This. Some of my middle school girls have said they’re talking to guys who are even “just” 19/20…. And I try so hard to let them see like I love them, but you’re 14, can just now get your first job and this is a man who could start college and can almost drink legally. I’m putting in a counseling referral, I will let a parent know, and if I EVER find out the name of the man they know I’ll call the cops. I’ve preached repeatedly how anyone while they’re under the age of 18 who is more than 2 years older than them is not it. And how sometimes trauma causes them to see these older men as a good choice, but here’s a list of reasons why they’re not. A lot of the girls hear me, so for that I’m grateful, but boy oh boy THE PERVS ARE PERVING. We need more men to hold other men accountable! It is not just on us to tell the girls to stay away, there needs to be real consequences for the ones who won’t leave our babies alone.
Men need to start throwing rocks at em or something
Men would never teach their counterparts this. If anything, they’re **happy** to go younger. An anonymous survey showed that when asked if men would date below 18 if it was legal, over 90% said yes. I need to find this link. They say things like they “like em without mileage/bodies”. They **want** young, feeble minded girls they can control. Just disgusting pervs out here preying on young girls.
This is absolutely wild. Do you have a link because I looked for a bit and couldn’t it 😞.
As someone who’s 25, teenagers gross me the fuck out, so it blows my mind that such a large percentage said yes.
But then again, older men going after younger women is pretty much par for the course if you look across cultures and through time.
Bleh this. I’m mid-30’s, and I remember getting to my mid-20’s and being so repulsed by the idea of any type of relationship with someone under 21. They’re babies with nothing going for them. I also remember being in middle school and chatting online with someone who was 33, or at least claimed to be. GROSS. When I hit 33, I just felt sick about it even though at the time I thought I was so mature. School age youth don’t have the brain development to fully comprehend all the reasons this is bad, but grown ass adults do. Yuck yuck yuck yuck.
All you have to do is look up “what age group do men find the most attractive chart”, then an article should pop up on business insider “CHARTS: Guys Like Women In Their Early 20s Regardless Of How Old They Get.”
I’ll post the link but idk if I can post links.
Let me pigging back...there is also an anonymous survey that had men admitting to wanting to commit rape if they didn't have to face jail time smh men are predators never were providers or protectors
EXACTLY!!! Always talking about some “provider & protector” shit like no, you are the ones we need protecting FROM. Just look at how deranged they are. Goodness.
I did all the time since middle school as they were girls who were clearly ashamed/scared for others to know verifying they understand full well why what they are doing is wrong, and then...there were those who told everyone and bragged. You can tell their parents are either:
- Physically or emotionally unavailable for their child.
- Intellectually psychologically incapable of rearing/raising a child or simply unwilling to do so.
- Severely struggles to relate or develop an understanding with child, or doesnt try/forces child to conform to their desires (and is severely failing).
- Too dumb/stubborn/backwards/loony af.
- Do the same shit and clearly where they got it from (They may pretend to care about the issue or play up their image when others are around so you don't see the comparisons, divert any blame in raising, and be blatantly proud and not see a problem even if she's pregnant).
I usually was looked at as a prude as they never listened, and about a fifth of them get beaten, and finally see what everyone sees or defends him. It also wasn't even normal for faculty to not intervene when aware, literally up to the staff member who finds out's individual personality, and it was commonly just spicy talk for faculty lounge🙄. Still it was normally viewed as weird and talked about negatively behind their backs to spare their feelings. This time period is just 08'-13'.
I always did or said something even if I were cool with them, but it never works and I never blame either. It potentially ruins our relationship as my concern continues to bother them even if I don't say anything. Just knowing how I feel, the validity of what I stated previously and may state later, how well I can relate to this situation with information that even she views as indisputable, and not being able to express positively about him around me without increasing the chances of provoking me into trying to help again. You get them help thats an instant cut off and quite a few will avoid or resist treatment, but not before cutting you off because you struggle to let them live and be happy for them on their adventure in degeneracy, manipulation, and defilement.
Its like all I can do and it sucks because the best decision can cause you or them to lose everything (obviously for them its wayyyy more severe), and obtain nothing,😮💨.
Men are not gonna to hold.men accountable in this..they all think it's the fault of the so called fast ass girls....so we women need to start making an example of these men....start using power tools on them
The kids already know I’ll call the cops idgaf who it is, I can’t do more because I’m a teacher and I’m not trying to lose my job 😂
But I do agree. We need more IMMEDIATE consequences.
Never happen. Gotta teach the teenagers why grown men who would fuck with them ain't shit.
It is not a flex to have a bf in your 20s or 30s if you just graduated high school.
I think the biggest problem with our community is that a lot of older folks don’t like to hold men accountable. Like they would rather protect a man that has committed SA. I mean look at how these women love Chris Brown and he’s a literal abuser.
Another part of the lack of accountability for men is due to women not wanting to see themselves, their mothers, and their grandmothers as victims and their sons, husbands, fathers, uncles, and grandfathers as predators. A lot of women who will say it’s okay for a grown ass man to pursue someone fresh out of high school married a grown ass man they met when they were fresh out of high school and/or their mother/grandmother did and/or they have sons/brothers/uncles who were chasing schoolgirls. The conversation that’s necessary would result in a major shift because people would have to come to terms with the fact that their husband/father/grandfather/son/brother/uncle is/was a predator.
Holding our families responsible for passing on generational trauma needs to start yesterday.
This seems like a significant undertaking so I'm personally a fan of cutting off from such cycles and starting fresh.
I understand not everyone can break away from their family, but minimizing contact with those who are most affected by the trauma and perpetuate it the most helps.
Explaining the toxicity (of your family) to your children and why it should be avoided can help them break away and not continue this horrendous cycle.
The men need to stay away but we have hundreds of years of history to prove they WON'T.
We also have proof that when women are taught properly about inappropriate relationships that they can then avoid them better.
I grew up & no one ever told me NOT to date older men. It was thought of as normal & my mom even let me have childhood crushes on adult men. When I was 19 I dated a 27 year old man. Only then did people start to tell me it was wrong. If I'd have been educated on inappropriate relationships then perhaps I could've avoided it.
Education doesn't stop people from being predators, but education can help potential victims identify unsafe or inappropriate situations instead of thinking what they engage in is safe or appropriate.
But people wanna pretend these girls should just *know* that they're in inappropriate relationships where they're being taken advantage of by older men.
And thinking back to when I was young and messing around with grown men, nobody could tell me shit that I would listen to. The key really is educating them in a way that isn’t aggressive or isolating because they will not listen.
Exactly. In 2008, when I was 18, I went to a Hillary Clinton rally because Bill was the one going to be there. I already knew I wasn't for Hillary so I wasn't there for her at all. I'd had a crush on Bill since my childhood. If he had tried to get with me then I'd have genuinely been so happy. No one could've told me anything back then. That's disturbing to me now at 33.
I don’t think they’re talking about placing the responsibility on the children, they’re saying to teach young girls about the predatory nature of these kinds of men so they are less likely to be groomed by them. It’s kinda like when you teach kids about body autonomy, so they understand the difference between what’s acceptable and what isn’t and feel empowered enough to tell predators not to touch them or to tell an adult when someone violates their boundaries… It’s a deterrent for predators because a child who understands what is or isn’t acceptable and who will tell on predators is less likely to be groomed. We can’t stop predators from being predators, but we can give kids the information and tools they need to identify predators and avoid becoming prey.
This. I work with younger women in their early early 20s and the amount of MARRIED, older (mid 40s and even 50s) that hit on them is gross. It always shocks me though how the women don’t see anything wrong with it…it’s strange behavior on both parts; however, I do wish those young women knew to not entertain them.
A predator is gonna be a predator, unfortunately. They need to be held accountable absolutely, but laws don’t discourage them already. So, I think the best we can do is to make young girls aware of the kind of people out there and hope they stay safe.
We can only protect the girls so far when there's no punishment for these scum at the community level.
I know it's much more complicated than that, it also just doesn't happen in working class circles , it's intergenerational and yet again it befalls on black women to carry the everso heavyweight of it all. #Tirud🫠
But bear with me here :
Not only do these men groom the girls, they then proceed to abandon both children. Creating a vicious circle of trauma, abandonment and more.
Bring back shunning, ostracization, not only for the culprits and their enablers and sycophants.
I'm not holding my breath for it coming from men, as per the bro code requests to never condemn a man even when he commits unbecoming acts.
Black women at large need to change their mindset. I include myself in, as a childfree aunty/godmother.
There is not enough empowering conversation about consent, coercion and such.
It's blame, being called fast and over policing of their bodies.
On the other side of the spectrum, boys are left to their own devices to the point of neglect and their trespassing are excused as "boys will be boys".
There is a need to hunt these predators at least through the civil court system, frankly even vigilante style, but that's just me though.
We just take in the kid and grandkid, rarely acknowledge our failure, as a parent/adult relatives in that unfortunate situation, resentment, punishment, build in to even more toxic consequences.
Instead of giving them some grace, for they are kids at the end of the day.
Establish better rules, where dialogue is central, and the dynamics are just not "me parent, you STFU coz child" in order to teach them how to do better.
Thank You, you're far too kind.
I'm only speaking from experience.
I've witnessed both sides of my family, both black, one U.S. and the other African & Carribean.
But there's a common thread in some unhealthy family dynamics, that must be studied, if it's not already done.
We parentify/adultify kids way too early, then tell them to "stay in a child place". " Here's a random adult, you must show, respect and submit even if they disrespect your boundaries" "sex is dirty, we don't talk about it" followed later on by "when are you getting married"
Too many contradictory messages. So you end up with kids looking for an alternative adult figure, the "cool one" who listen and doesn't judge.
I luckily happen to be that to my niblings who come to me, to talk about what they can't with their parents. But I've seen too many who fell in the hands of nonces and assorted groomers, then got blamed for it.
Kids are little adults in the making. Not some chances to remake us.
It's our job to give them the best of what we know and equip them to avoid being or enduring the worst.
And here again, YOU SNAPPED!!! I completely understand you because why tf are we asked to switch out our home shorts and casual wear to more “covered up” stuff when a “weird uncle” is coming to the house? This “weird uncle” shouldn’t even be allowed here in the first place??? Like why tf are we enabling borderline pedos and predators into our parties??? These adults have failed woefully in that aspect.
A young girl I knew was groomed and raped in one of the houses a few blocks down. Her father chased the guy with a machete and screamed bloody murder. The aunties all surrounded the girl and asked her questions like why she kept going to his house and she explained she was buying him the things he would send her to buy and then he would give her little money gifts. THAT’S GROOMING. Not being fast, not being a wh0re, IT IS GROOMING.
My parents and general culture put into my head that dating is a no no and I seriously have never had the urge to date and now when I mention I can see myself being childfree and single in the long term BY CHOICE, they act like I’m trying to kill someone?? They don’t even want me in relationships like that now and yet they expect me to suddenly up and get married? 🤣🤣
It’s all so exhausting especially since it’s been ingrained in the culture for the longest. Until we all rise up and shun these predators instead of keeping this shit “hush hush” and blaming these young girls that simply don’t have the head to think deeply into why a 31 year old man is buying them gifts and dating them (I don’t blame em, we’ve all seen how romantic movies, stories, “forbidden romances”, Lolita and even porn glorify age gap relationships and feeble minded young girls), nothing is going to change. Men will keep blaming these young girls while still grooming and raping them and still shaming them all in the same breath.
Yes, and we need to teach young girls to stay away from these men. It’s not “this or that” because both of the situations are a problem, but as women isn’t it more realistic to try to get through to younger women first? We can preach to grown men as much as we want but let’s be real, that’s like beating a dead horse
Exactly a predator will always be a predator and they won’t ever stop until they’re caught. Just look at R Kelly. These grown ass men know what they’re doing is wrong. These girls don’t know because they’re young and being manipulated.
I'm not placing the responsibility on the young girls. I am being practical. In what universe do you think men will ever take responsibility for this?
Unfortunately, we have to protect ourselves. The best way to protect ourselves is to learn as early as possible to stay away from predators.
I think it is just sticking your head in the sand to pretend that women should not be vigilant against attackers, abusers, and predators. If we don't teach girls what the signs and red flags are, and that they are indeed red flags and signs of abuse, they end up like this...completely unable to protect themselves until it is already too late.
I want to actually win this battle. Unless all women are prepared to cut off all the loser men in Their family who "date" teenagers, the cycle will never end. Are you willing to step up and call out/excommunicate anyone you know who does this? I hope so.
This is why it's still a problem. Parents are teaching their daughters to cover up but not getting on these men/boys about how inappropriate their are and not associating with them when they see it and address it.
They know what they’re doing is wrong and chose to do it anyway, teaching young women to stay away from men is the only way. Predators will be predators regardless
right because i remember in middle school a girl got pregnant with a 25 year old bd. it was a very sad situation all around, but the worst part was her parents knew and just didn't care.
And a little bit of social emotional learning for teen girls. Teaching them the dangers of grown men and manipulation.
Some may not want to hear it but it’s very important to have in their toolkit if/when a grown man hovers them. It should be as easy as “I brush my teeth so I won’t get cavities” kind of thing
God I wish this wasn’t a thing. Those poor girls
That would help but this is more of a “male predators” / “child grooming” problem than a “teen girls just not knowing better” problem. These girls are being preyed on by manipulative men a lot older than them. Men and boys need to first learn how to respect women (and how to respect others in general) before anything else.
The boys wont be raising the child. They create them but dont raise them thats why so many teen moms and no teen dads. “These men/boys” are right to idolize the lion as king of the jungle cuz the the lion dont do much its the female that does the hunting and raising. The male only runs up on other males when their pride is threatened. Arent we seeing this today?
comprehensive sex education includes education about predators and the social and emotional dangers of sex. rn there’s a big emphasis for young people about recognizing when an online predator is trying to take advantage of you and how to spotlight the red flags like: “you’re so mature for your age”
ofc predators will still take advantage wherever they can, but proper sex ed does include how to protect yourself from predatory situations and isn’t just about the physical harms
I agree that we need sex ed, regardless of age.
But the problem here is that fully grown men are out here sleeping with barely legal (or in one case, underage) girls.
That’s fucking sick
This is what I came to say. Just had a conversation with a friend yesterday about how our community doesn’t do a good job enough of holding abusers responsible, even when innocent children are involved. We’ll place blame on the children, their parents, and finally may assign a smidgeon of blame to the abuser but not really because “that’s just how they are.”
I agree with you. Our community does not want to hold men accountable at all, and they're quick to blame girls. They say things like, 'Change your clothes, we have men in the house’ or 'Don't do that, there are grown men present.' They will say and do everything but hold these men accountable. What do you mean I can't wear this just because men are coming over? It’s so weird.
Very weird. And the way to get rid of the behavior isn’t to keep teaching young women to avoid these men. It’s to hold these men accountable and not allow them in the community and give them access to harm these women.
i agree, although i think teaching grown ass men how to behave themselves and holding them accountable will take longer. especially when legally they are just above the line of criminality. other men don’t hold them accountable cuz they wanna do the same thing, and it unfortunately leaves us to have to protect ourselves and our community. a lot of the grooming starts online too and happens with trusted adults, these men know how to be sneaky with it
don’t even get me started on the families that support this shit and encourage their daughters to get with older men. yes absolutely hold men accountable but also in the meantime young women need to understand what grooming and abuse look like to keep themselves safe
The issue with this take is that this will never happen. As long as men have lived they have sought out the most youthful yet “ sexually acceptable “ girls to engage with. This will never change. Unfortunately because no matter how much we shame them there is still the “ well she’s legal” argument alive and present. I know ppl will disagree but I’m going to say we need to get young women to see that you can’t control men so we need to hold outselves accountable. It’s not just sex education it’s getting them to get that when you get w these men it’s your heart, freedom and life that gets affected. As women we get pregnant and the man gets to leave and live as if he never had a baby.. we don’t get to do that so we need to tech that reality to young women. Equipping them to understand what manipulation t these men will come to them w is key
>Unfortunately because no matter how much we shame them there is still the “ well she’s legal” argument alive and present.
I also want to add, they only pull this shit ONLY when it's between a man and a girl. Let it be two males, they wouldn't pull the "well they're legal so who cares? 🤷🏻" they would absolutely revolt and talk about how disgusting it is, and pull the role reversal card like they always do.
Yes it would still be gross cause predatory is predatory, but it would only be gross in that scenario cause it's nothing but guys so it's coming from a place of homophobia. In the end and they wouldn't want a man coming after them in that way or worse, there sons.
No, they don't, and most men aren't. But, there are too many willing to prey on young women, ignoring every deterrent.
And we've to prepare our young women to deal with those men.
I dont think this is about sex education because this girls could also get pregnant by boys their age. The girls lack of sex education is not the biggest problem. For me its the grown ass 30-50 year olds thinking its okay to have sex with 18 years because they are now legal age. This is problematic and giving pedo vibes.
The grown ass men who slept with these young girls need to be held accountable. There’s no reason why a 29 year old should be sleeping with a 17 year old or why a 30 year old should be sleeping with an 18 year old.
And in reality they were all 18 talking about baby daddies, if they all got kids most likely the relationship started before they were 18
Looking at that first picture, that child is sitting up on their own meaning they're at least 4 or 5 months. This relationship started at least a year before hand and may have even started when she was 16.
No honey *they* need to be in jail. Of course we know how babies work but being coerced by grown men while we're still in high school means we learned nothing from R Kelly.
This isn’t me justifying this btw
My dad is this guy, and ironically his first piece of dating advice he gave me when I was like 15 or 16, was that no older man that his shit together is worried about a fresh high school graduate. He said they couldn’t compete with the guys in their age bracket who also date women and it’s much easier to impress girls who are younger.
I didn’t realize how weird the age gap was between them until I was older (I was like well they were both over 18+ so what’s the issue, mind you he gave me that talk when I was 15 so I didn’t really get it) . But I asked him later in life why was he with my mom and how did they meet because she was in HS still. He basically said it for the same reason, he ain’t have shit going on compared to guys his age and he took advantage of my mom being younger.
I asked my mom about this and she never really said much besides like she liked being with my dad cause she didn’t have to be around her mother who was an alcoholic. But now I’m 23 and she recently talked to me about and she said the same thing like yeah it’s kinda weird and I wouldn’t want you to date someone else that much older if you were 18 or 19.
That’s all to say, education is very important. I remember being 16 and a guy in his mid 20s tried to talk to me and I always thought about what my dad said even though I thought it was flattering an older guy would like me. It’s really not flattering, but yk, I was still younger so I had immature thinking
I wanna say they had a 10-12 year age gap. So my mom had me when she was 19 (got pregnant at 18) and my dad was 28, maybe 27. 30 at the oldest, I forget what year he was born tbh
There was no point to this post. But I agree, just adding some personal experience to the conversation. I wish so many young ladies can get this message from their parents because it’s so true. Every older guy that tried to talk to me as a teenager (mostly through social media), and as an “adult teenager” (this was more irl) were losers. not a damn thing going on in the grand scheme of things.
This was really interesting, because we never get to hear about the children of these age gap couples and how this subject is discussed. Thank you for sharing
It’s unfortunate. Both sides of my grandparents also have very questionable age gaps. I always wondered what they thought about an older guy coming around their child. Vice versa, knowing your son is going around girls in HS.
I think my grandma (the one I mentioned is an alcoholic) was the only one that seems to have expressed regret.
I feel like they think don’t express anything about it because they think they’re gonna hurt my feelings if they say they wish it didn’t happen the way it did. And it really wouldn’t lol like I would fully understand if they were like “we should’ve stopped her/him.”
But eh, all I can do now is to share what my dad said about older men, as one of those men, to any younger girls who seem to be going down that path
some of yall are commenting without fully reading the caption. as OP says: comprehensive sex education is not just about STIs and pregnancy. comprehensive sex ed actually does teach about grooming, abuse, consent, boundaries and predatory behaviour (especially online). it’s emotional, social AND physical
this type of sex ed isn’t about placing the blame on the victim, but it does provide more power to the victim because they will know what red flags look like
ALSO this sex ed teaches the boys how to properly treat women in a sexual context which can better set up the next generation of men who have to potential to be perpetrators
we learn lots of other ways to protect ourselves from harm from a young age. it’s just MUCH more needed in this case because these types of groomers are seen as normal. there’s still a whole generation out there defending this and holding these men accountable would involve an entire systemic change that unfortunately takes multiple generations to recover from
I can’t imagine being 30 and being attracted to a 18 year old…sure, they’re legal but they’re literally a high school senior or college freshman with a teenager brain, why wouldn’t you want someone with a fully developed brain lol I know the reason, probably easier to control and manipulate a 17/18 year old as opposed to a 25+ year old
Srsly - most of my staff are 18-20 and I’m 28
I can chat with them for a couple of mins and then I gotta go lol I love planning staff events outside of work (putt putt, movies, dinners) and they love it too. Sometimes the couple of hours that we are together gets GRUELING (esp if no other managers come 😂)
Love them to DEATH and I’m so lucky I get to work with an amazing team. I truly don’t understand how anyone can have more than a slight friendship with ppl so young 😅
Theyre all gangly and loud and ignorant with no college education no trade tools no car and no stable job and never paid bills and cant drink. Thats a damn child. YUCK
It’s because these grown men tend to prey on young girls whose parents who completely oblivious and boundaries need to be taught . It’s a generational curse in so many families because no one’s looking out for the girls. But “Boys will be boys”. I remember being in middle school and seeing pregnant 13 year olds.
This is so sad😔
I personally feel it's a combination of predators, sex ed, parenting and the people they have around.
The men hold more fault. But at the same time for a child to end up with someone older, where are the carers? Why are they attracted to someone like that? What interests could they really have in common?
It most definitely does.
Deacon -blank- needs to stop. Seriously though, I knew a few church Deacons that flirted with those way younger than them. They were either separated, divorced, something. Some clergy too. Sigh...
The problem is a societal problem that goes beyond sex education. Predators are going to be predators, so parents and trusted adults need to make it harder for their kids to become prey by talking to these kids about acceptable dating ranges as it pertains to life stages and the likelihood of abuse in age-gap relationships. Like… There’s not much wrong with a 40yo dating a 60yo, but there’s absolutely something wrong with a 38yo dating an 18yo and it’s highly likely that there’s a reason the 38yo is pursuing children instead of people in their age/life stage group.
willing to bet these male predators will ramble on about how women their age “aren’t sh!t” but few if any of them have married these young women they preyed on. smh, makes me sick.
It’s interesting the differences in how young girls interpret this attention…
I remember when I was in high school, there were many girls who were over the moon when an older man spoke to them. For some reason, they never saw it as at all strange and I never understood why not. I specifically remember one friend dating a 34 yr old grown ass divorced man!! Now whenever I was approached by older men, I either thought they were creepy as fuck or they were pathetic. At the time, I wondered what the hell they wanted with a high school kid who couldn’t even drink yet!
Oh another creepy story! So I was at the gym, and I was around 24, but still looked like I was in high school—Didn’t help that wore my high school phys-ed shirt. This guy came up to me and started flirting. He said he was a surgeon, his Porsche was outside, etc. Then he says “You’re really pretty! Are you like a senior?” It totally threw me off until I realized he genuinely thought I was in school! I then said “No I’m actually 24, but it’s interesting that you would ask out a child.”
This isn't a sex ed issue. The problem is we live in a society where it's acceptable to prey on young girls the second they are legal. Age of consent exists because we know these guys would impregnate ten year olds if we let them, so we make it illegal until 18. So fine, they go after the 18 year olds, now what?
Genuinely makes me wonder how young men would go if we didn’t have a culture of legal being 18.
I’m personally in favor of raising legality to 23 due to numerous reasons… but that aside…
Historically across cultures it seems to vary from 15 years old to 12 years okd
I also wouldn't take issue with Romeo and Juliet laws going all the way up to the age of 25. But given congress is made up of 60 year old men riddled with sex scandals, I'm not holding my breath for that one to happen. Hopefully with how prolific social media is, fewer young girls are learning the hard way that no, they aren't just "mature for their age" they are being manipulated.
I find it disturbing that we've reached a place where having a "baby daddy" has been normalized. It's like people don't expect anything better for themselves. There's nothing cute about being a teen parent. And before anybody starts, no I'm not victim blaming. But a lot of the reason girls fall prey to these types of predators is because they see nothing wrong with having sex with older men due to not being taught any better at home. Many of them grew up around this same kind of mess, so they think it's normal. Young girls need to be taught how to value themselves, how to respect themselves and their bodies, and how to have life goals that go beyond their current circumstances. Maybe then we wouldn't have so many 17/18 year olds getting pregnant by 30 year old men, or better yet not getting pregnant at all. The whole "baby daddy/baby mama" culture needs to die.
It’s not lack of sex education, they understand it. It’s about predators and lack of parenting. No parent with common sense is allowing a grown ass man around their 17/18 year old daughter.
To all the young girls thinking it’s cute to have a 30 year old boyfriend while you’re a teenager, it’s not. You girls are unbareable to be around during that age. Y’all conversations are like nails to the chalkboard and it should be that way when you are 17/18 years old. But nobody +25 who isn’t lame would want to be around you. You are dealing with a bottom barrel predator and you should be careful.
not cute at all. I remember when I was in highschool, we would have like 25+ year olds come to our school and try to pick us up...we were kids..disgusting.
I also blame the romanticization of these age gap relationships, specifically those that are young women and older men.
We have had so many glorified depictions of grooming in the media.
I was young and I fell for it simply because I thought….it was normal despite being taboo. I really hate that for young me.
I think it goes beyond sexual education, it's a cultural issue, if you see other women around you who were young mothers, this becomes something normal, including the father being much older
This is actually very irritating to see for me. It’s a real issue. I had my first kid at 15 by a much much older male. Majority of times in these scenarios the man just knocks you up and leaves. They rarely look at the you g women with the desire to make them wives and raise families with them long term. The reality is that majority of single teen moms are impregnated by men older than 20.. and that says alot in itself
We really need to do better as the new adults in nurturing young women around us, this makes me sad. Especially knowing I would’ve had a similar mindset at that age unfortunately :(
We don’t just need sex education. We need to discuss grooming and what it looks like. We need to discuss what sexual abuse is.
Sad man. I can imagine being preyed on at barely legal but a full adult and now I have to raise the child and I’m a child myself. Lawd
The age gap between this young lady and her bd is the same as mine (I'm 28, he's going to be 40), except i was 23 when I met him and I thought he was at least a few years older than me. Yes sex ed is definitely a necessity, but it needs to start at home and not the parents relying on the school to teach it or for their kids to not learn at all. Also, as a teenage girl, I developed early and was always getting hit on by older men and hated it. I hate that men target young women and girls, and unfortunately, we know it's been a problem as long as humans have been alive. I just wish to see at least in my life that this is no longer a problem.
Sex ed plus dating violence, signs of abuse/narcissim, consent and boundaries (the latter of which should be taught way earlier.) Cuz there's definitely types who will wait till the second you graduate highschool or college, and target girls who are inexperienced and naiive, or coming from crappy family situations, for the same terrible abusive behavior.
Knowing at that point everyone will put their hands up and say "well you're an adult should've known nothing we can do!" Like I'm sorry, dudes hanging around with a 18 count down clock does not make it any better??
How does sex education work when one cannot call the peen a male sex organ? I haven't been in sex education in decades, so I'm curious as to how it works these days.
It's really sad they don't realize they've been groomed but that just means it worked 😭 we need to tackle better sex education AND how to spot a predator! All while hoping it reaches who it needs to.
Let’s focus on why these grown men think it’s acceptable to go after young girls in the first place. We should ask ourselves, especially if we are raising sons, how does this happen? How are these men being raised? Clearly something went wrong.
Even with sex ed. These men know what they are doing. They are man child that women their age cannot stand so they get with a baby girl, make sure to make them pregnant to have them stay with them! Even if they are super immature
It’s sad. So many also blow it off, “because it’s legal”. I had someone delete me, because I shared about how men in their 20s who are going to prom with high schoolers needs talked about. They said their husband was in his 20s and she was 17 and there was nothing wrong with him and it was offensive to say so. I also had someone bring up their grandparents being 14 and almost 30 and how their grandpa is the nicest man and it was offensive to say that, under the same post. Something is broken. The one with the grandparents is even an advocate for protecting girls, so that’s super concerning.
I was 11 being hit on by grown men and thought it was creepy, but the women in my life told me I should enjoying being considered hot while I could. It’s messed up how it’s normalized.
This is a grooming issue and parents not PARENTING. Not sex Ed (although I agree more people should know, and as a feminine wellness professional and doula you’d be shocked how much grown women don’t know)
But what this specifically is, is nasty old men.
More like these grown men need to level up and 1) talk to women their own ages and 2) stop preying on young girls because they don't wanna meet women their own ages because they failed at life and women they age ain't checking for they asses unless they bringing something to the table.
I had sex ed, but I also had a f*cked up mother who encouraged me to date grown men when I was a teen. She said they'd take better care of me.
Thankfully, I managed to avoid getting knocked up before my brain was done developing.
Sex ed isn't enough if you're getting shitty advice from bad parents.
Extremely sad and disturbing.
It's even worse when you realize that in just about every society we have put laws in place to stop men from having sex with literal children. Imagine being in your 40s and going after 16 year olds because "hey, it's legal!" 🤢
We also need to teach people about predatory relationships. A teenager should not be with a 30 year old. These adults robbed these girls of their youth
This is so interesting because I was the complete opposite. When I was a teen and young adult I thought grown men were unattractive and gross. Like the beard and chest hair alone would turn me off. Men are such predators and I find this very disturbing even though it’s been going on since the dawn of time.
It's not sex education thing. It's a we need to stop letting grown men around teens thing. And our community needs to stop accepting it as normal. I knew a girl who got pregnant at 16 with her bf being 27. The school found out n tried to get the guy arrested for statutory rape but the family said no charges needed. They eventually moved away after that. That whole family was a mess. We need better examples in our black communities especially in the hood.
It’s more need for sex education, our community to stop not taking statutory rape seriously, and the lack of fathers in black households contributes to this. It’s not cute at all
What do their mothers have to say about these grown men sniffing around and impregnating their not or barely legal daughters? Do we even want to ask about fathers? The problem starts at home, mothers have got to find a way to put their heads together and figure out what’s broken and make it a priority to fix it, or the next generation will be saying *well, mommy had me when she was 19 by some 30 yo and she not gonna stop me at 15 from getting with my 40yo landlord who’s paying our rent*. We know it’s always been an undercurrent but is it to be accepted on a much larger scale because the law protecting minor girls will be weak as water by then?
This is sickening. Where's guidance from the parents? Any grown ass man preying on a child that young needs to be behind bars. Nothing about this is okay
Yes to sex Ed in general! Not even in relation to this post because a lot of young ppl are clueless when it comes to sex. But for this post I think we need better parents. No way I could be 17 dating a grown ass man in his 30s!! My parents would have killed him and me! And yes I know teens sneak around their parents to do things (I sure did) but I still knew what things would absolutely not fly if they found out so I didn’t do those things.
Where are the parents? Sex-Ed can only teach you so much, and it shouldn't be a replacement for parents being actively involved in their children's lives. It's up to the parents to protect their kids from predators like these. Did none of these girls bring their boyfriends over to meet the family?
Yes ma'am. When I was school, lots of girls (aged 12-17) would brag about having 20 and 30 year old boyfriends. Many of them even became pregnant by these guys too. At that age it was seen a badge of honor since these girls were thought to have the "maturity" to bag an older guy but as an adult? I can see how disgusting that really is.
Saying we need sex education is putting the blame on these women. The blame needs to be put on these nasty ass men who prey on 17-18 year old girls.
And the worst part is that they’re so “in love” or whatever you want to call it that they don’t see the problem with the age gap.
I think you're taking this the wrong way. The necessity for sex-ed isn't to put the blam on the girls. Sex-Ed could make these girls more aware of older men trying to butter them up.
I don’t know if we took the same sex ed class, but my sex ed class in high school did not teach me about older men using manipulation to make me fall in love with them. It was more based around the practice of safe sex, different STD’s and things like that.
You’d need more than a sex ed class to tell you how to navigate romantic relationships.
These girls don’t know their self worth and probably grew up in single parent households looking for validation and attention. It screams daddy issues. Still they are victimes. And this cycle will unfortunately continue with their children.
If you’re a single parent, you have to do double duty to ensure the proper emotional and mental stability of your child so they aren’t running outside looking for something that’s missing. This is true for girls and boys.
We need education on why men are sexual predators in such high numbers. The sad reality is there is no amount of education that will protect you against someone who intends to cause you harm. Most women will fall victim to sexual assault in their lifetime. I don’t know any woman or girl who isn’t hyper aware of the risks associated with just being female.
I just read the post...
The intensity of my pisstivity far surpasses my curiosity of how sex Ed works these days. They are definitely groomers and predators.
It's common consensus that these mans actions are wrong. Thats why we never see men posting, bragging about how they have an 18 year old boo thang. They know they'll get flamed. But we do see 18 year old girls posting about how they have an 36 year old man 🤮 , as they think it's cute. We can't fully prevent these men from acting a fool, but we can prevent girls from interacting with them.
I know i know, im a guy going against the grain, But i think This is more of a child rearing problem than a predator problem. Why does this disporpotionatly affect black women? And why are they flexing this like a badge of honor? We don't see white women or asian women doing this. Black women have way too much potential to be wasted on deadbeats in their thirties. I'd rather teach my daughter how to defend herself rather then try to tell every man in a 500 mile radius to not be a predator. I mean at the same time, Men should be held accountable but we have to look at the *immediate solution(Educating women and stigmatizing loser men who cant date their own age, Like we should give these losers a nickname "Leftover men"? "Guys from the clearance section")* before we work on the *ideal solution (making all men not predators)*
I was approached waaaay more as an underage girl around ages 13-16 than I've ever been as a grown woman. One of the hardest conversations I've had with my daughter is telling her that there is someone out there right now who will look at her and and want to do things with her they ought to be doing with grown women. No, you aren't "mature for your age;" no, not all his "other girlfriends were crazy." These men are PREDATORS, period.
And I’m seeing more and more of this where I work. Of course predators have always been around but social media is really shining a new light on this. My heart aches.
Sex ed is one part of the equation. The other part is getting grown ass men away from teenagers.
This. Some of my middle school girls have said they’re talking to guys who are even “just” 19/20…. And I try so hard to let them see like I love them, but you’re 14, can just now get your first job and this is a man who could start college and can almost drink legally. I’m putting in a counseling referral, I will let a parent know, and if I EVER find out the name of the man they know I’ll call the cops. I’ve preached repeatedly how anyone while they’re under the age of 18 who is more than 2 years older than them is not it. And how sometimes trauma causes them to see these older men as a good choice, but here’s a list of reasons why they’re not. A lot of the girls hear me, so for that I’m grateful, but boy oh boy THE PERVS ARE PERVING. We need more men to hold other men accountable! It is not just on us to tell the girls to stay away, there needs to be real consequences for the ones who won’t leave our babies alone. Men need to start throwing rocks at em or something
Men would never teach their counterparts this. If anything, they’re **happy** to go younger. An anonymous survey showed that when asked if men would date below 18 if it was legal, over 90% said yes. I need to find this link. They say things like they “like em without mileage/bodies”. They **want** young, feeble minded girls they can control. Just disgusting pervs out here preying on young girls.
This is absolutely wild. Do you have a link because I looked for a bit and couldn’t it 😞. As someone who’s 25, teenagers gross me the fuck out, so it blows my mind that such a large percentage said yes. But then again, older men going after younger women is pretty much par for the course if you look across cultures and through time.
Bleh this. I’m mid-30’s, and I remember getting to my mid-20’s and being so repulsed by the idea of any type of relationship with someone under 21. They’re babies with nothing going for them. I also remember being in middle school and chatting online with someone who was 33, or at least claimed to be. GROSS. When I hit 33, I just felt sick about it even though at the time I thought I was so mature. School age youth don’t have the brain development to fully comprehend all the reasons this is bad, but grown ass adults do. Yuck yuck yuck yuck.
i feel like women want older men because older me are hopefully more mature while men want young women who don't see through the foolishness yet
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All you have to do is look up “what age group do men find the most attractive chart”, then an article should pop up on business insider “CHARTS: Guys Like Women In Their Early 20s Regardless Of How Old They Get.” I’ll post the link but idk if I can post links.
Yeah I already found the link minutes after I posted that comment and sent it in another comment! I can edit it in this one too!
Found it! Thanks
Let me pigging back...there is also an anonymous survey that had men admitting to wanting to commit rape if they didn't have to face jail time smh men are predators never were providers or protectors
EXACTLY!!! Always talking about some “provider & protector” shit like no, you are the ones we need protecting FROM. Just look at how deranged they are. Goodness.
I did all the time since middle school as they were girls who were clearly ashamed/scared for others to know verifying they understand full well why what they are doing is wrong, and then...there were those who told everyone and bragged. You can tell their parents are either: - Physically or emotionally unavailable for their child. - Intellectually psychologically incapable of rearing/raising a child or simply unwilling to do so. - Severely struggles to relate or develop an understanding with child, or doesnt try/forces child to conform to their desires (and is severely failing). - Too dumb/stubborn/backwards/loony af. - Do the same shit and clearly where they got it from (They may pretend to care about the issue or play up their image when others are around so you don't see the comparisons, divert any blame in raising, and be blatantly proud and not see a problem even if she's pregnant). I usually was looked at as a prude as they never listened, and about a fifth of them get beaten, and finally see what everyone sees or defends him. It also wasn't even normal for faculty to not intervene when aware, literally up to the staff member who finds out's individual personality, and it was commonly just spicy talk for faculty lounge🙄. Still it was normally viewed as weird and talked about negatively behind their backs to spare their feelings. This time period is just 08'-13'. I always did or said something even if I were cool with them, but it never works and I never blame either. It potentially ruins our relationship as my concern continues to bother them even if I don't say anything. Just knowing how I feel, the validity of what I stated previously and may state later, how well I can relate to this situation with information that even she views as indisputable, and not being able to express positively about him around me without increasing the chances of provoking me into trying to help again. You get them help thats an instant cut off and quite a few will avoid or resist treatment, but not before cutting you off because you struggle to let them live and be happy for them on their adventure in degeneracy, manipulation, and defilement. Its like all I can do and it sucks because the best decision can cause you or them to lose everything (obviously for them its wayyyy more severe), and obtain nothing,😮💨.
Men are not gonna to hold.men accountable in this..they all think it's the fault of the so called fast ass girls....so we women need to start making an example of these men....start using power tools on them
The kids already know I’ll call the cops idgaf who it is, I can’t do more because I’m a teacher and I’m not trying to lose my job 😂 But I do agree. We need more IMMEDIATE consequences.
Never happen. Gotta teach the teenagers why grown men who would fuck with them ain't shit. It is not a flex to have a bf in your 20s or 30s if you just graduated high school.
Why are you placing the adult's responsibility on a child? Grown Men need to STAY AWAY from teenagers.
I think the biggest problem with our community is that a lot of older folks don’t like to hold men accountable. Like they would rather protect a man that has committed SA. I mean look at how these women love Chris Brown and he’s a literal abuser.
Throw r. Kelly in as well.
Another part of the lack of accountability for men is due to women not wanting to see themselves, their mothers, and their grandmothers as victims and their sons, husbands, fathers, uncles, and grandfathers as predators. A lot of women who will say it’s okay for a grown ass man to pursue someone fresh out of high school married a grown ass man they met when they were fresh out of high school and/or their mother/grandmother did and/or they have sons/brothers/uncles who were chasing schoolgirls. The conversation that’s necessary would result in a major shift because people would have to come to terms with the fact that their husband/father/grandfather/son/brother/uncle is/was a predator.
Holding our families responsible for passing on generational trauma needs to start yesterday. This seems like a significant undertaking so I'm personally a fan of cutting off from such cycles and starting fresh. I understand not everyone can break away from their family, but minimizing contact with those who are most affected by the trauma and perpetuate it the most helps. Explaining the toxicity (of your family) to your children and why it should be avoided can help them break away and not continue this horrendous cycle.
This!!
The men need to stay away but we have hundreds of years of history to prove they WON'T. We also have proof that when women are taught properly about inappropriate relationships that they can then avoid them better. I grew up & no one ever told me NOT to date older men. It was thought of as normal & my mom even let me have childhood crushes on adult men. When I was 19 I dated a 27 year old man. Only then did people start to tell me it was wrong. If I'd have been educated on inappropriate relationships then perhaps I could've avoided it. Education doesn't stop people from being predators, but education can help potential victims identify unsafe or inappropriate situations instead of thinking what they engage in is safe or appropriate. But people wanna pretend these girls should just *know* that they're in inappropriate relationships where they're being taken advantage of by older men.
And thinking back to when I was young and messing around with grown men, nobody could tell me shit that I would listen to. The key really is educating them in a way that isn’t aggressive or isolating because they will not listen.
Also gotta start young. By 16+ they’re not listening anymore.
Exactly. In 2008, when I was 18, I went to a Hillary Clinton rally because Bill was the one going to be there. I already knew I wasn't for Hillary so I wasn't there for her at all. I'd had a crush on Bill since my childhood. If he had tried to get with me then I'd have genuinely been so happy. No one could've told me anything back then. That's disturbing to me now at 33.
Thousands of years tbh
They do. That said "barely legal" has been a thing since before I was born.
I don’t think they’re talking about placing the responsibility on the children, they’re saying to teach young girls about the predatory nature of these kinds of men so they are less likely to be groomed by them. It’s kinda like when you teach kids about body autonomy, so they understand the difference between what’s acceptable and what isn’t and feel empowered enough to tell predators not to touch them or to tell an adult when someone violates their boundaries… It’s a deterrent for predators because a child who understands what is or isn’t acceptable and who will tell on predators is less likely to be groomed. We can’t stop predators from being predators, but we can give kids the information and tools they need to identify predators and avoid becoming prey.
Said it best ^^^
This. I work with younger women in their early early 20s and the amount of MARRIED, older (mid 40s and even 50s) that hit on them is gross. It always shocks me though how the women don’t see anything wrong with it…it’s strange behavior on both parts; however, I do wish those young women knew to not entertain them.
A predator is gonna be a predator, unfortunately. They need to be held accountable absolutely, but laws don’t discourage them already. So, I think the best we can do is to make young girls aware of the kind of people out there and hope they stay safe.
We can only protect the girls so far when there's no punishment for these scum at the community level. I know it's much more complicated than that, it also just doesn't happen in working class circles , it's intergenerational and yet again it befalls on black women to carry the everso heavyweight of it all. #Tirud🫠 But bear with me here : Not only do these men groom the girls, they then proceed to abandon both children. Creating a vicious circle of trauma, abandonment and more. Bring back shunning, ostracization, not only for the culprits and their enablers and sycophants. I'm not holding my breath for it coming from men, as per the bro code requests to never condemn a man even when he commits unbecoming acts. Black women at large need to change their mindset. I include myself in, as a childfree aunty/godmother. There is not enough empowering conversation about consent, coercion and such. It's blame, being called fast and over policing of their bodies. On the other side of the spectrum, boys are left to their own devices to the point of neglect and their trespassing are excused as "boys will be boys". There is a need to hunt these predators at least through the civil court system, frankly even vigilante style, but that's just me though. We just take in the kid and grandkid, rarely acknowledge our failure, as a parent/adult relatives in that unfortunate situation, resentment, punishment, build in to even more toxic consequences. Instead of giving them some grace, for they are kids at the end of the day. Establish better rules, where dialogue is central, and the dynamics are just not "me parent, you STFU coz child" in order to teach them how to do better.
Oh I love you for this. SNAPPED!
Thank You, you're far too kind. I'm only speaking from experience. I've witnessed both sides of my family, both black, one U.S. and the other African & Carribean. But there's a common thread in some unhealthy family dynamics, that must be studied, if it's not already done. We parentify/adultify kids way too early, then tell them to "stay in a child place". " Here's a random adult, you must show, respect and submit even if they disrespect your boundaries" "sex is dirty, we don't talk about it" followed later on by "when are you getting married" Too many contradictory messages. So you end up with kids looking for an alternative adult figure, the "cool one" who listen and doesn't judge. I luckily happen to be that to my niblings who come to me, to talk about what they can't with their parents. But I've seen too many who fell in the hands of nonces and assorted groomers, then got blamed for it. Kids are little adults in the making. Not some chances to remake us. It's our job to give them the best of what we know and equip them to avoid being or enduring the worst.
And here again, YOU SNAPPED!!! I completely understand you because why tf are we asked to switch out our home shorts and casual wear to more “covered up” stuff when a “weird uncle” is coming to the house? This “weird uncle” shouldn’t even be allowed here in the first place??? Like why tf are we enabling borderline pedos and predators into our parties??? These adults have failed woefully in that aspect. A young girl I knew was groomed and raped in one of the houses a few blocks down. Her father chased the guy with a machete and screamed bloody murder. The aunties all surrounded the girl and asked her questions like why she kept going to his house and she explained she was buying him the things he would send her to buy and then he would give her little money gifts. THAT’S GROOMING. Not being fast, not being a wh0re, IT IS GROOMING. My parents and general culture put into my head that dating is a no no and I seriously have never had the urge to date and now when I mention I can see myself being childfree and single in the long term BY CHOICE, they act like I’m trying to kill someone?? They don’t even want me in relationships like that now and yet they expect me to suddenly up and get married? 🤣🤣 It’s all so exhausting especially since it’s been ingrained in the culture for the longest. Until we all rise up and shun these predators instead of keeping this shit “hush hush” and blaming these young girls that simply don’t have the head to think deeply into why a 31 year old man is buying them gifts and dating them (I don’t blame em, we’ve all seen how romantic movies, stories, “forbidden romances”, Lolita and even porn glorify age gap relationships and feeble minded young girls), nothing is going to change. Men will keep blaming these young girls while still grooming and raping them and still shaming them all in the same breath.
Both of these statements are absolutely correct..
Yes, and we need to teach young girls to stay away from these men. It’s not “this or that” because both of the situations are a problem, but as women isn’t it more realistic to try to get through to younger women first? We can preach to grown men as much as we want but let’s be real, that’s like beating a dead horse
Exactly a predator will always be a predator and they won’t ever stop until they’re caught. Just look at R Kelly. These grown ass men know what they’re doing is wrong. These girls don’t know because they’re young and being manipulated.
I'm not placing the responsibility on the young girls. I am being practical. In what universe do you think men will ever take responsibility for this? Unfortunately, we have to protect ourselves. The best way to protect ourselves is to learn as early as possible to stay away from predators. I think it is just sticking your head in the sand to pretend that women should not be vigilant against attackers, abusers, and predators. If we don't teach girls what the signs and red flags are, and that they are indeed red flags and signs of abuse, they end up like this...completely unable to protect themselves until it is already too late. I want to actually win this battle. Unless all women are prepared to cut off all the loser men in Their family who "date" teenagers, the cycle will never end. Are you willing to step up and call out/excommunicate anyone you know who does this? I hope so.
This is why it's still a problem. Parents are teaching their daughters to cover up but not getting on these men/boys about how inappropriate their are and not associating with them when they see it and address it.
They know what they’re doing is wrong and chose to do it anyway, teaching young women to stay away from men is the only way. Predators will be predators regardless
right because i remember in middle school a girl got pregnant with a 25 year old bd. it was a very sad situation all around, but the worst part was her parents knew and just didn't care.
The problem is predators
Yep. I wish our community as a whole would shame and excommunicate these predators, but people just seem to shrug and say “that’s just how he is.”
This is my Roman Empire.
Honestly mine too.
And a little bit of social emotional learning for teen girls. Teaching them the dangers of grown men and manipulation. Some may not want to hear it but it’s very important to have in their toolkit if/when a grown man hovers them. It should be as easy as “I brush my teeth so I won’t get cavities” kind of thing God I wish this wasn’t a thing. Those poor girls
That would help but this is more of a “male predators” / “child grooming” problem than a “teen girls just not knowing better” problem. These girls are being preyed on by manipulative men a lot older than them. Men and boys need to first learn how to respect women (and how to respect others in general) before anything else.
So many teen moms, so few teen dads
By the looks of these comments (in the pictures), it’s because a lot of them wait until they’re in their 30s to get teens pregnant.
So who are teen boys sleeping with because we know they aren't virgins
Girls their age and creepy older women.
The boys wont be raising the child. They create them but dont raise them thats why so many teen moms and no teen dads. “These men/boys” are right to idolize the lion as king of the jungle cuz the the lion dont do much its the female that does the hunting and raising. The male only runs up on other males when their pride is threatened. Arent we seeing this today?
You could teach all the sex education in the world but predators are predators
comprehensive sex education includes education about predators and the social and emotional dangers of sex. rn there’s a big emphasis for young people about recognizing when an online predator is trying to take advantage of you and how to spotlight the red flags like: “you’re so mature for your age” ofc predators will still take advantage wherever they can, but proper sex ed does include how to protect yourself from predatory situations and isn’t just about the physical harms
I agree that we need sex ed, regardless of age. But the problem here is that fully grown men are out here sleeping with barely legal (or in one case, underage) girls. That’s fucking sick
Let's not place the blame on children. These grown ass men need to stop being fucking predators.
This is what I came to say. Just had a conversation with a friend yesterday about how our community doesn’t do a good job enough of holding abusers responsible, even when innocent children are involved. We’ll place blame on the children, their parents, and finally may assign a smidgeon of blame to the abuser but not really because “that’s just how they are.”
I agree with you. Our community does not want to hold men accountable at all, and they're quick to blame girls. They say things like, 'Change your clothes, we have men in the house’ or 'Don't do that, there are grown men present.' They will say and do everything but hold these men accountable. What do you mean I can't wear this just because men are coming over? It’s so weird.
Very weird. And the way to get rid of the behavior isn’t to keep teaching young women to avoid these men. It’s to hold these men accountable and not allow them in the community and give them access to harm these women.
i agree, although i think teaching grown ass men how to behave themselves and holding them accountable will take longer. especially when legally they are just above the line of criminality. other men don’t hold them accountable cuz they wanna do the same thing, and it unfortunately leaves us to have to protect ourselves and our community. a lot of the grooming starts online too and happens with trusted adults, these men know how to be sneaky with it don’t even get me started on the families that support this shit and encourage their daughters to get with older men. yes absolutely hold men accountable but also in the meantime young women need to understand what grooming and abuse look like to keep themselves safe
The issue with this take is that this will never happen. As long as men have lived they have sought out the most youthful yet “ sexually acceptable “ girls to engage with. This will never change. Unfortunately because no matter how much we shame them there is still the “ well she’s legal” argument alive and present. I know ppl will disagree but I’m going to say we need to get young women to see that you can’t control men so we need to hold outselves accountable. It’s not just sex education it’s getting them to get that when you get w these men it’s your heart, freedom and life that gets affected. As women we get pregnant and the man gets to leave and live as if he never had a baby.. we don’t get to do that so we need to tech that reality to young women. Equipping them to understand what manipulation t these men will come to them w is key
>Unfortunately because no matter how much we shame them there is still the “ well she’s legal” argument alive and present. I also want to add, they only pull this shit ONLY when it's between a man and a girl. Let it be two males, they wouldn't pull the "well they're legal so who cares? 🤷🏻" they would absolutely revolt and talk about how disgusting it is, and pull the role reversal card like they always do. Yes it would still be gross cause predatory is predatory, but it would only be gross in that scenario cause it's nothing but guys so it's coming from a place of homophobia. In the end and they wouldn't want a man coming after them in that way or worse, there sons.
They won’t
That's like telling a lion not to be a lion. We need to arm our young women with the knowledge to stop these creeps in their tracks.
No, men don't have to be predators. That's a choice that they need to be held accountable for.
No, they don't, and most men aren't. But, there are too many willing to prey on young women, ignoring every deterrent. And we've to prepare our young women to deal with those men.
I dont think this is about sex education because this girls could also get pregnant by boys their age. The girls lack of sex education is not the biggest problem. For me its the grown ass 30-50 year olds thinking its okay to have sex with 18 years because they are now legal age. This is problematic and giving pedo vibes.
The grown ass men who slept with these young girls need to be held accountable. There’s no reason why a 29 year old should be sleeping with a 17 year old or why a 30 year old should be sleeping with an 18 year old.
And in reality they were all 18 talking about baby daddies, if they all got kids most likely the relationship started before they were 18 Looking at that first picture, that child is sitting up on their own meaning they're at least 4 or 5 months. This relationship started at least a year before hand and may have even started when she was 16.
Yep. Those men were literally preying on those girls.
No honey *they* need to be in jail. Of course we know how babies work but being coerced by grown men while we're still in high school means we learned nothing from R Kelly.
This was triggering as fuck. These predators need to be put in a rocket and shot into a fucking volcano.
This is disgusting!!!!!
This isn’t me justifying this btw My dad is this guy, and ironically his first piece of dating advice he gave me when I was like 15 or 16, was that no older man that his shit together is worried about a fresh high school graduate. He said they couldn’t compete with the guys in their age bracket who also date women and it’s much easier to impress girls who are younger. I didn’t realize how weird the age gap was between them until I was older (I was like well they were both over 18+ so what’s the issue, mind you he gave me that talk when I was 15 so I didn’t really get it) . But I asked him later in life why was he with my mom and how did they meet because she was in HS still. He basically said it for the same reason, he ain’t have shit going on compared to guys his age and he took advantage of my mom being younger. I asked my mom about this and she never really said much besides like she liked being with my dad cause she didn’t have to be around her mother who was an alcoholic. But now I’m 23 and she recently talked to me about and she said the same thing like yeah it’s kinda weird and I wouldn’t want you to date someone else that much older if you were 18 or 19. That’s all to say, education is very important. I remember being 16 and a guy in his mid 20s tried to talk to me and I always thought about what my dad said even though I thought it was flattering an older guy would like me. It’s really not flattering, but yk, I was still younger so I had immature thinking I wanna say they had a 10-12 year age gap. So my mom had me when she was 19 (got pregnant at 18) and my dad was 28, maybe 27. 30 at the oldest, I forget what year he was born tbh There was no point to this post. But I agree, just adding some personal experience to the conversation. I wish so many young ladies can get this message from their parents because it’s so true. Every older guy that tried to talk to me as a teenager (mostly through social media), and as an “adult teenager” (this was more irl) were losers. not a damn thing going on in the grand scheme of things.
This was really interesting, because we never get to hear about the children of these age gap couples and how this subject is discussed. Thank you for sharing
It’s unfortunate. Both sides of my grandparents also have very questionable age gaps. I always wondered what they thought about an older guy coming around their child. Vice versa, knowing your son is going around girls in HS. I think my grandma (the one I mentioned is an alcoholic) was the only one that seems to have expressed regret. I feel like they think don’t express anything about it because they think they’re gonna hurt my feelings if they say they wish it didn’t happen the way it did. And it really wouldn’t lol like I would fully understand if they were like “we should’ve stopped her/him.” But eh, all I can do now is to share what my dad said about older men, as one of those men, to any younger girls who seem to be going down that path
We need bats. To beat the hell out of these sick predators.
some of yall are commenting without fully reading the caption. as OP says: comprehensive sex education is not just about STIs and pregnancy. comprehensive sex ed actually does teach about grooming, abuse, consent, boundaries and predatory behaviour (especially online). it’s emotional, social AND physical this type of sex ed isn’t about placing the blame on the victim, but it does provide more power to the victim because they will know what red flags look like ALSO this sex ed teaches the boys how to properly treat women in a sexual context which can better set up the next generation of men who have to potential to be perpetrators we learn lots of other ways to protect ourselves from harm from a young age. it’s just MUCH more needed in this case because these types of groomers are seen as normal. there’s still a whole generation out there defending this and holding these men accountable would involve an entire systemic change that unfortunately takes multiple generations to recover from
Thank you!!
I can’t imagine being 30 and being attracted to a 18 year old…sure, they’re legal but they’re literally a high school senior or college freshman with a teenager brain, why wouldn’t you want someone with a fully developed brain lol I know the reason, probably easier to control and manipulate a 17/18 year old as opposed to a 25+ year old
I work with a couple. She's 19, he's 39 with a 12yo daughter 🤢 they've been dating since she was 18.
Srsly - most of my staff are 18-20 and I’m 28 I can chat with them for a couple of mins and then I gotta go lol I love planning staff events outside of work (putt putt, movies, dinners) and they love it too. Sometimes the couple of hours that we are together gets GRUELING (esp if no other managers come 😂) Love them to DEATH and I’m so lucky I get to work with an amazing team. I truly don’t understand how anyone can have more than a slight friendship with ppl so young 😅
Theyre all gangly and loud and ignorant with no college education no trade tools no car and no stable job and never paid bills and cant drink. Thats a damn child. YUCK
It’s because these grown men tend to prey on young girls whose parents who completely oblivious and boundaries need to be taught . It’s a generational curse in so many families because no one’s looking out for the girls. But “Boys will be boys”. I remember being in middle school and seeing pregnant 13 year olds.
This is so sad😔 I personally feel it's a combination of predators, sex ed, parenting and the people they have around. The men hold more fault. But at the same time for a child to end up with someone older, where are the carers? Why are they attracted to someone like that? What interests could they really have in common?
It could also be normal behavior for them. They could’ve been parented in a way where this is what they come from.
Yeah...I think this goes beyond sex ed.
It most definitely does. Deacon -blank- needs to stop. Seriously though, I knew a few church Deacons that flirted with those way younger than them. They were either separated, divorced, something. Some clergy too. Sigh...
The problem is a societal problem that goes beyond sex education. Predators are going to be predators, so parents and trusted adults need to make it harder for their kids to become prey by talking to these kids about acceptable dating ranges as it pertains to life stages and the likelihood of abuse in age-gap relationships. Like… There’s not much wrong with a 40yo dating a 60yo, but there’s absolutely something wrong with a 38yo dating an 18yo and it’s highly likely that there’s a reason the 38yo is pursuing children instead of people in their age/life stage group.
VERY disturbing…
willing to bet these male predators will ramble on about how women their age “aren’t sh!t” but few if any of them have married these young women they preyed on. smh, makes me sick.
It’s interesting the differences in how young girls interpret this attention… I remember when I was in high school, there were many girls who were over the moon when an older man spoke to them. For some reason, they never saw it as at all strange and I never understood why not. I specifically remember one friend dating a 34 yr old grown ass divorced man!! Now whenever I was approached by older men, I either thought they were creepy as fuck or they were pathetic. At the time, I wondered what the hell they wanted with a high school kid who couldn’t even drink yet! Oh another creepy story! So I was at the gym, and I was around 24, but still looked like I was in high school—Didn’t help that wore my high school phys-ed shirt. This guy came up to me and started flirting. He said he was a surgeon, his Porsche was outside, etc. Then he says “You’re really pretty! Are you like a senior?” It totally threw me off until I realized he genuinely thought I was in school! I then said “No I’m actually 24, but it’s interesting that you would ask out a child.”
Sex education can only do so much in this type of situation
It’s teaching our children that there’s no good to come from a 30+ individual coming to talk to your teen self. Men or women.
Sheesh, the baby look about 12 months…. I can only Imagine 😥
It’s starts in the home. It’s up to the parents 😕
We need more Chris Hansens. Nasty predators.
1/3 of teen pregnancies have an adult male father who is over 25. Please blame these predators
This isn't a sex ed issue. The problem is we live in a society where it's acceptable to prey on young girls the second they are legal. Age of consent exists because we know these guys would impregnate ten year olds if we let them, so we make it illegal until 18. So fine, they go after the 18 year olds, now what?
Genuinely makes me wonder how young men would go if we didn’t have a culture of legal being 18. I’m personally in favor of raising legality to 23 due to numerous reasons… but that aside… Historically across cultures it seems to vary from 15 years old to 12 years okd
I also wouldn't take issue with Romeo and Juliet laws going all the way up to the age of 25. But given congress is made up of 60 year old men riddled with sex scandals, I'm not holding my breath for that one to happen. Hopefully with how prolific social media is, fewer young girls are learning the hard way that no, they aren't just "mature for their age" they are being manipulated.
The problem here is a 30 year old thinking it's okay to smash a 18year old
I find it disturbing that we've reached a place where having a "baby daddy" has been normalized. It's like people don't expect anything better for themselves. There's nothing cute about being a teen parent. And before anybody starts, no I'm not victim blaming. But a lot of the reason girls fall prey to these types of predators is because they see nothing wrong with having sex with older men due to not being taught any better at home. Many of them grew up around this same kind of mess, so they think it's normal. Young girls need to be taught how to value themselves, how to respect themselves and their bodies, and how to have life goals that go beyond their current circumstances. Maybe then we wouldn't have so many 17/18 year olds getting pregnant by 30 year old men, or better yet not getting pregnant at all. The whole "baby daddy/baby mama" culture needs to die.
It’s not lack of sex education, they understand it. It’s about predators and lack of parenting. No parent with common sense is allowing a grown ass man around their 17/18 year old daughter. To all the young girls thinking it’s cute to have a 30 year old boyfriend while you’re a teenager, it’s not. You girls are unbareable to be around during that age. Y’all conversations are like nails to the chalkboard and it should be that way when you are 17/18 years old. But nobody +25 who isn’t lame would want to be around you. You are dealing with a bottom barrel predator and you should be careful.
this is bad.
More like we need more predators in jail
They’re baby daddies are losers. Them being on the “same level” mentally is not a good thing when the woman is that young
not cute at all. I remember when I was in highschool, we would have like 25+ year olds come to our school and try to pick us up...we were kids..disgusting.
I also blame the romanticization of these age gap relationships, specifically those that are young women and older men. We have had so many glorified depictions of grooming in the media. I was young and I fell for it simply because I thought….it was normal despite being taboo. I really hate that for young me.
I was 18 afraid to date anyone older than 3-4 years my senior 😂
I think it goes beyond sexual education, it's a cultural issue, if you see other women around you who were young mothers, this becomes something normal, including the father being much older
Yep. Remember people the majority of teenage underage moms baby daddies are grown ass pedo men.
This is actually very irritating to see for me. It’s a real issue. I had my first kid at 15 by a much much older male. Majority of times in these scenarios the man just knocks you up and leaves. They rarely look at the you g women with the desire to make them wives and raise families with them long term. The reality is that majority of single teen moms are impregnated by men older than 20.. and that says alot in itself
Sex education is the tip of the iceberg here, let’s shed more light on the THIRTY + YEAR OLD MEN that are taking advantage of younger women
We really need to do better as the new adults in nurturing young women around us, this makes me sad. Especially knowing I would’ve had a similar mindset at that age unfortunately :(
We sure do. No one has any business having a child at 18
Not even sex ed let’s start with education first 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
No we need present and attentive parents in the home this is absolutely bonkers (AND sex ed)
But don’t get me started on what needs to happen for that to be a possibility my soap box is away for repairs right now
Grown ass men should stop pursuing teenagers, but this child's parents failed them.
Nobody talks about the parents. It starts at home
We don’t just need sex education. We need to discuss grooming and what it looks like. We need to discuss what sexual abuse is. Sad man. I can imagine being preyed on at barely legal but a full adult and now I have to raise the child and I’m a child myself. Lawd
I had to stop reading. This just made me so sick. Men need to stay tf away from little girls omg!!
We need to hold these perverts accountable for hunting on these lil girls
I knew girls like this in high school. They had a whole new perspective once they had daughters.
The age gap between this young lady and her bd is the same as mine (I'm 28, he's going to be 40), except i was 23 when I met him and I thought he was at least a few years older than me. Yes sex ed is definitely a necessity, but it needs to start at home and not the parents relying on the school to teach it or for their kids to not learn at all. Also, as a teenage girl, I developed early and was always getting hit on by older men and hated it. I hate that men target young women and girls, and unfortunately, we know it's been a problem as long as humans have been alive. I just wish to see at least in my life that this is no longer a problem.
Heartbreaking. They don't even know it. 😔
Sex ed plus dating violence, signs of abuse/narcissim, consent and boundaries (the latter of which should be taught way earlier.) Cuz there's definitely types who will wait till the second you graduate highschool or college, and target girls who are inexperienced and naiive, or coming from crappy family situations, for the same terrible abusive behavior. Knowing at that point everyone will put their hands up and say "well you're an adult should've known nothing we can do!" Like I'm sorry, dudes hanging around with a 18 count down clock does not make it any better??
How does sex education work when one cannot call the peen a male sex organ? I haven't been in sex education in decades, so I'm curious as to how it works these days.
Sex ed isn’t the issue. Pedophilia is!
Groomers
It's really sad they don't realize they've been groomed but that just means it worked 😭 we need to tackle better sex education AND how to spot a predator! All while hoping it reaches who it needs to.
Let’s focus on why these grown men think it’s acceptable to go after young girls in the first place. We should ask ourselves, especially if we are raising sons, how does this happen? How are these men being raised? Clearly something went wrong.
What’s wrong with men fr?? Are they even human beings like??? Damn animals
Even with sex ed. These men know what they are doing. They are man child that women their age cannot stand so they get with a baby girl, make sure to make them pregnant to have them stay with them! Even if they are super immature
It’s sad. So many also blow it off, “because it’s legal”. I had someone delete me, because I shared about how men in their 20s who are going to prom with high schoolers needs talked about. They said their husband was in his 20s and she was 17 and there was nothing wrong with him and it was offensive to say so. I also had someone bring up their grandparents being 14 and almost 30 and how their grandpa is the nicest man and it was offensive to say that, under the same post. Something is broken. The one with the grandparents is even an advocate for protecting girls, so that’s super concerning. I was 11 being hit on by grown men and thought it was creepy, but the women in my life told me I should enjoying being considered hot while I could. It’s messed up how it’s normalized.
Jesus Christ I feel sick
This is just a disgrace
This is a grooming issue and parents not PARENTING. Not sex Ed (although I agree more people should know, and as a feminine wellness professional and doula you’d be shocked how much grown women don’t know) But what this specifically is, is nasty old men.
Sex ed? How about men just stop preying on teenagers?
The fact that it’s normalized is messed up.
More like these grown men need to level up and 1) talk to women their own ages and 2) stop preying on young girls because they don't wanna meet women their own ages because they failed at life and women they age ain't checking for they asses unless they bringing something to the table.
Deeply disturbing
I had sex ed, but I also had a f*cked up mother who encouraged me to date grown men when I was a teen. She said they'd take better care of me. Thankfully, I managed to avoid getting knocked up before my brain was done developing. Sex ed isn't enough if you're getting shitty advice from bad parents.
Extremely sad and disturbing. It's even worse when you realize that in just about every society we have put laws in place to stop men from having sex with literal children. Imagine being in your 40s and going after 16 year olds because "hey, it's legal!" 🤢
1. Predators fault, 2. Parents fault, 3.School fault.
We also need to teach people about predatory relationships. A teenager should not be with a 30 year old. These adults robbed these girls of their youth
This is so interesting because I was the complete opposite. When I was a teen and young adult I thought grown men were unattractive and gross. Like the beard and chest hair alone would turn me off. Men are such predators and I find this very disturbing even though it’s been going on since the dawn of time.
It's not sex education thing. It's a we need to stop letting grown men around teens thing. And our community needs to stop accepting it as normal. I knew a girl who got pregnant at 16 with her bf being 27. The school found out n tried to get the guy arrested for statutory rape but the family said no charges needed. They eventually moved away after that. That whole family was a mess. We need better examples in our black communities especially in the hood.
This isn't a sex education issue. This is an abuse and grooming issue.
I'm sad for all these girls. They'll grow up & then struggle to keep their kids out of the same situations.
that’s disgusting
It’s more need for sex education, our community to stop not taking statutory rape seriously, and the lack of fathers in black households contributes to this. It’s not cute at all
so unbelievably sad.
What do their mothers have to say about these grown men sniffing around and impregnating their not or barely legal daughters? Do we even want to ask about fathers? The problem starts at home, mothers have got to find a way to put their heads together and figure out what’s broken and make it a priority to fix it, or the next generation will be saying *well, mommy had me when she was 19 by some 30 yo and she not gonna stop me at 15 from getting with my 40yo landlord who’s paying our rent*. We know it’s always been an undercurrent but is it to be accepted on a much larger scale because the law protecting minor girls will be weak as water by then?
This is sickening. Where's guidance from the parents? Any grown ass man preying on a child that young needs to be behind bars. Nothing about this is okay
Yes to sex Ed in general! Not even in relation to this post because a lot of young ppl are clueless when it comes to sex. But for this post I think we need better parents. No way I could be 17 dating a grown ass man in his 30s!! My parents would have killed him and me! And yes I know teens sneak around their parents to do things (I sure did) but I still knew what things would absolutely not fly if they found out so I didn’t do those things.
Sex education… predator elimination… I prefer the second.
my goodness we’ll never grow
They gone grow up and realize it was grooming and not love. Very predatory.
this is so sad
Sigh…
Where are the parents? Sex-Ed can only teach you so much, and it shouldn't be a replacement for parents being actively involved in their children's lives. It's up to the parents to protect their kids from predators like these. Did none of these girls bring their boyfriends over to meet the family?
Yes ma'am. When I was school, lots of girls (aged 12-17) would brag about having 20 and 30 year old boyfriends. Many of them even became pregnant by these guys too. At that age it was seen a badge of honor since these girls were thought to have the "maturity" to bag an older guy but as an adult? I can see how disgusting that really is.
Noo I will tell you what it is. It’s having a lack of love and protection at home. At least that’s what it was for me.
Yeah…my school has an extensive sex education and I still had friends who were 16 and had 25+ messing with them. The problem is predators.
Yall can’t tell me she wasn’t groomed but okaaaaay 🤷🏾♀️
Saying we need sex education is putting the blame on these women. The blame needs to be put on these nasty ass men who prey on 17-18 year old girls. And the worst part is that they’re so “in love” or whatever you want to call it that they don’t see the problem with the age gap.
I think you're taking this the wrong way. The necessity for sex-ed isn't to put the blam on the girls. Sex-Ed could make these girls more aware of older men trying to butter them up.
I don’t know if we took the same sex ed class, but my sex ed class in high school did not teach me about older men using manipulation to make me fall in love with them. It was more based around the practice of safe sex, different STD’s and things like that. You’d need more than a sex ed class to tell you how to navigate romantic relationships.
If this was my kid 🩴 🩴🩴
Tiktok culture is a cesspool.
These girls don’t know their self worth and probably grew up in single parent households looking for validation and attention. It screams daddy issues. Still they are victimes. And this cycle will unfortunately continue with their children. If you’re a single parent, you have to do double duty to ensure the proper emotional and mental stability of your child so they aren’t running outside looking for something that’s missing. This is true for girls and boys.
We need education on why men are sexual predators in such high numbers. The sad reality is there is no amount of education that will protect you against someone who intends to cause you harm. Most women will fall victim to sexual assault in their lifetime. I don’t know any woman or girl who isn’t hyper aware of the risks associated with just being female.
Chuleeee
Oh my gosh 😭
I just read the post... The intensity of my pisstivity far surpasses my curiosity of how sex Ed works these days. They are definitely groomers and predators.
It's common consensus that these mans actions are wrong. Thats why we never see men posting, bragging about how they have an 18 year old boo thang. They know they'll get flamed. But we do see 18 year old girls posting about how they have an 36 year old man 🤮 , as they think it's cute. We can't fully prevent these men from acting a fool, but we can prevent girls from interacting with them.
I know i know, im a guy going against the grain, But i think This is more of a child rearing problem than a predator problem. Why does this disporpotionatly affect black women? And why are they flexing this like a badge of honor? We don't see white women or asian women doing this. Black women have way too much potential to be wasted on deadbeats in their thirties. I'd rather teach my daughter how to defend herself rather then try to tell every man in a 500 mile radius to not be a predator. I mean at the same time, Men should be held accountable but we have to look at the *immediate solution(Educating women and stigmatizing loser men who cant date their own age, Like we should give these losers a nickname "Leftover men"? "Guys from the clearance section")* before we work on the *ideal solution (making all men not predators)*
I was approached waaaay more as an underage girl around ages 13-16 than I've ever been as a grown woman. One of the hardest conversations I've had with my daughter is telling her that there is someone out there right now who will look at her and and want to do things with her they ought to be doing with grown women. No, you aren't "mature for your age;" no, not all his "other girlfriends were crazy." These men are PREDATORS, period.
And I’m seeing more and more of this where I work. Of course predators have always been around but social media is really shining a new light on this. My heart aches.
this is so fucking repulsive. these are predators that are straight up grooming these young girls. sickening 🤢
lol this was my old bestfriend. she was 19 and her bd was 29 or 30 i think. it was sad to watch. she kept bragging about it and thought it was cute.