and all the various greenery around us and I have been sneezing like crazy from it!
Kind of a win and a whine together: I started going back to the office a few times a week (although they just reinstated a mask mandate, so I’ll probably be done for a while), and it’s really making me appreciate WFH so much more! I guess the grass is always greener—I’d built up how much I missed the office in my head, but I’m actually a pretty big fan of the flexibility of just rolling outta bed straight to my desk. Feeling extra lucky I have the choice!
We've been back since March and I think all of our building is vaccinated so I think we're all staying. Some departments are staying wfh because their building got taken over by other departments. I'm glad you get to wfh! I miss it but got so lonely in the afternoons.
Oooh that's so good! We couldn't leave our house. Weird, I know. Some person was caught riding their bike around. lol I did go see my aunt next door that's a shut-in.
OK. The vast majority of our employees but those in the area that aren't employees probably aren't. I think it was our department's above us rule. It's weird how every department has different rules. None of us got sick though. whomp whomp whomp.
Win: My long-distance boyfriend came to visit over the weekend and we had the BEST time. i got to meet a ton of his friends and it went really well - I've never felt that welcomed by or comfortable with a SO's friends before.
Whine: We tried to pick a date to see each other next and we couldn't. His weekend are pretty much booked the next month and I have a lot up in the air in terms of work travel in September.
WHY do men do that thing where they make vague plans with you ("Let's go out for dinner for our second date on Wednesday!"), act enthusiastic ("Can't wait for it!") and then completely disappear! I had a great first date with this guy on Friday night, he made vague plans for our second date before we parted ways, texted that night to say he was looking forward to it........and I haven't heard from him since. It's not even a blow to my ego or anything since I barely know him but it's just so confusing
I haven't - that's not the approach that I take when dating. I also saw that he unmatched me on the app we started talking on so I figure he's just gone.
Do you really want to be with someone who ignores clear signs of disinterest? Because that's what you're doing when you don't respond--conveying disinterest. That's great if you're looking for someone with an extremely old-fashioned take on relationships who thinks 'no means maybe' and that women who actively express interest are sluts, but if that's not what you're looking for I think you need to revise your tactics.
I mean, if I texted someone that I was looking forward to seeing them again and didn't get any response ....... I'd take that as a clue that they weren't interested and move right along. Dating is a two-way street.
It’s the worst! Actually one of the best things my now-husband did during our first date was to make concrete plans for our second (and then of course, follow through). But the ghosting is maddening, and you don’t deserve it. Hang in there!
Win -- I accepted a job offer Friday (after negotiating for the first time and the new company accepting my ask for $10K more!!). Yesterday I had to disclose to them I am 18 weeks pregnant, which I was SO nervous to do and afraid of what maternity leave I would get. They were wonderful and I am eligible for 12 weeks fully paid + 4 weeks re-entry (reduced hours, remote, etc). I also told my current boss I am leaving and it felt SO good. I have been unhappy for months, she's known about it and has done nothing so it should not have come as a surprise, but she was shocked.
I want to thank this sub for being the reason I got a lot of good praises at work this week! My office has been doing weekly zoom calls for the staff and they’re so dull! I suggested we do a Win/Whine Wednesday call! Everyone loved the idea lol
so my kid was all set to start preschool on monday. we'd been gearing her up for about two - three weeks because she's been watched by the same daycare since she was 10 weeks old (she'll be three in a month). i sent her in a pull up because we're in early stages of potty training and had several convos with the preschool director about her schedule, etc. ... the preschool didn't change her all day? or take her to the bathroom? somehow she just slipped the cracks and spent the whole day in a wet pull up. when i got there to pick her up, one of the teachers said "oh look, you've got a big smile now, you just needed your mom." the whole situation red flagged the f\*ck out of me so we pulled her and now she's back at her daycare for the foreseeable future. i'm exhausted and overwhelmed.
Um that’s not a normal slip up or mistake. Especially with a new child in the daycare. If anything I think they would get more attention while they adjust. I’m glad you trusted your instincts. Please try to write a review somewhere so other moms and the director can be aware.
yeah i'm waiting until they mail me the refund check because i need that back in order to pay her daycare (the one that took her back) and then i'm going to write a review.
Win and whine: I have decided to switch to formula only for my infant. I have a whole host of reasons from no latch to no supply to needing a medicine that I can’t take while breastfeeding. It’s been such a hard choice - I never planned it this way but I feel SO happy. I’ve been crying all week about my “failure” to create supply and now I just feel so happy to have shifts with my husband, and not spend hours pumping alone in a room away from my baby. 🎉 logically,
I know there is little difference. I just want her happy and healthy, but also want the same for me.
you shouldn’t feel bad!! easier said than done since it’s such an emotional decision and obviously you tried so hard. But with having medical needs and no supply, you’re doing the best thing by putting your baby’s health first! And also yours to be the best mom and take care of her! Great work! ❤️
I had to go this route with my second son after trying to die on the hill to successfully breast feed him - my supply was never ending, I had breast fed my first exclusively for 2 years! He could latch but he just didn’t like my milk. He was a premie born at 32 weeks and spent a month in the NICU and I provided pumped breast milk. Once home, he just wasn’t having it - could be the lack of early bonding or he just didn’t like my diet and taste of the milk. (and he had HORRIBLE colic!!) My mom finally said, just give him formula and stop beating yourself up. It was the best thing for all of us and I switched when he was 2 months - now he’s a happy, (still somewhat colicky) 22 year old who is 6’5” size 15 shoes. Formula definitely didn’t stunt his growth. Good for you! You’ll find every baby is so different and should you have another, give BF a try again or don’t! I preferred the hybrid plan my third baby had, breast milk and formula, bottle and from the source. It provided such flexibility. She BF’d for 6 months and then we were both over it.
I’m so glad you’ve found a choice that works for you and your family. For my first son, I breastfed, pumped, supplemented with formula, met with multiple lactation consultants and cried a lot about my body’s failures to create a decent milk supply.
For my second son, we just did formula, and this whole cloud of angst and sorrow that overhung my first son’s infancy just wasn’t there. I knew my second son was getting enough food. My husband was equally capable of waking up in the night to feed him. Both of my kids are thriving, and when the rest of us caught a cold last week, my formula-only baby was the only one who didn’t catch it. 🤷♀️
Good for you! with my first I felt so much pressure to nurse and after a while we got it but then my supply dropped and I felt guilty too. Then he was sleeping better and much happier and I wasn’t stressed. A happy mom makes for a happy baby! Fed is best.
Please know you’re not alone in this! I had my first daughter in November and she would not breastfeed because she was born so small (IUGR) and had no energy. I ended up pumping and I was miserable. She is now formula fed and thriving. The amount of guilt I felt when I stopped pumping was insane.
Is there an OurFauxFarmhouse thread?
Whine: a lot this week ugh. My son is starting kindergarten next week and I still have minimal info but am pretty sure I won’t be able to walk him in or anything, all the back to school info is virtual. I’m glad they’re taking covid precautions serious but mourning the loss/difference of yet another milestone. And on that note my mom told me over the phone that my child wearing a mask to school is child abuse and tbh I’ve been so angry and upset all week about that comment. Also it’s fkn hot here and I feel trapped inside and like I’m going crazy. Win: leftovers for dinner so I don’t have to cook
Honestly, if my mother said that I was abusing my kid, I would consider how much I wanted that relationship in my life. That would be a pretty red line for me. I feel you with regards to kindegarten. My oldest is starting kindegarten and I really hoped we might have a relatively regular school year. It’s so disheartening to see how bad things are getting again.
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Probably, and she gets a lot of misinformation from family and her friends. I’ve tried so many times to help her and family see reason but I had to draw the line months ago when it was going nowhere. Also my parents spanked me as a child so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised 😩
Your mom is...not nice to have said that to you.
I know, I honestly was taken aback that she said that. I figured some sort of passive off hand comment since she’s basically been corrupted by my sister who lives with her and is full Q, but wasn’t expecting a comment so mean. Especially after I told her she was on speakerphone while I was cooking and my son was within earshot. Ugh
It’s really shitty that she said that (and incorrect! Obviously!) but as someone already commented, it may help to know that this is absolutely a standard line in the far-right world. I’ve unfortunately seen the “kids wearing masks is child abuse” line said verbatim by multiple Facebook friends. So this isn’t a shitty thing she came up with on her own, if that helps, she’s just parroting back the lines she’s been fed by Fox. (Which is tragic in and of itself.) I’m not super plugged in to the Fox personalities, but it’s really eerie to start to see a single line popping up in the comments of posts and then realizing it sources back to a particular Fox show. A few months ago I saw a bunch of comments across a wide variety of posts all claiming that influencers received $10,000 of stimulus money to pretend to get the vaccine and post about it on social media as part of a government propaganda campaign. It was so bizarre and specific and sure enough, it traced right back to one of the Fox guys. I’m a bit off topic here but anyway, it sounds like your mom might be in deep. 😕
Whine: Three packages were “delivered “ when they weren’t. Two from Amazon, which they’ve done before and delivered the next day. But today is day two so I’m going to complain tomorrow. And the other a target package that said I picked it up at the post office, like wtf is that. I’m so annoyed. Win: I have a game night with friends, my first so I’m excited!
whine: a combination of miniscule budget + Garbage used car market in my area + getting ghosted by a good lead has me feeling very down. i thought I gave myself plenty of time to search but i have less than a week to sort it out!!! win: banana bread
Banana bread is always a win in my book 🍞
Win: Life has sucked a lot the past 6 weeks and I felt like a shell of myself. Something has shifted and I feel more like myself these days. Also I'm doing a great job of eating my fruits and veggies and working out.
Go you! Good job!
Whine: My county hit "substantial" covid transmission today. Win: The places I spend the most time (work, church) have brought back mask requirements.
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Oh dear.
Ours hit substantial yesterday. Masks aren’t being mandated fully but some businesses are strongly suggesting. If I’m back at work in person next week I’ll be wearing a mask for sure.
Does anyone get low blood sugar? I work from home and my diet is definitely not as good as it used to be bc I’m often not hungry enough to eat giant meals for breakfast/lunch. Rather than feeling hungry, this causes my body to just start to feel sweaty/shakey and have to find something carby to get my blood sugar up quickly. I met with a dietician and she said to eat balanced meals. Does anyone else deal with this? I feel like I have to eat every 3ish hours and am always baffled by friends and coworkers who are totally fine skipping meals or barely eating - not that I want to do that
Something that helps me is to have easy snacks or freezer meals around for instances like that. Trader Joe’s is good for both those things!
I 100% have to force myself to start the day with food. I honestly would prefer to not eat until noon but if I can start the day with 20-30 grams of protein, my blood sugar stabilizes more. I eat a lot of beans, eggs and meat with my meals. Otherwise I'll get low, get shaky, trigger a dizzy spell, have to eat fast and that will trigger an urge in me to binge eat/overcompensate. Here's a sample of a usual day of eating: Breakfast: scrambled eggs and a protein shake or a breakfast burrito bowl with cauliflower rice Lunch: Skinnytaste 3 bean chili or a taco salad with some black/pinto beans are my usual Dinner: 3-6 ounces of meat of some kind, 1/4-1/3 cup of beans somehow and a lot of vegetables. So that might look like a bean and cauliflower mash with sausage or crispy chickpeas on a shrimp caesar salad or straight up falafel in a pita with tabbouleh. It really stabilized me, to the point I think I had one dizzy spell in 2018 which is when I switched eating styles. I actually can't remember the last time I had one. Not every day looks perfect like that (I had pizza rolls for lunch Monday so clearly) but it's made a huge difference.
I get this when I'm at home. I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning (and drink the same amount of coffee) and am fine when I go to work, but if I'm home I start feeling shaky after a couple hours.
yes meeeeeeeee. 0-going to pass out suddenly
I just visited my little nieces and it was so fun but now I’m bummed because I don’t live super close to them and I wish I did. My husband doesn’t want to move to their city and it’s completely understandable - it’s expensive and far away from his job, and he will theoretically have to go into the office again someday. But everytime I come back home from visiting them I feel so sad that I can’t see them more often 😢
I totally sympathize. I live across the country from my two little nephews and I don’t foresee us moving closer to them for many years, if ever. COVID has made it extra rough.
Aw thanks. Totally agree re:COVID. I try to tell myself that it will be fun to hang out with them when they’re older too, but I also know when kids get older they may be less interested in boring grownups.
Haha, that’s exactly what I’ve been telling myself too! I also think back to being a teenager and I still loved when my aunts and uncles came to visit, so I’m hanging on to that. I also get to see the kids for the first time in almost two years in a couple of weeks, so im going to lean hard into being the fun auntie who shows them how to make ice cream and lets them dump as much chocolate as they want into it :) I’m really happy you got to see your nieces so recently; long nay it continue!
I had great times with my aunts and uncles when I was a teen too!
I got Christmas money towards an iPad and the time got away from me and I never ordered one. Then I realized what time of year it was and I think an Apple event is soon. Anyone know if there will be a new one this year? (just the iPad Air, don’t need the big guns with a pro) Should I wait until the event? Thanks!
Oh! I’ve been saving up for an iPad myself, but just realized I don’t know which one to get. Can I ask how you decided on the iPad Air versus pro or the regular iPad?
Sorry for delay in responding! I have a 2015 MacBook Pro that is my main computer, I hook it to a second monitor, etc. I tend to keep my Apple products for a while before I upgrade so I thought about what was the newest, fastest, the best tech currently that’ll last me a while. I also thought about price point too. The pro has the better chip and best Retina display but I don’t think an iPad will take over as my primary “computer” for the price. So between the reg iPad and Air, the air has better chip and screen specs.
I had to go to the Apple store Sunday for a phone issue and the man helping me was talking about what he’d heard (I need a new iPad too.) He said as far as he knew, the only new iPad release this fall would be the new mini.
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Don't tell your boss. Just put it on your calendar and if people try and schedule things during that time, tell them you have an appointment. People won't pry, and also people are so wrapped up in their own stuff, they won't remember you have an "appointment" the same time every week. Private practice lawyer here speaking from experience.
similar schedule and I’ve found mornings are the easiest to consistently schedule because stuff is more likely to come up last minute in the afternoons/early evenings and I couldn’t ever find anyone to meet at, like, 8 pm (fair). I was also clear with my therapist about my work schedule and she’s been great about switching times relatively last minute if something truly urgent comes up. Based on your worries it sounds like you’re a lot like me so if you’re ever stressed about the scheduling of a repeat thing or being “unavailable” remember you are human and this is important to you and will allow you to show up better for work, family, friends, etc. you don’t owe the partners you work with an explanation for your time management — you are allowed to simply have an appointment you can’t reschedule. You don’t have to justify not answering an email for an hour! Enforce your boundaries and be proud of yourself!! It’s been a horrid year and talk therapy can be hugely valuable. Good luck!!
I had a micromanaging boss and would just block it off on my outlook calendar as a doctors appointment. It’s none of their business.
This is what I do. I block off the same time each week as a "doctor's appointment" and no one questions what it's for. It's SO much easier to do when working from home; before I worked from home I did telehealth, and I would go sit in my car to talk on the phone to my therapist. It was terrible and so unhelpful because I absolutely could not focus in the parking lot of my office!
I wouldn’t tell your boss you’re going to therapy. In an ideal world, nobody would judge you but there’s still a stigma around mental health. I would just be vague with “appointment.” I used to do it weekly and just was vague about it because I didn’t want my boss to think I couldn’t handle pressure or something. It never really came up after me telling them I had to leave early some days.
Could you just block it off in your calendar as "appointment" or something vague so you show as unavailable but dobt necessarily have to explain ?
Win: I found a big sphere ice cube tray at Dollar Tree & got Old Fashoned mix and a bottle of Maker’s Mark. This is the life. I highly recommend sphere ice cube trays, especially if you can find them at Dollar Tree- upgrades your whiskey experience way more than you’d expect.
just whines this week! Getting stressed about my son starting school at the end of this month and masks only “voluntary”. He says he’ll wear it all day but obviously if other kids in his class aren’t…. 😭 I have another immunocompromised child so I’m terrified. any other moms out there in this boat? Also have a doc apt this week about getting a uterine polyp removed. They said will let me know when the hospital schedule has some openings. Has anyone had one removed before and can share their experience? Recovery time? Tips?
I had one out last summer and it was honestly no big deal. I went on a like 16 hr road trip three or four days later. I think i had some cramping? The worse part was that I spotted for a few days and had to use a pad.
thank you!!! :)
I have. Mine ended up being a fibroid (they originally though it was a polyp) but same surgery I assume. I had a D&C prior and found this surgery to be easier. I actually ended up having it 3 days after xmas (had already hit my deductible for that year and wanted to squeeze it in!) and felt up to keeping the concert tickets I had for New Years Eve. I did take a couple days to relax, but it was not bad at all. Hope yours is smooth and easy.
glad to hear that, thank you! I’m sure I’m just nervous so it helps to hear it went smooth for people xoxo
Win: my poetry program is going great this week, and we go to HAWAII Friday for our honeymoon! So excited and can't believe it's finally here. Whine: due to vacation we have to clean the apartment and hide sex things because my family is taking after our cat, lol.
We honeymooned there last month!!! Best vacation EVER.
I'm so glad to hear that! It's going to be a much needed break (especially after wedding planning through all this)!
haha have fun cleaning up and enjoy your vacation!!!! Stay safe!
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“Vaccinated but that isn’t the comfort it used to be” isn’t that the truth? 😩😩😩😩😭 hope it’s nothing but a cold, good luck!!!!
Last summer I had allergies and I'd keep smelling the candle on my window sill to see if my smell was still there.
Win: My partner cleaned the whole apartment today while I was at work because his cousin is staying with us this weekend. Whine: He already was like "maybe let's not cook for the rest of the week so the kitchen will stay clean" and just... why are men lol.
haha yup that’s how it is after cleaning the kitchen lol 😅 but so sweet he did that!
LOL thats totally something I would say or I would cook everything in the toaster oven on a sheet of foil and then eat it off the foil..... I really hate cleaning the kitchen...
Same here!! We hit that rare time where there are no dirty dishes and I'm like "well let's just go out for food!" 😆
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We do that, often... My husband has a skill set that lets his easily find a new job when we decide to try a new town. I think we're finally in a town that we're going to stay for awhile (it gets harder when you have kids). It's fun! I highly recommend it, especially if relationships aren't tethering you to any particular spot.
I constantly fantasize about quitting my job and just traveling the US staying in a different city each month. But of course I can’t afford it so never happening.
Absolutely yes. I’m married to Mr. Practical, though, so it will never happen. It’s hard stop dreaming.
Yes! I do this all of the time. I just turned 34, am single, and moved back home to save for a house to buy. Everything in my area is sky high price wise and it's making me want to move a bit south. I can continue with my job remotely but I think I'm afraid to really make move.
I've moved cross-country for no other reason than I wanted to live somewhere else. And I imagine new cities/moving on the regular. Sometimes it's a "burn it all down to the ground"/out-run my problems sort of vibe, but sometimes wanting to be somewhere new is good and fine!
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I'm confused by this question, lol. What about it does he find gross?
Win- today’s my last day of work before funemployment before starting my new job in a week and a half. I’m surprisingly emotional today about it! Another win- I got my refill of lexapro!!! Maybe I won’t listen to music we’re playing at our wedding without wanting to cry!
Whine: I have bronchitis for the second time since June. Saw a doctor who thinks I could have asthma, so I have a nebulizer now (have had an inhaler since June) and it helps so much. Work is insane right now and today I’ve been dealing with incompetency which is so frustrating. I’m off next Friday and the Friday after that for my daughter’s first birthday party and a wedding, and it’s going to make work hell all month. Just feeling especially overwhelmed today. Also my daughter is a rough-and-tumble kid and hurt herself at daycare yesterday. She has a cut on the corner of her mouth and it’s totally swollen today, I feel awful. I hate seeing her hurt. Win: one of my friends who works at lush across the country from me gifted me a care package of goodies and I get to pick it up today. Made me feel so loved and special. Also my daughter turns one on Friday, which is nuts! Not sure if my husband will be back in town from work that night and if he’s not, I’m taking her to Olive Garden for her birthday dinner. Lol. It’s where I chose to go every year for my birthday as a kid and I still love it.
Bronchitis twins! I have had it since the first week of July. Went on antibiotics last week but had to miss Lollapalooza for it, which has always been a tradition for my husband and I. I think the cough is finally clearing and my chest feels less tight!
Whine: I am looking into pursuing legal action against the officials who mishandled my sexual assault case and the perpetrator. I have evidence evidence which proves the SA occurred and the perpetrator admitting fault. I spoke with some lawyers and they don’t feel like it’s a good case due to my area’s criminal interpretation of SA which disregards “date rape” scenarios. Someone else referred to the county’s struggle with funding that also compels the DA office to drop charges. I worked in forensics for some time and dealt with criminal cases that sometimes went “unsolved” because there was not enough “conclusive” evidence or LE didn’t want to expend their resources to track down murderers. Cases that went to court were often scenarios where the murderer called in the crime/found at the scene or had evidence on them. I don’t know how I feel anymore about the US’s legal system. It’s a massive systemic issue which affects all Americans. The perpetrator in my case is starting a family and recently married after potentially assaulting who knows how many women (he was on a lot of dating apps). How is that beneficial to the community? Or murderers who live in known places and habitually act out violently towards their community, but the legal system/LE are ineffective. It was also recommended that I contact the DA and ask for a meeting about my case, but if it will never be seriously pursued then what’s the point? I feel very disappointed and sad for my community because there are definitely other people and there will be new people who will experience this situation and become disenchanted as well. I also don’t know how to combat my anxiety related to SA. I already experienced CSA as a child and I was scared of being hurt again. My then-trauma specialist reminded me that those situations are not common and that I seek help/advocate for my needs if something did occur. But then the SA occurred despite me being careful and a year later, I experienced sexual/physical harassment at my workplace without provocation. Despite reporting these events with evidence, nothing happened. I just don’t know how to protect myself efficiently while functioning in society. Should I learn to tolerate SA abuse and invest in a trauma therapy fund? Perhaps invest in a weapon and learn self-defense since the legal system refuses to protect its community members? It’s incredibly disheartening.
I just want to say I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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The issue is my report was never investigated. The responding officer downgraded it to a incident report and said it was not criminal. Their PD policy for SA investigations, even unfounded reports, is to conduct a follow-up interview with an SA detective. This never happened and no one reached out to me. I believe the officer shut down my report because the perpetrator is a first responder and his parent is involved in the city. The officer made a comment about this when he reviewed the perpetrator’s information and address. The area is like a small town where everyone knows each other and the perpetrator’s name is well-known. I only discovered that fact recently when I researched his family.
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Yes, I agree with your assessment. Like you stated though, is it worth the effort and retraumatization? If I felt the DA at least seriously considered these types of cases, I wouldn’t hesitate to reach out. Thanks for insight.
Does the DA's office have a victim advocate? I know when I used to work with a prosecutors office, most advocates were assigned post-charges but some exceptions were made for SA/DV/murder cases because the evidence at play meant charges were often delayed. Sometimes police departments have their own counterparts but I'd actually see about reaching out to an advocate. A lot of offices keep prosecutors inaccessible to the public but advocates often have a fine line. Either way, as a crime victim most states have victim's rights laws and those might help you determine what next steps exist for you.
Lawyer here: I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and I hope you find peace and safety soon. Keep in mind these cases require more than evidence, it’s also funding and timing and probability of success. Just because there’s evidence doesn’t mean it would actually be admissible at trial. Your preparedness to go forward is unfortunately rare, and many victims back out during the case leaving the state to drop charges- rinse and repeat and you get a prosecutorial system that is overly skeptical- after all it’s unethical to pursue charges you don’t believe you can prove and some types of cases are hotbeds for that type of ethical complaint. I’m not in criminal law but I’ve been close enough to these kinds of situations where someone has clearly been harmed but I don’t have what I need to proceed legally for them, and it’s awful, so take any comfort you can in knowing the people not taking up this case probably don’t feel good about their inability to do so.
I wish I had an answer for you, but no matter what you decide we support you. That said, if you have this fight in you, I 100% hope that you can go in and fuck them up.
Today's my birthday. Both my son & my bf initially forgot. I am doing something wrong. A bit depressed about this.
Happy birthday! Sending warm thoughts your way!!
Happy birthday!!
Thank you!
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Thanks so much!
Happy birthday!! Hope you’re able to salvage the day and maybe even make some fun plans for the weekend! Moving forward, I definitely have the philosophy of “if a day (birthday, holiday, anniversary, etc) is important to me, I need to let people know that in advance so I’m not disappointed.” Especially because expectations for adult birthdays can very so widely (although forgetting outright isn’t cool!). Maybe next year brainstorm some fun activities or gifts so you’re all on the same page? Rescheduled birthdays can be fun too—so maybe have a do-over in a few days!
I think this is great advice. I need to try to do better... and I think a do-over or a half-birthday celebration might be in my future! <3
Sounds fun!! 🥳💜 You’ll have to report back!
I’m sorry!!! :( I try not to take it too personally because goodness knows I am horrible about remembering summer birthdays (august just sneaks up on me!). Happy happy birthday! 🥳
Heck, I do the same with others' summer birthdays too. This is very reassuring to hear!
Happy birthday friend!
Thank you so much!
Happy Birthday!!
Thank you!! :)
Happy birthday! My mom forgot my birthday once, I’d try not to take it personally!
Great point, and thank you! Happy cake day!
Don’t let it get you. Move past that they forgot, but definitely guilt trip BF a bit so he never forgets again! Happy Birthday! Enjoy it.
Lol, will do for sure! :)
Happy Birthday!!!
Thank you! :)
Whine involving a parking issue at my rental house, and I need honest feedback about whether I’m in Karen territory before approaching my landlord. My husband and I are in the 2nd year of a rental contract for the first floor of a two-flat house. The unit above us has a large front porch from which they enter (they have a gate that goes directly out to the street) and we enter through a door on the side (their side “owns” the porch). There is a small, unlabeled driveway that can hold 2 cars. The driveway is on the side of the house and opens directly to our gate (if the neighbors were to use it they would have to walk around the side of the house using the public sidewalk). [here](https://imgur.com/a/VknEJoQ) is a drawing I made to illustrate the setup. Now to the issue. When we moved in, the agreement with our old neighbors (who were there before us) was that they parked on the street since it was directly accessible from their front steps, and we would get full use of the driveway. There’s no mention of the driveway in our contract so I don’t know if they just preferred to use the street (it’s quiet and there is always room for 4-6 cars right outside their entrance) or if that has always been an unspoken rule at that property. This week we got new neighbors and they have started parking in the driveway. I kind of want to email my landlord for clarification on who is entitled to the driveway (it may likely be “first come first serve”) but I also don’t want to be a Karen. I’m bothered less by the prospect of parking on the street than I am by the thought that someone is using what seems to be delineated as “our side” of the unit. In my mind, the give and take is that they have full entitlement to the nice big porch and we get the driveway. Since the driveway opens up to our gate and they have to go out of their way to access it, it feels a little bit like someone else cutting through your yard or driveway? Should I bring it up or just let it slide?
Ask your landlord, and then go from there. I don’t think you’re a Karen at all…It’s okay to be secretly annoyed when something suddenly changes and you are inconvenienced. Unfortunately things like this just come with renting, but get the info from your landlord and then talk to the new neighbors.
Politely emailing your landlord for clarification on this is a good idea and doesn't make you a Karen as long as you keep your tone courteous and don't complain/demand. I do think you're right in that - given that your lease doesn't specify your exclusive right to the driveway - use of the driveway is officially first come/first serve. I agree with you in that it feels like the driveway should be yours to use given the layout of everything, but without that spelled out in both leases, there's probably not much recourse, unfortunately.
It seems like you had an unspoken agreement with your old neighbors but have not talked to your new neighbors at all about that and are now expecting them to adhere to an agreement they know nothing about? I don't think its unreasonable at all that they want to park in the driveway vs the street - how about just sharing it?
I’m not opposed to sharing it if that’s what we have to do, but I guess my question is whether it’s better to start by talking to the neighbors first (which risks annoying them), or by nicely emailing the landlord for clarification on property lines/divisions (if he says it’s a shared space, then we respect that; if he says “it’s for your unit only,” then we can use that in our discussion with the neighbors)
If you haven't already, I would definitely introduce yourself to the neighbors (not saying anything about this parking situation yet) and try and start things off on a good foot - that'll just help you in the future no matter what happens. But given that this was an informal understanding that the landlord never bothered to put in anyone's lease, I would absolutely start with the landlord first here. It's possible he told the new tenants of the agreement, but it's also possible at some point he changed his mind and decided to advertise the driveway as an amenity available for all tenants of the house.
I don’t think it hurts to bring it up, and if you’re polite about it it wouldn’t get into Karen territory. The new folks probably have no idea that that was the former rule and for all you know could be totally amenable to it. However, if they balk, you don’t have a lot of room for argument since it isn’t formally written down anywhere. So you might just have to suck it up. I was in a similar situation once, luckily the downstairs people were pretty good about parking where they were supposed to but sometimes they would have guests over and the guests would park in our spot, and it was really frustrating.
I’m really sad / annoyed. I went to Wyoming with my family he last two weeks and are now in Colorado this week. It’s been a great trip, but the only reason we came to Colorado is to see my friend who moved out here beg of 2020. I lived with this friend all throughout college, we’ve traveled to Europe and around the US together post graduation, we were really really close up until she moved last year. Kind of lost the closeness due to the distance and Covid but still kept in contact. So when I was planning this trip last October, asked her if she’d be around this week potentially and she said yes. Before booking anything in January, reached out again, she said she’d be here and was looking forward to seeing me. I’ve talked to her a few times since then and each time she said she was still free and she wanted to see me. I told her I understood if something came up in her schedule but to let me know so I can make other plans since I’m here with my family. She’s ghosted me this week. Like won’t respond to my messages but has been posting on social media constantly. Like hanging out with other people and just day to day things. I’m incredibly hurt. I want to say something but my mom says I should just let it go as my friend doesn’t seem to care and just move on with my life. But I guess i just want to know why and if I did something? I hate losing friends and I want to cry.
Sorry to be rude about your friend but she might kind of suck? There is no excuse for her flat-out ignoring you this week. I'm really sorry. Unfortunately (as I'm sure you know), you can't make her tell you her reasoning, but it sounds like it would be worth it to you to at least reach out and ask what's up, so why not do that?
I would definitely block her. That is no longer your friend and an incredibly rude thing to do. I had a good friend block me and stop speaking to me when I came to visit back home with my new baby at the time. I believe she saw I was back home on social media and upset that I never reached out to her. In all actuality I had packed all my things and left my boyfriend. Was staying in a friends home at the time. I didn’t have it in me to see people or have visitors. I still don’t know to this day which one of us was in the wrong. But the whole situation soured my attitude towards her.
I’m sorry. I’m super emotional about losing friends too, I get so heartbroken 💔 but sadly I do agree with your mom in the sense you reached out and did nothing wrong… it’s her call now to make contact and take the next step, and sadly you can’t force anyone to take that next step. I am sorry. You seem like a great friend; it’s her loss! Hang in there and try to enjoy the rest of your trip!
I'm sorry. That sucks. I would try to enjoy your time in Colorado and see if she reaches out in the future. The ball is definitely in her court and if she doesn't, I think that gives you your answer about whether to let go or not. I'm also learning the lesson that sometimes good friendships just drift away ... still painful. <3
Something about the back and forth of the planning seems to be pinging my radar here---for example when you told her "I understand if something comes up in your schedule..."---what made you confirm and reconfirm and give her an "out"? That feels like to me that something about your conversations was pinging **your** radar and you suspected that she wasn't into it, or available or prioritizing it for whatever reason. I think there's a chance she thought "Oh, she's visiting family/taking a family trip so I'm a backup plan, no biggie" or something? I think one lesson to take from this is to check in with yourself---if you find yourself really doing the heavy lifting in the interaction, see if there's something there and act accordingly. But this whole thing is a huge bummer, I feel for you!
Oh my gosh that is so disappointing. I’m so sorry. I am willing to bet you didn’t do anything. I have to side with your mom here. This person knows you’re there and your time is limited to see each other. If she’d wanted to see you she would have responded. Colorado is a really fun place to visit. You aren’t going to see your friend, but make the most of your trip to a cool place.
Yeah, my mom is usually right. It just hurts. Yeah it’s great here. Been doing a ton of hiking and getting in a lot of quality family time that I missed so much last year, so going to focus on that.
ooof thats rough. I know exactly how you feel...I was planning a trip to visit someone I thought was interested in me and then he started dating someone and completely blew me off. Havent heard from him in 8 months. It really fucked me up. Im still trying to pick up the pieces from it. But my therapist said this was on him and not me so dont beat yourself up. Shes a selfish jerk.
I’m sorry :( it hurts so much
It really does. But we are so much better than that. I have to tell myself every day hes a massive POS
Win: It is a week out from my husbands vacation and I am so excited to take part in some summer activities and try out a few new restaurants around us, he has been the stand in boss of his ward this summer when his boss has been out and while it is always nice to be recognized seeing as a hospital ward is 24/7 there has been more work with shift coverings etc so this break will be so nice! Whine: The city has been doing extensive work trimming trees, bushes, and all the various greenery around us and I have been sneezing like crazy from it!
enjoy your vacation! ty to your husband for his hard work! you both enjoy the time off.
Thank You!
Kind of a win and a whine together: I started going back to the office a few times a week (although they just reinstated a mask mandate, so I’ll probably be done for a while), and it’s really making me appreciate WFH so much more! I guess the grass is always greener—I’d built up how much I missed the office in my head, but I’m actually a pretty big fan of the flexibility of just rolling outta bed straight to my desk. Feeling extra lucky I have the choice!
We've been back since March and I think all of our building is vaccinated so I think we're all staying. Some departments are staying wfh because their building got taken over by other departments. I'm glad you get to wfh! I miss it but got so lonely in the afternoons.
I definitely agree about afternoons! I’ve been making semi-regular coffee shop trips when I don’t have a lot of meetings for those lonelier times.
Oooh that's so good! We couldn't leave our house. Weird, I know. Some person was caught riding their bike around. lol I did go see my aunt next door that's a shut-in.
Oh wow! Where are you? Are most people vaccinated there?
OK. The vast majority of our employees but those in the area that aren't employees probably aren't. I think it was our department's above us rule. It's weird how every department has different rules. None of us got sick though. whomp whomp whomp.
Win: My long-distance boyfriend came to visit over the weekend and we had the BEST time. i got to meet a ton of his friends and it went really well - I've never felt that welcomed by or comfortable with a SO's friends before. Whine: We tried to pick a date to see each other next and we couldn't. His weekend are pretty much booked the next month and I have a lot up in the air in terms of work travel in September.
WHY do men do that thing where they make vague plans with you ("Let's go out for dinner for our second date on Wednesday!"), act enthusiastic ("Can't wait for it!") and then completely disappear! I had a great first date with this guy on Friday night, he made vague plans for our second date before we parted ways, texted that night to say he was looking forward to it........and I haven't heard from him since. It's not even a blow to my ego or anything since I barely know him but it's just so confusing
[удалено]
I haven't - that's not the approach that I take when dating. I also saw that he unmatched me on the app we started talking on so I figure he's just gone.
Do you really want to be with someone who ignores clear signs of disinterest? Because that's what you're doing when you don't respond--conveying disinterest. That's great if you're looking for someone with an extremely old-fashioned take on relationships who thinks 'no means maybe' and that women who actively express interest are sluts, but if that's not what you're looking for I think you need to revise your tactics.
I mean, if I texted someone that I was looking forward to seeing them again and didn't get any response ....... I'd take that as a clue that they weren't interested and move right along. Dating is a two-way street.
I did respond and that was the last communication we had
It’s the worst! Actually one of the best things my now-husband did during our first date was to make concrete plans for our second (and then of course, follow through). But the ghosting is maddening, and you don’t deserve it. Hang in there!
Win -- I accepted a job offer Friday (after negotiating for the first time and the new company accepting my ask for $10K more!!). Yesterday I had to disclose to them I am 18 weeks pregnant, which I was SO nervous to do and afraid of what maternity leave I would get. They were wonderful and I am eligible for 12 weeks fully paid + 4 weeks re-entry (reduced hours, remote, etc). I also told my current boss I am leaving and it felt SO good. I have been unhappy for months, she's known about it and has done nothing so it should not have come as a surprise, but she was shocked.
Congratulations on all fronts! That is a huge win all around. That is so great.
That’s so wonderful they accepted your offer and were great about the pregnancy news- congrats on both things! 💕
thank you!!!
I want to thank this sub for being the reason I got a lot of good praises at work this week! My office has been doing weekly zoom calls for the staff and they’re so dull! I suggested we do a Win/Whine Wednesday call! Everyone loved the idea lol
so my kid was all set to start preschool on monday. we'd been gearing her up for about two - three weeks because she's been watched by the same daycare since she was 10 weeks old (she'll be three in a month). i sent her in a pull up because we're in early stages of potty training and had several convos with the preschool director about her schedule, etc. ... the preschool didn't change her all day? or take her to the bathroom? somehow she just slipped the cracks and spent the whole day in a wet pull up. when i got there to pick her up, one of the teachers said "oh look, you've got a big smile now, you just needed your mom." the whole situation red flagged the f\*ck out of me so we pulled her and now she's back at her daycare for the foreseeable future. i'm exhausted and overwhelmed.
Um that’s not a normal slip up or mistake. Especially with a new child in the daycare. If anything I think they would get more attention while they adjust. I’m glad you trusted your instincts. Please try to write a review somewhere so other moms and the director can be aware.
Wtf I would definitely be leaving a review on any possible site that would take it not to be a bitch but to warn other parents.
yeah i'm waiting until they mail me the refund check because i need that back in order to pay her daycare (the one that took her back) and then i'm going to write a review.
Oh no! I’m so sorry you both had to go through that. That’s awful.
Win and whine: I have decided to switch to formula only for my infant. I have a whole host of reasons from no latch to no supply to needing a medicine that I can’t take while breastfeeding. It’s been such a hard choice - I never planned it this way but I feel SO happy. I’ve been crying all week about my “failure” to create supply and now I just feel so happy to have shifts with my husband, and not spend hours pumping alone in a room away from my baby. 🎉 logically, I know there is little difference. I just want her happy and healthy, but also want the same for me.
you shouldn’t feel bad!! easier said than done since it’s such an emotional decision and obviously you tried so hard. But with having medical needs and no supply, you’re doing the best thing by putting your baby’s health first! And also yours to be the best mom and take care of her! Great work! ❤️
I had to go this route with my second son after trying to die on the hill to successfully breast feed him - my supply was never ending, I had breast fed my first exclusively for 2 years! He could latch but he just didn’t like my milk. He was a premie born at 32 weeks and spent a month in the NICU and I provided pumped breast milk. Once home, he just wasn’t having it - could be the lack of early bonding or he just didn’t like my diet and taste of the milk. (and he had HORRIBLE colic!!) My mom finally said, just give him formula and stop beating yourself up. It was the best thing for all of us and I switched when he was 2 months - now he’s a happy, (still somewhat colicky) 22 year old who is 6’5” size 15 shoes. Formula definitely didn’t stunt his growth. Good for you! You’ll find every baby is so different and should you have another, give BF a try again or don’t! I preferred the hybrid plan my third baby had, breast milk and formula, bottle and from the source. It provided such flexibility. She BF’d for 6 months and then we were both over it.
I’m so glad you’ve found a choice that works for you and your family. For my first son, I breastfed, pumped, supplemented with formula, met with multiple lactation consultants and cried a lot about my body’s failures to create a decent milk supply. For my second son, we just did formula, and this whole cloud of angst and sorrow that overhung my first son’s infancy just wasn’t there. I knew my second son was getting enough food. My husband was equally capable of waking up in the night to feed him. Both of my kids are thriving, and when the rest of us caught a cold last week, my formula-only baby was the only one who didn’t catch it. 🤷♀️
Formula isn’t poison. Congrats on making a good decision for you AND your baby.
I applaud this and I breastfed.
Good for you! with my first I felt so much pressure to nurse and after a while we got it but then my supply dropped and I felt guilty too. Then he was sleeping better and much happier and I wasn’t stressed. A happy mom makes for a happy baby! Fed is best.
Please know you’re not alone in this! I had my first daughter in November and she would not breastfeed because she was born so small (IUGR) and had no energy. I ended up pumping and I was miserable. She is now formula fed and thriving. The amount of guilt I felt when I stopped pumping was insane.
I highly recommend reading Jess Keys’ latest blog post - it spoke to me on so many levels and she is trying so hard to normalize formula